In the Bleak Midwinter: Willow and Tara
4:43 p.m., Dec. 21st, 2000
By Kuzibah (
kuzibah@hotmail.com)
www.geocities.com/kuzibahstories Disclaimer: Willow, Tara and the rest of the characters and situations relating to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB Network (official motto: “What? They’re not lesbians!”). No ownership by the author is either intended or implied.
Notes on the Series: Seasons Greetings, Cross and Stakers! Last year I wrote a series of holiday-themed stories and posted one a day during the week before Christmas. People seemed to enjoy them, so I’m doing a second series this year. I hope you enjoy them. And if you’d like to read last year’s series, it can be found at my fiction archive, The Muse’s Oubliette-
http://www.geocities.com/kuzibahstories Notes on “In the Bleak Midwinter”: The described Solstice ritual is loosely based on ritual suggested in Starhawk’s “The Spiral Dance.” Suggested Soundtrack: Solstice IV- a Wyndham Hill Collection.
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This Light, which all thy gloom can banish,
The bliss of heaven glorifies;
When sun and moon and stars shall vanish,
Its rays shall still illume the skies.
This light through all eternity
Thy heaven and all to thee shall be.
- from "This Night a Wondrous Revelation" (trad.)
With a flourish, Xander inscribed the last symbol on the oak log Willow had brought and set the fine-tipped burning tool aside to cool. “How’s that,” he asked.
Willow examined the solar symbols and nodded, smiling. “That’s perfect,” she said. “Tara will be so happy. Thank you so much.”
Xander smiled proudly. “Anything for my favorite wiccans,” he said.
“This will be our first Yule together,” Willow said. “And the log really is the ritual centerpiece. I just want it to be perfect for her.”
“Well, I hope I didn’t screw it up,” Xander said. “I want the days to start getting longer again as much as the next guy.”
“I told you, it’s perfect,” Willow said. She touched the end of the log gingerly. “Is it cool enough yet?”
“Yes, absolutely,” Xander said. “Do you need me to carry it?”
“Oh, no,” Willow said, “I’ve got it.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed Xander’s cheek before scooping the Yule log into her arms. “You’re the coolest,” she added.
Xander blushed slightly. “Gotta be cool for the Yule,” he said.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
Willow followed Tara through the woods overlooking Sunnydale campus. The blond witch moved sure-footedly over the path, even though she had only a lit candle to guide her.
Willow followed less certainly, but then again, she had not made the journey along this path each night for the past five nights.
“Are you all right?” Tara asked.
“Yeah,” Willow said. “This log is just a little awkward.”
Tara took it out of her beloved’s arms and handed her the candle. “You lead now,” she said. “It’s right between those trees.”
Willow drew in her breath in anticipation and hurried ahead, Tara just a step behind. She pushed aside the branches of a shaggy evergreen and stepped into the clearing.
All around her the trees were hung with oranges, apples, and lemons, and strings of berries and popcorn. The ground within had been cleared and raked, and a large white cloth was spread on the soft grass. At one end of the cloth was a low altar of stones and branches, and just beyond a fire pit lined with slate. The chest where Tara kept her magic supplies was not far away.
“What do you think?” Tara asked.
“Oh, Tara,” Willow breathed. “It’s beautiful.”
Tara smiled and stepped into the clearing, placing the Yule log reverently on the altar. Willow entered more slowly, gazing about in near awe. “This must have taken hours. Days,” she said.
Tara blushed and lowered her eyes. “I wanted it to be special,” she said.
“Oh, it is,” Willow assured her.
Tara stepped up to Willow and took the red-head’s hands in hers. “Are you ready,” she said.
“Always,” Willow answered.
Tara lowered her eyes again. “Goddess,” she began. “We call on you this night, the longest night of the year, to praise you.”
“We affirm your life-giving powers,” Willow said.
“We know creation moves as a wheel,” Tara said. “We welcome this time of rest as necessary for the re-emergence of vitality.”
“And trust,” Willow said, “that out of darkness you will bring light.”
Both women felt the power of their magic move up through them out of the earth and gasped with delight. Around them the trees Tara had so lovingly decorated were suddenly covered with thousands of tiny, magical lights, flickering and clinging to the needles like living things.
“Oh, Tara,” Willow cried out, now breathless at the beauty around her.
Tara gave one of her rare, delicate laughs. “I’m glad you like it,” she said.
Willow threw her arms around the other girl’s shoulders, pulling her into an embrace. “It’s beautiful,” she said, and touched her lover’s face. “You’re beautiful.”
And the witches fell, laughing, into one another’s arms.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
Willow stared at the log, now glowing embers, but her eyes were focused far away. Tara was watching her, seeming to study the curve of her mouth, the play of light on her hair, the shadow of her lashes on her pale cheek when she blinked. Willow used to be uneasy with such intensity, but now she welcomed it, and returned it in kind often enough.
“What are you thinking about,” Tara said at last.
There was a comfortable silence before Willow answered. “Everything that’s happened to me. The past two years, I guess.”
Tara waited patiently for Willow to continue, and at last she did.
“I’ve changed so much since I started college. I mean, growing up on the Hellmouth was strange enough, but deciding to study magic has just been unbelievable. And then meeting you…” Willow turned and looked into Tara’s eyes at this. “I feel like I’ve found a part of myself I never even knew was lost. I mean, I’ve gone from Willow Rosenberg: nice Jewish girl, honor society, debate club, and yearbook staff, to Willow: warrior-goddess and kick-ass wiccan.”
Tara smiled slowly. “Willow: beloved of Tara,” she said.
“Yes,” Willow said, taking the blonde’s hands in her own. “Yes. You are the best part of my life now. I cherish everything about you.”
Willow looked around her, at the eldritch light still glimmering in the trees. “So many people think of this time of year as a time for finding light in the darkness. Like Chanukah. The festival of lights, the miracle of the light that lasted eight days.”
“And Christmas,” Tara said. “They call Jesus the light of the world.”
“How were you raised,” Willow asked suddenly. “You never talk about it. Well, after meeting your dad I can see why…”
“No,” Tara said. “It wasn’t all bad. We went to the Elm Creek Bible Church.”
“What was it like?”
“Small,” Tara said. “But very devout. It was a… Pentecostal church. Like in the movies. The preachers would yell about sin and hellfire and everyone would shout ‘Amen.””
“Sounds scary.”
“Sometimes it was,” Tara agreed. “But the year before I left we had a new preacher, Reverend Cade. He talked about sin, of course, but he talked mostly about how we were all God’s children, and that He loved and cared for us like a father.” Tara gave a small, secret smile. “Anyway, it got so whenever he said ‘father,’ I thought ‘mother.’”
Willow laughed a little at this, and Tara joined her.
“It’s true,” Tara said. “And when he said ‘God,’ I thought ‘Goddess.’ Soon, instead of thinking about prayers and redemption and covenants, I was thinking about ritual and magic.”
“Did you ever tell anybody?”
“No, of course not. But it just seemed so right to me. And then I found out there were people who also believed what I believed in secret. And I had a name for what I was.”
The two witches turned back to the fire, then, watching the embers slowly darken. At last Willow spoke again.
“Are you sorry things happened the way they did?”
Tara took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Yes, the way they did. I… I wish it hadn’t been… the way it was. I wish it had been less… confrontational.”
“And you probably could have done without the nose punching.”
Tara gave a surprised whoop of laughter. “Actually,” she said, “I’m glad Spike did it. It was a very dramatic demonstration.”
Willow joined her laughter again.
“Believe it or not,” Tara said, “I kind of envy Spike.”
Willow blinked at her lover in surprise. “You do?”
“Yeah,” Tara said. “He can say exactly what’s on his mind, because he really doesn’t care what people think. He’s like a trickster god. I mean, Buffy stood up to my family. You all did, really. But it took the soulless dead guy to tell my dad he knew what was really happening.”
“True,” willow said. “But Buffy was ready to unleash that Slayer action if she had to.”
“That was the best,” Tara said. “I never felt so safe. So protected. Like I was part of her tribe.”
Willow put her arms around Tara and snuggled her head against the other girl’s shoulder. “I like that. We’re the Slayer’s tribe.”
The Yule log was falling to ashes, now, and Willow pulled Tara even closer. “What happens now?” she asked.
“We visualize the coming warmer days,” Tara said, “and visualize our hopes and desires for the future.”
“Mmm,” Willow said. “I have all my desires.”
“You don’t want to make dean’s list?” Tara said.
“Too much pressure.”
“Fewer evil things in the future?”
“Now that would be boring,” Willow said.
“Not even a shiny red bicycle?” Tara insisted.
“Probably just skin my knees,” Willow said dreamily.
“I guess you’ll have to settle for what you’ve got, then.”
“I have all I’ll ever want,” Willow said, and she kissed Tara gently.
“So do I,” Tara said.
The End
IP: Logged
Fenriss
Floating Rose
Posts: 38
Registered: Oct 2000 posted December 19, 2000 16:07
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Thanks so much for posting this, Bob. It's just beautiful! I'm going to share it with my fiancé.
IP: Logged
Roxton
Gay Now!
Posts: 1326
Registered: Sep 2000 posted December 19, 2000 19:01
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Thanks once again Bob, it was a wonderful story. I especially loved the line "Willow: beloved of Tara,".
IP: Logged
BBOvenGuy
Gay Now!
Posts: 1156
Registered: Sep 2000 posted December 19, 2000 19:11
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The thing is... Kuzibah is one of the people who initially didn't believe in the Willow/Tara relationship. In fact, her Summer Vacation Series includes an essay on why Willow's change of sexuality "didn't work." What changed her mind and enabled her to write a fic like this? A lil' ol' series called Reflections In Transit
I love how one good fic can beget another...
IP: Logged
Roxton
Gay Now!
Posts: 1326
Registered: Sep 2000 posted December 19, 2000 19:42
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I read "Reflections In Transit" last summer and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it. Now if I could only remember who the author was. Just kidding.
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Gudanov
Doll's eye crystal
Posts: 94
Registered: Dec 2000 posted December 19, 2000 23:23
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So BBOvenGuy == Robert Black?
If so, cool. I'll have to read your stuff. I don't read a lot of fic since I like to give extensive feedback and thus have to clear up a lot of time to read. I mostly like to read stuff from people who I've met online. This has led to pretty much all high quality stuff.
IP: Logged
xita
Ms. Moderator Fantastico
Posts: 2674
Registered: Sep 2000 posted December 20, 2000 00:03
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Ahh, I really loved this, very sweet, very "w/t."
IP: Logged
BBOvenGuy
Gay Now!
Posts: 1156
Registered: Sep 2000 posted December 20, 2000 01:08
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Yup, Gud, guilty as charged - that's me. I've been outed!
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