Got the next part in before the world cup final, so i'm pretty happy about that. No promises on the next update sorry as tomorrow mark's my return to work after a two week break. A little angst in this part but I decided no cliffhanger this time as tempting as it was.
So without much further ado here for you enjoyment; Part 6
Title - More than a Feeling
Author’s Name - Nathan
Rating - M15+ recommended for mature viewing audience. But hey I’m not ya mum so I ain’t gonna spank ya, unless ya want me too.
Disclaimer - These Char’s belong to Joss and ME and totally not mine.
Also title is also a song by Boston but so also listen to it if you get the chance cause its good.
Feedback - Totally, unless you don’t wanna say anything, but u could if u wanted to.
Summary - Totally AU, this fic doesn’t have a hellmouth, demons the weekly apocalypse or even vamp’s for that fact. It’s set the summer before senior high (I may not be a Yank but I’m pretty sure I know how ya calendar runs). Oh yeah lots of Willow & Tara goodness.
Part 6 already. I can’t believe the next one will be part seven and the one after part. Lets not get too far ahead of ourselves though. Here’s part 6 for your reading enjoyment. Still enjoying the last few warm day’s before the fall weather officially started to become winter. The gang found themselves at the beach, much due to the fact that Cordelia and Buffy could enjoy the scenery while Xander and Anya and of course Willow and Tara were all coupley.
“How many more time’s do you think we’ll be able to come out here this year?” Cordelia asked to no one in particular from her position, lying on her towel soaking up some rays.
“This could be the last time we do it. The weather forecast said a change was coming through tonight and it may not get this hot again till next spring.” Willow responded from her spot, cuddled up next to Tara, sharing the same towel.
“So I say we make the most of it then.” Buffy added, not looking at any of them as she was engrossed in making a little sandcastle of to the side.
“What do you suggest then exactly Buff?” Xander added as all eyes turned back to the small blonde waiting to hear her response.
“I don’t know, maybe since were at the beach and all, maybe we could actually go in the water this time.” She said, sounding like it was some crazy wicked idea that nobody did.
“I don’t know what if we get stung by a jelly-fish or something? I’m not sure if we should take that risk.” Cordelia sounded rather afraid of the jiggly fish that packed a pretty mean bite.
“You seen on friends how to take care of that, you won’t have a worry in the world.” Buffy responded with a smile on her face.
“That’s exactly why I’m afraid of them, there is nobody and I do mean nobody peeing on my leg is that understood?”
Cordelia’s response got the whole group into a fit of the giggles even Anya, which Cordelia hated cause she was supposed to stick up for her in these situations.
“Well I hope you all get stung then, and then you can all pee on each others legs.” She said in a huff as she lied back down on her towel and put her shades over her eyes, zoning out and ignoring the others.
“So who’s coming for a swim then?” Buffy said as she reached out and pulled Xander and Willow up whom in turn pulled their conjoined mates up with them.
…………….
Later that night at Tara’s place, Willow and Tara were lying on Tara’s bed in the middle of a little smooch fest before the blonde pulled apart sighing.
“What is it baby?” Willow asked out of concern.
“It’s just this past week has been great and all, and don’t get me wrong this isn’t some speech about how I like it but don’t wanna continue doing it because I do you know, wanna keep doing it.”
“Then what is it?” Willow asked again with even a bit more concern than before.
“It’s just…” She began.
“It’s just here I am totally fallen for you, and all I want to do is hug and kiss you and here we are, running around hiding it. I wanna scream out to the world just how much I like you.”
“We were kinda with all the snuggles at the beach today.” Willow responded as she pulled back a bit, a little confused.
“I know, and I loved that, but at school, around your place, even here. Were just whispering so dad or Donnie don’t hear us. I don’t want to lie to my family Will.”
“So don’t lie, just don’t say anything. That’s not like lying, that’s just adverting the truth.”
“Are you ashamed of me?” Tara asked, more than a little hurt by Willow’s obvious discomfort at being seen publicly as a couple with her.
“No, I’m concerned about you. Not everyone in this world are as tolerable as you and I. Some people would feel threatened by us because they don’t understand us, and they probably don’t want to understand us. The world is one big scary place and you gotta play your cards right to make things as easy as possible for yourself and the people you care about. I don’t want some self-righteous prick that doesn’t understand what we have to hurt you because they think what were doing is wrong.” Willow pleaded with her girlfriend.
“Will, god it’s like the turn of the millennia here and these are different times. In general society is a lot more accepting. Look at how well our friends have taken to us being together. We’re not in the fifties any more Will.”
“All good points there baby, but it doesn’t matter how far along we go and how accepted we feel, there are always gonna be people out there who are gonna be idiots about this.”
“Will that can’t be the reason your holding back here, everyone who is not a white middle aged person in a straight relationship is part of some sort of minority, and they all seem to be doing pretty well for themselves. I know you Will, at least I think I do and you’re not a bigot and you don’t treat people badly because they’re not the same as you, and I know you know that.”
“Okay so if that’s not it what am I holding back for?” Willow asked a little peeved off.
“I don’t know Will, that’s kinda why I’m asking you. I mean at least let’s tell our parents. They have a right to know, and they wouldn’t hurt either of us. In fact I’m pretty sure they’ll be pretty understanding about all of this.”
Willow’s face turned to a compromising type look as she softened at Tara’s words.
“Just our parents then?” She asked meekly.
“Just our parents, we can have a dinner like before with them all there and we can make it and we’ll tell at the same time. It’ll be fun.”
Willow’s face turned a wry smile, “You actually want me to help cook.”
“Well you don’t actually have to cook, could use someone to peel some vegies and set the table.” Tara teased with a sly smile crossing her face.
……………….
Buffy and Willow were sitting in Buffy’s room doing a bit of study for the following day’s school. Buffy not being the brightest spark in the fire was often grateful of the help that Willow gave out so willingly.
“I’ve missed this over the past few weeks.” Buffy said as she looked up at Willow typing away at her laptop. Buffy’s voice brought Willow out of her study trance and she locked eye’s with the blonde.
“Not that I’m not happy about you and Tara.” She interjected quickly. “It’s just I miss this Willow and Buffy best friend time.” She added with a sorrowful look taking over her face.
“I miss it too.” Willow added, “It’s been a bit full on and I’m really glad you’ve hung in there for me when I needed it most.” She added as she took the blondes hand.
“So things going great guns with you and Tara then, you looked so happy at the beach yesterday?” Buffy asked.
“Yeah, she’s great isn’t she?”
“You two seem to really fit well together, I hope it goes well for you.” Buffy added.
Willow jumped back at this a little taken back. “I didn’t say anything about telling our parents, how did you know, what do you mean you hope it goes well?” She jumped out a little accusingly.
“I didn’t say anything about you telling your parents Will, I was just saying in general I hope you and Tara do great. Is that why you’ve been all quiet on me today?”
Willow just looked up at Buffy with a pained look in her eyes, “Kinda just put my foot in it, huh?”
“Just a bit, so wanna talk about it?” Buffy asked.
“It’s just I’m not sure I’m ready to tell ‘em yet. We’ve been going out for like a week and she want’s me to come out and tell my folks I’m gay.” Willow quickly shot out, barely making it audible for her friend.
“Kinda what you do, do when ya come out isn’t it?” Buffy asked not sure what the problem was.
“It’s just, I know I like Tara, a lot. I just haven’t really been able to think about much else with her occupying like 99.9% of my mind.”
“So, what is it then?” Buffy prodded for more information.
“I’m seventeen Buff, I’m not sure what I want for my life yet. Tara’s great now but we probably wont even end up at the same college next year. I mean it’s not to say I don’t want Tara in my life after high school, it’s just after the whole Oz thing I’m not sure any more.”
“As much as I love being your best friend Will, and I do, and you know I’ll sit here and listen and help you through all of life’s problems. I don’t think I’m the one you should be discussing this with.” Buffy said as she was kinda bummed that it couldn’t be her to help her best friend in her time of need.
“If you and Tara are gonna tell your parents and you don’t think your ready, tell her that, I’m sure she’ll understand.” Buffy added.
Willow got up and hugged her, “Of course your right, you don’t mind if I…” She trailed of as she pointed towards the bedroom door.
“Go on get, if you two didn’t work this out on my behalf I may never be able to study again.” She said as a smile crept onto her face.
“Oh thank you Buffy, you truly are a best friend.” She hugged the blonde again and picked up her stuff and raced out the front door.
……………
Tara heard a knock at her door and got up to answer it. She was a little surprised to see Willow standing at her bedroom door.
“Hey you.” She said in a flirtatious voice, “I thought you were helping Buffy with her English.”
“I kinda needed to talk to you about what we talked about last night.” Willow responded in a more serious tone.
“Of course, come in.” The blonde offered as she moved out of the way so that Willow could enter. She locked the door behind them and grabbed a chair and pulled it close to Willow who was sitting on the edge of the bed.
“What’s the matter sweetie?” Tara asked as she took Willow’s hands in her own.
“I don’t want to do it, I don’t wanna tell our parents.” Willow let out in one go as she noticed Tara let go of her hands.
“What, why, I thought we talked about this last night. I was gonna cook, you were gonna set the table, why?” the blonde asked again.
“I’m not ready.” Was the only response Willow could come up with.
“What do you mean your not ready? I thought the kissing and the hugging kinda indicated that you were. I don’t understand.” Tara said in a concerned voice.
“I like you, I like spending time with you, I’m just not ready to stamp “Gay Now” on my forehead is all.”
“Will you don’t have to tell ‘em your gay, I just want to tell them about us.”
“Isn’t it the same thing though, they’re totally gonna misconstrue one for the other.” Willow added.
Tara had a hurt look in her eye as she looked back up at Willow. “If you don’t wanna tell them then I can take that. I just need to know that I’m not getting into some rebound thing from Oz or else I don’t think I can do this.”
Willow looked up at Tara and then looked back down at her knees. “I’m not sure, I like what we do, but it’s always there at the back of my mind you know. What if this is all because of him? I don’t want to hurt you Tara and I want us to be close. I’m not sure if this is gonna work out.” She finally blurted out as tears started to roll down her checks, this in turn got Tara going as she also started with the crying.
“So you’re breaking up with me?” Tara said in between sobs.
“I don’t wanna but, I think it’s for the best. I care for you a lot and I don’t wanna see you get hurt if I did something stupid because I’m not sure where my life is at, at the moment.” Willow responded in between her own sobs.
Tara couldn’t bring herself to look up at Willow and Willow couldn’t force herself to look Tara in the eye either. Willow got up and made her way to the door, and stopped and turned around.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” She said still not able to look at the blonde.
“What, us?” Tara spat out, more than a little angry.
“No, I mean I came here just not wanting to tell our parents and now here we are talking to each other for probably the last time in a while.”
“So you don’t even wanna talk to me either any more?”
“No! I do, I just hate myself now for making you feel like this, but I just run things through my head and think if I let it drag on then I hurt you even worse. I do still wanna be friend Tara, don’t ever think that I don’t.”
“I don’t understand what’s happening here Will, I mean I didn’t plan to fall for you like I did but I have and I don’t wanna get up. Please don’t walk out that door?” Tara said pleading with the redhead to stay.
Willow couldn’t say anything and just turned around and ran down the stairs and straight out the house. Tara just doubled over on her bed and cried herself into a restless sleep.
…………….
“Knock, Knock.” Willow heard Buffy’s voice on the other side of her door as she said the same words that her fist made when they lightly tapped her door.
Buffy walked into Willow’s room and spotted the redhead lying on her bed with her head tucked in under her pillow.
“Are you okay Will, how’d it go with Tara?” Buffy asked as she made her way over to the bed and sat on the edge.
Willow looked up at her best friend with tear stained eyes. She didn’t have to say anything, Buffy could tell just by looking at her, not that it was that hard to tell.
“That well huh?” Buffy said as she inched a bit closer to her friend and put her hand on Willow’s leg for support.
“I broke up with her Buffy.” Willow finally said still, the crying not out of her system.
“I thought you only wanted to cancel telling the folks.” Buffy said a little confused.
“So did I, then I realised why I didn’t want to tell them and I got scared that I was pulling Tara into something where she didn’t need to be. She deserves the world Buffy, and look at me, I’m a mess. I got so scared about not wanting to hurt her that I’m not sure what I want any more.”
“Will, you can’t be in a proper relationship if you don’t take a few risks. Sometimes to win big, you have to bet big.” She tried to simplify.
“I don’t wanna bet Tara, she’s not a gaming chip Buffy.” Willow replied a bit angry at Buffy’s comparison.
“That’s not what I mean Will, she obviously makes you happy and it’s plain as day that you make her happy. What I’m trying to say here is that I know Oz going to college and being away is probably still hurting but that doesn’t mean you can’t let anyone else in. Not everyone is going to leave you Will, you fall down sometimes but you crawl for the rest of your life, you get back up on your feet and try again. Will she care’s about you and you care about her, shouldn’t that be enough?” Buffy said in an outpour of emotion.
“Buffy we leave for college in less than a year, I don’t wanna build a relationship that I’m not gonna be able to walk away from and Tara deserves more than that. This doesn’t feel like some high school crush Buffy, it feels so real, so pure. It’s all so easy when you just think one day at a time, but I can’t do that Buffy. I’m thinking next year with college and 5 years down the track and that she won’t be able to be there. It’s just gonna be Oz all over again when we say goodbye.”
“Will you gotta let her decide if she’s gonna be there, college is a year away and what if you end up at the same college and you hook up their. Then your gonna regret that you spent this year apart. Life’s a casino Will, sometimes if you put all your eggs in one basket, you walk away with the jackpot.”
Willow softened at Buffy’s words. “You really think we could end up at the same college?” Willow asked as she stopped crying for the first time that afternoon.
“It’s not like her families poor, and she seems pretty smart.” Buffy tried to reason.
“I would regret not being with her if we did get back together later.” Willow said as she tried to make a smile out of the glum expression on her face.
“So what are you still doing here, go get her back then, no regrets?” With that Willow made her way over to her bedroom door and turned around again.
“What if she doesn’t take me back, what if she thinks what I said before actually made sense and she doesn’t take me back?” Willow said with a panicked expression on her face.
Buffy opened Willow’s closet and pulled down a monopoly board game. She opened it up and took out the dice and handed them to Willow.
“Big casino remember Will, sometimes you have to bet big to win the house.”
Willow grasped the dice in her hand, gave of a quick smile and bolted out the door.
…………….
Steve Maclay knocked on his daughter’s door. She’d been crying all afternoon and he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He’d been so relieved when Willow showed up on the front doorstep that he hadn’t noted the obvious fact that she too had been crying. She now stood behind him as he knocked again, waiting for a response from his daughter.
After he didn’t hear anything for the third time, he twisted the doorknob and slowly poked his head around the corner.
“I just want to be alone please dad.” Tara said, not lifting her head from her pillow.
“I got someone here who wants to talk to you, says it’s pretty important.” He added.
“Tell them to come back later, I don’t feel like talking to anybody at the moment.”
“Even me?” Willow asked as she stepped in front of Steve and made her way over to the bed.
“Can you give us some time please dad?” Tara asked slowly getting up from her laying down position.
“Sure sweetie, I’ll just be in the kitchen if you need anything.” He said as he shut the door behind him on his way out.
Tara pulled a tissue out from the box that sat on her dresser and wiped her eyes then blew her nose. “Turn around, I don’t want you to see me crying.” Tara said to Willow.
“That’d mean I can’t look into your beautiful eyes then.” Willow replied.
Tara softened a bit at the redhead’s beautiful words but didn’t relent in her efforts to get the redhead to look away.
“Please just don’t look at me, I’m a mess.” Tara pleaded.
“You look more beautiful than I’ve ever seen you before.” Willow kept at it, not willing to give up yet.
“Will, we talked already today, you kinda made your point then, if you’re just here to rub it in, forget it.” Tara’s tone was straight out and serious.
“You know I’m not, and it hurts a bit that’d you’d say that” Willow added quite frankly.
“Well then what are you here for then?”
“You.” Willow added in a softened and loving tone.
“Okay you can look at me now.” Tara said looking into Willow’s pale green eyes.
“You know I couldn’t take my eyes off you if I wanted to right?”
“Something like that.” Tara said with a small giggle.
“Is that a smile and a giggle from you there Miss Maclay?” Willow asked playfully.
Tara straightened her face and brought out her most serious tone. “Talk to me Will, I’m not sure what to make of all this, I mean before you were breaking up with me and now what? I don’t understand.”
Willow took Tara’s hand in her own and ran her thumb lightly over the blonde’s knuckles.
“Buffy came and had a talk with me and helped me realise some pretty important things.”
“Such as?”
“Such as, that I was totally in love with Oz and he did what he did to me and I’m afraid that it will happen to us.”
“Will I’m not going to go around sleeping with other people, I can’t believe that you’d think that.”
“It’s not really about trust, because I do trust you, I just don’t wanna go falling in love and have to walk away from it again. It hurt so much, and I don’t wanna put you though it and I don’t wanna go through it either.”
“Will we’ve known each other for three weeks, I’m not gonna lie to you, I care about you, I care about you a lot. I’m not prepared to say that after three weeks I’m in love with you cause that’s not fair on either of us. Will we don’t have to fall in love, we may but it’s nice to know that you have someone, especially during a part of your life as difficult as high school. I am totally in like with you, and I wanna be your girlfriend but I don’t wanna say that this is the rest of my life yet.”
Willow just nodded in agreement at Tara’s words, each one making perfect sense.
“I’m totally in like with you too, I mean we don’t have to fall in love but that doesn’t mean we can’t right. Cause I don’t think it’d be to hard to imagine falling head over heels in love with you?”
“I could totally imagine falling head over heels in love with you too.” Tara answered, a smile starting to break through her tear stained face.
“I guess were in like then, huh?” Willow said, also a smile crossing her face as they inched a bit closer to each other.
“So do I get a kiss for being in like with my girlfriend, we are still girlfriends right?” Tara asked pulling back a bit.
“Only if you want me to be.” Willow said as she leant in and planted a soft kiss on Tara’s lips.
Willow pulled back a bit, just so she was millimetres away from Tara’s lips.
“I wanna do the parent thing, I don’t wanna hide you. Well maybe at school but here I think I wanna be able to walk in your front door and plant a big fat kiss on you as soon as I see you.”
“You don’t have too you know. If your not ready for it I can wait, I don’t wanna take this too fast.”
“It’s not too fast, beside their our parents, as weird as they are they have a place in our lives weather we like it or not. So I say let ‘em know, I know it may shock ‘em but they’ll get over it.”
“You really wanna do this?” Tara asked with a really pleased tinge to her voice.
“I know you wanna do it, so it makes me wanna do it, besides I get to eat your cooking, total bonus on my part.” Willow added with a smile as she leaned in and planted a peck on Tara’s lips.
“So were good then?” Tara asked, not able to tear herself away from the emerald pools in front of her.
“I think were better than okay, I think were pretty super dooper.” Willow giggled as she leant in and planted a little more passionate kiss on Tara’s lips.
TBC…
P.S.
I've made 'em in like as I feel that it will be much more special once they have gotten into the relationship and know all there is to know about each other, so building a relationship for them is gonna be an important part of the process through this fic. So please once again no bottle's or bone breaking material thrown at my body for not making them in love yet. I do so hope that it doesn't turn you off this fic. Anyway thanks for reading so far and more to come in the next few days, maybe tomorrow but maybe not.
Cheers
Nath
If life was meant to be a bed of daisy's we'd have chicken crap thown on us all the time.