Author: Ghostwriter
Email: ghstwrtr7@aol.com
Rating: R possibly NC 17 This fic contains violence and scenes depicting two women expressing their love for each other, sometimes sexually. If this offends you or you are underage please look elsewhere for your entertainment.
Disclaimer: BTVS and all characters belong to Joss Whedon, ME and Fox, I own nothing.
Feedback: Welcomed and solicited as this is my first fic
Spoilers: Up to and including OAFA.
Summary: Our girls get back together, face Willow’s addiction and fight an enemy, not necessarily in that order.
Authors note: This was started after I watched Wrecked so this may be a little moot by now since we all know what happens, but this is my take on their reconciliation. Hope you like it.
Part One
Willow sat in the chair next to the bedroom window; her eyes were staring, unseeing out at the street below. Her feet were pulled up onto the chair, her arms wrapped around her knees, her head lying back. She spent a lot of time in the chair, looking out, almost as if she were waiting for someone to walk up the front walk. Someone she knew would not.
“Hey, are you antisocial girl again tonight?” Buffy asked from the doorway. She had been watching her best friend silently for the last few minutes. Her heart ached for the sadness she saw in Willow, but the practical side of her said it was a situation of her own making. Buffy told the practical, cold side to shut up. It was a fight she fought every day since being brought back. She didn’t want to listen to that side any more. She didn’t want to have to remind herself to feel, to care what was happening. Maybe if she had paid more attention to Willow her friend would not be in so much pain. If only she had not hid the truth from them. If only she had not turned to Spike. Buffy sighed mentally at all the what ifs. It had broken her heart to watch Willow fight the addiction but it gave her strength to fight her own inner demons. To fight the apathy that had surrounded her and to fight the temptation that was Spike. As she stood watching her best friend she felt helpless, she wanted to protect her from the pain, to shield her, to fix it. But this was not something she could fix. All she could do was watch, helpless, as her friend floundered from day to day fighting an addiction and mourning the loss of her light.
Willow turned her head to look at the blonde Slayer. The pale light shrouded her eyes, but Buffy knew they contained a deep pain. Buffy hated seeing that pain in the redhead’s eyes and she hated that a part of her still couldn’t feel enough to care. Once again she pushed that aside sternly, reminding herself to feel, to care, to love.
“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t be there anymore,” Willow answered before looking back out the window.
“No biggie,” Buffy shrugged and moved into the room. She sat down on the end of the bed. “You okay?”
“As okay as I can be,” the redhead answered not turning from the window.
“Will, I know this has been hard on you, but this,” she gestured to the room and chair. “This staying away is not good, it’s not healthy,” Buffy told her, her voice filled with the concern she felt.
“I know,” sighed Willow brushing a stray lock of hair away. “But there’s nothing else I can do.”
“What do you mean?” the Slayer asked with a frown, not understanding. She leaned forward on the bed her eyes intently on her friend. Willow sighed before answering.
“If I go to the Bronze, all I do is think of her, of her birthday party. If I go to the Magic Box, everything there reminds me of her, or I go all jonesy for the magic. If I stay here, in our bedroom its worse, but at least here I know I am safe from temptation.”
“Will,” Buffy breathed her name softly. She knew how much her best friend was hurting. She had watched as Willow had pined for Xander, how she had been devastated when Oz left, but nothing compared to what she saw now. Her vibrant, kooky friend looked lost, broken. She was broken and the Slayer didn’t know how to fix her. Tears sprang to her own eyes, surprising her a little as silent tears slid down Willow’s cheeks. She sat unsure, lost a little herself as her best friend stared out the window.
* * *
“How is she?” Xander asked when Buffy joined them downstairs.
“The same,” Buffy sighed and sat down on the couch next to Dawn. The cast had come off sometime ago, but the teenager still cradled it protectively on occasion. The broken arm was a reminder, both to her and Willow. She had gotten it when the car Willow had been magically driving had crashed into a wall. The two had been running from a demon Willow had inadvertently summoned while getting a magic fix from Rack. Willow’s addiction to Dark Magic had gotten so out of control that she had taken Dawn to her dealer’s place while she had gotten her fix. It had resulted in the accident and Willow finally recognizing she had a problem.
“I’m worried Buffy,” Xander said finally, his brown eyes warm with concern. He sat forward in the armchair his hands rubbing together as he looked around at the others.
“Me too,” Buffy said softly her own eyes cast downward. Her fingers picked at a stray thread on the couch.
“Well I’m not,” Anya piped up. The others looked at her. “What? She brought it on herself,” she said defensively.
“Yes she did. She knows that but, we’ve all made mistakes,” Buffy pointed out with a frown.
“I hate to see her so down,” Xander said softly looking down at his hands. He felt so helpless. His best friend was hurting and he couldn’t help her. He wanted to help her, to protect her but he didn’t know how.
“Broken,” Dawn whispered. Buffy, startled looked at her.
“What?”
“She’s broken,” Dawn said looking up her eyes earnest. “Inside.”
“Exactly,” agreed Xander snapping his fingers. “Exactly, broken.”
“Well how do we fix her?” asked Anya sitting down on the arm of the chair Xander was sitting in. Even though she said she wasn’t worried, she really was. She and Willow had had their disagreements but the ex-demon did care about her.
“I don’t know if we can,” Buffy answered pulling Dawn into a loose one-armed embrace. “I’m not even sure if she wants to be fixed.”
“Would Tara?” Xander began, his voice trailing off, opening his hands in a helpless gesture.
“She won’t even ask about her,” supplied Dawn. She and the blonde Wiccan had spent a lot of time together since Tara had moved out. “I have to bring Willow up.”
“Same here,” Buffy agreed. She stood up and walked away from the couch, from her friends and ran a hand through her blonde hair. Her thoughts running chaotically through her mind as it searched for a solution.
“Well I say just leave her alone,” Anya said decisively. “She’ll either come out of it or she won’t.”
“It’s been months Ahn,” Xander said turning to look at the blonde ex-demon.
“Yes it has. But I’ve seen broken hearts last years, centuries even. She may never get over it.”
“Well I for one don’t want to watch Willow mope around for centuries,” Buffy commented dryly turning to look back at the others. The thought of Willow being that sad for that long caused a pain to lance through her heart.
“Hear! Hear! I vote no on the century long mope,” Xander agreed. He ignored the look Anya shot him.
“So what do we do?” Dawn asked looking around at her family. They all looked at each other; hoping one of the others had an idea.
* * *
“Buffy tell me again why I’m here?” Willow asked later that night as she walked with the Slayer through the cemetery. She could not believe she had agreed to accompany Buffy on patrol, when the blonde Slayer had come back to her bedroom she refused to take no for an answer. So Willow found herself reluctantly walking through the cemetery a stake in one hand and a cross in the other. She looked at the cross and wondered, not for the first time how the cross could work for her since she was Jewish. Willow thought about asking Buffy if a Star of David would work against vampires.
“You’re keeping me company while I patrol,” was the droll answer. Besides, Buffy thought to herself. It keeps me from temptation as well.
“Yes because I am oh so helpful,” Willow said bitterly waving a hand dismissively. She kicked at a clump of grass disgusted with herself and her perceived inability to contribute.
“You are helpful Will,” Buffy said cheerfully. “And you can help me now by ducking!” she pushed Willow to the ground and expertly staked the vamp that had snuck up behind them.
“Yuck, vamp dust,” Willow whined, standing up. She brushed the dust from her clothes. Willow cut her eyes up at her friend a slight pout staining her lips. The redhead bent down to pick up the cross she had dropped.
“Sorry,” Buffy shrugged sounding anything but.
“Hey Buffy,” Willow began with a small frown as she studied the wooden cross. “Why did a cross work on Vamp Me? Hello Jewish,” she said waving the cross a little. Buffy’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak, not quite sure how to answer.
“Hello Slayer,” came the seductively crooning voice. Spike stepped out from behind a tombstone. Buffy rolled her eyes and turned to face him. The blonde vamp blinked when he saw Willow. “Red,” he greeted, his voice more its normal tone. He stopped and put his hands in the deep pockets of his leather duster.
“Spike, what are you doing here?” Buffy asked exasperated. She so did not want to see him. Buffy put her hands on her hips and stared at the platinum blonde vamp, aggravation pouring from her.
“Looking for you.”
“Well you found me. See ya later bye,” she grabbed Willow and started to walk off. Willow looked between the two a small frown on her face at the tension that filled the air.
“Guess you don’t want to know if a Bad blew into town,” he called out after her, not following her.
“No I don’t!” she shouted over her shoulder. She continued to pull Willow away, further into the cemetery, trying to get as far away from Spike as she could.
“Well you should!” He watched them walk further away without stopping. “Bloody Hell!” he muttered before stalking off in the opposite direction. He wondered if Clem was busy, maybe he could find a game of kitten poker, maybe he could just mope in his crypt. Spike continued walking, muttering softly.
* * *
Tara sat at the table at the Espresso Pump and nervously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. Buffy and Dawn sat opposite her. Each had a Styrofoam cup in front of them. A small pile of used sugar packets littered the table.
“What do you want me to say?” Tara finally asked.
“Well say something, anything,” Buffy answered leaning forward intently watching the play of emotions that passed over the Wiccan’s expressive face. Dawn looked between the two women, hoping that Tara would agree.
“This is really between Willow and I,” frowned Tara fiddling with her cup, she kept her eyes down.
“Yes, but if you won’t even talk to each other how can you get it resolved?” Buffy asked a little exasperated. She had been asking herself this question for weeks and she wanted an answer.
“She’s been really good Tara. No spells, nothing,” Dawn piped up her eyes bright. Tara smiled gently at the teenager.
“I know Dawnie, but there is more to it than that,” Tara’s voice was soft and gentle as she spoke to Dawn. The teenager held a special place in her heart and she knew that the breakup had been hard on her.
“Yes there is, and what she did was wrong, so very wrong, but Willow knows what she did, she understands, isn’t that enough for a start?” Buffy asked urgently, leaning forward again. She could see Tara was wavering. She and Dawn had spent the afternoon working on the blonde, hoping she would agree to at least talk to Willow. After Buffy’s birthday party, when they had been stuck in the house without being able to get out, the Scoobies had had high hopes that the two would start talking. They had seemed to reconnect then. But they hadn’t, they had slipped into the familiar habit of avoiding each other. Buffy studied the woman opposite and decided to pull out the big guns.
“It’s not like you’ve never used magic to influence us,” Buffy said softly, her meaning clear her eyes boring into Tara’s. Dawn sat back, surprised at Buffy’s tactic. Tara’s eyes widened and she quickly lowered her head. She knew what Buffy was talking about. She cringed inwardly as she thought of the spell that she had cast against the Scoobies so that they would not see the “demon” in her. It had resulted in them being unable to see real demons as they attacked. They had forgiven her for that and had stood up to her father for her, accepting her as one of them. She frowned as she thought about that time.
“L-let me think about it,” she finally said, her eyes faraway, her mind already whirling. Buffy and Dawn shared a pleased smile.
* * *
Willow had been staring at the same page in her textbook for almost half an hour. The soft sounds in the college library were barely perceptible to her. Today had been a bad day. Willow had woken up with tears staining her cheeks, never a good way to start the day. She knew that Tara would dominate her thoughts even more so. She had pushed the dream from her mind and started her morning routine. The day got really bad when she had looked under the bed to find her clogs when she found a small clear crystal. Apparently it had been missed in the clean out. Willow had reached out for it, trembling as if it were a frog ready to hop out at her. As soon as she had touched it a craving had gripped her, slamming into her so hard she had gasped. Sweat had sprung up on her brow; her eyes had never left the crystal in her hand. She could feel the magic gathering, aching for a release. Willow had taken a deep shaky breath, preparing herself for the spell she could feel on her lips when the door to her bedroom had swung open. Dawn stood there her mouth open to ask the question she never finished. The teenager had looked at Willow and the crystal in her hand, her dark eyes flashing in anger once before firmly walking up to Willow and taking the crystal from her. The relief that had coursed through Willow at the time had almost been palatable. She had broken down in tears then falling into Dawn’s arms as she cried for what she had almost done.
Willow finally sighed, sat back and shut the book with a loud thud. The craving had followed her around all day causing her to break out in a sweat even in the coolness of the classroom. She had been trembling so hard in one class that she could not even hold a pen to take notes. The redhead skipped lunch, knowing that if she put anything in her churning stomach it would quickly find its way back up. With a stern frown Willow pushed the days events from her mind firmly. She was sick and tired of feeling like this.
“Willow?” asked a voice to her side. She jumped guiltily and looked up to see a vaguely familiar dark haired girl. “Hi I’m Tracy Wilson, we have Medieval History together,” the girl supplied shyly. Willow remembered her then.
“Oh yeah, that’s right, sorry. How are you?” she asked impatiently pushing back a lock of hair.
“Good, listen, uh,” Tracy moved around the table and sat down across from Willow. “I’m a little behind and I was wondering if you could help?”
“You mean like tutor you or more like a study buddy?” Willow asked unsure as to what Tracy wanted, unsure also if she felt up to it.
“Well, both, that is if you have the time,” Tracy finished, her eyes downcast shyly. She looked down at her nervous hands as they fiddled with her books.
Willow opened her mouth to say no when she mentally shook her head. No, she would do it; she was tired of moping, of sitting around waiting. Buffy had been right, sitting around wallowing in self pity was not good for her. No matter what the future held for her and Tara she could not spend the rest of her life just existing, just going through the motions. How could she help Buffy if she herself was guilty of the same thing? She decided then and there to step out into the daylight, she knew it would not be easy but she had to take that first step.
“Uh, sure, I’ve got the time,” Willow rolled her eyes. “I’ve got nothing but time.”
“Great!” Tracy’s dark brown eyes lit up. “That’s great! You have no idea how much I appreciate this!” Willow smiled at her enthusiasm. “When can we start?”
“Well, since we have a class today, why not tonight? You can come over,” Willow suggested, suddenly feeling excited about the prospect of having something to do.
“All right, sounds good,” Tracy agreed smiling shyly again.
Willow quickly gave Tracy directions and gathered her books. The two girls walked out of the library chatting.
* * *
Tara walked slowly toward her dorm room, deep in thought. Ever since she had met Dawn and Buffy for coffee the day before her mind had not been silent. Buffy had raised a good point. Granted she had not tampered with memories but the principle was similar. She had forgiven Willow for that, somewhat, but she wondered if Willow had really stopped using Black Magic for herself or for Tara. The blonde had told Willow it was time to walk without the net and she hoped Willow had taken her advice. Tara was afraid for Willow, she knew how seductive magic was and she knew her lover. Willow’s thirst for knowledge had lead her to this, had opened doors that should have remained shut. Tara was afraid that Willow would give in to the siren pull of magic and open the door again. How could she trust that Willow in her desire to step through that door would not manipulate her memories again? If she couldn’t remember what she was afraid of how could she be afraid? And she needed to be afraid. Because being afraid kept her from giving into the temptation as well. Tara had left because she felt that if Willow saw what the consequences were she would stop. She had left because she felt this was the only way to help Willow fight against that pull. She had left because she felt that it was the only choice she had. Could she now go back for the same reason? There were so many reasons she had left, but there were only a few for her to go back.
Buffy and Dawn though had been making a point of every time they had seen Tara to tell her how well Willow was doing. She had also seen for herself at Buffy’s birthday party. Granted Willow had kept supplies, but she hadn’t used them. That in it self was a good thing. They had made a good start that night but since then neither had made an effort to see or talk to the other. Maybe it was time, she thought. Maybe it was time. With a lighter step she continued on to her dorm.
***
Edited by: xita
at: 10/27/02 1:17:26 pm
Keep on writing!
. Can't wait for the next part! 
at: 7/28/02 8:02:40 pm
This is definetly NOT good! 
s:: Make things lively. CAn't wait to see how Willow is going to explain things to Tara. And MYRA IS HER SISTER?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
, with Anya's directness,(I think it's time Xander put a muzzle on her), but I am glad Tara is willing to trust Willow, with Tracy only being a friend. Can't wait to see what happens next!