The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 5:42 am 
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4. Extra Flamey
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Awww man that's so adorable :D Great update again!!

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 5:47 am 
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3. Flaming O
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Still loving it, I hope that they can at least be real friends again real soon.

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:22 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Aww...that's precious. I hope that they can regain their friendship and talk things out soon. (Followed by kisses and gay love? Please? ;-) ) I know I lost a dear friend in high school for reasons that still aren't entirely clear to me 8 years later. It took a year and a half before we could even speak civilly to each other (mostly my fault that-I was bitter), but that was just before graduation and I haven't seen her since. Even now I really regret the way things turned out and sort of wish I could change it. Thanks so much for this story. I was skeptical at first (as I often am) but I've really enjoyed it, especially these last two or three updates. It's like a vicarious making-up for me. More please!


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:36 am 
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3. Flaming O

Joined: Sun May 01, 2005 1:52 am
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This is like slow torture... I'm always left with wanting more of your updates! But yes, I'll be patient :) Great update again chica!


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:39 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey
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I vote for kisses and gay love! In time, of course. Contact has been made. Trinkets have been exchanged. Things can only be looking up. :D

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:39 pm 
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8. Vixen
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Oh my.. they made eye contact! With the smiling! and the talking! :shock im excited! Up until now its been complete heartache and tooorture! Unless :-| theres more to come... :-| which okay... may be needed for their progression but still! p-a-i-n-f-u-l :-|.

I'm reeeeally looking forward to the next update! *crawls around in circles in her tent as she waits* uuh.. im making it comfy :-D


Update soon please :-D


Your no.1 tent bearing eager fan Stace :-D xXx

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:51 am 
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5. Willowhand

Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 5:05 pm
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Location: New York City
Oh okay so they both remember something special and took the time to share it with the other. Very well done. This is a very touching chapter for millions of little reasons that lead to some emtional barings on both their parts. Its such a sweet gesture on willows part to find that braclet tara lost all those years ago. And woohoo for taras present as well.
This is such a meaningful; chapter even if they still have a hard time with easch other. They both have shown where their heart lies...for and with each other. Its so sweet. I cant wait for more.


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 8:00 am 
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2. Floating Rose

Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:33 pm
Posts: 26
i can't believe that i haven't responded to the last couple of updates. i apologize. i read the update the same day it was posted. i guess...well i have to excuse for not replying to this amazing story. i love it. i loved that they both gave something that meant something to each other. it was sweet and it seems that both girls understood what the other was trying to say. i hope they begin to talk so. please post again soon. i really think this story is amazing.

andi


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:41 am 
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5. Willowhand

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I alreadt left feedback but I figure what the hell. so Im here again to say I like that they both felt it in them to, in what seems so small but is really huge, reach out to the other. My god! what it must be like for tara to be living with the woman she is in love with but dont talk to or interact with her...I have to say as Ive stated before and will continue to state the obvious. Tara is one strong young woman. No wonder in mostly all the fics here she is the rock in the scoobies and or in their relationship. Well AMBER BENSON is our main reasoning for seeing her this way. I think I have everything with her in it. Has anyone seen a movie called "Beyond City Limits?" With Alyson Hannigan in it? Shes not a redhead. And she is so good as playing the dark (kinda weak) lost girl in this movie. If you havent seen it you should and let me know what you think of her in it ;-)
Again its called " Beyond City Limits." oh and her husband is in it as well.


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU **Updated** 11/14***
PostPosted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 10:12 pm 
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5. Willowhand
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Does anyone else ever want to just kick real life in the balls and walk away? Anyone???


Anyway...

DaddyCatALSO- Willow Rofivenberg... Now I'm rather giggly cause that's rather fun to say.

Thianne- Thank you very much for the kind words, I hope you continue to enjoy this story, because I will continue to enjoy writing it.

sadie- I've been told that I'm good at adorable! ;-)

witchlove- Define "real friends"?

highlandlass25- I told one reader (Kro, I believe) that I didn't base this story on real experience, and it was at this point in my writing career the only one I didn't base on experience. One problem with that... I DID base it on experience, I just didn't realize until later that I did. My loss was much less devistating than the one in the story, we had only been friends a year, and I kept my best friend and lost the girl that I had thought I was in love with. Yeah... annoying situation, but that was middle school.
Thing is, there will always be things we want to change, and writing this is really a great way for me to do it. I can change and manipulate whatever I want in this world... except it's really developing a mind of it's own, so half the time I'm not even sure if I'm writing it or if it's writing itself.
Odd little note: The girl I lost was in a three-way bestfriendship with me and my current best friend... Now her and my best friend are in the same dorm building, their beds in the same spot in the same room, but she's three floors above my best friend. Odd.
I DO promise kisses, and there may or may not be gay love.
And you get a longer response than everyone else... you gave longer feedback... GO YOU!!! :peace

Shai- Hehe... slow torture is fun!!! And patience, when dealing with me, is DEFINETELY a virtue. Thanks!!

diamondforever- Trinkets can't look up, though...

Stace- I suggest getting a few thermal blankets to keep in that tent... It being winter and all... And yeah, more pain to come, that I promise... but also more happy!

willohand- Willohand, Willohand... If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you like my story! ;-) What with responding multiple times and sending me interesting threats... I'd almost think you want to read more... Well, here's more to come!!!

Title: Longing For The Moment
Author: M&M (cause it makes me sound tasty!), Monkey, Sara, MMy, whatever you want to call me.
Feedback: IS MY LIFEBLOOD!... Erm... please?
Distribution: Whoever wants it, ask me first though.
Rating: PG for now, it'll get higher.
Summary: Ten years ago, a mistake was made. Mistakes, misunderstandings, and confusion leave two girls longing for the moment when two will stand against the world.
Disclaimer: Part of the summary, and the title, are taken from the song "First Light" by Bella Morte. I don't own it. I don't own Willow and Tara smoochies, even though I would LOVE to. This is for fun, not profit, yada yada yada. You get the point.


Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this tale...



Longing For The Moment- Chapter Five
******



We stood there, smiling at each other like idiots, or two very happy yet awkward young women, for a few seconds, before Tara got uncomfortable with even the sporadic eye contact and looked down, covering part of her face with her hair in a maneuver that I was all too familiar with, but hadn’t seen in a long time. I could tell by the way she was biting her lip that she wanted to say something. At that point I noticed how much shorter her hair was since the last time I had seen her, the day of the ominously named Coffee Incident. It wasn’t that I took particular note of the length of her hair on that day, it was that every time I had seen her since all the trouble started I took a mental picture, always mindful that that could be the last time I ever saw her.

The day of finals, when the Coffee Incident occurred, her hair was a little bit past her shoulders and the natural shade of dirty blonde she had been born with, that had darkened from the bright blonde she had been when I knew her as a child. Now, her hair was much shorter, framing her face in quite a lovely way until it stopped a little below her ears. It didn’t even reach down enough to cover her lips from my view, which in my observance of her lip biting caused me to notice the length of her hair in the first place. I had always thought that Tara was one of the lucky girls who looked good no matter what length her hair was, and seeing her with hair this short seemed only to confirm that notion. Her hair now was also just a few shades darker than it had been, leading me to believe that she had dyed it, though it was rather close to her natural color.

The first thought that ran through my mind after the half-second it took me to notice the differences was ‘Wow, she’s beautiful.’ Now, I know I had had thoughts similar to that over the years, my brain subconsciously reminding me how attractive Tara was, especially in certain situations… But I wasn’t quite prepared for the flood of emotion that filled my heart accompanying that thought. I knew I loved her, and I knew that she was important to me, but for some reason I felt an urge to be close to her in a way I never had before. I didn’t realize until later that that urge was primal in nature, and a yearning to do things that I hadn’t even known about until I researched lesbianism, wanting to see what it was Tara was into. I had read multiple stories, some of them very well written, about what two girls could to together when they were alone, but I felt nothing.

I found out quite a bit later that theoretical had nothing to do with actual. After all, theoretically I didn’t even have a sexuality. I had never been attracted to anyone sexually, so I had always figured there were far more important things than physical attraction to go on when determining who to date. Granted, I had never dated anyone either, but that wasn’t the point.

The point was, at this moment, I felt something physical going on inside me that confused me, and quite frankly, scared the crap out of me. An image that I will never forget ran through my mind in that moment, as I looked at her face. The only part of her that I could see was her lips, her hair just thick enough to completely cover her eyes from my view, though I was sure she could see me from behind the veil. I saw myself capturing those lips in a deep and needy kiss, pushing her against the door, her arms wrapping around me as she returned my attentions with fervor.

I let myself experience the emotions attached to the image for a few moments, I was sure I was blushing though Tara told me later she didn’t notice anything, before I mentally kicked myself for allowing the image in the first place. This was the first time I had seen Tara since the Coffee Incident and all I could think about was kissing her! I told myself that I was a dirty, dirty Willow and cleared my throat, unintentionally breaking the thick silence that had fallen around us.

Tara looked up at me and I smiled nervously as I swallowed the lump in my throat. “So… You look good…”

Tara looked at me for a moment before she began laughing, probably because of the nervous expression on my face coupled with the lame attempt at conversation. The laughter lasted for a few seconds before she smiled warmly at me, some of the tension broken because of the cheery tone of her laughter. “Thank you for the bracelet, Willow… It… It means a lot.”

I smiled, knowing that I had done enough to get back into on-speaking-terms territory, but most likely not nearly enough to be a close friend. I nodded slightly in response to what she said, and began on one of the worst babbles of my life. This one didn’t even have proper grammar. “I uh… Well, I remember when you lost the first one and how upset you were and how much it was a part of our childhood and I wanted to get you something that would mean something because of how mean I was because I was just freaked out and I didn’t even think about how much I was hurting you just because I was confused and I’m such an idiot for doing that to you because you’re a really great person and you never deserved anyone to do that, much less me because I was your best friend and… I’m really sorry, Tara.”

I hadn’t meant for any of what I said to come out the way it did, but come out it did, and once I had spoken the words, I couldn’t take them back no matter how much I wanted to in the seconds, which seemed like hours at the time, before she responded.

A slow half-smile spread across her face, which made me smile nervously in return as I waited for her to say something, though she had already acknowledged my apology just with one simple smile.

“I know you have class… I don’t want to make you late…”

“Oh!” I had completely forgotten about my class when I saw Tara, and I also would’ve been perfectly happy to skip the entire day’s worth of classes just to stand there with her, until I had put my entire leg into my mouth, but now that I had been reminded, I had to go. “Right… I better…” I gestured towards the door, which Tara was still standing in front of, and she moved to the side. I began to move toward the door, about to go through with my head down in shame because of her quick change of subject, before Tara called my name. I turned back to face her and just stood there. I didn’t say anything, just looked at her in what I’m sure was a wide-eyed expression because, despite the fact that it was Tara I was looking at, I was afraid of what she would say.

That caused another momentary reflection of all that I had lost since we stopped talking. Since the igniting incident, I had been fearful of Tara because she alone had the power to completely destroy me with just a few simple words, like I had done to her already. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I was expecting her to shoot me down, even though it seemed like I was almost back in good graces with her. I prepared myself for the worst she could say, taking a deep breath to steady myself in case she would tell me she never wanted to see me again, or worse, that she had found a new best friend so we could talk and hang out, but I would never be as important to her. I didn’t stop to think at the time why exactly being allowed to see her, but not being the number one person she turned to bothered me more than her hating me, but I figured later it was because I would be jealous. Coupled with the earlier thought of kissing her, that should have given me SOME indication of how I felt, but I was incredibly oblivious.

I watched her carefully for a moment, waiting for her to speak, and prepared for the worst, but that’s not what I got.

Instead of shooting me down, she smiled at me, the half-smile I had always found adorable. “Can we meet after classes?”

I smiled at her, wider than I had smiled in what seemed like forever, and nodded. “Of course.”

I left the dorm with my hope restored. After all, Tara wanted to see me! Even after that embarrassing and quite revealing babble, she wanted to see me! I actually skipped a few steps down the hall before it hit me that she might only want to say goodbye, or chastise me for something, or tell me my bed was never made properly, I didn’t know… But I knew Tara, and I knew intrinsically that she wouldn’t do that to me.

Still, my mood for that day of classes was tainted with the fear of what would happen when I saw Tara again.


******
AN: I hope everyone enjoyed... Yay stuff!

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:50 am 
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2. Floating Rose
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Insomnia sucks. But having this nice fic to read is nice. I really enjoy the angsty fics the most. This one is pushing all those buttons for me. I'm hooked. Keep up the great work. Thanks.

FSB


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 8:52 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Yay, they've started talking! *happy sigh* Wonderful. This update made me grin like an idiot. So go you! I can't wait to see how their next meeting goes. (And yes, real life occasionally sucks and makes me just want to move far away and start over with an assumed identity.) :)


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:48 am 
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8. Vixen
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*waves her thermals* :-D... now i need a flaaask... hmm..

Anyway, back to this somewhat constructed feedback, may i firstly say: holy god. Tara with short hair. At first the idea seemed a little strange but i can totally picture it... good move :-D wow...

Also, you have written the tension so thick and wonderfully harrowing! Its completely realistic to the point where you could imagine being a fly on the wall with...complex... feelings... uh..

This part!

Quote:
I knew I loved her, and I knew that she was important to me, but for some reason I felt an urge to be close to her in a way I never had before. I didn’t realize until later that that urge was primal in nature, and a yearning to do things that I hadn’t even known about until I researched lesbianism, wanting to see what it was Tara was into.


1) Completely Willow

2) I remember this feeling.. but i never did the research, i missed out! :laugh but okay, this was sweet as well as sensitive of Willow, wanting to find out and gather as much information about Tara's sexuality. Okay granted the natural curiosity must've compelled her to research, but the way you've written it suggests she was being thoughtful!



All in all, a really wonderful update! I really enjoyed this one, you've written it well, thank you! :x



Stace xXx

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Fox Mulder: Saw them do it on Buffy.
-Resist or Serve, The X-Files

Between the seasons we find room to breathe out... -I'll Go Until My Heart Stops


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 9:39 am 
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5. Willowhand

Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 5:05 pm
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oh no. HELL NO! did you really just leave me here standing on a ledge? Oh my sweet little mangled_monkey are you trying to toture me yet again? Yopu of course know what this means dont you? I will be waiting for you outside. Nah dont bother trying to hide from me. I will find you. :blush where ya located again? Coz I can hop on the nearset plane from new york to you and be waiting outside.


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:02 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey
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Oh yep, I think Tara should really tell Willow about her bed. You just can't leave a bed all messed up like that! Cause I mean, what else would she have to tell her? ;)

I'm looking forward to the next bit!!! Thanks :D

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 2:28 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

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excellent story, well written, living my life through this one, can't wait for update


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 7:46 am 
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13. Big Knowledge Woman
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want more :-D i loooooooooooooooove this story....

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:54 am 
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3. Flaming O

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I am really enjoying this story. It is very well written and it is one of the few stories on the kittenboard that keeps me on the edge of my seat. I can't wait for more. This is great.

ASHLEY

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 12/30!!!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:21 am 
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3. Flaming O
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I'm loving this story. :party Hope you update sometime in the near future. :wtkiss forever!

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Tara ended up next to Oz in the elevator. He looked at her, nodding to himself.
"What?" She asked.
"You look good. Kinda radiant."
Tara nodded. "I was resurrected a few days ago."
Oz arched an eyebrow. "That'll do it."
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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *FINALLY Updated* 1/11/08
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:15 pm 
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5. Willowhand
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Kay... so... It's kinda been awhile... sorry about that... Please forgive me?? :pray

I've got my muse back, at least!! So I'll be continuing this one where I left off. Hopefully my style hasn't changed too much and it'll still flow, but let me know if that's not happening and I can rewrite the first bit to try to make it match up.

Anyway, on to the next bit!



Longing for the Moment- Chapter Six

*****

After classes, I debated with myself about whether to go back to our room first, or stop by the cafeteria for a snack. I was taking world history at the time, and the discussion that day had been on the topic of the falsification of Marie Antoinette’s infamous statement about confectionary goodness. I ended up giving in to temptation and stopping by the cafeteria, quickly getting an idea when I saw the tray of frosted cupcakes they had for sale. I bought two cupcakes, a chocolate frosted chocolate cake for me, and a strawberry frosted chocolate cake for Tara, and headed back to our room.

I opened the door carefully once I got there, being overly cautious with the cupcakes even though they were in environmentally unfriendly, but somewhat squish-resistant, Styrofoam boxes. When I made it in, I set the two small boxes down on my desk and closed the door. It was only then, when I’d gotten everything somewhat settled, that I took a look around the room for Tara. I smiled when I saw she was asleep on her bunk, lying on her stomach with her head resting on her arm and a book still open in front of her.

I stood there for a moment studying the girl I’d known my whole life. I took notice of how our one year and three months of almost-separation had changed her. I had known her body, had seen it grow from a skinny little girl into a nicely shaped and somewhat curvy woman. I’d always been jealous of those curves, but as I looked at her now, I noticed that some of them seemed to be diminished. She had definitely lost a few pounds, and I was sure that if she were nude, I would be able to see bone in multiple places on her body. The realization made me sad, because I figured it was probably the stress she’d endured in that time that caused the weight loss.

At that moment, I searched my memory of all the times I’d seen Tara since the incident. I hadn’t noticed how much thinner she was before, and I wondered why I didn’t notice such a change in the girl I’d always been hyper aware of. I felt like a horrible friend. No, scratch that. I was a horrible friend. At that point, I vowed to myself to keep more notice of every single little change in the girl, beyond just her hair and demeanor.

It occurred to me, looking back, that maybe the reason I didn’t notice the weight loss then was because whenever I saw her, she was standing or moving as if to make herself appear as small as possible. It’s a great possibility, then, that I assumed the smallness of her was simply because of how she was presenting herself and not thought beyond that. But watching her lay there, I could see her body completely relaxed, when she wasn’t trying to hide. I could see the truth.

I only got to observe her for another few moments, because she began to wake up. I guess she had felt me watching her, or maybe her arm went numb. But her eyes opened, and she jumped slightly. It was startling, I’m sure, to wake up and find someone staring at you. “W-willow…” She spoke my name softly, with just a hint of fear in her voice.

I smiled, trying to reassure her, and sat down at my desk. “I’m sorry… you just looked so peaceful, and I didn’t want to wake you.” I responded before I realized that she hadn’t expressed any sort of anger or remorse at the fact that I hadn’t woken her up when I first got back. Before either of us could remark on that fact, I picked up one of the Styrofoam boxes and held it up. “I brought birthday cake!” And I smiled a wide, toothy, and, I’m sure, goofy grin.

Tara smiled at me, and while she got down from the bunk, I opened my desk drawer and took out the small box of candles and the matches I kept there just in case my flashlight failed in the event of a power outage. Tara smiled when she saw that, and I suppose guessed the reason I had them. “Always prepared, just like a boyscout.”

The comment made us both laugh, because I had begged my mother for a month in 2nd grade to let me join the local boyscout troupe. She’d refused, obviously, because I wasn’t a boy but told me I could join girlscouts if I wanted to. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough, and I told her I wanted to be a boyscout because boyscouts knew how to be prepared and girlscouts didn’t. It was something Tara and I would joke about many times growing up. Something that it warmed my heart knowing that we could joke about again.

Maybe things hadn’t changed that much. Maybe we could still be like we were in some ways. That hope filled me almost to bursting as I put a candle onto each cupcake, and handed Tara hers as I lit the candles.

We sang Happy Birthday to each other, a slightly different rendition that we had come up with years before. We smiled to each other as we sang; I guess we’d both missed that song the year we hadn’t sung it. I truly noticed something for the first time during that song. Tara had always had a beautiful singing voice, while I was on the verge of tone deaf. But, when I sang with her, our voices matched in a way I’d only ever heard in professionally recorded songs. I could sing when I sang with her, I wasn’t sure why, but my voice just automatically harmonized with hers. It was absolutely perfect, and I knew that Tara could feel it too.

Once we’d finished the song, we blew out the candles at the same time, and each removed the candle from our own little cake. I licked the frosting off of mine and grinned when I saw Tara just lay her candle down onto a napkin on her desk. She’d never licked the frosting off, and probably never would. I found it strange how much knowing that hadn’t changed delighted me.

I delighted in the behavioral similarities so much that I don’t think I noticed the changes. Not right away, at least. I wanted so badly to believe that this Tara was the same girl I’d always known. Deep down, though, I think I knew that she wasn’t. Just like I wasn’t the same Willow she’d known.

As we ate the cupcakes, many thoughts ran through my head. I’d always done thoughtful little things like this for her, always tried to put her first.

Always.

Except for when she needed me most, when I’d bailed on her. I figured it would take awhile for her to trust me again, and boy, was I right. I guess she’d felt it too, because after we were done gobbling up our treats, she walked away from me to throw away her cupcake wrapper, and turned back to face me with her arms crossed across her chest.

The mood in the room changed, I could feel it. She looked up at me, all seriousness now, and the hope that had welled up in me only minutes before came crashing down. “It can’t be like it was, Willow.” And her voice dropped, in pitch and volume, so that she was almost whispering. “It’ll never be like it was.” I wasn’t sure if she was telling me or herself.

She sat down in her desk chair and pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her heels on the chair and leaning down onto her knees. She sighed heavily, and when she looked up, her face was resolute. There was something there, something that was closed off. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was at the time, but I know that most of it was that she was locking herself away from me. Steeling herself for whatever my answer to her simple, but difficult question, “What do you want from me, Willow?”

I looked her straight in the eye, and there were so many things I wanted to say. So many words fighting to be first, fighting to come out. I had so many thoughts and feelings that I knew she needed to know, but I couldn’t form one coherent sentence to answer that question. I searched my mind for something, anything, to fill the silence that was growing between us. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry, tell her that I wanted to prove to her how different things would be. Tell her how much I had changed, how I wasn’t afraid anymore. I wanted her to know me again. Most important, I wanted her to know how deeply I still loved her. But for some reason that I still don’t understand, I couldn’t say any of it. The girl who had always babbled her way into and out of every situation was tongue tied.

A tear formed at the corner of my eye and I swallowed the lump that was growing in my throat as I uttered the only words that I could clearly think. “I… I don’t know.”


******

AN: This is the first bit of writing I've done in MONTHS, so please pardon me if it's not up to par. Anyway, I'm off to bed. I'll post more tomorrow or the day after, if I can. I already have half the next installment written.

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 1/11/08
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:26 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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OMG! UPDATE! DIBS! I go read now! writerfreak :flower

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 1/11/08
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 8:26 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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:shock oh my jesus.. no... way.. :thud

*gets over the shock after a few minutes of gaping at her screen*

HI! :D i am SO glad you're back! you're one of my favourite young writers on the board so i can say without reserve that you have definately not lost your knack lol. I love the slow, drawn out emotion of this story. Its like sap dripping down a tree lol. As a reader you know (or think you know) how they feel about eachother but there's just so much between them that they have to work out, they can't (here it comes...) just skip it! *chuckles* nice oooone bell.

ahem anyway! I'll be keeping an eye on the thread for updates and such :D all the best!

-bellXxX

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 1/11/08
PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 11:20 am 
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29. Miss Psycho-pep-squad
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:o I missed all the updates
but I DID read the story before
and I didn't leave any feedback
...............forgive me? :pray {big puppy dog eyes}
and I really like this fic, and I'm a sucker for angst and sadness so go you!!!!
update, soon?

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 11/03/08
PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 7:02 pm 
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5. Willowhand
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*waves nervously* Hi guys! Hopefully no one has a heart attack at seeing this, cause I need readers! Anyway, there's finally another update! I'm back in school and avoiding writing a few papers, which means more creative writing. I've decided to bite the bullet and become an English major, which means I'll be doing more of this and for school.

Anyway, on to what you all clicked on this link for.



Longing For The Moment- Chapter Seven (Finally!)

*****

Tara watched me for a minute or so, waiting to see if I would say more, and she seemed surprised when I didn't. All I could do was watch her face carefully for emotion and wait for her response. I had once been the only one that could read her face when she was hiding from the world, but I couldn't now. It seemed that she had developed a new technique because her face was a blank slate with not even a hint to what she was thinking. To break the growing silence around us, I simply repeated myself in a slight whisper, "I don't know." I then looked away from her face and sat on my desk chair backwards, facing her but with the back of the chair between us. I felt the barrier was fitting.

She waited a moment more for me to say something else, but when I didn't, she nodded her head and looked at her hands. She put her legs down and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs and looked at me. "Then uh... Well, I'll tell you what I want."

I nodded, thankful for the reprieve she was giving me, and watched her. She looked at her hands again and began to talk. "I want you back." She paused, and I almost thought she was done, but she began to speak again. "I want to be able to trust you again, and I want to know that you're not the same person who hurt me after knowing me your entire life. I do forgive you, Willow. I do. I just... I can't trust you right now. Not like before."

I felt a drop of wetness hit my hand and realized that I was crying as I watched her speak. The weird thing was, I think some of the tears were for relief. She wasn't rejecting me, she wanted to rebuild our relationship! Still, that was only a slight consolation to the fact that I had hurt her so deeply. Beneath the tears, I had finally figured out what to say. "I want to show you that you can trust me, Tara. I want to prove it."

Tara nodded her head once, abruptly. "I'm glad you want to prove it, Willow, but you can't. You can't prove anything to me. At this point, only time can do that." I felt somewhat deflated, figuring there was nothing I could do and that she would just have to eventually come around to trusting me again on her own. But then she added, "but we can spend more time together to help speed up the process..."

I smiled widely, taking the chance for what it was and nodded enthusiastically before catching myself and toning it down a bit to a soft head movement. “I’d really like that… I mean, hey… we’re living together, so it’s not like distance will be an issue…”

Tara chuckled softly at my joke, more out of kindness than amusement, and nodded. “It shouldn’t be hard to find time, that’s for sure.”
There was a long pause where we just smiled at each other, each somewhat nervous about the new prospect being presented. We’d never had to build our friendship before, it was always just there. I very much took it for granted that we would always be friends, and I didn’t realize until that moment that this would be very new territory for me. I had always known Tara. Growing up together never seemed like getting to know each other, it just happened naturally. I never put forth effort to discover anything about her. But now that we’d spent almost a year and a half apart, I would have to work for it. As much as I wished I did, I didn’t know her anymore and she didn’t know me. The friendship that had come to us effortlessly would now have to be painstakingly rebuilt.

After the silence, I looked away and around the room. “Well, uh… maybe we can start now?”

Tara smiled and nodded, and sat on my bed, patting the spot next to her in an invitation to sit there. I sat down rigidly next to her, then told myself ‘this is TARA!’ which made me relax some. The fit was a little awkward, because it was a bunk bed and thus not made for sitting on. To fix this, we both grabbed a pillow and leaned on it, curling on our sides on opposite sides of the bed and facing the other. I was at the foot of the bed, so Tara had the darkest corner and I couldn’t see her face very clearly in the shadow. We lay there for a moment, waiting for the other to start the conversation, before simultaneously realizing that we’d need a different position so we could actually see each other. We wordlessly moved to the floor, and began laughing because we could still move in unison without discussing it first. It was a synchronicity that took years to develop that apparently couldn’t be broken by only 492 days apart.

The silence became more comfortable then, so I decided to ask her questions that I’d been curious about for months. “So, uh… How have you been? What have you been up to? How are classes going?”

She smirked. “One at a time, Willow, the answers are long.”

I nodded and grinned nervously. “Just how have you been, then.”

“The short answer is busy, but I promised you a long one so…” She sighed. “It’s been an odd year…” Then she paused, with an odd, considering sort of look on her face. She didn’t say anything for a long time. I found out later that she was in a heated debate with herself over whether or not to tell me that her mother had died. On one hand, she wanted me to know, but on the other, she didn’t want our first real conversation after so long to be tainted with something so sad. So she just repeated herself more definitively. “It’s been an odd year.”

When it really seemed like she was done, I nodded my head, but was slightly puzzled. “That wasn’t a very long answer…”

She laughed awkwardly, trying to break the tension that had regrown between us. “I’m doing well in school, though. I’m getting straight A’s, like you!”

Tara had always been a good student, but never as particular about it as I was. She tended toward a high B average, and rarely studied for nearly as long as I normally did. This news made me smile. “Tara, that’s great!” I went to hug her, but caught myself so I ended up sort of flapping my arms and jerking toward her, then away. This was either an almost-hug or a seizure, so I’m sure Tara saw what I almost did, but she said nothing.

Oddly enough, the conversation got easier after that, and Tara told me a lot. I learned all about her new friends, which teachers she liked and which she would rather never have met, where she tended to study, what classes she was actually taking, and pretty much everything about her routine. I told her about my classes, and she was not surprised to learn that I was still earning my 4.0. I also told her about the few people I occasionally talked to. I will admit now that I kinda talked myself up, making it sound like I had more friends than I did (because I had none), but I learned later that Tara did the same. Neither of us had found another best friend, and I don’t think either of us was likely to.

What we did not discuss was dating. I don't think I was ready to ask, and I'm not sure she was ready to tell me.

*****

AN: I changed the ending here, because it just didn't work. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the writing process at work. I should probably have more process stuff done before I post, but there you are.

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And everything you think you had, baby, is gone.

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Last edited by mangled_monkey on Thu Nov 06, 2008 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 11/03/08
PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:02 am 
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4. Extra Flamey
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Hey! You're back! You disappeared!

Glad to see you've picked the story up again though (the cliffhanger at the end? Not so nice! ;)) And if you don't know where to stop... just don't stop! ;) haha.

Thanks for the great update!

I re-read it just now and laughed out loud again at this:

Quote:
I went to hug her, but caught myself so I ended up sort of flapping my arms and jerking toward her, then away. This was either an almost-hug or a seizure...


Ha! Update soooooooon :pray

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Last edited by sadie on Mon Dec 01, 2008 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 11/03/08
PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 1:12 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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I only recently noticed this story and started reading. I've sometimes found first person to be a distracting perspective, but that hasn't been the case here at all. The story unfolds with ease and the narration has just the right amount of detail.

I know how real life often gets in the way, but I hope if time permits you'll continue updating. I'd really like to see how the two rebuild their friendship.


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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 11/03/08
PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 10:37 pm 
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28. Com...plete

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Location: Portland OR
This story is fantastic, I would love to see more.

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I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

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 Post subject: Re: Longing For The Moment- AU *Updated* 11/03/08
PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 6:38 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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hey I just found your fic and am quite intrigued! Please keep the updates coming! :D

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