TEMPUS FUGIT -- Absolute Zero (S4)

[Irishgrl3]

I just found this story this week, read all the updates in one sitting, and I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed this fic. I had read S4 and S7 awhile back and they are fabulous. Although it was tough to get through S7 without . I hope that you will continue to update this one when you can.



Anna

[JewWitch18]

MEL! what's up honey! I am sorry to bump up the thread and make people think there's an update when there isn't, but I just now saw your last post and wanted to give some positive reinforcement.



...this banana is saying "eat me," if you didn't know. I am very sorry to hear you had a migrane-y summer...that pretty much bites big weiner. but I am happy that there is an update on the way! I know that it will rock my teenage party world as always



luv,

--JW

Whatever you did to survive was the right thing

--Daphne Gottlieb

[lipkandy]

ack!! I think you all might have noticed that my relationship with time is a little shaky at best, but where did it all go?? yes, I'm battling severe writer's block, but that's really no excuse because I have a lot written...



how's this? I'll post something this weekend no matter what. it may be in smaller installments than everyone's used to, but maybe that will push me into writing the rest of it instead of agonizing over it.



eyeslie sorry if I took your post the wrong way. I have the bad Virgo habit of heavy self-criticism. I'm glad you're still reading and writing the lovely feedback. plus, snaps for scarfy, perv-y willow



Irishgirl hi anna!! and welcome aboard. thanks for reading all of this and I'm so glad you're liking this new episode. I have to admit, as shameless as it is, I go back and read the last few updates of S7 and get all choked up myself. thanks so much for leaving feedback. and update-y goodness soon.



jewwitch!!!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! maybe I'll make it a holiday very special episode of Absolute Zero just for you. plus, it's my b-day this weekend (it always ends up somewhere in the high holidays), so it's all good. yes, I've been ridiculously sickly all summer. but I may have another reading in NYC this fall and you know what that means, you east coast girl. heh.

all around!!



and positive reinforcement....always appreciated and highly effective.



back to work,

xomel

[JustSkipIt]

Hey there,

I'm thrilled to hear that there will be an update this weekend. My birthday is this weekend too (9/19) and when I was a kid it always felt like it was on the high holidays. Lately hasn't really hit but I have a niece who has her birthday on 9/27 and she keeps getting it. I never minded Rosh Hashana but Yom Kippur on your birthday? Not fun. Waiting for the update.

MoveOn.Org

American Civil Liberities Union

Human Rights Campaign

[JewWitch18]

YESYESYES! I want a rosh hashannah special edition of AZ! I always wondered what one of those would be like...and rugrats already did a passover special...or maybe w/t could just celebrate your birthday, huh babe? you should definitely do it, there's no other way to get through writer's block that to, well, ignore it. we all know you've got it all written out already, at least in your head if not in several different folders with different possible endings, and now you're just agonizing-- or more likely, the scoobs are agonizing and you're letting them just walk all over you. but there's anya sitting patiently in the corner, telling you to ignore all these drama queens, grit your teeth and just do it already! she's tired of waiting, and she's losing money every second the magic box is closed between updates. listen to anya, xomel, and obey.



...and when you're done come to new york. 'K?



--JW

Whatever you did to survive was the right thing

--Daphne Gottlieb

[lipkandy]

it has been pointed out to me that my hesitation about posting the next installment was...well, insane was the word that came up repeatedly. you have witchpunk to thank... or blame for the earliness. actually, you have witchpunk to thank for this entire series. she's the hottest beta on the planet



justskipit I'm 9/18!!! woo and hoo for the virgos!!! (and in true virgo style I'm worrying over how to pluralize virgo, 'cause that just doesn't look right -- but it couldn't be virgoes 'cause that looks even weirder...). so I can blame the lack of updates on your new fic to the virgo-ness as well? or are you sitting there in true Dr. Evil style laughing at us all? hmmm, I'm thinking the latter.



jewwitch!!!!! and wow, it is a rosh hashannah special edition of AZ! who knew? and yes, most of it is written or at least plotted out in excruciating detail somewhere up in the gray matter. my problem has been this fic's major inferiority complex. it looks at TFS7 and breaks out in hives 'cause it knows it can't top that. I mean, TFS7 got to bring Tara back! so, just a little stressful. plus,Willow and Tara are demanding smut and I can't write smut and I get all nervous just thinking about it. I'm a dork, I know this.

and *looking out window* it's past sundown...happy rosh hashannah!!!





Part 12 -- Snow Angels



They had taken the heavy suitcase up to Willow's room in near silence, which was a very strange thing around Willow Rosenburg. It was making Tara nervous. She was never this quiet, which meant that there was a raging, rambling conversation going on in that too-quick brain of hers. Tara grimaced, wondering if she was doing well in the ongoing internal debate. Probably not. And if the furrowed frown on the girl's usually smiling face was any indication -- definitely not.



And now they were walking across the thick snow in the quad and things were still quiet. As they made their slow, unsteady progress across, Willow slipped on the accumulating snow and Tara reached out automatically to catch her, her arms wrapping in a rush around the girl's slim frame, bringing them face to face.



"I, um, sorry," the redhead mumbled, her eyes wide as she steadied herself in Tara's arms. "Guess these boots aren't made for walking…in snow, you know, or icy slippery stuff…which there is lots of…"



But Tara was lost in the face so close to hers, the pale skin and clouds of breath that mingled between their faces. Willow was so close.



But she's not yours anymore. She never really was.



She took a quick step back, releasing the redhead who wobbled slightly, a frown forming on her pixie face.



"S-sorry," Tara mumbled and looked at the icy white beneath their feet.



There was a long silence. Too long again and the blonde sneaked a glance up to find Willow biting her lip, her eyes roaming wildly over the snowy scene around her as if she were searching for something.



"I…you never told me how to make a snow angel," she said finally in a rush and Tara raised her head in surprise. "You know, 'cause I imagine lots of chiseling and maybe a blowtorch or even some magic…" the redhead rambled and Tara found she couldn't help but smile. Willow's curiosity, her need to know was one of the things she loved most about her, even if it did lead her to strange and over-complicated theories about something as simple as snow angels. Without speaking she walked over to a snowdrift and lowered herself to lie on her back, gesturing wordlessly for the surprised redhead to join her.



Willow looked around as if afraid they would be caught, but hesitantly joined her and Tara realized with a rush of panic that they were now lying on their backs side by side.



"It's r-really not that c-complicated," she managed softly and scooted a little farther away so she would have room. "It's a s-silly thing we used to do when we were k-kids. See, you j-just," she began to raise her arms in a high arc over the surface of the snow from her sides to above her head, moving her legs out in the same arcs. "L-like this, like swimming," she said and watched with a smile as the redhead began to tentatively move her arms and legs in the same way. After a few moments they were both flapping their arms and legs wildly and she heard an actual giggle escape the redhead.



"Th-that should be, um enough," she said and slowed the movements, scrambling ungracefully to her feet. She once again found herself in the awkward position of steadying the redhead and had to bite her lip to keep her emotions in check. Willow was still grinning like a kid as they both turned to study their handiwork.



The angels looked just like she remembered and she immediately turned her attention to the redhead who was studying them with her usual scrunched intensity. And confusion. Definitely confusion.



"I don't," she began before turning to Tara again. "I mean, am I not seeing something?"



"See," the blonde pointed at the arcs from her arms. "Those are the, the, um w-wings," she said and held her breath as understanding and more than a little disappointment swept over the redhead's features.



"Oh," was all Willow said, her lips forming a slight, childlike pout.



"Wh-what did you, um, think they would l-look like?" she asked and took another step back so she could study the redhead's features from a safe distance.



"Well," she began without taking her green eyes from the figures in the snow. "You said, angel, so I thought it would look, you know," her face scrunched again in concentration before she turned to face the blonde. "More like you."



"Oh," it was the blonde's turn to stare speechless as a sad smile crossed Willow's face. Her cheeks, nose and lips were bright red from the cold and snowflakes were caught in her eyelashes and hair. Tara thought she had never seen anything so beautiful in her life.



An icy gust of wind reminded her of the danger and the terrible reality of their situation. The spell. That was what was important, she tried to remind herself, but something in the back of her mind kept nudging her, insisting that this was important too.



Maybe it's the dreams.



And that seemed to trigger something inside her as a riot of sensual images filled her mind. Willow's smooth skin slipping under her mouth and fingers with gorgeous crimson heat and…



A sudden gasp brought her mind back to the blistering cold of the Quad and she realized that Willow was staring at her, her mouth slightly open, her eyes wide and Tara knew suddenly that the redhead had shared her dream or something like it.



They stood that way for long seconds before green eyes looked quickly away, pale features hunching into a frown.



"I, um…sorry," Tara said quietly, then wondered why she was apologizing. This could be important. The fact that she, Willow and even Buffy were having vivid, potentially prescient dreams had to be more than a coincidence. "Willow are you, I mean, h-have you been having the d-dreams too?"



The redhead whipped around with something that felt like anger and Tara took a step back. But it wasn't anger, she realized too late. It was a sort of desperate pain and grief. And maybe embarrassment because Willow's pale skin was now even more red.



Nodding, Willow wrapped her arms around herself and shivered, bringing Tara reluctantly out of her thoughts. The wind was picking up and the snow was thickening around them.



"But I'd rather not talk about it…right now, if that's okay," the redhead asked quietly and Tara noticed that her bottom lip was quivering, but she couldn't be sure if it was from the cold or something else.



Either way, Willow's not used to the cold



"We should get you to my r-room," she stammered, looking quickly away and the two resumed their quiet progress over the white expanse that seemed to stretch forever between them and her dorm.



When they finally reached her room, Tara hurried to take off her wet boots and cross the small space to turn on the electric heater while Willow shivered by the door.



"Um, I-I d-don't think I c-can get m-my boots off," the redhead's teeth chattered as she looked down at her snow-encrusted boots.



Tara blew on her own bare hands and grabbed an afghan from her bed, which she quickly wrapped around the slender redhead's shaking frame before kneeling. The shoelaces were completely encrusted in ice, which hadn't even begun to melt in the still-frigid interior of the room. Blowing on her frozen hands again, she fumbled with the burning cold of the laces, finally managing to undo the meticulous double knots. Loosening them carefully she looked up at the redhead who was still shivering violently.



"Um, can you…" she began, but the startled look on Willow's face made her stop and swallow hard. "Your feet…," she tried again.



"Oh! S-s-sorry," the redhead exclaimed and quickly removed her feet from the now wet boots.



"And you should probably take off the, um, those wet socks," she said and turned to her closet as the redhead moved to sit on the edge of her bed. "I have a pair of slippers that should be, um, warm enough?"



When she turned back, Willow was still struggling, her hands shaking violently as she fumbled with the green and white striped socks.



"Here, let me," she said, placing the slippers next to the heater. She ducked quickly to strip the icy socks off the redhead's feet. Without even thinking, she held the freezing appendages between her hands, trying to transfer some warmth to them. When she was satisfied that the slippers were warm enough she carefully slipped them onto the pale feet and finally looked up. Willow was staring at her wide-eyed, her mouth open slightly as if in surprise.



Thinking she had once again stepped over that precarious line between them, Tara ducked her head quickly and whispered a quick apology. Once her face was obscured by her hair, she retreated to the space near the door to remove her coat. The room was growing warmer, but was still silent and she wondered about the uncharacteristic reticence from the redhead, but wasn't ready to chance a glance up, afraid of what she might find.



"You shouldn't be sorry for taking amazing care of me," Willow finally said quietly. "I mean, it's just that I'm not, you know, used to being the care-ee or whatever," she said and Tara looked up finally as green eyes darted away in embarrassment, her voice rising. "Not that I'm whining about it or feeling sorry for myself, it's just that, well, no one really has time with the slaying and new ex-demon girlfriends and I'm usually the one doing the caring for and the taking off of boots and here I was hoping to take care of you, but I go all Willow-sicle and can't even untie my own shoes and you have to take off your own…." Tara smiled at the return of Willow babble and stripped off her wet sweater, retrieving a replacement from a hook on the back of the door. "And what about you? I mean, you should have slippers on feet too. I shouldn't be all slipper hog. Maybe we could each take one and…"



"It's ok-kay, Willow," she smiled and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the still shivering redhead. "Wool socks," she said and extended a wool-clad foot.



"Oh." Willow said, her face scrunching up in that way that made Tara's stomach flutter. "but aren't they wet?"



"They're still w-warm and relatively snuggly," Tara said.



"Oh," the redhead said again, still studying the wool socks. "I guess that's the kind of thing you know if you don't live in sunny Sunnydale. That and snow angels."



"Yeah, one of the only advantages of growing up on a f-farm in the, um, the middle of n-Nowhere, Colorado," Tara said and then grew silent, her smile fading as she thought about her upbringing and the terrible subject she had just broached without thinking.



Another long silence descended and she began picking at the carpet too afraid again to look up at those green eyes. Finally, she found the courage to say in a near-whisper, "You know, the, um, the t-trust thing…Willow, you can ask me anyth-thing."



"Why, I mean, what on earth would make a wonderful someone like you think they, meaning you, were a demon?" Tara looked up surprised at the directness of the question. She had expected another Willow-esque babbling evasion or at least a couple of times around the proverbial bush before they actually got down to the hard stuff. And this was definitely the hard stuff.



"Well," she began and adjusted her position on the floor slightly. "Th-that's sort of complicated, but I, um, I g-guess the short answer is that my…my father told me I was?" she said, but it came out as more of a question and was met with silence. "Since I was, um, f-five I think. That's when it, um it s-started." She looked up to find Willow studying her with that same curious intensity. Looking quickly away, she swallowed hard and tried to continue. "They, um, th-they told me it was only the, um, the w-women in the f-family and that they were h-helping me…us." She added quietly and looked at the floor. "My Mom and me."



"But…how could he…how could he think that?" Willow asked incredulous and Tara looked up, tears forming in her eyes. "'Cause Tara, believe me, I've had a lot, I mean, a lot of experience with demons and your are so far from being demon-y. How could anyone with even a quarter of a brain think that…"



"He's my Father," she said and looked down, sure that the redhead must be disgusted by now at her cowardice and stupidity.



"But he should have known…." Willow began and stopped, taking a deep breath above her and letting it out slowly. "Tara why didn't you come to me?" the redhead asked finally and she could hear the pain and sadness behind the words. "I could have told you right off the bat that you are so not a demon."



"Because that’s exactly what I didn’t want," she said with a sniffle and looked up to hold Willow's eyes. "I knew you'd want to h-help, that you wouldn't believe me and I needed to protect you until I knew the f-facts."



"But I'm good at finding the facts! I'm fact-finding, research girl," Willow yelped and Tara took a deep breath, lowering her head once again.



"I know and I'm s-so sorry. I just c-couldn't…until I knew everyth-thing. Until I knew wh-what to do."



"And what would you have done if you had found out you were something terrible," Willow said, a deep furrow forming between her eyes.



Tara held her gaze for long moments hoping she would understand, hoping she wouldn't have to say the words that hurt so much.



"You would have left me, right?" Willow said quietly, tears forming in her eyes. "Just like Oz. For my own good," she said and Tara shook her head slightly.



"I wouldn't have been a-able to leave you, Willow." The redhead stared at her for a moment in confusion, her features finally melting into shock and understanding.



"No, Tara," she shook her head wildly. "Don't ever…" she said and choked back a sob. "I don't care if you think you're a three-headed slug demon, don't ever…do that."



"I couldn't hurt anyone, Willow." Her voice was almost a whisper, slipping out of her like a dream. "Especially you."



They sat there for almost a minute in tense silence that was broken only by sniffles and the wind crashing against the flimsy windows that were obviously constructed for mild southern California winters. The snow was falling harder now, turning the dark night into a swirl of white.



"It's bad isn't it?" Willow asked and Tara thought for a moment that she was talking about the tension that remained between them, but the redhead was staring out the window at the wintry scene.



Tara nodded once and looked at the clock. 12:03. And tried desperately not to panic.



"Willow, I know we need to t-talk m-more, but it's getting late," she motioned to the clock and watched as green eyes went wide.



"Oh! What time is the, um, the…" the redhead began and couldn't seem to find the words.



"1:12" Tara said quietly, hoping to calm the mood. "I th-think we have, um, p-plenty of time for the spell." Turning she opened several drawers and pulled out the herbs they would need. "I just n-need to get my n-notes," she reached past Willow to turn back the comforter and retrieve a battered journal from under her pillow. She had kept meticulous notes about all of their spells. Not to mention all of the emotions and her growing feelings for her fellow witch.



"Tara?" Something about the squeaky tone of Willow's voice made the blonde stop her preparations and turn slowly. The redhead was still sitting on the bed, her body turned to the now-exposed bed sheets. The new deep red bed sheets she'd bought a week ago. Tara felt her face flame before she even made the connection. "Uh, when'dya get the nifty new sheets?" she asked finally with false cheeriness. Which meant that Willow had the same sexy dreams that always seemed to take place on deep red sheets. Exactly the same red sheets she'd bought days before the dreams began. The same red sheets that Willow was now staring at in disbelief.



"Um, I… there was th-this, um, s-sale a w-week ago at…" she began, but stopped, knowing she would never be able to complete the sentence because the redhead was now staring at her, her pale skin flushed with embarrassment. "You've had the dreams too?" It was more of a statement than a question and Willow's face became almost as deep red as the sheets.



Nodding wildly, the redhead looked down at her hands and went silent. Tara looked down as well at the journal in her hands and realized she'd turned inadvertently to exactly the right page. The details of fairy lights spell and all of its disappointment was spelled out in black ink. Her eyes fell almost immediately on a few words scribbled at the bottom: 'It's definitely not a crush anymore. I'm in love with Willow.'



"Giles said," Willow began quietly and then stopped, obviously unsure of herself. "Well, he said they were, uh, prescient. Is that what you think?"



Tara coughed once in surprise and clutched the journal tightly to her chest. "I, um, I d-don't really know."



"I've never had that kind of dream," Willow began then became flustered as she realized her slip. "I mean, you know, the premonition kind. That's Buffy's territory. Chosen One and all. Because, you know, I've had the sex kind before, but they were usually kind of strange and vampire-y except the one about Ms. Calendar…and you probably don't need to know all of this."



Tara looked down at the floor to avoid the redhead's embarrassment and nodded once. "They felt…like premonitions. I mean to me. I've had them before…prescient, um, d-dreams."



Willow nodded and Tara waited for the discussion to continue, glancing at the clock to ensure that they still had enough time.



"Well, is that something, I mean if you had a choice between them being prescient and them just being, you know, spicy dreams, I mean would you…well, would you want that…that? In the future. If there is a future," Willow glanced quickly at the red sheets and back at her hands.



It took Tara several moments to understand exactly what the redhead was asking and she felt her face burn again. Of course she wanted that with Willow, but was it even possible after everything she had done? She didn't even want to believe it was. In her experience, wanting things just brought heartache and grief. And the amount of want she had for Willow --and not just for the physical -- made it that much more impossible. And there was the other side of that prescient dream to consider. That dark-eyed demon Willow she wanted to avoid at all costs. Were they connected? Could she have one without the other?



A long-ago discussion with her grandmother came to mind and a small smile crept onto her face at the memory of those familiar gnarled hands smoothing away her tears.



"My, um, my grandmother told me that those d-dreams are really your future self telling you what could be."



"Like a warning?" Willow asked.



Tara just nodded still smiling. "Or a wish." She looked up just as Willow looked away, blushing deeply. "B-but Gran said the future isn't set, that we're making it all the time. But, um, that there are certain futures we're more likely to end up in."



"Probability," the redhead mumbled and nodded.



Nodding, Tara smiled. Willow's mind was always working on ten different levels at once, translating magic into physics and mathematics and back again. "She also said, um, that dreams like that are the way our future selves talk to us." She looked up to find green eyes studying her intently. "It's, um, like they're showing us these th-things to get us r-ready for what c-could happen."



"So, why are our future selves sending us spicy videos?"



"I don't know," Tara shook her head remembering the other dreams, the dark ones. "Did you have any other dreams that felt…real?" she asked and was surprised when Willow's forehead furrowed.



Nodding, the redhead simply looked down at her hands again, shrugging off the afghan. "I…they were terrible. You were murdered and dead in my arms," she began and the blonde thought she saw tears in her eyes. "And I'm so…upset. Okay, actually, if upset is a grain of sand, I'm, like, the entire Milky Way galaxy or all the dark energy in the universe, which is, like, a lot. I mean, it's like I'm possessed or something," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. "And I hurt people. People I care about." Her eyes were shining with tears as she looked to Tara for some sort of insight or confirmation.



She could only nod and look down as she took in the information. Dead. She'd been murdered. She would be murdered. If these were, in fact, prescient dreams Willow was having. That wasn't her dream though. She wasn't dead in her own dreams. But there was definitely the black-eyed power-mad Willow. Possessed. She shuddered at the word and looked back at the redhead who was still watching her carefully.



"I…I've had that dream too," she said quietly. "Your eyes and hair go black and you're so p-powerful…and angry."



There was another long silence and she felt Willow drop down off the bed to sit in front of her. She heard a deep intake of breath and felt the still-mittened hand clutch her own.



"I would never, you know, ever, like in any possible potential universe, hurt you. I mean, I just couldn't," Willow said and Tara looked up into those deep, brilliant eyes and felt a sad smile form on her own face in answer.



"I'm not worried for me, Willow. I'm worried for you," she squeezed the mittened hand, enjoying the roughness of the wool under fingers and looked deeply into green eyes.



Willow's face scrunched into what Tara recognized as surprise and contemplation. "Oh, but I hurt people. I hurt Buffy…" she began, but Tara interrupted gently.



"It's only a possibility, remember?" and that brought a half-smile. "But I'm worried because dark magicks…" she paused, unsure how to continue. Then she remembered her grandmother's words. "Once you open that door, it's almost impossible to close because you can always find a reason…." She trailed off with a shrug.



Willow was silent for a long time, her eyes staring intently at something on the rug, but her hand still held onto Tara's. "Is that why you're always warning me…you know, about using magic only when I absolutely have to?"



Tara just nodded and waited. She recognized this side of Willow. The redhead was working something out with that supercharged brain of hers. Think-y Willow was possibly the cutest thing she had ever seen, but she knew she couldn't smile. This was important. And Willow was almost there. She remembered with absolute clarity the moment she had finally understood her grandmother's warning. She was twelve and Donnie had punched her for some invisible infraction, sending her crashing to the floor. When she tried to regain her feet, he pushed her down again repeatedly until she had finally felt the rage well up. That was the moment she had almost reached for the darker magick. She had felt it there, the power. Could see Donnie's tear-stained face as she punished him with magic, made him feel the pain and humiliation he had inflicted on her for years.



It was only for a moment, a flash of power and cruelty that had terrified her. It felt ugly and infinite and she had gagged on the fury of it. That was the real demon, she realized only then and squeezed Willow's hand in hers for comfort, to remember where she was, far from that farm. When she looked up, Willow was smiling at her.



"So, I guess that's why you didn't just turn your Dad into a big, slimy frog," she shuddered at her own suggestion and Tara smiled in spite of herself.



"My, um, grandmother always said it took a lot of power to do big spells, but it took even more not to." She smiled again at the memory and felt her throat constrict as tears welled up in her eyes. Her grandmother had been the only safe place in her life. Until Willow.



"Your grandmother sounds pretty cool," the redhead said softly and Tara felt a gentle squeeze. With her free hand, Tara wiped clumsily at her eyes.



"Yeah, she was. She would have loved you," the blonde said, surprising herself, but Willow's smile broadened. "She had a thing for beautiful redheads. I think it runs in the family." She felt her face flush and was rewarded with an answering blush on Willow's cheeks and a brighter smile.



They sat for a few moments just smiling at each other until a strong gust of wind rattled the fragile window panes bringing them back to the harsh reality of the impending apocalypse.



"I guess, we should, um, get to the s-spell. I don't know how much time it's going to take," she said, squeezing the mittened hand once before letting go to retrieve the items they would need.



"Thirty-seven minutes," the redhead said in a matter-of-fact tone and the blonde stared at her in confusion. "I, um, thirty-seven minutes is how long it takes to do the spell," she said again, her voice squeaking slightly. Tara turned from the small bag of herbs she was preparing to follow the redhead's arm to a small notation in the margin. Still confused, she looked up and met green eyes, but only for a moment before Willow turned away in embarrassment. "It's just that sometimes, when I finish all my reading and copying my notes over and there's no one there because Buffy's slaying or with Riley, it helps if I can do something analytical. Plus, you know, someday it might actually come in handy," she turned to look at the clock which now read 12:24. "Like right now, 'cause, hello, this is cutting it kinda close."



Tara kneeled down in front of the still babbling redhead and put the final ingredients of the spell into place. "I think we'll make it. Besides," she said with a half-hearted smile. "The two could be totally unrelated….the spell and the cold, I mean," she said and went back to arranging the candles in a loose circle around them.



"Oh, yeah," the redhead said softly and shifted into a cross-legged position mirroring Tara's. "But, no. You said you had a feeling and Tara feelings are always right so…" she looked up and met the blonde's eyes with firm resolve. "I trust you."



"You do?" she said and her voice was so small, so fragile she didn't even recognize it for a moment. But Willow was smiling a sort of crooked smile as she nodded. Tara felt her throat tightening again around the tears that threatened to begin again. "I want you to know, that I was going to tell you and I n-never…I promise I'll never keep anything from you a-g-gain ,but…"



"I believe you," Willow said with a slight smile and she felt warm fingers entwine with her own, no fabric between them any longer. With a slight intake of breath at the electric surprise of the redhead's skin against hers, Tara looked up into those deep green eyes and swallowed against all the tears and adoration that threatened to overwhelm her. "So where do we start," the redhead asked cheerily and Tara almost laughed. It was so Willow to forgive and forget so easily. Her heart was so impossibly big and generous it made the blonde's breath catch again.



"I, um, think we already kinda did," she managed finally with a small chuckle of her own and was happy to see Willow's lips part and form a real smile.



Willow lips



She thought with a smile and a sigh. It would be so much nicer to just sit here with Willow enjoying the small fortress of warmth with each other and maybe even a first kiss. Because they hadn't even had that yet and those lips…. With a quick glance to the snow-filled dark outside she took a deep breath and readied herself to help her real life superhero save the world again.



TBC

Edited by: lipkandy at: 9/28/04 12:11 am

[EasierSaid]

Oh wow. That was just outstanding. You were hesitant about posting *that*? (Thank you witchpunk!) This is how great that update was; I read it, immediately went to "add reply" then had to get up and walk away. Just, go do something else for a minute so that my reply wasn't just fifty wows in a row. And even with that, I still have 'wow' passing through my mind on mental tickertape.



I loved how you portrayed the cold, specifically how you described Tara undoing Willow's shoelaces, the pain involved in touching something that cold. I've felt that burning cold before, and it was amazing how accurately you recalled that sense memory for me. Didn't even have to imagine it, just phantom felt it in my fingertips. So great.



Also loved the halting emotion in the conversation. So much to say, yet so much fear about what the other would think if they removed the mental locks and let if flow. The time limit is an excellent touch, keeping the conversation darting yet focused. Set a very nice give-and-take pace to their interaction.



Very nice update, and I guess the only thing I can think left to say is wow. Wow.

[mollyig]

Firstly, thank you so much for updating.



Despite the distance between them, they couldn't help but continually reach out to the other, and then felt the need to apologise. Willow's admission that she was unused to someone caring for her was sad, but so true. All the people in her life before Tara relied on her, and gave very little support back to her.



Tara's confession about the history of why she believed herself to be a demon, and how she would have dealt with it should it have been true, was really poignant. As was the discussion on Willow's use of magic. This is true love. Telling your partner your deepest fears and concerns and finding a solution together. Lovely.

---

Sheacht mh'anam déag do bhéal, do mhalaí's do ghrua

[russ]

Now, you just sit this fic down and have a little chat with it. Tell it it doesn't need to feel any inferiority at all in the presence of its elder sisters. It's special and beautiful in its own right.



I'm so glad to see you return to this story. It's been awhile, but then, time flies, doesn't it.



This chapter is wonderful, with the vivid description of and dealing with the cold and snow storm. Not a usual thing to see in a W/T fic. You bring to life what I know we'll be facing in the too-near future.



Willow and Tara are gradually, tentatively, moving closer together, learning to trust again, actually getting to know each other. They're also facing their possible future by acknowledging the dreams. I'm glad the dreams aren't of a future that can't be changed, but rather a warning of what may come. Let's hope they can avoid the bad parts, and make the good come true.



Great writing -- more soon, I hope. And, happy birthday.

Russ



When we love and give it everything we've got, no matter what the consequences, we are doing what we were put here to do -- Geneen Roth

[Irishgrl3]

Wow, I am so excited there's an update. And this one was fabulous!



Making the snow angels was so sweet, it kind of broke the ice (ha-ha) and opened up the conversation channels a bit. I can't wait to read about the upcoming spell and the emotion that brings.



Great job!



P.S. Happy early B-day!



anna

Edited by: Irishgrl3 at: 9/16/04 6:42 am

[sizzlersister]

Some fics I read are fluff. Some fics I read are meaty. Your fics are fluffy meat. And I mean that in the best possible sense.

This update is a perfect example of why I love your writing. A simple beautiful scenario - Willow and Tara walking in the snow and making snow angels - is so well crafted that you can't help but appreciate the aesthetic, even removed from the context of the story.

Even so, the context is what I love. Such textured profundity, if that doesn't sound too pompous. There's just a crescendo of subtext in every word you write, within the characters and their conversations, within this knot of timelines, dreams, pasts and presents, that as readers we're privy to... I am constantly in awe of your ability to juggle so many things at once in your writing, and not only that, but to do it WELL.

It's the kind of slackjawed feeling I get every time I hear the opening notes of Hate The Christian Right by Team Dresch (okay, so that might be a little obscure, but I'm betting you'll get the gist)



I don't give feedback enough, mostly because I'm terrible at it (fluffy meat? *shudder*) But I just had to take a moment to thank you, and respectfully but insistently urge you to continue.

Thanks. More please.

[lipkandy]

phew!!



easiersaid Wow back at ya! you know, I think we're in the same boat as far as feedback/posting. my first post was Tempus Fugit mainly because I was paralyzed with fear at the thought of leaving feedback for anyone. I still agonize over it and spend a ridiculous amount of time on these responses. but you shouldn't worry, your feedback is as elegant as your prose.

And I'm chuckling that you noticed the time limit I placed on this conversation, but it was really the only way to simultaneously keep Willow from babbling on for twenty pages and force them both to sort of get to the point. ...well as much as these two frighteningly shy people can.

Thanks for posting! I just posted on yours, but I misspelled deKooning, which is gonna send me into a tailspin for at least a few hours.



mollyig thanks! So many incredibly astute comments I don't know where to start. Yeah, Willow's always had to be independent (hello absentee parents) and the support system for

her friends and I thought it was about time Tara give in to her true nature and do what she wants to do...take care of Willow. Well, that and other things.

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Tara's confession about the history of why she believed herself to be a demon, and how she would have dealt with it should it have been true, was really poignant.

---

I realized that I had written this entire backstory about Tara in my mind and not really shared it and this is a little glimpse into it. I think her strength had to come from some very early confrontation with dark magick, which she, of course, resisted in pure Tara fashion. I mean, with that family who wouldn't be tempted?!

thanks again molly for hanging in there with me.



russ!! thanks for the lovely words about the inferiority complex. I know, I know. we're in fanfic therapy now. "Hi, my name is Absolute Zero and I'm the third fic in a series..."

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I'm glad the dreams aren't of a future that can't be changed, but rather a warning of what may come. Let's hope they can avoid the bad parts, and make the good come true.

---

All part of my evil plan!

Also, I'm right with you on the coming Ice Age although the reason for the cold in this fic has a lot to do with the ending, which...you'll read soon enough. I hope!!!



Irishgirl3 hey! thanks!! and yeah, I was thinking about this snow angels scene from the beginning. A lot of my friends in college were from the desert southwest and southern california and really had no idea what a snow angel was so I thought it was one of those quirky things that even a genius like Willow wouldn't be aware of. Plus, she gets to admit she thought they'd look like Tara, which...of course they should!

And the spell...heh. we shall see.



sizzlersister wow! 'fluffy meat' and you're a Team Dresch fan! woo and hoo! I'm so glad everyone liked the snow angels scene. I've been hoarding that away since the beginning.

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There's just a crescendo of subtext in every word you write, within the characters and their conversations, within this knot of timelines, dreams, pasts and presents, that as readers we're privy to... I am constantly in awe of your ability to juggle so many things at once in your writing, and not only that, but to do it WELL.

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wow! you know, that's the kind of feedback that keeps us ficwriters writing so you should write more feedback, not less.

And yes, juggling this entire thing gets a little overwhelming at times. I find myself factchecking against my own canon these days, which is a bit strange. And it's getting even more strange because I already have the next S7 ep partially written in my mind so I keep having to ask myself, 'Okay, if Faith or Tara does this here, can she do that or be like that in two years??" It's so good to know I'm getting it right. What a relief!!



I'm already working on the next update and I promise to be less, um, virgo-y about posting it.



thanks again to all the Kittens for reading and posting and to the Mods for giving us a shiny, warm place to put our work.



xomel

[JewWitch18]

"you can't write smut???" ladies and gentlemen, I call your attention to exhibit A:

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Somehow they made their way up the bed, falling together in a tangle of limbs and bare skin and Tara was over her, studying Willow’s face. Her hair fell in a golden curtain around them, filtering the light to a soft glow and the redhead felt tears spring to her eyes again.



"I’m afraid I’m too heavy…"



Willow smiled up at her, pulling her down gently into a tight embrace. "You’re not…trust me."



"I do." Tara smiled that beautiful lopsided smile and finally lowered herself onto the redhead’s slim frame, bare skin sliding over bare skin everywhere.



"Tar!" The word was torn out of Willow like a sob as she brought her mouth up to meet the blonde’s in an end-of-the-world kiss.



It was never like this.



There was no line between them anymore, mouths wide open, hips beginning a slow rock in that language that Willow’s body knew by heart.



"These have to go," she mumbled and pulled at the thin strip of fabric on Tara’s hip. The only thing left between them.



"So do these," the blonde responded tugging at Willow’s panties.

The redhead nodded once and shivered as Tara pulled the fabric slowly down her legs and finally let them drop to the floor. Willow sat up slowly and pushed the blonde down to the bed, making her way down that perfect body with hands and mouths, stripping away the last barrier between them.



She knew she should slow down, should focus on committing every moment, every taste and smell to memory, to make it real, but she couldn’t. Because this was the now finally and their love was a verb again, not a noun. There was no memory to draw from, no pattern of love-making to fall into. It was all new and her world had focused down to the space beneath her hands and mouth. Moment to moment as her open mouth moved over a perfect knee, the soft skin of Tara’s stomach, the arch and peak of perfect breasts. She felt it all at once, the everything of Tara, the taste, sound, smell and sight of her as if she had developed a new and separate sense just for this.

--TFS7

---

...so that's enough of that then. and thank you thank you thank you for the new year's eve update! I hope everyone who observes such things has a sweet and joyful one (with lots of apples and honey). I have to say that at this point, the rest feels like it should come tumbling out in rapid succession, because I CANNOT handle much more angst from w/t-- especially tara. c'mon girls, just DO eet! enough with the crying! let's have some save-the-world action, and then when they're all full to the brim with that post-almost-apocalyptic headrush, they can act out some of those prophetic red sheet dreams. yah?



l'shanah tovah,

--JW

Whatever you did to survive was the right thing

--Daphne Gottlieb

[lipkandy]

jewwitch you are frikin' evil!!! I saw your name and rushed in here to read your post and spit my drink all over the desk. Not to mention that I think I have a fever now from all the blushing!!

I mean, I couldn't possibly have written that. It wasn't me.



Hmmm, I'm thinking the villain in the next one is going to be named Jen. Yes, definitely Jen.



And Tara's behind me going, "Oh we're going to do it. If I have to get her [me] drunk on tequila. I'm definitely getting some Willow action by the end of this story. What do you think we're doing spells for anyway?"



help me.







Oh, and a very Happy New Year to everyone who's celebrating. Even you Jenny-la. Matzoh for everyone. there should be a little confetti-throwing kitten or something but there isn't so... and

[snuggle79]

Great to see you back!



Very nice update! Making snow-angels, that was a very sweet and romantic picture to imagine.

And im so glad that the conversations are getting a bit more relaxed. Um, when will see some more "action" ?

Can't wait for more!



s79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

[JustSkipIt]

Happy New Year and Happy Birthday!



I too feel like I got an early birthday present from you so we're pretty even I'd say. Believe me that my delay had nothing to do with virgoness (which I translate as perfectionism). Mine was pure busy and not time to write.



Either way, not here to polute the thread. First I'd say that glancing at the comments a few up the thread, I agree that your smut is wonderful. Except that I can't characterize your loving and sensual depictions as smut. Beautiful, yes. Wonderful, yet. Even hot, but not smut.



This update is a wonderful installment. I love the idea of teaching Willow to make snow angels, something so simple and ingrained from anyone who grew up in the North, yet she doesn't know how? How crazy is that? And she thought they would look more like Tara? That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Tara's caring for Willow is amazingly sweet.



The entire interaction about the sheets is wonderful: I love that both girls are simultaneously excited and embarrassed by the dreams/sheets. How wonderful! I'm not feeling very good at writing today but the update is wonderful. Thank you and again have a wonderful New Year and Birthday.

MoveOn.Org

American Civil Liberities Union

Human Rights Campaign

[shuyaku]

First off a big ol' THANK YOU and a to witchpunk for getting you to post.



This update was fantastic. Your writing is so visible to me - picturing them walk across the quad, making snow angels, Willow's reaction to the cold and her inability to remove her own boots - I can see your 'episode' as clearly as the memories I have of the real ones that aired on my big-screen television.



Their realization that both of them have been having the same sensual (and icky Dark Willow) dreams is a huge revelation. As EasierSaid pointed out the time limit on them completing the spell was an excellent touch. There is so much to talk about. The dreams. Tara's demon. Willow's reaction. These are all make or break discussions, but the apocalypse cold-spell takes precedence (and rightfully so).



The Tempus Fugit series is one of the few fics I actually have printed out. And no matter how many times I read the end of TF S7, I cry every single time. I'd have to agree that any hesitations you have with any posting is insane. Yup, totally agree.



-shuyaku

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)

[lipkandy]

snuggle hey!! I have to admit, that snow angels scene was where this entire fic came from. I had this image of S4 Willow and Tara making snow angels that kept haunting me, but I was like, Snow Angels? in southern california? then I accidentally ran into a bunch of stuff on Ragnarok and realized that I already had the perfect setup thanks to...something I can't reveal yet

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Um, when will see some more "action" ?

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Oh, there's action in this update. just not the kind you're thinking of



be patient.



JustSkipit hope you had a great b-day. yes, virgoness=perfectionism in my book. although witchpunk would say, yes, if perfectionism is spelled O-C-D.

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Except that I can't characterize your loving and sensual depictions as smut. Beautiful, yes. Wonderful, yet. Even hot, but not smut.

---

Thank you. I need all the help I can get to get me through the next few updates. I'm terrified of smut/love scenes. They're so difficult to write without becoming a sort of shot list. you know. Willow does this, then Tara does this, then Willow does something else. yikes!



Also, the sheets. heh. I love nervous Willow and I realized halfway through the scene that I wanted to make her very aware suddenly that they were inches away from the bed. They were so focused on the room as the place where they do spells. thus, the sheets to remind them both that it's the place where they could...do spells.



and you're always good at writing so thank you for the lovely feedback.



shuyaku hey!!! and thank you for posting. witchpunk said 'back at ya, babe' and returned to beta-ing the next update.



and yes, I agree that they have sooooo much to talk about, but I didn't feel it was realistic for them to work everything out in one night of talking. this is an ongoing process, but the fact that they're acknowledging the need for it at all is a HUGE step. I know ME had them keep secrets for plot reasons, but it seemed so unrealistic. They can be open with each other and still have problems. Even true love has to deal with real world problems like exams, family and the occasional apocalypse.

Quote:

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The Tempus Fugit series is one of the few fics I actually have printed out. And no matter how many times I read the end of TF S7, I cry every single time.

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WOW! thank you. I hope you know how much that means to me. It's the highest compliment that your work can evoke such an emotional response...from some of the smartest readers on the planet.





Again, a huge thanks to all the Kittens for reading and posting and sorry in advance for the lack of W/T in this post. next update will have lots (LOTS) of W/T. and maybe even (gulp) some smut....or as close as I can get to writing smut.



****

Part 13 - Bring it on

Made off, don't stray,

My kind's your kind

I'll stay the same...

- Maps, The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs



Wandering stars

for whom it is preserved

the blackness, the darkness

forever

- Wandering Star, Portishead



Faith's strides were longer than hers, so Buffy found herself in the unusual position of playing catch-up. Then again, she always felt that way around her fellow Slayer. The girl was always two steps ahead of her, it seemed.



And worse, neither of them had said a word since they left Giles' house looking for a slay and whatever it was in the park that the Initiative had picked up. She mentally scoffed at their 'magical signature' or whatever jargon-y way Riley had described it, but it was the best lead they had. But that didn't help with the angry scowl on Faith's face and the fact that they hadn't found a vamp yet. Not in the cemetery or Willie's or even the sewers. The cold must have driven them away. That or a bunch of Norse gods about to get into an apocalyptic family squabble. Maybe even soulless evil wanted to get out of town for that. But of course, here she was wandering around in the freezing cold with a pissed off Faith who couldn't even manage to say a word to her, which, now that she thought about it might be a good thing. But still, if Xander or Willow were here there would be joke-y stuff and puns and someone would say something stupid just so they didn't have to think about the awfulness of everything.



When Faith finally stopped, Buffy was so lost in her own thoughts that she bumped into the back of her, just like a bad comedy routine except Faith wasn't laughing.



"Where are we?" she asked, but it was more of a growl. A demand. The girl was half-dead and still had the nerve to be all demanding. Buffy rolled her eyes and looked around. It looked like the park, but with all the snow it was hard to tell. She could just make out the outline of a park bench blanketed in white and what looked like the pavilion nearby, so probably the park.



"I'm thinking it's the park," Buffy said finally and shifted her heavy weapons bag from one shoulder to the other.



"Where the fuck are the vamps?" Faith demanded again as if it was her fault they hadn't run into evil tonight.



"I don't know. Maybe there's a Marilyn Manson concert in L.A. or something," she offered with a smile, but the dark Slayer's frown only deepened.



Finally, she threw her head back and yelled into the night, pulling her collar down to reveal her naked throat. "Hello undead losers! Unarmed Slayer," she threw her weapons into the snow and raised her arms above her head. "And I'll even give you a taste first!"



Buffy sighed and looked around, unsurprised when no dark figures emerged from the trees. "Must be the cold," she said. "Slayage has kinda sucked since this started."



"Oh come on!!" Faith yelled again and when there was no response, reached for a knife tucked into her belt, unsheathing it in one quick motion. Buffy's eyes went wide as the Slayer brought it to her own neck. "I'll even start it for you!"



Buffy lunged forward, catching her bent arm in her hands. "Are you insane?"



The brunette slipped effortlessly from her grasp and retreated into a defensive position, knife in hand a few feet away. "Yeah, actually. Remember?"



Buffy reached for her own blade automatically and felt the electrifying surge of adrenaline and that other thing. That Slayer thing that made her feel bigger, made everything else slow down and fall away. It wasn't the first time she recognized the allure of it, but it was the strongest. As if her body wanted her to complete something that had begun long ago and the only way to finish that story and satisfy the beast in her was through violence. It wasn't the first time she had felt this way, but it was the first time it had ever scared her.



A flash of dream imagery stopped her. Stopped everything. The sun shining in that perfect late afternoon gold and Faith smiling at her. A real smile that made everything somehow alright. It was only a moment, but she felt the angry adrenaline drain away. She was reminded again of Tara and her aura of calm. But she was still facing the dark Slayer with a knife in her hand. And that was too much about the last time she had seen her -- knives, blood and betrayal.



Without a thought, she tossed her blade into the snow and slipped the weapons bag from her shoulder letting it fall to the ground with a soft thunk. Faith still faced her with the blade, a look of confusion and maybe anger on her pale features. Buffy noticed that her lips were chapped again and winced internally. Those damn chapped lips.



Holding her hands up palm first, the blonde stood straight and flat-footed to let her fellow Slayer know she had no intention of attacking. Faith's eyes narrowed and a hard frown formed on her face, her head tilting to the right, but her shoulders relaxed and the knife lowered slowly to her side.



"No blades," Buffy said finally. Softly and Faith smiled slightly.



"Aw come on B," the brunette said, her eye sparkling with what could have been mischief or malevolence. "I thought you liked to play with knives." Buffy didn't respond, but stood her ground, crossing her arms impatiently.



"Fine," Faith huffed and flicked the blade effortlessly, burying it nearly to the hilt in a nearby tree. The blonde raised her eyebrows once in appreciation. Maybe she had underestimated the dark Slayer or overestimated her injuries.



"Are we gonna go?" Buffy asked, lowering her arms and shucking the warm jacket. She shook the tension out of her arms and shoulders, bending her knees slightly as she watched a familiar playful smile cross the dark Slayer's face.



"Oh, we're gonna go," Faith said, still standing with her hands on her hips regarding the blonde with a sexy grin. "I just want to be clear here. We're not talking about sex right?"



Buffy rolled her eyes at the typical Faith innuendo. "Eight months in a coma," the blonde replied, circling the dark Slayer. "I don't think you have the stamina, F. Plus, you probably need a shower."



Faith chose that moment to launch a surprise attack and the blonde found herself in the unusual position of scrambling to block the blow, but just barely. Her boot slipped in the snow and she found herself on her knees again in a desperate defensive position as the dark Slayer attacked catching her with a kick to the midsection, which she managed to absorb with a roll to the right.



Well, okay, maybe 'absorb' is the wrong word here. 'Cause…ouch.



She would have rubbed her now-tender ribs if the brunette wasn't standing over her with such a smug smile.



"Aw come on, B. It's no fun unless you bring it," Faith said, her voice just oozing smug.



"Oh, I'll bring it," Buffy said and quickly considered her options. She knew Faith's left arm had to be sore still from the van, not to mention the heavy bruising on her ribs and legs. But she didn't want to win with cheap shots. Nope. Time for some fireworks.



"Bring it on then." The brunette said with a smile that wasn't so much smug anymore as sexy. And teasing.



Buffy chose that moment to launch one of her 'killer moves' as Xander described it, launching into a quick back handspring that allowed her to catch Faith with a nasty uppercut to the chin with the toe of her boot and left her back on her feet ready for more.



The brunette recovered quickly, rubbing her chin and nodding in appreciation. "Nice move, B." Faith said finally settling into a serious fighting stance. "A little too cheerleader for my taste, but you know," her smile widened even further. "Be aggressive, B-E aggressive."



Faith attacked first again, launching a furious series of combinations that surprised the blonde Slayer and backed her up several steps. She managed to block most of the blows except a surprise straight left that clipped her cheek, which exploded for a moment in hard, sharp pain.



Oh, that's gonna leave a mark.



It was a remarkable attack for someone who'd been in a coma for months. Even for a Slayer, but the blonde noted with interest that Faith's mouth was open slightly as she struggled for breath.



Yep. Stamina. Nobody ever listens to me.



Without waiting for Faith to begin another wisecrack or even catch her breath, Buffy launched an attack of her own: three quick jabs that Faith managed to avoid except for a glancing blow to her chin followed by a right hook that connected hard and a roundhouse that the dark Slayer barely ducked. But she paid a price for her evasion, landing heavily in the snow.



Relaxing slightly, Buffy straightened and waited for her fellow Slayer to rise to her feet.



"What? Not gonna finish me off?" Faith said still on her knees on the snow looking up through hooded eyes at the blonde.



The snow was falling harder now and large flakes were caught in Faith's dark hair and eyelashes. White drifts surrounded the girl, making the ground a smooth plain of white that stretched in every direction -- like a clean page. It would have been beautiful if it weren't so apocalyptic.



"We're sparring," she extended a hand to the brunette who eyed it warily for a moment before accepting the offer. "You do remember what that word means, right?" she asked, a smug smile playing at her own lips. "S-P-A-R-R-I-N-G," she said slowly and it was Faith's turn to roll her eyes. "To spar. Not to fight or to kill. Kinda like practice…"



"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the brunette interrupted, dropping again into a ready stance, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet. Buffy noted that she was still breathing heavily but let it go.



But she's no good to me all worn out, so… this is gonna have to be a short or I'll be carrying her back to Giles…if she lets me.



"Is this how you are in bed too? All talk and no…" Faith began again, but was silenced as Buffy attacked with fists and feet, but the brunette surprisingly held her ground blocking the fierce rain of blows and returning a few of her own.



The assault ended as suddenly as it began, the two of them stopping simultaneously as if through some silent, unconscious communication. "Action." Faith finished her sentence, smiling broadly, but panting from the exertion. "That's more like it, B."



Buffy took a moment to glance at her watch and frowned slightly at the time. 12:23. Which gave them just enough time to find whatever it was in the park and devise a plan. If they didn't stand here fighting all night, which was, apparently, exactly what Faith had in mind.



"We've only got about twenty minutes to find this magic signature and…" she didn't have time to finish her sentence as the brunette leapt at her with a yell still grinning. There were a few seconds when she was simply blocking the blows wildly, trying to keep up with the dark Slayer's attack, but it all slowed suddenly and she felt the ecstatic calm as the Slayer inside her took over. She could tell from the beatific smile on Faith's face that she had entered the same space as the two traded blows in perfect synchronization as if they'd choreographed and rehearsed this fight for months. For a moment she imagined what it must look like to anyone who might be watching. It must, she knew, be a blur of motion at this point as the they punched, blocked, and kicked with perfect precision and impossible speed. And it was perfect, she felt a relieved smile on her own face as the dance continued, the two of them stepping up onto the park bench, buried in snow.



She heard a loud yell and her smile widened as she realized Faith was yelling in exultation, expressing the joy she couldn't voice herself. This was what they were meant to do…only without vampires or fear of serious bodily injury. She executed a perfect back flip off the bench and swept a leg out to catch Faith, but the dark Slayer had anticipated the move and landed a hard right to the already injured cheek. Without pausing for even a moment, she took advantage of the brunette's exposed left side and landed a bone-rattling body blow of her own.



Faith actually groaned, doubling over as she panted heavily and Buffy rubbed at the cheek she knew from experience was already bruising.



So much for no bodily injury. At least it wasn't too serious. Yet.



Because she still had that tiny, lingering feeling of doubt and anticipation. And Faith was standing too close to the knife still buried in the tree bark. It would take only a flick of the wrist for her to free the blade and throw it.



But the dark Slayer didn't move, just stood there in the snow doubled over, gasping for breath. Raising her head slightly, the blonde was relieved to note that the brunette was still smiling.



"So are we ever gonna talk about how I got into that coma?" Faith said and her smile faded slightly as she straightened, still clutching her side.



Buffy froze, the breath leaving her body in one hard gasp as if she'd been struck. This was the blow she hadn't anticipated. Several seconds passed before she realized she was just standing there staring, mouth open in surprise.



"I, um…" she began, but stopped, unsure how to proceed. She couldn't tell Faith everything could she? That would just lead to more violence and there was still that knife in the tree.



"You um…?" Faith teased, but the smile was nearly gone as the brunette regarded her coolly. Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath hoping for some insight, some cue that would tell her how to proceed. All she had was an unapologetic, apparently amnesiac former enemy and some dreams. Nothing concrete she could hold onto. For a moment, she imagined describing the problem to Giles or even Willow, imagined their concerned expressions as they puzzled over the situation looking for a rational solution.



Opening her eyes to take in the face before her, she knew she was beyond rational solutions at this point. The girl in front of her had always defied logic and reason. She was chaos and uncertainty walking around in the supercharged body of a Slayer.



And evil. Don't forget evil.



That was what they would tell her now. Faith was evil. Just look at the evidence. But there were the dreams. The dream that had helped her defeat the Mayor and those other dreams that had slipped into her memory, confusing her with images of a different Faith whose smile wasn't predatory.



"I stabbed you," she said simply and waited for a reaction, but Faith didn't move at all. She remained expressionless still staring at Buffy who finally looked away and took a deep breath. "You poisoned Angel," she said exhaling in a long shuddering breath. "The only antidote was Slayer blood." Faith's eyebrows raised slightly, but she still stood motionless, waiting. "I came to get you, we fought," she motioned at the brunette's abdomen.



Several long moments passed and Buffy slowly, cautiously readied herself for an attack, but it never came. There was only the deep silence of snow and cold as the white covered their weapons and crowned the Slayer's dark hair.



Nodding slightly, Faith crossed her arms and mumbled, "All dressed up in big sister's clothes." Buffy recognized the quote immediately and took a deep breath.



"You remember." It was more of a statement. Almost an accusation. Because if she did remember, then she was the same and this was all leading to the same place it had before: violence and betrayal.



"I don't know," Faith said so softly, Buffy could barely hear it. Then with agonizing slowness, the dark Slayer lifted the bright red sweater and shirt underneath to reveal a long, ragged purple scar on her otherwise flawless abdomen.



Buffy inhaled sharply and swallowed as Faith ran her fingertips over it.



"Damn, B," she whispered. "Didn't know you had it in you," she said and slowly lowered the shirt. Her eyes when they finally rose to meet Buffy's weren't filled with anger as she expected, but something like confusion. And pain. Until it softened into a strange enigmatic smile.



"Neither did I," Buffy said quietly and looked at the ground. She could feel the slayer in her screaming in fear. This was one of those moments filled with danger and doubt, that the world turned on. The electric current of it ran over her skin like a touch and she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up.



When she looked up, the brunette was studying the area around them intently. "Did you feel that?" she asked, but didn't look at the blonde or wait for an answer. "S'gotta be your big mojo working."



It took her a moment to process the slayer's words and understand that the current she felt wasn't Faith at all, it was the magic they'd been looking for.



"Oh, yeah. Magic," she said and wondered at the fact that she wasn't springing into action, still stuck in the moment before that had seemed to hold so much promise.



Yeah, but promise of what?



she wondered, but didn't get to answer her own question as the dark Slayer sprang into action, pulling the knife from the tree and striding over to Buffy. The blonde winced and readied for an attack, but the brunette just rolled her eyes as she stooped to retrieve her sword, which was buried under snow.



"So?" Faith stood in front of her, her eyes narrowed, head tilted slightly to the right. "Isn't this where you and the goodie-goodies rush in and save the day?"



"Oh,. Yeah." Buffy said hesitantly, finally pulling out of her trance. "Yep. Time to save the day," she said with as much perk in her voice as she could muster to hide the deep insecurity that seemed to dog every step. What exactly was going on here? Faith was a murderer and her enemy and now she wanted to save the day?



"Whatever. I'm just looking for a good slay," faith said above her and the blonde closed her eyes for a moment in disappointment before brushing away the snow to retrieve her weapon bag. Of course. That's all it was for Faith. A good slay. Why would she care if the world ended? She'd helped the Mayor to do just that less than a year ago.



But she had hoped for a moment that Faith…



Slinging the bag over her shoulder, she shook her head slightly to these confusing thoughts. It didn't matter really. What mattered was that she had another Slayer to help her defeat whatever big magic was working in the park. Without a word spoken, they both turned instinctively in the same direction and began jogging toward the source of the current that was tickling their extra senses.



Yeah, that's what it's like, she thought with a wry smile. It wasn't a rush really, more of a tickle. Strange that she should have mistaken it for something Faith-related.



A small circular stand of trees grew dark and tall as they ran toward it and she could just make out the orange flicker of candles and maybe a small fire. Which was kinda strange. Why would a ritual about ice and cold involve candles? The snow thankfully muffled their footsteps as they approached and she could hear soft chanting.



Stopping to hide behind the large trunks of trees, she shifted the weight of the bag and began her recon of the big bad.



Which wasn't a big bad at all. She immediately recognized two of the girls from Willow's 'Wanna BlessedBes' and suppressed a groan of frustration. They had obviously paid more attention to the matching ceremonial robes they wore than the actual spell involved. Several of the blessedbes stumbled over the words as they held hands and danced in a circle around a small fire.



"Mother earth, we beseech you, bring back the warmth…"



"Oh, just perfect!" She muttered angrily and wondered if she was going to have to worry about protecting this band of clueless pseudo Wiccans when the heavy magick users arrived.



"This is the big bad's got your panties all in a bunch?" Faith asked, raising one eyebrow as she pointed at the still dancing circle of women.



"No," she snapped back. "They're from UC Sunnydale," she sighed in frustration and ran a hand through her hair angrily. "And they're totally clueless."



"Oh? Well maybe it's time I clue them in," Faith winked and openly appraised several of the still dancing women. "I'm betting they don't have anything on under those robes." She raised her eyebrows appreciatively and the blonde fought the urge to roll her eyes again. Faith was worse than Xander. And she was now staring openly at the women, edging toward them slowly with a sexy smile on her face.



"Hello," she said testily and snapped her fingers in front of the enraptured Slayer's face. "Big bad still out there. Apocalypse. World ending."



"So? I'm thinking if the world's gonna end, I'd rather be right here with a bunch of scantily clad…"Faith began only to be cut off by the now irate blonde.



"Okay," she grabbed the dark Slayer's arm and jerked her around to face her. "They're gonna die too, which means…no naked roll in the snow for you." She watched as the words sank in and Faith frowned. "We need to focus, 'cause we've got, like twenty minutes to find these Fenrir guys before they start the big end-of-the-world party."



But Faith was lost again, her eyes glazed as she watched the girls dancing nearby.



"Great. I should have brought Giles," she said and began to turn, but her words had finally shaken Faith out of her trance.



"Whatever, B." she said irritably. "Didn't you say this guy was trapped in the Hell?"



"Yes!" she said a little too loudly, still too angry with Faith and the entire ridiculous situation to think straight. She needed Willow and Xander and Giles here. The three of them would be able to solve this quickly, but all she had was the dark Slayer who was again staring at the circle of girls. She could see the orange flicker of the fire reflected in her dark eyes.



Then it hit her. 'Trapped in Hell'.



"The Hellmouth," she stated the obvious, resisting the urge to slap her forehead at her own stupidity. Faith just nodded as if to confirm that she was a complete idiot and returned to her ogling. How could she have missed that? Of course a God trapped in Hell would need to be freed from the Hellmouth. What was she thinking?



About Riley and his 'magic signature'.



When exactly had she stopped trusting her instincts and her friends and begun to rely so heavily on the Initiative? She thought back to the fight earlier in Giles' apartment and a stream of images rushed at her: declining Willow and Xander's offers to help with patrol in favor of patrolling with the Initiative; ignoring Willow's grief and Xander's pitiful pleas to socialize more, to spend more Scooby time together; sitting through insulting 'briefings' and taking the time to learn the ridiculous but important-sounding Initiative jargon. In a nauseating wave she remembered it all and felt the flush of shame in her face. It had all seemed so much more scientific and, well, cool than all the musty books and ridiculous ancient weapons. Plus, she could tell herself it was to keep her all-too human friends safe, to do more good in the small time she had, but she understood now that it was something else and she wasn't even sure what it was.



And she certainly didn't have time to figure it out now. They had less than twenty minutes to get to the high school and whatever was waiting at the Hellmouth.



"You coming?" she asked.



"Not yet," Faith smiled facetiously and didn't even bother to look at her. "But I could be soon," she said and licked her lips. Without thinking she smacked the back of the Slayer's head just like she would Xander and was rewarded with a loud, 'Ow'.



"Alright!" Faith said testily and finally gave her full attention to Buffy. "But there better be major slay in my future or I'm all over the girl party action." She turned and began walking toward the high school without waiting for a response.



Breaking quickly into a fast jog, Buffy closed the distance between them and the two fell in step beside each other. "I promise all the slay..." she began but was interrupted by Faith.



"I can eat," Faith grinned and rubbed the back of her head. "Damn, B. I didn't know you liked it rough," she said and winked.



This time, Buffy couldn't resist rolling her eyes. Whether they found the Fenrir minions or not, it was going to be a long night.

Edited by: lipkandy at: 9/28/04 12:13 am

[EasierSaid]

Is it bad that I didn't even miss Willow or Tara until the end, when after a moment of quiet contemplation, I realized they weren't even in this update? Phenomenal job lipkandy! What an outstanding balance of humor, tension and revelation. Your Buffy and Faith are spot on from a dialogue perspective, and their interaction is so natural, so them. *Of course* that's what that moment would be for them... just fantastic.



The "be aggressive, b-e aggressive" line was inspired (big grin and chuckles), and the tension as they fought, as Buffy explained what happened prior to Faith's coma was wonderfully drawn out. I really liked how you got into Buffy's thoughts on the slayer nature, showed what if felt like to be her, to share what it feels like when she's in that 'slayer headspace'. I thought it was outstandingly well-described, a sort of beautiful calm in concernt with violent movements; so awesome, and exactly what I had (inarticulately) imagined it to be like in my head when I watched the show.



Wow. Now, don't go thinking just because I didn't notice 'no W&T' till the end that you can just leave them out every time , but do know that I think you're brilliant, and that that update was truly superb.

[Marilda]

It's about 2 in the morning, I'm tired and I just read your update. And having just read it, found it to be just...wow. So much so that I want to say just how much I like it more eloquently. But since, I'm tired I can't think of anything past wow. So how about this. Easiersaid said some nice things, some awesome things, and I agreed with everything she said. So take what she said and pretend we both said it okay? Okay.

[mollyig]

I liked the synchronicity Buffy and Faith shared. How when they didn't find anything in the park they immediately were in tune with each other and started to spar. The scene building to Buffy's confession that she was the reason Faith ended up in a coma. I'm sure Faith preferred the admission coming this way, with the two of them alone, and after some physical exertion. If she had found out in a different way, in front of the Scoobs for example, her reaction would have been much different. This time with Faith also helped Buffy realise her misplaced dependence on Riley and the Initiative.



Thanks for another fine update!

---

Sheacht mh'anam déag do bhéal, do mhalaí's do ghrua

[Irishgrl3]

Wonderful update!



Buffy and Faith are feeling each other out so to speak. I loved the sparring and Faith's sexual jabs, she must be feeling better after her ordeal. The discussion about why Faith was in a coma went pretty well and didn't seem to be dwelled upon by Faith which is good. Can't wait for more!

[babyblue]

What an amazing gift--not one, but two updates!! And both so beautifully crafted. What amazes me the most is that both updates are meditations on pain, loss, fear, and desire, yet at the end of each I felt quite peaceful. I think it's because both couples began the long, slow, process of rebuilding trust. Despite all they've gone through, W/T are clearly less damaged than B/F and so they can move further, faster than B/F, which makes sense given where the dyads end up at the close of S7. (As I'm writing this, I'm not even sure I'm making sense to myself, so I apologize if I'm being either hopelessly obscure or painfully obvious.)



On another note, having read S7 I'll accept your assertion that you can't write smut to the extent that I buy JustSkipIt's contention that your "loving and sensual depictions" don't actually fall under the classification of smut. But if you're claiming that you can't write sex scenes that are searingly intense and emotionally true, then your view of your writing is.....distorted. (For distorted read: girl, are you nuts?)



--babyblue

[JustSkipIt]

Hey Lipkandy,

What a great (and fast) update. I love the passion that Buffy and Faith both display. They are so bonded in their slayerness and I love the way Buffy actually shows some sympathy and empathy for Faith. She can actually tell what Faith needs and gives it to her. Well done!

[JewWitch18]

hi kandilicious! I am so sorry it took me forever to give feedback on this update-- bad, bad jenny. I think I need to be punished actually I just can't pass up any excuse to use my favorite emoticon. heh. but the update rocks! I loved where buffy & faith went in this...they're both finally taking baby steps tpward realizing they can get what they need from each other, and that they don't have to keep walking en eggshells around each other forever (buffy smacking faith on the back of the head for being a horndog, just like xander-- ie, just like she would a friend, someone she can sass a little). and I for one was tickled pink at all your gratuitous "bring it on" references...but what else have we come to expect from missy the uberdyke, eh? bring it, girl





but on a more serious note, I was really feelin' the way buffy and faith were finding each other, finding their trust, through sparring; I liked how buffy finally let herself go completely as the slayer, let herself feel all those feelings that being around faith makes her feel, without being too afraid (both of faith and of what faith brings out of her) to stop holding back. and at the same time, I liked how faith got gently reminded about trust, and friendship, at a level she can deal with-- when buffy beat her and she was like, aren't you gonna finish me off or whatever, and buffy reminded her that they weren't actually fighting...that this was their playtime. I have always felt that playtime is really the key to buffy & faith's relationship: only with each other can they truly let the slayer out to play, without fear of hurting someone, without being too much.



anyway. happy happy update! I have to go now because I can hear my friend will's dog crying, and I think some woodland creature might have gotten the better of him (!)



love,

--JW



ps-- more soon please

pps-- are you really gonna name and arch nemesis after me? she better be hot

Whatever you did to survive was the right thing

--Daphne Gottlieb

[Irishgrl3]

Sorry to everyone that was checking for an update.



LK,

I just reread S4 and S7, cause they're just so awesome! And I was hoping that you're still considering continuing with this story. It is such a great fic and hope that you'll update when you can.

[lipkandy]

Hey Irishgirl and all the Kittens,

I'm sorry for the long absence and even longer delay on this story. I've had a really BAD few months (I won't bore you with all of the details) culminating in the death of my beloved dog a week ago, so everything's kind of raw right now. Probably no updates terribly soon. Maybe a couple of weeks?



Actually I've been working a little on the next episode after S7. That's confusing, isn't it? It would pick up after Willow and Buffy's return to the new (AU) present in S7. Vra'al is back for his heart and so is someone else (ah, the new twisty villain!), plus there's a fifty per cent chance of Dawn/Rain. It's all much lighter and fluffier which is just what I need at the moment.



Sorry again, and thanks for hanging in there.

xomel



Also, I've noticed there's loads of stuff to read right now. Neverland, Clashing Swords, Common Areas, the Heart Rules the Mind and lots of others that I haven't gotten around to yet. and Cataclysm Cafe is back! woo and hoo. Plus, all of the amazing archived stuff.

Edited by: lipkandy at: 1/26/05 2:26 pm

[Irishgrl3]

Sometimes RL sucks doesn't it? So sorry to learn about your dog, I lost one about a year ago myself. Words can't describe how much it hurts.



Hang in there and we'll wait for an update as long as it takes.

-anna

[JewWitch18]

hey sweetie,



I am so sorry to hear about your pooch. there's really nothing to say to make it any better, cause dogs are people too and death is never anything but awful. and I've been having a really crappy time the past few months, too, so I feel ya. don't worry about an update-- it'll happen when it happens. I am glad to hear that the next story after AZ will take place where S7 left off! 50% chance of dawn/rain is good plus, slayer snuggles...yay!



love to you & witchpunk,

--JW



ps-- thanx for the reading list recommendations-- I haven't checked out anything on the board in forever, and I know if you say something's worth reading, then it is.

Whatever you did to survive was the right thing

--Daphne Gottlieb

[ExtraFlameyWT]

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog...I've been there. I just wanted to tell you that I love this story, and I really hope that you'll come back to it...I understand the need for lighter stuff, though. Anyway, I hope life gets better for you...and whenever you are ready to come back, I'll be waiting.



Aimee

"Pope John Paul today confirmed his opposition to gay marriages, said they're unnatural. Gay marriage is unnatural. Then he put on a pointy hat, his dress, and returned to never having sex at all." -Bill Maher