Chapter Sixteen
Amid a heaving sob, Willow was startled by a loud knock on the car window.
She jumped in fright and hit her head on the roof. She looked out the window and noticed her father crouching down looking concerned, with faint marks of face paint on his neck where he’d undoubtedly let the children attack him earlier.
“Willow,” Ira called through, waving his hand back and forth as if Willow needed any further indication of what he wanted.
Willow had to swallow several times, then swiped at her eyes as she removed the key from the ignition and started to open the door.
She overestimated how steady she would be on her feet and Ira had to catch her by both arms. It was starting to drizzle and droplets of water hit Ira’s bare hands.
“Willow, darling, what’s happened? We’ve been calling you all night.”
Willow looked up at her father helplessly.
“Tara, she…” her voice caught, “She’s alive but they…”
Willow felt a droplet hit her square on the forehead and she couldn’t help but imagine it as blood, Tara’s blood. She let out a low cry and Ira put an arm around her shoulders with a fretful face.
“Come inside.”
He brought Willow inside and into the warm living room, where Michelle stood up from the couch, dressed in her robe.
Willow still had no idea what time it was. She looked at her father too and realized he was in his silk pajamas and that she’d probably gotten them up out of bed.
“Willow,” Michelle said on an exhale of relief, “What’s going on?”
Willow sank into a chair.
“Are the kids okay?”
Ira shared a concerned glance with Michelle.
“They went trick-or-treating with their little cousin-friends.”
“I didn’t get to be Leia,” Willow replied and she had no idea why she’d said it. She couldn’t care one bit, “Did Xan and Jess still go as Luke and Han?”
Ira’s brow furrowed. He didn’t know why Willow was asking that either.
“I believe they went as a spaceman and his bear-dog,” he replied helpfully, “We gave the children dinner when they returned though they filled up on candy.”
“That’s okay,” Willow replied with an absent nod of her head, “It’s Halloween…isn’t it?”
Ira frowned.
“Willow—”
“Tara had the babies,” Willow said, as casually as if she was announcing she’d collected the mail, though it stemmed from her sense of surrealness of the day’s events.
Michelle’s hand clutched her heart and Ira took hold of her shoulders for support.
“Oh my god. Are they okay?”
Willow’s eyes began blinking away the faraway look in them.
“They’re so little,” she said, her face contorting into a cry, “Little Emily has this big tube down her throat, it’s bigger than she is!”
Both hands cupped her mouth and chin and her head dropped into her knees.
“And Tara?” Michelle asked in a rushed breath.
“It was bad, it was so bad,” Willow replied, tears freely flowing down her cheeks again, “Her blood was everywhere.”
Michelle’s head shot toward Ira with wide eyes.
“Ira,” she said, terror in her voice.
“She said Tara’s alive,” Ira interjected in an equally urgent tone, “Tara’s alive, isn’t she Willow?”
Willow ran her hands down her cheeks to wipe the tears.
“She’s alive,” she breathed out finally and Michelle looked so relieved she almost fainted, “But they took her womb.”
“She can live fine without a womb, darling. Women get it removed all of the time,” Ira replied, not exactly helpful, but trying to be, “The children, the babies. Will they be okay?”
Willow looked over helplessly.
“They say their chances are good. I don’t know any more than that. I have to go back in the morning before Tara wakes up and I-I guess I’ll talk to a doctor then.”
Ira nodded soundly, trying to feel more in control of the situation.
“Well, the other children will stay with us, of course, for as long as you need.”
“Yes, Willow, don’t you worry about anything like that,” Michelle added in a shaken but genuine voice.
“Thank you,” Willow replied, slapping her palms together, “I just feel so lost. And empty.”
“Will I get you something to eat?” Michelle offered.
“No,” Willow shook her head quickly. She knew she would throw anything up immediately, “Thank you, but I really couldn’t.”
“Then you need some sleep,” Michelle replied, glancing at Ira and nodding, “The guest rooms are all made up. The children are in their own rooms.”
Willow was suddenly very much aware of the weight of her body.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll sleep.”
She stood on shaky legs but they stayed under her.
“Thank you for taking the kids.”
“You don’t have to thank us for that,” Michelle shook her head.
Willow looked up, her eyes cloudy under the light.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen. I-I don’t know how long…”
“Whatever happens you have our full support,” Michelle promised.
“Anything you need,” Ira added.
Willow sniffled and offered a weak smile.
“Thank you.”
Michelle just rushed over and gathered her in a hug, which Ira quickly completed from the other side.
“Everything will be okay, bubbeleh.”
Hearing those words from her father helped Willow. She snuggled into his chest and Michelle stepped away to allow them a moment.
Ira kissed the top of Willow’s head and let her cling for as long as she needed.
When she was ready, she pulled away and swiped at her eyes one last time and retreated for the stairs with a final thank you.
Upstairs, she immediately turned off to the left and carefully turned the handle to peer in on JJ. He was sound asleep, with Woofy at his feet.
Willow felt guilty; she hadn’t even remembered to make sure he was taken care of.
Woofy looked up at the sound and looked at Willow for one soul-gazing second before settling his head back on his front paws, one of which rested over JJ's leg. Willow got the message; ‘I’ve got this’ and she felt some weight lifted knowing that the little guy was looking out for her little guy.
She closed the door again and went to the next room. Robyn was half-hanging out of her bed with her hair practically touching the floor.
Willow could only smile. She walked into the room and lifted Robyn back into bed properly. She tucked her in, smoothed the sheets and kissed her daughter’s head.
“Good dreams, sweet bean.”
Robyn turned her head toward Willow and sighed softly but stayed asleep.
Willow noticed that Stripey had fallen to the floor as Willow had readjusted Robyn, so she tucked the toy in with her daughter and smiled when she saw Robyn’s legs kick happily under the blanket.
With a heavy heart weighing a little less, she stood up and left Robyn sleeping under the glow of her nightlight.
This was something she truly appreciated Ira and Michelle for; their house was a second home for the kids with bedrooms kitted out exactly as they wanted. It was going to make…whatever happened next somewhat easier.
She could hear Ira and Michelle still talking in hushed tones downstairs but it was okay, she knew where the guest room was. She had nothing but the clothes on her back but Michelle had the en suite bathroom all kitted out with a spare toothbrush and other essentials and also had a robe hanging on the back of the door that she could sleep in.
As soon as she saw the bed, it took every bit of strength in her body to actually use that toothbrush and change out of her clothes.
When she finally got into bed, it wasn’t as inviting as she thought it had been.
It so obviously lacked Tara.
Thankfully, her body overruled her mind on this one and her exhaustion overcame her in seconds.
Willow awoke and though she’d only had a few hours sleep, she somehow felt rested.
Maybe because her subconscious had given her a break and she hadn’t been plagued with nightmares.
Still, something had woken her and it only took her a second for her eyes to focus in on a mop of strawberry-blonde hair and two big, turquoise eyes staring up at her from the floor.
“Mom-mah?”
Her blankie trailed behind her as she rubbed a fist into a sleepy eye. Willow smiled at her cuteness and reached down to pick her up.
“C’mup here, little bean.”
She brought Robyn to her side and settled back down with her.
“Did you have a nice Halloween?”
Robyn grinned mischievously.
“I eeeat allllll dah can-dee Mom-mah. Buh I save gummy worm!”
“Thank you, sweetie,” Willow chuckled, “Did you have fun with your cousins?”
“Yah,” Robyn nodded affirmatively, then cocked her head, “Mom-mah where Mom-mee?”
Willow took in a deep breath but before she could figure out how to answer that, there was a little creak from the door opening. Willow looked over and couldn’t see anyone for a second. Then he jumped on the bed.
“Woofy,” Robyn said happily and crawled away to pet him.
JJ hovered in the doorway, poking his head in just enough to be noticed. Willow motioned him inside.
“Come in buddy. Is Woofy supposed to be on the beds?”
JJ looked guilty.
“Ummm…”
Willow just cracked a small smile.
“I won’t tell if you won’t.”
JJ smiled and obliged when Willow lifted her arm for him to sit into. Willow dragged Robyn back and kept them both in a close embrace.
“Hey, listen. I have to talk to you guys about something. It’s important, so you have to listen, okay?”
With two attentive faces looking back at her, Willow decided to be plain.
“Yesterday, Mommy gave birth to Lily and Emily.”
Robyn didn’t seem to take it in, but JJ frowned.
“But I thought they weren’t being born until next year?”
Willow nodded solemnly.
“They weren’t supposed to be. But remember we talked about how they might come early because they’re twins and there’s just not enough room?” she asked and JJ nodded back, “Well, they did. Just even earlier than we ever thought.”
JJ was taking it in but Robyn was just smiling the same way she had been all along.
“Do you understand bean?”
Robyn nodded surely.
“Lim-lee ‘n’ Em-lee get borned!”
Willow’s eyebrows rose in surprise.
“Yes, sweetheart, that’s right.”
“Where?” Robyn inquired excitedly.
“They’re in the hospital, sweetie,” Willow answered.
“Come home now?” Robyn asked hopefully.
Willow’s heart broke at her earnestness.
“Well, that’s what I have to talk to you guys about,” she said, closing her hold around them again, “Because they were born so soon, they’re still really little. So they’re going to have to stay in the hospital for a few weeks in a special little box that helps them grow.”
“An incubator?” JJ asked.
Willow nodded at him.
“That’s right, bud. Do you know about them?”
JJ slowly shook his head noncommittally.
“I’ve seen them on TV.”
“Wha’ bator?” Robyn asked, suddenly scared, “Like agg-ator?”
“No, sweetie, no,” Willow reassured quickly when she saw that little face scrunching up in fear.
JJ looked across the bed.
“You know when we build a house with Legos for your dolly, Robbie? They built special little houses for the babies.”
“Fur bubbies?” Robyn asked slowly, working it out.
Willow nodded.
“Yes, baby, for the bubbies.”
Robyn seemed to be considering it. JJ tugged gently on the sleeve of Willow’s robe.
“Momma, where’s Mom?”
Willow kept rubbing Robyn’s back but gave JJ her full attention.
“Mom is still in the hospital.”
JJ visibly swallowed. Willow knew the feeling.
“When is she coming home?”
“I don’t know,” Willow answered honestly, “I’ll know more later today, hopefully. But listen, things are going to be topsy-turvy for a while.”
Robyn suddenly giggled and tried to somersault the bed.
“‘oppy-urvey!”
Woofy only just managed to avoid being rolled over and Willow plucked Robyn back up by her side.
“Listen, listen, listen,” she requested, “While Mom is in hospital you’re going to stay with your grandparents. You have to listen to them and be good for them because this is hard for everybody.”
Robyn frowned again.
“No Mom-mah?”
“I promise I’ll see you every day,” Willow replied, quickly looking between both, “I don’t know what times but I will see you both.”
Robyn’s lower lip started to jut out.
“No Mom-mee?”
“Not for a little bit, bean. I don’t know how long,” Willow replied with an ache in her heart for them all, “Hopefully she’ll be allowed visitors soon.”
Robyn burst into tears and Willow pulled her up to hold against her chest.
“I know, sweetheart. It’s not fair. We can video chat with Mommy okay?”
Robyn kept crying but Willow couldn’t blame her so just rubbed her back and let her let it out.
“Can we see the babies?” JJ asked pensively after a moment.
“Not right away,” Willow shook her head, “You can’t see it but our bodies have all of these little germs on them even when we seem healthy or clean. And if the babies got those germs, it could make them really, really sick. When they’re bigger and stronger, you can see them.”
Robyn settled again quickly when JJ pulled some silly faces with her.
Willow looked at him gratefully and let Robyn crawl away again.
“Do you have any questions?”
Robyn looked up with serious, wide eyes.
“I have chu-ee-oos?” she asked sincerely.
Willow just smiled.
“Yeah, I’ll get you some Cheerios,” she promised and looked to JJ, “Do you have any questions?”
“Are the babies going to die?” JJ blurted and swallowed again, “Aaron in my class had a baby brother who was born too soon and died.”
Willow had to pause. This was the closest she’d come to following Robyn into a tantrum.
“They have to fight,” she said finally, “And we have to fight for them too.”
“How?” JJ asked, frowning.
Willow nodded toward Robyn.
“Take care of Robbie. Help your grandparents. And always come to us if you’re feeling sad or worried or just want a hug. Promise?”
JJ nodded diligently.
“I promise, Momma,” he said and jumped up, “I’ll go get Robbie some Cheerios right now!”
Willow felt her heart swell.
“Thank you,” she said sincerely, “You’re a good boy and I’m so glad you picked me to be your Momma.”
JJ blushed and didn’t say anything but Willow saw the smile as he ushered Robyn downstairs with Woofy by their feet.
Willow lay back on the pillows and enjoyed precious seconds of letting her mind go blank before she spotted the time and jumped up to get ready.
She hurried downstairs and into her father standing in the kitchen with a mug of coffee which he thrust at her. Willow gratefully downed it all in one go.
“Dad, I gotta get to the hospital before Tara wakes up. She can’t wake up alone.”
“Of course,” Ira nodded, an air of (probably forced) calm around him, “Everything is under control. We’ll take Jacob to his basketball practice later and I believe young Robyn has toddler swim, so Michelle reliably informs me. I’ll save the pool the embarrassment of seeing me in swimwear and let her take her.”
Willow cracked a smile and Ira offered a small one back.
“Tara shares some kind of an online calendar, Michelle says? In case of emergencies. So everything will be as normal for them, don’t you worry about that.”
Willow held her head for a moment.
“I don’t even know what day it is,” she admitted. Had this all only started yesterday? She looked at her father gratefully, “Thank you.”
Ira nodded again.
“Keep in touch, when you can.”
“I will,” Willow promised then ducked out to walk into the living room, “Kids, come give me a hug.”
They bounded over to her, still in their pajamas, and into her arms. Willow kissed them both on the head.
“I’m going to try and get home for bedtime, okay?”
JJ thrust a handmade card at Willow.
“We made this for Mom.”
“An’ bubbies!” Robyn added importantly.
Willow stroked both of her children’s soft hair.
“I love you both so much. Mommy and the babies will love this.”
She kissed them each again and quickly made her way to the door before they saw her tears.
She didn’t waste any time pulling away from the curb and drove the few blocks to their house. She changed her clothes and packed a bag with things for Tara. She stood helplessly over the empty bag for a moment before snapping to it. She knew Tara’s favorite clothes; she had to get herself together.
She found Tara’s yoga pants and her soft, purple dress and the blue sweater that was older than their relationship. She packed Tara’s creams and moisturizers, the toothpaste that she liked and her soft washcloth.
As she was looking through the nightstand for any books or other entertainment Tara might want, she found the two little bear hats that Mrs. Potts had knitted before she passed away.
She held them in her hand for a moment, then secured them into the bag.
When she was ready she hauled it back down to her car, threw it in the backseat and drove straight to the hospital.
It looked much as it did the night before, all white walls and sterile smell. She had to check which unit Tara was in and waited not-so-patiently to be told; ignoring the woman shouting after her that visiting hours hadn’t started yet.
Visiting hours be damned.
She finally found Tara’s room and her breath caught when she saw her wife lying there. She was pale and looked tiny due to not being pregnant anymore but her chest was rising and falling and that was an utter relief for Willow to see.
She left the bag on the floor under the bed and pulled up the chair to sit by her love.
She took Tara’s hand in hers, closed her eyes and just breathed.
“She slept all night.”
Willow felt her eyes open so heavily, she wasn’t sure if she’d actually fallen asleep or not.
She blinked several times, then looked over her shoulder and saw Dr. Wells leaning against the doorframe.
“I kept an eye on her as I promised.”
Willow started to stand but the doctor waved a hand telling her not to as she stepped inside.
“Thank you so much,” Willow said as she retook her seat, “She looks so peaceful.”
“Her vitals have stayed steady,” Dr. Wells replied and came over to the end of the bed to pick up the chart, “Did you sleep?”
Willow nodded. Dr. Wells arched an eyebrow.
“Did you eat?”
Willow just shook her head and Dr. Wells reached into her pocket and tossed the contents across the bed to Willow.
“I always carry one around on hospital shifts.”
Willow turned the protein bar over in her hand and her stomach rumbled gratefully.
“Don’t you need it?”
Dr. Wells shook her head.
“I’m just about to head home for some sleep myself,” she said, only her eyes betraying her tiredness, “I consulted with the NICU attending and I am very positive about your girls’ prognosis. But it’s going to be a long road.”
“I know,” Willow nodded softly, “I know I’m going to have to think about work and stuff but I don’t have to do it right this second, so…”
Dr. Wells pointed a finger upward.
“You should go up to the NICU so you can talk to the doctor during her rounds.”
Willow glanced upward uneasily. Dr. Wells guessed why.
“I’ll ask them to call up when Tara is starting to wake.”
Willow let out a breath.
“Yeah, okay. You’re right, I should go up there. Thank you, Julia, for everything. I think I would have ended up in a hospital bed too last night if you weren’t here.”
Dr. Wells reached out and squeezed Willow’s upper arm.
“The staff in the NICU here are the best in the city. Your girls are in the best hands.”
Willow swallowed and nodded again. She said a quick goodbye and got herself together to head back up to the NICU. She pressed the buzzer to get into the unit and gave her name. The door opened and the same kind nurse from the night before was there to greet her.
“I’m glad to see you again before my shift ends.”
Willow’s heart jumped into her throat.
“Are they okay?”
“They’re both still stable,” Genevieve reassured, “If we hurry you’ll be able to speak to the doctors.”
They quickly walked together toward the sink and Willow reached into her pocket.
“Um. I-I brought their little hats. Our late neighbor knitted them. I don’t know if they can…”
Genevieve took them and turned them over in her hand, then smiled.
“She used the perfect material. We’ll make sure they’re properly laundered so they can wear them.”
She placed them behind the desk with a note while Willow ‘scrubbed in’ and was allowed into the NICU. A doctor, with a bunch of younger doctors standing around her, was right where Willow remembered being the night before. She rushed up to them.
“Are you the mother?” the oldest doctor asked quickly.
“One of them,” Willow nodded quickly.
The doctor started calling a lot of medical jargon back to her interns and asked questions. Her attention swiveled back to Willow so quickly, Willow didn’t even realize and had to catch up.
“This twin has what we call bradycardia — a slow heart rate. We’re treating with medication and monitoring. I’m pleased with her weight and she’s accepting fluids nasogastrically without issue.”
Willow tried to follow the doctor’s hands and determined she was talking about Lily.
More back and forth followed but Willow was attentive this time and noted the moment she started talking about Emily.
“This twin has presented with some breathing problems which we’re currently treating by a ventilator to aid her breathing. Her weight is quite low and she has shown signs of hypoglycemia. Mother had gestational diabetes, correct?”
Willow nodded dutifully as she used to in school.
“Yes.”
The older doctor nodded once, though not unkindly.
“We will continue to monitor her. Can I answer any questions?”
Willow looked down at Emily. She looked even frailer in the light of day.
“When do you think she’ll come off the ventilator?”
“We’ll have to evaluate at a later date,” the doctor advised.
Willow looked back up.
“How long will they be here?”
“Impossible to say for sure,” the doctor replied emphatically, “We work on a day-by-day basis here.”
Willow just nodded and started to look back between the babies. The doctors’ moved on and Willow was happy to take up their space so she could stand between them and put her hands into the incubators.
“Hi Lily, Hi Emily,” she said softly, “It’s Momma again.”
She rubbed her thumb over little hands.
“It’s just me here today but you don’t just have me. You have a really great family, y’know? You have a brother and a sister,” she paused, “And your Mommy is just…she’s the best. You’ve been living in her so I’m sure you already knew that.”
A new nurse approached and confirmed Willow’s name with him.
“We just got a call from downstairs. Your wife is waking up.”
Willow’s eyes widened.
“I gotta go to your Mommy! I’ll be back babies, I promise!”
“Take pictures.”
Willow spun around at the sound of a new voice and noticed a woman sitting in a chair next to her, her hand in the incubator of the little boy one space over. Willow looked confused.
“For their Mommy?” the woman clarified with a soft smile, “She’ll want them.”
The light bulb went off over Willow’s head.
“Pictures, right!” she said, quickly pulling her phone out, “Thank you.”
The woman nodded and turned back to her son.
Willow took several pictures and little videos of the babies’ movements and said goodbye to them once more before rushing out and back down to Tara’s room.
Unfortunately, she heard Tara before she saw her.
The screaming and sounds of metal clacking made Willow speed up so much she ended up skidding in there.
Tara was thrashing in her bed, as wild as Willow had ever seen her. Two orderlies and a male doctor were trying to hold her down.
“Get me 2.5ccs of droperidol,” the doctor shouted at a nurse.
“No don’t sedate her again!” Willow said, announcing herself to the room.
The doctor didn’t look at her.
“Ma’am you need to leave!”
“I need to stay because you’re sure as hell not getting her to calm down!” Willow retorted as she tried to shimmy her way between all of the men who were using their weight against her, “She had her babies ripped from her body, give her a freakin’ second!”
“She’s a danger to herself,” the doctor barked but Willow ignored him.
“Tara,” she said, placing her hand on Tara’s cheek, “Tara, look at me!”
She turned Tara’s head toward her and locked eyes.
“The babies are fine. The babies are fine!”
Tara’s eyes flashed with recognition and her body stilled but for a tremble.
“I have pictures!” Willow said, pulling her phone out, “Look I have pictures, see?”
She was shaking too, but she managed to bring up the photos she had just taken.
“See, this is—”
“Lily,” Tara breathed out, still obviously sluggish.
“Yeah, it’s Lily,” Willow said and her brow furrowed, “How did you know?”
“Where’s Emily?” Tara asked instead and tried to pull herself up, just resulting in a groan of pain.
“Keep still, baby,” Willow advised softly and shot daggers to the other three, who were beginning to back away.
“Em. Il. Y,” Tara insisted breathlessly.
Willow showed Tara a picture of Emily.
Tara whimpered.
Willow’s heart broke.
“It looks worse than it is. They’re gonna take her off the ventilator really soon!”
Tara’s eyes filled with tears and Willow hunched down to stroke her hair.
“Calm now, baby. Everything will be okay.”
Only the nurse stayed in the room to oversee them but both Willow and Tara acted like she wasn’t there. Tara tried to lift a floppy hand toward Willow.
“I…need…to go…to them.”
“Soon, baby, I’m sure,” Willow said gently, “But you had a big…you had an ordeal. The medication has to leave your body. You need to stay calm. Breathe. Breathe, okay? I’m right here. I’m right here.”
Tara’s glassy eyes did their best to keep Willow’s as she fought the urge to act out on her confusion.
Willow reached under the bed and got out the card JJ and Robyn had made.
“Look what the kids made you.”
Tara immediately looked concerned and Willow pre-empted the question. She smiled soothingly.
“They’re okay. They’re with our parents. Everything is okay.”
Tara’s still-trembling hand closed around the card. She couldn’t quite read it, so she just clutched it to her heart and closed her exhausted eyes again.
Willow kept a hand on Tara’s arm and caressed her gently. She watched Tara’s body settle better into the bed and her breathing settle into something more regular.
The next time Tara’s eyes open, they were clearer though still exhausted. She looked straight at Willow and Willow felt shocked at how deathly she looked.
“Willow—” Tara croaked and Willow reached over to pour her a cup of water from the filter.
She held the straw to Tara’s lips, where it was gratefully sipped until empty.
Tongue able to move with regular agility once more, Tara tried again.
“Willow, what happened?”
Willow’s head dropped against her chest.
She didn’t want to be the one to tell Tara this, but she also knew she was the only one who could or should.
She looked up again and took Tara’s hand.
“After you delivered, you passed out because you started to bleed inside. And it wouldn’t stop,” she stopped and swallowed, hoping what she was remembering wasn’t able to be read on her face, “So they had to bring you to surgery to get it to stop. But the only way to get it to stop…”
Tara’s face started to tense up.
“Willow, you’re scaring me.”
“They had to take your womb,” Willow blurted and immediately regretted not easing into it more.
Tara blinked rapidly, the fastest movement she’d had anywhere since calming down.
“W-What?”
Willow gulped.
“You were bleeding so much, Tara, you were, you were…” her own eyes began to fill with tears, “You were dying. They had to.”
Tara’s face was stony and yet the skin around her eyes twitched. Willow felt discomfort between Tara’s reaction and her own reaction that she couldn’t hold back. She tried to joke to ease the tension.
“We weren’t going to have any more children anyway, right?” she said with a very forced smile, “I mean we already got a bonus baby.”
Tara’s eyes closed again and opened with hidden pain.
“I want to see them.”
Willow stood up quickly, grateful for the opportunity to escape for a moment.
“Okay. Yeah, of course. I’ll check for you.”
She was perturbed by Tara’s reaction; it unsettled her to see Tara act so out of sorts.
She almost walked right past the nurses’ station, but remembered at the last second and doubled back.
“Um, my wife. Tara Rosenberg-Maclay. She really wants to get up to the NICU. Can I get a wheelchair or something to bring her up?”
The doctor who had been in the room earlier stood up behind the nurse that was about to speak.
“Has she calmed down?”
So many sarcastic comments ran through Willow’s mind. She resisted.
“Yes.”
The doctor looked down at Willow.
“If she gets violent again we will be forced to take action.”
Willow’s fist balled on one side but she released it before it was seen.
“My wife is not violent. She passed out in the middle of a traumatic birth and woke up without her babies. She was confused.”
The nurse looked at her sympathetically.
“I can be on hand to supervise, doctor.”
Willow admired the woman’s ability to placate both of them and smiled at her.
“Thank you.”
“She’s not going anywhere anyway,” the doctor muttered.
“What?” Willow asked, raising an eyebrow challengingly.
The doctor looked too exhausted to argue. He’d hoped his superior would return from her break to have this conversation. Some days he seriously considered going back to the start and becoming a radiologist.
“Your wife is a high risk for hemorrhaging again, particularly when she thrashes her body around like she was. She needs to stay as immobile as possible. Her infection risk is also high. She can’t leave that bed until we’re satisfied the main risk has passed. Total bed rest, she can’t even go to the bathroom.”
Willow felt her head start to spin.
“Are you telling me she can’t see her babies?” she asked, dumbfounded and the doctor had the good grace to look contrite, “For how long?”
The doctor folded his arms on his chest.
“Three days minimum.”
It may as well have been three years. Tara was not going to react well to this.
“Her babies are in the NICU,” she replied helplessly.
“We’ve been informed they’re not at imminent risk of death,” the doctor replied matter-of-factly and even the nurse rolled her eyes.
“Don’t you dare say anything like that in front of her!” Willow said angrily.
The nurse stood to put space between the two, though she was only concerned at Willow lunging. The doctor she worked with might have an awful bedside manner but she could be confident he wasn’t about to get into fisticuffs in his workplace.
“I will explain to her what’s happening,” she offered.
“No, I will,” Willow pushed off the desk.
She stopped at the water cooler to pour herself a little paper cup full so she could gather her thoughts.
Unfortunately, there was no way to spin this. She was going to have to crush her wife for the second time in a matter of minutes.
And worse, Tara was going to
be crushed for the second time in a matter of minutes. While she recovered from major surgery.
Willow’s knees felt weak already.
She crushed the cup in her hand and let it fall into the small trash can beside it. She squared her shoulders and nodded once before returning to Tara’s room. Tara tried to sit up but her body protested and just her head lifted instead.
“Well?”
Willow sidled up to Tara’s side and took her hand. She opened her mouth, but she couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t.
“I think the attending is going to come by soon to go over everything that’s happened.”
“So can we go to the babies before they come back?” Tara asked impatiently.
Willow's eyes flicked down.
“Well, see, Tara…” she made a vague gesture to the various tubes attached to Tara’s body “You have this catheter in and—”
“So get them to take it out,” Tara interjected.
Willow gulped.
“They can’t.”
Tara’s brow began to furrow.
“Why not?”
Willow’s voice lowered to a whisper.
“Because you’re not allowed to go to the bathroom.”
Tara was getting visibly frustrated.
“Why?”
“Because you have to stay in bed,” Willow replied eventually, her thumb fidgeting in the sheet, “You have to keep still so you don’t end up bleeding out again. Your insides, they need a chance to heal a little bit.”
Tara shook her head, confused.
“But how do I get to the NICU?”
Willow gulped again.
“You don’t,” she said, with the decency to meet Tara’s eyes, as difficult as it was to watch them reflect her heartbreak, “It’s not forever. Three days, just three days!”
Tara’s face crumbled and shook back and forth again as tears fell down onto her cheeks.
“No, no, no. I have to see them, Willow, I have to see them. What if—”
“Sshh,” Willow soothed, “The babies will be there when you’re able to go up.”
Tara kept shaking her head.
“I don’t care about me. I-I don’t care if it hurts or it takes longer to recover, I just want to see them.”
“Tara, you almost died,” Willow replied desperately, clutching Tara’s hand tighter, “I know this is truly awful for you but
you almost died. You can’t risk it. It’s not an option. You’re risking leaving all of our children without their mother. You asked me to promise before and now I have to ask you to promise me you won’t do anything that risks our family.”
She watched Tara’s lower lip tremble and knew hers wasn’t far behind.
“I know you’ve just been through the wringer and it’s not fair to ask anything of you but this is the situation we’re in.”
With an entirely tense jaw and closed eyes, Willow just about registered Tara give a single, short nod. Willow’s eyes closed too and a single tear escaped.
Tara’s chin dropped into her chest and she just started to cry. Willow lifted her hand to Tara’s hair and stroked it gently.
Tara continued to sob.
“My babies don’t know my voice.”
“I’ll record you!” Willow offered, eager to ease Tara’s woe in some way, “You could even sing to them!”
Tara took in a shaken breath and her jaw tensed again. Her eyes opened, glassy but not flowing and she looked straight ahead.
“The babies shouldn’t be by themselves.”
“They’re not,” Willow reassured quickly, “The staff up there is really great. You’ll, you…”
She stopped and swallowed.
“You’ll see.”
Tara’s whole body was deflated.
“I want you to be with them.”
Willow frowned.
“I was and-and I will be,” she said with a quick nod, “But I can be here right now. To take care of you.”
“There’s nurses,” Tara replied in that same flat tone that unnerved Willow.
“Tara, do you want to talk about—”
“I just want to sleep,” Tara said quietly, “If I sleep it will pass quicker.”
“O-Okay,” Willow agreed reluctantly, “Well, I’ll come back later. See if you’re up for video-chatting with the kids.”
Tara didn’t respond. Willow brought up the bag she’d brought from home onto the chair so Tara could have access.
“I’ll leave your stuff right here. I put your books in there, and your tablet and phone. And you can text me if you need anything at all, okay?”
Tara just angled her body away, not quite turning on her side as her positioning in the bed wouldn’t allow it.
Willow glanced down and kissed the back of Tara’s head before retreating. She passed by the nurses’ station and was relieved to see the doctor she’d gotten into the argument with had left. The kind nurse was still there.
“Um, she’s very tired,” Willow said to her, “Can you make sure she’s okay? I don’t think she’s processed everything that’s happened to her. I know you have other patients, I just…”
The nurse nodded.
“I’ll be sure a doctor goes in to answer any questions.”
Willow returned the nod.
“I’ll be up in the NICU if I’m needed.”
The nurse smiled at her and Willow pushed off again. She left the unit and on the way to the NICU just stopped at a vacant chair to take a breather.
She sat on that chair and ate her protein bar, alone.