TEMPUS FUGIT -- Absolute Zero (S4)

[WiccanSpud]

oh wow... that was soo intense. i dunno if the chill in my house is cuz of the weather or because of your fic. You just make the emotions come alive...



And of course! all these emotions couldn't come one at a time... they ALL HAD TO COME BARRELLING DOWN THE FRICKING HILL AT THE SAME TIME!! it's a wonder any of them survived...



awesome job on this fic... nothing like angst and high emotions to celebrate the holidays! j/k



-spud

[justin]

wow that was some update.



The hardest thing about it was it was hard to know who to side with.



On the one hand Willow was right about Buffy taking her for granted, Buffy has often treated her like some sort of old reliable, geyser, dog girl and it was good to see her stand up for herself. But on the other she's walking out on Buffy when Buffy needed her the most. On the gripping hand it really isn't easy seeing Willow that upset. Oh it's all so confusing.



But yay for Tara. I think that it'll be Tara (and possibly Anya as well) who helps patch things up between them all.



I'm looking forward to reading more

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. - Scott Adams

[snuggle79]

Hello!



A lot of emotions and yeah, intense much! Wow, didn't see that from Willow coming. But then again, no wonder. I guess it was time for her to finally let off some steam.

Good to see Tara taking her place for the whole helping and magic things.

Great update!



snuggle79

This is how everyday should end and start ..and all the stuff in the middle

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

[blue eyes]

holy bananas!!!!

this story is great.

i really liked the whole thing where Buffy got told. Willow would be the last person you'd expect it from but still.

and what's Xander's problem.

Anywhoo ,great story and i can't wait to read more.

[xita]

Excellent update. So good to see another update to this, thanks!



At first , I was a bit miffed at Tara for not running after Willow. But you know she's coming off Willow completely rejecting her apologies and attempts to explain. I am sure Willow will get it when she's less upset... right?



Then I read your comments and yes, this is season 4 and there were a lot of negative feelings in that group. It's important that they work through those. I was reading Buffy's thoughts about Willow and then at first I thought they were Tara's. It's so good that you remember they were best friends once. It's good to hear Buffy thinking of her friendship with Willow as something so solid.



Thanks for the udpate!

- - - - - - - - - - -
"Hard work often pays off after time but laziness always pays off now!"

[lipkandy]

good God that's a lot of shake...or feedback



TempesDuer ack! sorry about the punch in the face. I hope you have a willow or tara who can kiss it and make it all better

Quote:

---

I can't even describe how much weight this story carries. It's just, well... powerful.

---

wow! thank you. I think you described it very well. enough to make me blush.



puff so glad the cold is coming through...I mean, not really, but you know. and yes, Riley's happiness about Faith was a bit, um, premature. heh. and I like to think buffy's very observant, she's just not so great at communicating or doing the heavy mental lifting required to actually make her observations worth something. and thanks about the writer's block. it's killing me.



wiccanspud

Quote:

---

all these emotions couldn't come one at a time... they ALL HAD TO COME BARRELLING DOWN THE FRICKING HILL AT THE SAME TIME!! it's a wonder any of them survived...

---

exactly!! I think that's one of the reasons it took me so long to write. that and as any of the writers on the board know any time you put more than one person speaking in a room it increases the length of the chapter by a factor of ten or something. it gets hella complicated. but I'm glad it worked. they've all been in an emotional deep freeze for too long.



justin

Quote:

---

The hardest thing about it was it was hard to know who to side with.

---

heh. nail. head. I was trying incredibly hard to write this scene so that all of them were right and wrong. it's just that point in their lives when they're becoming independent and they can either grow away from each other because of it or together.

don't worry, Wil just needs some time to cool off. that was a lot to have thrown at her in the span of two minutes. well, she just needs time and maybe a little Tara or a lot. they've both been looking at that PG-13 rating and shaking their heads quite a bit. I think they have more of an R in mind. *sigh* what's a poor writer to do



snuggle hey! yes, exactly! time for Willow to stand up for herself and I wanted Tara to be more involved on the magic side of things with the scoobs. I mean, hello, life-long practicing witch -- kind of a no-brainer.



blue eyes holy bananas!! heh. yes, I think it's about time for Willow tell Buffy off. best friend isn't just a title you keep for life. you actually have to earn it. and in Xander's defense (oh god, I'm defending Xander -- the world is doomed), Buffy's about to rescue another potential Big Bad when they're already dealing with an apocalyptic Big Bad...so, he's right and wrong. but he is Xander so he's automatically more wrong than the rest of them.



xita I know, I know. and I wanted Tara to run after Willow too, but... I guess it's a combination of her deep insecurity and her need to help that keeps her there. she can see that Willow is mainly hurt by Buffy...see, I'm gonna give too much away here. hmmm, I'll just say that there should be no worries. no matter how angsty it gets there will be much Willow/Tara love and they even get to save the day (along with Buffy of course) in the end.

and

Quote:

---

It's so good that you remember they were best friends once. It's good to hear Buffy thinking of her friendship with Willow as something so solid.

---

yeah, I think that was the thing that went SO wrong w/the last two unmentionable seasons. it's like ME forgot what friendship is. or came up with a new definition that involved selfishness, callousness and jealousy as the main components...but I'm rambling.



and I'm going to try to have an update early next week unless this giant monolith of a writer's block falls and crushes me.



again, thanks for the reading and the writing and the general rocking!!



xomel

Edited by: lipkandy at: 12/30/03 8:02 pm

[Tempest Duer]

Don't worry, it wasn't a bad punch in the face... and I haven't seen my girl in a week and a half... but I'm gonna see her soon...



I'm glad it was a good description, and I guess I'm flattered that I made you blush, but what can I say? Tempus Fugit will always have a special place in my heart.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[Marilda]

Amazing! Just amazing. I totally love what you're doing with this story, how the group dynamics are changing just enough to make the changes in the season 7 story possible.



I like that you made Tara stay and for her to realize that that is how she'll help Willow.



I anxiously await for more.

Edited by: Marilda at: 1/1/04 10:21 am

[good2cats]

Hi,
This story just gets better and better.Great job I can't wait to see what happens next.Update soon please.I wish you a Happy New Year.
Be well,Karen

[late prada fall]

i'm really proud of willow for standing up to buffy. and of buffy for telling xander what's what. and tara... i love that girl, and here is no exception. this was a totally loaded update, and you haven't even touched on the w/t stuff yet.



i love your previous tempus fugit stories, and i'm loving this one as well. looking forward to the next update

-----

i'm thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned...

[WintersDreamer]

(deep breath)



Ok, here goes......



First of all let me extend my most sincere apologizes for not leaving you feed back earlier.... i.e. on both S4 and S7 (hangs head in shame).

They are both *fantastic*, and what makes it even *worse* and I have S7 save in my "Keeper Fiction" folder.



As for Absolute Zero it is GREAT!! I'm so happy that you decided to link them all together!



If I may say though.... Part 6 of AZ is one of the best chapers that you have ever written.





"Buffy, you don't get to decide who does what and when," Xander's voice boomed out behind her.



"And you don't get to decide when to help your friends!" she opened the door with one hard jerk and slammed it behind her.



WOW! .... That whole chapter was powerful, intense, you could feel how everyone was being torn in several differing directions, and seeing no one clear way out..... although I have to say there was a great urge to backhand Zander. eerrrggghhh I hate hypocites.....



I hope you update soon.... er soonest even.

Edited by: WintersDreamer at: 1/1/04 6:23 pm

[darkmagicwillow]

I'm excited about this story and I haven't even started chapter 1 yet ... and no, it's not just because I found my name in the credits, though I feel a bit guilty about that as the story's been going a couple months and I haven't read any of it yet. I've been busy ... really busy, but enough about that. Let's get back to the story and why I'm excited.



It's because I see your name beside the thread along with the name of one of my favorite stories in the thread title. Plus it gave me an excuse to reread Tempus Fugit S4 before starting this one and that reminded me of how deft your handling of language is, especially and paradoxically when it comes to things that aren't said. Every time I read TF S4, I can sense the love between them even before they realize it because I feel it in their touch and see it in their faces without ever a word to reveal their secret. Now give me a few minutes to read...



[ time passes ... or is that tempus fugit? ]



As I started this chapter, I loved how you gave us Tara's perspective of that gutwrenching scene where Willow confessed her love to Tara in TF S4. My stomach really does knot every time I read that, and I must confess I always feel more than a bit upset at Tara for rejecting Willow like that, but this chapter has helped me sympathize with her in a more than just intellectual way, understanding her doubts and terrors. As always, I love your use of mathematical imagery (and the later confirmation of it from Willow's perspective):

Tara hadn’t seen Willow since that night. The redhead had obviously calculated her schedule with her usual unerring accuracy and was now working the equations in reverse to ensure that the two of them never crossed paths again.

There's so much beauty and power of expression in mathematics, and, besides, I recognize myself in what Willow has done here. I also like how this passage and its complement to convey their loss of each other in an original way. The visceral atmosphere of cold also has a powerful impact on the mood of this chapter.



[ on to chapter 2... ]



The scene between Giles and Tara was wonderful. You've captured both of them perfectly in this short but essential and emotional conversation. The combination of Tara's fear and bravery is heartwrenching; I love this as a first introduction of Tara to Giles and by extension, the Scoobies.



[ on to chapter 3...]



I love what you're doing with the flashbacks to the unrealized realities of the other Tempus Fugit stories. I suspect they work well even if you haven't read the prior fics.

And neither had the whole reverse-bumping-into thing. All of that calculating to avoid Tara and she found herself desperately hoping the blonde would defy her analysis and turn up unexpected. It was the only time in Willow’s life that she could remember actually hoping to be proven wrong. So far, her calculations were terrifyingly and disappointingly accurate.

Ah, yes, that is the problem when you're right...



I like your characterization of Buffy, with the Slaying being the aspect of her life that centers her, which made me worry, watching Willow losing the things that center her, giving into her depression and sleeping. Then there was the shock of Buffy giving into her rage at the Angel clone, the shudden shift from her centeredness and focus on minor details like her quips to her unbridled rage. Then the surprising revelation that Buffy also feels the unrealized effects of the Heart on this reality and her visit with Faith. Btw, I also enjoyed Anya's point about stealth not being necessary to find vampires in Sunnydale.



[ on to chapter 4...]



I laughed aloud at Willow's thought that bagels are a suggestive gift. You've scarred me for life--I'll be looking hopefully or suspiciously any time someone gets me a bagel from now on.



I like how you're getting deeper into the Norse myths. What source books are you using? All I've got is my Hamilton's Mythology and my Encyclopedia of Mythology, though I've read a fair bit more from the library (don't you hate people who don't understand why you own books and tell you to just get them at the library? Libraries are good and all, but when you want to look up something you read a decade ago and can't recall the title, you can check your own bookshelf but the library's not so helpful.)



The small connections between them even as they don't see each other are wonderfully poignant. The meditations. Tara writing with Willow-like neatness with different colored pens. Afterwards, there's the "ambush" with the delightful babbly conversation, followed by the hurt of the real ambush as Aly appears. That was a shock. But then there's Tara's unexpected persistence and the re-use of the double negative, but this time from Tara instead of Willow as in TF S4 IIRC.



[ on to chapter 5-6 ... ]



I like the glimpses you give us of Faith in the WC's hands and Buffy's reactions to her unrealized feelings about Faith (and Willow's excuse to Riley made me laugh as it was so on the mark while not being techically correct.)



Though I hadn't expected it, Anya was the perfect person to reveal that Tara wasn't a demon. That was an excellent scene, one wonderfully paired with the other revelation, that of Tara and Willow's feelings for each other to the Scoobies.



Oh, and from your responses:

for years I thought the whole 'stitch in time' thing had something to do with tesseracs and time travel-- really!

You mean it doesn't refer to closed timelike curves? Then what does it mean?



[ on to chapter 7...]



I like how you've divided the Scoobies. Very believable and emotional. Unlike some of the other feedback I've seen, I sympathize with Willow and Xander on this one. Buffy is demanding as usual and at some point, if you keep doing that, you run out of credit, especially when you demand something big like demanding your friends to help someone who tried to kill them. It's not until later that she begins to realize what she might have lost with Willow and unfortunately she doesn't learn from that when she deals with Xander.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 1/1/04 8:35 pm

[Big Dummy]

Total powder keg, this update. I loved it, and it made me angry at the same time. It's hard to read stuff that challenges the comfy places we put our stories and characters. Like normally, you have an argument and there's a definite clear right and wrong, just for simplicity's sake. Here, everyone's right and wrong, cause everyone's experiencing valid emotions. Overall I was the least pleased with Buffy, not because she wants to go and rescue Faith but because of the way she handled things with her friends, which was the root of a lot of problems on the show for me. She takes this "charge in and you guys just follow and do what I say" attitude, and they're expected to follow without having all of the facts. It makes total sense that Will and Xander would be unwilling to help with a Faith rescue mission given their history with her, and the fact that they, unlike us, are not privy to the clandestine hospital visits, dreams, or thoughts that have led Buffy to this place. So it was hard for me to feel bad for Buffy cause, y'know, a little communication goes a long way with your friends, but I also couldn't be completely fed up with her. Oh well.



So I'm shaking my head and yelling at Buffy (internally), yelling at Will (just listen to Tara, darnit!), applauding Will (that's showing her!), applauding Xander (never, ever happens, but I liked his resolve), and wanting to slap Xander (cause you don't act all wussy-like after putting your foot down)...you get it. It was great. It makes me want to talk too much.

[lipkandy]

wow, I had no idea this would get under everyone's skin the way it has. maybe it's the holidays and all of the family weirdness or something.



I'm blown away by the Kittens' generosity with the feedback!



tempestduer phew! although, I'm sorry you're girl is away. and so completely overwhelmed the tempus fugit...heart...thing. can you tell I'm terrible at taking compliments. I'm blushing again like crazy.



marilda thanks! it's kinda edgy writing this (and all of the other episodes up to S7) 'cause I've set a trap for myself. we'll see if I can keep writing my way out of it. glad you liked Tara staying. I imagine her sense of duty coupled with her insecurity as being ridiculously strong... enough to counter her desire to run after Willow. for now anyway



good2kats thanks, karen!! and Happy New Year to you too!!



late pr hey! and yeah, it was about time Willow finally stood up to Buffy! plus, she's so cute when she's all upset...which isn't really fair, but what can I say I love cry-y Willow. and Buffy, yeah, I always loved to watch her put preach-y Xander in his place...even when he is kinda right he's so frickin' annoying about it. and I'm glad you're liking the whole series. that makes me very happy oh, and I really like your sig line.



wintersdreamer hey! no apologies necessary. as I've said before I'm one of those terrified lurkers on most fics. and I'm always psyched to hear that more people are reading the whole monstrous tempus fugit thing. and

Quote:

---

If I may say though.... Part 6 of AZ is one of the best chapers that you have ever written.

---

again with the phew!! I agonized over this section. so...again I'm glad to hav gotten it right. thanks again for de-lurking.



darkmagicwillow hey!!! you made it to the party! witchpunk announced your post to me all giddy and stuff. and she never gets giddy. and you know I could go on for pages in response to your articulate wordsmith-y feedback, but I'll try to keep it relatively short.

Quote:

---

I loved how you gave us Tara's perspective of that gutwrenching scene where Willow confessed her love to Tara in TF S4

---

I thought it was time to see Tara's POV here, but it was agonizing for me. my brain tends to work like Willow's so I have to sort of slow everything down to write Tara. I imagine her being much more thoughtful and less with the torrential head-babble. and yes, the mathematical metaphors will always be around. I'm too much of a geek to let them slip away.



[and I'm reading your comments again and realizing I'm never going to be able to adequately respond to them, so I'll try some highlights]

Quote:

---

I laughed aloud at Willow's thought that bagels are a suggestive gift. You've scarred me for life--I'll be looking hopefully or suspiciously any time someone gets me a bagel from now on.

---

heh. you can all share my pain now. and, yes, I've actually had this internal debate. it's pathetic. so, you never know...



the Norse mythology...honestly I'm doing an ME version of it: taking what I need and filling in details. There's a VERY abridged run-down at the online Encyclopedia Mythica or you can check out The Eddas. [disclaimer]please bear in mind *looks fearfully at tinnakaren and any other potential Old Norse scholars* that I am in no way an expert on Norse mythology and am completely bastardizing this stuff to fit my needs[/disclaimer]



and I love that you caught the double-negative switcheroo. heh. that makes me very happy.

Quote:

---

Though I hadn't expected it, Anya was the perfect person to reveal that Tara wasn't a demon.

---

I always felt that they had to diminish Anya's role to prop Spike up. he took over a lot of what should have been her moments. she's the 1200 year-old demon with the callous sense of humor. frankly, I prefer Anya's version. although Spike will reappear eventually, but not as as a credited character.



and I'm still convinced about the tesserac/stitch-in-time connection although that may be a result of reading A Wrinkle in Time at a very impressionable age.



and I'm totally with you on demanding-Buffy. it drove me absolutely crazy in the later seasons the way she ordered everyone around and they all looked to her to make critical decisions that others (namely Giles and Willow) were far more competent to make. as if being able to slay vampires somehow qualifies you to be a leader. grrrr!! argh!!!! but I'm getting my revenge through fic. heh.



I'm glad you're finally settling in and ecstatic that you're actually finding time to come back to the PENS. does that mean we'll get more DMW fic soon????



Big Dummy heh. sorry for the frustration although I take it as a good sign. and again, so right there with you on 'charge-ahead' Buffy. her callousness and thick-headedness made me scream at the TV more than once. expecting the world fromher friends, but she's not able to give Willow two minutes of time for her hearbreak not to mention her struggles with her sexuality. but don't worry, she's going to get put in her place. I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to arrogant Buffy. I promise I'll make it better soon. how's that?





phew!!! thanks again for reading, writing and de-lurking!!!!



xomel

[darkmagicwillow]

I always felt that they had to diminish Anya's role to prop Spike up. he took over a lot of what should have been her moments. she's the 1200 year-old demon with the callous sense of humor. frankly, I prefer Anya's version. although Spike will reappear eventually, but not as as a credited character.

Outside of a couple of episodes, Anya was always too one-dimensional to interest me in the show, but I think you're right that Spike absorbed much of her role for her character to develop. Off the show though, I really like how you, Sassette, and several other Pens authors write Anya.

and I'm still convinced about the tesserac/stitch-in-time connection although that may be a result of reading A Wrinkle in Time at a very impressionable age.

I'm guilty of that too. (-;

I'm glad you're finally settling in and ecstatic that you're actually finding time to come back to the PENS. does that mean we'll get more DMW fic soon????

Thanks for the welcome back, but no, my new W/T novel is still on chapter 4 just as it was in August. All my time and creative energy is going into my scientific work and writing, which I love doing but which doesn't leave me with time or energy for writing fic. I need to be able to copy myself...

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[Tiggrscorpio]

lipkandy, where to begin! I'll start by admitting that I haven't yet read this portion of the story. I've just spent the last two days reading the other two parts of your magical tale.



I find myself at a crossroads. My tardiness in reading your story, meant I didn't have to wait for updates. If I begin reading the next part, I'll have to be patient and I'm not sure that I can. You see, you don't just read this story - you live it! Every glorious, heart-breaking, action-packed, funny and emotional moment.



There are so many special scenes, I find it hard to select my favorites. I really liked the fight scene in Buffy's house with all the Scooby's cheering each other on. Your dialogue is so spot on. It shows how much you've embraced these characters and made them a part of you. Thank you for giving us a Buffy who realizes that Willow deserves to be happy. Your W/T scenes are, well, I don't know what word is better than magnificient, but it's that word.



Just as enjoyable is the supporting cast. I think your Dawn is amazing. I've never really thought much one way or the other about Faith, as I've never attempted to write her myself. Your Faith, well, she's just hot! I love how you've woven her in. And speaking of weaving, I'm so astounded by how you've overlapped so many events to arrive at such a fulfilling outcome. It must have been hell to keep it all straight (so to speak).



I'm going to stop gushing in a moment. I simply want you to know that this is arguably the best tale I've ever read. As a writer, it inspires me. Thank you for that!

*****



"The toast is fine. Toast bread good...anything else bad. Bad! Evil!" Amber Benson referring to the food at The Friar Tuck

[allykat]

I'm sooooo loving this!!

I loved this:

Quote:

---

There was a long, uncomfortable silence and she looked up to find Anya studying her with a smirk.

---

And this:

Quote:

---

She so hated to be rude. "I s-sort of need…""For us to leave," the Englishman spoke up gently and Tara breathed a sigh of relief.

---

And also this:

Quote:

---

She turned fully, leaning back against the table for support and Buffy averted her gaze looking down at her perfectly sculpted nails. "So you two, you know.... how long?"

---

And the whole Buffy/Tara talk...Thank you so very much for this!!



The trip into Faith's psyche had me sitting on the edge of my seat the whole time.

Don't know what else to say right now, just that this is excellent work!!!

Edited by: allykat at: 1/4/04 6:05 pm

[lipkandy]

I love that subject line, thank you Big Dummy , so I'm going to leave it even though it's an update.



and thanks to Puff I now know that this is Part 8. sorry I'm such an airhead.



darkmagicwillow I forget that people actually write fic before they post it. what a concept. I'm thinking that you concentrating on your scientific writing means things are going well? and I really enjoyed your comments in the Current Events thread over on the Kitten. made my day.



Tiggrscorpio wow! and hi and welcome aboard. I'm so glad you liked the first two Tempus Fugit's and I understand your hesitation in starting this one. although, I have managed to clear the writer's block

I don't even know what to say to the rest of your comments. this is one of those pieces of feedback that makes me grin like an idiot, blush and go completely speechless (or typeless). it really is some of the most wonderful feedback I've ever received. thank you. I guess I can say that I'm glad I could redeem not just Willow, but Buffy and Faith and (gasp!) even Dawn for a few people.

and thank you for writing Next Generation btw. I read that long ago and was too shy to leave feedback (I'm a dork, I know this). I've noticed that when people ask where it has disappeared to, there's a post from you telling them that they have a message in their inbox. any chance I could get one of those?



again with the thanks to everyone who's reading and writing and delurking.



Part 8

"No bad dream fucker's gonna boss me around…"

-- Elliot Smith, Christian Brothers



Tara looked up at the door for the thousandth time hoping Willow would miraculously skip through it, but there was no one, not even Buffy who had been gone for at least fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes spent bent over a spell book trying to merge with the furniture as the remaining Scoobies and significant others bickered and planned.



Riley was unable to provide any more information than his initial 'briefing' as he kept referring to it and that left Xander and Giles to argue about Buffy and her plans.



"Giles, you didn't see her the other night. She went all WWF on this vamp, screaming stuff about Angel…maybe it's a spell?" He snapped his fingers obviously pleased with his theory. "That's got to be it. Faith got her evil minions to cast a spell on Buffy and…"



The Watcher finally interrupted. "I understand your concern, but that's simply not possible. Faith has been a coma for eight months. I will admit Buffy's behavior has been rather strange, but…" he removed his glasses and Tara forced her attention back to the intricate spell in front of her. It required a connection between the spellcaster and Faith, which was impossible. There was a modification written in the margin in Willow's handwriting that would allow her to use Buffy's connection, but Tara was not about to risk the Slayer's life on a locator spell. Not that Willow's modification was life-threatening, it was just that magick was, well, unpredictable. And the enormous energy drain she had felt during her meditations was going to make this difficult enough as it was…



"Tara did Faith appear in any of your premonitory dreams?" It was the Watcher's gentle British voice and Tara looked up blinking from her research. It took her a moment to refocus her attention on their conversation and Giles seemed to read her hesitation as confusion. "But, you've never met her, so how would you know?"



"Dark hair, dark eyes, slut-wear," Xander began and the Englishman rolled his eyes in frustration. "And if you were seeing the future she was probably trying to kill you."



That lead Tara's thoughts back to her dreams and she was immediately hit with a vivid image of she and Willow wrapped around each other, heat and wet…



"N-no," she stuttered quietly and returned her attention to the spell. Her face was hot with embarrassment and she hid behind a curtain of hair hoping they would let her return to her studies. There was a long, uncomfortable silence and she looked up to find Anya studying her with a smirk.



Oh god, she knows. Please don’t say anything, please don’t…



"That's right," the Watcher said absently. "I'd forgotten your dreams were all centered on Willow."



That brought a smug smile to the ex-vengeance demon's face as she crossed her arms, but miraculously remained silent. "I, um, y-yes. Just…j-just Willow."



Xander stared at Tara for a moment before looking away with a scowl, the muscles in his jaw working angrily. Riley shifted from one foot to the other looking bored and confused.



"Look, why don't you guys just focus on finding out everything you can about Ragnarok and I'll go with Buffy to get Faith," Riley offered finally. Xander and Giles exchanged looks and Tara returned to the spell deciding that it was too dangerous to both her and Buffy. She would need an alternative. With a heavy sigh she picked up her grandmother's book and leafed through to the page she needed.



"I'm afraid it's not quite that simple," the Watcher said with a bemused smile.



"You don't just go get a Slayer if she doesn't want to be gotten," Anya piped in cheerily. "Unless you have a death wish."



"Precisely," the Watcher offered sadly. "And I'm afraid Faith may prove to be more dangerous than the Council's Wet Works."



Tara risked another glance up to find Anya nodding her head in a moment of rare agreement with the Watcher.



"That's the understatement of the year," Xander growled. "Look Giles, can't you talk some sense into Buffy? I mean we've got a serious…"



"Yeah Giles, why don't you talk some sense into me?" Buffy's voice cut through the room, surprising everyone. Tara thought she saw Xander flinch and noticed an evil-looking blade in the Slayer's hand. But she didn't hold it like a weapon. The Slayer was almost cradling it in her hand, holding it carefully, gently, as if it might break at any moment. Or turn on her.



Xander put his hands on his hips and turned away angrily as she walked past him to place the blade on the table in front of Tara. It felt cold, like the world outside. The blonde witch shuddered as she studied the wicked curves of it. This piece of metal tortured and hammered into the cruelest shape possible was the tool of someone who wasn't content to just kill.



"Now that's quality craftsmanship," Anya remarked appreciatively.



Buffy inhaled deeply, "That is…it was Faith's." She paused with a wince, her eyes never leaving the blade. "And that's her blood." There was another weighty pause before the Slayer looked up meeting Tara's eyes with a hopeful, sad expression. "Will that work?"



She didn't get a chance to answer. "Oh yeah, there's nothing better than blood for magic," Anya commented dryly. "Although you really should take better care of your weapons. Blood will ruin a perfectly good knife. Eat through the metal like…"



"Yes, thank you Anya," Giles interjected irritably and Anya glared at him, but somehow managed to stay silent.



Tara looked away from the Slayer's intense, pleading eyes settling finally on the knife. She could see it now, the blood like rust near the blade hilt. She nodded and eased her chair back a bit before looking back up at the blonde.



"Yes, that will work,"



The Slayer nodded once and smiled slightly before Xander's angry voice cut in.



"Look, I know you think I'm just some loser who gets the donuts and can't even get into college, but this is…"



"That is so not true," Buffy responded angrily. "I've never said anything like that…"



"You don't have to say it Buffy! God! You treat us all like we're just…your employees. You give orders and expect us to follow you no matter what!" he shouted back and Tara thought she saw tears in his eyes.



Buffy recoiled as if she'd been struck, standing silent for long seconds as the entire group watched her.



Finally Riley spoke up, "I don't think that's really fair to Buffy. She's under a lot of pressure and…"



Xander whirled on the soldier pointing his finger accusingly, but didn't get a chance to speak. Without taking her eyes off Xander, Buffy extended her hand to Riley in a gesture that clearly meant 'quiet'. "S'okay Riley. This is…" she began and stopped, her eyes hardening, her voice going cold. "You know what? I don't have time for this. Don't you think I know the danger here? I mean, the last time me and Faith got together it was not to play cards, so don't act like I haven't thought about this. I just don't have time to explain it all to you and have a committee meeting on it." She straightened and ran a hand through her blonde hair and Tara thought she saw a slight tremor there. "I've got to go get her… now. Now as in right now. Not two hours from…here. So, if you still have a problem, feel free to not help, but just…stay out of my way."



"Fine, I'm outta here," Xander said and walked to the door, but turned suddenly. "An?"



"Oh, I'm staying here." She said with matter-of-fact certainty. "And I need your car, so you'll just have to walk."



"What?" he asked incredulous and Tara felt the pain of the encounter wash over her. All of Xander's insecurity and doubt and now betrayal spilling into the room. Tara took a few deep breaths to center herself, looking down at her hands.



"It's freezing out there. I'm not walking home in this," she said, and Tara looked up through the veil of her blonde hair to see the ex-demon gesturing toward the window and the snow that was now falling outside. Xander just continued to stare at her. "Fine, I'll drive you home, but you better hurry, cause I'm not missing the Apocalypse action," she said and hustled the still stunned Scooby out the door.



There were a few moments of strained silence and Tara glanced up at the Slayer to find her again running a hand through her blonde hair. Buffy exhaled deeply and turned to the blonde witch. "So, what do you need?" Her voice was strained, but soft and she resisted the urge to comfort the Slayer.



"I, um…" she looked at Riley and then Mr. Giles. "I n-need a clear s-space," she motioned to the floor and back up to the small group. Riley began immediately moving the larger furniture out of the way and Buffy looked again to Tara.



"What else?"



"Well, uh…" she hesitated. This was going to be a complicated process. The locator spell was too dangerous so she was going to attempt to reach out to Faith using the blood on the knife as a guide. It was something she had done intuitively as a child and she was confident it would work, but the results were never certain. And there was all of the energy and emotion from Riley and Giles. Not to mention Buffy. She looked up at the Watcher again and winced. She so hated to be rude. "I s-sort of need…"



"For us to leave," the Englishman spoke up gently and Tara breathed a sigh of relief.



"All of us?" Buffy asked, wide-eyed and Tara rose to her feet, shaking her head.



"No, I'm not d-doing a locator s-spell. I think it w-would be too d-dangerous. I'm going to reach out to her telepathically, so I n-need you…Buffy, to s-stay with m-me." She smiled and placed a hand on Buffy's arm. "But you sort of n-need to calm down."



The Slayer still looked confused, so Tara searched for a quick explanation, but the Watcher again saved her with a proud smile. "Buffy, Tara's going to, well, effectively channel Faith, so she may say things that could prove helpful." He removed his glasses and held her eyes. "It's a very resourceful alternative, not necessarily as reliable."



Tara nodded her agreement. "I know, but if it d-doesn't work we can try the, um, the l-locator spell."



The Watcher nodded, but the Slayer still seemed unsure.



It was Riley who spoke first. "So Tara's going to, like, talk telepathically to this Faith?"



"Not exactly," the Englishman began and looked to Tara before continuing. "She's going to enter Faith's mind and try to get an impression of her surroundings. Clues to her location."



Buffy sucked in a huge lungful of air. "Faith's mind…talk about going to a scary place."



"Precisely." He raised his eyebrows and pushed his hands into his pockets. "She'll be receiving a sort of slideshow of everything in Faith's mind, but there should be no real danger to either of them."



Tara waited nervously for the Slayer's approval or, more likely, rejection. She had expected the Watcher to immediately reject her plan as too cautious and potentially time-consuming and was surprised at his show of support. Now there was only Buffy staring at the blade on the table. Wiping her now sweaty palms on the fabric of her skirt, Tara ducked her head to study the intricate pattern of the oriental rug beneath her feet.



"Sounds like a plan." Buffy said suddenly. "What do you need me to do?"



"I, um, o-okay, first we need to cast a circle," she turned quickly away from the Slayer's intense gaze and gathered a few candles, setting them at the four cardinal points. The blonde witch tried to keep her mind on the preparations, but Buffy's eyes never left her as she moved the pieces of the spell into place.



"Am I in it or out of it?" Buffy asked and Tara could only stare at her blankly. "The circle I mean."



"Oh!" she answered and lowered her eyes in embarrassment. "Um, in…inside the, uh, the circle." Without hesitation, the Slayer walked carefully inside the lit candles and kneeled.



"This okay?" she asked, her eyes smiling slightly and Tara just nodded before turning to retrieve the last item.



"Don't you need to draw the circle in witchy dust or sand or something?" Buffy asked and Tara hesitated unsure how to answer. The Slayer had to know the basics of magick, but the Scoobies seemed to specialize, each taking the time to learn a particular area in-depth so they could inform each other.



"Well, y-yes, it, um helps, when you're beginning." She explained, but Buffy tilted her head slightly to the left and scrunched her forehead. Tara began to backpedal immediately, sure that her explanation had sounded arrogant. "But, I m-mean, s-some people keep doing it that w-way their whole…l-lives. It's a p-preference th-thing really." She tried a weak smile, but the Slayer continued to study her, so she finally retreated behind her hair and turned back to that last item: the knife.



Studying its hard lines and the dried blood, she hesitated and even considered asking Buffy to move it to the circle for her. But she would be in direct and intimate contact with its owner very soon.



Might as well get used to it.



"Wil says you're a really powerful witch," Buffy said behind her and she stopped with her hand hovering over the blade. When she turned briefly, hazel eyes were watching her with a thoughtful expression. Tara began to shake her head automatically, but the Slayer continued. "And that you're all, like, big knowledge woman with the Wicca." Tara wanted to say 'no', but there was something in the blonde Slayer's tone that kept her silent. She turned fully, leaning back against the table for support and Buffy averted her gaze looking down at her perfectly sculpted nails. "So you two, you know.... how long?"



And that just brought her back to Willow's emotional exit, to the pain and grief and the fact that she wasn't there comforting the girl who was everything. Not to mention the fact that there wasn't a 'how long'. They hadn't even had a chance at a beginning, thanks to Tara's secrecy.



"You should, um p-probably talk to Willow about this," Tara said quietly trying not to cry.



"Well, that's gonna be pretty difficult since she's not talking to me, like, ever again," the Slayer said with a sad smile.



That was one thing she knew with absolute certainty: Willow Rosenburg would never walk away from her family for good. She just needed time…and space. Fighting evil alongside this petite, unlikely-looking hero was part of who she was, she couldn't deny it any more than Tara could deny her love for the fiery redhead.



"Buffy, she loves you. She's just up…upset and, um, hurt," Tara offered gently. "She'll come back."



"You think?" Buffy looked up with tears in her eyes. "I just don't get how it all…" she shook her head angrily and wiped at her eyes. "God I'm a crappy best friend. I mean, I didn't even know she was…and, hello, girlfriend!" she gestured wildly before collapsing in on herself.



Tara rolled the word around in her mind -- 'girlfriend', Willow's girlfriend -- and felt her eyes begin to burn with grief.



"I don't think I'm her g-girlfriend any…more," she winced and once again withdrew behind the veil of blonde hair.



"Look, Tara, I've been a really bad friend, but I know Willow. She loves you," the Slayer said gently before scrunching her face in a sort of amused grimace. "You know, in a totally different way than she loves me…an in-love sort of way and I'm starting to sound like her, aren't I?"



Nodding, Tara smiled weakly and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. She needed to reign in her emotions before the spell and this conversation was not helping. As much as she wanted to talk to the Slayer about Willow, as much as she wanted to run to Willow, she couldn't.



"This isn't helping is it?" Buffy asked quietly. "With the spell?"



"It w-would be, um, better if we c-cleared our minds. Do you know any m-meditation techniques?" Buffy just nodded and crossed her legs. As she began breathing, Tara found she couldn't stop thinking about what their conversation. About Willow. She knew, without doubt, that Willow would return to the Scoobies and Buffy and she was positive that the redhead wouldn't want her back after her deception. But she needed the Slayer to understand that she would be there for them whenever they needed."I want you to, um, know, Buffy," she began and the Slayer opened her eyes. "That I l-love her… more than anyth-thing and I'll do whatever I c-can to help…to k-keep her safe…even if we're n-not, um, t-together," she said between shuddering breaths and turned her back to the Slayer before a tear could roll down her face.



"Do you think I'd let you anywhere near her if I thought you wouldn't…keep her safe?" Buffy asked gently with a hint of an edge to her voice and Tara wanted to turn to her but found that she couldn't. Wiping roughly at the tears on her cheeks she picked up the blade. And almost dropped it. It was like ice -- a burning terrible cold that sank into her skin.



Somehow, she managed to bring the knife into the circle and set it carefully between them on the worn rug. Buffy quietly studied her every move and she wiped her hands self-consciously on her skirt before kneeling to sit across from the Slayer.



"You feel it?" Buffy asked, her eyes moving to the curved blade between them and Tara nodded. "Still gives me the wiggins," the Slayer said and shuddered with an exaggerated movement of her shoulders. "So, let's do this."



Tara looked down briefly and tried to calm herself. This wasn't a spell, really. There didn't need to be a connection between her and the still terrifying girl sitting across from her. So, there was really no reason to be nervous. Except that this was Willow's best friend and she was counting on Tara…



"Buffy, this m-may not work. Or the, um, inform-mation I get could be, uh, useless…" she began a halting disclaimer only to be stopped by the surprising feeling of the a warm hand on hers.



"It's going to work," she looked up to find hazel eyes holding hers with confidence. "I trust you."



Tara closed her eyes in pain. No one should trust her, but… these people needed her.



Get it together Tara.



One step at a time.



It was her mother's voice and she thought immediately of their long hours in the fields and woods around her house. The years of lessons and practice in craft. Casting was as natural as breathing to her. She could do this for Buffy and Willow. She could do this for herself. Inhaling deeply, Tara opened her eyes to meet the Slayer's.



"Once I begin to, um, make the connection to Faith, anything I say will be her words. Her thoughts," she said calmly and rose briefly to light the four candles. Returning to her position, she noticed that the blonde Slayer's eyes were closed and her breathing was regular and deep -- a meditation exercise. Opening up her own senses a bit, she could feel the Slayer's raw, sharp energy withdrawing.



Smiling, she inhaled deeply and centered herself for the casting, choosing to build the circle internally rather than through ritual and incantation. It was a practice her mother had taught her. Imagining her mother's love and protection, the secure circle of her arms, she extended a circle of protective energy around them and silently asked the goddess for protection. Opening herself in this way, she would need it.



When she felt the circle gel around them, she began the process of connection. Normally, she would simply reach out to the object and use its essence to find the person connected to it, but even in deep meditation she found Willow creeping into her subconscious again and again. Not that it was surprising at all, but she would need the physical connection of the knife and blood to find Faith.



Focusing carefully on the blade, she brought a shaking fingertip to the blood still visible near the hilt. Centering herself, Tara extended her senses to feel it in that other way that went beyond vision and sound, but the knife's ice cut into her with a sharp edge. Breathing deeply, she allowed the fear to wash over and through her. This weapon couldn't harm her. Yes, it had done terrible things, but it was inert, made of metal and wood.



Reaching out with her senses she felt the snap and pull as the connection was made then a jarring series of sensations as she entered Faith's mind. The first thing she felt was the pain: searing, mind-numbing pain that rolled through in waves. And it seemed to come from everywhere at once: her face, mouth, feet and worst of all, her left arm, which seemed to be encased in fire.



Tara breathed deeply, fighting her own fear and instincts for self-preservation letting herself move farther into Faith's psyche. She was hit immediately with the sensation of suffocation and drowning. Gasping for air, she fought to separate herself from the physical and pulled back slightly to the sensation cold metal against her skin. It took her only a moment to understand that Faith had been drugged and was struggling to regain consciousness. It was unlike anything she had experienced before. She had never gone this deeply into someone's psyche and now she found herself split in two. Opening her eyes, she could see Giles' apartment and Buffy, still with her eyes closed, but overlaying that was another world that seemed to emerge and retreat.



Focusing again, she let herself go a little deeper and was struck be a series of violent images: an enormous man with a thick British accent stood above her menacingly and she there was a terrible, wrenching pain in her left arm followed by a sharp sting in her thigh. Then fire as Tara felt her body arch and her teeth grit slightly against the agony of it. Hot hands were holding her down, gripping her arms and legs and the scene shifted to a different vantage. A man towering over her as the blows rained down and Tara raised her arms with Faith to deflect them.



"No Daddy, please!" she felt herself yell with Faith and saw as if from a long distance, Buffy's eyes open wide in surprise.



There was darkness again and she waited for a moment before those eyes opened again and the large Brit was back angry and shouting, his hand coming down in hard strikes against her face.



"I'm so gonna fucking kill you," she felt herself speaking Faith's mind and Buffy's forehead furrowed. The Slayer's calm eyes brought her back to center and she pulled back slowly, trying to see the environment and remove herself from the overwhelming interior of Faith's mind.



A cold metal box, but it looked familiar. Like a van, but not. There were small windows behind the man, but there was only sky beyond them. She could hear a strange sound behind the chatter and the rumble of the van or truck, like a bell or a horn repeating, then the sound of heavy machinery and a voice on an intercom somewhere outside. Another hard blow hit Faith unexpectedly and Tara lurched to the side. That's when she saw them: seagulls spinning in circles in the sky beyond the window.



A hard, ripping pain in her shoulder and Faith went down again, sinking into unconsciousness screaming one name, "Buffy!" Tara screamed with her and the blonde Slayer leapt forward as if to pull the witch back physically. She tried to detach herself, but Faith was holding on so tight.



So tight…



There was still that strange separateness as Buffy shook her and Faith clutched at her desperately and Tara was hit with another series of images that ripped through her in violent flashes finally leaving her breathless with the burning and the tight fist holding on. Concentrating on Buffy's touch, Tara pulled back just enough to feel that her own arms were rigid behind her back as if she were in restraints, her left hand balled in a painful fist around something. Breathing deeply, she brought her left arm up and through the strange dual self, used all of her energy to open that hand. It held something important. Something worth everything to the Dark Slayer.



As her fingers relaxed and opened, she felt Faith's impossibly strong grip slip away taking the pain and anger with her.



Tara studied her own familiar and empty hand for a moment and burst into tears.

[Tempest Duer]

Oooh... Faith's mind is indeed a very scary place, expecially with all of the horrible things that are happening to her. I don't know if I should feel sympathetic towards her or not at this point, but I'm intrigued nonetheless.



And hey, no girl can take my compliments without either blushing madly or getting mad. It's really annoying. But I guess I'm still flattered.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[JustSkipIt]

Wow, you’re updating faster than I can wrap myself around your updates. I read Part 6 (maybe 7?) immediately but between feeling really sad about the events therein and being busy, I didn’t get a chance to update.



Part 6 (or 7?) – Once again, I love the way that Tara’s observation sums up the tone of the scene:

Quote:

---

But it was already too late. This, she realized, was what life was like for the Scoobies. There had been no time to even process one life-altering revelation and she was thrust immediately into another.

---

That’s exactly how I feel too. I just want for Tara to have the chance to explain her ill-fated and perhaps ill-thought out plan to protect Willow. But instead we’ve moved to the revelation that Faith is out of the coma and in WC’s hands. And then Willow’s hurt and anger just multiplies. Now she’s hurt and betrayed by Tara and Buffy and even Giles and Faith and I feel for her. And Xander too although…

Quote:

---

"You slept with Faith," the redhead stated flatly before shutting her eyes, her jaw clenching visibly under the pale skin of her cheek.

---

Canon Willow knew this…



But then as she leave’s Willow’s pain is so palatable. Both because of Buffy and because of Tara and I wanted so badly for Tara to chase after her but I know that’s not where this is going.



And I felt proud of Tara for offering to do the spell. It’s strange Willow and Xander seem to estranged from the others but could this be some universe where Tara, Anya, and Buffy and Faith work together? How strange it sounds. I’m guessing that Buffy’s going to get the knife? Ouch…



Part 8 (I think…) – Wow, how wonderful and powerful. Great the way Tara and Faith’s minds are so merged and the fear and violence of Tara’s life and Faith’s now. And there’s still the emphasis on the lip gloss tube. But it seems that Tara has some clues about where Faith is at least. I love the power of the this part but also the connection between Buffy and Tara. Somehow I feel like so much would be healed if Buffy expressed some of that to Willow… Well done.

---

"I was working on a proof of one of my poems all morning and took out a comma. In the afternoon, I put it back in again." - Oscar Wilde

[Marilda]

Okay, so all these thoughts are running rampant in my head and I can't really straighten them out. Suffice is to say that I think this update was phenomenal. I can't pinpoint the "Why" exactly. Perhaps it's that I finally understood one of the things that has captivated me so much with this series. Don't get me wrong, there are many things. Your sentence structure alone...



Anyway, the thing I figured out is that I enjoy the way you write Tara. Shy, yes. And sweet. But also strong and full of conviction.



It's amazing really. You get her right. We (the fans) have our own perception of her that goes beyond the show. Or rather we form our perception of her out of the hints that the show gave us and the fanfic "cannon," as it were, that has painted Tara as this sort of earth-mother goddess type.



And you got it. You got "our" Tara.



I don't know, I'm probably not making any sense. If I'm not, I apologize. Just, thank you. Thank you for sharing your talent with us and this story. I, for one, am grateful.

[darkmagicwillow]

The continuation of the Scoobie conflict was good, but the amazing part of this piece was the Tara's journey into Faith's psyche. I was wondering what Buffy had of Faith's that she would bring back to Tara and kept thinking of the knife, but also that it couldn't be that because of what it meant. Quite literally, a visceral connection between the two Slayers. Initially Tara seemed like such the wrong person to understand Faith, but as we saw deeper into Faith, into what I presume was her confusing her childhood with her present circumstances, the possibility of a deeper connection between the two emerged. Now the question is whether she learned enough to find Faith from her journey ... I'm eagerly awaiting the next part, and where is Willow by the way?

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

Edited by: darkmagicwillow at: 1/4/04 9:04 pm

[WintersDreamer]

Two fantastic updates back to back....Wow !!!



Faiths desperation,Tara's helplessness and Buffy's determination all came through really well, ...... and I still want to smack Zander. It will be interesting to see how you work out the Zander/Anya details... she doing " proper" helpful thing and *he's* on the outside..... wonder wich way that will push him..... ?



Please update *very* soon !

[WiccanSpud]

AUGHHHHH!!!!



And the anger continues... It's so frustrating when you can't read your friends' minds. I hate that about life...



I know that Mr. Whedon told us to hate Faith (like we're gonna listen to him anyway) but I could never find it in my heart to hate her. She's fun, she has issues and she's straight up and I always felt this pity rather than hate.



I love Tara. There's no other way to say it. Even when she's wallowing in pain and self-doubt, she still has the strength to help others. And hello? Going into Faith's mind? Brave much?



Fantastic fic, update soonish?



-spud

[tinnakaren]

Okay - *takes a deep breath* - after reading this update over and over again I've managed to pick up the pieces of my exploded brain to string together a thought or two.



----------



The first thing I noticed about this update is the reoccurring emphasis (to me, at least) that Tara is amazing - she is my hero. It is so clear to see that she is incredibly uncomfortable with being in the room with the rest of the Scoobies...

Quote:

---

Tara looked up at the door for the thousandth time hoping Willow would miraculously skip through it, but there was no one, not even Buffy who had been gone for at least fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes spent bent over a spell book trying to merge with the furniture as the remaining Scoobies and significant others bickered and planned.

---

...and yet she stays put, because all she wants to do is help. Help Willow - and that means help her friends.



----------

Quote:

---

That lead Tara's thoughts back to her dreams and she was immediately hit with a vivid image of she and Willow wrapped around each other, heat and wet...



"N-no," she stuttered quietly and returned her attention to the spell. Her face was hot with embarrassment and she hid behind a curtain of hair hoping they would let her return to her studies. There was a long, uncomfortable silence and she looked up to find Anya studying her with a smirk.



Oh god, she knows. Please don't say anything, please don't...



"That's right," the Watcher said absently. "I'd forgotten your dreams were all centered on Willow."



That brought a smug smile to the ex-vengeance demon's face as she crossed her arms, but miraculously remained silent. "I, um, y-yes. Just...j-just Willow."

---

For me, the fact that Anya remained smug, yet silent tells me that she already sees a friend in Tara. They bonded over the "ex-demon" issue - Anya coming to the unsurprising but not unlikely rescue, the existence of Tara in Willow's life keeps Wil away from Xander and now she and Tara have lots of sex stuff to discuss...I think Anya is delighted with Tara.



----------

Quote:

---

"That's the understatement of the year," Xander growled. "Look Giles, can't you talk some sense into Buffy? I mean we've got a serious..."



"Yeah Giles, why don't you talk some sense into me?" Buffy's voice cut through the room, surprising everyone.

---

Ouch, that was some seriously bad timing on Xander's part.. tough luck.



----------

Quote:

---

...and noticed an evil-looking blade in the Slayer's hand. But she didn't hold it like a weapon. The Slayer was almost cradling it in her hand, holding it carefully, gently, as if it might break at any moment. Or turn on her.

---

Any chance that this is how Buffy thinks of Faith? The knife is her strongest, (and most morbid) connection to Faith at the moment, next to the dreams.



Or turn on her - four small words, packing quite a punch.



----------

Quote:

---

The Slayer still looked confused, so Tara searched for a quick explanation, but the Watcher again saved her with a proud smile. "Buffy, Tara's going to, well, effectively channel Faith, so she may say things that could prove helpful." He removed his glasses and held her eyes. "It's a very resourceful alternative, not necessarily as reliable."

---

I love how Giles trusts Tara. He's always been, well, rather discouraged with Willow's venture to the black arts, but he seems to trust Tara explicitly - and with magic, he definitely should. She is the big knowledge woman after all



----------

Quote:

---

She tried a weak smile, but the Slayer continued to study her, so she finally retreated behind her hair...

---

*Sigh*



----------



Buffy and Tara's talk about Willow was very important. Maybe not appropriate at that exact moment in time, but important. They both love Willow so much (in totally different way, thankfully) and they both need her - she's an essential part in their lives - and they both think they've lost her, and both are reassuring the other that Willow loves them and will come back - that she just needs time. (could I use "both" any more in this sentence?). The whole conversation was very sad.



----------



And finally, Tara's foray into Faith's mind was a powerful reading. It's hard to put into words your reaction to reading it...wow comes to mind.

Quote:

---

Breathing deeply, she brought her left arm up and through the strange dual self, used all of her energy to open that hand. It held something important. Something worth everything to the Dark Slayer.



As her fingers relaxed and opened, she felt Faith's impossibly strong grip slip away taking the pain and anger with her.



Tara studied her own familiar and empty hand for a moment and burst into tears.

---

Again, I say wow.



When Tara was able to open her fist, was Faith allowing her to see what was in her hand, her last hope - her only connection to Buffy? Or were the Council's wet works finally able to pry it out of her hands?

--------------------------

Tinna Karen

-tölvunörd í fyrsta ættlið

[Puff]

Wow. You know what you are incredibly good at in this update (and well all of them for that matter) is make us care about everyone. We have Xander who is being a jackass basically but you know deep down we can't really blame him because he does have a little point. Faith didn't really make the best impression on him and Buffy is sharing her thoughts or dreams, she just expects him to follow what she says.



We have Anya who finally knows when to be silent. And that silence speaks volumes as to what she thinks of Tara. Something I really wanted the show to do was show Tara's connections to the rest of the scooby gang and it's nice to see the formation of that here.



Giles bless him. Knows just what to say, do and when to wipe his glasses.



Buffy. What I love here is that Buffy is always strong right? No. Here we get to see her weakness, her trembling and tears and she's more human. I love how she wanted to talk about Willow with Tara. And as a slayer it must of been hard for her to sit there and let Tara do the spell when really she can't help or interfer.



Tara. Well what to say about Tara? She's amazing. Her willingness to sit in the room, when really she wants to go after Willow. And just sitting there among that many people some of whom are arguing must go against her nature, yet she does it.



The journey into Faith's mind was just wow. It was a scary and painful place to be and I hope that it was useful and that they can work out where Faith is so she can be rescued.



Thanks for the update, nice to see the writers black has gone. I do believe that's the most feedback I have ever typed.

---

So, the day started and I knew my name and had my pants on. So far, so good. Yay.
Amber Benson

[snuggle79]

hey!



I know it's a bit late, but: Happy new year to you!

Exciting much!

A lot of dark things happening in Faith's mind.

I was surprised about Buffy's knowledge/suspections about Tara & Willow.

Anya's reaction about Tara's blushing was quite interesting too, lol.

I was just kinda irritated about Xander's way to react in that moment. hmm.



Great update!

snuggle79

This is how everyday should end and start ..and all the stuff in the middle

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

[lipkandy]

crikey! you generous kittens make me



tempest duer yes, Faith's mind is a very scary place, but not for the reasons ME would have us believe (that she's an evil, back-stabbing...). and you should feel however you want about her at this point. and I'm not mad at your compliment so...that's better right?



allykat hey! glad you're of the like...or liking. and I thought it was about time Tara and Buffy connected. the fact that we had to wait until S6 and a conversation about Spuffy to see this sort of interaction made me fume. as if the two most important people in Willow's life wouldn't talk. or if they didn't, that could be an interesting story too.



justskipit howdy! I know, I felt sort of bad for Tara, this is definitely a trial by fire for her as far as Scooby reality, but...I knew she'd handle it with grace.

Quote:

---

Great the way Tara and Faith’s minds are so merged and the fear and violence of Tara’s life and Faith’s now....Somehow I feel like so much would be healed if Buffy expressed some of that to Willow… Well done.

---

I always felt like Tara was a perfect sort of middleman for the Scoobies and that could have been extended so easily. she expresses the pain and fear that Faith can't, the love (platonic) for Willow that Buffy can't voice. of course, that could eventually put her in an unpleasant position...



Marilda your post made me smile. you pinpointed one of the reasons I have so much trouble leaving feedback at times -- because when a writer gets it right you just know it and it's not always something you can express or point to a line and say "right there, that's my Willow" or Tara.

Quote:

---

And you got it. You got "our" Tara.

---

that makes me VERY happy. that makes it all worth it.



wintersdreamer we all want to smack Xander from time to time don't we?? and I wouldn't be to sure about Anya's motivations. her ideas about friendship and her motivations are always a little skewed. and the back-to-back updates...not only cleared the writer's block, but I'm out of town for a week (I know, I dread reading those words from fic writers I'm following), so I wanted to get something in before I leave.



darkmagicwillow hey. I'm glad the Tara/Faith experiment worked. It's always a bit tricky merging two people in fic, making sure to keep their identities separate and intact.

Quote:

---

Initially Tara seemed like such the wrong person to understand Faith, but as we saw deeper into Faith, into what I presume was her confusing her childhood with her present circumstances, the possibility of a deeper connection between the two emerged.

---

It's funny, but I've always seen these two (F/T)as flipsides of the same coin, much like B and T were set up in S3. they both had terrible childhoods (okay, I know Faith's is just conjecture, but there were hints) and responded to them in completely different ways, which I find sort of fascinating.

and where is Willow? *looking under desk, behind filing cabinet* actually, I had an entire scene written for her, but it didn't fit with the narrative. I can't explain, but...as much as the other stories were Willow's this one is Tara's I guess.



wiccanspud I know how you feel about the reading minds thing. I think that's why I always end up writing in third person limited...because I don't want to reveal the other characters' thoughts. and I love what you said about Faith. ME tried desperately to make her a bad character and I have to give Eliza props for giving her a depth I don't think the writers ever intended. and Tara rocks! I think she's the real brave little toaster. you know, you expect her to crumble, but she's so much worse than demons and vampires.



tinnakaren holy wow! yeah, I love Tara as this paralyzingly shy girl who's the real strength in the room.

Quote:

---

For me, the fact that Anya remained smug, yet silent tells me that she already sees a friend in Tara. They bonded over the "ex-demon" issue - Anya coming to the unsurprising but not unlikely rescue, the existence of Tara in Willow's life keeps Wil away from Xander and now she and Tara have lots of sex stuff to discuss...I think Anya is delighted with Tara.

---

so astute. sometimes I wish I could spend chapters on these two and their weird connection, but...it's all about W/T. as far as Buffy and Faith, there's always been a huge disconnect. I think...well, it'll become clearer as the fic moves on, but I've always felt that Faith was so alien to Buffy, so completely out of the scope of her experience that she was just kind of overwhelmed by the Dark Slayer.

Quote:

---

When Tara was able to open her fist, was Faith allowing her to see what was in her hand, her last hope - her only connection to Buffy? Or were the Council's wet works finally able to pry it out of her hands?

---

*evil grin* we'll see.



puff phew! it's been a real balancing act trying to keep the tension cranked up without demonizing anyone (except Riley of course). because they are all right and wrong.

and Buffy showing some weakness in front of Tara just seemed sort of right. plus, she knows Willow's opinion of Tara's abilities, which would be good enough for the Slayer.

Quote:

---

Tara. Well what to say about Tara? She's amazing. Her willingness to sit in the room, when really she wants to go after Willow. And just sitting there among that many people some of whom are arguing must go against her nature, yet she does it.

---

exactly! this is the Tara I love. she would never have kept her demon roots a secret from Willow and she will do whatever she can for the redhead no matter how painful. thanks for the long post.





and thanks everyone for reading and writing and rocking!!



xomel

[darkmagicwillow]

---

where is Willow? *looking under desk, behind filing cabinet*

---

There she is! Under the couch! ... Oh wait, that's my cat, but the red Christmas scarf is easy to confuse with Willow's red hair... (-;

---

It's funny, but I've always seen these two (F/T)as flipsides of the same coin

---

I think you're right; I just hadn't thought much about the two of them at the same time since they're mostly in separate seasons of the show.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



What I would comment on has already been covered by more astute Kittens so I will simply sit here and look stunned because of the wonderful plotting and character development you've crafted in this story. I knew this wasn't going to be an easy ride, but the sweeping inner vistas of W&T and the Scoobies makes it worth it.



Thank you,



Jixer