Disclaimer I do not own the characters depicted in this story, some guy called Joss does.

Background This is starting from Season 4 and as the title suggests it covers events between Tara and Willow that we did not see on the screen. I started writing a fanfic set several years after this point but then realised I needed to go back to the start to really get to grips with the story I ultimately want to tell.

Feedback Please, as much as possible. First time fanfic writer and I have no idea if this is good or awful.

Rating So far mostly PG but likely to head towards R or NC17 as the season draws to a close.


Between The Lines

Chapter One - Breaking The Ice

Willow stared hard at the computer screen in her dorm room as the sounds of campus life drifted through the open window. With a sigh she highlighted and deleted the last paragraph of the history assignment she was working on and slumped forward on the desk with her head in her hands. Focus, why could she not focus? Buffy might be the slayer as far as vampires and demons were concerned but when it came to college assignments Willow was normally the slayer. This assignment should have taken no more than an hour to finish off and yet she had been working for two hours and was nowhere near halfway through.

Pushing up from the desk Willow crossed to her bed and lay back staring at the ceiling. Willing herself to concentrate she tried to sift through the multitude of thoughts whizzing through her mind in an attempt to figure out the cause of her distraction. The last couple of days had certainly been eventful and there had been little time to reflect on what had happened as the gang had lurched from one near apocalypse to another. Last night they had narrowly prevented the hellmouth being opened and having got back to the dorm Buffy and Willow had collapsed into their beds exhausted once the adrenaline of the fight had worn off.

Willow knew that what she really needed was to talk about what was on her mind so that she could get her thoughts straight. It was part of her nature to need to verbalise her thoughts and even if they often ended up as babble just the act of speaking to someone often helped clear her overly busy mind. Willow had hoped to chat with Buffy this morning as they both had most of the day free but to her dissapointment Buffy had woken up intent on seeing Riley and was clearly not going to be coming back any time soon.

Willow sighed and chewed on her bottom lip as she tried to pin her thoughts down. What was really troubling her? Oz was the first thought to come to mind as it had been ever since he had left but even though the pain of his sudden departure was still sharp, Willow knew this was not the problem. Working on her studies had actually helped her to shut out some of the pain she had been feeling and on the whole she had found the distraction of assignments a welcome relief from the wave of misery that seemed to engulf her when she was not busy.

The threats that she had faced with Buffy and the gang over the last few days flashed through her mind but again she was quick to dismiss this as being the cause of her wandering mind. Sure, the Gentlemen had been truly creepy and she was looking forward to doing some research on fairy tales and myths with Mr Giles, but the fact was this was the regular Scooby life and nothing she had faced before had got in the way of her schoolwork. The various big bads that she ran into were invariably fascinating but after four years with Buffy she could switch off her interest in the supernatural and switch on the regular college girl part of her brain in an instant. No Willow thought, this is something new.

Propping herself up on her elbow, Willow gazed out of the window at the clear sunny sky and finally grasped at what had been pulling at her all morning. Magic. Not that magic itself was new to her but the spell she had cast with Tara to move the soda machine had been a revelation. For so long Willow had felt on the brink of something bigger with her interest in magic and when she and Tara had joined hands to cast the spell it was like a dam had burst inside her and the feeling of controlling and casting so much power had been euphoric. Willow knew that despite her modesty most of the power had been hers but it was clear the blonde witch had known innately how to tap the power that Willow herself had struggled so hard to reach. Willow had meant to call Tara and find out more about what they had done and maybe about what else they could do but the earthquake and the latest demon threat had sidetracked her until now.

Willow scooted up off the bed and moved to the desk looking for the folder she had written Tara’s telephone number on. Finding the folder Willow made to go and pick up the phone but her innate shyness kicked in and she convinced herself that first she needed to get a soda from the fridge. Opening her can of Coke Willow sat back on her bed and looked at the telephone, wrestling with the anxiety that had gripped her at the thought of calling the girl she hoped would become her friend. Willow had grown in confidence since meeting Buffy but she still found it difficult to talk to new people and her self esteem had hardly been boosted by the end of her relationship with Oz. What if Tara was not interested in friendship? She clearly was way ahead of Willow as a witch so she certainly had nothing to offer Tara there. Willow hovered over the phone for a moment longer and then once again lay back on the bed to think.

Closing her eyes Willow conjured up an image of Tara, thinking about what little she knew of the blonde girl as she sought to convince herself that it would be ok to make the call. Tara was clearly an experienced witch but remembering the Wicca meeting Willow recalled how nervous and shy she had seemed. Willow could understand that the group might have been intimidating with their all too obvious disdain for anyone who dared actually mention real magic but the shyness was a mystery. Willow was shy herself but then she was all too aware that she was nothing special, she was too much of a nerd to be interesting and with her boyish figure and eccentric dress sense she knew she was not attractive. Tara on the other hand had seemed fascinating to Willow and she was very pretty with those blue eyes and that long blonde hair. So far Willow had not seen Tara wear anything close fitting but she could tell that Tara had the kind of curvy, feminine figure that she herself would sell her soul for. Maybe the shyness was an act? “Or maybe I am thinking about this too much” Willow muttered.

Tara had given her her number and she would not do that if she did not want you to call so pick up the phone Rosenberg. Seizing the momentary desire to take action Willow grabbed the phone and dialled the number before her doubts could attack her once more. Hardly daring to breath Willow listened to the phone ringing before hearing a click and the start of an obviously pre-recorded message.

“Hi, this is Tara, I am not here at the moment but please leave a message and I will get back to you”

Willow panicked for a second and almost put the phone down but steeling herself she managed to speak, knowing that if she just hung up Tara would know she had missed a call and would be left to wonder who it was from, something Willow herself hated when it happened to her.

“Hi Tara, this is Willow from Wicca group, I was just calling to see if you wanted to talk, to me that is, not just talk or..or maybe we could go for a coffee some time, talk and drink coffee, that is if you like coffee, I mean I do, I love mochas but lots of people don’t so its ok if you don’t, I mean I am not trying to pressure you, maybe you like something else that we could do, or you know we can just talk, if you want so hey call me back, if you want to…Ok bye now”

Willow hung up and groaned with frustration. Bad as she was at talking to new people she was even worse with answering machines. Very cool Rosenberg, she thought to herself, if she didn’t think you were a dork already she does now. On the brink of tears at the thought of how stupid she had sounded on the phone, not just the way she had babbled but the strange squeaky sound that had replaced her normal voice, Willow grabbed her jacket and decided right now any company was better than being alone. Xander would be home and if that meant spending time with Spike too then it was worth it just to have a friend to talk to.

………………………………………………..

Tara sighed as she flipped the art book closed and leaned back in the uncomfortable library chair. She had been here all morning supposedly researching her essay but her notes covered barely one sheet of paper whilst her doodles covered half of the pad she had brought with her. It really was hopeless, she had spent all of her free time in her dorm the last couple of days hoping that Willow would call until the deadline for this essay had forced her to hit the library, but still all she could do was daydream about the beautiful redhead and wonder over and over if she had been too eager when they had talked last.

Thinking about that conversation again Tara cringed a little as she thought of how she had told a girl she barely knew that she thought she was special. It had been an instinctive response as she heard Willow putting herself down but still it was not the kind of thing you could say to a virtual stranger without freaking them out at least a little. “She won’t call” Tara told herself for the hundredth time and tried again to convince herself that it was for the best.

Tara had noticed Willow almost as soon as she arrived at UC Sunnydale, Willow had been walking a little ahead of her and Tara had been admiring her stunning red hair when a blonde girl had hurried past her calling Willow’s name, as Willow had turned to greet her friend Tara had looked up and felt her breath catch in her throat as she saw that the redhead was easily the most beautiful girl she had seen so far on campus. Following that Tara had made some discreet enquiries but once she realised that Willow was dating a guitarist and was clearly straight she had decided not to waste her time over an impossible crush.

When Willow showed up in the Wicca group Tara had again been entranced by her beauty and excited by the possibility that they might have something in common but still she knew she could not talk to her. When Willow had spoken up and the others had mocked her suggestion that they try magic Tara had finally decided to speak up but her courage had failed her and she thought any chance of getting to know Willow was gone because she would surely not return to the group now that it was clear they were not interested in Witchcraft. The Gentlemen had changed that however, Tara had known something magical was happening when everyone lost their ability to speak and somehow the need for action had allowed her to conquer her fears and seek Willow out and when they had cast that spell together she could not ignore the power of the connection they had made.

Now though, Tara knew she had blown it. “It’s for the best” she muttered again. The thought of getting to know Willow, having a friend who understood magic, having a friend at all in this place had been impossible to resist but Tara knew it would end in tears. Whatever they may have in common Tara knew that more than anything else she was attracted to Willow and if they became friends she would never be able to hide that fact for long and when Willow knew the truth it would ruin whatever friendship they had built and maybe losing a friend would be worse than never having her as a friend at all.

It all made sense but if that was the case why could she not stop thinking about her and why was she even now packing up her unfinished notes and hurrying to get back to her dorm hoping for a call from the girl she knew she should just forget about? Stuffing her notes and pencils into her bag haphazardly Tara found herself rushing to get out of the library and back to her room. Ignoring the voice that teased her with the thought that Willow might call she convinced herself her hurry was simply her eagerness to get back to her own space, her dorm room being the only place she really felt comfortable.

Tara pushed open the door to her room and tossed her bag onto the bed before crossing to her closet to grab a sweater. Pulling the sweater over her head Tara turned in the middle of the room and as her head popped through the hole she caught sight of the flashing light on her answering machine. Tara froze mesmerised by the flashing light, one arm in and one arm out of the sweater she stood there as her mind tried and failed to stay calm, it had to be Willow she was sure, nobody else would have called her, nobody else even had her number that she could think of. Willing her suddenly shaky legs to carry her the short distance to the bed Tara half sat, half collapsed onto the mattress and with a shaking hand pressed the playback button.

…ok bye now.”

Tara was flooded with so many thoughts and emotions as the short message came to an end, elated that Willow had called, distraught that she had been out and missed the chance to talk, confused over what to do next? Sitting up and hugging her knees to her chest Tara replayed the message and tried to decide if this was a good call or a bad call. Listening to Willow babble again Tara could not ignore how nervous the other girl sounded, why would she be nervous? Tara did not really know Willow but she had seemed so confident the few times she had seen her, intelligent, beautiful and clearly popular as she almost always was with friends. What could make her nervous about calling Tara?

A cold feeling settled in the pit of Tara’s stomach, the answer was obvious, Willow had called to tell her she did not want to be friends. Groaning Tara buried her face in her hands, she knew she had freaked Willow out when they last spoke and Willow just wanted to tell her that they could not be friends. It seemed logical but the other voice in Tara’s mind spoke up, why would Willow call to tell her she did not want her friendship? Surely if Willow was freaked she would just ignore her and hope Tara got the message. Maybe Willow was not freaked and perhaps the babble was just a phone thing? Some people hate talking on the phone, perhaps Willow was one of them?
Lifting her head out of her hands Tara looked at the piece of paper with Willow’s number on it sat on the table next the phone. Tara had sat by the phone looking at that number and debated calling Willow for hours over the last couple of days but her courage had failed her, but now…now Willow had called and had asked her to call back, she could do that couldn’t she? It would be rude not to and then at least she would finally know if Willow really wanted to see her or not.

The cold feeling had left Tara’s stomach and been replaced by a horde of butterflies on steroids. Reaching out to pick up the phone Tara was aware of how sweaty her palms felt, how nauseous she suddenly felt and how she needed a drink, needed to go to the bathroom and needed to lay down all at the same time. Fighting her nerves every second she picked up the phone and dialled the number.

“Hi you have reached Buffy and Willow, we are not here right now so please leave a message and we will call you back.”

With her heart thumping wildly and feeling suddenly as though she could not breathe Tara waited for the beep and then forced herself to speak.

“ H-Hi Willow, it’s Tara, I am s-sorry I missed your call and now you have gone out but I w-would like to talk or go for coffee sometime. I will be here the rest of the day if you get a chance and if you w-w-want to c-call me. Bye.”

Tara put down the phone and curled herself into a ball on the bed as she fought to get her heart to stop beating so wildly. Speaking on the phone made her painfully aware of her stutter and she hated leaving messages, the thought of just how stupid she must have sounded tormented her as she wondered what to do next. She had hoped that by calling she could get this over with but with Willow not being there she was still left wondering where all this would lead. Slipping off the bed Tara decided that she needed a drink and maybe some music, there was no way she could work right now and she did not feel like laying in silence praying for a call. Picking up a can of soda she moved to her little stereo system and slipped in a Tori Amos CD before retreating to the bed with her drink to wait for the call she hoped would come.

……………………………………….

Willow wandered back through the campus trying to keep her attention on the world around her as she headed back to her dorm room. Sunnydale after dark was no place to be caught off guard and she gripped the stake in her pocket tightly as she kept her attention on the sights and sounds around her. Visiting Xander had brought only temporary relief from the chaos in her mind, there had been no opportunity for any best friend heart to heart chat with Spike hanging around and once night had fallen the peroxide vamp had become unbearable. Having discovered last night that the chip in his head did not stop him hurting demons the violence loving Spike had become obsessed with the need to go out and fight the Scooby fight and had been desperate to drag Willow and Xander along with him.

Willow guessed she would be home before Buffy, the Slayer had called her at Xander’s earlier to say that she was going out with Riley and not to wait up for her. Willow allowed herself a smile at the thought that her friend had finally decided to take the plunge with the young soldier. Riley may not be the right guy for the long haul but after all the tears Buffy had shed over Angel and the disaster with that poor excuse for a human Parker, it was good to see Buffy was willing to take another chance on love. Usually these kinds of thoughts brought Oz to mind, and thoughts of Oz usually led to pain and misery as she tortured herself again wondering why he had cheated on her and why he had left so abruptly and not been in touch. It was a surprise to find that today was different, as miserable as she still was at being alone she could not think of Oz for more than a moment before her mind raced back to it’s new favourite topic, Tara.

Opening the door to her room Willow went straight to the phone to see if there were any messages and her excitement almost overwhelmed her when she saw the telltale light flashing. Calm down she told herself, it could be anyone and even if it is Tara don’t forget you sounded like a dork when you called her so she probably just called back to say forget it. Sitting on the bed Willow played back the messages, first a call from Buffy looking for her to tell her she was going out with Riley, she must have called here first before calling Xander’s. The message from Buffy ended and the second message began….

Willow swallowed hard and looked at her watch, five minutes had elapsed since listening to the message from Tara and she had not moved. It was 10pm, should she call or not? Such a simple question but she was frozen in place as she debated it back and forth in her mind. On the surface she was trying to decide if it was too late to call tonight but the honest part of her knew that was just an excuse, she was nervous and although the indecision was agony, the thought of calling and somehow making a fool of herself was tormenting her.

“Just do it Will” she muttered under her breath and suddenly decisive she picked up the phone and dialled.

…………………………………………….

_________________
TARA: Breakfast will make all things better.
WILLOW: Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies.

Bargaining

Aaaand then?

And then?

And then?....

(More please - good start)

- Boschi

I like this! More soon?

_________________
As one, they turn to the soda machine. It flies back into the door like a cannonball. Willow looks at it, at Tara. She doesn't let go of her hand.
(from the shooting script of "Hush")

Great start!
I like fics that take on what happened between W/T during the episodes. And this is great...please continue?


K.

Oooh, I like where you started this. I love the in-between bits that we can only imagine. I like what you've done so far. Very believable and in character. I look forward to reading how Willow and Tara become closer. There are so many good bits to write... Tara coming out to Willow, Willow realizing she likes Tara, and so many others. I look forward to reading more. Keep up the good work.

I love in between stories. Please keep up the frequent updates.

_________________
Tara: Willow, I got so lost.
Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

Wow! You've got me hooked! I really think you should update soon because....

YOU CHEATED!

That wasn't an in-between story, it was only part one of an in-between story.

I want more now...........please!

Update soon please............pretty please!

_________________
GOOOOAL!!!!!
Tonto rides again!

I love in between fics, espcially S4. W/T didn't have nearly enough screen-time, so it's interesting to read other peoples' take on what happened behind the scenes, and your fic is very interesting so far. Looking forward to reading more. Hannah.

More, more, I want more...

This is really interesting, and I just so love the building of Willow and Tara's relationship. I love the in-betweens. But as Tonto said, that's cheating... give us the rest of the story, NOW or else... else i will have to find another fic to read?

But really, you hafta keep this up, love it.

_________________
The clash of swords will bring them against each other, but one sword will bring them together:
Askeidevor

Wow, I was not expecting so much feedback so fast and I certainly was not expecting so many nice comments I will be posting the second part of the story in a few minutes but I have to warn you that after this the updates will be a few days apart as the next few chapters are only in very rough form whilst the second part was pretty much done when I started this thread. Updates will happen regularly though because all your nice comments have me feeling wonderfully motivated to continue this.

So far we are still covering the time between Doomed and A New Man so it will be a while before but we will get there.

_________________
TARA: Breakfast will make all things better.
WILLOW: Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies.

Bargaining

Disclaimer I do not own the characters depicted in this story, some guy called Joss does.

Background This is starting from Season 4 and as the title suggests it covers events between Tara and Willow that we did not see on the screen. I started writing a fanfic set several years after this point but then realised I needed to go back to the start to really get to grips with the story I ultimately want to tell.

Feedback Please, as much as possible. First time fanfic writer and I have no idea if this is good or awful.

Rating So far mostly PG but likely to head towards R or NC17 as the season draws to a close.



Between The Lines

Chapter Two – Mochas and Redheads

The sound of the phone ringing jolted Tara awake and for a confused moment she tried to remember what she had been doing. She had fallen asleep waiting for Willow to call and now the phone was ringing she felt a surge of blind panic as she tried to pull her sleep muddled mind back into some sort of order. Sitting up on the bed she picked up the phone “H-hello?”

“Hi Tara, it’s Willow, I wanted to return your call and I hope it’s not too late, you weren’t asleep were you? I mean, I am sorry if I woke you I can just hang up and call again another time but we keep missing each other and I wanted to call so is it ok? I mean if it’s not ok then that’s ok too because if you were asleep then this is not a good time to call but I hope it’s ok with you.” Willow paused for breath and waited for Tara to say something, she knew that if at all possible she had sounded even more of an idiot than when she had called earlier but now she just desperately wanted Tara to say something.

Tara tried to get her sleep-addled mind to decipher the torrent of words from the girl on the line but she was swamped, she just managed to grasp that Willow seemed worried that she should not have called. “W-Willow, it’s fine, I just was kind of d-dozing, too much study. I am so happy you called, I w-was hoping you would.” Tara trailed off, was it too eager to say she was so happy willow had called, god how needy did she sound right now?

Willow listened to Tara’s soft and clearly sleepy voice re-assuring her it was ok and then as she heard the blonde girl say she was so happy she had called she felt a huge grin fix itself to her face. Tara was happy she had called, she wants to talk to me she thought, ok talk. “Um so you know we talked about getting together to maybe try some spells or to talk about magic? I was thinking we could do that soon if you want? What if she thinks I only want to learn about magic from her? Willow panicked, “I mean, spells would be good but we could just get together and maybe hang out and talk about other stuff too if you want?”

Tara again was somewhat overwhelmed by the enthusiastic babble of the redhead but she could not help smiling at the thought of just hanging out with Willow, to have a magically inclined friend would be great but it was the friend part she really wanted and part of her had been sure Willow would only be interested in what she could learn from her. Hanging out implied Willow was interested in her and not just in what she knew about magic. “We c-could get that coffee you wanted?” Tara offered, “The coffee shop is still open and it would be q-quiet this time of night.”

“Yes mochas and talking” Willow enthused, “I can be there in 10 minutes if that’s ok?”

“Yes 10 m-minutes, it will be p-p-perfect” Tara quickly agreed even as she mentally kicked herself for her eagerness, perfect sounded so idiotic as it repeated in her mind.

“Ok great” the redhead replied, “see you there, ok hanging up now.”

Tara heard the click and slumped back on the bed exhausted by the emotional storm that simple conversation had provoked in her. Willow had called, they were meeting for coffee, the most beautiful girl in Sunnydale was meeting her for coffee and even though she knew Willow was not gay it still made her heart soar to think they might be friends. The smile spread across Tara’s face as her heart thumped in her chest now fully awake, I am meeting Willow in oh goddess 9 minutes now and oh no what am I going to wear? Jumping up off the bed Tara critically looked at herself in the mirror and groaned, she had no time to change and she looked a mess, her long skirt and that shapeless old sweater and her hair all over the place.

Pulling off the sweater Tara grabbed her jacket deciding to keep it buttoned to hide the slightly low cut top she was wearing underneath. Quickly combing her hair Tara opted as usual to arrange it so it fell over her face, obscuring her from the critical view of the outside world. Grabbing her purse she checked the time and now she had only 6 minutes and it would take at least that long to get there, she could not be late but she did not want to arrive hot and flustered from running. Feeling a fresh surge of panic hit her she willed herself to walk out of the door and follow her heart before her courage gave up altogether.

……………………………………….

Willow practically bounced off the bed in her excitement after ending the call with Tara, a coffee date with my new friend she thought happily to herself as she quickly checked her appearance in the mirror. Slipping on her coat and collecting her purse she thought at the last moment to write a quick note for Buffy and leave it on the fridge so that the Slayer would not worry if she came back to an empty dorm. Willow knew that however distracted Buffy sometimes got, she always worried about the safety of her friends.

Walking through the halls of Stevenson House Willow wondered why she had only written that she had gone out for coffee and not mentioned that she was meeting a friend. Somehow it seemed important to keep Tara to herself for now, it was so long since she had had a friend outside of the Scooby gang and she did not want the blonde girl to get sucked into the dangerous world that was such a big part of life with Buffy. Thinking as she crossed the campus grounds Willow knew that keeping Tara safe from the more dangerous aspects of her life was only part of the reason that she was not going to tell Buffy about her just yet. Since Oz had left Willow had been lonely and the rest of the gang had seemed so busy that she seemed to be alone more and more these days, Willow realised with a pang of guilt that she just did not want to share her new friend with the others, at least not yet.

Still engrossed in thought Willow arrived at the coffee shop and took a quick look around to satisfy herself that Tara was not here yet. Happy to have arrived first she stood at the entrance to watch for Tara’s approach, now that she was here she was excited for Tara to arrive but there was a hint of apprehension too. Talk, she had invited Tara here not just for coffee but to talk, what should she talk about? She could not talk about the Scooby gang too much yet, some things needed to stay secret until she was more certain of who Tara was. She did not want to talk too much about magic either, even though she was desperate to learn more after the spell she had cast with Tara she was anxious to make it clear to Tara that she was interested in her as a person and not just some kind of reference point.

Looking up from her musing Willow caught sight of Tara approaching the coffee shop, the other girl had her head down, her face hidden behind her veil of long hair, and she was walking quickly as if she was worried she might be late. Willow smiled as Tara looked up and saw her and although she felt sure she must be imagining it, she could swear that Tara blushed as she looked at her. No that was not it surely, she was just flushed from hurrying to the coffee shop, Willow cursed herself for her impatience, she should have given Tara more time to get there, she did not even know how far Tara’s dorm room was from here but after agreeing to meet she had ended the call so quickly she had given the other girl no time to explain if 10 minutes was enough for her to get ready.

“Hey Tara” Willow called as she moved to intercept the blonde at the entrance. “Why don’t you find us a table and I will get the drinks, my treat, is Mocha ok for you?”

“Willow h-hi, mocha is f-fine, but you don’t h-have to pay for me”. Tara felt her blush deepen as she looked at Willow and was torn between her intense happiness at being so close to this amazing girl and her desire for the earth to swallow her up before she embarrassed herself any further.

“I won’t take no for an answer” Willow smiled, “I brought up the subject of coffee in the first place so I get to say if I treat or not, ok. Just find a comfortable seat for us and I will be right with you.” Willow was already moving toward the counter as she spoke and Tara realised she had no option but to agree, not that she really wanted to argue but she wished she could be the one to treat. Moving quickly Tara sat at a small corner booth and watched Willow pick up their drinks, as Willow came towards her Tara marvelled at her grace and then suddenly dipped her head, afraid to give the impression she was staring.

“One hot mocha as requested” Willow passed Tara her drink as she eased into the seat opposite her, “so what shall we talk about? You want to tell me a bit about yourself? I mean you don’t have to but I realised that apart from the magic thing I don’t really know much about you and I would like to get to know you.” Willow watched Tara as she spoke and could not help notice again the blush that coloured the blonde’s cheeks as she looked shyly across the table at her.

“Um w-well I don’t know where to s-start, what did you w-want to know?”

“Anything would be good, things you like, music, movies or what kind of food you like, does not have to be too personal” Willow offered.

“Ok, I l-like music, songwriters like T-tori Amos or Aimee Mann, not so much p-p-pop stuff and I like to go to the movies too, I really like comedies and uh romantic stuff too.”

“Cool I love Tori Amos” Willow enthused “see we have that in common already. Ok favourite foods?”

“Chinese food is good, I l-like sweet and sour, I kind of h-have a thing for applesauce and um pizza is good too.” Tara relaxed slightly, small talk was not usually something that came easily to her but there was nothing here she should feel uncomfortable about although maybe she should not mention that part of the reason she liked Tori Amos was because she had a thing for redheads.

“Pizza definitely a big favourite with me” Willow cut in, “so if we don’t want to always meet over coffee I now know pizza and a movie would work if I want to get to see you again.”

“Oh y-yes”, Tara nodded her agreement, this was going so well, just a few minutes talking and Willow was talking about meeting up again and doing real friend stuff like movies.

“Ok will have to do that soon”, Willow was pleased at how easy this was, talking to Tara felt like talking to an old friend. “So do you want to ask me something?” she encouraged.

Tara was stuck for a moment, what to ask? What did she know about willow? What did girls usually talk about? “What about b-boys? I mean, I have seen you around campus w-with that guy who plays guitar for Dingos, you two are dating?” Tara could have kicked herself, she knew Willow was dating that Oz guy but bringing it up was a bit too personal and also might give away that she had been asking around about Willow not to mention how awkward it would be if Willow decided to ask her about her dating interests, she was so not ready for that question. Looking up from her study of her hands Tara realised Willow had not spoken and she could clearly see tears forming in the redhead’s eyes as her face took on an expression of heartbreaking sorrow.

“I was, he left me and I…” Willow struggled for words as she tried to keep the tears at bay, Tara’s question had brought her back down to earth with a bang and she could not control the misery that swept through her.

“Willow, I am s-so s-s-sorry”, Tara stammered as she felt her heart break at the pain and anguish in her new friends face. “D-don’t tell me, its upsetting you, we can t-talk about something else.”

“No it’s ok”, Willow blinked away the tears, “I need to be able to deal with this and not fall apart whenever the subject comes up.” Willow smiled weakly “promise to stop me if I bore you with too many details.” Tara just nodded, not trusting herself to speak and just listened as Willow began to tell her about Oz and Veruca.

………………………………………………….

Tara finished off her drink and checked her watch, it was late but she did not want the night to end. Willow had told her about Oz and how he had cheated on her with a fellow musician and then left town when Willow found out. Tara was pretty intuitive and she knew there was more to the story than Willow had told her but now was not the time to push so once she had offered a few words of comfort she had steered the conversation back to the small talk from earlier. “Do you want another mocha?” she asked as Willow finished another adorable babble about her friend Xander and his amazing rendition of the Snoopy dance.

“What, oh no thanks, it’s getting late and I have an early class tomorrow. I should be thinking of heading back.”

“Ok” Tara nodded her agreement, trying not to let her disappointment show that this night was ending.

“Let me walk you to your dorm” Willow offered, “I don’t know where your room is yet and you know mine so if you show me then we both know where to find each other.” Willow wondered if that sounded ok, her real reason for asking was her very real concern that Tara might be in danger walking home alone after dark in Sunnydale but she had to admit she was curious to see where the other girl lived.

“Um sure” Tara tried to hide her surprise, “actually, I h-have this book of really cool spells that I w-wanted to bring to show you and I forgot it, you could b-borrow it and look and see if there is anything you w-want to try some time.”

“Wow that would be great, I mean with all the other talk I forgot to even ask about magic but I would like to cast with you if you want to.”

“I want to” Tara replied as she led the way out of the coffee shop and turned in the direction of her dorm. I want to do anything that involves spending more time with you she thought as she glanced shyly at the beautiful girl walking alongside her.

……………………………………………

“So this is me” said Tara as she pushed open the door to her room, silently praying that the room was tidy and Willow would not see piles of unwashed laundry or overflowing wastebaskets. The fact that her room was always tidy was no comfort to her as her paranoia told her that somehow she would have gotten lax in the last few days and the first time she brought Willow here she would be exposed as the worst housekeeper in the world.

Tara flicked on the light switch and heard a gasp from Willow. “Oh Tara, this place is beautiful” the redhead turned in the doorway “the fairy lights and the candles and oh I love that picture.”

Tara looked on in delight as Willow drank in every detail of her room, it was obvious that she was impressed and Tara could feel her mouth curling into a shy smile that no amount of effort could repress. “You like it? You d-don’t think it’s too much?”

“Tara, I love it, it’s just the way I would have imagined your room to be. I want my room to look like this except my roommate would never agree,” Willow smiled ruefully “and to be honest I don’t think I have your artistic touch.” Moving towards the shelves Willow let out another gasp “oh wow, these books”, tracing her fingers along the spines of a couple the redhead’s face assumes a dreamy expression.

The smile on her face felt like it would never leave as Tara watched Willow explore her possessions, she recognised the enraptured expression of the born bookworm as Willow examined the books and felt a thrill of delight that she had something to offer her new friend besides stuttering conversation and her own innate goofiness. Willow looked so lovely as she pored over the volumes, the tip of her tongue caught between her teeth and her green eyes sparkling. Tara did not want to stop looking, desperate to capture every second of this moment in her memory but she had to look away, afraid she would give herself away.

“You can b-borrow anything you want” Tara said as she pulled her chair over towards her closet, “not just b-books but I do w-want you to take this one.” Willow glanced up to see Tara standing on a chair and stretching to reach a book hidden on top of her closet. Tara had shed her jacket at some point and as she balanced on the chair, a look of concentration on her face, Willow thought she looked simply adorable. Adorable? Where did that come from? Standing up Willow offered her hand to the other girl to steady herself as she stepped down from the chair.

“This b-book has some of my favourite s-spells, I think you m-might find something you want to try in there.” Tara held the book out to Willow who took it as though it was an item of rare treasure, a look of longing on her face as she gazed at the cover. Tara smiled again, feeling herself glow that something so simple could delight this amazing girl.

“I am sure I will find something” Willow smiled and then stifled a yawn, it was late and her life had not been exactly peaceful lately. “ I wish I could stay and talk a little longer but I think I might fall asleep on you if I do, also if I don’t get back soon Buffy might send out a search party.”

Tara nodded, although she was disappointed she could clearly see that the redhead was tired and it would be selfish to want her to stay, hopefully they could talk again tomorrow. Willow opened the door and gave her a smile “I had a great time tonight Tara, we have to get together again soon.”

“Oh y-yes, thanks for the m-mocha and everything, my treat n-next time, goodnight Willow.” Feeling her heart swell at the thought of a next time she watched Willow walk through her door.

………………………………………………………….

Tara pulled back from her window and pressed play on her stereo, she was in the mood for music. Once Willow had left the room she had rushed to the window and watched her walking back to Stevenson house until she was out of sight and then she had just sat there dizzy with happiness at the way her day had turned out. Falling back on to the bed Tara felt her mouth quirk into a smile again as she replayed the highlights of her evening in her mind, goddess she had not smiled so much in a month as she had in just a few hours today.

Too happy to feel sleepy Tara stood and looked around her room, which suddenly seemed warmer, more full of life, now that Willow had been here. Standing in the centre of the room the music drifted around her and still smiling to herself, for the first time in too long, Tara started to dance.

………………………………………………………….

Willow slipped quietly into her room and saw that Buffy had been and gone in her absence. Scrawled under her own note about going for a coffee was a quick reply to say that Buffy was doing a quick patrol and she would be in later. Willow sat down on her bed and tugged off her shoes as she wondered if Buffy would want to talk about how things had gone with Riley when she got in.

Willow flipped open her journal as she leaned back against the pillows on her bed and pondered what to write. Today had been a good day, Tara was amazing and now that the ice had been broken she knew that their friendship was going to be a close one, the connection she felt to the blonde girl was powerful and she knew it was mutual. Idly chewing the end of her pen Willow closed her eyes and thought about her evening with Tara, she liked to think like this before writing so that she could capture the most vivid memories and then commit them to the page.

Images of Tara smiling and laughing shyly as they spoke at the coffee shop flashed through Willow’s mind but one image in particular kept rising to the surface, Tara in her dorm room getting the spell book she had mentioned. Willow wondered why this image in particular, the book had been on top of her closet and Tara had been stretching for it, she had taken off her jacket and as she reached up her thin cotton top had been pulled taut showing off the suggestive swell of her breasts. “Oh goddess”, Willow’s eyes flew open, “what am I thinking of that for?”

Sitting up Willow fought to rationalise her thoughts, she envied Tara her figure the same way she had envied Cordelia in High school, that was it envy not attraction, a big no to attraction. The problem was that she knew there was an attraction, it was not something she wanted to acknowledge; in the same way she had never felt able to accept the confusing feelings that Buffy and then Faith had stirred within her when she first met them. Willow was a good girl, she always did the right thing and this was so not the right thing, her friends would not understand and her parents and their faith could not accept something like this.

In High school Willow had squashed down any wrong feelings as soon as they appeared but this time it was different. The sensible, do the right thing, try to fit in side to her personality had weakened as she grew in confidence through her battles with the residents of the Hellmouth and a new more adventurous side to her nature was asserting itself. Unbidden thoughts of Tara again flashed through her mind, the adorable crooked shy smile, the depth of those blue eyes and yes the inviting softness of her body. Was this wrong? If she admitted to herself that she felt a physical attraction To Tara who was she hurting? She did not have to act on these feelings, she knew only too well that Tara would probably be horrified if she told her but she could keep this secret. If she accepted these thoughts and feelings were there and they were real then maybe she could find a way to deal with them, if she tried to deny what she knew was true it could only end up causing pain further down the line.

Willow slipped off the bed and gathered up her wash things before heading out of the dorm room and into the communal bathroom. The last few days had been hectic and she really needed a good nights rest but as she brushed her teeth she knew she would be awake for a long time wrestling with the problems her unexpected feelings were bound to cause. Talking to her friends had been top of her agenda just a few hours ago but now she knew she had a problem that she could only solve alone and she was pretty sure that Giles library did not have any research books for this kind of thing.

Wandering back to her dorm room Willow again found herself replaying the events of the evening in her mind, trying to determine what it was about Tara that was having such an effect on her. Slipping into bed and turning off her lamp she decided it was definitely her smile, no it was the hair, silky blonde hair that was it. Closing her eyes Willow told herself it was the eyes, sea deep deep big blue eyes that she could lose herself in. Amused by her own indecision Willow decided one thing for certain, if she was going to find out what it was that had captivated her so, then she needed to see Tara again and the sooner the better, oh yes sooner was definitely better.

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TARA: Breakfast will make all things better.
WILLOW: Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies.

Bargaining

Wow... that makes 2 updates for me to read in one day! and the second one is as great as the first one!!

Definitely want more. You put Willow and Tara in front of me and I won't let you take them away Really, keep this up and i'll keep my feedback coming I just hope you're not the cliffhanger type

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The clash of swords will bring them against each other, but one sword will bring them together:
Askeidevor

Your Willow is definitely a breast gal and more sure of her feelings than the Willow in canon.

Tara is adorable as usual. Tara in the latter seasons is a lot more confident and self-aware than the Tara from earlier seasons.

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Tara: Willow, I got so lost.
Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

Awesome..I've just read all of this and I am in love with it . It is really good and I can't wait for more . Love sam xx

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"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler. [Evan Rachel Wood]

Credit for icon: lj user crazedxinsanity

Bravo! I love these behind the scenes stories--angst ridden as they can be. You have begun, as always, to create a great depth of character and emotion and I can't wait to see more! Any idea what kind of update schedule you're going to have?

ash

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I lit my love and watched it burn...

Oh, great update!
I almost missed this one…but I’m glad I didn’t.
Well, I liked the interaction between W/T. They were so shy and insecure about each other, and I loved the way you portrayed both girls and their feelings. Great!
Now, I can’t wait for them to meet again. Hope it will be soon…please?
Great job!


K.

Hey RaspberryHat! Another great update! I love S4 cos W/T were so shy and sweet and you've portrayed that in your fic. The way it's written feels like this could be a missing ep, I can actually imagine it in my head. Hope to see more soon! Hannah.

I am really flattered by all the feedback so far and I will try to answer some of the more direct questions here. Apologies first for anyone thinking this might be another update, it is coming soon but not ready yet sorry.

Strangerhere Update schedule is not exactly fixed as posting the first part of this was kind of a spur of the moment thing but between work and other obligations I am pretty sure I will be updating at least once a week from now on until the story is done.

TheRose24 Yes Willow is a breast girl, I might take some liberties with the characters but I would never dream of deviating so far away from cannon as to change that little fact.

Krokador I can't promise no cliffhangers, after all Chapter One ended that way. I will promise that if I do end an update with a cliffhanger then that will mean the next update is going to follow pretty quickly.

Tonto Yes I cheated, it's a fair cop

Just as a general comment the next 2 updates at least will still be set between Doomed and A New Man as I have always felt that a quite a lot happened offscreen between those two episodes. In any event I promise Chapter Three will be up over the weekend sometime, I just need to get to grips with writing dialogue.

_________________
TARA: Breakfast will make all things better.
WILLOW: Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies.

Bargaining

Disclaimer Mutant Enemy did not sanction this story but then they didn't send me a Chrismas card either so that's ok.

Background Season 4 and still between the episodes Doomed and A New Man. Willow and Tara are getting to know one another and maybe getting to know a little more about themselves.

Feedback More please and I mean that for the negative as well as the positive. If something does not work I honestly want to know.

Rating PG for this episode.


Between The Lines

Chapter Three – Mallrats

Willow sighed contentedly as Tara massaged her too stiff shoulders and whispered comforting nonsense in her ear, the snug confines of Tara’s room felt almost like a sanctuary against all the cares and troubles of the outside world. The body of her friend behind her was soft and warm and Willow pushed back into the comfort of the blonde girls embrace, it had been such a good idea to blow off class and come and see Tara she decided.

Looking around her Willow gazed at the delicate glow of the fairy lights and the shadows they threw on the pictures on the wall, the mysterious and mystic looking objects adorning the shelves next to those oh so precious books and the tumble of papers and pencils on Tara’s tiny writing desk. This was heaven, even if she did have to share it with Spike who had insisted on coming over to ride on the rocking horse.

Bang, bang, bang

“I know he is in there” Buffy’s voice sounded from far away as the banging on the door continued. Well that’s torn it thought Willow, now that Buffy is here we will never get any peace, why did Tara have to let Spike know she had a rocking horse.

Opening her sleepy eyes Willow saw Buffy in front of her closet clearly frustrated as she tossed things out on to the bed in an effort to get to whatever was buried in the back. “I know it’s in here” Buffy grumbled again as she stepped back to survey her handiwork, glancing around the room the chosen one spotted a pair of half open green eyes glowering at her from under a blanket. “Oh hey Will your awake” Buffy beamed at her best friend “have you seen my new shirt, the one with the blue flower on? I know it’s in here somewhere but I can’t seem to find it.”

The green eyes blinked and opened a little wider before slowly the rest of Willow’s head popped out of the top of the blanket, Buffy just had time to register how cute her friend looked when she was waking up before her slayer reflexes kicked in and narrowly saved her from being hit by the small stuffed animal that the deeply irritated Willow had thrown at her head. “Hey what was that for?” the slayer asked in an injured tone, “if you don’t know where it is a simple no would have sufficed.”

“Your shirt is in the laundry bag that you were going to empty yesterday before you forgot all about laundry, school assignments and everything else that isn’t cute in a uniform, now can you tell me why the best dream I have had in months was ruined by a stampeding herd of you at 6 in the morning?” Despite the words there was enough humour in Willow’s voice for Buffy to know that she had already been mostly forgiven for waking her roommate.

“I really don’t think I was that loud Will, you must have been half awake already,” the Slayer protested.

“I so was not half awake and you were louder than the Bronze on a Friday night, how on earth you manage to take any bad guys by surprise is a mystery.” Willow half sat up as a thoughtful expression crossed her face “maybe that’s why you are so loud in the mornings, you have to be so sneaky and quiet when you are out patrolling that your body has all this stored up noisiness that just has to be released, just my luck to be the one who shares a room with you.” Willow smiled, pleased with her own logic. “So the reason for the crack of dawn earthquake is?”

“Well we do have an early start today and I wanted to go surprise Riley and take him some breakfast before class this morning, you know guys, he probably won’t think to eat unless I remind him.”

“Delivering breakfast? Did the feminist movement happen or was that part of my dream too?” Willow’s mouth twitched into a grin “and why do you need your best shirt for maid duty? I don’t recall you dressing up nice on the rare occasions you have brought me a bagel. You know, I could feel that you don’t appreciate me.”

“Not the same thing Will, I know you well enough to know you would still love me no matter what I looked like or even smelled like considering some of the things I come home covered in after a night of slaying. It’s that brand new thing, Riley and me are just starting out so he is not allowed to see me at anything less than my best, you know the rules.”

Willow smiled, she knew why Buffy wanted to look good this morning but teasing was the right and privilege of a best friend. “So it went well with Riley yesterday?”

“It was great” Buffy could not control her smile “we had so much fun together and it was during the daylight hours and in public places which is like a whole new experience for me and it was just normal you know. I don’t know if this is anything serious yet but it is so what I need right now.”

“That’s great Buff” Willow was thrilled to see her friend so happy even if the cause of that happiness only served to remind Willow of her own sadly single state. “ I guess this means it’s just me, Giles and the scrabble board in the evenings with you and Xander both doing the couple thing.”

“It’s not that bad Will, in fact” Buffy finished dressing and came to sit on Willow’s bed “I was thinking that maybe this is what you need too. Riley has plenty of friends, I am pretty sure Graham is available and I am totally sure he was checking you out when we were at that party a while back, you know the night Spike escaped the Initiative and tried to get a Wiccan takeout. Maybe we could double date or something.”

Willow thought that was a terrible idea, at the best of times she knew the macho military type was not her scene but in view of what she thought she might have discovered about herself last night the thought of going on a date right now was totally unappealing. “I don’t know Buffy, I think it’s still a little too soon for something like that, I mean I don’t even know if Oz is coming back or if he really has gone for good.” Willow knew even as she said the words that whilst that might have been the truth just a few days ago her real reason for declining Buffy’s offer was right here in Sunnydale.

“Ok Will, I don’t want to rush you but I hate that you are so unhappy and especially now that I might be finding something good for myself I just wish I could fix things for you too.”

“Maybe soon Buffy, but not yet ok? I am happy for you and being happy for you makes me less sad for me in a way so go enjoy yourself but remember I want details, I still like my vicarious smoochies just like in high school.”

“You’re the best Will” Buffy said as she gave her best friend a quick hug “ok I am going, you can get some more sleep but don’t forget to wake up for Psych, see you there.” Buffy banged out of the door still oblivious to the noise she was making and with a sigh Willow snuggled back under the covers and tried desperately to re-capture her dream only this time without the rocking horse.

………………………………………………………….

Tara was pretty good at mornings, she could rise early and tackle whatever tasks she had for the day without the need for the massive caffeine injection that so many people relied on. Living on a farm had conditioned her well, there were countless tasks to be taken care of when the sun rose before you took care of yourself and Tara had been given more than her fair share of tasks by her family before escaping them to come to Sunnydale. This morning was easy enough, an early class was all she had so it was a simple case of washing, dressing and making sure she had the right books in her rucksack, so why was she in danger of being late.

The euphoria of last night had gradually faded as she tired and went to bed and this morning she had woken up with the same panicky feeling in her stomach that she had felt at the thought of returning Willow’s call yesterday. In the immediate aftermath of the coffee date it had been easy to believe that things would work out and that Willow had enjoyed her company but in the cold light of morning the shyness and insecurity that had been a part of her for as long as she could remember had come flooding back. Willow was just so wonderful in every way that it just did not seem possible that she, Tara, could offer enough to hold her attention for more than instant.

Re-playing the conversations of the night before, remembering the way Willow had acted, Tara fought to quell her paranoia. Willow had clearly said she wanted to meet up again and there had been talk of movies and pizza, real friend stuff not just the interest of a fellow Wiccan. In the brief time that she had known her, Tara had already come to appreciate that Willow was sincere and would not have said those things if she did not mean them and yet…and yet Willow had so many friends, had so many things going for her that it was difficult to see how she was going to fit into her life.

How she would fit into Willow’s life was a whole separate question in itself even if she did assume that Willow would have the time and the inclination to remain friendly with her. Tara knew, had even known before they had spoken for the first time, that Willow was the girl of her dreams, the coffee date last night had only confirmed what she already knew. The problem was that despite no longer being with Oz, Willow was clearly straight. In her heart Tara knew she would wish for more but if friends was all that they could be she would happily settle for that but could she keep the truth from Willow? Tara was honest by nature and she knew that she was terrible at hiding things, evasion made her uncomfortable and she preferred to be open but if she was open about this she could drive Willow away. She may not have had many close friends in her life but Tara knew that relationships were bound to be a major topic of conversation with Willow when they talked again and she would have to decide whether she could or even should lie about who she was.

Looking at her clock Tara saw that she had been immobilised for far too long, what should have been a leisurely start to the day was sliding out of control and she was in danger of being late to class for the first time that she could ever remember. It was startling to realize that she had been sitting on the edge of the bed thinking, still not washed or dressed, for the best part of 40 minutes. Shaking herself out of her reverie Tara grabbed her things and headed to the bathroom, whatever was going to happen with Willow she still had to get ready for class or else she would face the wrath of Professor Croft.

Returning to her room after brushing her teeth and a too quick shower, Tara dressed hurriedly as she still chased the same thoughts around and around in her mind. The beginning of her friendship with Willow had already brought her more happiness than she had thought possible but the fear that she might lose something she wanted so much was like torture. Briefly the thought had crossed her mind that it might have been better if she had never met Willow, certainly her emotional state had been far more serene just a few short days ago but even as the thought came to her she heard a voice, maybe her mother or maybe her imagination, telling her it was better to live her life and risk some heartache because without taking that risk it was no life at all.

Finally dressed and presentable to the outside world Tara picked up her rucksack and checked the contents, time to get to class, she could return to the battle between her heart and her paranoia once she had survived the dreaded Math session. Stopping to collect a textbook from her shelf a glint of red caught her eye and in an instant she was spun out of control again. A strand of Willow’s hair lay caught on the bookshelf, tangible evidence to Tara’s doubting mind that last night had been real. The flood of emotions that Tara had been battling all morning turned into a tidal wave as almost involuntarily she picked up the strand and once again was swamped by the images of the incredible girl who had turned her life upside down.

Tara knew she needed to see Willow again and she desperately needed to see her today, now, this instant but her courage failed her. The telephone was two steps away and yet it might as well have been two miles as she stood frozen, her desire and her insecurity warring within her. Finally, the simple fact that she was running late and she knew that Willow also had an early class gave her the excuse she needed to put off making the call she desperately wanted to but was too afraid to make.

Slipping her bracelet from her wrist she studied it for a moment before carefully entwining the strand of red hair through the links. The hair was so fine that to the naked eye it was almost invisible but Tara felt somehow that it was the right thing to do, wearing her heart on her wrist if not her sleeve. Promising herself she would call when she returned, Tara slipped her bag over her shoulder and prepared to do battle with Math class.

………………………………………………………..

Willow fizzed out of the classroom gesticulating wildly and babbling at near superhuman speed. It always amazed Buffy that taking a class had the same effect on her friend as a massive caffeine overdose did on a normal person. With Willow, the harder and more challenging the class the more energised and hyperactive she seemed to become.

“Whoa, slow down Will, my ability to absorb knowledge hit capacity about halfway through class, have some respect for the mere mortals around you” Buffy teased.

“Sorry Buff, I just figured that since you were asleep for most of the class you might want me to fill you in on the high spots” the redhead teased back. “So do you want to head to the Café for some unwindyness, there could be Mochas or even Cookies?”

“Mhm, I kinda had plans, sorry Will” the Slayer was gazing distractedly at Riley as he finished up talking with Professor Walsh leaving Willow in little doubt what those plans were.

“Oh ok Buffy, I need to hit the library anyway, but Mochas soon ok cos you have some dirt to spill and I want to hear.”

“Ok I promise details soon,” Buffy began walking toward Riley “don’t work too hard in the library” she called over her shoulder and within moments she was gone.

Ok, alone again mused Willow, under normal circumstances she might have been a little disappointed that Buffy had made other plans but today she was relieved to be left with a whole lot of free time. Despite her comment about the library it seemed like far too nice a day to be wasted on studying and the seeds of a plan were already forming in her mind. Setting off for her dorm room Willow could not help smiling to herself, not so long ago she would never have considered any time spent studying as wasted but for right now she had other things on her mind and she knew that trying to study would just be a wasted effort when she had somewhere else she would rather be. Thinking again of the new friend she had made Willow felt her steps quickening until she had to make a concentrated effort not to break into a run, the goofy grin plastered to her face was bad enough but if she added running to the mix she was bound to draw attention to herself.

Bursting through the door to her room Willow headed straight for her laptop to check and see if there was anything showing at the cinema worth seeing, movies had been mentioned and so it would give her the perfect excuse to call Tara without seeming like she was being too pushy. Willow scanned the screen and felt a tiny flicker of frustration as she realised that there was nothing showing that was likely to appeal to Tara. Romance and Comedy were the blonde girls preferences and Willow was pretty sure that ‘Any Given Sunday’ did not fit into either category regardless of how funny she personally found football players. If movies were out then maybe shopping would work. Some stereotypes are true and Willow knew Tara would be a very unusual kind of girl if she did not like the idea of an afternoon shopping spree. If she looked up some spell ideas they could even take the time to hit the Magic Box for supplies.

Satisfied with her new plan Willow checked her wallet, she was pretty well off at the moment, one benefit of brooding for hours alone after Oz had taken off had been that her allowance had barely been touched in weeks and so she had a nice surplus to go crazy with if the shopping bug bit hard. With the essentials taken care of Willow paused to check her appearance in the mirror and decided instantly that what she saw looking back at her would not do. The jeans were fine but the birthday cake t-shirt was just not going to cut it and maybe just a little bit of make-up. Flipping open her closet door Willow started sifting through her clothes pondering what to wear, she wanted to look good for Tara.

Willow paused as the reality of what she was doing hit home. She had planned shopping trips with Buffy often enough and even once with Cordelia in an attempt to bond when Cordy had been dating Xander. If she was dressing up for Tara did it mean she wanted Tara to notice her in the way she had once wanted Oz to notice her? Last night she begun to acknowledge to herself that she felt an attraction to Tara but she was still not certain what that meant and even if she was sure it would not change the fact that Tara would probably be horrified if she found out. With no experience in these matters Willow could not know if this was a genuine attraction or just some weird fluke. The mental image of Tara that kept flashing before her seemed tempting but did that really mean she wanted something more than friendship from the blonde girl?

The ringing of the telephone interrupted Willow’s train of thought and as she hurried to pick it up her heartbeat accelerated wildly in the hope that it would be Tara calling to see if she was free.

“Hey Willster” Xander’s voice boomed down the line, “is this a good time to talk about our little secret?”

Secret? What did he mean? How on earth had Xander found her out already when he had not even met Tara or heard Willow speak about her? “S-secret? Xander Harris I do not have a secret and even if I did why would I tell you?”

“Huh? Is Buffy there? Ok I get it, we don’t want Buffy finding out yet, that’s why I asked if now was a good time.”

“No Buffy is out with Riley and that is so not the point, I am not keeping a secret from you or Buffy. I don’t know what you think you know but I can tell you that whatever it is you don’t know even if you think you do know ok.” This was too much, what did he know? Ok, panicking now.

“Um Will, I know College is a time for experimentation”, Willow’s heart almost stopped “and I am not going to get all judgey on you ok so be honest. Have you been smoking something?”

“Xander!” Ok not panicking, angry. “What the frilly heck are you talking about, you call me and start talking about my secrets, which I don’t have by the way, and then you ask me if I am taking drugs. Is spending time with Anya starting to wear off on you or did you just decide to be weird all by yourself?”

“Will, if it is not a secret then why did you tell me not to say anything to Buffy about her party and what do you mean is Anya wearing off on me?

“Buffy’s party,” realisation hit Willow like a two by four to the back of the head “I totally forgot, sorry Xander can you just go back and erase everything I said.” Ok panicking again now, way to sound guilty like you are hiding something Will, he is bound to know something is up.

“Ok sure Will, from the beginning, is now a good time to talk about the party?”

Of course, it’s Xander, dear sweet and thankfully unperceptive Xander, the same Xander who failed to spot how she felt about him for almost the entire duration of high school, how could she ever have thought he had figured something out about her. She could have told him exactly what she was thinking and he still would not have any idea what she was talking about.

“Now is not really such a good time, maybe tomorrow, I have to go to my er study group right now.” It was almost true, she certainly wanted to study Tara a bit more closely and two almost counts as a group.

“Ok Will, you go do the brainy thing and I will go do what I do. I am daytime television man until my next career move occurs to me. It’s a tough job but I suffer so others do not have to.”

“My hero! Ok bye Xander, oh and I meant like dogs.”

“Dogs?”

“You know, the Anya thing, like they say how some dogs start to resemble their owners or the owners resemble the dogs or whatever way around it is. I thought maybe that was happening to you and Anya.”

“If I understood what you were talking about I think I would be offended, thankfully my lack of a college education protects me from all kinds of potentially insulting remarks. Ok see you later Will.”

Hanging up the phone Willow looked at the low cut, short cropped top that she had bought and worn only once in a very daring mood 6 months ago. Willow took the top out of the closet and tossed it onto her bed and then crossed to her dresser. Five minutes later, subtly made up and with her hair as presentable as she could make it she returned to the bed and suddenly decisive slipped the daring top on. So she was dressing provocatively to meet Tara, Willow decided that whatever that meant it just seemed to feel right so she may as well stop worrying about it and not waste any more time that could be better spent with the girl she could not stop thinking about. Willow headed out of her room and set off towards Tara’s dorm, resolve face firmly in place.

………………………………………………………….

Tara had barely survived class this morning and after a brief visit to the library for yet another ridiculously heavy textbook she had finally made it back to the sanctuary of her room. Feeling hot and flustered she had just taken a drink over to the bed where she intended to relax and wait for the hoped for call from Willow, or for the courage to make a call herself, when she was startled by a knock at her door. Unused to anyone coming to her room Tara hurried to the door feeling even more flustered than ever and before she even had time to consider who might be there she had opened the door wide and come face to face with Willow.

For a moment Tara stood rooted to the spot until the initial shock of finding Willow on her doorstep gave way to a surge of delight that Willow was here to see her. “Hi W-willow, come in” she just about managed to say as she stood back to let the other girl into the room. Tara was finding it difficult to control her emotions, Willow had come back to see her, last night was real and Willow had really meant it when she had talked about getting together again and wow Willow looked really good. Even as she registered just how ravishing the redhead looked in that almost too small top and the tight faded jeans her heart plummeted as she realised just what a mess she herself must look.

“Hi Tara, I hope you don’t mind me coming over like this” Willow began to pace nervously around the middle of Tara’s small room. “I know I should have called and you are probably really busy and already have plans and I really should have called before showing up like this” the nervous babble began to gather pace “but I was thinking of shopping and I thought maybe you like shopping too and if you do then we could both go, together you know not separately.” Willow managed a tight nervous smile at Tara who still stood by the doorway, her expression unreadable. “So do you want to? I can just go if you have other plans, just pretend like I thought this through and asked you first.”

“Willow it’s ok, you d-don’t need to call me to c-come over.” Tara was still trying to get a handle on her emotions but she knew that Willow leaving was the last thing she wanted and if she didn’t say something it was clear Willow would persuade herself she was not welcome. “Shopping would be fun, where d-did you want to go?”

“Um well we could just do the Mall thing and I was thinking we could maybe go to the Magic Box too,” Willow had relaxed a little at Tara’s words “it depends how much time you have, I am free for the rest of the day.” Willow looked hopefully at Tara waiting for the blonde girls reaction and wondering if suggesting spending the whole of the rest of the day together qualified as being too pushy.

“Well I d-don’t have any more c-classes today but I do have to finish an assignment b-before tomorrow,” Tara saw a flicker of disappointment cross Willow’s face “but that won’t take too long, I c-can finish it tonight when I get b-back.” Tara was relieved to see Willow’s smile return with even more force.

“Great, where did you want to go first?”

“Um Willow, I just got b-back from class, do you mind if I freshen up first?” Tara was anxious not to put Willow off but she knew she was hardly likely to enjoy herself if she was worried all day about her appearance.

“Oh sorry, here I am being all pushy gal and I didn’t even think if you needed to get ready at all,” Willow flushed “forgive me?”

“F-forgiven” Tara smiled her crooked shy smile. “I just n-need to wash up and maybe change too, I won’t t-take long. Do you want to stay here and maybe look at the b-books while I get ready?” Willow nodded enthusiastically and Tara was amused to realise that if she ever wanted to divert Willow’s attention all she had to do was offer her a chance to look at her books.

Fifteen minutes later Tara had managed to make herself as presentable as possible given the short notice Willow had allowed her. Deciding that there was no hope for her hair, she had not had enough time to wash it that morning, she settled for piling it on top of her head and with the use of a few clips it was at least kept somewhat under control. The black pants she wore were a little old and faded but they would do as would the simple white shirt she was wearing, it was hardly the outfit she would have chosen to go out in but she was too shy to change in front of the other girl and she could not bring herself to ask Willow to leave the room. Searching through her dresser she found her green tank top and slipped it on over the shirt, the tank top was new and made her feel a little less self-conscious compared to the elegance of Willow. She had at least been able to take as long as she needed to get ready as Willow was sitting on her bed engrossed in a book, she could probably have taken a couple of hours and Willow would not even have noticed she mused.

Willow glanced covertly up from the book she was pretending to read as she sensed Tara once again turn back towards the mirror on her dresser. Initially Willow had been annoyed at her own insensitivity, she knew that she ought to have given Tara some warning that she was coming over to allow the other girl time to get ready but now she could not help be secretly pleased at surprising her. The opportunity to watch Tara preparing to go out was something she would not have wished to miss. The adorable way Tara had twisted her hair this way and that as she tried to arrange it to her satisfaction, the crease of concentration that wrinkled her brow as she applied just the lightest touch of make-up. This was like being a fly on the wall but she had to be careful not to let the other girl catch her staring and she really wanted to stare. So far she had not been discovered, Tara had assumed she was reading the book and had barely glanced at her but she had almost blown her cover a moment ago. The loose fitting shirt Tara had been wearing had given nothing away but when she slipped on the more figure hugging tank top, revealing the curves beneath, Willow had been sure she let out a little squeak. Thankfully Tara had not seemed to notice but Willow was having some difficulty controlling her heart rate and keeping the flush from her own cheeks.

“Ok, I am ready, did you w-want to go?” Tara broke through Willow’s musings.

“Sure, where to first? Did you want to go to the Mall or the Magic Box or do you maybe want to go get some lunch?” Willow realised she was hungry, it had been an early start that morning and suddenly she felt ravenous.

“Lunch would be good, we c-could go to the Mall first and eat there?” Tara was not so sure she was hungry herself but if Willow needed to eat then it was fine. The realisation that Willow was hungry at least explained the peculiar sound she had thought she had heard from the redhead when she had first slipped on the tank top.

“Ok lets go,” Willow slipped from the bed and padded over to the dorm room door “last one to the Mall has to treat.” Miming a sprint start she exited the room laughing and Tara followed, desperately trying to still her beating heart.

……………………………………………………..

Tara gazed at the entrance to the Mall as it loomed before her and tried to take in the babble of words pouring from the girl beside her. It had been like this since they had left her room, Willow had talked endlessly and with boundless enthusiasm about a multitude of seemingly disconnected topics and Tara had trailed in her wake unable to follow the other girls train of thought or even to make sense from her own thoughts and emotions as they swirled inside her. Willow, thankfully, seemed not to notice that she had lost Tara in the torrent of conversation and had just merrily kept on babbling until they had arrived, Tara knew that the babble was a part of Willow and in some way was a sign that the redhead was nervous too even if there was no way she could be quite as nervous as Tara herself was. Willow stepped ahead through the Mall entrance.

“My t-treat” Tara heard herself say. She had deliberately hesitated on the threshold, determined to be the one to pay after Willow had bought the coffees last night.

“No Tara, I was only joking” Willow smiled “I am not going to hold you to it.”

“It’s ok Willow, I want to, you b-bought the coffee last night and I want to b-buy you lunch today, please.” Tara tried to be forceful but it just wasn’t something she had any experience of.

“Well, if you really want to, I should warn you not to be fooled by the stick figure in front of you though, I can eat like a football player.” Willow teased. “Then again, you should see my roommate, how such a tiny person can eat so much is beyond belief.”

“That’s ok Willow, eat as much as you l-like.” Tara tried to remain calm but felt the first stirrings of panic, she had very little money and had to be quite frugal to get by at college. Before leaving she had not thought to check how much money was in her wallet and now she was terrified that she would not have enough to pay for lunch.

“I am just teasing Tara, I don’t think I want to eat too much in the middle of the day, lets just go to the sandwich bar and get a sub or something, ok?”

Ok sandwiches should be within her budget, nodding her approval but not trusting herself to speak Tara set off towards the food court hoping that Willow would just follow after her.

………………………………………………………………..

Willow found an empty table, which looked at least passably clean, and using a napkin wiped the surface down quickly as Tara waited patiently with the tray. True to her word Willow had ordered a calorific meatball sub with a large soda whilst Tara had settled for a salad roll and bottled water. Tara had been greatly relieved to find she had a little more money in her wallet than expected and so this lunch, cheap though it might be, was not going to break her carefully budget.

“Mmm this is so good, thanks Tara” Willow said as she took a huge bite out of her sandwich. Tara was amused to note that Willow attacked food with the same enthusiasm that she seemed to apply to most aspects of life.

“You are welcome,” Tara took a far smaller bite from her sandwich “so d-do you know which shops you want to go to once we are finished here.”

“I think all of them actually but only if you want to. I know pretty much every store inside and out, benefits of growing up in Sunnydale. Do you have any favourites yet?”

“Not really, this is only the s-second time I have been here since starting school.” Tara could not really think what else to say, she enjoyed shopping and was glad she was here now but the lack of any money to spend in the stores had given her little reason to visit the mall in her time in Sunnydale. Window shopping was all well and good but it was only fun if you could tell yourself that someday you could do more than just look, on her current budget she knew that was not going to happen. The fun of coming to the Mall today was being with Willow not the stores themselves but she could not exactly tell the other girl that.

“Ok, well I can show you a few of my favourites and if you think of anything you need or anywhere you particularly want to go then we can do that.”

Tara once again nodded her approval of Willow’s plan as she watched the slim girl take another enormous mouthful of sandwich. Good lord, Tara thought, Willow must either skip a lot of meals or have a super energised metabolism. Tara had eaten only a few bites of her own sandwich and Willow was virtually done with hers.

“I think we can head to Eccentrix first,” Willow sipped from her drink and continued “they have a lot of cool and unusual clothes there, not the typical mass produced stuff you see in the bigger stores. There is also a really cool little store that sells a lot of aromatherapy products, they have some neat candles and by the look of your room you are definitely a candle loving type of gal.”

Tara was happy to sit back and let Willow plan the day, so long as they could spend it together Tara would have gone anywhere.

Finishing up her sandwich in what seemed like no time at all Willow half rose from the table before speaking, “ I just need to visit the rest room, be right back.” Tara nodded and then shyly watched the retreating figure of her friend, luxuriating in a rare moment when she could admire without fear of the other girl noticing her.

In the restroom Willow paused in front of the mirror, she still looked ok she thought but she was feeling very hot under the collar just sitting watching Tara eat. The shape of the blonde girls mouth, the depths of her eyes, every little thing that was Tara was bewitching to her and she had increasingly found herself wishing that they were still back in Tara’s dorm room and not a crowded public place. It was a foolish wish she reminded herself, she did not know for sure what these feelings she was having meant and if she acted on them she would be rejected for sure and lose the friendship of this wonderful girl.

Heading back towards the table Willow had the opportunity to watch Tara unobserved as the blonde girl appeared to be looking for something inside her bag. For some reason Willow knew she could just look at Tara for hours without growing bored and so a stolen glance now was worth storing up to be relived later when she was alone and could not look at the real thing. In her journal last night she had begun to try and capture what it was that made Tara so watchable, the shape of her face, her adorable quirky mannerisms, her figure, the list was endless really and Willow admitted that the prospect of researching this particular subject was one she could enjoy for however long it took to find an answer.

As she neared the table Willow realised Tara was not taking something out of her bag but putting something in and almost instantly she realised that it was half of the salad sandwich Tara had ordered for lunch. Willow knew enough already about student life to know that stretching out meals and taking home leftovers was a common way of making limited funds stretch through a whole semester, especially for those students like Tara who were far from home. In a flash of perception Willow realised that in Tara’s case money was clearly a problem and she silently cursed her thoughtlessness at allowing the other girl to pay for lunch. The clues were all around if she cared to look, Tara’s clothes were clean and well looked after but with a few exceptions they were mostly old, in fact all of the things she had seen in Tara’s dorm she could think of nothing that did not look old and well used. It was too late to change anything now and no doubt she would injure the other girls pride if she tried to offer to repay her for the lunch so she would just have to be careful in future to make sure she did not put Tara in a position where she would feel obliged to pay for things. Sneaky and devious, that I can do thought Willow as she reached the table and rejoined her friend.

…………………………………………………………………….

Tara was having the time of her life, they had spent the best part of the afternoon wandering from store to store, admiring the things they wanted and mocking those they didn’t, trying on clothes that looked good, bad and just plain comical and all the time talking and laughing. Sunnydale had been quite a fearsome place when Tara first arrived and despite her efforts, such as joining Wicca group, she had thus far failed to connect with anyone in the Campus or the Town in general, now though she finally had a friend. The friend part was definitely good, Tara had agonised over whether being around Willow and knowing she could not be with her in the way she wanted would be too difficult but now she felt certain that if this was as much as she could have then it was more than worth it.

Tara’s reverie was interrupted as Willow emerged from the changing room in her latest outfit of the afternoon, this time it was just for fun, Willow had dressed in ridiculously baggy jeans that were practically falling down, a military cut t-shirt and a beanie hat in an attempt to mimic skater chic. Willow clearly thought the effect was hilarious and was now attempting to mimic the loose, shuffling, arm-swinging gait of the too cool skater dudes. Tara had to admit that the effect was faintly ridiculous but as silly as Willow looked she was finding it hard to keep her eyes from staring as the jeans kept sliding down and offering Tara tantalising glimpses of things she knew she ought not to be thinking about.

The dressing up game was clearly a favourite with Willow as she had tried on countless things as they careened from store to store and usually more for the fun of it than because it was anything she really liked. Tara thought back to earlier in the afternoon when Willow had tried on a glamorous slinky black dress and had informed her that she was impersonating someone called Cordelia before collapsing in giggles. Willow had clearly thought she looked ridiculous in the finery and had found the sight of her reflection in a mirror a source for deep mirth but Tara had only been able to think about how stunning the redhead looked in a dress that seemed as if it had been made for her.

“So Tara, where to next?” Willow had changed back into her own clothes while Tara had been losing herself in her memories. “We have pretty much hit every store here and it’s almost evening, I think we may be too late for the Magic Box. Is there anywhere else you wanted to go?”

“Oh no, nowhere that I w-want to go, did you want to get anything before we leave?” The dress maybe Tara added silently to herself as the two girls began to head out of the clothing store.

“No today was just window shopping, I was supposed to get a birthday present for my roommate but I didn’t see anything that really seemed like it would be suitable for her.” Willow paused as they neared the aromatherapy store, they had looked around earlier and Tara had clearly seen a few things that she liked but it had been equally obvious she could not afford to buy them. Willow desperately wanted to buy them for her but she knew it was too soon, they had just begun to become friends and nothing would scream out I have a huge crush on you like buying Tara a present now. The only thing for it was to make a note of those things and hopefully she would have a good reason to come back and get them soon.

“W-willow, I just need to go to the restroom a moment, do you w-want to wait and meet me here?

“Huh, oh sure, meet you right here. I am staying still gal.” Willow smiled at what Tara assumed must be some sort of private joke.

Willow remained stood in front of the aromatherapy store for a few moments lost in thought. It had been a wonderful day, the connection she felt with Tara was both powerful and exciting despite having only just met her. Tara was certainly her friend now, she did not doubt that this was a real friendship and would endure, but she still knew very little about the shy blonde. Their conversations so far had been the usual sorts of things you talk about when you are getting to know someone, finding out each others general interests, chatting about those things they had in common in a attempt to strengthen the growing bond between them. The more in depth stuff Willow was desperate to know was not on the menu yet, she had volunteered some details about Oz last night only because the subject had come up, opening up on that kind of personal level was still a little way off for both of them Willow thought. One thing she did know was that Tara did not have a boyfriend, the subject had not come up but Willow knew that if a boyfriend existed Tara would have mentioned him by now but what that piece of information meant Willow did not know.

Turning from the aromatherapy store Willow walked to the centre of the aisle and found herself looking in the window of the store on the opposite side. The store was one Willow had never really cared for and certainly had not frequented but she now found herself looking far more closely at the window displays than she would have thought possible. Was it the red one or maybe that black one with the cream trim, what was it that she found so interesting in the window of Victoria’s Secret? The thought of herself wearing any of those things was ridiculous but then she was not really thinking about how they would look on her. As a mental image of Tara in that almost non-existant blue number popped into her mind Willow felt her face flush as red as her hair and she turned away from the display before anyone noticed her staring.

“Hey Willow, what were you l-looking at?” Willow heard Tara ask as she was midway through turning.

“I wasn’t looking, I was um thinking, thinking and waiting and not looking at anything.” Willow felt herself turn even redder at the thought Tara might have seen what she was doing. “So are we ready to go? Ok let’s go.” Without waiting for an answer Willow hurried towards the exit.

Outside in the cool air of evening Willow felt the colour begin to drain from her face and felt confident enough to look at her friend, Tara was following behind her with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Eager to change the subject willow asked, “So what do you want to do now? Hit the Espresso Pump or back to the Campus?”

Tara was torn, the Espresso Pump was so tempting but she had to finish off her assignment for tomorrow’s class and she already knew that after spending so long at the Mall she would be lucky to finish in time to get even a couple of hours sleep tonight. “I would l-love to stay but I have to finish my assignment.”

“Ok” Willow tried and almost succeeded in masking her disappointment, “we can walk back to the Campus and you can hit the books, I really ought to be studying too.”

“Do you have any free t-time tomorrow?” Tara asked shyly, her voice fading almost to a whisper as if she hardly dared to ask.

“Not in the day, busy gal tomorrow with the studying and classes but I don’t have plans for the evening if you want to do something?”

“I want to, what do you feel like doing?”

“Oh no,” Willow began “I chose shopping today so tomorrow we do something you want to do, your choice Missy.”

“Um, do you think we c-could go see a movie?” Tara picked the first safe thing that came to mind.

“Ok a movie it is, with a super size popcorn” Willow agreed. Ok that’s settled she thought to herself, it was clear Tara would keep deferring to her unless she insisted the shy girl think of herself. Tara wanted to see a movie so that is what they would do, Willow felt her smile falter as she remembered her research from earlier, oh goddess I hope she likes sports movies.

……………………………………………………

Willow closed her laptop, assignment completed and sank down onto her bed suddenly feeling exhausted after the fun of her shopping trip and evening study session. She had again walked Tara back to her dorm room as she had done last night and again Tara had invited her in. Willow had wanted to say yes so badly but she knew the other girl needed to work and she would just be getting in the way of that and so she had made her excuses. Saying goodbye had been strangely difficult as though neither girl wanted the day to end, they had stood either side of the threshold to Tara’s room saying goodbye, Willow waiting for Tara to close the door and Tara clearly waiting for willow to walk away. The goodbyes had carried on for a couple of minutes like that until finally Willow realised Tara would not close the door until she had gone.

The day had worked out far better than planned and unlike yesterday Willow had made a definite date to see Tara again tomorrow. The getting to know Tara and getting to be with Tara parts of her plan were coming together nicely, the figuring out why she wanted to be with Tara and what she wanted from their relationship bit was still confusing her though. Willow knew that she was being a little dishonest with herself as she thought she did know what she wanted but it was difficult to admit even to herself. The Victoria’s Secret incident replayed again in her mind and she knew there was little doubt that at least part of her had been enjoying those thoughts of Tara. Willow was still more than a little worried that Tara had caught her looking and her reaction had not exactly helped her, she should have just been nonchalant as though she had been looking for herself but now Tara was bound to think something strange had been happening.

Willow knew that she would have to deal with these thoughts and feelings she was having about Tara but now was not the time. She would be seeing her friend again tomorrow night and maybe she would find her answers then. Slipping off the bed Willow headed to the washroom to prepare for bed. With her teeth brushed and face scrubbed Willow changed into her pyjamas and debated waiting up for Buffy to get in from patrolling or seeing Riley, whichever it was, but she was too tired and after setting her alarm clock she switched out her lamp and snuggled under the covers. As she drifted off to sleep Willow hoped she would dream again of being alone with Tara in her dorm room, maybe the answer to her questions would be revealed in her dreams.

_________________
TARA: Breakfast will make all things better.
WILLOW: Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies.

Bargaining

Just a note to say I really like your take on Willow. Love the idea that Willow can accept things easily internally (like her attraction to Tara), but that that acceptance can be divorced from any external acceptance.

I dunno, maybe I'm reading too much in to things, but it matches up very well with Willows tendencies to rationalize her way in to dicey situations. Sneakiness I suppose - Willow seems like someone who can fall prey at times to the "it's not a problem as long as I don't get caught" mentality. Given her intelligence and reputation of being "seldom naughty", getting caught doesn't seem like much of a threat. Hmmmm.... yup, reading too much in.... sorry. Don't mind my random musings.

At anyrate - great that you are continuing this. Looking forward to more.

- Boschi

Update!
Okay, I’m loving this fic! Willow and Tara are so well described, and I like the way you’ve written their thoughts and feelings. It’s great! Hehe, and Xander’s talk with Willow was very funny, specially the secret part
Love this, and can’t wait for more!

K.

That is just so Willow and tara that I want a Willow and Tara here, now! Or another update... maybe thats more in the "things that could happen" book of life.

You,ve got it real good, the part where Willow dresses like a skater gal is just so funny mental images I just love the way you're writing this, keep up the good work...

I have a bed to catch now :s

_________________
The clash of swords will bring them against each other, but one sword will bring them together:
Askeidevor

This is a unique interpretation of the beginning of their relationship. I don't think I've ever read a between-the-episodes account of Season four quite like this, so bravo. I also liked how you addressed the issue of Tara'a monetary status. I also liked how you had teh girls having fun ptrying on clothes. There were never really any moments of levity show on the show, so it's a nice change. Please continue soon.

Also, you may want to post in the update thread so that people know you updated. Many people depend on this instead of checking the threads.

interesting! always loved Willow's babble and a nice begining of their relationship! Can't wait for more!

photographer02

Great update as always. I'm liking these updates a lot more than the few Willow and Tara clips that were spread out throughout the Buffy series. I always thought they should have added more Willow and Tara goodness, don't you agree?

Please keep the updates coming!

_________________
GOOOOAL!!!!!
Tonto rides again!

Disclaimer Mutant Enemy own all the copyrights concerned but I own a complete set of Kajagoogoo albums so lets call it even.

Background Season 4, still stuck between Doomed and A New Man but the pace is going to get faster after this update.

Mini-Spoiler If you don't like cliffhangers you might want to wait for Chapter 5 before reading this update.

Feedback Yes please, good or bad.

Rating PG



Between The Lines

Chapter Four – Secrets

It was a glorious morning, sun shining, birds singing and all was right with the world. Of course this being California most mornings began with the sun shining and the birds singing but still this morning was extra special or so it seemed to Tara as she got ready for class. The frantic rush of yesterday morning had been avoided today, Tara had a later start and she had made sure she got up and moving with the alarm so that she could take care of everything necessary before allowing herself the luxury of a little Willow daydreaming. Her bag was packed with the notes and books she would need for today’s classes and most importantly she had got to the showers early and been able to take her time and wash her hair so that she could look her best for her movie date tonight.

With everything done and still an hour to go before her first class started, Tara decided that being cooped up in her dorm was not the way to spend such a glorious morning. With a last quick check to make sure she had not forgotten anything she picked up her bag and headed out of the door, she had a favourite spot on the Campus grounds under the shade of a tree and that was where she was headed now. Tara began to hum softly to herself as she walked towards her chosen spot, another sign that she was in an unusually good mood. Music, like most forms of art, was a passion of Tara’s, but she could rarely remember feeling confident enough to sing or even hum in public after spending her childhood years trying as hard as possible not to be noticed by the world around her. Tara smiled at the thought of singing for Willow like some old fashioned minstrel serenading the fair maiden, Willow certainly qualified for the fair maiden role but somehow Tara doubted that she would fit the redheads ideal of young love.

The morning was already warm enough that Tara was grateful for the shade that the tree afforded as she sat down to enjoy the start of the day. Much as Tara loved college life and had certainly been happier here than she ever could remember at home, for the first time Tara truly felt like she was a part of life in Sunnydale. Until she had met Willow it had always seemed that she was an outsider, observing but not participating in the life that filled the halls and rooms of the Campus and the town. It felt almost as if by connecting to Willow she had suddenly been connected to the pulse of the community around her and for the first time since arriving to begin her studies she began to consider Sunnydale as her home, both for the present and just maybe for the future as well. Opening her rucksack she drew forth her sketchpad and her pencil case and after shifting to make herself more comfortable she began to draw.

Tara allowed herself to drift while she sketched, she preferred to draw from her subconscious and see what came forth although she was pretty certain that on this occasion she would draw the face that was all she seemed able to think of for the last few days. It was difficult to believe that less than 48 hours ago she had been sunk in misery, certain that Willow was never going to call and her lonely existence in the shadows of the Campus would continue as if they had never met. Now they had met up twice and done the friend thing if not the girlfriend thing and they had made plans to meet again tonight for a movie. The ease with which her relationship with Willow was developing had taken her by surprise, the other girl seemed to instinctively understand Tara’s shyness and was able to coax her out of her shell without any difficulty. Tara had known that she was attracted to Willow physically when she had first seen her but she was surprised now to find that there was so much more to her new friend. Willow was funny, sometimes but not always intentionally, she was caring, she was honest and best of all she seemed to understand what Tara needed.

Watching the face take shape with the deft strokes of her pencil Tara pondered the one problem she could see looming in her immediate future. She thought that she could settle for friendship with Willow, particularly now that she knew just how much she enjoyed the other girls company, but that did not alter who she was. Tara was honest by nature anyway but particularly in this instance she felt she needed to be open with Willow about her sexuality. There was always a risk that by telling Willow she was gay she would risk rejection but already she felt that was unlikely, she might not know Willow that well yet but she was sure that the redhead was not at all prejudiced. On the other hand, if she chose not to tell Willow or to lie if the subject of relationships came up then she was sure she would damage the friendship they were building. Willow seemed such an open person herself and she would surely be far more offended and hurt if she discovered Tara had lied and hidden things from her. Of course it was one thing to be honest and admit she was gay it was quite another to admit that she was attracted to Willow, that little piece of information she would keep to herself.

Willow had not actually talked that much about boys the couple of times they had met but that was obviously due to her recent heartbreak with Oz. Thinking about their conversations she had mentioned a friend called Xander but he was clearly someone she viewed more as a brother, it seemed as though Willow was taking a break from the complications of dating. One thing puzzled Tara though, she was sure she had caught Willow checking out the displays at the Victoria’s Secret store yesterday and in Tara’s limited experience girls who did that usually had love or something a little more carnal on their minds, particularly if they were looking at the type of item she thought Willow had been. Willow did seem to have a number of other friends so maybe she did have a crush on someone and had just not shared that piece of information yet, after seeing how hurt she had been by Oz’s betrayal Tara hoped that whoever it was would treat Willow with care.

So the decision was made, tonight she would make sure to take any opportunity that came along to out herself, try and be casual about it but just get it out there so that Willow could deal with it and they could move on and hopefully become even closer friends. To be certain that Willow would not misunderstand her intentions she would have to be sure to make it clear that she saw the other girl as her friend and was not making a play for her, if she could hide that part of her feelings there was much less chance of freaking Willow out. It did not feel entirely right to lie to Willow about how she saw her but Tara knew it would be too much of a bombshell to drop to tell Willow that she was gay and that the redhead was pretty much her idea of the perfect woman. No, it was far safer to convince Willow that romantically she was not her type so that Willow would not feel uncomfortable around her.

Checking her watch Tara realised it was time to pack up her things if she did not want to be late for class. Tara swung her re-packed bag over her shoulder and walked back towards the faculty buildings thinking to herself that this day could not pass quickly enough, she knew that time would crawl until she met up with Willow and then the hours would slip by like seconds until all too soon it was over. If anybody watching Tara walk had known her and seen her walking around the Campus before they would have been surprised at the spring in her step and the confident way the painfully shy girl held her head as she faced the oncoming day.

………………………………………………………………………..

Willow flipped her notebook closed and stuffed it hastily into her book bag as the class finally drew to a close, normally she loved every second of her chemistry lessons, to be honest she loved every second of every kind of lesson, but today she just could not wait for evening to come around so she could see Tara again. Scampering down the lecture hall steps Willow took a sharp left out of the door and headed towards the Rocket café where she had an urgent date to keep with her co-conspirator. Waking that morning Willow had decided to call Xander and set up a meeting to finalise the plans for Buffy’s party so that she could ensure he would be well and truly out of her hair when the evening rolled around. Xander had been unamused at being woken by an excitable Wiccan at 7 in the morning, an hour of the day which he insisted did not exist for the unemployed such as himself, but he had agreed to drag himself away from the temptations of daytime television to meet Willow during her mid morning break. Willow ruefully remembered agreeing to treat if he promised to show up, it was not that money was tight but when someone else was picking up the tab Xander sure could eat.

Drawing close to the café entrance Willow spied Xander affecting a nonchalant air as he leaned against the wall, pretending to read an arty looking paperback. Willow shook her head at the young man’s transparency, every time he visited the Campus he seemed to have come up with a new angle or look that he believed would make him irresistible to the young women of UC Sunnydale. Willow understood that to a rampaging mass of hormones such as Xander the Campus represented the ultimate carnal sweetshop, but surely he could give it a rest now that he and Anya were approaching something resembling a steady relationship? Reflecting on that Willow wondered if it really would be such a bad thing if Xander turned his attention elsewhere, she couldn’t pretend she liked Anya all that much, maybe it could be for the best but then again maybe not, Willow understandably had very strong views on people being unfaithful. If nothing else, the fact that Xander was standing there in what he clearly thought was a ‘ladies come and get me’ pose meant that he had not brought Anya with him, something Willow mouthed a prayer of thanks to the Goddess for as she drew level with her oldest friend.

“Hey Xander, cool pictures in that thing or did you lose a bet?” she teased her friend who had not noticed her approach.

“What? Oh, it’s you Will, come on you know I have always loved Voltaire.” The young man regained his composure quickly before adding in a whisper “cut it out Will you are ruining the image.”

“Oh Xander, you don’t need me for that, I think that holding the book upside down gave the game away for you.”

“Well how am I supposed to know which way is up, it’s in French?”

“Never mind Xander,” Willow took her friend by the elbow and steered him into the café, “we have business to take care of and unlike some people I have a schedule to keep.

“I am hurt by the implication that I don’t,” the young man replied although his smile showed that he was anything but sincere about his pain.

“Ok load up, “ Willow handed him a tray “but remember only what you can carry and only one trip.” Xander took the tray and turned towards the food counter, a look of longing in his eyes.

Willow picked up an apple for herself and then decided that if she was being good enough to eat fruit she could be bad too and added a packet of Sweet Tarts and a Coke to her tray. Drumming her fingers impatiently she waited for Xander to finish loading his tray with donuts and anything else that caught his eye, this was going to be an expensive meeting but Buffy was worth it even if she did seem a little too pre-occupied with Riley to spend time with her friends lately. Willow caught her train of thought and gave herself a mental slap on the wrist, how was she any different dragging Xander out to meet her in her break so she could go off with Tara tonight. With Xander dating Anya it seemed the whole gang had other things on their minds these days, maybe it was natural once you left high school but she felt a momentary pang of nostalgia for the old days fighting evil in the library and fighting the urge to dance badly at the Bronze.

“Good grief Xander, are you stocking up your basement in case of nuclear attack?” She could swear he was struggling under the weight of his tray.

“Basement? Will, not one of these guys is going to survive long enough to make it back to the basement, I worked up quite an appetite walking over here.”

Willow thought Xander hardly needed to work up an appetite in her experience but left the thought unsaid as she was keen to get this out of the way. Settling up at the register she nodded her head towards an empty table and without waiting for a response set off trusting that Xander would follow.

Willow sipped her Coke and then opened the packet of Sweet Tarts, not exactly a balanced diet she thought but then everyone had a vice and at least she didn’t smoke.

“Caffeine and sugar Will? You don’t think maybe you are hyperactive enough without adding that to the mix?”

Xander bit into a jelly donut and inevitably a blob of jelly escaped his clutches and landed on the front of his shirt. Biting back the retort that had been on the tip of her tongue Willow settled for rolling her eyes at this typical display of clumsiness.

“Fascinating as my diet might be we need to settle the details for Buffy’s party before we run out of time.” Willow continued “I have checked this morning and we can have the room here on Campus for the party itself so as I am on site I am voting myself onto the decorations committee.”

“Okay,” Xander spoke through a mouthful of donut “tell me what you need me to do and I will get on it.”

“Don’t you have any suggestions of your own?”

“Come on Will,” the young man shrugged “you are the plan gal, that’s how we always work, you tell me what to do and I do it.”

“Well, you can tell Giles where the party is and round up anyone else not here on Campus that you think should come, you don’t need to include Anya in that.” Xander scowled but Willow pretending not to notice continued, “Also you can pick up the cake, that should be within your capabilities,” Willow teased.

“Sure, collecting baked goods is top of my resume, don’t forget the many times I went for donuts when there was evil to fight.” Xander grinned “not sure if I can handle the challenge when it’s only a birthday party at stake, usually I need the incentive of an impending apocalypse to go to the bakery but then again, going on past experience of Buffy’s birthdays we probably have one of those to look forward to on the night.”

“Don’t even joke about it Xander, “ Willow suppressed a shiver “things are nice and quiet and I want them to stay that way so no tempting fate.”

Willow finished up the Sweet Tarts and after a quick polish she started in on her apple, “fruit,” she waved the apple at Xander, “don’t say my diet is not balanced.” In reply Xander waved a half eaten donut at her, “fruit filling” he stated as though he had just delivered the decisive argument for the debating team.

Settling into a companionable silence as Xander munched his way through the pile of sugary baked goods on his tray Willow thought that she probably could have just told Xander to pick up Giles and the cake on the phone and skipped the costly ritual feeding of this face to face meeting. Truth be told Willow had wanted to see Xander just for the sake of seeing him, he was her oldest friend and for all of the excitement of her new friendship with Tara she missed the old school gang. Change had been the theme for the last few months of Willow’s life and it was comforting to know that some things, Xander for example, were still the same. That was not entirely correct though, Willow had seen the slightly haunted look in her friends eyes in recent times, the only outward sign of his own insecurity as he felt life and his old friends passing him by. Maybe everyone is changing after all she thought; maybe they all are going through the same things as me. Maybe they were but there was one change that she thought was pretty much exclusive to her.

Thinking about the changes she was going though Willow realised there was another reason she wanted to talk to Xander, he might be able to answer some of her questions concerning Tara. She would have to phrase her questions carefully to make sure she did not give too much away but then again not that carefully, this is Xander she reminded herself.

“Xander, you feel like helping me out with my psych class? Just answering a few questions,” Willow added as she noticed a slightly panicky look cross the young mans face.

“Ok Will, so long as you don’t try to analyse me, I don’t want to hear it if you think I have a complex or I am some kind of psychotic.”

“Don’t worry it’s nothing like that,” Xander relaxed a little at the re-assurance, “I just have an assignment on human attraction and I was wanting to get a male perspective and you are almost male.” Willow could not resist teasing just a little.

“Alpha male Will,” Xander smiled, “at least that’s what you have to tell all your college friends at Buffy’s party.”

“Do I tell Anya you told me to tell them that?”

“Hey, whose side are you on?” Xander managed to look a little hurt.

“Just joking. Ok questions,” Willow thought how to phrase this, she wanted to try and understand if what she was feeling truly meant she was attracted to Tara, so what was it that she thought indicated an attraction? “So, for a guy, how do you know when you find a woman attractive, I mean if you notice a woman’s figure,” images of Tara stretching for the book flashed again through Willow’s mind, “does that mean you are attracted to her or do you just notice those kind of details automatically?”

Xander laughed. “Will, when a guy notices a woman is breathing it means he is attracted to her.”

“Oh,” Willow looked puzzled for a moment, “so how do you tell the difference between a girl you are attracted to and might want to date and a girl you maybe don’t like in that way.”

“That’s simple, the ones you might want to date are the ones that don’t make it clear from the start that they find you repulsive,” Xander paused before adding, “of course that’s not an exact rule, I mean Cordy definitely found me repulsive to start with and we still ended up dating.”

“So let me get this straight, you are saying that guys are attracted to any girl with a pulse and they will date anyone who doesn’t reject them from the start?”

“You got it Will,” Xander smiled, “you will be thinking like a guy in no time.”

Willow thought that was pretty unlikely, if Xander was right then she didn’t think anything like a guy. This was not exactly helping but Willow thought she would take another shot before giving up. “Ok, lets say you are attracted to all women, how do you know when it’s the real thing then, like with Anya and Cordelia, or just a crush like you had on Faith?”

“Ah Will, I thought you had it,” Xander shook his head “I never felt more or less attracted to Cordy than I did to Faith, the only difference is that Cordy just used to threaten to kill me from time to time whereas Faith actually tried to do it.” Xander gave her a rueful smile as he continued “Of course being a guy I might have been willing to overlook the trying to kill me thing if she had wanted to date,” Xander’s expression suddenly hardened, “but then she tried to hurt you and that is something I can’t ever forgive.”

“I understand.” Willow was touched by the sincerity in her friends voice as the laidback, humorous mask he typically wore slipped for a moment to show his true feelings. She knew exactly what he meant, she had been willing to give Faith every chance until she had decided it might be fun to throttle Xander in her motel room, after that Willow had hated Faith more passionately than she had ever believed possible. Still, Faith was in the past and Willow was looking to the future now and this conversation was clearly not going to answer her questions about Tara.

“Ok, that’s all I need thanks,” Willow broke the silence that had descended following the serious turn in the conversation. “I have to get to the library and get some work in before my next class, you clear on your party duties?”

“Pick up the cake and a stuffy old English guy, got it?” Xander broke into a smile, “good to see you Will and if you don’t mind the compliment you are looking good.”

“I look the same as always Xander but thanks anyway, a girl never tires of hearing that kind of thing.” Willow smiled as she stood up and picked her bag up from under her chair.

“I mean it Will, I don’t know what it is but you look happier I guess, your eyes have got their spark back and I got to see your smile for the first time in too long. I hope it’s permanent, you had me worried for a while.”

I hope it’s permanent too Willow thought to herself, “well thanks Xander, I knew there was a reason why I loved you.” Willow impulsively kissed Xander on the cheek and then embarrassed stepped back ready to go, “Ok I have to hit the books, see you later Xander.”

“Sure Will, later.” Xander waved as she headed for the door. Willow smiled to herself as she made her way to the library, she was lucky to have friends like Xander and Buffy, now if she could keep hold of what she thought she might have with Tara her heart would truly be full.

…………………………………………………………………….

Willow paused in the hallway as she caught sight of the door to Tara’s room, she had had to consciously restrain herself from breaking into a run on the way over and now with her goal in sight she hesitated. The plans for the evening had changed and although it all seemed like a good idea at the time Willow now felt uncertain that Tara would be enthusiastic about her suggestion. Buffy had confirmed, as if there was any doubt, that she had patrolling plans and Riley plans for the evening and therefore she would not be back until very late. Willow had been worried that the movie choices at the local theatre were not very good and now she had the additional concern that Buffy and Riley were likely to be in the area tonight. She was not too happy with the idea that the Slayer might see her out with Tara, especially as Buffy so far had no idea the blonde girl even existed, potentially a situation that could offend both girls, Buffy for being kept out of the loop and Tara who might feel slighted that Willow had not told her friends about her.

The new plan therefore was to tempt Tara back to her dorm room and load up on videos and popcorn. The idea held a great deal of appeal as Willow knew that even if there had been a decent movie playing she would still have rather spent time alone with Tara, not sharing her with the rest of the world. Tara’s dorm would have been even better but as far as Willow could recall there was neither a VCR to watch movies with or a Microwave oven for the utterly essential popcorn. The slim risk of being caught with her visitor would have to be taken, unless the girls passed out Willow knew there was almost no chance of Buffy returning before Tara had left for the night.

Convinced again of the soundness of her plan Willow took the last few steps and knocked on Tara’s door.

“H-hi Willow,” the door flew open almost instantly, “you got here early.” Tara smiled as she stepped back to allow Willow to enter the room. Willow realised Tara must have been waiting for her knock to answer the door that quickly, ok so no doubt Tara was pleased to see her.

“Hi Tara, you look ready,” Willow appraised her friend “actually you look great, are you ready for some fun?”

Tara felt herself blush at the unexpected compliment, she had had time to arrange her hair properly and she had on a long denim skirt and a cerise shirt that were amongst the newest items in her wardrobe but still she didn’t think she looked that good, “Yes all r-ready, I got back from class a bit earlier than expected.”

“Ok, well there is a teensy change in the plan as in I think we should give the movies a miss.” Willow watched Tara’s face crumple a little with disappointment and hastened to add an explanation, “not that going to the movies is a bad idea or that I don’t want to go with you, I want to go with you and it was what you wanted but the movies showing are like yeuchh, nothing good, so I thought maybe we could watch movies but not go to the movies, ok?”

The flash of disappointment that she had felt as Willow had cancelled their plans was replaced by amusement as Tara listened to the redhead babble her explanation. Ok so Willow didn’t think there was anything worth watching in the movie theatre but still wanted to watch movies, that still sounded like fun to Tara but before she could agree Willow had drawn breath and plunged back into babble mode.

“I mean, I looked at movies yesterday before we went out and I saw nothing good and I was thinking about going with you when I looked, not going with someone else, so I should have told you yesterday when you said you wanted to go to the movies but I forgot cos I was so pleased we were going out and then I thought maybe we could go anyway but I know you won’t like the movies they are showing so I thought maybe videos, my dorm room and there could still be popcorn and now you are disappointed because I let you down.” Willow finally paused for a breath.

“Willow, videos in your d-dorm sounds great.” Tara smiled, an evening alone with Willow in her room was way better than going to the movies, still she was curious to know what Willow thought she would not like. “So what was so bad in the m-movie theatre that I won’t like?”

“Cool, you mean you want to?” Willow caught Tara’s nod and realised she had been asked a question “oh, well I can’t remember everything but the big film of the week is some football movie, ‘Any Sunday something’, sounds like a guy movie and I know you said you like romance and comedy and well I doubt it has much of either.”

“M-maybe the players love their Coach?” Tara could not resist teasing just a little.

“Well maybe but I just thought you would rather not,” Willow began to agree then noticed the slightly mischievous smile on her friends face “and you know now I think you are just trying to make fun of me.”

“A little,” Tara agreed, “I just can’t believe you think I would be upset at j-just watching videos in your dorm.”

“I just feel like I am letting you down somehow, changing the plan on you when you said you wanted to go, but if you are sure videos are ok then lets go.”

“I am sure.” Tara walked to the door and held it open for her friend before following her out into the hall.

………………………………………………………………..

Willow pushed open the door and was relieved to find that Buffy had not had a sudden change of heart and decided to stay in. Opening the door wide she ushered Tara inside and gestured towards her side of the room, “This is me, Buffy has the other side, she is out with her boyfriend tonight so we should have the place to ourselves.”

“C-cool,” Tara was pleased to know they were unlikely to be disturbed, “where should I sit?”

“Oh, on the bed is fine, easiest to see the TV from there and there is plenty of room for us both, make yourself comfortable while I get some snacks ready.”

Watching Willow gather supplies Tara scooted onto the bed and looked around the twin room that her friend shared with Buffy, the blonde girl Tara had seen around Campus but had not yet met face to face. The room was cosy and a lot tidier than Willow had implied it would be, it was quite light and both girls seemed to have a few stuffed animals around for company. At the foot of Willow’s bed was a trunk that stood open and clearly contained her magical supplies and books, on the nightstand next to the bed was the book Tara had loaned her the other evening. Willow had a desk against the wall that held both a personal computer and her beloved laptop, the desk was covered in notes and the detritus of some serious study sessions. Completing her inspection Tara concluded the room fitted Willow, there was a warm welcoming feeling to the place that matched the open accepting personality of her friend.

Willow dropped a couple of bags of chips, some candy and sodas onto the bed and then returned to the microwave for the popcorn. Tara’s eyes grew wide at the sight of the snack mountain that the redhead was piling up, how does she stay so thin? “So err Willow, how m-many movies are we planning to watch?”

“A couple I guess, depends how long you can stay.” Popcorn ready Willow turned and caught Tara’s expression as she eyed the snack pile, “oh you mean with all the snacks, force of habit from movie sessions with Xander and Buffy I guess, they like to eat, a lot. It won’t go to waste, anything we leave Buffy will slay err take care of when she gets in.”

“Slay?”

“Sorry, kind of a running joke, Buffy tends to break things,” Willow thought fast on her feet, “so we got used to saying in High School if she broke something that she had slayed it.” Snacks delivered Willow scooted up on the bed and sat next to Tara. “Ok, you said romance and comedy so I figured I would flip that around and start with a comedy and then if you still want to we can follow it with a romance, sound ok?”

“Sure Willow, so what are we w-watching first?”

“There’s Something About Mary and then if you need some romance we have Notting Hill to follow.”

“I haven’t seen those yet, that sounds g-good.”

“Ok, let me just get the lights and we can start.”

………………………………………………………….

..why do you build me up(build me up) Buttercup, baby

Tara felt weak as the end credits rolled, weak from laughter at the movie she hadn’t really expected to enjoy but especially weak from the sensation of sitting next to Willow, almost touching but not quite, for the last two hours. The single bed was not really that wide and so as the girls had shifted position occasionally they would brush against each other, Tara could feel the warmth from Willow’s skin they had been so close and each time they spoke the scent of her breath tickled her nose. To be so close to the object of her desire had been a kind of exquisite torture as she had fought with the desire to take Willow in her arms, to capture her lips in a kiss when she leaned in close to speak or simply to let down her guard and profess her love and devotion to the girl at her side.

..just to let me down(let me down)and mess me around

Willow glanced from the screen to Tara and back again and drew in a deep breath as she tried to slow her racing heart rate. Moments after the film had begun Tara had shifted her weight slightly and her arm had brushed Willow’s leg as she repositioned herself, from that point on Willow had barely managed to focus on the film as her fantasies had run wild. So this was what it felt like to be Xander she thought, recalling Buffy secretly telling her of the young mans thoughts after her brief taste of telepathic power, mostly thoughts of Buffy naked. Willow had to confess thoughts of what Tara might be concealing inside her shirt had risen unbidden in her mind as she fantasised about indulging in a make out session with the beautiful blonde sitting next to her. Ok, no need to question anymore, you are attracted to Tara and so what do you do about it, ok conversation.

..and then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby

“That was a lot funnier than I expected, I am guessing from the all the giggling you liked it too?”

“Very funny,” Tara agreed, “Matt Dillon with that p-poor dog,” Tara could not stop another laugh bubbling up, “I love animals but oh so funny.”

“Maybe the critics don’t always get it wrong, lets hope Notting Hill lives up to it’s reputation too.”

“Oh yes b-but do you mind if we take a break first, I need to visit the bathroom and stretch my legs a l-little.” Tara did need to visit the bathroom but she also wanted to splash a little cold water in her face and get a little space from Willow so that she could attempt to pull her thoughts back together.

“Ok sure, we have plenty of time.” Willow thought she might just have to go stand by the refrigerator with the door open while Tara was gone to cool her blood. “We can talk, maybe listen to some music until you feel ready for another movie.”

..when you say you will (say you will) but I love you still

This is good, normal conversation thought Willow as she sought to ground herself back in reality and away from her daydreams. Tara stood up and stretched and oh Goddess, Willow just could not look, she had never seen anyone look so desirable as Tara did at that moment, or at any moment for that matter. Tara would look totally edible first thing in the morning with bed hair and sleep in her eyes. Trying to appear casual Willow stood up herself and made a show of tidying up the snacks on the bed as Tara headed out of the door, what was happening here? There was no way she could deny that she had it bad but what was it? Willow had already been prepared to accept that maybe she could be attracted to a girl, she was open minded and there had been clues before but until now she had figured that maybe this was a crush and in time it would turn into a purely platonic thing but there was nothing platonic about the images in her mind.

Willow tried to rationalise her thoughts, logic, cold calm logic would provide the explanation she sought. She had been in relationships with boys up until now but she was now definitely more than interested in being with a girl, was this any different to her previous relationships? She thought of Oz and how they had become involved, he had been cool, nice to her and they had become friends and eventually dated but she could never recall thinking of Oz in the same sensual way she thought of Tara. When she thought of boys it was not with anything like the intensity of desire she felt when thinking of Tara. If Willow accepted what these feelings were telling her then surely she was admitting to herself that Tara was not an aberration but rather her earlier relationships had been the aberration, if she could trust what her heart was telling her now then this was not just a phase she was going through, rather she was discovering who she really was.

Sitting back down on her bed Willow decided she needed to find out a little more about Tara before her thoughts ran away with her. Willow might well have discovered through Tara that she was more than a little interested in girls but that did not mean that Tara felt as she did, she probably didn’t and Willow needed to know before her obsession went too far. Tara had not said anything about boys so far but then the blonde girl didn’t volunteer personal information unless asked directly. Willow figured there had to have been boyfriends in Tara’s past, she was far too pretty not to have had boys fighting over her in High School, probably she had her eye on someone here in Sunnydale too. Time for some regular girl chat, whatever she discovered Willow knew she had to find out now.

..I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin’

………………………………………………………………….

Tara stood in front of the mirror in the dorm bathrooms, not really looking at her reflection, her thoughts still in turmoil over the feelings aroused by the closeness of Willow as they had sat in the redheads dorm room. Tara had never been the type to make the first move, she could hardly bring herself to speak unless spoken to and yet she had not imagined the power of her desire for Willow or the overwhelming temptation to act on it. If she could feel like that while watching a comedy what would it be like to watch a romantic movie with the object of her affection right beside her. Tara knew it was asking for trouble and so she had excused herself to give herself some breathing space and had asked Willow for a break before moving on to the second movie.

A coffee date and a shopping trip was all it had taken to get to this point and Tara knew that something had to give soon. No matter how hard she tried to tell herself that she was only dreaming she knew that she was reacting to her time with Willow as though they were dates and so she was now in third date territory in her mind. If she allowed herself to keep thinking this way she knew she was going to get hurt, she needed to try and figure out a way to be close to Willow without feeling this way, she desperately wanted Willow as a friend but it would not be fair to either of them to let this situation go much further. Willow is straight, she reminded herself for what felt like the hundredth time, she had to squash down these feelings of desire before they spoiled any chance of a normal friendship. Collecting her thoughts Tara headed back to Willow’s dorm room determined not to give any indication of the feelings she was struggling to suppress.

“Welcome back,” Willow smiled as Tara re-entered the room, “I tidied up the bed a little so we can be more comfortable, I put some leftovers out for Buffy,” she added with a laugh.

Tara eased back on to the bed, noticing as she sat that Willow had put on some music that she didn’t recognise. “What are we l-listening to?”

“Cibo Matto, they played at the Bronze a while back, it’s great mood music and I figured you might want to talk a little.”

“Sure, I d-don’t quite feel ready for another movie, so um what do you w-want to talk about?”

Ok here goes nothing Willow thought to herself, “Well I was just kind of wondering about boys, I mean you and boys, not that you have to tell me anything if it’s private but you haven’t mentioned a boyfriend and I was curious if there was anyone?” Please say no, Willow added silently to herself.

“No it’s not p-private and no, no b-boyfriend.” Tara felt her heart begin to pound furiously in her chest as simultaneously her throat turned dry, this was the moment she had been dreading, she would tell Willow who she was and things would never be the same between them again.

“How about before Sunnydale, no High School sweetheart or anything?”

“No,” that was a joke Tara thought, High School had been hell and there had never been anyone in her life she could have dated pre-Sunnydale, “I mean maybe a date or two but n-nothing steady.” Tara wondered at why she had said that even as the words came out, there had never been anything close to a date in High School but somehow she felt that admitting it would open up a whole avenue of questions she did not want to face.

“I get it, nobody special,” Willow paused, so far so good she thought, “So is there anyone here that you think maybe?”

Oh yes, someone a few inches away looking at me with those beautiful green eyes. “Not really, I d-don’t know too many people here and I haven’t been, I mean I have a lot of s-studying to do.” Tara trailed off, biting her lip as she struggled to think of how to answer the questions she knew she had to face.

Sensing some of Tara’s discomfort Willow thought better of her tactic, “I am being pushy gal I know, it’s ok if you want to talk about something else, I mean after Oz I am not exactly in the talking about boys space but I was just curious.” Willow was still curious to know more but she had some new information to file away, there was nobody special in Tara’s life and nobody on the horizon so far as she could tell, it was a start.

“It’s ok Willow, it’s just there is not much to say, I c-come from a pretty small town so I guess I haven’t really had much experience with dating.” The small town part was true but Tara was being evasive, she wanted to tell Willow the truth but she did not want to break the spell of the last few days. Once Willow knew she was bound to back off a little, even if she still wanted to be friends, and Tara wanted to keep the dream alive a little longer.

The silence grew a little uncomfortable before Willow steered Tara back into a discussion of the film they had just seen and soon the girls were laughing again as they relived some of the funnier moments.

After a while the conversation tailed off again and anxious to avoid further questions which she felt unable to face Tara glanced at her watch, “we should p-probably start the other film now, it’s getting a little late.”

“Ok sure,” Willow got up and placed the second tape in the VCR before rejoining Tara on the bed.

………………………………………………………………..

..she
May be the face I can’t forget
A trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay

The credits from the second film rolled and Tara felt her chest tighten with anxiety as she glanced at the beautiful girl by her side. The film had been enjoyable in the way so many light romantic comedies are but in her heightened emotional state it had touched something inside Tara and as the story had unfolded she had finally made up her mind to be open with Willow. Making her mind up had been the easy part but as she realised the film was drawing to a close she had become more and more nervous about what she was going to do. Looking more closely at Willow she tried to commit every detail of that beautiful face to her memory, terrified that once she spoke there would never be another night like this and she would be alone once more.

Willow sat up and reached for the remote control on the bedside table wondering whether Tara would want to stay and talk a little more or if she would want to get back to her own room, it was getting late after all. Sensing Tara’s eyes on her she turned to look into those deep pools of blue that always seemed to entrance her, the blonde was looking at her with a peculiar intensity and she seemed almost upset about something. Willow was on the verge of asking if she was okay when Tara smiled at her, ok it seemed a slightly nervous smile but nonetheless smiles were a good thing.

“So Tara, do I need to get you home before your carriage turns into a pumpkin or do you want to stay and talk a little longer?”

..she
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I’m alive
The one I’ll care for through the rough and ready years

“I will stay,” Tara hesitated and nervously met Willow’s gaze, “I have something that I have to tell you.”

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TARA: Breakfast will make all things better.
WILLOW: Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies.

Bargaining

Very sweet.

W/T are definitely in dating mode now. I guess it is about time for the talk now. Obviously, Tara feels the same way.

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Tara: Willow, I got so lost.
Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

Great update, I absolutely adored it!
Willow’s dawning realization that she was attracted to Tara was so sweet, and very convincing. And I like the way you write her relationship with Xander, just like the show, and actually funny As for Tara, I’m glad that she’s finally decided to tell Willow about her sexuality. Now I can’t wait to find out Willow’s reaction.
Update soon, please!

K.

I really like this story. It's great to be able to see Willow and Tara getting to know each other and being able to see what they're thinking as their relationship grows.

It seems their both very insecure, both judging everything they say harshly.

I'm looking forward to seeing you describe their relationship unfolding.

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02/28/2007

oh! cliffhanger!!! thats evil

But this story is just so great! I really love how both of them can actually be sure of what they feel, but so insecure about it. It's like, lemme see, real life! Can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. Keep up writing, you have a real talent for it

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The clash of swords will bring them against each other, but one sword will bring them together:
Askeidevor