PancakesinBellies – Ha ha. You ain’t kidding…
Chris – Hello. No problem. I was kind of wondering where the other RKTers were and then Watty posted so at least I knew there wasn’t some RKT computer virus or anything like that. Ha ha yawning. I totally agree that the power dynamics in the Tara/Willow relationship are a bit strange and it’s not all Tara’s power over Willow.
Quote:
Strange as it seems, Willow defies Tara, and makes her own choice, in order to be unable to defy Tara and make her own choice.
I think that’s a pretty good summary and frequently I think that’s how power dynamics work. Yes, there’s the physical domination that some people enjoy or suffer but frequently our being under another’s power is because we give them that. You know? I certainly do.
We’ll see about her potential for independence…
Thanks for commenting.
Vale – Take a look at the last post in
this thread. Ha ha. Here it is…
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Story Title – Waiting for Dani
Chapter – 7b – Dani’s Marks (Part II)
Author – JustSkipIt
Pairing – T/W
Feedback – Yes, please
Spoilers – None
Rating – PG
Disclaimer – Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Willow and Tara and the Buffyverse. I’m not saying this universe is totally original but I didn’t steal it from any author or creator that I know of. No copyright infringement is meant by this fic and I will not make any money from it.
I must have dozed sometime before dawn for I awoke to my girl stirring in my arms. I immediately patted her and kissed her forehead whispering that it was ok, that she was with me. Her green eyes opened and she twisted in the bed to look at me, grimacing slightly before kissing my cheek and then looking down at the coverlet. “Good morning, My Lady.”
I smiled at her formal address and returned it appropriately. “Good morning, D’ni.”
She giggled as if embarrassed by my using her title rather than her name after all these years, then sat forward to test her leg. The movement obviously pained her but it was nothing like her expression last night. I waited on her for her needs and then offered her breakfast which I knew would be waiting in the foyer. She admitted not being sure if she could eat but nodded that she would try to hold something down. Although she looked quite nauseas, she ate a respectable number of cheese rolls (her favorite, sent special by the kitchen staff), and grapes and drank some goat’s milk with it.
After I had also eaten and put the tray outside the door, I asked if she would like to see her mark. She bit her lip but nodded and I closed my eyes as I set my palm face up on her leg and lifted the cover. I heard a gasp from her. I could not tell if it was a gasp of pain or surprise or excitement and could do nothing but wait. I had promised my girl years ago that she would be the first to see her marks after they were completed and now would not go back on my word in spite of my rights and more compelling, my curiosity.
“They are so beautiful, My Lady.” Her voice was no more than a teary whisper. “Please look at them.”
I opened my eyes and also gasped. They were, as Dani had said, incredibly beautiful. At the same time, they made me want to grab for the vial of herbs. Under the beauty of the mark the skin looked red and burned. I knew from my own mark taking that this effect would take three to five days to lessen -- a period of rather intense discomfort if not pain. At least the healer would come today to apply a salve to her marks so they would heal well and quickly. My eyes filled with tears and I fell to my knees on in front of her. Her marks were just so beautiful and I could feel the strong pulse of energy flowing back and forth between our identical designs like a heartbeat.
She was mine.
Mine. The word resonated in my head.
I rose from the bed and desperately kissed her lovely and beautiful lips. It wasn’t something I planned but the moment our lips met it was obvious that it was the perfect thing to do. My heart pounded so but I couldn’t bring myself to pull away and Dani moved her mouth against mine. For a few moments it was awkward as I started to learn the landscape of her lips and she mine. Awkward or not, it was, simply, the most glorious, perfect moment of my life and it stretched on and on. I didn’t consciously think of what I was doing, but when she opened her lips slightly, I traced them with the tip of my tongue and it became a different type of kiss—equally glorious and differently perfect.
I released her from my hands only when I heard her gasp in pain. “Dani? What is wrong?” Tears had formed in her eyes and I saw that my loose shirt had draped across her mark. She wouldn’t say what had hurt her but her frantic and pained eyes darted between the mark and the hem of my shirt and I quickly snatched it away. With my other hand I grabbed for the vial of herbs and pulled them open. “Please take these, darling. They will help with the pain and I swear I’ll never tell anyone.” I held the vial out in front of her chin and stroked her cheek with my other hand.
For a long minute she didn’t look up. When she did I could see the tears pooled in her eyes. I stepped back in shock as she dropped with obvious discomfort to the ground at my feet and kneeled in front of me. Her voice seemed to shake as did my hands and she spoke haltingly in no more than a whisper. “I struggle to speak, My Lady, but please don’t … disrespect yourself or your servant so.”
I fell to one knee in front of her and took her hands in mine. “My girl. I don’t intend to disrespect either of us but I don’t like you in pain.” She titled her head and for a few seconds her face was unreadable as if she could not understand my words. I almost thought she showed pity for me but that was not possible. A tear rolled over her eyelid and down her cheek and she held out her hand for the vial, the pain finally taking over as her look was one of absolute pain and defeat. “Just a little. Here.” I held the herbs for her to take a small sip and she grimaced at the foul taste.
Knowing how quickly the opiaum would take effect, I put out a hand to steady her by the elbow and helped her back into the bed. Tears still shined in her eyes but now they had a dazed look that I knew was caused by the powerful drug. I tucked the covers around her, being careful to avoid touching her mark and kissed her gently. “You sleep, my love. When you awake, we will show off your beautiful mark.”
Her eyelids were drooping and I had to lean close to hear her mumbled words. “Yours now, My Lady.” And then she was dozing and I felt an involuntary smile lifting the corners of my mouth. “Yours now.” Just as I thought not five minutes earlier. She was mine absolutely and no one could ever take her away from me.
Ever.
This new girl has finally given up that incessant pounding at my door, her pleading with me to come out of the room, to eat dinner, to take a ride, just to leave the room. I thought that she would give up when I didn’t answer but she is persistent if nothing else. Finally, I shouted to leave and leave me alone, cursing her heavy tread under my breath as she turned and clomped her way down the stairs once again. If I ever rise from this chair, I must begin a search for someone else. No one will be my Dani but this girl will not even suffice as a pale substitute.
I grow tired and weary and undeniably heartbroken and digress from my tale.
Seeing that Dani was comfortably asleep, I set about to do what I could to prepare the rooms. I took the tray and moved it to the foyer. On this day, the kitchen staff would creep in to take the tray. I went to Dani’s armoire and picked an outfit for her, feeling tickled as I noted a complicated sort of organization according to weight, color, style, and I didn’t know what else. I ran my hand over the soft leather of her riding clothes and the silk of a dress shirt. She had a few pairs of loose fitting tie-up britches that we used when we sparred in hand-to-hand and I chose a pair of these in a deep forest green. She had a navy blue silk shirt that she always wore open at the neck and which made my heart pound widely in my chest although it was a long time before I understood why and I chose this for her shirt. Her undergarments were as well organized as her other clothing and I stood and there stroking each for long minutes with what I am sure was a dazed and idiotic look on my face. Finally I took the items I had chosen and placed them carefully on the shelf by the dressing chair. I closed her armoire carefully and quietly and ran my hands over the polished wood.
I checked her breathing and finding her resting comfortably went to my closet which I found as rigorously organized as Dani’s chest. I could not remember how many years it had been since D’elam felt it necessary to check Dani’s efforts. My clothes were meticulously maintained and organized. Strangely I found one of my favorite dresses near the front of the closet, completely out of its correct placement. Next to it, sat a full set of my undergarments and below the boots I particularly enjoyed wearing with it which had been polished to a high gloss. I took a few minutes to look through my wardrobe before determining that I would, in fact, wear that dress today. Dani was still sleeping and I bathed myself quickly, dried off, and dressed to return to her.
Not wanting to disturb her, I gently set a chair next to the bed and brought over my book so that I could read by the gracious light in the room. She was resting peacefully on her side, the mark away from the mattress, and her top fell open slightly to reveal the slight rounding of her breast. I inhaled when she shifted to her back and forced my attention back to my book.
In truth, I couldn’t tell you anything that book said. My thoughts were on my girl and the kiss we had shared. Her lips had felt softer than anything I could have imagined and I wanted nothing more than to repeat our kiss over and over for the rest of time. I wondered if my parents had felt this way for each other or if this depth of feeling could only come with the duration of our relationship—Dani and I.
Finally she stirred, moaning quietly as she shifted in the bed. Then her eyes opened, seeming to take longer than usual to focus on me. She appeared dazed but smiled and nodded as she greeted me. “Lady Tara.”
I shifted to the bed to brush my fingertips along her jawline. “How are you, my sweet? Are you in pain? Do you need more herbs?”
Dani dropped her unfocused eyes from my gaze. “I will take them only if you insist, My Lady, but I do not feel I need them.”
I felt sad that she would not accept this gift of me but wanted to honor her wishes. “I do not like to see one whom I cherish so dearly in pain but I do not like to force them on you either.” I leaned forward and kissed her as she breathed a sigh of relief. This kiss was not so sudden and passionate as our earlier one but it was less awkward in equal proportion. I pulled back with a silly grin on my face, then began to pepper her cheek and eyelids with the softest touches of my lips. “I do not think I will ever tire of this.”
“Nor I, My Lady.” Dani smiled and I lifted her hand to my mouth to place a kiss there. She glanced at my outfit. “I see you found the outfit I laid out. I am sorry I was not able to dress you this morning.” She reached up and wordlessly retied the ribbon in my hair, fingers not quite so deft as usual to but I’m sure doing it more justice that I had.
“Do you think you can stand a quick bath before we dress you?” I wanted to pamper my girl on this, one of the only days that would require and allow me to do so. Dani looked as if she wanted to protest the offer but instead quietly nodded and held out her hand for me. Before helping her to the bathing room, I rang for hot water and it was placed in my foyer while I was still settling my girl near the bath. I readied the tub and then carefully removed her clothes and helped her into the tub. When the water made contact with her mark, she gritted her teeth but no tears came to her eyes and she relaxed soon after that. I wanted to sit and watch her but at the same time wanted to give her a few minutes alone. “I need to take care of something. Can you rest for a few minutes?” She nodded and I kissed her quickly. Then I handed her the small bell usually used to summon a servant and indicated that if she needed me, I would answer instantly.
The moment I stepped from my rooms, D’elam approached and bowed deeply. She had obviously been waiting for me. “Lady Tara, may I assist you?”
“Thank you, D’elam. Please let Melanie and Lord Maclay know that I will be ready to present D’ni within the hour.”
“Yes, Lady Tara.” I began to turn back toward the door but was stopped by her voice. “Lady? How is D’ni? Is she …”
I blinked quickly as I thought about D’elam’s question. It was obvious that she was asking out of personal concern for my girl rather than obligation or duty and I felt warmed that Dani had so many people in our house who cared for her so much. “Dani has done this house and myself an honor through the grace with which she has accepted her marks.”
D’elam nodded her head. “Yes, My Lady. I would never have expected otherwise from her.”
“Nor I,” I agreed and this time did enter my rooms.
I stepped a little faster to get to Dani, wanting to make sure that she was still feeling ok. I entered the bath parlor and stopped as I took in the sight in front of me. She was in the tub as I had left her, resting with her head leaned back over the edge of the tub. She hadn’t heard me come in and I stood for seconds and watched her without her knowing I was watching her. Her pulse beat was strong in her neck and I stared at her skin right at that place, wanting to spend the next days or weeks learning the skin with my mouth. I expelled the quietest sigh as I realized that my fantasy wouldn’t be possible. My father and Melanie would be waiting for us. I stepped lightly across the room and took the seat by the tub, gently stroking my girl’s hair.
She sat up quickly. “My Lady. I must have dozed. I should have been preparing for our presentation.”
I shushed her gently, telling her that I had no intention of her bathing herself. Then I picked up the sponge and squeezed a generous dollop of lavender soap onto it and motioned that she should sit forward. I washed my girl, taking little of the time I would have liked to lavish on her but all of the care I could with her mark. Seeing my trepidation, she took the soft chamois cloth we used on our faces from me and tenderly washed the mark herself. Finally I helped her from the bath and dried her with a large bath sheet from the warming cupboard.
I led her back to my bed and helped her into the outfit I had chosen, asking her nervously if I had made good selections. She appeased me that my choices were absolutely what she would have made had she been awake. The blue silk shirt or at least the sight of her pale skin against it sent my heart aflutter again and I found I had to steal a quick kiss or five before setting about to arrange her pants just so. Her hip was totally bare both to prevent pain and to allow our household to witness the beauty and perfection of her mark. I knelt at her feet to slip on her house boots and then stood in front of her. My hand, I extended and felt her slip her own into mine perfectly. “Are you ready, my lovely girl?”
Dani bowed her head in a graceful nod. “As you wish it, My Lady.”
I touched her chin with the fingers of my free hand. “I pray that I shall always be worthy of your perfection.” I leaned in and our lips met once again. When I pulled away her cheeks were reddened and she was smiling.
I took her by the hand and led her from the room and down the hallway toward my father’s sitting chamber. I raised my palm to enter his foyer. Dani’s head was bowed but she stood by me as we stepped into his chambers. I gave the slightest inclination of my head as I addressed my father only. “Lord Maclay. May I present my mark-bound servant, D’ni.”
D’ni looked up and my father held his mark out toward both of us for three full heartbeats before striding confidently across the room. He embraced me quite informally and kissed me on both cheeks before gathering up Dani to do the same. I noted and was quite thankful that he was very careful not to disturb her mark. He then took a step backwards to assess the work. I thought he would speak but he gathered me in another hug and whispered in my ear. “You and your servant do this house proud.” He stepped back and I was surprised to see unshed tears in his eyes. Slowly and carefully he bowed to Dani as she gulped in surprise. “My pride in you is no less than in my daughter nor is my love.”
Now it was Dani’s turn to shed a tear for my father’s kind words. He stepped next to Dani and took her free hand in his. Finally, we paid attention to Donnie and Melanie who had waited patiently for my father’s reception. My father and I each extended our marks as I again presented my girl. My brother and step-mother, holding four marks each, now bowed to us including Dani before breaking their formality to hug both myself and Dani.
I breathed a sigh of relief and could see the same from Dani that our initial formal presentation was complete. Melanie excused herself to go outside my father’s rooms for a moment. When she returned, she did so with T’dre and the healer. I repeated my presentation of Dani to T’dre and she, like my father, hugged and kissed both myself and my girl noting her pride in our match.
As soon as the formality of D’ni’s presentation was complete, T’dre called for the healer and the four of us (T’dre, the healer, D’ni, and myself) retired to father’s lounge. We all inspected the mark thoroughly before the healer cleaned it again and then applied the healing salve. I think I held my breath as I held Dani’s hand waiting for that generous layer of salve. I could feel her tension start to dissipate immediately as the numbing properties of the gel worked on her skin. T’dre and the healer left the room and I bent to place a soft kiss on the top of my girl’s head. “You are doing so wonderfully,” I whispered before helping her up from the chair.
By the time we had returned to my father’s sitting room Anne and Faith were there, both barely suppressing their excitement. My father joined myself and Dani once again and we presented D’ni to my sisters. Once the formality of that presentation was completed, Anne virtually leapt forward to embrace Dani and then myself. Even Faith, always restrained in social situations hugged and kissed both of us and shed more than one tear of joy for us.
While Faith was still hugging and kissing the two of us Anne interrupted with her typical tact. “When can we give our presents?”
We all laughed even harder as my father protested that he should get to go first since his present was sure to be “the best.” I knew that my family would compete to give my girl the best present or presents and we took great pride in lavishing the riches of this day on our bound servants. On one hand these gifts were a way to express the love we had for our servants. At the same time, Dani was now an extension of my Ladyship and the prestige of our estate. The greater her wealth, the more highly it extended our power and respect.
And so began a very long day for my girl. From my father’s rooms we went to the kitchen to present Dani to D’Shel and allow the two of them a few minutes together. When Dani had finished visiting with her mother, we met her in the gardens. As she approached, she whispered to me conspiratorially and handed me half of a strawberry tart. She promised me that more were being delivered to our rooms and would be throughout the week. The herbs that had been applied to her hip were obviously working very effectively because her mood could be described as ebullient if a little absent-minded. Oh, she was still fulfilling her duties to me but I asked her very little and expected even less than she provided on this day. I wanted it to be a celebration for her and for her to do as little work as possible. D’elam and even D’rs stepped in to fulfill my every need, or what they thought might be my every need.
Our first stop, the stables brought us to find out what my father had for Dani. Even given how much I knew my father loved and valued myself and Dani, I felt overwhelmed at the gift he presented her. Although it had long been accepted that Dream was Dani’s horse and Hope was mine, Dani did not actually own a horse before this. And these were no ordinary horses. One was a 1-year old foal off his own horse and the other a three-month-old off Faith’s fine riding beast. If their sires were any indication, these would be hands higher than Dream or Hope and my father made it clear that they were intended as a breeding pair. Dani thanked my father and Faith both quite profusely and respectfully through the tears in her eyes. If protocol had allowed, I would have thanked my father equally profusely for the honor he showed my girl through this generous gift.
After we had finished at the stables, the rest of our family wanted to give Dani her presents also but I could tell that she was tired. Our connection, always strong seemed quite amplified by the bonding and her exhaustion was palatable to me. I suggested that we retire to my rooms and that everyone come see Dani following the noon meal. My suggestion was of course obeyed without dissent and I led my girl back to our rooms quickly, tucking her into the bed with a kiss and my bid that she rest.
And rest she did on and off throughout the day. Gael, the healer, came to my rooms every few hours to reapply the healing salve and its effects were miraculous. Dani slept much of the day and when she was awake she was comfortable if a bit groggy. Her normally razor-sharp mind would not have cut the same lines it normally did were we to have had studies. During her waking intervals she appeared to have regained her appetite, sharing our meals quite voraciously. And our menu was generously augmented by the endless treats brought by the kitchen staff as they came to pay their respects. The strawberry tarts were merely the beginning of the parade of sugary goodness and the kaffee after kaffee (a tradition we had adopted shortly after the wedding journey that many years earlier) seemed to be tempered by the healing herbs or she would have been running circles around the room.
As the stream of visitors came during her waking periods, my girl was, of course, absolutely appropriate and respectful. I had the joy of watching her interact with every member of the household from my father, whom I had witnessed her interact with many times, to the lowliest stable boy. By mid-day I could see that I was far from the only person on the Maclay estate completely enthralled with her. Our servants and staff, men and women, seemed to grow taller, to hold themselves with more dignity and joy when they spoke to her. She praised each with some personal note or a light joke. Some she touched as she spoke and they seemed to gravitate toward her fingertips. With others she seemed more physically reserved but no less connected. When D’elam came to visit her I left the rooms for a while to afford them some privacy in and when I returned a while later, found D’rs and D’rek there also, all enjoying their visit although they jumped to their feet to bow as I entered.
After they left and Dani showed me their gifts, I noted that all the gifts from this upper echelon of estate servants were items which transferred their authority to Dani. D’rs had given my girl an elaborately bound organizer which she used to direct labor within the estate. D’rek had hand copied his charts tracking weather, crop production, and game management. D’elam had given D’ni her notes regarding the progress of Anne and Faith’s girls so that D’ni could take over their training.
Speaking of Anne and Faith. They of course came to visit Dani with their generous presents. Melanie and Anne came together to give Dani what seemed like more presentation dress than could fit in her armoire. Each dress was lovely with hand stitching and beading, quite honestly of a quality that neither Dani, I, nor Faith could hope to equal, and with requisite underclothes, wraps or shawls, shoes, and even simple jewelry. My girl and I could attend virtually any social event in style. Faith delivered a much less romantic but much more exciting (to Dani) present in the form of four rare academic books. The first two were on the movements of the stars and planets; the next two concerned measurements and calculations for mechanical movements and those pages I viewed made my head hurt following the lines and figures. I believe that if it were not for the day’s other activities, Dani would have been content to settle down with the books and her pen and sand table to make calculations for weeks.
Donnie’s gifts were both quite extravagant. His first gift was an exact version of the saddle he had given me with his, Anne’s, and Faith’s hand impressions worked into it. Both myself and Dani were touched by the richness of his gesture. It was as if he were acknowledging that we children had been raised as siblings and that Dani belonged with us, with our family, always. His second gift was a telescope so large and powerful that it could not be held by hand. Dale and Donnie carried it in and positioned and leveled it in the atrium of my chambers, teasing that they hoped we didn’t need it moved any time soon. We all laughed as it was apparent that I could use my powers to move it any time I desired but we allowed them to revel in their strength as we praised them for their wonderful gift. I will admit that my girl was rarely speechless but all the gifts from my family rendered her so many times that day.
For myself, I found myself speechless each time I looked at or touched my girl. I vowed to always live up to her perfection. When the last of our visitors had gone, I helped her get ready for bed and then followed that lead. Once in bed, our kisses left me hardly wanting sleep in spite of the knowledge that it would be for the best. My better senses got me and I wrapped her tightly in my arms, whispering promises and words of love as she drifted off to sleep.
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Okay, that's a lie; I was REALLY hoping for an update. 
PLEASE? 
i have to miss at least three assignments per semester or my teachers will think there is something wrong with me 
Obviously, we are all anxiously awating an update!
(Oops, that wasn't meant to be the yawning smiley - can I edit it, or did you already see it yawn? It looked identical to the 'ashamed' smiley when it wasn't yawning, which is what I was going for. Rest assured, no yawning it taking place during Waiting for Dani) I'm really fascinated with the position Willow is in, though, and the power dynamics in her relationship with Tara. There's so many layers to it, and not all working in the obvious Tara-has-power-over-Willow way (though that's obviously a very strong layer that's been imposed on the rest artificially). Strange as it seems, Willow defies Tara, and makes her own choice, in order to be unable to defy Tara and make her own choice. Odd situation. And whatever the magical constraints now on her, I'm inclined to think that that potential for independence remains in her, and offers the way for salvation of their relationship from its current imbalanced state.
This is a lovely update I think Tara is starting to understand that there is more between them than friendship and that it runs very deep. this is what worries me Tara and Dani will finaly come together is everyway only to have someone take her away somehow and that would brake both our girls. Just me getting on the guess wagon hehe 
). Also interesting to see how many people know and like Dani. Appearantly Dani ain't shy, probably for the best as she will have to direct some if not most of those people eventually later on. Won't she be to busy with those tasks to properly serve Tara I wondered ?
, Smoochies are excellent -- and Tara is smooching Willow, and that's good... but *reason* I love this story is because it makes me consider moral ambiguity and how sometimes we do things out of love that aren't good for us, or our lover. Back in the day, when this was a tv show and Willow was being all magic girl, Tara told Willow that she was making decisions for them -- and that it wasn't ok; that in a real relationship they would make decisions together.
