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Title: Returns
Rating: strong R
Summary: My take on Willow’s return home after her downward spiral. very angsty but W/T in the end.
Spoilers: Up to “Smashed” written before “Wrecked” aired but I saw the previews.
Notes: A couple of changes since it premiered on the Kitten’s Different Colored Pens board. Edited after Wrecked, but nothing huge. Just a few more details at the end I hope make more sense.
Begun: November 23, 2001 finished December 10th. And, then again April 22, 2002. Lol…
feedback welcome...
*************
She slowly opened the door hoping the bright hall light would not disturb the slumbering blonde inside. Quiet as a mouse, Willow snuck up to the bed and quickly took off her shirt as she gazed at the sleeping beauty. The redhead wanted nothing more than to draw the comforter aside and slip in the warm bed with her girl. That’s exactly what she did.
In that plane of near waking, Tara thought she felt a blast of cold air brush up against her exposed lower back. The long tee-shirt she was sleeping in had curled up above her waist, exposing her underwear and shapely legs to the cold night air. However, she forgot about the cold as soon as the frosty feeling was replaced by heat. Lots of heat. Warmth that was now embracing her back and legs, along with what seemed to be a small, tepid hand on her thigh. Tara sighed.
Willow held her breath as she tried to settle herself in behind Tara as shiftlessly as possible. She didn’t want to wake her up. At least not yet. So far, unzipping her own pants had been the hardest part of the evening but she had quietly mumbled a soundlessness spell on the zipper and was positive Tara hadn’t heard a thing.
She gently spooned against her lover and deeply inhaled all that was Tara. Her hair, her lotion, her essence. She was everything good and Willow knew she was torturing herself. But it was sweet torture. Torture she’d never stop subjecting herself to.
Tara sighed again as Willow’s hand slowly began to trace patterns on her silky thigh. The smooth digits caressed her. Worshiped her. ‘Willow’, she thought and grinned in her sleep.
Willow knew what she was doing was wrong, Tara was still asleep after all, but she couldn’t help herself. This was the woman she loved, the woman that held hope for her. Her everything.
Willow’s fingers slowly traced their way up Tara’s underwear to her lover’s hips. Willow wanted to squeeze the blonde, roll her over towards her and kiss her passionately. But she didn’t. She needed to play it slow. Slow.
Tara’s breathing began to change. Willow noticed it. She was now taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly, very slowly. Willow felt Tara curl herself in and mold her back further out into the redheads body.
As she did this, Tara’s blonde hair shifted aside, exposing her neck to Willow. Willow’s eyes quickly darted to that particular location behind Tara’s ear that drove the blonde crazy when softly blown upon. Willow fought the urge. She had to wait. Needed to wait even though her energy was bubbling up inside. Tara wasn’t awake yet.
Willow’s hand now delicately traveled to Tara’s belly where she slowly circled the button with her fingernail. Tara was an outie and had always hated her belly button. But not Willow, Willow loved it.
She continued to savor her lovers skin. Smooth, soft, so delicious when kissed. Tara’s mind began to slowly register that maybe this wasn’t a dream after all. Maybe Willow was in the room with her. Maybe she’d found her. After all, she said she’d always find her.
Willow wasn’t able to contain herself anymore and her tongue slowly darted out, teasingly licking Tara’s nape. She then kissed her lover’s neck, softly pressing her lips on the skin. She felt the urge to gently bite down with her teeth and taste more of Tara. Instead, she continued with small pecks in the area accompanied by the occasional light suckle.
Tara sighed as her heart began to race. She was not dreaming this. She felt the lips and the nips and the breeze passing between the upper bodies. The cold air striking the wet skin and Willow’s hand slowly drawing circles on her body as her fingers moved southwards down her tummy.
Tara opened her eyes. “Willow?” she hoarsely whispered as her eyes began to adjust to the dark room.
“Tare Bear.” Willow replied as she softly bit down on her lovers neck, her fingers already landing in deep curls.
Oh god, this was real. “S-stop.” Tara stuttered.
“Don’t wanna.” The redhead replied. “We’re just starting.” Further down she went. So close.
Too close. “Stop!” Tara warned as she reached over and pulled out the redheads hand from where it was. The fingers lost.
Willow quickly turned Tara over on her back, holding her down against the bed with her hands. Gently, she made sure she was holding her down gently. Their eyes connected. Willow then slowly leaned down to lick Tara’s lips. She needed to feel her. Breaking open the barrier, it was a passionate kiss filled with loss, love and lust. Tara squirmed under her.
“No.” Tara shook her head once Willow pulled back. “Get off me, Will.”
“And why would I do that?” Willow asked playfully as she began to kiss Tara’s face. Lips, cheeks, lids, nose, brows…
“Because I’m asking you to.” The blonde exhaled.
Such a simple reason.
Willow rolled her eyes and grumbled. She slumped her head down and rolled off Tara’s body, supporting herself on her side with her arm. She watched Tara. Tara’s face showed her confusion and concern. Willow traced her profile with her green eyes, resting her gaze on the perfectly luscious lips.
“Agh! I want to bite you,” Willow exclaimed as she moved her free hand under Tara’s shirt and rested it in the valley between her breasts. She could feel the heartbeat thumping underneath her palm.
Tara’s face turned to her. “No.”
“A teeny bite?”
“No,” Tara reached under her shirt and removed Willow’s hand, placing it on her side. The fingers lost again.
“Tara…” Willow whined.
Tara took a deep breath and began to speak, “How- how did you find me, Willow?”
“Magick.” She noticed Tara’s troubled eyes. “I’m kidding… Dawn. You can’t really expect a 15 year old to keep a secret, can you?”
“Not when met with the Rosenberg resolve face.”
“No one can resist my resolve face.” Willow kissed Tara’s nose. “No one.”
“Willow, don’t.” Tara whispered as she pushed Willow further away.
“I don’t understand. What’s wrong?” Her whole body ached for Tara. Tingled, lusted, seizured. She was terribly relieved as she watched Tara turn the rest of her body towards her and not away. Both were now lying on their side, nose to nose.
“You shouldn’t have come.” Tara said as she reached her hand out and lovingly touched Willow’s chin. Her fingers torturously traveled to the redheads’ throat, down her neck.
Willow sighed. “I had to. I miss you.”
Tara’s fingers now traveled up towards the edge of the Willow’s mouth where the redhead waited. She waited and waited, her eyes glazed and her breathing shallowed as Tara’s touch traveled around her thin lips. She’d wait forever if need be.
How Willow wanted to just kiss the tip and suck on it gently. Very, very gently. She deliberately snuck out her tongue and licked her lips. She drew them together and kissed Tara’s finger. She could feel the energy building in the room. Too much energy humming. Loud and clear.
Tara abruptly reached over Willow’s head, her fingers running in red hair. She pulled her close and their lips met again. She kissed her. Hard. Took Willow’s breath away and that was good.
“Do your magick, sweetie,” Willow whispered as she moved her body over her lover and began her ministrations.
Tara moaned when Willow lovingly began to touch her all over. Building emotion, building intensity. The redhead breathed and licked and nipped and sucked everything as she threw the tee-shirt over and off Tara.
“Willow”, Tara cried faintly.
“Let me get lost in you.” The redhead kissed. “Find me.” She pleaded.
Tara seized a hold of Willow’s right hand and led her down her own body. Willow gasped when she felt Tara usher her inside. Her lips returned to the blondes’ as her hand entered her lover’s temple. Soft, sweet, sensual.
Willow gulped again when she felt Tara enter her own core. Both began to move in their familiar rhythm. Kissing, licking, sucking, loving. More than anything they were loving again.
Suddenly, Willow heard her name called out and a sharp slap to the face startled her.
Willow awoke with a start, “What the-?” she looked around the grimy, run down, nasty smelling room she was in. Amy looked over her both concerned and full of crackling energy.
“What a rush, huh? You passed out.” She said as she tried to help the petite redhead up.
“Where- Where am I? Where’s Tara?” Willow asked very disoriented. And very, very dizzy.
“Tara?” Amy grinned.
Willow looked down at her clothes. She was dirty. Her hands dirty. Her hair dirty. Cuts. There were small, shallow cuts on her arms. “What’s going on, Amy?”, worry quickly overtaking Willow’s confusion.
Amy’s state was pretty much the same as Willow’s, except there were no cuts on her body. “We just had the best high of our lives.” She smiled.
“I did drugs?” Willow asked in disbelief. She could feel the cuts stinging.
Amy laughed as she twirled around, “Magick, baby. Real magick.”
Willow looked around the room once more. Slowly, the bits and pieces of the last couple of weeks rushed back to her. The resurrection, the spells, the fights, Tara’s blue eyes. Her disappointed blue eyes. “Oh god.” She squeaked and ran to the corner to throw up.
Amy just watched her from afar. “Are you ok?”
“No.” Willow cried. “What have you done to me?”
“Me?!” Amy walked up to the redhead. “I didn’t do anything to you.”
“What’s happening? What’s wrong with me?” Willow threw up again. “What did you do?”
“What?! You’re the one trigger happy with your fingers, using your power. I haven’t made you do anything you didn’t want to do. So don’t go blaming me.”
Willow started to cry again. “Tara…”
“Jesus, get over it! She left you.”
Willow’s head spun. “No.”
“She left you, Willow. What part of her moving out didn’t you understand? She’s jealous. Can’t deal with the power you have.”
“How could you say that about her? I love her. I’m in love with her.”
“You don’t want a girlfriend that wants to strangle your power. You need someone to grow with, not fight with.” Willow looked at her in disbelief. Amy crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not gay. I’m not saying-“
“I wasn’t thinking that.” Willow said, anger in her rising.
“What are you thinking then? I can see the wheel’s spinning in there.”
Willow took a deep breath before telling her, “I want you to stay away from me.”
“What?”
“I mean it, Amy. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“You don’t mean that, Willow. It’s you and me, hon. There’s no one left. None of your precious friends gives a rats ass what’s going on with you. No pun intended.” Amy then casually mentioned to the redhead, “We’ve been here for three days, Will. Why haven’t Buffy and your Scooby Doo’s come looking for you?” Willow had no reply to that. Amy finished, “Face it. You’re alone.”
“I’m getting out of here. Don’t even think of coming near me or my friends ever again.” Willow said with venom in her tone.
“Or you’ll what? Turn me into a rat again?” she scoffed.
“No. I’ll bind you.”
“Yeah, whatever, like you could. That’s why it took you three years to de-rat me, huh?” Amy retorted as Willow walked away.
****
Willow walked even though her body ached. Willow walked even though she felt breathless with every step. She walked and walked until she reached the one place she knew she’d be alone. Her parents house.
As she entered she noticed the television in the family room was on but the sound was mute. “Buffy?”, she asked once she noticed a figure on the couch. “Xand?” she whispered to the sleeping person.
The more her eyes focused the worse her heartache became. “Tara?” she asked in near tears. Her legs stopped moving and she froze in place near the opening of the room.
“Will?” The blonde voiced as she roused, the blanket still securely wrapped around her body.
“Yes.” The redhead managed to twitter out.
Tara tried hard to not let her voice betray her painful emotions but it was no use, “What happened?” She asked as tears began to form in her eyes.
“Nothing.”
Tara didn’t know whether to push or not for an answer. This wasn’t her home, it wasn’t her girlfriend anymore.
Willow broke her thoughts. “What are you doing here?” she asked non-accusatorily.
“W-we looked for you. I’ve been waiting here for days, Willow…” Tara couldn’t hold it in anymore. She began to cry openly. “Where’ve you been?”
Willow wanted nothing more than to run up and hold Tara in her arms, kiss her and tell her everything was ok. That she was ok. But she couldn’t. Not yet. She’d only be lying again. “I’m, uh… shower… I need to shower.” And with that she left the room.
****
After showering for an hour Willow still felt dirty. She still felt grimy and bloody and gross. She felt disgusting and ashamed and having Tara in the room with her that moment hurt more than she could ever imagine.
From the doorframe of her small bedroom Tara watched Willow slowly comb through her wet hair. She fiddled with her hands as she watched Willow. Her Willow. Her ex girlfriend Willow “Y-you cleaned your cuts.” she brought up gingerly.
“Yeah.” was all Willow managed to say. She didn’t want to have to explain the cuts slowly disappeared by themselves.
She didn’t know what else to say to Willow. She thought that maybe it was time for her to leave. Willow was alive and that was what she had prayed for the last two nights. Everything else would come with time.
“Stay.” Willow said as she stared blankly out the window. “Please stay.” She murmured.
“I-“, how did Willow always know what Tara was thinking?
“I’ll sleep on the floor, you can have my bed.”
“I can sleep on the floor.”
“How about we both sleep on the floor?”
“Huh?”
“Nothing…” Willow’s voice was above a whisper. “Nothing makes any sense.”
Tara couldn’t hold it in anymore. She could see the darkness surrounding Willow and it was breaking her heart. “I see it, Willow. It’s all over you.” She began to cry again.
“I know.” Willow finally turned to look at Tara, tears streaming down her own cheeks. “I washed and washed and it won’t go away. It’s in me. Coming out of me. I-I don’t know what I did. I can’t remember that part.” The redhead sighed. “All I remember is you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah.” Willow looked over at her bed. “You were finding me. We were , together, making love, and you were finding me.” Tara didn’t know what to say, but the fact was she didn’t need to say anything. It had been a dream. This was reality. Willow looked over at her again. “Stay.” She pleaded again.
Tara silently nodded her head and watched as Willow slowly put her brush down on her bedside table. She watched as the redhead snuck under the covers and turned on her side. She saw Willow close her eyes. She kept watching the redhead until her breathing leveled off in deep sleep. After that Tara just kept watching over her from afar.
****
As Willow walked down the stairs the next morning she realized a couple of things. Her vision was still blurry, her head still spun and her throat was parched. On top of that her body still ached and she felt extremely weak. It was quite the mission for her to not only get out of bed and walk to the bathroom but also to go all the way downstairs and look for Tara.
She’d half expected to wake up in the blonde’s arms. Her strong, loving and devoted arms, but she knew deep down inside somewhere that Tara did the right thing by staying away. That that wasn’t going to fix anything. It wasn’t going to stop what was happening to her. Tara knew, she always knew.
Entering the kitchen she found a resurrected Slayer cooking and an orb of energy arguing with her.
“But you can’t do it that way, Buffy. That is way too much water! Ask Tara.”
“Where is Tara?” Willow voiced instead of hello.
Both Buffy and Dawn were surprised to hear Willow. Dawn ran up to Willow and hesitated a moment before hugging her gently. “I’m not hurting you am I?”
“No.” Willow said. Even though the human contact felt good her empty expression did not change. She merely blinked her dry eyes.
Buffy walked up to Willow and softly pulled her into a hug as well. “I was really worried there, Will. We all were.”
“Yeah…” she ambiguously said. “Where’s Tara?” she asked again. She hoped last night hadn’t been another figment of her imagination.
“At the Box. She’ll be back in a few minutes.” Buffy answered.
Willow looked around her kitchen as is she’d never been in it before. “Huh.”
“Are you ok?” Dawn asked.
“Water. I need water.” Willow quickly went over to the cupboard and grabbed a cup. As she turned to her parents refrigeration Dawn asked another question.
“Where were you? Where did you go?” Dawn’s eyes brimmed with tears.
“Dawn.” Buffy warned.
“No, it’s ok, Buffy”, Willow replied after drinking half the cup of water in one gulp. “To tell the truth I don’t remember much. I woke up… somewhere… and I walked here.” Even though her stomach felt full from the half cup, Willow finished up the rest to not have to talk anymore. She didn’t want to keep lying.
After setting her cup down on the counter Willow exited the kitchen without saying another word to the two visiting sisters. Sluggishly, she walked over to the family room and sat down on the couch where Willow’s sense of smell overtook her. Tara. She was everywhere. Everywhere but physically there.
She ran her small fingers through the old and worn blanket Tara used the two nights she waited for her to come home. Soft, like her skin. Warm, like her body. Comforting, like her essence.
Willow was ready to cry once again when Dawn walked in, “You want breakfast?”
Startled, Willow turned to her.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ the teenager began.
“Where’s Tara?” Willow asked once more, her voice cracking, her eyes watery.
Dawn didn’t know what to say. She simply walked away slowly. Backwards, her gaze still on Willow. She saw Willow’s face fall and start to weep. Dawn didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to say. She really didn’t have to say anything due to the fact Willow fainted the next moment.
****
“You cannot do this, Tara. I wont let you.” The ex demon shopkeeper told the blonde behind the counter with her.
“Anya.”
“Don’t roll your eyes at me. This sort of spell is very dangerous. Look at what happened when Buffy tried Tirer la Couture. We all found out her sister isn’t real!” she whispered as to no arouse suspicion from her customers.
“I need to know what’s happening to her. What’s causing this.” Tara replied as she looked for a particular powder on the shelf.
“Have you thought maybe it is her? That maybe it’s her magick use kicking her in the butt? Tara, I love you, you’re my good friend- best friend, and I don’t think you should do this.”
Tara turned to her. “I appreciate your concern, Anya but-“
“No buts! I refuse your patronage.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“But you never make me pay for this stuff.”
“Oh, so now you’re just going to steal them?! Willow is a bad influence on you!”
The blonde chuckled sadly. “I will be very careful. I promise.”
Anya looked into her hurting blue eyes and melted. “Ok. But please don’t hurt yourself. I’m sick and tired of you getting hurt.”
Tara grinned. “Thank you.”
A few minutes after Tara exited the shop a customer walked up with her purchases. She smiled sweetly at Anya. “And three of the Xeditc root, please.”
“Three? That is a very powerful root.” Anya replied as her eyes scanned all the products that the young woman was looking to buy.
“Are you refusing to sell them to me?” the girl asked.
“No, I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing.”
“Trust me, I know.”
Anya turned over to the wall behind the counter and found the roots. She took three strands out and placed them on the counter “Anything else?”
“That.” The girl pointed behind the counter. “Is that for sale?”
Anya’s eyes followed. It was one of Tara’s bracelets. A bracelet she’d found one evening while cleaning out the inventory room after Willow and Tara had allegedly been searching for a particular statue. “Oh no. A friend just left it here.”
“I’ll give you fifty dollars for it.”
“No. But thanks for the offer.”
“Yeah.” She handed Anya a fifty-dollar bill for the rest of her ingredients.
As Anya handed her back the change she quickly mouthed, “Bye.”
“Bye,” Amy replied as she walked away.
*****
Willow felt a pleasing caress on her cold cheek. She knew the warm touch instantly. “Tara?” she whispered without opening her eyes. She just knew.
“Hey.” The blonde sighed when she realized Willow was finally awake.
Willow slowly and painfully opened her eyes. “Tara, where’d you go? I- I woke up. You weren’t here.” She spoke though her throat still hurt. Her chest hurt. Her body hurt.
“I-“
“We told her you went to the shop. She asked three times.” Dawn mentioned.
Tara smirked at Dawn. “Could you get me the tea please? It should be ready.”
“Of course.” The teenager left the room.
“So what’s happening? What’s wrong with her?” Buffy asked as she too looked over Willow whose eyes were again closed.
“I’m not sure,” Tara ran her fingers through Willow’s damp hair, “She’s being drained. I think. I don’t know.” Willow was sweating heavily.
“Drained?”
“Her power. Something or someone is draining her. She’s cold, yet sweating.”
“Amy.” The Slayer said without a doubt.
“No, it’s too strong.”
“What is it then?” Buffy began to panic.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, how can you find out?!” she almost shouted at Tara.
Tara could do nothing except look at her mournfully.
Buffy began to cry. “What did she do, Tara? Where was she?”
It broke the Wiccan’s heart to have to tell the Slayer again, “I don’t know.”
“Tea.” Dawn said as she walked in the living room. She set the pot down on the table. Her hands were shaking so much she almost dropped the cups as she placed them on the table alongside the kettle. “I’m ok.” She said once Buffy reached over to help her.
Once the two sisters finished their task, they looked over to Willow and Tara.
Tara was now leaning over the redhead, her hands across the redheads sleeping face. Her thumbs at her temples, fingers hidden in her red hair.
“What are you doing?” Dawn quietly asked.
Energy crackled between them and Willow’s eyes suddenly fluttered. Quickly they opened wide and she took a deep breath as Tara sat down on the floor, spent.
“What did you do?” Dawn asked as she reached out to help a weakened Tara.
Buffy’s eyes were mystified as she looked between the redhead and the blonde on the floor. “You… You…” she couldn’t get the words out. “How did you…?”
Tara was breathing heavily, deep, deep breaths. She held her head in her hands.
“Tara?” Willow asked, evidently her most of her energy had returned. She reached over to her and helped Tara sit on the couch next to herself. “What’s going on?” Willow queried as she held the weak blonde in her arms.
“I don’t know”, Buffy answered still in shock. “She-“
“She worked some Mojo Jojo on you and now she’s-“ Dawn was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing.
All the girls looked over to the foyer. The doorbell rang again.
Cautiously, Buffy walked over to the door and opened it.
“Hi ma’am,” A little Girl Scout began, “We’re selling-“
“Not interested. Thanks.” Buffy shut the door without hearing out the little girl.
“Typical you,” Dawn huffed after having walked up behind Buffy and witnessed the harsh treatment.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, you- Forget it.” she rolled her eyes.
The two sisters walked back to the living room but stopped midway. They noticed Willow and Tara were whispering to each other. Willow was caressing Tara’s side and Tara’s arm was draped over the redhead’s chest, holding on by the shoulder. Her head resting on the other side of the petite witch. Both Summers looked at each other and walked towards the kitchen to give them privacy.
“What did you do?” Willow wondered as she stroked Tara’s hair.
“N-nothing.” The blonde weakly said.
“Tare…”
“I gave you s-some of my energy. I think I gave you too much. I just need a couple of hours.” She trailed.
“Tara, baby-“
“Don’t, Will.”
“Don’t what?” she asked as she stopped all movement.
Although it pained her more than words could say she replied, “Don’t call me baby.”
Willow didn’t say anything else. She couldn’t. She knew no words to respond to that request. She just held on as the blonde drifted off to sleep.
****
The first thing Tara processed when she began to wake up was that her head was softly bopping up and down. Sideways. It appeared someone was breathing peacefully and she was lying on their chest. For a few moments her ear listened to the heart beating. Da-dum... Da-dum…
Once she opened her eyes she found herself staring at Willow’s bosom, a sight she’d always recognize even with clothes covering them. She had her arms wrapped around the redheads’ lower body. At the same time the redhead’s arms were wrapped around her. They were still on the couch, the redhead on her back and Tara on her side against the back of the sofa.
She felt so warm and so loved. She knew it. But she also knew it was wrong. She tried to slowly move out of the redheads’ arms but the girl’s reaction just pulled her closer. Tara’s face rested back against her neck this time. Not being able to stop herself she took a deep breath. She smelled Willow.
Tears began to form and flow towards Willow’s neck. Still asleep, the redhead unconsciously went to wipe the liquid off, only her hand accidentally whacked the blonde’s nose that just happened to be in the way.
Tara quickly sat up, surprised by the blow. Willow did too, and was momentarily confused as to where she was and what she was doing with Tara on the couch. She gradually touched her neck and felt the wetness there. She noticed Tara’s eyes were still crying and her nose was red.
“I-I didn’t mean to-,” she said as she reached out to touch Tara.
Tara turned her face away, “I’m sorry.”
Their legs were still wrapped around each other.
“Tara, no-“
“It-it’s ok. I just- Ow.” She chuckled lightly as she touched her nose.
Willow let herself smile as she silently she watched Tara caress her aching nose. ‘Those fingers, that hand’, Willow thought, ‘how I love them’. She watched nervous blue eyes darted everywhere except at her own green ones.
Willow felt like the first time she’d woken up in Tara’s arms. Both were nervous, both excited, and both a little scared. This of course was many, many moons from that moment and Willow was very afraid she’d never wake up with Tara again. Just like she had been the last couple of miserable weeks.
“I should-“ the blonde began but instead she finished with a sigh. She didn’t know what to say anymore.
“Stay.” Willow replied without thinking.
Tara finally looked over at her and replied, “No.”
Willow’s heart sank again. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why-“ Willow began to cry, “Why are you here when I come home? Why are you helping me?”
“Because.”
Willow knew. “If you really love me you wouldn’t have left me.”
“Willow-“ Tara shook her head.
“No, Tara. Why are you doing this? Don’t leave and then try to make it better. I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity. I was concerned about you. You were missing for three days.”
Willow knew she was telling her the truth. “Why didn’t you find me?” she sobbed.
Tara couldn’t take it anymore, her will crumbling. “I was afraid, Willow. Of what I’d find. Of what you were doing. I can’t- I’m not going to watch you destroy yourself.”
“Destroy myself?”
Tara frowned. “The things you’ve said, the things you’ve done- It wont end well.”
Willow wiped her tears away. “And so you’re running away. When things get a little rough you leave. You’ve done it before. You did it with your father. And now… You’re just like Oz.”
Tara felt her lungs collapse. She could not believe the words that came out of Willow’s mouth. Her eyes screamed the damage and pain she felt. Not able to say another word she quickly jumped off and over the redhead, unsnarling their tangled legs with force.
Unable to control her rage, she slammed the front door on her way out.
Willow cried on the couch for what seemed like forever to her. Then, she thought she heard a soft knock on the door. A few seconds later she heard it again.
“Tara?” she asked as she dragged her frazzled body to the entrance of the house.
“Hi.” Amy waved the moment Willow opened the front door.
“What are you doing here.” Willow managed to speak even though she was spent from what seemed like hours of crying. It had been hours. The sun had set.
“I just wanted to make sure you were ok.” Amy noticed Willow’s sate. “I take it you’re not.”
“I told you to stay away from me.”
“Come on, Willow. I said some things, you said some things. I’m sorry, you’re sorry. Let’s just forget it ever happened.”
Those final words hit Willow like a dagger at her heart. ‘Forget’. That is what started this whole mess. No, it wasn’t just that. She simply shut the door on Amy.
Amy chuckled. “Ok, whatever. Be that way.” She said to the door. “I’ll be at my dad’s house. Come by whenever you want to play.”
****
Tara, Xander and Anya were gathered at the Espresso Pump. Everyone seated found it difficult to start a conversation. Finally, Xander broke the uncomfortable silence.
“Tara-“
“I don’t want to talk about it, Xander.” Tara said as she took a sip from her coffee.
“But see I actually have some insight on this. It’s Willow. I know her.” He waited until Tara nodded to continue talking. “It’s like when we were eleven. She finally got a fish tank again after years and years of Sheila saying no to her-”
“Oh, because of that ‘Cat in the Hat’ thing she told us about.” Anya interrupted him, “When she balanced the fish bowl on her head.” His confused look made her want to explain, “It’s a book… about a cat… who does all this mischief-“
“I know who ‘The Cat in the Hat’ is, Ahn. But it wasn’t Willow who balanced the bowl on her head.”
Anya was shocked by the revelation. “You did it?!”
Tara sadly smiled, “She told me it was you that dropped it but she took the blame.”
“Yes, she did. She knew I wouldn’t be able to sit for the next couple of weeks if my father found out.”
“That is very sweet of her.” Anya was amazed by the confession. “She can be sweet.”
“Too sweet. That’s what I’m trying to get at.” Xander was half expecting to be interrupted again. Once he realized he wasn’t going to be he continued, “She finally got her goldfish and she was obsessed with them. Mickey and Minnie.” He said recalling their names.
“Donald and Daisy, actually.” Tara corrected him.
Xander nodded as soon as he realized she was right. “Yeah. Mickey and Miney were-“
“The parakeets.” Tara grinned.
Xander smiled. “The ones that flew away.”
“Hello! Continue with your story!” Anya voiced.
“Right. Ok, so she got her fish and she loved them.”
“Skip to the relevant part, please.” Anya moaned.
“She killed them.”
“And that’s comforting how?” Tara asked not seeing his point.
“She fed them too much, cleaned their aquarium too much. She didn’t let them just be. She needed to make sure everything was perfect for them and that ended up-“
“Blowing up in her face.” Anya declared.
Tara just sighed. “She keeps saying that. She wants to fix everything and make everything better. Perfect even. She doesn’t understand that isn’t what magick is for. Nothing is perfect. Nothing should be perfect.” Anya lovingly tapped Tara’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. She was certainly getting better with human intercommunication.
Xander’s eyes wandered to a passer by. “Hey, that’s Amy.”
Anya and Tara both followed his gaze.
“Amy?” his fiancee asked in horror, “As in former rat Amy? Magick blowout Amy? Evil Amy?”
“Evil?” he queried. Amy wasn’t evil, her mother was.
“She was in the shop today, Xander! She bought a whole lot of powerful ingredients! Why didn’t you tell me that was Amy?!”
“Me? How would I know-”
They never noticed Tara had taken off during their bickering.
“Amy.” Tara stated once she reached the girl on Main Street.
Amy turned around. She took a good look at the blonde and smiled mischievously. “Tara. Right?”
“Y-yes.” Tara tried hard to further control her emotions.
“Willow said you stuttered when you’re uncomfortable. I, however, don’t find it cute… You’re a little heavier than what I thought you’d be.” Amy voiced, “No wonder that skinny girl at the Bronze didn’t float her boat.”
Tara didn’t listen to her criticism. She had to focus. “What happened to Willow?”
“What do you care?”
“I need to know what happened. It’s hurting her.”
“Is it? You dumping her is what is hurting her. Besides, if she wont tell you why would I?”
“Tara!” Xander shouted as he and Anya ran up to the two witches. “Amy, hi.” He said trying to be as non-partisan as possible.
“What are you using the Xeditc roots for?” Anya asked immediately.
“Xeditc?” Tara repeated, her eyes wide in shock. “No.” she warned Amy.
“I have to go.” Amy revealed.
“Thicken.” Tara motioned with her hand.
Amy froze in place. Unlike the times when Willow had done the spell, Amy wasn’t able to even talk.
As Tara slowly walked up to Amy she noticed fear in her eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you, but if you come near Willow ever again…” Tara would never have finished that thought. She couldn’t. “Release”, the blonde whispered.
“You’ll what?” Amy stood up to her once she realized she was free. Tara simply remained silent as she stared at Amy. She saw the pain and hurt in her eyes as well. She knew Amy’s story. She knew that ending. All Tara could do was walk back towards Xander and Anya. “Right, little miss Tara with a lot of power she doesn’t want to play with. You’re pathetic. You’re wasting it!” Amy quickly turned around and left.
Anya wrapped her arm around Tara’s shoulder once she reached them and the three of them walked away.
****
“Amy?”
“Hi, dad.” The brunette replied as she closed the front door to her house behind her.
“What are you up to? Where’ve you been? Am I crowding you?” he asked as he walked up to her, remote still in hand.
Amy chuckled lightly, “No, dad, you aren’t.”
“Good, cause I don’t want you to feel like- Will you be staying at Willow’s house again? Tonight?”
“No. I think I’ll stay here with you. Is there any food?”
Her father grinned and shook his head. “Take out?”
“Delivery.” Amy voiced her opinion.
“I’ll call right now.” He headed to the kitchen to grab the menus. “Is Chinese food, ok?
“How about Indian food? Let’s get crazy.”
“Oh, ok. I’ll call The House of Curry.”
“Great. I’m going to go upstairs... Freshen up.”
“Ok, honey.” He called from the kitchen.
“See you in a few then.” Amy walked up to her room clutching her bag of magickal goodies.
*********
A few hours later Buffy decided to swing by Willow’s house on her way back home after patrolling. Well, after she spent half the night patrolling and the other half rolling around on Spike’s bed.
“Willow?” she asked as she used her key to enter her best friend’s house.
“In here.” The redhead called out from the living room. She was watching the Cartoon Network. The Power Puff Girls were on.
“Ah, little girls with superpowers. Just look how far we’ve come, baby.” Buffy tried to joke as she got closer to Willow. “Are you ok?” she asked as she sat down next to her.
“No.” the redhead admitted as she muted the television.
“I’m sleeping with Spike.” Buffy inexplicably blurted out.
“Uh… Come again? Willow asked her eyes wider than Buffy had ever seen them.
“Me and Spike, we’re- You know.”
Willow began to gasp. “Oh god. I think I’m going to hyperventilate! Oh god.”
“Willow?”
“How could you, Buffy?! He’s- He’s- He’s dead. Ok, Angel. But he had a soul. And Spike is- He’s Spike. Oh god!”
“Hey, I took your Tara bomb much better than this.”
Willow couldn’t believe she was comparing the two. “Tara’s human!” She held her hands up in disbelief. “She’s a warm, caring person not some evil undead guy that’s tried to kill you many, many times. And me. He’s tried killing me and Xander and Giles and- Anya I’m sure. Ok, so I’m not sure about her cause she’s a demon and all. Ok, former demon. But that’s besides the point. Buffy!”
“Look, I know this sounds crazy-“
Willow shook her head. “Crazy? Crazy? I can’t even think of the proper word! I’m so farklempt. Oh, deranged sounds better. It’s has a stronger connotation.”
Buffy just stared at her. “I’m trying to talk to you here.” She finally said. “Will you just shut up and listen to me?”
Willow was shocked by her words but knew Buffy was right. “Yes. Sorry. I’ll be quiet.”
“It kind of just… happened.” She waited for another outburst from Willow. “You’re really staying quiet?” she asked not believing that Willow had not interrupted.
“Yes.” Willow replied a bit confused about her question.
“Ok… Um… That’s it, I guess.” Buffy looked at Willow for answers.
The redhead pondered for a few moments. “Are you in love with him?” she finally asked.
“No! Uh, no. I don’t think so. I don’t know.”
“It’s just sex then, right?”
“What?”
Willow spoke as if she were talking to a child. “You have needs. He has needs. You get together and, you know.”
“I don’t know, that’s the whole thing.”
“And what does he say about all this.”
“He says he’s in love with me.”
“Is that possible? He’s a demon.”
“So was Oz.” She saw that statement hurt Willow. “I mean, I know he was the wolf three days a month but- It was always in him. He even said that himself. Maybe loving you made him more human.”
Willow had never thought about that. She took a deep breath and sighed. “When you’re in love with someone… and that person loves you back, that’s really what makes the experience, Buffy…” the redhead explained. “I don’t know what to tell you about Spike.” She admitted afterwards. “I’m not one about relationships right now.”
“I know.” The Slayer cupped her hand. “I just wanted you to know… So, where’s Tara? You two were all comfy on the couch when Dawn and I left this afternoon.”
Willow shook her head sadly. “I open my mouth and the wrong words come out. She’ll never speak to me again. And I don’t blame her.”
Concerned, Buffy asked, “What happened?”
Willow just shook her head again. “I- I’m a dummy. I know what I’m doing is hurting us and what I’m saying is hurting her but I can’t stop myself. It’s, like, beyond my control. And I’m a control freak.”
“That’s your problem. You cannot control everything around you, Willow. Just because you have the power doesn’t mean you should use it every single time.”
Willow rolled her eyes. “I don’t need you to lecture me too, ok?”
Buffy was taken aback by the sudden change in the redhead, “Willow?”
“Look, just leave me alone. Thanks for stopping by.” She finished as she un-muted the television.
Buffy just stared at her. She inwardly counted to ten and walked away.
**************
In the shop the next morning, Tara, Anya, Buffy and Xander were sitting around the research table. Tara was reading a soft cover book, Xander a comic book, Anya was minding the shop from her vantage point. Buffy was simply staring up at the ceiling.
“Do you ever wonder where the word ceiling came from? Why it’s called a ceiling?” the Slayer asked absentmindedly.
“Uh…” Xander had no response to that so he simply went back to reading his comic.
Buffy looked around the table, missing the sight of the redhead. “I wish Willow were here. The real Willow… Last night was horrible. She started out like old Willow and then…”
Tara looked up to Buffy but quickly turned back to her book without saying a word. She didn’t have anything to say to that. Xander just nodded.
“Is she possessed by something?” he asked.
Buffy registered the question and her gaze turned to Tara again. As did Xander’s and Anya.
After a few seconds Tara absorbed the fact they were staring at her, “Huh?” She asked not knowing if she’d missed a question directed at her or not.
“How long has she been acting like this?” Buffy wondered aloud.
“I don’t know.”
“Of course you know! You’re her girlfr-”
“Buffy!” Xander warned.
“Well, I’ve been dead for months, Xander, so I haven’t been able to watch Willow. And you two don’t live at the house and Dawn doesn’t sleep in the same bed with her so… How long?” she asked Tara again.
“G-Glory.” was all Tara was able to say. She’d seen it happening. Slowly. Very slowly because Willow was still being her Willow most of the time. But it was happening. She was getting careless and reckless.
“After she brought you back.” The Slayer stated. “Stuff transferred to her?”
“No, I think it was after the fight with G-Glory. She just got more confident in her power. S-she’s always had it. I’ve told her that a million times, but… After that she knew. She never believed me until then.”
“And now she’s magick crazy.”
“Don’t say that, Xand. She’s not crazy.” Tara lamented.
He could see his words pained her. “Sorry. I know.”
The little bell rang as the front door was opened. Willow entered the magick shop and casually walked over to her friends.
“Hey guys. What’s up?” she asked. To all it looked like old Willow was back. Her dress, her mannerisms, her tone. The redhead looked over at Tara and lowered her eyes shyly. “Tara.”
Uncomfortable, Anya quickly stood up and walked over to the counter. She began to wipe it clean even though it already was.
Xander looked over at his fiancee and then back to Willow, “So, how are you?”
“Good. Rested… Better.” Willow replied as she sat down. The only empty seat near her happened to be next to Tara. “Are we researching?”
“No. Just chilling.” Buffy replied. “Do you know where the word ceiling comes from?”
“Um, excuse me.” Tara said as she stood up. She took her book and walked towards the training room in the back.
Willow sadly watched her walk away. “Ceiling?” she asked, her gaze turned back to the Slayer. “Latin. ‘Cielo’, maybe? I don’t know… I’ll be right back.” She finished as she got up and followed Tara to the rear of the shop.
“Tara?” she asked as she noticed the blonde sitting on the couch. Tara was reading. Willow had predicted to find her crying. She wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad that she wasn’t. “What are you reading?”
“The Red Tent.”
“Oh.” Willow knew the book. Actually, it was a book her mother had suggested she and Tara read about the women’s society during the biblical times and their religious beliefs and rituals. Willow had wanted to read it but she’d never gotten around to it. “How is it?”
“Fine.” Tara voiced non-commitally.
Willow slowly walked up to her, “Tara… I’m-“
Tara’s eyes didn’t lift from the page this time. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear it again, Willow.”
“But-“
“How many times are you going to apologize?”
“What I said yesterday-“
Tara finally looked at her, “Doesn’t matter.”
“How can you say that? It does. It all matters. I didn’t mean it.”
Tara held up her hand. “Stop. Just stop talking.”
Willow stared at her. She felt tears forming in her eyes. She felt her heart sinking. She knew Tara was right. No matter how many times she apologized Willow would end up doing something that would mess it up again.
Willow knew she had to do this, fight this, not only for herself but also to make things right with Tara. Even if there was no possibility of a Willow and Tara together again at least Willow wanted Tara to know that she’d always be there for her. Protect her, love her.
Willow took one last look at Tara on the couch and turned around to walk away. She thought she could feel Tara’s eyes on her but was too afraid to look back and see. She didn’t want to see her eyes. The blue eyes that always showed her the emotions, the knowledge, the truth. The love. She didn’t want to see the pain in them again.
*********
A little while later Anya entered the training room. Tara was lying back on the couch, still reading.
“Are you ok?”
“I’ve read the same word about ten times now.” She sighed.
“Do you need a dictionary?”
Tara chuckled. “No, I just need my concentration back.”
“You’re not crying.” Anya observed.
Tara rested the book on her chest. “I’m all cried out.”
“Then the vengeance starts.” The ex demon said quite nostalgically. “Oh not you!” she mouthed as she saw Tara’s eye widen. “I know you’d never... Did you do the spell?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think she’s planning something?” She’d changed the subject to Amy. “Xeditc root. Scary.” She shivered.
Tara knew exactly whom Anya was talking about. “The ingredients you told me she bought don’t alarm me as much as her buying the root does. It’s a powerful hallucinogenic if ingested. If that’s what they’ve…” Tara couldn’t finish the sentence. It pained her too much. She remembered the cuts, little cuts all over Willow’s arms. Similar to the ones from the resurrection spell.
“Bad trip, huh?”
“I don’t know. I know some people use the root in rituals but- They don’t ingest it.” A thought suddenly hit Tara. “This was the first time Amy bought from you, right?”
“Yes.” Anya knew exactly where Tara was going with this. “So the got their ingredients from somewhere else? Is there another magick shop in Sunnydale!?” she asked completely unaware she may have capitalist competition. “I need to find this out. I need-“
Tara sat up and headed towards the door. “No, but there are underground places.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.” Tara walked out into the shop.
****
“And so Dawn was all-”
“Tara?” Willow interrupted Buffy once she saw her former lover walking straight for her. The last time she’d seen that look on her face was the night she left her. The anger mixed in with disappointment, a sight she’d hoped she’d never see again.
“You went to him didn’t you?” The blonde accused her.
“What?” Willow shook her head even though she knew exactly what Tara was talking about.
“Ugh! I was so stupid! I should have realized the minute I saw you were stained. I’m such an idiot!”
“What are you talking about, Tara?” Buffy asked.
“Nothing.” Willow stated.
“Nothing?” Tara folded her arms.
“Nothing.” Willow said very, very seriously.
Tara didn’t care. “I- How could you, Willow?! What did you give him in return?”
“Oh shut up, Tara!” Willow shouted at her.
“Ok,” Xander stood up and held his hands out. “Enough.”
“Yes, I have customers.” Anya looked around the shop. “Actually I don’t.”
“Willow?” Buffy asked her best friend.
Willow turned to her. Her eyes were black as onyx.
“Holy sh-“ The Slayers cuss was interrupted as a powerful force pushed her back towards the wall. She fell on the floor benumbed.
Scared, Anya ran behind Tara but Xander stood his ground. “You’re going to zap me too, Will?”
“Xander, be quiet.” Anya scolded from behind the other witch.
Willow was freaking out. “No, I-I… I didn’t mean that. I didn’t do that. Tara?” she pleaded for help.
Tara didn’t know what to say, how to help. She had started to silently cry.
“What’s going on, Will?” Xander asked as he slowly inched closer to the redhead.
Willow held out her hand, “Stay away from me. I don’t want to hurt you too, Xander.”
“I’m already hurting.” He admitted.
“Xander, no.” Willow began to cry as her eyes slowly returned to the green they normally were. Her legs buckled up underneath her and she fell to the ground. Her sobs echoed throughout the shop.
****
Buffy walked up to Tara after laying Willow down on the couch in the training room. “So, who’s this guy?”
“He’s a warlock.”
“A man-witch?” Xander asked and then rolled his eyes. “Where is he so I can kill him?” his tone serious.
“He’s like a legend. No one really knows how to find him. He tends to summon people when he wants something.”
“How did you know about him?”
“Willow told me.”
“How’d she know? She was summoned before?”
“No. She -” The reality hit her. Tara wasn’t sure about that anymore. “I don’t know.”
“Is that how she found out to bring me back?”
Tears filled Tara’s eyes again. “That was me, Buffy. I’m so sorry.”
“What?”
“I knew about that Egyptian spell. I had told her about it a long time ago, when we first started studying together. I didn’t think she’d remember.”
“Hello, this is Willow you’re talking about, girl with the photographic memory. Of course she would remember. Her brain is like a computer. Storing things until it’s necessary!” Buffy’s cheeks were red with anger.
“Buffy, chill out.” Xander cautioned.
“No! You guys don’t get it do you?” Buffy, near tears, was about to spill the truths Spike had told her. How not only had they ripped her out of heaven but that they also brought her back different. ‘Wrong’, he’d said.
Xander was fed up. “Yes, we get it, Buffy. We all get it. You were in heaven. Everything was perfect for you, prancing around in birkenstocks and a harp, while we were down here with no Slayer to help us fight the demons. The only thing keeping us together and alive was Willow and her magick. The only people protecting Dawn were Tara and Willow because you decided that you had to throw yourself into a hole rather than-” Xander shut up. He could see the pain in her eyes and it crushed him.
“Finish.” Buffy instructed him.
He just sat down. “I’m done.”
Buffy took a deep breath, “So, now it’s all my fault? Had I not *sacrificed* myself for you all Willow wouldn’t have had to delved deeper into magick, huh?”
“No.” Tara tried to interject.
“Then, what? Tell me. Is that what you all think of me? That I was being selfish?”
“No.” Tara cried again.
“Then what? Tell me!”
But no one had any answers.
****
“Hey, guys. What’s- Oh, god, who died?” Dawn asked as she looked at the Scoobies, who all were still reeling from the fight even though it had been a few hours ago. “What?! Somebody died? Giles?”
“No.” Buffy answered her.
“Where’s Willow?”
“In the back.” Xander replied.
“Can I see her?”
Buffy stood up. “We’re going home, Dawn. Now.”
“But I want to see Willow.”
“Later.” Buffy said as she grabbed Dawn’s hand and pulled her sister with her.
“Hey, Buffy.” Her sister shouted, trying to break free. “What is wrong with you? Stop.”
Buffy did. “What’s wrong with me? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with me…” But she couldn’t get the words out. Things were messed up enough already. All she could do was sigh. “Willow’s sleeping in the back. We can see her later. Now lets just go home so you can get your work done.” She gently pulled her sisters hair out of her face and tucked it behind her small ear.
“Geez, you could have just said that.” She said as she began to walk towards the door.
Buffy turned to Xander, Tara and Anya. “I’ll be back later.”
The Scoobies nodded.
“So…” Anya stretched her upper body as she stood up from the chair. “How about you help me with some inventory downstairs, Xander. Please.”
Xander looked at her like she was crazy, “Invent- Oh,” He got the reference. “Sure thing, honey.”
Tara smiled sadly as she watched Anya and Xander disappear.
****
Tara was up in the loft when she heard someone hiking the ladder. She knew who it was without even looking. She could sense her. Her body always had this reaction whenever Willow was near. “How are you feeling?”
Willow sighed as she shrugged her shoulders. “Like crap… What are you reading?”
“Nothing.” Tara closed the magick book and placed it back on the shelf.
“So, anything happened while I was out?” Willow asked casually.
Tara took a few seconds to reply. “I can’t do this, Willow.”
“What? Talk to me? I mean, aren’t we still friends?”
“I can’t- I can’t be your friend. I’m sorry.”
“Why? Why not? I don’t understand. You’re still my friend. You love me, right?”
“Yes, and that’s why I can’t do this.”
“But you once told me…” Willow didn’t want to bring up memories of that night. The night she gave herself to Tara wholeheartedly. “So, be my girlfriend again.”
Tara couldn’t believe Willow was even suggesting that. “No. I can’t.”
A frightful thought popped up, “What? What does that mean? What are you going to do? Are you leaving?”
“I’m going to finish school, this semester-“
“And then what? You’re going to leave?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know yet. I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“But we did, Tara…”
Tara’s heart was breaking, she sighed. “This always happens.” She tired to moved towards the ladder.
But, Willow blocked her path. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing.”
“You knew, didn’t you? You knew we were going to break up eventually. That us getting an apartment together was never going to happen… You did the same plans with her.”
“What? No.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
Tara’s eyes burned. “Funny you should say that.”
Willow cupped her hand. “Tara, I’m real. I’m the one. I love you with everything that I am. And you love me back. That’s why we’re so good together.”
Tara sadly shook her head. “Then why are we so miserable right now?”
Willow’s eyes began to tear. “Because of me. I was selfish and stupid and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She cried, “Please don’t go. I won’t go anywhere near you, just please don’t leave Sunnydale. Let me get better. Give me a chance.”
Willow’s tears always melted her heart, “I don’t know.”
“Tara, I beg you. I need you. I need you here.”
“So, I can what? Rescue you next time you do this to yourself? I’m not superwoman. I cant be everything you want me to be, everything Dawn wants me to be, everything Buffy-“
“Is that it? You feel we’re taking advantage of you?”
“No.”
“Tara, what? Tell me.”
Tara’s blue looked into green. “I see you, Willow, and I hurt. I see them and I hurt. Sometimes I just want it to go back to how it was when you kept me hidden from everything. From Slayers and demons and…”
Willow embraced her. “I can protect you again, baby. Just let me.”
Tara painfully pulled away from Willow’s loving arms. “No. What I need protecting from is you.”
Willow was shocked. “You don’t mean that.”
Tara didn’t know how to proceed. “Willow…You played with my head. You took away my memories. How do you think that felt? The one I trusted and loved more than anybody in the world put a spell on me. Twice. Not once, Willow. You did it twice. I’ll never forgive you for that. Never.” Tears slowly ran down her cheeks. Willow didn’t know what to say to that. “Besides, if I stay it’ll just…”
“Give me hope?” Willow always cried when Tara cried. This time was no exception. She knew the pain she’d cause, she felt it.
“Willow-“
“Don’t say my name. I hate it.”
“Red.”
Willow snickered dejectedly. “How can you joke at a time like this?”
Tara reached over and gently wiped the tears off Willow’s cheeks. “I love you.” She held her soft face with her hands. “I will always love you. I’m sorry.” Tara headed downstairs. “I’m s-so sorry.”
Willow’s tears multiplied as she watched her life, her love walk away from her.
****
Willow ran, she ran as if she were being chased. She remembered how to get there. She’d been there once and figured the location hadn’t changed since then.
She ran right up to the old house and knocked. She knocked and knocked.
“Yes?” A man opened up the door a bit confused as to who was pounding on his door so frantically. “Willow?” he recognized her from Amy’s yearbook.
“Amy. Where’s Amy?” She asked breathlessly.
****
“Take me to him.” The redhead requested the minute she entered Amy’s room.
Startled, the girl jumped up off the floor. Magick herbs and powders spread out in front of her. “What?” she asked once she realized what Willow asked of her. “I-I cant. We’re- You can’t.” Amy didn’t know how to explain herself. “Are you crazy?”
“No. Amy, I need to talk to him.”
“Talk?” Amy scoffed. “Are you kidding me?”
“I have questions.”
“We all do.”
“No, Amy.” The redhead paced back and forth.
“What happened?” Amy asked honestly concerned.
“I need to control what’s in me, Amy. At the shop, I-- I’m losing everything I love.”
“So, control it.” Amy replied as if that were the easiest thing to do in the world. “Stop doing spells.”
Willow looked down at the magickal ingredients on the floor. “I can’t. I try. It just happens. Things just happen. I do stuff, I say stuff. Even I’m beginning to hate me. Tara hates me, she looks at me and I see it. She’s going to leave because of it.”
“Then she doesn’t really love you…”Amy sighed ad smiled softly. “Besides, I don’t hate you. Come here. Help me with this spell.”
Willow looked at Amy and it finally all made sense to her. Everything fit somehow. She sadly shook her head. “No.”
“Willow-“ Amy began.
“No, I gotto go.” She turned and walked off.
********
Willow took a short cut home, but walked slowly. She looked up at the night sky. The stars shone down on her as did the moon. She wasn’t worried about vampires or other demons, she was a witch after all. She could take care of herself. She knew spells that cold ward off any enemy. Any except one.
“Willow Danielle Rosenberg.” He casually mouthed as he walked up to her from behind. He sounded out her name lyrically, as if it were music to his ears.
“Get away from me.” She turned around and faced Rack.
“I thought you wanted to talk. I heard you. I feel you. Wanna dance again?”
“I want you to reverse whatever it is that you did to me.” She stood her ground.
“I didn’t do anything to you.”
“What did you take from me?”
“I didn’t take anything.” Racks fingers crackled as he created a ball of energy in between his palms.
“What did you put in me, then?”
Rack chuckled. “Nothing you didn’t have already. It’s in you, Willow. Always has been.”
“How do I stop it from taking over?”
He waved his fingers in front of Willow and suddenly she was somewhere else. Somewhere she didn’t recognize. Somewhere dark.
“Hello?” She called out. “Don’t panic. It’s a trick.” She muttered aloud to herself. “Right?” fear began to overcome her.
“Shhh…”
Willow turned around as soon as she heard the sound. “Who’s there? What’s going on?”
She heard a laugh. A happy laugh she’d know anywhere. “Tara?” she squeaked. “Baby?”
Willow started to walk forwards it but instead she fell down a hole. Free falling for what seemed forever stopped as soon as she landed in a basement of some sort. Her body crushed underneath her weight. She gasped for breath as he noticed a figure walking towards her.
“S-stop.” She cried, blood leaking out her mouth.
“Stop? But I’ve only just begun.” Rack answered her waving a ceremonial knife. She saw flames flickering on the blade.
*******
“Willow?”
Willow thought she heard a familiar voice but she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore. She didn’t know if she was alive or dead. She really didn’t care.
“Willow?!” Buffy’s panicked voice registered but before Willow could open her eyes she fainted again.
“Looks like her arm’s broken. Maybe her leg too.”
“Lift her up, Spike.” Buffy’s voice was trembling.
“Me? You’re the one with the super powers.” The blonde vampire whined as he gently lifted up the small redhead. It pained him to see her so weak.
Buffy noticed Willow’s limp body and could see the redhead was extremely pale. “Is she bitten?” Buffy asked as she looked to one side of neck. There were marks. Blood slowly seeping out.
“Oh god.” Buffy held her hand over her mouth in shock. She started to cry. “No, Willow, no.”
Spike held up the girl towards his face and licked one of her open sores. “Magick.” he stated as he pulled his face away in disgust and spat on the ground. “It wasn’t a vampire, love.” He told Buffy.
Buffy processed what he’d said. “What?”
Spike got a better look at Willow. Looked at her forearms. He knew this ritual. “It’s looks like she was bled.”
“What? Bled? What do you mean?”
“To get it out of her. Put it back in.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Spike.” Buffy cried and screamed a
at: 4/23/02 7:12:28 pm
Rane This is wonderful please write more 
