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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 8] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 9:53 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Woot! I love this fic! and yay on Tara swimming. Can't wait for more

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I am the Queen of Mosquitoes personified, feel my annoying wrath! ~Willow, The Rose

False Euphoria ~~~ Eternity Again


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 8] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 8:01 pm 
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3. Flaming O

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@Zampsa1975- xD The fact that you said 'big-ass pool' made me laugh xD Enjoy this next update!

@Sarah- Is that so? Ouch. Guess I should know better, since one of my best friends cut herself on a bowl. (How is really beyond me, since the bowl was completely intact. I think she managed to catch her finger on a chipped part. xD) Anyways, enjoy this next update! ^.^

@ashcrash71590- It's Anya; what's not to love? xD Yup, that's always good. Enjoy this next update! ^.^

@AmberGoddess- ^.^ Thank-you and yes good for Tara swimming! ^.^ Enjoy this next update!

******
TITLE: The Cross (May change title later!)

AUTHOR: lilcheesenip

RATING: 14A (Is that a rating? xD) for swearing, and generally just darker topics like suicide, drugs, etc.

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own any of the characters. Wish I did, but Joss Whedon does. >.>

SUMMARY: When Willow Rosenberg came out to her friends, she expected their full support-or at least some of it. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that they would turn their backs on her, leaving her to navigate the hallways of hell in high school friendless. Now alone, and depressed, Willow struggles to make it through life day-by-day until she agrees to show her language arts teacher's niece around school, and her life changes drastically.

Tara is beautiful, and kind, but that is hardly shown. Traumatized by the loss of her mother, which she witnessed and could not stop, she refuses to let down the walls she has built around herself. Willow tries to break through them only to discover she has similar walls around herself. Can two damaged hearts meet, and finally find peace again?

SPOILERS: None that I can think of. It's all AU, so no monsters, or anything. ^.^ May steal dialogue hear and there.

FEEDBACK: Absolutely! I live for it. ^.^


PART 9
-----------------------------------------

Tara stayed at Willow’s until the sun was dipping low in the sky, swimming with Willow and Anya. It was mostly a light-hearted day, but, every so often, Tara or Anya would catch a flash of Willow’s marred wrists, and be forced to look away, unable to take the damage. The sight of it nearly reduced Tara to tears each time.

Finally, around seven o’clock, Tara hauled herself out of the water when her cell phone rang. Wrapping herself in a towel, and quickly drying her hands, she rummaged through her back until she retrieved it.

“H-hello?”

“Tara. So nice to hear your voice again.”

Tara straightened with a jerk; her blood, heated from the summer sun, the exercise, and the proximity with Willow, went cold. Her expression cleared, went blank, automatically hiding her emotions though the owner of the voice could not see them.

“Aren’t you glad to hear from me?”

“H-how did you g-g-get this n-number?”

“That’s not important right now is it?”

Willow, having seen Tara suddenly stiffen, swam to the edge of the pool with Anya following close behind, wary of the sudden change in the atmosphere. When they were close enough to catch Tara’s words, they paused.

“Wh-what do you want from m-me?”

Anya raised both eyebrows at Willow, who just shook her head, her eyes still locked on Tara. Slowly, she began to lift herself out of the pool and onto the ledge.

“N-no. I h-h-haven’t-I-I-I...”

Anya slipped out of the water and both her and Willow got to their feet almost cautiously.

“What is it?” The blonde whispered.

Willow shook her head again. “I don’t know. Something’s wrong. I can feel it.”

They both looked at each other for a moment, but neither of them could supply an answer to the question they were both thinking.

Who?

Tara suddenly snapped the phone shut with something close to a sob. When she grabbed her bag and bolted for the door, Willow broke into a run, and caught her arm before she could make it into the house.

Tara jerked away as if Willow had electrocuted her. “Don’t touch me!”

Willow stepped back, shocked, while Anya hesitated behind her. Tara finally turned to face them, horrified with herself.

“W-Willow, I-”

“Tara, what’s wrong?” Though the concern was still in Willow’s eyes, she seemed more distant than before. Tara internally cursed herself.

“I-it’s nothing...I-I just...I h-have to-”

They all jumped when Tara’s cell phone pierced the air again with its ring.

Willow reached out a hand, already furious with whoever had called earlier and obviously upset Tara. “Let me answer it.”

Anya shifted uneasily behind her.

Tara glanced down at the phone still clutched in her hand, then shook her head. “N-no. It’s o-o-okay. It’s my a-aunt.” She flipped the phone open and held it to her ear with hands that shook. “H-hello?”

There was a break where Tara’s aunt spoke. Tara sucked in a deep breath, and visibly calmed herself. “N-no. I’m s-sorry. We lost t-track of time. I-I’m fine. Yes. N-no, it’s okay, I can w-wa-” –Tara paused, and bit her lip. “A-actually, can you c-c-come pick me up? Okay. S-s-see you soon.”

She snapped the phone shut, and, without looking at the other two girls, turned back to the door. “I h-have to go ch-change.”

“Tara!” Willow jumped around her, blocking her access to the door. “We have to talk.”

“P-please, I h-have to...”

Willow folded her arms, and planted her feet, lifting her chin stubbornly. “Who was that on the phone?”

Tara hesitated. “I-I don’t know.”

“Sure didn’t seem like it.” Anya had come around to join Willow. “We’re your friends, Tara, which means we care about you, which means we feel responsible to protect you. Something wasn’t right about that phone call.”

“P-please. My au-aunt will be here s-s-soon.”

Willow met Tara’s gaze, and, for once, Tara held it. There was a silent plea in her blue eyes, an implore for help. And as they stared at each other, Willow knew Tara wasn’t ready to give up her secrets just then. She blatantly refused to. There was a desperation in her eyes, too, a fierce protection that shrouded her eyes and guarded her emotions. Trying so hard to keep them hidden, so hard she was unintentionally screaming them.

Willow’s jaw clenched for a long time. Then the muscles relaxed, and she stepped aside. “Let her pass, Anya.”

“But-!”

“Just do it.”

Anya’s eyes locked with her’s for a long time. Then she rolled her own, and moved, allowing Tara to pass. Without a thank-you, or even a grateful smile, Tara darted past them and into the house before they could change their minds.

As soon as she was gone, Anya turned on her. “Oh, yeah, that’s the perfect way to get information, Wil! Go all tough and ‘No way I won’t let you pass until you give me what I want’ then go all soft at one puppy dog look! You would make a great cop, Willow.”

“Shut up, Anya, I’m thinking.”

Anya made a sharp sound of disbelief. “Huh! No way am I letting this go; she could be in real trouble, and just because you’re all lovey-dovey-I-wanna-screw-her-brains-out doesn’t mean you should disregard that!”
“I know that!” Willow snapped. But almost instantly, her anger cooled. “There’s just...there’s something not right about her reaction.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but we already are aware of that.”

Willow ignored her. “Something’s wrong. And she’s not willing to tell us. That means she’s scared. But of what?”

[center]***[/center]

That night, Dia Kelly woke to the sound of the radio and a TV blended together. With a frown, she rolled onto her side, and squinted at the clock. 2:42 AM. What’s Tara doing up this early on a Sunday morning? And what the hell is she even doing?

With a quiet groan, she threw back her blankets, sat up straight, then shrugged on the robe she had left draped across the bottom of the bed. She slipped her feet into fuzzy blue slippers, then padded across her room, and out the door, tying the robe as she went.

The TV in the living room was blank, and the little CD player/radio on the counter was off. Dia listened for a moment, then confirmed that it was coming from downstairs. Tara’s room. A little bit of fear curled in her stomach.

Please, God. Not again.

Kicking off her slippers, she hurried down the stairs, ignoring the chill on her bare feet, then down the second flight into the basement. Tara’s door was closed, but she could hear the music and TV, clearly coming from inside her room.

Dia threw open the door without even bothering to knock, and scanned the room anxiously. Just as she had feared, the room was a mess. Clothes were thrown everywhere, the dresser drawers empty and hanging open. The TV screamed Bugs Bunny while the radio wailed mournfully, a despondent love song blaring from its speakers. The pillows on the bed were askew; one was missing. The blanket was crooked, kicked off in a hurry. Katie’s old jewellery box was open, the contents distributed hazardously across the dresser; the photo of the three of them that Dia knew Tara always kept in the same place was gone. The lights were on, but Tara was nowhere to be found.

From the closet, the doors slammed shut securely, Dia could hear sobbing. She wrenched the doors open, and there, curled up in the far corner with her face pressed against her drawn up knees and the missing pillow pressed on top of her head, was Tara. The picture frame lay beside her, the glass shattered.

Dia took Tara firmly by the wrist, avoiding her injured hands, and, ignoring how she flinched, hauled her to her feet, helping her carefully over the glass so she wouldn’t cut her bare feet.

“Come on, Tara. Let’s get you out of here.”

Tara followed her, still crying, though her tears had quieted. Dia marched her smartly across the room and seated her on the end of the bed, still holding her by the wrists. In the light, she could see the wounds on Tara’s hands were more serious than she had thought. A quick examination confirmed her fear.

“You’re going to need stitches. And there’s too much glass in here for me to really do anything.”

Tara stared at her knees, and refused to look up, even when Dia wrapped her hands carefully in strips of a worn towel, torn two weeks earlier, specifically for the task, and knotted them loosely. She helped her niece up, keeping an arm around her waist, and led her towards the door, pausing to switch off the TV, radio, and lights. As soon as the darkness fell around them, Dia felt Tara cringe beside her. She murmured a few words of comfort, hoping they would soothe the distraught girl, her mind focused only on remaining calm enough to drive Tara to the emergency room.

Tara was silent the whole drive, her eyes on her crudely bandaged hands. Out of the corner of her eye, Dia could see she was shaking. Her tears had subsided, and only a few lingered on her pale cheeks.

“You okay over there, Tara?” Dia asked softly.

Tara just nodded stiffly.

The nurse who attended to Tara was no stranger; it was the same nurse who had been weekly checking up on the girl, both a therapist and a nurse in training. Tara sat in the same stony silence as the nurse- Lila, she’d insisted they call her- plucked the glass from her hands, then held patiently still while she was injected with a local aesthetic and stitched up quickly, but efficiently. Her blank expression never changed, even when Lila questioned her. She refused to answer.

Finally, Tara was left in the room to nurse her hands alone while Lila joined Dia in the sitting room.

“Will her hands be okay?” Dia asked as soon as the nurse was in sight.

“They’ll heal.” Lila grimaced. “But I’m afraid her hands will be in some pain until they do.”

Dia collapsed in her chair, and covered her face with her hands. “I thought she was doing better,” She whispered hopelessly, fighting back tears, “She even went out yesterday, went swimming with some new friends. She seemed happy...I thought for sure she was getting better. And then she went and pulled this again.”

Lila settled in the chair beside her and put her hand on her arm. “Losing her mother the way she did was horrifyingly traumatic to her. From what I understand, Tara is a natural pacifist; she processes great acts of violence, such as the murder of her mother, differently than most people. She’s trying to cope with it, but she’s too traumatized. The event occurred at night, did it not?”

Dia nodded without looking up. “But that has nothing to do with this.”

“The point is the darkness reminds Tara of that night. She can just simply turn off the lights, and all the memories will come rushing back before she can stop them. People with PTSD are like that; little things can trigger the memories and have her terrified in seconds. Have you tried getting her to sleep with a nightlight of some sort?”

Dia smiled bitterly into her hands. “She refuses. She tells me that she’s not a baby and that she’s fine.”

Lila smiled, sharing in the other woman’s bitter irony even though her mind was racing, desperate to find a solution. From the time she had treated Tara, she had grown to care for her more than she did her other parents. Tara was different. She never complained, she was always polite, and no matter what pain you put her through, she refused to lash out. The quiet strength that resided inside the teenage girl both surprised and inspired the nurse to help her and ease her suffering.

“She’s anything but fine.”

“I know that.”

“It’s like...” -Dia paused, and her next words came out slowly, unsurely- “It’s like she doesn’t want to be helped.”

Lila considered that. “Maybe it seems to Tara that if she gets better, if she lets go of that memory, or that’s night, she’s letting go of her mother. Accepting her death. Letting her be dead. I think her clinging to that memory is her way of keeping her hope alive. That maybe it was all just a bad dream that, if analyzed correctly, can be rationalized. If she studies it hard enough, maybe she can find a solution, a way her mother could have survived.”

“She watched them bury her. She watched them put her mother in the ground, and she still can’t accept it?”

Lila gnawed on her bottom lip for a moment. “I think...I think Tara feels that if she lets go, if she accepts...if she allows her mind to believe that it really happened, it would be like betraying her. As if she means nothing. She just needs time.”

“She’s running out of time.”

Lila sat back, and studied the other woman, bewildered. “I don’t understand your meaning.”

Dia finally looked up. Her eyes were red rimmed, her cheeks tainted with saltwater, but she was oblivious to her tears. “You think she’s got nothing but time. You’re wrong. See, the thing people never think about when it comes to teenagers is that their time is just as limited as any elder. They’re smart. If they want their time cut short, they’ll find a way.”

“Are you...suggesting Tara has considered suicide?”

Dia’s shoulders sagged; her eyes closed, and a few more tears seeped out from under her eyelids. “Wouldn’t you have?”

Lila patted the woman’s arm, unsure how to comfort the distraught aunt while, unknown to both of them, Tara slipped back down the hall and to her room, crystal beads of her silent agony staining her cheeks.

_________________
|Saving Grace| |The Cross||Never Let You Go| |Keeping Destiny|


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 9] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 8:19 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey
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OK, that was creepy.

Good job on giving the story a whole new twist.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 9] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 2:54 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Tara enjoyed the swim... I truly truly hope that Tara opens up to Willow and tells who the creapy caller was...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 9] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 9:01 am 
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5. Willowhand
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wow
i hope that tara starts to get better
and whoever called needs to not call anymmore
can't wait for more

Ash :peace


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 9] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 9:09 am 
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Poor Tara. :(


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 9] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:39 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Yeep. NO fun there, but good that she had fun at the pool while it lasted. Tara needs to talk, but I think it's good Willow didn't push. I hope she opens up soon, and tells Willow (and us!) what happened. More soon please!

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I'm under your spell...

I am the Queen of Mosquitoes personified, feel my annoying wrath! ~Willow, The Rose

False Euphoria ~~~ Eternity Again


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 9] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 1:00 pm 
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And so we learn that Tara has more in common with Will than she will admit.

I'm guessing that the mysterious caller would be either her dad or brother. Either way, my impulse is to beat them down...

looking forward to the next..


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 9] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 8:24 pm 
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@MochaVamp- ^.^ Thank-you; glad you found it creepy. Thanks for commenting and enjoy this next update!

@Zampsa1975- Here's hopin'! Thanks for commenting and enjoy this next update! ^.^

@ashcrash71590- Well, we can pray, can't we? xD Thanks for commenting and enjoy this next update! ^.^

@Taralover- I know :( She always gets the rough breaks- at least with me. xD Though Willow is definitely not a rough break. Thanks for commenting and enjoy this next update! ^.^

@AmberGoddess- You're just dying to know, aren't you? xD That makes me pretty darn happy. Thanks for commenting and enjoy this next update!

@Morrigan- At the moment, Tara's not really willing to admit anything. I love how violent we fans are when it comes to any attacker towards Wil or Tara. xD Thanks for commenting, and enjoy this next update! ^.^

*****
TITLE: The Cross

AUTHOR: lilcheesenip

RATING: 14A (Is that a rating? xD) for swearing, and generally just darker topics like suicide, drugs, etc.

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own any of the characters. Wish I did, but Joss Whedon does. >.>

SUMMARY: When Willow Rosenberg came out to her friends, she expected their full support-or at least some of it. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that they would turn their backs on her, leaving her to navigate the hallways of hell in high school friendless. Now alone, and depressed, Willow struggles to make it through life day-by-day until she agrees to show her language arts teacher's niece around school, and her life changes drastically.

Tara is beautiful, and kind, but that is hardly shown. Traumatized by the loss of her mother, which she witnessed and could not stop, she refuses to let down the walls she has built around herself. Willow tries to break through them only to discover she has similar walls around herself. Can two damaged hearts meet, and finally find peace again?

SPOILERS: None that I can think of. It's all AU, so no monsters, or anything. ^.^ May steal dialogue hear and there.

FEEDBACK: Absolutely! I live for it. ^.^

Author's Note: When I was struggling to write on this update, I decided to make a vid about this fanfic. It's a trailer-ey type thing, and I'm kinda proud of it. ^.^ You can find it here




PART 10
--------------------------------

“Wil! Wil! Willllloooowwww! Yoo hoo! Hey! Wait up! Not you; I don’t know you, thank-you very much.”

Willow stopped in her tracks when she realized that there was someone half-screaming at her. She glanced over her shoulder, only to find Anya running across the street. Two cars screeched to a halt to avoid hitting her, and one of the drivers gave her the finger; she rudely returned the gesture, and continued on her trek.

“So, Wil.” Anya doubled over when she reached her, fighting to catch her breath. “Haven’t got that hearing aid yet?”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Willow demanded.

Anya straightened, looking a little surprised- and hurt- by the redhead’s sudden anger. “...Talking to my friend?”

Seizing the oblivious blonde by the arm, Willow dragged her away from the main sidewalk and around the side of the building where most students who craved a cigarette escaped the building, and out of the public’s eye.

“Do you really have nothing but empty space up there?” Willow asked sharply as soon as they were safely hidden.

Anya visibly winced, pulling her arm free from Willow. “Ouch. That one actually kinda hurt.”

Willow gritted her teeth, and shook her head in frustration. “What the hell are you thinking? People are going to see you!”

Anya was bewildered. “Don’t they usually?”

“Anya!”

“Sorry, sorry. What’s got your panties in a bunch?”

“My panties are not-! You know what, I’m not even going to have this conversation with you. My point is people are going to see you with me- Buffy and Xander, specifically.”

Anya snorted. “Who cares what Buffy thinks? She’s been bitchy to me since you guys fought, anyways. She’s turning into Cordelia; it’s like she’s permanently PMS-ing.”

Willow almost grinned, before she realized that the comment was about her former best friend- who she really didn’t hate- and that Anya was trying to change the subject. “What about Xander, then? I know you care what he thinks.”

“He’s expendable.”

Willow narrowed her eyes. “You’re lying,” She said accusingly.

Anya sighed, and folded her arms, suddenly uncomfortable. “Okay, fine, I do care. But he’s my boyfriend, which means he’s gotta know who my best friends are. You and Tara are included in that category.”

“You’ve only known Tara for a month!”

“So have you,” Anya shot back, refusing to be beaten, “but that didn’t stop you from falling in love with her.”

Willow blushed, and looked down at her hands. Anya spoke the truth; in the month since Tara had come to live in Sunnydale, Willow had found herself falling hard and fast for the blonde.

Anya, seeming to realize how close they were to fighting, sighed, and decided to be the pacifist for once.

“Okay, look. I don’t hate you or Tara. And I miss you. And I like Tara a lot- not like you, but as a friend. She’s the same kind of special as you. And we’ve gotta stick together. We have to help her. She needs help, soon, and we’re the only ones willing to give it.” Anya slung an arm around the redhead’s shoulder, and directed her around the building and towards the front door, ignoring the stares they received. “And that, my friend, is what the hell I’m thinking.”

Willow shifted uncomfortably at all the attention. Then she lifted her head, and grinned at the blonde, rolling her eyes. “That’s the closest I’ve ever heard to a motivational speech from you. Buffy’s rubbing off on you.”

“I know.” Anya feigned horror. “It’s horrible.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes. The stares didn’t bother Willow anymore; they were just two best friends, doing what best friends did. She even glared at a few people until they looked away.

As they were climbing the stairs, Anya said: “You know what I’m thinking?”

Willow glanced at her, amused. “No. It’s scary to consider, actually.”

“Shut up.” Anya dropped her arm, then bumped her shoulder playfully against the redhead’s. “What I was thinking was a movie night, this coming Wednesday, since we have Thursday and Friday off for that teacher’s convention thing. You, me, your house, and all the romantic comedies we can find. You in?”

Willow smiled at her. “You don’t want to spend the break with Xander?”

“I see him every night.” Anya flapped a limp hand dismissively. “‘Sides, I could use a Girls Night, and I’m really sick of all the old movies Buffy’s been forcing me to watch.”

Willow looked down as they entered the school, focusing solely on the tile that made up the school floor and trying to push back the sudden hurt. No matter how much Buffy hated her, she’d never expected her to replace her in the old-movie-sleepover routine. It hurt a lot more than she considered healthy.

Anya tilted her head to the side, studying the suddenly quiet redhead. “Willow? What’d I say? If you want to invite Tara, too, you can. You know I’m all for having her around. Wil?”

Willow looked up again, and forced a smile. “Nah. She’s probably sick of us clinging to her. It’ll just be the two of us. A Girl’s Night. Sounds like a plan.”

Anya was quiet for a moment as they lingered in the entry, unsure if she should voice her next question. She decided to anyways. “You gonna ask your Mom?”

“She won’t care.” Willow scuffed a shoe across the tile. “Anyways, you’d better get going. Buffy and Xander will be looking for you.”

Anya reached out a hand uncertainly; Willow stepped back out of her reach.

“Willow...”

“Really.” Willow faked another smile. “Call me tonight and let me know, okay? I’ll check the weather and see if it’ll be warm enough to go for a swim.”

The development in plans distracted Anya from her earlier concerns. She brightened, and grinned. “Always the computer nerd. Sounds good to me. I’ll talk to you tonight, then?”

“Tonight.”

Anya offered Willow a parting smile, which Willow hastened to return. Then, with a wave, turned, and headed down the hall towards her locker. Willow watched her go, then, hugging her L.A. textbook and notebook to her chest, took the opposite direction that would lead her to her locker.

[center]***[/center]

“Got plans for lunch, Tara?”

Tara looked up from her notebook, in which she had painstakingly been copying the last two sentences of the Social notes. She glanced down at her notebook, then sighed internally. Screw the date of Treaty 7. She allowed her trembling fingers to slowly relax enough that she could drop her pencil, careful not to disrupt the still-healing wounds of her cut hands.

“I p-p-planned to eat l-lunch with my Aunt.” Tara allowed herself to half-smile up at Willow; Willow stared back, fascinated by Tara’s crooked smile, completely missing Tara’s reply.

“W-Willow?”

“Oh. Me. My name. Yes?” Willow blushed, and cursed her stupidity. “I-I mean, if you’re not completely committed to your Aunt, Anya and I are having lunch in the Bush House. You’re welcome to join us.”

Tara flexed her stinging fingers are she considered that, making a mental note to re-bandage and disinfect her hands when she got home. Then she looked up at Willow, waiting with a hopeful expression, and nodded.

“S-s-sounds like a p-plan.”

“Yay!” Willow jumped up from where she was perched on the end of Tara’s desk, and was about to break into a little happy-dance before she realized what she was doing, and composed herself. “Wow. This is definitely why I don’t do wild.”

Tara looked at her questioningly.

“Wild on me equals spaz,” Willow explained matter-of-factly. “It’s like a spaz on spaz-enhancing steroids.”

Tara chuckled, a surprised sound. Willow delighted in being the one to bring it out of her. With a smile, she helped Tara gather her books. When she handed them to the blonde, their fingers brushed, and Willow just barely kept herself from curling her fingers around Tara’s. As soon as she recognized the impulse, she pulled her hand back.

Tara busied herself with slipping her books into her bag. “Th-thanks,” She murmured shyly.

“No problem.” Like always, when Willow was nervous, she babbled. “We’d better hurry. Anya’s probably wondering where the hell we ran off to, and thinking we’re doing each other behind the bleachers or something- Eep!” Willow clapped a hand over her mouth, and went bright red.

Tara couldn’t help but be amused at Willow’s slip, even though the fantasy both appealed to her and frightened her.

“T-to Anya, then.”

Willow nodded, lips pressed together, and darted towards the door before she could say anything else incredibly embarrassing. Tara followed her with another quiet laugh.

[center]***[/center]

Anya was indeed waiting impatiently in the shelter of the bushes when the two girls entered, but she refrained herself from making an embarrassing comment, for their sakes, instead choosing to launch into an animated explanation to Willow, who dazedly tried to keep up.

“-And I talked to my Mom, and she told me I could stay both nights, if I wanted. So could we extend it to a double sleepover? Then Friday I can go see Xander, and all will be well in the world. I was thinking Romantic Comedies the first night, and action/horror the next. Do you think that’ll be okay?”

Willow took a moment to let all that sink in. She glanced at Tara out of the corner of her eye, only to see her quietly absorbed in unwrapping her sandwich, chivalrously allowing them to talk between the two of them. Remembering Anya’s invitation to allow Tara to come, she turned towards the blonde.

“Tara, Anya and I are planning a major movie marathon Wednesday and Thursday night. Do you want to come?”

“But, Willow, I thought you said-”

Willow elbowed Anya in the ribs to shut her up, then turned back to Tara.

Tara smiled at them both, and shook her head. “I a-appreciate the offer, but I-I have plans.”

“Plans?” Willow echoed, disappointed, and, though she was unwilling to admit it, a little jealous that someone who wasn’t her or Anya was more important.

“I p-promised my Aunt w-w-we’d have a movie night, s-since she doesn’t have to g-go to the conference.” Tara smiled wryly.

“Oh.” Willow perked up at that. “Okay. Maybe next time.”

Anya and Willow mostly talked over lunch, discussing possible movie choices, while Tara was silent, eating her food and allowing the two friends to plan. Halfway through lunch, her cell phone vibrated to alert her to a text message. Knowing it could only be one person- though her heart jumped slightly at the thought of her terrorizing caller moving onto the idea of harassing her through text since she had allowed the last call to go to her voice message- she pulled it out, and flipped it open. Sure enough, the message was from her Aunt. She opened it, and scanned it quickly.

Just told i have to go to conference. Have to cancel our plans. Really srry, Tare. Talk to you after school.

Dismayed at the idea of spending three days alone in the house, Tara took her time replying, fighting the sudden fear coiling in the pit of her stomach and blocking her throat.

No problem. I’ll be fine. By the way, for an L.A. teacher, you have terrible texting grammar.

She snapped her phone shut, and looked up. Anya and Willow were watching her curiously.

“J-just my Aunt,” Tara said. Her phone vibrated again, and she checked the message.

Smartass.

She smiled at that, then slipped her phone back into her pocket without replying. Willow and Anya, accepting her explanation, had returned to their early dispute about the value of the Saw movies- Anya loved the excessive blood and gore while Willow deemed it unnecessary violence that entertained 'freaks like her'- so Tara went on quietly eating her lunch, struggling against the despair threatening to overtake her.

[center]***[/center]

Anya showed up at four o’clock sharp on Wednesday evening, just as she’d promised, hauling a backpack and a suitcase with her. Willow allowed her to step into the house, then pointed at the suitcase with her chin.

“What’s with the suitcase?”

Anya’s eyes gleamed. “I found so many awesome movies that I needed a separate bag to carry them in.”

Willow rolled her eyes.

The two girls were in the middle of preparations an hour and a half later, already eaten and changed into pyjamas, and were sorting through the movies when the doorbell rang. Willow tipped the last of the third bag of popcorn she had made into the popcorn bowl, and frowned.

“Who’s that?” She wondered aloud.

Anya, torn between The Truth About Love and No Reservations, didn’t look up. “How the hell’m I supposed to know? S’your house.”

Willow flicked a dishcloth lying conveniently nearby at her- Anya just ducked, avoiding it easily- and headed for the door. She unlocked it, and opened it, only to find Tara standing on the doorstep with a backpack on her shoulder and an apologetic smile on her face.

“H-hi,” She said, almost sheepishly, “H-have room for o-o-one more?”

_________________
|Saving Grace| |The Cross||Never Let You Go| |Keeping Destiny|


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 10] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 11:28 pm 
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Posts: 114
TITLE: The Cross

AUTHOR: lilcheesenip

RATING: 14A (Is that a rating? xD) for swearing, and generally just darker topics like suicide, drugs, etc.

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own any of the characters. Wish I did, but Joss Whedon does. >.>

SUMMARY: When Willow Rosenberg came out to her friends, she expected their full support-or at least some of it. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that they would turn their backs on her, leaving her to navigate the hallways of hell in high school friendless. Now alone, and depressed, Willow struggles to make it through life day-by-day until she agrees to show her language arts teacher's niece around school, and her life changes drastically.

Tara is beautiful, and kind, but that is hardly shown. Traumatized by the loss of her mother, which she witnessed and could not stop, she refuses to let down the walls she has built around herself. Willow tries to break through them only to discover she has similar walls around herself. Can two damaged hearts meet, and finally find peace again?

SPOILERS: None that I can think of. It's all AU, so no monsters, or anything. ^.^ May steal dialogue hear and there.

FEEDBACK: Absolutely! I live for it. ^.^

Author's Note: 'Nother chapter!

PART 11
--------------------

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away from me. I’m just too irresistible.”

Anya smirked when Tara looked down, a little embarrassed because she knew exactly who Anya was referring to. But when Anya laughed at her, Tara looked up, and went cross-eyed at her- her way of mocking her. Anya just chuckled.

Willow punched her on the arm. “Anya! Stop that!”

“Hey, she’s fighting back. I’m just defending myself.”

Tara frowned, the picture of innocent puzzlement. Willow punched Anya again, and Anya grimaced.

“Damn. Tara fights dirty. You’re good. You have any older siblings you always blamed for everything?”

Tara was suddenly quiet, the playfulness in her eyes dissolving. “An o-older brother. D-Donny.” She looked down at her hands, clasped and resting on her ankle, the most natural place to place them in her cross-legged position.

Willow frowned at Anya. Anya held up her hands in surrender.

“What did I say?” She mouthed to Willow. Willow just shook her head.

As soon as Tara had been invited into the house by a slightly stunned Willow, she had been swept into a whirlwind of energy, blonde and red hair, and green and brown eyes- otherwise known as Anya and a quickly-recovered Willow. Tara had been jostled from the kitchen, where she was offered leftovers spaghetti and urged to eat, up the stairs to Willow’s bedroom, where she was swiftly relieved of her bag, to Willow’s private bedroom, where she was ordered to change into her pyjamas. A little afraid to argue with a resolute Anya, she had done just that, and the three were now lounging on Willow’s King-Sized bed, deciding on what order to watch the movies in.

“Hey, something for the lesbians.” Anya held up a movie case, and both Tara and Willow leaned forward automatically to get a better look; when their shoulders touched, both girls blushed, and shifted away. Anya only rolled her eyes. “I heard Imagine Me and You was a top-notch lesbian movie. Two hot guys with British Accents for me, girl-on-girl action for you two.”

Tara blushed hard and stared at her hands. Willow, with a quick glance at Tara, lunged for the movie.

“Right. This one’s first. Tara?”

“F-f-fine with me.”

“Alright then. I’ll go put it in.”

“Hey, don’t I get a say?” Anya protested.

Willow turned, already halfway to her TV, and dangled the movie invitingly between two fingers. “British accents, Ahn.”

“Alright, I’m in.”

The three of them manoeuvred into comfortable positions as the warning began to play across the screen, Willow and Tara on the floor, leaning against the bed with the popcorn bowl between them, and Anya sprawled across the bed with her chin propped up on her forearm. Willow fast forwarded until she hit the movie, and the three of them settled down to watch the movie.

Half an hour later, the Willow and Tara were so glued to the movie that Anya had to repeat: “Pass the popcorn” four times before they heard her. With her eyes still locked on the TV screen, Willow groped until she found the bowl, then handed it up without the least regard of where it was going.

“Ow!” Anya complained when the bowl made contact with her nose. “Watch it!”

“Sorry,” Willow said, though she didn’t mean it.

By the end of the movie, Willow had been reduced to tears. When Tara and Anya both glanced at her, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve, she hid her face.

“Oh, you’re such a baby!” Anya said, disgusted with the redhead.

“It’s just so...sweet,” Willow said, her voice hitching as she tried to control her sobs.

Tara smiled to herself. “I-I think I liked Luce the b-best,” She mused.

“Oh, no.” Anya shook her head. “Edie was the one to love.”

“She was h-hardly in it.”

“It’s the secondary characters that shine.”

Tara shook her head, and settled back against the bed. “N-nah. I still l-like Luce. Personality w-wise especially. But th-then again, I’ve always h-had a thing for redheads.”

She looked at Willow out of the corner of her eye to see if she would react, but Willow was too busy slowing down her tears for it to really register. Tara looked down at her knees, a little disappointed.

“Well. That was not as boring a movie as I thought it would be,” Anya said as she sat up, and stretched.

“I thought it was beautiful,” Willow protested. “Give it some credit.”

“Oh, go cry over your spilled milk somewhere else.”

Willow scowled at her friend; Anya seemed to let that one slide, but, halfway through the next movie, she shoved a handful of popcorn down the back of Willow’s sweater as payback.

[center]***[/center]

Four movies later, at about two o’clock in the morning, Anya had passed out on the bed with her head in the popcorn bowl. Tara helped Willow pull the blonde out, pick the popcorn from her hair, then haul Anya back to the top of the bed. They draped the quilt over her, then left her, still out cold, to sleep in peace.

“You wanna watch another movie?” Willow asked when they were both sitting against the back of the bed.

Tara considered that. “I think Anya’ll b-be mad if we w-w-watch some without her.”

“We could watch a movie we’ve already watched?”

Tara glanced at her, amused. “L-lookin’ to watch Imagine Me and You a-again?”

“It was a good movie!”

Tara smiled, and let her head fall back to rest against the bed. She shut her eyes, and said, “Yeah, it w-was.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Then, with a sigh, Willow dragged herself to her feet.

“Looks like we’re taking the floor tonight. Is that okay? I can get a mattress or something.”

Tara opened her eyes, and shook her head. “It’s okay. I-I’m good with the f-f-floor.”

“Wanna help me find some blankets, then? We’ll make a bed.” Willow offered a hand, and, after a long moment of hesitation, Tara accepted it. Willow helped her to her feet, and the two of them headed out into the hall. They loaded themselves down with as many blankets as they could carry, added four pillows on top of the stack, then headed back to Willow’s room. The blankets were discarded at the end of the bed. Then, working together, Tara and Willow spread all of the blankets but two and arranged them into a nest. Then they flopped down together, each with their own blanket and two pillows.

They lay in silence for a long moment, their backs to each other. Willow couldn’t be sure if Tara was awake or not, but she felt almost awkward to be lying next to the girl she was half in love with. The impulse to reach over and put her arms around her was strong, and almost impossible to ignore.

“W-Willow?”

Willow turned her head, only to find Tara had turned to face her, her head cushioned on one of her hands.

“Yeah?”

“Th-thanks.”

“You’re welcome here anytime.”

“N-not just for that.” Tara hesitated for a long moment. “N-no one’s ever...d-done this before.”

“Invited you over?”

In the darkness, Willow couldn’t see Tara’s expression properly, but she thought she saw a flash of pain in her blue eyes before they closed.

“C-c-cared about me.”

Willow searched in the darkness until she found Tara’s free hand. She squeezed it lightly. “Your mom did. Your aunt does.”

“They’re family.”

Willow shifted so she was laying on her side, fully facing the blonde. She had almost completely forgotten she was holding her hand, it felt so natural. “You mean you’ve never had a friend?”

“K-kind of pathetic, i-isn’t it?” Tara said with a wry chuckle.

“No.” Willow closed her eyes for a moment. “I think it’s kind of sad.”

They were both quiet. Willow opened her eyes, and studied Tara’s shadowed face. The blonde’s eyes were still closed.

“Tara?”

“Yeah?”

“Me and Anya...we’re here for you. You know that, right?”

“Y-yeah.” One side of her mouth lifted in Willow’s favourite crooked smile. “And W-Willow?”

“Mmm-hmm?”

“Me and Anya a-are here for y-y-you, too. You...” –Willow heard Tara swallow nervously before she continued hesitantly- “A-are you still c-c-cutting yourself...?”

As they lay in the darkness, hands entwined, it was hard for Willow to remember the utter despair that had pushed her to take a blade to her wrist, driven her to believe that too many pills were the only way out of the pain. But she knew it was still very there, still very real, still buried deep inside her, just waiting for the right moment to break free. The right taunt, the right thought could push her over the brink she was precariously teetering on. One wrong move, and, in the span of a heat beat, she would fall again.

Tara misinterpreted her silence. “S-s-sorry,” She said softly, “That’s a v-very personal question, and I h-h-have no r-right to-”

“Not since that Friday you came,” Willow interrupted her. She took a breath, then added: “I haven’t cut myself since that Friday morning.”

The day we met. Tara pondered that thought; did Willow’s sudden streak have anything to do with her? Or was it because Anya, once her best friend, was a constant presence in her life again? “A-are you trying to stop?”

“I can’t stop,” Willow whispered. She paused, and then suddenly her words came out in a rush, heated and fast, flashes of her suffering released into the darkness. “I’ve tried, and I’ve tried, but I just...I can’t stop. I want to. I really do. I just...I don’t know. I just feel...a need to...a need to hurt myself. And I don’t know why. Maybe I need help...maybe I...I don’t know.” Her voice wavered, threatened towards a sob.

It was Tara’s turn to offer a comforting squeeze of the hand. Willow closed her eyes, and sucked in a shaky breath to regain control of herself. Then she opened her eyes again. Tara watched her closely, the concern evident, even in the darkness.

“Th-thanks...for listening. I haven’t really felt the need to...you know...not since you and Anya...” Willow let that thought trail off, and took the chance of reaching over, and tucking a loose lock of Tara’s hair behind her ear.

Tara felt her lips part at the touch, both in anticipation and fear. Should she protest? The closeness was different now, the air between them changed. They were no longer two friends talking; the air became heavier, harder for Tara to breathe in when Willow moved. She was suddenly very aware that it was just the two of them, lying close together on the floor, with only Anya, completely dead to the world, in the house, as Willow’s mother had called to inform her daughter she would be going to a three-day business convention.

Willow was having similar difficulties with breathing. Well, She mused to herself darkly, At least I can’t babble and make a complete fool out of myself. Again.

She let her fingers trail down until they rested on Tara’s cheek, allowed herself to shape them around the blonde’s cheek. She felt Tara tremble at the touch, and felt a quiver deep in her stomach in response. Heat blossomed in her cheeks, and she prayed her palms weren’t sweaty.

“W-Willow...” Tara breathed, both a question and an almost inaudible cry of fear.

Willow brushed more hair out of her eyes, and leaned forward in response, before she could talk herself out of what she was about to attempt. Tara didn’t shift away from her, or try to protest; she held perfectly still. Willow took that as a good sign, and continued her advance, licking her lips nervously. She was so close...close enough to see Tara’s throat move as she swallowed...

That’s not a cloud; it’s a bunny!” Anya half-shrieked from the bed.

Both girls jumped, then hurriedly pulled away from each other. Willow was sure her cheeks were red enough to be glowing like embers, and Tara was still lying on her side. Willow sat up, and studied the figure on the bed that was Anya. She was still in the same position she had been in when they had put her to bed.

Willow slowly allowed herself to lie back down. “Just sleep-talking,” She explained to Tara with a nervous chuckle.

Tara smiled-barely. Then she turned so her back was to the redhead. “G-goodnight, W-W-Willow.”

Willow stared at her back for a long moment, hurt by the abrupt rejection. Her eyes began to sting, but she refused to let the tears burning there fall.

She’d been so close...

Willow rolled onto her other side so she was facing the opposite direction of Tara. They lay in an awkward silence for a long moment before Willow whispered: “Sweet dreams” into the darkness and closed her eyes

_________________
|Saving Grace| |The Cross||Never Let You Go| |Keeping Destiny|


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 11] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:34 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Big yay for Tara spending the break with Willow & Anya... I hope W & T have some alone talking time soon...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 11] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 3:47 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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waw..double update-y goodness :pinky
aargh..Anya ruined the moment :-| more with the WillowTara moment please :pray
RC


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 11] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 9:49 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

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LOL about Anya.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 11] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 11:30 am 
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5. Willowhand
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so close
so close
darn anya
but that was funny hehe
anya and her fear of bunnies
can't wait for more

Ash :peace


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 11] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 12:50 pm 
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2. Floating Rose
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So close and yet so far..... Darn that Anya and her crazy bunny phobia that is around always even in her dreams.

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"When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it'll never end. But however hard you try you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever for one moment, accepts it. Everybody knows that everybody dies. But not every day. Not today. Some days are special. Some days are so, so blessed. Some days, nobody dies at all. Now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair, and the Doctor comes to call... everybody lives." River Song - "Forest of the Dead"


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 11] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 8:24 am 
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Oh, so close! Isn't Willow supposed to be the sleep-talker? Bad that Tara closed up again *pouts* More soon please! (And btw I love the video)

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 11] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 6:43 pm 
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3. Flaming O

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@Zampsa1975 - Alone time will come. I promise. ^^ Enjoy this next update!

@arsyadriani - Ha ha, Anya, huh? You wanna hate her so bad, but you just can't. xD Enjoy this next update!

@Taralover - Comic relief. That's Anya. xD Enjoy this next update!

@ashcrash71590 - I've never actually met someone afraid of bunnies, but I've always wanted to. xD Enjoy this next update!

@Sarah - When you're afraid of something, you're afraid of something, right? xD Enjoy this next update!

@AmberGoddess - Yep, but who says Anya can't, too? xD Aw, don't be sad. I've got another - extremely short- update. Oh, thanks! ^^


********************

TITLE: The Cross

AUTHOR: lilcheesenip

RATING: 14A (Is that a rating? xD) for swearing, and generally just darker topics like suicide, drugs, etc.

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own any of the characters. Wish I did, but Joss Whedon does. >.>

SUMMARY: When Willow Rosenberg came out to her friends, she expected their full support-or at least some of it. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that they would turn their backs on her, leaving her to navigate the hallways of hell in high school friendless. Now alone, and depressed, Willow struggles to make it through life day-by-day until she agrees to show her language arts teacher's niece around school, and her life changes drastically.

Tara is beautiful, and kind, but that is hardly shown. Traumatized by the loss of her mother, which she witnessed and could not stop, she refuses to let down the walls she has built around herself. Willow tries to break through them only to discover she has similar walls around herself. Can two damaged hearts meet, and finally find peace again?

SPOILERS: None that I can think of. It's all AU, so no monsters, or anything. ^.^ May steal dialogue hear and there.

FEEDBACK: Absolutely! I live for it. ^.^

Author's Note: Sorry it's so short! ;-;

PART 12
-------------------------------------------------------


“Shit!”

Tara looked up from her cereal, which she had been pushing around more than she had been eating, only to see Willow looking at a calendar hanging on the side of the refrigerator, stricken.

Anya barely glanced up before she went back to eating. “What’s wrong now?”

Willow stumbled over to the counter to discard her half-empty cereal bowl. “I have to work today! Shit!”

Anya, disinterested with Willow’s latest dilemma- after all, it wasn’t the first time this had happened- continued to spoon cereal into her mouth. “Then go to work. What’s with the drama?”

Willow widened her eyes at Anya in a silent message, but Anya was too busy pushing aside the cereal of her Lucky Charms to reach the marshmallows to notice. Tara lifted an eyebrow, but decided it was rude to comment on something she was obviously not a part of. She lowered her attention back to her bowl.

“Tara?”

Once again, Tara dragged her eyes up from her soggy cereal—not as appetizing as it had been when she had selected it – to meet Willow’s almost pleading gaze.

“You want to come to work with me?”

Tara’s brow furrowed. “I-is that allowed?”

“Sure. It’s not really...work, I guess. More volunteer-based. They pay us when they can. I work with troubled kids.”

Troubled kids. Tara looked down for a moment, biting her lip, then returned her eyes to Willow’s face. She arranged her features into a careful smile. “O-of course. I’d l-l-love to come help out.”

“Great!” Willow brightened, and bounced up and down in excitement. “Maybe you can get a permanent place there. It’s just me, Faith and Fred, anyways. There’s about eleven or so kids. It varies. Oh! I guess we’d better go get dressed!”

And just like that, Willow was off, scampering up the stairs – well, she didn’t really scamper, but she reminded Tara so much of a thrilled little puppy that she smiled. But Tara hesitated to follow her, instead lingering at the counter.

“A-aren’t you coming?” She asked Anya.

Anya raised both eyebrows. “Are you kidding me? Spend a good five hours with those little monsters? I’ll pass, thanks.”

“A-are they mean?”

“Not all of them. Jazz is pure evil – don’t go near her. Seriously. She learned about my...fear...and brought a live bunny the next time I was there. Mostly they’re just rowdy. ‘Specially the little ones.”

“Little ones?”

“Mmm-hmm. Youngest there is about four, I’d say. ...Yup, four, because Annie’s five.” Anya glanced up, and studied Tara’s face as she spoke.

“S-so young...” Tara whispered.

“They were taken from abusive homes, mostly. The owner of the place, Giles, is their legal guardians, but he’s getting up in his years, so he has kids he trusts come to help. Just spend time with them, get to know them, try to help them. People he knows he can trust – with the exception of Faith; she’s one of his. Ya know, smart, quiet, modest, responsible, respectful, the works. ”

“Willow.”

“She’s his model counsellor. She’s second in command, and when he kicks the bucket, she inherits the place.”

“H-he doesn’t have any children?”

“Nope. And he never will, me thinks. Not the catch he used to be. Well, except for Faith, but she’s not to be trusted. He adopted her – she was the first one he helped.” Anya made a face, and Tara had a very strong feeling that Anya and the aforementioned Faith had experienced some unpleasant encounters.

With that, Anya went back to her cereal, leaving Tara to consider what she had said. Tara leaned against the counter, gnawing on her lip, deep in thought, having completely forgotten that she should have been getting ready.

The youngest was four, rescued from the hell their home had become. Tara stared at the counter, tracing the patterns with a finger, blinking against the burning in her eyes.

If someone had been there to help her like these kids had, would her life have been different? Would it have saved her mother?

[center]***[/center]

“And this is Fred.”

Tara automatically stretched her mouth into a smile, though it wasn’t as hard as she had anticipated. Fred was a tiny, small-boned girl with mousy brown hair and a Southern accent. With her quick, welcoming smile, and her nervous babble, it was easy to see the resemblance between Fred and Willow – something that endeared the stranger to Tara almost instantly.

“Actually, my name’s Winifred, but everyone calls me Fred, so you can call me that. And don’t worry about the kids. They’re a good bunch, honest and truly. Just a little wary of strangers. So if they say something that seems mean or hurtful, don’t take it to heart – they’re just testin’ ya. Oh, that reminds me.” – She turned, and leaned through a doorway, addressing whoever was inside- “I hope y’all came hungry.”

There was an answering cheer from inside the room, and Tara couldn’t help but smile at that. But heavy footsteps making their way down the stairs from the upper level drew her eyes upwards.

A brunette was making her way down the stairs at a jog, yanking a tank top over her head as she did so, obviously running late. When she reached the fourth step from the bottom, she took a tremendous leap, and landed easily, sliding a little on the hardwood floor. When the tank top was pulled into place, and her head appeared, she froze, her eyes locked on Tara.

Faith. It had to be.

“Well, well, well.” Almost instantly, the girl had recovered. She straightened her shirt up, then went to stand over by Willow, slinging a friendly arm around her shoulders. “Nice catch, Red.”

Willow went a bright pink. “S-she’s not – I mean, we’re not – Faith, really—Shut up!”

Faith laughed, then turned her attention to Tara, giving her a quick look over. She nodded once in approval, then released a still stammering Willow.

“Stop teasing them!” Fred said reproachfully, crossing her arms across her chest and giving Faith a mock glare.

“Yeah, whatever Fred.” Faith leaned through the same doorway Fred had, and hollered: “Alright, little darlings, it’s chow time!”
There was a loud clatter, a crash, and then a scream. With a groan, Faith disappeared through the doorway. “Jaaaaazzzzz! Giles is gonna kill you!”

“It’s your fault for not keeping an eye on me,” A stubborn-sounding girl’s voice retorted.

Faith soon reappeared gripping a struggling girl by the elbow. The newcomer was skinny, her elbows and knees sharp angles that looked too big compared to the rest of her, with dark, tangled hair that fell to her shoulders. As soon as she saw Tara, she fell still, her dark eyes obviously sizing her up.

“Who’s that?”

“None of your flopping bunnies,” Faith replied cheerfully. “But we all expect you to treat her with respect.”

The girl scoffed. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about respect.”

“Alright then.” Faith wrapped her arms around the girl, and, without any difficulty, lifted her into her arms, and hauled her up the stairs as the girl kicked and shouted in protest.

The three of them remaining stood and watched them go. When they were gone, Willow turned to Tara with an apologetic grimace.

“Jazz. She’s twelve. Don’t worry about her, though. She’s relatively harmless. Just angry.”

“Why--?”

“Her daddy. He…sexually abused her.” Fred winced as she spoke the words; her eyes were full of pity. “Mentally too. She’s independent and strong, and her daddy was the one who made her feel powerless. She hates that. She hates the control he has over her still, even though he’s gone.”

“And she’s a-angry.”

“Underestimate of the year.” Faith came down the stairs to rejoin them, shrugging her shoulders, and grimacing. “She packs a good punch for twelve, and for being so tiny.”

“She’s good at self defence after all those years, Faith.”

“I know that.” Faith looked at Willow sharply. “How the hell else would I have gotten so strong?”

Willow ducked her head, looking embarrassed. “Sorry. I know.”

Almost instantly, the sudden ancient anger that seemed to transform Faith disappeared. She turned to the doorway with a good-natured grimace. “Well then. Let’s feed the little monsters before they eat the furniture, shall we?”

[center]***[/center]

There was twelve kids in all, and Anya had been right about the fact that they were a bit rowdy. The older eight, ranging from ages ten to fifteen, were the nosiest. The younger four, ages four to seven, were mostly quiet, concentrating on eating their food without making minimal mess. Eventually, Jazz was permitted to come down and join them, which made the older kids even louder. Willow, Fred, and Faith, all grimaced at each other, and tried to quiet them, but Tara endured the noise food-naturedly. It gave her hope that these troubled kids could be so cheerful – the younger ones were the ones that worried her.

The youngest one –Annie, Willow had informed her – was a tiny thing, with small fingers, and curly blonde hair. Her misty blue eyes were constantly watchful, scanning the area around her – she was in such a rush to get away from the table when she was finished that she tripped over the table leg. Luckily, Tara was close enough to catch her by the arm, and help her upright before she fell.

“Careful there, little one.” She surprised herself when she didn’t stutter.

Annie barely looked at her from under her bangs – a shy and almost fearful peek that Tara remembered she had often done.

“It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.”

Her eyes clearly stated she believed otherwise.

Crouching slowly so she was eyelevel with the girl, Tara lifted a hand to brush back her hair. Annie flinched away from her, but relaxed when she didn’t cause any pain. Removing the hair revealed an elfin face with high cheekbones, easily seen despite the lingering baby fat. Her eyes were a clear blue, sharp, fearful.

In her Tara only saw herself. The same fear, the same destroyed innocence, the same helplessness. The loneliness. Tara made sure Annie was looking at her before she spoke.

“I’m going to take care of you. No one’s going to hurt you anymore. Promise.”

She didn’t know why she promised that. She didn’t know how she even managed to keep herself from stuttering. Something in that little girl stirred something inside herself – a recognition, a familiarity. A dying soul with withered wings, desperate to take flight, but earthbound by something she couldn’t escape.

But, unlike Tara, this little girl’s soul was going to take flight one day. Tara would make sure of that.

Tentatively, Annie smiled at her.

_________________
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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 12] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 1:33 am 
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Sorry for the lack of feedback but life's been complicated lately. :ashamed

Now, not to be mean but, two troubled teens working with troubled kids? Hopefully the experience will help them gain some perspective on their own problems...

Tara sees so much of herself in Annie already...

Quote:
Something in that little girl stirred something inside herself – a recognition, a familiarity. A dying soul with withered wings, desperate to take flight, but earthbound by something she couldn’t escape.


But even though she's not ready to give up on helping her she's willing to give up on herself...

Quote:
But, unlike Tara, this little girl’s soul was going to take flight one day. Tara would make sure of that.


Which is so sad, but hopefully that'll change soon.

Anyway, interesting twist... Lets see where it'll take us. :bounce

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 12] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:33 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I hope Tara working with these troubled kids help herself to open up and start to trust Willow and allow herself to fall in love with her...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 12] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:10 am 
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Yep. It's a milestone for Tara. On the very bottom of a bottomless pit, she could only climbed up. Step up. Forward. Go Tara! And Willow. Hope they get better. Ah, but what a story without a lil bit drama.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 12] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 8:25 pm 
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*bump*


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 12] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 12:19 pm 
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@Egnalos: No worries. And I'm sorry about that; I hope your issues were resolved in the loooong time it took me to update. And no worries about questioning. But who better to help someone like Annie than someone who went through the same thing?

@Zampsa1975: Well, we can cross our fingers and dream, can't we? xD

@perchiper: Ah, their own personal cheerleader. I'm sure they'd be glad. ^^

************************************************
TITLE: The Cross

AUTHOR: lilcheesenip

RATING: 14A (Is that a rating? xD) for swearing, and generally just darker topics like suicide, drugs, etc.

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own any of the characters. Wish I did, but Joss Whedon does. >.>

SUMMARY: When Willow Rosenberg came out to her friends, she expected their full support-or at least some of it. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that they would turn their backs on her, leaving her to navigate the hallways of hell in high school friendless. Now alone, and depressed, Willow struggles to make it through life day-by-day until she agrees to show her language arts teacher's niece around school, and her life changes drastically.

Tara is beautiful, and kind, but that is hardly shown. Traumatized by the loss of her mother, which she witnessed and could not stop, she refuses to let down the walls she has built around herself. Willow tries to break through them only to discover she has similar walls around herself. Can two damaged hearts meet, and finally find peace again?

SPOILERS: None that I can think of. It's all AU, so no monsters, or anything. ^.^ May steal dialogue hear and there.

FEEDBACK: Absolutely! I live for it. ^.^

Author's Note: I'm sorry it took soooooooooooo long for me to reply, and I'm sorry it's so short! ;-;

Part 13
----------------------------------------------------------------------
“So you’re Red’s latest? Cool.”

Tara glanced up at Faith, biting her lip, trying the best to explain that – no, Willow and her weren’t together, without conveying how desperately she wished they were. How the idea of that fantasy coming true terrified her. “A-actually, we’re not --”

“It’s cool if you guys are. Willow hasn’t really had anyone for awhile, ‘cept us. But we don’t see each other often, except when we’re working – Fred’s home schooled, and I’m not allowed to set foot on the premises of Sunnydale High.” Faith smiled for a moment, and Tara had a very good idea that whatever had set this restriction in order had been worth it to the brunette. “She brought a few people here and there – just friends. B. The blonde chick, who was afraid of bunnies.”

“Anya.”

“Yeah, her.” Faith was suddenly quiet, studying her face. “Why’re you here, anyways?”

Tara shrugged her shoulders. “W-Willow asked me.”

“So, Red’s reeling you in to help out with the little darlings, then? That’s hazardous to your health there, blondie, being wrapped around her finger like that. But I guess it’s better we have extra hands, anyways. Jazz pretty much occupies my time 24/7, and Fred and Willow are stretched pretty thin, trying to pay attention to all of them, trying to talk to all of them when most of ‘em don’t want to talk.”

“I-if it’s s-s-so difficult, then w-why...?”

Faith continued to examine her, worrying her bottom lip, as if she was considering her next words very carefully. “Fred likes to help people – especially kids. When she was just an itty bitty thing, her best friend never came back to school one day. She didn’t know ‘till later that that girl’s own dad had killed her himself. She’s been trying to help kids with problems like this ever since.

“Willow...She’s a bit more complicated. You know about her depression, her cutting?”

Tara nodded painfully, and Faith’s eyes sobered.

“Yeah, we’re not too thrilled about it here, either. Well, even though she’s got her issues herself, she wants to help other kids so they don’t turn out like her. In...in so much pain that she has to hurt herself to make it go away. She doesn’t want all of them to be like that, too.

“And me?” Faith shrugged, and an odd smile curved her lips. “Just want to make the old man proud, you know?”

Tara nodded. She understood. All she’d ever wanted was for her father to be proud of her, too. Unfortunately, she had been unable to supply whatever he needed, what came to Donny naturally, to make him proud.

“Um...Faith?”

“Yup?”

Tara turned her head, carefully considering the brunette besides her. Faith had sprawled out on the stair, elbows resting on the stair above them, legs splayed out in front of her. “A-Annie. What h-happened to Annie?”

Faith looked away immediately, as soon as Tara spoke Annie’s name. She didn’t look at her for a long moment. Then she finally did, her eyes intent on her face. “She watched her Mom die.”

Tara barely kept the gasp from escaping. She turned her head away sharply, avoiding Faith’s scrutinizing gaze. Her hands curled into fists; her nails scraped against her palms. She dug them in deeper, until the sudden alarm shooting through her nerves distracted her from the pain in her chest. She refused to let the burn in her eyes go any further, refused to let the tears even gather in her eyes.

A hand touched her knee; automatically, she flinched, but it was only Faith, leaning towards her with her searching eyes. “I already guessed – that something happened to you, I mean. Our kind? The hurting, the broken, the bleeding? We attract each other. We seek each other out automatically. Because no one outside of our kind understands.”

Tara turned, her eyes meeting the brunette’s. They looked at each other, just for a moment, and Tara felt it – the understanding that passed between them, the mutual acknowledgement of the other’s pain, and the silent agreement to share it. Then Faith’s eyes panned to the eyes, and she grinned.

Leaning closer, until her lips were a hairsbreadth away from her ear – Tara, instead of shying away from the unexpected breach of her personal space, stayed frozen, having learned that holding completely still was one way to avoid unwanted attention – and whispered: “Your girl’s eyeing us up. I think she’s jealous.”

Tara peeked out of the corner of her eyes to find that Willow was indeed watching, and absolutely fuming. In the short time Tara had known the redhead, she had learned how to read her – every facial expression, every body shift. She had learned them, memorized them, and adjusted herself to them until it became an automatic response. She started to move away from Faith, but the brunette dug her nails into her knee to stop her.

“Wait a minute,” She said with a soft chuckle, obviously enjoying watching her friend enjoy a personal visit from the green monster, “I’m not done talking to you. I wanted to tell you something else. Willow likes you, yeah?”

Tara blushed; she couldn’t stop the coy smile that curled the ends of her mouth. But then she realized what it must look like to Willow, Faith leaning so close to her, her blushing and grinning like an idiot, and tried to smooth out her facial expression.

Faith just laughed again. She moved her hand slowly up Tara’s thigh, pushing the boundaries without completely violating the blonde, watching Willow out of the corner of her eye. Tara just sat still. She wasn’t sure if she particularly enjoyed Faith’s technique of tormenting Willow – or the fact that she was tormenting Willow at all – but the fact that she was jealous made her feel different – special. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, just at the idea that Willow was jealous because another person was ‘flirting’ with her. It sent another wave of warmth over her.

She felt Faith’s exhale against her ear as she laughed. “Sorry, forgot to ask. You don’t mind, do you? No sexual feelings intended – I just like pullin’ her leg. When she really get’s pissed, it’s even better.”

Tara shook her head.

“Good. Anyways, Willow really likes you. I can tell by the way she watches you. Like, she really watches you, like stalker-like watches you. She watches you like her life depends on describing you. And every time you smile or laugh, she smiles. I’d say it’s sweet, but since it’s Willow, and she’s usually not such a dip about girls, it’s kind of barf-worthy. It’s like she’s been watching too many cheesy lesbian romance movies.”

“W-well, actually—”

“Yeah, I don’t even wanna know. Point is, she likes you. You like her, too, obviously – yeah, that’s right, I’ve seen you watching her, too. Willow’s a dork when it comes to her crushes, though, especially when she’s crazy about someone like she’s crazy about you, so you gotta help her out. She probably won’t, ya know, make any advances or anything unless you help her along.”

Tara’s cheeks burned at the memory of the night before. Faith must have physically felt the heat, because she tipped her head back enough to get a good few of Tara’s face, then slid back even further, dropping her hand.

“No! Willow, making the first move? Really?”

Tara dropped her head forward, letting her hair fall to protect her. “K—keep that mouth o-open any longer, and b-b-birds are gonna nest in i-it.”

Faith laughed – a startled sound, half shock, half amusement. “What did she do? Did she kiss you? Did you guys, ya know...?”

Tara turned her face away, wondering if the heat emitting from her face would physically burn her skin. “N-nothing! W-we didn’t – I-I mean, she didn’t—!”

“Hey Fred! You’ll never guess what I just heard!” Faith hollered towards the kitchen, where Willow and Fred were doing the dishes.

“Yeah, and what’s that? That you’re an asshole, pestering our guest and not helping out with the dishes?”

“Ha ha. Good one, Winnie. But, no, really, you’ll wanna hear this one!” Faith turned back to Tara, and darted forward, kissing her swiftly on the cheek – much to Tara’s surprise, and Willow’s, supervising nearby, dismay. “Thanks for the story, Tara!” Lower, her voice a whisper again, she added, “Sorry, but I really want to piss her off, because it’s so damn funny.”

“Faith!”

But Faith only grinned at her impishly, then jumped to her feet, and rushed down the hall to the kitchen, practically tackling Fred in her eagerness to share the news.

Tara put her head in her hands.

I really walked myself into that one. Damn it.

[center]***[/center]

Both Willow and Tara were quiet on their way home. Willow had been uncharacteristically cold towards her since she had talked with Faith, and Tara was deliberating just taking her stuff and leaving when Willow slowed to match her pace, and took her hand.

“I’m sorry. I’m being a rotten friend.”

Instead of pulling her hand away, like she normally would have, Tara considered this new development for a moment, then curled her fingers uncertainly around Willow’s. “N-no.”

“It’s just...” Willow looked at the ground, and didn’t finish her thought. Tara watched her for a long moment, and shook her head.

“Faith was j-just playing a-around. M-messing with you, I mean.”

Willow looked at her sharply, studying her face. Tentative hope shone in her eyes. “Really?”

“Of course. F-Faith’s…” Tara blushed, and looked down at their hands. “S-she’s not my type.”

“Oh. O-oh.” Willow blushed, too, and they both slowed automatically when Willow’s house came into view.

“Tara,” Willow said at the same time Tara whispered, “Willow…”

They looked at each other, flushed, and exchanged sheepish grins. “G-go ahead,” Tara said.

Willow stopped, and Tara halted also, instinctively looking over at her, scrutinizing her for any sign for what had caused the sudden stop. Willow, in turn, examined the grey sidewalk, worrying her bottom lip.

“W-Willow?”

At the sound of her name, Willow turned. Her face was slowing changing color, so the hue almost matched her hair. Her fingers twisted uncertainly around Tara’s, as if she couldn’t get a comfortable grip. “Tara…about last night…”

Tara stiffened, then looked away. Scarlet roses began to form in her cheeks. “Y-you don’t have to.”

Willow paused, and blinked up at her. “Don’t have to what?”

Eyes lowered to the ground, and mouth suddenly so dry she could hardly force the words out, Tara whispered: “T-tell me it was a m-mistake.”

The surprise loosened her fingers; she dropped Tara’s hand as shock flitted across her face so fast Tara barely registered it, followed by a wave of relief. “A mistake? Tara…no! Of course not! I, uh…I had something planned out, but it’s kind of embarrassing…” Willow ducked her head, eyes glued to the cement.

“Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me.”

Astonishment twisted Tara’s features. “R-Ruth 1:16—17.” Her brow furrowed. “I—I thought you were Jewish.”

“I-I am. Ruth's part of the Jewish scriptures, too.” Willow bit her lip again. “I got…curious. About you…about being with you…what it's like to know when you smile just for me...” She almost laughed when the only words that came to her mind next were Buffy’s. “I think I kind of love you.”

At first, Tara almost melted, right there on the spot. Her eyes softened first, from ridged defensive walls to two clear pools of blue. Her body relaxed next, the tensed muscles uncoiling into a more natural position. Her hand started to move, to touch Willow’s cheek, but then, just before she made contact, the warning bells went off in her head, a noise of ten thousand fire trucks screaming at her, screaming every insult and damaging thing anyone had ever said to her.

And just like that, the walls slapped back into place.

Tara dropped her hand, and took a step back, placing distance between them. “Y—you can’t.”

Willow’s eyes were careful. Her nose wrinkled as she scrunched up her face. “Believe me, I thought it was fairly impossible too; normally I have amazing self-control. But I’ve thought a lot about this, deep and meaningful thoughts, and I’m sure.” Her eyes took in the concealed emotions dancing behind the walls in Tara’s eyes, just out of sight to her. She reached for her, took her hand. “Tara, are you okay?”

Tara ripped her hand free. “N-no, I’m not! This i-isn’t happening! This can’t happen, okay? I’m not…I—I can’t…” Tears of frustration formed in her eyes, and she shook her head, at loss for words.

Tears pooled in Willow’s eyes in response. “But Tara…I—I thought...”

“W-well, you thought wrong. This can’t happen.” Tara’s throat closed in; she couldn’t say anymore without physically hurting herself. She was sure of it.

“Tara…” Willow reached for her again, pleading, but Tara stepped out of reach; her head jerked back and forth, almost mechanically. She took one last, lingering look at Willow’s face, then turned on her heel, and ran.

She didn’t really mean to; her mind took longer than her body to process the situation, and her body reacted to her sudden discomfort before her mind could regain control. The Fear snapped at her heels, snarled behind her, pushing her forward. She bolted, taking off at top speed, moving so fast she was sure Willow – or anyone else – could ever catch her again.

[center]***[/center]

Anya found her a half an hour later by chance, happening to glance out the window and see her standing, frozen, in the middle of the sidewalk. She took the stairs at a run, and opened the door wide.

“Willow, what are you doing? Where’s Tara?”

Willow turned and look at her blankly. Anya felt her body freeze with fear at the look; she knew that look, and it terrified her.

“Tara’s gone.” Her tone was as emotionless as her face.

Anya took a few steps down the stairs until she was standing on the sidewalk. She moved towards the redhead cautiously. “Why? Why is Tara gone?”

The first tear fell from her eyes. “I told her I loved her.”

_________________
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Last edited by lilcheesenip on Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 13] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 12:51 pm 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Damn Tara's insecurities... I truly hope Willow or Anya goes to Tara tells her that Willow truly loves her and that Tara can love Willow back...

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Last edited by Zampsa1975 on Fri Apr 23, 2010 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 13] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 8:39 am 
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no, No, NO!
You can't leave it there there!
*cries*
That was a very evil thing to do!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 13] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 1:04 pm 
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OMG! OMG! OMG!!! really?! really?! ur seriously gonna leave it like that?! :miff

you are just plain mean!! *pouts* you gotta update soon now! :pray


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 13] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 1:26 pm 
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Ow!

PS Ruth is part of Jewish Scripture, too.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 13] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 12:56 pm 
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Fuck- what- really- I missed it- you can't leave it like that! Okay, that was my reaction when I finished it. More NOW please!!!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 13] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 3:32 am 
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hope there will b update


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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 13] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:36 pm 
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I agree with the rest, you can't leave it like that just when you started with the kids, and the little girl... c'mon!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fic: The Cross [Part 13] ANGST WARNING
PostPosted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:24 pm 
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@Zampsa1975 -- We'll just have to wait and see. Eheh, I love being able to say that. xD Thanks for commenting; enjoy the next update! :D

@Vamp_Willz -- But now I've got you hooked for sure, see? xD Thanks for commenting; enjoy the next update! :D

@willowtarabuffyfaith -- I've been told that several times before, actually. xD Thanks for commenting; enjoy the next update! :D

@DaddyCatALSO -- I thought so, but I wasn't positive, and I'm not Jewish, so I didn't want to be all offensive and include something that wasn't. Thanks for clearing that up for me! Thanks for commenting; enjoy the next update! :D

@AmberGoddess -- Sorry for taking so long to update! Thanks for commenting; enjoy the next update! :D

@cammy -- You're hopes and dreams have been fulfilled. Thanks for commenting; enjoy this next update! :D

@vampyregurl73 -- xD I'm sorry for taking so long! Thanks for commenting; enjoy this next update! :D

***

TITLE: The Cross

AUTHOR: lilcheesenip

RATING: 14A (Is that a rating? xD) for swearing, and generally just darker topics like suicide, drugs, etc.

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own any of the characters. Wish I did, but Joss Whedon does. >.>

SUMMARY: When Willow Rosenberg came out to her friends, she expected their full support-or at least some of it. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that they would turn their backs on her, leaving her to navigate the hallways of hell in high school friendless. Now alone, and depressed, Willow struggles to make it through life day-by-day until she agrees to show her language arts teacher's niece around school, and her life changes drastically.

Tara is beautiful, and kind, but that is hardly shown. Traumatized by the loss of her mother, which she witnessed and could not stop, she refuses to let down the walls she has built around herself. Willow tries to break through them only to discover she has similar walls around herself. Can two damaged hearts meet, and finally find peace again?

SPOILERS: None that I can think of. It's all AU, so no monsters, or anything. ^.^ May steal dialogue hear and there.

FEEDBACK: Absolutely! I live for it. ^.^

Author's Note: I'm sorry it took soooooooooooo long for me to reply, and I'm sorry it's so short! ;-;

PART 14
------------------------------------------------------------------


Tara made it to the driveway before she collapsed.

White flashes exploded in front of her eyes, drilling spikes of pain into her forehead. Her lungs, still racing to keep up with her, expanded and compressed desperately, so quickly the air got caught somewhere in the middle and there was no oxygen to relieve her. Her heartbeat drummed in her ears, drowning out everything else. She fell to her hands and knees, bracing herself the best she could while she proceeded to fall apart, ride there on the cement, dizziness rolling over her in heavy waves that threatened to drag her under. The fever was back, burning her.

I’m hyperventilating, a panicked voice in the back of her mind acknowledged.

No, a calmer one corrected as she started to fall sideways. A stab of pain attacked her chest. She fell to the ground, body trembling uncontrollably, automatically curling up into the fetal position, I’m dying.

[center]***[/center]

Dia found her on the driveway, ten minutes later, returning from a quick run to the grocery store. Carton of milk in one hand, grocery bag in the other, she was heading up the driveway when she heard a familiar whimper. Stretching up on tip-toes, she saw a familiar sized shape huddled on the ground.

The carton of milk slipped from her fingers and crashed to the ground.

[center]***[/center]

Lila put down the light she had just been shining into Tara’s eyes down, and frowned, considering. “How long have you been having these panic attacks for?”

Tara only stared back, silent. The tears were just drying on her face.

Dia turned her head so Tara was facing her. “Tara. Please. You have to tell us.”

Tara’s eyes dropped. “S-since my mom d-d-died.”

Lila nodded calmly. “Okay. Now, what brings them on? Do you know?”

Her eyes closed. “The d-dark. When m-my heartbeat i-increases – like wh-when I run.” Tara opened her eyes suddenly, and turned to Dia, fresh tears welling up in her eyes. “A-Aunt Dia, I screwed up. I-I don’t know how to fix it.”

Dia smoothed back her hair. “Shh, Tare. We’ll fix it. Don’t worry, okay?”

Tara nodded, then, suddenly exhausted, closed her eyes, and rested her head on her aunt’s shoulder. “C-can we stop these?”

“They say time heals all wounds, but if more time doesn’t help, your best bet is therapy.” When Lila saw Tara stiffen, she frowned sympathetically. “I know you don’t like the sound of that, but it might be the only way.”

“B-but I’m not c-crazy.” Her eyes opened. “A-am I?”

“Of course not. What you went through...no one should have to go through that.” Lila gave her a reassuring smile. “We just have to work through all of this, so we can stop these panic attacks before they become too overwhelming.”

Too late, Tara thought; she couldn’t help remembering all the time in gym class when she had tried, and failed, to participate. Her gym teacher’s sympathy, keeping the panic attacks a secret. Her frustration in the middle of the night when the dark made her heart race, and the fear overruled her will to suppress it.

Too late.

[center]***[/center]


She didn’t fight it when it called to her. She could feel the need in her, poisoning her, and she had to get rid of it.

When Willow dragged the blade across her wrist, there was no pain, just a sweet sense of release.

[center]***[/center]

When Dia answered the door the next day, she was not expecting Willow to be standing on the other side, fragile composure gathered carefully together like delicate shards of glass in the palm of her hand – cautiously, because she was afraid of its cutting edge.

“Tara left her stuff over at my house the other day. Is she home?”

Dia frowned slightly. “She’s in her room.”

“May I see her?”

Dia nodded, but made no move to unblock the doorway. “She hasn’t been feeling well since yesterday.”

Willow swallowed hard, swallowing guilt and the festering pain of Tara’s departure the day before. “Is she okay?”

“She will be now.” Dia stepped aside so Willow could pass. “I hope your visit does her some good.”

Willow shifted the backpack, smiled tightly, and nodded. Then she crossed the threshold, and hesitated, eyes flickering across the room.

“Down the stairs, first door on the right,” Dia said quietly.

“Thanks.”

“I need to run a few errands. Can I trust you to take care of Tara for an hour or so?”

It hurt that she needed to question her. “Of course.”

Dia patted her pockets, reassuring herself that she had both her keys and her phone. “Call me if you need to. The number’s on the fridge.” She headed out the door, then paused, one foot still inside. Without turning around, she said quietly: “Tara told me. What happened yesterday.”

Willow felt a hot flush creeping up her neck. “I-I—”

Dia turned, holding up a hand to stop her. “You don’t have to explain. Out of anyone who could love Tara, you are the best person I can think of.”

She blushed for sure, that time. “Th-thanks.”
Dia tilted her head, and nodded. “Take care of her.”

Without another word, she left, leaving Willow standing in the entryway.

“I will,” She whispered to the empty air. Then she headed down the stairs, quietly, so she didn’t disturb Tara. When she reached her room, she knocked on the closed door, and waited.

There was no answer. She knocked again, louder. “Tara? It’s Willow.”

There was still nothing. Frowning, Willow tried the door, only to find it unlocked. She turned the knob, and opened the door slowly, peeking in through the crack. “Tara?”

She opened the door all the way, and stared. The room was destroyed. The drawers of the dresser were hanging out, the clothes that remained inside crumpled and mussed. Willow took another step into the room, considering. Someone had left after packing a small bag –and in a hurry. The window was open, a gaping hole cut through the screen. Someone had left that way.

Willow scoured the room. It was empty. Tara was gone.

Her hands were shaking when she discovered the letter on the bed. She fumbled with it, unfolding it with sweaty fingers, and scanned it. It was Tara’s handwriting, barely illegible.

Aunt Dia,

LEAVE, RIGHT NOW. YOU AREN’T SAFE. RUN. Don’t worry about me. I’m okay. Just GET SOMEWHERE SAFE.

Tara


Willow dropped the letter with an ear-piercing scream when something vibrated next to her foot. Calming herself down, she bent, to discover Tara’s phone, discarded on the floor, crawling slowly across the floor as it shuddered with vibrations.

An unfamiliar number was flashing across the screen. She waited until whoever was calling had hung up, then flipped open the phone.

15 missed calls.

It took only seconds for Willow to figure out how to check the history of calls. She scrolled through them; all the incoming calls in the past three days were from that same, unknown number.

32 times. Whoever it was had called 32 times in the last 72 hours.

There was voice mail. Willow dialed the voice mail, and held it to her ear. There was a password, but she knew what it was: 1206, the day and month of her mother’s birthday.

After choosing to review the messages, Willow once again put the phone to her ear. The voice that spoke from the speaker made her skin crawl.

“Tara. I’m coming to get you. I know where you are now. Putting a GPS tracker in your phone when you got it was the smartest decision I ever made. So if you run, don’t think about taking your phone, because it will point an arrow right to you. Of course, I’ll still find you, given time. And don’t even think about telling anyone or calling for help, because I’ll kill them all, one by one; you know I will. I’ll start with your aunt, then that blonde, the brunette, and the Southern girl, those kids at that freak show place you were helping at. I’ll save the best for last, of course: that redhead. What was her name again? Oh, right. Willow.”

Willow felt a shiver run through her when the voice spoke her name.

“I will find you, when you run. Your brother is very eager to see you, and so am I. Don’t worry, Tara; I’m your father. I’ll take care of you. See you soon.”

The message ended then. Willow stared at the lace curtains fluttering in the breeze from the open window.

Tara had run, even though the voice had told her not to.

Tara had run.

She was out there, somewhere, unprotected.

She was out there, and so was her psychotic father.

“Oh, shit,” Willow breathed, and the phone dropped from her trembling hand.

_________________
|Saving Grace| |The Cross||Never Let You Go| |Keeping Destiny|


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