NinjitsuGrrl's Collection of Poetry

[mollyig]

I liked the first stanza, the idea that as time passes understanding is clearer is a great image of growing up, realising who she is. Nice.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[ninjitsugrrl]

Tara22 - Thank you! You are too kind.

Mollyig - Yep, that is definately what I was going for. Thanks.

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz


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[Drakkenfyre]

Well love, you did it again. Well done!! Keep writing. I would love to see more of your poetry here.

I am the dragon that hides from the sun and flies in the moonlight.

[ninjitsugrrl]

Thank you darlin'! Always good to hear from you. I shall try my best to post more new poems soon. What about you?

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz


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[Drakkenfyre]

Hello love...As for a new poem from me...I do believe you missed my last one. So, am I one up on you or are you one up on me?

I am the dragon that hides from the sun and flies in the moonlight.

[mollyig]

I like how this one starts off optimistic - where all of this works out well, but as it progresses, the realisation of what she's done sets in and it becomes darker.

[ninjitsugrrl]

Thanks Mollyig - Silly me, I didn't even realize that was what I had done with the poem until you mentioned it, but you are right!

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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[ninjitsugrrl]

I gasp for breath,

you fill every inch of the room with your presence.

I steady myself as your eyes meet mine.



Longing clear

in a gaze that lingers for seconds

which stretch into eternity.



I search for my sanity

as your lips envelop mine.

I open my mouth to let you in.



We fall into that place only you can take me

and you take me there every time.



Heat, red hot,

as hands find skin and begin to wander

over familiar paths.



Bodies melt together.

Expression of love,

so pure, I feel I truly know heaven

as your tongue moves across my skin.



You look up,

our eyes meet and the air around us crackles.

I gasp for breath as you fill every inch of me.

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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Edited by: ninjitsugrrl at: 10/29/02 8:03:33 pm

[Drakkenfyre]

My dearest, I am so sorry I have missed your last 2 poems. Bad dragon. They were both wonderful!!!You are truly growing with your writing. Your last poem was...my goodness...that was...*swoon*! I do believe you are now the Queen of Sexy Poems!!



The Lady Dragon

I am the dragon that hides from the sun and flies in the moonlight.

[mollyig]

The word "inch" being used in the opening and closing verses I thought worked well. It bookends nicely how it all came to be.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[bulldog tidnab]

oh my. this was good. very very good. esp liked this



[q]We fall into that place only you can take me

and you take me there every time[/q]



amazing really. i applaud you.



*woof*

I will go put some clothes on, ok.







Oh sweet Cheez-Its yes!

[ninjitsugrrl]

Drakkenfyre - I always love to hear your opinion. Thank you sweetie. I think you are too kind to me. I don't think I could ever replace you as Queen of Sexy poems but anytime I can make you swoon I won't complain.

Mollyig - Thank you! I'm glad you liked the way that worked.

Bulldog - Thanks! This is high praise coming from you. I loved your latest poem. :)

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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[tiredsoul]

Wow! I like this. I seem to always like the dark ones ... I'm wacky that way.



away from this endless darkness

which has settled here, inside and around me.



Great line ... conveys a lot of what she's feeling.



Writer's block seems good for you.



--celia

---------------------------------

"That was just rude. Now I forget what I was saying."

[ninjitsugrrl]

Thanks, Tiredsoul. I guess you are wacky but I'm glad you liked the poem. Makes me feel a little better about my writer's block. Actually, I usually like the dark ones better too. Well, that and the sexy ones! :)

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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[Tara22]

Wow ninjitsugrrl!



I am so sorry for not reading it sooner but I have been busy with exams, etc. and so I only checked two or three threads routinely. But now!! yay! I can read all of your stuff!



That was just beautiful!



my favourite line?

Quote:

---

Somehow I always end up here.

---

wow... great stuff...



darn writer's block! I completely understand!! Can't wait for more!!

***

"Oh, sorry. Uhh, I forgot that that doesn't seem normal, to the rest of society. It's just, we, well, we both really like cows. Really like them. To the extent of wanting to buy one, when we're older." - The Crying Game (by Vix84)

[Tara22]

OK, now I am gonna review your other peoms:

Quote:

---

There’s a place in my mind

where this whole world makes sense.

Where it doesn’t feel like I’m drowning,

---

really great!! I love the repition *grins* I do that quite alot too. Really great and powerfull.



and then the ending...

Quote:

---

A voice in my head says that it’s alright

but a voice in my heart says it’s time for goodbye.

---

woah....



and then the next one

Quote:

---

in a gaze that lingers for seconds

which stretch into eternity.

---

oh my... what a poem!! I loved the line about the seconds and gasping for breath...



great stuff!!!



Now I'll be a good girl and review the poems right after you've written them *nods* promise

***

"Oh, sorry. Uhh, I forgot that that doesn't seem normal, to the rest of society. It's just, we, well, we both really like cows. Really like them. To the extent of wanting to buy one, when we're older." - The Crying Game (by Vix84)

[ninjitsugrrl]

Tara22 - Thank you for all of the comments! I'm glad you like my poems and I appreciate you reviewing them. I understand about being kept busy by exams, school, etc. It's no fun! As for new stuff, I hope I can get something posted this weekend.

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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[mollyig]

I feel nothing here I really liked this line. Initially I had thought it to be the absence of feeling, but I think it can also be interpreted as her feeling like nothing. Such is the grief that its damaged her self confidence. Nicely done.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[ninjitsugrrl]

Thanks Mollyig! I had hoped that would be a strong opening line.

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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[Tara22]

oooooooooh ninjitsugrrl... I loved it!



I particularly loved the way you used

Quote:

---

Searching



Crawling



Wanting to reach out



Drowning

---

***

"Oh, sorry. Uhh, I forgot that that doesn't seem normal, to the rest of society. It's just, we, well, we both really like cows. Really like them. To the extent of wanting to buy one, when we're older." - The Crying Game (by Vix84)

[TheWhiz]

Hi Ninjitsugrrl! Remember me??

I'm sorry I haven't been around lately to check out all the impressive poems you have written. I've been feeling guilty so have been having a massive catch up session!!



Anyway I have missed 6 of your poems! You have been busy, heres a quick review of each (better late than never )



Poem 1: I found this very powerful and dark. This imagery you used helped get this across. I loved the opening lines 'I am a prisoner here, Inside my soul, Inside this darkness'.

Poem 2: A beautiful poem 'Your voice welcomes me home'-lovely.

Poem 3: I loved the repititon of 'There is a place in my mind' I found it most effective.

Poem 4: Great poem really summed up love and passion 'Bodies melt together, expression of love'.

Poem 5: I could really feel the sadness and pain whilst reading this, extremely well written.

AND FINALLY

Poem 6: Your latest offering! I found it very powerful. The lines 'The emptiness screams in my heart, in my head, The weight of it holds me down' were my favourite but the last stanza was really effective.



Anyway, a great collection of extremely well written poems showing a variety of emotions-well done you!! I will try to keep up from now on (work permitting )

Edited by: TheWhiz at: 11/24/02 5:41:27 am

[mollyig]

Using phrases like Trying to stand and steady myself adds so well to the feeling of being weakened by the loss.



I especially found the rhyming in the following lines very effective:



which surrounds me,

keeps me down.



Drowning,

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[ninjitsugrrl]

Hi all. I'm happy to see so many responses. Thanks to everyone who reads my poems and especially to those of you who post replies. I really appreciate the feedback.

Tara22 - Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked the opening lines of the stanzas. I worked with that a lot to try and find something effective.

TheWhiz - Good to see you. Thank you for all of your reviews. I'm glad you decided to catch up. Hope work doesn't keep you too busy so we see you around more often!

Mollyig - I'm glad you thought the phrasing of those lines worked well. Thanks for your comments!

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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[tiredsoul]

I liked this last one. Particularly this bit ...

Quote:

---

Drowning,

in memories

which no longer offer anything but pain.

---

Ain't that the truth. Great poem. Thanks for sharing it.



--celia

---------------------------------

"That was just rude. Now I forget what I was saying."

[bulldog tidnab]

You have made me breathless. Loved this:

Quote:

---

I can feel your absence;

It lingers on my skin.

---

You are a remarkable writer. I always find such amazing things in this thread. Lovely, really.



*woof*

It matters not how straight the gate/ How charged with punishments the scroll/ I am the master of my fate/ I am the captain of my soul.

[ninjitsugrrl]

Tiredsoul - Thanks. I'm glad you liked that last stanza. I worked on it quite a bit trying to get it right.

Bulldog - I've made you breathless? Wow! You might just make me blush. Thank you for your wonderful compliment.



Here's a new one:





Angel in my vision;

heaven in your gaze.

Every aspect of you, poetry.

I could read you for days.



My tongue dances across your lips.

I hold your gaze

as my fingers slowly graze you hips.



Every moment ecstasy.

Every second bliss.

Surely heaven doesn't get closer than this.

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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[Tara22]

ooooooh ninjitsugrrl! I loved it!



I LOVED this!

Quote:

---

Surely heaven doesn't get closer than this

---

*sighs happily*



just great!

***

"Oh, sorry. Uhh, I forgot that that doesn't seem normal, to the rest of society. It's just, we, well, we both really like cows. Really like them. To the extent of wanting to buy one, when we're older." - The Crying Game (by Vix84)

[mollyig]

I could read you for days



That was delightful. Thanks for sharing.

---

I happen to think mine is the level head,
and yours is the one things would roll off of.

[ninjitsugrrl]

Tara22 - I'm glad you liked it so much! Thanks.

Mollyig - Delightful, eh? I like that! Thank you.

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




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[TheWhiz]

Beautifully written poem!



'Every aspect of you, poetry.

I could read you for days.'

Loved these lines.