Fic: Finding Heaven

[willntlover]

Yes! Yes! YES! Tara's back!! Great update!!! I knew she wouldn't forget for long



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

[Tulipp]

Hi Marilda. I didn't mean to disappear on you and not respond to your last several updates. I just caught up on this, and it's great. I love the way you have Willow reflecting on how the world can go on, how anyone can go on without Tara. And I liked the whole Matrix-like memory-erase, but I'm glad Tara is snapping herself out of it. I have all kinds of questions about how Tara is able to go back...I can't wait to see what's coming!

[TesniStryngefyre]

Great to see an update. I love this little fic. More I say....



AJ

----------

TARA: Every time I... even when I'm at my worst ... you always make me feel special. How do you do that?

WILLOW: Magic

[Marilda]

Hey, I'm sorry I'm so behind on responding to the feedback.

Haven't actually responded to the last couple of updates, bad Mari!! BAD!!



willntlover- I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Thanks so much for the feedback, you always have something nice to say.And yep, I couldn't keep the girls separated for too long. Although from their perspective, it's been 3 months.



mollyig- She can SO totally get back her girl! What's heaven and legions of avenging angel's in the face of her love for Will right? And if you want I can get you the guide's address, so you can give him a good beating up



Katie- I'm glad you're back to reading Willow and Tara, it's a great relationship that should be treasured.



Gem- Yes it should be Tara comforting Will, hopefully it will be that way soon.



singgirl- of course she finds Willow. AND LOL! I love the way you express yourself. Rock on indeed.



eccentrictritulip (I think I spelled that wrong)- Thanks! I'm happy that you're enjoying the fic.



xita- I bow down to you oh great moderator person you!! Thanks for taking the time to read this, I'm grateful for the kind words.



kiaora1- Yep there will be some smoochies a coming. How soon? Hmmm, can't say.



AJ- Yea!! I'm glad you like my fic. Seriously, thanks for taking the time to read it. Hopefully it's enjoyable.



and finally



Tulipp- Any words of encouragement coming from you are held in great esteem. I think, no I know I haven't given you feedback on your story, mostly due to time constraints and laziness on my part but let me just take this opportunity to say that you are a truly amazing writer. Seriously. I'm not talking butt-kissing or being polite, I'm speaking as a reader and a semi-informed writer myself. You're wonderful. Inspiring even. If you aren't doing this for a living already, I'd like to take a moment to encourage you do so. I'm in awe of your talent and await your next update eagerly. Thanks for taking the time to read my little attempt of a story.



Marilda

Edited by: Marilda at: 7/15/02 12:05:02 pm

[funkyasian]

YES!!!! i'm so excited tara's back...got worried there for a minute...whew...



steph



*more please??*

[Tulipp]

Marilda, that was just the nicest thing you could have said. Thank you.



But this is YOUR thread, baby! So I will say again that I am looking forward to seeing how it is that Tara is back and how Willow will react.

[Divine Princess Fuchsia]

Loving it. Loving it more and more now our girl is back. But updates...pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?



Kaite

[Marilda]

Part 8



Willow jolts as the hand reaches her. She seals her eyes firmly - a child in a darkened movie theater not wanting to see the monster kill the girl.



Her breathe quickens. Her heartbeat accelerates. Her fingers twist and deform the desolate chunk of grass.



Again Tara speaks, causing Willow’s lungs to stop functioning mid-air. The hand on her cheek squeezes firmly. She gasps and expulses the breath she’s been withholding.



The words, the meaning of those words, penetrate her mind.



“Willow, I need you to open your eyes,” Tara says.



Willow thinks, shakes her head no.



There is a sigh then another hand touches her cheek. Her face now cradled lovingly in both.



“Why not?” Tara questions.



Willow pauses, thinks, answers softly. “If I do, you’ll go away.”



“I won’t!” she says. “I promise.”



Like a petulant child, Willow once again shakes her head.



One of Tara’s hands reach toward her hair, caressing the locks softly. Willow moans. The tears, dried up by the shock of the touch, start flowing again.



She squeezes into herself, pulling away from the voice and the body.



“This,” she stops, catches her breath; try’s to keep her voice from breaking. “This is cruel.”



Tara’s hand stops mid-stroke. “Wil-”



“No!” she states, pushing the hands away from her. She scrambles to her knees and faces the tombstone. Her body is positioned as if in prayer, hands held tightly across her chest, face touching the ground.



“It’s not real,” she cries, the words flowing repeatedly from her lips.



She hears rustling then feels the hands on her body once more. “Oh god,” she moans. “Please, god, make it stop.”



Tara, sounding desperate, tries to break through the barricade, “Listen to me,” she says. Willow shakes her head, begins rocking back and forth. “Please make it stop, Please, oh god, please just make it stop,” she says.



Grabbing a hold of her shoulders Tara states more clearly. “LISTEN,” she cries desperately. “I came back. Baby, I had to come back to you.”



Willow considers this then continues rocking. “No,” she says. “You’re happy…Buffy said. You’re in heaven.”



“Heaven is with you.”



“But it’s where you belong!” Willow states almost desperately.



“No,” Tara says clearly.



“But…”



“NO!” she yells. “I belong with you. Don’t you see?” She pulls the redhead closer, enclosing the resisting woman into a firm embrace. She leans in, murmurs in Willow’s ear. “I don’t care about heaven. I don’t care about angels and cities filled with gold. I don’t care about weightlessness and erasing all the bad memories. All I care about is you.”



Willow tentatively reaches out to touch the other woman.



“Baby, if this isn’t real…”



“It is,” Tara interrupts. “Honey, you have to believe me. Heaven was wonderful but it wasn’t near as wonderful as you.”



Willow pulls back and Tara tenses, afraid that Willow will once again resume her mantra of disbelief. Instead she grips Tara’s shoulder and slowly opens her eyes.



Tara sighs, finally able to look into the deep emerald green she so desperately missed. In them she sees shock, fear but also a glimmer of hope. Slowly the fear begins to recede and the hope expands. A hand reaches for her cheek and takes hold. There is a gut-wrenching moan, and then Willow’s voice cries out, “Oh God, Tara.”



She finally believes.

[LeatherQueen]

Oh this was lovely. Tara came back to find her heaven, her Willow. Just wonderful.

--------------------------------


"But when they're playing your song on the jukebox in Hell, you might as well dance." - K. Simpson


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[willntlover]

So sad, but what a spectacular update!!! That was so...



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

[funkyasian]

so sweet...heaving isn't heaving with willow...(and gee do i agree with that )



steph

[singgirl]

Oh wow!! ya wooppie and woohoo!! yet again!! raock on!! Happiness all around!

[Marilda]

steph- I wasn't worried at all I knew Tara was coming back

And yes, heaven is where Willow is.



Tulipp- Thanks. And yes those questions will be answered as soon as I have them all figured out in my head.



Kaite-yes I know I'm not much with the fast updates. But I'm working on it. Thanks for reading.



LeatherQueen- Thanks. And yes, I believe that firmly. When you love somebody they become your everything, but not in a stalkery way



Will- I know I haven't seemed to write without the angst but hold on, I'm working on it.



singgirl- LOL your responses are always entertaining. *Mari rocks on!

[singgirl]

*dancing lamely in my chair* I got feedback for my feedback! cool beans! Hey Mari, how do you rock on, what is your special style of rocking onwards??

[mollyig]

Just read the last couple of chapters. So glad that Tara got her memories back, but she was right, how could she forget the love they shared? Its an intrinsic part of them. Poor Willow, my heart went out to her when she couldn't believe her Tara had been returned to her.



Wonderful work.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[shootingstar]

I just caught up on this fic and I'm in awe. Your a great writer, your description of Tara's pain, and need to get back to her Willow was beautifully done.



I'm amazed at the many ways kittens have to bring Tara back, now if only Joss and ME could do something good...I'd love to see something like this used on the show. It's a great idea.



Luv Star x

***
'I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to kill the thing on the inside'
-Girl, Interrupted.

[xita]

Oh poor Willow in such denial. She just didn't want to believe and really why should she. And what Tara gave up to be with Willow.. sigh

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson

[TaraZak]

Oh thats so beautiful. If only it would really happen like that. I cant wait for the update. I usually dont like reading fics till there done, cause Im so impatient, I want to know whats going to happen right now. But alas I shall wait, for however long it takes- hopefully not to long

[eccentrictulip]

i just caught up...and oh my goodness....that was absolutely gut wrenching, but so beautiful!!! talk about a great reunion. hope there's more soon....thank you!!

*please use both hands....*

[Marilda]

Thanks to all you patient kitties for sticking with the story, have I mentioned that you guys rock?



singgirl-My special style of rocking on? Well it involves snapping fingers and a head bobbing back and foward like a chicken on speed. Not a pretty sight.



mollyig- You're right. It's an intristic part of her, there is no way she would have forgetten if it wasn't for that pesky guide.



Star- thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying. Oh and you're kind of making me blush. I'm nothing special, really. I just like writing about the girls.



xita- Oh great moderator person you. Thanks for taking the time to read the fic.



Tarazak-Sorry it took so long. You're wait is now over, hope you enjoy the next part.



eccentrictulip- thanks for sticking with the fic. I'm glad you're still enjoying.



And here comes the next part.









“Oh God, Tara.”



Tara nods.



“Baby,” Willow says, her eyes filled with tears, her voice straining to sound normal. “Oh God, baby. How?”



Tara shakes her head, “It doesn’t matter, not now. All that matters is that I found you.”



Willow looks at Tara, searching for answers in the depth of blue eyes; all she finds is love and understanding. She brings the other girl closer, encircling her in her arms tentatively, afraid to move to fast, afraid she will disappear. Once she finds purchase, a sigh escapes. She begins kissing Tara on the cheek, her lips soft, delicate, adoring. She feels the skin of her love, the distinct texture, the smoothness, the taste.



She moves her mouth to the other girl’s forehead, again, tasting slowly. She’s branding the girl, marking her as her own with her mouth. Her lips travel to Tara’s eyelids, kissing one, then the other. To her temple, to her other cheek. She reaches the edge of her lips, brings her tongue out to taste there, just there.



Tara’s lips open in response, a soft moan escaping. But instead on moving in and kissing her, Willow’s mouth moves to the other edge, again exposing her tongue to taste the edge.



Tara whimpers, wanting the contact. “Will…”



Willow moves her hand up, her fingers traveling the same path as her mouth. Her hands touch Tara’s forehead delicately- a blind woman remembering the contours of her lover’s face. Tears are flowing down her cheeks freely, the joy she is feeling threatening to burst her heart. Her fingers reach Tara’s mouth, again Tara moans. She uses her index finger to feel the shape of the full lips, moving it back and forth over the top lip, then doing the same with the bottom. Tara’s mouth is open slightly, her breath coming out shallowly. Willow’s finger slowly seeks entrance and Tara opens her mouth more fully to accommodate. Taking the digit in her mouth, she begins tasting it with her tongue.



Willow feels the shock flow into her body, the thrill. She remembers the feeling, the nerves brought alive through a taste by her lover. She takes her finger out, running her hand through Tara’s hair.



She moves in again, feels Tara breath on her lips, she sighs. Then leans in and kisses her. There is a shock, an electricity coursing through her. A familiarity her body can not deny. The tears flow more freely, the joy soars higher; her heart feels like it could burst. Not out of pain, not because it’s shattered but because it’s true, because she believes again.



Miracles happen-her love had returned.







Minutes later and they pull apart, each panting for breath. Tara takes hold of Willow’s hand and they pull each other up. She looks around, sees her name on the tombstone. A sad smile enters her eyes at the inscription.



Forever my love, it says.



She looks at Willow and knows that statement holds true for both of them. Nothing could keep her apart from her girl, not even angels.



“Take me home.”



Willow nods and the begin walking. The sun setting behind them, their bodies moving in conjunction, clasping hands, silhouetted by the darkening sky.



A figure emerges from the bushes and follows. There is no glee in its heart, no cynicism, no malice, just an overwhelming sense of duty and understanding for the task it must perform.

[LeatherQueen]

That figure who emerged from the bushes can not be a good thing.



But what a beautiful reunion!

--------------------------------


"But when they're playing your song on the jukebox in Hell, you might as well dance." - K. Simpson


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[singgirl]

Okay, hell yeah! the fic is back! hell yeah tara's back! What the hell! there is something lurking! Mari....don't rock on again....not until I get another update are you allowed to rock on!

[funkyasian]

okay...first...nightfall, second mysterious figure...both are not good things in sunnydale...although i am really really really happy that you updated!!



steph

[willntlover]

that was so sweet. and an evil shadowy type to boot, wow we are lucky! so glad you are continuing this.



-Wil

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

[mollyig]

There is no glee in its heart, no cynicism, no malice, just an overwhelming sense of duty and understanding for the task it must perform.



Oh yikes! What task could be more important than having these two where they should be - together?

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[Tulipp]

Very sweet; I liked how you started with Willow kissing Tara on the cheek. I love cheek-kisses, very tender. And I liked the image of "branding," it felt right, just possessive enough. Also, cool that the figure in the shadows feels no malice, just duty. That's a nice change.

[Marilda]

Hey all.



LeatherQueen- The figure can't be a good thing right? I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I'm glad you're reading the story. Gives me a happy (but not a sexual one cause of the eww-factor) whenever I read feedback.



singgirl- Again with the funny. LOL. So you're saying that I can't bop my head back and forth like a chicken on speed until I update? *Mari pouts. No fair. And see, I have a day off of work today so that means...well that doesn't mean anything cause I'm feeling sleepy and sick. But I promise to at least think about updating. That's good right?



steph- I'm really really happy that you're really really happy. In fact, if you were to just be happy, I'd be happy too. And ugh, that makes no sense. Sorry. Me+BED= Good. Hopefully it will happen. In any case, thanks for reading.



Will- why do I detect sarcasm with the lucky comment? Hey, plot devices have a neccessity in every story okay? Thank for continuing to read.



mollyig- Hmm, what could be more important that Willow and Tara being together? Well how about Tara being with me? Gasp. Sorry, bad Mari, bad Mari. Tara belongs with Willow and you're right, nothing is more important. Unfortunately, there are people out there that don't see that, sad isn't it?



Tullip- THANKS! Your feedback is always admired and appreciated. Cause, you know, I think you're beyond cool. Not that I think that anyone else is less cool, in fact, every kittie is equal in coolness, but you're just a bit more cool cause of the writing. Wait. No, everyone is cool in their own unique way, and i'm shutting up now cause I'm making no sense and could end up offending someone.



All KITTEN ARE COOL!!

[willntlover]

no sarcasm! i mean it. we're lucky for the shadow! means there's more story!!!!



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

[singgirl]

Okay, here's the deal, if you are sick, you shouldn't be rocking on. Thinking about updating does not count. If you work on the update you may, however, rock. No full blown rocking on until we see the update.

[Marilda]

will- Oh, well in that case, go shadow!



singgirl- I was sick but now I'm better. I'm gonna work on an update today. I already wrote the first sentence, does that garner a slight head nod? And yeah, I promise no full on rocking until it's done and posted, but only if you join me when it' s time to um, rock on! Hee.