my scribbles (poems and fics)

[mollyig]

NEED



Greedy green glows, needy blue blazes

then hungry hands shout their demands.



Yearning, burning further the pulsing passion.



Mouths meekly moan, weakly whimpering want.

Tongues tantalise, tease with a sensuous ease.



Bodies melt - mercurial, volcanic.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[Drakkenfyre]

Well my goodness Marion. That must have been an interesting bus ride. . This is quite a little poem you got here. The images are so incredibly strong. *fans self* I must say sweetie, this is quite a departure from what you usually post. I like it. I loved this: Bodies melt - mercurial, volcanic. *fans self again* Yep, that is...well...I seem to have lost my words. I will have to get back with you when I can function better. Loved it sweetie!!

The Lady Dragon

I am the dragon that hides from the sun and flies in the moonlight.

[Urn of Osiris]

I'm with The Lady Dragon on this one. OMG what bus were you on.



You use so few words to exhibit such passion. Brilliant as always.



STAY on the bus. I'm thinking you should never get a car

Urn of Osiris
_________________**

"Anyone else waiting for it to go
'poof'? Maybe we can cover it with flowers." Willow...Hells Bells

[bulldog tidnab]

Gah... that was... well... wow. um, yeah. for the love of all that is good, STAY ON THE BUS!

Wonderful imagery here. You have taken some amazing words and made them an explosion of passion. Lovely.



*woof*

I will go put some clothes on, ok.




Oh sweet Cheez-Its yes!

[Tulipp]

Oh, I missed this one, oops!



I have to agree...it must be some bus ride.



I like the way the imagery of flame works throughout this; although of course the fire is a metaphor the whole way through, it's almost as if it starts out as figurative (with eyes blazing, etc.) and then becomes more literal toward the end, until it is "mercurial."



Passion as burning....it's still a metaphor, but again, it's as if that expression becomes literal in the end. Cool. (Or hot!)

***************

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland"

[ninjitsugrrl]

Lovely poem! Nearly made me blush just reading it. Between you and Drakkenfyre, the Kitten is becoming overun with sexy poems and I love it!

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz


My Homepage

[barnabasvamp]

mollyig;

I truly enjoy the expressiveness of self in poetry, and For some reason I had missed yours, until now.

All so wonderful, but the most recent one touched me.



I don't see it as dark stuff, just as dealing with feelings. It could be interpreted in many ways, that's what is so good about it. The weakening of the shared blanket, perhaps a hint that the overwhelming feelings are weakening.

Thanks for sharing, BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[Drakkenfyre]

Dear Lord, woman!!! Please let me on that bus!! I promise to be a very quiet dragon. . I really loved your last poem. Back to the dark stuff? You know, I really didn't find it all that dark. I found it more to be a study in realistic emotions. Those we feel deep down but do not show. Wonderful job, love. Wonderful!!



The Lady Dragon

I am the dragon that hides from the sun and flies in the moonlight.

[Urn of Osiris]

Wow!



Not sure what to say to that one. Painful and raw.



Wondering if I should thank you or hug you, perhaps both.

Urn of Osiris

__________________**
Anyone else waiting for it to go poof? My thoughts on S7

[tiredsoul]

Whoa! That was intense.

Quote:

---

brutal breaths

ripped from stripped lungs,

gripping the grief-heavy heart

weighted carefully, locked securely.

---

Startling imagery. Very impressive.



I'm stuck on Wow.



--celia

---------------------------------

"That was just rude. Now I forget what I was saying."

[ninjitsugrrl]

Good to see a new poem from you!

Wow, very powerful emotion in this poem! I really like the lines, "brutal breaths/ ripped from stripped lungs".

May we have some more, please?

"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Lucy in "Peanuts" by Charles Schultz




My Homepage

[Tulipp]

Have I mentioned, Molly, how much I like it when you write these longer poems?



This is wonderful. I don't mean to get carried away with analysis or even over-reading, but I'm a sucker for those internal rhymes. In this case, I see that the short lines, every single one of which is centered around either an alliteration or a rhyme, have the job not only of telling a story but also of calling to mind the beating heart you're talking about.



There's a thump-thump, a heartbeat, in every line.



And then, just when I think that this rhythm will stay with me throughout the poem...it changes with the last line of the second stanza, which doesn't quite rhyme or alliterate, and I see that the line itself is kind of locking away the heartbeat, weighing down the rhyme.



The rhyme/alliteration comes back a bit in the third stanza, the heart exerting itself but not quite as strongly as before, and then--as the poem TELLS me that the heart does not beat as strongly, the last line of the poem SHOWS me that by including no alliteration (unless you count will/live) and no rhyme. The heart has stopped.



That's a triumph.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland

Edited by: Tulipp at: 12/3/02 4:41:52 pm

[darkmagicwillow]

I think Tulipp's already said it better than I can, but I love the painfully vivid raw images of this poem and how you emphasize them with your inventive uses of alliteration and rhyme. The former really gets me--I rarely see it used this well. I will have to go back and read your earlier works.

--

"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[TheWhiz]

Wow- dark, painful and intense. Great imagery and wonderful use of alliteration (or as you corrected me before ally!)

[RalSt31]

Hi,



I just found this thread and have eagerly been devouring your poems and stories.



What can I say about the poems but WOW! At turns heartwrenching, erotic, romantic and sweet, and with the colours symbolism to give them the appearance of a collective whole... I don't usually read poetry but I'll definitely be waiting to read your next.



As for your post-Wrecked stories, I loved seeing things from both Willow and Tara's perspectives - with the anger, uncertainty and fear of lost love. Gráinne was an interesting character, who I'd love to see more of... speaking of more, any chance you might consider writing a sequel to these two stories?



I will admit to never having heard of the Indigo Girls song in your other story (stupid music-illiterate person that I am), but I love the image of them riding off together and Willow's reaction to Tara's vocabulary. Lovely story.



RalSt

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-



The poetry is powerful and wrenching in it's dark phases. In the lighter phases it is powerful and wenching.



The stories reveal more layers with each reading. Great. Another fanfic string to keep up on.



Thank you for these gems,



Jixer

[barnabasvamp]

Such internal turmoil......

So awesomely expressed.

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

[BoredNow99]

Oh Moll, I love this one...and I'm with Juli, the longer the better in my book



You do alliteration so well, and you've utilised it to the maximum in this one. There are so many repetitions of harsh sounds, you really seem to be punching this one home to the reader. The brutality and the heartache really come across because of that.



But then there's the almost plaintive tone of "lone, bone-weary body". It's a great contrast.



Really wonderful stuff.

I'll be quiet now

[mollyig]

Urn of Osiris Thanks for reading. Definitely painful and raw. Could have done with a hug after writing it!



celia intense eh? I'm stuck on wow now too! Thanks.



ninjitsugrrl Thanks for letting me know what line you liked. Always helpful.



Juli I had written the first two verses and was half tempted to leave it, but I remember you saying previously that continuing is extending the flow for the reader, so I did so. Thank you for your advice. Your insight into what I write is also invaluable. I had started with the image of the self hate being a creature in itself, hence the pulsing, so I'm really pleased you identified the rhythm as that of a heart. Thanks so much.



Hiya darkmagicwillow, thanks very much for your kind words. I especially like that you thought the images to be "vivid".



TheWhiz haven't seen you around for a while so hi and thanks!



Hi Rachel fair play to you for reading all my scribbles. I'm pleased you liked them. Have to admit that I'm more comfortable with the poems generally, but the ideas for the stories I wrote just wouldn't get out of my head! Thank you.



Hello jixer. Thanks so much. gems? I really like that.



barnabasvamp Thank you kindly.



Emma brutality and heartache? Ah you know me so well! Seriously, "plaintive" was a great word to describe that line you quoted, and it is exactly what I had hoped for, so thank you lots.

---

I happen to think mine is the level head,
and yours is the one things would roll off of.

[Tulipp]

Ooh, someone listened to me!



Seriously, I sometimes think I should pack my academic tendencies into a little bag and throw them away before I come onto Pens, but I do'nt want to because what I find here is generally so rich.



Your short poems are always great, but I think that when you do the longer ones, the images take on a life of their own and just grow....it's not just the length and the additional words that simply give you more room; it's also the fact that the extended size and shape of a longer poem give you another dimension to work with, so that the stanzas themselves start creating meaning.



So, more long ones!

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland

[mollyig]

Hiya Juli,



Well, my Mother always taught me to take heed of sage advice, so naturally I listened to you.



Your observations are always so constructive and I often have better insight into what I've written after reading your feedback. Have made a note to self to try write longer poems!



Thanks again.

---

I happen to think mine is the level head,
and yours is the one things would roll off of.

[maudmac]

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I have often been adrift, but I have always stayed afloat.    --  David Berry,  The Whales of August