Hola, otra vez, Debra.

What I love about your writing is that it makes me react to it. Sometimes even violently (and not in a 'hey, i wanna throw something at the wall' or something). It happened with Menorah Tales and it's happening now with your latest update.
I guess that what I'm trying to say is that for a little while I wanted to yell at Tara and ask her how can she be so clueless:







I know that sometimes privileged children tend to be less empathetic towards other people, even if they mean no harm. They just assume things are meant to be done in a certain way and don't even question why (or don't have a reason to question why). Still, it is hard for me to see Tara act like that (maybe it's just that we kittens tend to idealize our favorite characters and ask too much of them...even at such a young age as in this case?).



Why do I have the feeling that Faith meant *so* much more than just letting Dani keep the puppy? Who knows what kind of things Faith and Dani talk about when they climb trees together to hide from the rest of the world...

Excellent update, excellent story, excellent writing. More soon, please?

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Old Fire
Palme d'Or

I don’t always post replies so often but I’m enjoying the dialog. Thank you, everyone.

spells42/Anne – Lol about the of course. Yes, Dani is extremely special as is Tara. But their future? Really still in question I’d say.

I’m not sure that would fit very well would it?

Thanks.

Vale – No, not idiot but if you’re like me sometimes the details of all the ff start to run together. Or you could have just forgotten. Either way, no worries.

Glad you liked The Art of Leaving Feedback thread. Thanks.

SallyMcFine – Sallywally, willy nilly. I do the same thing sometimes. I dibsed one of Alcy’s stories and I don’t think I ever found the feedback that I remembered writing but never did apparently. Still, I’d go for the dibs for all the glory and riches to be won.

Yes. That’s pretty much the reason for it. That and the “perfect together” thing but I want them to be as equal as they can be given their social positions. I mean for Dani to be perfect for Tara given that Tara is to be a Lady and Dani a servant, Dani’s got to be better at lots of things. I’m not sure whether Willow is better or just more adventurous at her magic. And yes, Tara had a good reaction to Dani’s magic. I think that in that specific case, her “my” feelings for Dani just made feel even better about her girl. Does that make sense? Like if you had a cat that could dial the telephone. You’d be ever prouder of your cat.

Yes. That will definitely be difficult. It’s not like she’s going to apply for a job in a few years. She is already training from birth to serve Tara with her every move and breath. That’s not something that you can just say, “oh. I feel better.” But you (and everyone else who has pointed it out) are right that it’s not possible to have a “real” relationship with that type of power differential.

I’m not sure that’s a valid assumption but that’s ok…

Kaia comments on this later and I would agree with her. I think that Faith sees everything around her and really understands the relationships of everyone she sees. I don’t think that’s she’s just talking about the puppy at all. I think that’s she’s giving a blanket warning to Tara (sort of a “beat you to death with a shovel” “vague disclaimer…” type thing). I also think that she was specifically referring to the puppy in that she already sees how jealous Tara can get. She is concerned that Tara will deny Dani the puppy because it’s from Faith. That she would think she should be one to get Dani a puppy and what if Dani loves Faith better because of the puppy? Does that make sense?

Thanks for your more climactic feedback…

grimlock72 -
An excellent question and one that I have not yet answered. At this point Dani is only intended to be mark-bound. She is not actually bound in any way. As far as her consent, I’m in the process of writing the scene that answers that question right now. We’ll see…

Again, a nice insight.

What does Tara need a servant for? 1. Because that’s what the noble do. 2. Because a mark-bound servant is absolutely the possession of her master/mistress. It is literally impossible for the servant to fail to serve her mistress. It means that in times of political or even social difficulty the noble person is never alone and has a very strong confidant and partner to protect him/her. One’s mark-bound servant also serves as a sort of liaison…

This society is very fond of status and class would be an understatement. Dani will actually have a great deal of status given who she will be bound to. She will have greater status than any other bound servant (tied with some) and greater status than many free people.

Hmmm. Interesting read. Tara is definitely sitting by the window waiting, hoping, praying that Dani will be back but she has no way of knowing that. But it is the only thing in her mind. Make sense?

Thanks as always for your questions and fb.

Kaia – Hmmm. Reacting violently. Well the violence part doesn’t sound good but I’m glad to be writing something that is evoking a strong emotional reaction for you. Yes. I think that reaction is reasonable but in her defense I will say that 1. she knows no other way 2. she was a child and 3. she really does love Dani with every fiber of her being.

Absolutely! Tara says that Dani has found her champion and that is Faith here. Which is not to say that Faith will never do or say things that hurt Dani but she wants to be her protector.

Thank you always.

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

It's Tuesday.

badkitty – Yes it is.


Story Title – Waiting for Dani

Chapter – 4 – The Gathering

Author – JustSkipIt

Pairing – T/W

Feedback – Yes, please

Spoilers – None

Rating – PG-13

Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Willow and Tara and the Buffyverse. I’m not saying this universe is totally original but I didn’t steal it from any author or creator that I know of. No copyright infringement is meant by this fic and I will not make any money from it.



The family wedding was the most visible and elegant event we children had ever attended and the farthest we would be traveling. The journey was a day and a half on horseback. Along the way we would join up with various aunts, uncles, cousins, and all the requisite servants and workers accompanying them so that by the time we reached the celebration, we would be over one hundred and fifty strong. From my father’s estate alone, we brought thirty-one souls.

The day of departure dawned clear and warm but not too warm. When I awoke, Dani was already gone from my rooms--our rooms I thought of them. I dressed myself in traveling clothes which she had laid out for me and went to the dining room where I found my siblings, similarly attired, enjoying a quick meal. Just as we finished, D’elam came to tell us that it was time to go. Zhorro was staying at the house with the remaining house staff who had promised to spoil her with meats so much that she would not recognize Dani when we returned. We each bent down to pat her head and allow her to lick our faces.

Melanie’s voice rang through the dining chamber. “Where are the children?” We all looked around and then took Faith’s cue, dashing from the room and through the kitchen out into the courtyard. We emerged to spot a bustling yard of activity. Servants were putting the last items into wagons and tying on saddle bags. I spotted Dani tying a bag onto Hope and was about to call to her but my voice seemed to catch in my throat. She wore an outfit I had never seen before: brown leather pants, new riding boots, and a soft-looking white shirt. Her hair was pulled back from her face with a thin strap of blue-dyed leather, the contrast between it and her red hair making quite a statement. She was, in a word, breathtaking. I thought my heart, twelve summers young that it was, would stop in that instant. I stood there for what felt like the longest time but I’m sure it was only a second or two before Faith punched me in the arm and ran off toward her waiting horse.

Startled from my reverie I made my way over to Dani who had glanced up and smiled. “Your horse, Miss?”

I stood there for minute not knowing what to say and feeling my cheeks burning. “I missed you this morning,” I finally choked out.

Dani’s cheeks turned red too. “I-I was tending the …” She waved her hand around the courtyard. She extended her hand to help me onto my horse. As I took it and moved my foot toward the stirrup, I heard her whisper. “I missed you as well, Miss.”

Once the assemblage was seated, my father moved to the head of the column and moved out, everyone else following. Because the journey was to be so long, a somewhat informal processional would be used. While mark-bound servants would of course be required to observe proper riding etiquette, the boundaries of position and movement within the column would be more relaxed than usual. We children, including Dani, were allowed a very informal version of riding etiquette. This gave us great latitude to move up and back through the ride and visit with each other and assorted adults in the group.

The taking of Donnie’s marks was scheduled four months hence with the celebration a moon later and we all teased him rather mercilessly about his requirements the next time we made an expedition like this one. He spent a great deal of the journey riding at father’s side and I spent quite a bit of time at Melanie’s side and later T’solde’s. Our parents and the other adults in our party let us know that a journey was no excuse for a break from our studies. And it seemed to me that they had taken it upon themselves to teach us more intensely than our normal tutors did. By noon I felt that my head was full and couldn’t hold any more.

Dani seemed to glow under the load. She stayed near me most of the time but also went over to hear what Faith and Anne were learning and occasionally seemed to sneak off to confer with Donnie. Of course, she was always there the moment I wanted her. Shortly after our lunch break I rode next to Melanie. It was one of the few minutes when she was not drilling me on my magical studies and I was relaxing. My eyes wandered to Dani. “I didn’t know Dani would have new clothes for our journey.”

Melanie looked at me for a long moment. “Every member of this household reflects upon our estate, your father’s Lordship, and your eventual Ladyship. Not the least of that reflection is your own servant. The way this estate treats, educates, and outfits our members and the way those members act can bring us shame or pride.” She must have seen the stricken look on my face because she added, “I see nothing about Dani that should ever but bring our estate and you personally the greatest pride. She is to be dressed and treated so to make her the envy of every servant and free man or woman she encounters and to make you the envy of every noble woman.”

I nodded my head. I had never really thought about Dani’s position relative to those not in our family. When I thought about her role, it was generally limited to understanding that she was devoted to me as I was to her and that she would never leave me. It was only now that I was starting to understand how highly respected she would be, must be, outside our family. Paradoxically while she was mine to command, committed solely to me (or would be once we had taken our marks a few years hence), a part of her – her reputation and image – belonged to the entire estate. “Yes, Miss Melanie,” I answered after a few moments. “Thank you.” I dropped back toward the middle of the column and Dani joined me within minutes.

“Are you having a good journey, Miss?”

I smiled at her and batted my eyelashes quite flirtatiously. “It could only be better if you were in my arms.” She didn’t answer verbally but instantly moved her horse close enough to mine to slide across and sit in front of me. She looped Hope’s reins loosely around the pommel and leaned forward to whisper to Dream. Then she sat back into my arms, letting her body relax against mine. I didn’t know how long she had been awake that morning packing but I could feel the exhaustion in her body. I leaned forward and nuzzled her warm neck .She smelled of sweat and work and new leather and sweetness and I gently pressed a kiss against the silky fuzz of her skin. “You are welcome to sleep for a while, my girl.”

She seemed to consider protesting for a minute but reconsidered. “You’ll wake me if you need anything, Miss?”

“I promise.” She made me reiterate my promise and then promptly became limp in my arms. We rode like that for a few hours until the caravan stopped for dinner. Her small body rested against mine, taking all reasonably coherent thought from my mind. I could hear her faint breath, feel and see her pulse beat in her neck and it was all I could do to keep from planting kiss after kiss on that softly pulsing vein. Only my wish to not wake her when she obviously needed the rest kept me from it. Even so, I leaned forward over and over, nuzzling into her skin, kissing her neck or the spot behind her ear, whispering my devotion to her. My lessons were apparently over for the afternoon because neither Melanie nor T’Solde approached me. Or perhaps they realized how badly Dani needed the rest.

The moment I halted Dream, Dani was awake and active. She dismounted and as she reached the ground bowed slightly. “Thank you, Miss, for allowing me that rest.” I put my hand in hers and swung from the saddle a little stiffly.

I placed my reins into her hand and brushed my fingertips along her hand. “I enjoyed it just as much as you,” I assured her.

She blushed slightly and then led our horses over to the stablemen. She returned after a few minutes to our spot. One of the servants had spread a blanket on the ground and Faith, Annie, Donnie, and I had already taken our seats. I passed Dani her plate, already piled high with meats, cheese, and fruit and a decanter of wine and she thanked me as well as the others. “I wonder what it will be like,” Faith mused.

Anne was, as usual, in a fantasy world. “Beautiful dresses and flowers. Everyone dancing to each song from the band.” Realizing that we were all laughing at her she poked Faith and I. “Maybe we’ll meet our future husbands there.”

Faith made a snorting noise through her nose. “Oh yeah. That would be just great.” She looked at us all with the usual mischief on her face. “Maybe Donnie here wants to meet his wife. After all he can’t really have any fun until he contributes legitimate a magic user to the family.”

We all laughed somewhat uncomfortably. Being raised on an estate, we knew all about “where babies come from.” We’d seen horses, cows, dogs, and every other conceivable animal mating for as long as we’d walked into the dooryard. But that didn’t mean that we were comfortable thinking about Donnie doing that. Although he was over 14 summers old, I still thought of him as my big little brother. The fact that he would soon be taking his marks, fourth level marks, meant that his opportunities would be nearly unlimited and he would have to exercise no small amount of self-restraint. If he were to later marry into a magic family, a near certainty with our pedigree, and produce a non-active magic using daughter, it would bring disgrace to the Maclay family name. We children had heard tales of families shamed by a son’s behavior, setting out to find the child who had “stolen” their magic as they saw it. Reports of what those families did if they found the child were … gruesome.

Always one to return any conversation to dancing, Anne continued her fantasies. “I have four ball gowns, one for each night and hope to dance with every noble man at this event.”

“That’s my fantasy too,” Faith said drolly.

We were laughing but became serious when father approached the blanket. Dani jumped up and bowed while the rest of us just said “Hello, Father.”

He took a seat and invited Dani to sit back down, in fact playfully tackling her into his lap. “We have decided that we covered enough ground today and are going to break here for the night.” He turned to Donnie. “How does that sound to you, son?”

I respected this approach. While father and his brothers had already made the decision, they wanted to give the impression that Donnie was being consulted. I had noticed father doing this more and more with Donnie and even with me in the last year or so. It seemed that those lessons we had taken throughout the day were not completed yet. Donnie stood and with a very adult air asked father to step off with him so that they could discuss it. I knew that he wouldn’t have any objections but I’m sure that he wanted to understand the reasons for the decision.

Dani hastily stood up and took our plates. “I should go prepare your tent, Miss Tara.”

I sat and watched her movement across the grass. I had never really seen her interact with the other servants and I saw how they all greeted her. They were friendly and respectful in their interactions with her and I noted how she knew every person, enjoying the opportunity to visit with him or her as she passed or performed her duties. When I took my marks and then she did, she would become the ranking servant, excepting D’rs and D’rek, father’s man, of the estate. She would be required to know everything there was to know about running our household and it seemed that she was well on the way.

One thing for which I was grateful: we would be sharing a small tent tonight. Unless she was going to be so foolish as to insist on sleeping outside, we would be in close quarters and I was sure to get to hold her all night long. Faith was telling us a long story, which turned out to be an elaborate pun, about the day she tracked a large cat for hours when Dani returned. She waited off the blanket and then excused herself. “Miss Tara, I have your tent and bath ready if you would like to come.”

“Thank you, Dani.” We all stood up and stepped from the blanket which Dani bent and began to fold before I could even think of it.

“Hey, Red. I’m going sleep under the stars. Care to join me?”

Dani looked from Faith to me and then shook her head. “Thank you, Miss Faith. I will stay with Miss Tara.”

Faith shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

Anne looked at her sister. “Mother brought a very nice tent and she wants to sleep on the ground like an animal. I have no understanding of this creature.” We all laughed and teased Faith about being a creature.

We reached our tent and Dani dropped to her knees and began to unlace my riding boots before pulling back the flap. I stepped inside and then dropped down, waiting for her to remove her boots.

“W-w-would you rather sleep outside?” I asked nervously.

Dani shook her head. “My place is with you, Miss Tara.” She grasped the hem of my shift. “Now let’s get you washed and ready for bed.”

As she began to undress me I leaned forward, whispering in her ear. “I can make it worth your while to sleep in the tent.”

Dani dropped to her knees again as she peeled my riding britches down my legs. She looked up at me with a smile. “How is that, Miss Tara?”

I ran my fingertip along her forehead, brushing her bangs away from her eyes. “I’ve been working on my tickling techniques.”

Dani reached for the sponge and warm water and began to softly wash me. “Oh, is that so, Miss Tara?” The water was the perfect temperature and I relaxed as she slowly wet my skin before soaping up the sponge. Dani worked methodically but softly to wash and rinse me, drying each section of my body as she completed it. When she had finished my upper body, she pulled my nightgown over my head and arms but tied it up so that she could wash my legs and feet. When she finished she brushed my hair out thoroughly and placed the softest kiss on my shoulder. “All done, Miss Tara.” She patted the blankets.

I smiled at her and took the sponge from her hand. “Let me.” She blushed and looked away. I don’t know if everyone felt this way but I always felt that any little act I could do to return her kindness was one I wanted to take. I washed her, using the same slow and soft technique she had employed and in a few minutes we were done. She went to dump out the dirty water and returned to find me in the sleeping blankets she had laid out earlier. I patted the spot next to me and she blushed again, a habit I was starting to find adorably irresistible. Then she lay down on her stomach and I began to run my fingertips very lightly over her back and neck as she giggled and squirmed. When she could take no more, we traded and she used the same technique on me. Eventually we giggled so much that someone walking by the tent cleared their throat loudly at us and we pushed our mouths into our pillows as we laughed even harder. Then we moved onto our sides and snuggled together all night.

She was gone from the tent when I woke up. I had just changed into my riding britches and was reaching my hand outside the tent for my boots when she placed them into my searching hand. “Thank you, Dani.”

She bowed with a smile. “You’re welcome, Miss Tara.” I noticed that she had polished both our boots and brushed our britches so that we looked quite fine to begin the second and final day of our journey. She handed me a small plate with bread and fruit and a cup and told me that we were moving out very soon and that she had just been coming back to wake me.

“Thank you. Have you eaten?”

She assured me that she had and pointed out a blanket on the ground on which I could eat while she packed up the tent. By the time I had finished the meal, she had our horses loaded and ready to go. She helped me up into the saddle and then took her place beside me. I wanted to tell her how much I appreciated her help. How invaluable she was to me. But all I could think to say was, “Thank you for spending the night with me.

She tilted her head and me and was about to speak but Faith rode up at that moment. “Uncle is taking a hunting party. Do you want to go?”

Dani and I decided to go and ended up joining a rather large group which included Donnie, Faith, we two, and seven others. Father did not come but he sent Derek with the group. We had quite an enjoyable morning with each person bringing back at least two quail or pheasant. Dani had done particularly well, bringing home five birds. Her skill at hunting was very interesting to watch. On one hand, she wasn’t as strong as we other children. But she had an uncanny ability to aim. It was as if she had a hidden abacus performing calculations on distance, trajectory, wind resistance, and twenty other factors in pulling back and releasing the bow string.

We rejoined the party just before high sun and the group stopped. Immediately the servants set to preparing the birds for our mid-day meal and the rest of us began to change our clothes. While our riding clothes were appropriate for our journey, we would be arriving in less than an hour and it was our responsibility to make the strongest possible impression. Dani helped me into my presentation outfit, washed my face and hands, set my hair, got herself ready, and eventually helped to get Anne ready since D’elam had Melanie, Anne, and Faith all to manage. We ate carefully with cloths across our clothes to keep them from becoming soiled.

I found myself hardly able to eat for looking at Donnie’s presentation. He wore the full colors of our house including a sword by his side and looked absolutely dashing and grown-up. I still thought of him as a child, like myself, but he was soon to be an adult with many responsibilities and rights. Of course, his education would not end at that time. I predicted it would simply intensify.

When we reformed, our assemblage looked very different from the one we had been just hours earlier. Organizing our presentation took a while as the three estates worked to form the correct hierarchy. I don’t know that I could reproduce it even now. Suffice it to say that at the heads of the three columns were my father, my aunt T’solde and her husband—Lord Martin—and my cousin who was Lord of the third estate. Each of their mark-bonded servants rode a ½ length back from them. Melanie and therefore D’elam were directly behind my father and Donnie and myself were directly behind her with Faith and Anne behind us. Because neither Dani nor Donnie’s future servant were bonded yet, it was determined that they would ride with Faith and Anne. While some saw this as a strange presentation, Dani’s presence was seen as a mark of prestige for the family; having a servant who had been with her mistress since birth was something that only the very best and very richest of families could boast. Given Dani’s position in the column, there was no way to exclude Donnie’s man from the same hierarchal level.

So great was our family’s pride in Dani that her gown very nearly matched mine. Where mine was covered with jewels, hers matched it in embroidery. In every other way it mirrored mine and I found myself staring at her until she moved behind me. From then on, my mind was filled, quite happily, with images of her thus attired. The thought briefly passed through my mind that I wondered if all ladies felt thus about their future bonded servants.

We arrived at our destination shortly after high-noon. The greeting from our hosts was appropriate in every respect. Once the Lord and Lady of the manor had greeted the heads of our columns, their servants helped us from our horses and led the horses away to be cared for. Of course, some of our servants went with to assist while others went toward the kitchen with our feast gifts and to help in preparing the meals. Dani was helped from her horse shortly after myself and we found ourselves standing very close together as formal greetings and introductions were made. I softly touched the back of her hand and whispered out of the side of my mouth. “You look absolutely beautiful, my girl.”

“No where near as beautiful as you, Miss Tara,” I heard her quiet reply. I glanced over and noted the pink of her cheeks, not sure whether it was the ride or something else causing it but sure of how it accented her eye color.

Finally it was my turn to be introduced and I felt Melanie’s watchful eye on me but I managed each meeting appropriately and even avoided stuttering. Donnie did similarly well and each of us presented our future bound servants before the procession moved on to T’solde’s children. Once the lengthy introductions were completed, we were led to our rooms.

Dani set to work immediately hanging my gowns and making us at home. My room was tasteful and ornate, befitting my position but reasonably far from the main halls to afford some privacy. Faith and Anne were a few doors down the hall with Donnie on the opposite side. I watched Dani as she unpacked our traveling wardrobe and considered asking if she wanted help but she would have taken it as an insult had I done so. Instead I had to content myself with writing in my journal and sneaking peeks at her as she bustled around the room. I began teasing her by playfully putting out my hand to grab at her as she passed close by and she joined in by making a game of it—seeing how closely she could come without being touched by my wandering fingers. She verily danced about the room, swerving this way and that to avoid my touch all the while making me crazy for the feel of her. A few times I actually got my grasp around her hip and pulled her into my lap where I tickled and kissed her as she laughed. I don’t know if she let me catch her those times but she teased me terribly. “I will have to watch myself, Miss Tara, if this is how you wish to molest me.”

I giggled at her words. “Oh Dani, I would never wish to impose my will or touch on you when you don’t desire it.”

She kissed the tip of my nose then she jumped up to continue her chores. That afternoon, seemed to be one of those times that I found myself unable to take my eyes from my girl. She glowed with every bit of excitement of the journey and her work. She looked amazing back in all her traveling clothes and every word she spoke seemed to be lifted by a thousand butterflies directly to my ears. A few times, I found myself in a bit of a daze as she repeated my name over and over again. Snapping out of it, I managed a weak joke each time.

The wedding itself was … elaborate and amazing. I had never seen so many members of the nobility together before. Each seemed to be waited on by servants who anticipated their every request before it was possible to voice it. The food served at every banquet was incomparable with the finest meats, rich sauces, fresh vegetables, and deserts of chocolate and cream. If I hadn’t stopped her, I fear Dani would have never slept for trying and loving a hot drink named kaffee. I believe that Anne’s wish to take a turn with every nobleman at the wedding was fulfilled thrice over and all of us made my father’s Lordship proud with our dancing. We laughed playfully at Dani when Melanie came over to kindly request she refrain from singing.

My magic demonstration was, according to T’solde, exceedingly passable which I had learned to accept as high praise indeed.

During the days we were left much to our own devices and with countless cousins, we hunted and rode throughout the valley. Dani partook in every activity I choose from dancing to riding and I started to notice a pattern I had never noted before. Each time Dani was parted from me, to talk to Faith or Donnie, or retrieve a bird or for whatever reason, someone would ride up next to me or sidle up to me and begin a casual conversation. Very quickly he or she would turn the conversation toward Dani telling me that she was a very beautiful girl, that she had good bearing or presence, seemed attentive or any of a series of compliments on my girl. I was made to feel as if I had made a fine choice in selecting and training such a companion, and more so, that many others would like such a servant. I don’t think that Dani had any idea that such conversations were going on or she would have been embarrassed to have been the topic of such discussion.

At night, we attended grand banquets and balls. This gathering was the first event we had been to with such a vast mix of families and individuals. As the evenings progressed, the adults seemed emboldened by wine and ale. We children faded into the chairs and windowsills surrounding the large room to watch their curious rituals. It seemed as if this event was an opportunity and pairs of dancers made their way from the room throughout the evening. At first it seemed only the most beautiful, most eligible, most charming of the noblemen had partners but eventually we children were left in an empty or nearly empty room attempting to comprehend everything we had seen with our adolescent minds and immature sensibilities.



Throughout the rest of the journey Dani seemed to be in a sour mood. Oh, she carried out her responsibilities and was respectful and helpful but she wasn’t as playful as she had been before. She seemed too much in her head too much of the time. I attempted to get her to talk to me but she insisted she was fine, even going so far as saying that she was “Finey McFine” which made me laugh if not her. Even our arrival home to be greeted by Zhorro who jumped up and muddied Dani’s pants, not that she cared in the least, didn’t seem to lift my girl’s spirits.

I tried everything I knew to lift her mood, bringing her gifts of flowers and treats for herself and Zhorro. I coaxed her to sleep in my bed and held her tightly while whispering sweet nothings to her. Finally, I went to Melanie to ask if she had any ideas. I explained about the conversation we had all had on our return and saw a flash of something cross my aunt’s face. Then she assured me that D’elam would speak to Dani. A few days later it did seem that Dani was in a brighter mood and we rode and sang and joked as usual. By the end of the moon, I had quite forgotten her sadness and the castle began to prepare for Donnie’s mark celebration.

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

*slides in on her knees* DIIIIIIBBBBBSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Way to dibs then not leave feedback for four days! Sorry. Anyway:

I'm loving that they're getting older, because things will absolutely get more physical, and probably very fast. I loved the image of Willow in leather (Doppelgangland certainly spawned an urge in most of us, I think, to put Willow in leather as much as possible! Of course, I knew I should have pictured her as she was supposed to be in the story, that is, 12 years old, but ewww. So not going there!

Anyway, the other thing I wanted to add was that I assumed Anne was just talking BS with the marks thing. I figured that she was just a kid and didn't know what she was talking about, and that the marks aren't anything like that. That they don't have that kind of psychological effect on the people who have them. Of course, it would appear that I'm the only person who thinks that, so.... if it is true, then I'm a little weirded out by that. Because we all know Dani wants Tara even without the marks. Wow, total mind job. Anyway, that's all I have for this week.

Loving every word. More!

-bk

Second Dibses

Wow. Marks. The descriptions are beautiful, but this gives them a deeper, more sinister meaning... No joke about the power dynamic rearing its ugly head. Jeez. If I am understanding the direction this story is going -- those marks are turning out to be very hand maideny. No wonder Dani is withdrawing.

The thing is that Tara is kinda putting the moves on Dani. At least flirtation wise. I am sure the feelings are mutual, but Dani needs to come to her own conclusions, not be somehow honor bound to reciprocate. The power dynamic is ugly. It is harmful to them! Obligated cuddling? That's forced intimacy... and sends my mind to bad places. I don't like it.

I have devised my own agenda wherin Dani's hidden magic will be discovered - and that this will somehow elevate her status in that society... and release her from servitude, generate social respect and create the social status she would need to have an equitable place in that relationship.

Aw, heck, the truth is that the social justice gnome that lives in my heart wants this *whole society* to become more equitable.

Another fabulous and thought provoking update!

db

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I am, you know.

This is a great update, but I have a bad feeling about this. Bad bad things are about to happen aren't they? Lots of heartache and angst and all that. Oh no! *is sad at the thought of angst*

*goes off to pout about it*

*comes back to reiterate that this is a great story and is eager for the next update*

More soon please?

Third (Fourth) Dibsey thingies?

Ooooh yeah, so not liking those marks. Getting more and more downright scary the more I learn about them. Very sinister and Stepford-y. I sure hope we don't see a Stepford Dani in the future. That'd be awful!

Actually, I'm hoping her innate magic or even Tara will save her from this horrid fate. Somehow! ( this whole waiting for the outcome thing is gonna kill me...^^; )

Enjoyed the descriptions of their travels to the wedding interspersed with the playful nature between Dani and Tara. Twelve summers old, huh? Those hormones must hitting big time!

I agree with you about Faith in comparision to Buffy, but after today I'm kinda warming to Anne's charater. She reminds me of Cordy. Except younger and less bitchy. Definately loving that pint-size snarkiness.

On a darker note, I have to admit it's very unnerving the way Dani is treated so well by the Estate, just like a great big family and yet they're going to basically not just take but rape her freewill.



No wonder Dani got depressed.

I wonder if this is sort of a reflection on the consequences of that darn forgetting spell Willow did on Tara if left unchecked? The imposing of her will upon another. The molding of someone into their 'ideal' companion and how they should behave...I wonder how many spells away Willow was before things would begin to look similar to those mark rites...

Lots to think about in this great chapter and as usual can't wait for more!

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A doodle. I do doodle. You, too. You do doodle, too.

Dani falling asleep in Tara's arms was sweet. Tara does know how hard Dani works (for her), but finds it quite normal. Obviously that's how she was brought up (with servants) but it reads sooo wrong to me, having servants that is.

What does Tara learn or study and for what purpose? I wondered about this as I realised Dani has to learn a lot in order to help out now only with Tara's need but also overall. Sure Dani likes to learn, but her learning also has a purpose.

All the class/ceremony stuff is complex and difficult to get into my head. Might need to draw a diagram myself someday. I'm not entirely sure the MaClays (as estate) are proud of Dani for the right reasons. Sounded a bit too much trophy like (e.g. "having a servant who had been with her mistress since birth was something that only the very best and very richest of families could boast.") , while I prefer to see Dani as a person, thank you very much. Yet earlier on Tara was told by Melanie, Dani would be treated to make her the 'envy of every servant'.. which makes me wonder WHY?? Is there a motive behind that besides being kindhearted?

Besides, anybody still has to ask Dani what she wants.

This was interesting: The giggling just doesn't match the words (or their severity) there. Besides assuming I've paid sufficient attention during Marks-101 the 'imposing of will' is done automatically after being mark-bonded.

Was fun to read that Dani has discovered a drink called 'kaffee', heh. Though once she figures out it helps her to stay awake she might use it for that (up to unhealthy amounts).

Not sure what to make of Tara getting compliments for 'selecting and training' Dani. Neither of which she has done. Why would people tell her that anyway? To convince her of WHAT? Is somebody afraid Tara won't want to be bonded to Dani, if so why?

At the end Dani was understandably upset, esp. 'cos she's a bit quicker on understanding effects than Tara is. Even if Tara would never do something untoward Dani, the idea that she could without Dani having much say in that isn't very welcoming. Good info to get before the marking though, seems to me a lot more is needed for an educated choice.

So after D'elam had spoken to Dani, her mood was visibly better? Now I wonder why... simply 'cos D'elam had told her so? "Miss Tara is worried about your sad mood" would have been sufficient for Dani to conceal her problems better. I can't really imagine anything else D'elam could have told Dani to take her fears/doubts away...

The way a marked woman can't say no to her man really isn't all the different compared to say 100 years ago. There wasn't magic in this world then of course, but even without marks the effect was the same (possessive).

Both Tara and Willow are now 12, a bit young for Tara to think about what it means to have a mark-bound servant. I wonder when she will start to really think about such things, or maybe she will just take it all for granted?

Interesting setting you've made up here!

Edited to add: will that 'no choice' part of a mark-binding also work if the to-be-bound-servant is magic capable herself? Heh.. I can see this huge sparkly explosion already when marking is attempted... POOOF


grimmy

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"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it."
-- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

JustSKipIt
Really enjoying the story - your description of the ride and the wedding, with the children being put through their paces in polite society and being allowed to learn by participating and observing was brought to life by the little snippets of conversation throughout. I noticed an increasing similarity between the rules of the relationship between D&T and the rules of BDSM (as I have come to understand them thru the stories I've read, so I could have it all wrong). The submission/dedication on Dani's part and the power/care/protection on Tara's part. The difference being that Dani and Tara are both forced to live these roles by their society.

I didn't find it surprising that Dani was perturbed by Anne's revelation about the powerlessness of those who are bound. No spirited and intelligent adult would wish to abdicate the responsibility and right to make the choices governing their life. Yet, here we have Dani bound to serve her mistress, Tara (which she seems to have accepted) plus the knowledge that when she has taken her mark she will be subject to not just the loss of control over her body but also the loss of control over her mind. (Reflecting Tara's fear in canon following her mind wipe by Glory, the forgetfulness spell by Willow, and the mind games her family had played on her.) What did surprise me was that D'elam was able to somehow reassure her - or was she just faking it 'cos Tara had noticed (or she got told to pull her socks up)???

Looking forward to finding out.
Thanks
Anne

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Spells for Two

Every path has its puddle. Old English Saying... I think I just stepped in mine...

I'm playing catch-up with feedback, sorry to have missed a chapter.

It's telling how much Dani and Tara accept their respective stations in life, like they never question why. Their fate as mark-bound "master and servant" is just that ... a fate that isn't challenged. I suppose there are similarities throughout our lives and history too, it's easy for us to tell them to ignore the class difference if they really want to be together. On the other hand,

I don't know whether to throttle Tara for her insensitivity or to blame her whole upbringing for not preparing her better. It's so much like Marie Antoinette's "let them eat cake" remark. (actually, she didn't say it, but the meaning and intention remains.)

May be it's too strong a word but I find it creepy that Dani calls Tara "Miss" when they're so close that they're cuddling and even mutually bathing each other, naked. It's like in this universe the persona that they present to the outside world continues when they're in private. Or that they're hardwired to ignore feelings because it's required by someone of their class? I mean, Faith seems to know Dani better than Tara sometimes.

Very intrigued at Dani's ability to do magic, and so effortlessly too! Two issues here -- the magic ability in the first place. On the surface, it's not logical given her lineage, but is there more to D'Shel's reaction than "it's absurd"? Second issue is how she seems to already be better than Tara, with the spell reversal and all. So does she defy the accepted criteria for having magic abilities? Not unlike in canon, Willow's massive magic abilities were never explained, and it can't all be because she's an overachiever at everything. Or possibly it's her linkage to Tara? I like how you've given us this puzzle but not revealed much, yet we're certain it will be vital in the plot.

How will they deal with Dani's magic ability, both between Tara and her -- will the burden of the secret drive a wedge into their relationship? Or if Dani ends up being way more powerful than Tara, surely the rest, like Melanie will notice. I can just imagine a scene where Tara is in some sort of accident (like falling out of a tree) and Dani stops her fall by magic. That's gonna get them in trouble.

Good point about Dani's importance, as mark-bound servant to the intended Lady of the house. If you're familiar with Upstairs Downstairs, it's just like that -- the staff have hierarchies too. But Tara still doesn't get it.

Sigh. What will it take? Because I think Dani understands more, but she's probably not the right person to be telling Tara.

The intimacy of riding together, and Tara kissing Dani softly, is surprisingly sensuous. Surprising given that they're in the company of others. Or was it another of Tara's show of possessiveness? And more disclosure of the implications of the marks, that Tara could have Dani any which way she liked? Again, it's one thing if they cuddle or kiss or (eventually) have sex out of free will, it's another knowing that there is this big inequality and Dani can't say no. I'm beginning to dislike these marks now. Remember Turned? (of course you do! You wrote it.) Marks and tattoes can have so much meaning, and even hidden power. This is unknown, yet strangely familiar territory. I like this. I like this whole fic, you need to know this too.
[br]

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quiet thoughts

whoa! that was some update! the thing i loved most about it were all the displays of affection between them. the riding together, the sleeping together, the teasing about molesting etc etc. it looks like that growing up, their relationship, and the affection they have for one another keeps growing and is being showed more and felt more, if you know what i mean.

Tara wonders if every noble woman feels that way about her servant....she's a smart girl. she knows that what she feels is very special....she can't help but wonder.

i wonder about the implication of the marks, and how it relates the the molesting joke.....that means that Tara could, if she wanted to, be with Dani in the biblical sense....and Dani couldn't say no....and she would enjoy it. but that way, they wouldn't know if it was because of the marks, or because they love each other. to know that, they'd have to make love before they get the marks....and if they get them like Donnie, at 14, it would be waaaaaay too soon. so, uhm, that's interesting.

Dani dressed in her riding clothes was breathtaking! well, it was in my mind, at least.

and i absolutely loved the way Tara kept kissing her neck while she slept.

i find Anne a bit of a funny character, with all her....girliness always thinking about dancing, and husbands, and clothes, and being poised and proper, and being socially attentive and correct...ugh! i wouldn't manage to be like that. i find that Faith is much more similar to my way of thinking

still loving this story, now more than ever, and i can't wait for another update. i'll reiterate yet again how happy i am that you're writing again....and i'll say more. i'm happy cause this time i can follow the process and leave feedback for every update, while for your other stories i had to read ages after you finished them. it's like this time i feel part of it, you know? so i'm happy

can't wait for the next part!

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Vale
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"When you get excited about something, one might imagine you as a small, maniacally grinning rubber ball, which someone throws at the wall in an enclosed room, and goes bouncing off every surface for about 15 minutes." - Mudrat

I haven't been around here as much lately, so I completely missed this story.

I'm really enjoying it. It seems to be quite a change in style from your other writing. The flashbacky style works very while. All the time we're reading the story we've got the question of ig Dani's going to arrive and what'll happen when she does in the back of our minds.

The differences in their station seems to be a pretty large hurdle to their relationship. Also, if I'm reading it right, after Willow gets her marks she won't be able to refuse any request from Tara.

The fact that Willow can do magic is the wild card. Is this just an aberation or does it imply that she's actually a noble herself?

Looking forward to reading more

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02/28/2007

Great story! I love the complexity of the world you've created, flawed and unfair as it is. If it weren't for the magical element, it could almost be taking place during our own medieval times.

Like the other posters, I find the lack of choice in Dani's situation unnerving, the power dynamics and thhe nuances of the marks' workings adding to the story. Is Dani's lack of choice less macabre somehow, beacuse she is not only *made* to do something, but also made to *want* to do it? A case of the 'victim' as a willing participant. Creepy, but not so impossible in the real world, I think.

Dani and Tara's interactions seems so sweet on the surface, but beneath that innocence, there's a sad reality that goes beyond the girls and I think the way we see Tara slowly coming to see this is wonderful. As a child, she naturally accepts the rules of the world around her, and is unaware of subtle undercurrents. I like that the knowledge of how her world works isn't a light-switch sort of thing, but very gradual and, in my opinion, accurately portrayed according to her age. Afer all, we can't expect her to have reach an adult understanding of their situation at 12, and yet we know from the beginning that she will by her twenties.

As I said, gret story. I'm really enjoying it, and look foward to the every new post.

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Ich bin für Liebe, ich bin für die die's lieben zu leben; ich bin für die, die Liebe geben auch wenns schwer ist im Leben. - Curse, "Widerstand"

For me the big mysterious part of this update was the reversal, or the apparent reversal at least, in Dani's attitude. On the one hand it's plausible that the person she talked to, D'elam, told her something to make her feel better, but on the other hand, maybe she just is pretending to be okay with it. Or, maybe she talked to someone (her mom?) who told her she's got magic and can escape somehow, although that doesn't seem likely. Or maybe she figured that part out on her own, since rebellion doesn't seem like something that's harbored by many people in this world.

That's one of the things I love about your writing, Debra - it makes me wonder a lot of things, because there are many possibilities.

The whole way that Dani takes care of Tara, it's very solicitous and it definitely seems like Tara appreciates it, but also that she doesn't necessarily see it from Dani's perspective. I think that she and Dani probably will remember their childhoods and especially their adolescences very differently. When the time comes that they talk and compare notes, I'd guess that Tara would be pretty surprised by the things that I anticipate Dani telling her.

The whole horse-sleeping visual was very sweet. Thanks for writing this Debra, I'm very much enjoying it.

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Stocking Stuffers: Little Gifts from RKT

Badkitty – Tee hee.

Here are some replies to feedback so far. It is Sunday evening and the last guests for our Halloween party just left. It was a kid party but about ½ of the adults wore costumes which was great. I was going to but couldn’t find the right hat. Asher was an elephant (pic to come I hope). We also had twin ladybugs, a dragon, a bumblebee, Sir Thopam Hat (from Thomas the train), and Harry Potter. A very good turnout.

I will have an update on Tuesday (or Wednesday depending on Halloween doings). I will try for Tuesday. That update will either be longer than usual in which case there will be no update the following week or I will post it in two parts on the successive Tuesdays. I’m not asking for votes or anything, just letting you know the choice I’m working on.

Here’s what I will take suggestions for: A suitor for Anne? I don’t particularly like any of the choices but I’m open to using one if anyone has a reason why. Go ahead…



db – Oh yes. Sinister indeed. I’m not sure what a hand-maiden is. Dictionary.com just says it’s a female servant or attendant but I think you’re thinking of a more detailed definition?
No doubt about that at all although I will continue to remind that in this update she is 12 years old approximately so I don’t think she had a very clear mental understanding of sexual ethics or even that she’s “putting the moves on” Dani. I think she just thinks “I want to kiss her. Mmm. Kissing. Mmm.” Or something similarly simple. But you’re right about Dani’s feelings of obligation and it’s not a good thing at all.

Your agenda is very nice and I would support it except… Well except it won’t really work like that. We’ll see. I’m glad you found the update thought provoking. That’s one of the things I was going for. Thanks so much.

highlandlass25 – Bad things? Well, I guess everything is relative. I don’t know if you will find the next update good or bad. We’ll see. Thanks so much.

Uzu – No Stepford Dani at all but you’re right that the marks are quite sinister. I think to the people in that society they are just what is but to us, they are pretty bad things. We’ll see how Tara and Dani deal with it.

Yes, you are with others in wishing that Dani’s magic will save her. I think that you are right about the hormones.

I’m fascinated by that simply because that scene, in which Anne holds court and tells them about the marks-rights was originally Faith’s. I originally wrote it for Faith with more attitude but the more I thought about it, the less I felt that Faith would be insensitive enough to bring it up in front of Dani. I mean she just loves Dani too much to do that and she understands Dani’s future position better than Tara really does. Anyway, I’m interested that you found Anne likable in that.

Yeah, I’d say that’s a darker note and very accurate.

[qutoe]I wonder if this is sort of a reflection on the consequences of that darn forgetting spell Willow did on Tara if left unchecked? The imposing of her will upon another. The molding of someone into their 'ideal' companion and how they should behave...I wonder how many spells away Willow was before things would begin to look similar to those mark rites...[/quote]Fantastic comparison there.

Thanks so much.

grimlock72 – Oh, I totally get the part about the having servants being or seeming wrong. I think that for a very long time it was totally normal though. I mean if you read much Jane Austen or anything from say a little over a hundred years ago, they had servants. Yes, they weren’t basically slaves bound to them but they were servants for sure.
A great question. Tara is studying a variety of subjects in order to 1. elevate herself to an even higher (read more marriable) status and 2. actually help to run the estate and the household. Noble men and women actually do more than just own property and hunt. They actually manage people and trade in their community as well as their estate. An estate such as theirs might encompass a township or multiple townships and many free people and their farms. The nobility “rule” by which I mean guide the people of their community in such a way that they can prosper together. Tara will not be relegated to the house but will be expected to “rule” in that way. Also, she will have one more major area of study which will be revealed in the next chapter.

Yes and something I’ve been a little concerned about. I am no expert on social hierarchy and I’m bending some rules to fit this universe and I wait for the day that a reader points out some major inconsistency in my logic. Hopefully that will be a long time coming.

Mmm. Interesting thoughts about the reason the Maclays are proud of Dani. I think they are proud of her for both the right and the wrong reasons. But the wrong may be stronger in some ways. Oh yes! This is a world of social and political hierarchy. It’s important to have the finest marks, riches, gifts, the best horses, and of course the best servants. It makes Dani sound like a possession which is distasteful but it’s actually what’s so. Once they are bound, she will be (for lack of a better term) Tara’s possession and her brilliance and accomplishment can bring glory to the estate just as can the other childrens’.

Excellent point. I think you’ve put that quite well.
Hmmm. I think it’s a little like this. I have this pet peeve: when people meet one’s new girlfriend and say “she’s cute.” I always want to say, “Yes. But I had nothing to do with that.” But they need to compliment you on something and in that case, it’s on managing to get a new cute girlfriend. So people are actually complimenting (sucking up) to Tara for being such a stud that she has this awesome servant girl. Again, distasteful but normal for their world.

An excellent question. I have an explanation in my mind that makes it reasonable but I’m not actually going to share it since the story is being told by Tara and she doesn’t know.
Are you reading my outlines? Seriously, that is a question that really drives this story so you will start to see some of what you are waiting for soon.

I don’t want to give everything away but I can tell you that being magic capable will have no canceling effect on the binding. If you think about it, many noble women are magic capable and they are all bound too so it works on magic people too.

As always, thank you for your commentary.

spells42 – Hello. That’s an interesting parallel and definitely one that was in my mind as I started this story. As you say though, in this case the dom/sub relationship is magically enforced and valid 24 hours a day. There is no safe word and no not playing time. This is their actual life.

I’ve never heard that phrase before but I get it. We won’t ever know for sure what D’elam said to Dani. My guess would be that basically, she explained that Dani’s unhappiness was making Miss Tara unhappy and that since Dani basically lives to serve Tara (even that young) Dani decided to change her attitude. Just my guess though.

Thanks.

Watty – No problem on the catch up. I guess better late than never? And you’re really not so late and always appreciated. Hmmm. Interesting evaluation. I think that Tara certainly never questions why and Dani doesn’t challenge it but whether she questions it is another thing. I wouldn’t put it past her at all but that doesn’t mean that she can or wants to change it. Make sense?

I’m not sure either. I will say that Tara just doesn’t get it! At a high level. She just… I don’t know how to explain her any better than that quote does. You’re observation given their titles and Dani’s use of Tara’s title even snuggling is a very astute one and will come up; I promise that.

1. How Willow came to have magic will not be something I explain (I think) although I have the explanation in my head. I am not currently planning on explaining it but that may change. 2. I think that Dani’s greater mastery is due to her challenging herself and necessity. I also think that Tara is much more willing to simply do everything she is told and nothing else while Dani is forced to attempt to do much more than anyone ever says. Does that make sense? She learned the spell-reversal through absolute panicked need. If she had failed at it, her secret would have been out. Maybe it’s like those mothers who lift a car off their child or something?

I’ve never seen it but I did love Gosford Park which everyone said had a very Upstairs Downstairs quality to it. Dani absolutely understands more than Tara but you’re right that she can’t tell her “boss.”

An excellent question. I think that it flies because everyone has a sort of “girls will be girls” attitude toward them. Tara’s feelings toward Dani are innocent and ignorant enough at this point that she doesn’t think about sexual ethics. She doesn’t know that there is such a thing as sexual ethics. She thinks that sex is something people do to procreate. It wouldn’t occur to her that she is doing anything untoward to Dani. She just has a carnal feeling of wanting to kiss Dani’s skin so she does. I don’t know it that’s a good enough explanation.

An interesting assumption. I will plead the fifth on whether Tara actually does have that power. On one hand she is Dani’s Mistress (to be) but if you have a chance go back and read more about the mark placement and the importance thereof.

Kind of an understatement I’d say…

Thanks so much. I’m so happy about the way this is all being received.

Thianne – Hey there. Mmm. Yes, their displays of affection are quite adorable I think. And it’s definitely growing.
Ahhh. I’m quoting your entire thing because everything you say is extremely important and telling. More answers in the next (longer than usual update).

Believe me when I say me neither. I am also very very happy to be writing again. It’s a wonderful feeling. Thanks so much.

Justin – Hey, Justin. Welcome to the thread.
Yes, many readers seem to have focused on these questions. Basically, what caused Dani’s attitude reversal. As I said to an earlier reader, we will never know for sure (or at least you will not) but I would suggest that 1. Dani is so well trained (and to use a word from our time co-dependent) that she will actually feel happier about something to bring her future mistress more joy or at least less sadness and 2. Tara, while she is becoming more empathetic, is not the most empathetic person in the world. Dani could appear to be somewhat more happy and probably convince Tara that she is worlds happy. Tara’s genuine wish is for Dani to be happy and we as people frequently seem to see what we want to see. You know?

Anyway, I’m very very glad that it makes you wonder. I don’t find it surprising that Tara doesn’t see things from Dani’s perspective. I don’t really see how she could and in a way she shouldn’t. She’s being trained from birth (just like Dani) to fulfill her role and she has to kind of dive into that roll to fulfill it. If she went about imaging Dani’s reality, it could really kind of screw up her acting as she is supposed to act. Absolutely they would see their childhoods very differently.

Thank you so much for your comments.

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

I'm new to this board and this is the first story that I have replied to. This story is just brilliant. I read it all in one go. I love that Tara is the naive one and how smart Dani is. The love between the two girls is amazing. I am anxious to find out where Dani has gone to keep Tara waiting. I suppose I'll just have to read the story just like everyone else.

Andi

Hmmm. Now I am perplexed, Debra. I post my whole observation about Anne being full of shyte about the marks... and your response is, and I quote, "Tee hee." Now, you could be tee heeing over my DIBS. Or perhaps you're tee heeing because I am totally on the mark about the marks. Or maybe your tee heeing because my remarks regarding the marks could not be further from the truth. You think you have me, eh Debra? NO!

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!!!... [bk falls over dead]

That which you do not smell is iocane powder!

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

ok here shows my limited knowledge of english: what is a suitor?

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Vale
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"When you get excited about something, one might imagine you as a small, maniacally grinning rubber ball, which someone throws at the wall in an enclosed room, and goes bouncing off every surface for about 15 minutes." - Mudrat

I missed feedbacking a chapter

Everything in this story seems to be revolving around the mistress/servant positions that Willow and Tara occupy in relation to each other - the way they perceive themselves, and each other, and accept or (on occasion) reject the roles they're intended to take. We get glimpses of how Tara now sees how she was as a child, her regret that so often she just took things at face value, and didn't put herself in Dani's shoes. I wonder how Dani saw Tara, and how she thinks of it now - that last part of the fourth chapter, with Dani obviously upset over the implications of the marking process, made me wonder if she perhaps misunderstood Tara as much as Tara misunderstood her. She's been schooled to serve Tara, and she does so so well - but did she realise that Tara loved her as a person, not a servant? Hard to say, when Tara herself was having trouble working out the difference.

And yet (in the previous chapter) there's their moment of rebellion, when they agree to share the secret of Dani's magic - that's not imposed on them by society's rules, or expected of them. And I imagine a 'proper' mistress wouldn't accept a servant being a magic-user, so perhaps that pact they share will be something Dani can cling to, in the midst of her uncertainties - that Tara chose Dani's needs over what the rules said she should choose.

The way things are going, they'll certainly need something to cling to, to get through this with any kind of healthy relationship intact. That whole thing with the marks... *shiver*. Not so different to most formalised societies - of course out here in the real world there's no magic at work to influence people's minds, but it's not like that's ever stopped powerful people from dominating their social inferiors in any case. That seems to be the dark side to the formal, rigidly-defined society we see - it's all pomp and pageantry and formal beauty on the surface, but the very fact that so much of a person's life is defined by their rank and title and social standing - things other than who they are - means, I suppose, that it's inevitable that the fact that everyone, from lord to servant, is a person, gets lost along the way.

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Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass - Every world needs a Willow and Tara.

I think you’re doing a marvellous job at helping us see the world from eyes of a (privileged) twelve year old. From the eyes of this reader, however, it’s torturous how Tara can describe the feel of Dani’s body against hers, her mouth going dry at the sight of Dani in uniform, how she and Dani blush at each other when exchanging compliments, and yet not know that she’s physically attracted to Dani. But, actually, that’s life, isn’t it, because a 12 year old may not quite have the all the tools needed to slot pieces in place; that’s just simple adolescence. And yet, through the controlled information that you give us in each chapter, I can feel Tara growing up, right before my eyes.

I have to say, though, Tara’s driving me nuts with the ‘my girl’. Every time she says this I just want to scream. I am really interested how in the world you are ever going to reverse, or erase, this learned social behaviour—because if they do end up in the ‘naked kind of together’, unless something in Tara starts to tweak, true equality isn’t gonna feature. And about the higher marked nobility being able to take whichever marked servant s/he pleases, perhaps a bigger issue is that if Tara and Dani ever do acknowledge physical attraction: Dani can never say no to Tara. “I have a headache, not tonight” won’t be an option.

I’m really fascinated to know when it will honestly click in Tara’s mind that Dani is a possession, an enormously prized possession and hers alone, but a mere possession nonetheless. In some ways I think Tara’s no dummy and is acutely aware of how she owns Dani. How much she enjoys the benefits thereof, is her own deep dark secret. So Tara, perhaps, will conveniently keep herself in the dark; to do otherwise would mean acknowledging what’s on Dani’s mind. And for all the ‘Miss’, and bowing, and untying boot laces, I can just feel Dani’s independence wanting to soar. And I think that’s why she gets on with wild-child Faith so well. Faith has an enormous sense of self and therefore she can be accepting and open to all kinds of other people and experiences, whereby Tara falls back on her position, duty, and, ironically, on Dani to give her identity.

Great stuff, this; a fantastic read that really makes me think! Thanks so much!

imjustme – Hello and welcome to the Kitten Board. I think we all try to be pretty friendly so you’ll enjoy it. Thanks so much for the honor of being the first story you’ve replied to. I agree with you that in a way Tara is very naïve while Dani understands much more of the world.
I’d say that’s accurate (grin).

badkitty – I was tee heeign about the dibs but I think your other speculations are fun.

I love that movie!

Vale – A suitor is a prospective spouse, someone coming to court her.

Chris – Absolutely everything revolves around their positions as well as their interpretations and acceptance or rejection of them. Yes, I think that Tara is starting to see where she was an idiot and really regret all that. A few very good questions. I believe more of Dani’s feelings will be revealed in the next 5-6 updates, not that I think it will clarify much. That’s certainly a valid question and a valid concern. I think I would go even farther to ask if she believes that Tara loves her as a person rather than a possession.

Ah yes, the secret of Dani’s magic is certainly a bond for the two of them. An interesting theory and one I won’t dispute at the moment.

Buddy, you don’t know the half of it yet. Ok, maybe you know the half of it but not everything there is to shiver at.

You make a few really fantastic observations here. I think that in our society even today but certainly a hundred years ago there is an entire social structure that very much determines who we can be, what we can do, who is who and what is what. And while we’re not controlled by magic, we are still slaves to the structure. And yes, everyone gets lost. I think that Tara has a much better situation than Dani (obviously) but she’s just as much of a victim of her circumstance in terms of the options available to her to have what (who) she truly wants.

Thank you so much and here is yet more to comment on…

Daiailun – I hope you don’t mind. I’m going to go ahead and post the update and catch up with your fantastic feedback sometime after. Sorry.


Story Title – Waiting for Dani

Chapter – 5 – My Marks

Author – JustSkipIt

Pairing – T/W

Feedback – Yes, please

Spoilers – None

Rating – R to NC-17

Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Willow and Tara and the Buffyverse. No copyright infringement is meant by this fic and I will not make any money from it.

Note – I decided to post this update in its entirety this week. As I said in the replies post, I do not expect to post an update next week.

Note – Thanks again to Watty for the new Elephvatar,

Note - Additional note after the conclusion of this update.


I waited until I had 17 summers behind me before taking my marks. I could have taken them earlier, much earlier for I had started bleeding more than three summers previous, but I wanted to wait. My waiting, while unusual, was my choice. Occasionally a family would decide to postpone the taking of marks for timing or maturity but in this case the delay was entirely up to me. My father never approached me about the marks although Melanie did.

She came to my rooms a few months after I had become eligible. Dani offered Melanie tea which Melanie politely refused, then Dani bowed to her and left, carrying with her a few plates and cups from a snack we had been enjoying as we studied. She bid me to stay seated and pulled up a chair on her own.

“Miss Tara.” She reached out and took my hand, gently stroking the back. “Your father, Lord Maclay, wishes to know when you will receive your marks.”

I looked away for a moment. “I do not feel ready, Miss Melanie.”

She nodded her head slightly. “Your education has progressed very well and very quickly. I hope you know how pleased your father and I are with your studies.” She said this like a question, her voice rising on the last syllable.

“Yes, Miss.” I smiled at her.

“And you know also that T’solde feels that your magical power is, if anything, higher than expected. Your focus and purity are excellent and your artistry training is an unexpected value.”

I took a breath. “Yes, Miss Melanie. But I don’t feel that this is the right time.”

She looked like she was considering whether to speak or not. “If you are worried about Dani, D’elam tells me that she is not ready for her marks yet. She can follow when she becomes ready.”

My words seemed to catch in my throat but I swallowed audibly. “No, Miss Melanie, she is not.” I was no expert on such things but I wondered if her slimmer figure meant that her bleeding would not come so young as mine. While I had noticed the changes in my body, hers had not started these changes yet.

Again Melanie took my hand. “Dani is a wonderful and devoted girl. You will both bring pride to your family when you take your marks.” When I didn’t answer she let go of my hand and sat back in her chair. “I will tell Lord Maclay your decision. “ We said goodbye and she left my rooms.

Dani was back a few minutes later with a bowl of water to wash my hair. I sat in the chair and she put the water on the table and began to work the lather in. “She came about your marks, Miss Tara?” I believe that only our closeness allowed her to ask such a question.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. “I am not ready to take my marks, my girl.”

“Yes, Miss Tara.” We were silent for the rest of the hair wash and as she combed and set my hair.

As had now become tradition, when she had finished her work on my hair, she took my seat and allowed me to wash and brush her hair as she had done mine. The water was less warm than it had been for her but I craved the opportunity to do this for her. I loved the feel of her hair against my fingers, to let the strands just fall through the spaces. I brushed her hair for an extra long time and then bid her to sleep in my bed tonight. As usual, she insisted that it was not her place and I that her place was at my side. It had become a traditional and playful argument between us: where she would sleep. More often than not I prevailed and I hoped that in those cases, her actual intent was to sleep in my arms just as it was always my wish. I knew that she was bound by her position to lobby for her meager mattress but I was bound by my love for her to dissuade her. That night I held her especially fiercely. Just the thought of Dani taking those marks was enough to fill my eyes with tears for her tender skin.

--

Not long after Donnie and his servant took their marks, I had been attending a magical lesson with Melanie. Faith and Anne were free from this lesson because they were attending a gown fitting for the upcoming celebration and Donnie and his man rode by, waving a greeting. I watched them and then turned to Melanie commenting that the marks seemed very well done and powerful.

At first her reaction had been that the marks were indeed well done. Then she narrowed her eyes slightly and asked me what I meant by powerful. I explained the impression I had of the static current between the marks and then described similar connections between herself and D’elam, father and D’rek, and others at the wedding. Apparently this was a great discovery for she quickly called D’elam over and they whispered for a few moments. We continued with our lesson and within the afternoon, T’solde galloped up on her horse.

As it turned out, my ability to feel the connection between marks was an indicator of an ability to create them. We already knew that I had a fondness for art as it was the activity I used to fill much of my free time when I did not have studies or other responsibilities. However, no one had expected me to have this unusual potential. T’solde gave me a few quick tests before declaring that we would have to take a journey to the marks-artist. Everyone cluck-clucked that it was too bad we hadn’t realized this earlier since the marks-artist had just been to the estate fifteen days earlier to create and bind D’le’s (Donnie’s servant’s) marks.

Nonetheless, a message was sent to Miss T’dre the artist who had bound Donnie and his man as well as most of the other nobles we knew. She responded immediately that she would be out to visit and examine me two days hence.

The next two days were spent verily scrubbing myself inside and out. T’solde stayed at our estate and she and Melanie drilled me on magical theory every waking minute while Dani and D’elam prepared my wardrobe, skin, and hair for the visit. At night I fell into bed without even the energy to cajole my lovely girl in with me. She must have known how overwhelmed I was and taken pity on me for each morning although I woke alone, I could feel her heat still on the sheets just next to me.

T’dre arrived at mid-day and was welcomed into the castle by father himself. She accepted the formal greetings and then requested that she and I walk by ourselves. The walk seemed almost like a dream. We visited the gardens and stables and much of the grounds as she asked me questions about myself, my family, my horse, my intended servant, and my interests. I performed magic both by myself and jointly with her and stopped to draw pictures in the sand or on a small roll of paper she pulled from her pocket. By the time we had finished, I looked up to notice that it was growing dark about.

“My girl will be worried about me.”

T’dre looked at me. “It is lovely to have someone who cares about you so much. Please tell me about her.”

And so for a long hour or more, I went on about Dani’s beauty, her intelligence, her laugh, everything I loved so about her. When I finished we had arrived at the castle to find the lamps burning brightly and the table set but the house waiting dinner on us. We sat down and shared our banquet in relative silence. When she had finished eating, T’dre simply said that she would train me. She made no promises but allowed that my potential was strong. My father, Melanie, and T’solde all looked very pleased when they embraced me and Faith whispered that I was a “hot dog” whatever that meant.

And so I began an apprenticeship in mark artistry or just artistry. Faith teased me about my studies saying that she was also going to be a marks-woman if she had her way. It was a weak joke but she made her point.

For the first fourteen to eighteen moons of my apprenticeship, my entire study was academic. Tadre (for she quickly asked me to use her name rather than title) visited once a seven-day to deliver scrolls with marks symbols listed. I was expected to study and memorize the symbols and practice drawing them until I could reproduce them quite literally with my eyes shut with pen on scroll. Once I could reproduce them perfectly with my eyes shut, I would be required to draw the mark with my left hand and then with my left hand but my eyes shut. Each of these attempts was tested by Tadre and she was a strict but kind teacher. She would not allow any imperfection but she was very clear and gentle in explaining where my reproduction deviated from the sample she had provided. When she came to test me, she did not show me the scrolls but would say the nature of a binding or a family name and expect me to produce the correct mark.

Dani was, of course, invaluable in my studies. While her artistic ability was, shall we say, less than ideal, her memorization skills allowed her to quickly digest the information and test and retest me wherever we may be: whether in my rooms or out on a ride. Her quick mind allowed her to see thematic connections between similar symbols that were not immediately obvious to me. I once asked her how she learned them so quickly and she seemed almost embarrassed to explain that when she had seen something even once, she retained a sort of mental image forever.

I don’t mean to make it seem that my education was put on hold for the sake of my artistry. If anything, my education intensified in all areas. I now studied or spoke Latin, Greek, French, and Slavic, memorized Astronomy and the movement of the stars and planets, Geometry, Oration, Agricultural planning, deportment, dancing, needlework, diplomacy, and, of course, magical application. While all of these subjects had varying intensity and difficulty, by far the most difficult was Geometry and later Trigonometry. But for Dani’s repeated and painstaking instruction, I don’t know that I ever would have been able to produce acceptable examinations in these subjects.

By the time I neared my fourteenth summer, Tadre allowed that my knowledge of marks and my ability to reproduce them were acceptable to accompany her and learn the actual application and binding of the marks. Not until I went with her, did I start to understand my chosen and gifted craft. Artistry is about knowing the correct symbols and being able to reproduce them as well as being able to create truly beautiful art but it is also about the strength and purity the artist puts into the mark. Every mark. Every mark requires a magical bond. Whether it is a mark declaring a noble man or woman to have achieved maturity, a free joining marriage bond, a servant bond, or the very rare freed-servant bond, the mark must have a very specific and delicate yet powerful piece of magic within it.

The first mark artistry I attended was the binding of a one mark servant to the second cousin of the Lord of a neighboring estate. The noble woman was fifth of seven daughters with no magic among her or her siblings and none in either parent’s line. In other words, this mark would not be terribly elaborate. It would still contain the basic anchors to bind the servant and her mistress together but the design was fairly basic. After she had completed the noble woman’s mark design, Tadre had brought me the scroll and asked me to dissect it for her, which I had done thoroughly and repeatedly. When asked, I could reproduce the design with my eyes closed and with either hand. Tadre asked me to explain in great detail about the anchors she had placed in the design. These spots were placed into the original marks of a noble man or woman. Later when his or her servant was bound or when the joining marks were created, the anchors would be used to “tie” the servant to the binding or the pair to each other.

I do not know if my initial reaction upon attending an artistry would have been different had I attended the noble woman’s binding rather than her servant’s first. Our marks, as I’ve explained before, are placed on our palms—right palm for a woman and left palm for a man. The joining marks are created on the backs of our hands even extending up the forearm if necessary. As you might imagine, in spite of the joy of the ceremony and the preparation we have undergone, the application of marks to one’s hands—hands filled with bones and sensitive nerves is quite painful. The elaboration of a set of marks is notable and impressive not only because it indicates the wealth and prestige associated with a family, but because it is such an ordeal. Another reason that the elaboration of marks is impressive is that any noble family of worth will supply the artist and receiver with adequate healing and herbal medicine to make the taking of the marks palatable. Without the numbing herbs—usually an herb called Opiaum—I believe most people could not accept the marks on their hands.

No servant ever receives his or her marks simultaneous to his master so that he can care for the master (or mistress) throughout the recovery period. While the nobility’s prestige is enhanced by the elaboration of his marks, it is also enhanced by realizing that any servant bonded to that person will have equal marks on his or her hip. This marking, on the hip, is done without the aid of a healer or herbs. Although the hip is a more forgiving surface to the hot vibrating needle, it is by no means a pleasant experience for the servant. Servants are respected for their ability to withstand the artistry in devotion to their mark-master. That first artistry I attended was shocking. The servant was very good at withstanding the pain and did not scream, but she did cry as her mistress held her.

So when Melanie came to me every four or six moons after the initial visit, I continued to delay the taking of my marks. I had no fear for myself, for my family had an excellent healer living on our estate. But I couldn’t stand the thought of Dani hurt so badly. One of the first assignments Tadre had given me once I had finished my memorization was to design my own marks. It was a project she had returned to over and over ever since. I knew that the marks would be extensive and elaborate—more elaborate than any I had ever seen before nor that Tadre had created.

After each visit from Melanie, Dani would respectfully ask me about my marks and I responded each time by telling her that I was not ready. She did not question me further but I wondered if she had an inkling of why I was so reticent. When I had sixteen summers, this conversation altered. Dani began to urge me to take the marks, to trust that she would serve me well and make me proud. It was her voice but I could hear D’elam and thus Melanie’s words passing through her mouth.

The following winter I received a visit from Faith. She no longer seemed my baby sister. With fifteen summers behind her she had been released from her academic studies after receiving adequate marks in all subjects. Her love remained the out of doors, gamesmanship, riding, hunting, and she now headed all hunting expeditions initiated by our estate. Our region was quite peaceful at this time but I occasionally heard murmurings of her fitness for military lead. Either position—gameswoman or military leader-- was unusual for a noble woman but my family had great prestige and respect and my father was always very liberal in his thinking. Additionally, she was the third daughter in our family. Pressure was not so intense on her as on myself or Donnie or even Anne.

She came in one afternoon as I was working on my mark design for perhaps the thirtieth time based on feedback from Tadre. Dani was out on a long ride which I have to suspect Faith knew, given that she was Dani’s most frequent riding partner besides myself. She knocked and at my invite came in taking a seat on the other side of the table. She waited until I had stopped drawing and replaced my quill in the holder before indicating the paper with her hand. “May I?” I nodded and she took the paper and studied it for a few minutes. “Those are going to be really something, T.”

“I don’t think that’s the final product. Tadre will want to make some adjustments,” I explained.

“Have you designed mine yet? Or Anne’s?”

I reached into the drawer in my desk and pulled out two very similar scrolls and handed them to her. She looked them over and smiled. “I think I can live with my three marks. You’ve done a really fantastic job on these.”

“Thank you, Faith.” I looked at her for a long minute. “Is there a reason for your visit?”

She placed her hand over her heart in mock indignation and hurt. “What? I can’t just visit my big sister to hear her witty repartee and see her unending beauty?”

“Seems unlikely.”

Faith laughed. “See, witty repartee.” I leaned back in my chair and folded my hands across my chest. “Ok. I’m not here for your witty repartee.”

I feigned shock at the revelation, again earning a laugh from my sister.

“The estate awaits the taking of your marks, Miss T’ra.” She spoke in a surprisingly formal fashion and I wondered whether it was Melanie or father who had sent her.

“I don’t feel that I’m ready.” I picked up my quill and pulled the scroll toward me as if dismissing her and ending the conversation.

Faith leaned forward and pulled my hand from the scroll and held it in her own. “Tara, there’s never been a better prepared Lady. You’ll bring all the respect and devotion and love to this family that you could. You know it.” She tilted her head. “Are you afraid of the pain? Because the healer stands ready to apply the herbs.” She waited a moment after which I did not answer. “Donnie says it didn’t hurt that badly when he kept thinking of the honor of his marks and his are almost as elaborate as yours.”

I stood and stepped a few steps from the desk. “I don’t understand w-why no one will believe that I am not ready.”

Faith allowed me to pace for a few seconds before she also stood and stepped directly in front of me. She reached up to tuck an errant strand of hair behind my ear and placed her hands on my shoulders. “Is it Dani?” I flinched, unaware and unsuspecting of her perceptivity. She took that as an admission. “Is… is it that you don’t want her hurt?”

Tears sprung to my eyes. I slowly nodded as did Faith.

She stroked my cheek. “I understand.” She swallowed audibly. “But people are starting to think that you doubt her. That you doubt her strength and devotion to you.”

“Wh-what? That’s … That’s j-just ridiculous. Who thinks that? Who…”

She interrupted me to drive home the dagger. “She thinks it too, Miss Tara.”

I reached backwards and found that I was standing by the bed onto which I collapsed. “She thinks? But I would never. I mean. She’s … I mean. She’s not afraid and I know she…” I leaned forward putting my face into my hands then looked back up. “She really thinks that?”

Faith kneeled down in front of me. “She doesn’t know what to think. You’re obviously ready and she believes she is too but you keep delaying.”

“Father? Melanie?” I could feel my heart pounding. “Do they think that I doubt her? They know she’s, that she’s perfect? Right? Don’t they?”

Faith stroked my hair for a few minutes as I tried to comprehend this misconception. This thought of weakness in my girl. “I can explain to father but everyone else…,” she offered

I wiped my eyes and lifted my head. “I will speak to Lord Maclay at his earliest opportunity about the taking of my marks.”

Faith nodded. Then she gently kissed each of my cheeks. “She’ll be fine and we’ll all spoil her crazy.”

I gulped and nodded. “I know.”

She glanced to my windowpane. “I should get out there for a ride before mother goes hunting down her ‘wild child.’”

Before she left the room, I called after her. “Thank you for talking to me, Faith.”

She smiled. “Of course, Tara.”

That night at dinner I could hardly eat. I kept one eye sideways trained on Dani, attempting to spot her insecurity. Did she truly think that I wasn’t proud of her? That I doubted her? How could she not know how I cared for her? How I felt about her? The rest of the time I spent stealing glances at the rest of the diners. We had visitors as we did nearly every evening but it seemed unusually quiet around the table to me. “Lord Maclay, I would appreciate the opportunity to speak with you at your convenience.” My formal words sounded foreign in my ear.

My father was nothing if not a consummate statesman. “Yes, Miss Tara,” he nodded only once. “We shall speak after dinner.”

A few hours later, our visitors had left the estate when D’rek came to get me. I walked back to father’s rooms with him and was bowed inside before the door shut tightly. My father sat at his large desk and put away his pen the moment I entered. “Lord Maclay, thank you for seeing me.” I bowed formally.

My father extended his left hand to show his marks and bowed in return. “Miss Tara. Please take a seat.”

I did so next to his desk and he returned to his chair. I extended the scroll with my latest efforts on it. “If your Lordship deems it appropriate, I am ready to take my marks. The artist does not feel that this is a complete representation but she approves of the basic design.”

My father took the scroll and studied it for a few moments, holding it next to his hand to compare the designs. Then he set it on the desk and smiled, leaning forward to take my hands in his. “Tara. The design is beautiful and shows the honor of our house as well as the memory of your mother, Lady Maclay. I will be proud to see you take your marks and become Lady of this house.” It was obviously not an afterthought yet he waited a heartbeat before adding, “And your Dani will do this house and your Ladyship great honor when she is bonded. You two are a wonderful and beautiful pair.”

I looked away briefly. “Yes, Lord Maclay. Dani looks forward to our bonding.”

My father poured me a small cup of tea and placed a sweet stick into it, stirring twice before handing me the cup. “Tara. You have concerns about Dani?”

I felt relieved that we were entering a more informal conversation. “Concerns for her, Father. Not about her. I know that she is completely devoted and I could never ask for a better partner.”

“What then?”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t like the idea of her being hurt. I know the marking hurts and servants are not given any herbs. I … I just …”

My father nodded. “Yes. I understand.” He took the tea and set it on the table before taking my hands again. “I do not believe that the marking process is easy for our servants but their pain is part of what binds them to us and gives us pride. I am sorry that it will hurt Dani and that it will hurt you through her.” He looked around the room. “I must confess that I had similar concerns about Derek but he has now taken marks three times with me and reports that the pride outweighs the pain.” I nodded but apparently I didn’t look relieved. “There is something else?”

I looked away and bit my lip slightly. My father easily picked me up and put me in his lap like a small child, wrapping his arms around my waist. “There. Now you can tell me what is bothering you without having to look into my eyes.”

I felt like the words were lodged in my throat. I could feel tears in my eyes and wanted to avoid saying this. “I’m not just afraid for her for the mark pain. I… the marks-rights….” Before she had taken her marks, Dani had existed, like myself, in a sort of protected adolescence. It was unheard of, literally unheard of, for an adult man to avail himself of a girl before her marks were bestowed on her. But once she had her marks…

My father tensed slightly in his chair. Then he relaxed and began to brush my hair with his hands. “My darling child, your servant will have five marks. I think of her as my child and can vow that I will never take marks-rights with her.” He half-whispered, “And your uncle, Lord M’rtin’s interests run more to the … Well you can discard any concern for his interest.” He spoke of T’solde’s husband here and I wondered briefly what he meant of the Lord’s interests.

I was quiet for a few moments, enjoying the softness of his hands comforting me. “Thank you.”

My father pushed me gently into a standing position and stood himself. “We shall schedule your marks taking and ceremony for this summer. Please let T’dre know that I wish to speak to her when she is here next.”

I bowed deeply. “Yes, Lord Maclay. Thank you for your patience.” He returned the bow, indicating that I was free to leave my audience.

I was only a few steps from the door when I heard his voice once again. “Tara.” I turned around to see him looking at me kindly. “Dani is young but there may come a time when she will enjoy sharing marks-rights and your status will ensure her of quality and breeding in eligible mates.”

I nodded over the lump forming in my throat and took my leave.

--

My marks artistry was scheduled for the day of the summer equinox. Dani’s would be two weeks later and the celebration two weeks later still. While the estate prepared for the celebration banquet, I prepared spiritually for my marks. Each day was spent in quiet reflection, writing, drawing, or praying. Tadre informed me that once I had taken my marks I would be ready to artist marks up to 3rd level without her accompaniment. I had assisted her on thirty or forty artistries but I had no idea that she thought this much of my training progress. The last week before my marks Tadre stayed at the estate, working or praying with me for hours a day.

Dani and I continued our playful debate over where she slept but it had been summers and moons besides since she had won the debate. Usually I held her throughout the night, wrapping my arms around her tiny but powerful body and kissing the most tender places on her neck and hair. This week she clung to me like a drowning man to a scrap of wood, her hands pressed to my flat stomach and her breath tickling my ears. A few times I woke in the night to imagine I felt or heard her crying but each time I was too deeply in sleep to ask her about it. When I woke, I asked her about it but she insisted I was dreaming and carried on with her morning duties but each day I knew I felt he impression of her lips on my neck and shoulders like never before.

On the day of my marks, I woke to find Dani already arisen and gone from my rooms. Tadre came in shortly after I had washed and begun to dress and informed me that we would be bathing in the stream. She bid me come to the banquet hall dressed as I was and I did so. Assembled in the hall were my father, Melanie, my siblings, T’solde and representatives of her estate, and servants—in short the entire estate. My eyes watered at the looks on their faces and shockingly, Anne was the first to reach me to wrap me in a hug. “Good morning, Lady Maclay.” I looked strangely at her before remembering that the day of marks, a noble man or woman was honored as if she had already received marks all day.

Donnie followed Anne and then Faith and Dani. My father and Melanie followed the two of them and the processional had begun. Breakfast itself was a forgettable affair. My father and aunts made speeches to honor my place in the family and I found myself blushing and saying, “Thank you” a lot. Dani held my hand under the table, giving me little squeezes from time to time.

After breakfast, Tadre and I took our leave of the group and went out to the stream. Dani had laid out everything we would need for our ritual but was not present herself although I would be at her ritual in a fortnight. We bathed in the river and purified ourselves. Tadre made a supplication that her artistry would be worthy of my marks and I that I would be always worthy of my place in my family.

We returned to the marks tent at high-noon to meet the healer and Dani, both waiting for us. They bowed down before us, making me blush a little. Then my father, T’solde, and Lord M’rtin – all those present who equaled my marks—led me into the tent and sat me in my chair. My father handed T’dre a golden coin and the three of them took their leave. Dani entered and immediately kneeled at my side, taking my left hand in hers. Our healer bowed deeply before applying a numbing salve to my palm and giving me a draught of the herb. It tasted terrible but I found myself floating right away.

As I already knew, T’dre, sang as she worked and the music was part of the magic. She wound the legend of my parents’ love into the design as well as the story of my finding Dani and my own magical power. I do not know if it was the herbs which our healer continued to administer or my own excitement and pride but the pain was less than I had expected while still enough to cause any reasonable person to think seriously before taking on such a commitment.

I didn’t really remember the completion of the marks nor the return to my rooms. Yet, there I was. I lay in the bed with Dani sitting on the coverlet and stroking my forehead. “My Lady,” she kept whispering over and over and I thought there were tears in her eyes. Every so often the healer came in to administer more of the Opiaum. I took it gladly. More gladly, I held clutched in my hand a small glass vial I had procured from the kitchens earlier in the week. Each time I took the herb, I coughed, bringing the vial to my mouth thus storing some of the bitter stuff. By full dark it was obvious to me why we were given the drug for my hand throbbed, dulling my senses with a combination of the herb and the pain. I verily floated through visits from immediate family although I remember both my father and T’solde questioning the healer on why I was not taking the pain easier. I felt bad that my subterfuge caused his great skill to be questioned but not bad enough to take the remaining herbs. A few times I thought that Dani looked at me strangely.

Finally everyone had left us alone for the night. I kept looking at my hand wanting to see my marks but unable to do so through the loose gauze covering Tadre liked for the first day. I knew she would come in the morning to inspect my hand and remove the covering. Then my family would see my marks for the first time. While I could not see the marks, I could feel the magic pouring off them. They were the most advanced marks I had ever seen applied and the magical power in them was amazing. “Can you feel it, love?” I think I whispered to Dani who again seemed to look at me through confused eyes but maybe it was just my own alteration causing the confusion.

My girl so carefully dressed me for bed before preparing herself and brought me a cup of milk, holding my head as I sipped from it. She had put the slightest bit of chocolate in it and it was a sweet treat to anchor me to this reality for a few minutes.

She snuggled up against me, being careful to avoid touching my hand and nuzzled my neck with her nose, making me giggle. It probably wasn’t that funny but I felt a little elsewhere and otherwise and something about her nose and my neck just tickled me. “Your nssese. Myneck,” I mumbled.

“It’s ok, my Lady,” she kept whispering but I could feel her shaking. “Please take the rest of your herbs, my Lady.”

I tried to deny that I had done anything but I couldn’t do a reasonable job and Dani always knew everything about me anyway. “sss for you,” I finally slurred. I tried to run my free hand along her face but my palm fell on the coverlet. “Can’t have you hrting.” I lifted her chin with my fingertips, making clumsy contact this time, and noticed the way her green eyes were shining wet.

“It’s ok, my Lady.” She kissed my neck where she had been nuzzling but it didn’t so much tickle as make a strange warmth travel down my body. “It’s ok,” she continued whispering as she advanced with her soft kisses. She lifted herself above me, onto her knees and gently placed a kiss on my wrist, just above the gauze. I thought it would hurt but it felt cool and refreshing. “It’s ok.” She placed another kiss just above the last and then one nearer the side of my wrist. Her lips moved slowly, tortuously wonderfully up my arm, covering every inch, every millimeter of skin and raising goose bumps all along. At my shoulder she continued her amazing efforts and then moved to my free hand, taking just as long as she had on my injured hand. Longer even as she was able to spend long minutes on each of my fingertips.

I had no idea what she was doing, where she had learned this, what she intended, but every touch felt incredible. I was floating through a fog of pain and herb and pleasure and could only occasionally manage a moan or short word or her name. Each word brought her fingertips to my lips, allowing me to kiss them as she shushed me. “It’s ok, my Lady,” she whispered again and again.

Her lips strayed to my soft breasts, touching the edges and circling. I didn’t understand her intention, her movements, or my reactions. All I knew was that right now, this, was the greatest feeling I had ever had. More exhilarating than riding my horse at a gallop toward the sunrise, more fulfilling than drawing a great and expansive mark with Tadre, more wonderful than laughter shared with Faith and Dani and everyone I loved. Through it all, she just kept telling me, “It’s ok, my Lady. I’ll make you feel better.”

I wanted to ask her what she was doing. What it meant. What she … But I couldn’t. I just wanted the feeling to go on and on. And her soft and beautiful mouth kept moving, never staying in one location long enough for me to get used to the sensation. Every new spot felt as if she was electrifying the skin before she even reached it. I made small needy sounds in my throat and again felt her fingertips against my lips. Her hands and mouth caressed my feet, my toes, my calves, and legs. Her hot breath was on my most intimate part and I was keening and then her lips touched me and I thought I would collapse but I was already on the bed. And she kept whispering, “It’s ok, my Lady” or “I’ll make it better, my Lady.” And her lips touched me, shaping me, shaping the future of my life and love--the present of my everything.

The next few moments or perhaps it was minutes or hours or days even, were… I can not even describe them. I do not think I would if I could. I floated through a world of pleasure, a world I feared would never return, a world I had certainly never visited. I wanted Dani to never stop what she was doing and at the same time to crawl up and hold me in her arms forever. I wanted her mouth on me just as it was and that same wonderful mouth nestled against my neck as we finally faded to sleep. I clutched at her silky hair and knew I should relax my hand, that I was not riding a horse bareback and I could hear my own desperate whimpers although they didn’t seem to be coming from me. I, a fifth mark Lady was brought to this by my girl’s mouth. I was brought to everything I had ever dreamed of. I was brought…

I was brought.

I think I screamed and screamed again but perhaps that sound was only in my head for no one came running, no guards burst through the door, no one. Only Dani and always Dani and she was moving up my body again whispering to me. Whispering that it would be ok and I felt her lips on my cheek and I wanted to stay with her but she was whispering that I needed sleep and I did.




--

Additional Note –This update was quite difficult to write and to really think through. I posted a discussion of some of my concerns regarding sexual ethics and this update at beta pens. I would hope that the following caveats are clear but I would like to state them explicitly nonetheless:

* This update is not meant in any way to condone or approve of underage sexual activity.
* Use of illicit substances, by definition, impairs judgment. Please use care to remain safe and able to make responsible decisions.
* I am not personally comfortable with the type of power imbalance inherent in the relationship as depicted in this fic. That said, I felt that this scene was necessary in order to move the story forward in a powerful way.

I will be more than happy to discuss the sexual ethics of this update or the entire story either in this thread, the thread on beta pens, or by PM if you would like.

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

Dibberoonies!

First, let me say that I like the pacing of this story, and the pacing of the flashbacks especially. Since I'm in the middle of writing a story that takes place in one week, I'm feeling a little frustrated with sticking so closely to each day. So it's nice to know that you are showing us the flashback in really good time, hitting and highlighting the high points that illustrate progress on both of their parts in growing up, realizing things, etc.

Now I've softened a bit in my first assessment of Tara - privileged and a little oblivious (but very very sweet). Her concern for Dani's pain upon getting her marks means to me that she views Dani as a person and not a possession, not that I ever thought she did. Also, her belated question to her father about marks-rights makes me think that was more part of her hesitation for initiating the marks process than Dani's pain.

Now I have a theory or a hypothesis that I'll put forth. Given that Tara is concerned about marks-rights, and given that I'm guessing she'll do Dani's marks herself, I wouldn't put it past her to include some imperfection that means Dani isn't bound for the marks-rights specifically, or maybe even that she's a free person. Although the weight of tradition in this society makes me think maybe not, maybe eventually they do a marks-severing thing later on.

So many possibilities!

It's also telling that Faith had to be the one to tell Tara that Dani was feeling badly, like maybe Tara didn't think she was good enough and that was why she was delaying taking her marks. For all their closeness, Dani didn't tell her fears (assuming they were real) to Tara herself, and Tara didn't pick up on any of that.

I wasn't concerned at all by their sex scene, also - it seems pretty okay in their society and given their ages, and Dani's intent seemed not to be to take advantage of Tara. And even in the USA, there are teenagers who are exploring things together all the time, sometimes too much too young, but I think 17-16 being together isn't something that trips any alarm bells for me. The power imbalance is of more concern, but it was Dani who approached Tara, not the other way around. If it had been Tara initiating while Dani was under the influence (or not) I might have felt more uncomfortable.

Anyway, great update. Can't wait for MORE MORE MORE!!!

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Stocking Stuffers: Little Gifts from RKT

daiailun – Thanks for your patience. Yes, I see what you’re saying about how Tara’s attraction for and to Dani is so painfully obvious to us but so much a mystery to her. And yet, she’s just such a 12 year old as you point out. I’m glad that her growing up is so obvious to see.

Yep, to her it’s sweet and endearing and to us, it’s just arrrrgggghhh!
An excellent point and question.

Your “not tonight…” issue certainly does seem important doesn’t it? Mmm. I love your analysis of Tara’s knowing yet not knowing or realizing about Dani being her possession. I also think that your analysis of Dani’s friendship with Faith is very well placed. I think that Faith completely blows off the social status issues between the two of them so that’s a safe place for Dani.

Thanks for your fantastic commentary.

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

G'day Debra. I've been in kind of a rut regarding feedback of late, which is why I haven't left any for the latest story by one of my favorite authors on the board. By which I mean you, if that wasn't clear.

I seem to remember you saying that you don't generally like sci-fi or fantasy, but you've certainly displaying a knack for it here. Personally, I've always loved to opportunity to visit another world, where the rules of nature and society both aren't necessarily what we're used too.

It's the small details too, such as the naming conventions that help to set this apart. Sometimes in fan fiction, writers have the habit of using names that are incongruous with the setting, simply because it's the characters normal name. Such as Buffy .... then again, how many places does that name fit in.

So, I like the formal version of the characters names, losing some of the letters and adding an apostrophe. It works quite nicely to separate this from the Buffyverse while still maintaining the connection.

Since we're five chapters into the story, if I waffle on about each chapter in turn, we'll be here forever, so I brush over the bits I liked best, as I think of them.

The society you've created is an interesting one, and I've enjoyed trying to spot the historical influences you've used to come up with it. The communal upbringing on a large estate, where children absorb the societal mores by observing their elders.

Then you've got these marks, which I had a whole host of questions about. Due to my procrastination, I think you've answered them all by now; that'll teach me to slack off.

This servant/master dynamic you've introduced is certainly ripe with possibilities for drama and angst. Having Willow ... whoops, I mean Dani of course, be at worst a slave and at best an indentured servant ... it's a brave choice, and one for which I applaud you.

Dani's magical abilities weren't much of a surprise, but I foresee trouble on the horizon regarding them. I just can't see Dani being able to keep them a secret forever, and I can't help but think that the reaction won't end well, for one simple reason; magic is supposedly the sole province of the nobility.

After all, I can believe that magical talent is a hereditary talent, but these noble families weren't always noble. Go far enough back, and no-one is. The odds are, they rose to power by virtue of their magical abilities, and since they tend to only breed within their own social strata, it's to be imagined that they would come to believe that magic is solely a feature of the nobly born.

But the truth is, any non-noble people with the knack would never receive the training that it seems is necessary to bring their powers to their full flower.

Best case scenario? They decide that Dani must in fact be the product of a noble family, and promote her as such. Worst case scenario? They kill her to protect their monopoly on magic and their secular power base. That's my two cents anyhow.

The true nature of these marks though, are disturbing. Removing free will? Sexual compulsion? Gah! In a sort of abstract fashion, it's an interesting turn around on Willow's whole misadventure with Lethe's Bramble.

Sure, they might say that Dani will be honored, protected, cherished ... loved even. But what she won't have is freedom. In essence, these bond-marked servants are slaves, possessions ... pets even. Which makes you wonder what kind relationship they can ever really have. In time, I can't help but think that the love they obviously feel for each other will be strangled by the realities of their situation.

After all, one of Tara's chief responsibilities will be to produce the next generation of the Maclay family. And unless things work considerably differently in this world, I don't think Dani can pull that one off.

Oh, and one part of this latest update has raised some questions in me. Tara's studies included Latin, Greek, French and Slavic; it might not be important, but is this world similar to our own in physical and political detail?

And can I just say how utterly pathetic it is that these people won't let their slaves have any form of anesthetic when they're receiving their marks of ownership? Because lets fact it, that's what they are.

As for the sexual ethics you've raised in this latest update ... well, it would have been worse if this had taken place after Dani's marks. As it stands, I can see your quandary.

On one side, Dani is, after all, pretty much already an indentured servant for the duration of her entire life. So that's a tick in the ick column.

On the other hand, Dani did initiate the sex (heck, she did all the work too! ) without any form of coercement or suggestion. And lets face it, even if she did have a choice, would Dani chose to be elsewhere.

As for the age thing? Well, I chose to look at it like a medieval society, wherein if you were capable of reproduction, you were pretty much considered an adult. Given the average life span, people couldn't afford to string out the period of childhood and adolescence the way our society does.

As for the sex itself, maybe it's just the fact that Tara was under the influence of opiates or pain, but I got the strong impression of innocence, which seems kind of strange when you're talking about a sex scene.

Anyhoo, superb story Debra. Can't wait for more, but wait I shall.

Cheers,
Paul.

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That’s right: In order to make this event LESS popular, the female activists take off their tops and jog in front of onlookers. - Scott Adams, regarding the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona.

*sighs* wooooow.... heeeeh..

*smiles goofily* i love this story so so much.. it makes me fuzzy inside! even if there is a sense of foreboding dooom and terror which you're yet to fully explain

I think a sign of an exceptional writer is their ability to transcend lables and preperceptions and allow their characters to connect with readers on a completely different basis. You've done this beautifully. I must admit when i read the beginning of the first chapter my head was having a hard time connecting with Dani/Willow, i found it hard to open myself up to her as i wasnt quite sure who she was. Just within a few relatively short chapters you've managed to completely fill 'Dani' with traits and movements completely unique to our Willow. That's an amazing thing to do.. atleast i think so anyway

So uh, keep everything moving smoothly aaaand i'll give you a chocolate frog ...not the hopping kind though

-bell

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let me live forever.. in the space between our lips...

Woah, you know you cut me some sleep time with that last update? I know I havent left any feedback yet but I've been following every update. Just figured that if i had so little to say I was better off not saying anything but now I've got some decent comments today... Well my overall impression is:

Awesome story!!! You managed to build a world I can almost believe in, your characters are highly credible, the plot is great and the way you write it from older Tara's point of view just creates an atmosphere that's palpable and well. Can I just say, very, very good work

I was kinda reticent in the beggining with Willow being called Dani, but I think I have a slight idea what happens to the name hehe. And if I'm wrong it's all the better! hehe. And i know it's not worth asking, cuz you'll just find a way to get me wondering about this and well, I need my sleep time!

All in all, keep up the good work and keep updating (gah, 2 weeks to wait ). You can be sure I'll keep reading

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The clash of swords will bring them against each other, but one sword will bring them together:
Askeidevor

Wow. I think it's very interesting that Dani gives Tara this type of comfort 1) while Tara is drugged out of her mind and 2) before she (Dani) takes her marks. It makes this seem more like a gift than just another example of Dani tending to Tara's needs. I forsee lots more angst from this situation though, and can only hope that Tara gets hit with the clue stick soon and that she and Dani have a talk in which they actually communicate.

One question though. How is Tara now the Lady of the Estate? Shouldn't that devolve to her step-mother or her brother's future wife? I think I missed something dreadfully important...

Edit: Also Debra, I love the new Ashvatar. He's absolutely adorable. How old is he (if you don't mind my asking)?

Oh my god, Debra. wow. this update was....wow. it was so powerful. first of all, this was a wonderful answer to my concerns - about age and the making love before the binding. they're still young....but at least they're not 14. and Dani....that is such a daclaration. of love, and devotion. she's really giving herself to Tara, fully, of her own will. i personally think that the sex scene is ok - like Sally, i too think that is seems somehow appropriate for their society and their world.

Tara being able to create marks, that was a surprise. it's very cool how your characters grow, and learn new things about themselves, and in turn give us a more complex, and complete image of them. they feel real, each one is described in every detail, and is followed in a dynamic process that really make me wonder about your straordinary talent for writing.

i think it was adorable, and again a wonderful example of the mutual love that ties the girls, Tara's concern about Dani, so much that it brings her to cut the "painkillers" to save some for her girl. i think that it tells a lot - about how far she can go, about how deep their connection is. this is not abstract - Tara is ready to endure pain to spare some to Dani. that is beautiful and makes it all the more real.

i also like the interaction between Tara and her father. it was sweet, and i was touched by his lack of formality when it was clear that his daughter was bothered by something. how he took her in his arms and reassured her - it was touching. and also - he says he wouldn't try to use his mark rights on Dani. i couldn't help but wonder: who can use them? people with higher social status? only from their family or not? only men? i kinda thought it was obvious that Tara could use them on her....but relationships between women are even contemplated? of course, this:



makes me think that Tara's uncle's gay....and Lord Maclay doesn't seem to be bothered by it. so, maybe it's ok?

another think i liked very much was Faith. her newly found maturity showed through in how caring she is when she understands that Tara's worried about Dani, how reassuring. but still she's the same person she was, liking all kinds of physical activity and being, interests wise, sort of a "tomboy".

and now onto the sex scene.....that was so beautifully written. such an effort, from Dani, to calm Tara and make her relax, to chase away the pain with her love. with the pleasure that she knows she can give her mistress. when i realized that Tara was drugged, of course the obnoxious part of me, the devil's advocate that contradicts everything i think, said that Dani took advantage of Tara! that she somehow couldn't understand what was going on, and that, while she wouldn't have objected even if lucid, it wasn't correct anyway to do that while she wasn't fully in possess of all her faculties.

the majority of me, about this thinks instead, that it was beautiful also cause of the necessity of it. bacause of its deeper meaning. not only love, but also healing.

now that i've finished rambling about the latest update, i have to say.....you've forced us to ask ourselves questions when you started this story....and you still haven't answered. i'm more curious than ever. first of all, why is Dani Dani and not Willow? will she take that name, and how, and when, and why? second, why is Tara waiting? and third, how will this story end? it's gotta be a happy ending....yes, but there could be thousands of possibilities! i keep thinking about all these questions....and once more i'm reminded of how much of a good writer you are.....cause they make me come back for more. well, those and of course the fact that you write so smoothly, and so fluidly.....

still in awe of you, and waiting for the next update. i'm so loving this story



ETA: i forgot to talk about the power imbalance. i don't see it as a problem in this update, cause their difference in status wasn't accentuated and....how do i explain myself? Tara didn't use her power on Dani to obtain what she wanted, nor to force her to do anything. and Dani herself, does what she does out of love, and desire to make it somehow better for Tara. not because she feels obligated, or because she hopes to get something out of it - she just wants to help the blonde. she does it selflessly and because she wants to. or at least, this is what i felt from how you wrote it, and correct me if i'm wrong. so, IMHO, the power imbalance isn't an issue at all in this update.

of course, it's more of an issue in general in the story, but i think that it's not overwhelming.....you don't make it feel so. *shrug*

and btw, i think this is the longest feedback i've ever written....

EATA: this is gonna sound unimportant, but this:



made me giggle so much. cluck-clucked.....i think it's the sound *giggles* i loved it!

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Vale
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"When you get excited about something, one might imagine you as a small, maniacally grinning rubber ball, which someone throws at the wall in an enclosed room, and goes bouncing off every surface for about 15 minutes." - Mudrat