Thanks so much for the feedback. I have the next chapter ready (Ch 6c) but I haven't had time to fully finish the first part of chapter 7 so I'm not sure if I should post it yet. Will probably do so as it completes Chapter 6. I also wanted to thank funkyasian who is really good and really fast so any hold up in the story is actually because of me .



Now on to replies



*mollyig* - Meddling for Dawn is bad but at least it's not as bad as stealing . I would have loved to hear that snigger. It probably sounded a bit like mine when I wrote the line. I really don't mind Xander all that much despite what the show has made him out to be. As for Tara's dad, yes...all will be revealed in the next part.



*Puff* - I am glad you like it. I just hope what I have finally written is not to far fetched!



*Grimaldi* - I do hope you're better. Take care.



*Thanatopsis* - See with everyone wondering about Tara's dad and what he'll say, I think I should just post the next part! Tara's dad will be truthful but Tara has other people she can rely on who will tell her the truth too...



*tommo* - thank you. It's nice to base some of it on canon and existing characterizations and then just write it my own way . And no, no one seems to like Tara's family all that much especially Donny...we'll see...

I am always very nervous about posting smut. There's just so much better quality stuff out there so it's seriously intimidating. But I feel that about the fic anyway. I really did think that Willow (despite really loving Tara) would have a problem with saying it. I always felt she would show it and allude to it more easily than to actually say it.



*xita* - I'm not sure if I should apologize for the angst or just write more of the scenes with the kisses and trust they have in each other for you . I guess both...



Thanks for reading.

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Spoiler Warning - It starts from Seeing Red and then completely veers off in all kinds of tangents. It covers both the Buffy and Angel universe for now.

Disclaimer - All characters, names and some dialogue etc belong to ME and Joss Whedon. However, due to improper usage and gross mishandling of characters and plot lines by aforementioned parties, it is with great pleasure that I (and all the other writers on the board) use them for the reading pleasure of kittens everywhere.

Rating - PG again

Feedback - Yes, feedback would be nice

Notes - I debated on whether to write the story this way. The initial idea was different but in the end, this made more sense, at least in my head. Hopefully, it makes sense in your head too. Funkyasian is a great beta and many thanks to her as well.



Title : I Dream of Thee



Chapter 6c





"You look like you have something on your mind." Gunn could see that Wesley had been pre-occupied with something ever since Tara's family had arrived.



"It may be nothing, but how do you feel about some reconnaissance?" Wesley wanted to confirm some of his suspicions but didn't want to alarm anyone just yet. They had dealt with a problem like this before and he just needed proof before going to Angel.



"Sure. You thinking of seeing what the Clampettes have got hidden in that their trailer." Gunn almost didn't make the joke but he figured that Wesley had watched enough of late night reruns to get it.



"Yes, my thought exactly, although I wouldn't have put it quite so colorfully." Wesley was glad that Gunn had not questioned him further. He didn't want to say anything until he could be sure. They slowly made their way out the back door and walked by the side of the house. It was mid afternoon and Wesley couldn't see anyone about. However, he was sure that both Beth and Donny were still in there as he had watched the trailer from the window since they retreated to it earlier in the afternoon.



As they neared the side of the trailer, Gunn could make out low but harsh voices. It seemed like the occupants were arguing about something. Gunn just wished that they'd be like normal folk and scream. That way he'd be able to hear what was going on. He wanted to ask Wesley if his hearing was any better but Wesley was trying to scoop up some kind of goop that was dripping from the rear of the trailer. 'Why does it always have to be goop!' Unlike Cordelia, Gunn didn't hate it because it messes up his clothes, he just didn't like the smell of the stuff. It was always the case that goop whether demon based or not smelled bad. The stuff at the end of Wesley's pen looked like it smelled really bad. "So what you got there?"



"I was afraid of this. This is plakthicine" Wesley looked worried. After all he had been through, it would take a big thing to make him worried and Gunn really wasn't sure if he wanted to know why.



"And that's a bad thing huh, huh."



"Quite. We need to find Angel. At least we've dealt with this before. I just hope it goes better this time." To be on the safe side, Wesley scrapped more of plakthicine onto a fallen leaf before retreating back to the house.





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"An Ethros demon? Are you sure?" Angel remembered what the last one was like. He had managed to kill it and in fact that wasn't the worst part. Seeing a soulless little boy who wasn't a vampire hit pretty close to home and Angel didn't like the reminder.



Wesley showed them the leaf and they all recoiled from the smell. "Yup, that's the demon poo alright." Cordelia just knew they were evil. Tara's family just looked too normal and that was always a big clue by four.



"So we know that there is a demon possession going on. Now how do we find out who it is?" Gunn asked.



"That's the easy part actually. Psylis Eucalipsis powder ingested by the demon's host cause the demon to manifest itself. And when it does, we can kill it, we're old hands at this, aren't we, Angel?" Like Angel, Wesley didn't have too fond memories of that particular adventure. He was proud that they had managed to solve the case but the words spewing forth from the demon child had hurt. He didn't like thinking of himself as a failure despite his father's poor opinion of him. He was a valuable part of the team and had proven time and again his worth. However, a small part of him would always be the little boy hungry for some form of fatherly approval he knows he would never receive.



"It always has to be a demon doesn't it. I mean do we just attract them or something. Is there a big sign on our behinds that say 'Come on over if you're a demon." Cordelia should have been used to it by now, she had been from Sunnydale and spent the last three years fighting side by side with Angel. However, she did have a point.





Tara had not known what to do when she ran away from her dad. The first thought in her head was to find Willow as Willow would save her. However, she didn't want to do that as she knew that if she was responsible for her own mother's death, there was nothing to guarantee that she wouldn't hurt Willow. In the end, she had sat in the park for an hour before walking back to the house. She wanted to talk to Angel and tell him of the new revelation. He had a demon inside of him as well and if he could live with it then perhaps she could learn to as well. She had not wanted to enter from the front as she could still see the camper parked on the lawn and she needed to avoid Donny. He was probably angry at her because she had killed their mother and she didn't blame him for it. Tara was relieved that the kitchen door was unlocked and she was about to call out when she heard Gunn's voice mentioning demon possession. Despite her secrecy, they had found out. Tara knew she should have told them her own suspicions about her demon from the beginning but she had been so afraid. They knew about it but from the discussion, they weren't sure who it was.



After hearing Cordelia's lament, she realized what she had to do. Wesley had said that Psylis Eucalipsis powder was needed. If she voluntarily ingested it, it would cause her demon to surface and they would be able to kill it. Tara knew that there was a possibility that she would not survive but it was imperative that the demon be killed. She could not afford to put Willow or anyone else in danger. It was the only way. So instead of going into the living room to tell the others, Tara left by the kitchen door and made her way to the Magic Box. The spell ingredients would be there and she also remembered that there were chains there as well. She would need to bind herself before ingesting the powder in order to contain her demon. She just hoped that the others would find her and kill it before too long.



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Willow was again getting frantic. She had walked around half of Sunnydale looking for Tara but had not even caught a glimpse of her love. She wracked her brain in order to come up with places she thought Tara might run to and decided to check all the parks and the nearby forest, as she knew that Tara loved open spaces. However, that had yielded absolutely nothing and it was getting late. The only other place Willow could think of was the Magic Box. Tara didn't like practicing magic all that much but she did like being surrounded by the magical and the arcane. It was worth a try and Willow set off.



It surprised Tara that she had become so familiar with everything in Sunnydale, that she could take a short cut to the Magic Box and remember the security combination of the back door. Anya had given it to her a few weeks ago in order to entice her into working at the shop. The ex-demon had boldly stated that it was an incentive as the training room could be quite the romantic place with the right candles burning. Naturally, the candles were not free but as an employee, Tara would be entitled to a 50% discount. Willow who had been standing nearby couldn't wipe the huge grin from her face that Tara took the piece of paper Anya was holding and memorized the numbers immediately. She just wished that her usage of it now had nothing to do with her demon but instead was a ploy to seduce Willow, but that was not the case. She reached for the light switch in the room and was glad when the lights came on. She could see the chains in the corner and tried to put them out of her mind currently. She remembered the chains that she was forced to wear in Pylea and Cordelia's voice telling her she never had to wear chains again. She knew that if Cordelia learnt her secret, the seer would most definitely recant her words and probably place the chains on Tara herself. So she steeled herself to the inevitable and went looking for the ingredients she would need. If what she remembered was correct, ingesting Psylis Eucalipsis powder would have an immediate and very painful effect on her and the demon.



Tara wished that the time taken to prepare the potion was not so short. Ingesting the clear liquid in the bottle would proof once and for all that she never deserved to come back. Tara thought that her heart had already been broken when she ran away from her father knowing that she could never be with Willow anymore. However, putting on the wrist cuffs and chaining herself to the wall brought back such bad memories of Pylea and comparing that to the time she spent with Willow was almost unbearable. But she would not ever wish not to have experienced the time with Willow. She was so intent on putting the cuffs on, securing herself and ensuring that the potion was still within reach that her Willow-sense never picked up on the redhead until she heard the small gasp. Tara was almost too afraid to look up. She knew that she could go through with the test if all she had were memories of Willow, it would hurt but she had been hurt in worst ways. However, if Willow was there in the flesh, that would mean that she would see Tara's true form for herself and Tara didn't know if she could survive the distress of Willow finding out and seeing the hurt and disappointment etched on her beautiful face.



"Tara…" Willow couldn't comprehend the scene before her. Tara had chained herself to the training room wall and had a potion of some kind nearby. Through her conversations with Cordelia and Angel and after witnessing Tara's waking nightmare, Willow knew that her life had consisted of being chained and beaten in Pylea. She had cried for Tara then and wished that she could have born the burden for her. She did vow that as long as she lived, she would never see Tara in chains or hurt. It was a promise that she took most seriously and she was intent to keep it, always. Seeing Tara in chains before her made her physically sick and she could feel the bile at the back of her throat. "Baby, please…talk to me."



It was such a beautiful and clear voice saying the words that she needed to hear, but Tara knew what she needed to do. So she still didn't look at Willow or heed her heart-wrenching plea.



"I…I thought we'd discuss something like bondage before trying it…" Willow knew it was a lame attempt at getting Tara's attention but at least the blonde had stopped reaching for the clear potion, her hand just suspended there as she took in Willow's words. Tara looked up then and Willow braced herself. The utter look of desolation and despair on Tara's face could have forced her on her knees if she had not been prepared.



"I'm u-used to them…the chains." Tara's soft reply came as she looked back down at her hands.



"No!" Willow could feel her resolve crumble and hot prickling tears form in her eyes. "Never, baby, I'd die first before you ever have to wear them again." The words tumbled out as Willow walked closer to Tara. "You never deserved them in the first place and please…please don't do this. We'll work this through, I just need to know what's going on." Her voice thick with tears and full of love just had to get through to Tara. Willow gently reached out wanting to touch Tara's trembling hands but the blonde immediately snatched them away and cowered further against the wall, stopping Willow's further advancement.



"In..In all my life, I have never loved or felt so much love, ever. You showed me that unconditional love exists and enduring five years of hell in Pylea to get to this point was worth it just to meet you-"



"Then why?" Willow cut in, hoping that if she kept Tara talking, she'd be able to get the damn chains off.



"M-m-my family's here. And I f-f-finally know what I am. Willow, I can't be with you. I'm a demon and I…I killed my own mother."



"What? No! You're not a demon." It was incomprehensible. Tara thought that she was a demon but it was inconceivable.



"Yes, I am." Tara didn't stress the words. There was no need to convince Willow of something that she could feel deep down. It was something that her father had already confirmed. "I need to do this." Tara picked up the potion then. "It'll prove it to you."



"Tara, please, you're not a demon. And I don't need any proof. I know it in my heart and I can feel it in my soul. I don't need proof to know that I love you and you're not a demon." Willow wasn't sure if Tara was really listening to her. She still held the small glass container in her hand and had not made eye contact.



"I love you." Willow took the final two steps that brought her to Tara and was glad to see Tara not cowering from her presence. "I love you." She stated again as she slowly bent down, taking Tara's hands in her own. "I love you." She said through her tears as she slowly began to unlock the cuffs, crying over the red chaff marks that had been imprinted on Tara's pale skin and over the false premise that had caused Tara to take such drastic actions in the first place. "Do you hear me, Tara Maclay, I love you."



Tara dropped the potion onto the mat then she could feel Willow's strong arms encircle her and she sank into their protective embrace. Willow loved her and didn't believe she was a demon, no matter what she had said or how she had acted, Willow's complete faith in her left her speechless. She had never encountered anything like it. The love and trust that Willow was showing her convinced her that Willow could see what was in her and whatever it was, it wasn't demonic. She cried then, not tears of anger or shame but tears of relief that despite being so lost, Willow had found her and accepted who she was.



Willow wrapped her arms around Tara as tightly as she dared to. She had come so close to losing the blonde and that scared her and she needed to reassure herself that Tara was still there. She didn't know how long she held on to Tara or who between them was receiving the comfort and who was giving it. She could hear low voices coming from the front of the shop but didn't want to move from her current position. So she waited for them to find her. She saw Buffy rush in first with Angel close behind and Mr. Maclay bringing up the rear. Willow knew that he probably would not approve of their position but she didn't give a damn. She saw the questioning look that passed between Angel and Buffy but she didn't know what to say. So she waited for the newcomers to start. She was surprised to hear a question not from her friends but from Tara's dad instead.



"Is Tara alright?"



"Yes, she's just tired. It's been a long day." Willow sighed. It wasn't a lie really, she just didn't want to mention anything about Tara's misconceptions in front of the one person who had probably placed them in her mind in the first place.



"We're here about the demon possession." Buffy blurted out and was distressed to see both Willow and Tara react to her statement with blanched faces and fear in their eyes.



Willow slowly positioned herself in front of Tara and stood up defiantly. "Tara's not a demon."



"I…I didn't mean…I wasn't saying…Angel?" Buffy was thoroughly confused. When Angel told her about the Ethros demon possession in Tara's family, all she could think of was poor Tara. Not only did she grow up with it, she had also endured her own demon Hell for five years. Now, Willow thought she was accusing Tara and she really wasn't. Angel could see her dilemma.



"Willow, we know that. That's why we're here. We need both of you to help with the exorcism. We can't find an Ethros box and seeing that there are no blind Tibetan monks about, the only other way to contain the demon is to put up a magical force field." Angel looked at the two witches expectantly and was glad to see Willow nod. Tara was still looking unsure and he didn't know how else to convince her that they knew she wasn't a demon.



"Baby girl, I'm so sorry. I should have never let you go to LA." Tara father did the one thing that worked in convincing Tara. He walked pass Angel and Buffy, went right up to Tara and hugged her for the first time in a long while. He could feel her stiff posture but refused to let go until she relaxed in his arms. Her friend, Willow, the others called her was still looking at him suspiciously but he had his daughter back and that was the most important thing.



"You were so sad when momma died but you still looked after us and never asked for anything. So when you asked to go to LA, I couldn't deny it. I didn't want your cousin Beth to go with but that was the only way."



"Cousin Beth?" Tara was beginning to remember. Not full memories but snatches of them. Of Beth and her riding on the subway and that it had been Beth's idea to go to the Magic Shop in the first place.



"When her momma died and she came to stay with us, you and you mother were the only ones who could control her. The demon she had within…You were the only ones who could soothe it. You were her only anchor when your mom died."



Tara remembered now, how inseparable she and Beth had been not out of choice but out of necessity and how the demon in her cousin had manipulated the both of them. Beth had always told her that the demon within probably recognized something evil within Tara as well. Tara didn't want to believe that but sometimes at night, she wondered if it was true. In the Magic Shop in LA, it was Beth who had read from the book that opened the portal and it was Beth who had pushed her through it. "Beth pushed me in. I wasn't meant to be there. I remember now."



"My, my. Look what we have here…Maybe you should have stayed there, cousin. I certainly didn't want you back." Beth was sick of the act. She had managed to get away from Donny by hitting him over his thick skull with a wrench. She wanted to find Tara and stop her before she remembered or said anything, but it looked to be too late. "You were always the one that held me down, made me less of who I was. I won't go back to that." The demon in Beth wanted to hurt Tara and it would not let anyone stand in the way.



Willow could see Beth struggling with something within and she slowly bent down to pick up the potion that Tara had dropped. She knew that Beth had hurt Tara before and could hurt her again so she wanted to be able to prevent it. As Beth was still looking at Tara, she failed to notice both Angel and Buffy take position behind her but Willow did. "I'm not going to let you hurt Tara anymore." Willow stated as she moved between Beth and Tara.



"How are you going to stop me? Cornering me won't really help." With that, Beth turned around swiftly and hit out at Angel, throwing him against the far wall and then swung out at Buffy as well. Luckily Buffy had already moved towards helping Angel and the blow from Beth was just a glancing one that caught her in the shoulder but did not take her down. Beth turned back to Tara and her father and they could see the demon in her reflected back in her eyes. However, before she could take a step towards them, Willow uncapped the bottle and flung the potion at Beth. She knew that it wouldn't have a great effect on the demon as the potion needs to be ingested. However, Willow was counting on Beth not knowing that relevant piece information and was rewarded when the demon cowered from the potion. It gave Angel enough time to grab one of Buffy's weapons from the wall and attack Beth with it. Buffy, sensing Angels' point of attack, also joined in and soon they had the demon overpowered and unconscious.



Tara wasn't sure if it was over or not. Beth was lying on the floor, Buffy was tending to a cut on Angel's forehead and Willow and her father were standing next to her both reaching out to hold her hand. She didn't know if she could accept her father's acceptance right now and instead turned to embrace Willow.



"Baby girl…I am so sorry. We should have looked for you. I should have done something but I always hoped that you might have ended up in a better place, away from Beth and away from us. Somewhere you didn't have to serve a demon. . When Beth came back without you, we thought it was by your choice. I loved you so much…"



Willow was amazed at the sheer stupidity of Tara's father. He could have tried looking for her or could have got Beth to reveal what had truly happened. Instead, he had just hoped that Tara was in a better place. Only she had not been and due to his inactivity, Tara has suffered for the past five years. He deserved to know the truth and regret his decision and Willow wanted to be the one to tell him. However, she felt Tara squeeze her hand and so she held her tongue and waited for her love to set the record straight.



"It's ok…I get that now. That was the past and everything is better now." Tara knew that she could have told him about Pylea but it would not have changed anything. He had not wanted her to end up there and although she wished that they had looked for her, it just wasn't meant to be. She could sense that Willow was surprised that she had not told her father that he had been mistaken and that he was as much to blame for her suffering as Beth was. But, that was all in the past and for once, all she wanted to do was to look forward to a future with Willow. She looked at the redhead and hoped that Willow could divine the promise in her eyes. The promise to make up for not telling her the truth about her fears and for making her worry. The smile that lit up Willow's beautiful features was just the right balm for her soul.



Buffy had just finished securing Beth with the chains and was about to tend to Angel again but he was already walking towards Tara. He had heard her comments to her father and felt compelled to tell her how brave she had been. He always thought that being brave meant fighting demons both without and within. Tara showed him that being brave meant forgiveness as well. "I always believed in you. You've been the strong one, even in Pylea. Stronger and braver than me." Angel smiled as he said the last part. Tara had called him her savior initially but she was the one who had taught him what it was to be truly brave and for that he was grateful. He moved forward to hug her. "You'll always have a place with us in LA. Always."



Buffy knew she shouldn't be jealous and she really wasn't but it was just that she had never seen Angel let his guard down in front of anyone else. He had done so with her and she understood that for him, it was akin to exposing his soul for all to see. It was something that she never expected him to share with anyone else. So many things had changed and Angel was moving on. They would always be a part of each other's old lives but would never again share the same experiences. Angel had his own life in LA and made his own set of friends. Buffy was happy for him but she really wondered if the ache in her would ever really go away. If she would ever stop feeling that twinge in her heart every time she saw him or thought about what he was doing. She was glad that Tara had been there for him in Pylea and that he considered her a member of his extended family but she was even happier when he stopped hugging Tara and came to stand by her side. He would have to leave soon and Buffy accepted that as well as the knowledge that it was time for her to move on as well. She had come back from the dead and there was no need to repeat her past mistakes. She had to accept that Angel would always be part of her past and not a fixture in her future.



Willow had heard Angel's final words to Tara and although she was happy that Tara would always be welcomed in LA, she hoped that the blonde would not make use of the invitation. With her GPA, she could easily transfer to UCLA so if Tara really wanted to follow Angel back, Willow was willing to go with. It was just that they had only recently brought Buffy back and things were again beginning to settle down. She felt responsible for both Buffy and Dawn and didn't want to leave them. All she knew was that she wanted to be where Tara was. She prayed that Tara still wanted that as well. After Angel's hug, Tara's father had stepped in and embraced his daughter as well. She could hear him apologizing and telling Tara how much he and Donny loved her and how he hoped they could be a family once again. Again doubts clouded Willow's mind. She was truly happy that Tara's family loved her and that she had a place in LA. However, Willow wanted to be a part of Tara's life as well and hoped that Tara's future plans took that into consideration.



"We should head back to the house. Wesley should have everything ready for the exorcism." With that, Buffy hoisted Beth's inert form over her shoulder and walked out the door.



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"So what you're saying is Tara is not a demon even though she thought she was and the actual demon was her cousin only everyone thought it would be her brother or father or someone else you didn't mention?" Xander wished that he had just shown up for breakfast at the Summers’ house instead of accompanying Anya to a wedding show. Then, he would probably be up to speed on demon matters and Anya would not be mad at him for saying that if she really wanted to follow tradition, she wouldn't be wearing white at the wedding. It wasn't that he wanted to piss Anya off, but everything was moving super fast again. Buffy was back and for that he was immensely glad. His job at the construction firm was secure and he had just signed another year's lease on his apartment. But that still did not signify that he was ready to get married within the month. Anya wanted to move up the wedding date and that made him defensive enough to provoke a fight, which resulted in Anya sulking at home and his current exile to Buffy's kitchen.



"Of course Tara is not a demon." Willow stated adamantly and giving Xander her resolve face for good measure. She was trying to explain to him what had transpired and why Wesley was currently asleep on the sofa. The exorcism went off without a hitch but it did take quite a toll and by the time the demon had been cast out for Angel and Buffy to kill, Wesley was completely exhausted. "She's fine…She's just fine." Willow looked out the kitchen window to see if she could catch a glimpse of her love. After she and Tara cast the magical barrier, she had wanted to assure Tara that she would always be there for her. She had planned out what she was going to say right down to the pauses in conversation. Just when she was about to broach the subject, Xander had shown up looking all depressed. Taking pity on him, Tara excused herself so that he could confide in Willow. Willow did not want to see her go. She was still afraid that Tara would make her choice without knowing that Willow really wanted her to stay. However, Xander looked like he needed some serious cheering up and as far as Willow knew, Tara's bags were not packed. So, here she was stuck in the kitchen while Tara was probably deciding to leave.



"She makes you happy…You really love her, don't you?" Xander knew he as stating the obvious but he wanted to hear it from Willow. They had been friends for as long as he could remember. Willow was the one who helped him through schoolwork and bullies and he believed anything she said. She was his smarter and better half and he hoped she was happy. It would be so easy for him to view Tara as a usurper, someone who would take Willow away from him but he knew now. Willow had been so lost even before Buffy died. If he was being totally honest, he knew that she had never fully recovered from Oz's departure. He was too caught up in his own life with Anya that he never took the time to really ensure that she had. Buffy's death just made things worse and Xander knew that if Tara had not shown up then, instead of celebrating Buffy's return, they would again be mourning the lost of another friend.



"Goddess, Xander…it's like… it's my birthday everyday when she's with me. I never knew…I never thought it could be like this. I mean don't get me wrong, I love you and I really loved Oz but it's just different with Tara. It's not only love, it's…it's more than that, it's like we've always been meant to be together. We belong only to each other and no one else. I guess when we met, I knew deep down she was the one. It took me a couple of weeks to understand that that's it, there is no one else for me except for Tara."



"Wow, and here I was thinking she just looks really hot in jeans." Xander wondered if he would ever feel that way about Anya. He could talk about love for he did love her but that was so different from knowing that Anya was his soul mate. Willow had not used that term but he could see that it was what she meant. Despite Willow's small smile and nod at his joke, he could tell that she was still worried about something. "So Tara's ok now? And you're ok? Everything fine in WillowWorld"



"What if she leaves?" Willow didn't want to ask the question but it was the only thought in her head. Tara had so many choices. She could go to LA or even back to Arizona. There were so many paths that led away from Sunnydale and from Willow. If she thought things through, it would probably be safest if Tara wasn't in Sunnydale but that would mean she would have to consider moving as well. And all that hinged on if Tara wanted Willow to move with her.



"She won't leave you." Xander knew he wasn't the brightest Scooby member but if Tara loved Willow as much as Willow loved her, it would be impossible for her to leave Willow behind. He just needed to convince his best friend of that undeniable fact.



"You don't know that." Willow wanted to believe Xander but a part of her was still so unsure.



"I know that. You guys love each other and are a part of each other. That doesn't come along everyday. Heck, Will, I don't think it comes along every century. You have to trust in that and in Tara. She will make the right decision." Xander touched Willow's cheek and bent forward to kiss her forehead.



"Thanks…I needed that." Willow still could not say for sure if she knew Tara was going to stay in Sunnydale but at least Xander thought so. "Hey, when did you get all mature with the maturity?"



"Well, hanging around you for the past fifteen or so years seems to have paid off." Xander shot back. He was glad to see the Willow smile again and even happier to know that he had helped put it there. He needed to get back to helping people. That always gave him a sense of purpose and he never felt the need for a drink. "She'll make the right decision and everything will be great in Willow-land again…I promise."



"I thought you came here for some cheering up of your own."



"You know what? I think I have that sorted out." Xander knew that his love for Anya was probably eons away from the type of bond Willow and Tara shared but it didn't matter. His fears about marriage paled in comparison to Willow's fears as well. So all in all, he understood that he just needed to move on with his life and deal with whatever came his way. He loved Anya enough to propose to her and if she wanted to move the wedding up then he would just have to marry her sooner.



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Donny had been loitering outside the trailer ever since they had finished with casting out Beth's demon. He knew he was probably not welcomed in the house and all he wanted to do was to apologize to his sister and return home to the farm. He just didn't really know what to say to Tara. He had spent the better part of the last five years blaming her for leaving them with Beth and her demon only to learn that she had not chosen to leave. Donny felt ashamed at his behavior and knew that he needed to make it up to Tara. He saw her walking out the front door and waited as she neared the trailer. "Hey, Tara"



"D-Donny." When Xander had arrived, it gave Tara the opportunity to carry out what she knew needed to be done. She had already talked with her father but had yet to talk with Donny. It was more due to the fact that Willow was still wary of her brother and had insisted that Tara not be alone. She didn't want to argue with her love and had therefore put off the talk. However, with Willow distracted by Xander, Tara now had the chance for closure with her brother. After Beth's admission in the Magic Box, she had begun to remember little snippets about her life. She remembered Donny teaching her how to ride a bike and although he had always been gruff, he never gave up on her and spent all his free evenings giving her lessons until she could ride on her own.





"I…I'm sorry. For the way I was acting and for thinking that you left us. I guess I was so angry thinking that you abandoned us. Beth used to say that when she came back from LA. That you didn't love us enough to stay…"



"No, Donny, I wouldn't have…I didn't…" Tara wanted it to be right between them. She really didn't have a connection to Donny anymore except for their blood but she needed to make it right before he left.



"I know, sis. It was never you. I mean, I…I used to curse your name when you didn't come back and wish that you were suffering as much as we were. Then Beth told me the truth." He bowed his head, unwilling to look at his sister. He had been a coward in all sense of the word and he didn't deserve to look his sister in the eye.



"What? You knew…You knew where I was?" Tara didn't know if she wanted to hear the rest but she had started this and needed to see it through.



"Once, about a year ago. Beth said that she had got rid of you, that you were in a place that had things that were even more frightening than she was. She laughed then, when she told me. It scared me to know the truth but I guess it was even worse for you since I never did anything. I am so sorry, I was such a coward. I could have stood up to Beth, found out where you were but I did nothing. I don't deserve another chance with you." Donny finished, his voice heavy with guilt.



"You couldn't have known and everyone deserves a second chance." Tara wasn't sure that Donny could have done things differently or if he could have saved her. Bad things had occurred and she had survived. She wished that it could have been avoided but she didn't want to spend anymore time regretting her past anymore.



"Then give us one… Give me a chance to make it up to you. Come home with us. We're family…blood. We'll do right by you, I promise." Donny hoped that the pleading note in his voice carried weight and tugged at Tara's heart. He needed to prove to his sister that she mattered and that he loved her. She was family.



"I…Blood is important. But Donny, sometimes what makes a family is the ability to have faith in love and recognize that love in others. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I found that here. I know who I am and I guess I need to find out who I can become. I want to do that here, with Willow." Tara hoped that Donny would understand and accept her decision as well as accept that Willow was a necessary par of her life now.



"Things sure have changed, huh? You're all grown up and I missed it and now you have someone in you life that you love?" Donny would never be able to understand the love his sister felt for the other woman but perhaps he didn't need to. He just needed to know that she was happy at last and that would be enough. He wished that she had given him a chance to make it up to her but instead all she was asking for was his acceptance. He could grant that easily and did so as he moved in to hug his sister. He would always carry the guilt of not saving his sister when he could but that was tempered now by the knowledge that despite all the adversity, she had triumphed and was happy. " I love you, Tara-girl. If you need anything or miss us, just call and we'll visit. No more going five years without knowing, y'hear."



"I love you too." Tara could see over Donny's shoulder and noticed that Willow was walking out of the house. She looked worried and Tara guessed it was because she could see the tears on her face. Donny sensed Willow's presence as well. It wasn't that he knew she was there but more that he saw the subtle change in his sister's demeanor. It was as if the both of them were linked. He turned to face the woman whom he hoped would always be there for his sister, and held out his hand.



Willow stopped just a few feet away. She was so not expecting Donny to want to shake her hand. "Erm…I was just wondering if you were ok and I brought you your coat. It's getting chilly out." She handed the coat to Tara and reluctantly took Donny's hand.



He wasn't squeezing too tight but held it firmly enough and hoped that his words would register with Willow." You take care of my sister. Take care of you as well. And…well, thanks for not using magic on me when you could have. " Unlike Tara, Donny had never been blessed with a lot of magical ability. Their mother had always been powerful and that power had passed to Tara. However, his sense of perception was rather high and he could feel that Willow, like his sister, was a powerful witch. He just hoped that like Tara, she would control it and not let it control her. Their mother had died because the magic that she wielded in order to protect them from Beth's demon became too much too bear. He did not want to see it happen to Tara or Willow.



"A big yes on the looking after Tara part and you're welcome." Willow let her guard down at last and smiled at Donny. He had never really been a threat to her or Tara. She was surprise to see that he was still not finished and was further astounded by his subsequent words.



"Magic's great but what you have…it seems stronger." With that, Donny walked back towards the trailer. He had his closure and for the first time in five years, he felt happy and at peace.



"That was something I was not expecting." Willow took Tara's hand in hers. "But it was good. It was good, wasn't it?"



"Yeah, it was. Although I get the feeling you came out here for something else besides bringing me my coat." The moon had just made its appearance and Tara could see Angel loading some of his bags into the car. He and the rest would leave soon and Tara figured out that Willow needed reassurance that she would not leave with them.



"So you're not leaving with your family?" The hopefulness in Willow's voice made Tara smile as she shook her head in the negative.



"I have to be where my heart tells me to be." It was the truth, Tara was glad that she had made peace with her father and brother. She was also glad to know that she would always have a place at the Hyperion. She knew now that she belonged here and was needed. However, the most important thing was that her heart had recognized her true place and that was where she wanted to stay.



Willow thought of Xander's advice and although she really wasn't sure if letting Tara make up her own mind was in her best interest, she decided that Tara deserved as much. "You should…you should do what makes you happy. If that means going with Angel back to LA…you have to follow your heart."



Tara took hold of Willow's other hand and smiled. "My heart is telling me to be with the person I love."



There was no more words said that night but their decision was clear. Tara could finally face her future knowing all about her past. Willow was incredibly ecstatic, Tara had chosen her and they could build a life together. Sure, they were still living in Sunnydale and the Hellmouth could open and they still had to recover the Pandect and other magical items. But she would always be stronger with Tara by her side and now that she had agreed to stay, the demons and bad guys didn't stand a chance.

-----------------------------


You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Oh you switched things around there, I expected her family to be completely evil but that wasn't the case. And I loved the way you convinced Tara she wasn't an evil demon, through the sheer will of Willow's love and trust. That was very touching. It seems like now is the time for Willow to come clean.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tara and Willow

Accept NO subsitutes

Loved the part where Tara's trying to shackle herself to the wall and it's only Willow's love that stops her. Very powerful scene.



And yay, you made Tara's family not evil in a way that was totally believable. Thanks.

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"Squish. Squish. Squish."

I love the utter confidence with which Willow told Tara that she wasn't a demon. The only doubt Willow had was that Tara would chose to leave. It was so lovely that Willow told her that she had to do what made her happy. Wonderful!

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

I like the setup of this fic, even though I've never seen any Angel episode . (I am assuming Tara replaces Fred)



I can just see Tara being rescue from Pylea (?) , for some reason I picture her as being smaller. Esp. in the first chapter when they arrive back in the current dimension (or where-ever they were trapped).



You described her so love-able/hug-able. Like you would want to run over and hold her forever Which means you described her well, heh.



This quote was adorable too: “Why w-w-would anyone leave Willow? ” It was a concept Tara just could not grasp.



to cute really



I have a little trouble imagining Donny as not being a bad guy. Might have something to do with viewing _Familly_ to many times, heh.



Tara chaining herself and Willow stopping her was a good emotional moment, well done.



Keep on going plz

"Willow’s magic got out of control, and your response was to fight her with even more magic.Do you make a habit of putting out fires with gasoline?" Tara to Giles -- Mission Statement (ch9.5) by Bagheera

the last part was really good.

making Beth the demon was not something i was expecting. interesting that you made Tara's father and brother actually likeable. glad that Tara decided to stay in Sunnydale with Willow

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!

Fucking Windows 98, get Bill Gates in here!

2nd place??? That's just a fancy term for loser!

Hey Jomarch that was really great I liked the whole twist on family that you had going there and thought the outcome was very interesting. Who would of guessed that cousin Beth had no soul? I'm glad that Tara still chose Willow of course and I think that now things are more out in the open it should allow for more progress in talking and working everything out about their past relationship. Anyway, looking forward to seeing where this goes next.

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

Not bad, but . . .First, I don't like time loops so I'd be prejudiced against this anyway. Also, Osiris in the Buffyverse just seems to be a Gatekeeper b2n Buffy-earth and the main road that the paths to the heavens and hells branch off from. He seems to be a neutral, possibly even a benevolent force, well maybe not, but not the enemy shown here. Osiris has ceratin laws to enforce and he does that.

Basically, I'm looking for an Alternate Season Six ending arc to credit in my "Children of the Dale" fanfics on "another site"; this isn't bad but it isn't it either.Sorry I can't praise more highly soemthing you've worked hard on, since I'm sure a lot of people will like it.

Oi,



I like this fic, don't let anyone stop you from updating it!



So Osiris does a little bargaining, it's not like you can deny Willow something when she does her best pout Besides, I like first-meeting fics...and this one most definitly qualifies..



now about that update...<< hint



Grimmy

"Willow’s magic got out of control, and your response was to fight her with even more magic.Do you make a habit of putting out fires with gasoline?" Tara to Giles -- Mission Statement (ch9.5) by Bagheera

Nice little twist, making Beth the evil one and the men rather likeable. I'm glad Tara knows a little bit more about her history and such. Nice to know Tara's not leaving Willow, though I didn't expect her to, at least now that's taken care of and other things can be dealt with.

-------
"Yeah, 'tis the season. Whatever that means." Amends
Insist upon yourself and never imitate. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sorry for the delay in posting and answering feedback but real life really is too involving



*xita* - I think that that was the scene I had in mind when writing the chapter. The rest sort of fell in place but I knew that I wanted Willow to convince Tara otherwise without any need of magic or anyboby else intervening. As for Willow's turn to come clean, it keeps getting pushed back to later chapters.



*tommo* - Initiallyy, it was difficult seeing Donny any other way except for evil and then when I started writing it out, it made more sense to make it into a demon possessing thing and for it to be Beth. I think the whole chapter was written so I could have Willow tell Tara she wasn't evil and that would be enough



*mollyig* - Thank you. I don't think Willow has anymore doubts about Tara leaving but she just has to have more faith in herself and in Tara. More to come on that...



*Grimlock72* - Yes, Tara replaces Fred and when I started writing, I think I still pictured her Tara sized although she probably had her head bent down a lot.

Thanks for reading and liking the fic. As for not being able to see Donny as a bad guy, I can relate. Luckily I wrote the chapter before viewing Family again. When I did see it, all I could think of was why didn't Buffy just hit him!



*Grimaldi* - I was hoping that it came across as believable that Donny and Tara's dad weren't evil just kinda stupid for not speaking up sooner. And Tara would stay with Willow whereever she was and I think Willow would do the same.



*Puff* - Hiya, I'm glad you liked the twist. It is quite fun coming up with alternative stories to what happened in cannon. As for what's next, it's slow going on account of a lot of stuff going on but the next part should set up the chapter's arc (hopefully)...



*daddykat* - Well, I do hope you find the fics you're looking for. There are a huge number of amazing writers on the pens board and there are also quite a few alt S6 arcs going I think. As for Osiris, I guess he could be thought of as benevolent but I would think that he would want things to go his way. In this case, it was a bargain that he made to his advantage (or so he thinks). Well, I had to write it that way or there wouldn't be a story .



*Grimlock72* - Hi again, yes, I am still writing this and yes, it is so difficult to resist the Willow-pout . Thanks.



*Thanatopsis* - Thank you. It is good that Tara's past has been dealt with and they can concentrate on each other instead of other things, that is if nothing else occurs. So I guess by saying that, I'm jinxing it, aren't I...

-----------------------------


You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Spoiler Warning - It starts from Seeing Red and then completely veers off in all kinds of tangents.

Disclaimer - All characters, names and some dialogue etc belong to ME and Joss Whedon. However, due to improper usage and gross mishandling of characters and plot lines by aforementioned parties, it is with great pleasure that I (and all the other writers on the board) use them for the reading pleasure of kittens everywhere.

Rating - PG again

Feedback - Yes, feedback would be great

Notes - Again, apologies for the delay, my job and the fact that I am just trying to get through my 12th week of pregnancy has slowed me down in a lot of areas. I still want to finish this but everyone has to bear with me. Thanks for still reading!



Title : I Dream of Thee



Chapter 7a



"You know, we've been rather lax with testing the slayer recently. I mean we all know that the last spell could have lasted longer if we still had the charm." Warren was beginning to feel bored. He had thought that it would have taken a couple of weeks or maybe a month and a half tops, to take over Sunnydale. However, here they were, two months after the robbery and all they managed to do was rob most of the stores on main street as the slayer was too busy fighting vampires in the cemetery. He was still no closer to being the leader of the demon world. The alliances he had made were tenuous at best and most of the demons only wanted access to the charms and potions they had stolen from the Magic Box. He needed to show them that he was more powerful than just a common thief. The one thing that was still a constant in Sunnydale was that everyone still feared the slayer. She could never be in all places but just the mention of her name could dissuade most of the demons from running amok in town. Warren was beginning to realize that the only way to make a name for himself was not to show off his genius or his ability to obtain rare and powerful magical items but instead, he needed to kill the slayer.



"You…you were the one who dropped it." Jonathon was happy with what they had accomplished so far. His bank account had been sizably increased and with the stuff they had acquired from the shop, his spells were really getting more complex. He just didn't like that Warren didn't seem content. He wanted to involve Buffy and that didn't seem wise. Buffy or her friends were still in the dark as to who actually had robbed them and that was a plus point for Jonathon. It was such a bad idea to provoke the slayer and he needed to remind Warren of that pertinent fact. "Besides, the less the slayer knows about us, the better. I mean she could so take us out."



"No, she couldn't. I mean I could so summon a demon that could kick her ass." Andrew knew that he had to prove himself soon. Warren was already going out to meet with demons on his own and Andrew knew that it could only mean that Warren was preparing for something that may not include Jonathon or him. He didn't care if Jonathon wasn't included but he wanted to be Warren's right hand man. With the money and supplies they had amassed so far, the three of them were close to becoming real players. Just last week, they had rented their new hideout by the docks. The warehouse didn't look like much on the outside but within its walls, they had some of the best electronic and surveillance equipment money could buy. Not to mention, enough protection charms and powerful spells to trade with the demon population for some time. "Why don't we do that? I mean, we could ambush the slayer on one of her nightly patrols and put her out of commission."



Warren thought that Andrew was just as much a sniveling idiot as Jonathon but at least Andrew showed respect and agreed with his brilliant plans. "I was thinking of a Gnorak demon actually. It's in the pandect. Think you can summon that?" The demon in question wasn't the worst of the lot but Warren had an ulterior motive. He needed the blood of a Gnorak demon and the slayer and this was an ideal way to get what he needed.



"A Gnorak demon? They're not the most ferocious, I mean there is the feasting on human flesh but they need to hunt in pairs at least…I guess I could summon two." Andrew had wanted to summon a Jaarvlen Flesh Eater but realized that they probably wouldn't be able to control it as much as the Gnorak demons. "Hey, Magic Boy, think you could summon up a couple of metal cages?"



Jonathon still thought that it was a bad idea to go after the slayer directly but both Andrew and Warren seemed to have their minds made up. The trio was supposed to be a democracy and he was currently outnumbered. "Yeah, sure. Just tell me how big you want it to be." He just hoped that Buffy would not trace the demons back to them. If he thought about it, maybe it wasn't that bad. Buffy was suppose to fight demons and vampires so summoning them to fight her would be like giving her extra training. Deep down, he knew that it probably wasn't the case but he was in a team now; he actually belonged somewhere. He wasn't sure if he wanted to jeopardize that just yet.





-----------------------------------------------------------------------------





Wesley figured that their farewell would have been a big affair. The five of them had arrived in Sunnydale to mourn the death of the slayer only to stay and help with her resurrection. Adding to that the joint demon slaying and facing up to what they perceived as a threat from Tara's family had created so many bonds between Angel Investigations and the Scoobies that Wesley was sure saying goodbye would be difficult for everyone.



Cordelia was talking to Willow and Tara and he could see the seer trying to hold back her tears. Gunn was hugging Dawn and even nodded towards Spike who was standing next to the car. Wesley knew that the most difficult farewell was still going on in the house as Buffy and Angel were still in her room saying their own private goodbyes. Unlike Cordelia who initially wanted to eavesdrop, Wesley had no such intentions. He knew how difficult the goodbye was going to be since Angel and Buffy never had one before. When Angel first left Sunnydale, he had done so under the cover of night, right after the Mayor was defeated. He had told Wesley that it was the only way he knew that he would be able to actually leave. If he had stopped and talked to Buffy, he would never have been able to leave her side. Likewise, when Buffy came to LA, it was always easier to confront Angel with anger and fear instead of the truth. She needed the closure but was too afraid of appearing less than she was, weaker than he had always made her out to be. Wesley hoped that for once both Buffy and Angel would be able to say goodbye.



He had already said his farewells to the Scoobies and had extracted a promise from Willow and Tara that they would call at least once a week just to say hi, if nothing else. The only thing left for Wesley was to say goodbye to Giles. He didn't put it off because he wasn't looking forward to it. On the contrary, he was trying to build up the courage to confront Giles on a number of things and had wanted to get his thoughts in order before talking to him.



"Well, Mr. Giles. I was wondering if I could have a moment. We're just waiting for Angel and I thought I may as well discuss some things with you and say goodbye."



Giles was surprised that Wesley wanted to talk to him as all of them had said their general goodbyes over dinner. He figured that Wesley probably wanted to discuss what measures they were going to take in order to recover the Pandect and magical items that were stolen. "Yes, perhaps we should talk about the theft. And you know, you can call me Rupert."



Wesley never thought of using Giles's first name. He knew he wasn't bound by the confines of Council tradition any longer but there was still a modicum of respect he thought he should show. However, looking back over their most recent interaction and realizing that if he wanted Giles to actually take him seriously, he needed Giles to view him as an equal. "Yes, quite right…Rupert. I was actually planning on talking to you about Willow and I guess Tara as well. It is amazing that one probably can't mention one name without the other anymore."



Giles smiled at Wesley's remark, it was true. He couldn't recall when exactly it had occurred but every time he saw either one of the witches, he would inevitably expect the other to show up. It was the same when talking about them. However, he couldn't figure out what exactly there was to talk about. He had helped Wesley with the exorcism of Tara's cousin Beth, and Dawn was more than glad to fill him in on all that happened prior to that. As far as he knew, Tara had decided to stay in Sunnydale much to the relief of Willow and Dawn and everything was fine once again, his slayer was alive and the scooby gang found a new valuable member, in Tara. "Of course, however, I must warn you that I love all of them equally and would look after them regardless of my role as Buffy's watcher. They mean the world to me, all of them." Giles finally realized that Wesley probably wanted to ask him to take special care of Willow and Tara. He would promise to do so but it would not mean that he wouldn't also look out for Dawn and Anya and Xander as well. Giles had resigned himself to the fact that he would never have children of his own but that wasn't such a regret for him as he always considered Buffy as his surrogate daughter and over the past few years began to look at all the scoobies as his surrogate children. He knew that they viewed him as the father figure with all the answers and he never wanted to disappoint them.



"I would never have thought otherwise. My father was always of the opinion that the Council was a family. He was wrong." Wesley had never spoken ill of his father in public. It was just not done, but his father had been so wrong. Both he and Giles only found their family after breaking with the Council. He understood how Giles felt. He would look after and protect Angel, Cordy and Gunn without a second thought for they were his family. "I do understand how you feel. However, I am more concern with Willow and the magic." Wesley still could not forget the chance Willow took when she channeled the resurrection spell. She had great power within her and it wasn't self-taught. Willow's magic like Tara's was intrinsic. However, unlike Tara, Willow was never schooled in magic. Her approach to it had always been the same approach she took in school. She would look at the problem and think of a spell that could counteract it without giving any thought to if the spell should be done or not. Magic to her was a challenge, not a gift. Wesley was just afraid that Willow would get too caught up in the 'can I do it better' frame of mind and seduced by the power she could harness and wield. He wished that it never got so far and for that, he blamed Giles. When he first joined the Council, he heard of Rupert Giles, the Oxford drop-out who not only dabbled in dark magic but managed to summon Eygon who in turn slew quite a few of Giles friends. The stories passed around were not meant to impress but as a warning against the practice of magic. Despite his by the book ways, Wesley never really agreed with what the Council was trying to accomplish. Saying something was bad and giving third hand examples were never a deterrent for anything. He was surprised that of all the lessons the Council taught, this was the one that Giles had adhered to. "I actually wanted to ask you why you never taught Willow magic."



"What? Willow should never have been dabbling with magic in the first place. Why, on God's good earth would I actually want to encourage her to practice?" Giles had always tried to discourage Willow's forays into magic and promised himself that he would not assist her advancement in any way. He never wanted Willow to go through the experiences he went through in his younger days. The feeling of absolute power coupled with the need to see just how far he could push the envelope not only resulted in the death of his friends but also the haunting knowledge he started it all. He knew that if he could, he would have banned Willow totally from doing any spells but as long as he didn't help her, he figured that Willow would eventually hit her limit and stop. That was why he was always there to help her with fatherly advice but never encouraged her magic usage.



Wesley couldn't understand how incredibly blind Giles was being. How could he have not noticed Willow's escalating power? If the Council or any one of the more powerful Covens around the world ever found out the kind of magic Willow possessed, she would have been immediately taken in and trained or worse, contained.



"But Rupert, don't you see? It's not like Willow's dabbling anymore. She's a full fledge witch. Her magic is intrinsic. Maybe not from her bloodline but maybe it was due to living and practicing on the Hellmouth. Whatever, it was that started it, it's in her now."



"That still does not mean that I should encourage it. I mean she's still so young."



"Exactly. So you assumed that by showing your displeasure at her magic usage would discourage her? She is still so young and trying to find her way. She won't stop, Rupert. I don't think she can. I don't think she should." Wesley had finally realized that magic to Willow was like slaying to Buffy. It was a part of them. However, unlike Buffy, Willow had never been trained. But it was not too late. He just hoped he could convince Giles of that as well.



"You were always a teacher to Buffy, even before forging a more familial relationship. I believe that has always been an integral reason why she has been one of the best slayers in centuries. Perhaps that is what Willow needs." Willow had the ability to channel a great deal of magic and despite her maturity and strength, Wesley knew that it was so easy to be seduced by so much power. With Tara by her side, Wesley could see that Willow did become more adept but also was looking at magic in a more responsible and respectful manner. However, he knew how heady being in love could feel like and therefore along with Tara's guidance, Willow also needed a more neutral teacher. He could see Giles musing over his words but was disappointed to see the ex-watcher shake his head. "Rupert, she succeeded in a resurrection spell. Prior to that, she helped fight and defeat a God. Do you think she's even reached the apex of her ability yet?"



"Still, helping her do that. Would that be wise or even good for Willow? If anything were to happen…" Giles just didn't want to face the fact that despite all his efforts to the contrary, Willow's magical prowess had grown. It meant that he would not be able to protect her from the problems and pains that came with such a responsibility. Like Buffy, she too would eventually be weighed down with responsibility and worries.



"I understand how much you love Willow and all of your charges. But not helping her is not the answer. She needs to learn how to respect the power that flows within her. She can definitely control it but she needs to know when to use it. To not be indiscriminate." At least, Wesley could see that he was really getting through to Giles. "You are needed." He finished hoping that the older man could see that maybe Buffy didn't need him as much as before but Willow certainly did.



Giles felt so foolish. He had spent the last three years trying to ignore the inevitable and hoping that it would go away. He wanted to protect himself as much as he did Willow and he had literally abandoned her when she needed him the most. He had done the same to Dawn after Buffy's death, thinking that she needed and wanted the space. "I hate to admit it but I have been a fool. I have been trying to protect myself as much as Willow and Dawn and in the end, I nearly lost them."



"It's not too late."



"No, no it isn't. She truly is powerful, isn't she?" When Buffy told Giles of Willow's dark magic use against Glory, he had dismissed it as a fluke, a one-time occurrence in a time of need. Buffy had been cornered by Glory when she went after the hellgod for attacking Dawn. If not for Willow, Buffy would have suffered more than a fractured arm and broken ribs. Then came the spell at the construction site. Giles initially put down the freak electrical storm to the opening portal but knew that it was probably more linked to Willow's channeling magic against Glory than anything else. With his own grief over Buffy's subsequent death and lack of impetus to do much of anything, he figured Willow would have also been suffering the same malaise and therefore forgot magic. He didn't think that her grief and guilt would actually fuel her magic and cause her to attempt a resurrection spell but she did and if not for Tara's presence, it would have been Willow's soul forfeited instead of Spike's.



"Yes, but so is Tara. They seem to balance each other out. They seem stronger and more in control together."



"Tara is quite an extraordinary young woman as well. I will do my best in ensuring that they are both safe, especially if I am to teach the both of them about magic." It wasn't too late to correct the mistake he had made and it would be good to feel needed again and to teach. He had no more lessons to teach his slayer but so many new things to discuss with Willow and Tara. "Thank you, Wesley."



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"So you and Angel said goodbye? Everything's ok?" Dawn was surprised that Buffy didn't protest that much when she suggested she accompany her on patrol. Buffy's initial misgivings were brushed aside when Willow agreed to accompany both of them as witchy back up. Tara was helping Anya at the Magic Box that night and so Willow insisted on a Summers sisters bonding and slaying session.



"Uh, yeah. I mean we even said goodbye this time." She still felt a small ache in her heart but unlike the sharp edges of pain previously felt, this ache was more of a dull throb that she knew would fade in time. After two and a half years together and two years apart, Buffy finally realized that she had to accept in her heart and mind that although she would always love Angel, she was not in love with him anymore. It was difficult accepting that fact that he wasn't in love with her either. Their love for each other would always remain in their hearts but the hurt of remembrance would fade with time. She had always wondered what saying goodbye would have felt like. The first time he said he was leaving, she thought she would die and knew that if he actually said the word, she would crumble before him, like a vampire dusted. So he never said the word and just walked away from her. When she went to LA for a confrontation, they didn't say goodbye then either, they just promised to stay away from each other. In her more romantic thoughts, she compared them to feuding lovers who needed time apart. Subsequent meetings were never about farewells, they were about confrontation and comfort, never goodbye. Without actually saying the word, they knew that each time they left each other, there was a possibility of return, no matter how remote. It joined them and hindered them at the same time. It had been time for a change.



When Angel knocked on her door, she didn't want to open it or grant him permission to enter, but she did anyway. She was sitting on her bed and hugging Mr. Gordo. Buffy wasn't sure if she wanted to invoke such an image of the past and quickly stood up to face him when he entered. She knew that he had not aged, could never age but his eyes always told a different story and in them she saw their history. Angel's eyes could always reflect his emotions and so much more. She saw their love but coupled with that, she saw it in its past tense. He loved her, would always love her but was not in love with her and he knew she felt the same way. It was easier then to move towards him and be engulfed in his embrace. The kissed he placed on the crown of her head and his subsequent words confirmed her thoughts. "I never thought we'd ever get to do this."



"What? Hug?" She could feel his smile before looking up to confirm it. She wanted more levity to be present than tears but could feel them forming in her eyes anyway. "Maybe if we don't say it." She whispered, as his fingers gently brushed her cheek.



"Maybe…" he whispered back but Buffy could tell he wasn't convinced and knew that it wasn't what she wanted either. They needed a clean break, a final farewell that signified it was over, not their bond which would always be there, but the ghost of a relationship that still hung over them everyday they were apart. "I love you."



Angel smiled again at her admission but acknowledged that it was a different love she spoke of now. "I love you too, always."



"Goodbye, Angel." Buffy was the first to manage the two words that carried such meaning. It didn't hurt nor did it lighten her heart but it did lessen the pain there. He continued to hold her close as she inhaled his scent and closed her eyes.



"Goodbye, Buffy. If you ever need…" He wanted to look into her eyes and extract the promise that she would call if she ever needed him.



"I will." She didn't wait for him to finish. His offer was not meant as a balm or consolation prize but as a promise to always be there if needed and an acknowledgement that he was no longer a big part of her life.



They didn't talk about anything else substantial for the remaining time and just sat on the bed, holding hands and reminiscing about the past.



"So, no need for ice cream and some best friend shoulder leaning later?" Willow asked just to be certain. Buffy did look more centered after she and Angel emerged from her room. It wasn't that she was hoping Buffy needed to talk or cry but she missed having her best friend around and wanted to make up for lost time. Ever since they brought her back, it seemed like Buffy had been avoiding her. Not in the sense of leaving the room or ignoring her presence but more in the sense that they weren't acting like best friend anymore. Willow missed that so much. Tara had told her that she should just talk to Buffy and explain what she was feeling but there didn’t seem to be a good time, until tonight. Willow knew she had copped out when she allowed Dawn to accompany them but it was just so difficult to broach the non-subject with Buffy. It was a similar feeling she had experienced when Buffy first came back from LA after running away all summer but at that point, she was the one who had been all avoidy. Now, it was obvious that they were both avoiding each other. Something needed to happen to get Buffy and her to open up but she just couldn't think of anything.



"Well, I'm not really going to say no to ice cream on account of, you know missing it when you're dead…but I really am ok. We said what we never got to say before. It was nice." Buffy smiled at Willow. She realized she hadn't really talked to Willow since she came back and wondered why. It always seemed like they were always busy doing other things. Willow was busy with her new girlfriend and she was just trying to catch up with everything she had missed. They never really got to talk one on one. She wanted to ask Willow so many things but was unsure where to begin. Buffy knew that it was Willow who had been instrumental in finding and casting the resurrection spell and it both frightened and amazed her. It scared her to think that her friend was so powerful and it amazed her that Willow would have undergone such a dangerous spell for her. Giles told her of the dangers and powers necessary and she still couldn't wrap her mind around the entire scenario. She had been dead and at peace, not quite some place recognizable and she didn't quite have a sense of individual self. However, she remembered being calm and fulfilled, like her journey had ended and she could rest. It was a good feeling and she missed it. She wanted to know where that place was and knew that Willow may have some idea but she didn't know how to broach the subject. She knew Willow was still, well, Willow. It was just that she looked older and her smile was not as bright as before, except when Tara was around. The most obvious change was that she just didn't know how to talk to her friend anymore. They still joked and talked about everyday matters but she didn't know how to talk about Willow's magic or her own return. It seemed as if Willow wanted to get back to where they were before but it wasn't possible. They weren't the same people. Buffy just wished she could get her best friend back.



"Ok, ice-cream it is. You up to joining us, Dawnie? We could have an ice-cream party. I'm sure Tara would like some as well." Willow knew that it would have been a good opportunity to talk to Buffy alone but she still wanted some more time to gather her thoughts. She didn't want them to fester or anything. Willow just wanted to make a list first, put down all the things they should talk about and the like. She could see Buffy's expression change slightly when she mentioned inviting Dawn and Tara but she couldn't take it back. "Maybe, um, maybe we could go for some moc-"



"Get Down!" Buffy cut Willow off and immediately pushed Dawn and her to the ground. She could feel the projectile sail over their heads and land nearby. It looked to be a large rock. "Well, I guess weapons are really hard to come by nowadays" she muttered as she turned to check on Willow and Dawn. "Are you guys, ok?" Dawn looked kind of stunned but at least she nodded at her question. Willow didn't look too fazed and was actually examining the rock and the direction in which it can from.



"Erm, Buffy, I think we have company... demons, not vamps and they're kinda big." Willow was used to this by now. When Buffy ran away the summer before their senior year, she helped pitch in with the patrols and then when Buffy died, she was the main slayer with the spells for tracking and dusting the vamps or killing the demons. Even Spike had acquiesced to her commands during the nightly patrols. Giles never really acknowledged her magic usage and Xander was just glad that somebody was taking charge and no one else was dying. She didn't relish the role or her nightly casting of spells especially the resulting headaches and nosebleeds but there was no one else. She was glad that Buffy was back but that didn't mean that he own contributions would then stop. Willow had spent the better part of five years fighting on the Hellmouth and she would not stop.



Buffy looked towards where Willow was indicating. She could see the two demons approaching. She always wondered just how many demon types there were out there. She never really seemed to fight the same kind and new ones just seem to pop out of the woodwork. The two approaching demons looked alike and they were indeed big; about eight feet tall with scales down their front and sharp talons as fingers. She could also see razor sharp spikes running down their arms and legs. All in all, they looked nasty and she didn't want Dawn or Willow in their way. "Willow, can you make sure Dawn is safe?" She quickly leaned over to hug Dawn and make sure that her sister understood her instructions. "Stay with Willow. You'll be safe."



Willow didn't want to let Buffy handle the creatures by herself. They looked really nasty and although Buffy was at full strength again, she had not had a good fight since her encounter with Angel and the rest, the night they brought her back. Even then, it was a more one-sided affair. However, Buffy was already trying to draw the creatures away from her and Dawn. There was a rather large headstone to the left of them and Willow knew that it was probably the best coverage she could find for Dawn and still keep an eye on Buffy. She quickly pulled Dawn towards it and they hunkered down behind Mr. Snyder's last resting place, while Willow peered over the top, hoping that Buffy was holding her own against the two large demons. She wasn't quite sure but they looked like Gnorak demons. She only recognized them because Wesley had showed her his compendium of demons they had encountered in LA and she remembered that Angel took nearly two hours to kill one of them and that was after it had taken a large bite out of Angel's shoulder. They were flesh eaters and this really made Willow worried. She wanted to tell Buffy but the slayer was so intent on keeping her eyes on her targets that Willow didn't want to call out and distract her just yet.



"Ok, guys, we can do this the hard way or well…I guess that's the only way." Buffy had wanted to at least start off with some verbal sparring before launching into one of her attacks. She really missed that. The funny quips were always fun to spout before she really got into ass-kicking mode. However, they demons in front of her did not look like they could talk or even if they could, they really didn't want to. The one in the front immediately hit out at her and only her quick reflexes allowed her to narrowly miss being cut by the spikes on its arms. She twisted around and landed a roundhouse kick at its torso and was happy to see it stagger backwards. Unfortunately Buffy wasn't fast enough to deflect the blow from the second demon and could feel its talons slice though the sleeve of her leather jacket. It didn't break he skin but she could feel the swelling red welts appear. She quickly ducked and rolled away from the two demons and stood in a fighting stance. "I guess you guys aren't really big with the talking, huh? I've been rusty myself but I guess a good slaying tonight should get me back in the game." Buffy just hoped that they could understand her or at least be slightly intimidated. This was going to be a difficult fight and she needed as much of a psychological advantage as possible.





"Can you see what's going on?" Andrew whined in Warren's ear. He wanted the cool binoculars Warren was using. He really felt like he should have been the one looking at the fight since he summoned the demons in the first place. However, Warren had assigned all of them duties and at this point, Jonathan was in charge setting up the satellite camera and recording the fight as well as ensuring that no one else was around who could help the slayer and he was the driver for the evening.



"They've just made contact. Look at them go. I mean they're really going to make mincemeat out of the slayer. Jonathon, you better be recording this. I mean we could sell it to every demon out there. 'The Fall of The Slayer'. This could go on e-bay for a fortune." Warren couldn't keep the glee from his voice. The slayer was holding her own but it was pretty obvious that the demons were bigger and more ferocious. He was surprised that she had managed to draw first blood and could see that one of the Gnoraks was bleeding blue blood from a cut in its head. It had also stained Buffy's already torn leather jacket causing the slayer to stop momentarily and discard the jacket. It had the blood of the Gnorak on it and it was just what he needed for his plan. "I'm just going to get a closer look. You guys prepare to take off when I come back. I don't think this is going to last long, the slayer is going down." He could see Jonathon blanch at his words and still marveled at how weak willed he was. Jonathon didn't have what it took to become a villain. He was just a small boy who would never stand up for himself or be able to play in the big leagues. Warren knew that he needed to cut both him and Andrew off. Maybe, he could make a deal with one of the stronger vampires in town and trade them in for a couple of minions.



"Sure, Warren. Just you know, be careful." Andrew was just thrilled to be able to actually help Warren and get rid of Buffy. He didn't really have it in for the slayer or anything but Warren did so that was enough. He just hoped Warren didn't get to close to the Gnoraks. They were flesh eaters who really weren't that particular.



"Suck-up" Jonathon said, not quite under his breath and was happy to see that Andrew had heard it.



"You're just jealous that you not as cool as Warren. Let's face it, Warren's Captain Kirk and you’re like the unnamed officer of the week. That you know always gets killed and stuff."



"At least I'm not a suck-up." Maybe it was time to just call it quits. Jonathon really didn't think that any of it was fun anymore. He didn't like to see Buffy or her friends hurt and the stealing was fun initially because they didn't get caught. But, now, it just seemed like they were taking more and more stuff for some unknown purpose or in accordance with Warren's plan. It was just that he had no idea what the plan was. Warren never confided in him or Andrew and the more he thought about it, it did seem like Warren had his own things going on. It just did not seem worth it anymore, being cooped up with Andrew and carrying out stuff that only held meaning for Warren.



"And you're also not doing your job…What is she doing." Andrew was looking at the screen capturing the ongoing fight between Buffy and the demons. The Gnoraks really looked like they were getting the upper hand until the redheaded friend emerged from behind one of the tombstones and started chanting.



In all his thoughts, Jonathon really wasn't paying attention until Andrew pointed it out. Apparently, Willow was trying to help Buffy with magic. Jonathon knew that Warren wasn't going to like it but he was definitely not going to interfere. Buffy had taken quite a beating and still could not kill the Gnoraks and he hoped that Willow would be able to help out.



Warren was pleased to see that the fight had taken his toll on Buffy and that the slayer had moved away from her initial position. He managed to snag her blood-soaked jacket but still could not leave since he really wanted to see her brought down. Along with the blood of the Gnorak, he needed Buffy's blood as well and if all went according to plan, he might even get that tonight. He was not expecting any interruption, especially from one of the people he had considered to be a minor player in his plan. Willow, the so-called witch had emerged from behind one of the tombstones and had started chanting a spell. Despite his lack of magical ability, Warren could feel the Magic flowing around him. The witch was acting like a conduit and it was a sight to behold. She was floating a few feet above the ground and even from the distance, he could tell that her eyes were completely black. He could see the magical energy form and crackle around her and even the Gnoraks and Buffy had stopped fighting to look towards the witch.



Buffy had only seen Willow channel a really big spell once. It was the night she died and Willow had weakened Glory by taking back some of the power the hellgod had stolen from the various people she had brain-sucked. She knew that it wasn't the first time Willow had channeled such power, but it was the first time when she actually felt a slight worry for her friend. She wasn't as much frightened of Willow than she was frightened for her. Buffy lived with her power everyday and knew the hurt and responsibilities that accompanied it. She had seen what it had done to Faith and what it almost did to Giles when he played around with Magic. She didn't want it to affect Willow. Buffy could tell that the Magic Willow was channeling was immensely powerful. She could feel her own slayer senses tingle at the build-up and was not surprised when the demons stopped attacking her and just looked at Willow.



Dawn knew that she should have just listened to Willow and stayed put but she needed to see that both Willow and her sister were ok. She wanted to rush out initially when she saw that Buffy was losing the fight but Willow held onto her arm and told her not to worry. Then she ran out and started chanting. Dawn always knew that Willow was really adept at magic. She was the one who helped fight all the vamps and demons when Buffy was gone and also did some spells to ensure everyone got some sleep or rest immediately after Buffy's death. She had resented it at first but knew that Willow had been trying her best to cope and ensure that everyone there stayed alive as well. In the end, it wasn't Giles or Angel who had brought her sister back but Willow with Tara and Spike's help. Dawn knew that if Buffy needed help, Willow would be the one to provide it. They were best friends. She could see the blue sparks of heavy magic surrounding Willow and hear her soft chants. It was an awesome sight and because of it, she didn't notice that although she wasn't directly in the path of Willow and the demons, she was not that far away either. Such that when Willow unleashed the spell, the backlash caught her unawares and threw her a few feet back. Buffy had managed to jump out of the way and she could hear her sister scream her name as well as shout out at Willow to stop. Dawn groggily looked up and could see that Willow was still floating and her hands were extended towards the demons. Only, they weren't there anymore. All that was left were some charred remains but the spell was still active and Dawn could see Willow struggling with it.



Buffy had felt the heat and energy coming from Willow's blast and it she immediately jumped back just in time to see it completely burn the demons inside out. The force of the blast was so strong that the backlash created sent Dawn flying backwards. Buffy knew that Willow needed to stop but she didn't know how. Her best friend was floating off the ground and encased in a pale blue light while energy still flowed from her extended hands. It was the first time Buffy was slightly more frightened of Willow than for her. "Willow, you have to stop, Dawn's injured. Damnit, you have to stop this." Buffy ran towards her fallen sister and checked for external injuries. Dawn was bleeding from a cut on her forehead and her arm looked swollen since she had landed quite hard on it. "Are you, ok?"



Dawn could only nod, she was worried for Willow and was relieved to see the energy surrounding the red head dissipate and her body fall to the ground. "Buffy…I'm…I'm ok. Just a little banged up. Willow?" She called out, causing her sister to look over. Willow wasn't moving but at least she wasn't bathed in blue light anymore either. Dawn didn't know that she was holding her breath until she saw Willow move slightly and felt light-headed. "We have to see if she's ok."



Buffy willed her legs to move faster but it seemed to take so long to get to Willow's side. She was half-carrying, half supporting Dawn but even then, she knew that she wasn't sure if she wanted to see Willow open her eyes. She hoped that her friend was ok but she really didn't want to see her black pupils. It just wasn't right. She didn't like the fact that Dawn was hurt and that Willow intervened in her fight. The demons were strong but she was the slayer and it was her job to stop them. That was what she had always done. She really did appreciate Willow trying to help but the charred remains and the several holes in the ground when Willow's energy blasts hit as well as Dawn's injured state proved that Willow shouldn't have interfered. She knelt down and slowly turned Willow over. Her hands were red and looked slightly sun burnt and she was bleeding from her nose but at least her eyes were open and her pupils were unfocussed but green. "We have to stop your nose bleed and your hands are kinda burnt." She pressed her sleeve against the flow of blood and tilted Willow's head up.



"Is Dawn ok? I heard you shout out but I couldn't stop in time. I…It sort of got away from me a bit." Willow tried to look at Dawn but Buffy was still trying to stop her nosebleed. She was glad when she felt Dawn touch her shoulder and tell her she wasn't hurt all that much.



"Dawn, you're still bleeding as well. We need to get you to a doctor and see if you have a concussion and if your arm is fractured. Willow, she’s hurt." At first, she didn't want to make a big deal out of Dawn's injuries but the blood on her face and the swelling in her arm didn't look like they weren't all that bad. She didn't like the look of remorse and worry on Willow's face but it was her spell that resulted in the injuries. "We better get you checked up as well. What were you thinking, that was way too dangerous." Buffy wished that her voice didn't come out in such an accusing tone but she had really been worried. One moment she was fighting for her life and the next, she had to take cover as her best friend decided to go to Magic Def Con One. Buffy really didn't want to sound like Xander but that was exactly how she viewed it. Instead of helping her trip the demons magically or something simple like obscuring their vision so that she could finish them off, Willow just obliterated them off the face of the earth and nearly sent Dawn with them.



"I thought you needed help." Willow's small voice sounded hurt and confused. She saw that Buffy was being protective of Dawn but so was she. If she had not intervened, the demons may have hurt Buffy and eventually Dawn. "You needed help and…I didn't want to wait until I heard them break your bones." Willow's voice sounded a bit louder this time. She knew she had done nothing wrong and could not understand what Buffy was trying to get at.



"Yeah, help…as in trip them or obscure their vision. You, over-reacted Will and hurt Dawn and yourself. That shouldn’t have happened." Buffy looked around at the destruction caused by Willow's blast. Apart from the demons charred remains, she could see a couple of large holes in the ground where the energy bolt had got out of hand. Luckily, most living Sunnydale residents were not known to take midnight strolls in cemeteries. "It was my job to fight those guys. All you had to do was look after Dawn, not show me how powerful you were."



Willow was taken aback at Buffy's words. Who did Buffy think help fight the demons and vamps when she died? She had told Dawn to stay put and went to help Buffy because she needed it. She wasn't trying to go on some power trip or prove anything to Buffy. She was trying to use magic to help and Buffy couldn't see that. Willow really was at a loss for words and all she could do was stare at Buffy.



"Willow…Buffy. Where are you guys?" Xander wasn't exactly sure what was going on. One minute he was helping Anya and Tara with the heavy lifting and carrying in the shop and the next minute, Tara gets all 'we need to find Willow'. So here he was, hoping that Tara just decided she needed to see her honey and nothing bad had happened.



"We're over here." Dawn could see Xander, Anya and Tara running towards them and she was glad for the distraction. Her sister seemed angry at Willow and Willow was still kind of woozy from the spell. Everything didn't seem right. "What are you doing here?"



"Well, Tara sensed a disturbance in the force." It was sort of true and he really didn't know how else to describe it. He knew how close Tara was to Willow and he shouldn't have been surprised that she would feel it if Willow needed her help. So he called Giles to find out where Buffy was patrolling that night and the three of them rushed over.



"I…I felt great magic being channeled and…Will!" Tara had run up behind Xander and saw Buffy, Dawn and Willow on the ground. She wanted to explain what she had felt at the Magic Box but seeing Willow bleeding and looking so lost and hurt stopped her train of thought and she immediately went to her love and placed her arms around her. "You're bleeding." Tara just focused on stopping the flow of blood from Willow's nose and holding her close. She would deal with what she noticed later, like Buffy's angry aura and Willow's incredibly dim one. Tara could feel Buffy's anger and Willow's hurt. The slayer's anger wasn't really fully directed at Willow but there was something there and it made Tara uneasy. However, for now, she needed to ensure that Willow was all right. The spell that Willow had done had been too powerful.



"So what happened?" Xander looked around and all he could see were the smoking remains of something and huge holes in the ground that were still kinda smoky. Adding to that, Buffy, Willow and Dawn looked like they had been through quite a battle themselves. "Is everyone ok?"



"There were some demons. I was fighting them but then Willow decided to use some magic." Once Tara had arrived, Buffy had moved away, allowing the blonde to take care of Willow. She didn't mean to accuse Willow of anything but the magic had been too strong and not needed. She had been brought back to do perform her duties as a slayer and Willow didn't need to interfere with that.



"They were over-powering you and it was the only way." Willow's eyes were closed and she was leaning into Tara but she needed to explain. She didn't like the defensive tone in her voice but she had to make her point.



"But Will, that was some destruction you delivered. Maybe you should have toned it down." The one thing Xander never understood about Willow was the magic. He could always figure her out. She was the little red-haired girl in grade school who wore pinafores and cried when she he was bullied. In high school, she was the brain who helped him pass most of his courses and who held his heart though he never really realized it until she didn't anymore. Then Buffy came as well and they helped her the best way they could. Willow would be computer gal and he would just try and not get hurt in the ensuing battle. It had always been black and white. Willow's initial dabbling in magic didn't faze him until she told him that the spell for Angel worked. He couldn't understand it. He was always glad that her subsequent forays into magic never always worked out because she was still Willow. Then she got into the heavy stuff because of Glory. He wanted to ask her if it was safe, if she was still his Willow but they needed the help. Buffy couldn't defeat Glory by herself and Willow's magic could, so he never said anything. He never questioned if they should have used magic to bring Buffy back, he just asked when. Things had to change now. Willow looked totally wiped out and Buffy didn't seem all that happy with her help.



"What?" Willow couldn't believe that Xander would take Buffy's side. He had not been there. He didn't see his best friend nearly get her arm ripped out by two demons that were bigger and more deadly than a dozen vampires.



"I'm just saying, Will, you know, maybe…" He didn't want to seem to be ganging up on her but he loved Willow and wanted her to be safe. But she wouldn't even look at him now and his pleading eyes turned to Tara.



"Maybe it was the only way." Tara pulled Willow closer to her as she spoke. She had felt the spell take form and then she had felt Willow lose control, not fully, but enough to worry her. "Sweetie, the spell took too much out of you. I felt a lot of magic being channeled, to much." Her voice was gentle as her fingertips caressed Willow's crinkling brow. She knew what Willow was thinking and hoped that the redhead would give voice to her fears.



"I didn't think it would be that powerful. I was trying so hard to hang on. I didn't want anyone to get hurt…well except for the demons." Willow had never learnt how to let the magic flow through her. It was not something taught at college or the local Wicca group. She always hoped that Giles would eventually relent and help her with her control and growth in magic. Hence, she always tried all the spells she could, always assuming that she could handle them. Willow never took the headaches and nosebleeds as indications that she should stop but more as warnings that some spells should be tried with more caution.



"I know Sweetie. You did good." Tara bent down and kissed her forehead as she said the words. In her heart, she knew that Willow had just wanted to help. She looked up at Buffy and continued even though her words were meant for Willow, "You look really wiped out but you did help. Maybe you should just stay off the spells for the next few days and we should get you and Dawn back to the house for some tending." Tara wanted Buffy to know that she was on Willow's side and that the most important thing was to get Willow and Dawn to the house and take care of their hurts. She was glad to see Buffy nod at her suggestion but Tara knew that the slayer still had issues with Willow's magic use. She looked like she wanted to help Tara with supporting Willow but hung back because she thought that Willow wouldn't want her to.



Willow slowly stood up and looked at Dawn and Buffy. She winced when she saw the gash at the side of Dawn's head and because of it, she couldn't bring herself to look at Buffy in the eye. Things were so different than how she pictured them to be. She never figured that Buffy would begin to resent her magical prowess, but at least she could apologize to Dawn. "Dawnie, I'm so sorry."



"No, Willow, you saved us. I know you didn't mean…" Dawn just wanted everything to be like it was before. She missed the camaraderie of the past, when Willow and Buffy would actually talk to each other instead of just exchanging pleasantries and small talk. She was sad to see Willow and Tara walk away with Xander and Anya in tow and her sister just stand there, unsure of what to do.



"Buffy, we should go home." Taking her sister's hand in her own, she began to walk back towards the house. Maybe things would be better tomorrow. Dawn didn't know why she turned back then. It was just a feeling and when she did, she saw a lone figure get up and run in the opposite direction. He didn't look like a demon and perhaps he was a vamp. What was weird was the fact that he was carrying Buffy's torn coat and the crypt he was hiding behind was near enough for him to witness what had happened. She wanted to tell Buffy about it but her sister's forlorn expression and tired demeanor gave her pause and Dawn decided that it could wait until later.



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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

I liked Wesley's observation that it had become natural to think of them both when discussing one or other of them.



Wesley was particularly astute too when he drew attention to Giles' blinkered viewpoint on the subject of Willow and magic. Giles didn't want to see the threat of it, as it reminded him too much of his past mistakes. So glad he's agreed with Wes. Was pleased to see Buffy and Angel resolve things too.



Jonathon learning that the "team" he's in is actually Warren's dictatorship. He's obviously not happy about Warren's grudge against Buffy, but I wonder if is he going to do anything about it.



How I wish Buffy and Willow had had that conversation. (Although I did like Willow thinking she had to make a list first. So Willow.) I think maybe Buffy has a problem with Willow's more pronounced role in the Slayage. Even Dawn could see that Willow did the right thing, that Buffy had been close to defeat.



Thanks so much Jomarch and you have no need to apologise for the delay. I'm sure we'll all still be here happily waiting whenever you can grace us with more!

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

great update i liked the talk between Wesley and Giles and am glad that Giles is going to teach Willow about magic. can't wait to see what Warren's plan is, and wonder how long Jonathon is going to stick with the other nerds since he seems to be growing a conscience.

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!

2nd place??? That's just a fancy term for loser!

Just because you have coffee with someone, doesn't make you a lesbian

owww...an update to one of my fav. stories...niiiiiced



I kept muttering to myself "why won't the *curse* kid stay in cover"... grmbl... I know it's probably unfair to Dawnie but if she simply had stayed where she was... ah well.



I liked the idea that Giles is gonna teach Willow magic, or more likely *control* of said magic.



Obviously Buffy would have liked to kill those demons herself. Equally obviously she would have failed/died, gotta wonder if she's just short-sighted or simply doesn't care.



Didn't like Buffy to much, could be 'cos I'm a huge Willow-fan . Xander actually made a better comment then Buffy, just use a bit less force. (he likely said it wrong and/or Willow heard it wrong so she read it as attack on her magic)



I feel sorry for Willow, all that hard work with magic (and the resulting noose-bleeds/headaches) and her two "best" friends can't even say thank you, insecure bunch. She's only wants to help you guys, show some gratitude for *curse* sake. (that was one of the things that bothered me about season6 btw.)



Pro-Willow-rant over for now



Grimmy

"Why w-w-would anyone leave Willow?" It was a concept Tara just could not grasp. -- I Dream of Thee by Jomarch

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 9/24/02 3:21:59 pm

The Willow and Buffy conflict is interesting cause it could set up a nice convergence from canon. And it could force things to a head sooner. I also like Tara behind Willow but concerned, together with Giles they could perhaps address Willow's issues instead of hoping they sort themselves out.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tara and Willow

Accept NO subsitutes

Wow, you handle Willow's ascent into dark magic so much more eloquently than the show could ever imagine. The whole deal with Rack and Amy was so contrived and melodramatic on BtVs. You make it believable by having Willow act out of love, and wanting to protect.



I've just caught up on the last few updates, and I have to say that I loved the scenes between Willow, Tara and Tara's family. Particularly when Willow and Donnie reconciled, and he suddenly saw how good she was for his sister. That was really beautiful.



Thanks

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Alyson brought jelly beans as a gift for the local children, and those kids went nuts!
(Alexis, about their trip to Papua New Guinea)

Edited by: vix84 at: 10/6/02 6:50:50 pm

*mollyig* - I have to admit, I'm projecting on Wesley because I really can't think of one character without the other anymore either . It's nice to write a more mature Wesley talking to Giles as opposed to S4 Wesley.

As for Jonathon, I'm really not sure where he's going to go. I don't think he is inherently evil but I guess he will go along despite his reservations until something really drastic happens.

As for Buffy andWillow, I think I'm going to hold off writing their bit just yet. I want to do a Tara/Buffy conversation first.



*Grimaldi* - Thank you . As for Warren's plan, I don't think he's going to let anyone in on it just yet, especially not Jonathon.



*Grimlock72* - Dawn never listens to anyone . I'm am a huge Willow fan as well so yahhh! Willow. I do agree that Willow wants to help but I think the one thing she will have to understand is that magic should not be used indiscriminately and as a solution for everything. As for Buffy, I think she has forgotten that she is more than just the Slayer and she will realize that soon enough.



*xita* - I really do want to address the conflict between Willow and Buffy. It just bugged me that it was never really done in S6. And I am all for Tara and Giles teaching Willow. Actually, that was what I wrote for the next part. Xita my dear, I think you're psychic.



*vix84* - Thank you. I always thought that Willow's magic use was normally borne out of a need to help as much as possible. So much so that she tended to ignore the ethics of magic usage. It's like in 'Forever' where she lent Dawn the magic book because she thought it may help her understand.

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Spoiler Warning - It starts from Seeing Red and then completely veers off in all kinds of tangents.

Disclaimer - All characters, names and some dialogue etc belong to ME and Joss Whedon. However, due to improper usage and gross mishandling of characters and plot lines by aforementioned parties, it is with great pleasure that I (and all the other writers on the board) use them for the reading pleasure of kittens everywhere.

Rating - PG again

Feedback - Thank you for everyone whose reading and giving feedback. It is always much appreciated.

Notes - I always keep forgetting to thank funkyasian so here I am officially thanking her for being really fast and great. Go funkyasian!!!! For those still reading, hopefully the story is still interesting and I haven't made any huge glaring continuity errors and such. So on with the story...



Title : I Dream of Thee



Chapter 7b





Warren ran back to the van carrying the jacket and hoping that his two idiot cohorts had managed to capture everything that had occurred for posterity. He could not believe his luck in finding a weakness that he could use to bring down the slayer. Now all he needed was to review the fight and plan his next move before they made up. "Did you get it?" He asked as soon as he entered the van, going over to the console Jonathon was sitting at and looking at the monitor there.



"Huh?" Warren looked slightly crazed but happy, and Jonathon was sure he'd at least be pissed considering the Gnoraks were destroyed and Buffy was unhurt. "I mean, yeah, I got the fight. Even the part where Willow incinerated them." It was fun to add the last part just see Andrew wince at the mention that his demons were destroyed not even by Buffy but by Willow. That was a major shock. Jonathon remembered Willow as the shy smart girl who used to get picked on as much as he did until she started helping Buffy out. However, even then, he always thought that she was more of the brain in the group who didn't possess much in the way of power. Thinking back, he did recall her getting into trouble their junior year when Principal Snyder raided everyone's locker. She was caught with some magical supplies but Michael, the warlock in his counseling group had told him Willow was more into protection charms than the black arts. Apparently things had changed for the magic Willow had wielded in defeating the demons was not only dark, it was also immensely dangerous.



"Did you get the fight after that?" There was dissention in the ranks of the good guys and Warren could not wait to exploit it. He needed to review what was said. He had witnessed the fact that Buffy was not at all happy with Willow's spell regardless of the outcome. He needed to hear what exactly had been said and from there, he knew it would be relatively easy to ensure things got worse from then on for the good guys. "The exchange between Buffy and Willow. Boys, I think we've finally found a weakness we can use."



"You want Buffy to keep fighting with Willow…Cool!" Andrew wasn't really sure what Warren had planned but he seemed happy and he wasn't blaming Andrew for the Gnoraks failure. "How exactly are you going to do that?"



While Warren waited for Jonathon to replay the fight on the monitor, he hid the blood-soaked jacket under the front seat. He had a few scenarios running through his head and all of them ended with the death of the slayer and possibly her friends. He just needed to pick one. Initially, he had gone about it all wrong, thinking that brute force and external stress would be all that was needed to bring the slayer down. In the past months, all the surveillance had shown was a frustrated slayer who had met all their challenges, with the help of her friends. This was the first time he had seen Buffy actually look rattled, not because of the battle she had just fought but because one of her so called friends had done something she didn't like. Warren could not believe that it was so easy, that the solution to getting rid of Buffy would be to just let her and her friends self-destruct. Naturally, as he was working on his own timeline, he would need to help them along. "We're just going to ensure that Willow's continued magic usage is going to anger Buffy even more."



"How? You can't get someone to do a spell if they don't want to." Jonathon knew that Warren had a much bigger plan that he wasn't telling anyone about. He had seen him try to hide Buffy's jacket and knew it probably had something to do with a spell. Things were beginning to get out of control and Warren had ensured that Jonathon's hands were just as dirty as his were. "Why are we doing this?"



"What?" Warren stood over Jonathon and even Andrew looked his way. "Tell me you just didn't ask that." Warren knew that it would come to this. He had always wondered who would be the first to break rank and his money had been on Jonathon all along. However, he still could not afford to lose his talents at this point. With his new direction, he needed Jonathon's magic skills and therefore, could not get rid of him just yet. "C'mon, Jonathon. Isn't this what you always wanted?"



"I never wanted want to hurt anyone." He was surprised at Warren's amenable tone. He probably would have felt better if Warren showed his anger but this seemed just as menacing.



"And we haven't hurt anyone, have we? We're trying to take over Sunnydale and no one has been hurt."



"Yet!" Jonathon was sure that each time Warren planned something, it was to see the slayer hurt. The fact that it had not happened yet really didn't prove anything. He was in over his head and it was probably going to get a lot worse and he didn't know what to do.



"At all, no one's been hurt, not the slayer or her friends. In fact, her sister got hurt because of Willow. Now. All I'm trying to do is to get Buffy and her friends out of the picture so we can carry on with what we're doing. We can do that by sending demons after her and you know, sooner or later they're going to beat her. Or…we could stir up some trouble in their little gang and she'll be busy tying to stop the infighting."



To be fair to Warren, it did sound reasonable and Jonathon was glad that Warren did not mention attacking the slayer directly or doing another spell on her. "But how do we get Willow to do more magic?"



"Well, she doesn't have to…Buffy just has to think she's doing it." With that, Warren moved to the driver's seat. He turned back to look at both Jonathon and Andrew and knew that he had convinced them or at least Jonathon. Andrew would probably jump off a cliff if he asked so he wasn't a problem. "Jonathon, think of all the chicks you're going get and the money that's still out there. All you have to do is to perform some spells and make the slayer think its Willow. No harm, no foul. Just listen to the fight again…"Warren indicated as the exchange between Willow and Buffy came onscreen. "They just need a little push.



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"I don't believe Buffy was being so judgmentally like." Willow was sitting on the edge bed as Tara moved around her, gathering their nightclothes and turning down the bed. “I mean I was her big gun, you know, she said so and now…she’s all, that’s too much!” Willow had never wanted to be the big gun but Buffy had asked and she couldn’t say no, not when everyone’s life was on the line. She saw Tara looking at her and tried to explain further. “The night she…the night we fought Glory, Buffy said I was her Big Gun, the only one who could help hurt Glory. I mean I didn’t want to be, you know but she said…”Willow couldn’t finish and just sat back on the bed, looking dejected.



"Sweetie, I think she was just worried about Dawn… and about you. And so am I." Tara stopped and moved towards Willow. The blood on her face had long since dried leaving a faint rust color where Willow had not managed to wipe it away. It frightened her how much blood had flowed. How much of Willow's blood. Despite Willow's weak protest that it looked worst than it was, Tara could sense that controlling the magic blast had hurt the red head physically and mentally. "You're an essential and irreplaceable part of my life…when I felt your pain at the magic Box, I was so scared." Tara didn't want to tear up, she knew that Willow was already feeling rather bad about everything that had occurred and seeing her in tears would only add to Willow's guilt. However, she wanted to explain her own feelings in the matter. Their connection was so intense that Tara had felt Willow trying to control the magic and her near loss of control.



"You felt my…How? I mean, I didn't mean for you to…Baby, I'm so sorry." Willow should have known that somehow, Tara would have sensed her channeling such great power. She just didn't think that Tara would have also felt her pain. Willow stood up rather unsteadily, walked towards Tara and wrapped her arms around Tara's middle. "I'm so sorry." She whispered again.



"It's ok." Tara turned around to face Willow, her finger lifting Willow's chin so that she could look into her beautiful blue eyes. "I also get to feel all your happy thoughts. Like, what were you thinking of yesterday at noon?" Tara queried, wanting to take Willow's mind off her unnecessary guilt.



"Yesterday? I was shopping for groceries with Dawn and…Well, I was in the ice-cream isle and I was thinking about what flavor would go best with you." Willow was actually thinking of what flavor would taste best being licked off Tara and her subsequent blush alerted Tara to the fact.



"So which did you choose?" Tara asked, her mischievous smile giving away that she knew exactly what Willow was thinking.



"Well, we got Phish Food and Chocolate Fudge Brownie but I think you taste fine on your own." Willow had given up all pretenses and pre-empted the question she knew Tara would have asked as she leaned in for her kiss. She felt Tara tightened her arms around her and pull her closer as their kiss deepened. All at once, Willow could feel her entire being reacting to that main point of contact. Her fight with Buffy, the pounding headache and her feelings of inadequacy all faded away.



Tara could feel Willow relax in her arms and was glad to be able to give her the small respite. However something was still preying on her mind so she gently pulled back from the kiss despite Willow's low moan and pout. "Will, I love you and I love the fact that I can sense your moods every time I think about you."



"Wow…every time?"



"Yeah." Tara nodded her head shyly. She didn't want to tell Willow that the red head occupied most of her thoughts anyway. She could be helping Anya with inventory or making breakfast and always, in the back of her mind, there would be a Willow sensor. She figured it was so strong because Willow was also thinking about her. "I can't help it."



"I know, neither can I." Willow admitted. She was sure she was the only one who obsessively thought about Tara. About what she was thinking or wearing or where she was. She just wished that Tara only felt the good parts and didn't have to share her pain. "Can you switch it off?"



"I…I haven't tried. It's nice to always have you there." Ever since the encounter with her family, Tara was beginning to recover more and more memories of growing up on their farm in Arizona. What she also remembered was the fact that despite the love of her parents and brother, she liked her solitude and being independent. It was that fact that helped her get through being stranded in Pylea. However things had changed and ever since meeting Willow, Tara never really felt alone. Not even when Willow wasn't there. Willow's presence in her mind was a comfort and something she truly treasured. It was the same thing when they practiced magic together. Each spell they did, no matter how small connected them and she could literally see them channel the magic, work with it and not control it. That was what her mother had thought her all those years ago. How magic worked because it was a gift bestowed upon people who gave it the proper respect and veneration. How it was never about power or control but about being a part of something bigger than oneself. Hence for her, practicing magic was something inherent and it was not a challenge but a gift. In Pylea, the flow of magic was different, the lessons she had learnt on earth were not a good fit and hence, whenever she tried even minor spells, it would result in headaches and sometimes nosebleeds, much like what had happened to Willow. Perhaps it was that easy an explanation, it wasn't that Willow was messing with the dark forces or that she was handling magic way beyond her capability. It could just be that Willow was ruled more via her innate magical instinct than anything else. What Tara had sensed was not only Willow losing control of the energy she was channeling but also Willow's struggle to call forth the energy in the first place. A struggle that should not have been so difficult if she was working with the energy flows around her as opposed to trying to command them. "Sweetie, could you do me a favor and go back and sit on the bed and close your eyes. I want to try something out." Tara wasn't sure if Willow wanted to hear anymore about the magic or about her usage but maybe it would be easier to let Willow come to the same conclusion on her own. Despite the toll of the past few hours, Tara knew how intelligent and quick Willow was and if her theory was right, it would go a long way towards alleviating some of the remorse Willow was feeling.



"Oookay." Tara wasn't asking for much but it did seem odd that she was still standing at the dresser while Willow made her way back to the bed. She climbed on and made her way to the middle, sitting indian style as she looked expectantly at Tara. "Do you want me to close my eyes now?" Still curious, she immediately closed them as soon as she saw Tara nod her head in the affirmative.



"Willow, I need you to picture me in your mind. But you have to concentrate and try and sense what I'm doing and try and see that as a picture in your mind, okay?" Tara hoped that her current request didn't need more exposition as she moved to stand at the door of their room. She really did not want to tell Willow what she was about to do. She just hoped that Willow's sense of her was as acute as hers was of Willow. She looked at Willow on the bed and smiled as she noticed the small crinkle that had formed in her forehead. It normally occurred when Willow was concentrating. Only this time, the huge grin on Willow's face slightly negated the effect. "Sweetie, are you picturing me wearing any clothes?" Tara didn't think she had to be that specific but Willow's lascivious grin proved otherwise.



Feeling slightly chagrined, Willow shook her head slightly and went back to concentrating on her picturing Tara in her mind's eye. "Sorry, um…you didn't say and you were wearing the cute sheep jammies. I mean the bottoms at least." Her eyes were still closed but the picture of Tara, standing at the entrance of their room and looking at her was pretty clear.



"Baby, I need you to just concentrate of what I'm doing and feeling." With that, Tara began to levitate the small picture of Buffy, Dawn and Willow at the side of the bed. It didn't take much concentration and she looked at Willow, hoping that her love could see the way she was acting like a conduit for the magic and not controlling it.



Willow didn't want to fail at whatever Tara was expecting her to do so she concentrated on focusing on Tara. It wasn't difficult really, but this time, she could feel something different. Not really unfamiliar but not something she had always been privy to. The first time she felt like this was at the magic Box when Tara helped her with Angel's demon finding spell. She had felt it again when they had raised Buffy. Tara was doing a spell and it was beautiful. She could see the strands of magic being woven around Tara as well as the energy focused around the hovering picture frame. It was as if Tara was in total synergy with everything around her, calm and in control. Not in control of the magic but being sentient of her own place within the spell. Willow remembered how that felt like. That first spell in the magic Box, made her feel euphoric and connected to Tara and the world around her. Even at Buffy's resurrection, she had felt her power waning and her control slipping until Tara held her hands, helping her finish the spell. She had never realized the difference, how Tara's presence and the way she dealt with magic made it seem simple for Willow, intrinsic. However, whenever she did the spells on her own, it seemed more like she was trying to contain the power and control it instead of allowing it to flow through her towards its natural completion. Willow's eyes flew open at that last realization. "I don't know how…" she whispered, looking at Tara, hoping that the silent plea in her voice would be enough for Tara to understand.



"I can teach you." Tara smiled back. Willow could never disappoint her, her bravery and intelligence had always shone through even at times when Tara's own courage had failed. "I think that's what's wrong. No one has ever really taught you how. That's why you've been having the nosebleeds and the headaches…" Tara hesitated before continuing.



Willow could sense that there was something else that Tara wanted to say and it was probably not something flattering to Willow but definitely something necessary. "Go on…I trust you."



"Well, I think that's why you've been channeling dark magic. Not because you want to but probably it's easier. I mean, it's more dangerous but summoning dark magic doesn't need the same observances and rules as light magic. It also takes so much more from you." Tara could see Willow nodding at her words and accepting them without prejudice. Willow's well-being had always preyed on her mind especially her disregard for her own safety when faced with doing magic to help those around her. This was an opportunity for Tara to teach Willow and ensure her safety and she was glad that they had talked about it.



"You know I would never use magic to hurt you, right?" Willow's head was still pounding but she wanted to broach the subject about her other use of magic. She had almost forgotten about the charm spell and she still wasn't sure if she could bring it up at this point. It all had worked out, Tara's nightmares didn't recur and her own feelings of loss and pain were all but a memory. With Tara by her side, she knew that she was strong enough to deal with whatever those feelings symbolized. However, trying to divine their meaning would only bring back Tara's own bad dreams and as long as Tara believed in her, she knew she was doing the right thing.

It was a question that to Tara sounded disconnected from their current conversation but Willow's serious tone and demeanor made her weigh the question before going with the obvious and in her mind, only answer.



"Of course not."



"Good. Cause, I don't…want to hurt you. I just want you to be safe." Willow promised herself that if Tara carried on with the direction of the conversation, despite the headache and all around crummy feeling, she would tell her about the bracelet and they would deal with the consequences. However, if Tara didn't then, there would be another time. It wasn't something that Willow wanted to hide anymore but she didn't want to just blurt it out. Tara would probably be slightly hurt by Willow keeping it a secret and doing it without her knowledge so she wanted the timing to be right. In the meantime, she needed to try and recollect the visions and feelings first, see if she could try and give them some meaning. If that didn't work, she would need Tara's help and possibly expose her love to her own bad dreams.





"Well, same goes for me. What do you say to a nice bath and some snuggles. I am pretty tired and I think I could use Willow-hugs." Tara could sense so many feelings coming off Willow including the fact that she wanted to tell Tara something. But foremost in her mind was Willow's well being and she knew that despite her brave façade Willow was still in pain and needed looking after. She had kept secrets from Willow before and knew Willow was keeping one from her now, not out of spite but probably because she felt frightened of keeping it in the first place. Tara would be patient, she loved Willow enough to know that Willow had meant every word she uttered about not wanting to hurt her, so she would bide her time and wait until Willow told her what was preying on her mind.



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Before she died the second time, Buffy used to spend the mornings getting Dawn ready for school or more likely protecting Dawn or Sunnydale from Glory or some other demon menace. It was routine and though she always complained of her lack of a life, it was her life. For Buffy, it was her calling to be the slayer, she had fought vampires and demons since she was sixteen and had accepted the fact that she would continue to do so until she died. Only, when she did die, on both occasions, she was brought back. That had to mean something, it meant that she had a duty to perform, she was the slayer and she was needed.



Coming back the first time had been easy, she didn't really remember the being dead bit, just the regret when she realized that she was going to die and was also the reason the Master would rise. Then, she was back, staring up at Xander and feeling incredibly angry that she had nearly been done away with. The righteous indignation she felt then fuelled her anger and allowed her to defeat the Master and carry on with her duty. There had been slips and chinks in her armor since then, killing Angel, Faith, aligning herself with the Initiative. However, she had still triumphed, until Glory. She never considered that a failure, it was her decision to sacrifice her life so that Dawn could live, so that they all could. She would never regret that. What she wanted to do now was just get on with her duty, to be the slayer. Buffy entered the magic Box hoping to see Giles and get his advice. She needed him to tell her why. Why she had been brought back after three months and how to deal with Willow. She didn't recognize Willow anymore and she needed to ask Giles when it had occurred. At least the magic Box still looked the same and Buffy noticed the bell at the door ring as she entered. Giles was behind the counter and for a moment Buffy could forget she had been dead for three months and everything was as it was before. Willow and Xander would be at the table talking with Dawn and Anya would come bursting in, talking about money. Only, Giles was the only recognizable face in there and the rest of the people were customers. Still, she was glad when he looked up and smiled at her.



"Buffy, it's nice to see you bright and early. Did you want to carry out a spot of training?" Each time Giles see Buffy, he would send up thanks to the Gods. Her continued presence in his life was a gift that he would cherish forever. He was amazed that apart from the spell that had disoriented her when she first came back, Buffy was more or less going on with her life. She was patrolling and training with Giles and even though she still had not broached the subject, he was sure Buffy was considering going back to school with Willow. Giles looked at her then and realized that there was something troubling his slayer. He hoped it had nothing to do with the call he received from Xander yesterday, demanding to know which cemetery Buffy was patrolling. He had called the house later that night but Dawn, who had picked up had been rather reticent and stated everything was ok. He figured that if they needed his help they would have called and perhaps Buffy showing up at the shop was her way of asking for it. "Is anything wrong? Did something happen on patrol last night?"



"It started out pretty quiet, there was a vamp along the way but I dusted him. It kinda stayed that way until we got to Restfield. These two demons…Giles they came out of nowhere and they were huge. Willow called them Anoraks or something-racs, they were flesh eaters." Buffy couldn't stop the shudder from going through her. She knew eventually that she would have killed them but the fight would have been bad and she would have probably sustained a number of injuries.



"Gnoraks? Are you sure? They're flesh eaters, indigenous to South America actually and not the type to travel well. Someone could have brought them her but-"



"It doesn't matter how they got here, they were here." Buffy cut Giles off. She needed to tell him about Willow's use of magic and how Dawn got hurt.



"And you managed to defeat them?"



The awe in Giles' tone made her look away. Deep down, she was sure that she would have possessed enough strength to protect Dawn and Willow but she never got the chance and overall, she just didn't know anymore. It had only been three months and nothing was the same, not her friends or her slayer skills. "No, I…I was trying to fend them off when Willow stepped in. Giles, the spell she cast…it incinerated the demons where they stood and then it got out of control. Dawn got hurt in the blast and lest just say they're not going to need to dig up any more holes for burials for quite some time."



"Is Dawn alright? When I spoke to her yesterday…she never said anything." Giles wanted to run back to the house to see for himself if Dawn was ok but he knew that if she wasn't, Buffy wouldn't be in the shop but by her side.



"There was more blood than damage but it could have been a lot worse. Willow shouldn't have done the spell, Giles. It was wrong and dangerous." She was supposed to protect them all. She had already tried to kill them due to the spell that was cast and she didn't need this new failure on her conscience.



"Was Willow hurt?"



"I think it was the pre-requisite headaches and nose bleeds. But Giles, it looked pretty bad. I think it affected her a lot more than it used to. She looked wiped out. I don't think I could ever get use to her black eyes either." She missed Willow so much and seeing her in pain or in that state was something she could live without. "Giles, we have to stop her."



"If it's affecting her physically then yes. But I think that the cause of it is mainly due to Willow not knowing how to handle the magic correctly." It had been fortuitous that Wesley had the courage to call him on ignoring Willow's plight. "I should have known better." It was a comment directed at himself more than Buffy.



"Exactly. We should stop her Giles. I knew I could count on you." Buffy felt so relieved. She had hoped that Giles would understand and act accordingly. After the near altercation between her, Xander and Willow, she knew that they would need Giles to convince Willow.



"Buffy, I was more thinking along the lines of coaching Willow, actually. I…I have ignored the fact that she is an extraordinary young woman with a great deal of inherent magical ability. As such, she has had to suffer for her spells because I have not taken it upon myself to teach her the proper way. The only way." Giles was surprised to see Buffy's expression change from agreement to one of disbelief. "I was going to offer to teach her, actually. I should have done it sooner and perhaps this might not have happened"



"Yeah, because she'd probably be dead. I don't believe you're saying this. Willow's magic use is out of control so naturally you would want to teach her more magic. That makes a lot of sense if you were insane!" Buffy's raised voice caused a few of the customers to look their way and she immediately took a deep breath and continued in a lower tone. "Giles, you're my Watcher and I need your help."



"You've always had it Buffy."



"Good, because I don't want you teaching Willow magic. You weren't there. You didn't see the blast almost hit Dawn or the fact that she was floating off the ground decimating everything in sight. That wasn't Willow." The ringing doorbell alerted them to another customer and Buffy knew who it was even before she looked up. She could hear Dawn and Tara giggling and Willow's voice saying that that was why Xander never liked clowns.



"Giles, we're here to fulfill Anya's capitalist dream and buy lots of supplies." Willow smiled as she handed the list over. She and Tara had decided that they probably needed to stock up on their own magical supplies and books if they wanted to start the lessons. It was decided that Willow would research the history of Wicca and magic as well as look into her own genealogy to see where her magical ability may have come from. She was sure that no one in Sheila or Ira Rosenberg's family history were witches and warlocks but she had never looked so it was a good place to start. Tara did say that another reason for her power could be that she had fought, survived and lived on the Hellmouth. That may have been the trigger. Either way, it would be good to know. Tara would then teach Willow what she herself, had been taught by her mother and grandmother. How to let the magic flow and not hinder it or try and control it. Tara had warned her that they would start off slow and with small spells. Despite Willow's prowess, she was tapping into so many different forms and power that although her spells worked, the physical toll on her was not good.



"Yes, this is a very long list, Anya would be proud. It seems like you're planning for a lot of magic use?" Most of the things on the list were basic supplies, roots and herbs, nothing that would indicate a big and complex spell. Even the books were more history than spell books.



"Tara's going to teach me magic." Willow answered easily but looking up at Giles, she quickly went on, "I hope that's ok. I know you've never really approved or liked the fact that I do practice but this is different. Tara's always known about her ability since she was little and she's learnt so much about it. Things I never even thought about when I first started. I guess I always wanted the answer first and never thought about the consequences."



Giles smiled and nodded at Willow as he walked towards the other side of the room to begin to collect what was on the list. "I'll gather all you need."



"Hey Buffy, you missed a really good breakfast. Tara made ginger scones." Dawn noticed her sister's quiet take on the conversation between Willow and Giles. As soon as Willow had mentioned magic, her sister had set her jaw and she could see that Buffy didn't look happy.



"I had some cereal, Dawnie. I…I'm sorry, I need to talk to Giles." It was abrupt but she had to stop Giles.



"What do you think you're doing?" Buffy whispered at Giles, knowing that Willow and the rest were looking at her.



Giles could see that Buffy was adamant in her request that he not teach Willow magic and although he did not agree with her reasons, he loved her enough to acquiesce. "Buffy, you have always been like a daughter to me and although I don't agree with you, I will honor your wish and not teach Willow. But I will not stand in her or Tara's way. Especially when I think it is the right decision."



Willow noticed that Buffy had not even looked at her when she entered the shop and it hurt. Now it seemed like Buffy was having an argument with Giles and she was probably the precursor to that as well. She still felt shaky and her headache was ever-present but Buffy was her best friend and she didn't want anything to fester. "Buffy, is everything…I mean are you still mad at me?"



Buffy turned to look at Willow. She saw the shy girl who wanted to leave rather than share a bench on her first day of school, but she also saw the older girl with black eyes who fought a God and incinerated demons. "Will, I'm not mad at you. I just don't think it's such a good idea for you to even think about magic now. After what happened yesterday, don't you think you should stop instead of wanting to learn more?"



"I'm sorry Buffy but I need to know how to use what's in me correctly. It's like your slayer training." To Willow, it was a great analogy as Buffy could relate but that wasn't happening as Buffy took her hand and pulled her into the training room in the back. She could see the Buffybot in the corner and Buffy's various weapons on the floor but she could not figure out why Buffy had pulled her in here.



"Do you think I…" Tara wanted to follow them but she knew Buffy would never hurt Willow so she let her question die on her lips.



"Willow, look around you. The weapons, this room, it doesn't make me a slayer. I just am. Are you sure that your magic…that you can control it?"



It was not an easy question to answer. Willow wasn't even sure where her magic came from but she wanted to use it to help. She had done so countless of times at her own peril and she couldn't stop, not if she could do even the smallest amount of good. "I have to try."



"And what if someone you love gets hurt because of it. What if it was Tara or Xander?" Buffy didn't want to play with Willow's feelings but there was a lot at stake. "I had to kill Angel even though I knew he had his soul back. You don't have to make choices like that. Not if you stop with the magic." Buffy could see that Willow was still not convinced and there was nothing else she could say. "I don't want you practicing around Dawn and…I don't think you should come on patrols anymore."



"What? Buffy, no! You don't mean that." Willow was aghast, Buffy was giving her an ultimatum of sorts.



"I do. What you're playing with is dangerous Will and I'm sorry if you can't see it but I can and it has to stop now." With that, Buffy walked out the back door. She didn't want to face Giles or Dawn again. She just hoped Willow would eventually see that it was for her own good and stop.



Tara, Giles and Willow had not wanted to eavesdrop but the last bits of the argument were said loudly enough that they heard most of it through the open door. Tara went to Willow as son as she emerged from the back and offered her a hug. It didn't solve anything but it provided comfort and that was important.



Giles was as surprised as Willow when he heard Buffy's ultimatum. She sounded so intransigent and Buffy had never been that way. "Maybe…maybe she just needs time to get use to everything again." It wasn't much of an explanation but it was the best he could offer. His earlier thoughts on the swiftness of Buffy's return to her routine may have just been wishful thinking on his part. "Buffy's always had such a strong sense of duty and I think she wants to get back to what she's most familiar with. However, from what I gather, the fight yesterday was quite rough. Maybe, she wasn't ready for it and now she's frighten to admit it."



"So that's why she taking some of it out on Willow?" Dawn hoped that it wasn't the case but it made some sense. Her big sister wanted to protect them all and would take it as a big failure on her part if she couldn't.



"No Dawnie, I do deserve some of the blame. I shouldn't have used such a big spell either." It was never about the power with Willow, she just wanted to help and she needed Buffy to understand that. If that meant toning down her spells then it could be done. "Do you really think that's it, Giles, that Buffy just needs time…I miss her, I just want to go back to having conversations that didn't revolve around magic and power."



"That's an explanation. I don't know if it’s the right one but if it is, then we must give Buffy the time she needs."



"Could she…could she use some help? Someone to center her, someone she could talk to?" Tara knew how important it was that Willow was in her life and she knew that her presence helped Willow too. Maybe that was what Buffy needed, not a Watcher or someone to train with but someone to talk to. Willow would have fit that role well except that the past few times, it had erupted into a fight.



"Yes, most definitely, although I think all of us here have been ruled out. Perhaps Xander."



"Or we could just get her groupie to do it, you know, her biggest fan…" Dawn wanted to break the gloomy air that had descended ever since Buffy left. That was when she remembered the figure running away with Buffy's jacket. Maybe he was a big fan of hers and wanted a souvenir. Buffy would probably get a kick out of knowing that someone apart from the Scoobies knew of her and was a fan.



"What?" Giles and Willow echoed each other's question.



"Last night, as we were going home, I saw someone running away from the Von Hauptmann crypt. He was carrying Buffy's leather jacket so I thought…you know, he was a fan or something. He must have seen the fight and everything."



"Hmm…" it could have been a vampire who wanted to witness the demise of the slayer or even a homeless man but some how those two scenarios didn't seem to fit and Giles was going over all the other pieces in his head. "Willow, what kind of demons were you fighting yesterday."



"I'm not too sure but I think they were Gnoraks. Wesley showed me a picture in his files. Angel had to fight one in LA. It was funny because they're usually only found in South America except the one Angel fought was brought in with the circus. They thought it was harmless." Willow wasn't looking at Giles as she gave her explanation but she got to the same conclusion as he did moments ago. "They're not from around here…"



"…And they don't travel well." Giles finished.



"Do you think the person Dawn saw was responsible? Someone was setting Buffy up." It wasn't such a far-fetched theory. Buffy had made a few enemies in her time, they all had. It was possible that one of them was trying to take their revenge now.



"But why take her jacket? I mean as far as fashions go, it was a nice jacket but from his size, I don't think he could use it." This was her first real Scooby type meeting and Dawn hoped her question wasn't stupid.



"Good point, Dawnie and I'm not sure."



"Maybe the jacket wasn't for someone but for something." Tara could only think of one thing that would require personal objects belonging to individuals. "Maybe it was for a spell." She finished.



"Oh God!" Willow was always two steps ahead of most people and at that moment, she hoped that what she was thinking wasn't true. "Do you think that…I mean could this be connected to the robbery? Summoning powerful demons is a pretty big spell. The supplies we lost and the books, could they…"



"Yes, they could." Giles had taken off his glasses and laid them on the counter. He could feel an immense headache approaching. "So we're probably dealing with three people who have not only stolen from us but who have now sent demons to kill us and have probably planned a lot of other unpleasant things for Buffy. Wonderful…Just wonderful."





-----------------------------------------------------------------------

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Wonderful how Tara trusted in Willow enough to let her come to her own conclusions about how she should be using the magic.



Willow's little deal with herself about whether to tell Tara about the charm or not. She's definitely being avoidy. I really like how Tara knows she's keeping something from her, but the intrinsic trust she has is giving her the patience to wait until Willow feels she can tell her.



I'm really trying to not hate Buffy. She's trying to re-adjust, and her duty is helping give herself a focus. However her deciding that Willow shouldn't do magic, not listening to either Giles or Willow's reasonings is so very narrow-minded.



Glad that Dawnie told Giles and our girls about the jacket stealer. At least they are somewhat fore-warned.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

If (big IF) Buffy is concerned about Willow's use of magic for Willow's sake she's handling/explaining it rather poorly.



Sounds more like she is just pissed of that she didn't get to beat the demons herself. It's green and start with a 'j'... take a guess. She should take Tactical Retreat 101 as soon as possible, obviously she doesn't know when she is out of her league. That will get her killed one day.



Buffy on patrol alone... yeah that will last. I'll likely cheer when she comes home hurt, pride should have price after all. How difficult is it to show some gratitude to people you left to fend for themselves anyway ? With this attitude, next time she needs help there might not be too many volunteers. Heck I wouldn't help again... Willow probably would though, she's too nice to people sometimes.



The part where Tara showed Willow how magic can also be done was neat. "are you picturing me with any clothes on?" hehehe.... OF COURSE NOT Also smart how she handled educating Willow, not saying "you should not do it like that" but letting her figure it out herself with a little help. Waaay better then anyone tried in another season



Neato update... still disliking Buffy but that's ok, same as in the on-screen season6



Heh, the mood in the Summers home will be rather down now I think. With basicly everyone disagree-ing with Buffy to some degree. (yeah, go Team Willow )



This update made my day all nice and shiny



Fact that I actually care/complain about people in this fic shows your charachter-writing is good though



Grimmy

"Why w-w-would anyone leave Willow?" It was a concept Tara just could not grasp. -- I Dream of Thee by Jomarch

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 9/30/02 11:29:59 am

What a cool update!!!! That totally rocked. I loved the fighting,. It's good that there is some conflict, but I want to see Tara find out about the charm. Question though: If she can feel Willow and her feelings and felt her magick use, then how come she doesn't know about the charm?????





Loving it!!!



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

great update the way you write Warren he seems more evil than he was on the show, and his plan for Buffy sounds interesting. its cool that Tara is going to teach Willow about magic and how to use it properly. Buffy was totally wrong to jump all over Giles when he mentioned that he was going to teach Willow about magic.

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!

2nd place??? That's just a fancy term for loser!

Just because you have coffee with someone, doesn't make you a lesbian

*mollyig* - Well, I love writing about the evolving trust between Tara and Willow. Tara's definitely the more mature one and you're right about Willow being avoidy. And don't hate Buffy too much, she just re-adjusting to everyone andeverythnig moving forward when she died. The next part should show more of her side of thnigs and there's the Tara/Buffy scene I wanted to write.



*Grimlock72* - Hi Grimmy! Well, yes Buffy can be jealouse and petty but she's also Willow's best friend and that's somethnig she needs to remember. As for Tara letting Willow figure it out, I just thought she would do something like that instead of just telling the person. She's rather they figure it out for themselves. Glad you had a nice shiny day



*willntlover* - Ohhh! good question. It made me think and I guess Willow did the charm spell really early on and since it wasn't directed at Tara per se, there was no need for Tara to sense anything magicky. I also think that Tara would not like to pry and so she can only sense the big magics when they get a bit away from Willow. Their bond is stronger now than before so she can sense Willow's feelings very clearly now (like guilt and that she's holding something back) but as I said before, Tara would never pry unless Willow made it blatantly obvious or if Willow thinks about it too much. Hope that answered your question.



*Grimaldi* - You know I thnik Grimlock72 said that she could not picture Donny as a good guy on account of watching 'family' too many times. Well, I guess I can't write Warren as anything other than sleazy and evil. And don't get too mad at Buffy, she just needs a couple of people to talk some sense into her .

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

jo thank you, great update.



Buffy doesn't want Willow to be taught because she wants her off magic. But that's not gonna happen. What will happen without training is what happened before, disaster!

- - - - - - - - - - - -
Tara and Willow

Accept NO subsitutes

Good point. i can't imagine Tara studying someone's magick use without their consent.



Thanks for the answer!



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

*xita* - you're so welcome. AndI totally agree with you about the magic and Buffy will too, eventually.



*willntlover* - Glad I managed to answer your question . Phew!





Spoiler Warning - It starts from Seeing Red and then completely veers off in all kinds of tangents.

Disclaimer - All characters, names and some dialogue etc belong to ME and Joss Whedon. However, due to improper usage and gross mishandling of characters and plot lines by aforementioned parties, it is with great pleasure that I (and all the other writers on the board) use them for the reading pleasure of kittens everywhere.

Rating - PG again

Feedback - thanks for everyone who has given feedback. It is incredibly heartening to read them. So please keep it coming.

Notes - Thanks to funkyasian for betaing despite being sick.. You definitely rock. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter !!!



Title: I Dream of Thee



Chapter 7c



Buffy stood in the alley at the back of the shop for a good ten minutes before she realized that she couldn't stand there forever. She had hoped that Willow would run out and promise to stop with the magic, or that Giles would have come looking for her to ask her to reconsider, but no one came. Giles was probably ringing up their purchases and Tara was definitely comforting Willow. She idly wondered if calling Angel so soon after he had left, constituted weakness in anyway. She just wanted to hear a friendly voice, someone who wouldn't think that she was over-reacting. Maybe that was the answer; she could go home and call Angel. So intent was she on that particular thought that she didn't hear the running footfalls behind her until they caught up.



"Hey Buffy! Give…uh…give me a minute…I think…my uh… lungs dropped off a few shops back." Xander was doubled over and she could see Anya power walking towards them.



"Hey Xander, why the chase?"



Anya heard the question and answered for him, seeing that he was still bent over. At least he wasn't turning blue. "Buffy, we were just wondering if you would be in the wedding party?"



"Like a bridesmaid?" Buffy still couldn't believe that Xander was actually getting married. When he told her the story behind his proposal and how he cried when he realized Buffy could not be there, she had been touched. Out of all the changes she encountered on coming back, this was one of the nicer ones. She just hoped that the scoobies old problems with love were still not with them. Willow and Xander deserved some happiness in their lives after sacrificing so much to help her fight on the Hellmouth.



"Well, yes, but more of a bridesmaid who can ensure that no one steps out of line…You know like Xander's over-zealous Uncle Rory or some of my really most of the time incredibly well behaved demon relatives." Anya finished with a flourish. Xander really wanted Buffy to be part of the wedding and initially was considering making her into another best man, like Willow. However, after the near fight yesterday, Anya thought it was best if Buffy and Willow had some time apart so she suggested that they just ask Buffy to be another bridesmaid. Tara would help her get ready and Buffy could handle wide variety of humans and demons at the reception.



"Oh!…Sure." Buffy didn't want to refuse but this was typical. Even when she wanted to distance herself from being the slayer, something would pop up to remind her of it. She wanted to do her duty but even that had been taken away from her yesterday. Now, all she was apparently good for was a glorified bouncer at a wedding. Albeit, it would be a wedding populated by a lot of evil people and Anya's family but still, it hurt to know that even though she had been brought back, she may not be needed anymore.



"Good. I really want one of my bestest buds to be there on that day. It means a lot to me." Xander moved forward to hug Buffy. He knew that he had been doing that a lot and a few years ago, it would have probably been because he wanted to cop a feel. However, in recent times, he hugged her to convey his love and respect and to ensure that she was really there, in their lives. He could tell that something was not quite right, she looked like the old Buffy but somehow, she seemed less than she was. Not different but not whole either. "Is everything alright? Do you need to talk to Giles or do we need a scooby meeting?"



"I…I just came from the Magic Box…" Buffy didn't want to elaborate since doing that would bring back memories of her ultimatum to Willow. In her mind, she knew that if she had just talked to Willow more, if she had pleaded, it would not have come out so harsh. However, it had to be done, she didn't want any more blood on her hands if she could help it and it was the only way. "I got into another argument with Willow."



"About the magic?" Anya had not been surprised to witness Buffy and Willow's disagreement yesterday. She just didn't think that it would actually last. They were best friends and Willow had done everything to bring Buffy back, even at the expense of her own safety. Maybe her first impression was correct and Buffy came back wrong. On the outside, she seemed the same, looking after Dawn, going on patrols. But once in a while, Anya noticed that she just didn't have the same spark of life as she did before. It was as if she was just following a template of her life and not really living it, like she was just going through the motions.



"Yes. I mean you guys agree with me that she's getting out of control, right?" Buffy directed the question at both Xander and Anya, hoping that they would at least agree with her assessment.



"Maybe she did kinda go too far yesterday but…Buff, she really did come through for us when you were…I mean, she ensured we all got back to the house in one piece from the site. Then she and Spike went to take care of the bigger demons that escaped from the portal. Initially, she was the only one who thought we could bring you back…" Xander could see Buffy taking his words in and hoped that it gave her a clear picture of just how much they had all missed her and how much they needed her.



"Why?" Buffy stated, not really looking at Xander but more like she was looking through him. "Why did you bring me back?"



That was the question that Xander was not expecting. "Because you're Buffy." He blurted out, not quite knowing where the conversation was headed but not liking the dead expression on Buffy's face either. "We loved you and needed you." He continued softly, reaching out to hold her hand.



Anya could see that Buffy was not really listening anymore and just staring off into the distance but the slayer had asked for answers and the one thing the ex-demon knew about was you always go to the source. "We only knew we could bring you back when Willow and Tara came up with a feasible plan…maybe you should talk to them as well, we could all go to the Magic Box and I can also go over the color scheme of the wedding. Do you think you'll tan before then? You and Willow really would look washed out if we went with the pink…"



Buffy absently nodded her head but she knew that she couldn't do that, especially not now. Perhaps when she got things sorted out in head, she would talk to Willow, really talk to her and not judge but for now, what she needed was an outsider's view, someone who would tell her the truth. "Yeah, but I need to go take care of something first. I'll see you at the house later." With that, Buffy walked away, not giving Xander or Anya any time to argue with her or convince her to accompany them to the shop. She wanted to find Spike, he wouldn't lie to her, she hoped.



--------------------------------------------------



It never surprised to her that the cemeteries that looked so peaceful in the daylight turn into a war zone at night. She was used to the dichotomies of her life, of never having anything that fit, but that was her lot and she not only accepted it, she excelled at it. Initially, it was juggling school, dating and slaying. She never quite got the hang of all of it but she had survived high school and a year and a half of college. Then it was being the responsible adult and looking after Dawn and saving them all from Glory and she hadn't done a bad job there either. Coming back, she knew that Dawn still needed looking after but she also had Giles and Willow and Tara there. She wondered what else was left for her if she couldn't even slay anymore.



Buffy hesitated as she neared the front door of his crypt. It wasn't that she wanted to be polite and knock but more that it suddenly dawned on her that she wasn't sure exactly what she wanted to ask Spike. She knew the answers she needed but she wasn't really sure if she was ready to hear them. She felt all kinds of foolish standing there, her fist poised to knock on the door and unable to make up her mind on whether she should just turn around or get the answers from Spike. It was then that she heard his voice. It was faint but slayer hearing was always good for something.



"You might as well come in. I can't run after you on account the sun's still up." Spike had sensed her presence as soon as she entered the cemetery. His poet side wished that it were due to being in love with her; that because she held his heart, he could feel her presence always. Unfortunately the reason behind it was more mundane and more to do with self-preservation. Buffy had the preternatural gift of sensing vampires and demons and likewise, older vamps could sense a slayer a mile away. Most of the time, they were just too cocky or wanted to prove themselves and that's why they never ran away but instead stupidly fought to their death.



Buffy still hadn't convinced herself that she should enter, but she didn't have anyone else she could talk to. Angel was a possibility that she was still considering but she didn't want to alarm him just yet with her need. He had come to help bring her back but he had not been there when she died. She needed to know how it was like when she died, so Buffy steeled herself and pushed opened the crypt door. She could see Spike lounging against the stone coffin in the middle of the chamber, a cigarette hanging from his lips. She never noticed how gaunt he looked, until now. He looked stronger then, at her house when he told her that he would look after Dawn and that she treated him like a man. Now, he just looked smaller and tired. Perhaps her return wasn't the best for him either. Buffy knew that he loved her, that he would have died that night if she asked him to. It was something that she didn't want to think about but it was so evident each time he looked at her. Angel looked at her like that once upon a time and so did Riley. However, the difference reflected back in Spike's eyes was that he accepted that she would never acknowledge his love.



"Come for information then, did you?" His low voice echoed within the chamber. He had only lit up the cigarette to stop his hands from shaking and he was glad to see that the ploy had worked. He had dreamt that she would come to him, to seek his advice or company, he didn't care which. All that mattered was that she was there. Buffy Summers was standing in his crypt, alive and whole. Ever since the resurrection, he had avoided seeing her or any of the scoobies. It wasn't that he didn't want to. He just figured that she needed time to reacclimatize herself to living and to bond with her sister and friends. Another more obvious reason that he would have never admitted to was that he was frightened to see her or talk to her. William the Bloody was scared stiff of acknowledging that despite her death and the three preceding months, his feeling for her had not waned but had grown instead. He would spend each day sleeping in hopes of dreaming of her and each night prowling the streets, picking fights so that he would be exhausted enough to sleep again. She haunted him in death and was still haunting him alive.



"That's why I…Is that why you think I'm here?"



"Face it, slayer…that's why you're always here." He had given her a way out. Spike could sense her apprehension and knew that this time, she had come to him not because there was a demon she needed identified but because she was fighting something within. He needed to help her but he would not offer unless she asked. She turned around then, the silky material of her knee length skirt twirled about. She always looked so fragile and young but underneath, he knew how strong she had been. Spike expected her to walk out but all she did was turn her back on him and wrapped her hands around her middle. He could tell that she was looking at the carvings on the wall but knew she wasn't reading them.



"What was it like…when I was gone." Buffy wasn't sure if she had really articulated the question or it had just echoed in her head. She wasn't sure if she could give voice to it if she hadn't already. It was a question that spoke of her uncertainty and showed weakness. She had never really showed her weakness to him and she wasn't sure if it was good to do it now. She took a step towards the door only to be stopped short by Spike's voice.



"Bad." That was a succinct description if there was one. Spike didn't want to elaborate but she had shown him her weakness and he could not refuse. "You were essential to them… to us." He definitely needed another cigarette and fumbled for the pack in his coat. He fumbled for his lighter as Buffy turned around. The flame from it made the unshed tears in her eyes shine.



"You want me to tell you how it made carpenter boy hit the bottle or how your Watcher looked like he aged a decade." The tear that rolled down her cheek caused him to nearly rush forward and wipe it away. The only thing stopping him was her stance. Her arms were still around her middle as if in pain and her expression on her face told him to not come near.



"Willow…" This was the difficult bit. Spike wasn't sure how to describe the witch. He would be forever grateful to her for bringing Buffy back, yet, he would always blame her for not saving Buffy, just as he would always blame himself. "Willow just shut down. She still did what needed to be done, looking after Dawn and making sure everyone got medical attention but she didn't deal with her own pain, she just kept it all inside because we needed her to be the leader. Only…well, that's not the way it works, is it?" Buffy nodded at his statement and he continued. "If I were a betting man, she would have been the first to go but then she brought Angel and his crew back."



"And Tara?" Buffy added softly and this time it was Spike who gave a nod. Buffy didn't want to hear about how badly her family they had taken her death, it only added to her guilt. They were supposed to live on, to move away and have families of their own. She had sacrificed her life for them and she felt so tired. "It wasn't supposed to be that way. They were supposed to live. Willow wasn't supposed to use magic…She didn't have to take my place."



"What do you want, Buffy?" He had not meant to use her name since he knew she wanted a distance between them. But he didn't want to hurt her if he could help it and he figured calling her slayer really wasn't what she wanted.



"I'm just tired of fighting. I don't want to fight with Willow about her magic or with Giles or Dawn. I'm just tired of always fighting." It seemed that was the only thing she had done when she came back. Fighting her friends because she was under a spell, fighting Beth and Willow and vampires and demons. "It ended but then… it didn't. Willow brought me back. The magic…brought me back."



Spike would never have guessed that Buffy might have resented being brought back. It was not something that he would have ever considered. She was Buffy and she needed to live. He couldn't believe that she had really wanted to remain dead if she had the choice and was now fighting with her friends because of it.



"Is that what you're angry with…being brought back? Is that why you've been fighting with Red and the rest…because you didn't want to come back?" Spike didn't even bother keeping the incredulous tone from his voice. Spike had always surmised that all slayers had a death wish. It wasn't that they wanted to die per se. It was just that the good ones knew that death beckoned and they accepted it as part of their duty. They were not afraid of it and that was why he managed to kill his two slayers but Buffy had always been different. She had so much to lose and that was her anchor. She loved her friends and family and she cherished her life. She wasn't the type to want to die. He knew her sacrifice atop the tower was not out of want but because there was no other choice. The fact that she may have not wanted to be brought back shocked him to his core and he grabbed her shoulders and made her look at him. "Then you should hate us all. Angel, Cordelia, Willow, Giles, Xander, the Nibblet and you should detest me. We all wanted you back. All of us. So Red's not the only one to blame,” He said all their names through gritted teeth.



Buffy couldn't look at him and tried to shake off his hold on her but she was so tired. "I…everything…everyone's so different…"



Spike wanted to pull her into his embrace but knew that she would not accept his comfort. Despite her current state, she was still holding on to her emotions so tightly. He could see the pain and uncertainty in her eyes. For the first time since he had known her, she looked lost and adrift. He needed to hold on to his own emotions and try and get through to her so he lowered his voice, forcing her to look up at him as he asked his question. "So because things change and Red's different, you're ready to say that you'd be better off dead?"



He was glad to see her eyes widen at his implication. It meant that she was still in there, and that she was still listening. He needed to hold on to that for the both of them. "Or are you just afraid to admit it?"



She shook her head at his question, not because she didn't want to answer but because she wasn't sure what he wanted her to say.



"Afraid to admit that the slayer is not the only strong one. Afraid to admit that Xander's changed, that he's actually grown a spine and proposed to his demon girlfriend. Or are you afraid to accept that the nibblet can look up to two witches as much as she looked up to you. Or are you that scared that you'll not admit Red could actually do something beyond your imagination."



Buffy was taken aback at Spike's words. It couldn't be that she was jealous that they had moved on. That was what she wanted, it was what she had told Dawn to convey for her. She had wanted them to move on, she just didn't think that it would hurt to see it; she never expected to see it in person.



Spike knew what he had to do next, so he sidled up to her and asked her in the same low voice he used before. "Or are you not really angry at being brought back but you're pissed off that Willow's not yours anymore. "



"No! It's was never like that with Willow. I never liked her that way." Buffy glared at Spike and was pissed off when she saw his smile.



"I never said you did, love. But thanks for the visual." He smiled as he finally figured her out. It wasn't about the magic or at least not all about that. He just hoped that Buffy could see where she was coming from as well. "So if it's not about being jealous of Willow's new friend or about the others moving on with their lives, then what is it?"



It was a simple question really, what was it about being back that made her feel this way? She could accept everyone moving on with their lives, it was inevitable and it had been what she had prayed for as she jumped off the tower. She just felt left behind, like things were moving along and suddenly, she had to catch up but no one explained the rules. She had come back and was ready to carry on like it was before, only it wasn't like that anymore.



"Buffy, you were always needed. Still are…but Willow's not a sidekick anymore. She hasn't been for quite some time. She's a bloody powerful witch and carpenter boy's actually going through with his wedding." That was it, if Buffy wanted to be truly honest about it all, Spike just hoped she did. "You're still powerful in your own way and you'll find someone." Spike didn't want to hurt her but she had to realize that her presence had allowed Xander and Willow to flourish into the people they were now and that even her death could not stop her influence on them. But that also meant that the dynamics changed and they weren't all her sidekicks anymore. All of them, including him helped and that in turn helped Buffy live.



Buffy knew she had the capacity for anger and jealousy but she never knew that she could actually be petty, not when it came to the people she loved. But that was it, she had woken up again in this world and everything that had not worked out for her before was still there. "Find someone…that's funny. Owen, Angel, Scott, Parker, Riley…" A litany of names that fell from her lips so easily but each one had hurt her in his own way as she had hurt them. "They all wanted too much or couldn't give enough…You're too cold Buffy, or you never let yourself go or you've been holding back. I mean its like I'm Goldilocks...you know. " Buffy sighed and considered stopping but she had to get it out. "I mean, probably a Goldilocks that could kill and skin the bears but like nothing is good enough…you know."



Spike tried not to smile at her reference as he interrupted her monologue. "Well, I could use a new fur lined jacket."



She stopped short then and looked at him, he still looked gaunt but the smile playing on his lips made him look almost alive. Then he laughed, a deep belly laugh that reverberated in the small crypt and made her want to join in. The joke hadn't been that funny but she had needed the release and he had complied. Soon, however, their laughter stopped and Buffy knew she should at least finish what she had started to say. "I guess I knew that everyone would miss me but sometimes I think it's the slayer that's missed and even now, the slayer's not really needed is she?"



"Bollocks! You can't honestly believe, even for a minute that you're only the slayer. That isn't who you are, it never was. Being the slayer never defined you, you defined it. The other slayers, they were different…" Spike wanted to explain what made her different but he knew that he would probably go too far and reveal more of his feelings that he wanted to. It wasn't something new. She knew he loved her but she didn't know how much and he didn't want her to know that he would never stop. "All those names you mentioned, they were fools and well, Angel's just a poofter." He added for good measure.



As much as she wanted to listen and believe in his words, Buffy couldn't bring herself to forget the past. "You can't argue with history, Spike."



"You can bloody well re-write it then. "He was adamant in this argument. He knew from experience what personal history was worth sometimes. "Listen here, I was a limped-wrist idiot before I was turned. William The Bloody, they called me. Mostly because I wrote bloody awful poetry."



She was sure she hadn't heard it right. Giles had been thorough in going over both Angelus and Spike's vampire history, whatever meager amount the Council had gathered but it was enough. It painted a picture that was both grisly and bloody. The Council had always concluded that Spike received his initial name due to his propensity for killing and the way he would revel in his victim's blood. Never would it cross their minds that the reason for the name arose out of his bad poetry. "Poetry?"



"Love poems…" He volunteered knowing it would bring another smile to her lips.



"Now that I would like to hear." It was true, Buffy figured that it couldn't be any worse than the ones she would scribble in her diary when she first met Angel or the aborted one she tried to write when she found out Owen read Emily Dickinson.



"Only if I were very drunk and so were you." He said as he moved closer to her hoping she would not step back. It was just that this was the first time since she had entered his home, that she didn't look confused or in pain. He reached out and touched her cheek, startling her but still she didn't step back. "You could have inspired me." His tone again changed. Instead of just lowering his voice, the new words were said in a whisper, like he wasn't sure if he really wanted to say them but did anyway. "I feel something for you Buffy. Something inside, something I haven't felt in over a hundred years, since before I was turned." The feeling of wonder flowed in his tone. When he first had the dream about Buffy, he had put it down to lust and frustration at not being able to kill the slayer. When the feelings didn't go away, he knew that he loved her but it was still wrong. He told her as such when Dru came back. However, that didn't mean that they weren't real, that each time she rejected him, it didn’t hurt. But, it was only when she died did he finally realize what she had done. She had unwittingly given him back his humanity, not via a spell or a stupid gypsy curse but because she had treated him like a man and asked him to look after her sister. Each day after her death and each time he helped Dawn or the scoobies added up and deep down, the unsettled twinge that he felt was not new but the resurgence of something he thought long gone. His fingers found their way down to her chin as he slowly lifted her head, wanting to see into her eyes before telling her. "You've allowed me to remember my humanity…you are my soul." He bent down to kiss her then, not caring if it was the last thing she would ever allow him to do. He had wanted to do it since her return and had always held back. She didn't need a love sick chipped in the head vampire and she didn't love him. He understood all that, just as he understood that the only reason he had not been staked yet was that he had caught her by surprise now because of what he had said. So he reluctantly pulled back and waited for her reaction.



Buffy's really wasn't thinking of killing Spike just yet. The enormity of his revelation was still ringing in her ears. Maybe if Angel had told her that a few years ago, she may have believed it. Spike certainly did and his kiss wasn't demanding, in fact, it was more like a surrender on his part. It was confusing and she didn't think that she could deal with it and all its implications and deal with all the other things in her life. "I…I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen and I'm gonna go." It wasn't the best exit line but everything that had occurred in the last hour had unbalanced her already unbalanced life. She knew that even if he wanted to follow her, he couldn't as it was still light out. She had come to him for answers and he had given most of them to her and for that she was grateful, but she just couldn't deal with his feelings or her own for that matter.



"Pretend all you want. It won't change anything." He didn't shout after her but she heard his words all the same. She knew he was right and that sooner or later he would she would need to face what he had said, what he had done. Like her situation with Willow, she never expected him to change so much. Deep down, he was still a killer who could not kill, not because of choice but circumstance. She allowed him into her life and her home and had shown gratitude when he helped keep Dawn's secret from Glory. As Buffy walked out, she knew what she needed to do. She would try and talk to Willow first, try and salvage that and then she would deal with Spike. She wasn't really sure what she could say to either of them just yet but she had to try.



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Buffy had wanted to get home as soon as possible to talk to Willow and then call Xander, Anya and Giles over so that they could all go out for dinner. However, she didn't count on having to run into a distraught Willy. Apparently, a couple of demons and vampires were having a minor disagreement resulting in them literally tearing his bar apart. She really didn't want to get involved but Willy had pleaded and promised to give her any information he came across for the next few months, so she agreed and followed him back to the bar. It had taken most of the evening but it felt cathartic to actually get the job done even if it was in conjunction with helping Willy. In the end, by the time she was finished, it was already dark out and Dawn and the rest had probably already had dinner. That really wasn't going to deter her and she hoped that Willow was still up so that they could talk. Buffy was still unsure about what exactly she wanted to say. Most of thought revolved around how she was the one who had always encouraged Willow's magic, especially when she thought it could help restore Angel's soul or if t could help get the Box of Gravock or if it could help defeat Glory. She never thought about how it would affect Willow, she didn't want to think that it could. If Willow was having problems now because of the magic, if her nose bleeds and headaches could lead to something worse or if she could lose control then it had to stop. She didn't want Willow to hurt herself for anything. There had been too many sacrifices already. As she neared the house, she was glad to see that at least there was a light left on in the kitchen. Maybe they were having ice cream and were waiting up for her. That would be like old times, but when she entered the back door, all she saw was Tara putting some food away in plastic containers.

"Buffy, are…are you ok?"



Buffy was surprised at her question until she realized that she had been in quite a fight and although she had won, her clothes and hair were a mess and she had another scratch on her face to add to the scrapes and bruises from the previous fight. Tara looked quite concerned and was already reaching up for the First Aid box that Willow had insisted they keep in every room in the house.



"You should sit down while I put something on that." Tara indicated to the cut on Buffy's face. She was glad to see that the slayer had made it home safely. Dawn had been worried and both she and Willow promised her that if Buffy did not come home soon, they would go out and look for her. That was how they had got Dawn to go to sleep. Tara also knew that Willow was worried that Buffy had gone on patrol alone, not knowing that the Gnoraks had been sent on purpose and there were probably more demons to come. She had nearly performed a locating spell until she remembered her promise to Tara that she would not do any more spells for the next couple of days. She had felt so tired that Tara insisted she take a small nap and if Buffy really didn't come home, she would wake Willow up and they would go out and look for her. "We were worried about you." Tara added softly as she slowly cleaned the cut.



"There was some trouble at Willy's and he asked for help. He owns a bar where lots of demons hang out and he gives us information sometimes." Buffy didn't know why but it was important for her to explain to Tara that she had not gone looking for a fight. "I was…I was hoping to talk to Willow."



Tara was just putting the band-aid on Buffy's forehead when she mentioned Willow's name. Tara knew that the two friends needed to talk but she was protective of Willow and she didn't want Buffy to give Willow any more ultimatums and such. She could read Buffy's aura and knew that her anger had dissipated but she was still feeling unsettled so Tara just didn't want to take a chance tonight. She had spent the better part of the afternoon consoling Willow and reassuring her that despite Buffy's harsh words, she was just trying to do the right thing. Tara told Willow that Buffy probably felt that the magic was hurting Willow and she didn't know of any other way to get Willow to stop then to just make her by giving her an ultimatum. Even making dinner together with Dawn had been a somber affair. Willow still looked morose and kept an eye on the door hoping that Buffy would come home and Dawn felt like she was also to blame for getting hurt in the first place. Overall, despite not fighting any demons tonight, Tara was as tired as Buffy was, as she had to soothe and comfort both Dawn and Willow. She wanted to join Willow in bed but she knew she had to do one more thing before that. "She's asleep. The worry and magic of the last few days…She's really tired. Dawn's asleep too but it was difficult to get either of them to rest as they were worried about you." Tara could feel her anger build up but she still managed to keep it out of her voice. She didn't want to fight with Buffy but she just couldn't understand how Buffy could treat both Willow and Dawn that way. She could imagine how difficult Buffy's life was currently but Dawn and Willow had been so worried about her and by not calling, she had added even more stress to their already awful few days.



Buffy knew that it was best if Willow was resting but she had wanted to apologize so badly. The way she had handled the situation and what she had said was uncalled for. She loved Willow and wanted her safe. She knew that was what Tara wanted as well and so she took a deep breath and decided that the next best thing to talking to Willow would be to convince Tara, even if she came off sounding like a complete bitch.



Tara was putting away the final containers into the fridge and was about to grab the plate of food that Willow had set aside for Buffy when she heard Buffy clear her throat and call her name. "Tara? Can I…Can we talk?"



Dawn had always told Buffy how calm and nice Tara was and how she had comforted all of them at one time or another. So she wasn't expecting Tara to swiftly turn around, place a plate of food on the counter and look at her with anger glinting from her clear blue eyes.



"Willow kept some food for you because she was worried that you may not have eaten." Tara could see Buffy's eyes widen as her tone took on a harsher quality but she couldn't stay silent anymore, not when everyone, including Buffy was hurting those around them. "She was really hurt by what you said earlier and it wasn't necessary. You didn't see, you weren't there…" Tara stopped in mid-sentence as she felt the waves of emotions crash over her. She was remembering her first encounter with Willow and how broken the red head had been. How it seemed like her sadness and guilt would overwhelm her and she would just disappear. She had not known how important Willow was to her then but she had recognized that they were connected and felt the physical manifestation of her pain. "She felt so responsible and guilty when you died. It wasn't her fault but she took it all on…"



"It was my choice." Buffy understood that she needed to hear this but it did hurt and she never wanted Willow to feel responsible. She made the choice to jump and no one could have stopped her even if they tried. It had been the only solution then. When she came back, she thought there was no use in bringing up the past, in re-hashing her choices or explaining why she had jumped. Buffy figured that Willow and the rest just accepted that it had been the only way.



"You've never told her that and…She's your big gun right? You needed help with the magic but she just wasn't powerful enough." Tara wanted Buffy to see what she had inadvertently caused. She knew Willow was beginning to understand that she had to respect her use of magic but Buffy had to understand how much she had contributed to it as well. Giles ignored it and Xander, Dawn and Buffy didn't respect the magic either and because of it, they had all let it get to this point. Willow was the witchy backup regardless of the consequences.





"No, I…It was never like that. I didn't think…"And Buffy then realized what she had just said. She never thought of the consequences. There was never enough time and Willow always seemed ready to help and even when she wasn't, Buffy would plead or say she was her big gun and Willow would agree. Willow may have gone too far with using such a drastic spell yesterday but Buffy had never stopped her before as she never really thought about what the magic was doing to Willow but what Willow's magic could do to help her in her fight. "Tara, I'm so sorry, I didn't…"Buffy let the tears she had been holding back flow. She hadn't wanted to cry in front of Spike as she didn't want his pity and her tears now were not for Tara's sympathy but for Willow.



Tara still felt some residual anger but she could see that Buffy finally understood what she had precipitated. "I'm not the one who you should be apologizing too." Tara didn't have any use for Buffy's apology since she had never wronged the blonde.



Buffy wiped her eyes with the sleeve that didn't have any demon goop on it and continued to sniff. "No, but that doesn't mean I don't owe you an apology as well" Buffy raised her palm when she saw Tara about to protest. "You've been looking after Dawn and you've been there for Willow. Two things that I should have done but I didn't…not that I want to look after Willow the way you look after Willow…Not that there's anything wrong with that…I mean I think Willow's a great girl and so are you." Buffy rushed on and would have continued had she not seen Tara try and hold back her smile. "I guess I should just say sorry and thank you before I get you all mad again, huh?"



Tara went back to the fridge and took out some juice and poured it for the both of them before answering Buffy. She had surprised herself with the anger she had shown Buffy but she could not be complacent when Willow's well-being was on the line. "You should try and eat something,” Tara said as she settled opposite Buffy at the counter. "I love Willow so very much and when I first met her, she had this...it was like she had a hole in her. She was so lost and I guess it was your death, Xander's drinking and even Oz's departure…I guess all of that keep taking out pieces of her." Even talking about it now, made Tara feel slightly ill. She had fallen in love despite Willow not being whole and had always hoped that her love helped Willow in some small way.



Buffy was taken aback that Tara had mentioned her death. Talking to all of them, the fact that she died was never really said, everyone alluded to it or talked around it but no one mentioned it directly except for her jokes and Tara's admission. Tara was intelligent and understanding enough to see that Buffy's death was in the past and that by not talking about it didn't really make it not happen. Tara understood that and Buffy was now beginning to. "But you were necessary to Jerry Maguire it." Buffy pointed out, happy that Willow was finally whole again. It was something that she had noticed even though she never got the chance to have their usual best friend talk.



Tara looked up, not quite getting it and hoping Buffy hadn't made some kind of scooby joke that had gone over her head. She saw that Buffy was expecting a reply and shook her head slightly.



It was then that Buffy remembered that Tara probably had not seen the movie as she had been in Pylea when it had just been released. "Oh, God, Tara I'm so sorry. It was a stupid movie reference. I just wanted to say that you were needed to complete Willow. Even when I was here, and Xander wasn't doing an impression of his father and Dawn actually did her homework, Willow wasn't really whole, you know. Seeing her with you, her smile or the way her eyes just shine, it's like she's finally all Willow."



"Maybe I should rent the movie sometime." Tara didn't want Buffy to feel bad about something she had not meant and it was always nice to curl up with Willow and a good movie.



"Yeah, you should and Dawn and I will make ourselves scarce so you can have the house to yourself." Angel had been right, Tara was an extraordinary person and Willow was so lucky to have her. The Buffy an hour ago would have probably just felt slightly jealous and more than a little sorry for herself that she didn't have anyone who cared for her like that. However, after listening to Spike and Tara, she understood what her death had meant to her friends and how she and it had affected them. "You're really like Yoda or something." It was more of a statement than a question. "You do know who Yoda is, right?" Buffy didn't want to remind Tara of Pylea and hoped she didn't again stick her foot in her already crowded mouth, but she was relieve to hear Tara answer.



"Remember Yoda, I do…although I just hope you mean Yoda wise and not actually resembling Yoda." Tara shot back. She really wanted to like Buffy and after the slayer had shed her misconceptions and chip on her shoulder, it wasn't a difficult thing to do.



"No, not resembling a short green muppet in any way. I mean you're really attractive and you know, Will's a lucky girl." Buffy quickly backtracked even though she could see Tara was just joking.



"Yes I am." It was the truth and Willow knew how lucky she was. Despite her many flaws and problems, Tara had chosen her. Out of all the choices she had, Tara stayed by her side. If that wasn't luck, Willow didn't know what was. She had woken up and panicked when she reached over only to not find Tara anywhere. She quickly pulled on her jeans, checked on Dawn and raced downstairs. She had been about to run out the front door when she heard voices from the kitchen. She could recognize the cadence of Tara's voice anywhere and so she walked towards the kitchen and nearly entered when she heard Tara talk about how she wasn't whole. Hearing the break in Tara's voice made her want to go in and hug the blonde and never let her go but Buffy's words stopped her. When she finally admitted to herself that she loved Tara, body and soul, her one regret was that Buffy could never meet her or understand how much Tara meant to her. She and Buffy had discussed so many things when they were younger and among them, Buffy had always been so sure that Willow would find the one person that made her complete. To hear Buffy echo that sentiment now was simply amazing.



"Willow," every time Tara uttered her name, she felt special and more so when Tara would walk over to where she was, just to stand near her, like she was doing now. Willow moved in behind her and just wrapped her arms around her middle, looking over Tara's shoulder to where Buffy was sitting.



"Hey Buffy." She greeted softly.



"Thanks for putting a plate aside for me." It was the first thing that came to Buffy's mind so she just blurted it out.



"Sure, no problem." The disappointment in Willow's voice was evident. She didn't expect Buffy to just change her mind but the way she sounded with Tara, it sounded like old times and here, they were being polite and distant again.



"Will, it's not only the food. I mean the thanks, it's not only for the food." Buffy was sure she was sounding like an idiot but Willow was here and it was the best opportunity since Tara was here as well. "I really haven't thought about a lot of things when I came back. Then I was so caught up in my own stuff that I never thought about what everyone else went through and then with the magic and Dawn getting hurt… I just wanted things to be like it was before and it's never going to be and I guess I should just say I'm sorry now and we can talk about the rest later." Buffy wanted to go and hug Willow but was unsure of whether Willow would accept it so she just looked down and held her breath, hoping that Willow was more forgiving than she was.



Tara smiled and slowly eased herself from Willow's embrace. She knew Willow and Buffy needed to re-connect and this was a good start. "I'm sorry too." Willow said as she walked towards Buffy. She held open her arms and was glad when Buffy launched herself at her, causing her to stumble back slightly. Tara was there to catch them and it ended in a three-way hug of sorts with Willow in the middle. "



"Your girlfriend's pretty smart, you know?" At Willow's knowing smile, Buffy continued. " I mean I was the one who died and all and isn't death suppose to bring you clarity and make you wise?"



Tara couldn't help but reply." No, but I think living does…and learning from past mistakes." There were going to definitely be more talks in the future. Tara could tell that Buffy would still have a difficult time with Willow using magic and she had to be convinced that it wasn't the magic that was bad. And Willow had to realize that Buffy was back and she didn't need to carry around so much responsibility anymore. Not everything had been resolved but it was a good start.



"You guys should go up and get some sleep. I'll clean up here and probably head upstairs too. And Will, congratulations and I told you so."



Tara didn't catch Buffy's reference but Willow's big smile meant that she understood it, so she said goodnight to Buffy and went upstairs, knowing Willow would follow soon.



Willow knew that Buffy was referring to their talks about finding true love and she wished that Buffy would find someone who meant as much to her as Tara did. "You'll find someone." She added hopefully.



"I know but I guess right now, I'll settle for someone to listen to me and tell me when I'm acting like an ass, apart from you and Tara, of course." Buffy really did want that. At this point, it wasn't about finding passion or love. She had tried those emotions with Angel and Riley and still their relationships had crashed and burned. Right now, she just wanted someone to talk to and apart from Tara, there was only one other person that had brought her the clarity that didn't come with her death.



"Well, until you do, we'll be here. Night Buffy." There would be time enough tomorrow to talk to Buffy about patrols and magic but for tonight, Willow wanted to go up to their room and show Tara just how much she appreciated and love the blonde. It was the least she could do considering Tara had probably helped Buffy see more clearly just as she had helped her, earlier with the magic.



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Spike had wished for this, had actually said a small prayer, hoping that she would return, if only to tell him off. So when she finally stood outside his crypt door like she did that afternoon, he just waited. He knew that she had to come in on her own accord, if he said anything, she would probably leave. But the waiting was just as bad as wishing she would return. He just wanted to know, wanted her to confirm where he stood in her life. It was easier when she had died. He knew where he stood then. He was Dawn's protector and he needed to look out for her family. That was what she had wanted from him. But now that she was back, the dynamics had shifted once again. The scooby gang was complete and he was again left out by design and by his own choice. He didn't notice that she had entered until she stepped into the shaft of light from the sole lamp he was using to read by.



"I was hoping you'd come back." Spike might as well start with the truth, he had already told her all his secrets and there was nothing left to hide.



"Why? I could have come back here to stake you once and for all. Make sure what happened this afternoon never happened again." It had crossed her mind, when she left there that afternoon that all the new confusion in her head could just disappear if Spike did. But she could not kill him. Not after what he had done for her and her family. He had yet to give her a reason to stake him and the kiss didn't count since she had not pulled back. She wondered when she had begun to think of him as an ally. It was probably when he had been tortured by Glory and yet never told about Dawn. She knew that she could have started to think of him as a friend when he thought she was the Buffy-bot and forbade her from telling Glory about Dawn, not because he knew she would know of it but because he just didn't want her hurt. She just didn't know if he could actually be a friend, someone who could help balance her.



"Every time you're not with me I feel like dying." Spike was feeling fatalistic. It was about time that Buffy realized the depth of his feelings. He had tried to make them go away. Like Xander, he had drunk until he passed out but she was still there, in his mind when he awoke. Even avoiding her and her friends had not done the trick. She was a part of him. Angel was right. She would always be a part of him.



Buffy had heard a lot of things tonight and most of them hurt because they exposed her weakness and pettiness. However Spike's words burned because they made her feel something that she knew could not be. "I'm not supposed to think of you that way. I don't know when I started but it can't be right."



The meaning of her words hit him unexpectedly. He had expected her laughter or her outright denial. "Why, because I have no soul?"



That was the crux of the matter. She wasn't sure if it was even possible to do good if one didn't have a soul. She had loved Angel because he had a soul and he wanted to repent and fight for the good cause. Spike didn't have a soul, there was nothing keeping him from harming people apart from a government issued chip. "Yes! That's the difference between us. You're a demon."



"So there's no hope then? Or maybe you're just afraid that love can transform someone. That even a soulless demon like me can change without you having to kill it. That maybe sometimes you don't need to be the slayer." Spike could not explain it if he tried. Like Angel, he would always feel a bloodlust, it came with the transformation of being immortal. However, he could not explain why he felt the need to help Buffy or her friends when she died. His word had never amounted to much when he was alive and as a vampire it had carried even less weight. Yet, something inside of him had compelled him to help out, was still compelling him. He had thought the chip had made him less of a vampire but he knew that loving Buffy had made him more of a man.



"Maybe…but right now, I just need…"



"What?"



"I guess it would be nice to just have someone to talk to." It was the Hellmouth and weirder things had occurred but a slayer going to a vampire for advice was something new.



It wasn't a love declaration but since he had been expecting a stake or cruel laughter, it was a more than acceptable proposal. Maybe Buffy would never reciprocate his love but accepting his friendship was a pretty good start. "So do you want to do a quick patrol and talk on the way or hang around here and wait for a rerun of Passions?"



"Patrol" At least the day was ending on a better note than when it started. She was still unsure if talking to Spike would do any good but he had helped clear some of her thoughts and he had been honest with her.



----------------------------------------------------------------



"So why aren't you telling Jonathon this?" Andrew had not expected Warren to pull him out of bed and drag him to their van in the middle of the night. Or at least when he did think about something like that happening, he wasn't wearing his R2-D2 pajamas.



"Because I think that he's becoming a bit too questioning about everything. It's like he doesn't trust us. Anyway, we're just as good with the computers and if we find this guy, we'll have all the magic we need" It had only taken a couple of hundred dollars and a few smaller magical trinkets to obtain the name. And then it would be a matter of time to trace what had happen and invite him back to Sunnydale to take care of unfinished business.



"Are you sure he can do it?" Andrew didn't want to question Warren but the guy's name didn't sound all evil. In fact, it sounded kind of lame. "I mean his name doesn't really give off any kind of evil vibe."



"He's familiar with the town and from what I hear, he's definitely got a score to settle. Listen here pea brain, we're still going to need to ensure that Buffy's not happy with her witch pal and since we heard that ultimatum this afternoon, we know that she is still in a snit about it. We could wait around for Whinathon to wise up to the winning side and just do the spells or we could find this guy and just let him do whatever he wants." Ever since Buffy had traced the April-bot to him, Warren had decided that the best way to get ahead in the town was to never do the dirty work himself. That was the main reason for recruiting Andrew and Jonathon. But Jonathon was starting to wimp out and as a back-up plan, Warren had spread the word that he would pay good money for information about the slayer's past fights and enemies or anyone with a score to settle in Sunnydale. Most of the leads were thin but he spread the money around anyway, hoping that word would get out that he wasn't kidding. Eventually, a few names popped up. Most of them on tombstones in the various cemeteries around Sunnydale but a few that were still alive, somewhere. The most promising name was the one they were searching for now.



"I think I found something but it's really strange." Warren looked over Andrew's shoulder as the screen filled with details. "Looks like we found him."



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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Wow. What a great update. I loved the part where Buffy was expecting Tara to be understanding and compassionate, since this was what she'd been told of her by Dawn, yet instead she got anger. You're using Tara the way ME never did, showing how vital she is to connect the scoobies, balance Willow's magic, and her helping Buffy. In 'Dead Things' we got like one minute of Tara comforting Buffy, but that never felt right. I always imagined Tara playing a crucial role in helping Buffy readjust to being alive.



Also, you deal with Willow's magick "abuse" very well, particularly the guilt she feels, and the way that it is always about Tara. In the Buffyverse, Tara just kinda snapped at her, whereas you have Tara teaching her to be able to control and balance herself. And that feels right.



Thank you

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Alyson brought jelly beans as a gift for the local children, and those kids went nuts!
(Alexis, about their trip to Papua New Guinea)

now thats SOME update w00t .



I've never cared much for the Spike/Buffy setup in season6, but the way you handle it is at least better. I'm almost liking Buffy again, which is a *mayor* accomplishment I'll tell ya . I see her having lost her sense of direction somewhat, i.e. "what am I here for" ? Funny how she used to dislike having a destiny so much and now needs one to live for :-).



Nifty thing about Spike has always been that he provides direct/harsh answers to tough questions and seems to get away with giving them. Kinda new that Buffy actually listens though, heh.



Buffy is too much the foot-in-mouth-say-sorry-afterwards type for me. It's just not my style, irks me a bit. But hey, as long as Willow is ok with it, thats fine by me.



Tara lecturing Buffy about what she did cause with her actions... well someone had to do it and I was proud Tara stood up for her Willow .



Gotta go to worky-work now, neato update... keep 'm coming



Grimmy

"Why w-w-would anyone leave Willow?" It was a concept Tara just could not grasp. -- I Dream of Thee by Jomarch

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 10/7/02 4:32:47 am