Diclaimer: I don't no and will never own the characters of this story. They belong to Joss, I'm just borrowing them for a while. So don't sue.
Feedback: Umm...please? This is my first Buffy fic..well mae that my first fic ever. So I'm sortof nervous about posting. Please be gentle? If I get some feedback from this Chapter then I'll keeping posting and if not I'll know it sucks and not post it anymore.
Spoilers: Umm all the recent ones like Hells Bell, Normal Again, etc. After that it's basically just what I would like to happen.
Rating: PG-13 for language
Oh boy here goes nothing...
Chapter 1:
Tara is walking down the street after everything that went down at Buffy’s place. Her neck and back are killing her after taking a trip down the stairs all thanks to Buffy. After finally making it back to her dorm room she closes the door behind
her and flops back on the bed.
Later in the night a knock on the door brings her out of a peaceful sleep. Something she hasn’t had since breaking things off with Willow.
“Who could that be at this hour?” she wonders aloud as she walks to the door opening to find Willow looking a little more than nervous. “Willow, what are you doing here so late? It isn’t safe for you to be out alone.”
“Hey Tara. I couldn’t sleep so I decided to come by and see how you were doing after… well you know. Cause it looked like you hit your head pretty hard when you came down. And you know what that means, you could have a concussion and that would not be good at all. No siree. No goodness to come from that and I’m gonna shut up now.” She looks past Tara into her room. “Can I come in?”
Tara steps back and opens the door just wide enough for Willow to enter. “Oh of course, sorry.” As Willow walks in Tara closes the door behind her and goes to sit down in a chair beside her bed.
Willow sits on the edge of Tara’s bed with her hands in her lap. “Nice place. It’s a lot bigger than your last room, which as you know got destroyed by Glory,” she says as she looks around the room and notices all the unpacked boxes thrown carelessly all over the room. This gives her a little comfort as she thinks, “She hasn’t even bothered to unpack yet, maybe there is still hope.” She nervously plays with the hem of her shirt. “So how are you feeling?”
“Oh the neck and back is a little stiff but other than that I’m fine”, she replies while moving her head in a circular motion. “How about you? Exactly how long were you guys tied up down there?”
“Umm…not sure really, kinda lost track after the first few hours. I was really scared when I saw you fall down those stairs.” Willow finally brings herself to look into Tara’s eyes. “Are you certain your okay? I mean you did take quite a fall, maybe you should go by the campus clinic and get checked out. Because like I babbled on before about, you may have a concussion.”
“NO! I’m fine Willow.” She stands up and begins pacing the room. “I don’t need to go by the clinic and I don’t have a concussion. My neck just hurts a little. My head doesn’t even hurt.”
Willow stands up as well. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go all mom like on you and upset you. I just wanted to make sure your okay”, she says as she makes her way toward the door. “I made a mistake by coming here, I’ll just go now. I’m sorry I woke you up, I hope you’ll be back to sleep easily. I’ll talk to you later maybe.” She reaches for the door handle.
Tara walks over and puts her hand on Willow’s shoulder. “Willow, I know you’re just worried about me. But you don’t have to. Besides we aren’t together anymore, you shouldn’t be worrying about me.”
“I love you Tara. I will always love you. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t together anymore. I still love you and therefore I am still going to worry about you. Why can’t you see that? I know I messed up…more than once. And you’ve given me second chance after second chance. But I always mess up don’t I?” She wipes angrily at the tears streaming down her face. “I don’t expect you to forgive me but…”
“Willow, I…”, she tries to interrupt but Willow puts her hand to Tara’s mouth, while still wiping at her tears.
“No Tara, let me get this out. If I don’t say it now then it’s very possible I never will. So just let me finish okay?” Tara just nods. “I don’t expect you to forget all the horrible things I’ve done to you and everyone else. I love you so much Tara and I just wanted everything back to normal. And when you left, I had no one, well except Amy and Rack but…That didn’t lead to anything except Dawn getting hurt. And Amy was there and when she was there it was like I didn’t think about you. My heart was always missing you but with Amy there it was easier. And I know you’ve moved on and I…”
Tara cuts Willow off once again. “Willow, what? Moved on? I haven’t moved on, I still love you as much as I always did. What you saw today at school, it wasn’t want you think. You misunderstood and you ran off without even giving me a chance to explain.”
“No Tara, it’s okay. I always knew you wouldn’t just be waiting around for me. I was so stupid and now that you’ve moved on it feels like a part of me is missing. I’m not complete without you. And I will never be complete again but that’s my fault. I don’t blame you for moving on with your life and finding someone else; I just didn’t expect it to be so soon. And seeing that other girl kissing you, it made…it broke my heart into a million teeny tiny little pieces.”
“No Willow, what you saw today was nothing. Nothing I would have told you about had you not run off the way you did. You didn’t even ask me, you just assumed I was dating her and ran off. Maybe if you had stuck around we could have worked this out then.” I haven’t moved on and I won’t. I still love you, yeah I left after you cast that spell on the Scooby Gang. I kept telling myself it was for the best and that things would be easier if I did leave. You had to see for yourself just exactly what all the magic was doing to you, how it was affecting you, taking over your life. But I never stopped loving you, I left because I loved you. I can’t believe you thought that Willow. You know exactly how I feel about you.”
“You still love me? I saw you today with that other girl, I saw her kissing you. Do you know what that felt like? You are the love of my life and your kissing another girl. Yeah we broke up but still it hurts you know?” She sits back down on the bed.
“Yeah and like I told you before, you ran off without even thinking about giving me a chance to explain. She was just a friend Will, it was just a kiss on the cheek. I love you and only you. You should know that and I shouldn’t have to defend myself to you.”
“Well come home then, if you still love me then come back with me right now”, she says as she grabs Tara’s hand. “Well start all over just you and me, and I promise no magic. Just please come home with me right now. I’ll sleep on the couch, I just need to know that your there, that’s all. That your safe and that your there if I need you. I need there with me Tara, it’s so hard without you. I can’t take it. My world is so empty without you in it. Just please, come home with me.”
“Willow, it’s not that simple. God I wish it was, but it’s just not. This is my home now and no matter how much I love you I just can’t come back to Buffy’s with you. It’s still too painful and it’s not a step I’m ready to take right now. I know it hurts you to hear me say this and it hurts me to say it but I’m not ready to be with you yet. I hope you understand.”
“You say you love me but you can’t…make that you WON’T come home with me? No I don’t understand, you just said you loved me so what’s the problem? I love you and you love me. See no problem there just love. We can work it out, we can. You just have to come with me.”
Tara let’s go of Willow’s hand and walk over to the bed. “I do love you Willow, I love you more now than before if that’s possible but I can’t bring myself to forget what happened, what you did to me. I can’t bring myself to trust you. I know your sorry but sometimes sorry just isn’t good enough.”
“Well if you love me as much as you say you do then you’ll walk out that door with me right now. You’ll walk out and not look back. You can learn to trust me again right? I can prove it to you and then everything will be okay.”
“That’s not fair Willow! How can you of all people give me an ultimatum? You have no right to say this to me! You are the one who chose magic over the pers0n you love, not me. So don’t stand there and tell me if I love you I’d come back with you. It’s not right and you definitely have NO right! The anger in her voice does not go unnoticed by Willow.
“Tara why can’t you forgive me? I said I was sorry and I haven’t used any magic. What more do you want from me? I don’t have much to give here but…”
Tara gets up and walks to the door. “I don’t want or need anything from you. And Willow, just so you know. It’s not about forgiveness because I already have forgiven you. It’s about trust and like I said before I can’t bring myself to trust you. I trusted you once before when you promised no magic and you let me down. So why should I trust you again”, she says as she opens the door. “I think it’s time for you to be going now Willow.”
“Tara I…”
“Just go Willow. I was so stupid to even think this could ever work. You’ll never change.”
Willow gets up and stands beside Tara, “Tara I’m so sorry, we can make this work if we want to. We just have to be willing to try.”
“Goodbye Willow.” Willow walks out the door in tears as Tara closes the door behind her. Outside the door Willow walks away sobbing, while inside Tara sinks to the floor sobbing as well. “I’m sorry Willow, I’m so so very sorry.”
After a while Tara makes her way over to the bed still crying. “What have I done?” She closes her eyes and drifts off into a sleep full of demons and nightmares with the salty tears still making their way down her face.
Across town at the Summer’s home Willow sits alone in her room, crying ad staring blankly at the wall ahead. “I will get you back Tara, I will. If it’s the last thing I do I will have you back in my life exactly where you belong.” She lies down on the bed and lets all the pain and exhaustion take her over and soon sleep claims her as well.
*Tara’s dream*
Tara is walking though the park on a cloudy starless night. She knows it’s not safe for her to be out her alone, especially not at this time of night. She had been a Scooby long enough to know that not only the moon and stars come out at night. That’s about the same time that the creatures of the night walk around preying on whomever is closest. But she was a Scooby for quite some time and home was just around the corner.
“Tara, Tara help me please!”
“Willow?” Tara turns around looking for the redhead while gripping the stake in her hand tighter. “Willow, where are you?” She thinks she hears some movement behind some trees a few feet ahead to her left. “Willow? Are you there? Are you okay?”
“Tara I’m over here please help me! I need your help Tara please!”
“Willow, Willow I can’t help you if I don’t know where you are. Please tell me.” As Tara makes her way over to the trees she is started when ‘Willow’ jumps out in front of her. “WILLOW! Goddess you scared me. Are you okay?”
“Oh yeah, hey Tara. I couldn’t be better”, she says as her face changes before Tara’s eyes. “So tell me blondie, what do you think of your lover now?” Willow lunges toward Tara.
“Willow, stop! It’s me, please don’t hurt me.”
“Please don’t hurt me”, she mocks. Begging I like it!”
“Willow, please. You don’t want to hurt me. You love me, I know you do. I know some part of you remembers the love you have for me.”
“NO what I remember is you telling me to leave. You telling me you don’t trust me, sending me away when you knew what could happen. This is all YOUR fault! But your right I don’t wanna hurt you, I AM going to kill you!” she bends her sharp fangs towards Tara’s pale and soft neck.
“NO!” Tara jumps up in bed screaming and covered in sweat. She fumbles around on her dresser until she finds the phone and hurriedly dials Willow’s number. “Please be okay Willow, please be okay”, she prays as the phone rings with no answer.
“Hello”, Willow says her voice thick with sleep and illness towards the person on the other end that had woken her.
“Willow, it’s Tara. Are you okay?” She begins to twist the phone cord nervously while awaiting an answer.
“Tara, it’s late…” she glances at the clock. Or early rather.”
“I…I know and I’m sorry I woke you but I had to call to make sure you were alright. Y...you...your okay, right?” The tone in her voice puts Willow on edge and the stutter tells her something has made Tara very upset.
“Tara what’s wrong? I know you would never bother me at this hour if something weren’t wrong. So what is it, please tell me.”
“I…I…ha…had a bad dream. I’m sorry to wake you but I was concerned about you.”
“Tara it’s okay really. Are you alright?”
Tara just shakes her head not really trusting her voice. “N…no Willow I’m not okay. I need you, can you please come over? Like right now?”
“Yeah I guess so. Just give me a few minutes to get dressed and I’ll be right over”, she says as she jumps out of the bed and walks over to the closet. “Don’t go out of the dorm, I’ll be there soon.”
“Oh and Willow?” The fear is thick like blood in her voice.
“Yeah, Tare?”
“Please be careful and don’t walk. Tale the car and drive. It’s not safe for you to walk this late at night. Promise me you’ll be careful?”
“I promise Tara. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Tara can hear her in the background trying to get dressed.
“Willow?” The quiver in her voice is getting more noticeable by the second.
“Yes Tara?”
“I love you very much. Don’t ever doubt that. Promise me you won’t ever doubt my love for you. Tears begin to stream down her face and she doesn’t even bother to wipe them away.
“I love you too Tara, and I don’t doubt your love. I know you love me. I’m on my way, I’ll be there soon.” She hangs up the phone and finishes getting dressed. After a few minutes she walks out the door, keys in hand.
