Title - Cul-De-Sac
Author name – Evilkittycatofdoom or Danae if you prefer
Email Address - blackcatwitchgirl@yahoo.com
Rating - G
Disclaimer -AU basicly Fluff
Feedback- be completely Honest, I wanna Know if it sucks
Summary- The whole scooby gang growing up together.
______________________________


The cul-de-sak was in pure caos. 11 Kids of varying ages where running around playing laughing and teasing one another.

______________________________

"But Faith" Whined 2 year old Anya Jenkins "Why you dont wanna play with me?"

"Because," Faith sayed in an important tone of voice "I wanna play with the boys." She paused for a moment "And I dont wanna reap vengence on nobody, I like everybody here"

"Fine" replied the blonde child "Maby Willow and Tara wanna play sompthin other than guns. I dont see why anyone would need guns when they gots powers of 'viceration."

Fith stares at her. "You been wachin way too much tv. I'm gonna go find B. She likes playin with me." she runs off to go find 'b'.

Anya stands there for a moment looking confused then wanders off to go find Willow and Tara.
___________________________________

In another part of the Cul-De-Sac a small pink table is set up and three small girls sit sipping 'tea' from small plastic cups. The readhead and one of the blondes are wearing large floppy hats. the other blonde looks bored.

"When can we play sompthin other than house. I'm tired of bein Tara and you's kid!" The bored loking Blonde complaines to the small readhead.

"Buffy." the readhead huffed "We played your demon games all mornin and they are truly gettin boring. So now Tara and Me's gonna tell you what to do, because you, young lady is quite bossy sometimes and I for one think it is very un- uni- unitractive. Kind of like frogs 'cause frogs is just gross with there green skin and all that hoppin its just scary and also--"

"Willow" Tara giggled. "Breathe"

"Oh, Yeah" Willow blushed.

"Hey B.!" Faith calls running over and survaying the situation "You really wanna play house with Red and Blondie?" She asks in disbelief.

"No. Finaly someone 'sides me understands the importance of not playin house. Wanna go Play guns with the boys"

They run off leaving Willlow and Tara alone with their 'tea'

"Well now who's gonna be our daughter" willow asks looking very upset.

"Hi Willow. Hi Tara. I understand you need someone to act as your offspring?"

"Anya, You been wachin way too much tv" Willow sayed in a matter of fact tone of voice

Anya looked confused "Why does everyone keep sayin that?"
___________________________________

Buffy and faith walked over to where the boys where playing Vampire Vs. Human

"You know bullets dont work on vampires" 7 year old William 'Spike' Jenkins says looking over to buffys brother with his brand new cap gun.

"Yeah they do" Riley says looking over to Donnie who was also holding a cap gun "they got wooden bullets" The 6 yr old looked very proud of outwitting the older boy.

"Sticks work better! Right oz?" Xander Harris called yo the other three year old, who nodded He and oz werent old enough to have cap guns yet.

"Hey! No girls allowed" Donnie yelled when he saw Buffy and Faith "You'll Just get hurt and run home crying to your mommies."

"Will not! Please Angel cant faith an me play?" Buffy asked ther oldest brother "I'll be really really nice to you all day tomorrow"

"Yeah, Please Angel" Fith gave her best puppy dog eyes, Buffy Quickly followed suit.

Angel looked over at the other boys and shrugged hopelesly he had a soft spot for his sister."All right, But if you get hurt its your own fault,No telling mom on us.Okay?"

Hs statemnt was followed by groans from all the boys and squeals and 'thank you angels' from the girls
___________________________________

Willow and Tara Had finaly gotten tired of Anya's chatter and desided to go to Xanders house to see his new sister and Jenny, his mom. When they knocked on the door a tired looking jenny answerd.

"Hi, we wanna see the baby." Willow sayed with the confedence only a small child has.

Jenny laughed "Well I just put Cordy down for a nap, but why dont you come in for some juice and cookies?"

Willow looked over to tara who nodded slightly
"Yes Please.OH! do you got any apple juice, the kind in a box not a glass, thats my favorite."

Just as they had sat down with their juice and cookies Cordys baby moniter started crying and Jenny excused herself for a moment.

Tara had been realy quiet all day and Willow had noticed.

"Tara whats wrong/ You been real quiet all day today"

"Well, I was wachin a tv show yesterday and the two girls on it where best freinds. I was wonderin if you'd be my best friend?"

"Of course I'll be you're best friend silly, I already like you best. But why you been so quiet"

"I was Afraid You'd Say no" Tara whispered

"Why'd I do that?" willow questioned "I have known you for 3 whole years after all"

just then Jenny came back with Cordy, and willow and tara played with wer untill they had to go back to taras house.

"Hi Momma, Hi Daddy. Willow and Me's going up to my room for a while" Tara greeted her Perents dragging Willow through the kitchen.

"Hi Mrs. and Mr. Maclay by Mrs. and Mr. Maclay" willow called

When they got to Taras room Tara went streight to her jewlry box and pulled out two 'silver' charm bracelets.

"Here, I won these at chuck-E-Cheese at Donnies birthday. You getand i get one and then everyone will know we are best friends."

"Cool" Willow sayed slipping the bracelet on her right wrist.

"Now its 'ficial we're always gonna be bestest freinds!" tara exclaimed happily Hugging willow

____________________________________________________________

Well.... do you really want honest? Okay...

The story idea is kind of cute, but it's lost in the weak spelling and grammar. Use your spell checker and decide which tense you're going to use. It is generally considered correct to write fiction in past tense ("She paused for a moment" is correct..."Faith stares at her" should be "Faith stared at her.")

Also, proofread your work. You've spelled cul-de-sac two different ways and you've also misspelled Faith's name. Be careful and take a couple of minutes to check everything. Maybe you can find someone to help you beta the story. Fresh eyes always find things that you might miss.

I'm not trying to be mean (although I'm sure that I'll be accused of that), but you did ask for honesty.

Good luck with it.

Diane

_________________
The dlline Short Fic Thread

Good beginning... I agree with the Mighty Diane on the spell check thing... If you don't have anyone to beta your story, you might try to wait after writing a chapter few days before proof reading it. That way you can spot most of the spelling errors and things like that...

_________________
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

Posting While Nude Improves Your Mood.

Thanks for the feedback. And for being honest. Its my first story so I'll definetly use your suggestions.

-Me

There are many wonderful resources for those new to writing, or learning to write in English from a different primary language. A Google search for "grammar rules" or "ESL" will turn up thousands of results. I'll include two for the areas I think you're struggling the most with:

punctuation:
http://esl.about.com/od/englishgrammar/ ... uation.htm

capitalization:
http://laneyeslwriting6.kern.org/storie ... Reader$312

And, of course, most word processor software has spell-check and grammar-check features which will catch many mistakes.

You'd be amazed at how much of a difference these three things can make. It's difficult to reach the content of a story when the syntax is off. But keep your head high, and keep writing...practice is the best tutor of all.

~ Megan