Ok, kittens. Here it is. Hope you like it.
Extra thanks to db for the beta'ing and everything.
All disclaimers apply.
*********************************************************************************************************
Part 15
Tara opened the door to her apartment and walked in, turning around only when she realized Willow wasn’t behind her. The redhead stood nervously in the doorway holding Tara’s bag on one hand and her own backpack on the other.
“Willow?” Tara asked. “What are you doing standing there? Come in.”
“Thanks. Where do you want me to put this?” Willow asked, lifting the bag for Tara to see.
“You can l-leave it by the table. Can I get you anything to drink? I, um. I have this delicious Cuban coffee. I could brew some if you want? That is, if you still drink coffee?” Tara stood, waiting for Willow’s answer.
Willow shrugged as she smiled. “Some things never change,” she whispered, tucking her hands in her back pockets.
“Well, since we don’t really know each other anymore, I had to ask,” Tara half-smiled, the tinge of sarcasm evident in her voice.
Willow rolled her eyes and both women giggled, feeling some of the tension evaporate.
“Actually,” Willow replied while looking for something in her backpack. “I brought you some herbal tea. It’s supposed to help your stomach settle. You shouldn’t be drinking coffee yet, anyway.” Willow handed Tara the small canister to Tara.
“Thanks, W-will,” Tara looked at the canister before opening and bringing it close to her nose. “Smells wonderful. What do you say we try it?” Willow just smiled and nodded.
“I’ll put the kettle on and then I can give you a tour of the place, OK?” Tara said, disappearing into the kitchen. Willow decided to take a seat in the sofa, in attempt to calm herself down.
‘You’re doing fine, Rosenberg. Doing fine,' she thought. After a few minutes spent looking at what seemed to be a renaissance art book, an image caught her attention. Willow squinted, focusing on the picture frame resting on the coffee table before her. She leaned forward to get a closer view and gasped at the sight of the picture taken so long ago.
Tara had been about to ask Willow to join her when she realized what the redhead was doing. She lifted her right hand to her lips, nervously waiting for Willow’s reaction. The sight of the disturbed redhead made Tara’s heart sink as she approached the couch.
“Will?” she called.
Tara saw the redhead slowly turn towards the voice, her green eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
A lump rose in Tara's throat as she realized that this was it. It was time. Tara looked into Willow's tear filled eyes, “I think that m-maybe we should s-skip the tour for now. L-let’s go get that cup of tea so we can t-talk, OK?”
Willow nodded. A few minutes later both women were facing each other across the kitchen table. Their heads were bowed down, unable to look at the other. Tara's attempt was met by Willow's broken voice.
"Willow, I,"
"Listen, Tara,"
They both paused before lifting their heads and holding each other's gaze. Finally Tara motioned for Willow to continue. The redhead sighed heavily before looking up to the ceiling, clearly struggling to find the words to convey her feelings. After nine years there was only one thing she needed to know, only one answer to slay the demons that haunted her dreams at night, only one last truth before she could be able to completely move on.
“Why did you leave?”
****************************************************************************************************************
“She apologized, Lindsay. For neglecting me, for taking me for granted... for abusing my trust.” Tara gaze drifted as she remembered Willow’s words. “She wanted to know if I’d forgiven her.”
“Well, have you?” Lindsay asked, curious, as she moved to sit by the blonde on the bed.
Tara looked up. "What do you think?" She replied, rolling her eyes.
"I was just wondering! Geez, Tara! Did she forgive
you?"
The blonde took a few seconds to collect her thoughts.
"Tara?"
"She said it wasn't relevant after all these years." Tara turned her back to her friend, to lay on her side.
"What??" Lindsay squeaked. "What else did she say?"
"Not much, L. She wanted to know what happened." Tara replied, her brow furrowed. "I really don’t understand.” Tara shrugged, deep in thought.
"Did you tell her?"
"Of course I did, Lindsay. She wanted an explanation. And she deserved one." Tara suddenly sat up, letting out an exasperated sigh.
"All of it?" Lindsay raised her eyebrow, questioningly.
Tara looked down. "She doesn't know I went back while she was sick. Looks like Giles kept his promise after all. I didn't have the heart to tell her I saw him and Dawn before leaving." She looked back up. "They're her family, L. I don't want to cause her any more pain than I already have."
Lindsay sat up from the bed and started pacing back and forth. "I don't get it." Suddenly she stopped. "To be honest, Tara, where do you think you're going with all this? You had your chance to tell her everything, to get a fresh start, a chance you've been running away from and craving at the same time for years! Why are you still keeping things from her?! When will this all end?" She turned to Tara, confused.
Lindsay looked straight into Tara's eyes. "You know I love you Tara, but I'm sorry. If it had been me, I would have been pretty mad at you."
"You think I don't know that? I'd feel the same way! But she just stood there looking out the window. I..." Tara paused, as if trying to understand Willow's reaction. "...I expected her to yell at me, to be angry, you know? After all, I failed her." She sighed, "But she just looked out the window. Almost as if s-she d-d-d-didn't care."
"Maybe she doesn't." Lindsay blurted out, searching Tara's eyes.
"What!?" Tara replied, on the verge of tears.
"Maybe she really doesn't care. For Christ's sake Tara, it's been nine years! Just because you haven't been able to move on doesn't mean she hasn't."
Tara was frozen in place by her friend's words. "You know that's not true. I have moved on. You of all people should know that."
Lindsay met Tara's statement with a raised eyebrow. She walked around the bed to sit next to the blonde and took her hand in hers. "Sweetie, I love you, you know that. You're a kind, smart and talented woman, but you're not very good at lying. It shows, you know, in your eyes. You're... transparent."
"But I did love you!"
"I know, honey. But you were never
in love with me."
Tara tried to protest but was silenced by Lindsay's raised hand in front of her.
"It's ok. I knew you'd never love me the way you loved her. At the time it was enough," Lindsay sighed. "I guess that what I'm trying to say is that you didn't fool me. Don't try to fool yourself, ok?" She gave Tara's hand a gentle squeeze that conveyed the love she had for the blonde.
Tara brought Lindsay's hands to her lips and kissed them. "I'm sorry, L. I-I never meant to hurt you."
"It's OK, sweetie. I'm happy with the way things turned out in the end. You're too precious, and I need you in my life." She smiled.
**************************************************************************
Willow rang the bell and waited patiently by the door of her former home. She was greeted by a confused Buffy who quickly enveloped her in a tight hug.
"Why didn't you use your key, Will? You didn't lose it, did you? Come on in." Buffy took Willow's bag while pulling the redhead inside and closing the door after her.
An hour later they were gathered around the coffee table.
"...and she changed her name? To Anderson? Matrix-y much?" Xander asked through a mouthful of pizza.
"Xander, grow up." An exasperated Buffy replied. "Why did she do that, Will?"
"She said she didn't want to be found. She must have been so sickened after what I did to her..."
"Will," Xander tried to protest, only to be silenced by Buffy's hand on his arm. They shared a knowing look and Xander finally nodded, letting his friend continue.
Willow gave him a little smile. "I guess she just had to get away from it all," she sighed, "all those years trying to find her, looking everywhere for her, and she was just around the corner, so to speak." She looked up. "It's OK, Xan. I'm a little shaken up, I'll admit it, but I'm fine." She smiled warmly at her oldest friend.
"You know, Will?" Buffy spoke up. "I can totally understand she wasn't ready to get back together with you. I can even agree with her. What I can't understand, for the life of me, is how she could disappear like that. It's like one minute you're all with the hot, gay, witchy lovin'..." Willow's brow shot up to her hairline "...and the next she's leaving SunnyD forever with no trace behind?" Buffy scratched her head.
Willow looked down, as if trying to gather her thoughts. "She said she was embarrassed and felt guilty. To be honest, Buffy, I don't think she told me everything. We may not know each other anymore but I know the look in her eyes when she's keeping something..." she ran her fingers through her shoulder-length hair. "It doesn't make a difference. Bottom line is she left and never looked back. She must have had a pretty powerful reason for it, even if she doesn't wanna talk about it."
"Well, I'm glad," the petite blonde replied. "This way you can put this all behind you and carry on with your life."
"Buffy..." Xander warned.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "What? You of all people can't blame me for it, you know what she did to Willow. How can you still defend her?" Buffy snapped.
"I'm not defending her! All I'm saying is that kind of comment is pointless right now and doesn't really help Willow."
"Xander, Buffy! I'm right here! Geez!" an exasperated redhead retorted, waving her hands in the air.
"Sorry, Will," Xander smiled sheepishly, embarrassment evident in his deep brown eyes.
"I don't know how you do it, Willow. You're so calm, I would have totally freaked out." Buffy sat back, resting her boot-clad feet on the coffee table by the empty pizza boxes.
"I had no idea it was going to be this way, either. I was at her place, talking to her... I. I never thought I'd see her again, let alone find her laying on my operating table!" Willow calmly took a sip from her can. "It's so surreal, guys. You have no idea how weird this all feels. But yeah, I know what you mean. I was sitting there, in her apartment, looking at the art on her living room walls and I saw an old picture of us and Miss Kitty and it all kinda came back to me. I looked in her eyes and thought I'd break up in sobs any minute. But I didn't. Suddenly I felt like this life that once belonged to me was a past life or something. I felt...numb."
Willow stopped suddenly, as if deep in thought. "Ever since I met her I always felt something for her. Admiration, pride, love, hurt, guilt, anger..." Willow struggled to still her quivering lip and sighed again. "And in that room, five feet away from her, I couldn't bring myself to feel a thing."
Buffy turned to envelop Willow in a tight, comforting hug. Xander stood next to the upset redhead and squeezed her shoulder as he bent down to kiss her temple. He threw his arms around his best friends as he felt Willow's tears wetting his shirt.
"It'll be alright, Will. You needed this, and we're here for you. We love you," he kept repeating in her ear.
Willow got out of the embrace, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. She smiled through watery eyes again. "I know, Xander. I love you too, guys." She straightened her clothes. "I think I'm gonna head upstairs and take a nap, ok? I've had a rough few days and I could use the rest." She stifled a yawn.
"Sure thing, Will. Go catch up on some Zzzs." Buffy said as she started clearing up the coffee table.
A few seconds later they heard the door to Willow's room close. Buffy and Xander shared a knowing look.
TBC...
please oh please don,t leave me hanging anymore 
. I can't wait til the making up part begins even though it may take healing time, I know it will all be worth it in the end.
Come on Karinna. I miss you. 
Akyire
) and stay there for nine years. 
I need a security blanket. Or an update. Either one. Still loving this!
I’ll try to answer your questions in the upcoming updates, I promise. But 9 years of celibacy? Not likely. No way. 
hello there, hottie 
please
Update...Update...YAY for the Update 
Oh wait a minute or are they? No they wont find their way back will they. They have to start a new to be together dont they? You are brilliant you know that? I can feel a new journey for our girls. Yeah the old tara and willow may still be bits and parts of them but they are so not the same people we want and need for them to be. This is a good thing though some of the kitties might not see it yet. So now you have me all happy with the thougts of what is to come for our girls(oops 