Disclaimer and summary in part 1
When things remained still, stagnated for the better part of its shelf life, the only way to note the passage of time is through the movement of shadows. The trees cast their shade southwest, creating a delicate balance in the college quad while Willow and Tara’s relationship sat unmoving… only teeter tottering towards the sunny side of the street once in a while.
“Hey, that girl in psych has been checking you out the last couple of weeks.”
“Someone’s checking me out? You serious?” Willow was too caught up in her disbelief to notice Tara’s faraway look. She would have noted that it crept out of nowhere.
“Yeah. 3rd row from the front, center… brunette with glasses. Guess she fancies cute redheads.” Tara ended with a playful grin.
“Right. Make fun of the tiny redheaded lesbian who’s never been on a date.”
“Will, what’re you talking about? I wasn’t making fun… “
“That girl you’re talking about is the Cordelia Chase of UC Sunnydale. She’s like everybody’s crush… the queen bee of the drones. People are always following her around. To Xander, she could be Helen of Troy whose face launched a thousand ships. So, no way could Ms. Queen Bee Helen of Troy be checking me out unless I’ve sprouted a new head in the last 2 hours. I should look in the mirror, maybe I’d be crushing on myself then.”
“S-so if you had a chance with her, you’d t-totally g-go for it?” Tara’s eyes swiveled from left to right as she said this. It was strange sometimes, the way she felt so possessive of Willow. Best friends were supposed to support each other, but she could never bring herself to help Willow with her romantic endeavors. It just seemed wrong. It was horrible of her, she knew, but something always stopped her. Now here it was, the chance to fix that. She could help Willow with Shelley and…
and then what? Then I’d be happy for her if things worked out. I swear I would.
Willow took the question seriously. She studied it from all angles and tackled it like a mathematical problem. Logic oozed from her pores as she analytically decided. On the one hand, this girl was hot… she was a hot mamayama and wouldn’t it be good to have a supermodel girlfriend draped on my arm as I walk the halls of UC Sunnydale? Gone will be the taunts, the jeers and it could prove therapeutic for all the stupid stuff I went through in high school. Yes, that was the selfish pathetic hand. On the other hand, there was Tara. Nothing would ever come of it, but she’s there, a constant in my life. My anchor, my strength, my everything. I can’t give up when I haven’t even started anything.
That would be her lot in life… to always love Tara from where she stood 2 feet away. Never close enough. She read a story somewhere about this guy who fell in love with an opera singer while sitting in the audience. He loved her, but she loved her husband. So it continued for years until the opera singer’s husband died and still she loved him. The guy from the audience continued to love her until the end of his life and still she loved her husband. I will always love her and she’ll always be elusive. I’ll die loving her and no one else. And suddenly, everything was so clear and sadness enveloped her answer. “No.”
That took Tara aback. “Why not?” It was incredulous to think there was a logical reason behind Willow’s dismissal of Shelley. Maybe she’s not really gay. And her heart pounded in her chest as an undercurrent to that thought.
“I’m in love with –“ The muttered words were barely audible.
“Tara! Hey, Tara! Wait up!” And with that, Willow’s almost admission was banished from this plane of existence, buried deep in the grave of silent yearning yet again.
Tara frowned at Willow’s retreat. “Brian. Hi.” Her eyes glanced once at the newcomer before settling back at Willow’s dejected form.
Willow was turning pale standing right there. What the hell was I about to say??? Willow’s brow knitted, frown lines deepened as she chastised herself.
“Hey Tara, there’s a party at our fraternity tonight. Would you like to come? I mean, I’d be there.” All in all, with the winning smile, it was a generous invitation.
Tara’s hand found its way to Willow’s, her fingers intertwining gently. The redhead was about to bolt and this was her subtle way of asking her to stay. “I’m sorry Brian, I’ve got midterms coming. I’ll be studying with Willow.”
“She can come too.” came the generous voice again.
“We really have to study. Thanks though.” Tara sidestepped the large man and brought Willow’s hand along with her. Thankfully, the redhead’s body followed willingly.
“Tara, why do you do that?” Willow’s voice was confused, flimsy in the building rage of the winds around them.
“Do what?” Tara turned wondering where Willow’s inner babble had taken her this time.
“Why do you always turn them down?” Willow was genuinely confused. Brian’s smart, sweet and a million times more pleasing to the eyes than silly ol’ me. I bet he won’t be caught dead in a fuzzy pink sweater, even if he was the fuzzy sweater kinda guy… which he wasn’t. Fuzzy sweaters always remind me of Tara’s velvety hugs… warm and comforting… always making my heart pound faster – uhm, not the sweater.
Once the words in her head quieted down a bit, she realized Tara hadn’t answered the question. “So… why do you always turn them down?” She repeated unwilling to let the subject go.
“Why do you never date?”
The beginnings of a grin lifted the somber features of the hacker. “It’s simple really. I won’t get to spend as much time with my best friend and I’d really miss her.” Her green eyes were twinkling mischievously by the end of it. She’d divulged a lot without revealing too much.
Me too.
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DarkWiccan is an amazing writer, I'm not half as good as she is, but this is a story I felt compelled to write.
and 
to the forever kinda love. 
Thanks again for gracing this thread with your presence oh goddess of 
so keep on cause now i need more, so much more 
at: 1/24/03 3:19:48 pm
hehe. soon.