Wow, great update. You could almost see the inner turmoil Buffy was going through, but she should have believed Willow.

Back in time? Infinite possibilities.

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

Hey Lipkandy--You know, you wrote Willow's migraine with such realism...Almost as if you were feeling what she felt. So how are you feeling? My partner suffers from migraines and it just sounds excruciating.



God, do I love this story, and may I say right here how happy I am that Willow finally reacted to Buffy's self-righteousnes? Ye gods, everyone's so quick to demonize her (no pun intended) for her reaction to grief when, as she astutely observes in her own mind, Buffy took after Faith in a hurry when F. poisoned Angel. Speaking of Faith--I love the irony of her newfound connection to Willow. It's like they're approaching the middle of the morality spectrum after starting from opposite ends. Nice touch.



You depict Willow so incredibly well, right down to economical but meaningful glimpses into her childhood: what kind of mother reads Greek tragedic tales to her 9-yr-old daughter?



As always, your humor is wry and well-placed; e.g., "this Orifice guy" and "as in 40 percent chance of?"



Thanks for the update. Allow me to nudge my way onto the bandwagon and politely but firmly request, "More please!"



Mary

mollyig yeah, I think Willow and Buffy have a lot to work through. well, mainly Buffy. I'm trying to move the Slayer back to a happier time when she was actually a decent friend.



tommo glad you're enjoying Faith and the fic in general. there's so much potential with her character -- for good and bad.



snuggle79 yes, Buffy definitely needs to get over herself.



jewwitch I'm so glad you're liking this...and getting it (I know it's getting more complicated with every installment)! and as for what happens when Willow sees Tara and Tara has no idea, you read my mind. and it's definitely going to be intense. it was intense writing it!



barnabsvampyes, infinite possibilites, but (hopefully) not the cliche. I'll leave that to the writers at ME



antigone hehehe, yes kinda strange how as I was getting a migraine poor Willow came down with one. life imitating art?



on with the (incredibly long) update:



which was too long to post in the same little box, so...

Part IV
Willow sat back down onto the twin bed, noting the familiar creak of its uncomfortable box springs. The icy cold of the water bottle was now pressed to the back of her neck alleviating some of the pain.
       
"I’m sorry Wil, I just….," the Slayer began, her voice low and halting.
       
"It’s okay Buff. Really," Willow interjected hastily. She wasn’t expecting an apology and she certainly wasn’t prepared to have an emotional discussion right now.
       
"No. No it’s not, I shouldn’t have assumed…just because…."
       
Willow opened one eye slightly to find that the blonde was now sitting on the bed across from her, kneading her hands in agitation. It was such a familiar feeling, the two of them here in this room facing each other and sharing pain. But it was never pain like this. It was Riley and Oz pain. Nothing like this.
       
"Buffy, my eyes went all with the black, big magic ensued and we’re here…" she motioned at their surroundings. "It was the logical conclusion."
       
The Slayer stood up and began to pace. "I just can’t believe I…I mean, it never works like that with two words and poof. You usually need stinky herbs and someone has to do the hokey-pokey and…not just two little words!" She stood again facing Willow, her forehead lined and angry. "I can’t believe I did this. I’m so sorry."
       
"It’s okay. Really. I think we should probably be thinking less about the blame and more about the getting the hell out of here…" the redhead trailed off wincing in pain. "Do you remember where we kept the advil-type stuff?"
       
Buffy immediately leapt into action, obviously glad to have something to do. As she searched through desk drawers Willow focused on another meditation technique she had learned for just this situation, concentrating on raising the temperature of her hands. As the migraine slowly eased she could hear her friend’s nervous rambling through the meditation.

        "Are you okay? I mean your head?" Buffy asked and extended two orange pills. Willow carefully withdrew herself from the meditation and accepted them. "Wow. Hot hands," the Slayer said with a nervous smile.
       
"Yeah," Willow offered with a bit more strength. "It’s a trick to get rid of migraines only I don’t think they had witches in mind when they came up with it," she said as she held up one glowing hand.
       
"Was it the magic? Your head?"
       
Willow nodded and then winced at the new round of stabbing pain the movement brought on. "Big magic leads to big headache," she said weakly. "But, hey, no nosebleed," she offered with a smile.
       
Buffy nodded once, her own smile rapidly fading replaced by the familiar expression Willow and Tara had long ago secretly dubbed Colonel Buffy.

"Okay, so we’re stuck here and I’m not seeing any demon device," her eyes quickly scanned the room. "So now I’m thinking research. We could call Giles," she offered hopefully.
       
"Yeah." Willow offered. "But if it’s a time machine, which it probably is, then we’re in serious trouble."
       
"Why? I mean, I’m not seeing the big bad here. We figure out how to get back and do it, right?"
       
"Well, almost." Willow’s forehead furrowed into her trademark expression of deep concentration. "Except if we’re really back in the past then anything we could do could radically change the future. You know. Sensitive dependence on initial conditions, like the butterfly effect."
       
"Okay, you totally lost me, Wil…butterfly what?"

        "Basically any small change can have a huge effect. Like a butterfly flapping its wings in the Amazon could cause a hurricane in the Caribbean." Still a blank stare. "Or, a more specific Buffy-type example would be me taking the water from the frig could lead to something terrible. I know it sounds crazy, but what if you go looking for a water to take on patrol in a couple of days, but there isn’t one because I came back in time and took it. So you go downstairs to the soda machine to get one and that takes you two minutes longer than it should have. And before, in the timeline where I didn’t get back, you totally missed this huge pack of demons because you walked through too early, but now you’re two minutes late so…"
       
Buffy was nodding her head in recognition so Willow trailed off. "Oh not good." And then it really hit her. "Oh God! Really not good!"
       
Willow nodded. "Yep. Really not good."
       
"So we’ve really got to get out of here."
       
"Yeah, but we don’t even know how to do that, so until we do, we need to do everything as much like we did before as we possible can."

        "How are we supposed to do that? I mean, I don’t’ remember what I had for breakfast." she said desperately. "Back in the real now," she finished and shook her head in confusion.
       
Willow moved to her backpack and fished around until she found the familiar edges of her overstuffed filofax. "Well, this should help."
       
"Oh, yeah," Buffy moved to her bag and pulled out her own while Willow smiled at her own resourcefulness. It was so familiar, the edges of the used pages carefully turned down in precise triangles. As she flipped through the pages she noted different events carefully color-coded in her own hand-writing: a Physics exam written in royal blue with footnotes, Oz’s departure written in small black letters. She half-listened to Buffy’s monologue as she mused over the filofax’s contents.
       
"…none of this makes any sense. I mean, where are we? And where are the we that are supposed to be here in these bodies? Shouldn’t we be here in our own future bodies with our own future clothes?" Willow looked up at the Slayer’s off-hand remark. As usual Buffy had stumbled into an important observation. Yeah, why are we in our old bodies? "…and where is that demon thingy?" Buffy looked up suddenly. "Maybe it’s at the house!"
       
Willow forced her mind back to the present. "I don’t know. If it’s not here with us, it’s probably back in our own time."
       
"Yeah, but it could be. So we should probably check it out."
Willow nodded absently. It could be. And Buffy was action girl, she knew that. That Buffy needed to know that she was making physical progress toward her goal at all times. Besides, that would give Willow more time to think, to figure out what was going on. Because between the physics and the magic, this is going to take me a while. "Yeah, you should."

"Oh great," Buffy said with obvious disgust. "It’s the twenty-seventh right?"

Willow nodded as something in the back of her mind turned over the date. Three cubed. With a shrug she turned the final pages to the day. "Yep."

"All mine says is lunch and patrol."

Willow smiled at her friend’s typical lack of organization and then look down at her own sure that it would be well-ordered.

And froze. Somewhere far away she could hear the sound of pages turning and the Slayer mumbling, "every page just says ‘lunch’ and ‘patrol’. Why did I even bother?"

But Willow couldn’t even offer her usual ‘uh-huh’ in response. At some point in the moments since turning the page, her brain had stopped working. As if the five words ‘pizza and spells with Tara?’ written in enormous purple letters and outlined in pink were some kind of spell set to take away her thought and voice. She felt her body begin to shake uncontrollably.

"Wil?" Buffy’s voice sounded faint and distant. "Wil what is it?" Closer now, because the Slayer’s voice was rising in volume.

"Buffy," her voice broke in the middle of the word and she couldn’t seem to say anything else. Like a dream, a nightmare in which her voice was gone. Like the Gentlemen.

"What happens today? Is it Adam?" Buffy had crossed the short distance to kneel next to the redhead. There was a moment during which Willow was sure she would break down completely. That she would fall sobbing to the floor and never rise, but it passed and she made her terrible, familiar way into the numb.

"It’s…it’s Tara." Her own voice surprised her. It sounded so normal. So controlled. But her face was wet suddenly. From tears? "This is the first time we kiss…tonight. Today."

"Oh God Wil…"

"I can’t." Her voice was calm and even, but her hands were now shaking so badly she had to drop the filofax to the floor. Arms wrapped themselves tightly around her and it took her a few moments to realize that they were her own.

"It’s gonna be okay." Willow felt a hand on her knee and looked down to see Buffy’s well-manicured fingers gripping her tightly, but she couldn’t feel it. The numbness was working its way out from her heart to her extremities. Buffy never touches me anymore.

"I can’t." She repeated calmly and the arms encircling her clutched tighter.

"Wil, you just said we have to…"

She noticed the clock out of the corner of her eye. 2:30.

"It’s too late. She’s at the Retreat already." The robot voice continued. "When I’m not there, she’ll leave."

"There’s still time," Buffy said gently.

"Buffy I can-" and her voice broke again. "She’s gone. She’s gone and I can’t…" She knew she was dangerously close to meltdown, so she closed her eyes and began to take deep breaths, lowering herself into one of Ruth’s meditations. Trying to regain control. In. Out. Center. But it wasn’t working. There was no center here and everything was shaking. It’s about controlling that power, controlling your emotions, she heard Ruth’s calm lecture over the insistent roar in her ears.

Control.

"Wil you have to," she heard Buffy say, then a knock. A soft, tentative knock on the door. Tara.

And then a long, low sound like an animal crying. Keening. It took her a few moments to realize that the sound was coming from her as she curled into herself on the bed.

"I can’t…" But Buffy was already moving toward the door.

Tara’s gone. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. She’s gone and nothing can bring her…

"Oh, h-hi B-Buffy. Is, um, Willow h-here?" It was unmistakable, the soft musical sound of that voice. And Buffy’s long exhale as she breathed an almost inaudible ‘Tara.’

After a few long moments the Slayer cleared her throat and began speaking in a shaky voice. "Yeah, she is, but…" she didn’t get the chance to finish her warning.

"What’s wrong?" Tara’s voice was simultaneously gentle and protective and Willow felt rather than heard her move toward her in the small room.

I can’t.

"Willow?"
Tara was so close now.

If I just open my eyes I’ll see her. It’s not the dream.

And then the gentle pressure of Tara’s hand on her shoulder. Enough pressure to release the sobs she had been holding back with every ounce of her strength. They tore through her now like an earthquake. Like dark magic.

The warm weight of Tara’s hand began to move in slow circles on her upper back as she cried for what seemed like hours.

"Willow sweetie?"

Open your eyes.

It wasn’t a physical act. She didn’t will her eyes to open, the room simply faded from black to … Tara.

This isn’t happening. This is not real.

"Tara?" the word broke apart in her mouth.

Tara’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears as she looked deep into Willow’s eyes.

"Is she…" she tore her eyes from Willow’s to turn to Buffy, "is she h-hurt?"

Through the blur of tears she watched Buffy shake her head slightly and wipe at her own eyes. "No."

This isn’t happening.

But it was and Tara was searching her face, her blue eyes filling with pain. Willow studied the familiar features, the perfect arch of the eyebrows, the beautifully sculpted planes of her cheeks and forehead. The curve and sigh of her lips. The endless blue of her eyes and that gaze that told Willow she existed. Again.

It was.

"Tara."

The sobbing stopped and Willow reached slowly through months of grief to bring her fingertips to hover just above her lover’s lips. And stopped.

I can’t touch her.
If I touch her now I’ll never find my way back.

She could feel the heat under the sensitive pads of her fingers. Could feel Tara’s warm breath moving over her own skin. And then they were touching, Tara bridging the distance between them to bring her face into contact with Willow’s hands.

The familiar electricity surged through her at the contact and then the calm, Tara fusing disparate elements together like the sun.
Tara’s hands were now holding her face tentatively. Delicate fingers shakily running through red hair.

She’s nervous…
Because we’ve never done this before. Never been this close.
First kiss.

Willow traced the lines of her love’s face softly, carefully. Drawing them into her memory, trying to erase the pain she saw there.

"Willow what h-happened? Is this about Oz?"

As she shook her head, she felt Tara’s hand gently wipe the tears from her cheek and let out a long breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. Willow tilted her head forward until their foreheads were touching. Until she could feel Tara’s breath on her lips.

"I thought I lost you," she heard herself whisper shakily.
The blonde pulled back slightly to look into Willow’s eyes, the world becoming a sea of Tara blue.

"Me? This is about m-me?" She could see the disbelief there, the insecurity that had always shadowed Tara. She ran a trembling hair through silken blonde hair.

"Everything’s about you." She let her hand drop to the soft skin of Tara’s neck feeling the strong pulse beating beneath her fingers.

Alive.

"Everything." She leaned in to press her cheek against Tara’s whispering low in her ear, "Always."

And she could hear it somewhere, a small voice telling her that this was wrong. This was not the way it happened. It was wrong and dangerous and she needed to stay in control. But there was the pull and presence of Tara and she would never be strong enough. She was already falling into her orbit.

Willow slid her tear-slicked cheek against Tara’s and felt the blonde whimper in response.

"Willow?" That familiar catch in Tara’s voice that spoke to a place Willow thought she had buried months ago.

"Oh God, Tara…" She lost herself in the overwhelming smell of her, the impossible feel of her hair against skin and lips. Ran her fingers over the exquisite smooth of her neck.

This isn’t right.
I don’t care.

Willow pulled back slightly to whisper again in Tara’s ear, surrounded by jasmine and sandalwood and everything Tara. The world was liquid again. "I think I’m going to kiss you," she whispered softly and heard the blonde swallow. "Okay?"

I can’t.

She felt the almost imperceptible nod and closed her eyes feeling her way back, sliding her cheek against the heat and flush of Tara’s. Until their lips were that close.

This isn’t real.

She was shivering now uncontrollably as she let her hands slide once more to Tara’s neck to feel the jump and pull of her pulse just under the skin. To reassure herself.

Real.

Willow moved forward slowly feeling the heat between them grow exponentially until her lips finally brushed softly against Tara’s and the shaking stopped. Everything stopped. And it was the first kiss. Awkward and tentative and full of promise. Tara’s lips parted slightly and she heard the whimper, felt the sigh as she took the blonde’s full bottom lip between her own and moaned. Slipping one reality over another, tracing memories over in her mind, everything coming back in waves of taste, smell and feeling. But it was never this good, never this…perfect. Because if it had been she would have died in that room with Tara…

Maybe she did.

As the thought crossed her mind, Willow pulled back slowly to open her eyes. To make sure.

Tara.

Yes.

Golden and glowing with her mouth slightly open, her eyes closed still lost in the kiss.

"You’re so beautiful."

Deep blue eyes opened slowly, heavy-lidded as a lop-sided smile formed on perfect lips.

"You are." Tara stated simply and then lowered her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "I never thought this w-would happen."

"Neither did I," Willow said and smiled for the first time, reaching out to tuck an errant strand of gold behind Tara’s ear.

Clear blue eyes found green again and held them steady. "Can we…again?"

Yes. Always. Everything.

Willow leaned in slowly to bring her lips to Tara’s again. Slow Willow. Slow. This is a first kiss, not a first…everything. And this is shy, sweet Tara. Pre-vixen Tara. So… slow.

She took a deep breath to steady herself, because she wanted everything now. To climb inside Tara and forget it all. Or remember.

But slow.

Bringing her lips to Tara’s in another delicate kiss, she was surprised to feel the blonde’s tongue trace her own in a warm wet line. She opened her mouth and the touch of Tara’s tongue was an incredible relief. It had taken all of her strength to keep her in that other world without Tara, without this. The kiss deepened, and she was winding her fingers through blonde hair, surprised by Tara’s reaction. They had taken things slow in the beginning. Light kisses and hand-holding. Willow wouldn’t even take her shirt off for weeks, embarrassed of her body.

But she could feel the blonde’s desire racing to match her own, building the thing between them with blinding speed. She knew the deep blue of Tara’s eyes with absolute certainty. It meant love and desire. It was the moon that followed her at night.

And that was a problem because that voice was telling her that it was too fast, too much for the blonde witch.

This isn’t how it happened! Not at all. Slow down.

Willow pulled back carefully gasping for air quickly noticing that Tara’s chest was heaving as she struggled to catch her breath.
"I’m sorry Tare," she managed finally. "I don’t want to rush you."
Tara’s mouth curved immediately into a stunning smile, her eyes dancing over Willow’s with mischief.

"Um, you c-couldn’t…rush me Willow," and then rolled her eyes in amusement and embarrassment. "K-kind of an impossibility."

Willow just stared at the blonde in disbelief for long seconds. They had taken it so slow, been so careful not to rush things. And then she understood with blinding clarity. Tara had held all of this back for her.

"You mean?"

"I mean," Tara affirmed softly and then blushed. "Unless you d-don’t want to."

This isn’t how it happened. This is wrong.

She paused again, thinking of the future that wasn’t set. The infinite possibilities spilling out in front of her. Then it hit her, what if this is the last time I ever see her?

I can’t.
Stop.
Everything is new. I’m rewriting the past. With Tara.
Starting right now.

Willow held Tara’s blue eyes with her own and pulled the pink t-shirt over her own head watching carefully as the blonde blinked slowly once and then swallowed.

"Is this r-real because…" Tara began and then stopped as Willow’s hand closed over her own. She moved toward the blonde slowly, raising Tara’s hand and placing it over her own breast as their lips met. They both groaned simultaneously as Tara deepened the kiss turning the room into a furnace. Burning everything away.
Willow brought her hands to the front of Tara’s shirt to find what she had hoped for – buttons. Thank god! Because she couldn’t imagine tearing her mouth away from Tara’s to get the shirt over her head. She fumbled the top two buttons open and finally broke the kiss to bring her mouth to the perfect skin of Tara’s neck and chest. She felt as much as heard the blonde groan again and continued to work the buttons open as she ran her tongue over Tara’s neck to trace the outline of her ear. But Tara stiffened suddenly and Willow froze.

"I’m sorry…too fast?" Willow mumbled, pulling back immediately

"No! N-not too fast…it’s just…" her brow furrowed, two worry lines appearing between her eyes. It should have made Willow panic, but the familiar sight and sound of Tara’s stutter brought tears to her eyes. Everything about Tara was stunning. Even her imperfections. "I have to c-call someone," and then Tara lowered her head, her hair falling forward. "To cancel s-something."

A slow smile began to spread over Willow’s face. The date. What was that girl’s name? And she’s going to cancel. Definitely different.

"Okay," she said softly tracing the line of Tara’s jaw with her fingers.

"I mean, if I’m s-staying," Tara mumbled.

"Oh, you’re definitely staying. Leaving is just not an option," she said gently bringing the blonde’s face up to her own pulling her into another long deep kiss. Tara broke away again carefully pushing Willow back.

"I h-have to tell you something."

"Okay." Willow said easing back onto her elbows.

"I h-had a d-date tonight," she began, and lowered her eyes again. Willow knew she should pay careful attention to her words, but she was lost in the sight before her: Tara, golden hair tousled, lips swollen and red, button down open to reveal her breasts still encased in a sheer white bra.

This can’t be real.
It can't be as easy as two little words.

"Uh-huh," Willow mumbled and reached out to trace the side of one of the blonde’s breasts with her hand.

Tara shivered and then put her hand over Willow’s to stop her.

"Willow, I want you to know the truth and how sorry I am…"

The redhead stopped her with a fierce kiss and then pulled back slowly to rest on her elbows again. She watched amused and then aroused as the blonde’s eyes traveled over her chest, her mouth opening slightly.

"You are so not the sorry party here. If I wasn’t such a clueless dummy you wouldn’t have had to make a date with Miss I’m-so-cool-with-my-leather jacket."

Tara’s mouth began to turn up into another smile as she met green eyes.

"You’re n-not mad?"
"No, but I will definitely be miffed if this phone call takes more than thirty seconds of my Tara time."

She was rewarded with another brilliant Tara smile.

"Okay," the blonde said and then quickly rose to her feet, pulling the button-down closed with one hand. Willow watched her walk, watched the familiar sway of her hips under the olive material of her cargo pants. She would have sworn that she could map the curve of those hips from memory, but even her didactic recollection couldn’t do this simple sight justice – Tara walking across a room. A miracle.

The blonde dialed quickly and turned to face her.

"You know her number by heart?" Willow asked playfully.
Tara froze, deep lines forming between her eyes as she held the receiver to her ear.

"No. I m-mean…her r-roommate’s a f-friend of mine," she should have felt sorry for making Tara stutter, but she couldn’t help herself. She wanted everything. If this was going to be their last moment together she wanted every piece of them in the small space of the room.

"Uh-huh," she said and then moved her hands up to unclasp the bra in the front. Tara licked her lips once before her face flushed scarlet.

"Oh, uh, h-hi S-Sandy," the blonde closed her eyes and turned her back on Willow. "Is R-Rachel there?"

Rachel.

The redhead rose silently and moved directly behind Tara. She could feel the heat pouring off of her, radiating into the air between them.

Alive.

It was more and more real every second. Not a miracle anymore, just a fact.

She brought her arms slowly around Tara’s waist to the bare skin of her stomach and heard the blonde’s breathing catch and then quicken. Bringing her lips to one perfect ear, she whispered low, "You know I tried, I really did, but I just couldn’t be that far away from you…"

"Oh, uh, hi R-Rachel, um…"

"One thousand one," Willow whispered and then kissed the sensitive skin behind Tara’s ear making her jump.

"Ah, um, s-sorry…um, about t-tonight…"

"One thousand five," she began to carefully pull the button-down off of one shoulder kissing bare skin.

"I, uh…yeah, it’s j-just that…" a loud sigh escaped Tara and she cleared her throat.

"Tell her you’re mine," she continued to torture the blonde with kisses on her neck and ears. "All mine."

"I’m, uh…I’m gonna have to c-cancel…"

"One thousand nineteen Ms. Maclay. Could you move that phone to the other ear?" she whispered, her voice hoarse with need. Tara shifted the receiver from one side to the other and Willow pushed the remaining material aside baring both shoulders. She traced her fingertips gently down the blonde’s sides drawing small circles before bringing them up to cup her breasts. Tara’s breath caught in her throat, but she continued to talk to Rachel as if nothing had happened. Willow smiled into Tara’s neck, licking from her collar to the back of her ear as she pulled the blonde against her, pressing her breasts into her back.

"Oh God!" Tara moaned and then cleared her throat again. "No, I’m o-okay Rachel, I j-just re…remembered something…"

Willow was about to begin a new round of tortures when she caught sight of their reflection in the window. The window. Tara. Every muscle in her body locked with the terror of it. She felt the grief and panic move through her again in an agonizing wave, but she held it down. This was not about grief. This woman in her arms was bright and new and now. And nothing mattered but that. Not the future. Not the past.

This is happening.

Nothing but Tara in a bra, a sexy smile on her lips as she looked down at the redhead’s hands and then her own smiling gently into one pale shoulder. It was so familiar the two of them like this. She could never resist holding the blonde from behind whether she was at the mirror or washing dishes – for the redhead it was simply irresistable. It had become one of their most familiar private jokes, but this Tara didn’t know it yet.

This Tara.

And then blue eyes met green, her smile fading as they stared at each other in the glass.

"Tar…" all of the teasing was gone, replaced in one moment by desperate need and Tara somehow seemed to understand, pressing herself back against Willow and reaching behind to grab one hip with her free hand.

"Rachel I’ve really got to go," Willow could still hear the other girl talking as the blonde hung up the phone. Tara held her eyes in the glass for long moments bringing her hands to cover the redhead’s where they rested over her breasts and then slowly turned in her arms. Willow worried briefly that they would return to the gentle teasing, that Tara would become shy. Would want to take things slow.

And then she felt Tara’s hands sliding tentatively over her breasts and gasped.

"So, I’m yours?" she asked and Willow nodded. "So, that means…mine?" the blonde demanded studying her hands as they moved over the flushed skin of the redhead’s chest finally bringing her mouth to Willow’s in a breath-taking kiss.

No slow.

"Yours. Forever," she choked between kisses and felt the tears threatening again as she unclasped Tara’s bra running her hands over the familiar landscape, feeling nipples harden against her palms.

Tara.





Edited by: lipkandy at: 11/10/02 9:14:11 am

She let her hands drop to the waistband of the cargo pants and began to unbutton them.

"Is this okay?" she asked gasping for air and Tara nodded wildly.

"Skirt?" Tara asked and then dropped her head to kiss Willow’s neck, her mouth open and hot on her collarbone.

"Oh God! Zipper… in the back."
As she freed the final button and pushed the material down over Tara’s hips warm hands circled her waist and then the familiar sound of a zipper.

Tara’s mouth moved over her neck back to her mouth before pulling back abruptly.

"Willow I can’t stand up…" she trailed off breathless.

"Bed. Now." Willow gasped and stepped out of her skirt and shoes to sit on the side of the bed.

Tara was still struggling gracefully with her pants and sneakers and Willow felt a steady calm descend on her as she studied her. Followed the sinuous curve and line of her. This is happening. This is real.

And Tara was standing before her, shy again, covering herself with her arms.
       
"Come here sexy," Willow said without thinking.
Not something freshman Willow would say. Definitely not…

But Tara was smiling again and moving toward her. Willow guided her down to sit beside her.
       
"I’m not s-sexy," Tara began, her eyes falling again to the floor.
       
"See now your gonna make me think I’m doing something wrong…" she traced the blonde’s perfect nose and then turned her head gently to face her. "’Cause if I was doing this right," she paused to kiss the blonde gently, "you’d know that you’re the sexiest woman on earth." She punctuated her statement with a long, slow kiss, moaning loudly as Tara’s hands found their way to the back of her head pulling her deeper in.
       
"You’re definitely doing this right," the blonde managed between kisses and then pulled back to study Willow’s face. "Am…am I? ‘Cause you know I’ve never…"
       
"Better than right." Willow soothed. "Definitely righter." And kissed her bare shoulder. "Rightest even."

"But I think it could be righter, you know, if we were, uh, actually on the bed," Tara offered with a mischievous smile.

Oh my God. Sexy is definitely not a big enough word for Tara. It never was.

Somehow they made their way up the bed, falling together in a tangle of limbs and bare skin and Tara was over her, studying Willow’s face. Her hair fell in a golden curtain around them, filtering the light to a soft glow and the redhead felt tears spring to her eyes again.

"I’m afraid I’m too heavy…"

Willow smiled up at her, pulling her down gently into a tight embrace. "You’re not…trust me."

"I do." Tara smiled that beautiful lopsided smile and finally lowered herself onto the redhead’s slim frame, bare skin sliding over bare skin everywhere.

"Tar!" The word was torn out of Willow like a sob as she brought her mouth up to meet the blonde’s in an end-of-the-world kiss.

It was never like this.

There was no line between them anymore, mouths wide open, hips beginning a slow rock in that language that Willow’s body knew by heart.

"These have to go," she mumbled and pulled at the thin strip of fabric on Tara’s hip. The only thing left between them.

"So do these," the blonde responded tugging at Willow’s panties.
The redhead nodded once and shivered as Tara pulled the fabric slowly down her legs and finally let them drop to the floor. Willow sat up slowly and pushed the blonde down to the bed, making her way down that perfect body with hands and mouths, stripping away the last barrier between them.

She knew she should slow down, should focus on committing every moment, every taste and smell to memory, to make it real, but she couldn’t. Because this was the now finally and their love was a verb again, not a noun. There was no memory to draw from, no pattern of love-making to fall into. It was all new and her world had focused down to the space beneath her hands and mouth. Moment to moment as her open mouth moved over a perfect knee, the soft skin of Tara’s stomach, the arch and peak of perfect breasts. She felt it all at once, the everything of Tara, the taste, sound, smell and sight of her as if she had developed a new and separate sense just for this.

And it told her that the exquisite tension that she was holding onto, carefully drawing out and trying desperately to control was building beyond them. The room was no longer large enough to contain their want. And the ache was going to break her. And Tara. She could hear it in the blonde’s breath, the sobbing way she pulled Willow against her body and mouth. Desperate.

This is how it happened:
Hands between thighs, wet and heat and Tara. The slow, impossible pressure and no release. Desperately holding onto this thing between them that had everything and nothing to do with magic. But it wasn’t hers. It was theirs. Hers and Tara’s. And its own. And she couldn’t control it.

Willow knew in that moment with absolute certainty that it wasn’t a dream or a hallucination. It was real. Because nothing, no one on earth or any other possible future or past could make her feel like this. Nothing and no one but Tara.

Their eyes met, black with desire and she felt with that other sense as everything in Tara tensed and then released, screaming Willow’s name.

Willow pulled back once more to study the lines of the face beneath her, the deep blue eyes holding her safe.

Tara.

And finally…let go.

to be continued...




Edited by: lipkandy at: 10/28/02 11:39:24 pm

Um wow.

That was definitely intense..in a good way but intense.

Wow..poor Tara, this has to be so confusing for her right now..to go from friend Willow to sex goddess Willow with nothing in between

Not that I would mind if I was in her shoes but still



I just have one question:

Where exactly did Buffy go after the kisses started?

Great update.. looking forward to much more

Well if Buffy's smart she goes to dismember Adam before he becomes operational Have the Initiative handle the demons/vampires and Buffy and co. live happilly ever after..



or is that to simple ?? . Get Joyce scheduled for an MRI/CAT scan too btw.



I do wonder how Willow is going to talk with Tara though, kinda hard to explain why she cries so much when seeing Tara. I did like that Buffy left them alone instead of coughing for attention and such (she usually does that).



What will happen if Tara wants to do spells together ? Hmm...interesting. How long will Willow & Buffy stay in the past ? Will they meet PastBuffy ('cos PastWillow was alone when she triggered the device if I recall correctly) ?



So many questions, so many possible answers



Grimmy

"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

wow, intense much... *phew*

I wonder, how Willow's going to explain all this to Tara later on, like her crying for example.

This story is getting better and better every time!

Can't wait for more!!

snuggle79

--------------

"I got so lost"

"I found you, i will always find you"

I never read any description saying that Buffy left the room. I mean, she must have left the room... but... it never said she left the room. Or maybe it did and I just totally missed it.



Otherwise... awesome scene!!



Cheers

DW

LOL, I know I kept thinking I sure as hell hope Buffy got out of there fast.



Really an intense and wonderful story. I know we all miss Tara so much and for some reason going through this with Willow really got me. Great work.

Autumn

-----------

BUFFY: I could wrestle naked in grease for a living and still be cleaner than after a shift at the Doublemeat.

WILLOW: Plus, I'd visit you at work every single day.

Just lovely...I am enjoying the understated way that Willow is feeling this experience...and how could it be any harder, for her to get Tara back in this way but to have to pretend it's a first time....and it's a struggle. But the idea of having their love a verb again when it had been a noun, present tense when it had been past....I'm a sucker for grammar loving.



The end part really got me; I like how Willow felt the world condense to just the space between her hands and mouth, and how she felt heat and Tara and this consuming, growing ache that was larger than the roomm.



Those were breathless and beautiful paragraphs.



Oh, and thanks for what you said before about TF!



This is a great story--intense plotting and intense and dead-on characterization. Really looking forward to seeing what happens here.

"And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!" -- Willow in "Doppelgangland"

wow, all of these posts about Buffy still being in the room...

so I went back and checked and realized I'd left out a few lines:





Willow melted as the blonde's mouth made it's hot progress over her chest, arching up into her until Tara pulled back abruptly.



"Buffy?" she looked around nervously, gasping for air. "Is she still...?"



Willow's eyes tracked lazily over to where the Slayer stood behind a tripod. "Oh, don't worry, she's running the video camera."







sorry, I couldn't help myself.

OMG a videocamera A little humor after an intense chapter.

You expressed so well the inner thoughts and turmoil Willow was having, and I'm betting it's now Tara's turn. Would love to know how you would write her thoughts about all this.

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

So will your S4 Willow and Buffy end up in this future? Just curious.



This is an amazing update,very intense and deeply moving. Reading it evoked so many feelings in me and it set off so many trains of thought that I'm not sure how coherent this post will be but here goes.



Firstly, I love your adult Willow. I like how you show her in many aspects;

the scientist, magic practitioner, teacher, friend, grieving widow and lover.

There is a new kind of maturity in her and a quiet courage, this is a woman who has had to cope with unbelievable trauma and who now takes full responsibility for her past mistakes. At the start she is understandably pissed off that Buffy blamed her for their predicament but she holds back her anger and hurt, accepting that, 'It was the logical conclusion'.



I'm guessing that her ability to step back and analyse a situation has become one of her main coping mechanisms. It's fascinating to see how as the story progresses this breaks down and Willow lets go of the tight control she is keeping on her emotions. She shifts from the position of an observer commenting on events

(e.g. This is a first kiss, not a first.....everything. And this is shy, sweet Tara.

Pre-vixen Tara. So....slow.) to a passionate participant in life who has decided,

'I'm rewriting the past. With Tara. Starting right now.'



I like the way you subtly reference key W/T moments in the show.

(e.g Hush and the NMR final scene).

I also like the use of scientific imagery and language at times.

(e.g Willow falling into Tara's orbit, the heat between them growing exponentially).

I like Willow's immediate grasp of the implications of their time travel situation, her familiarity with the relevant scientific theories, how she is able to explain these with a 'Buffy-type example'. I like the fact that although Willow is well aware of the consequences of changing the past, her love for Tara overides this.

( This isn't right. I don't care).



I'm so glad that you didn't make Willow's first meeting with Tara a moment of pure happiness. Even as a viewer of their fictional relationship it's painful to see S4 Tara; for Willow it would be unbearable.

Of course she would be in shock, terrified at the thought of seeing a younger, still alive Tara and you convey the intensity of her grief so well.

Two passages that stand out for me are:



'Buffy,' her voice broke in the middle of the word and she couldn't seem to say anything else.

Like a dream, a nightmare in which her voice was gone. Like the Gentleman.



and then after Willows repeated, ' I can't....'



'Wil you have to,' she heard Buffy say, then a knock.

A soft, tentative knock on the door. Tara.

And then a long , low sound like an animal crying. Keening.

It took her a few moments to realize that the sound was coming from her

as she curled into herself on the bed.



You show her in primal agony, no longer able to control or contain it and it's heartrending. As is her reaction when she catches sight of the window.

And then the recurring refrains, 'I can't' and

'This isn't real. This isn't happening.'

- I loved how you finally turn these both around.

So from

'Tara's gone. This isn't real. This isn't real. She's gone and nothing can bring her ...

Willow finally recognises that, 'This is happening. This is real' because

'nothing, no one on earth or any possible future or past could make her feel like this. Nothing and no-one but Tara.'

And the ' I can'ts ' which at first were about not being able to see or be with Tara eventually become 'I can't. Stop. Everything is her. I'm rewriting the past. With Tara. Starting right now.'



Just seeing Tara walk across a room seems miraculous to Willow, how much more being able to make love to her. I liked how for Willow there was an edge of desperation to this since she knows that the future is no longer set, that there are now infinite possibilities which include never seeing Tara again.

Loved how after she has brought Tara to orgasm Willow finds her own release.



' Willow pulled back once more to study the lines of the face beneath her, the deep blue eyes holding her safe. Tara. And finally....let go. '





Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble for so long, got a bit carried away. I'll end with a few random thoughts....



As a Buddhist I couldn't help noticing that Impermanence features strongly.

I also found myself thinking of a particular teaching which fits well with your 'sensitive dependence on initial conditions.'



This being , that becomes.

On the arising of this, that arises.

This not being, that does not become.

On the ceasing of this, that ceases.





Seems like other underlying themes could be;



memory, remembering and forgetting



forgiveness, faith and trust.



What is real, what is possible. What do we believe is real?

What do we believe is possible?



And of course how Willow and Tara will always find each other when one is lost.



It will be interesting to see what happens when Buffy returns.

Presumably she is still eager to get back to their own time whereas I get the feeling that Willow may want to stay.

Can't imagine where this fic is going to go but I'm totally hooked.

Thanks for another wonderful read.

----------------------------------------------------
'A little tongue, Miss Astley dear? '

from Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters

Edited by: miss calendar at: 10/29/02 5:49:07 pm

okay, I've been kinda lazy on the feedbackfeedback front so here goes (read: taking a break from writing S4 tempus fugit -- babbling Willow is wonderful, but she wears me out!)



and I want to say that I'm amazed at the incredibly articulate and intelligent feedback. it just confirms what I've always known about W/T fans -- we're just smarter



I'm now a total feedback junkie.



cindipitude you'll find out soon where Buffy went. promise. and yes, I went with the idea that Tara wouldn't exactly mind this new sexy version of Wil. could be a stretch...



grim nothing's ever simple in buffyverse (or it wasn't). and you'll get answers soon.



snuggle thanks! and you're assuming that Willow's gonna get a chance to explain to this Tara. not that you're wrong...



darkwiccan actually, this fic spins off into yet another AU where they have a threesome (and can I just say -- EW!!) - thanks again!



autumn and going through it with them both was agonizing for me. it never takes me that long to write!



tulipp yes, the grammar geeks should stick together! I'm a Winterson freak. love the way she uses prose in this lyrical way and...I'm babbling. I loved your use of quotes in terra firma, btw. I keep forgetting to pick up a copy of amy lowell...



jewwitch um, so you've unwittingly outed me for the closet physics geek I am (or did I do that?). okay, I could go on a long-winded far too Willow-esque ramble about time and the limited way our primate brains perceive it, but suffice it to say that although the normal laws of space and time have a place, it's a demon device after all. have you read Kaku's Hyperspace? it's a great read on String Theory. and yes, these two fics are referencing each other, but they're not necessarily the same reality.

don't worry, the whole point of this fic is indeed getting Tara back for real...but in true BTVS style it's not gonna be easy and there will be consequences... thanks for posting. I love your feedback. and for the record, I hope the sex fog never clears



barnabasvamp my goal in life is to not take myself too seriously as for Tara's thoughts, we shall see...



misscalendar WOW! I'll say it again, this is the kind of feedback that keeps me writing even when writing iis driving me frickin' crazy. I love being deconstructed I didn't even think of the Buddhist connection. then again, modern physics is getting so freakily close to mysticism...

and you are scary astute. Buffy wanting to get back to the present and Willow wanting to stay with Tara...not that that's necessarily what's going to happen



xomelissa

Edited by: lipkandy at: 10/29/02 8:49:52 pm

Hey Girl--This really is a powerful installment, for many reasons. I think what really grabbed my heart was Willow's internal battle re: letting herself believe that Tara was real. You paint her internal dialogue so well, and her struggle was just poignant as she fought to keep from letting herself believe what she so desperately WANTED to believe. When Tara knocked at the door, I thought suddenly of "The Monkey's Paw," when the mother wishes for their dead son to return and the father realizes that that wish, if allowed to come true, would only lead to something more horrifying than they had already encountered.



That moment when Willow realizes the date, and the significance of that date, is really well-written. Again, my heart just breaks for her b/c she's trying so hard to do the right thing in the absence of any clear compass of what "right" means in this new time and reality. I'm impressed that she could even question moving toward Tara, considering the depth of her love and grief.



Nice work--as always!

Mary

Willow's amusement at Buffy's disorganisation, seemed typical of her, then the poor love was hit with the realisation as to what day it was. You described so well Willow's logical, sensible mind warring with her need to touch Tara. Really wonderful. Thank you.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

I loved how Willow remembered their first kiss to the day. Somehow that seems so real; those moments that you hold forever and can bring into your mind in a split second. This chapter really upset me. In a good way, though. See, I realised reading this how much I still miss Tara. How much Willow must still miss her. How horrid it is when you can't be with the person that you love; and how you have a sinking realisation that you won't ever see them again. And you encompassed all of that in this chapter. The lovemaking was just so bittersweet, which I think is probably the best kind.



Thank you so much.

You exquisite little tart!" ~ Diana Letharby

Words cannot express how I impressed I am. This is just so brilliant, one the most clever ways of bringing her back. It's all so complex. I was right there with Willow, knowing it was wrong to change the future, but how could she stop that, "This isn’t right. I don’t care." and I don't blame her one bit. The realization that Tara had wanted her so desperately and had waited for Willow to be ready. But here is this more mature Willow who could match her desire. And yet it's so different, never like this says Willow, a more perfect moment than they ever had. I was right there with Willow loving Tara, appreciating her alive again. And that perfect reality becoming actual for Willow, this is how it happened. Very emotional. Thanks.

-------------------------------

Buffy?

Let's change it, the Discovery channel has koala bears.

hey mary, yes I think our Willow is always trying to do the right thing...and sometimes that just doesn't work out (see your fic On Second Thought). that old road to hell...



and ruth, I'm glad I could upset you...in a good way. "how horrid it is when you can't be with the person you love", well I reread your Wish redux in Final Exam and the final scene is just gut-wrenching. even though Tara is a vampire, that idea of her having to spend eternity without Willow...well, it's the same issue isn't it? one of a pair of soulmates dealing with the hell of surviving. thank you so much. your fic is such a delicate balance of humor, emotion and incredible craft.



xita, I'm glad I could do our girls justice... in a new way. it's funny I came up with this 'device' when I was writing the S4 fic, but it seemed such a perfect way to bring these two back together and deal with some of the pain. kind of an exorcism ...getting rid of the ghost of S6 and, in a way, stealing back some of the WT from S4 that was denied to us.



mollyig -- yes, Willow's logical mind is a powerful thing, but I'm of the mind that nothing can stop these two from coming together.



anyway, thanks to everyone for reading and for posting such incredible feedback. I'm off to write and maybe even (gasp!) to sleep for a few hours.



xomelissa

Oh, god. So good. Tommo hit it exactly:

Quote:

---

Somehow that seems so real; those moments that you hold forever and can bring into your mind in a split second. This chapter really upset me. In a good way, though. See, I realised reading this how much I still miss Tara. How much Willow must still miss her.

---

There's so much here that correlates closely, even painfully so, with the thoughts and memories of your readers. The first time. Its crystal-clarity. Looking back on it with the heart and mind of an adult who has experienced its loss. And in the shared world of W/T--Willow's rapid-fire mind, which makes us all love her. And the wrenching loss of Tara, both our own and Willow's. What would it feel like to get back what's irrevocably lost, if only briefly? Putting this in an AU that is only slightly out of kilter makes all these emotional cross-wirings more acute.



Sorry, that doesn't do much as feedback. Just--incredible story. And it is even more impressive in tandem with the S4 version. How are you managing to maintain all the consistencies?

Wow, that was so close to being empowering. --"Same Time, Same Place"

Edited by: ruby at: 10/31/02 9:17:48 pm

I can't believe i didn't start on this sooner! Very Very Good!! Ya know you do the whole time travel thingy very well! I mean yer S4 is sooo awesome, but this S7 is just wow!



The 1st updates were sad with Willow missing Tara and everything pretty much bringing back memories. So bringing W/T together again through time traveling is a really great idea! However i did like the Faith all nice and outta jail thing... so she still gonna be in this fic?



W/T and this last update was just perfect!! You really can't have it go any other way when Willow in her mind thought she'd never be able to see, smell, hear, touch, or even taste Tara again. And of course Tara not knowing about Willow coming from the future thinking its just her regular Will (which it so still is) not wanting to go slow and wanting Willow just as much... definitely loved it!



I hope them doing different things doesn't change things into worse, maybe better, but not worse for their future - that is if it even changes and they get back to the future! And is this gonna connect with yer S4 or is it just kinda similar in ways?



Can't wait till the next update!



~Ashley~

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens. But it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know... insane.

Tara: I said quirky.

This last chapter was almost claustrophobic in its intensity. You describe Willow's growing panic so wonderfully well, it's so palpable.



And when she's with Tara, I love the way you take her from the repetition of questioning reality to convincing herself that it is real, that Tara is there. That she can just reach out and touch her.



I didn't know I was holding my breath until the end. Beautiful work

Bite me, Harris

a short (7 page) update.

ruby actually, it's incredible feedback. thank you. and as far as the consistencies, my GF is helping a lot and well, you'll see...

missquirky I'm so glad you're liking both fics. I know this one is difficult for a lot of people to read because it deals with post S6 trauma, so it's nice to know that I've hit the right note. I just hope I can keep hitting it [img]http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif]

borednow thank you again. I was a bit worried that it would mirror people's angst about the show -- that Tara would return, but not as Tara. As some kind of device to move Willow along. So I had to make it real. because my Tara, this Tara is integral to Willow's character and she can't move forward without her.

on with the fic...

Part VI

[/img]Why didn’t I see this before?

Because you didn’t want to. Because you're the queen of denial.

As Willow slid one cheek along Tara’s in a move that was slow and sensual, Buffy inhaled sharply.

And you shouldn’t be seeing this now. Hello, hot and heavy lesbian sex scene is definitely in the making and you’re still in the room!

Buffy quietly backed away closed the door to their dorm room and stood in the hall unsure of what to do. Should she wait to make sure that Willow was alright? Make sure that in a fit of grief and rage she didn’t go black magic.

An image of Willow wrapped in on herself in grief slipped into her mind and she realized with a wave of guilt that she had never seen her best friend cry for Tara. The redhead hadn’t even mentioned her lost love since her return. Not once. They had all carefully stepped around the issue, assuring themselves that it was best for Willow. That she had moved on with the help of whatever counseling she had received in England, but Buffy saw now with terrible clarity that she had been wrong. They all had. Willow would never move beyond Tara.

And I didn’t do anything for her. Willow is my best friend…what am I saying? She’s more than that, she’s like my soul mate… in a totally platonic, never-gonna-have-sex kinda way…and I couldn’t even let her cry.

Because that was the Scooby way. Somehow, at some point a rule had been written that they would all suffer in silence. And they had. Making their way through terrible loss and grief and because there were more important things to worry about. And there was always something. New apocalypses, new evil. Always something more important and they were all paying for it.

Emotionally retarded, she thought with a smile. Dawn had accused her of being emotionally retarded a month after Tara’s death because she hadn’t cried at the funeral. She hadn’t cried for Tara at all. The teenager was right…as usual. And she was all alone in the future somewhere. Alone with Faith and that device.

The unmistakable sounds of Tara and Willow’s love-making finally filtered through her senses. She felt a deep flush across her cheeks and laughed at her own discomfort.

Why does this make me all uncomfortable? Yep, emotionally retarded. That’s me.

With a sigh she pulled on her jacket and quietly locked the door. There was certainly no reason for her to stay. Now that it was the two of them again. They were all they had ever needed.

She wiped the tears roughly from her face.
Okay, what’s the plan? What am I doing? Oh yeah. Demon device. Checking the house for it.

Another loud moan from inside and her stomach turned over uncomfortably.

Now.

****

"Buffy! I’m home!" Dawn slammed the door behind her and dropped her backpack heavily onto the floor.

"Hello?" she yelled again hopefully. Dawn didn’t have to explore to know that the house was empty. The sound of it, the terrible emptiness of being alone was so familiar, she knew its awful echoes by heart.

"Willow?" she asked quietly, tentatively and was thankful when there was no reply. She hadn’t told anyone, but she was still scared of the redhead and hated to be left alone with her. There was so much they couldn’t say to each other.

"Great. I don’t know why I bother being on time ever," she muttered angrily and made her way up the well-worn staircase. "I could have stayed and had cool eggs with Rain, but no." That was so like Buffy. Everyone had to work on her schedule. Everyone else had to do what she wanted, when she wanted it. But if she was late and ruined everyone else’s plans that was okay.

"Because Buffy’s so much more important than me or anyone else."

Dawn paused as she rounded the corner and found herself in front of Tara’s photo. Looking around guiltily, she brought her fingers to her lips and touched them to the glass carefully. "Sorry I thought that about Willow, Tara, I just…well, you know…" she trailed off unsure of how to finish the statement and knowing that she didn’t have to. Tara had always known.

With another long sigh she made her way down the hall, stopping to check Buffy’s room. The bed was made, the room was tidy and clean. No Buffy. And no clues as to where she was or when she’d be back. Nothing new.

"Guess I should’ve checked the frig," she mumbled and headed back into the hallway toward the stairs, but something stopped her. Movement out of the corner of her eye. Movement where it shouldn’t be in that room at the end of the hall that had been her mother’s and then Tara’s and Willow’s and now, finally was just a guestroom. The guestroom that Willow slept in. The room she hadn’t been in since that day she had spent with Tara’s body.

Okay, think like a Slayer. What would Buffy do? She’d tell you to get your ass out of the house…so, what would Faith do?

Dawn smiled and wiped her palms on her jeans, preparing herself for the walk down the hall. Movement. But there was no one in the house and no sound. The teenager’s skin felt electric, the hair on the back of her neck standing up uncomfortably. And she knew she should leave, should find her sister and let the Slayer investigate, but she didn’t. She looked once to the smiling photo of Tara and took a deep breath to steady herself before walking quietly toward that room.

It seemed to take forever to reach that dark room. The shades were still drawn, leaving it in shadow, but there seemed to be something moving inside. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and crept forward. The first thing she saw was the laptop. The screen was cracked and flickering an eerie green. Then the burn marks and the glass. Black soot scored the walls in large areas and broken glass from the window reflected back the laptop’s flicker. And there was a shimmer in the air, like light projected without a screen. She thought she saw a familiar silhouette and blonde hair out of the corner of her eye.

"Tara?" And she could swear she smelled it – jasmine.

But when she turned to look there was nothing. She stepped carefully into the room knowing that she shouldn’t, knowing with every cell in her body that something had happened here. Something powerful and dangerous. But if Tara was here it couldn’t be bad, right?

Think Tara thoughts. Tara will protect me. Tara will protect me…

Then she saw it and her stomach turned over – the shattered window. The bullet that had ended everything and taken Tara and Willow away from her. And a silver object on the floor that didn’t belong, that felt…wrong.

"Oh God, oh God," she brought a hand to her mouth to stop herself, but she couldn’t because she knew that Buffy was gone. There was magic in this room. Magic and Willow. And Buffy would never have allowed that to happen.

"No," She whispered, but it was drowned out by a wail in the distance. A long, low ghostly scream of anguish that she knew without thinking was Willow.

Buffy’s gone. Willow went dark magic and took her with her. And the bullet…

I’m alone. I’m all alone. Again.

"No!" the word was torn out of her in an anguished scream.

She felt as much as heard the house shake under the impact of something powerful, but she couldn’t move. Her eyes traveled over the ruined room searching for evidence to verify what she already knew. Buffy’s gone.

"I’m alone, I’m alone…" she muttered softly.

"Dawn!" The voice was familiar and loud as it echoed through the house. It was big and insistent and real, not the ghostly wails that reverberated around her in the small space of that room.

"Dawn, what the fuck happened?" The voice was now right behind her, but she couldn’t move. Until she felt the warm weight of a hand on her shoulder gently turning her. "Where’s Buffy?"

Faith.

The Slayer pushed pass her into the room, stake in hand and Dawn studied her back as she assessed the danger, and felt a choking sob of relief work its way into her throat. Because it was so familiar, the strong set of her shoulders and her fighting posture. It was familiar and real and she was there with Dawn.

"Faith?" The teenager finally croaked. The Slayer turned to her, her face full of concern.

"Are you okay?" Faith moved toward her and Dawn watched her eyes as they checked for any sign of injury. And she knew she shouldn’t break, knew she should be tough and strong like the Dark Slayer, but she couldn’t. Not now. So she threw her arms around her and cried into the rough leather jacket. They stood that way for several moments in an awkward embrace, Faith tense in her arms. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she felt the Slayer’s arms close around her stiffly.

"It’s okay D, it’s okay…" the Slayer whispered and patted her back clumsily. "We’ll find her. I promise."

"I’m alone," she cried into Faith’s shoulder. "They’re gone and I’m alone again," she continued, her voice rapidly disintegrating into hysterical tears.

Faith pulled back slowly and held her face between two strong callused hands.

"No you’re not." She wiped the tears carefully from the teenager’s face, her jaw clenched tight as she stared with barely restrained fury into Dawn’s eyes. "You’re not fucking alone!" The Slayer closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her movements immediately reminding Dawn of Tara’s meditation techniques. And then dark eyes flashed at her familiar and wild. "I’m not leaving. Okay?"

And Dawn knew that she could trust the Dark Slayer, despite everything she had heard, all the looks and whispered accusations. She knew it in the way she knew that Tara was still with her. The way she knew without a doubt that Willow and Buffy were gone.

"Okay."

edited because I can't count... thanks I T




Edited by: lipkandy at: 11/7/02 4:02:16 pm

I am so loving this fic!



I just got caught up and wow. The inner dialog in Willow's head in part 3 when she realizes when she is-amazing. It would be a hard choice for anyone, to change the past, especially if it involved someone you loved, and potentially destory the future? Willow made the only choice possible, and I eagerly look forward to seeing what happens now.



And Dawn's summary of what she thinks of Buffy, both the self rightous Buffy and the big sister she loves is great. Buffy is well thought out in part 4 as well. The Scoobies attitues toward letting themselves feel, you nailed it on the head in Buffy's monlogue outside the dorm room. It's all so well done and captures the spirit of all the characters so well.



props to the stinky herbs-

hermitstull

"...and if you've got no other choice, you know you can follow my voice, through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town..."--Hedwig and the Angry Inch



"Stinky herbs are a go." Cordelia in Becoming pt. 2

Edited by: hermitstull at: 11/4/02 12:42:24 am

man, this is getting better and better!!!

poor Dawn, no wonder she's in panic...

i'm curious to see, what's going to happen now.

I really liked what you wrote about Buffy's thoughts about her guilt for not being there for her "best" friend Willow when Tara died.

Great update!

snuggle79

__________________

"I got so lost"

"I found you, i will always find you"

Buffy's realisation as to the soul-felt connection between our girls was lovely. Also liked her realisation that she should give them some time alone!



She has a better understanding of what Willow must have gone through. I think this is important, as she seems now to be re-thinking the "Scooby way" of dealing with things by closing themselves off.



I found Dawn addressing Tara's photo, and using it to muster her courage, to be really touching.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

I really felt how Buffy felt when she finally realized the powerful connection between Willow and Tara. Awesome!

Faith being there to comfort Dawn was a surprise, but seemed like it could have happened.

Me like very much!

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

Great update!! I think i have to agree with everyone bout Buffy's realization on Willow and Tara. It was very good and i'm glad she finally did!



Poor Dawnie thinking she's all alone! I'm glad Faith came! And it was too sweet when Dawn apologized to Tara's picture for thinking that about Willow!



Can't wait 4 more!



~Ashley~

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens. But it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know... insane.

Tara: I said quirky.