Spoiler Warning - It starts from Seeing Red and then completely veers off.

Disclaimer - All characters, names and some dialogue etc belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon. However, due to improper usage and gross mishandling of characters and plot lines by aforementioned parties, it is with great pleasure that I (and all the other writers on the board) use them for the reading pleasure of kittens everywhere.

Rating - PG

Feedback - Yes, please. Here or you could e-mail me.

Notes - I have unfortunately misplaced my beta reader (*waves to Owl, who is probably in Moscow*). So if anyone else would like to voluntarily subject themselves to my atrocious sentence structure and grammar as well as be a sounding board for the story, please, please, please e-mail me. I started writing this on a business trip in Tokyo under the influence of too much sake. Chapter two should probably be finished on my trip to Cambodia this week. Hopefully you want a chapter 2….





Title : I Dream of Thee



Chapter 1



'Another beautiful day and what a view!', Willow thought to herself as she tried to pry her eyes away from Tara, who had just finished dressing. Willow couldn't help but noticed how well the jeans hugged the curves of the blonde. The same curves she had spent the better part of the past thirty-six hours re-acquainting herself with. She still could not believe that Tara had come back into her life and that they had been able to connect on a physical and emotional level. It all seemed like a beautiful dream. But it had indeed happened and they were getting dressed in their room once again.



They still had not had 'the talk'. The one in which she had to apologize for all the wrongs she had done and the one where she would promise to love, cherish and never lie to Tara ever again. Willow knew that despite the brave speech that Tara had made two nights ago, she was still afraid. But her love for Willow had over-ruled her fear. And it was that love that had caused her to throw caution to the wind and to take Willow in her arms and show her how much they meant to each other. Just thinking of it made Willow's knees go weak. She had thought that the magic she had wielded made her strong but Tara's recent actions had proven that she was indeed the strong one. She could look beyond the grave mistakes that Willow had made and had returned to support and love her. Willow would not let her down again. It would be a new start for the both of them, without magic but with each other.



'Hey. Clothes.' Willow grinned at her lover as Tara tried to look innocent.



Tara wasn't even sure if her feet were on the ground or if she was still floating - she felt like she was still floating. The minute she had seen Willow sitting on the bed looking forlorn, she had known that coming over was the right thing to do. She hadn't even used the speech that she had rehearsed on the way over. Instead, she spoke from her heart. The words were not important, her presence and the leap of faith she had taken by being there was enough. By leaving Willow, she had proven that she was strong but she knew that by coming back then, that would be the greatest test of her strength. Willow needed her and she needed Willow. They were a part of each other and that was the only certainty in her life. From that moment on, she had silently vowed to always be by Willow's side. And despite not saying it out loud, she knew in her heart that Willow had made the same promise. It was conveyed through each kiss Willow bestowed on her or each caress they shared. 'Yes, she was definitely still floating'



"Don't get too used to them."



Tara had always loved the physical relationship she had shared with Willow. It had allowed her to express her love in ways she could not articulate. But she had surprised herself with her insatiable need to show Willow just how much the redhead had meant to her. It had resulted in the two of them spending the better part of the last thirty-six hours in various stages of undress. The fact that they still had to deal with Warren was the only thing that caused them to get up and get dressed that morning. It felt like Christmas and her birthday all rolled into one and Willow as her present. She one she could unwrap. Or in this case, undress.



'Yes, ma'am.' Willow could not keep her hands off Tara. It was as if they were opposite poles of a magnet. Always gravitating towards each other. She wished she had a poetic soul so that she could provide a description of their attraction more fittingly. She remembered Tara once reciting a poem to her. She couldn't remember it in its entirety but the one line that was most apt had stayed in her mind. She thought of it now as she pulled Tara towards her 'For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings. That then I scorn to change my state with kings.' She wouldn't trade places with anyone. She was just where she wanted to be, now and always, with Tara in her arms.



"Mmmm... Xander." Tara wanted to get lost in the kiss, but the sight of Xander in the back garden warmed her heart. The Scoobies had to work together if they wanted to triumph against Warren and his gang or against Willow's addiction. Infighting would only weaken them in the face of the enemy. She had realized that leaving Willow to fight her black magic addiction alone was not the answer. They would have to do it together. Willow needed her support and she most definitely needed Willow's presence in her life. Likewise, the Scoobies needed to work together if they were to beat Warren and his gang.



"Okay, not quite the response I was fishing for." Willow leaned in to savor the scent of Tara. The lingering smell of the vanilla bath oil mixed with the unmistakable smell of arousal and love was intoxicating. She really didn't mind if Tara had called out the name of every one of the Scoobies. The taste of her lips was promise enough that they truly belonged together.



"No, he's here." Tara giggled. The thought that Xander could actually supplant Willow in her mind was funny. Nothing could ever erase the memory of Willow. Willow was coded in her essence, an inextricable part of her soul. Even if she forgot everything she had ever learnt, she would never be able to forget Willow.



"Think they're making up?" For the first time in a long while, Willow finally felt at peace. For the longest time since Buffy first sacrificed herself, she had felt askew. Her world had crumbled around her and her only anchor was Tara. But even then, she had felt unworthy and frightened. They had counted on her - to fix the Buffybot, to lead the Scoobies, to take Buffy's place. In the end, she did the only thing she could, she made a deal with a Demon and brought Buffy back. She had to tell Tara about that and soon, but not today. Today was for new beginnings and family. There would be time for recriminations later.



"I hope so. That's the best part." Tara said with complete sincerity and joy. Her face suffused with the light from the sun. She looked absolutely serene. Willow wished she could savor every moment that Tara had looked upon her. Those times were priceless and they made her feel special, unique and alive. She hoped those moments would never end. Every time she saw Tara, her entire being would focus on the blonde. All external sounds and distractions would fade away, allowing her to focus only on Tara. The way she moved, her expressions, the cadence of her words.



She never heard Warren's angry voice or Xander's anguish cry. The shot through the window was unexpected and unbelievable. The warm splatter of blood on her face and torso was the only indication of a moment gone terribly wrong. Willow wished then that she didn't have an eidetic memory. She wished the scene would never be replayed in her mind. The incongruity of the moment before, being one of the happiest of her life to the moment later of seeing Tara shot was overwhelming. Time seemed to slow down and she blinked, hoping that within that nanosecond, the scene before her would change, but all she could see was Tara's eyes and the light dying in them. All she heard was Tara's gentle voice.



"Your shirt….."



There was no prolonged pain. In fact, it was the visual stimulus of seeing her blood on Willow that prompted her words. The split second of certainty that she would be forced to leave Willow was overwhelming her consciousness. Even as she was pitching forward, she sent up a prayer to the Goddess that she would have the strength to stay by Willow’s side. But she could feel the coldness spreading and the feeling of infinite grief take over. Her last sight was that of Willow's incomprehension and underlying sorrow.



"Tara?" Instinctively knowing something was not right and acknowledging the fact was almost impossible for Willow. She needed Tara to answer her. She needed Tara to be there by her side.



"Tara? Come, on baby. Get up. Please. Tara..." Her need and entreaty should have been enough to anchor Tara. She had to believe that. They had promised not to lose each other. They were destined to be together, always. Tara's body still warm in her hands, her hair fanning out around her face - she looked asleep. But the feeling of loss was already beginning to permeate Willow's soul. Utter desolation mixed with anger and disbelief.



"No... no... no..." It wasn't a chant but the complete inability to accept the situation. Something had to be done. The moment in time had to be retracted and despite past promises, magic had to be used. The rage and grief she was feeling could be harnessed. It could be used to bring Tara back from the unknown. She could feel the magic tendrils curling around her mind and spirit. Ignoring the warm blood seeping into the carpet, Willow concentrated on the one thing foremost in her mind, the preternatural harnessing of enough magic to bring Tara back.



"Come back. Come back..."it had to work, there was no other choice. She could feel the dark magic coursing through her veins, surging and pushing at the current tableau. She could see the strands of magic try and wrap itself around her beloved. But it wasn't enough.



"Oh God. no-- Please, please...Come on, come on... Tara! Come back, baby..." she could feel her plea falling on deaf ears and knew that she had to take more drastic measures - measures that would require payment. She had done it for Buffy and there would be no doubt that she would do it for Tara.



Intuitively, she began to channel her focus once again, not on Tara, but on a summoning spell. She needed a spell that would enable her to make a deal with the Demon Gods. She could feel the dark forces gathering around her, she recognized the power swirling like a mist around and through her. It was time.



"By Osiris, I command you! Bring her back!. Hear me! Keeper of darkness….." Willow was trying to keep the desperation from seeping through. She had to bargain with Osiris from a position of strength, she had to be able to offer the Demon something of value as she did with Buffy's resurrection.



"Witch! How dare you invoke Osiris in this task?"



"Please. Please... Bring her back…" She hoped that her pleading tone would sway the Demon and allow her access to Osiris and his resurrection powers.



"You may not violate the laws of natural passing-"



"How? How is this natural?" Tara was not suppose to die, they were suppose to be together always. It was not right and she needed to correct the mistake. Osiris had the means to reverse the situation and she would offer anything to do that.



"It is a human death, by human means."



"But I…" She had to make it see, had to make it understand that she was willing to offer anything, do anything for this one spell



"You raised one killed by mystical forces. This is not the same - she is taken by natural order. It is done."



"No. There's got to be a way…., I would give anything, do anything, Please…" Willow could feel the Demon considering her request.



"You have already offered your soul for the Slayer's return, what more is there?"



"I offered my soul for 10 years… you can have it forever. Please, please bring her back. It wasn't her time. This isn't right" Willow bargained with the only thing she knew would interest the Demon. She didn't want to think of the consequences, she only knew that she needed Tara back, alive and well.



"Witch, do you not realize that time runs differently for us? That your ten years could translate to forever in our dimension. Time is of no consequence we already have your soul"



"Then take my life. She died because she was here with me. Take my life for hers. You'll get my soul sooner." Willow knew that Tara would never have let her agree to that but Tara was gone, her body growing colder by the minute.



"You make an interesting case Witch. But what good would that do you? Giving up your life for this one. It would not benefit you in any way." The Demon really wasn't all that interested in the answer but he could sense his master's interest. Osiris was always hovering in the background and his presence could be felt.



Willow couldn't hide her tears any longer and let them course down her face, she couldn't hold on to her anger and all that was left was a feeling of desolation. Without Tara there was no life. It was not a difficult decision to make. If they could not be together in this life than Tara deserved to live more than she did. If one of them had to die, then it shouldn't be Tara. Her light was needed in the world. Tara's soul had never been tainted by black magic.



"She is my life." It was said in such a quiet voice that the Demon did not hear her response but Osiris did and he was intrigued. His appearance before Willow was not something she expected but it was welcomed nonetheless as he could bring Tara back.



"Do you truly believe that the both of you belong together in this life?" The question in itself was innocuous but the way it was posed made Willow shudder. Osiris was testing her, but she would not lie.



"Yes, we belong to each other in this life and beyond. Our love would enable our souls to recognize each other anywhere" By this time, Tara's lifeblood had seeped into the carpet and Willow was trying so hard to stop herself from willing her own heart to stop beating. If there was even a small chance that Osiris would grant her spell, she would not give up. And, if he didn't grant it, then, she would go downstairs and raid Buffy's weapon chest. She would make it swift so that Tara would not have to wait too long for her.



"I will not grant your spell Witch but your faith in your mortal love is interesting. I will wager both your souls then that even under different circumstances, you will be led back onto this path. That the decisions you will make will cause you to return to this scenario. It is inevitable.”



“What different circumstances?” Willow wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear the rest of the deal. After the confirmation that her soul had already been forfeit in exchange for Buffy's resurrection, she had no doubt that any other offer made by Osiris would be stacked in his favor. She would wager her soul but never Tara’s.



“Circumstances where you never met your Tara. Where the experiences that caused you to come together did not happen. A different reality for the both of you, but if what you believe is true, the both of you would be drawn to each other and if what I know to be true occurs, the both of you will end up in the same situation that you are in now. ”



“How do I know you’re not going to just send us to different dimensions? Or make it impossible for us to meet. I will not risk Tara’s soul.” Willow was adamant about her last statement. She would bargain with all she had and give up anything but Tara’s soul was not hers to give.



“Quite right Witch. I could do all that and more but I will offer you this. I will allow you to choose whose past I shall alter. Yours or hers” Osiris said indicating to Tara’s inert body. “Then the both of you will be sent back to a time of my choosing where you would meet for the first time. If by design and fate, the both of you end up at this exact time and situation, then I will have your soul but also your life”



“Tara will be alive and we will meet?…….. So I will wager my life on the fact that Tara does not die in your new reality?” Willow questioned, not quite understanding, but wanting to say yes so desperately as it would allow Tara to return. It seemed too good to be true.



“Yes if Tara dies again, then you will serve my bidding in this life as in the next. You will act as my conduit until the end of time.” It was not an offer that was generously made. If Willow was to accept, it meant that her life was forfeit forever. She would be serving Osiris and his followers. There would be no end and no Tara.



But Willow knew that his was her only chance to get Tara back now and if what Osiris said was true, she would be able to change Tara’s past. She would be able to give her a chance at a different life, perhaps a past that did not include Donny or her father. The only gamble was that they had to make decisions that would not lead them back to this path. But if circumstances were changed so drastically, Willow seriously doubted that they would end up in this same situation. However, the one thing Willow learnt living on the Hellmouth was not to trust Demons or Gods. Osiris was too certain that Tara would still die in his scenario. She would have to make certain that it did not occur and for that, she had an idea.



“If I agree, do you promise to place Tara out of her brother or father’s reach and that we will definitely meet face to face and that I get to remember one thing about our life together." Willow was amazed she had got all that out in one breath but she needed to make sure that was the offer being made.



She knew that all would be ok if both Tara and her met. Their first contact in the laundry room was the catalyst for her acceptance of her attraction and love for Tara. She knew that despite Tara’s changed past and whatever time Osiris sent them back to, it wouldn’t change their innate love for each other. They would be able to find each other. She believed that with all her heart.



"I want to be able to remember this happening. I don't want to forget Tara getting shot. ” Willow was completely certain that if she remembered Tara dying in her arms, it would give her impetus to not let that happen again. It would allow her to change the future and ensure Tara's presence in her life.



Osiris would normally never bargain with humans. He left that distasteful task to the Demons and unfortunate souls who spoke in his name. But the human witch intrigued him. Such raw power in a human was unheard of and better yet, one who did not know her worth and would eventually come full circle again and forfeit her life and soul to him. It would only be a matter of time before she was his. Magic had brought her to this point and it would lead her back. In the meantime, perhaps her struggles and that of her love would be an interesting distraction. She had made quite a proposal as well. Despite the grief radiating from her soul, she had thought of a way that would have given her an advantage over him. Asking to recall such a visceral moment in their lives was something he had not counted on.



"I am offering you her life and yet you bargain still. I will agree to remove Tara from her brother and father's reach. I will also agree to you retaining this scene in your memory. However, that will come with a price. Whenever you recollect this memory, she will have a nightmare to deal with of her own. That is the pact."



Willow didn't want Tara to suffer but a nightmare would not be too bad and she hoped that she would only have to recall the scene once. Seeing Tara die in front of her was not something she would want to replay in her mind. She would only need to see it once. She had to take the chance that it would be enough to jolt her into not repeating any of her mistakes. Her silent acquiescence was enough for Osiris to begin the spell.



Willow could feel the air in the room grow heavy. Tara's body began to rise from her embrace and was encased in incandescent light. She wanted to reach out but she could feel her own consciousness fading. Her limbs growing weightless, the last conscious thought in her mind was that of Tara disappearing from her life. Just before she passed out, she heard Osiris's voice in her head. It sounded like a prophetic warning.



“Magic brought you to this point, it will lead you back”



And then there was only darkness.





Los Angeles, California May 2001



It always starts with a small light in the distance. A pinprick of light that grows brighter and bigger and then suddenly a cacophony of sound. No words distinguishable but the sound just grating and loud. She remembers the next part best, as it is the most vivid. The light becomes so bright and the sound too loud. She shuts her eyes and places her hands over her ears. She doesn't know how long she does this but when she opens her eyes, she sees people - people she thinks she should recognize. Men and women who look at her with dead eyes. The sound is still there and so she has to shout above it.



"Who are you?"

"Where am I?"

"What do you want?"



But no one answers. She tries to touch them but they are ethereal. As soon as she nears each on of them, they begin to fade away, their faces always obscured. A stern man dressed in a flannel shirt with blonde hair. A young blonde woman with old hands. A young man with dirty blonde hair with his hands in fists. She is afraid of them but she is also afraid that they would leave and she would again wake up in her own Hell.



It is then that the nightmare becomes a dream. There is someone else in the background, a woman. Someone she realizes she doesn't know but who helps allay all her fears that have built up. It is this last person that always captures her full attention. It is to this figure that she asks most of her questions. A slight woman with and an outstretched hand, her facial features always hidden but she can tell that the woman is young. So she stands in front of her and repeats her questions. She wants so much to reach out and touch her hand but she knows that when she does, the apparition before her would disappear. It is then that she also begins to realize that she has no sense of self. She does not know who she is. She only knows that she is lost. And her inevitable last request would be "Please find me"



She sees the woman begin to answer but cannot make out the words so she reaches out and grabs her hand. Only her palm closes around nothing. Everyone has disappeared once again and she is left alone as silence descends. The silence weighs on her and soon, she feels the need to scream and so she does. She knows when she opens her eyes, her dream would again be her nightmare and she would be back in Pylea, shackled and enslaved.



"Tara, Tara, wake up! You're fine. You need to wake up. You need to calm down." Cordelia was having a difficult time trying to wake the blonde up while avoiding her wild thrashings. The fact that they were travelling through a portal in Angel's car did not help the situation.



"Cordelia?" Tara's unsure voice could barely be heard over the rattling of the car as it traveled through the dimensional portal. She had opened her eyes and her nightmare had not continued. She had really been saved by a Vampire and his friends. One of whom was now trying to calm her down.



"Yup, its me. Ex-prom Queen, Ex-real Queen, Actress, Model and Seer, thank you very much. Just hold on" Cordelia shouted over the rushing din, "I think I see Caritas up ahead"



Tara hung on for dear life as the car crashed through what seemed like a bar. Tara was amazed to see that despite the fact that they could have been injured, all the occupants in the car were incredibly happy – happy that they were alive and home at last. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling but at least she was less afraid of Lorne, who had immediately climbed out of the car and kissed the ground. Initially she hadn't wanted to get into Angel's car with him but soon realized that he had wanted to get away from Pylea as much as she did. Despite his similarity to the demons of Pylea, he seemed more at home in the destroyed bar than he did in his home world. She was the one who still felt like she didn't belong. As Angel helped her from the car, she could hear Lorne offering everyone drinks to celebrate their return home.



She wished she could remember what alcohol tasted like. Hell, she wished she could remember what anything tasted like. She knew that she should be happy to have been saved but it felt wrong. She could remember all the bad, bad things that had occurred to her in Pylea but it was like she was looking at a movie. Like it had happened to someone else. She knew she still bore the scars of her experience there. Both mental and physical ones but it was beginning to feel like a nightmare - one that she had at last woken up from. What was real were the people surrounding her now. She could reach out and touch them and they would not disappear. They had brought her back and she was home. It didn't feel like home but she wasn't really complaining. After having called a dank cave home for the past few years, even the wreckage that was Caritas seemed like a palace. Maybe she still did not belong here but here was where she would be able to find answers. Here was where she would be able to find the people from her dreams.



Cordelia had brought her a drink then, and had told her of their real home, the Hyperion Hotel and how they would make room for her. She was still not used to being surrounded by so many people but was glad for Wesley or Gunn when they had chorused their approval of what Cordelia had just said. She had helped them in Pylea and they would return the favor here. They had sense her apprehension and were trying to make her feel like she belonged there, with them.



As they neared the Hotel, Tara sensed a new fear take hold. It was like a beacon in the night but she didn't know how to give voice to it. The people surrounding her were all so happy. Gunn was talking about how fun the portal ride had been and Cordelia was telling her about shoes and food. Tara had mentioned earlier that despite not remembering what certain things tasted like, she remembered liking tacos. Cordelia had immediately told her of an amazing take-out place just five minutes from the Hyperion and that right after a shower, they could go there, as it was open all night.



Even as they made their way out of the car, Tara was still feeling off kilter. Like any moment the scene before her would once again shift and that she would be back in chains or worse.



"You're sure about that --?" Her question to Cordelia was more encompassing than just an affirmation of being able to get Tacos in the middle of the night but the group of people around her did not notice. They were still coming off a high of being back home, their home. Tara didn't want to spoil it for them and just nodded and tried to smile as Cordelia once again explained about soap and tacos.



'Trust me, tacos everywhere - and soap."



Tara looked at Angel and couldn't help the small shiver that traveled up her spine as she remembered the monster he was hiding inside. Perhaps he could explain to her why she felt uneasy, why despite being back on Earth, she still felt confined and still in a dream. Perhaps she was also hiding a monster inside her or something worse. But she knew now was not the time. She couldn't give voice to her fear and did not want to ruin the happiness within the group. She could sense that it would not last. That something was out there that would forever change their lives. She wanted to stop Angel from striding into the Hotel. She wanted to reach out and tug his arm and warn him to not be so happy. Happiness brought Attention and Attention would attract Badness. That was something she had learnt the hard way. She had been happy before Pylea. She remembered that much and then it all turned into a nightmare. She wanted to warn them from making the same mistakes but it was too late. Angel was striding through the Gardens and was jokingly asking for permission.



"Can I say it? I'm going to say it."



Wesley was in front of her as well, perhaps she could stop him and explain her feeling to him. He seemed more in tune with mystical forces. He was the one who had helped open the portal back. Maybe he had answers for her. But he was also caught up in the mood and had just answered Angel.



"Say what?"



"There's no place like ..."



As soon as Angel swung the doors open, Tara's fears were crystallized - not in the form of a monster but in the form of a pale young woman. She could practically see the fear and grief emanating from the woman sitting with such stillness, on the couch. She wanted to turn back and run into the night. She wanted to grab her newfound allies and tell them not to look but it was too late. Angel and Cordelia had called out and acknowledged the woman there.



"Willow?"



"Hi. What's ..."



Tara was sure she was a wraith, for only something otherworldly could radiate so much sorrow and hurt. It was suffocating her. She knew Cordelia and Angel felt it too. Angel had stopped moving and Cordelia could not finish her question. Tara could feel Angel's mood shift. Despite focusing on the young woman in front of her, Tara could also feel the strong emotions in Angel. She could actually feel his happiness collapsing in on itself. It was like a black hole, light and happiness disappearing to be replaced by nothing. It felt like what was in her. She realized that the off kilter way she was feeling wasn't due to the presence of anything but the absence of feeling. She felt lost, like she had no sense of self - It was the feeling from her nightmares. Focusing on the scene before her once again, Tara wasn't sure if Angel's next words were said loudly but they reverberated in the vast lobby of the Hotel.



"It's Buffy ...".

-----------------------------


You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Edited by: jomarch at: 10/22/02 7:22:46 am

I like!

You bring up a good point about the price Willow is going to have to pay for bringing Buffy back. The show hasn't really addressed that. They really do have a mess and a half to deal with to get to a happier place by the end of season 7.

I always like to read fics that delve deeper into what was going on in everybody's head. Willow's so devastated.

I hope Osiris didn't stack the deck too much against Willow. Can't wait to see what happens next.



More soon, please!

very interesting concept. can't wait til you continue



forever

Wow, what a great start. I like the fact that they will in effect get another chance. Granted I can see it's not going to be all hugs and puppies but I have faith that they will help each other through. (eventually *G*)



M

_____________

A pocket full of Goldfish.

It didn't work out!!

Oh wonderful. I'm thoroughly impressed by the way you've merged the two shows together at the end of this chapter. The pain that Willow feels during this is very well described; her frantic bargaining with Osiris to ensure that Tara doesn't have to go through more pain. Thank you.

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What kind of lesbians are you? You love men so much...go love men!

My dearest Jo- I would write you a cheer for this fic but alas I am still mute when it comes to creative writing. I told you the kittens would love this! You are an amazing writer! Love the direction you are taking this in...suspense is killing me...



Many hugs,

Laura



PS- Thanks for the little sneak peek earlier..

"In my world there are people in chains and we ride them like ponies."

Yay! This is a very very good start! It's really interesting and kinda suprising in which way they see each other "again" or in this case, for the first time. I like it very much!

Oh baby, want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I ... stop explaining things.

Hi, um Tara..how are you? well...I was wondering maybe you want to go out some time...for coffee? food? Kisses and gay love?

Edited by: snuggle79 at: 7/8/02 10:20:11 am

oh wow! this is fucking excellent. i'm really liking where you're taking this, creating a whole new life for them both. this is a whole new way of bringing them back together and it's fabulous. i'm really liking this, please keep it going



steph

"Dr. Becker, have you seen the skeleton?" "What do you think I am, a skeleton thief? You want to search me?!"
"Who sponsered career day this year, The Brittish Soccer Fan Association?!" - Xander - What's My Line?
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

I had a whole good reply but the PC ate it So I'll go with great start Jomarch and I really look forward to the rest.

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You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

You're writing something new! Yay! *dances* And uh... my own writing. Yes. That will happen, yet. Hopefully soon. I keep meaning to write you... but that is all a non sequitor, really. Now, I haven't read this newest wonder yet, but saw that you needed a beta, and since turnabout is fair play, I humbly offer you my services. So yes, let me know?



Hope you're well and all that goodness. I will actually try and post a reply once I read this.



So, I have now read this and I must say, it was splendiforous! I am very much looking forward to you continuing this, it already has me anxious to find out what happens next. I mean, of course everything will be okay eventually, but it's all about how it gets there and I haven't a clue how that is, yet. Yaaaaaaayyy!! That being said, I am even more hopeful to be able to help with beta-age, cause this is great. So, that's enough out of me, eh?

Edited by: Jae at: 7/8/02 7:19:52 pm

How freakin cool!!!! More please! I am really loving the concept, and can't wait to see what happens next.



~Joy

Looking for a good game? Buffy the Vampire Slayer Want Ads

Greetings from Cambodia! Isn't the internet amazing

Anyway, thank you so much for all you posts and I have sent Chapter 2 to my brand spanking new Beta Mistress Tommo.



*Murasaki S* - There's a season 7??? Just kidding...I do agree that currently, I don't see how they are going to get to a lighter and happier season 7 unless they ignore the last few episodes of season 6. Anyway, yes, Willow's kinda broken but Tara's still alive so yahhh!



*mollyig* - Hello fellow IG fan . Thanks for having so much faith that this is going to be a 'wonderful' fic (I really feel the pressure now!). And despite all the nighmares and bad experiences, at least Willow and Tara are alive and will meet (in Chapter 2).



*kiaora1* - Its amazing what kind of fic ideas can pop into one's head at 3am in the morning in a Tokyo hotel room! and I think there was sake involved .



*Mix* - Can I please use you post as a summary for the fic. It definitely fits. "I Dream of Thee... A Fic where Willow & Tara get another chance. It's not going to be all hugs and puppies but have faith that they will help each other through. (eventually *G*) . Thanks for the wow as well.



*Tommo* - It seemed like a good idea at the time to merge the 2 shows . And thank you for actually volunteering to beta. You are very, very brave!



*Drakkenfyre* - Thanks for the hugs and encouragement. Glad you liked the chapter and I think I'm going to post slower than the other stories but the chapters will much longer. Hope that helps.



*snuggle79* - Thank you . Well, they did see each other at the end of the first chapter. But they will meet 'officially' in the next one.



*Loco2* - LOL, thank you. I will try and continue with this. Hopefully you'll still be reading.



*Puff* - Hiya Puff, sorry the PC ate your reply. It's done that to some of my replies too .



*Jae* - --jomarch waves excitedly to Jae--- Hope your finals went well and everything is more settled. I am looking forward to the continuation of your writing. Thank you so much for volunteering to be my beta as well but I think I'll spare you this time But you know there is the continuation of 'For All your Good Intentions' and 'Left of Center' that is sitting in my hard disk drive. So if you're interested?



*TwiLightJoy* - Thank you . I thought it would be an interesting way of bringing Tara back and re-writing Season 6.

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

cool story Boy, Osiris sure took Willow literaly when she wanted Tara out of reach of her family. looking forward to the next part

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!

Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head.

This is really good, i can't wait 4 ur next update!!

This is a great idea!



Not only do you address the Willow's debt for bringing Buffy back, but you have her add to it (or risk adding to it) for Tara.



I don't watch Angel, but is Tara in the role of Fred? (I've read a few things about her -- so I'm curious). If so, I think it's cool how Willow asked for Tara to be safe from her family (most likely thinking Tara would be happier/safer) yet was a slave on Pylea (which isn't what Willow meant AT ALL).



I'm anxiously awaiting more ...

JD

"I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly!" (SpongeBob Squarepants)

*Grimaldi* - Yes, you can't trust anyone these days, especially the Gods!. But he did grant Willow's wish, I guess she should have been even more specific.



*MissQuirky* - Thanks, glad you like it. Well, next part has been sent for betaage



*jdcioffi* - I always thought that the spell for bringing Buffy back was not properly addressed so this is my take on it. As for Tara, yes, I did put her in Fred's role. I had to send Tara somewhere and Pylea seemed like a good idea. And I thought it would be cool to combine both shows. I think I may regret it on account of keeping track of all the characters in future chapters but it seems ok currently

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

The cleverness of the kittens continues to amaze me. She's in the role of Fred, and Willow's entrance, well it's just perfect. And there's so much that's going to have to be dealt with because Willow can't go down the dark magic path and they cannot end back where they were. I am betting osiris underestimated w/t's love.



This is awesome! More please.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson

Thanks for all the feedback.



*xita* - you're too kind. And yes, Osiris has definitely underestimated Willow and Tara's love for each other. But, their journey is hopefully going to be an interesting one. I am trying to write a Willow that did not have Tara's influence since Season 4 and therefore, her magic use would be different and possibly more accelerated. As for Tara, I think despite the change in environment, she has always been a nurturing character and it is great to be able to write her meeting a slightly older and possibly more jaded Willow.







Spoiler Warning - It starts from Seeing Red and then completely veers off in all kinds of tangents. It covers both the Buffy and Angel universe.

Disclaimer - All characters, names and some dialogue etc belong to ME and Joss Whedon. However, due to improper usage and gross mishandling of characters and plot lines by aforementioned parties, it is with great pleasure that I (and all the other writers on the board) use them for the reading pleasure of kittens everywhere.

Rating - PG

Feedback - Yes, please. Here or you could e-mail me.

Notes - I would like to thank Tommo (Beta Queen and Writer Extraordinaire) ß----Its actually printed on t-shirts! She has been great with the betaing and cleaning up of this spanking new chapter.



Title : I Dream of Thee



Chapter 2



She knows that she's dreaming. It's not any one thing that gives it away, it's just the general feeling of being loved and in love that indicates that it is not something that she has experienced. Those feelings were not entirely alien to her. She had known what being in love felt like and in turn had been loved, by Oz and to a certain extent, Xander. But those moments were fleeting in comparison to the emotions that are currently being invoked in her. A feeling of love so strong, it takes her breath away and makes her want to cry. That's how her dream normally starts, with the utter and complete knowledge that she is loved. She doesn't feel alone either. She knows there is someone on the peripheral; someone connected to her and watching over her. At first, she thinks it's Buffy, coming back to grant forgiveness and make amends. But she soon realizes that it's not Buffy or anyone else she knows. All she can feel is that she is secured in the knowledge that she is safe, loved and content. It is then that she fully understands that it is just a beautiful dream; for she has never felt that way in her waking moments. Living in Sunnydale did not accord her the luxury of safety and despite being overwhelmed by love from her friends; sustainable romantic love had always eluded her. But she is happy to be able to bask in the feelings induced by her dream and so she stands there, waiting in the dark. It is only after that final acceptance does the dream turn into something more.





Light begins to surround her, so bright that she shuts her eyes. But instead of bringing warmth, it brings the coldness of death and loss. She wants to wrap her arms around herself but instead reaches out to the person she knows is standing in front of her, always on the periphery. Willow knows that someone is there but she cannot bring herself to open her eyes so she reaches out blindly. She doesn't see what happens next and only flinches when she is splattered with something warm. She opens her eyes then and looks down to see blood on her shirt; her arms; warm droplets on her face. She wants to look up and see who is before her but she is afraid.





Final Stop, Los Angeles, California, Final Stop. Please remove all your belongings as you disembark from the bus. Thank you for choosing Greyhound and we hope to see you soon.



The announcement jolts Willow out of her fugue state and for that she is almost grateful. She can still feel the drops of blood covering her and it takes all her willpower to stop her hands from scrubbing her face and arms. She knows her face is wet and she hopes it’s due to tears and not blood. She can't afford the attention and she refuses to acknowledge the pitying looks the other passengers had given her when she first boarded. She had tried to appear inconspicuous and had willed herself not to cry but she recognized the looks that told her they knew she had been crying and looked like death warmed over. She didn't need to look into their faces to know that. She had felt it within, the feeling of despair and loss. It was something she had to get use to and as much as she dreaded it, it was something she was going to share with Angel and the rest.



The last vestiges of the dream were still fresh in her mind as she slowly made her way to the taxi stand in front of the bus station. Images were still swirling around in her mind. She is so preoccupied that she doesn't bother with niceties and just gives the paper with Angel's address on it to the driver as soon as she settles in. As the cab moves away from the curb, she is again lost as she replays the dream in her mind.



It was the third time she had experienced it and it seemed to include more details. The first time she had the dream was the night Buffy had died. She had fallen asleep beside Dawn and had woken up remembering the feeling of being loved and then feeling complete and utter loss. She thought it was part of the grieving process but the emotions were too visceral and they hurt too much so she watched over Dawn and didn't go back to sleep. She didn't want to dream like that again as it churned up feelings in her that were best left alone. Feelings of hurt and loss that she wanted to deal with when she was awake so that she could sublimate them; lock them away in a box. If she were dreaming, she wouldn't be able to control them and eventually she would drown in the emotions. She could not let that happen, not yet. There were still things to do, arrangements to be made for Buffy and Dawn. She had to tell Angel and then she could deal with her own pain, perhaps a magic spell of some kind. All she knew was that she would not be able to carry the burden of such insurmountable grief much longer.







So she talked Spike into looking after Dawn and Giles. Initially, Dawn had refused to let her go and had physically held on to Willow. But a small sleep spell had done the trick . Even though Giles was wracked with grief, he had nearly seen through her façade and had asked her if going to Angel was truly a necessary thing; she needed to rest as well. But Willow had insisted and for once, he relented without her having to explain or justify her actions.





Next, she ensured that Buffy's body had been taken to the funeral home and then she had visited Anya and Xander in the hospital. As Xander sat vigil beside Anya's bed, she told them that it was only right that Angel hear about Buffy's death in person. What she didn't mention was that she also wanted to punish herself for her failure of not being strong enough to prevent Buffy's death. And what more fitting punishment was there than to be the messenger of bad news. She knew that Xander was still so worried about Anya that he wouldn't question her motives. Willow didn't want to elaborate about her dream or feelings of despair that were beginning to take their toll on her. All she knew was that it was imperative she go to LA and tell Angel about what had come to pass. After that, she would be free. She could stop the pain and emptiness from suffusing her soul and end the desolation that was gnawing on the edges of her waking life. It would require strong magicks but what other choice did she have?





When she was younger, driving through any city at night would normally get Willow excited on the prospects of the unknown. She would think that perhaps somewhere in the dark, there would be someone waiting for her, waiting to welcome her home. When she was older, she used to dream it was Xander and then Oz. She had wanted to follow Oz on his LA tours but that too had been a dream when he left her. In the end, there was no one waiting for her in the dark. It was true that she had friends that she could lean on but the best one of them all was now dead and Willow felt so alone. As she exited the taxi and climbed up the steps of the Hotel, she had to consciously tell herself to put one foot in front of the other. She knew that as soon as she told Angel, she would have to face her own proverbial demons. She had to shed the cloak of guilt, failure and sadness that she had been wearing ever since Oz had left. The cloak that had now become too heavy and laden with sadness at not being able to be loved, failure at not uncovering Glory's weakness sooner and guilt in not preventing Buffy's death. She wasn't ready for the reprieve she was granted when she found the Hotel empty of its occupants. But it did give her time to compose herself and wait in a silence that would too soon be replaced by sorrow.





She heard their laughter before seeing them. Angel's confident strides brought him to the forefront. As she stood, Wesley and Cordelia came into view along with two other people. A tall gangly man with an open face and a swagger as well as a young woman dressed in rags. It was to this woman that Willow's gaze was drawn and she immediately felt the sharp edges of guilt and sadness overwhelm her once again. Even from the distance, Willow could tell that the woman's eyes were blue and that she knew. She could feel Willow's pain. Angel and Cordelia had noticed her too and at once, the reality of the situation hit them all.



Angel realizing that only Buffy's death would bring Willow to LA alone.



Cordelia's acceptance that despite her visions, the one person she would have wanted to save was gone.



Gunn coming to the conclusion of how quickly things can change despite not knowing the extent of the news being carried by the pale young woman.



Wesley admitting silently that he had always steeled himself to expect the news of a slayer's death but never Buffy's.



Willow's final acknowledgment that her task was over and Buffy was truly dead to them all.



And, Tara's sudden awareness that the woman in front of them was about to change all their lives despite not having said a word.



"It's Buffy..." Angel could always make her name sound like a benediction and a plea.



Willow could only nod. Again she willed her feet to move forward. She wanted to touch him but was unsure. Even as he collapsed to his knees, she couldn't bring herself to move forward fast enough. Only after he reached out, did she take his hand and once again let her own tears flow. She could feel Cordelia move in next to her and help support both her and Angel. She could feel their tears mingling and their anguish take hold.



Tara stood transfixed at the scene before her. Both Wesley and Gunn were shuffling their feet, unsure of how to react but knowing that they may be needed so they hovered around their weeping friends. Only, she knew what had to be done. They had to stop the pain from growing or it would engulf them all. She could see the colors surrounding them begin to evolve. Angel's dark blue hue flickered with black and red tendrils as did Cordelia's purple and pink aura. But it was Willow's aura that was the most striking. Angel had called her Willow and the name seemed apt. For Tara could see that like her namesake, she carried great a weight on her shoulders and was hued in green and light brown. She was hurt, confused and discouraged. But Tara could see a blue core flickering in and out, trying to burn bright against the wisps of black. She was searching for something she had lost but was weighed down by so much guilt and despair.



Tara wanted to reach out and touch her but she was afraid of so many things. There were Monsters about and Demons and her life had never been her own. It belonged to the other place and she belonged to a different time; she was so lost and had been found but she was still not saved. So many thoughts were swirling in her mind, fragments and images of people and experiences that she was sure could be heard out loud. She wanted to scream to drown them out but Angel did it first. It was a scream so primal and raw that those around her covered their ears. As he turned to face her, she could see that he had shifted to his vampire visage. She wanted to tell him that it wouldn't protect him from the pain and that whatever he looked like on the outside would not change what he was feeling inside. She tried to touch him as he pushed away from Cordelia and Willow but he was too grief-stricken to stop and shoved her away. She felt herself falling back and closed her eyes in anticipation of the impact with the floor. She did not expect to be saved by the thin arms encircling her.





Willow had felt Angel falling apart in front of her. Cordelia was trying to hold on to them as tightly as possible but it was too late. So Willow did the one thing she could. She turned to Magic, in order to lessen his pain.



"Exonerare!" she whispered as she touched Angel's heart.



With that releasing spell, Angel began to unleash the full extent of his grief that had built up since he had left Buffy, after defeating the Mayor. The initial manifestation of it being a scream so loud and endless that it rattled the windows. But the sorrow still needed to be purged and to do that, Angel had immediately reverted to his demon form and pushed away from Willow and Cordelia. He knew that Tara was before him and wanted to help; but unlike the time in Pylea, this was a Demon she would not be able to calm. He was fighting an internal battle and had been transformed into sadness personified.. So he pushed her away as well and ran into the night.



Willow moved with a swiftness that she had not felt since she helped teleport Glory out of the hospital when the Hellgod had cornered Dawn; her arms enclosing around the young woman who had looked at her with such empathy, to prevent her fall.





With her fall averted and still being held by Willow, Tara refused to open her eyes. Being held was something she did remember from before Pylea and she had not lost that memory in the maelstrom of bad experiences that followed. She had taken comfort in that, as she did now, in the embrace of the pale young woman with the sad colors.



Wesley was the first to react after Angel's abrupt departure. Indicating to Gunn to assist Cordelia, he immediately went to the aid of Willow and Tara.



"Willow, I am truly sorry for your loss. If there is anything I,…we can do…" Wesley truly felt ineffectual for the first time in ages. The feeling was not new to him but the catalyst was. Back in England, his father had a knack for making him feel useless despite his worth. But in this scenario, he was truly inadequate. He couldn't bring Buffy back or commiserate about her life for he was never part of the Scooby gang the way Giles was or Cordelia, even for a short time. But he was honor bound to offer something even if it wasn't empathy.



"Right, we have to see to Angel and as for the both of you, I think it would be better if you got some rest. Cordelia can lend you some clothes and I will see to your rooms. I trust that will be acceptable."



Willow could only nod, she felt drained and wondered if the small spell she had done for Angel had taken more out of her than she thought. Her palm was still resting on the blonde woman's forearm and as she removed it, she looked into her eyes and was immediately overcome by one word. A name so familiar yet one she had never heard or used.





"Tara?"



The soft gasp from her only affirmed Willow's guess. Somehow, she had known the woman's name; she had pulled from the depths of her memory a name that she had never invoked but had always sensed. A name that sounded so right as it fell from her lips.





Tara had not realized that Wesley was talking to her. All she could feel was Willow's touch and as she looked up into the redhead's eyes, she heard her name. Willow had called her by her name. She was sure that no one had mentioned it out loud and yet like magic, Willow had divined it. It frightened her. She knew that she had always been Tara. But in Pylea she was a cow and only that. Angel, Cordelia and the rest had called her Tara over the past week but it was normally just to get her attention. But Willow had identified her with it. She had called her by her name and maybe, like the fairy tales that she used to recount in her head when things around her were difficult, it meant something. She just hoped it wasn't something bad.





"How did you kn- know?" she whispered as Willow stood before her. Cordelia was also looking surprised as she too had heard Willow utter Tara's name.





"Man, and I thought that I'd seen everything living in LA and helping a Vampire and all but this is tripping. I mean you show up…" Gunn indicated in Willow's direction. " And the whole place erupts. Who are you lady and how in the hell do you know the name of someone that we just met in a different dimension."





Wesley could see the tiredness and uncertainty cloud Willow's face and tried to intervene "Gunn, perhaps now is not the ti-"





But Willow answered anyway. "I'm Willow Rosenberg, from Sunnydale and I came here to tell you that Buffy Summers is dead." She thought that she could not say the words out loud. In fact she had never uttered them until now. Turning to Tara she continued.





"I don't know how I knew your name. It was just there, in my mind. But we've never met before…have we…I...I would have remembered," she knew that the blonde was hoping for a better explanation. She could see Tara's face fall at her abrupt account but it was the truth.



"N-n-no, we haven't met." Tara couldn't remember what hope felt like but she knew what disappointment was. She had wanted Willow to say she belonged, she would have accepted an acknowledgment of passing friendship - anything that would give her an anchor to this world. But Willow had said her name and Willow was from this world and maybe that was a start.



Cordelia could sense Tara's uneasiness and put her arm around her as she explained to Willow, "Tara was originally from LA. She's just spent five incredibly bad years in another dimension after being sucked through a portal. And, well I kinda got sucked through one last week and Wesley, Angel and Gunn came to rescue me. See, the major difference is that after a week, I was made Queen after some basic torture that luckily did not ruin my skin and …..where was I? Oh yeah, but Tara was just enslaved for her 5 years which believe me, is not a good thing to be in Pylea. Now, I know the both of you and Gunn probably have many more questions but it’s late and Wesley needs to look for Angel and we need to rest. There's going to be a lot of preparations we need to do tomorrow."





Even Gunn didn't need to ask for elaboration on the preparations that they needed to do. By the looks of it, Angel would want to go back for Buffy's funeral and they needed to see to the logistics of travelling. He had heard about Buffy Summers and wished that he could have met her. Wesley and Cordelia always made it sound like she could kick major Demon ass and that was a-ok in his book. Angel had also told Gunn about Buffy the night he had killed the Demon masquerading as his sister. He remembered saying that that was the most difficult decision he had ever made but it had given him closure. Angel had then told him that the most difficult decision he ever had to make was to Buffy twice and there would never be any closure. Maybe going back for the funeral would grant him that. But first, they needed to find Angel. "Wes and I can look for Angel, any idea where he might be at?"



"He's going to the beach," both Willow and Tara echoed, their voices in unison and once again surprising everyone there. Willow had sensed Angel's destination when she had touched him previously. He was going to the pier where he had met Buffy in daylight. It didn't make sense to Willow but currently, nothing much did. Tara had also picked up on Angel's destination when he had pushed her aside. Maybe she wasn't as alone as she felt.





"Gunn and I will go find him. You'd better get some rest." Wesley didn't want to delve too much into what was occurring. He recognized mystical forces at play and needed to read up on the signs before making any further decisions. He was glad to see Cordelia taking his advice and slowly leading both Willow and Tara upstairs.



"Well Charles, I guess there really is no rest for the weary. Or in your case, the tired and slow."





"You know English, if you didn't save my life in Pylea, you ass would be whupped just about now. Let's go find Angel before he decides he wants a tan." Gunn had always trusted his initial impression of people but he had to admit that he had been wrong about Wesley. His initial assessment that Wesley was a coward and a waste had been proven wrong time and again. He just hoped that he was also wrong about Willow Rosenberg. Her appearance had fazed him and he just couldn't shake the feeling that along with the news of Buffy's death, she had also brought big time trouble.





Even after the shower and change of clothes, Willow could not sleep. She wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want to dream or because her mind was preoccupied by thoughts of Tara. She was sure that they had never met but she had recognized something in her and called her by name. It could be a case of reincarnation, of meeting the same soul housed in a different vessel but it didn't feel like it. Maybe she needed to perform a spell, something that would allow her access into the nether world to see if their spirits were linked in any way. The spell would be incredibly intense and she would need an anchor, someone she trusted. Someone…





It was then that it hit her, the wave of guilt and sorrow, and the feeling that she had to get out. She had realized that she had been thinking of asking Buffy to help with the spell. But Buffy was dead. She would never be there to give Willow pep talks or to frighten off Dawn's dates or to see Giles grow old or hold Xander's children in her arms. Buffy was gone and she had done nothing. Throwing the covers aside, she clumsily put on her sneakers and ran down the hall to the main steps. She wanted to run as far away as possible then, to see if she could outrun her pain. But she could only manage to make it to the back garden before collapsing to the ground, sobbing.



She hadn't cried when it happened. She just remembered walking up to where Buffy's body had landed and checking to see if there was a pulse. She had looked so peaceful that Willow was almost sure she was still breathing. She had heard Spike's anguish crying and saw the tears in the faces of the rest of the gang but she couldn't cry then. Now, it was like she couldn't stop.





Tara had heard Willow running down the hall and could hear her muffled sobs outside her window. Putting aside her own fears and silencing the myriad of voices in her head, she slowly made her way into the garden. Willow was on the ground, her face buried in the crook of her arm and her thin shoulders shuddering as she tried to muffle her cries. Tara knew that there would be no words exchanged for nothing could change the situation, not wishes or spells. So she just sat down next to the redhead and slowly stroked her hair. She concentrated on seeing the colors that surrounded Willow and focused on keeping the black tendrils at bay. Willow could feel Tara's presence and was thankful for it as well as the silence, as her sobs subsided. Platitudes and sympathy couldn't change the fact that Buffy was gone.



"Willow? Tara? Anyone?" Cordelia called out. She was trying not to panic but after finding both the guestrooms empty, she was close to doing just that.



"W-w-we're in here," Tara called out. She had thought Willow had fallen asleep but the red head slowly turned over and sat up as Cordelia emerged from the hotel.





"Give the seer a hear attack, why don't you! Is it so difficult to leave a note the next time the both of you go wandering around LA?"



"I'm sorry, Cordelia. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted some fresh air. And technically we're still on Hotel grounds." Willow knew that Cordelia could see her puffy eyes and had probably been woken up by her sobs. She was sure that Tara had been and that had caused her to come down and offer comfort.





It had surprised Cordelia to see Tara there with Willow. Initially, Tara had only gravitated to Angel and that was because they had saved each other in Pylea. But Cordelia didn't need her visions to see that despite never having met and being in different dimensions, both Willow and Tara had an unknown link. A link that made Tara's name known to Willow and one that enabled Tara to offer comfort to her despite her own feelings of isolation.



"I'm sorry I wasn't there when Buffy..." Cordelia couldn't really finish the sentence; she wanted to say so much more. To tell Willow that despite her harsh attitude and words in Sunnydale, she had always respected Buffy and the rest of the Scoobies for doing something that no one else could or wanted to do. "I know you never really considered me a friend and even when I was a part of the group, I was only tolerated on account of Xander but..."





"That's not really true..." Willow tried to interrupt but Cordelia knew better.



"Willow, you were president of the 'I Hate Cordelia' club, I mean you wrote the charter."





"You read that!" Willow was mortified, it had been a lark to write it in the eight grade but she never meant for it to get to Cordelia.





"Well, it was kinda difficult to ignore on account of it being taped to the inside of Xander's old tree house."



"But what were you doing…ohhh!" Willow smiled as she realized that Cordelia had done what she had wanted to do when Xander and her had first formed the club in the tree house. Irony was kinda ironic that way.



Cordelia could only nod as she saw Willow's knowing smile, it was heartening to see it. She was afraid that Willow may have forgotten what a smile was.



Tara was also captivated by the smile that lit Willow's face. She wanted to reach out and again make contact but Cordelia's agonized cry stopped her. The seer was having a vision and Willow had no idea what to do. Tara felt sort of useful as she moved forward to support Cordelia. She was sorry to see the smile on Willow's face disappear and be replaced by a frown as she tried to make out the staccato of words Cordelia was calling out.



"Demons…Sunnydale…Angel needs to help... Attacking you and Dawn…Oh God! Oh God!!!…Buffy?…your shirt…the blood..." The final images, a blur of sight and sound that caused Cordelia to collapse in Tara's arms.



"We n-n-need to get her inside." Tara looked at Willow. The redhead seemed to be lost again. "W-w-willow!" she called again, this time getting her attention. "I n-n-need your help" she repeated. Tara was afraid that Willow had been frightened by Cordelia’s words as much as the outcome of her vision. But it wasn’t that. Willow had heard all about Cordelia's visions and both Anya and Giles had remarked that they were surprised Cordelia could receive them with no apparent harm. The fact that the Seer had collapsed and cried out in pain proved that she was indeed suffering. And although her words about Demons, attacks on Tara and Dawn and screaming Buffy’s name were alarming, it was the final words of Cordelia’s that had truly frightened Willow to the core. She didn’t understand their significance but deep down, those simple words were the ones that scared her the most.



As they helped carry Cordelia between them, Willow realized that for all her fears and feelings of isolation, Tara must have felt so much worse and yet she was the one who was offering comfort to her and now to Cordelia. Tara had been lost in another world but had survived and made it back. Perhaps there was a reason for it and perhaps Willow could help her find it. Maybe, that was why she had felt compelled to come to LA.



Tara had also heard Cordelia's description of her vision and it brought up all her old fears. There were Monsters here as well. She had been saved from Pylea but she still felt lost. She wanted to help but what if it was still all a dream? What if Angel and Cordelia and Willow were just an elaborate dream and she was still back in Pylea? Perhaps she had made them all up like the fairy tales of being saved by the knight, being pardoned by the queen and being loved by the princess. But she remembered travelling back through the portal and Willow had felt real when she touched her. It was still so confusing in her head but at least the one thing she was now sure of was that she had a connection to the red head. One that she hoped would anchor her here.



Both of their individual reveries were broken as Wesley and Gunn entered the hotel carrying Angel between them.



"Vision." Willow said, explaining why she and Tara were supporting Cordelia.





"Yes, right. Krechtik Slime Demons." Wesley indicated to Angel's inert form. They had managed to track him down on the beach and had surprised a nest of Krechtik Slime Demons on the way back. Normally, it would have taken the three of them and an arsenal of weapons to destroy the nest but Angel had taken them on by himself. Despite their apprehension, Wesley and Gunn had stepped aside as they watched their friend fight the external Demons as he could not fight his internal one.





"We need to go back to Sunnydale and soon, my vision…" Cordelia was still feeling the after effects of her latest vision. Despite the incredible pain, what had shocked her system more was the flood of images she had been privy to. Images of Demons loose on the streets of Sunnydale, of Angel fighting, of Tara and Willow being attacked. But most disturbing were the blurred images that had occurred after. Images showing Buffy alive with Willow and Tara and ending with Willow's shirt covered in blood. "We just need to go to there." She hoped that by insisting they go back to Sunnydale, they would be able to prevent her vision from happening as opposed to enabling it. That was how the visions had worked before, The Powers That Be would send her a vision and since only she was privy to the information, they had the power to prevent it from occurring.



Despite the gravity of the situation and the unknown dangers ahead, Tara decided that perhaps it was time to lighten their mood and was glad to see smiles on their faces as she casually asked "They have Tacos in Sunnydale, right?"

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Great new update. I loved how Willow knew Tara's name and their instant connection. This is all so very interesting and I can't wait to see how it goes

-----------------------
You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

absolutely incredible...just wanted to tip my hat to you...



steph

Great update!! Its very interesting, more please!

"In my world there are people in chains and we can ride them like ponies" -Vamp Willow (Doppelgangland)

*Puff* - It just seemed so right that Willow would know Tara's name. As for where the story is headed, the good news is I have a pretty good idea. The not so good news is that I'm not use to writing such long chapters so the interval between updates are going to be longer. But it will get written.



*funkyasian* - Thank you . It's always great to have someone tip their hat!



*MissQuirky* - Hopefully it gets more interesting I am suppose to send chapter 3 to Tommo tomorrow so the next update will probably be next week at the latest.

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Okay, if Fred is anything like this Tara? I love her! (And I love the taco thing -- which I'd heard of before with Fred).



Anyway, I really am enjoying this story. (Enjoying seems to be the wrong word -- you know, because this is very dark). Oh well.



MOre soon?

JD

"I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly!" (SpongeBob Squarepants)

Oh sweetie, that was wonderful!! I would say more but as you know real life has me running about. I will send you my thoughts later.



Many hugs,

Laura

"In my world there are people in chains and we ride them like ponies."

Dude, that was so awesome



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

Great chapter. Willow's pain and turmoil and Tara is well confused. And the visions, I am kind of wary of the way you phrased the last paragraph as if saying that's the way it usually worked but now this might be the way to enable those things to happen. And Willow and Tara again with a chance, darn that's all I ask for.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson

*jdcioffi * - I think Tara's just unique . But to be honest, Fred is a pretty coo character from Angel. I am glad you're enjoying the story. It will probably get slightly darker and mistakes will be made but it should end well. Chapter 3 is incredibly long by my standards and part a has been sent off for betaage.



*Drakkenfyre* - Sweetie, it is incredibly good to hear from you. Be well and my thoughts are with you.



*willntlover* - . Thanks. I do appreciate an 'awesome'



*xita* - ok, I can promise you they will get a chance. But there will be mistakes made, some old and some new ones BUT, let's just say they are meant to be together always .

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

great update. i liked that even though Tara doesn't know who Willow is, she still wants to comfort her when she sees that Willow is in pain. the Willow/Cordy conversation about the tree house was funny

Dude, we're surrounded by perverts!

Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head.

Watching TV shows doesn't create psychos...Canceling TV shows does

Ez board keeps eating my repllies



*Grimaldi* - Thanks. Well, Willow was counting on the both of them to still be drawn to each other and who could resist a crying Willow. I also miss Cordelia in the Buffy universe so its fun to write her and her interactions with the other scoobies.

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You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall

And Death shall have no Dominion

Edited by: jomarch at: 7/19/02 5:52:29 am

Jomarch -

I just caught up with your new effort. You can't tell from where you're reading, but I just twisted myself into a ball of delight over the originality of your theme.



I look forward to more -

BM

*********

TARA: Willow and I always know how to find each other!

ANYA: With yoga?