Notes - Ok, this is the first fic I have ever done, ever and I can't stress that enough. So any feedback is appreciated or you could just tell me to stop writing and go back to cheering . Its set about 2 years in the future and so definitely AU. This is a short chapter as well.
Spoiler Warning - It has some spoilers up to Normal Again.
Disclaimer - All characters, names etc belong to ME. I am just borrowing them for this short while in order to make them do what I want for a change instead of waiting to see what happens every Tuesday .
Rating - G for Ch. 1 (anyone want to help with writing the more interesting parts (*cough, smut, cough*, e-mail me). Also probably in need of a beta reader as well.
Angst Factor - on a scale of 1 to 5 this is about a 5 I guess.
Title : For All your Good Intentions (may change in the future)
Chapter 1
Dichotomy now that is an interesting word, Tara thought to herself as she flipped through one of Willow's discarded issues of Nature.
Tara loved words, she loved the ability to use them, to convey her thoughts and feeling to her loved ones was a gift, and something she cherished so much. More so now, especially, after what Glory had done to her mind two summers ago. Not that she did not like showing Willow her love often (and sometimes in public) but sometimes, just talking and saying words like forever, devotion and ardor helped convey fully and irrevocably all the visceral feelings that Willow invoked in her..
The past two years had not been easy, to say the least. She remembered the dark days of her break-up with Willow. She relived the bloody showdown with the geek squad that wanted to take over Sunnydale. She could still picture Willow then, and all the things, all the bad things that had transpired. The dichotomy of situation, of being placed in so much danger by three bored boys. Boys who collected action figures and who initially still lived with their moms in their white picket fenced houses. The dichotomy of Willow, of seeing her try so hard to fight the magic addiction and of seeing her not fight the outcome of the battle but embrace what happened.
"Sometimes, life just isn't fair, tara-girl" she mumbled to herself. She knew she should start to get ready when she looked at her watch. Giles definitely needed to be picked up from the airport but with the sticker on the car, they were guaranteed a good parking spot anyway so she went back to her dark musings.
Willow loved to refer to them as 'Tara thoughts'. She would proclaim rather loudly "Oh, Tara Thoughts alert, paging Doctor Rosenberg, paging Doctor Rosenberg, patient in need of some chocolate, cookies and love in order to prevent patient from too much introspection". Despite her own problems, Willow would then proceed to spend the entire day distracting Tara, not with spells for that was in the past. But with love and caresses and picnics in the park and trips to the zoo. Anything and everything to make her girl happy.
It was also amazing that both their thoughts were still in sync after all that had transpired.
"Hi, baby, I know we can park right in front of the airport and all that but we should still be leaving soon. I think Buffy and Dawn are ready and I can't wait to see Giles expression when I start to do wheelies in front of him". Willow said cheerily as she slowly wheeled herself into the living room . Due to her excitement in showing off her new talent, Willow missed Tara's downcast expression as she proceeded performed four well executed wheelies in quick succession.
Shaking herself out of her sad reverie, Tara called out " Dawn, Buffy, we'll be in the car, we should leave soon, Giles plane will be landing in forty-five minutes". With that, she stood behind Willow and lovingly wheeled her over the front door stoop and towards the driveway.
Chapter 2
"Entropy" Anya proclaimed loudly "E-N-T-R-O-P-Y, that's using all my tiles so I get 50 extra points and counting fact that I placed my word on two red triple word squares, I can triple my score twice so I win as you have only manage all those two letter words. Perhaps, now can we play something with money in it, like Monopoly or the game of life".
"An, honey, we should go soon, Buffy,Tara, Willow and Dawn are expecting us at the airport in half an hour " Xander replied while trying to surreptitiously remove the word Demon that he had just inadvertently spelled out on the board, right next to the word bride, that Anya had made. Definitely not a good idea to touch those topics with his ex-demon, ex-fiancée, current undefined friend of the girl persuasion.
"I can't wait for Giles to come back though, things can finally return to normal or as normal as one can get, you know, with living on the hellmouth, being friends with the slayer and having your best friend shot and spending the rest of her life in a wheelchair. Though I’m still not a hundred percent sure why we insisted he come back" Xander finished lamely.
"Well, we need to do something" Anya interjected " I mean Tara is all broody and sad all the time. Much like how I pictured Angel being, if I had known him better and if he was female and lesbian and sleeping with Willow and don’t even get me started on Willow. I mean she’s just too miss psycho cheerful pep squad like, that is just not normal. Did you know she actually volunteered to help me get over my bunny fear? Xander! , she wanted me to embrace it and work my way through it. She gave me bugs bunny slippers for god's sake, no good can come out of rabbit feet or rabbits, they're furry and evil and hoppity and……"
"She just has a different view of life now, honey. And as for Tara, I guess she just feels sad for Willow and Willow is just trying to be happy for the both of them and get on with their lives and so again I ask for those of us who sit in the back and not pay attention, why did we convince Giles to come back? " Xander calmly asked, trying to bring Anya back from her view of rabbit hell and into Sunnydale.
“Well, I know Giles left and then came back when we brought Buffy back, then he left again, then came back when Buffy and Willow were in the hospital, then he left. I mean, if I wasn’t afraid that he would take away the shop every time he came back, I would have a hard time keeping track of his comings and goings much less caring but since Joyce died and he is the closest parental unit we have, he is the perfect candidate to help stop entropy from happening” Anya finished proudly.
"Huh?, how did we get from scrabble word to not really making sense here?” Sometimes, Xander just could not follow Anya's train of thought. However, he learnt the hard way, to never to ignore her observations as although they were sometimes weird and most definitely oblique, they always had a kernel of truth and clarity to them.
“Well you don’t have to be a thousand year old ex demon to see that Willow is hiding everything on the inside and being really happiness and puppy dogs on the outside on account of trying to not make Tara feel guilty."
"But, Tara should not feel guilty and Willow wouldn't want her…" Xander cut in but was stopped by Anya's look of utter disbelief.
"Xander, of course she shouldn't feel guilty and Willow wouldn't want her too either but knowing and feeling are two different things. Tara knows she didn’t cause Willow's paralysis and Willow thinks Tara knows that. She thinks that Tara’s sad because she’s in a wheelchair and she just doesn’t get that Tara feels responsible for it. ” Anya sighed and continued, "So Willow thinks all she has to do is act happy and show Tara that she’s ok in the chair and then everything will be alright. So she just hides all the sadness and pain, as Tara seems to have enough for the both of them. Humans, never learn. I mean all this knowing and acting and hiding, all this just leads to pent up feelings and emotions that can rapidly move towards a chaotic disordered state. One in which Willow wants to make me like bunnies. That’s entropy” Anya finished proudly.
"So you really were paying attention in high school science class and not just thinking of ways to get your amulet back" Xander stated in wonder “That’s why, you actually spent your hard earned money calling Giles and convincing him to come back, isn’t it. You think Giles can make our two love wiccans stop with the penty-up feelings and go with the feeling up-panties. Wow, smart girls are so hot”
“Well, I don’t think Giles is going to give them orgasmic advice but he did say he had an idea as to how to get them to open up more and to get Willow to stop distracting my productive money earning time with love the bunny speeches. And for your information, I was only failing math in high school and that was on account that they never used money in any of the examples. I would have aced it if all the x's in calculus was profit, I mean money should be the root of all algebra, shouldn't it. Now let's go, I want to stop by the Magic Box on the way so that I can pick up the ledger and show Giles how good I have been in taking care of our money"
Never were truer words spoken and Xander wondered for the umpteenth time how he had been so stupid as to let her go. Yes, he admitted to himself, he was a stupid, stupid man. But he had time and patience to make up for that and by the great ho ho God of all things good and chocolaty, he was determine to make things right. With that final thought, he helped Anya on with her coat and ushered her to the door knowing that with any luck, they would be able to stop by the shop and still beat Buffy to the airport.
"Yes, dear, money math would have made more sense. And if I haven’t told you yet today , you look beautiful and you have a big kind, heart and thanks for doing this .” he finished with a kiss to her forehead.
Anya just smiled and accepted the compliment gracefully. She knew he was trying and before, those words would have got her heart racing and her knees weak and would probably have resulted in her pulling him into the nearest closet or alley. But that was before. Before, she had truly felt the ache of a broken heart. He was a good man though, and he loved his friends and he was beginning to really see who see was beyond the lustful thoughts and money comments. He was beginning to realize what he had given up. Maybe Giles’s return would also help him clear up his last vestiges of doubts and finally allow them to once again travel their life journey together. But she herself still had doubts, seeing that true love unions like Willow and Tara’s were in need of help now despite surviving hell gods and spells, where did that leave her and Xander . With those thoughts swirling in her mind, she silently vowed to help Giles as much as possible and get those crazy lovebird wiccans working things out even if she had to tie Tara to Willow's chair and lock them in the room. She needed them to be her beacon of hope, to prove true love did indeed conquer all.
Chapter 3a
"Attention," the speaker above Buffy came to life "Attention ladies and Gentlemen, we are sorry for the delay of United Airlines Flight 20 from Los Angeles. It will be landing shortly and we do hope we have not severely inconvenienced you or you loved ones".
Attention - now that is a word that can have so many meanings, Buffy thought to herself. Remembering Riley and how he always seemed to stand at attention in the early stages of their relationship, always the soldier, always on alert. Seeing him last year with Sam and how despite the ingrained soldieryness, his attention was focused on Sam, only Sam. Well, for her, attention meant the line between keeping you friends safe, alive and whole. It meant not letting big bads creep up and hurt them. It meant she had a lot to make up for.
She looked over at Willow and Tara, sitting together holding hands but lost in their separate reveries. Tara looked pensive (what else was new) and Willow was just gently caressing Tara's palm with her thumb to try and guide her love back from whatever dark thought she was thinking. Buffy was amazed at the changes in her two best friends, both different yet both essential.
Before the accident, Tara was the one to support the redhead during her difficult time with dark magic withdrawals. She would help Willow through the shakes and aches. More importantly, she insisted that Willow help her with white magic and learn to control her impulse of wanting to change nature but instead learn to work with nature. By doing that, Willow was slowly realizing that magic wasn’t a tool or a crutch or just learning spells, it was a part of life, a way of life. Willow had actually confided in her that she no longer thought that spells were the only magic; the only real magic in her life was Tara. She was truly magical.
But now, despite her handicap, Willow was the one trying to get Tara to regain her sparkle, zest and magic for life. It had all but disappeared when she found out about Willow’s prognosis at the hospital. For the past year, Willow was trying so hard, just to keep all of her own dark thoughts and fears at bay so that she could bring color and light into Tara's eyes once again. Adding to that, the other sad outcome from that terrible night was the fact that both Willow and Tara had vowed off all magic for their own secret reasons. Buffy wished things had turned out differently, if only she had paid attention. If only her good intentions worked out.
She thought back to that night. It had started out pretty normal for a Tuesday evening, with movie night at Xander's. Willow had already seen Caddyshack a bazillion times so she had brought her laptop and was surfing the net for clues on the geek stooges.
"Eureka!, light bulb's all lighty and bright over my head, you guys" Willow called out from the dining table.
"What you got there, Will? Finally found that purple furry handcuffs that I was…not telling you about. Err, what you got there, Will? " Xander looked around furtively hoping no one caught his slip and expecting one of Anya's barbed comments. But then he remembered that she did not talk to him anymore. She had come back, opened the Magic Box, moved back into her old apartment but still allowed Scooby meetings to be held in the shop. To his surprise and delight, she had joined in all the meetings and subsequent get togethers, even those held at his apartment. However, she had barely spoken to him and the one time she did, all she had said was "You should have told me earlier, you owed me that at least". He managed to look contrite and apologized but knew that he had to make up for so much more. He did not have to have a Willowbrain to figure out he had truly hurt the one person in the world who had loved and accepted him for who he was and for who he could become. Since then, he had brought her flowers every week and managed to always listen, without interruption, to any of her comments that she directed to the group. Looking again, expectantly at Willow, he motioned for her to continue.
"Ok, remember when I thought I may be able to predict where Warren and his goons were going be turn up next? Well, I think finally got lucky. See, every time I hacked into any of the computer systems in Sunnydale, Tara gave me the idea that I could leave a tracer to alert me if any one else goes in after me. Well, I have been getting alerts from one of my tracers for the past 3 days I have been trying to check where its coming from and I just got it tonight "
"Cool" Dawn replied smiling , hacker Willow and supportive Tara was always so much better that dark magic eyes Willow and sad Tara.
Willow smiled grew even bigger as she looked back and forth between Tara and Dawn. Dawn was really beginning to accept and respect her again . More importantly, Tara was teaching her white magic and they once again shared a psychic bond. And now, she had just found a way to help Buffy, life was good - no - life was great.
"Willow, you wanna stop making googly eyes at your girlfriend and start telling me how I get to de-bane Warren and the hobbits from my life?" Buffy cut in. She knew that if she didn't, Willow and Tara would probably come up with some lame excuse to go make witchy love. She was beginning to think that hacking, researching - well, just about anything, made Willow horny nowadays. Sometimes slayer hearing just wasn't worth it
"Oh, yeah, Warren" Willow paused, trying to pry her eyes from Tara. Knowing exactly what Willow was thinking and that Buffy was probably thinking the same thing (damn slayer hearing), Tara made her way over to stand behind the red-head , to offer support and physical contact. "I think he's going to steal some weapons from the Sunnydale armory later tonight" Willow continued as she leaned back into a Tara-hug.
"Weapons?, you mean these guys want to play GI Joe now? geez, won't they ever grow up? Ok, I guess I can trap them there and call the police once they're secure. Just for once I wish we could have a quiet Tuesday evening" Buffy was already moving towards the door when Willow called out.
“Buffy, I don’t think you should go alone, I mean I know you’re all large with the slayeryness but we know that Andrew can summon demons and Jonathan can do some magic. Not to mention that Warren probably has some ray gun blaster thingy. I really think you need Scooby back-up on this”
“So what’s the plan Will?” Buffy asked as she started back towards the couch.
“Well, I think the security system on the base is running on an isolated grid. That means I can’t hack into it from here, I need to be..”
“Stop right there hacker girl , you are going nowhere near…”
“Buffy, I totally agree that I am not the jumping into the fray but more standing adjacent to the fray kinda person so..” Willow held up her finger as she continued so as to stop another outburst from the slayer “So, that’s why I think Xander and I should break into the computer room on the other side of the base while you scope out the armory where Warren will be -which is situated way, way away from where we will be.”
“I ,I think Willow is right” Tara added “ You do need back-up. Willow and Xander can try and hack into the security system to see if she can re-route what Warren has done to it while you and I can go and see if we can spot them at the armory. If they’re there, I can contact Willow and she can trip the security alarm and call the police”
“What did you say?, what did you say? ” both Buffy and Willow simultaneously turned to question Tara.
“It’s the best plan, honey” Tara placed a kiss on top of the hacker’s head to try and calm her down. Then, looking directly at Buffy, she continued “Willow said so herself, you need backup and Willow needs to know when to trip the alarm. I promise that I am so with the whole adjacent to the fray idea. I promise to stay behind you at all times and I’m just there to give Willow a psychic heads-up when we spot the bad guys, okay?”
Willow could see that Buffy was beginning to relent and as much as she so did not want Tara within 10 miles of the trio of terror, she could see that it was a great plan. Taking Tara’s hand, she got up and headed for the door, motioning for the rest to follow “ I guess, we’re all in the plan”.
Buffy nodded and gave a quick kiss to Dawn and pre-empted the youngster’s oncoming argument to follow them with a quick “Anya, would you mind watching Dawn? We should be back in a couple of hours. And Dawn -- when Willow said we’re all in the plan, she wasn’t including little sister’s of the slayer. Now be good and mind Anya”
“Buffy, first of all, I’m not five! and little sister’s of the slayer??? who are you, Mother Teresa?? And, and, and, well be careful, all of you. I don’t trust Warren” Dawn finished softly.
“Yeah, be careful” Anya echoed as she watched her friends and Xander go out the door.
Chapter 3b
"Does anyone else feel like whistling the theme to Scooby Doo currently, no, no one? Ok, just me then." Xander tried to joke as they made their way to the Armory. 'Hey come on guys, this is going to be easy as pie, Buffy will fight, we'll hide, the good guys will win and be back in time to enjoy real pie"
"Willow, how much of a heads-up do you need in order to trip the alarm. I mean, I don't want Tara hanging around longer than necessary," Buffy asked as she looked over at her two friends walking arm in arm.
"Right there with you Buff. I mean, I always want Tara's company and all but not anywhere in the vicinity of danger, you know, not even in the same area code " gently squeezing Tara's hand, she continued "Baby, as soon as Buffy spots them, just send me a signal to my old noggin and we're all set, ok"
"Ok" Tara smiled back. She loved it when Willow got all-protective of her or when Willow started planning for the gang or when Willow did that thing to the back of her neck or… Oh stop it tara-girl, she admonished herself. You love everything about Willow, old noggin and all - especially the all. Yes, it was a bit scary when she had first met Willow and did not know what to expect or how to react to the feelings that the redhead churned up in her. Willow was just so bright and exuberant and everything Tara had wanted to be. Subsequently, knowing and loving Willow had allowed her to be all that and more. She owed so much to Willow. Their break up had hurt her beyond measure. Everyday of not seeing or touching Willow had been sheer torture, worse even than the madness bestowed on her by Glory. But their love had triumphed. Slowly their flirty looks and touches at Anya's and Xander's aborted wedding had turned to coffee dates and smoochies. Willow had realized that magic could not solve all of life's problems and she herself had realized that no matter how hurt or bad she felt, their underlying love would always be there. Slowly, they had begun to again connect on every level - physical, spiritual and magical. Life was indeed getting better with each passing day.
"Earth to Tara, come in wonder-wiccan, over" Xander mimed talking into his hand like it was a walkie- talkie, in order to get Tara's attention.
"Hey baby, you ok. Don’t worry ok? Everything is going according to plan. You should go with Buffy. Xander and I are going to go to the computer room now. I'll wait for your heads-up" with that, Willow kissed her soundly on the lips and ran after Xander, who had already begun to make his way over the chain link fence.
"Tara, you ok?" Buffy asked "You seem kinda out of it for the last ten minutes. Everything still hunky dory with you and Will, right?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about the past and you know, looking forward to the future. Willow's doing so great with the white magic now and its just been so amazing to connect with her again on all these levels, I mean just last night … I should really not tell you about last night, huh?" Tara finished quickly.
"Yes, you really don't need to give me the play by play of Willow and Tara's excellent sexventures. I so don't need the visuals right now, I mean slayer hearing alone.." Buffy trailed off as she stopped abruptly.
They had reached the main gate of the armory and Buffy had sense something amiss but since the gate was still closed, she turned her attention to Tara once again. It was truly unfortunate that she did not notice that although the gate was closed, the lock had been tampered with. They were too late, Warren and his bumbling idiots were already inside.
"So how are things with you and Spike?" Tara queried as both she and Buffy positioned themselves in the alley next to the armory. It did not give them a good view of the gate but it accorded them a clear view of the road leading towards the gate and thus they would be able to spot the three stooges making their way up.
"Complicated" Buffy replied. She was still feeling slightly askew, like something wasn't right but she could not pinpoint what exactly. So she continued answering Tara's question "Spike's, Spike, you know, I mean he's all with the big bad act but sometimes when he's not all putting up a show, I miss it. I'm just not sure if it’s him I miss or that I miss the feeling that he invoked in me, you know. Like I said, complicated. Not that my life has even been of the non-complicated variety. What with the slayer duties and the big ball of energy kid sister "
Tara nodded and moved forward so that she could give Buffy a hug. She knew that the slayer was trying so hard to be a part of this world and that any physical contact, from Spike or the Scooby gang could help anchor her once again in Sunnydale.
It was at this point when Buffy realized that things would change forever. If only she had paid more attention to her gut feeling. If only she had not brought Tara along. If only…… What happened next was surreal to say the least. Buffy remembered being enveloped in a sweet Tara-hug that suddenly ended unexpectantly.
Apparently, Warren, Andrew and Jonathan had already spotted both her and Tara as they emerged from the armory gate with their cache of weapons. Andrew had immediately proceeded to aim and fire his stun gun at the slayer but caught Tara instead.
The blast hid Tara's back with full capacity and forced the blonde wiccan to the ground. Her nerve endings futilely shooting off acetylcholine messages to her limbs to no avail. Just before unconsciousness claimed her, she inadvertently called out to Willow for help. Buffy, realizing what had happened quickly caught Tara before her inert body could hit the ground. She gently lowered her to the asphalt and positioned herself between Tara and the geek squad.
"God, slayer, don't you even learn, you're never going to win this. We’re smarter, better and have cooler weapons than you" Warren taunted while aiming a mean looking hand gun in her direction.
"God, Warren, don't you ever stop with the exposition" Buffy countered, "I mean, it's bad enough I have to fight you. Do I really need to listen to you as well?".
"Okay, fine, since you're don't want to hear me, How about I just shoot you and get you out of our way forever"
"Warren” Jonathan called nervously “You said the weapons were just for show?".
"Yeah, Warren, we're not going to really shoot her right" Andrew followed up “I mean we just need these to scare people, you said”.
"Shut up, SHUT UP! can't you guys just for once, do as I say. If you guys don't want to play in the big leagues, you can just leave. I don’t need you two cramping my plans"
"Yeah, why don't you guys just run along and leave Warren and his plan to me" Buffy shot back. She only hoped that she could distract Warren from Tara and manage to take him out at the same time.
Jonathan finally coming to his senses chimed in "You, know what, I think I am going to leave, I mean, Katrina's death sort of an accident but this. I don't want any part of this. I AM NOT going to be a part of this. Andrew you coming?".
With that, Jonathan turned and ran out of the alley leaving Warren and Buffy behind. He couldn’t believe he had been a part of that from the start. It was all suppose to be fun, you know. They were just trying to be cool and make things go their way for once. But Warren wasn’t just going to be satisfied with getting girls or money, he wanted to kill, to hurt people. He hoped Andrew did not feel the same way. As he ran further away from the alley, he realized that Andrew had indeed followed him. Now he just needed to convince him that they had to make amends. They had to tell the police what they had done. What Warren had made them do.
Back in the alley, Buffy was working out just how she was going to take Warren out. She was more than relieved that both Andrew and Jonathan had turned tail and run but that still left Warren and his gun.
"Buffy!!! , Tara!!" Willow called in the distance
Oh God ,no!, what the hell was Willow doing here.
Warren immediately swerved around just in time to see Willow coming around the corner and trained his gun on her.
Willow skidded to a halt .All she could focus on was Tara's inert form behind Buffy and Warren's gun. She wasn't thinking straight and Buffy could see that. So, taking matters into her own hands, Buffy launched herself at Warren with Mr Pointy in her hand.
Warren, seeing Buffy coming at him from the corner of his eye, turned once again and fired 2 shots off at the slayer, in rapid succession. The bullets caught Buffy in the shoulder and leg and brought her down to the ground with a thud.
Willow, witnessing all this, immediately started chanting a spell to remove Warren's gun or distract his aim. But it was all for naught, she could not concentrate as her vision was filled with Tara. Tara on the ground - dead or dying in the alley. Warren taking advantage of the situation, aimed and fired. And so she did not even feel the bullet tear into her side . She did not acknowledge the burning sensation and loss of feeling. All she could think of was of missed opportunities and how she did not get the chance to say I love you to Tara today as she tumbled to the ground.
Buffy never would have guessed that getting shot could be so painful. She had been stomped by demons, beaten by monsters and impaled by a vampire but Angel was right, getting shot hurt like a bitca. She fervently hoped that the last shot she heard was not aimed at Willow but her hopes were dashed as she slowly regained focus. She could see Warren slowly moving towards Willow's still form. She could smell the blood. Oh, God, she could smell Willow's lifeblood as it slowly seeped from her body. She had to stop Warren, she had to protect her friend - marshalling every ounce of slayer strength left, Buffy lifted herself off the ground with one hand, pulled back her other arm and let Mr pointy fly. Thankfully, It struck Warren at the back of his head, rendering him unconscious.
"Willow" she called out weakly "Come on, answer me, Willow, Willow!" but she knew deep down that Willow had been shot and was bleeding badly. She could smell it - the cordite from the gun and Willow's blood. -Why did it always have to be blood?. She noticed Tara stirring and watched as the blonde wiccan fought her way to consciousness.
The first thing that Tara realized was that her limbs were not really responding to any of her commands. The second thing she realized was that she could hear Buffy calling Willow. Why would Buffy be doing that? Willow was on the other side of the block, wasn't she?
Tara slowly raised her herself off the ground and physically recoiled from the sight that greeted her. Her beloved was sprawled face up on the sidewalk and, god, the blood, so much blood. So red, like her hair, so much red. Buffy was on the ground as well and looked no better but at least she was concious. She was trying to drag herself towards Willow and she was bleeding from her shoulder and her leg. Tara slowly began to drag her body towards Willow as well, while letting all her fears and nightmares come to the surface in the only way she knew how - it came out as a keening wail. One that she held until it was eventually drowned out by police and ambulance sirens.
That was what Buffy most remembered from that night. The smell of Willow's blood, and the sound of a broken Tara. The rest of it was a blur.
Xander told her he had stayed behind to call the police and ambulance, the minute Willow received the distress call from Tara. By the time he had arrived, Willow and Buffy were both being loaded into the ambulance , Tara was nearly catatonic and Warren was being arrested by the police.
Buffy had regained consciousness when they reached the hospital, she had been put on pain killers She knew that with her slayer healing, she would probably be back on her feet in no time. She was far more worried for Willow, who had been shot in the side and who had loss so much blood. She remembered hearing all the doctors' words as they worked on Willow in the next room.
"God, the bullet tore right through her, there's definitely tearing of some nerve fibers in her spinal cord. We need to treat the lacerations immediately. Put her on methylprednisolone and we'll see if we can fix the damage. I really don't think she's going to come out of this whole. How's the other one doing?"
"She's lost some blood, the bullets passed clean through, though. She should good as new or at least better than her friend. She was lucky, no major organs or arteries hit"
"Attention, attention Ladies and gentlemen, United Airlines flight 20 has just landed at gate 2". The speaker above her head again jolted Buffy out of her memories.
Well, the doctors were right, she did heal and was fine, almost good as new on the outside. Her leg ached every now and then but at least she could feel it, unlike Willow who could not feel much anymore.
As she looked over at Tara, she suddenly saw, suddenly realized that Tara never really did stop her keening wail - She had just learnt to internalize it. . If you listened closely enough, she could still hear it, in every caress Tara bestowed upon Willow and in every glance and look she gave to all of them.
God, how did things turn out so dark?
Chapter 4a
"Giles!" Dawn cried out. "It's Giles! Do you think he heard me? Giles!, Giles!" she rattled on excitedly.
"If he was still in England, he would have heard you, Dawnie," Willow added helpfully as she wheeled herself towards the approaching ex-watcher.
Giles watched from a distance as his slayer and the scoobies once again gathered in front of him. Throwing English reserve out the window, he immediately enveloped Dawn, Anya, Tara and Xander in a hug before bending down to give Willow a bear hug of her own. He did notice that Buffy was hanging in the back, and how could he blame her? He knew that she had felt abandoned by him. That she probably thought of him in the same vein that she thought of Hank Summers. Still, this was a chance for him to try and get through to her - to try and make her see that everytime he left, it hurt him so much more that she could imagine.
"Hello, Buffy. You're looking well," he commented, trying to draw her out.
"Is that all you brought?" she indicated the bag he was carrying over his shoulder, "or do you need me to pick up your luggage?" she finished, shuffling from one foot to another. She really did not know how to react around him anymore. She had tried to treat him like a mentor but he had slowly became so much more - Mentor, Father, Priest and Friend. She had to keep reminding herself not to get too used to his presence. He would not stay for long. He never did anymore.
"No, I have some boxes that I had to check in, some books and gifts."
"Gifts?" Anya cut in, "there are gifts? Well, then Xander and I will go and get the boxes while you drive back with Buffy. I am assuming you will be staying with Buffy and not wasting money on a hotel room."
Well, I... I was going to stay at a hotel, as much as I appreciate the couch, I think it would be better..
"If you stay with Xander." Anya again cut Giles off. Now that I think of it, that makes more sense. I mean, Xander has that extra room and he lives all alone, anyway. We'll drive you back and we can all meet at Buffy's later for the requisite get together with food and drinks
Before Giles could object again, Willow wheeled herself forward, took his hand and pulled him along while she navigated the wheel with her other free hand. "Come on Giles, its just like old times, the Scooby gang is back together again. And I wanted to show you why I'm called the Willowwheels. Well, no one actually calls me that yet but they should!"
Tara and Buffy both looked at their retreating backs each thinking exactly the same thought for totally different reasons - it was nothing like old times. It can never be like old times. There were too many new physical and mental scars. All still red and tender, all never really healed.
The ride to Xander's apartment did not take too long, and Giles found himself ushered into a nicely furnished guest room. Anya had explained that the room had to be re-decorated after Xander's Uncle Rory had had one too many drinks at their ill-fated wedding and came back to do a little re-decorating of his own. "Don't worry," she had assured him, the stains and smells did come out eventually and Xander had actually extracted money from his uncle for the damage. Some things didn't change. But so many others had.
When Anya had first contacted him to get Giles to come back, he was hesitant. Not that he did not want to see them, on the contrary, his apartment in Bath was filled with pictures of all the scoobies. They were the only children he would ever have and he loved all of them more that he could ever articulate. But they were grown adults. They needed to make their own way and he had convinced himself that he had done the right thing. Had made the right choice. But Anya was persistent. She would tell him of Tara's sad bouts that were getting more and more frequent. About how Willow seemed to take it upon herself to appear strong, in control and happy regardless of the situation. It was similar to what had happen when Buffy died and she assumed the mantle of leadership. The only difference was that then, Tara was always there to help support Willow.
Anya's calls were so frequent that he knew she was extremely worried. She was not the type to waste her hard earned dollars on transatlantic calls. But that was not the only reason he had come back. He wished to God it was. He wished that he could for once face these brave people with good intent, not with any council agenda. But he was a watcher and he had a duty to protect all the earth even at the expense of those he loved, a lesson he had learnt repeatedly but never seemed to grasp.
When he had left the second time, it was Tara and Dawn keeping him informed of the goings on in Sunnyhell (as Dawn so quaintly called it). They would take turns telling him about their week, about Willow’s problems and recovery, Buffy’s money woes and Xander and Anya’s upcoming nuptials. Their call always ended with a plea from Dawn asking him to visit and his stock answer of soon – I’ll be there soon. When he saw the wedding invitation in the mail, he had wanted to book the first flight out but instead just sent flowers - huge expensive bouquets of lilies, roses, orchids and such. He hoped they would convey to Anya and Xander his love and approval. He just could not come back, it was for the best - They were adults and he was not needed.
Then came the blasted call. The call telling him that Buffy and Willow were shot and that he had to come. Xander had called frantic and crying, telling him that Willow was in surgery and Buffy had been shot by Warren. He had to come back, they did not know if Willow would make it. Tara was in shock and crying in gasping sobs while Dawn and Anya were rushing to the hospital. They needed him.
That flight was a blur of gin and tonics and nightmarish visions of having to attend another funeral for a friend. At the hospital, he found his ex-charges sitting huddled in Buffy’s hospital room. The slayer looked pale and so very small. Dawn had grown another inch or two. Anya had her head on Xander’s shoulder and Tara, God, she looked so lost. Not lost in her mind -but lost, as if her entire spirit was gone, not only her mind.
"Willow?" he asked as he stepped into the room. "Where's Willow?" he repeated.
"Giles!" Dawn launched herself at him. You came back, you're here!" she sobbed into his shirt "Don't leave..." she whispered.
"Willow's in the ICU," Xander rasped. His voice was hoarse on account of all the crying he had done on the phone to Giles and to Willow's parents, and throughout the night. Crying because his two bestest buds had got hurt, crying because he could not do anything for them and crying because it beat going after Warren for revenge as much as he wanted to.
With one hand around Dawn's shoulder, Giles made his way over to Tara and pulled her into a hug. He felt her respond slightly and gave up a small prayer to God for that small miracle.
“Buffy, this is a blasted tragedy and one which I wished none of us had to endure but you must put the blame on the person responsible and only the person responsible” Giles spoke, as he knew exactly what his slayer was thinking.
“Yes, me” Buffy whispered as she looked down at her hands, I wasn’t fast enough or smart enough to stop Warren. Willow paid the price.”
Xander immediately answered back “That’s bull, Buffy and you know it. You didn’t shoot Willow, Warren did”
“I was the one who put her in danger” Tara’s soft alto voice cut through, “I called her to us so that she could, so that she, Oh God, I almost got ..” Tara started to hyperventilate. “I , Willow, oh God!, I did that!”
“Shh, its ok, let it out, just let it out. It’s not your fault either. It’s not, I promise, it wasn’t you, just let it out” Anya crooned swaying back and forth, as she held on to the blonde witch. She figured if she held on hard enough, she would be able to hold Tara together and not let her fall apart. She hoped she was right.
The doctor had come in later to give them an update. Buffy was extremely lucky, the bullets passed cleaned through. Willow’s injuries were slightly more severe, the bullet had tore some of her nerve fibers and she would be paralyzed from the waist down. There was some hope, most people with injuries like hers could still regain some functions between a week and 6 months after injury, but the likelihood of spontaneous recovery diminishes after 6 months. It had been over a year since then. In all likelihood, Willow would be spending the rest of her life in that chair. God he could use a drink.
“Giles, hey G-man. You, ok in there? I was going to grab a bite to eat before going over to Buffy’s. Trust me, always stock up before going over there, you never know if you’re going to be trapped or tied in the basement” Xander joked easily through the door.
“Yes, I believe you’re quite right, that’s a good idea. I’ll be out in a minute” Giles answered as he made his way over to one of his boxes. Taking out several gaily wrapped presents, he found what he was looking for. The Tiberius manifesto, thought lost, but only misplaced by the half-wits that ruled the council. It was from this book that they had gleaned knowledge about Glory and her plan. Like the Pergamum Codex, it contained prophesies for the slayers throughout the generations, including the one prophesy he was here to stop.
Chapter 4b
“Ohhh prezzies, we just love prezzies” Willow squealed as she opened the door to Giles and Xander, their hands full of gifts.
Her maneuverability in the chair astounded Giles. She expertly wheeled herself backwards towards the living room while balancing a tray of drinks on her lap. The house looked the same but he knew that changes had been made to accommodate Willow’s chair. The furniture had been re-arranged and ramps had been built to the front door and back. He knew that the bedrooms were still upstairs and wondered how Willow was going to accomplish that. He would see later, he supposed.
He made his way into the kitchen where he could hear Buffy, Tara and Anya discussing his return.
“So why is he here? I mean there’s no big bad, no ones been shot. Why come back now?”
Buffy always did want to get to the point, he smiled paternally.
“Well, maybe he just missed us and wanted to come back. It’s been over a year and he may want to see the improvements I have done to the Magic Box. They have increased profits by 15%”
“I,..I th. think that we should just wait for Mr. Giles to tell us in his own time.” As she turned, she saw him hovering at the kitchen entrance, Hi, Mr. Giles. Hope you’re not jet lagged” Tara greeted him.
“No, no, I managed a bit of a rest at Xander’s. Can I help with anything?”
“It’s ok, we’re finished here” Buffy answered curtly as she moved around him to get to the living room.
“She’s just, she’ll be ok now that you’re back” Anya patted his shoulder and followed after Buffy.
“It’s really is good to see you Mr. Giles, we’ve all missed you so very much. It’s been a difficult year. We’re ALL glad you’re back” Tara smiled and ushered him into the living room.
Yes but for how long, Giles thought to himself. He could hear Dawn trying to figure out what was wrapped in the presents. He had better distribute them and hope that they would still be accepted after he told them the reason, the real reason he was back.
“Does it sound like car keys? It could be car keys?” Dawn was busy trying to shake a little green box.
“It’s not car keys, Dawn. You’re not getting a car. We’re Summerses, we’re not meant to drive” Buffy shot back.
“Mom drove.” Realizing what she had said, Dawn quietly went back to examining the presents.
“Well, I believe it is customary to bring presents after being absent for some time” Giles exclaimed as he made his way over to the sofa where Dawn sat.
“I’m afraid you’re sister is right Dawn, it’s not car keys” he said as he handed her the green box.
Dawn immediately tore the wrapping and found a beautiful intricate locket on a fine gold chain.
“That was my mother’s. She wanted me to give it to my daughter. It’s yours, Dawn. I hope you understand the significance of that.” Giles explained softly, trying to convey his love in that short explanation. Dawn nodded, her eyes filling with tears.
”Now Willow, this is for you. Mind you, I did not pick it out but the man at the computer store did tell me that it’s very popular. I believe it’s called an I-pod. There’s also a signed copy of Edward Lorenz’s book. I believe you were looking for it.“ Giles smiled as he handed over the packages.
“Oh, my God, Giles, that’s great, thank you.., thank you so much¡¨ Willow bounced up and down in her chair.
“Tara, I got you some prints from the Tate and a palette that I used to use when I considered myself an artist back at university” Giles said handing her the flat package “I remember how much you love art.” He smiled at the shy blonde.
Turning to Xander, he continued, “Xander, did you know my great grandfather helped Sir Horace Jones and Sir John Wolfe-Barry build the Tower Bridge, I guess not since it wasn't public knowledge. But I though you might like one of the original drawing plans.” Giles held them out and was surprised when Xander drew him into a hug.
“Yes, well” Giles tried to compose himself, he did have 2 more presents to give out, 2 very important gifts.
“As for you, Anya - these are papers giving you a majority share in the Magic Box. You have truly earned them.” He had been planning to do that for quite some time. Anya had indeed made the Magic Box more of a success than he ever could and he loved her for it and for keeping him abreast of the goings on in Sunnydale.
He noticed that Buffy was watching all this with relative silence, as she sat in the armchair facing him. He also noticed that she had picked up that there were no more packages left. No other present to give out. He took a deep breath and plunged ahead “Buffy, I, I did not get you anything. My present to you, well my present to you is my presence, actually. It means, I’m moving back to Sunnydale. If you don’t want me as your watcher then I’ll stay as your friend. I promise I won’t leave.”
Her expression did not change as she got up and walked towards the sofa. He was almost afraid that she had not heard, that she did not want him to stay but then she launched herself at him and hung on for dear life. She whispered over and over into his shoulder, “Don’t ever leave.. Promise me.” All he could do was nod and hug her back.
After the food had been demolished and the presents admired, the gang once again found themselves in the living room. Sated and happy, that all the people whom they loved were right there with them. Willow and Tara were on the sofa listening to some Dar Williams songs that Willow had managed to download. Anya was telling Xander her future plans for the shop, perhaps a franchise.
Dawn was sitting at Buffy’s feet on the armchair and he was just coming back from the kitchen when she asked the question he was dreading.
“Giles, I am definitely with the Woo and Hoo that you’re back and here to stay. But why now, why not last week or next month?”
He saw that they had all looked up at that. All waiting for him to renounce that as balderdash. To tell them that he missed them and that was all. He wanted to lie, he wanted to run but in the end, he settled for the truth.
“There’s a prophecy” he said as he reached into his pocket for the manifesto.
“But this prophecy is more puppy dogs and chocolate goodness right Giles? I mean for once we got lucky, right. Its no the end of the world stuff, this time” Xander said hopefully.
“Well, its not that simple. You see, when Mayor Wilkins was alive for as long as he was, he made deals with a number of Demons, demons like Lurconis. Deals that required ritual sacrifices at certain intervals. It was a symbiotic relationship. The Demons were appeased and the mayor could go on with his unnatural life.”
“Who’s Lurconis?” both Tara and Anya asked simultaneously.
“Yeah, big scary demon, worshiped by the mayor, ate babies, Buffy killed it” Willow summed up nicely.
“Don’t tell me, so now that the mayor’s all deader than dead, his going to miss one of these rituals and the Demon in question is not going to be happy” Buffy continued.
“Yes, quite right. The demon is called Han’thu Ladsha. It’s from a very old demon lineage. Very powerful. Its followers periodically gave it human sacrifices to appease it and to reap rewards of power and success”
“Fine Giles but what happens when it finds that there’s not going to be a Machappy person to eat this time - end of the world.. we’ll be force to wear plaid..What?”
“Well, I believe it will try and open the Glory’s portal”
“What!” Dawn looked frightened “It was only suppose to be that one time and Buffy closed it, how can it be opened again. I’m not the key anymore!”
“No, Dawn, you’re not the key anymore. This demon is very powerful and would want maximum destruction and the area where the portal opened is still a nexus of magical energy. The short time that it remained opened, it acted as a beacon for the demons of this world. If any of the more powerful ones were called, they could try and re-open it with their own blood spell. A spell that has been lost for generations to us and most demons, except one. A spell that we recently found in this book” he finished as he held up the book.
“So you’re saying that any old demon can just waltz in here and open a portal that a God had a hard time opening. Gotta love the Hellmouth - always keeps you on your toes” Xander sighed.
“Well, Glory was forcibly kicked out of her dimension so she needed to perform a very specific spell to let herself back in. This demon, this Han’thu Ladsha wasn’t kicked out, he just needs to find the door and open it.” Giles responded.
So, how do I kill it?¨ Buffy said, once again coming to the point.
“You don’t, you need to close the portal for good” Giles replied.
“Ok.. Is that some kind of English council code that allows me to kill it but does not want to take the responsibility” Buffy asked.
“No, you see, you can most definitely kill the demon but there will always be others. The most pressing thing is to seal the portal forever” Giles took off his glasses and began to clean them.
“I thought I did that, you know what with the jumping and sacrificing my life and giving up my summer on the beach last year!.” Uh oh Giles is cleaning his glasses, either he does not want to see us or he does not want to say what he has to say, Buffy thought to herself.
“The Tiberius manifesto says that she who closed the portal can seal it forever with blood and magic - A spell that has to be performed during the full moon. The spell casters have to cut your palms and drain some of your blood as a sacrificial offering that can seal the portal forever and dissipate the magical energy surrounding the area. You need to trust the two spell casters absolutely, have no doubt in your mind. One has to cut you while the other will recite the spell.”
Realization dawned on Willow “No. No Giles, I.. we." she indicated to Tara “We don’t do magic anymore. We just don’t. No spell, we’re NOT doing a spell.”
“Mr. Giles, why can’t you or some members of the council perform the spell?” Tara asked , while trying to calm Willow.
“The casters have to be in sync and trusted by Buffy. I’m afraid my absence here has ruled me out and that of any council member” Giles replied.
Surprisingly, Anya burst in “Magic, MAGIC!, you waste good Magic Box profits to fly down here to ask Willow and Tara to do MAGIC. What are you? Stupid! Even I learnt that lesson last year. Where were you?”
“Uh, Anya, Giles wasn’t at my birthday party last year?..”
“Even so” Anya huffed.
“An, honey, I don’t think Giles has any choice” Xander tried to soothe her.
”Well, you just have to come up with some other plan Mr.-Council- Watcher -Guy- with-the-books-and-the-bad-news. I won’t do it, I can’t. We don’t do magic anymore” turning to Buffy, Willow asked “Could you carry me to my chair, I think I need some fresh air. I need to be out of here. I don’t want this.”
Buffy complied and a few minutes later, Willow rolled out the front door, slamming it behind her. Tara, looked around and finally rose "I ha .. have to go after her, its dark out" and she followed her love.
Chapter 5
“Willow, honey……Please stop. Let me come with.” Tara called to Willow who had already made her way to the sidewalk and was deciding which direction she wanted to go.
“Tara, I’m trying to do the storming out bit…….. or rolling out bit anyway! It’s hard enough with the wheelchair and all. If you come with, it’s going to be….,you know…….pointless" she sighed as she looked up at her everything, "I know I’m not as mobile or useful as I was before” Tara vehemently shook her head at that but Willow continued, “please just let me do this. I’m…., I'm just going to the end of the block. I need to do this for me. By myself, ok” with a squeeze to Tara’s hand, she began to wheel herself up the street.
Tara was trying so hard to hold it in. She wanted to call to Willow, to stop her, to follow her. She wanted to do so much. Each time Willow moved out of the vicinity of the street lamp, her heart would clench and only relax when her figure appeared under the next street lamp. She was about to follow when she heard:
“You and red have a fight, did you? Don’t worry, pet - Vampire vision. I can see if any nasties try and take a bite out of her” Spike appeared from behind the tree in the yard.
“Spike” Tara sighed “Mr. Giles is back. I don’t think he would appreciate seeing you here”
“Yeah, I heard the old watcher's back on the clock, so what big bad evil is brewing now?….. Or was he just sick of the blasted English weather?”
“Hhe..he found a prophesy about another demon, Han’thu Ladsha or something, I think. It’s going to try to open Glory’s portal”
“Bloody hell. What’s with these council types? Never had any use for the lot of them! Bearer of bad news. Ate a couple of them early on. Not as good as slayers but certainly got them to shut up with all the prophecy and such. So, you and red have a fight did you?” he probed again.
“Nnno, Mr. Giles wants us to help Buffy with a spell so that we can mask the portal and seal it forever. Willow told him we don’t do magic anymore. Then, she left”
“No wonder” Spike replied as his face was illuminated by his lighting of his cigarette, he continued “With your balance off, you wouldn’t be able to perform a simple blessing much less a blood spell. Watcher’s not too bright, is he? ”
Tara looked at him, “What do you mean, balance?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean? Haven’t you been paying attention, pet? You and super wicca have lost your natural balance. I’m not just talking about the fact that she’s rolling around either. Don’t you get it? Both of you are bloody halves of the same whole - upset one half and the other half over-compensates!”
“But I still don’t..” Tar hesitantly added.
“ What did you do when red got shot?” Spike asked abruptly.
“I, I looked after her and stayed with her. I love her” Tara answered, still not sure where the vampire was going with this. She wasn’t sure why she was even talking to him in the first place. Then she remembered that when he had found out about Warren and his gang and what they had done to Buffy and Willow, he nearly went bezerk. He was the one who had brought a beaten Jonathan and Andrew to the police station and waited in the back until they confessed to everything and implicated Warren in Katrina’s death.
“Of, course you love her. But you’ve not really been yourself, have you pet. No sparkle, no magic anymore. You’re carrying so much pain and guilt. I can practically hear it.”
“What do you know of it” Tara hissed. “I go to bed every night and relive what happened. Only, in my dreams, the outcome is so different. Willow’s not there or I came to sooner or Buffy managed to take Warren out, or I did not call out to her. Four hundred and sixty seven different ways it could have ended differently, Spike. But then I wake up and I see the chair and I carry her to the bathroom and I….. I… So what the hell do you know” she finished, her teeth clenching and her hands in fists at her side.
He was still leaning against the tree. He stubbed out his cigarette and proceeded to light another one. “Did you know that vampires don’t really need to sleep” he asked. “I mean we all need a bit of rest now and then but we don’t really need to sleep.” He looked at Tara who was still breathing deeply but had once again calmed down and was looking at him curious as to where this was leading.
“After the sla.. Buffy died, I began to sleep a lot more. Didn’t need it. Just wanted the darkness and the dreams. One hundred and forty seven different ways where I was faster, more clever, better. Didn’t change a damn thing. Didn’t bring her back. Wonder witch and your Scooby gang did that. Couldn’t keep her here either. She’s stayed because of all of you and Little Bit. Face it blondie, dreams don’t really matter, do they?. Red’s still here - not because of the chair. She’s still here because of you. Your dreams don’t amount to a damn thing. This is reality, pet. Deal with it. Stop with the bloody brooding and giving my poofter sire a run for his money”
Tara just stared wide-eyed at the platinum-haired vampire. The vampire who had just given her the wake-up call of her life. She couldn’t believe what she had heard. She couldn’t believe that he was right. What had she done? Could she fix it?. Thoughts race through her mind at lightning speed.
“Red’s coming back this way, I guess you two have some things to talk about.” With that, Spike turned and walked in the opposite direction.
“Spike” Tara called out urgently. She didn’t even realize she was crying until she tasted the tears. “Thank you” she said sincerely to his departing back. Hoping that he heard, hoping that he understood how much he had just done.
“Tara, is everything ok? Was that Spike?. Oh God, why are you crying? Did Spike make you cry? Stupid Vampire!. Do you want me to go and..” Tara stopped Willow mid-babble by kissing her soundly and wrapping her arms around her. She hung on to Willow for the longest time and once her tears subsided, she pulled back and looked into the beautiful green eyes of the woman whose value was beyond measure.
She took a deep breath and said “I love you. With every beat of my heart and with every breath I take. I love you every second of every day that has passed and every second of all the days to come. You are my true compass. Without you I am lost. I never ever want to be without you ”
“Wow, oh wow!” Willow replied, for once unable to come up with any of her patented babble “I love you too, sweetie”
“I know” Tara replied “I’ve always known. Now I think we should go back and talk to Mr. Giles”
“Ok” Willow nodded “I guess I owe him an apology as well”.
With that, they both made their way back into the house.
Spike flicked his cigarette to the ground as he watched them walk back in. Blood spells and the Han’thu Ladsha, bloody hell, they’re going to need Big Bad back up on this . He only hoped that Giles and Buffy would see that as well.
But maybe you'll write more!....
at: 3/31/02 5:52:01 pm
Pixie flirts shamelessly with Owl, and, well, anyone*