@perchiper- I love how excited you are. xD Enjoy this next update!
@AmberGoddess- As fun as angst can get, is what you're saying? xD Glad you're enjoying this; enjoy this next update!
@Egnalos- Oh, I just got back from a trip today. Actually wrote most of this chapter on the way back from said trip. ^.^' How was your trip? Um, yup, several times, along with Saving Grace xD Both girls are on the defense. Enjoy this next update!
@Taralover- Your wish- er, looking forward to- my command. Enjoy this next update! (It's 1:30 in the morning where I am. I apologize for my Miss Psycho Pep Squad behavior
)
@Morrigan- Guess you'll have to read and find out. ;D Enjoy this next update!
@LittleBit- Well, I'm sorry it took so long! Enjoy this next update!
@Vamp_Willz- Once again, you make me blush. ^.^' I'm glad that you like the way I portrayed Anya; I had to have more serious, yet keep her, as you put it, Anyaness. I wasn't sure if I'd succeed. Well, Anya's just under appreciated. xD Well, if you've got no words to describe, I definitely take that as a good thing. ^.^ Enjoy this next update!
@Zampsa1975- Well, you know Willow: Unpredictable. xD Enjoy this next update!
**********************
TITLE: The Cross (May change title later!)
AUTHOR: lilcheesenip
RATING: 14A (Is that a rating? xD) for swearing, and generally just darker topics like suicide, drugs, etc.
DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own any of the characters. Wish I did, but Joss Whedon does. >.>
SUMMARY: When Willow Rosenberg came out to her friends, she expected their full support-or at least some of it. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that they would turn their backs on her, leaving her to navigate the hallways of hell in high school friendless. Now alone, and depressed, Willow struggles to make it through life day-by-day until she agrees to show her language arts teacher's niece around school, and her life changes drastically.
Tara is beautiful, and kind, but that is hardly shown. Traumatized by the loss of her mother, which she witnessed and could not stop, she refuses to let down the walls she has built around herself. Willow tries to break through them only to discover she has similar walls around herself. Can two damaged hearts meet, and finally find peace again?
SPOILERS: None that I can think of. It's all AU, so no monsters, or anything. ^.^ May steal dialogue hear and there.
FEEDBACK: Absolutely! I live for it. ^.^
PART 7
-------------------------
“What?”
“I-I said…” Tara faltered for a minute, then inhaled deeply. “I s-said: Let us s-see your w-w-wrists.”
“Why?” Willow asked suspiciously. Tara couldn’t help but notice that she folded her arms tightly across her chest, pressing her wrists against her sides.
“J-just…Please.”
“But why?” Willow repeated, making no move to do as Tara asked.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Willow!” Anya, knocking her empty coffee cup out of the way, lunged for the redhead. There was a brief struggle, and then Anya retreated back, holding one of Willow’s wrists tightly. Grimly, she raised it into the air and yanked down the sleeve, baring Willow’s wrist.
Something gasped sharply; Tara couldn’t be sure if it was herself or Anya. She was too busy staring at Willow’s bony wrists, the skin that was showing completely ravished with scars. Wide scars that looked like they could only be given by a large chopping knife, smaller pink ribbons that Tara guessed were from steak knives or scissors. The skin of her wrist was pink with scars, with only small specks of pale color.
One of the cuts was fresh; Anya’s quick movement had reopened it. Tara watched, horrified, as Willow’s blood welled up along the small cut, and began to trickle down her upraised arm, the scarlet tears staining her skin with red.
“O-oh my god,” Tara managed to choke out. Even Anya looked horrorstricken; she hadn’t expected the damage to be so great.
Willow stared at them both with stony, red-rimmed eyes, wiped free of any expression besides a quiet anger. She didn’t even seem to notice she was bleeding.
“Well?” She asked softly, angrily. “Are you happy now?”
“Willow.” It was almost a sob; Tara and Willow both looked over at Anya, who was staring blankly at Willow’s wrist. Tears were pooling in her eyes, but she didn’t seem to care. She started to reach forward with tentative fingers, then pulled back, as if she realized what she was doing. “How could you?”
“How could I what?” Willow snapped, “How could I try to
relieve some of the pain? How could I
try to feel less alone? How could I try to do what’s
best for me?”
Tara blinked furiously, trying to clear her own eyes. Hot tears burned them, streamed down her cheeks. “Th-that’s not what’s best for you.”
Willow turned on her viciously. “How do you know that?!” Her voice cracked, and her eyes moistened, but her anger stayed true. Tara flinched under its force. “How do you know that taking myself out of this world isn’t what’s best for both me and everyone else?!”
“Don’t say that!” Anya half-shrieked. Tara and Willow both glanced at her, a little shocked when the tears in her eyes spilled over. “God, Willow,
please don’t talk like that.”
Willow stared at her hard, with that same emotionless expression, even as the blood began to collect in the crease of her elbow and the tears coursed down her cheeks, dripped off her chin.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Anya begged, in that same hopeless, terrified tone. “I’m your friend.
We’re your friends. We wouldn’t be better off if you killed yourself. I mean, my god, Willow! How could you be so selfish?”
Tara was beginning to see a bit of the true Anya coming through; she cringed.
Willow’s eyes went flat. “How could
I be so selfish?” She asked in a dangerously quiet tone.
Anya’s head bobbed fiercely. “Yeah! I mean, what about me? I’m your
friend! God, Willow! If you feel like this, talk to someone! Talk to
me, for God’s sake! And what about Tara?”
Willow’s head swiveled to the side to examine the other blonde; her green eyes scanned her face, saw the pure fear in her normally vacant eyes, registered the tears staining her cheeks. Did her eyes soften the tiniest bit?
“What about her?” But her tone wasn’t as harsh as before.
“Duh!” Anya’s hand flashed out, as if she wanted to smack Willow upside the head, but she stopped herself just in time. “She’s your
girlfriend!”
“She is not!”
“W-w-we’re not…!”
“Oh, please!” But instead of pursuing the topic, Anya’s anger suddenly faded, and she stared at Willow with surprisingly vulnerable eyes. “Why, Willow? I tried to help you. I tried, I really did. But you just wouldn’t…” She dropped Willow’s wrist, and wiped furiously at her eyes, staring hard at her knees.
Something in Willow broke; Tara saw it happen. First her eyes gentled, the anger in them cooling until it was nonexistent. Her body, tensed as if she expected she would have to fight, relaxed. Her hands, clenched into fists, uncurled. Her face crumpled, and the utter hopelessness and pain Tara saw in it tore at her heart.
“I know,” Willow breathed. “God, I know, Anya. And I’m sorry. I just…I just felt that…I don’t know, that you were playing with me? That if I got close to you again, you’d just…leave me like B-Buffy and Xander did. I just…I
couldn’t trust you again. I couldn’t trust anyone.”
Anya studied her for a moment. “But why? I wanted to help you. I wanted to be your friend. Your gay; so what? Why does it matter? You’re still the same Willow you always were. You still have red hair, and green eyes, and that damn pen system for taking notes. You still talk weird, use stupid little phrases like ‘Finey McFine’ and words like ‘Spaz’. You still babble when you’re nervous, or when your excited. The only difference is that you like girls- or, you like Tara, more specifically. Shut it,” She added when both girls opened their mouths to protest. “I guess what I’m trying to say is” –She sighed, and rubbed at her still watering eyes with the heel of her hands, then met Willow’s gaze steadily- “You’re still Willow. I still love you, even though we differ on whether penises or vaginas are better.” Anya cleared her throat, and looked back at her knees. “Or that bunnies aren’t scary, which they
are,” She finished in a mutter.
Willow stared at her for a long moment. And then, slowly, a small smile began to spread across her face. Before Anya could anticipate her next action, she reached out, and dragged the blonde into a tight hug, resting her chin on Anya’s shoulder and closing her eyes as she began to cry, out of joy or pain, Tara couldn’t be sure. Anya looked shocked at first, but didn’t try to pull away.
“I’m sorry,” Willow sobbed softly, “So sorry.”
Anya slowly relaxed. At first, she just patted Willow’s back gingerly, but then her own tears began to spill over again, and she joined the embrace, wrapping her arms around Willow’s neck to pull her closer.
“I know,” She said quietly, closing her own eyes. “I know.”
[center]***[/center]
Willow was still crying a bit when the three of them dragged themselves out of the bushes. While Anya and Willow talked for a moment, too low for Tara to eavesdrop, Tara wandered a short distance away and kept herself occupied by carefully detangling a loose twig caught in her ponytail. She waited patiently until Willow patted Anya on the arm, then waved Tara closer.
“Sorry about that,” She said, sniffling a bit. “Didn’t really want you to hear all my issues.”
“I-it’s okay.”
“Hey, if she hadn’t been there, there wouldn’t have been any issues to hear,” Anya pointed out amiably.
“Not true,” Willow shot back.
“So true. Would you have really come if it had just been me?”
Willow considered that, then shrugged, smiling a bit sheepishly. “I guess not.”
“Exactly. You came because of Tara.” Anya paused, the grinned. “You
liiikkkeee her.”
“Do not!”
“Do too!”
“Oh, shut up, Anya!”
Tara had to bite her lip to keep herself from smiling. But just that, that natural impulse to show amusement at their childish antics, was a shock to her. She went ridged for a moment, but neither of her companions seemed to notice, much to her gratitude.
Anya fanned herself theatrically. “God, it’s hot out. Hey, Wil, you still got that giant-ass pool in your backyard?”
Willow glared at her. “Yes, I still have the pool in my backyard, though it is neither giant nor ass related.”
Anya snorted. “Whatever you say. Let’s swim for a bit, yeah?”
“Sure,” Willow answered easily. A bit sarcastically, Tara couldn’t help but notice. “My mom’s not around, anyways. So it’d just be me and I. And me and I could use the company.”
“That’s gotta be the first time I’ve heard you say that in a long time. You in, Tara?”
“Yeah, c’mon, Tara.” Willow turned to her with her unfair lost-puppy look. “You can borrow one of my many unused bathing suits. I’m sure I have one that’ll fit you.”
Anya yawned, and stretched. “I’m gonna need one of those. But if you give me the one with the bunnies all over it, smiling or not, I’m gonna beat you to death. And then I’m gonna steal all your money to do the economic business around here a favour by using it to open a store.”
“You’re a great pal, Anya. Tara?”
Tara looked over at her uncertainly. It seemed too intimate to her, to wear a clothing article of Willow’s, even if it hadn’t been used. Too close, too real. And Willow’s resilience was a bit scary to her. “N-no, I t-t-think I’ll…”
“Aw, Tara.” Willow took her arm, and led her a short distance away, shooting a dirty look over her shoulder at Anya. “It’s because of her, isn’t she? Don’t mind Anya; she’s always been Pushy McPusherson.”
“N-no, it’s not Anya; she’s g-great.”
Willow’s face fell; she let go of Tara’s arm. “It’s me, isn’t it? I’m too annoying, aren’t I? God, Willow, what’s
wrong with you?” Suddenly, she wasn’t focussing on Tara, instead directing her annoyance at herself.
“W-Willow. Willow, no. I-I-It’s not you. Y-you’re…you’re w-w-wonderful. You’re special.”
Did I really just say those words? God, what’s wrong with me?!
Willow looked up, studied Tara’s flushed face, saw the sincerity, and smiled at her. She reached out, and squeezed Tara’s hand. “Please come,” She whispered.
“Yeah, Tara,” Anya whispered in her other ear, making her jump, “Live a bit.”
“Anya!” Willow glared at her.
“Hey, don’t blame me. The lead-someone-away-to-have-a-private-talk thing never worked for me. It is way too easy to just walk over and eavesdrop. Especially if you two are too wrapped up in each other to notice.”
“Oh, you are
so getting the bunny bathing suit!”
“Oh, I don’t
think so!”
“You wanna fight about it?”
“Yeah, I think I do.”
Anya took a sudden step forward, until they were almost nose-to-nose, and Willow flinched away from her automatically.
“Ha! I win that round. I told you I was the master of the Personal Space game.”
“That was
so unfair! You gave me
no warning at all!”
Tara couldn’t hold back her smile that time. And when Willow saw her smiling out of the corner of her eye, her own goofy grin spread across her face; she bounded over to Tara, and took her hand without thinking, not seeming to notice when Tara cringed.
“Please come. We can go get your bathing suit, if you’re more comfortable with that.”
Tara couldn’t stand to think about how devastated Willow would be if she refused; she could hardly stand her eagerness now. “O-okay. I g-guess. As long as m-my aunt s-says it’s o-o-okay.”
“Yay!” Willow bounced in for what was supposed to be a quick hug, but, when her arms snaked around Tara’s waist, something kept them there longer than they should have. Something just felt so…
right about the embrace; their bodies fit together perfectly. Just when she was leaning forward to rest her ear against Tara’s chest did she catch herself, and nearly tripped stepping back, her face flaring until it matched her hair.
Tara stared at her feet, blushing tomato-red. Willow looked away for a moment, embarrassed, then turned her eyes back to Tara, unable to look away for too long. She cocked her head to the side, studying her.
“Did you mean what you said back then? A-about me being special?”
Tara looked up.
Don’t do it, Tara. Don’t say yes. You’ll give her false hopes.
But she’d be so sad if I said no.
You’d be protecting her.
I’d be lying
to her.
…I’m really arguing with myself. I really am losing my mind.
Against her better judgement, Tara nodded, and offered Willow a fraction of a smile. “E-every word.”
Willow flushed with pleasure, and smiled, embarrassed once more. She looked for at her feet for a moment, then back at Tara. Her head tilted to the side once more.
“You’re special, too.”
“M-me?” Tara half-laughed nervously, and shook her head. “O-oh, no.”
Keeping her head to the side, Willow shook her head as well, examining the taller blonde. “You have no idea what you’re really like, do you? How amazing you are?”
Tara blinked at her. “Hu-huh?”
“Okay, ladies.” Anya elbowed between them; both girls glanced away, flustered. “Save the sex for later, when I’m not around. Actually…Nah, never mind.” Her eyes flickered between the two of them, noted their embarrassment; she grinned. “Aw, how sweet. Two young girls in love. Now, as much as I’m encouraging this relationship, can we go already?”
“Sure. Of course. Let us. Go, I mean.” Willow snapped her mouth shut before she could say anything else stupid, and started walking, only to realize she had no idea where Tara lived. She spun back to the two blondes, and looked at Tara imploringly. “Um…?”
Tara swallowed her laugh. “T-that way,” She said, pointing down the street.
As Willow took lead, trotting ahead of them, Anya fell in step with Tara.
“She’s really got the hots for you.”
“Wh-what…?”
“Likes you. A lot. She told me she thinks your beautiful.”
Tara felt her cheeks grow hot. “Sh-she did…?”
“Well, not verbally.” Anya shrugged. “I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at you.”
Tara stared at the sidewalk, unsure of what she was supposed to say. Willow thought she was beautiful? Anya could really tell that just by looking at the way Willow looked at her?
Tara’s whole body tingled strangely at that idea, the idea that Willow found her attractive. It was an odd feeling. Uplifting. Suddenly, she wanted to sing at the top of her lungs, even though she hadn’t sung since her twelfth birthday.
“So.” Anya rubbed her hands together. “About the sex thing-”
“
An-
ya!” Willow wailed over her shoulder.
“
Wha-
at?” Anya sing-songed back cheerfully.
“Stop bugging Tara! We are
not girlfriends, and we are
not having sex. Even if we were, why would we let
you see?”
“Because I’m your best friend?”
“Not a legitimate enough reason.”
“I want to video tape it and sell it online as cheap but tasteful lesbian porn?”
“You’re
so pathetic!”
Tara couldn’t help it; she smiled again.