SilverWingedNemesis,Thank you, sweetie. And um... Happy ending... Check.
I agree with your definite must too.
I will try to keep doing a good job. You guys will have to be the judge of that, though. Thanks.
Bulldog,My beautiful, Andi.
Hey sweetie. I miss my bulldog snuggles, too.
Hee... I like to keep you running in circles, chasing that cute tail of yours. It's so cute. *Purrs at you*
I'm glad you like the concept and are looking forward to more. Yes, one hell of a ride it will be, but... I won't disappoint. I promise.
**Watches you rolling around and looking cute** Oooh, I see a tummy. Tummy rubs?? Love you.
Oh, hey... can you send me an e-mail? Let me know how you're doing? Please?
Vampivy,Thank you, Vampivy. Glad you like so far. And you won't have to wait much longer. Below is the update.
Awww, sorry you cried. I miss Tara terribly. Words can't even begin to express how much.
Amber is a beautiful person.
Okay... here you go, my kittens. Chapter 2. There is a cliffhanger here too, but it's not as bad. I'll just leave you wanting more. Hee...
Remember, I DO have chapter 3 written, I just need to get it typed up. Soon.
So, without further ado... Enjoy!
_____________________________________________
Title: Lost Letters
Author: Jennifer
Copyright © 2002 by Jennifer JohnsonDistribution: If you would like to archive this somewhere, please ask my permission first!
Feedback: jennpurr@yahoo.com or
truthotheart@aol.com Please, give me feedback. Good or bad. Feel free to tell me what you think. Or just post it here.
Disclaimers: All characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy/UPN/FOX and whoever else owns the rights. This is solely for my entertainment. Please do not copyright this story. All original characters belong to me.
F/F romance: If the idea and depiction of a same sex relationship bothers you, please do not read this story.
Pairings: W/T eventually, X, B
Spoilers: None, unless you are unaware of the events from, "Tabula Rasa."
Summary: Someone in Willow’s family has died and she discovers a painful secret.
Rating: PG to NC-17. This part is PG Angst Level: 5 to 6+ My Thanks: To Danie. Thanks for being my beta/friend and for helping me out with all the suggestions. You truly are gifted for writing. I hope you continue to do so. And D, don’t forget the catnip.
Dedication: To all the W/T fans. May we always keep Tara alive in our hearts.
Author's Notes: The timeline of this fic takes place 8 years after Tara left Willow in, “Tabula Rasa.” She left Sunnydale and moved to LA. They have not spoken since that time. Willow moved out of Buffy’s house and in with her parents until she graduated from College. Now, she has her own house and owns her own business.
Story Note: Guys, this is very angsty, but if you will hang in there through the whole story, I promise you it will be well worth it. If I make anyone cry, I am very sorry. Again, I’m sorry for the angst. Hang in there.
Special Note: Don’t hate Buffy, after reading this. She always has Willow’s best interest at heart; she just does things without thinking, at times.
FIC: Lost Letters, Chapter 2
By: Jennifer
Those three words sent a tidal wave of emotions towards Willow. The severity of them threatened to knock her over. She felt her knees buckling and her heart started to hammer in her chest.
“What?” the redhead questioned, breathlessly. She wondered if her ears had heard right. Should she even hope?
Buffy watched as the words hit home and carefully watched her best friend’s reaction. When she saw her stagger to the right, she reached up and steadied the other girl.
Gently, the Slayer coaxed Willow to sit down beside her on the floor, as she heard the question again.
“What did you say, Buffy?” the hacker asked, pensively.
“Will, I said what you know I said.” Lifting the letters from the box, she held them up for Willow to see. “They are from, Tara.”
“All of them?” Reaching towards the blonde’s hand, her fingers clamped around the slim wrist and pulled it closer to her. Reading the front of one of the envelopes, she saw that they were in fact from her Tara.
“All of them. Only one has been opened though.” Buffy looked back into the brown parcel, making sure she hadn’t missed any.
“I… I don’t understand. Why didn’t I know about these?” Willow asked her friend, seeking answers to her confusion.
Turning her body, she positioned herself in front of the redhead. Tucking her legs underneath her, she reached down with her free hand and squeezed the hand that was still holding her wrist. The fingers around her flesh were tense.
Taking the hint, Willow loosened her grip and ultimately let go.
“I don’t know, Will. Do you…” pausing, she caught the green eyes with her own and tentatively questioned, “Do you want to read them?”
The hacker was lost in her mental ramblings. She didn’t understand any of this. These were her property. They were written to her. So why didn’t she know about them until now?
All she could do was nod. She didn’t trust her voice right now. It would surely betray her.
Handing Willow the opened letter, she squeezed her knee with her other hand, offering support and the knowledge that she was there if the other girl should need her.
Smiling warmly at the Slayer, she took the envelope from her fingers and stared at it. The return address was for LA, where Tara had told her she was going.
Now that she held the letter, she couldn’t bring herself to do anything, but hold it, staring at it blankly.
Another squeeze to her knee brought her eyes back up to Buffy’s, who was gazing at her with concerned curiosity.
“It’s okay, Will. Do you want me to read it to you?” the blonde waited patiently for a response.
Yet again, all Willow could do was nod. Shakily, her fingers pushed the letter forward into the other girl’s hand.
Inhaling a deep breath, Buffy fingered the paper flap before lifting it up and pulling the contents out, from within. Dropping the envelope to her lap, she unfolded the paper and prepared herself to read it aloud.
“Dear Willow,
“I’m sending this to your parents address; you told me this is where you would be. How are you? I’m not doing well; I miss you, so much it hurts. It’s been hell being here without you.”
Quieting her words, the blonde looked up to check on her friend. She saw the silent tears glistening the other girl’s cheeks and wondered if she should continue.
Sensing her apprehension, Willow whispered. “Please, Buffy… go on.”
Nodding, she agreed. Reaching over and taking the redhead’s hand into her own, she offered her strength.
“I hate being away from you, but I have to be. We both need this right now. Do you understand that? Why I have to be away from you? I hope you do. Please don’t feel like I’ve abandoned you, that’s not what this is. Things just won’t work, if you keep doing the things you are doing; abusing magic, it’s not safe, Willow.”
Buffy looked up again, making sure Willow was still with her. She squeezed her hand and continued.
“I’m always with you, sweetie. What I need from you is your understanding. You need to know that what you did is wrong. That’s why I had to leave you, Willow. I couldn’t let you hurt me like that again. We were always so strong, for ourselves and for each other. I don’t know where things went wrong. I just don’t understand.”
Sniffling brought the Slayer’s attention back to the present. Lifting her eyes again, she found her friend sobbing, not being able to keep it in any longer.
“Will?” Her voice was unsure, her concern was for the other girl’s well being. Obviously, reading this letter was taking its toll. Should she stop? She didn’t have to wait long for a response.
“Please, Buffy!” Willow’s voice begged for her to finish the letter.
The blonde nodded and continued.
“Willow, no matter what, I need you to know and remember that I love you. I will always love you. Whatever happens from this point on, you will forever be in my heart and soul, as I am in yours. I’m with you always.”
Buffy looked to her friend again. She watched her body shaking with sobs, as she held her free hand over her eyes. It hurt to see her like this, but the letter was almost finished. She knew the rest should be heard.
Gathering the last bit of steeled motivation that she had, she put her attention back into the task at hand.
“I can’t be around you right now, but if you need to write to me, please do it. I won’t deny you that need. I WILL write back to you, but it might not be right away. I hope you understand. Forever. That’s how long I will love you, no matter what. Give my love to Dawnie and tell her I’m sorry for leaving. If she wants to write to me, please give her my address.
“Goddess, I miss you. I will try and write to you soon. I promise. I love you, Willow Rosenberg.
“Always, Tara.”
As the last words were read, her silence was broken and she sobbed aloud, falling forward. Willow fell into Buffy and clung to her tightly.
Dropping the letter to the side of her and lifting the redhead up, after prying her arms from her waist, the Slayer pulled the other girl into a hug. Holding her tight, she rocked them softly, letting her grieve.
This didn’t feel like 8 years later; it felt like it was happening all over again.
*****
“This is the last letter.” Buffy spoke gently to Willow. Reading the letters was like opening up old wounds. She had been somewhat reluctant to read all of the letters to her friend, but all the other girl had done was plead for her to finish them.
“You want me to read it now, Will? Or do you need a break?” she studied the side of her face.
Willow was lying on the couch on her back. Her head was resting on a pillow that was leaned up against the arm of the sofa. Her knees were pulled up, the bottom of her feet resting on the cushions.
Buffy was sat on the floor, facing her, in front of the sofa.
“No. Read it now, please.” Stretching her legs out, the hacker rolled over onto her side. Bringing her arms up, she crossed her hands on top the pillow and leaned the side of her face on them.
Nodding, the blonde did as her friend asked her to. Her eyes skimmed over the date and noticed that it was written about 10 months after the one prior.
The letters varied in time frame. Usually one was written about 4 to 5 months apart. There were 25 total.
“This one was about 10 months after the last one.” Clearing her throat, she started to read.
“My Willow,
I don’t know what to think or say. You haven’t responded to any of the letters I have written to you. This is the last one I will send.”
Buffy made a brief glance at the redhead, catching her eyes. She smiled gingerly at her, before turning back to the object in her hands.
“I guess your silence, means that you don’t want to try to make things work between us. That’s what I want sweetie, more than anything, but I can’t force you. I couldn’t even think about doing something like that to you.”
The blonde’s voice trailed off at the end and she looked up again, the full recognition of that statement, playing on her features.
“Oh God, Buffy,” was all Willow could say. She forced back her tears. She didn’t want to cry again. It wouldn’t help anyway.
“I know,” Buffy said. She reached up and squeezed her friend’s shoulder, letting her hand rest there briefly, before looking back down at the hand holding the letter in her lap.
“I miss you, so much, Willow. Why won’t you call or write to me? Do you hate me, or are you disgusted with me? I would call Buffy, but I can’t betray your confidence like that. I doubt she or any of the other Scoobies would want to talk to me anyway. I just wish I knew that you were all right.
“I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. Yes, I said love and not loved. I still love you very much. I’ve kept my promise of always and I will forever keep my word. No one else will ever be privileged to the kind of love I have for you.
“Only, I guess I have to say goodbye to you again,” Buffy let a small whisper fall from her lips, after she read that. Looking at her friend, she saw the effort she was putting in-to not crying.
She found it somewhat ironic, that tears were slipping down her own cheeks now. Maybe they were tears that Willow wouldn’t shed for herself?
She continued, “I don’t want to. Goddess, I don’t want to say goodbye. It’s the only thing I know to do now, though. I hope you will be happy, my Willow. Think of me, if you want. I will always think of you. If you decide that you want to talk and try again, you know where to find me.
“Forever, love. Forever. I love you, so much.
“Love, Tara.” Folding the letter up, she placed it back in its envelope and set it beside her, adding it to the pile.
“When was that written, Buffy?” Willow’s whisper pierced the Slayer’s senses.
“Two years ago,” the blonde let out a long breath.
“Two years?” Squeezing her eyes shut, she mentally sobbed. She just couldn’t believe all of this.
Sitting up, she stretched her muscles and stood. Walking over to the attic window, she looked outside. When she spoke again, her voice was soft, injured. “I don’t get it. All those letters and I never knew of a single one of them.”
Shifting her body, she looked at her friend and leaned against the wall. “You know, when she left I was so angry. I couldn’t believe she could do that to me, even though she was right by doing it.”
Her teeth pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, wetting it with her tongue. When she released it, she added, “For the first time that I could remember, Mom was there for me. Letting me cry on her shoulder, watching the hole in my heart get bigger and bigger. I was actually proud to have her for a mother then.”
Tilting her head back, it rested against the wood paneling. “Dad was away on business, remember? He was gone for almost a year. He didn’t even know I was staying here.”
Willow picked her head up and looked down at Buffy then. “I know Mom had everything to do with this. I know she hid those letters from me. She hated Tara for leaving and for breaking my heart. She never understood that I was the one who had done the breaking to begin with. I never hated Tara, not ever. I still loved her then. Mom didn’t understand.”
She closed her eyes, letting her chin fall down. She shook her head and as her eyes slowly started to open again, she wondered aloud. “I wonder where she is now?”
Lifting and tilting her head back again, it rested on the wall behind her. Taking in a deep breath, she held it.
“LA,” the Slayer replied, closing her eyes hard. Her voice was barely a whisper, but her friend had heard it.
Willow slowly brought her vision back down to the other girl and stared at her, confused, her brow scrunching up. “What?”
Standing, Buffy walked over and stopped a foot away from the window. “She’s in LA, Will.” Waiting for a response, she steeled herself for whatever was to come.
“You know where she is?” the hacker was even more confused. She pushed off the wall and glared at her friend, walking over to her so they were practically nose-to-nose. “How?” Her voice was flat, cold.
“Angel… he told me.” Buffy was suddenly very sorry that she had kept this information to herself.
“When?” the redhead’s voice was the same. She crossed her arms over her chest, flipping her head, making her hair fall back over her shoulder.
“Three months… ago. Will, I’m sorry. I thought if I told you I had found out where she was, you would have tried to contact her. I just didn’t want you getting hurt again.” Her face held a look of total disgust with herself.
“That’s not your decision to make, Buffy Summers,” Willow snapped and turned away, walking toward the window. Shaking her head, she gritted her teeth and had to hold herself back from screaming.
“I know,” Buffy took tiny steps towards her. “I’m sorry. Please don’t turn away from me.”
Quickly spinning around, she faced the blonde again. She didn’t hide her tears, they had free reign of her cheeks.
“Will…” she wanted to comfort her friend, but she also wanted to kick herself in the head for being so stupid. Would her comfort even be welcomed?
“I can’t believe you never told me.” Willow’s tone was calmer now, not hard like before.
“I… I was trying to protect you,” Buffy admitted.
“You can’t always protect me, Buffy.” That statement was true. Living in Sunnydale, you could never predict what was going to happen next or whether there would be some vampire or demon hiding in the shadows, just waiting for you to make the wrong move. It was unpredictable.
“Right.” Nodding, the Slayer took another step closer. “Are you mad at me?”
The hacker stepped the rest of the way to her and embraced the other girl. As mad as she wanted to be with Buffy, she could see the good intentions in the act. “A little, but thank you for trying to watch my back. Just, next time, talk to me about it.” She squeezed her tightly before pulling away.
“I will,” Buffy promised. “What are you gonna do now?” she wondered, curiously.
“Have a talk with, Mom.” Sighing, the redhead blew out a frustrated breath, shaking her head from side to side. She still couldn’t fathom all of this happening to her. It was like something you watched in a movie, where it was all fiction. Made up. However, now it was true and happening to her.
“You want company?” Stepping to the side, letting her friend walk past her, as she headed for the stairs.
“Thanks, but I need to do this alone, Buffy. Besides, there are still a couple of hours of daylight left.” Willow paused her walk when she reached the top of the attic stairs.
“Okay. Call me later?” Buffy smiled.
“Sure. Thanks, Buffy, for everything.” She grabbed the blonde and gave her a bear hug.
“You’re welcome.” Buffy returned the embrace. As they pulled away, Willow shook her finger at her.
“Don’t ever do that again,” she was serious about the words, her voice held a certain warning. If there were ever a next time, she wouldn’t be as understanding.
Patting the other girl’s bicep with her palm, the hacker did smile at her.
Her features serious, determined, she nodded while saying, “I promise,” the blonde told her.
Pulling her hand back to her side, she started her trek down the stairs, the Slayer close behind. She wouldn’t actually be able to talk to her mother, but she had a few things to say to her anyway.
*****
When Buffy returned home, she directly went to the phone and dialed Angel’s number. She smiled when the call was answered.
“Gunn, I need you back here, later tonight…” the vampire finished his sentence, then turned his attention to the phone and the person on the other end. “Hello?”
“Angel?” the Slayer asked, tentatively.
“Yeah. Buffy, is that you?” He pulled the chair out from under the desk and sat down.
“It’s me. How are you?”
“You know me. How’s Willow?” Angel frowned. He had been shocked to hear the news of her mother’s death.
“She’s okay. That’s actually why I’m calling.” She paused momentarily, taking a deep breath. “I need to speak to, Tara.”
*****
Willow looked down at the freshly covered grave, studying the dirt. There were several floral arrangements surrounding the earth. All were placed in a uniform fashion around the dirt mound.
Glancing back at the gravel path a few feet away, she looked to make sure that no one was trying to get around her car. The path was empty, so she turned back.
A slight breeze blew through her hair and whipped across her face. “Mom,” she whispered to the air and eyed the temporary grave marker. It wouldn’t be long before it was replaced with a granite head stone.
“Why did you do it? I’m so pissed at you right now.” Willow spoke to the air surrounding her. “You know how much she meant to me; means to me, still.”
Kneeling down, she dusted some stray dirt off the top of the temporary marker. “I just don’t understand, Mom.”
She stood back up, pulling the back of her shirt down. “I don’t know why you did it, but…I guess I forgive you. I just wish you had said something. I would do anything to go back in time to when that first letter arrived.”
The redhead pulled a hair tie from her pocket and reaching up, she gathered the red locks and tied them into a lazy ponytail.
Closing her eyes, Willow sighed; a whimper escaped from the back of her throat. “I would give anything just to see her one more time; anything, Mom. If you can make that happen from where you are, then I would be forever grateful.”
A few seconds after the words left her lips, she heard a car door shut. What she felt next, she hadn’t felt in years. She knew that feeling and it made her heart start to pound in her chest.
Her palms became sweaty and her stomach started to turn. Turning around, she searched the Cemetery.
Two feet away, parked behind her car, was a new arrival. The woman, the cars driver, stood; she was leaning against her vehicle on the passenger side, a bouquet of flowers in her hands.
She looked back at Willow, keeping her eyes trained on the eyes of the other girl’s, and slowly started to walk towards her.
The hacker’s mouth fell open and she was stood, frozen in place. When the feeling finally returned to her lips, she spoke the name of the woman she never thought she would ever see again.
“Tara.”
*****
Buffy started to panic and she gripped the counter in the kitchen, until her knuckles turned white. “She did what?”
“You heard me,” Angel replied. He thought this news might come as a shock to the blonde.
“I have to go, Angel. Thanks for telling me.” She hung up the phone before the other party could even respond.
Clicking the talk button on again, she hit the number one for speed dial and waited until the machine greeted her.
“Hi, this is Willow. I can’t answer your call right now, but leave me your name, number, and message and I’ll get back to you. Thanks.”
After the three beeps sounded and she was prompted to start her message, she breathily spoke. “Will, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get in; it’s important. It’s about, Tara. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye.”
She rested the phone back in its cradle and tried to mentally plan how she was going to tell her best friend the news.
*****
TBC…
Questions? Comments?
Jen
* * * * * * * * * *
"Oh, good lord, it's Willow-resolve-face... junior!" ~ Buffy from, Milestones: Chapter 15," by Lisa Countryman
"Master gave Dobby a sock. Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby... is free." ~ Dobby the House Elf
"There is no Hogwarts without you, Hagrid." ~ Harry from, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets."
Edited by: Jennpurr at: 12/17/02 7:20:35 am
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That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Can you wait for the next update? It'll be up soon, promise. 
Hey, sweetie! 
Where'd those come from??? Bouncing (
