Willow and Tara waking up together YAY that always makes me happy.

Tara continued to rub her arm but looked less than amused.

“It wasn’t a very nice thing to do.”

Ooooh, could this mean we get to see butch Tara confronting Becky over getting Willow completely wasted.

Interesting comparison with Becky and Willow as they both only got attention from their parents when they did something that pleased them. With Willow it was academically, Becky it was performing and entertaining. Is this why you put them together as roomies, because they have more in common than we first realised?

Awww I love the way you make Willow feel so bad about groping Tara when she arrived at her doorstep and Tara forgiving her. There's just something so sweet in that, It's why I love reading you're stories Laragh.

“Apple, please,” Willow replied, struggling to open the childproof bottle.

Ah childproof bottles, made so that only children can get into them lol.

Tara closed the door and folded her arms over her chest.

“That tends to happen when you feed someone alcohol, then leave them to fend for themselves.”

And there she is, Butch Tara in all her glory. I'm fairly sure that Becky won't think of Tara as being too demure from now on.

And then being put in her place by Willow should hopefully make Becky grow up a little and realise she can't always mess with other people like that cos someone will, at some point, get seriously hurt.

When all drama is done nothing improves like hearing Tara sing. I so want her rendition of 'Under Your Spell' for my mobiles ringtone. I wonder if at some point Tara will take part in a karaoke contest or have a go on it. She'd be sure to win first prize.

“You’re the best, Tara.”

Yes, yes she is and I would like my own personal clone of her please

“You’re needy when you’re not feeling well.”

Only because she has Tara has a girlfriend. If we all had Tara has a girlfriend we'd all be needy when we were poorly.

I did like the scene in Willow's dorm between Tara and Becky where they cleared the air and she told Tara how much Willow loved and adored her. I sense a great friendhsip beginning with these three.

liked the Tarot card reading a lot, interesting cards that Willow chose. Maybe she's more in touch with her spiritual side than she knows.

A fun, short but sweet chapter with no hatred or major league fallout over the antics of the night before. Now lets see what happens when they come together as a trio.

Willow's come out of her coma from the gunshot wound in 'Hacker' YAY now she just needs to recover. My first Willow/Tara fan-fic 'Pilgrimage' also involved the girls visiting Tara's mother's grave, but there was no shootings, instead we had a marriage proposal.

This is what makes the universe continue to expand and not close in on itself and give in to entropy and heat death as is said will happen at the end of all things.

While you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, it is okay to put your tongue inside someone's mouth.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

As understatements go, this is right up there with "No, it's not too small" or "don't Google the phrase "Cleveland Steamer" cause you will regret it."

Self-destructive and humour as a defence mechanism are okay as coping skills until you involve others in your theatre of cruelty.

When they are not

Never mind a classless society; we need to call for a pantsless society.

I would like a sweaty pair of Tara's sweats to snuggle up to and even put on.

Willow looks like Calliope Reaper-Jones?
Tara diplomatically handled her simmering resentment and anger towards Becky very nicely and things were resolved without any blood being shed or tears before bedtime even.
I love that Triangle Tara makes an appearance in this chapter with Tara displaying her knowledge of the arcane and mystical art of the Tarot reading as she gets to linger upon Willowhand.

_________________
I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.

BuffyFan4ever –



She’s a good friend more than she’s a bad friend, so I think they can get over it this once…but a repeat performance would not be tolerated.



Exactly what I was imagining!



Lucky for her, there isn’t much she can’t make adorable.



I thought it was important to let her have a voice in this.





Thanks for commenting!

zampsa19752001 –



It was definitely deserved!



No point ruining a good friendship over one mistake!



I think Willow would happily have a hangover if it meant Nurse Tara would take care of her.



I probably won’t end up writing that, but you can assume it went well

Thanks for your comment!

JustSkipIt –



Completely uncool. They were right outside their dorm building when the guy came along, so she did know Willow was at least inside, but she still could have easily hurt herself especially with stairs involved and she was lucky Tara’s dorm was close enough to the entrance that she didn’t have time for an RA or guard to spot her.

She’s not even 20 yet, she’s still 19, but Becky charmed the bartender (and probably had a fake ID since it’s been well established she’s a party girl – Willow’s only gotten drunk a couple of times to drown her sorrows, like when her parents disowned her)

The thing is, Willow has kind of let Becky away with murder in their friendship so far – she was grateful to have a friend at all. And Willow thinks, well if it’s only a joke, why should I get uppity about it.

So Becky had no reason to think sneaking Willow alcohol was any different to plenty of other practical jokes she’d played on her. She kind of needed this as a slap in the face to see that, yeah, there actually are limits. There’s a line you have to respect and some playful teasing is not on par with getting someone intoxicated.

That didn’t even register for her before. If it’s a joke, it’s allowed, no matter, or rather, no point thinking about, the consequences. But I’m pretty sure after the shock she got of Willow not being in her bed, consequences will definitely be in her train of thought.

Willow forgave her because I think Becky has been a good friend more than she’s been a bad friend. She did help her come out, helped set her up on dates that even if they didn’t go well, encouraged her to date. Was a rock for her when the parents stuff happened, got her through that. It hasn’t been said yet in this fic, but she let Willow come home with her the summer before when she had nowhere to go. She didn’t want to throw away their friendship for one (albeit monumental) fuck up.



Glad you enjoyed it

Thanks for your feedback!

willowtaralover –



Me too!



It might just maybe may The fact is, they sustained a friendship despite being quite opposites, but some things are just more bond-inducing than others.







Haha, very true!



Becky really needed to learn that, and get hit over the head with it so she really got it.



If you have it as an .mp3 can you not set it as your ringtone? And interesting idea! Definitely some more singing to come.



Haha, I don’t think Willow would let even a clone out of her sight.



True dat!



Well Becky was a pretty good friend to both of them all through the verses!



Must be!



Definitely not too much drama, not my style.



That’s a much nicer ending!

Thanks for commenting

taralicious –



W/T’s love keeps us all going.



Words to live by.



Fool me three times and I’ll your ass all the way to Kansas!



“Blue waffle is a little squicky.” “Mitt Romney is kind of an asshole.”



Yup yup!



They should always be



My apartment lives in a pantsless society.



TMI? Yeah…TMI.



Ha! She’s more red and less fashion conscious but I guess she has a similar hairstyle of early-Callie.



She’s surprisingly good at disarming conflict.



Tara loves her some tarot cards!

Thanks for commenting

---

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Dancing With Dimensions

Inevitable/Infinitely …Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

********

TITLE: College Confidential

AUTHOR: Laragh

CHAPTER RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: Willow, Tara and any other characters from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise belong to Joss Whedon, FOX, ME and a whole host of other entities, none of which are me.

SUMMARY: The first part of the prequel to Hacker Confidential and Family Confidential - the college years!

SPOILERS: Perhaps minor references to the show or stealage of dialogue, but nothing that would spoil the series.

FEEDBACK: Yes please

AUTHOR’S NOTE: If anyone is interested in some random trivia, my 1,000,000th word of W/T fanfiction is contained in this chapter. It was 'wow'

Chapter 10

********

“This one or this one?”


Willow held up a purple blouse with questionable puffy shoulders and a yellow button-down shirt with smiley-faced suns embossed on each button.


Not for the first time, Becky stared in disbelief at what came out of her roommate’s closet, before marching over to look through for herself.


Willow hung back; leaving the tops Becky obviously didn’t approve of on her bed and closed her robe more securely over herself, a little self-conscious.


“This one!” Becky finally announced, pulling out a short-sleeved red blouse with a chunky black belt coming around from the back.


Willow looked it up and down warily.


“Uh, Becky, I dunno. It’s kinda...not very me.”


Becky rolled her eyes and thrust it towards her.


“Come on, Will, I got you this for Christmas last year and you haven’t worn it once! Or that halterneck I got you for your birthday.”


Willow shook her head.


“Actually, I wore that on Valentine’s Day with Tara.”


“And did she like it?” Becky prompted, grinning a little.


Willow’s cheeks flushed.


“She complimented it, yeah.”


Becky all but tossed the shirt at Willow.


“Well there you go.”


Willow held the shirt up by the hanger, unconvinced.


“But this…” she trailed off and looked down at herself, “It’s really more for someone who has something to show in...you know, the chest area.”


Becky regarded the shirt for a second, then went rooting through the closet again. She pulled something out a minute later.


“Wonderbra!”


“Becky!” Willow squealed, grabbing the bra and hiding it behind her back, blushing profusely, “I don’t have a Wonderbra!”


Becky rolled her eyes but placated her.


“Well let’s say if you did, then it would help with…letting that shirt sit nicely,” she replied as diplomatically as possible, “Come on, Willow, you’re not going to give Tara a little peek at the goods?”


Willow pulled her robe tighter again.


“There’s no ‘goods’ to look at.”


“Tara didn’t seem to think that yesterday,” Becky replied in a teasing tone.


Willow’s brow creased.


“What are you talking about?”


Becky shrugged, grinning still.


“Just that I noticed when we were all having lunch yesterday, that she was having a little trouble keeping her eyes upwards after you took your sweater off.”


Willow eyed Becky suspiciously.


“You’re making that up.”


“What would I possibly gain from making that up?” Becky asked with a laugh, “She tried to make it seem like she was just picking a piece of lint off her shirt, but trust me, there was definite ogling.”


Willow blushed but couldn’t help feeling pleased.


“Oh. Well then maybe I’ll give the shirt a try,” she replied, removing it from the hanger, then looking at Becky who hadn’t moved, “If Tara likes to look, then I’m sure she wants to be the only person doing it!”


Becky rolled her eyes playfully and went back to her side of the room, checking herself in the mirror.


“Does this skirt make my thighs look chunky?”


Willow glanced over her shoulder as she attempted to secure the belt under her breasts, unused to having the accessory in such a high place.


“I dunno.”


Becky pulled at the end of her skirt and sighed.


“Willow, the answer to that question, or any variant, is always ‘no’. And considering you’re dating a woman, I’ve just given you the best advice of your life.”


Willow scoffed.


“I would never tell Tara she looks chunky, she’s beautiful.”


“Oh great, reserve your insults for your fat best friend,” Becky replied though her tone was indicative of her just playing around, “I’ll be your punching bag.”


Willow was too busy fighting with the belt to respond, before finally yelping in triumph as she secured it.


“I still think this is a weird place to have a belt,” she commented, pulling the end of her shirt into place and catching a glimpse of her quite generously exposed cleavage in the process, “Whoa. Look at those.”


Becky turned again to look at the finished product and whistled approvingly.


“I knew it would look great on you! Why don’t you trust my fashion sense more?”


“Because I also enjoy breathing on a regular basis,” Willow replied, tugging at the belt a little.


“Overrated,” Becky shrugged, squeezing her feet into a pair of heels, “And now, my dear, I must leave you to your boring monogamy and go find a pack of sweaty guys to dance with.”


Willow picked up random pieces of her hair, trying to make it do something other than its normal ‘flat’.


“Things not going well with Paul?”


Becky shrugged.


“I dunno. I don’t think either of us wants anything serious right now. He’s good for a bit of fun. And I can’t really figure him out. Sometimes he’s a jackass, mostly when his friends are around, sometimes he’s a sweetheart,” she replied before sighing dramatically, “Men. Can’t live with ‘em...but you can’t live without ‘em. What can you do about them?”


“Alright, Gladys Knight,” Willow replied teasingly, “Hey, if it’s not right, it’s not right. And trust me, you know when you’ve got the real thing.”


“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Becky rolled her eyes, though good-naturedly, “Tara’s great, Tara’s perfect, Tara’s beautiful.”


“Yep!” Willow replied cheerily, seemingly pleased with herself, “She is. And she’s mine.”


Becky started to make her way towards the door.


“Well, on that sickly sweet note, I’m leaving.”


“On the midnight train to Georgia?” Willow quipped, laughing at her own joke as Becky just shook her head and left.


Willow continued to giggle to herself as she brushed her hair through again. She spent another few minutes in the mirror pulling and tugging at the shirt before she decided to stop over-analysing.


She checked the time and wondered if she’d given Tara enough time to change as well since leaving earlier. Not wanting to land on her in the middle of changing, she went over to the dorm phone and dialled down to her room.


“Hello?” Tara’s voice came on the other end, a little confused as to who would be calling her.


“Hey, are you ready?” Willow asked, unable to hide her eagerness, “Can I come get you?”


“Uh huh, sure.”


Willow beamed.


“Be right down!”


She hung up the phone and went to find a jacket, finding a bright orange zip-up, disregarding the colour clash with her shirt. She shrugged it on, but only zipped it up half-way.


A quick pat of her pockets made sure she had her wallet and keys with her, and she left her room in darkness to make her way back to Tara’s.


She knocked and waited for the door to open, which Tara did so only seconds later. Tara was wearing a fitted but flowing black dress that was splashed with a green and orange floral design down the front and sides, with a deep V neck, a simple silver chain hanging between.


“Holy...yikes!” Willow exclaimed, appreciating the figure hugging around her girlfriend’s waist “Tara, you look amazing.”


Tara closed the door behind them as Willow walked in, then started adjusting the shoulders of the dress.


“Is this okay? I didn’t know what to wear.”


Willow smiled at her.


“You look beautiful.”


Tara blushed.


“So do you,” she replied, then couldn’t help a coy look downwards and very much noticed the care Willow had taken in dressing, “That’s a nice, um, jacket.”


Willow may not have noticed any ‘ogling’ before, but she definitely saw it now.


“It’s new,” she replied, feeling an odd mix of pleased embarrassment.


Tara’s stuck gaze was becoming less and less discreet.


“It’s very pretty...it looks...soft...and...round...”


Willow’s cheeks were flushing, but there was a noticeable grin on her face.


“Round?”


Tara’s head snapped up, her hands toying nervously in front of her. She hoped her cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.


“I meant, um, astound. It looks… astounding on you.”


Willow had to commend Tara for her quick thinking-on-her-feet, but couldn’t resist teasing her a little.


“Do you want to touch it?” she asked, trying not to giggle when Tara’s eyes went wide, “You said you thought it looks soft...it is.”


Tara tentatively reached out and brushed her fingers against the fabric, keeping it to the relatively neutral zone of Willow’s arm.


“Definitely soft,” she replied, managing to do so without a squeak, “I’ll just go to the bathroom and we can leave.”


Willow watched Tara scurry off to the bathroom, then when the door was safely closed, took a hold of her breasts through her shirt, giving them a commendable squeeze.


“Wow, this really is a Wonderbra,” she muttered to herself, and dropped her hands again but still looked smug, “Tara can’t keep her eyes off of you, ladies. Well done.”


“Who’re you talking to?”


Willow felt a slap of karma hit her for teasing Tara earlier as she was almost caught talking to her own breasts.


“N-nothing, no one,” she replied, clearing her throat, “You ready?”


“Yes,” Tara replied, grabbing a small clutch purse.


Willow opened the two doors out of Tara’s room and the building as they left, then offered her hand. Tara took it without hesitation.


Willow looked down at their gently swinging hands and smiled.


“If I say something super sappy will you promise not to laugh?”


Tara looked over to her and smiled back.


“Of course.”


Willow mused for a moment before continuing with her thought.


“From when I was little, I was taught to be proud of achievements, or well, my academics. So, I was really proud every time I brought an ‘A’ home…mostly I guess because it was the only attention I ever got. But even now, when I don’t even talk to my parents, when I get a good grade…I feel so proud.”


“You should feel proud, you work so hard,” Tara replied warmly.


Willow’s smile turned bashful.


“Well here comes the sappy. As proud as those things make me feel…when I’m holding your hand, walking down the street, and I get to kind of show you off, you know, as my girl…that’s when I feel most proud.”


Tara found herself completely speechless, which Willow mistook for discomfort.


“Did I embarrass you?”


Tara still couldn’t quite form words, but did manage to shake her head and smile. Willow dropped her gaze coyly but was smiling too, the look on Tara’s face giving her all the response she needed.


She swung Tara’s hand just a little bit higher.


“Are you excited about the band?”


Tara could still feel her heart fluttering at what Willow had said, but tried to compose herself enough to carry a conversation.


“Uh huh,” she answered, smiling wide, “We’re going to an English pub?”


Willow nodded.


“Yeah, uh huh, but it’s more bar-like than pub-like. I mean, you know, it doesn’t have a great big wood fire and stuff, it does have a soundstage. They just do the British thing as a gimmick, I think.”


“Sounds exotic,” Tara replied in all seriousness, “Where is it?”


“Just a few blocks down, around the corner from the T stop, there’s a whole neighbourhood of bars there,” Willow answered, pointing in the general direction, “I wasn’t sure which one it was exactly, but I checked it out when I was finding out the information about the band. It’s nice; we can sit at a table and see the band but still talk. And it shouldn’t be too crowded since a Beatles cover band isn’t exactly the most popular music choice of the student population.”


Tara nodded.


“So there shouldn’t be too many drunk people?”


Willow picked up on a slightly apprehensive tone in Tara’s voice. She wasn’t sure why it was there, but she wouldn’t do anything that would make her uncomfortable.


“We don’t have to stay too late. Honestly, I mean, I just wanted to come because you really enjoy the music and it has good memories for you and I wanted us to have good memories. But we can leave whenever you want.”


She smiled reassuringly and squeezed her hand, then pointed out a flag of the union jack that was hanging from a building as they rounded a corner.


“See, right there. The flag was the tip-off for me the first time.”


They walked over and into the establishment and Tara took a good look around. There were plenty of people littered around the bar, a chunk of them their age, and the area was littered with British flags and memorabilia.


“Does this look okay?” Willow asked from beside her, “We can leave and watch a movie if you’re uncomfortable, it’s not a problem.”


Tara shook her head softly.


“No, it looks nice.”


“Great!” Willow replied, then pointed to a small circular table that was diagonally across from the stage that four men appeared to be setting up on, “I reserved that for us so we wouldn’t have to stand.”


She guided Tara over to the table and pulled out one of the chairs for her, then unzipped her jacket and left it over the other one.


“What do you want to drink?”


Tara was momentarily distracted as Willow’s even lower-cut top came into view, but composed quickly and looked away.


“Just water please.”


“Are you sure?” Willow asked, a bashful grin on her face from noticing where Tara’s gaze had gone, “They have all varieties of sodas and whatnot. Or juice, or even those virgin cocktail things.”


“Water is good,” Tara replied, cheeks flushed.


Willow smiled.


“Okay. Back in a sec.”


She went over to an open space at the end of the bar and waited patiently until the bartender came over to take her order. She entertained herself with making a little house out of beer mats until the bartender returned with two long glasses.


She smiled sheepishly as she collapsed the ‘house’ and paid, then took the glasses and turned to head back towards the table. As she approached, she noticed her seat had been taken by an unfamiliar dark-haired man, her age or a little older, and had moved it around so it he was sitting much too close for Willow’s liking.


“Hi,” she greeted with a forced pleasantness as she set their drinks down, “Who’s this?”


Tara looked towards the man.


“Did you say Eric?”


Eric looked even more pleased as he looked Willow up and down.


“Yeah, I’m Eric. I was just talking to your friend here. Nice to meet you.”


Willow offered a nod, but when he made no move to stand up, she started to get annoyed.


“You’re in my seat.”


Eric just smiled smugly.


“I can get another chair, there’s plenty of room for three.”


Willow’s eyes flashed with anger.


“And I’m sure there’s plenty of room for my shoe up your ass but I bet you don’t really want to find out, do you?”


Eric held up his hands defensively.


“Hey, I’m just trying to talk to a pretty girl.”


“Yeah, my pretty girl,” Willow responded, crossing her arms over her chest and internalised a groan of frustration when the man just looked blank, “My. Pretty. Girlfriend.”


It took Eric a second, but once he got it, his grin stretched from one ear to the other.


“Oh. So you two are...? Cool. I love lesbians. I mean, I really love lesbians,” he replied and wrapped his arm around Tara’s shoulder, who instantly stiffened, “I could find us another couple of girls, you know…get some beer, head back to mine. Get a real tight party go–”


Eric didn’t get to finish as Willow picked up one of the glasses and held it over his head.


“If you don’t get your slimy paws off my girlfriend in the next five seconds, you’re getting this Shirley Temple over your head, and I’m sure that won’t be a winning cologne to whatever girl you try to sink your teeth into next.”


Eric knew a legitimate threat when he heard one and jumped straight up.


“I’ll, ah, see you ladies later,” he said, trying to take back some dignity, but let it go again when he saw Willow’s face, “Or not. Bye.”


He scurried off back to his friends at the bar and Willow took her rightful seat back.


“Are you okay, did he scare you?” she asked, putting a hand over Tara’s, “Why does every guy think they can get in our pants?”


“I didn’t like him touching me,” Tara answered, shuffling slightly, “I-I wouldn’t have talked to him if I knew…he just sat down.”


Willow leaned over and pressed a kiss against her cheek.


“I won’t leave you alone again,” she promised, “We can go if you want. My plan to take you out has backfired miserably.”


Tara shook her head.


“No, it’s okay. It’s nice to be out with you.”


Willow smiled.


“It’s nice to be out with you too.”


They chatted happily until the band started playing a little while later, opening with ‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’, which delighted Willow as it was the tune she’d ‘caught’ Tara singing. She held Tara’s hand tight throughout.


They both giggled at the retro outfits the band had donned, and spent the next few hours listening to the music, interspersed with comments about how they were enjoying it.


Even Willow found herself singing along as they closed their set with ‘Hey Jude’, though she did flush with embarrassment when she realised what she was doing. They both clapped along with the majority of the others when the four men bowed. Willow had to cover her eyes a little as the lighting brighten up a bit, but was smiling.


“Wow, they were really good! I was just excited because I knew you liked the music but they were really good! I almost felt like dancing when they did ‘Twist and Shout’!”


“You should’ve,” Tara replied with a happy giggle.


“Oh no, it’s bad enough they lured me into singing,” Willow responded with a shake of her head and a smile, “Do you like to dance?”


Tara shrugged a shoulder shyly.


“I’d dance with you.”


Willow’s smile grew twice as big.


“Maybe we could do that sometime,” she said happily, then a quick glance around the room told her the place was filling up with people who’d already consumed a fair amount of alcohol, which she didn’t want to subject Tara any more to, “Do you want to go for a stroll? We could take the long way back to campus, it’s all lit up so it’d be safe.”


Tara smiled and nodded.


“Uh huh, that sounds nice.”


Willow jumped up and pulled Tara’s seat out for again, then led her through the crowds that had started to form out into the chilly night air. She instantly unzipped her jacket and put it over Tara’s shoulders.


Tara smiled shyly but didn’t avert her gaze.


“What?” Willow asked, finding Tara’s smile infectious.


“Pulling out my chair, defending me against that guy, giving me your jacket,” Tara replied coyly, “It’s just…really nice.”


Willow looked proud again and put her arm around Tara’s waist.


“Well whoever said chivalry is dead clearly didn’t have a wonderful girlfriend,” she replied, delighting in the bigger smile she received, “It’s a nice night, huh? I love when it’s all cold out and then you get into bed and it’s all warm and cosy.”


“I feel like that when there’s a thunderstorm,” Tara replied, still smiling, “You can hear all the rain and thunder and just know how cold and wet it is outside, but you’re snug in bed.”


Willow paled a little.


“Not too big on the thunderstorms myself,” she answered, chuckling nervously, “When I was little, like really, really first-memories kinda little, there was a thunderstorm. My parents were away and my nanny was watching me, but I guess she passed out on the couch or something. I saw the lightning outside my window and I thought it was a star crashing to the sky. I must’ve climbed up or dragged a chair or something, but I got out the back door… The lightening wasn’t so cool anymore, it was raining so hard and the thunder sounded like a whole pack of lions roaring. I couldn’t reach the door to get back in, I was so scared. I ended up hiding behind a potted plant all night until my nanny found me the next morning.”


Tara felt her heart clench at the thought of a tiny Willow, cold, wet and scared.


“Willow, that’s horrible, I’m so sorry.”


Willow shrugged, trying not to let the memory affect her.


“I had a habit of getting into trouble when I was little. I liked exploring a lot.”


Tara could tell Willow was trying to be brave but didn’t want to make her dwell.


“There was a forest behind my house. I liked learning about the trees when I was younger.”


Willow smiled, much happier thinking about a tiny Tara.


“Did you ever paint pinecones? My dad did that with me once.”


Tara smiled and nodded.


“Yeah, I did, with my mom.”


Willow sensed Tara’s issues with her father went way back than whatever caused them to lose contact when she left for college, but decided it wasn’t her place to push for an explanation.


“What else did you do as a kid?”


“Well, not much after…” Tara started to reply, feeling her heart sink for a moment but quickly recovered, “I did some dance classes, and a little horse riding.”


Willow swallowed nervously.


“Horses…like, big…tall…teeth-that-can-take-your-arm-off horses?”


Tara looked amused.


“Most horses don’t like arm very much.”


Willow shook her head, a slight shudder going up her spine.


“I had a bad birthday party pony thing when I was four. I- I look at horses and I see really big ponies…”


“You should ride with me sometime,” Tara replied, smiling affectionately, “I guarantee safety and fun.”


Willow cast a sidelong glance in Tara’s direction and gave her hip a rub over her shirt.


“Well… if you promise you’ll look after me.”


Tara felt her breath quicken as Willow’s fingertips just barely brushed against her skin as her shirt rode up.


“I-I promise.”


Willow exhaled slowly as the same tingle spread up through her arm, then noticed they were outside their dorm building.


“When did that happen?” she asked, in a bit of a Tara-daze, “Do you want to go around again, or just go inside?”


Tara turned to face Willow and noticed the goosebumps that had risen on her arms, so put her hands there and rubbed up and down.


“You’re freezing.”


Willow shuffled a little closer.


“I wouldn’t say no to some warming up.”


Tara was pretty sure she’d heard a flirty tone in her girlfriend’s voice before, but she was positive now. She very much enjoyed the sensation it left in the pit of her stomach, and was still revelling in the way her skin felt where Willow had made contact, albeit briefly.


“Then let’s go inside.”


Her tone was a mix of excited shyness that Willow found both adorable and rousing – if she hadn’t had goosebumps before, she would have then. She opened the door for Tara to walk through, then followed down the hallway to her dorm. She didn’t even think to turn upstairs to her own room, it didn’t even feel like that anymore.


“Is it weird I feel like I’m coming home when I come in here?” she asked as Tara unlocked the door to let them in.


Tara smiled widely to herself as she took Willow’s jacket off, then went to turn on the lamp on her nightstand.


“You do spend every night here.”


Willow hung back, suddenly worried.


“I’m not, you know, invading your space, am I?”


Tara turned and shook her head.


“I like having you here. It feels empty without you.”


Willow thought about that, then smiled.


“Actually, I think that’s what I feel,” she replied, clearly happy at the thought, “Like I’m home when I’m with you.”


She bounced over to Tara and took her hands.


“I feel like Scarlett O’Hara,” she continued, then explained, “Her home was Tara.”


Tara looked down shyly, but was smiling.


“I hope you don’t go through three husbands.”


Willow laughed and shook her head.


“One wife maybe.”


She met Tara’s eyes and smiled when it was kept, before accepting a warm hug that was offered. She loved the feeling that spread through her every time they embraced.


She hadn’t figured out it was love yet.


“So do you want to watch a movie…or something?” she asked when they separated.


“Whatever you want,” Tara replied, staying close.


Willow looked down to Tara’s lips, then back up to her eyes.


“Right now I want to kiss you.”


Tara ducked her head shyly, but was smiling.


“I’m available for kissing.”


Willow smiled and leaned over to close the gap between them, pressing their lips together sweetly. They sank down onto the bed together and shuffled up so they could lie next to each other.


Willow slipped her shoes off when she felt Tara doing the same, then started playing footsie with her. Tara giggled, which sent a pulse of joy to Willow’s heart.


“You make me really happy, do you know that?”


Tara smiled and entwined their fingers together by her waist.


“You make me happy too.”


Willow dropped a lingering kiss on Tara’s cheek, then went back for her lips.


As they kissed, she began first playing with Tara’s fingers, then gradually moved up her arm and back to her waist. After a while, she felt Tara’s hand cover hers.


She started to lift it away, thinking that’s what Tara was going to do, but instead felt it gripped and brought up.


She tried to link their fingers together, again thinking that’s what her girlfriend’s intention was, and so found herself quite surprised when her hand was dropped, or rather left, on a particularly cushioned area of Tara’s chest.


Tara’s heart was pounding as she took her hand away, but it took her a few seconds to notice that Willow had stopped responding to the kiss. She looked away, embarrassed.


“S-sorry.”


Willow’s eyes were glued to her hand, and what was beneath her hand, but she snapped to attention when she felt Tara shrink away. She looked up, but was still at a loss for words.


“Um… uh… you… I mean… you’re… okay with... this?”


Tara wasn’t sure whether she should be encouraged that Willow hadn’t removed her hand, but that very fact was causing sensations that were making it hard for her to think anyway.


“Well, um…I’m not comfortable with taking my clothes off…yet,” she replied, her cheeks flushing a brighter red, “But we could talk about…above them.”


Willow’s eyes went down again.


“I think we’ve gone past talking about it.”


Tara started to sit up, turning completely crimson.


“I’m sorry, just forget about it.”


Willow felt a rush of air hit her hand and looked up to see her girlfriend’s crestfallen features.


“No, no, Tara, I’m sorry,” she replied quickly, feeling awful that she’d reacted to badly to Tara trying to share such a thing, “This is just…special. And I was surprised. But glad, definitely glad…and lots of other things. All good.”


Tara met her eye, but Willow could tell she was wary. She tentatively reached for Tara’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, then guided it to her own chest as had been done for her.


Tara felt her breath catch in her throat as she connected, her fingers grazing the exposed tops of Willow’s breasts.


Willow was glad she had donned the Wonderbra that night, both because it gave her a bit more to show off, and the padding hid the fact that she could feel her nipples hardening under the fabric.


After a moment, she reached out to touch Tara’s breast again. She held back a giggle of glee when she saw Tara smile shyly, not wanting to give the wrong impression again, then moved up so their faces were close together.


“Tara?” she whispered, almost bouncing from her skin, “Can I kiss you again?”


Tara nodded and accepted Willow’s lips back on her own just a moment later.


She felt more than a little overwhelmed by the combination of sensations, but wasn’t scared. Willow always made her feel safe. And warm.


She smiled against Willow’s lips as she thought of what her girlfriend had said.


…and lots of other things. All good.


She hadn’t figured out it was love yet either.


They both would soon.

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Dancing With Dimensions

Inevitable/Infinitely …Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

Dibs


Great visuals.

Loved Becky's teasing.


On a jet plane?

at Willow teasing Tara and then almost getting caught talking to her breasts.


First Pizza-shoes, now this guy!!?? I am really looking forward to the girls meeting me (Brian ) so their faith in the male gender can be restored.


What did he do to deserve a warning?

Glad they enjoyed the rest of the concert.


poor Willow

Hooray for Willow and Tara getting to second base.

Can't wait for more.

_________________
"Not everyone wants to graduate high school at age 16 and college at age 19 and have our first IPO by age 20. Some of us want to waste precious minutes, hours, days, and weeks rotting in front of the TV." - Survivor Ash Island By JustSkipIt

Buffy: Hi. Willow right?
Willow: Why? I mean hi. Did you want me to move?
First sign of adorable Willow "Welcome to the Hellmouth"

Yay for excellent update-y goodness... Yay for Willow's goofy sweaters making an appearance... I really liked their date in the pub... Big for yet another appearance of brainless jock... Can't wait for their continuing exploration of their bodies and quest for realizing that they really love eachother...

_________________
We Few, We Happy Few, We Band of Buggered

Posting while nude improves your mood...

I loved this chapter! I see your snarky sense of humor making an appearance... "I'm leaving." "On a jet plane?" Nicely done, made me chuckle.

I'm not a fan of the guy in the bar, but it gave us a chance to see butch Willow and I enjoyed it immensely. Okay, Willow got locked outside as a toddler during a storm? Stupid Fu**king parents! Who allows that to happen to their kid? They might as well have locked her in a hot car! I like your Ira, later, but damn. I know idiot parents/caregivers like that and it makes me want to punch them in the face. Sorry, Mommy claws came out.

Anyway, it seems they are slowly getting better acquainted with the naughty touching and all I have to say is...yay for us!

_________________
Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are

Hey! What a lovely date overall. I love the way Willow is treating her so sweet and gentlewomanly. I especially like the way she's being conscientious of Tara's feelings regarding being around alcohol and drunks and making sure she's comfortable. And, of course, who doesn't love to see butch/protective Willow come out for her girl. Ignorant men. So glad to see the date was salvaged and they had a good time.

Oh, and then the kissage and Tara taking the initiative with beginning the naughty touching. That says a lot. I think Willow was just in shock there for a minute, which is totally understandable, but I'm so glad they got it all sorted out. Because we know there's much more very naughty touching in their future, but it's so nice to see how it began, and I can't wait to see how it progresses.

I'm going to say yay for Becky helping Willow pick her outfit, and also letting her know about Tara's obvious (at least to Becky) interest in Willow boobage. Ah, and now the sweetness of young love and explorations begin.

Great job. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Wimpy

_________________
Pam aka Wimpy0729
Restlessness ~ Quickies - The Lovers, The Dreamers & Me

"There was plenty of magic." ~~ Tara

Dude. Willow gets so large with the butch so easily. I mean I can see her reason but she could sort of tell someone they aren't needed without getting quite so aggressive. I guess Tara likes it though. They are very sweet in their connection and slow exploration. Nicely done.

_________________
Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

Hey Laragh

First off I Just wanted to say A big YAY on your millionth word of W/T fanfiction. I can only hope to reach hose dizzy heights one day myself.

I do like the sound of the yellow shirt with smiley-face buttons. It sounds very much like clothing that would reflect Willow's cheery persona.

“Come on, Willow, you’re not going to give Tara a little peek at the goods?”

Willow pulled her robe tighter again.

“There’s no ‘goods’ to look at.”

I have to disagree with Willow here, I have some publicity pics of her, not nude, and she definitely has goods

Willow glanced over her shoulder as she attempted to secure the belt under her breasts, unused to having the accessory in such a high place.

THis just made me laught the image of Willow having a belt so high up instead of round her hips or waist. I think she needs to go clothes shopping with Becky and invest in some wonder bra's.

“Men. Can’t live with ‘em...but you can’t live without ‘em. What can you do about them?”

Willow and Tara seem to do fine without 'em.

“Well here comes the sappy. As proud as those things make me feel…when I’m holding your hand, walking down the street, and I get to kind of show you off, you know, as my girl…that’s when I feel most proud.”

And again with the awww, I love the sweet moments you write for the girls.

“So there shouldn’t be too many drunk people?”

Ooh another subtle hint to Tara's past as an abuse victim. Presumably at some point in the near future she's going to tell Willow what happened to her.

“And I’m sure there’s plenty of room for my shoe up your ass but I bet you don’t really want to find out, do you?”

Last time round it was Butch Tara and now Butch Willow makes an appearance

“Oh. So you two are...? Cool. I love lesbians. I mean, I really love lesbians,” he replied and wrapped his arm around Tara’s shoulder, who instantly stiffened, “I could find us another couple of girls, you know…get some beer, head back to mine. Get a real tight party go–”

Please don't tell me that Willow and Tara are going to be surrounded by complete jerks and morons the entire length of this story? I love Willow's dismissl of him though, not especially threatening or violent but bad enough that he won't cross her path.

Awww poor Willow being afraid of the lightning in a thunderstorm but what a crappy nanny she must have had for not checking on her.

Willow was glad she had donned the Wonderbra that night, both because it gave her a bit more to show off, and the padding hid the fact that she could feel her nipples hardening under the fabric.

I don't want to call your writing into question again Laragh but I don't recall Willow putting on a wonderbra. The writing suggests that Willow uses the black chunky belt that goes with the dress to give her breasts some lift. If I got this wrong then I do apologise it's just how the story reads.

YAY Willow/Tara smoochies are always the best and a lot of boldness on Tara's part lifting Willow's hand then placing it on her breast. Somehow I don't think Tara's as shy as she makes out to be.

Willow's admission of being attracted to the goddess Tara not withstanding, of course because who could be in disbelief about that.

While any man in the restaurant would be blinded by Tara for ogling Willow's chest, I would risk one eye, I think.

I just have a cat so mercifully I can't be drawn into this impossible piece of rhetoric.

I prefer Stephen Furst in "Animal House" myself saying the same thing about women after their road trip.

The Maclay Creed for those of us who practice the Wannablessedbe form of spiritualism.



Paging Doctor Freud...your slip is showing again.

Until it gets hard when you are touching it.
I do my own criticisms too.

Another troglodyte...how do they always find Willow and Tara?
I am really glad that there are some redeeming male influences in Hacker and one who shares the same birthday as their wedding date despite my penchant for penis jokes.

As Peter O'Toole said in "My Favorite Year" "There's out and then there's out."

Willow is the epitome of gallant.

And then later Willow can ride Tara for a whole new level of safety and fun.

_________________
I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.

BuffyFan4ever –



Don’t let anyone say Willow doesn’t know how to dress



One thing she’s definitely good for.



Probably knowing her and her aversion to romance!



Like she thought, karma’s a bitch



Haha, he’s a few years off, so I’ll have to make sure they have some decent-guy encounter before then



Very little, but Willow was doing her darndest not to cause a scene for Tara’s sake.



Uh huh, it was nice for them to have a good evening!



Poor Willow indeed! She’ll need a lot of snuggle therapy to get over that one.



I love that there’s a community that cheers this on.

Thanks for commenting!

zampsa19752001 –



They just had to!



Darn frat boys giving a bad reputation for the rest of the species!



All to come!

Thanks for your comment!

Finey_McFine –



That was Bryan’s one actually lol. Mine was Midnight Train to Georgia because she’d previously called her Gladys Knight.



Willow may not be large with the butch but she certainly likes to show it off.



It was the nanny that passed out and didn’t keep an eye on her (she was probably Irish lol) but her parents should have vetted a better caregiver! I feel ya, I don’t have Mommy claws, but I get so mad when I see things like that too.



Like I said to Bryan, it’s so awesome to have a community rooting for just that

Thanks for your feedback!

wimpy0729 –



Men are getting a really bad rap in this fic so far, I need to throw some nice ones their way I think Willow really gets there’s something ‘big’ that Tara’s keeping quiet on and that’s why she’s so sensitive to her feelings.



She was definitely in shock! But they talked and it worked out so all’s well that ends well



Becky and Willow’s friendship is getting back on track, and she’s definitely a help for when Oblivious Willow is there!

Thanks for your feedback

JustSkipIt –



I know you haven’t read the other fics but Willow’s temper/overprotectiveness of Tara is a running theme (contributing to her struggling to find a job after college etc) so I kind of needed to show its origins here. She certainly hasn’t learned the art of conflict resolution yet.

Tara doesn’t necessarily like the aggression, but she very much likes feeling safe.



Thank you

And thanks for the feedback!

willowtaralover –



Thank you very much!



I think Tara would have liked it too!



I concur, especially after she’s had babies!



She has wonderbra’s, but she’s embarrassed by the fact that she does.



They definitely do.



Thanks



Very near future.



They take turns



Not my intention at all for all the guys to be jerks! There’ll be nice guys too



You’d think her parents would have at least hired someone decent



She definitely puts on the Wonderbra…most girls can’t get away with not wearing a bra with that kind of shirt… she would have just popped out I assumed it was a given people thought she put all of her underwear on without it being specifically stated.



She’s shy, but she’s also quite unable to resist Willow!

Thanks for commenting!

taralicious –



You’d think she’d be used to it.



I would just wear sunglasses.



That’s probably wise.



I concur!



Very true!











Obliatory dick joke: check



Unfortunately they’re in a place (college and in particular here, bars) that frat boys/general horny teenage-or-slightly-older boys are…but there will definitely be some good guys too!



And then there’s out.



Quite.



Most definitely

Thanks for your feedback!

---

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Dancing With Dimensions

Inevitable/Infinitely …Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

********

TITLE: College Confidential

AUTHOR: Laragh

CHAPTER RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: Willow, Tara and any other characters from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise belong to Joss Whedon, FOX, ME and a whole host of other entities, none of which are me.

SUMMARY: The first part of the prequel to Hacker Confidential and Family Confidential - the college years!

SPOILERS: Perhaps minor references to the show or stealage of dialogue, but nothing that would spoil the series.

FEEDBACK: Yes please

Chapter 11

********

“Tara?”


“Yeah?”


Willow brushed her fingertips down Tara’s arm as they watched a movie in bed, though she was a little distracted and sensed her girlfriend was too.


“Do you like the movie?”


Tara nodded somewhat absently; she was looking at the screen but her focus wasn’t on it.


“Sure.”


Willow had noticed Tara’s ‘absence’ over the past day or so, but hadn’t broached it. She figured Tara would let her in if that’s what she wanted, but wanted to make sure her girlfriend knew that.


“I know we’ve only been, like, ‘together-together’ for a little while, but you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”


Tara turned her head towards Willow.


“Of course. Why?”


Willow began to play with Tara’s fingers, the movie forgotten about.


“You’re…sad. I mean, you’re not crying, you’re not even all frown-y, but you’re sad. I can tell. I just want to make you feel better.”


Tara reached up and stroked Willow’s cheek affectionately.


“You’re very sweet.”


Willow looked up into Tara’s eyes and fully entwined their fingers.


“Are you okay?”


Tara nodded.


“I am okay. Really. I’m just always a little sad on this day because it’s my mother’s birthday.”


Willow looked surprised.


“Oh.”


Tara leaned up to peck her cheek.


“So don’t worry about me. I’m not even sad all the time, just remembering.”


Willow squeezed their palms together.


“Do you want to tell me about her?”


Tara smiled softly.


“Do you really want to know?”


“About the amazing woman that brought you into the world?” Willow asked genuinely, “I wanna know everything.”


Tara’s smile slowly spread.


“Okay.”


Willow smiled back happily and shut her laptop to stop the movie from playing, then shuffled a little closer to Tara.


“Okay, comfiness first,” she said as she got comfortable cuddling into Tara’s side.


She let her girlfriend gather her thoughts for a few moments before prompting a start to the discussion.


“What was her name?”


She glanced up and saw Tara smiling still.


“Her name was Lisa.”


“That’s a pretty name,” Willow replied, settling their conjoined hands over Tara’s stomach.


“She had darker hair than me,” Tara continued after another few moments, “But our eyes were the same colour. I remember a few people saying we had the same smile when I was little but I’m not really sure.”


Willow felt her heart skip a beat at the thought of two crooked smiles and squeezed her girlfriend’s hand to let her know she was still listening.


“She grew up in Rochester, same as me. She was a cheerleader, and my Dad was a quarterback. They got married right after high school, and had me pretty quick. My Dad started working as a mechanic, she taught art classes on the weekends and stayed home with me during the week.”


Willow listened keenly to the details of her girlfriend’s past and played idly with her fingertips as Tara kept speaking.


“My very first memory is of her waking me up singing Good Day Sunshine…I told you she loved The Beatles. I think I was around three. I don’t remember anything else. Just waking up and seeing her smiling at me and singing that song.”


“That’s so sweet,” Willow gushed, raising her head to smile down at Tara, “My first memory, after the thunderstorm, is getting an A in colouring at playschool.”


Tara’s eyebrow quirked upwards and Willow’s cheeks flushed.


“I went to a really competitive playschool.”


Tara gave a gentle smile but it was tinged with sadness.


“I used to always bring her flowers to her grave when I was growing up but since I’ve left home I can’t do that and...well, I struggle a little with wondering how I can show her I still care.”


“Maybe you could call your Dad and ask him to leave some flowers dow-” Willow piped up in a helpful tone before grimacing, “You guys don’t talk. I knew that. I’m so sorry. Brain-goof.”


Tara nodded understandingly and Willow’s look became curious.


“I know you never came out to him…because you said the first time you ever said it out loud was that day with me…did you guys just not get along?” she asked, then cleared her throat when she saw Tara’s face fall, “I’m sorry, I’m prying.”


Tara inhaled deeply, then exhaled it in a slow sigh.


“He just wasn’t very nice to me.”


“I know that feeling,” Willow replied sympathetically, “When I came out…worst phone call of my life.”


Tara reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind her girlfriend’s ear and looked at her tenderly, so Willow felt safe to continue.


“Well, it was a couple of months after college started. Becky was super excited when I told her I got off the train at girlstown because she loves setting people up but could still have the pick of all the guys for herself. So she was kind of pressuring me to come out, but it wasn’t mean or anything, more just like…insistent encouragement. Which I probably needed or I never would have done it. And I had a regular Tuesday phone call with my dad, so I decided that would be the day…”


*


“I don’t know about this, Becky. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this over the phone.”


Becky looked up from where she was sorting through some notebooks on her bed.


“No, see this is good, because it will give them a chance to get used it before you go home for the holidays and things won’t be weird,” she said in an reassuring tone, then winked at her, “I have a smokin’ brunette waiting in the wings for you.”


Willow didn’t smile, instead just staring down at the phone in her hand.


“I’m not coming out to them just to go on a date.”


She felt Becky’s hand on her shoulder a moment later, offering a comforting squeeze.


“I know, Willow,” she said, at a loss of what to say for a moment before going on, “Do you know what you’re going to say?”


“I think so,” Willow replied, fully prepared with her facts and data about being gay, wanting to appeal to the professional, logical side of her parents.


Becky gave Willow’s shoulder another squeeze before moving back to her bed to pick up her notebooks.


“Okay, well, I have to go, I finagled my way into an all-boy study group. It’ll all be fine, Willow, don’t worry.”


Willow gave a completely unconfident smile and then was alone in the room. Her gaze floated to the clock on the wall, watching the seconds tick closer and closer to the hour.


Her phone rang as soon as it struck. Her father was nothing if not punctual. Her hands shook as she pressed the answer button and was silent as she brought to her ear, but luckily Ira started talking instead.


“Hello, bubbala. How are you?”


Willow relaxed a little at the comforting sound of her father’s voice.


“Hi. Um, I’m pretty good, Dad. How are you?”


“Very well, Willow. I landed a big east coast client today and your mother was asked as a guest lecturer at Berkeley for this weekend.”


“That’s…great!” Willow replied enthusiastically, “That’s really great.”


There were a few moments of silence on the line before Ira piped up again.


“So, tell me about your schooling. Are you still taking your business classes along with your regular ones? I’ve told you, no matter what your career, a basic knowledge of business will only ever help you.”


Willow confirmed she was still doing the classes and spoke to her father about her other classes until she’d stalled all she could and took a deep breath.


“Is mom there? I have something I wanted to say to the both of you.”


“Well, sure, Willow,” Ira’s tone was surprised and then there was shuffling and muffled words, “Sheila, Willow is on the phone. She says she wants to talk to us both.”


Willow tried to ignore the nausea settling in her stomach as she listening to more shuffling and footsteps, then buttons being pressed as she was put on speaker. Her mother’s voice came next, skipping any pleasantries.


“Are you keeping up with your GPA?”


“Yes, mom,” Willow said shakily, playing with her sleeve, “This, um…this isn’t school related.”


Sheila scoffed.


“You can’t possibly need more money. We’ve been sending you enough to run the government of a small town.”


Willow took another deep breath.


“I don’t want money.”


Willow could almost feel her mother’s annoyance.


“Well, spit it out, Willow, come on.”


“Let’s just listen to the girl,” Ira said curtly, “We’re listening, Willow.”


Willow closed her eyes, hoping it would somehow make everything easier.


“So…you know I didn’t really date in high school...busy with studying and stuff.”


“Have you met a boy?” Ira asked, before tacking on, “I hope he’s Jewish.”


Willow shook her head even though she knew her parents couldn’t see.


“No, I haven’t met anyone… But, I could…potentially…meet…a someone.”


She heard her mother make a clicking noise with her tongue.


“Relationships will just get in the way of your studies. They serve no purpose until you’re ready to get married and have children.”


Willow swallowed and stood up, gesturing in front of her with the hand not holding the phone, unable to stay still as she took the plunge.


“I haven’t met someone… but if I did met a someone… that someone... would be a girl.”


The silence on the other end could have lasted hours for all Willow knew until her father’s confused voice came through.


“What are you talking about, Willow?”


Willow’s breathing grew a little heavier.


“My someone wouldn’t be my boyfriend… they’d be my… m-my girlfriend. My… lesbian, gay-type lover.”


Another stretch of silence followed, then Willow heard her mother.


“Think of what you’re saying very carefully, Willow.”


“I-I know exactly what I’m saying,” Willow replied with faux-confidence, “I’m gay. A-and you know it’s not that uncommon, one in ten–”


“Don’t be ridiculous!” Sheila burst out, “That college is putting ideas in your head!”


“I’ve known since before I came to college,” Willow replied calmly, though she was feeling anything but, “I’ve always known.”


“Willow, don’t be silly, upsetting your parents like this,” Ira spoke, almost forlornly, “Have your little phase if you must but don’t say these things.”


Willow shut her eyes, trying to keep herself in check.


“It’s not a phase. I’m gay. I can’t change it and I don’t want to.”


Willow physically winced as she heard a tirade launch from her mother then; she heard more words like ‘phase’ and ‘unnatural’ and thought she recognised some scripture quotes, though it seemed like Sheila was just spouting out anything she could think of than through any real reasoning.


She felt her heart sink lower and lower with each passing second until there was silence again, though her mother’s enraged breathing could be heard clearly still. She opened her mouth to speak, but her voice came out in a low whisper.


“This won’t ever change. This is who I am.”


She felt a lump rising in her throat as her mother began to spout angrily at her again.


“Well as long as you stand by that, you can consider yourself free from family obligations. You are not welcome in our lives as a heathen, and we certainly won’t continue to finance you!”


“D-Dad?” she asked, trying and failing to stop the tears falling from her eyes.


“This is not who we raised, Willow,” Ira spoke in a low and disappointed tone, “We have expectations of you.”


The tears silently flowed down her cheeks as her father continued, his tone turning pleading.


“Just tell us this is one of your little practical jokes, Willow. We can forget all about it.”


“I can’t do that,” she whispered, “I can’t lie anymore.”


“Very well, Willow. You’ve made your decision,” Sheila said, her tone taking on a coldness that Willow had never heard before but sent an icy chill through her, “Quite frankly it’s a relief we won’t have to worry about you taking up our lives!”


Willow believed that instantly. She heard footsteps stomping off and then there was silence for another minute before final words were spoken from her father. Willow could have sworn they sounded sad and conflicted, but it didn’t matter, because they were said anyway.


“Goodbye, Willow.”


Willow croaked out a ‘goodbye’, but the line went dead before she even finished. She fell onto the bed, sobbing loudly into her chest as she listened to the dead dial tone.


*


“…maybe it would have been better if I had waited to do it in person. But I guess I anticipated…or at least feared the reaction they did have. It could have been a disaster if I was at home and they kicked me out right then and there, nowhere to go.”


Tara face was scrunched as she listened, her heart clenching for her girlfriend whose tone was both sad and resigned in acceptance as she recounted the tale.


“Willow, that’s awful. No one should have those things said to them. I’m so sorry.”


Willow nodded, still feeling the pang of sadness that she didn’t have her family, but had had more than a year to deal with it and had mostly come to terms with it.


“Yeah. I mean, it wasn’t good times. I tried a couple more times to get in touch, but they never answered. I didn’t really care about the money, my scholarship paid my tuition and my room and board, like you, so I knew I wouldn’t get kicked out of school. And like they said on the phone, I had a pretty hefty allowance, and not just since college started, so I had, have, a lot of it saved. I budgeted it out over the four years of college and it’s still probably more than I need.”


Tara nodded slowly, eyes wide.


“Wow.”


Willow cringed as she realised her words.


“That sounded bad.”


“No, no,” Tara shook her head reassuringly, “I just still don’t understand how anyone could not want you in their lives.”


Willow gave a shy smile, then a small shrug.


“Well after all that happened, I became a whole new person. Cut my hair, it used to be really long, way down my back, and I wasn’t scared about…getting out there anymore. Went on those few dates… if you call long awkward silences over sandwiches or seeing a movie and being bored off your ass a ‘date’.”


Tara pretended to think about it.


“I call…Chinese take-out sitting by a tree a date…or swan boats and peach pizza…”


“Well now, see that must have been my problem,” Willow replied, smacking her palm against her forehead, “It was never going to work out with someone who can’t even share my definition of a word.”


They both shared a smile for a moment before Tara spoke again.


“Do you wish you’d never said anything?”


Willow instantly shook her head.


“No. Like I said, I couldn’t lie anymore. It went on too long. While all the other little girls dreamt about their prince proposing to them, I dreamt about proposing to my princess.”


Tara brushed some hair from Willow’s brow.


“That’s really sweet.”


Willow smiled shyly before she began idly tracing circles on Tara’s shoulder.


“So was it the same with your Dad? The coldness?”


“Definitely…cold,” Tara replied hesitantly.


Willow nodded, noting Tara’s repeated cautiousness.


“You don’t have to tell me.”


Tara took a deep breath and covered Willow’s hand on her shoulder.


“I want to tell you. It’s just…hard.”


“Tara?” Willow asked, suddenly overwhelmed with concern.


Tara looked up to meet Willow’s eyes. She did want to tell her. Tell her everything she’d been through, come from. She wanted to share just like Willow had shared with her, but didn’t know how. She brought Willow’s hand up to her mouth and closed her eyes while she kissed her palm for a few moments of comfort before deciding to just be as plain as she could.


“He…abused me.”


Willow’s eyes flashed with emotion.


“Verbally?”


Tara nodded slowly.


“And…physically.”


Willow felt as if her heart had just dropped right from her body.


“Tara.”


Tara swallowed at seeing Willow’s grief-stricken features.


“If I talk, will you listen?”


Willow eyes remained wide but she shut her mouth, managing a nod as she reeled from what she had just been told.


“Okay. I’ve never…” Tara paused a moment and gathered herself, “I’ve never spoken to anyone about this. At least not someone I care about…so…give me some time to get it all out.”


Willow had no idea what do to or how to react but sensed what a big deal it was for Tara to be sharing this with her so she pushed down her own feelings and reached, albeit shakily, for Tara’s hand, bringing it up to her mouth and kissing her knuckles gently.


“I’m here.”


Tara couldn’t help feeling happy then; even with the memories and preparing herself to speak of them plaguing her mind, she had Willow now, and that was indescribably wonderful.


She took yet another deep breath and prepared to start.


“My father shut down after my mother died. He stopped going to work and started drinking heavily and expected me to look after him and the house and everything around us. I was ten, and I’d just lost my mother, so even though I tried, thinking it would make her proud, I couldn’t always keep up. He slapped me one day when his shirts weren’t folded. And that’s when it started…”


Willow listened silently as Tara recounted the abuse she’d been subjected to over the years. There was a few pauses, a few wiped tears and a few stumbled words, but Tara was able to tell the tale almost completely without falling apart – her voice sad but strong.


Willow felt tears moving to the back of her eyelids with every blink, determined to offer Tara nothing but comfort.


“He won’t hurt me ever again,” Tara finished resolutely.


Willow saw red in that moment that anyone had dared to hurt her girlfriend.


“No, he won’t ever, I will die before I let–” she started to spout before calming herself for Tara’s sake, “I will keep you safe. I promise.”


Tara blushed a little at how intensely Willow had reacted to her story – she knew it was a subject matter that would cause a reaction in most people, but she could really feel how deeply her girlfriend cared for her.


She thought it should scare her, especially considering how little time they’d actually been together, but it didn’t. She felt the same. And she didn’t care if it had been weeks or years, she knew what they shared was something special.


She shot a soft smile upwards.


“I believe you.”


“No one will ever hurt you without going through me,” Willow replied with the same intent before trying to lighten the mood – more for herself to stop the rage she could feel pulsing through her veins, “I know I’m small but I can be spunky when I want to be!”


Tara laughed a little and Willow smiled too but there were still creases of concern etched on her face.


“Tara, I don’t…do you need to…talk to someone…a professional someone? I mean, I’m trying not to suggest police and–”


Tara shook her head.


“Police...that’s pointless. I did talk to someone last year for a while.”


“Like a therapist?” Willow asked before adding on quickly, “There’s nothing shameful in needing help.”


“I know that,” Tara replied softly, “I had some problems with my wrist because of a fracture that wasn’t treated properly. The doctor at the student health centre recognised the injury and had me make an appointment with the counsellor they have in there once a week. I saw her for a few months…and she helped. But I don’t like dwelling on it anymore.”


Willow continued to look conflicted.


“Tara…eight years…no one can go through that and not…”


Tara looked as if she was contemplating something for a moment before she started to reach towards her nightstand.


“Let me show you something.”


Willow was slightly fearful for a moment about what was about to be pulled from the drawer, about what her girlfriend used as a coping method, then breathed a sigh of relief when an old, tattered journal-type, leather-bound book was produced.


“You kept a journal?”


Tara gently pushed the metal fastenings up to pull the leather strap around the journal free.


“My mom did.”


“Oh,” Willow replied, realising all at once how private this was, “You don’t have to share–”


“I want to,” Tara cut her off, before adding shyly, “If you do.”


“Y-yes,” Willow replied, her head moving like one of those nodding dogs seen in the back window of a car.


Tara offered the open journal.


“You can read it.”


Willow gingerly took it like it was made of fine china and read from the top of the opened page.


“He’s changing. He’s taunting me all the time, like he wants us to fight. He’s always been jealous and… authoritarian. I go along to keep the peace. But he’s becoming cruel, and I won’t subject Tara to that.”


“He never hit her,” Tara piped up softly, “I don’t know whether he would have started or whether my mom dying is what pushed him over the edge.”


Willow blinked a few times before looking back on the page, where the words skipped a few lines, then continued.


“My perfect angel, Tara. I know there is good in the world when I look at her, in her deep eyes and her sweet smile.”


Willow glanced up at her girlfriend and knew straight away what her mother had been talking about. She smiled shyly and continued to read.


“I may not have done much in this world, but I made her and she will always be thing I am most proud of. I will make sure she always knows how loved and precious she is. She can do anything, be anything, be someone. My sweet, sweet Tara.”


The bottom corner of the page had a pencil sketch of what Willow could tell was Tara as a child and she traced the familiar features with her thumb until she heard her girlfriend speak again.


“Check the date.”


“December 12th,” Willow read, then tried to flick the page, but the rest of the diary was blank, “There isn’t any more.”


“She died on the 13th,” Tara replied sadly before shaking her head and smiling a little as she put the journal next to her lamp on the nightstand, “There are pages…and pages…and pages of her talking about how much she loved me. There are some bonds that just can’t be broken, and I had that with her. She said she’d make sure I knew I was loved and could do anything, and this did it. This kept me going. This showed me I could be more than a punching bag for someone. This made me do everything I could to get good grades, this made me push myself to get a scholarship so I could get out of that situation.”


Willow wasn’t sure what to say, but was relieved from having to when Tara kept going.


“I became an adult when I was ten years old. And I went through hell for eight years. But I always knew that wasn’t it, that there would be a time when it wouldn’t be hell,” she said with conviction in her voice, “I got out. I was lucky. And I’m going to help the kids who aren’t as lucky. To have that opportunity is so amazing.”


“You’re so brave,” Willow said in awe, “I mean…I’m so happy you are…but even knowing all that you said…living in fear for so long…”


“It wasn’t without its effects on me,” Tara replied, still feeling the hairs on the back of her neck standing from recounting her earlier life, “There was one time…About a year after my mom died. I got my period for the first time, and I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was dying…and I was kind of glad.”


Willow felt like throwing up at the thought of little Tara going through that fear alone, and being glad about thinking she was dying – it took all her strength not to rush to the bathroom and empty her stomach.


“I stuffed my underwear with toilet paper and it stopped after a couple of days…we had ‘the talk’ in school not long after that so I learned all about it then…” Tara continued, missing the greenish tinge Willow’s cheeks had taken, “And then when I moved out here, I spent maybe three months looking over my shoulder, thinking my Dad was going to find me and drag me home. But when the winter holidays came and I was still safe in my dorm…I think that moment I realised that, that was the first time I really breathed in about 9 years.”


Willow looked down, trying to piece it all together in her mind. Tara noticed and tried to help.


“Have you ever had a real epiphany? Just a moment of pure clarity where you know exactly what you want? See something really clearly?”


Willow thought ‘the first time I saw your face’ but just nodded and remained silent.


“Well I guess I had an epiphany and I shifted from being the girl who was scared, to the girl who survived. And that changed how I reacted with people. I never really connected with anyone fully until I met you, but I started getting involved in conversations in class, even told a joke or two. That was enough,” Tara continued, then smiled affectionately, “Until a pretty redhead turned my life upside down.”


Willow blushed and reached down to take Tara’s hand by her waist again.


“Will you talk to me if you ever need to?” she asked, her eyes and tone genuine, “I’ll listen…maybe offer a cuddle or two.”


Tara nodded softly.


“I will.”


Willow smiled happily at that before leaning down to cover Tara’s body with her own in as much of an embrace as was manageable with them both lying. Tara inhaled deeply from the top of Willow’s head and couldn’t resist a gentle kiss on her hair.


“My mom would love you.”


Willow’s eyes lit up with child-like excitement.


“She would?”


“I know for sure because we always liked the same things,” Tara replied with a warm smile, “And you know, I’m not worried about showing her that I still care anymore. I know exactly how.”


“You do?” Willow asked expectantly.


Tara nodded again.


“Be happy.”


“And you’re…doing that?” Willow asked shyly.


Tara said nothing, but did press a long and lingering kiss of indication against Willow’s cheek. Willow felt herself flush and gave Tara’s hand a squeeze.


“Wanna go on a date tomorrow?”


“Yes, please,” Tara replied with an enthusiastic smile, “Romantic, strobe-lit dinner in the cafeteria?”


Willow beamed.


“See, there you go, sharing my word definitions again!”


Tara laughed, visibly releasing the tension from everything she shared and Willow smiled in delight at the sweet sound before suddenly finding her lips being put to different use.


Tara lay back down with her head against the pillows, taking Willow with her as she went. She opened her mouth to invite Willow in, craving the closeness, but sensed a reluctance straight away. She brushed it off and teased her own tongue into Willow’s mouth instead, but after several minutes couldn’t help but notice that her girlfriend’s hands weren’t anywhere near the vicinity they normally made a beeline for.


Willow was hands-y and she was very okay with it.


Thinking Willow was worried about touching her after everything that had been said, she softly moved their entwined hands up and over her clothed breast, but the hand instantly retreated.


She broke the kiss and looked down, then raised her head to meet Willow’s eyes.


“Is something wrong?” she asked gently, “Do you…do you not want me like that after what I told you?”


Willow shook her head vigorously.


“No, no, baby, no, nothing like that.”


Tara reached up to stroke Willow’s cheek.


“What is it?”


Willow glanced warily towards the nightstand.


“Your mom is watching!”


Tara turned her head towards the journal and picked it up with a smile.


“Happy Birthday, mom,” she whispered with a reverent look before leaving it back in the drawer and turning back to Willow, “Thank you for listening. It meant so much.”


Willow opened her mouth to answer but could only smile when Tara yawned, her nose scrunching up in a way that made her heart melt.


“Sleepy?”


Tara nodded and began to settle back into a sleeping position. Willow moved back behind Tara to spoon her, her arm sitting more protectively over her waist than it ever had before.


She felt Tara’s breath even out after a few minutes and settled into thought, figuring she probably wasn’t going to get much sleep that night.


There was no way anyone was going to get away with hurting her girl.

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Dancing With Dimensions

Inevitable/Infinitely …Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

Dibs

Great chapter


It's great that Willow knows Tara so well so soon.

Loved Tara talking about her mom.


Love Willow's randomness. Sounds like something I would do. (The commentary, not the coloring)

at Willow's phone call. at Shelia (The only reason Ira doesn't get any is because he eventually redeems himself)

at Tara's dad I'm glad Tara had her mom's diary to help her.


Great foreshadowing. Is it still foreshadowing if it's in a prequel that's written after the event happened?




Can't wait for my birthday present next week.

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"Not everyone wants to graduate high school at age 16 and college at age 19 and have our first IPO by age 20. Some of us want to waste precious minutes, hours, days, and weeks rotting in front of the TV." - Survivor Ash Island By JustSkipIt

Buffy: Hi. Willow right?
Willow: Why? I mean hi. Did you want me to move?
First sign of adorable Willow "Welcome to the Hellmouth"

Yay for excelent update-y goodness... I'm really glad that Tara told Willow about her past and Willow telling Tara about her horrible coming out phone call. I'm really glad that Ira later redeems himself... Can't wait for their first cunning linquist session

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We Few, We Happy Few, We Band of Buggered

Posting while nude improves your mood...

Oh Laragh, so nicely done, though heartbreaking in places. Even after reading the other stories and knowing what's happened to them in the past, it was still rough reading and brought out so many emotions. I think I'm even more disgusted with Sheila than before, and that was a lot. Of course, so glad Ira eventually does the right thing.

Seeing (or reading) Willow finding out Tara's past, I commend her on keeping her cool as well as she did, because I could feel how it literally tore her up inside. We already know she has a protective streak, but after all this, well, we know from Hackers she meant every word she said here.

As far as Tara, where do I even begin? Saying she's strong doesn't even begin to cover it. She is a survivor, and she pretty much did it all on her own, with the help of her mom's diary, so thank God for that. I'm also glad to know that she has had some counseling. Considering everything, she's turned out pretty well, and now she has Willow to help her grow even more. They're just so good for each other, and it was obvious even from the start. Well, after the initial confusion and they got to the girlfriend stage. Of course, wanting to pursue a career to help other abused children just says so much about her.

Tara worrying that Willow wouldn't want to touch her sexually after all of her revelations was so sad, but Willow feeling that they were being watched was soo funny. And lastly, Tara saying that she was going to be/is happy was wonderful.

I love how you're pacing this. No matter how anxious I am to see them go from 2nd base, to 3rd, and so forth they really needed to share this stuff about their pasts, learn more about each other, and of course, do the whole falling in love thing.

Amazing job

Wimpy

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Pam aka Wimpy0729
Restlessness ~ Quickies - The Lovers, The Dreamers & Me

"There was plenty of magic." ~~ Tara

Laragh,
I'm not ashamed to admit that I was incensed and irate when Willow recounted the story of her coming out to Sheila and Ira and how they severed all ties to her, disowning her and I wept like a little girl while Tara recounted her harrowing tale of survival and strength finally seeing the light of freedom after eight years of abuse.
Words are wholly inadequate to describe how my respect and love for Tara have grown in your telling of her ordeal.
I don't know if you have ever read Alan Moore's "V For Vendetta" but in it he has a lesbian character named Valerie write a journal as she was taken prisoner in a totalitarian state for the crime of loving another woman and the act of finding this gives the main character of Evey Hammond the strength to rise above and know that she will survive her own prison ordeal and become stronger and will rise to a place where no one can ever hurt her again.
This is what your beautiful poetic story of Lisa's journal reminded me of.
This was a beautifully written and emotionally heartfelt chapter so

_________________
I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.

Willow smiled back happily and shut her laptop to stop the movie from playing, then shuffled a little closer to Tara.

“Okay, comfiness first,” she said as she got comfortable cuddling into Tara’s side.

Comfiness is always important when you're about to learn about your beloved's family.

“She grew up in Rochester, same as me. She was a cheerleader, and my Dad was a quarterback. They got married right after high school, and had me pretty quick.

Oooh, now this is intriguing. Does this mean that he wasn't always the psycho loony that we see him as in 'Hacker' when he uses his shotgun on Willow? This also puts me in mind of the story 'God's Served and Abandoned' when we learn about Tara's birth and why her dad has such a strong dislike of her and that there was much more going on.

“Okay, well, I have to go, I finagled my way into an all-boy study group. It’ll all be fine, Willow, don’t worry.”

I think incorrigible is the only word to describe Becky, but I also loved your use of the word 'finagled', it's one you don't see much. It's also good seeing the caring side of Becky as she supports Willow in coming out to her parents.

I really feel for Willow as she tries to come out to her parents but they just won't buy it, and especially with the way that Sheila freaks at it considering it 'unnatural' and referring to Willow as a 'heathen' and cutting her off from the family. I'm glad that Ira comes round in 'Hacker' though.

Hearing about how Tara was abused both verbally and worse physically is far worse to take in than what happened to Willow. That's not to diminish what happened to our favourite redhead but slapping a ten year old child because shirts aren't folded, seriously???? Surely only the behaviour of a loser. Not cool, so not cool.

“No one will ever hurt you without going through me,” Willow replied with the same intent before trying to lighten the mood – more for herself to stop the rage she could feel pulsing through her veins, “I know I’m small but I can be spunky when I want to be!”

Willow Rosenberg, so small and yet so butch

"He’s changing. He’s taunting me all the time, like he wants us to fight. He’s always been jealous and… authoritarian. I go along to keep the peace. But he’s becoming cruel, and I won’t subject Tara to that.”

Now here I want to know what turned Mr. Maclay into the person that we meet in 'Hacker'

It's so sad that they are practically divorced from their parents but at least now they have each other.

Could you confirm something for me Laragh. I read on a Yiddish phrase site that 'spiel' means story in Irish. Is this true.

Thanks for the heads up about the next Calliope novel, I now have it on pre-order YAY

BuffyFan4ever –



True love does blossom!







Haha, I would do the commentary and the colouring.



Sheila was definitely the wicked witch of the equation but Ira didn’t do himself any favours by letting himself be led.



It’s kind of worse knowing what happens in regards to him, but yes, that diary was essential.



This is a question I ask myself daily.







Happy Birthday!!

Thanks for commenting

zampsa19752001 –



It was a pretty important thing for them both!



Haha! Soon…ish.

Thanks for your comment!

wimpy0729 –



It was so hard putting Willow through that phone call, but the horrible Sheila they encountered in Family didn’t just spring up from nowhere.



There’s a line in Hacker where Willow says, ‘I made a vow, long before our wedding ones were said that I’d do everything in my power to stop her experiencing anything like that again’ and that was pretty much written with this scene in mind to be the moment she made that vow with herself.



For me, Tara always radiated this wonderful inner peace and hope that just couldn’t be beaten down – she knew her life was hell living with her dad, but she’d get out; she knows she and Willow are going to fight, but that they’ll get through it. She seems to have this really quite beautiful faith in herself in the world that things are going to work out, and that she has the capability to bring that about – for herself and for the kids she’ll help in the future (that’s already happened…kind of…prequel time logic is very confusing)



There was definitely a heart-sinking moment for Tara as she thought that, but that she was able to accept straight away that it wasn’t actually the case was a huge thing too – like she said, she doesn’t want to dwell and that’s kind of a trait she’s learning to carry over into how she just lives her life.



I have maintained throughout the ‘verse that they fell in love at first sight, but it is a wonderful discovery to figuring out the ins and outs of that and each other.



You’re far too kind

Thank you so much for your feedback!

taralicious –



Tara definitely deserves major props. They both had horrible experiences, but were able to grow and learn from it…and now hopefully together.



You know I haven’t but now I have to! I’ll definitely check it out.



Thank you!

And thanks for commenting

willowtaralover –



It’s key to many a conversation!



He basically graduated, as many abusers do, from ‘jealous’ to ‘angry’ to full out abuser. Tara’s mother’s death pushed him over the edge in terms of alcoholism which only made things a thousand times worse. He’s a total drunk by the time Hacker comes around, as well as having had years of his own company to give himself deranged ideas.



Incorrigible is definitely a great word for Becky! Until she settles down with Brian, she’s certainly of the ‘get-as-much-as-I-can’ mindframe.
‘get-as-much-as-I-can’ mindframe.



I honestly believe Sheila jumped on an excuse bandwagon. She has this horrible resentment for Willow and how she doesn’t fall in line with being a trophy daughter. She’d rather have no daughter than a daughter she can’t show off.



‘Loser’ is a loose term! Total grade-A asshole! He didn’t have a wife he could boss around any more so his daughter was the next best thing. Also, he was all too aware that Tara had no one, really no one, she could run to. Lisa could have. Tara couldn’t. That’s a whole new level of control that he just had to take.



Definitely when it comes to Tara!



Like I said above, the tragedy of Tara’s mother’s death, the spiral into alcoholism, being addicted to the control and power he had over Tara, and the years post her escape where he lost the only thing keeping him together, ‘grooming’ Tara all turned him into a psychotic drunk.



They do! They have each other to grow with



Nope, the Irish for story is ‘scéal’. Spiel would be a word to describe like a long-winded story, but I think that’s universal to the English language, not just an Irish dialect.



Yay, me too! I’m excited for it!

Thanks for commenting

---

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Dancing With Dimensions

Inevitable/Infinitely …Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

********

TITLE: College Confidential

AUTHOR: Laragh

CHAPTER RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: Willow, Tara and any other characters from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise belong to Joss Whedon, FOX, ME and a whole host of other entities, none of which are me.

SUMMARY: The first part of the prequel to Hacker Confidential and Family Confidential - the college years!

SPOILERS: Perhaps minor references to the show or stealage of dialogue, but nothing that would spoil the series.

FEEDBACK: Yes please

Chapter 12

********

Tara peered into her satchel as she walked into the campus library and located the two books she wanted to return. She quickly and quietly made her way straight to the returns desk and smiled at the librarian sitting behind it as she dropped them through the slot.


She offered a small wave to the older lady, then started to walk towards the fiction section to pick out a couple of more books for the reading she liked to do in her downtime between classes. On her way, she spotted a distraction to her normal reading habits in the corner.


Willow was sitting on the very end of a long desk, hunched over her laptop and peering at it intently. There were stacks of books all around her, essentially shielding her in her own little space and Tara was unsure whether to disturb her before deciding a quick hello couldn’t hurt.


She snuck up behind her and put her hands softly on her girlfriend’s shoulders as she turned her head in to kiss her cheek.


“Hi honey,” she whispered, before immediately frowning when something on Willow’s laptop caught her eye.


She didn’t have a chance to confirm what she thought she saw though, as Willow suddenly slammed the screen down, garnering the attention of the other students sitting around the desk and the librarian at the desk, who was now shooting them a disapproving look.


“W-Willow?” Tara asked weakly, her heart pounding in her chest, unsure if her eyes had been playing tricks on her.


“Hi, baby,” Willow said in a whisper, quickly trying to scramble her laptop into her bag, “Hey, wanna go for a walk?”


Tara’s eyes were wide and her nostrils flared as she covered Willow’s hand on the laptop to halt her movements.


“Willow, l-lift the lid.”


Willow’s eyes sunk in desperation.


“Tara, it’s nothing.”


Tara fixed an icy glare on Willow, who visibly withered, then gulped. She took her hand from her laptop and Tara whipped it open, staring down at the screen before back up to Willow, clearly trying and failing not to show hurt.


“What is this? W-what are you doing?”


Willow's mouth opened and closed dumbly for a few moments and Tara staggered backwards. Her eyes shut for a long moment before opening, shining with unshed tears, then she turned on her heels and headed straight for the door.


Willow quickly snapped to attention.


“Let me explain, let me explain!” she yelled, fumbling to gather her things.


“Quiet!” the librarian yelled as well and at any other time Willow would have rolled her eyes at the irony, but she was far too busy trying to follow Tara.


She swung her book bag over her shoulder and held her laptop against her chest as she ran out in the same direction, out the doors and onto the campus grounds. She skid to a stop as she looked around urgently, trying to locate Tara in the sea of people, but the familiar head just wasn’t in sight.


“Dammit!” she yelled, propelling a pebble forward with a swift kick of frustration.


She ignored the odd looks she received as her feet hit the ground running in the direction of their dorm building, her feet burning the path all the way across campus. As she neared, she got close enough to look in the ground floor windows and spotted Tara sitting on her bed, holding her head in her hands.


She felt her heart sink, but she didn’t give herself a chance to really feel it as she skidded in the doors and rounded the corner to approach Tara’s door. Her heart was hammering and her cheeks were flushed as she leaned her forehead against the wood, using one arm to securely hold her laptop against her chest while she raised the other to rap her knuckles against the door.


“Tara, please,” she panted as loud as she was able, “I know you’re in there.”


She held her breath for an entire minute as she waited for a response, but got nothing, so decided persistence was her friend and knocked again, softly, but consistently.


“I’ll stay out here all night!” she called, her voice coming back to her, then winced as she realised threatening wasn’t going to help her, no matter how benign, “Tara? Please?”


She felt a chill of despair run up her spin as she door remained shut in her face and began to feel dizzy at the thought this was it, that she’d ruined things between herself and Tara. That she’d never get to kiss her again, that Tara’s special smile would never be shown for her again.


“No, no, no, no, no,” she chanted frantically, near tears, trying one last hand-slap against the door, “Tara, please!”


Inside, Tara kept her head between her legs and took deep breaths, softly singing ‘Do Re Mi’ to herself as her mother had always done when she was little to calm her down. The sense of hurt and betrayal was unlike anything she had ever felt before; the tidal wave of emotion only growing with each desperate plea she heard coming from the other side of the door.


“Ray, a drop of golden sun,” she whispered to herself in song, then felt her heart clench as her own ‘drop of golden sun’ called out to her again, voice strained and wretched.


She raised her head and looked forlornly at the door before deciding she at least owed Willow a chance to explain what she had seen. She stood up and made her way to the door, taking a few calming breaths before opening it.


To her complete surprise, the hallway was empty. She peered out and looked either way, but no one was there.


So much for staying out there all night if she had to.


She huffed out a breath of annoyance, thinking Willow didn’t even care enough to stay for five minutes and turned back into the room, where she was even more surprised to see a familiar redheaded body trying to wiggle in through the window.


“What are you doing?” she almost yelled, though she wasn’t one to raise her voice so it wasn’t too loud.


“You wouldn’t let me in!” Willow called back, managing to push the window up high enough to begin to push her body through.


“So your solution was to break in?!” Tara asked incredulously.


“I just want to exp–” Willow started to say before the window lost its stability and came down sharply on her neck, “Ow.”


Tara’s eyes widened in fright and she rushed over to lift the window again, helping Willow through until she was securely on her feet.


“Are you okay?” she asked in concern, patting her hands around Willow’s back and arms.


Willow nodded and felt a pang of hope at the tender way Tara was checking her over but it was dashed just a moment later when she took a few steps back and folded her arms across her chest.


“Well you wanted to explain.”


Willow put a tentative foot forward.


“It’s not what it looks like.”


“It looks like you were looking up contact information for my father,” Tara replied accusingly, “I didn't even tell you his name, how did you find him?”


“That is not what I was doing!” Willow shook her head defensively, ignoring the other question for now, “I was…”


She trailed off lamely and saw Tara roll her eyes, clearly thinking she was trying to think of an excuse.


“I was...” she tried again, unsure how telling Tara what she was really doing would go down, “I was looking up his FBI records.”


Tara’s brow creased in confusion.


“What do you mean FBI records? There are no records of him, he hasn’t been arrested,” she said, unless something had happened in the time since she'd left home.


“No public records,” Willow muttered, looking down, though Tara heard and looked even more confused.


“What are you talking about?”


Willow sighed but decided she needed to be honest if she had any chance of Tara’s forgiveness.


“You know I like computers…and that I’m pretty good with them…well, see, there’s this thing called ‘hacking’ where you can force your way into computer servers…and access the information on them. So I found your birth records, and got your father’s name from that…then I just started to…research.”


Tara looked completely gobsmacked.


“You…forced your way in…to the FBI’s…database?” she asked, eyes wide, “Willow! Are you completely insane?! You can’t go around trying to ‘h-hack’ that kind of information! They’ll throw you in jail!”


“I was careful!” Willow protested, choosing to leave out the other databases she'd wormed her way into in her futile quest to make Tara's father pay for what he'd done - she hadn’t even been able to ruin his credit score, he seemed to have done that for himself.


Tara couldn't quite believing what she was hearing and threw her hands up in front of her.


"They're the government!"


“I was trying to help,” Willow replied, her voice rising, “He should be rotting in jail!”


“Yes,” Tara responded with a cool calmness that said she was the one who was going to be in control of any situation involving her father, “He should. But he isn’t. What did you think you were going to be able to do?”


Willow hands gesticulated wildly.


“Something! Anything!”


“Did you not think that this could make him find me?” Tara asked, the fear palpable in her voice, “You got the god damn FBI involved, Willow!”


Willow did a slight double take at that possibility, then shook her head.


“I-I would’ve been shut down straight away if I was caught,” she said in what was supposed to be a reassuring tone, “I didn’t change anything, just looked things up. I promise he won’t find you.”


Tara dropped down onto her bed and hung her head in her hands again. Willow hesitantly approached and sat beside her, taking a chance in rubbing her back and breathing a sigh of relief when she wasn’t rejected.


“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. You told me…and I didn’t know what to do.”


“I told you what to do!” Tara replied, her voice muffled but clearly near tears, “Listen and hold me, that’s all I wanted.”


Willow felt sick to her stomach that she'd hurt Tara so badly.


“I know. I-I messed up. I know. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she said emphatically, her heart sinking when she got no response and tried for a joke, “I risked decapitation for you, that’s got to count for something, right?”


She again got nothing back until Tara raised her head, eyes shining with unshed tears.


“Can you leave, please?”


Willow felt her own eyes well up and opened her mouth to argue before closing it and nodding, wanting to respect Tara’s wishes. She stood, feeling her knees shake, wondering if this was the end of the shortest but most powerful connection she’d ever made with someone.


She quickly swallowed a cry of despair at the thought and dropped her head to place a soft but lingering kiss on Tara’s forehead.


“I’m sorry,” she whispered one last time, before turning and walking from the room, wiping at her eyes.


The world seemed to be moving at an agonisingly slow rate; her feet dragging along the floor as they moved on autopilot to collect her book bag and laptop she’d left outside Tara’s window, the air around her thick and choking.


She found herself wading through the shrubs outside Tara’s dorm again, spotting her things right under the window she’d tried to get through. She bent down and gathered the books that had spilled out in her haste before, then began to stand.


She caught sight of Tara again as she did so and felt her stomach lurch as she saw her in the same head-hanging-in-hands position, but her body now heaving with sobs.


I did that. I caused those tears. I hurt that beautiful woman. I’m no better than him.


She looked away, the shame too much to bear, and rushed back into the building, pounding the stairs up to her floor and rounded into her dorm. She threw her bag on the floor and all but tossed her precious laptop onto her desk before sinking down with her back against the door, bringing her knees up to her chest.


Some tears came but they stopped almost as soon as they started. She didn’t have the right to be upset. She wasn’t the one who had been hurt. She’d done the hurting.


She stayed in her stupor of shame, feeling like her heart was slowly dissolving into nothingness until she heard a sound from beneath and suddenly remembered just how close Tara was. Her body slumped out until she was lying face-down on the floorboards, palm laid down flat as if she was trying to reach through them.


“Tara, I’m sorry,” she whispered against the wooden slats, “I just want to make you feel better. Hug you and kiss you and–”


Do what she asked me to do. Be there for her. Not dredge up this drama because of my own stupid insecure feelings. God, how could I be so selfish? She went through hell and I made it all about me. I just had to be in control. She’s managed to cope all by herself for years and years, but nope, I couldn’t trust that maybe she actually knew best for herself. Won’t make that mistake again. Not that I’ll ever get the chance to.


Her lips pressed against the floor, thinking it was as close to kissing Tara as she was going to get again, but only made her start to cough and splutter as an errant dust bunny went down her throat.


She scrambled over to the mini-fridge in the corner of the room and twisted the top from a bottle of water, taking generous gulps to rid herself of the foul taste and scratchy feeling. Once recovered, she went to close the fridge door again and spotted a lone chocolate pudding on the top shelf.


If I’m going to mope I might as well mope with chocolate pudding.


She grabbed it and kicked the fridge door shut, then flopped down onto her bed. She clutched a pillow to her chest and didn’t even bother with a spoon, pulling the foil lid from the pudding and scooping it up with her finger.


Any sense of self-decorum left her as the sugar hit lifted her spirits a little and she ran her tongue around the container until it was just clear plastic. Her bottom lip protruded in a pout and she threw the empty pudding pot on the floor in sadness.


Pudding is good. Pudding makes the feelings go away. Wraps them all in gooey, chocolate-y goodness. Nothing can escape its gelatinous pull.


She decided in that moment that pudding was the answer to all her problems and after a quick raid on Becky’s side of the room, which yielded no results, she upturned her book bag and let everything fall to the floor.


She left her dorm with her bag over her shoulder, fully intending to fill it with pudding cups and spend the evening drowning her sorrows in chocolate, vanilla, butterscotch and whatever other flavours she was able to snag.


She kept her head down, not wanting to make eye contact, or any contact really, with anyone on her way until she entered the cafeteria and heard her name called from the side.


“Willow!”


Her eyes flew up in hope but sunk again when she saw Becky approaching her.


“Hi, Beck.”


Becky frowned at her friend’s uncharacteristically unenthused greeting.


“Why the long face? Don’t you have your sickeningly cute cafeteria date with Tara? I made Paul set you up with the table in the corner just like you asked.”


Willow looked over and felt a fresh wave of nausea as she remembered what she’d asked Becky to ask Paul help set up, to make their 'romantic, strobe-lit dinner' date more special.


The table in the far right corner was covered in a table cloth and had silverware set in two place settings either side. A handmade, but neatly scribed, folded piece of paper had ‘Reserved’ written on it. Tied to the back of one of the chairs was a heart-shaped helium balloon, bouncing in the air with a lot more gusto than Willow felt in her own.


“Thanks, Becky,” she said, her voice flat and empty, “I appreciate it. But the date is cancelled. Our whole relationship is…cancelled.”


Becky’s eyebrows shot up.


“What? How? I saw you two this morning, you were giggling and holding hands.”


Willow’s body visibly slumped.


“I messed up. Irreparably so.”


“Did you kiss someone else?” Becky asked, pretty sure if Willow had done anything with another party it wouldn’t have gone further than that.


“Of course not!” Willow all but spat, before sighing, “I just…she told me some stuff and I reacted badly. Went behind her back.”


Becky looked confused.


“What kind of stuff?”


“It’s, um, private,” Willow said, not about to betray Tara’s trust again.


She felt Becky put a hand on her shoulder and give her a comforting squeeze before her watch suddenly beeped three times in succession. Becky glanced down, then up apologetically.


“Willow, I’m really sorry. I have my late class.”


“It’s okay. I understand,” Willow replied, examining the floor and kicking invisible pieces of lint on the floor, “I’ll see you in our dorm later. My bed will be so confused to feel me in it all night.”


Becky patted Willow’s shoulder again.


“Hey, chin up, okay? You barely know the girl.”


Willow resisted the urge to roll her eyes.


“Right.”


Not like my heart is broken. Not like it feels like it’s been smushed and torn apart. Barely know her. Maybe I don't, but she knows me better than anyone. And I know her too. Just don't know how not to act like a jackass.


She offered a weak wave as Becky skidded off to get to her class and went over to the table that was supposed to have been a romantic surprise for Tara. She placed her hand flat on the soft tablecloth and toyed with the little strings hanging from the end until she heard her name called again, but didn’t mistake it this time as it was obviously male.


“Hi, Willow.”


She looked over her shoulder and recognised her roommate’s – well, she wasn’t sure she should call him her ‘boyfriend’, but guy-on-the-go seemed dismissive – smiling kindly in his Boston College tennis shirt and black slacks; his uniform when working in the cafeteria.


“Hi Paul.”


Paul didn’t seem to notice her dejected tone and produced a bright green glow stick from his pocket.


“Not allowed put candles on the table, but I brought one of my glow sticks from the Jovi concert I went to a couple of months ago.”


Willow nodded gratefully.


“Thank you. You’re so sweet to help set this up. But, um, the date is off,” she replied with a deep sigh, “Thanks again though, it really was super nice.”


Paul nodded, unsure what to do or say – he’d only met Willow a handful of times, and only in passing. Still, he felt bad that she was obviously feeling down.


“Hey, um, I’ll take care of it all. Don’t worry, yeah?”


He left the glow stick on the table and was thankful when he was then called over to man the cash desk.


Willow continued to stare down at the table settings, intending to gather everything up, but found herself overwhelmed by the emotion of it all again and fell into the nearest chair, where the balloon was tied.


She tugged the string until the balloon floated down in front of her and found herself tracing the letters in Tara’s name across it before letting out a small whimper and dropping her head against the cool foil.


Across the room, Tara stepped through the swinging doors into the cafeteria and pulled her sweater closed across her chest as the chill from the air-con hit her. Her eyes were slightly red and a little sunken, but her demeanour was calm, though getting more agitated as she searched the room for Willow; her fifth stop in looking for her after checking her dorm, the student lounge, the library and their tree with no results.


She was on the verge of giving up and going back to her dorm, but she didn’t want to go the whole night without talking to Willow – she was a big believer in not going to bed mad, even if this was the first instance she’d ever had to test that belief.


Her eyes searched the line of people getting their food, then each of the tables in vain until they landed on the last one. The first thing that caught her eye was the unusual way it was set up, but that was forgotten almost instantly as she saw the face-down head sitting on by it.


It may have just been a back of the head, but she recognised it – she’d been waking up to it every morning.


She pulled at her sweater again, more in nerves this time before taking a deep breath. She walked over to the table and took the seat opposite.


Willow didn’t raise her head, though did seem to realise someone else had sat down, as Tara found the ‘reserved’ sign swiftly picked up and thrown in her face.


She blinked a couple of times as the paper hit her nose before drifting back down to the table and picked it up, examining what was written on it for a moment.


“Reserved for me?”


Willow’s head flew up as if she’d been shot, her eyes wide.


“Tara!”


The balloon went back to bouncing in the air and Tara couldn’t help but smile softly as she saw the shape. She unwittingly copied Willow’s motions from earlier, playing with the small strings at the end of the tablecloth.


“Did you do all of this for me?”


“I-I tried to set it up to be more date-y,” Willow replied, before looking down, shame-faced, “Before.”


Tara nodded and brushed her palm over the cloth, then sighed and folded her arms on top of the table.


“I’m upset that you went behind my back.”


Willow swallowed, using all her effort not to dose-dive back down, to hide from this. The break-up speech. The official one. She’d never been privy to one before, but she’d seen enough movies and heard enough stories from Becky to know when it was happening.


“I know.”


Does she have to do it here? The place I have to come back to three times a day?


“And I’m upset that you brought up things that are in my past - things I want to stay there.”


Willow nodded, willing to accept whatever verbal tirade was thrown in her direction, knowing she deserved much worse.


“I know.”


Tara waited a few moments to try and meet Willow’s eye, but she seemed intent on keeping them downward so she reached across the table to entwine their fingers softly together.


“But I’m most upset at the risk you put on yourself because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”


Willow’s entire body stilled and her gaze slowly drifting to their hands, worried that when she looked, she’d be imagining it. A soft gasp left her lips as she confirmed what she felt and she looked up to Tara, her eyes terrified but daring to hope.


“But you broke up with me.”


Tara’s brow creased.


“When did I break up with you?”


“Y-you asked me to leave,” Willow stammered, sure that Tara would be able to see her heart physically pounding out of her chest, as if they were in a cartoon, at the rate it was going.


“I needed some time to calm down,” Tara replied, her tone indicating that that’s exactly what she’d done, “I didn’t ask you to leave forever.”


“We’re still girlfriends?” Willow asked, barely able to speak over the throbbing beat of her heart between her ears.


Tara looked regretful that she unintentionally made Willow think otherwise but had to make sure they wouldn’t get into a similar situation again.


“I know you do your…computer thing. But you can’t ever do something like that aga–”


“I swear,” Willow cut her off in her eagerness to assure that she would never make that particular mistake again.


Tara kept her gaze steady with Willow’s.


“If things comes up, and you feel like you need or want to do something…just talk it through with me. Don’t be afraid to talk to me.”


“I promise,” Willow replied resolutely.


Tara looked at the redhead intently.


“Promises mean something to me, Willow–”


Willow lifted Tara’s hand to cradle it between both of hers and looked deeply and genuinely into her eyes.


“And I will never break one make I to you.”


Tara glanced down at the way Willow was holding her hand; warm and protective, a thumb caressing her gently. She covered the hand on top with her own and gave it a soft squeeze.


“I forgive you.”


“You do?” Willow asked, almost leaping from her seat in excitement.


Tara nodded.


“Yes, Willow. I know you had the best intentions. I can’t blame you for…being mad. Wanting to help. For caring about me.”


Willow really did jump up then, running around the table to wrap her arms around Tara, pulling her up with the strength of the embrace.


“I won’t let you down ever again.”


Tara knew that was probably unlikely, that they were both human and mistakes were bound to be made. But she did believe Willow meant it and that was enough.


She closed her arms across Willows back and squeezed her affectionately, letting go of the last of the hurt.


“I couldn’t quite organise table service, but I can be the waiter!” Willow suddenly announced pulling back an inch to look at Tara, “There’s um, tacos or barbeque chicken. And all the regular sides. If you still want to have our…romantic, strobe-lit cafeteria date?”


Tara smiled and nodded, sitting back down in the seat.


“I’ll have the chicken with a twice-baked potato. And some Greek salad if there’s any left.”


“Coming right up!” Willow replied before zipping off to the end of the line.


Tara smoothed out the table cloth as she waited; blushing, but with glee, as people passed and stared at the set-up – it may have still been a college cafeteria but it thrilled her that Willow had gone to so much effort to treat her like a princess.


Willow came skidding back after just a couple of minutes, holding a tray loaded with two plates, one sitting on top of the other and two large, lidless plastic cups; all of which very nearly tumbled onto Tara.


Willow squealed and rushed to leave the tray down on the table, breathing a sigh of relief when it wobbled a moment but ultimately stayed in place.


“Spilling your dinner in your lap wouldn’t be a great way to get back in your good books,” she chuckled nervously, “Unless you fell under the classic Rosenberg spaz charm.”


Tara smiled softly.


“It’s been known to have its effects on me.”


Willow blushed and looked away, not feeling deserving of that smile yet. She lifted the top plate from the tray.


“Chicken, potatoes and Greek salad,” she said as she laid the plate down in front of Tara, then left her cup by the side, “And Sprite. That’s your favourite, right?”


Tara nodded and took a sip.


“Thank you.”


Willow nodded and mumbled a ‘you’re welcome’ as she got her own plate in place and sat down opposite her. She picked up her fork and speared one of her fries and dipped it in some ketchup, though didn’t lift it to actually eat.


She made a face on her chicken with the ketchup as paint and a French fry as her paintbrush, then just started idly pushing her food around until she heard Tara speak to her.


“You okay?”


Willow looked up sheepishly and gave a one-shoulder shrug.


“I’m worried I fell asleep in my dorm and I’m lying in the foetal position surrounded by empty pudding cups and I’m just dreaming that you’re being so nice to me after everything that happened,” she said, immediately grimacing at her words, “And that was overshare.”


Tara stopped a moment and didn’t say anything before resuming cutting and eating her food.


“Pudding, huh? Rocky Road tends to be my drug of choice,” she replied in a kind tone, “I’d probably be sitting in that other corner hunched over a bowl if I didn’t find you.”


Willow’s eyebrows rose at that.


“You were looking for me?”


Tara nodded.


“I wanted to try and talk to you before it got dark and we were settling in for the night. I don’t like the idea of going to bed mad. Disagreements can fester.”


Willow looked down guiltily.


“This wasn’t a disagreement. This was me fucking up.”


Tara took in a soft breath as she sensed the possibility of Willow’s remorse becoming a bigger deal than the initial issue. She picked up the seat under her and scooted around to sit next to Willow, covering her hand with her own.


“You said sorry. I accepted it. It’s over.”


Willow looked down at their hands, then back up to Tara.


“I’ll make it up to you. In completely non-technological ways. I’ll bring you dinner to your door every day and muffins every morning and I’ll carry your books to class and do your laundry, or, um, get it done, and, and anything else you want, just say so and I’ll do it.”


Tara squeezed the hand beneath hers.


“I meant it when I said it’s over. I’m not holding anything over you. I’m also a big believer in forgive and forget. Not so much that we don’t learn from it. But as far as I’m concerned, we had an issue and we resolved it. And we’re stronger for it. I hope so anyway.”


Willow looked at Tara in wonder; that a simple, genuine apology seemed to be enough and she wasn’t going to have to grovel and offer things in exchange for forgiveness.


“I’m not ever going to let you go.”


She seemed embarrassed by her words and lowered her head but Tara just smiled and squeezed her hand again.


“Hey, try some of this potato mix. I think they put chives in it today, it’s really good.”


Willow had another moment of pure adoration that her girlfriend–


Thank every deity known and unknown that I can still call her that.


–was so perfect before she smiled and took some of the potato on her fork to taste. She gave a thumbs-up sign as the creamy, fluffy mixture settled on her tastebuds, then offered her own plate.


“Want a fry?”


Tara nodded and took a French fry, cutting off a piece of her chicken to eat with it. They ate mostly in silence but with affectionate looks from both sides until they were finished and Willow did a quick clean-up of the area while Tara went to the bathroom; then they walked together across campus to their dorm building.


Tara stopped outside of the door to her room and fished in her pocket for her key.


“I have to finish a paper–”


“Of course, I understand,” Willow cut her off, looking down, thinking she was being blown off, “I have some reading I have to do.”


Tara toyed with her keychain.


“My bed is pretty comfortable to read on.”


Willow’s eyes lit up and she began bouncing on the balls of her feet.


“I can stay over?”


Tara smiled shyly.


“If you want to.”


Willow nodded eagerly.


“Yeah! I love sleeping with you!” she announced a bit too loudly, resulting in stares and blushes, hers the brightest, “Sleeping. Bed-sharing.”


“Right,” Tara replied, blushing too.


Willow twitched nervously and cleared her throat, then gestured over her shoulder with her thumb.


“So I’ll go get my books?”


Tara nodded, finally pulling out her key.


“I’ll leave the door open.”


Willow breathed a sigh of relief that she was still welcome and hurried off before she accidentally said something else, quickly getting up to her dorm.


Becky’s looked up from where she was watching TV on the television in the corner of their room as she heard the door opened and quickly turned it off with the remote.


“Hey.”


“Hi,” Willow greeted, instantly going on a search for the books she needed.


Becky watched, thinking Willow was throwing herself into work to get her mind off of things.


“All-nighter at the library?”


Willow shook her head, loading her physics textbook on top of her psychology notebook.


“No, going to Tara’s.”


Becky grinned.


“Did you kiss and make up?” she asked, getting a nod of confirmation, “Now, see you were worrying over nothing!”


“No,” Willow replied seriously, “No, I was worrying with very good reason. But she forgave me.”


Becky flopped back onto the bed and picked up the remote again.


“Well, thank god. I was not looking forward to dealing with mopey Willow.”


“No mope,” Willow replied cheerily, patting her mattress, “Sorry, bed, hope I didn’t tease you saying I’d be here tonight!”


Becky smiled at her cheered-up friend.


“Hey, you owe me a pudding cup.”


“I’ll buy you a whole pack,” Willow replied, slotting her books into her laptop bag, “Got plans?”


Becky nodded.


“Paul gets off work in a half hour. If you’re not coming back tonight, we’ll hang here. He has a roommate too.”


Willow nodded too and flung her bag over her shoulder with a smile.


“Tell him thanks again from me.”


“I will,” Becky responded, “Tell Tara I said thanks for not breaking my best friend’s heart.”


“Have a good night,” Willow replied before shuddering, “I don’t want to know how good. Bye!”


Becky brought her hand up in a wave as Willow skidded out and quickly went back down to Tara’s room, opening the door, then turning the lock as she closed it.


Tara looked over from her desk and smiled as she entered. Willow smiled back and dropped her bag onto the bed, before suddenly looking at it in horror, realising she’d brought the source of their earlier drama with her. She looked up to Tara, wide-eyed.


“I-It’s just for the morning, for class.”


Tara looked down at the bag and nodded, still smiling, not having thought anything else.


“I trust you.”


Willow scrambled to open her bag and went to lift the lid on her laptop.


“I can show you my search history every night if you wa–”


“Willow,” Tara cut her off with a soft smile, “I trust you.”


Willow swallowed, her eyes sinking just a little.


“Even after…making that mistake?”


Tara stood and placed her hands on Willow's waist to pull them close together.


“You recognise it was a mistake. You did straight away. You didn’t try to make excuses, or lie to me after the fact. If we don’t have trust we don’t have anything.”


Willow let out a shaky breath as she leant her forehead against Tara’s.


“You’re wonderful.”


“So are you,” Tara said softly, “And human. We both are. So let’s not worry about things that have happened, and if something else comes up, we’ll deal with it together.”


Willow nodded, unable to speak for a moment, but found it unneeded as she felt Tara’s lips gently covered her own, the first time since that morning and long before the events of the afternoon took place.


She fully relaxed for the first time in hours and brought her arms around Tara’s neck, turning her head so their noses bumped together.


“I didn’t think I’d ever get to do that again,” she breathed, savouring the taste and feel of her girlfriend’s lips.


“Don’t be so quick to bury us,” Tara whispered back, “Have faith.”


“I…” Willow trailed off, then gave a definite nod, “I will. I do. I promise. And I meant it, no breaksies.”


Tara’s lips quirked up one side in a grin.


“No breaksies is as serious as no takesies-backsies, you know.”


Willow giggled and nodded her agreement before finding the allure of having Tara’s lips so close too much and closed the small gap again. They found themselves dropping down to sit on the bed, though once they started to move into a more horizontal position, Tara regretfully pulled away.


“I would really love to do this all night but I have to write my paper.”


“Yes, of course,” Willow smiled understandingly, “Hey, take my laptop. You don’t need to do the long-handy thing anymore, I mean unless you want to, but it saves you a trip to the library to type. You can use mine anytime.”


Tara smiled gratefully.


“Thank you, sweetie.”


Willow felt her cheeks flush at the pet name and knew her smile was reaching her ears. She got her laptop set up on Tara’s desk and brought the word processor up before going back to lay stomach-down on the bed and flipped her physics textbook open in front of her.


She attempted to read the marked pages, idle words about the invariance of the speed of light floating into her brain, but she was mostly consumed in stealing glances of Tara in front of her; the curve of her back against the chair, the way she chewed on the end of the pen she was using to make notes before she started her paper, then the way she only used her index fingers to type – which would have annoyed Willow if it was anyone else, but with Tara she found it utterly endearing.


After a while she decided no reading was going to get done and settled her head down to just use her book as a pillow for some Tara-gazing. Tara seemed to sense she was being watched and looked over her shoulder, smiling and blowing a kiss.


Willow beamed and pretended to catch it as Tara turned back to her work.


Yep. That is definitely decided. No way am I ever, ever, ever letting her go.

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Dancing With Dimensions

Inevitable/Infinitely …Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

Dibs. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

This started off as a very bad birthday gift, but since everything worked out in the end, I'll forgive you.


I agree.


I think the description of the table should be when Willow goes to the cafeteria. Just a thought.

Thank god for Tara's philosophy to not go to bed angry.

at Willow trying to overcompensate on Tara's trust. Glad Tara reassured her.

I'm looking forward to a much happier chapter next week.

_________________
"Not everyone wants to graduate high school at age 16 and college at age 19 and have our first IPO by age 20. Some of us want to waste precious minutes, hours, days, and weeks rotting in front of the TV." - Survivor Ash Island By JustSkipIt

Buffy: Hi. Willow right?
Willow: Why? I mean hi. Did you want me to move?
First sign of adorable Willow "Welcome to the Hellmouth"

Yay for excellent update-y goodness... So Willow's hacking skills make an appearance... I'm really glad that Willow admitted straight away what she has done and didn't try to lie about her finding about Tara's so called dad's exploits and Tara recognising that and forgived Willow... I know their cunning linquist seesions are a bit far away still but I hope they soon-ish have some skin-on-skin action and naked-snuggles...

PS: V For Vendetta is available both as graphic novel and as a movie starring Natalie Portman... The scene what Taralicious described is one of the most powerful scenes in the movie...

_________________
We Few, We Happy Few, We Band of Buggered

Posting while nude improves your mood...

Well, Tara seems pretty mature at the whole talking through her feelings stuff. Of course, I guess that's why she's going into social work but she's got a good grip. Willow... well, I guess you said her overprotectiveness are pretty apparent in HC and FC. Yes, overprotective and impulsive but at least she loves Tara enough to also be able to listen to her. I just hope she keeps her word.

BTW - I'm with Willow: Pudding!

_________________
Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

It just occured to me that in this tale after Tara has told her story to Willow she is then afraid that Willow won't want to touch her. There's a parallel In 'Hacker' when Willow is in recovery from her shotgun wound she doesn't want Tara to touch her because of the injury. Was this something you did purposely? Inquisitive minds want to know.

You said
I honestly believe Sheila jumped on an excuse bandwagon. She has this horrible resentment for Willow and how she doesn’t fall in line with being a trophy daughter. She’d rather have no daughter than a daughter she can’t show off.

Laragh, when you say Sheila resented Willow was this before or after she came out?, and if it was before why would she resent her own daughter?, it's not as though Willow was hanging out with Buffy then like she is in 'Hacker'.

Tara peered into her satchel as she walked into the campus library and located the two books she wanted to return.

'Death's Daughter and Cat's Claw' naturally.

I love the visual image of Willow trying to wiggle her way through Tara's dorm window then the window coming down on her neck. Very schadenfreude.

“You know I like computers…and that I’m pretty good with them…well, see, there’s this thing called ‘hacking’ where you can force your way into computer servers…and access the information on them. So I found your birth records, and got your father’s name from that…then I just started to…research.”

I see an F.B.I agent in the training.

Tara looked completely gobsmacked.

Gobsmacked; there's another great word that's not use often enough.

Much as I applaud Willow for what she's done on behalf of Tara it was still wrong in another way besides being against the law. Tara never gave permission for something like this, presumably because she'd want to let sleeping dog's lie.

A big YAY on their making up in the cafeteria. Though I guess it is kind of obvious when you know they're getting married in the future.

“I’ll have the chicken with a twice-baked potato.

I'm just curious as to what a twice-baked potato is. I've heard about them in other stories but just don't know how you bake a potato twice?

[i]“I wanted to try and talk to you before it got dark and we were settling in for the night. I don’t like the idea of going to bed mad. Disagreements can fester.”

Willow looked down guiltily.

“This wasn’t a disagreement. This was me fucking up.”]/i]

Why do I get the feeling that Willow has been made to feel wholy inadequate during her life. And that most of the cause of that inadequacy was through Sheila?

YAY another great chapter Laragh and now the girls have had their first major argument out of the way they just need to get on with some sweet smut

And like Taralicious and Zampsa I highly recommend Alan Moore's 'V for Vendetta'. Good comic book stuff.

Loving every update.

Oh Willow, you exemplify the techno geek whose DNA is hardwired with aqueous machine code and who doesn't think of the consequences of the over-reliance upon using digital jiggery-pokery devices to access the virtual world to impact upon the physical world.
Like Tara said, you infringed upon her privacy but also no matter how clever or careful you think you are, this is the FBI database you are hacking into and they won't just revoke your library card.
Tara showed Willow that her selfish over-reliance on using computers as shortcuts to solve your problems leads to consequences that burrow into your very soul and leave you nothing but a broken empty husk of a person.
It's a good thing that she is so compassionate, warm, and empathic and that she loves Willow so darn much and forgave Willow her trespasses so that the can now resume.
I have to agree that pudding cups, like tea, can solve any problem.

_________________
I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.

BuffyFan4ever –



Lol, if I’d known sooner I would have made it nicer



Thirded, I love pudding.



It was…? She walked through the cafeteria doors, Becky came over to her, reminded her of the table, she looked over and it was there.



Boo fighting, boo going to bed mad even more.



She’s always such an over achiever



And I will do my best to deliver!

Thanks for commenting!

zampsa19752001 –



Uh huh. This incident was actually mentioned a couple of times in Hacker.



They’ll get there, promise!



I’ll have to check it out!

Thanks for your comment

JustSkipIt –



She also had some counselling, which I’ve found, in conversations with people, that it generally stems an awareness about yourself and how you respond to situations.



That’s actually another theme in the other two, their promises to each other. If one of them promises, then that’s in, that’s set in stone. So this, the first real promise Willow makes to her, sort of ties in with the ‘vow’ she made in the chapter before to always keep Tara safe – those are things she’ll never renege on.



I’m with you both, pudding me up!

Thanks for your feedback!

willowtaralover –



Let’s just say that I’m trying to keep all the fics connected



Before. Sheila just (in this verse) treated Willow like something that just took up space. Something she was forced to feed and clothe and ‘care for’ instead of advancing her career that she’s so obsessed with. She liked having a trophy family to show off, but not having an actual family.



Haha! Yes







If only I could make that happen somehow…



We should start a word-a-chapter club! You tell me a word to use and I’ll try and incorporate it



Haha, yes, you can be sure a fight will always be resolved. And Willow won’t go behind Tara’s back again, though as we know, she doesn’t quite step in line with those ‘legalities’.



The inside is scooped out after they’re cooked, mixed with some herbs and sour cream and whatever you want really, top it with some cheese and baked again.



Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!



Haha! It’s coming, I promise.



Then I’ll definitely have to check it out!

Thanks for commenting

love_2003 –



Yay!

Thanks for your comment!

taralicious –



Ain’t that the truth…only because she’s *so* good, she was eventually recruited, but that’s a really big risk to take, even putting aside the privacy stuff!



She tried, although we know from ‘Hacker’…well, it was named that for a reason!



Yes, I’m all about the



Man after my own heart!

Thanks for the feedback

---

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Dancing With Dimensions

Inevitable/Infinitely …Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

********

TITLE: College Confidential

AUTHOR: Laragh

CHAPTER RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: Willow, Tara and any other characters from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise belong to Joss Whedon, FOX, ME and a whole host of other entities, none of which are me.

SUMMARY: The first part of the prequel to Hacker Confidential and Family Confidential - the college years!

SPOILERS: Perhaps minor references to the show or stealage of dialogue, but nothing that would spoil the series.

FEEDBACK: Yes please

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Guys, it’s short, I’m sorry, I had a bad week…longer next time, promise!

Chapter 13

********


Willow intently scribbled notes on one of the many notepads spread across the desk she was sitting at, her different coloured pens out laid out above her in order so she knew where to grab without having to look up.


She had been in the library for hours already, after regretfully leaving Tara once they had finished eating dinner together in the cafeteria. She had a huge Neuroscience of Psychopathology paper due the next morning and was uncharacteristically behind on it – having found herself either day dreaming about Tara or just staring at her if she was there, even during their designated study times.


So she’d filled her book bag with all of her study notes, her pen collection, her text books and her laptop and had set herself up in a corner desk in the library in the early evening. She hadn’t looked up once in the hours that had passed since, hadn’t noticed the sky darkening, hadn’t noticed anything except the words on the pages and the clicking of her pens.


Therefore, when she felt a hand touch her shoulder and then give a squeeze, her own synaptic responses – the same one she’d been studying so intently – made her jump in fright and sent her pen flying to the floor.


“Sorry,” Tara whispered, taking her hand back and bending down to retrieve the pen, “You said you were looking at an all-nighter, I brought you some coffee.”


Willow took a steady breath as she felt her heart pounding from the surprise, then smiled softly. She took the pen Tara was holding back out to her and saw a tall Styrofoam cup in the other.


“I know you said you need no distractions,” Tara continued to whisper, not wanting to get on the bad side of the librarian that was already shooting her a disapproving look for daring to open her mouth, “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t fall asleep in your books.”


And I missed you.


Willow smiled again and gratefully took the cup of coffee.


“It’s okay. I’ve gotten a lot done. I could use a little break.”


And I missed you.


Tara seemed pleased and dragged a nearby chair closer to Willow, which resulted in a glare from the librarian’s desk.


“I don’t think that lady even knows how to smile,” Willow said quietly, hiding a grin, “We’re getting the stare-down. Wanna go for a walk?”


Tara nodded towards the laptop sitting open on the desk.


“You can’t leave your laptop.”


Willow pursed her lips in thought and looked around for a moment.


“I have an idea,” she said, offering her hand, which Tara happily took.


Willow closed her laptop and covered it with her notepads so it was both concealed and hard to access, then stood and led Tara down the middle of the book aisles until they were at the last one. She walked them into the corner.


She peered down the straight gap between the wall and the bookshelves and fist-pumped the air in victory when she was able to see half of her desk at the very end, enough to keep an eye on it.


“Safe laptop and some peace!”


She dropped to the floor and cosied herself up against the wall, then patted the spot next to her for Tara to sit too. They sat shoulder to shoulder and knee to knee, hands clasped between them.


“I love your sweater,” Willow said, smiling at how the soft blue brought out Tara’s eyes and the design on front, “Stars, like your name!”


Tara looked down at the sweatshirt she’d thrown on and ran her hand down the black stars that embossed the edges of the front. She remembered exactly when she’d bought it, not long after she’d moved out there.


It was the first piece of clothing she’d even been able to buy for herself – her father had left her an extremely tight budget to feed them and there was barely a penny left over for detergent, never mind clothing. She had worn the clothes she had in her closet after her mother died for as long as they would fit her, then had had to go in search for alternatives, eventually finding a clothes and food bank that she could avail of services from in lieu of some volunteering that her father approved of since it was run by the church.


Though the only fear of God he had was that his beer stash would ever run out.


She remembered strolling into the thrift store on one of her first trips to explore the city, and spotted the sweater on a rack hidden between hangers filled with shirts and tops that should have been burned before the 1980’s were over.


The fall air had started to turn nippy and while she was happy to put a blanket over herself in the evenings, she had noticed the chill when walking to classes; even her long-sleeved shirts were quite flimsy, and there was nothing heavier in her wardrobe.


Like Willow, the stars too had caught in her eye, and for the same reason.


She'd never thought too much on the meaning of her name, but her mother had sung 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' to her frequently when she was very young and so she had always felt some connection to them - if nothing else she was reminded of her mother when she looked to the night sky, and that was a reason enough to like them.


She had picked the sweatshirt up and tried it on, and when it had fit her perfectly, brought it to the counter and bought it without a second thought.


It had only been a few dollars, but as she handed it over, she felt truly liberated for the first time ever. She had the sweater back on before she’d even left the store, and had worn it every day for the fall and winter that followed.


The fabric still warmed more than just her body and she threw it on whenever she needed some comfort.


She hadn’t noticed that Willow had replaced the sweater as her source of comfort until she had to spend the evening alone and had scoured it out from the back of her closet.


“Thanks. It’s my favourite,” she eventually replied with a soft smile, rubbing her cheek lightly against the inner fabric of the hood, enjoying the soft feel with the even softer feel of Willow’s hand in hers, “How’s your paper going?”


She spoke just a little above a whisper, but not quite in her normal voice, not wanting to draw any attention to themselves when the only other sounds were scribbling pens, pages turning and typing.


“I think if I read about one more neural mechanism I was going to turn into one,” Willow joked in the same quiet tone, before frowning, “Wait…”


Tara lips quirked to one side and Willow felt her heart flutter in response. She tried to cover the giddy smile she knew was on her own face by taking a sip of her mocha.


“Never gonna be as good as the Espresso Pump,” she sighed, then looked to Tara, “You didn’t get any coffee for yourself?”


Tara awkwardly shook her head and Willow immediately realised that it was probably because her girlfriend couldn’t afford two take-out coffees, making the gesture all the more meaningful. She quashed the words about to fall from her mouth, of offering to reimburse, knowing it would just make Tara uncomfortable and opted to bump her shoulder instead.


"There’s easier ways to touch my lips than sharing a coffee cup, you know.”


Tara cheeks flushed but her head moved a little closer to Willow’s.


“Oh yeah?”


Willow almost choked on the sip of coffee she’d taken and gaped at Tara.


“We’re in the library!” she hissed in astonishment, “With books!”


Tara started to retreat, thinking she must have somehow misinterpreted what Willow had said.


“Books!” Willow repeated, gesturing wildly around them, “Books!”


“I think you’ve been staring at one of them too long,” Tara commented, wondering if she’d done the right thing by supplying her girlfriend with a caffeine hit.


Willow opened her mouth to explain, but quickly closed it again, realising how ridiculous it was that the thought of kissing surrounded by books made her feel naughty.


“Yeah,” she said with a nervous chuckle, “Wanna distract me?”


Tara was hesitant, not wanting to misunderstand again, but there wasn’t much time for her to ponder as Willow took the initiative. She found a hand on her hip and lips pressing against hers and brought her hand up to curl the ends of Willow’s hair between her fingers.


Not even the comfiest sweatshirt could relax her more than that.


Willow spent the first minute with her eyes darting around, feeling as if the books had grown eyes and were staring at her. For her, at that time, in that moment, it was pure exhibitionism as she recognised many of the titles on the shelves surrounding them - she felt like old friends were watching her.


The resulting adrenaline rush only enthused her actions and it wasn’t long before any thoughts about books had completely fallen from her mind in place of–


Tara’s lips…Tara’s lips…Tara’s lips…


The coffee grew cold as their bodies grew warm, nestling closer together until they were disturbed by a very ireful throat-clearing.


They broke apart and both bore the look of a deer caught in headlights as the librarian stood over them, her tongue clicking disapprovingly. The look she was shooting them was so intense, Willow thought it might crack the glasses hanging off the end of her nose. There was a moment of scornful silence that seemed to drag for hours until the librarian finally spoke; her voice cutting and nasally.


“This is a library, not the back row at a movie theatre.”


Both girls remained silent apart from a squeak from Willow and an audible gulp from Tara. The librarian rolled her eyes derisively and sighed.


“Either continue with your work or leave please.”


She turned on her heels and marched away, but the girls remained completely frozen in surprise until Willow’s hands suddenly shot to her mouth to conceal the giggles that were falling out.


“We were scolded by a school official!” she whispered, “Us! ME!”


“Ssshhh,” Tara replied through her own laughter, finding it infectious and dropped her head to Willow’s shoulder to stifle it.


She stayed there until she felt her flush die down, then lifted it to place a quick kiss on Willow’s cheek.


“I better go before I get you kicked out.”


Willow nodded, still smiling from the encounter, and helped them both stand up.


“Thank you so much. For the coffee and the… break,” she said with a grin before her fingers went to the end of Tara’s shirt, playing with the hem, “Missed you.”


Tara smiled coyly and reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind Willow’s ear.


“I’ll leave my door open…if you manage to finish up before dawn.”


“I don’t want to wake you,” Willow started to reply before seeing the adoring look on Tara’s face and beamed from ear to ear, “Keep the bed warm for me.”


“I will,” Tara whispered, casting a quick look around to make sure they were safe before leaving a final, soft kiss on her lips.


It only lasted about three seconds but Willow was sure every ounce of breath was pulled from her lungs and had to reach out to steady herself on a shelf when Tara pulled away. She watched Tara give her that special smile and felt her heart skip a beat. She wondered for a moment how she was ever going to survive when so many of her vital organs seemed to give out whenever her girlfriend was around.


She offered a wave to Tara, who returned it with a wiggling of her fingertips, and couldn’t help but enjoy the view as she watched her walk away. When she was finally gone, Willow slumped back against the wall, wrapping her arms around her own body in an attempt to keep the tingles shooting through her well encased.


After another minute, fearing a second visit from the librarian who was clearly not happy being on the night shift, she grabbed her now-cold coffee – intent on still drinking it when so much trouble had been gone to, to get it for her – and rushed back to her desk, keen to finish and get to those Tara-snuggles that were waiting for her.

---

Willow very carefully turned the doorknob of Tara’s dorm room and opened it just enough for her to slip her body through. She didn’t want the light from the hallway to stream into the room, though was happy when she saw her girlfriend had left the curtains open and the moon was casting enough of a glow that she could make her way around.


She was prepared for quietness, shoes already off, and gently left both them and her book bag on the floor.


She tiptoed across the room, ready to sleep in her clothes so as not to disturb Tara by looking through the dresser for something like she normally would, but stopped and smiled when she saw a pair of pyjamas sitting neatly folded on ‘her’ pillow.


Her features softened as she looked at Tara peacefully sleeping on the other side, and smiled widely when she saw her girlfriend had her hand holding onto the pillow by the pyjamas.


She decided she definitely needed to be beside her, quick, and picked the pyjamas up to change into. She stepped away from the nearby nightstand, knowing that if there was anything other than air surrounding her, the chances were high she’d bump into them and cause a racket.


She stripped herself off and was about to start the change, but suddenly stopped short when she realised just how naked she was and just how close Tara was - not to mention how easily she could wake up and see her like that. She'd learned what arousal felt like from the many opportunities to kiss and touch Tara, but the idea of being seen naked both terrified and thrilled her enough that she almost fell over in surprise at the resulting throb between her legs.


She decided to quickly throw her panties back on and the pyjamas followed, though the top took a few attempts as she shakily misbuttoned it up. Her normal night-time routine forgotten and only the desire to be close to Tara in her mind, she found her way under the covers and cuddled in tight.


She smiled happily as Tara adjusted herself around her, but once again found her lungs devoid of breath as her girlfriend's arm settled on her chest, right over her breasts. That normally wouldn't have given Willow much bother, but found that the pressure made the fabric of her pyjama top chafe against her nipples that had grown stiff, and not from the cold.


It only took a few seconds for that to translate into more throbbing, though Willow wasn't sure it had ever quite stopped. In fact, they only seemed to be intensifying as her mind flashed with explicit images that she'd never quite allowed herself to think about before.


She’d certainly had thoughts, during heated make-out sessions; thoughts of the feel of Tara's breasts without the cloth barrier, or about kissing her stomach when she caught sight of some skin in the midst of a stretch.


But the intensity of the physical reactions she was feeling was only fuelling the sea of images floating through her brain, her mind taking the freedom of thought and running with it.


For the first time, she really imagined Tara naked - not isolating a body part as she'd let herself before, not making herself stop when a fleeting thought of her in the shower popped up, but really thought about her and what she would look like head-to-toe nude.


A soft gasp rose from her throat at the image.


She could feel her cheeks burning and the throbbing she'd felt before was barely a flutter compared to what she was feeling now.


She reached down and tried to adjust her panties, hoping movement would somehow stop it, but it only made it worse as she heard an audible squelching sound come from between her legs.


She’d knew what happened to a woman’s body when it became aroused and had enjoyed the light experiences she’d had with it, but was unprepared for feeling like her lower half was swimming in itself.


She snatched her hand back and stayed deathly still, unsure how or what to do, but started to squirm uncomfortably when she saw her fingertips glistening. She balled her hand into a fist to hide it, but not before her nose picked up the distinct musky scent of herself.


Oh god, oh god! That's me, that's me! What if Tara wakes up and smells me or sees me or hears me and knows I was thinking about her naked. Am I allowed think about her naked? ...if she wanted me to know what she looked like naked, she let me see her naked! So stop being a perve and stop thinking about it! Stop it! Right now! Is she moving? Oh no, please don't wake up. Oh god, oh god!


She wasn't sure if Tara's movements were signalling an impending awakening or whether they were just in her sleep, but wasn't about to risk her waking up and finding her in that state.


She delicately, but quickly, removed Tara's arm from her chest, then gingerly stood and ran straight to the bathroom.


Filling the sink with cold water and plunging her face in was the first point of order, followed then by removing her panties and cleaning herself up.


She tugged her pyjama bottoms back on and started to brush her teeth, using the menial task to take her mind off of anything sexy.


She spent a lot longer any normal person would furiously brushing up and down, but it had the desired effect as it completely wore her out and left no room for any thought other than to sleep, the late hour only helping the cause.


She rinsed her mouth out and grabbed the panties she’d discarded to leave with her bag before finally climbing back into bed. Tara started to stir again, but Willow was much more capable of offering her some comfort this time.


“Go back to sleep, baby, just me.”


Tara seemed to settled and Willow thought she'd fallen back to sleep until she heard a quiet giggle in her ear.


“Your feet are cold.”


Willow smiled softly and rubbed her feet against Tara's.


“Better warm me up.”


She felt Tara sandwich her feet between her own and nuzzle under her chin.


“Mmhh. Finish your paper?”


“Uh huh,” Willow answered, leaving a kiss on top of Tara’s head, “That coffee was a godsend. Or a goddess-send, since it came from you.”


She couldn’t see, but knew Tara smiled at that.


“‘Night Willow.”


Willow sighed contentedly and closed her eyes, definitely ready for sleep after her busy night.


“‘Night Tara.”

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Dancing With Dimensions

Inevitable/Infinitely …Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

Dibs

Great chapter. Much better than last week.

at Willow being startled.

Aww at them missing each other.

Loved the story of Tara buying her sweater. However, at Tara's father at making such an ordinary trip have such a significance.


sung?

At Willow and Tara being naughty around the books.

Stupid librarian.


Hooray for Willow being naked in Tara's room. Hopefully it will be mutual soon.


Loved the babble. Although waking up is not necessarily a bad thing

Can't wait for more. BTW: My mistake about the confusion. I missed the part where she arrived at the cafeteria and thought Becky and come back to the room.

_________________
"Not everyone wants to graduate high school at age 16 and college at age 19 and have our first IPO by age 20. Some of us want to waste precious minutes, hours, days, and weeks rotting in front of the TV." - Survivor Ash Island By JustSkipIt

Buffy: Hi. Willow right?
Willow: Why? I mean hi. Did you want me to move?
First sign of adorable Willow "Welcome to the Hellmouth"

Hey, Laragh! I think I've said it before, but I think you write about the sweetest Tara ever, whether as the young girlfriend, the wife or a mother. All of us should aspire to be that way with our partners. Here, we see her bringing her girlfriend a cup of coffee when she doesn't even have enough money to get two cups, but thinks of Willow first. *sigh*

Aha, and here we see the beginning of Willow's body's sexual awakening once she actually lets herself think of Tara completely nude. She should definitely think those thoughts more often. Yes, definitely. I doubt she's ever done any self exploration and had any experience of the orgasmic variety. So yes, I think she definitely needs to do that. Lots. And you need to write about it. Yes, we should get to see Willow experiencing some self lovin' before they share that together. And how about Tara? Has she let her thoughts wonder there yet? Has she had a puddle in her panties as she thought about Willow? Oh, so many wonderful firsts we get to see. I can't wait.

Great job once again!

Wimpy

_________________
Pam aka Wimpy0729
Restlessness ~ Quickies - The Lovers, The Dreamers & Me

"There was plenty of magic." ~~ Tara