Does anyone else ever want to just kick real life in the balls and walk away? Anyone???
Anyway...
DaddyCatALSO- Willow Rofivenberg... Now I'm rather giggly cause that's rather fun to say.
Thianne- Thank you very much for the kind words, I hope you continue to enjoy this story, because I will continue to enjoy writing it.
sadie- I've been told that I'm good at adorable!
witchlove- Define "real friends"?
highlandlass25- I told one reader (Kro, I believe) that I didn't base this story on real experience, and it was at this point in my writing career the only one I didn't base on experience. One problem with that... I DID base it on experience, I just didn't realize until later that I did. My loss was much less devistating than the one in the story, we had only been friends a year, and I kept my best friend and lost the girl that I had thought I was in love with. Yeah... annoying situation, but that was middle school.
Thing is, there will always be things we want to change, and writing this is really a great way for me to do it. I can change and manipulate whatever I want in this world... except it's really developing a mind of it's own, so half the time I'm not even sure if I'm writing it or if it's writing itself.
Odd little note: The girl I lost was in a three-way bestfriendship with me and my current best friend... Now her and my best friend are in the same dorm building, their beds in the same spot in the same room, but she's three floors above my best friend. Odd.
I DO promise kisses, and there may or may not be gay love.
And you get a longer response than everyone else... you gave longer feedback... GO YOU!!!
Shai- Hehe... slow torture is fun!!! And patience, when dealing with me, is DEFINETELY a virtue. Thanks!!
diamondforever- Trinkets can't look up, though...
Stace- I suggest getting a few thermal blankets to keep in that tent... It being winter and all... And yeah, more pain to come, that I promise... but also more happy!
willohand- Willohand, Willohand... If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you like my story!
What with responding multiple times and sending me interesting threats... I'd almost think you want to read more... Well, here's more to come!!!
Title: Longing For The Moment
Author: M&M (cause it makes me sound tasty!), Monkey, Sara, MMy, whatever you want to call me.
Feedback: IS MY LIFEBLOOD!... Erm... please?
Distribution: Whoever wants it, ask me first though.
Rating: PG for now, it'll get higher.
Summary: Ten years ago, a mistake was made. Mistakes, misunderstandings, and confusion leave two girls longing for the moment when two will stand against the world.
Disclaimer: Part of the summary, and the title, are taken from the song "First Light" by Bella Morte. I don't own it. I don't own Willow and Tara smoochies, even though I would LOVE to. This is for fun, not profit, yada yada yada. You get the point.
Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this tale...
Longing For The Moment- Chapter Five
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We stood there, smiling at each other like idiots, or two very happy yet awkward young women, for a few seconds, before Tara got uncomfortable with even the sporadic eye contact and looked down, covering part of her face with her hair in a maneuver that I was all too familiar with, but hadn’t seen in a long time. I could tell by the way she was biting her lip that she wanted to say something. At that point I noticed how much shorter her hair was since the last time I had seen her, the day of the ominously named Coffee Incident. It wasn’t that I took particular note of the length of her hair on that day, it was that every time I had seen her since all the trouble started I took a mental picture, always mindful that that could be the last time I ever saw her.
The day of finals, when the Coffee Incident occurred, her hair was a little bit past her shoulders and the natural shade of dirty blonde she had been born with, that had darkened from the bright blonde she had been when I knew her as a child. Now, her hair was much shorter, framing her face in quite a lovely way until it stopped a little below her ears. It didn’t even reach down enough to cover her lips from my view, which in my observance of her lip biting caused me to notice the length of her hair in the first place. I had always thought that Tara was one of the lucky girls who looked good no matter what length her hair was, and seeing her with hair this short seemed only to confirm that notion. Her hair now was also just a few shades darker than it had been, leading me to believe that she had dyed it, though it was rather close to her natural color.
The first thought that ran through my mind after the half-second it took me to notice the differences was ‘Wow, she’s beautiful.’ Now, I know I had had thoughts similar to that over the years, my brain subconsciously reminding me how attractive Tara was, especially in certain situations… But I wasn’t quite prepared for the flood of emotion that filled my heart accompanying that thought. I knew I loved her, and I knew that she was important to me, but for some reason I felt an urge to be close to her in a way I never had before. I didn’t realize until later that that urge was primal in nature, and a yearning to do things that I hadn’t even known about until I researched lesbianism, wanting to see what it was Tara was into. I had read multiple stories, some of them very well written, about what two girls could to together when they were alone, but I felt nothing.
I found out quite a bit later that theoretical had nothing to do with actual. After all, theoretically I didn’t even have a sexuality. I had never been attracted to anyone sexually, so I had always figured there were far more important things than physical attraction to go on when determining who to date. Granted, I had never dated anyone either, but that wasn’t the point.
The point was, at this moment, I felt something physical going on inside me that confused me, and quite frankly, scared the crap out of me. An image that I will never forget ran through my mind in that moment, as I looked at her face. The only part of her that I could see was her lips, her hair just thick enough to completely cover her eyes from my view, though I was sure she could see me from behind the veil. I saw myself capturing those lips in a deep and needy kiss, pushing her against the door, her arms wrapping around me as she returned my attentions with fervor.
I let myself experience the emotions attached to the image for a few moments, I was sure I was blushing though Tara told me later she didn’t notice anything, before I mentally kicked myself for allowing the image in the first place. This was the first time I had seen Tara since the Coffee Incident and all I could think about was kissing her! I told myself that I was a dirty, dirty Willow and cleared my throat, unintentionally breaking the thick silence that had fallen around us.
Tara looked up at me and I smiled nervously as I swallowed the lump in my throat. “So… You look good…”
Tara looked at me for a moment before she began laughing, probably because of the nervous expression on my face coupled with the lame attempt at conversation. The laughter lasted for a few seconds before she smiled warmly at me, some of the tension broken because of the cheery tone of her laughter. “Thank you for the bracelet, Willow… It… It means a lot.”
I smiled, knowing that I had done enough to get back into on-speaking-terms territory, but most likely not nearly enough to be a close friend. I nodded slightly in response to what she said, and began on one of the worst babbles of my life. This one didn’t even have proper grammar. “I uh… Well, I remember when you lost the first one and how upset you were and how much it was a part of our childhood and I wanted to get you something that would mean something because of how mean I was because I was just freaked out and I didn’t even think about how much I was hurting you just because I was confused and I’m such an idiot for doing that to you because you’re a really great person and you never deserved anyone to do that, much less me because I was your best friend and… I’m really sorry, Tara.”
I hadn’t meant for any of what I said to come out the way it did, but come out it did, and once I had spoken the words, I couldn’t take them back no matter how much I wanted to in the seconds, which seemed like hours at the time, before she responded.
A slow half-smile spread across her face, which made me smile nervously in return as I waited for her to say something, though she had already acknowledged my apology just with one simple smile.
“I know you have class… I don’t want to make you late…”
“Oh!” I had completely forgotten about my class when I saw Tara, and I also would’ve been perfectly happy to skip the entire day’s worth of classes just to stand there with her, until I had put my entire leg into my mouth, but now that I had been reminded, I had to go. “Right… I better…” I gestured towards the door, which Tara was still standing in front of, and she moved to the side. I began to move toward the door, about to go through with my head down in shame because of her quick change of subject, before Tara called my name. I turned back to face her and just stood there. I didn’t say anything, just looked at her in what I’m sure was a wide-eyed expression because, despite the fact that it was Tara I was looking at, I was afraid of what she would say.
That caused another momentary reflection of all that I had lost since we stopped talking. Since the igniting incident, I had been fearful of Tara because she alone had the power to completely destroy me with just a few simple words, like I had done to her already. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I was expecting her to shoot me down, even though it seemed like I was almost back in good graces with her. I prepared myself for the worst she could say, taking a deep breath to steady myself in case she would tell me she never wanted to see me again, or worse, that she had found a new best friend so we could talk and hang out, but I would never be as important to her. I didn’t stop to think at the time why exactly being allowed to see her, but not being the number one person she turned to bothered me more than her hating me, but I figured later it was because I would be jealous. Coupled with the earlier thought of kissing her, that should have given me SOME indication of how I felt, but I was incredibly oblivious.
I watched her carefully for a moment, waiting for her to speak, and prepared for the worst, but that’s not what I got.
Instead of shooting me down, she smiled at me, the half-smile I had always found adorable. “Can we meet after classes?”
I smiled at her, wider than I had smiled in what seemed like forever, and nodded. “Of course.”
I left the dorm with my hope restored. After all, Tara wanted to see me! Even after that embarrassing and quite revealing babble, she wanted to see me! I actually skipped a few steps down the hall before it hit me that she might only want to say goodbye, or chastise me for something, or tell me my bed was never made properly, I didn’t know… But I knew Tara, and I knew intrinsically that she wouldn’t do that to me.
Still, my mood for that day of classes was tainted with the fear of what would happen when I saw Tara again.
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AN: I hope everyone enjoyed... Yay stuff!