Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, locations, or related material of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to Joss Whedon and co.
Rating: NC-17 for violence, language, sexual content, and adult themes.
Spoilers: Anything from season 1-6
Summary: Willow grieves her loss and tries to come to terms with her actions after 'Grave'. Giles decides to stay for a while and organise Tara's funeral whilst Xander and Anya have a much-needed talk. Whilst all this is happening, Buffy and Dawn discover a new threat. A very personal threat.
Shadows of Life
Written by
Caroline Tremble
Chapter 1
The bedroom of Buffy Summers was dark and gloomy, suiting the mood of the petite figure crawled into a foetal position on the bed. The redhead's body shook with sobs as she hugged a pillow tightly to her chest. She wished the darkness could push away the terrible reality of life but it always hovered over her, never giving her one moment of peace. She did not even try to wipe her tear stained face, knowing the old tears would soon be replaced by new ones. Willow was sure she hadn't stopped crying since her escape from dark magic a few days ago. A part of her wanted to go back to that unfeeling darkness, where she held no remorse and better still, no grief. A very large part of her yearned for the power to end it all but she knew she would hurt all those who cared for her if she did so. That alone was enough to stop her from giving in to temptation.
Willow rolled over slowly, hardly having the energy for the small amount of movement. She still held the pillow against her, drawing as much comfort as she could from it. She couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't face the world. All she could do was cry and mourn her lost love.
Tara. Oh, how she missed the blonde witch. Every part of her being ached for Tara but she was not coming back. No matter how strong Willow was, she couldn't bring her back, and that made the redhead feel even worse. To have so much power but not be able to save the ones you love; what is the point? Guilty thoughts flooded her mind. This is all my fault, I just know it. If I hadn't dabbled in the Black Magics then maybe Tara would still be here. This is my punishment. A new wave of sobs wracked her body and she felt as though she would vomit. Her mouth was dry and she felt dehydrated. Sharp pains stabbed at her stomach but she felt oddly comforted by it. It let her know she was still alive. Do I really want to be alive? Without my Tara?
A soft tapping at the door interrupted her thoughts but she remained silent. She certainly did not want any company. The tapping became more urgent and the door opened slightly, the head of her best friend popping through the crack.
Buffy's face was full of concern and compassion. It tore at her heart to see her friend in so much pain and it hurt knowing she couldn't ease that suffering.
"Hey." Buffy's greeting came out almost as a whisper. She slipped past the door and closed it quietly behind her, not approaching the bed.
Willow still did not acknowledge her presence. She just wished to be left alone, forever.
Buffy swallowed down her fears of disturbing Willow and walked over to the side of the bed, sitting down and looking at her friend. She looked terrible; dark rings circled her bloodshot eyes and she was extremely pale, even for Willow. She reached out a hand to stroke the redhead's dishevelled hair but Willow flinched away and turned over, facing her back to the Slayer.
Buffy sighed and placed her hand back in her lap. "You can't go on like this, Will."
Willow sat up abruptly, her head snapping round so she could look the Slayer in the eyes. Buffy could see only pain and anger in them.
"Why not?" She spat.
"It's not good for you. You'll just make yourself ill and then you'll feel even worse." Buffy tried to reason with her friend.
Willow let out a disgusted laugh. "Good, I deserve it!" Tears began to well up in her eyes once again and she tried to fight them.
The blonde Slayer could feel a lump rising in her throat and her eyes stung. She took a few deep breaths. "No you don't, Will. Please, I hate seeing you like this. Just come downstairs and try to eat something." She was almost begging now.
Many things were troubling the Slayer but she decided not to tell Willow about her encounter in the cemetery. She doubted the redhead could take any more bad news in her fragile condition, or that she even cared.
Willow lowered her eyes and let the tears fall. Guilt flooded her again. Everything I do hurts the people I love. She felt strong arms wrap around her shoulders but she didn't fight them. She fell into the embrace and let out the pent up grief. Even when she was alone she didn't let herself feel it completely. It was too much, too much pain. With Buffy there, it seemed as though she absorbed some of that pain and it was comforting.
"I can't do it, Buffy." She managed to say in between sobs.
The Slayer stroked Willow's hair and held her close. "What can't you do?"
Willow pulled back and looked into Buffy's eyes. The blonde's heart broke when she saw the grief in the green pools. "Tomorrow, I can't face it."
Buffy was momentarily confused but it soon dawned on her what was happening tomorrow. They would bury Tara tomorrow. She couldn't think of anything to say. She was going to have a difficult enough time keeping herself together and she dreaded to think how Willow was going to handle it.
"We'll face it together." She said simply. She reached down and squeezed Willow's hand. This seemed to relieve Willow slightly and the redhead nodded.
"Together." She echoed.
*
Anya paced at the entrance to the cemetery. She didn't want to enter as that meant she'd have to face the fact that one of her friends was being buried today. She purged the thought from her mind and glanced up and down the street. She wished she hadn't arrived so early but she had been so uneasy all morning that she had to take a walk. Unfortunately, the walk had led her here. She noticed a car pull up but she didn't recognise it so she turned away, staring into the cemetery. She wondered how everyone would act. She wasn't quite sure how to act; whether she should be strong, cry, or pretend she did this sort of thing all the time. Humans could be so strange sometimes and annoyingly unpredictable. She guessed that Dawn would weep the entire time whilst Giles would keep a stiff upper lip. She didn't want to think of how Willow would react to seeing the lifeless body of her girlfriend.
"You early too?" A familiar voice came from behind her and she froze. She knew it was Xander who had spoken those words, the same Xander who had left her standing at the altar, the same Xander who she hated for that, the same Xander that had saved the world by talking to Willow.
Anya turned slowly, shifting uncomfortably as she came face to face with her ex-fiancé. "Uh, yeah." Was all she could say. She noticed Giles behind Xander. He was locking the car that had just pulled up at the curb. It was obviously a rental. He walked over, sorrow written all over his face.
"How are you Anya?" he asked, slightly distracted.
The vengeance demon smiled at him. "I'm feeling sad and I have to say I'm not liking this emotion. I've felt too much of it lately and I just want it to stop."
Her words hit Xander like a blow to the face and he visibly winced. He decided now was not the best time to engage in conversation with Anya and walked through the gates to the cemetery.
"Did I say something wrong?" Anya muttered, not noticing the increasingly saddening look on the Englishman's face.
"The, uh, burial ceremony starts in half an hour. I suggest we speak to the minister before anyone else arrives so I can check everything is in order." Giles explained.
He followed Xander into the cemetery and Anya just looked on as she was left alone. She's dead, what could possibly go wrong? It's not like she's going to get up and walk away. No matter how much I wish she would. Anya chastised herself for using the doomed words that the Scoobies never used. Tempting fate was a very bad thing to do on the Hellmouth. Not that she was a part of the team anymore, she thought sadly.
*
The rain fell lightly yet seemed to soak everything as it did in a torrential downpour. It fell upon the faces of mourners who gathered around a sheltered coffin, blending in with the tears. The minister had just finished his blessing to the dead girl's spirit and he now waited for the deceased's friends and family to pay their respects. A small canopy had been erected to protect the casket from the drizzle.
Buffy stood beside the coffin, an arm draped around her younger sister. Dawn whimpered as fresh tears ran down her face and Buffy could feel her own warm streaks make their way down her cheeks. She looked around quickly, glancing at people as they stood solemnly. Xander stood silently beside Giles and she could tell both men were having problems keeping their emotions in check. Anya stood beside Dawn, her head bowed, and her hair covering her sorrowful features. Buffy could not see Willow. The redhead had seemed alright earlier when they were ready to leave the house. She hadn't cried all morning, she had managed to hold a conversation with Buffy and she had even eaten a small breakfast before she left. The Slayer had been relieved and even dared to believe the petite witch was beginning to get over the initial trauma. She now doubted that assumption and she was becoming increasingly worried at her best friend's absence. Willow wouldn't miss the funeral; no matter how much pain it caused her, would she?
The Slayer's attention was brought back to the coffin as she felt Dawn pulling forward and out of Buffy's embrace. Buffy moved forward with her and looked down at the lifeless form of her friend. Tara looked so beautiful and peaceful. At least she's in a better place, Buffy thought.
"It's not fair." Dawn sobbed, not daring to touch the casket.
Buffy wrapped her arms around her sister once more. "I know it's not, Dawnie, but it will be alright. I promise." She hoped her words sounded convincing but something deep down inside her made her believe everything would be all right.
She pulled Dawn away from Tara's coffin and led her a few metres away, waiting for the others to pay their respects.
Giles walked slowly towards Tara and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. When he opened them again, he gazed down upon the beautiful Wiccan.
"I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, Tara." He took another deep breath as a flood of emotion overcame him. He walked away quickly so he could instil some self-control.
Anya shuffled forward, her head still bowed. Her shoulders shook from her sobbing and she tried to get some words out. "I wish there was a man I could torture eternally for this." She sniffled. "But you wouldn't like that, would you? I'll never forget you." She held her hands to her face as she finished the sentence. She felt familiar arms around her and she fought the impulse to pull away. Xander was providing her with much needed comfort and she wasn't going to complain. Well, not just yet anyway.
Buffy watched the pair come over and join her, Dawn and Giles.
"Uh, where's Will?" Asked Xander looking around frantically for his best friend, his arm still around his ex-fiancée.
*
Willow watched as her friends huddled protectively together. She leant against an old, large, and very crooked oak tree, her arms pulled tightly around herself. Her auburn tresses stuck to her head and face from the rain and she felt chilled to the bone. Her green eyes fixed upon the deep brown of the coffin ahead of her. She hadn't had the courage to join her friends during the minister's sermon. She watched as a few other people went up to the coffin and mumbled a few words. They were probably some of Tara's friends from college. Willow didn't pay any attention to them; she could only focus on the shiny wooden casket that seemed to be pulling her towards it. She wanted to see Tara one last time but she didn't know if she could withstand seeing her like that. Willow had done such a good job of holding herself together and she didn't want to fall apart now.
Without really realising it, her feet were taking her forwards. She saw her friends staring at her from her peripheral vision but she didn't turn towards them. Time seemed to elapse extremely slowly and her eyes fixed on the open head of the coffin. The first thing she saw was wisps of beautiful, soft, blonde hair. Willow used to love running her hands through the light strands. She moved ever closer and her knees almost buckled once she saw the face of the woman she loved with her whole being. It almost looked as if Tara was sleeping. A deep, dreamless, peaceful sleep. Willow clung to the side of the casket to steady herself, drips of rainwater dripping onto the wood from her hair and face.
She reached out with a shaky hand and caressed the cold cheek of her former lover. Former. The word stuck in Willow's mind, as did the coldness in her hand. No, she will be my love forever. How can I ever love another? She felt anger rising up inside her but one look at the blonde-haired woman in front of her and it faded. Tara always had that effect on her. "Even in death." She muttered. She traced a finger over the blonde's full lips and without thinking, pushed her own lips to them. She had always been drawn to those deliciously soft lips. It was one of the many things she had loved about her girlfriend.
Willow leant heavily on the casket, feeling suddenly drained. She hung her head, her eyes never leaving Tara's face. She could feel the first stings of tears and she let out a heart-wrenching sob.
"Why?" she called out, her head snapping upwards to the heavens.
She was oblivious to what was going on around her but she had the feeling people were moving towards her. Maybe the minister was coming to tear her away from the woman she loved. She let a few whimpers escape her throat as she cried heavily.
"I knew this would happen." A menacing male voice broke through her grief. She turned, seeing who had spoken the words and her stomach almost emptied its contents. A wiry man stood looking at her with a superior look plastered across his face. She recognised him as Tara's father and beside him stood his scruffy son, Donny. Rage bubbled up inside Willow like lava inside an active volcano, ready to erupt.
"Nothing but evil could happen to that girl and it's all your fault!" He continued his tirade, motioning towards Willow and her friends.
Hot tears streamed down the redhead's face. "How dare you! That girl was your daughter and she was the gentlest woman I've ever known." Willow managed, her anger providing her with much needed strength.
Tara's father stepped forward and Willow noticed Buffy and Xander moving towards her as well. The menacing man sneered at her. "You corrupted her, you little satanic freak. She would still be alive and safe at home if it weren't for you." His words were focused on Willow now.
Willow couldn't stand his sneering face anymore. She launched herself forward and lashed out with her right hand, connecting with his jaw. His head snapped to the right and he fell backwards, sprawling out into the mud. He looked pathetic, writhing around in the rain soaked soil, trying to get up, his eyes wide with shock.
Donny moved forward, almost slipping on the wet ground and grabbed Willow by her jacket, pulling her close to his face. "I'm gonna make you pay for that, bitch!"
Willow stared blankly at him, unable to feel anything anymore. She felt completely numb, emotionally and physically.
"You'd better let her go or you're going to wish you'd never been born." Came the familiar voice of Buffy.
Donny peered over Willow's shoulder at her. He smirked. "Oh really?" He rammed his fist into the redhead's stomach and flung her aside. She gasped for air as she landed awkwardly on the ground.
"You get off on that don't you? Beating up girls. Care to try with me?" Buffy taunted him.
He didn't need much persuasion though as he sneered and lunged at her. She sidestepped him easily and stood with her hands on her hips as he turned around, his face becoming red. He swiped at her with both arms and she caught both easily, holding them out at his sides. He stared angrily at her, attempting to pull free.
"This is for Willow." She uttered as she brought a knee into his groin. He doubled over and it looked as though his eyes would pop out of his head. Buffy let his arms go as he dropped to his knees. Buffy sensed someone behind her and she reacted instantly, grabbing an arm that was aimed for her head. It belonged to Tara's father. He stood motionless for a moment, caught by surprise.
"And this is for Tara." Buffy said as she swung the older man around and sent him crashing into his son. This time, he didn't bother trying to get up again.
Buffy rushed to her best friend's side as Xander was helping her up.
"Are you okay, Will?" he asked with concern.
She nodded, staring at the two men who had disrupted the saddest moment of her life. "Bastards." She muttered before moving towards the casket again, where the minister stood in shock.
She leant forward over the coffin and laid a hand on Tara's forehead, touching the lifeless skin. She pressed her lips against the blonde's mouth for the last time and pulled back. "Goodbye, my love. I will be with you again." With those final words, she left.
Buffy watched as the redhead walked away, one arm pulled tightly against her stomach. Tears fell down the Slayer's cheeks.
*
The next day, Xander sat on the sofa in his apartment, a can of beer in one hand. He leant backwards and shut his eyes. The reception after the funeral had been full of tension. The unexpected appearance of the Maclay family had put everyone on edge and he still didn't feel comfortable around Anya. Luckily, Donny and his father didn't turn up at the reception at the Summers' home. Willow had disappeared upstairs and when Xander had gone to check on her, he found that she wasn't in Buffy's bedroom. He had walked down the corridor to the room she had shared with Tara and found the door slightly ajar. He had peeked in, feeling guilty at intruding on her privacy, and saw Willow curled up on the floor beside the bed holding a little crystal in her hand. He had ducked out of the room before she noticed and decided that she probably wanted to be left alone. He had then gone downstairs and noticed Anya standing alone, staring blankly at a glass of wine she held in her hand. He went up to her cautiously and had asked her what she was thinking. She had seemed a little surprised at him talking to her but answered anyway, saying how she thought everything was screwed up and just when you think you have something good, you lose it. The words had held a double meaning and Xander picked up on this. He had said in a very small voice how sorry he was and he wished it had been different, before walking away.
Now, he sat alone, moping. A knock at the door broke him out of his self-pity induced trance. He put the can down and hauled himself out of the seat, walking slowly towards the door. When he opened it, he almost jumped back in shock. Anya stood there, a thick coat wrapped around her.
"Um... hi." She said, looking extremely nervous and uncomfortable.
Xander just stood there, staring at her.
Anya folded her arms across her chest irritably. "Can I come in then or are you just going to stare at me all day?"
Xander blushed slightly and stood aside so she could enter. Normally he would just tell her to go away but today he felt different, he needed her in the same room as him, to comfort him. Sadly, often grief and loss brought people together. He walked to the sofa and motioned for her to sit on a nearby chair.
He plonked himself down on the sofa and studied the floor.
"Aren't you going to say anything, Xander?" Anya seemed unsure of herself.
Xander looked up and into his ex-lover's eyes. "What do you want me to say? I've already said sorry so many times and I don't think you have it in you to forgive me." He said sadly.
His words stung Anya but she didn't give him a scathing remark. They had both done things to hurt each other. However, if Xander hadn't left her stranded on their wedding day then none of this would have happened. Anger rose up at the thought but she fought it down again.
"Why are you here anyway?" he asked, as if the fact had only just dawned on him.
Anya paused; she wasn't quite sure why she had come. Whether it was to scold or comfort, she didn't know. The Scoobies had gone through too much hurt recently and she decided starting another argument with Xander just wasn't wise. He needed friendship and support and Anya desperately wanted to give that to him, though part of her wanted to see him suffer also. She hated how torn she was. Even though she was a vengeance demon again, she still had human shortcomings. It was extremely frustrating.
"I came to... to see if you were alright." She forced the words out and waited for the harsh reply to come.
It never came. "I'm not alright, An. I'll never be alright as long as you and I are apart." His eyes returned to the floor once again.
Anya had the urge to scoop him up in her arms but she resisted it. "I think I've spent enough time hating you for now, Xander. I'm ready to talk if you are." She looked at him intensely.
He looked up into her gaze, amazed at what he heard. He wondered if they could really work things out. After the incident with Anya and Spike, he wasn't sure if they could ever be together again but after days of loneliness and time to think, it became quickly apparent that he needed Anya. He let a small smile grace his face but before he could answer, the phone rang.
"Damn it." He cursed under his breath. He stood up and picked up the receiver.
"Hello?" he said irritably. It was Giles.
"What's up G-man?" After an annoyed response to the term, the Englishman explained that Buffy had information on a new entity in town and that they were holding a meeting.
"Oh great... I'll be there shortly." Xander put down the receiver and looked apologetically over at Anya.
"Looks like a new evil's in town or something. We're having a meeting, I need to go." He explained.
"Oh." Was all Anya could say. She stood and headed for the door.
"Why don't you come with me? You could help. I mean, you are the resident expert on demons and..." he hesitated but Anya turned to look at him. "... I still consider you part of the Scooby Gang." He smiled hopefully.
A grin broke out on Anya's face and she nodded enthusiastically. "Ok then." She grabbed Xander's jacket and threw it at him across the room before tearing the door open. "Let's go."
Xander held back a laugh. It looked like things might just be getting better.
*
Giles paced back and forth in Buffy's living room, his hand clasped firmly behind his back. He looked over at Buffy who was sitting in between Dawn and Xander on the sofa whilst Anya sat on a chair behind Giles. He had decided to wait until Xander and Anya arrived to impart Buffy's information of her encounter in the cemetery.
"Who was this man you encountered?" Giles asked Buffy. He hadn't been able to get much information out of Buffy previously.
"He was wearing a bath robe with a little ape thing on it and I think he said his name was Spot, lord of the ring or something." Buffy informed them.
Dawn giggled and Giles frowned. "Not Spot, silly. His name was Thot and it was lord of the reed pen."
"Oh dear." Giles said as Anya's face went ashen.
"What?" Buffy asked looking at her friends. Dawn and Xander's expressions were as blank as hers.
"Thot, the Egyptian lunar god of wisdom and justice. He is sometimes represented by a baboon or ibis and was credited with creating the written word." Giles explained.
"Great, now we have a godly nerd in our town." Xander remarked.
"Not god." Anya said suddenly, her skin colour returning to normal. "A demon of the messenger variety. He never meddles in human affairs though and hardly appears in most realms so his powers are unknown. He is rumoured to be extremely powerful though."
Giles ran a hand through his hair. This was puzzling. "Why would he show himself? What is his reason for being here?" He spoke mainly to himself.
"Well he said something about the prophecy of the gods and an evil from the east." Buffy shrugged.
"Prophecy? What prophecy?" Anya inquired, leaning forward with curiosity.
Buffy shrugged again. "He was being all cryptic and spooky. It was really annoying."
Giles took a deep breath. They needed to find out what this evil was and what the prophecy entailed. "We need to find out more about this but as we don't have many research materials left due to that... incident at the Magic Box, we'll have to make do with what we've got." They had managed to save some of the books at the magic shop and stored them in Buffy's basement with some items and weapons.
Xander jumped up. "I'll get the books. Wanna help, An?" he said hopefully.
Anya stood and smiled, accompanying him out of the room.
Buffy looked over at Dawn who had a broad grin covering her features. "You think they made up?"
A smile crept its way onto the Slayer's face as well. "Maybe."
Giles sat on the chair previously occupied by Anya and rested his arms on his knees. He tried to recall what he had learned of the Ancient Egyptians and their religion.
Dawn stood and stretched. "I know! I'll go get Willow and she can help us by using her hacker skills." She beamed, believing she had thought of a brilliant idea.
Buffy grabbed Dawn's arm and stopped her before she could launch herself up the stairs. "I don't think Willow's feeling up to it, Dawnie."
Dawn seemed lost in thought. "It'll be good for her to get out of that room." She looked up the stairs. "Let me just go and talk to her, okay?"
Buffy released her hold on her sister and sighed. She conceded that Dawn was probably right. Dawn sprinted up the stairs and disappeared out of view.
Buffy looked over at Giles, noticing how tired he looked. He was still recovering from his injuries, which he had received from his encounter with Willow and he looked completely exhausted. More than likely from arranging the funeral.
"Maybe you should go lay down." She suggested, a warm smile on her lips.
Giles continued frowning. "I don't think that's wise. We have much work to do if we are going to find out what this new threat is."
"And you think we can't manage without you for a few hours. Look, Giles, we had to do research and fight nasties whilst you were in England. I think we can find something out on our own. At least until you're rested." She gave him her best maternal look, mainly reserved for Dawn.
Giles let out a chuckle. "Of course, you're right." He stood and headed for the stairs. "Don't make any earth-shattering discoveries without me."
Buffy rolled her eyes and awaited her friends' return. Earth-shattering discoveries happen almost every day on the Hellmouth, she thought.
*
Dawn tapped lightly on the door to Willow's room and waited patiently. No answer came so she knocked harder, thinking the redhead hadn't heard her. Still no answer. She decided to take a risk and push open the door. She squeezed inside and closed the door behind her. The room was shrouded in darkness and a thick candle illuminated only one corner of the room. Dawn could make out the small frame of Willow huddled on the bed, clutching something to her chest.
"Willow." She whispered, not sure if the older woman was sleeping or not.
The redhead stirred and rolled over, facing Dawn. Dull green peered up at her through half-closed eyelids and it looked as though Willow had just woken.
"Sorry if I woke you. Are you okay?" Dawn perched herself on the edge of the bed, noticing the crystal in Willow's hand. The stone shimmered slightly and the redhead held it tightly as if her life depended on her keeping it.
"This is the doll's eye crystal." Willow explained, following Dawn's gaze. "Tara gave it to me when we first..." her words trailed off as the pain of the memory became too much.
Dawn laid a hand on Willow's empty and smiled. "It's lovely."
Willow sniffled as she fought back tears. She had just woken from dreams filled of her lost love. They weren't bad dreams and the redhead preferred her sub-conscious reality to that of the real world. She realised that she was probably having these dreams now because she was sleeping in 'their' bed, where Tara's scent still lingered. She looked up at her best friend's sister, her friend. Dawn was transforming from girl to young woman more and more each day. She was sometimes more mature than some of the Scoobies and had an uncanny perception of what went on around her. The young woman now smiled down at Willow, her love shining through and warming the redhead.
"Hey... Did you want something, Dawnie?" Willow asked softly. She pulled herself into a sitting position and placed the crystal on the bedside table.
Dawn nodded, the smile never leaving her face. "The Scoobies kinda need your help on a little project downstairs."
Willow gave her a crooked expression. This peaked her curiosity. "What sort of project?"
Dawn stood up and backed away from the bed, grinning mysteriously. "You'll find out when you come down. We need your expertise though. If you feel up to it, I mean. I wouldn't want to presume..."
Willow held her hand up to stop the flood of speech. She smirked for the first time in what seemed like ages. "Let me freshen up and I'll be right down."
Dawn nodded enthusiastically and beamed as she left the room and padded down the stairs.
The redhead watched her go and her smile faded. She wasn't sure she had the energy to keep up appearances. It was a struggle to get through each day alone. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. My friends only want to help me. Now's a good a time as any to give them the chance. She sighed; hoping whatever task awaited her at the bottom of the stairs was enough to give her a little relief from the constant ache of her heart.
*
Anya sat on the sofa next to Buffy, huddled over a thick, leather-bound book. She scoured the pages for any clue to the elusive prophecy Thot had mentioned. She couldn't recall any such thing from her centuries of travel. She turned the old pages, flicking past pictures of ancient symbols and rituals.
Footsteps on the stairs grabbed her attention and the vengeance demon looked up to see Willow reach the bottom of the steps, clutching the banister tightly. She looked pale and the usual sparkle in her emerald eyes was gone but she looked better than she had in days. Definitely an improvement from the black-eyed, veiny Willow, Anya thought, shuddering from the recent memory. She wondered if anyone had confronted her about her relapse into the black arts but she suspected not. The Scoobies had a tendency to tiptoe around touchy subjects like that when it came to each other. Besides, everyone was glad to just have the old Willow back, even this shadow of the girl she used to be.
Willow smiled weakly at the group who were now all looking her way. She looked increasingly uncomfortable under their gaze and she shifted from foot to foot, uneasily.
"Hey." She made a motion with her hand that resembled a wave.
Buffy stood and rushed forward. "You feeling any better, Will?" She placed one hand on the redhead's back and the other under her arm, guiding her to the sofa.
Willow sat down and lowered her eyes to the carpet. "A bit. You needed me?"
Xander slipped his arm over Willow's shoulders and smiled warmly. "Course we do. We need your nerdy computer skills."
Willow glanced up at him, a questioning look in her eyes.
"We need you to try and find some info on Thot and is amazing techni-coloured prophecy." Xander joked. "Minus the techni-colour."
The redhead let out a small giggle and everyone suddenly let out the breath they'd been collectively holding. Willow noticed this and she realised they were treating her like a dangerous chemical, ready to explode at any moment if mixed with the wrong catalyst.
"Guys, you don't have to worry about me. Stop treating me like a victim. If I'm anything, I'm the villain." She looked each one of them in the eyes. "I hurt every one of you. How can you be so nice to me?" Tears stung her eyes but she blinked them away. The time for weeping was over. Now was the time to face her friends.
Buffy waved her hands in front of her and shook her head wildly. "No, no, no. You weren't yourself, Will. We all know that. We're just glad to have you back."
Xander nodded. It was one of his worst fears to lose his best friends. He didn't know what would become of him if they weren't around. He would be half the man. And that wouldn't really leave much of a man now would it? He thought.
"Vengeance is a strong emotion. It makes you do things you normally wouldn't. Sometimes it makes people creepy and scary. It changes you but we know you wouldn't do anything to hurt us now." Anya chirped in, attempting to alleviate the redhead's fears.
Dawn leant forward on the chair she occupied and caught Willow's gaze. "I know what you were feeling. I felt it too." She looked up at Buffy, uncertainly for a moment but she pushed forward. "I can't deny that I wouldn't have done the same. I wanted Warren to suffer... a lot!" She hung her head guiltily.
Willow continued staring at Dawn. "But you didn't act on it. I did! I killed someone and I could have killed you. The people I love!"
Buffy crouched down in front of Willow and placed a strong yet delicate hand on the redhead's shoulder. She wasn't sure if she was believing everything she and her friends were saying but it was important to tell Willow she was forgiven. She'd never be able to move on otherwise.
"But you didn't, Will. That's what matters. We're all still here and we still care about you. Very much. Let us help you... we can get through this together." She felt tears well up in her own eyes now.
Willow gazed into the Slayer's eyes for a long time before nodding. She closed her eyes and swallowed, trying to beat down all the fear and guilt that had built up.
"Uh... so... research?" Willow said timidly.
Anya and Dawn filled the redhead in on what had happened whilst Buffy and Xander went into the kitchen to fetch hot chocolate and cookies. It almost seemed like old times if it hadn't been for the sorrow looming over the group. Willow settled her laptop onto her lap and typed away at the keyboard whilst the others sifted through books.
Dawn abandoned her tome and leant over the back of the sofa, peering down at the laptop screen. Willow was sorting quickly through web pages, eliminating useless information. Apparently, there was a lot of useless information.
"You haven't lost your touch." She whispered in Willow's ear. The petite witch looked up and gave Dawn a warm smile before returning to her work. Dawn's heart almost burst; she hated seeing her friends sad and watching the smile creep across Willow's face made her immeasurably happy. She hoped it was going to be more of a regular occurrence.
"Whoa..." came Willow's quiet voice. Everyone turned to her. "I think I've got something here." She typed a few commands in on her keyboard.
Buffy and Xander huddled around as Anya leaned in closer. Willow glanced up at them before revealing what she had found. Her eyes held a mixture of emotions but mostly curiosity. Obviously, the task had taken her mind off things.
"There's a site here that is dedicated to Thot. It was in an Ancient Egyptian font but I translated it with my trusty software." Willow beamed. "It says..." she scrolled down the page. "The messenger god will only appear before the chosen few of the prophecy of Dendara." She looked up at Buffy.
Buffy shrugged. "What's Dendara... or who?"
Willow scanned the page and clicked on a link. "Apparently, Dendara held a Sokar-chapel which was keeper of the udjat-eye. Thot guarded this and the lunar cycle for which he was responsible." She went back to scanning the website.
"Seems this guy had a lot of responsibilities in his job description." Xander quipped.
Buffy gave him a disapproving look and focused on Willow again. "That isn't a lot of help, Will."
The hacker held up a hand. "Wait, it says something about the 'chosen few' here. 'When the plague spills from our lands, the chosen few will unite to bring cleansing fire and purge all lands of the disease. They will bear each form of creation and stand firm against evil. Spirit will unite with the physical. Darkness will merge with the light. All will fulfil the gods' will.' That's all there is." Willow shrugged, coming to the end of her source of information.
"Oh great. Cryptic much?" Buffy snorted.
"Actually, that is of much help to us." Everyone jumped as they heard Giles' voice. No one had noticed him come down the stairs. "We now know what the prophecy entails and how many are involved."
The Slayer blinked at him with a blank look etched upon her face.
"Spirit, physical, darkness and light. Four beings that represent each 'form of creation'. It seems that they must work together to defeat this evil from the east. Unfortunately, we don't know what form that comes in. Neither do we know who these chosen few are."
Buffy raised a hand into the hair, meekly. "Actually, we have one right here but which one am I? Physical right?" She didn't think she was spiritual in any way, nor did she think she represented light or darkness fully so that left her with what she did best. Getting down with the manual labour or just kicking the crap out of demons.
"Well done, child." The familiar empty voice of Thot echoed around the room. The Scoobies looked around the room frantically for the demon but couldn't see him anywhere. He didn't appear to be in the room.
"I do not require you to see me." The voice said simply.
"Who are you calling 'child', baboon boy?" Buffy snapped.
A faint laughing could be heard. "You are the Physical, Slayer. The prophecy has been endangered. Only three of four remain in this realm. Only two can uphold their destiny."
"Wh-what do you mean? I don't understand." Buffy shouted, frustration flooding her voice.
Giles placed a hand on her arm to silence her. "Who are the other three?"
There was silence and no one dared to breath.
"Spirit stands among you. He is one ruled by his heart, not his head nor his body." All eyes shot to Xander who stood, opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish.
"I... uh... there has to be some sort of mistake..." he began but the dominating voice cut in.
"Light has been extinguished and the Darkness is fading without Light. The prophecy cannot be fulfilled and this realm will be overrun by this plague of evil."
Everyone looked at one another in complete confusion. It was too much information at one time.
"But who is Darkness then?" Buffy asked, trying to make sense of it all. There was no answer. The voice was gone. "I hate it when they do that." She muttered.
"I am." Came Willow's shaky voice. She didn't want to believe that she represented something dark but the description fitted her and everything seemed to slip into place. She had succumbed to the black arts and almost destroyed the planet. That was enough bad vibes to make her qualify for the job of Darkness. In addition, she had lost all perspective since Tara died and she couldn't find the motivation to go on with life.
"Looks like Tara wasn't only my light." Willow said sadly.
END OF CHAPTER 1