Title: Tempus Fugit – Absolute Zero
Rating: PG-13 for now.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox and minions. This story, original dialogue and characters belong to me. I have never and will never make a dime from these stories.
Summary: This story takes place in the Tempus Fugit AU. If you haven’t read S4 and S7 (in the Pens Completed Archive A-M) you may be a bit lost. And for those of you who have read them, this story takes up where S4 left off. If you remember, S7 Willow erased their first kiss and this is the two of them rewriting it. So, to refresh everyone’s memories: after interrupting Tara’s date with Rachel and learning (the hard way) that Tara is gay, Willow confessed her love, Tara didn’t believe her, it was a disaster and there was no reconciliation. No first kiss at all because Willow didn’t go back in time. It is now several days later and W/T haven’t seen each other since that terrible night…
Note: so far, Tempus Fugit has only been slightly AU (until the end of the S7 version), but at this point, things will start to diverge from canon. There will still be some recognizable canonical landmarks, but as you know from reading the S7 version, things have to diverge pretty radically to make that future happen.
Playlist: (because I owe it all to the music) Sigur Ros "( )", Cat Power "Cross Bones Style", Coldplay "Yellow" (although Tara sings it as ‘Willow’), Portishead "Wandering Star", The Yeah, Yeah, Yeah’s "Mystery Girl", Folksongs for the Afterlife "So Glad", and Lipkandy "Leave the Sky"
Thanks to: Witchpunk my beta/editrix/muse; JewWitch, DarkMagicWillow and Tulipp for nudging me (directly and indirectly) back to writing this; and all the Kittens – you rock my world!
The Tao is called the Great Mother;
Empty yet inexhaustible,
it gives birth to infinite worlds.
Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching
Part I
Tara woke up feeling like a terrible weight had been lifted from the world – from her. She felt…lighter. Almost like those first few weeks away from her father except that this lightening was, well, bigger. Deeper. Even though everything in her world had gone terribly, irreversibly wrong.
It had been three days since that terrible night in her dorm room. The disastrous date and Willow. Willow saying those words she had fantasized about since she had met the redhead.
‘I’m in love with you.’
She had replayed that scene over and over in her mind, picking it apart, breaking it down to the lines and colors, to the elementary particles of pleading green eyes and shaking fingers.
"No you’re not," she said aloud to the empty room and winced in embarrassment at the words. Because it was inconceivable that beautiful, brilliant Willow Rosenburg would be in love with a demon girl like her.
But even that didn’t matter now because she had lost the redhead in that moment that should have been a triumph. The music should have swelled, the lights dipped, but there was just Tara, the coward, talking to her feet and shutting down. By the time she raised her head, the girl was gone.
"Coward," she reiterated out loud to the face in the mirror then scowled. And Willow really was gone. Tara hadn’t seen Willow since that night. The redhead had obviously calculated her schedule with her usual unerring accuracy and was now working the equations in reverse to ensure that the two of them never crossed paths again. The idea of a lifetime or even another week without her made Tara’s eyes well up with tears. She couldn’t bear another second of this torture. And the weather seemed to match her state of mind.
A cold snap held Sunnydale in its grip and for the first time in her life Tara felt grateful for her harsh upbringing. She was used to rising in the early morning cold with frost on the inside of the windows and she wasn’t suffering the way her hallmates and fellow students seemed to be. It didn’t help that the dorms didn’t really have heat, just small electric radiators that didn’t do more than warm the two feet around them. She thought suddenly of Willow whose warm-weather upbringing surely made her more susceptible to the cold.
I hope she has a warm blanket, she thought suddenly. And a scarf.
For a moment she imagined Willow all wrapped up in a colorful striped scarf, her red hair flaming out of a dark pea coat and smiled. Then the cold reality that Willow wasn’t hers to worry about anymore brought her crashing out of her fantasy.
Not like she was ever yours to worry about in the first place…
Because Willow didn’t really know her so she couldn’t have meant what he had said in this room. If she really knew Tara Maclay there would have been no I-love-yous. There would have been looks of disbelief and disgust, lots of research and finally some sort of cage. She thought of Willow’s descriptions of Oz’s full-moon imprisonment and shuddered. They would have to lock her up to protect her love from her. Or maybe she would become the sort of evil that only a Slayer could handle.
Pure evil, Tara. That’s what her father had told her so many times.
Shaking her head she tried to clear away the memory of that horrible house with its constant fear and loneliness. She wasn’t there anymore. And regardless of how Willow felt about her, the Scoobies were exactly the right people to deal with her problem. Even if it meant killing her and she was perfectly willing to accept that possibility, especially if it meant protecting Willow.
But she didn’t know enough and she wanted to go to Willow with the facts. Her love’s brilliant scientific mind demanded no less. The redhead would argue and debate and she needed to be steadfast. She needed to have all the facts to present the airtight case against herself.
Shivering in the chilly air, she looked at the magic books strewn around the room and took a deep breath. There just wasn’t enough information in them, she would need help and there was only one place to go for it. Because she needed to know, needed to understand what kind of threat or curse she might be to the one person who could open her heart with such ease.
It would take more courage than she had ever mustered before to get the information she needed– even leaving her father seemed small in comparison. Probably because there was so much more at stake here.
With a sigh she faced her reflection. "You are doing this…today." Her messy morning hair shook a little. "One step at a time, Tara," she said softly repeating the words of her mother.
With a wistful smile she pulled her robe tightly around herself and walked into the frigid hallway toward the showers.
One step at a time.
****
Willow sank down in the overstuffed chair and pulled her arms tightly around herself trying not to shiver, hoping that no one would notice that her eyes were puffy from crying. The two wool sweaters and comfy pink mittens just weren’t enough to keep her warm. She just wanted to go back to her room and crawl under the blankets and sleep, but no, she was stuck here at this early morning Scooby meeting freezing to death.
"Giles, could you turn the air conditioning on? I don’t think it’s cold enough in here," Xander smiled at the Watcher and rubbed his hands together, blowing on them to illustrate his point.
The Englishman grimaced. "Yes, I agree that it is rather brisk, but I assure you that the useless appliance the landlord refers to as a heater, does nothing but emit a sort of burnt hair odor…"
"Hey guys!" The door flew open revealing the small figure of her best friend. "Did someone order freeze-dried Slayer?" She quipped rubbing her hands together and Willow managed a half-smile before burrowing farther down into her turtleneck.
"Yes, quite to the point Buffy," Giles changed gears immediately as he turned to the Slayer.
"Really?" Her face scrunched in her confusion. "Cause I thought the point of this hellishly early meeting was just some kind of English breakfast with scones." She stopped rubbing her hands suddenly and became very serious. "There are scones, right?"
Giles sighed dramatically and with a slight shake of his head gestured to a plate full of donuts and a carafe of coffee. "Of course. Donuts actually."
With a satisfied smile, Buffy made her way to the counter.
"I’m hurt, G-man. Why didn’t you tell us there was breakfasty goodness?" Xander asked and quickly followed the Slayer to procure his share of the pastries. "It’s discrimination against us non-Slayers I tell ya."
Giles simply rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, once you’re settled, I’d like to discuss the matter of the uncharacteristically cold weather," he finished stiffly and sat down.
Willow shifted in her seat, her interest finally piqued. "Why? Do you think it’s magic-related?"
Giles turned his attention to her, pleased to have someone actually listen to him. "Quite possibly although I have no evidence. It may simply be a weather anomaly."
"Or some frigid cousin of that evil rain demon, El Nino," Xander said around a mouthful of donut. "Hey Wil, don’t you want a donut? There’s chocolate." He raised his eyebrows suggestively at the end and she wondered where Anya was. For the first time in her life she actually missed the psychotic ex-demon. At least she would have distracted Xander.
Hugging herself tightly, Willow shook her head as he wiggled his eyebrows again. She had lost her appetite days ago and the thought of a sugary piece of fried dough made her stomach turn over. "No thanks. Not hungry," she murmured and returned her attention to Giles. "So you think it could be some kind of spell…"
"Oh come on Wil, not even some coffee? Or a Jelly?" Xander interrupted again, holding up a cup of coffee and a donut oozing grape jelly from one end.
"No I don’t want a donut! Okay?" she snapped then stopped, shaking her head when Buffy and Xander both stopped mid-chew to stare at her wide-eyed. "Sorry. I just," she sighed and closed her eyes for a moment remembering a relaxation technique Tara had taught her.
Tara.
Nope, not gonna go there! That way lies puffy eyes and a runny nose.
Her jaw clenched against the tears, she opened her eyes as Buffy and Xander exchanged worried glances. "I’ll have some coffee. Thanks." She softened her voice and forced a smile for the two of them. "Black." At least she could use it to warm her hands.
Once Xander and Buffy were settled, munching steadily on their donuts, Willow reached for the steaming cup and tried to restart the conversation. "So there’s magic afoot?"
Giles pushed his glasses up and nodded once. "Possibly," before turning to his Slayer. "Buffy have you seen anything out of the ordinary during recent patrols?"
The Slayer took a few moments to finish chewing. "Do you mean normal run of the mill demon-y out-of-the-ordinary, or end-of-the-world my Mom’s dating Geraldo Rivera out-of-the-ordinary?"
"Joyce is dating Geraldo Rivera?" Xander chimed in and Willow fought the urge to simply walk out. She could be studying for her Calculus exam or reading her Psych homework in her warm, comfy bed. Anything but sitting around listening to not-so-funny early morning jokes. Which wasn’t really fair. It wasn’t their fault she was miserable and normally, this was exactly the kind of thing she would need to cheer her up, but not now. Nothing could cheer her up anymore. If she weren’t so completely numb, she’d be crying again.
"Clearly I’m referring to any strange demon or magical activity. Any sort of grave-robbing or strange relics or symbols…"
"Oh! There was this demon the other night with a funny stick," the slayer interjected enthusiastically. "But he got away from me," she scowled. "Slippery little guy."
"Buffy, why didn’t you tell me? This could be important." Giles asked with growing frustration as the blonde took another bite and shrugged. "Was it a wand or a staff?" He asked after a heavy sigh.
"I dunno," she continued chewing looking thoughtful. "Kind of a wand-y staff," she gestured with her arms indicating a length of about two and a half feet. "About yay long." She opened her mouth to take another bite then seemed to remember something. "Oh! It was see-through, like glass," she remarked obviously pleased with herself.
"Or ice," Willow mumbled and looked down into the dark brown liquid between her hands. She looked up to find Giles staring at her, obviously lost in thought.
"Yes, quite right," her murmured before returning his attention to the room. "Well, I think this warrants research."
"As long as I can do it in the comfort of my nice warm bed," she grumbled, picking up her coat.
"I don’t think that will be a problem. And Buffy," the Watcher continued, "Perhaps you and Xander could expand your Patrol and search for this ‘slippery little guy’ for the next few nights?"
"Sure. As long as it’s not between six and nine I’m good to go," she responded before taking another bite.
"What’s between six and nine," Xander asked and Buffy froze, her eyes going wide like a deer in the headlights.
"Um, nothing," she stammered. "Just stuff…you know. School type stuff."
"Oh, I get it," Xander nodded, a smug smile spreading across his face. "It’s ‘Riley’s got a break from maneuvers so we’re gonna smooch’ type stuff." He raised his eyebrows.
"Um, yeah." Buffy grimaced and glanced quickly at Willow before looking away. "Yep, gotta fit some Riley time in between Patrol and my total lack of studying."
Taking a deep breath, Willow slipped into her jacket trying not to reveal how hurt she was. Buffy had virtually disappeared in the past couple of days when she needed her best friend the most. That one night of mochas when they had stumbled onto Tara’s date was the last actual conversation she had had with the Slayer who was obviously devoting all of her free time to Riley. She shouldn’t have worried about her friends noticing her puffy eyes. They didn’t seem to notice her at all anymore, both of them so wrapped up in their significant others that her pain was pretty much invisible. Again.
Then again, how could she talk to her about this? Buffy would freak. Definitely with the major freak out and that was the last thing she needed since she was already submerged 24/7 in her own suffocating, world-ending freak-out.
And the more time passed, the less she felt like talking anyway. The less she felt like doing anything at all. Even the incessant noisy rush of chatter in her mind had slowed to a trickle.
Even internal Willowbabble is on hold.
Moving with lead feet toward the door she heard her best friend’s voice behind her. "Hey Wil, if you wait a few minutes I’ll walk back with you."
"No, that’s okay. I think I’m gonna go ahead." She shivered for effect and managed a small smile. The truth was, according to Willow's calculations, Tara should trek through the Quad on her way to Victorian Lit in about ten minutes and she desperately wanted to avoid an awkard encounter with the blonde witch. But she couldn't tell her friends that, so she was stuck lying...or telling a half-truth. "Wanna go back to my warm bed." The Slayer’s forehead furrowed and her smile faded.
"Oh, yeah. Maybe we can get dinner later?" the blonde offered.
"I've got class 'til late and you’ve got the six to nine thing, remember?" she reminded her best friend and nervously adjusted the strap of her bag.
"Willow," Giles cut in and Willow tried not to breathe an obvious sigh of relief. Talking to Buffy was becoming painful. "Since we’re dealing with cold-related magicks, perhaps you should focus on…"
"Norse mythology," she interjected. "Ragnarok and such?" she finished for him and he nodded, obviously astonished. During the heat wave, Tara had told her about the Norse gods and cosmology. Long, colorful stories full of ice and snow that kept Willow entertained and cool for hours. But they wouldn’t know that because she had kept that part of herself so secret. A guilty secret. She thought suddenly of Tara's deep trusting blue eyes.
Tara deserves better anyway, she thought sadly. Someone date-y and cool who isn't afraid...of everything.
"See you tomorrow?" she tried to keep it upbeat, even rolling onto the balls of her feet, but Giles’ strained smile belied his concern.
"Yes. Tomorrow." Giles said softly. Willow turned and opened the door to the chilly air outside. Before the door had even closed behind her she heard Xander’s "What’s up with the Willster?" but kept walking, telling herself she was just trying to keep warm.
Edited by: lipkandy at: 12/29/03 3:40 pm
I love the start of this although it is very depressing. It's interesting that the cold weather is reflecting Tara's (and Willow's) mood. I am very happy that Tara looks like she is going to do something about this though. Although poor Willow has gone back to no-one noticing her again.
and poor Willow 
and as far as updating every week -- I'll try. 
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