The Stone Circle - UPDATED August 25th

[AntigoneUnbound]

Maria...(Comet); I just read a girl named Maria... (Comet)...



Ah, sweetie--How good it is to sit down with your wonderful words. I have been so remiss in my feedback and then I'd feel guilty for not being more timely and so I'd avoid it anew and, well, this really isn't about my psychological dynamics, now is it?



Two things struck me forcibly as I read this, leaving large welts. No--what struck me was the sheer grandeur of your words and your ability to weave allusion with fact.



Regarding the first: as I read, I found myself increasingly wanting to do something dramatic and noble and grand. Now, I'm just sitting at a computer and it's raining outside and I don't live in a particularly dramatic area of the world, so I'm not sure what I intended to do, but I know it made me want to sit up straighter in my chair and perhaps lift my chin just a bit defiantly and definitely get some different clothes--something medieval, yet flattering. And I'm a bit tongue-in-cheek here, but my sentiments are completely serious. The discussion with the Stone Circle simply broke my heart, for example, because of their history and their allegiance. There was a sense that something true and right was breaking down, and that the implications were both profound and tragic. Or is it, rather, that all things must be transformed if they are to endure? See, reading this story makes me think about such things.



The other thing I love about your writing is that you convey a sense of mystery without leaving the reader with this sense that many wonderful words were used to say not much of anything. There's a balance, I think, between mystical allusion, creating a sense of things not seen and yet enormous in both scope and implication--and also letting the reader know what's happening. I've read things where the sentences are beautiful and everything seems all very ethereal and enigmatic, but if it isn't balanced with purpose and movement, I end up getting bored and frustrated. Maybe that's an indictment of my mentality, but I think there's also some truth to it. And so your reading transports me; whispers to this part of me I can't even identify--but also lets me know what's happening. The exchange with Nameless was a great example: he alluded to things coming, and his reasons for his reticence...but then he came out and told Buffy what she needed to know. You know what it is? I never get the feeling you're jerking me around trying to imply everything but deliver nothing. The story has both style and substance.



And of course, the fact that you can spell and write in meaningful sentences delights me beyond all known adverbs.



So...Please forgive my delay, MC, but wow...I do love this. There's much more I could say, but I wanna mull it over some more.



Mary

Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 9/8/04 11:50 am

[mariacomet]

Hi everyone,



Welcome back aboard the battered but still good ship Stone Circle. Just for the record, I live in central Florida...and well...hurricanes keep showing up. Luckily, they seem to be scared of Disney World. So, so far Michele and I have been lucky. But I am definatively ready for hurricane season to be over.



Did someone say update? Oh, yeah, that was me...



I WILL be updating tonight...sometime in the next couple of hours. I'm gonna do some feedback and take care of some other things and then...UPDATE....I promise.



sabina The last mantlebearer did become completely corrupt. I will tell you that she had some help. But you present a good point about th Orb's choice. Was the choice wrong or did someone who could have been a capable Mantlebearer make a wrong turn?



No matter what else, the Orb chooses human beings and human beings are often flawed. Then again, it's possible the Orb made a mistake, and if it did - then you have to call into question how much trust you should give to it. Which I think is an interesting thought too - how do you know when to keep the faith or when to cash in your chips. I'll admit that I don't have any great answers to these questions, but your post made me think about it.



Thanks so much for the insightful comments!



thebardgirl I'll give the e-mails addresses a shot. You work has a lot of comedy, and it had a lot of really cute moments and well...I got on a roll. I'm like that sometimes. Don't worry about not seeing the dedication....I often say things just to hear myself talk...also I ocassional ramble. So I expect a lot of folks to get right to the story. But I DID want to maybe thank you a bit so I pointed out the dedication.



Hey, I hope the moving stuff is going a bit more smoothly. And also...do the seagulls seems to be circling a bit more above the boat than you would usually expect? I really have GOT to find that kit.



shuyaku Ick, wisdom teeth pulling. Ouch and ouch...and OUCH dammit. And then finals! You have made me wince. It was a very deep and sympatheic wince too.



So I hope ypu feel much better and that the finals went okay and that all is generally well and happy in YOU land.



I mean for Antean and Janus to be...er...well...contraversial. I am hoping that they'll be people you want to throttle more later on, however. But not me. With any luck. Things are coming to a head in the dream, but what's happening now is more of a preview. This only the beginning.



Which is a rather. nice, omnious place to leave my reply. Muhahahahaha.



AntigoneUnbound And somehow I earned a West Side story reference. You know, for the record, Mary isn't as easy to combine with current musicial lyrics. So i switched genre.



Ahem...here goes...(to the Tune of 'For the Love of Money' which ya know, is the theme to The Apprentice)



Mary, Mary, Mary...Marrr-y

The kittens love her fanfic

Good Things, Good things, great lines, yeah



And now...because the next line is harder to fit into the song, I return to my regularly scheduled comment.



I find myself really hard pressed to comment back on your comments. I feel touched and a bit like I'm not sure that I really deserve all the praise. I have worked very hard to create a style of writing that has a bit of poetry mixed in. Not because I'm trying to be cultured or high browed but because that's the way I feel when I think about love...and life...and all the things that inspire me. I'm trying to find a word other than music to describe music....(it's hard!) I think that's what I feel when a write, a sense of rythm and beauty that seems to always make me feel a bit lyricial and poetic. But I try to keep in my head that there is music (or poetry) in so much. I don't know all the ins and outs of where the music comes from. I'm just trying to listen hard and capture it.



When I envisioned the Stone Circle, I thought about some of the traits I admire the most. I thought about what kind of government the best men and women would begin. And then...I shifted things slowly away from that ideal, wondering what would happen if that group lost that focus...that nobility. I began to see small failings and then bigger ones. And it makes me sad too...but the journey isn't over yet. I like what you said about transformation. Change never comes easy does it?



Anyway Mary, thank you so much for everything you said. It means a lot to me. Sometimes thank you seems really feeble, and I wish I had something better than those two words to say...but...well....thank you.

[astrangerhere]

MC-



I am gonna take this little interlude while you are posting your update to say a few words. I've told you this before, but the board deserves to hear it too. I came to this story sometime last year at the reccomendation of the indominatible Katharyn. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would be betaing this wonderful story. I was drawn then as I am now to the wonderful dynamic of timelines and symmetry that the three stories have interwoven. I know MC redrafts a good bit even after I've gotten a hold of the chapters, so I am waiting just as excitedly for an update as y'all are.



So if you're new to this story, consider yourself terribly lucky to have stumbled on such a wonderful fic. If you're one of the old shipmates, welcome back aboard, and as a beta, whether its taunting or not, I assure you some good stuff is coming up.



ash



PS. MC, here's hopin tropical depression number 11 stays away.

Can you help me with this heart in my chest? It ain't perfect, but you should see me use it.

[mariacomet]

Title: The Stone Circle

Part: 33/?

Email address: mariacomet@hotmail.com

Feedback: I know some guys who know some guys who know some things about you. I’m just saying. And this information CAN be made public. But Blackmail is such an ugly word…



Distribution: Just let me know.

Spoilers: All eps that have aired.



Rating: PG -13 . There will be…bad language. Violence. Adult situations. And general naughtiness throughout. I deal with some very dark themes as well as some very light themes.



Disclaimer: All Characters contained here-in are owned by and products of Joss Whedon and Co. I am only doing this because well...it's fun to play with Willow and Tara. Not making any money.



Special Thanks to: a.s.h and Michele for making me look much better than I really am.



Writers’ WARNING and notation:



Warni At least ONE alternate universe exists in this story.





The Dream



Antean awaited Janus in the courtyard.



Janus had paused to talk to the Protectors whose post was the Chamber door. Even at this hour, they straightened as he approached them and their gazes all reflected the same pedestal where he stood larger than life in their eyes. They’d all march willingly to the darkest ends of the earth if he asked them too. They would out of duty for any of the members of the Stone Circle. But for Janus and Buffy, it would be for the mere honor of serving with them.



All of them, Antean supposed, inspired varying degrees of such hero worship. Even Warrior Mages; traditionally solitary, hard to impress creatures would stare at him when he was walking in the market. Or mumble questions if he had an audience with them.



Antean remembered feeling that way too about the Stone Circle….when he was younger. All of the Lords and Ladies of the Circle had seemed so large. They seemed infallible and endlessly heroic. Back then, the one called the Wolf had already been a cynic…already a master of looking into human nature and seeing tendencies. His mind had been, it seemed to him, even more clear and logical. And yet…he’d had to deliver a message one day to the Lord of the Warrior Mages and had felt almost overcome with nerves. Not because the man was powerful. But because it was him – Lord Warrior Mage of the Realm.



He supposed he inspired those feelings now. He, a farmer’s son.



Janus moved to join him on the bench.



“A long meeting.” The Protector murmured. He ran his fingers repeatedly through his hair, pulling at it lightly in agitation. “We popped a cork off Giles when we started this.”



“We knew that would happen.”



“And are you going to tell me you predicted Diana’s threat too?”



“Yes.” The Wolf answered simply. The man with the sword at his hip looked up at him sharply, disbelievingly.



The soldier’s mouth cracked a sudden grin. “If you knew, then why did you act like she’d set your privates on fire?”



Antean accepted the gentle jab at his ability to plan.



Janus was a different man outside the chamber. The bitterness and anger inside him dimmed considerably. It was as if the presence of the Stone Circle and the Orb transformed him into an abused animal, huddled in a corner without any means of escape, and he struck out. Even his eyes were different around the others – harder. His temper closer to the surface. His true self, the father, the solider, the friend he was outside the chamber seemed weighed down and strangled.



“Well…I admit I didn’t know exactly what she would do.” Antean admitted.



“See there?” Janus all but chortled. “You admitted you don’t know everything and didn’t die.”



“I knew she would act.”



“I’m sure you did.” The solider agreed. “But there’s bound to be things you haven’t thought of…that’s the way battles are.”



“I allow myself…room…for those moments. In this case, I would have reacted the same way to any threat Diana made. No matter how trivial. We can’t afford for her to feel powerless, or ignored. Not while there’s still a chance for a peaceful solution. But if the worst comes…I have already put things in place. She would only have partial support.”



“She’s loved.” Janus argued.



“Yes. But…most people, my friend, are not truly motivated by love.”



The other man snorted and shook his head. “Nah, Antean. Most people love themselves more than anything is all.”



The Warrior Mage considered that then had to smile. Janus was a simple man, but that was not to say he was a man of small talents or insights. “I stand corrected.”



The solider hesitated and when he spoke again, naked fury hovered about his face and eyes. “She crossed a line bringing up my Katie like that.” There was that same weight, that same sense of a transformation – a darkening – at the mention of the Stone Circle. Then there was light again, a retreat back to a man whose heart beat to be loyal, and to fight for what he believed in. “I’m sorry that she feels she’s failed me. It’s not true. She’s done her best.” He finished softly.



Antean wasn’t sure what to say. Some part of him called out to twist the moment. Use it. Use everything. Gain the advantage. And he weighed the thought a moment longer than was his custom.



Giles had called him arrogant.



Arrogant to believe he could twist others and decipher the path of the future. And yet he did, he had.



It was a miracle that he could, that he was here. His background was unusual for a man of his position. He had been stumbled upon, really. All verified Warrior mages were allowed to tend the schools, of course. But some…some were held back by family obligations, or by their own hesitations and reasonings. Some never were tested or verified. After all, most small villages didn’t have a Warrior Mage guild. And only a Guild could perform the rites.



For a small fee.



He had been one whose family had needed him for other things. And he had enjoyed his small farm in his small village.



A member of the Warrior Mages, the head of his own Guild was simply making a journey to the Grand Chamber. Simply stopping and indulging his perchance for fresh fruits and vegetables. Dan-Ari, who rose in the ranks from apprentice to Lord Warrior Mage – without the benefit of an old family or a wealthy family line.



Antean had been asked to fetch the man the best fruits in the orchard. Apples. Apples touched with magic, so his family had often said to themselves. They had no proof of this, no one in his family had ever been verified. But his father believed it, and that was enough for all of them.



As a boy, he’d had a desire…to be special, to stand apart. A real Warrior Mage being in his home was too much of a temptation. Of course, he showed off a little. Of course he asked questions – all the right ones. His mind, ever observant even back then, had known somehow what a bright pupil might asked. It had sized up the Guild Speaker (as those that were heads of a guild were called ) and had planned out a way to… begin a journey, he had even realized he’d wanted to start.



And so it had always been - his mind the quickest part of him. It dismissed nothing. It saw all angles. It utilized all information in the most mercenary way it could. It was why he had risen through the ranks to emulate his mentor. A poor farm boy going on to be the Lord Warrior Mage. Dan-Ari, himself…THE Dan-Ari had passed on his position to Antean personally.



And yet, this ability was not only a means to an ends, but his contribution, was it not? This had BEEN his contribution. He HAD protected his country and kingdom. Everything – his friendships, his life, and the life and will of those around him was meaningless compared to that.



The barbarians HAD once entered beyond the Stone Circle and well into the lands of the Spirie. His tactics had been called upon. The army of the Grand Protector had been outnumbered three to one. They hadn’t been able to stop, or even slow the progression of the horde. The Grand Chamber had been evacuated. Regular citizens had been called into the service of the militia. Each former civilian unit led by a warrior mage. And through it all, all of them beseeching the orb. Begging. Pleading. Offering everything and anything for a hint…a sign of what to do. Their Mantlebearer only a baby then. It had remained silent. It had stayed lifeless. Janus had rightly suggested that they all pull back.



But Antean had studied these barbarians. He had already had men in place. Still serving even now while pretending to fight against the Spirie. He’d known all the fragments and divisions. He’d selected the smallest town he could near the Grand Chamber. He’d stationed three units near and around the town. Three hundred men – one hundred in each unit. Then He’d had stores of wine, and riches hidden there. Hidden but not too hidden.



He didn’t know until the last moment that his father was serving as one of the militia men in the last unit of the three. He didn’t know…even now…if he would have changed his plans if he had known. Someone had to act. Someone had to…



Antean had predicted that the horde would want answers of why so many men were guarding such a small town. They would search it well. They would find the wine…and the gold and riches. And then…the arguments would begin. It had all gone according to plan. They HAD argued. They HAD begun to fight amongst themselves. Buffy’s army had waited until the late night and then both from the flank and the front, they had converged. And then dragons had scorched the town’s center. The horde, unable to act as one – their unity destroyed by greed – had been routed.



Nesstoria, the town…now called Last Stand. Nesstoria - half the army destroyed in one battle there. Thousands of men killed and burned. Nesstoria - the glorious and horrible battleground. The horde had kept on past there…but it was more a symbolic attempt. With the dragons, and even odds, and magic…they would never…could never win.



His father had died. In the first wave. The one that he had…ordered.



But his father was a simple man. So proud of the magical apples - the best in all the Spirie kingdom he swore. A man who didn’t know how to fight but had loved his country enough to learn how. To learn how to kill…and fight…and die far from home. A simple man who likely wouldn’t have completely understood the tactics that his son was employing. If he had known.



Pawns to a greater ideal. Himself. His father too. That was the way his mind worked.



The dragons had been the key when at Nesstoria. The barbarians, it was possible, could have become one body, if not for the chaos of fire. Flame from above, taking away their ability to move together. Forcing them apart.



The dragons had been the key…after. For the barbarians that had lived remembered them. It was only their numbers now that made them…dangerous. But they still remember, Antean knew. Then again Spirie remembered too. It was why the rebellion was mostly…mostly words now. Because any group attacking the Mantlebearers would also content with the dragons. And many had seen what they could do. Not just with flame, but with talons sharp as any sword. Their hides all but impenetrable. Their very natures making them impervious to most magic.



What his mind had come to, a possibility it had come to, was disturbing. Disturbing because he knew what he was capable of. His ability to carry through a plan that he believed was all for the best.



So, ultimately…even faced with a dear friend, he spun his web - as he always did.



“If she will use your pain, do you doubt how far she will go? Even her. That’s where we are, Janus. The stakes are high. For everyone.”



The man with the sword was shrewd and he sat back just a bit, eyeing Antean levelly. “You still believe that if we push hard enough, Willow will fall back into line?”



“Don’t you?”



“I don’t know.” Janus answered slowly, thoughtfully. His lips lifted and his expression became fond. “Willow is in love.”



“Willow has had minor…episodes before. She has always come back to her duty.”



The Lord Protector laughed outright. “Have you ever been in love?”



“No.”



“Love…” The Lord Protector drew in a deep breath. He lowered his head, his hand tracing the scars on his cheek. “You know what I remember? I remember…when Katie died…no one knew what to say to me. A lot people in the palace lost someone when Maclay tried to destroy the Orb. No one knew what to say to me…to anyone. But young Willow, she kept bringing me things. Dinner, a toy for my daughter…she rubbed down my horse…she polished my sword. She dusted. In those days, she was always underfoot. And there were days I growled and grumbled…but sure enough…next day…there she was. Until she knew I was alright…until I knew I was. And I thought – what kind of Mantlebearer rubs down a horse for one of her men? And then I thought…maybe one that can save all of us.”



The Wolf paused, uncertain about this turn of conversation. “We all want to believe that about her.”



“What we’re doing isn’t believing. It’s forcing her peg to fit where we want it.”



“It’s like you said Janus…the question is about faith.” Do you want to just…” He tossed up his hands in a helpless gesture. “…trust things will happen as they should?”



Sadness made the Protector’s brow furrow and his lips tighten. “We’ve all dreamed about her marrying since she was crawling. We all thought the Orb would chose...a princess for a princess.” His lips set in a thin line. “Damm the Orb for putting us all here.”



Antean looked up. It was blasphemy to say such things, and like Diana had been earlir, he was surprised by the depth of Janus’s resentment. No one said such things aloud, and Janus had been one of the most loyal to the Orb.



Before…



“But here we are.” Janus was continuing. “And even before you came to me, Antean, I saw what might have to be done. So did others. ” He sighed. “Willow can’t marry Tara. Not the sister of the most hated man in the realm. If insists...better to find someone else with a claim….Buffy or even Diana herself.”



“If there was another way…” Antean wanted his friend to believe those words, and it surprised him how important that belief was to him at that moment. Not to the plan…to him. He shook his head. “I don’t have a choice.”



"We don’t have choice.” The Protector corrected gently.



“I wonder Janus…you had Katie…and even Willow has…you have had your moments of happiness…If I have to carry this burden, shouldn’t there be something…” He shook his head suddenly at himself. He wasn’t sure why he’d started this line of conversation. It served no purpose.



His friend reached out and touched his shoulder. “The burden isn’t just yours. Remember that. Remember that and try to get away from your books once in a while.”



The Wolf smiled briefly and lifted his shoulders in a careless gesture. “That simple is it?”



“Well…the way I met Katie was that she trounced me in a duel. She had a helmet on so I didn’t know what a beauty she was while she was doing it. If I had…” He offered a wink. “I wouldn’t have to win as hard as I did. It never hurts to let a lady think they have the better of you.” He paused, and rubbed his chin. “Or another man, if you’re inclined that way.”



“I…” Antean paused. He had never been sure about that. Who might entice him. “I suppose.”



Suddenly motion above captured both of their attention.



“Dragons.” Janus murmered.



“To arms!” Came shouts from above. “PortsKerry is under siege. To arms! Assemble by the Southern pass.”



“Portskerry is not far.”



“No,” Antean agreed making no attempt to hide either his surprise or his worry. “No, it’s not.”



*******************************************



She sat upon her horse and drew her staff as the dark creatures swooped again. With a motion of her hand, a blue half circle cut into the air, and when the attackers met it, they howled horribly and retreated. She pulled her horses head sharply to one side, focusing on yet more of the ...things…trying to outflank a unit of protectors.



Directly at her side were three blind warriors, their long curved swords at the ready. They were long blue cloaks and heavy armor. They would die to save her, and it would be as purposeless as all the other deaths here today. Yet they had come because it was their duty when a Mantlebearer was in danger, and against most things that were or had ever been, they would have been enough.



They had arrived at PortsKerry to find death. The town was fairly small, but had a pristine location at the top of a row of hills near a lake. From what Willow remembered, it was a town of fishermen. She had never been here before today, but it was close enough to the palace so that she’d had to pass by it once or twice.



A dark creature somehow grabbed two of the Protectors and with-in an instant they turned white and grew lifeless. The red-head didn’t understand how it had killed them, but it was a certainty it had. These…things seemed to do the same with all its victims. No blood. No seen injuries…just…a fear in their eyes and then a whiteness to their skin before succumbing.



There had been those that had managed to get free after being touched, but they were left weak…crumpled…easy prey for another attack, unless they were dragged to safety. Many Life Mages were attempting to do just that.



Tara was.



She and Willow had gone separate ways when they’d reached the scene. Tara was a skilled healer and could not bear the thought of standing by while so many were injured. She was not, she had reminded Willow, a warrior.



“Reform ranks.” A loud shout came from above.



Buffy.



She had been here before Willow, organizing the defenses. Defenses was the wrong word to use, since none of them had managed to destroy even one of the dozen more creatures thus far. As Willow predicted, Buffy looked less than pleased with her presence. She’d told her to leave, and then had left her, assuming that her friend would listen. Willow hadn’t and Buffy had seen her again…but hadn’t had time to do much more then clench her jaw.



A volley of arrows was launched and three of the creatures swirled in the air, letting the attack pass through them before descending on their human attackers again. She saw one dive and head toward a man who stood atop a building, staff in hand.



Antean turned his head in its direction…she saw him say a word and then point his staff. Lightening sparked from the heavens and surrounded the creature in a ball of electricity. In an instant, the dark being screeched and broke free, the lightening dispersing as if it had never been. The warrior gave a snarl and fire leapt from the staff in a low arc. Again, it passed through it, seemingly harmlessly.



Willow watched in horror as three of the beings seemed to dance around dragon….before hurling themselves at it and it’s rider. The rider tried to hold on as the dragon unexpectedly reared in midair. The dragon was a reddish hue and as the monsters reached for it, it snapped its jaws and attempted to avoid contact. It dodged one and breathed a stream of fire at another.



The fire seemed to have little effect on the creature and in that that moment the third descended, barreling its form against the dragon and then holding on.



For a moment the dragon seemed alright, and then it started to fall. It tumbled from the sky, like a great whip of fire. Its rider lost hold…and fell away from its massive form. Its attacker refused to release it. The sound as it hit the ground was sickening.



By the Orb, there’d been soldiers underneath…it had landed on them...



Yet what was worse was the smell of what that fire did to human flesh. Portskerry would have no respite this day, it seemed. Not from strange magical creatures that descended from the air like huge ethereal vultures, nor from fire.



Her anger roared to life, even as she saw the dragon had somehow survived…barely. Willow turned inward, looking for a connection.



‘What can I do?’ The words were a demand, and the link that she had with the ancient power of the Orb throbbed almost painfully as the answer seemed to come from her heart and lungs…her very blood.



‘What you will.’



‘That’s not an answer. How do I stop these things.’



‘I have known them before…and so you have as well. Find the answer.’



‘They…they can’t be defeated,’ Willow realized suddenly, knowing it to be a truth.



‘Not by anything in this world,’ The Orb confirmed.



And even as she despaired at that, she found what she had to do.



‘If I can’t kill them, maybe I can stop them.’



‘The Mantle was never meant to be wielded by one,’ The Orb warned.



‘I have no choice. I have to do something.’



‘There are always choices. Understand who you are and then you will know what you need to do...and how. The dreams you have, find their source and then you can do the impossible.’



‘I don’t have time!’ Her reply was tangled with frustration and fury. ‘I can do this. I have to do this.’



She braced herself, holding the staff in both hands. None of her training had prepared her for the spell she was about to case, for this was a much older magic. One that she barely understood but knew that she and Tara were entrusted with. She concentrated her will, her being…that inside her which was magic…and that inside her which had been connected to the Orb since it had chosen her. She followed those links and pulled all of them forward…upward…outward. The weight of wielding the Orb combined with her own magic was staggering. It had a force of its own and it was allowing her to bend that…to use it…but it was too heavy…and she wasn’t sure…



She shut her eyes and focused, and this she had been taught. She let herself absorb and release over and over…upward….outward. Until the town of Portskerry was surrounded by a blue halo. The pulling and pushing forward was so heavy, so taxing…and each time she wasn’t sure she had the strength to make trade for one power to another again. Each time she couldn’t imagine doing it again. She had to fight for every inch of control, she had to hold so much before being able to let it go. It was like swimming through tar…with no shore in sight.



She felt the skin of her hands grow raw, and her awareness was such that she knew that where they met the staff they were burning. But she also realized that somehow what she was doing was protecting her army…and Tara.



The orb showed her the creatures being pushed back and up into the sky beyond the halo. Unable to get past it, snarling and screeching in rage as they could no longer feed.



Feed?



The horror of that sudden flash of knowledge made her stomach sink even as she redoubled her efforts.



‘How long can I …’ She began.



‘My power is…too much for one. Even for two…it is not meant to be held long.’



‘Help me.’ She hadn’t felt so much like a small child in years. ‘Please.’



The Orb almost seemed to regret its reply. ‘You called upon my power with specific purpose. It is YOU that must break that connection.’



She felt trickles down her arms…blood…she knew that. She wasn’t sure of the source. But it didn’t matter. The reason was that her body was giving way under the strain. It was the same reason that she could hear her heart beat harder and louder…and harder.



An image of Protectors, weary, looking up above them in wonder. There were a thousand men being shielded by her efforts. It had been most all of them could do not to be touched by those things. A constant process of dodging, of running and defending and trying to find a moment to strike, however feebly.



They were all aware that the fire was spreading. They began to make efforts to move to the far side of the town. As far away as they could yet still be protected by the blue halo. She saw Janus, grabbing men and pushing them toward the west side of town. She saw him look toward her worriedly. The dragons were landing and allowing as many humans as they could to mount them. Then they were taking off again, flying low as they carried their charges to safety that was only a temporary haven from the inferno that was slowly gaining both power and ground.



There were very few that were injured, but with them was Tara. She had one woman cradled in her arms, singing to her softly…the weakened woman’s strength return and her eyes, once dim, seemed to suddenly focus.



Her love was still out there, helping the other Life Mages. Healing, mending, offering tenderness to combat pain.



‘Tara,’ She couldn’t help herself from calling her lover’s name even in the midst of hell, when it would do neither of them any good.



‘Willow?’ Then more urgently, ‘Willow?!’



The warrior mage let go of the link, too tired to maintain both it and the withdrawal of power from the Orb, but a moment later, it was Tara who was reaching out…insisting on the contact. But Willow was so…so tired. Her mind drifting…growing weaker.



Her concentration was momentarily captured by the fire. No, not the fire. Something with-in it. There was a darkness there. A creature that hadn’t been pushed from the town. Yet it hadn’t left where it had landed because…because…because it was still feeding. Its would be meal, much to its delight was lingering.



Its meal…



The dragon.



It was in so much pain. It was so young…and in its heart so much regret. It…believed it was dying. It believed too, that it had failed it’s rider, for it…A she…the dragon was female, Willow suddenly knew. She could not find her rider. She had tried to link to him but had found only emptiness.



She couldn’t stay there…her mind couldn’t hold that kind of focus. Instead it rose again, overlooking the battlefield. She felt sweat bead on her face…and her hands…she could no longer feel them. She knew that was bad. Still the pain in her body did not ceased and the pulling and releasing became more and more like uncontrollable blows…each one shaking her entire body . Her legs collapsed underneath her, and lying, crumpled, she wondered if she had reached the moment of her death. Yet, still, she did not break the outpouring of power from the Orb.



‘I can’t do this much longer!’ She thought desperately.



‘You must break,’ The Orb’s voice crashed clearly into a otherwise scattered mind.



‘If I do…the creatures…’



‘If you die, the creatures will still come. You MUST break.’



The dark creatures were flying at the barrier she’d erected, trying to find a weakness. She felt their energy as it crashed against what she’d constructed. They were strong…and eventually, she knew they’d find cracks. The ones she was feeling as she tried to hold on. The ones that would only grow wider with time, as she couldn’t maintain the power anymore. She felt their barrage and it only made her feel more helpless.



Then, someone was coming toward her.



The three leaped forward as one. A group of warrior mages were trying to reach her and they faced the three blind warriors with trepidation.



“We’re here to help her.” One of them said. The three stood where they were, as was their calling. “We have to see if we can save her.” The man beseeched them. “She’s dying.”



A moment passed and then one of them slowly stepped to the side. “She must not die.” He said, and then the others, likewise parted for the mages.



The eldest among them, touched the edge of his staff to and tried to share whatever spell she was casting. His face went slack and she felt his surprise at the power, but he couldn’t tap into it…it wasn’t meant for him. Another mage moved to his side and the two looked on helplessly. The third man reached out with his magicks as well, but he could only go so far, until he too was denied.



They talked among themselves for a moment. They were joined by more, each mage wanting to help the Mantlebearer as best he could. They formed a circle, each of them touching staffs to one another, and then together they cast a spell.



She knew suddenly what they were doing. If they could not carry the burden of what Willow was doing then they would bend its effect…amplify it, make it so that she didn’t have to expend as much energy.



She felt her lips lift in a weary smile.



The barrier’s power increased first by double and then by three fold. She pulled less and less from the orb and her own reserves and felt almost giddy by the lessened burden.



Suddenly the barrage of the creatures ceased...and she looked up. The creatures, whatever they were and wherever they had come from…were suddenly gone.



Willow allowed her eyes to close, and exhaustion consumed her. One of the three lifted her into his arms and together they shimmered for a moment as he opened a gateway back to the palace and they stepped through.



“We can each take…or bring one.” The two remaining guardians spoke as once. They had had relaxed, sheathing their weapons. They each suddenly held up one hand. In their palms were a light blue stone that was the shape of an opal. On each rock was a carving of an eye. “Two of you may come with us in payment for what you have done for she who we serve. Only…come now. We must see to her.”



“Go.” The elder mage said, picking two and pointing them toward Willow’s guardians. “I’ll tell Antean what’s happened.”





*********************************************



For all they knew, the disappearance of the creatures was a ruse. The fire however made risks a necessity. Janus formed the Protectors into twelve companies and sent each out from a different point. Their instructions were to meet up at the palace. They were a mile from what was left of Portskerry now and so far…so good.



“The fire…” One of the protectors was saying to Buffy. She had dismounted her dragon and was assisting a small group acting as defenders to the marching troops. Not that she knew what she could do if those things did come back. She had never felt so…powerless. Had she said she wanted to see those things? She never wanted to see them again. And yet there was a dread…this wasn’t over.



“We’ll see to the fire when we’ve had a chance regroup, and when we’re sure those things are gone.” Buffy said.



“But the town…by then it will be…”



‘There’s nothing we can do.” She gritted, straining to keep both her patience and her temper. It wasn’t that the points weren’t relevant. It was just that there had been so much loss today. A dragon…and so many of the Spirie. She wouldn’t know the final tally until she met with her commanders later. But it would be bad. Very bad. She hated to leave the town to the flames, but the Protectors were demoralized and many had already died. There was no way they could withstand another attack. The creatures had given up the field, but there was no question in her mind who had won today…and who had lost.



She touched the shoulder of the man at her side, soothing any sting he might have felt from her tone. She couldn’t stand his gaze, his hopeful, awe-filled eyes were like a sudden weight on her. She had saved them once, Buffy could almost hear him thinking.



The Great Protector turned and marched away, directing her thoughts upward.



‘I need you.’ She called to her mount.



She saw him halt in midair and swoop down toward her in dive that would have terrified most. He stopped before her and lifted her onto his back.



‘I have news of Willow.’



“She’s okay?” Buffy asked, her fears not quite leaving her. Nameless gave a slow nod. He was tired, she could feel his straining.



“And Tara?”



Her mount closed his eyes and his wings flapped once…then again to keep him where he was. 'We're looking. She's not with Willow.'



“What do you mean she’s not with Willow?”



‘She was with the other Life Mages when she was last seen.’



“So she’s safe?”



He reached out again, then frowned as he spoke with the others, all of them suddenly engaged in searching for the lost Mantlebearer. ‘She is no longer with them. We are…looking.’



Then he felt something…It took him a moment, a long moment, but his senses reached out until one soft whisper of thought came to him.



‘She’s coming here. I told her not to. I don’t know how she knew I was alive.’



Nameless’s features formed a frown. ‘Alive?’



‘I fell.’



Nameless saw the fall through the younger dragon’s eyes…and felt the horror at the spray of fire that had whipped the earth uncontrollably as he tumbled. This dragon, this female, young dragon had accidentally been the cause of the fire now engulfing the town...and she was trapped there.



‘I cannot find my human.’



Loss and pain…and a desire for death. The instinct of his mind against such a turbulent wave was to distance itself, but he was too old to be solely ruled by reflexes. Nameless kept the connection in place.



‘Where are you, derzel?’ Derzel…a term of affection from an older dragon to a younger one…and this one…was young.



The images of flames assailed Nameless…the heart of the fire was where she lay.



‘I told her not too.’



Her. Lady Tara.



‘ She’s coming and… its here. I tried to tell her…she heard me…I felt it, but she will not stop. It…will take me soon. She can do nothing.’



‘It?’



The image came of a creature, dark with red eyes still greedily feeding.

Edited by: mariacomet at: 9/14/04 7:37 pm

[thebardgirl]

Oh no. Oh nononononononononononono.....hold on the frilly heck on, why, why WHY did that just go the bad, bad, BAD way it just went? I mean here I was thinking, "heroic willow deserves EXTREME smoochies from the beautiful Tara" and then she just goes and walks off being all heroic and now, now it's like there's too many heros and not enough beautiful maidens, dammnit.



And now for the REAL feedback:



Dear, the conversation between Janus and Antean was certainly interesting--to get a view into a character with so many hidden scars is quite the complication, I mean first you hate 'im then you understand 'im and it all goes down from there...



Buffy I thought had an interesting reaction to the look she got from one man, a sort of cringing at the thought that "she saved us once...then..." that was really cool.



Willow's attempt (and "success") at the awesome spell to block off those feeding-monsters was certainly a heart-stopper. I just sat there at my computer thinking "it'll be okay, it'll be okay, she'll survive, right? Right? RIGHT?" and also thinking, "Tara will show up...she will....she will, dammit." And then she didn't...which is where my last piece of feedback comes in: please see moaning and bitching above.



-elizabeth



p.s. oh, and by the way



I thought you might want to see this.



I sort of, kinda, sketched you a "Stone Circle poster". It's much bigger in real life (like 15x17 inches) and I'd be willing to send you a bigger jpeg version through email, but that's what I was cackling about. Hope you like. *crosses fingers*



p.p.s. the Kit? *points to seagulls being a leetle TOO friendly with each other* I'd grab that before the whales come and it's a sailing hazard.

You shanked my janga ship!

[onyxsundrops]

I'm one of those oldies who has been with this story since the beginning, and I must say that I'm extremely happy that you've decided to go on with it. I don't have much indepth feedback to give, but I just thought I'd stop in to say how much I've loved this story. Thanks.



Yvonne

[mariacomet]

And now....a word from our sponser.



Do you find yourself craving fic in the middle of the day? Do you think to yourself, just one more fic and then I'll stop? So you find yourself depressed when your favorite author doesn't update? Do you find yourself constantly thinking about Willow and Tara?



If you have answered yes to any of these questions, there's probably not a damm thing wrong with you.



Hey All, Welcome back aboard the patched up, cleaned and shiny, seaworthy vessel called the Stone Circle. I am your host...er...Captain. And tonight's show will end with several reader coming into the boardroom where someone will have to be fired....wait a minute. Wait, that's the Apprentice. Sorry. Let me try again.



Welcome aboard the Stone Circle! Now in Carbless, Carblow and Carbarama versions.



The next voyage - sets sail in about two weeks where we will be visiting new and interesting locations...and where you will hear Xander use the term 'Monkeyboy.'



Why a ship metaphor? Well, I like pirates and also I almost never get called Captain MC in real life. And if I stick with the pirate/ship theme I can say things like ' Argggghhhh mateys" and that's fun for everyone!



What's coming Capt'n? The Now is coming up next.



Why a spoon, why not a knife or a fork? Because it hurts more?



Hey, isn't this where you normally do answers to the feedback? It sure is!



First, welcome back aboard everyone. Thanks for coming aboard. Hope you have a a good sailing experience, even if there be rough waters ahead. Arggggh, Matey.



ash I want to tell you how much I appreciate you support both here in the thread and by lending me your wonderful beating talents. *I'm* the one that feels honored. And this story is quite a blend...I'm hoping I don't have you pulling your hair out in betaing at some point what with all the timelines, and well...my own grammicial ineptness. Thank you so much for your help.



thebardgirl 1. You have mail! At least I hope you do. 2. You act like letting Tara head into the center of an inferno with a creature who seems to be unbeatable and of mysterious origins is a bit nervewracking.



Well...I guess it is. But I also think that both Mantlebearers have to be willing to risk a lot if they are going to lead a disillusined kingdom. I think one thing to remember is that Mantle is meant to be wielded by two. But most people don't think on that kind of level in a crisis.



I have to admit that I enjoyed writing the Antean and Janus scene. It's fun exploring a point of view radicially different from that of my heroes and it still not being 'evil.'



Oh, and I rave about the poster in the e-mail...but THANK YOU SO MUCH. Wow....I love it!!! I am incredibly honored.



onyxsundrops welcome back aboard. You ARE an older face (is face the right word) Leaving in depth feedback is not a requirement but thanks for letting me know you love the story and are glad it's back.

Edited by: mariacomet at: 9/14/04 11:24 pm

[astrangerhere]

MC-



Ok, so I've read this chapter in some incarnation at least 4 times now, and can I just say, the battle still gets me. I am with Elizabeth, I just keep hoping Tara will show up. And now you've got Tara off galavanting to the depths of hell to fight a creature no one has seen fit to give name to yet. Nervewracking? You? Never....



I still tihnk my favorite bit of dialogue is Janus describing how Willow treated him when his wife died. I think it was a wonderful way to introduce depth and new facets in Willow's character without her actually doing anything in real time.



And then there was the heartstopper:

Quote:

---

‘Tara,’ She couldn’t help herself from calling her lover’s name even in the midst of hell, when it would do neither of them any good.

---

Though, I think Willow was wrong, to a degree. I think it did help them. I think in that moment, they each knew the other was alive, and for Tara, it was the extra push she needed to do whatever it is that she is going to do that we are all scared to death of.



Lookin forward to it!



ash

[Sassette]

Hey MC ... I'm not entirely sure what to say, because this is >quite< the cliffhanger, and the next update will be The Now, and it will be two weeks. This is an enthralling piece of fiction, and I can't help but want more of it Right Now. But on the other hand, I'm just so damn happy to see this story again, you take your own sweet time. Seriously. I only mention my greedy want for the entirety of this fic to illustrate that I consider it to be binge-read worthy. I'm going to be anxiously awaiting each and every update, and as soon as it's completed, I'm damn well going to tell the world to take a hike and reread the whole thing.



So - about the update. First, the Antean and Janus scene. Very excellent. I generally want to drop-kick these characters, but this did a wonderful job really hammering home a point that had been raised: these people have had their entire world rocked. They just can't manage the total faith in the orb they had before, because they've been hurt so badly. I find it interesting, though, that their entire argument against Tara as a mantlebearer is that the people won't accept her because of her brother, but iirc (I haven't had the opportunity to tell the world to go away recently, so I haven't reread up to this point, which I'm going to do at the first available opportunity), she had a HUGE line of the very people Antean and Janus claim won't trust her waiting for their turn for healing when Willow showed up. It just strikes me that The People are fine with the orb's decision, and it's Antean and Janus who can't forgive Tara for the accident of being born into a family that gave her a power-hungry traitorous brother.



And on that note, it's very important for Tara to stand up and be counted - which, of course, she's doing - because everyone has had a long time to think and dream of Willow as a hero, but people need to feel the same way about Tara. Her actions during this battle support the orb's choice of Tara for Mantlebearer (which is not surprising to any kittens but may be a bit of a shock to the Antean's and Janus' of the world), and that's important.



Though, this is fairly dependant upon Tara's confrontation with the unnamed fiendish flamey feeding thing going well for her.



Anyway, I'm looking forward to The Now, and I loved the update.



-Sass

[justin]

The last two updates were great



You've done a good job of making Janus and Antean sympathetic. I have to admit to being in two minds about them. On the one hand I understand that in the past they've had to make difficult descisions for the good of the kingdom, and that they see this situation as being the same but on the other this is Tara they're talking about.



They think that Tara shouldn't be mantle bearer because her brother was a traitor but maybe she should be for exactly this reason, to allow her to fix some of the damage he did.



So will Willow & Tara throwing themselves into danger prove to Janus and Antean they can be trusted or just that they're a danger to themselves and need to be kept in the castle for their own protection. I have this horrible feeling that if Tara destroys the monster then A&J will claim that she summoned it so she could destroy it and thereby win everyones admiration and trust.



Looking forward to more



Now about those pictures which you said you had...

"VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised! - The Parrot Sketch

[thebardgirl]

Great googly moogly I've been smitten with the lovin' my ego's been givin'...meaning: Thankyou.



Umm...do you want me to do the respondy thing through email, or on my thread, or on your thread...or...or...with a martian's lazer beam on your roof? Yeah....get back to me on that...



In the mean time, YAY! (I was a pirate for Halloween and thus have a good blade, eyepatch, hat and vest at the ready--sure it's a leetle tight, but i think I can manage, just a strong shove or two.)



*grabs handydandy spyglass and spots update in horizon* YAY! The NOW! *Does super happy happy dance of crazinass* Can't wait....



-elizabeth

You shanked my janga ship!

[Grimlock72]

Hmm.. the trouble with reading Antean's background at this time is that I already dislike him. As such it makes for interesting reading, but doesn't garner much sympathy from me (that would be hard anyway).



Janus at least has a good reason to hate the Orb and everything related to it. It was sweet to read how Willow tried to comfort him .



I see Antean is using the classic excuse that he has no choice but to follow his own plan, how convenient. At least Janus recognizes what they are doing (the peg-in-hole part).



It's fairly obvious that Buffy won't be able to protect the Spirie from those evil feeding monsters. Thats not Buffy's fault perse, it's just that she can't weild the power needed for that specific job. Since it's Orb-power I doubt that it can be transferred to someone the Orb doesn't want. Never mind that Buffy is alone in such an event. And no, pairing Buffy with Willow won't work either since Buffy can't share that power with Willow and we've seen the effect of Willow using it solo.



That Orb-shield obviously isn't going to solve problems, it only delays some. What would happen if you trap one of those monsters inside a shield and keep it there? Would it starve due to lack of food ?? Keep an enemy away is all nice and good but eventually you'll have to kill them or be prepared to defend yourself forever.



Of course Tara has to attempt to rescue the young dragon. Interesting that it seems to be her dragon to begin with. I thought getting a dragon was a fairly huge deal (heh, if I recall correctly none of the dragons wanted Donnie ), that also should proof something about Tara. Trouble is that some people are no longer interested in proof or anything about Tara .



If there is only one monster with the dragon I would estemate Tara has a good chance to survive. After all, Willow using the Orb power held of a lot more. Granted she has more training but still.... Tara has to be alright... there...plain and simple



I would argue, by the way, that Antean scheming and treason planning does far more to endanger the spire than Willow marrying Tara. (Antean doesn't KNOW love so he would understand that part anyway, seems rather vengefull)



About the 'wanting to throttle their throats' part, well that would be true for Antean. I see Janus as more of dissappointed and misguided, easy to take advantage of. What bugs me most is that neither Willow or Tara has done anything wrong... heck they haven't even done anything as mantlebearer yet. (hmm.. I forgot, but does the general public know Tara as mantlebearer yet?)



P.S. Interesting to see that other Warrior Mages still care for Willow at least, hah!



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 9/16/04 4:01 am

[mariacomet]

Greetings Shipmates,



It's time for another episode of MC TALKS BACK. The show where I answer YOUR questions on anything and everything.



First caller, you're live with MC....



Caller1: Um, so Tara is heading into the heart of a fire, and like there's this thing, right?



MC: Right, the dreaded creature to be named later. Or the DCTBNL.



Caller1: And like it's undefeatable. And no one can find her. And so....you're switching to the Now???



MC: Glad you asked. Um...yes. Yes, I am. Next caller, please.



Caller2: Hey, I'm a first time caller, long time reader.



MC: Welcome aboard!



Caller2: I was wondering...I don't know if you noticed but no one really likes Antean and Janus. Can we kill them?



MC: Well, it's not that I ever expected anyone to love Janus and Antean. They are standing AGAINST Willow and Tara and that was bound to make them not be all that popular on a board like the kitten. I mean, it'd be like expecting the kittens to like Warren and nooooobody likes Warren.



*LAUGHTRACK PLAYS*



The members of the Stone Circle will all be going through different journies. For that, they needed different starting points. Also, given the amount of betrayal the kingdom had faced, I thought it was realistic to have people with drasticially different points of view of what was to be done.



I don't think Antean and Janus are bad guys. I don't even think they are disloyal to thier country. They MAY be traitors because treason often involves an attempt at undermining or overthrowing the goverenment or aiding enemies of the government. But treason is usually dependent upon action. So far...well...their actions have been limited. It's very true that they don't know Tara and are making assumptions. I also believe that it's true that they care about Willow and the Spirie. They may be misguided, selfish, bitter, shortsighted - all of those things. But keep in mind that it would be completely off kilter for me to have one side be completely right and the other completely wrong. My hope is that we're spendng quality time with them to...well set up some very powerful W/T moments. Hope that helps...Next caller.



Caller3: Um, when's the sex?



MC: 7:30



Caller: What, really?? Tonight or...tomorrow or..when???



MC: I'm afraid that's all the time we have tonight. Thanks for tuning in everyone. I now return you to your regularly scheduled...MC TALKS BACK - um, direct replies.



astrangerhere To let you in on the secret, I seperated Willow and Tara on purpose in that battle scene. This is NOT the final battle. This is the beginning of a bigger, badder trouble. Also you're my beta so I can tell you a LOT more in e-mail. See what I did there? I taunted.



The part about Willow helping Janus plays into a story I heard once about a king who's custom it was to play servant for one day each year. I may use this so I don't want to tell you too much but I loved the idea of it and I thought if anyone would understand that kind of thinking it would be W and T.

Quote:

---

I think in that moment, they each knew the other was alive, and for Tara, it was the extra push she needed to do whatever it is that she is going to do that we are all scared to death of.

---

I agree totally. I think they wouldn't have had the courage to go to this battle, much less play the heroes if their love for one another hadn't provided the foundation for such courage. Hope you like what's in your e-mail btw *crosses fingers*



Sassette I always feel an extra surge of YAH when I see you've posted. First, you always have great comments, and also....well geez....you're Sassette!



I appreciate you calling this binge worthy reading. I have encountered stories like that but it's funny, I never think of my own work like that. To me, sometimes I think....Geez, it's so damm long and complicated...I hope the readers don't get frustrated with the whole thing. I'm glad to see that so far...so good with that.



Oh, and hey....I hear the world won't leave you alone. Do you want me to take care of that for you? All I'm gonna say is that I know some guys who know some other guys who know a guy. I'm just saying. The world better leave you alone...OR ELSE.



You're right about Tara having a huge line of people waiting for healing. My thought on how 'the people' see Tara will be illustrated later, but basicially the Stone Circle pretty much reflects what the people are thinking. There are those who have faith, those that want to believe, those that are too hurt to believe right now, and those that well...want someone/something that's much less convulted than the sister of a traitor. They want someone they know....even if that person isn't the best choice.



I think you may have a huge point about Janus simply not being able to forgive Donald and taking it out on Tara. Antean thinks he's being logicial and systematic. But logic isn't everything. Which is something he's never been shown before. It's hard...when you're used to always being right to concieve of being incredibly wrong.



You're right on the money about Tara's actions too. Her going into the flames after the dragon is an action that is going to be HUGE later in this story.



justin You know, I think a little sympathicness for A&J was all I was really going for. To understand where they're coming from is a solid tool for understanding where the Kingdom of the Spirie is...what it's going through and what a challenge W/T face.

Quote:

---

They think that Tara shouldn't be mantle bearer because her brother was a traitor but maybe she should be for exactly this reason, to allow her to fix some of the damage he did.

---

I like the way you put that. What is says to me is...maybe this horrible act of treason can lead to something beautiful and glorious. Maybe Tara can turn this weakness into a strength. I think you're right. If anyone can do it, Tara can.



Pictures? Pictures? Er...can't I just keep one?



Okay....I need to head out for a bit. More feedback coming up ASAP!!

[Grimlock72]

I keep thinking about what Diana will say when she sees Willow back at the palace. That assuming Diana is at the palace but I figure she will take care of healing Willow, being head Life Mage and all. Hmm.. would be good time to inform Willow about the Stone circle rumblings perhaps ??



They've mostly talked about Willow and Tara after all, not with them. That takes more courage to, saying you don't trust someone to his/her face.



I like your radio-show idea

Quote:

---

But keep in mind that it would be completely off kilter for me to have one side be completely right and the other completely wrong

---

Ah, that explains why it costs me so much time to carefully peg people in this story into the Good and Evil holes . Would make life sooo much easier if everybody was born with a neat orderly label reading either 'good' or 'bad' . Probably boring to read though.



I don't expect Janus to forgive Donnie for the death of his wife. It would be enough that he doesn't blame Tara for her brother's actions, that will be hard enough for him as is. At least he has a motivation not to like Tara or her familly much.



Antean's motivation is on shaky ground since it revolves around Buffy being better to protect the Spirie. Guess what that last battle just proved ??



(the timing of those dark knights showing up is indeed suspect, I just don't know who/what to suspect at the moment -- the Orb??)



I felt very sorry for the young dragon falling down, poor thing. Did the noble thing too by telling her human not to come for her. That human being Tara, it figures she won't listen and come to the dragon in trouble anyway.



I don't see how Antean (Janus doesn't do twisting) could twist that into Tara being responsible for those monster coming out. Tara is 'just' a Life Mage after all, or are we going to see a smear campagne like the 2004 elections in a certain country ??



I maintain that Antean at the moment is a greater threat to the Spirie then any other threat they face.



Nice world you've created, not entirely inhabited by nice 'people' but then thats to be expected .



Hmm.. that would have been an expensive international phone-call, good thing we have internet.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 9/17/04 3:42 am

[mariacomet]

Sorry that my answers to feedback was so abruptly cut off but sometimes the need to get chinese food causes strange, unpredictable things to happen.



bardgirl - *notes your fashionable pirate attire and salutes in approval* Argggghhh Matey.



Hey, you can feel free to e-mail me. E-mail is nifty and free and well...it has the benefit of not requiring an envelope. Seriously, I am horrible about using the regular mail system and mostly because to use the mail I am required to take those extra steps of getting an envelope AND a stamp. And then there's that whole walking it the mailbox. It's a lot of work.



So yes yes and yes again to email says I. And you can quote me.



Grimmy the Grimmierest Grimmy

Quote:

---

Would make life sooo much easier if everybody was born with a neat orderly label reading either 'good' or 'bad'

---

Well, I do have that one EVVVVVILLLL label I was saving. You can safely afix it to Donald Maclay. But he's gone, right?



Wellllllll....ahem...



I think you save that label, I think it will be needed later.



You are completely right in saying that Buffy will never have access to the power of the Orb. It will never chose her to be Mantlebearer. Her ability to protect the kingdom has very much been challenged and will continue to be. And no, it's not her fault. She is doing her best. But there's always something out there that you can't beat. Even with a dragon. Buffy isn't using to losing however, and she wouldn't be Buffy if she gave up and accepted she couldn't win against these things.



I think the kingdom is in several kinds of danger - the threat of revolution and rebellion, the threat of a possible civil war and now these DCTBNL. (dreaded creatures to be named later) There are several evils going on all at once. A unified kingdom would be able to stand against the last threat but not a divided one. She knows that. She's going to act on it. It may not be pretty when she does.



Willow will come to a similar conclusion, btw. And it may not be pretty when SHE does either.



One thing I wanted to double check that I explained well....the dragon isn't Tara's dragon. The dragon had a rider who fell when the dragon fell. The dragon is female and badly injured. But Tara has never been chosen in that capacity. I may have mixed up some pronouns somewheres and convulted that.



Tara is 'just' a Life Mage after all, or are we going to see a smear campagne like the 2004 elections in a certain country



LOL. I love that you caught the idea that some feel that the Life Mages are somehow less than the Warrior mages. It's interesting, really. There's a lot of egos at work right now. The Protectors and the Warrior Mages definately feel like they have a lot of the power. The Life Mages seems to be fighting with the Tundants support.



Kind of leaves the Makers out in the cold doesn't it?

Quote:

---

I maintain that Antean at the moment is a greater threat to the Spirie then any other threat they face.

---

An interesting thought, that. Without question, his logic is driving him toward the possibility of civil war, which...will hurt the kingdom dramaticially. Also, his plotting may remove Tara from being the Mantlebearer...and since the Orb works through the Mantlebearers, if he gets his way he would be responsible for removing any chance the Spirie have to turn to the Orb.



On the other hand, there was a rebellion and barbarians without and apart from Antean. So I can see your logic and want to mull it over. The line was always a thin one and it may be even more thin than *I*realized.

Quote:

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What bugs me most is that neither Willow or Tara has done anything wrong... heck they haven't even done anything as mantlebearer yet. (hmm.. I forgot, but does the general public know Tara as mantlebearer yet?)

---

No, they haven't. Though, it's not a bad idea to make a play for power when a ruler is young and new. Also, in hard times, young and new make people nervous. Antean and Janus don't KNOW how people will react to Tara. But they believe her to be a large gamble that another canidate may not be. The people DO know that Tara has been chosen, and though I will get into this later, I can tell you that there's a mixed reaction. Imagine Osama Bin Ladin's son running for President in the USA. Even if the guy is a great, caring, honest guy...there's a shadow there. There's a feeling that to reward the relative is to reward his (or her) ancestor or family.



How easily would someone like that be accepted by everyone? and what would they have to do to be truly accepted?



Willow and Tara are kind of between a rock and a hard place. Sitting in the background is dangerous. Politicially, it's VERY dangerous. But acting is also dangerous. At least with action though, they have a chance.



Thank you, as always, for all your great comments and thoughts!

[thebardgirl]

Funny you should mention email, because all I can say is....



You've Got Mail.



That, and well, I'm a pirate who needs a new vest--this thing has gotten waaay to small for me.



*looks at self in mirror and sees laughing kittens behind her*



What??



*sees self in mirror--and her body's decision to revolt against clothing*



Well, fine then. I'll just be right back....*runs off to Pirate's Arrgh Us*



-elizabeth

p.s.

Quote:

---

And you can quote me.

---

Okay, I just did....now what do I do?

You shanked my janga ship!

[Grimlock72]

You do wonderfully humour feedback-feedback Captain . Had me laughing out loud actually.



I can see I read the dragon/Tara part wrong. I did wonder how a dragon without a human would be in battle, seemed sort of weird. Anyway, Tara is a Life Mage not surprising she can feel the young (whats young for a dragon? ) dragon being alive. Being Tara she'll go to at least attempt to rescue it of course. I don't think the end-result of that attempt is all that important for her image, the very fact that she DID attempt such a thing should be enough to proof her worthy. (for people willing to look and consider such things)



I'll have to re-read the getting-a-dragon part, because now I think only Protectors get dragons ? If Willow has one I haven't seen it yet, sure have seen enough of Buffy's dragon.. heh. Fun and wise, where do you find such an ideal companion for Buffy .



Too bad there ain't no dragons in Sims2 yet, I could recreate the Spirie then .



Oh believing and faith; it occured to me that the Spirie have much more *proof* for the Orb being active/real once again than say any regulair faith/religion here on earth. How to put this...didn't the Orb shining (for all the people to see) pretty much proof it's real ? I could see people attributing the shield against DCTBNL entirely to Willow herself so that might not do the trick.



Speaking of those creatures, those were the same creatures which were collecting souls some parts back right ? I'm not entirely sure about that since those latest creatures appeared to be more evil ghostly like.... I'm soooo confused...



Ah well, only four more weeks till we see if Tara manages to see the young dragon. If she does, she'll have no trouble choosing a dragon to ride On the other hand, if she fails she'll probably blame herself....



Ah well, next update we get to know if Tara's motorcycle has recovered, heh.



Aaaarggghh matey (learned that from Capt. Crabbs btw.)



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[mariacomet]

bardgirl - ack, I have been horribly like...um...horrible. I did get the e-mail. I have just been weighing the old old question of 'should I become a manager at work or not?' Well maybe it's not an age old question. But It was something that required me to think and rethink and rethink and think and then think about readressing my current college goals and call other colleges and what not.



I went ahead and put my name in place to get the management job and now it's just a question of them deciding I'm the best in the stack of canidates and me making a final decision. Anyway...I'll send e-mail you back today and I'm sorry about the delay.



Grimmy

Quote:

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You do wonderfully humour feedback-feedback Captain . Had me laughing out loud actually.

---

I try. I'm glad that I'm not like, cracking jokes and confusing people - though I do that too.



How to get a dragon...



Protectors always get to go to the Field of Flying where they are either chosen or not. Others can go if they can get the dragons to agree to it, but it's rare.



Donald Maclay once went to the Field despite being a warrior mage. But he wasn't chosen.



There is an alliance between the Spirie and the dragons and it's feasible that were the Spirie REALLY in trouble, all dragons might be called to their aid. But...this has never happened. As it is, a relatively few number of dragons work directly with the Spirie. Probably less than two hundred dragons in all throughout the entire army. Now, given that the dragons are about 1000 in total, 200 isn't a small amount to them. Also, the alliance allows all dragons to fly about the kingdom in safety without any annying human types trying to shoot them down.



Also...as part of the treaty, the Spirie have agreed to stay off of and protect the Diamond Mountains. (the dragon's home) And yes, all of this will come into play later.

Quote:

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Too bad there ain't no dragons in Sims2 yet, I could recreate the Spirie then

---

Ohhh SIM 2. Wow. I so want that game. And if there were dragons that game would rock. Wouldn't it be cool if they had like SIMS 2 - fantasy land with dragons and Gods smiting people or magic?

Quote:

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Speaking of those creatures, those were the same creatures which were collecting souls some parts back right ? I'm not entirely sure about that since those latest creatures appeared to be more evil ghostly like.... I'm soooo confused...

---

I have been keeping that fairly mysterious. Let's just say they're connected.

[Kytzya]

Hey you...yeah you...i know you can read this. I want update...soon...not soon as in a week or so...but soon like in a day or two...even less...ok...there's no negotiation...just write...PLEASE!...for the love of god...i need my dose of your story...(coughs)...dying here...(coughs again)...help...story...



Vaya con Dios.

[lipkandy]

I'm not sure if I've ever left feedback for this wonderful story, but I'm in the mood to gush, so I'm going to correct if it I haven't.



This is a beautiful piece of writing. Like Sassette I find myself wondering every once in a while where that book about dragons and mantelbearers is. World building is a major theme in fantasy/scifi and you've managed to create a compelling world in the side/parallel story of a fan fic. Brilliant!



But as much as I love 'the dream' it's the real that is just haunting. Your Tara, running from the danger in her past while setting up a center to help disadvantaged kids is just perfect. She's strong and scared at the same time -- a very difficult thing to manage. And Willow struggling to find herself while her friends continue to ignore the changes in her is just amazing. But it's the two of them together that is really...magic. You've drawn out the tension so wonderfully as they move toward each other in such small but sure steps. I love the little details like the two of them bumping shoulders to communicate the affection and attraction they're so afraid of, but want to give in to so desperately.



I love the long process of discovery for both of them: Willow finding herself and her love for Tara and Tara finding the courage to face her demons.



and I can't wait to see how it all comes together. I have a major soft spot for multiple reality stories.



So, I think that's enough gushing for one post.

Thank you for a beautiful, well-crafted fic.



xomel

Edited by: lipkandy at: 9/26/04 10:18 pm

[AntigoneUnbound]

Ah, MC...What an incredible chapter! So much of the heart and mind, and then so much of the heart and mind and body. I think one of the most difficult things to do is to write an action scene that has emotional depth, and this chapters does that so very well. I'm reminded again of my earlier thoughts about your work: that you weave the mystical with the tangible in such a way as to give your reader a deep sense of wonder while giving her enough concrete information to keep her from feeling completely adrift in nebulousness. I'm especially fascinated by the dragons, and their connection both to each other and to their humans. Nameless's deep concern for the younger dragon is wonderful, and palpable. And it was an incredible twist to have the younger dragon's human be Tara. You gave us an initial glimpse at her fall--the terrible, terrible fall, and the inferno she carried with her--and then a sickening view of the feeding and then finally you connected her fate to Tara's, after alluding to the latter's unknown whereabouts.



I'm also intrigued by Janus and Antean. It would be so easy to make them simple villains--one dimensional, The Bad Guys. Instead you take the more difficult but infinitely more richer path of showing us how they became who they are. As always, a deep sense of history informs your work. I actually found myself thinking about the various conflicts in the world today and the utter impossibility of discerning Who Started It. If Janus and Antean succeed in the plan that they're now reluctantly considering, will they spark a sharper retaliation? And will their ideological offspring use both force and subterfuge far more eagerly, at far less provocation? Even Donald Maclay may have felt justified in his actions.



And so, m'dear...I simply love this.



Mary

[mariacomet]

Hey all....Captn MC here. I'll be posting a bit but I wanted to put up this lil summary of the Now, just so's ya remember what's coming up.



I lost my original responses to everyone....the eboard ate them. So after I post I'll rewrite those. It's too bad, really....I typed the secret to multiorgasmic fantastic sex in that first post. But I'm pretty sure you all wouldn't be interested in that anyway...



See ya in a bit





Previously on the Now...



*******************************



“When you get lonely,” Xander countered, “you consider things that you might blow off on any other day. I’m just saying that you could set her and yourself up for a world of hurting. I’ve known you all your life, Will. And this…this is showing up out of nowhere. Maybe if you go on date with a guy then you’ll have…I don’t know, kind of a potato - potahto comparison.”



“I don’t need a man to help me solve all my big bad lesbian questions, Xander. What I did need….was a friend.”



********************************



Tara’s gaze fluttered down. “The questions aren’t going to be answered by huge things. It’ll be the small things that matter. It’s who you feel comfortable holding in the middle of the night. Who you can see yourself holding every night.”



“So it’s just a matter of meeting that one person?” Willow asked.



“Sometimes…sometimes, it just takes one person… to change your life.”



*****************************

“No, it’s okay.” Willow muttered. “ I must have dozed off.” Green eyes grew into larger circles. “I didn’t happen to talk in my sleep did I? Because what I say when I’m asleep… that’s almost always total nonsense.”



Her employer’s lips quirked up. It was a serene, but amused smile. “Maybe a little mumble here and there. Not that I caught anything. And… especially not about dragon appetizers.” A mischievous crinkle formed near her boss’s mouth, but her eyes shyly avoided Willow’s.



*********************************************



There was a truth Tara could barely acknowledge hidden in the memory of her own desperate voice. Her voice as she begged her father.



“Dad, I think I hurt mom. I have to make it right. I can make her well.” "



He hadn’t understood. He’d taken all of the books, all of the candles and crystals - everything.



She had laid a rose on her mother’s grave just three days later.



“It’s still out there, Willow.”Tara said. “That’s why I have to leave.”



There had to be a better solution, the redhead was sure of it. “But…every time you keep moving, it follows you.”



“It…hasn’t found me in a long time. But it will. Here. I know it will. I have to keep moving, Willow."



****************************************************************



“I think Tara has had a sad life. I’m sorry for that.” Xander began. ” But there’s nothing that points to fanged ones or creepy ones or even crawly ones chasing her.”



“Five people in Tara’s life have been victims…” Willow said.



“Victims of what, Will? Her mother was sick, and her father and brother were killed by some sicko. This Dennis and Elizabeth were killed by another sicko.” Xander affirmed. “But that doesn’t mean they all…”



“He thinks you’re believing what you want so you don’t have to accept someone leaving you…again.” Anya explained.



Willow turned to face Buffy. Her expression was unreadable. “Xander thinks I’m just trying to delay the inevitable by making up convoluted excuses to keep Tara here. You think that even if Tara is in trouble, we already offered our help and we should leave it at that. Is that right?” Willow asked in a soft, even voice.



Buffy shifted from one foot to the other, uncomfortably. “Look, Willow, it’s not that we don’t want to help. I talked with Tara. You talked with Tara. She doesn’t want us to know what’s going on. She’s made her choice.”



****************************************************************



“I know that your father and brother were murdered.” Willow said. “ I know that your mother died of some strange illness no one ever identified. I know Elizabeth was attacked and killed. I know that something hurt Dennis and drove him into a state of shock. And…I know about the mark on Dennis and Elizabeth.”



“And how did you find this out, Willow?” The blonde witch asked. “Did you ‘accidentally’ stumble onto all that just like you ‘accidentally’ staked my motorcycle?” She had never talked to anyone so bitterly, but she’d also never felt as vulnerable. Or as betrayed. “You went through my records? You spied on me?”



*******************************************************



“We have things here in Sunnydale that we have to worry about too. The hit-and-run demon…” Xander began.



“Twenty-eight victims – minor bruises and scrapes. It attacks, then it runs away. No serious injuries. NOTHING in three weeks.” Willow said.



**********************************************



“It’s just that... I’ve been thinking…but I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to do more than think…but if you leave and I don’t…” Willow began.



And then it was Tara who reached up and drew Willow close. It was Tara who pressed her lips against Willow’s. With all her talk of being careful, and protecting Willow’s feelings…it was she who found her own trembling hands cupping the other woman’s face.



*********************************************************************



The voice at the other end of the phone was apologetic. The problem was that Buffy was still nowhere to be found, and Xander and Anya had heard a sudden surge of missing person reports on the police scanner. Forty people had gone missing in one hour. They had cross-referenced the names of those the police were now searching for. All of them had been victims of the hit-and-run demon



. “I’m sorry,” Willow said, and Tara saw the depth of that feeling in her eyes. “Near the college…I have to…”



“I know.” Tara said quickly, honestly.



************************************************************************



“You have thirteen messages.” The machine’s robotic voice told her. That stopped her in her tracks and she looked at the machine as if it were a foreign object. One or two, she had expected. But thirteen?



‘Helping Hands’ was the name of the place. It had become known by some in the community as a place where resources could be found. There were thirteen messages from those who wanted her help. Each of them related to, or friends with one of the missing citizens of Sunnydale. In every case the police had already been contacted. And in every case, the police had no answers as of yet. Each of the people who had called wanted someone to talk to or resources where they could go for help, some even offering themselves as volunteers. Thirteen messages about how her kids were affected by something much bigger than they realized. A Hellmouth that evoked demons that could steal away loved ones, for unimaginable dark purposes, and leave so many without hope. All of those who had called her desperately wanted to do something…to reach out to someone…all of them had ignorance as an excuse. She didn’t.



I had this wonderful woman in my arms and I backed off because I was fucking afraid.



I’m standing here - already defeated - thinking about what I can’t do. How I can’t help.



She had been the one, never able to find the strength to face her fears. Her life had been shattered twice, and she had made deals – internal, unspoken, invalid – contracts with nothing. With no one.



If she ran…If she kept her life small…if she never stayed in one place too long…



Then she and those around her would be spared pain.



Those were the rules, weren’t they? And every since she had been a child in her father’s house, Tara Maclay had always been one to play by the rules.



The kiss had been one act, one rebellion against her fears, and doubts. In her heart, she had taken Willow’s hand in her heart, refusing to listen to all the voices inside her that whispered only of doom. She had fought against herself for herself, instead of surrendering to complacency.



The part of her that believed it was possible for her to love someone and be loved in return…



The part that, even now, despite all she had seen, believed in those youthful idealistic notions…



It had lived without restraints.



If only for an instant.



It had changed her.

Edited by: mariacomet at: 10/7/04 7:04 pm

[mariacomet]

Greetings, shipmates, a few responses before the story begins...



Kytzya - Update in progress...stop. Am sending oxygen and twizzlers in emergency kit...stop. Don't die...stop. Am on my way...stop. Loved your post...stop.



lipkandy - I think the Dream and the Now come from different sides of my personality. The Dream captures my idealistic side, and as such the scope tends to be epic. Everything is slightly bigger than real life. Meanwhile, in the now, I tend to focus on the real life struggles a lot. I used a lot of emotions from my own process in coming out, for instance. Like trying to understand if it was just this one person bringing out an attraction or if I was gay.



You caught on to one of the trickier aspects of Tara for me in this piece - vunerable and strong. Sometimes I have read parts and been like - 'boy she comes off as indecisive' or 'geez, is she whining there or is it just me?' When someone has had a hard life, it's easy to go too far into describing that life or having the character be too driven by that past. So I really appreciate you commenting on that, especially since I often re-write specificially to maintain that balance. (As an FYI, I have similar struggles with Willow.)



The romance in both stories, I also handle in an epic versus real life kind of way. In the dream, they fell in love at first sight, and in the now it was more of 'I have a crush on you' process. I have to admit that I like all the bumps, and nudges and near misses too. I'm thinking you're gonna like some bits a few chapters from now. Least I hope you do.



Thanks so much for stopping by and offering you comments. Love hearing from ya.



Mary, Mary, My Dearest friend and inspiration -



Thank you for your wonderful insights and thoughts! (and for sharing them!)



Dragons are fun to write. This was something I happily discovered when allowing Nameless to hatch into the wonderful creature he is (he'd be the first to tell you so). I took a lion, a houshold cat, an aged wizard put them in a can and shook...and out came Nameless. My instinct on dragons is that there are relatively few of them, and that those that exist are very close and have a strong sense of home. I believe that what they value is being left alone, being free, learning...and food. The loss of any dragon, I believe, would be mourned as an immeasurable loss by all. Humans are probably, generally, considered lesser beings. But 'lesser' isn't the same in context as what humans would mean by saying such a thing. So you might imagine from all this, the significance of a 'lesser being' risking her life to save a dragon.



I have just started to explore all those layers of dragonhood and I am SOOOOOO looking forward to exploring more.



Now, I must admit to um, possibly doing a bad thing. See, something I did apparently made you think that this young, wounded dragon was Tara's dragon. And um, while I agree that it would have been a neat twist...er...I didn't actually come up with that twist. But I apparently created that impression somewheres (others have mentioned it) and I'm not sure how. If you have a moment, could you tell me what led you to that conclusion - just wondering what I can describe differently/better, etc.



Janus and Antean probably would tell you that they are reacting to realities put in places by forces that they can't control. They are controlling what they can in a situation they didn't create. In their opinion. And they're right. For what they know, for what they understand to be possible actions and consequence, their conclusion are not wrong. We will see many of what they predicted come to pass...and then, hopefully, Willow and Tara will confound them by how they handle things. By what they do. By what they are. Because that kind of thing can simply nt be predicted by logic or analysis.



All of the members of the Stone Circle give voice to what the masses may be thinking and feeling. The Universe of the circle is one that is suffering from a collaspe of faith. They all desperately want something to believe in.



You raise an interesting idea of cause and effect. If Buffy and Willow (or Buffy and some 'suitable' candidate) were made Mantlebearers it would effectively remove the Orb from the power structure. Where would the lead, if it happened? and would - in the future - the Spirie point to that day as the salvation of their people or the destruction of their greatness? I love when feedback makes me think and you have done so wonderfully. Wow...



As for Donald Maclay, he does have his reasons, but...he is one of the few characters I will assign the word 'evil' to.











And Now....





Title: The Stone Circle

Part: 34/?

Email address: mariacomet@hotmail.com

Feedback: - John Kerry would want you to.

Distribution: Just let me know.

Spoilers: All eps that have aired.

Rating: PG -13 . There will be…bad language. Violence. Adult situations. And general naughtiness throughout. I deal with some very dark themes as well as some very light themes.



Disclaimer: All Characters contained here-in were created and are owned by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. (He doesn’t deserve them)I am only doing this because well...it's fun to play with Willow and Tara. Not making any money.



SUMMARY(or the story so far): See the Previously section above...



Special thanks: To ASH and MD for their hard work and their patience, and a lot of great insights.



Writers’ WARNING and notation

Warning!! At least ONE alternate universe exists in this story.







The Now



She attacked two more. She needed them to serve her needs. The weather had begun to change. Yes, already changing. That was good. She needed the cold for her nest. The Hellmouth was the door. She had waited so long. To feed. To come into the world. Like a birth. Like being born. Waiting…and then finally a way. The Hellmouth was tricky. Finally she was given the power. Given by a man who was not a man. The stone at her throat was a deep ice blue. Power…she had earned it. The stone had magicks, very powerful…very old. She could feel how old, it shimmered in the stone, the story of ages. It let her sense when the tricky Hellmouth opened a portal. She could tell where it was. But it had to be a special door. The Hellmouth had killed many of the impatient ones. Killed and killed them. Tricky Hellmouth. The doors would close and they would be caught between….that would kill. Kill and kill. The blue stone would keep the door open long enough.



But it had to be a special door.



So she waited. She had the stone. She would know, and she could wait. The door had been just right, and then there was the birth into the world. Now…now there would be more birth. Her young. Her children. But it had to be cold. Cold, cold made the children grow. Made them strong. Made them hatch. Little babies everywhere, and they could spread. They could go out into the world. Slowly, they had to go. Or else they would be stopped. They had to be smart, as she had been. Or else. The Slayer was tricky too. She had been told this, by others, so many others.



************************************************

Willow’s fingers moved rapidly over her laptop.



She was used to being at a computer when strange things happened in Sunnydale. A pile of discarded books on dark magics, monsters, and demons lay scattered around her. That was normal, too. Across the table from her, Xander and Anya were both equally diligent. This was research mode. They had gathered together, as they always did when there was trouble afoot.



What was not usual was that in the background the local Sunnydale weather was blaring. The group of two women and one man in the magic shop was not immune to the curiosity outside. In another circumstance, it might have made this particular group feel playful and lighthearted. There was, after all, something inherently cheerful about a first snow. At least in most places. But this was a Hellmouth, and a night when too many people had disappeared, and the coincidence was both suspicious and frightening.



“So far several inches of snow have fallen, and people are encouraged to stay off the roads and stay indoors.” The radio was saying. “Meteorologists have been taken aback by this freak winter storm. Now, historically, Sunnydale has experienced snow only once before. Last time it was only for one night, but now there’s every indication it might last much, much longer. We’ll be back in a moment with some expert advice on how to deal with the changing weather.”



The other difference was the distinct lack of Buffy. Not that any of them were talking about that. Nope, they were acting like everything was totally normal.



The redhead sighed unhappily at the figures on the computer before her. “Forty-eight people have gone missing so far. All of them had reported being attacked…by something…strange… in the last sixty days.”



“Funny, no mention of a hit and run demon on the news.” Xander murmered.



“Yeah, everything’s been kinda shoddy since that Tom Brokaw thing.” Willow agreed.



It was a rare moment of agreement. Mostly they’d avoided speaking to one another. There was this…tension between them. Of course, she had caused it, and rightly so, in her mind. There had been harsh words spoken between them before. Before, they usually just got over it. She couldn’t seem to this time. Something in her had been stirred and shaken, and she felt like she couldn’t make all the pieces fit. She felt…jumbled and confused.



The kiss she and Tara had shared still tingled on Willow’s mouth. She was trying her best to focus, she really was, but she couldn’t seem to. Not entirely.



Some wound inside her had been uncovered and left raw and stinging. Not the one where she felt left behind, left alone…but a question that had brimmed inside her during her senior year of high school.



She had dedicated her life to Buffy and to the fight on the Hellmouth. She had set a million other choices aside to take up the gauntlet she now carried. Another life. A hundred other lives. She had only seen the hope of the fight, the nobility of it…and now she was unable to escape other truths. Another day, another demon. Her sacrifices…they had yielded what? What exactly was her reward? What was the reward for any of them?



More of the same. More loss.



And now, was she losing herself?



Consigned to be the researcher? The burgeoning witch?



She felt, not for the first time, wholly unsatisfied with who she was. This time, though, it wasn’t because others disapproved.



There had to be…more, didn’t there? She…was more, wasn’t she?



Saving Sunnydale, and the world - Buffy’s fight had inspired her. Still did. Yet what she felt for Tara did too. She wasn’t sure she was being led in the same direction, toward the same objectives by both of them.



It wasn’t that she was thinking of running away with Tara, right?



Not that Tara had offered, or would offer…or that she was seriously considering it. Tara was…well, they hadn’t known one another that long. Leaving all her responsibilities behind impulsively wasn’t her style. No, what she wanted wasn’t to leave. She just wanted Tara to stay…or at least have a real choice on staying or going. She wanted to stop whatever was hunting her friend. It was as important to her as finding this hit and run demon. It felt like…an imperative.



She wondered what the others would do if she decided to dedicate herself to that for awhile.



Tara would be furious. She’d told Willow not to. She’d been upset with what Willow had already done. Yet if Willow was going to lose her anyway, by doing nothing….



But of course she couldn’t just…stop…helping the others could she? Abandon her responsibilities of fighting the good fight – even temporarily?



But she had responsibilities to herself too.



“Willow?” Xander called out, breaking her free from her thoughts. “How we doing?”



She tried to refocus. Willow sighed as softly as possible and tried to begin her work again. She picked up a book, and hovered a pen above a notepad. So far, her notes consisted of one word: Cold. It was underlined three times.



Xander hesitated, clearly he hadn’t expressed all that was on his mind. Actually he’d been doing that same hesistate-y thing half the night. “Um, Willow, I know you’re bumming about Tara leaving and all, but we really need to focus here. You know that, right?” He said it carefully, but firmly.



“I’m doing the best I can.” Willow muttered.



“Look, without Buffy here…”



That was a dangerous beginning and she felt something inside her simmer. She tried her best to push it down. “You called Angel’s?” She had asked this before. She wasn’t sure why she was asking again.



“Yeah, I told you. Home and the office. Answering machine.” He answered. “Will, there’s forty-eight people gone and you’re...pouting. I mean, I get it, but you have to…”



Willow slammed shut the book in front of her and eyed him. “I told you I’m doing my best.”



To her, it was as if he expected her to have the answer at his whim. They had a whole shop full of books on what ‘might’ be causing this, and the truth was that their store of books was only a portion of what was known. An excellent portion, gathered with great care and organized with painstaking attentiveness – but even so…there were thousands of possibilities that Giles’ collection didn’t cover or barely addressed.



Anya stood and paced. “This is ridiculous.” She stated, bluntly as usual. “There’s got to be more we can do than this. We have to be able to reach her, that would make sense, wouldn’t it? A foolproof way to reach the slayer?”



Xander took in a deep breath as if building his patience. “An, what else would you like us to do? The only thing we haven’t tried is firing up the barbie and sending out smoke signals.”



Anya’s agitation did not decrease. “Has anyone thought that Buffy went missing the same time everyone else did?”



They had not, in fact, thought of that. The words seemed to echo in the room. “She…she took the car,” Xander said after a moment. “I think she’s okay.” He slipped his arm around her. “You’re pretty worried, huh?”



She tossed up her hands and pushed him away. “Of course I’m worried! She might be out there. She might be…alone.” Something was in the shopkeeper’s tone. An edge of fear that trembled with concern and worry. “It would be like her to do something like that, wouldn’t it? To be in this weather…and out there…alone? It’s not right just to disappear. It’s not right that she just… does this sometimes. And you and Willow are barely talking, and it’s tense, Xander. And I don’t like tense and I don’t like worrying. And I don’t like…people just disappearing. And if people are determined to disappear, and you two are determined not to talk to one another, and Buffy is determined to be gone – then I’m taking some books and…I’m going in the back.”



She gathered three books and stomped off. But what her fiancé didn’t miss was that she was wiping at her eyes as she did so.



“Well,” The young man sighed. “That lessened the tension.”



Willow was still stewing and chose that moment to erupt. “Can’t you give me the benefit of the doubt for once?”



He was flabbergasted. “Since when don’t I give you the benefit of the doubt?”



“Accusing me of pouting over Tara…”



“You’re not?” Xander asked in disbelief.



“Even the word pouting…like I’m some two-year-old.”



“How about another word – here. Which you aren’t. Which you weren’t for two days.”



That was the first legitimate gripe she’d heard from him. She had stormed out and disappeared. She’d called…but he was bound to have worried. Her telling him off and then not wanting to talk to him just wasn’t normal Willow/Xander behavior. “I needed some time.”



“Yeah, well, I’m tired of this Tara-thing requiring time. First two days of us doing research, and then…two days because you needed to be alone. Have you thought that if you had been focusing on this hit and run thing before now, it might never have gotten to this point?”



Willow stood up, feeling a sudden urge to march out again. Only it would be much less quietly this time. “And where were you? How much time did you put in?”



“I did some…but I’m not research girl. I don’t give you the benefit of the doubt? Between research, spells and Willow-built gadgetry, I leave life and limb in your hands daily.”



“Spells, research and nifty toys are not me. ” She gritted.



He shook his head, his lips setting in a line. “No, you are an alien that has replaced my best friend. What the hell is going on? I thought you liked being book-smart Willow. You brainy one…me, smart aleck, and surprisingly magnetic guy. Did I miss a memo or something?”



Willow’s instinct was to emotionally raise her hands and back away slowly. “Maybe…maybe now isn’t the time to talk about this.”



His eyes met hers, seriously, angrily. She noticed again how much he’d grown in the last few years. “Fine, can you give me a time frame as to when you’ll back to normal? I’d hate to miss it.”



“When you were thinking of proposing, we talked for four hours about baseball games and comic books. While we were supposed to be patrolling. Not that you told me that’s what you were so nervous about.” She stared him down. “Why do the rules only apply to me? Why is it…only you get to change.”



Willow heard the accusation in her voice and wasn’t entirely sure where it was coming from. It felt like jealousy….no, envy. Like he’d been given something that she had been denied. Not just the marriage, but the way she and Buffy looked at him now. They knew he’d grown and they treated him as such.



“I’m not changing.”



“You’re getting married.” She shot back.



Willow felt a realization trembling in her heart. He was not, in fact, getting married and leaving her…leaving them. Xander would still be there, still be her friend. Yet, his focus would have to be divided and one day he might up and decide that the Hellmouth was no place to have a family. Who could blame him?



Buffy was a constant, but the price for playing that role seemed to be a growing apathy about her future. Things were changing. They had to change. They had to accept that about one another or they would hold each other back. Xander had to do what was best for him.



So did she.



And she was terrified that he and Buffy wouldn’t approve, wouldn’t accept it, and yes, that they might unwittingly be holding her back. Or that she was holding herself back to make them happy. Something in her was rebelling, and if she was honest with herself, Xander wasn’t the only one left wondering if an alien had taken her over. She barely knew what to do with all these feelings of must change, there’s more, must change, there’s more.



Something in his expression softened and he took a step toward her. “You’ll have your day.” He told her gently. Not understanding, still, the source of her frustration.



“Have you thought that me waiting for my day isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? I’m tired of waiting for my day, Xander. I am tired of all of you underestimating me.” Willow said flatly. What she didn’t say was that she had felt herself begin to bloom in the presence of Tara. Even before that, she’d known that she hadn’t reached her true potential. Not even close. Not yet. What Tara’s presence had changed was an elemental confidence level. With Tara, she could just be. Tara was a safe place for her to grow, to bloom, to become. Somehow no other place in the world was as safe.



She watched a battle begin in his eyes. Until suddenly his shoulders stiffened and his jaw locked. “You know what pisses me off?” He asked finally. “I feel exactly the same way, and I have for a long time – but you can’t imagine it being true for anyone but you.”



“I know you’ve felt…”



“No, you don’t know.” He cut her off sharply. “You’re just passing by on the freeway near Xanderville.”



“If it was Anya, all of you would have kept digging.”



“If it was Anya, there would have also been a lot more convincing to take the first step.” He shot back.



“What step?” Came a sudden voice. The ex-demon in question had come back into the room, a book under her arm. She looked between their still, silent forms and frowned. “You’re still fighting…I thought I made it clear that you had to stop that. “



Xander relaxed a little, seemingly willing himself to drop the matter for now. Willow took his lead. He nodded to the book Anya carried. “You find something?”



Anya ignored the question for the moment. She approached where Willow sat and peered over her shoulder. “You’re still researching.” The shopkeeper laid the volume she held in front of her ‘student.’ “You should try this one. Page 167.”



“Anya,” The witch began slowly. She shut her eyes and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “Did you find something?”



“Giles said not to give you the answers, but to encourage you to find them yourself.”



“It’s okay.” Willow said. “Really.”



“Trianalech.” Anya said.



Xander said his favorite comeback to any given demon’s name. “Gesundheit.”



Willow leaned forward over the book. “Looks kinda…spidery.”



“Trianalech is…partly a spider. Or at least, she is now. Part demon. Her ten children were slaughtered by a corrupt duke who wanted her lands. She sold her soul to wreak her vengeance. Unfortunately, the demon she made a bargain with took most of her mind too. She needs the ice, needs the cold to bear new children. It has been her ambition for longer than any of us have been alive.”



“Her biological clock is ticking, huh?” Her fiancé remarked.



“Her powers have always had some element of cold. Her madness and her…well, single-minded ambition has always made her…not worthy of much note in the demonic world. But…she has the ability to will the weather in an area to change if she is nesting. But in order to nest, she must be able to make a den. This has never been allowed in the Hell dimensions. There were too many beings that were more powerful than her, and they bound her ability there. She escaped the hell dimension once, but was forced back by a slayer. That was…um…Xander, you remember the movie? The one with that cute little squirrel chasing the nut?”



“Ice age???” Willow and Xander both said as one.



“You’re saying that this Tralala…”



“Trianalech.” Anya corrected.



“Caused the Ice Age?” He finished.



“Well, that what’s the word on the street is. But let’s face it, most demons weren’t around then. Some demons just like to brag. I actually always wanted to meet Trianalech…” Both of the others in the Magic Shop looked at her incredulously. “Well, I did when I was a demon. Now, she’d just eat me alive. Or let her babies do it. But as a woman, I can kind of relate. Really, all she wants is children.”



Her fiance paled again, albeit for other reasons. “So she creates a den and things start getting cold, and all the people that have disappeared…they’re what? Her food?”



Anya looked in the book and shook her head after a moment. “She does her hunting before she makes the den.”



“Good…she’s new in town so…”



“It says…her poison infects her prey, the poison is neutral until….well, until she wills it not to be.”



“She can will them to sleep?” Xander asked. “Like just…will them to sleep?”



“She can theoretically attack her prey, and trigger them to fall into a coma-like sleep up to twenty years after an attack.” Willow said as she skimmed the page. “When she’s ready to feed, she will ‘trigger’ those she attacked. The poison then acts as a beacon to her, it helps her find them…gather them.”



Anya clutched the book she’d been reading in suddenly white knuckles. “When her babies awake, they’ll be ravenous. They must eat living flesh within an hour of waking or they begin to die.”



“Living flesh.” Willow repeated. “If it is this Trianalech, then…the people who are missing…they were gathered and they’ll be alive…at least until she gives birth.”



“The more children she has, the worse the weather will get. Her labor period takes several days. Oh! But the good news is that her children will take several hundred years to mature. And after she gives birth there will be a slight break in the weather…while she recovers.”



“So how can we find it?” Xander asked. “And how can we kill it? And how…no, those are my two questions.”



Anya made a helpless gesture. “Maybe…a locator spell. But there are limits to locator spells. She’d make her den underground.”



“Underground.” Xander repeated. “Would she need a lot of room?”



His future wife nodded. “A lot…if she expects a lot of babies…and enough room to house their food, not to mention herself.”



He ran a hand through his hair. “How many babies might we be talking about?”



The news she had for them was, of course, bad. “Hundreds.”



Xander leaned back. “Um….I think I know a place. Big place underground…I think…I think I might know.”



Willow seemed to have the same thought. “The Initiative’s old headquarters? That place gives me the creeps without the possibility of spiders.”



“How do we kill it?” The young man asked again, pragmatic as always.



Willow immediately took the book and began to read. “Well the good news is that it seems fairly easy. It says we need a blessed steel lance wrapped in Lablab purpureus and Ipomoea alba.” Xander blinked at her. “Um, okay, I know they’re plants but I’m not sure what kind.” His redheaded friend admitted. “Let me google-ize it.” She sat back down in front of her computer.



“That’s easy? How are we going to find plants in this weather?” The construction worker grumbled unhappily.



Willow had to admit, angry with him or not, he had a point. “I might be able to do something.” She wasn’t sure about this. Not at all. Sometimes she did very well with magic. She was fine with locator spells, and a good number of defensive spells. It was healing, or spells that affected plants, or even ones that had to do with the weather that she never quite managed. There was that time she’d tried to heal a wound in Buffy’s side – which had healed…it had…and then, well, Buffy had gotten an odd strain of 48 hour measles. A similar thing had happened once when Xander had been hurt. Only, he’d turned a rather bright shade of blue – temporarily. It had been the last time that they’d asked her to try healing anyone.



“Um…Will, we also don’t have a steel lance.” Xander pointed out.



“Do we have anything lance-like?” They all paused to consider. “Oh!” Willow exclaimed. “We have a big silver sword. Maybe we can fudge that part.”



They couldn’t, it turned out.



Or perhaps Willow had missed something, done something wrong. She sighed at herself. She had just given Xander the old ‘I have potential’ speech and then proceeded to magic Buffy’s sword into a bent, twisted mess. She could feel when she cast it that something wasn’t quite right. The seeds had refused to grow more than a couple inches for one thing. It just had felt…off somehow.



“You should try again.” Anya said firmly. “The important thing is that you get back on the horse.”



“I don’t know that it will be any better.” Willow sighed.



“If she doesn’t want to do it then don’t make her do it.” Xander told his fiancé, not daring a look at Willow.



“I never said I didn’t want to.”



He didn’t answer her.



“Golf clubs!” Anya cried out in sudden invention. “From when Xander thought he could use the ugly pants and hitting the little white ball to move up in his company.”



The witch looked uncertain at best. “Anya, I don’t think this Trianalech is going to be willing to sit on a tee for us.”



“They’re as lance-like as the sword.” The shopkeeper argued.



“We could cut off the edge and sharpen it.“ The young construction worker noted, deep in thought. “I have four clubs that might work.”



“Golf clubs?” Willow asked again.



The golf clubs, newly sharpened, did work, as it turned out. Not that the magicial seeds grew any better this time around. Willow just hoped they were enough.



Xander placed all four in a small over-the-shoulder sheath and placed each golf head cozy back over the now-sharpened points. “You know…” He slipped the sheath over his shoulder and reached for a crossbow. He looked like he really didn’t want to say what he was about to say. “Someone should…um…stake out the Initiative’s old hangout.”



“Maybe I should go.” Willow offered. She halted right there, knowing that those words were a powder keg waiting to happen.



His eyes shot sudden fire at her. “You’re right. El Xandero the monkey boy will be hanging from the rafters if anyone needs him.”



“I didn’t mean that. I...I just don’t think we should start doing anything…”



“Stupid?” He asked with a deceptively quiet voice. “Well, I guess that’s what I do best.”



Anya suddenly slammed the book in her hands onto the table. “There are people missing! And Buffy’s missing too. And you all are all I have. Even Willow is all I have. And usually Buffy would take care of this. Usually she would…but we don’t know where she is. And all you two can do is argue. Both of you just…stop arguing or be quiet.”



Quiet was exactly what they were for several minutes. Both Xander and Willow simmering while the silence stretched on.



“We’ll all go.” Willow said finally.



Xander nodded and moved into Buffy’s training room, reappearing with a bulky object under his arm, covered in a tarp. It was the Stake Bazooka. They hadn’t allowed him to carry it for quite some time, but now he was taking it without a question.



“Let’s get ready.” He said.



***************************************************************************





There was always a quiet before the storm. She remembered that.



And tonight, she had danced with Willow. Kissed Willow. Held the gentle-hearted, amazing woman in her arms. But that was before it had grown so cold. Before it had begun to snow outside and the roads had turned to ice.



Those two things made it nearly impossible to navigate the roads and leave ‘Helping Hands’ half as soon as she’d hoped. She had called some of her staff to come in, called in other staff to be ready just in case. Someone should be there, she’d thought, someone had to return phone calls and be there for anyone who wanted to talk or needed resources…while she was doing what was arguably one of the dumbest things she had ever done.



Dennis, she knew, would have loved it. Would have gone along, and cheered on the entire venture. And the Scoobies, come to think of it. He’d have wanted…to be one of them, she thought. And maybe…maybe he’d have finally found his place.



If only…



Quiet before the storm. Peace before the fight. Silence before the scream.



The last was too cryptic even for her suddenly-grave sense of humor.



It was just a matter of waiting. Waiting for someone to be able to navigate the roads and take her place temporarily. She had thought it would be a question of minutes. It hadn’t been. Fifteen minutes into waiting, she had started returning the calls of parents on her own. An hour into waiting, she had made an over-abundance of tea and begun to pace…while making still more phone calls.



Dennis had once said she had a graceful soul. Willow had called her noble. She felt like neither of those things at the moment. Her mother…would have wanted her to be more patient. What she remembered most about her mother was her strength. An inner source that caused her to smile at her children and her husband, even toward the end. Even when she was in pain.



“And…people do things they don’t think they can do all the time. You do one thing you don’t think you can do…and it’s like a snowball.”



She was imagining horrible demons coming out of the night after her Willow…



Um…after Willow.



Right…Just Willow. My friend Willow.



She had kissed Willow. Despite everything, it had been she who was the one who’d taken that step. She should feel…guilty. Shouldn’t she? It was, in a sense, Willow’s first kiss. Willow was still coming to terms with a lot, still trying to sort out exactly who and what she wanted. Wasn’t she?



The problem was that Tara definitively did not feel guilty. And Willow had not seemed uncertain. She sighed at herself. All of these questions, of course, were moot.



What was not moot was the vision in her head she kept seeing of a hundred different nighttime nasties chasing her…chasing Willow. She wanted Willow to be okay. She wanted to know that Willow was using her head, and not trying to do too much or be too brave. There were times, after all, when a strategic retreat was best and then a regrouping.



And then she started worrying about Anya and Xander. Xander, so well meaning, and yet… he could be thoughtless. Anya, so eager to be part of things. And then her mind went back to Willow. Her friend could be stubborn too, when she was angry. And damnit the slayer was gone…maybe…or maybe she’d gotten back. Unless maybe she was with them now – helping. Maybe it was already over.



She wanted to see. She needed to see what was happening.



She considered a spell – just to see, just to check on them - and immediately chastised herself. She knew better. She knew better. Still, so easy it came, this desire to perform, to use, to experiment with magic. Like a moth to flame – Tara was always tempted. Always. It was one of the few things she couldn’t seem to run away from, no matter how hard she tried.



No…no spells.



She’d be logical about this. Demons in a town with a slayer would probably choose somewhere hidden, yet well-traveled. It had sounded as if there were multiple ones, so they would need a little room. They would still want to be in a secluded place though.



Well, unless the demons were either dumb or uninformed and hadn’t heard there was a slayer around.



Better to stick with likely guesses for now.



Having no ability to act yet, she came up with a plan instead. They would be at the Magic Box, right? And if they weren’t…if they weren’t….Wait…she’d been making phone calls all night, why hadn’t she called the Magic Box? She grabbed for the phone and dialed…and it rang…and rang…and rang.



Stupid, stupid, stupid! She berated herself. She should have called much earlier. All the phone calls she had made, and it hadn’t occurred to her to call the Magic Box till now?



Willow’s cell phone!



But on tonight of all nights, even that seemed to be a dead end. She reached a recording letting her know that the wireless caller she was trying to reach was not available, but that she should please try again later.



She had to find her.



She cursed herself for still being so unfamiliar with a good portion of Sunnydale. She had kept herself cooped up in that little office of hers and in her dorm room. Sure, she had all the bus schedules out of town memorized just in case. And she knew at least three ways to quickly get out of town. But…her mind hadn’t allowed itself to settle in Sunnydale long enough for her to explore it.



She felt helpless and frantic. And she knew what it reminded her of. She knew exactly what it reminded her of.



A hospital room…and watching him. The doctors telling her that she was listed as his next of kin. The way she’d felt when he’d walked out the door a few nights before.



The question – that one question that applied to so much – why hadn’t she stopped him?



She had often played the part of an ostrich went it came to Dennis.



She had tried to help him.



She gave so much of herself to her kids, to her students. And she had given to him too. She had let him into her heart. It wasn’t that she had held herself apart. It was just that there was a part of herself that she kept numb. Secrets and feelings that she never told him. Fights she didn’t chance.



She knew about so much that he believed he’d sheltered her from. She knew that he somehow was able to buy all kinds of things on a salary that was too small for those things. She knew about large deposits to the “house fund” that seemed to come from nowhere. And even when Tara didn’t mention it, she knew about almost every fight, every time he’d been tossed in jail and hadn’t come home – refusing to call her for bail and risk her anger. No, not her anger. That wasn’t what scared him into sitting in a jail cell, surrounded by heavens knew who. It was fear that she’d leave him. That he’d commit the unforgivable act and lose her. He was forever waiting for her to decide he wasn’t worth it. He expected to disappoint her.



He had been the most loyal, steadfast man she’d ever had in her life. And in the end, she’d disappointed him.



How did you ask forgiveness for holding yourself back? For refusing to fight for a troubled soul the way you could have? Half measures and half truths…and a life she could have saved.



There was Elizabeth. She’d pushed him toward Elizabeth, wanting for him to find love…love she felt guilty about not being able to give him. And in a way it had worked. That was something. That was a chance for Dennis to see that the world could be warm instead of cold. That it could hold and nourish beauty even in a setting as wild and frozen as the poverty-stricken inner city.



Tara had been both elated and…afraid when Dennis had finally realized what a wonderful woman Elizabeth was. The magic shop owner had been a great friend, and she’d had a crush on Dennis for some time. Mostly…she’d been happy for them. But occasionally, just occasionally she felt…a sense of loss. Or maybe a fear of loss. He was all she had. She was willing to let him go. But still…he was all she had.



They had both been pretending everything was fine even while waiting for it all to shatter. Tara had been waiting in her own way for him to leave her.



She had lost him. But not in a way she ever could have imagined.



And she could have stopped it.



Which brought everything full circle to tonight. `



Willow, Willow, Willow, her heart cried out, clenching in despair.

Edited by: mariacomet at: 10/10/04 9:56 am

[sabina]

Hi there



It was nice to get back to the "now" even if I'm extremely curious to know what will happen next in the "dream". I guess you'll get there in your own time and well to tell you the truth I wouldn't have it any other way.



I was hoping Tara would reach Willow in time to help with research and help her focus on this demon but I suppose that would have been the easy way out for both of them. They have to come to terms with who they are and what they want and need alone.

It pained me to see Willow and Xander arguing again, and for a good minute I just blamed the whole incident on him until I realized that it just wasn't fair. It takes time to change the image we have of someone we love and often we resist the change because we don't want to lose that person as they were before. Who knows if the new person will love us back...



Willow has been bottling up so many of her feelings for so long and now that she has reached the explosion point she suddenly wants everyone to understand that she has changed but it isn't fair to ask for everyone's instant understanding. Things simply don't work that way.



About Buffy... I have this bad feeling about her disappearance



This was a great chapter and I'll be waiting for more

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[onyxsundrops]

Good, I'm not too late to leave feedback.



I had also hoped that Tara would contact Willow and maybe, possibly, it might've helped Willow in some other way besides with her research. Just a simple (though nothing's truly simple) call might've somehow calmed Willow- I don't know. There just seems to be so much pain and anger within Willow and it's sort of hard to figure out what it is exactly that she needs that would help her.



During the various off and on arguments, I found myself picking sides too much. I agreed with Willow but I also thought Xander had a point. I understand Anya not wanting them to fight especially since they're not completely sure of what's going on, but part of me wants them to get on with it. They're obviously holding a lot back and if they could express what they feel, maybe they could move on and find out what's happening- although there's the chance that it could be too late. So maybe it would be best if they waited 'til afterwards (I just typed all that for nothing).



Anyway, thanks for the wonderful update.



Yvonne

[justin]

That was a great update



During most of it I was thinking go Willow go Willow go Wllow



I was also reminded of a line from the trailers for The Shark Tale, sometimes I just want to grab you stupid head and *makes punching motions* . That's is regarding Xander getting bulshy over Willow not being able to come up with an answer quickly enough. Does he expect her to just pull a solution out of her backside? Then there's the way he first he criticises Willow for not focusing on getting a solution but then get's snotty when she points out it isn't the time to be having this argument. I just want to grab his stupid head and... but, now I'm repeating myself.



Though, Yay Anya for realising that they have to focus on the monster attacking people rather than arguing.



When I read about the monster's children being killed by a corrupt duke I wondered if it was somehow connected to the dream world.



Then having Tara wanting to help Willow but not knowing how to reach her was very



Looking forward to more

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument...and the occasional bar fight. -JMS

[thebardgirl]

Horrah! It's the fabulous Stone Circle in the living flesh!! I must say, MC, I was getting very unnervy about the whole Xander grrr @ Willow thing and vice-versa...it made my tummy rumble. But, why, why, (Grabs Indiana Jones) WHY did it have to be spiders?? I hate spiders. Which is ironic seeing as I the most humane one to catch and free 'em outside of my dorm. But...WHY?! I think she needs to be squashed....yes, yes she does....ala Shalob style, with the deadly weapon an' all....



Hmmmrph...great update!! I was hoping for W/T time in this "Now" version, but then it went all demony and I think I was pining for Willow right along side of Tara at the moment...it was slightly scary.



As always I LOVE your writing and your way with words...I've just been in lurkdom/not-ever-online-dom for a while now. Stupid classes and such are boggin' me down so I didn't get a crack at this update until waaaaay past reply-time. Thanks again, MC. It's fabulous.



With the Stone Circle, I realize now, you don't just read it--you experience it.



-elizabeth

You shanked my janga ship!

[mariacomet]

sabina

Quote:

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I was hoping Tara would reach Willow in time to help with research and help her focus on this demon but I suppose that would have been the easy way out for both of them.

---

Yes...and I have plans for Willow and Tara. Muhahahaha. Let me say that Tara DOES show up to help Willow later and a motorcycle is involved. Often in a story, I'm carefully trying to pick my moments...and I'm trying to make them as 'big' as possible. So like, when I finally give the reader the payoff of having Willow and Tara reunited, I want to make it the best and biggest moment I can.



My instinct here was to let Willow and Tara figure out a few things on their own first.

Quote:

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It takes time to change the image we have of someone we love and often we resist the change because we don't want to lose that person as they were before.

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I think this is a really insightful coment and speaks to a lot of the problem. I believe that although Xander could be a lot more patient here, part of the issue was that he expected everything to go back to status quo and just isn't sure to do with what IS happening with Willow. Willow and Xander have both been one another's constants for a long time. And now, as they grow older, and grow up, things are changing...and those changes scare both of them.



They're in an adjustment period at the moment, I think. But ebhind it all they love one another and are friends. So my feeling? It will all work out.

Quote:

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I have this bad feeling about her disappearance

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My answer on this...is um....





Great, great comments! Thanks so much for taking the time to jot your thoughts down, and thanks for reading!



onyxsundrops onyx, you could never be late. Except for like fashionably late in the best sense kind of way.

Quote:

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There just seems to be so much pain and anger within Willow and it's sort of hard to figure out what it is exactly that she needs that would help her.

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Without question, Willow is feeling very jumbled. Tara has rocked her world and as a result, a LOT of things are chnaging and suddenly in question for her.



A phone call from Tara would have perhaps helped...but I think what really needs to happen is for Tara to show up, save the day and then engage in some cuddling with Willow. Err...or something.



For me, coming out was a jumbled process...and I think it is for a lot of people. For me, it kicked up a LOT of fears, and thoughts and doubts and...well...growth. That's where I'm coming from here, I think.

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They're obviously holding a lot back and if they could express what they feel, maybe they could move on and find out what's happening- although there's the chance that it could be too late.

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You are 100% right. They do need to sit down and talk. Now, if only THEY could figure that out. I think they both need to get past the blame and expectations, they have developed one one another. They will. I believe in my heart of hearts that X/W/B are a powerful group of friends in the bets sense of the word. I can't see friends like that not working it all out.



Thanks, as always for all your great comments.



justin

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That's is regarding Xander getting bulshy over Willow not being able to come up with an answer quickly enough. Does he expect her to just pull a solution out of her backside?

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What Xander wants? Is normal. He wants Willow to be good old Willow. The research thing is part of that. I think later you'll see his acknowlege that he had his jerky moments here. I think he already knows that he needs to try and let Willow do and be what she needs to. But I also think...he'd scared.



And so is she. More than anything else, that's what they both have to get past.



And yes, Willow did absolutely have a moment of maturity inthe argument and tried get back to task...and Xander acted all jerky again. Agree with ya totally there.

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Then having Tara wanting to help Willow but not knowing how to reach her...

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I know....but Tara WILL help Willow, I promise. Really. Honest!

Soon!



thebardgirl

Yo yo yo what up, b? First, did you get that long, rambly followup to your followup e-mail I sent ya ?



I know you have been way busy with school, just want to make sure you got it.

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But...WHY?! I think she needs to be squashed....yes, yes she does....ala Shalob style, with the deadly weapon an' all....

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Will skewered work for ya?

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Hmmmrph...great update!! I was hoping for W/T time in this "Now" version, but then it went all demony and I think I was pining for Willow right along side of Tara at the moment...it was slightly scary.

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Oh, they'll be together very very very very soon. Let me just say that I found a great excuse to have Tara on a motorcycle again and I couldn't pass it up. I'm weak. I'm sorry.



I know that 10/10 kittens want Willow and Tara together...possibly kissing or cuddling, and maybe even groping in any given scene. I'm steering this lil ship there and I appreciate your patience during the delay.



*pulls horn* Full steam ahead. *tugging on the captain hat and pointing to various members of the crew.* "You! Pull that thing and you...pull that other thing ! And put the sails up! And swab the deck and um...just get this boat moving!

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I've just been in lurkdom/not-ever-online-dom for a while now. Stupid classes and such are boggin' me down so I didn't get a crack at this update until waaaaay past reply-time.

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Nah, we waited for ya, mah dear. See the welcome back Elizabeth sign on the side of the ship?



Always a pleasure to have you aboard, my friend.

[astrangerhere]

Well, that was annoying. I just wrote one of my famously long feedbacks only to have ezboard eat it. I shall herein try to reproduce it.



I love my job as beta, but no more so than with you. Just when I think 4 readings later that the fight between Will and Xander couldn't get any better, it did. I loved how you internalized alot of the stuff on Willow's side. It created a beautiful parallel between her and Tara's internal struggles.



The complications you have created in these characters in all the lines of the story are all starting to come together. Right from the beginning with Willow being given a wife and her being terrified to Tara being given Willow in the Now and being so scared to risk it. Everything is just starting to come together beautifully.



But of course, I have to talk about Tara. As a matter of introduction, let me say that I watched Entropy last night. *the scene* struck me differently last night than it ever has before. There was a desperation I had never seen before. It was as if Tara had seen everything that happened in the episode (that of course, she didnt) and realized what she and Will had was too precious to wait any longer for. The same desperation for something to cling to is slowly snaking its way further and further into your Tara and I absolutely love it.



I just can't wait to see more.



To all those who are waiting and wondering... let me just tell you, it only gets better.



ash



PS MC, next part will be to you soon. I've had a helluva week (too many 10 hour days).

[Grimlock72]

I most of all wondered how Willow and Xander managed to get into those repeated 'fights'. At first the talking is normal and then for some reason it takes a sharp turn and BOOM! That's not meant as a negative, lord knows that happens in real life too. When it does it also surprises me... I try to backtrack such arguments... logic just doesn't work sometimes .



I think Xander would indeed prefer Willow to just go back to being the Willow he knows. Once he figures that out he should just give both Willow and himself some time-out to get used to the change(s). If Anya of all people has to tell them to stop fighting it should be obvious there is a problem



This Anya is rather sympathetic though, I liked her in this update. Why on earth Xander expected Willow to come up with a solution that fast is a mystery to me. I don't really think that was the reason or planned route for that discussion by Xander anyway, not sure what was though. Hmm...



At first I thought the Big Bad was Druscilla, the speech-pattern seemed a bit familiar. Since they are going to the Initiative's HQ to kill the beast, I assume Willow managed to get some of those herbs anyway ?? There I was figuring that would be the part she needed help from Tara with .



I do hope the 3 scoobies will work together well, even if it's only for the duration of the kill-the-beast operation. Can't have arguments while battling a large demon spider now can they ??



About the dragon/Tara/human confusion from the Dream; this is the relevant part:

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[dragons are looking for Tara]



She's coming here. I told her not to. I don't know how she knew I was alive.'



Nameless's features formed a frown. `Alive?'



`I fell.'



Nameless saw the fall through the younger dragon's eyes.and felt the horror at the spray of fire that had whipped the earth uncontrollably as he tumbled. This dragon, this female, young dragon had accidentally been the cause of the fire now engulfing the town...and she was trapped there.



`I cannot find my human.'

<>

The images of flames assailed Nameless.the heart of the fire was where she lay.



`I told her not too.'



Her. Lady Tara.



`She's coming and its here.'

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The problem I had was with the line "I cannot find my human". It is a sort of stand-alone line with regard to 'my human', so I assumed the unnamed human had to be Tara (being the last mentioned human prior). All other 'her'/'she' references point to Tara as well which helps confusing poor old me . Something like "My human fell of, I cannot find him" would have prevented that probably (in two ways).



If Tara does manage to save the young dragon (which I very much hope) she will have her own dragon(s) to protect her for sure . Killing or capturing one of those DCTBNL's wouldn't be too bad either.



Grimmy

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"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 10/20/04 3:54 pm