hi everyone,
Thanks for the wonderful feedback and encouragment...
Only a short shopping scene and then right back to the Journals... and we totally understand what everyone is saying about Willow needing to be there for at least some of them and the fact that she needs to re-live the good as well as the bad... we've taken all that into account with how she has written them but you'll have to give us a little lead to run on for a bit till we bring it all together... oh and there is definately entries on her making her decision to show up in the hallway in Entrophy after the coffee date..
okay all the spoilers you're going to get out of me... enjoy... kath (and beth)
***
“Are you sure you didn’t mind coming all this way, I still feel guilty that its my fault that most of the shops are places we can’t go.” Dawn lopped an arm through Buffy’s and one through Willow’s as they wandered down the central area of a large shopping mall.
“No, it’s nice. Very nice.” Willow looked around smiling as she looped the dropped end of her scarf over her shoulder.
“There are restaurants and cafes every few steps, so if you feel tired or anything we can just sit down.” Dawn continued to over compensate as she saw the slim redhead shiver slightly.
“No, I’m great. Want to shop more.” Willow grinned back at them.
“So what kind of thing do you want to look at?” Buffy smiled as she listened and watched the banter between her sister and best friend. It was such a comfort to see things at a normal level without any overwhelming clouds on the horizon.
“Puppies? We could get a dog.” Willow offered the first thing that came to her mind.
“You want a dog?” Buffy spoke slowly and arched an eyebrow as she turned to look at Willow as they stopped momentarily.
“Yes a dog.” Willow bubbled as the idea caught hold of her brain. “We could all take turns walking it and training it and it could fetch stakes when Buffy drops them.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a cat?” Dawnie asked softly. “Like Miss. Kitty?”
“We can’t replace Miss. Kitty.” Willow shook her head. “We could get a nice lab pup, they are friendly.”
“Does Tara like dogs?” Buffy asked though she felt their direction shift slightly towards the large pet store at one end of the mall.
“She loves anything fluffy and cuddly.” Willow pointed out the known fact.
“Can we get a dog, can we?” Dawn jumped up and down having fought all her more mature efforts to not get overly excited for too long.
“I’m not sure Dawn...” Buffy began slowly as she thought about it. “They’re not just balls of fluff.” She felt herself slip into a mother type speech about responsibility until she thought about how stupid it would sound with everything they had been through.
“Come on.” Willow jumped in literally as she looped her arm into Dawn’s and bounced with her. “You can get to name it.”
“If we’re getting a dog, we should get it from a pound shouldn’t we?” Buffy pointed out.
“YES!” The two of them yelled together dragging the Slayer off in a separate direction before she could change her mind.
***
Madalene stared at the book in her hand unable to put it down but with a look that showed her fear for the small object.
“What was that?” She tried to keep her voice from shaking as she looked at Tara.
She noticed that her index finger was still pressed between the pages acting as a bookmark, apparently they had read through nearly a third of the small pages already.
“I don’t know.” Tara whispered her voice just as shaky. “Are the books magical? Do you think Anya cast some kind of spell on them? Or maybe I did?” She frowned trying to still her whirlwind mind.
“I don’t feel anything.” Madalene shifted her had. “It’s not the books.” She took a deep breath. “You’re memories... it’s like we’re living them.”
“But how can we be, there just words on a page?” Tara frowned trying to get her mind to work.
“I don’t know.” Madalene shook her head. “Should I keep reading?” She questioned not sure what to do.
“I don’t know.” Tara admitted she looked down to see a soft sheen of sweat over her palms and she could feel the blood pumping slightly fast in her ears. “Do you think one of these if the ‘other’ book I mentioned?” She took a quick look at the books beside them that she had tided into a neater pile. One stuck out slightly due to the fact it had a small silver padlock on it.
“I don’t think we want to read that.” Madalene’s voice shivered as Tara moved books aside, until she reached it. The book itself was plain black leather and it made the silver lock sparkle even more.
“I’m guessing this one.” She said logically.
“Shouldn’t we finish this one?” The Spellcaster shied from it.
“I don’t want to read it.” Tara shook her head understanding her cousin’s confusion. “I don’t even have the key for it, I was just thinking you know…”
“Here I’ll put it on the side.” Mads reluctantly held her hand out for the book and instantly Tara smiled as Madalene seemed to read her mind and know exactly what she needed.
The Spellcaster was completely unprepared as the book fell into her grip for the wave of complete throbbing darkness that surrounded her. Her ears were filled with screaming, her skin felt like it was crawling and somewhere in the dark she could hear menacing breathing. She almost pitched the book across the room but she managed to keep herself in check enough to dump it on the side table.
“Never...” She panted. “That book never gets read by anyone.” She looked at Tara shivering.
“Something’s are best forgotten perhaps.” Tara confirmed with a shiver of her own.
“I think you wrote it to let it go as you said, to purge the memories. We shouldn’t give them more power.” Madalene agreed taking another breath as she opened the book she had in her hand wanting to push the badness away. “The first thing I remember is Willow... Willow holding me... Willow had saved me from the dark.”
“But it was a moment of beauty to be shattered by fear as the night sky cracked open like a walnut shell, realities slipping and changing as dimension merged with dimension, as Dawn’s precious life blood dripped from her wounds.” The narration continued as again the world slipped and they were in front of Glory’s tower. “Willow held her hand over my head cradling me to her as the unearthly wind tore through and around the place.”
“Oh my goddess.” Madalene looked up holding her hand over her eyes to see the scene above as the light from the portal blinded everyone. Her immediate reaction was to do something to help.
“I love you baby, I will always love you.” Willow’s soothing words were whispered over and over to ‘her’ Tara as the maelstrom continued above them and then in a crescendo of light and sound everything seemed to still and a loan figures shadow seem to fill the sky, arms flung out in a crucifix like position.
“BUFFY NO!” Madalene’s voice screamed again as she lost sight of the fact this wasn’t real.
The sound of the Slayer’s body hitting a small pile of rubble seemed to echo impossibly loud as the soft light of morning crept over the site of devastation.
“It’s so hard to know my second memory after the darkness is of watching Buffy die. Her life ended by something so simple as a fall from above.” Madalene whispered the words as her hand held the book open at her side. “But as I felt Willow dip in my arms, the strength taken out of her by the sight of Buffy’s broken body, I knew at that moment, that though the world might have been saved, it would never be the same again.”
Forcing her hand to calm at least slightly, Madalene turned the page of the journal.
“It’s one of those days that just isn’t right.” She began reading Tara’s words as the world shifted slightly.
“It started off wrong, the moment I opened my eyes I knew it. When I felt the warm sunshine pressed through the curtains onto my cheek, the moment I heard soft birdsong forcing cold silence away I realised that nothing about the day was going to be how it should be.”
The world drifted away from the dark scene to the bedroom in the Summers’ house, though the walls were in a dark red colour and not the bland muted wallpaper that was there now.
“After all it should have been raining, the birds should have found a different garden to sing in and my voice on the landing most certainly not have been the one calling to Dawn and Willow.”
A dishevelled and obviously tired redhead pulled her weary body out of bed and shuffled down the hall towards the sound of her lover’s calls.
“Dawnie?” Tara’s soft voice came from the still figure who’s profile was just visible out on the landing and then with soft barefoot foot falls the Wicca followed the way Willow had gone. “She’s not answering Willow. But I don’t want to just go in.” With several glances over her shoulder the blonde looked at the teenager’s closed door.
“We have too.” Willow moved over knocking softly. “Dawn... Dawnie... can we come in?”
“Go away.” A muffled reply came from within. Tara threw a painfully said glance Willow’s way.
“Dawn, please.” Willow put her hand flat on the door.
Very, very slowly the teenager’s door slid open revealing a hardly recognisable Dawn on the other side. The teenager was dressed in a sleep short set, though beneath it were visible traces of obviously bulky bandages. She was thin and gaunt, her hair hung in messy tangles around her shallow cheeks.
“What?” She asked of the two witches not looking up.
“We have to start getting ready.” Willow began gently trying to get her own resolution.
“I’m not going.” Dawn turned and moved back into her room coming to sit down in front of her dressing table, her eyes still not coming up to look at her reflection or at Willow and Tara.
Willow looked at Tara confused as to what she was going to do.
“But sweetie…” Tara took a slight step into the room.
“Why should I go? Its not as if its a proper burial, know one knows about it, no ones allowed too.” Dawn turned and snapped at the blonde.
“Because it’s Buffy.” Willow pointed out softly.
“It’s my sister, the only person I had left.” Dawn screeched. “And we’re burying her in a little hole in the middle of the woods so that no one knows she’s dead. The funeral parlour probably thinks she’s our pet pony or something.” A hard sob threatened to crack through Dawn’s anger but the teenager refused to let it.
“I can’t do this either.” Willow’s eyes filled with tears as she admitted her failing to the blonde and staggered back out of the room.
“Will...” Tara turned and watched as Willow left before dragging her eyes back to Dawn.
For a moment the blonde just stood there unable to decide which of them to go after.
“What could I do? Comfort Dawn, who was really just a child and who before my eyes had lost everything in the world that made her safe? Or comfort my lover, who was running so close to empty that I wasn’t sure she’d make it out of bed one of these mornings?” Madalene leaned against the doorway to Dawn’s room next to Tara’s shoulder as she read the words. “And then to make it all worse, I recall the doorbell rang, calling an end to all deliberation. It was Xander, letting us know that Anya wouldn’t be coming. She couldn’t face it, but that everything was ready, the grave, the gravestone...” The world shifted again as they were now standing in a dark wood. “It was so simple but it made me cry when I read it.”
“She wouldn’t have wanted a poem or anything fancy.” Xander pushed up and backed away from the freshly dug earth, his face a mask of pain and sorrow.
Uncharacteristically Giles moved up behind him and placed an arm around the younger man’s shoulder in comfort.
Tara stood on her own a little to the side of the two men whom when the comfort had been offered had turned to hug one another. She stepped forward and dropped quietly to her knees.
“They’ll come Buffy,” She reached out a hand and stroked the cold stone. “When they can.” She promised the Slayer.
***
Madalene felt her heart breaking as each page brought them to watch the sad scenes as everyone’s lives went on day by day with Tara’s description in her words of all they had gone through and were struggling against. The blonde’s own words seemed to be pushing for some ray of home, seemed to show the firm grip she was holding on hope but no matter how hard her words tried she couldn’t convey anything other than overwhelming grief. For that reason it was almost a present surprise when they shifted into a candle lit room.
“Well tonight I didn’t expect.” Madalene read the beginning of the new page.
“Will? Willow sweetie.” Tara stepped into the candle lit room from the front door, she stripped off her coat and hung it over the end of the stairs.
“Don’t say anything.” Willow emerged in perfect timing from the living room in long silky pyjama pants and a tight strap top. She went straight to Tara winding her hand into blonde hair as she pressed her lips over her lover’s. “Please make love to me.” She whispered.
The sound of a query or a hesitation rose in the Wicca’s throat for a second, maybe less, but then dissipated as she closed her arms around the slender redhead.
“All night until the sun rises my love.” She replied dipping her head to kiss Willow deeply on the mouth her hands pulling her lover’s body forward to brush against her own.
“I’m sorry I’ve been distant.” Willow managed between kisses. “It’s just...” She moaned as Tara’s hand trailed up her back.
“I thought we weren’t saying anything.” Tara kissed a softly line of wet kisses around to Willow’s ear as long fingers eased one strap off the redhead’s shoulder letting it loop over her lover’s arm as she moved her finger tip back up to draw light circles over the pale freckled skin.
“I love you.” Willow moaned as she felt her top being pulled off.
“This section finishes the book.” Madalene whispered as she slid the open book into the watching Tara’s hands and turned away from the scene. “I’ll get lemonade. You finish reading.”
Tara’s eyes never strayed from the scene playing in front of her as her cousin slipped away somehow back to the real world.
“I love you with all I am.” The ‘other’ Tara whispered running her hands over now naked shoulders.
It wasn’t long before Willow felt most of her clothes stripped off and then felt the blanket she had laid on the floor against her back. Tara positioned herself carefully over her lover, herself still fully dressed as she leaned down and kissed softly in a line across Willow’s body her long hair trailing over her lover’s skin.
“Oh God baby I need you.” Willow whimpered as she felt kisses moving down her body, she curled her hands into the blanket.
“You’ve got me Willow.” Tara whispered between kisses her lips now travelling just over the gently rise of Willow’s breasts moving her hand too lightly cup the side. Willow’s desperate body pushed up into her lips and Tara guided it to her mouth. At the same time the Wicca moving her body and legs gently nudging against Willow’s closed ones.
They opened immediately, her already thick arousal filling the room with a heavy scent.
Tara moaned ever so softly and eased her body between Willow’s legs pressing in close and tight as her lips and tongue continued to caress soft warm flesh.
The watching Tara softly drew her eyes from the scene to the book on her lap.
“Every time Willow and I make love, I remember again how beautiful life can be. She is my rainbow in the rain, my sunset over the mountains. I never thought I would be lucky enough to be writing something like this, never be the one to experience love in all its beauty. This was out first time since losing Buffy and it was as healing as it was beautiful.” She reached to trace her fingers over the words. “Tomorrow seems less daunting now, less dark and less foreboding. I was thinking of suggesting to Dawn that we go visit Buffy, Willow mentioned something about research but I bet after this that we won’t be far apart all day. My last words for tonight, and for this my first journal is this… I love Willow Rosenberg, she is my heart and my life.”
It was with a heavy hand that the blonde finally let the cover fall across and close the book, the heat and scent in the room immediately drifted away. Though she could still feel the arousal in her own body, still feel the waves of love that her words had expressed. She could feel forever for a moment before the world completely shifted back to reality.
“I have lemonade.” Madalene whispered as she moved back into the room after watching Tara softly close the book.
“Thank you.” Tara leaned down to put the book on the floor and then reached out for the glass. “So any ideas as to what happened then?”
“No.” Madalene sipped her drink tentatively. “At a guess we somehow opened up a conduit into your memories, though it seems odd that we would both share them as I wasn’t there.”
“Do you think that was because of our link, our birthright?” Tara asked sipping the refreshing drink
“It must be.” Madalene nodded. “We’ve done nothing magical, there is nothing magical up here.”
“It was quite…” Tara paused and smiled softly. “Amazing.” She assessed knowing the word was lacking.
“Vivid.” The Spellcaster nodded. “Such... “ She blushed lightly. “Love.”
“Oh.” Tara suddenly blushed a deep hard red. “I’m sorry about that.”
“No, I’m sorry I intruded.” Madalene shook her head. “I didn’t realise... then... she loves you.” She finished simply.
“She did.” Tara nodded glancing at the three remaining journals.
“Do you want to keep going?” Mads questioned in a soft voice.
“I don’t know.” Tara picked up the next book. It had a pale blue cover broken by small fluffy white clouds.
“Do you feel like you have answers yet?” Madalene moved back to her place on the bed.
“No.” Tara admitted. “There’s nothing that I’ve read that I hadn’t heard already, the question I have is that there feels like there is something I don’t know, something I haven’t already heard.”
Mads silently held her hand out for the second book and wasn’t surprised when Tara slowly handed it over.
“Do you mind continuing?” The blonde checked.
“No, of course not. I mean as long as you don’t mind me sharing.” She ran her hand over the cover.
“I don’t mind, if it looks like the ‘other me’ is heading towards embarrassing territory again, you can always slip out to get more lemonade.” Tara offered with an embarrassed smile.
“No worries.” Madalene slipped her lemonade onto the side table and with a soft breath opened the cover making sure to catch the title page so that she could see it first. “This book belongs to Tara Maclay... volume two...”
“I ended the last book on such a high note, it seems wrong to begin this new volume on a lower one. But I don’t have a choice.” The world shifted again and they were standing in the corner of the kitchen. “Willow and I haven’t had a cross word since that day, but today we did. It wasn’t really Dawn’s fault but she is bound to think it was should she ever find out about it, but she won’t.”
“Everything sucks... I hate being alive!” Dawn screamed as she stomped away from the kitchen. Inexplicably the Buffy-Bot stood happily pouring milk into a glass that was already overflowing.
“Should I stop pouring?” The robot asked in her happy morning voice.
“Yes, yes you stop pouring when the glass is full so that you don’t spill it.” Willow moved over and physically took the milk jug away. “Why don’t you go downstairs and recharge for awhile?”
“Recharging is good.” The robot smiled at Willow and made her way to the basement.
“Dawn! Dawnie.” Tara moved slightly to the edge of the kitchen, but didn’t pursue the teenager as loud footsteps echoed on the stairs and there came a slam of an upstairs door.
“I’m sorry.” Willow apologised as she tried to clean up the latest Buffy-bot debacle.
“It’s not your fault, the fact you got her head back on and she’s working at all it amazing. You said yourself you don’t know too much about robotics.” Tara tried to be supportive.
“I’ll work on her programming... it’s just you don’t think of the little things. Like stop pouring when the glass is full and always wear clothes in the house and out of it.” Willow frowned. “It’s taking so much damage on patrol, I don’t know how much longer I can keep her functioning.” She leaned against the counter and reached her hand up to her forehead.
“Sweetie, its not your fault.” Tara crossed and ran her hand through red hair.
“We need a more permanent solution.” Willow looked up slowly into blue eyes.
“Dawn just misses her sister Willow and by that I mean we all miss Buffy. It’s going to take time.” Tara tried to soothe.
“I might have a way to fix this.” Willow’s voice was quiet as she began the conversation that was playing on her mind for a bit.
“She doesn’t want to go to her father.” Tara said thinking that was possibly Willow’s suggestion.
“No.” Willow shook her head. “I found a spell.” She whispered trying to make her lover understand.
“A spell to bring her back, even now, after the hours of talking, arguing and talking again, I can hardly believe that she suggested it. How many times will Willow and I have the conversation about what magic is? I love her with all my heart but this is something else entirely. Tomorrow as promised I will look at the book she mentioned, but the fact that she wont let me see the spell itself bothers me. I suppose though as I love her with my whole heart, I should trust her with it too.”
***
Edited by: KathleenWolf 
at: 10/20/02 7:39:28 am
by Urn of Osiris » Tue Oct 15, 2002 6:21 pm 
. 
but then again what would we expect from you two. loving it can't wait for more. 
the way Tara describes her feelings about making love to Willow was sweet. Willow saying that if they got a dog they could teach it to get the stakes that Buffy dropped was funny. 
Poor Mads and the intimate moments. Just WOW!
But she had a wonderful life with us.....
