New fic: Dark Core

[SJ]

You always leave the story with a great cliffhanger

Great update

[willowsgirl]

Wow wow wow wow wow I love angsty washi!!

This update was just.... gllerijoisjcoincom. Thats pretty much the sound in my head after reading it.

The thoughts running through willow's head, you just got it exactly right. The pain part was amazing. Not that pains amazing, just, you know, the impact of that part.

Dya see what you've done to me??? LOL.

That evil grin from you at the end was well deserved.



willowsgirl/stacey xx

[the vamp nurd]

Grrr, hands up who wants to kick J's ass into the middle of next week?



Come on Will.



Washi don't leave me hanging, I like cliff hangers as much as the next girl, but there's only so long before my nails give way.

~Rachael~



Sorry I missed church, I was busy becoming a lesbian and worshiping Satan





Bardlet no #27

[bla bla bla]

.. you did it again! you only bloody well just did it again. see, now i'm going to have to write you a nice long explanation of THE RULE.



... ah fuck it.



great update good angst. but look, you left us hanging here. again. it's just not right. *sigh*

"Hey Dykorama!"

"The name's Dyke. O. - and that's Ms. Rama to you."

[sabina]

Hi Washi



It was evil of you to leave the story there



Oh, well, I guess I'll have to wait... For a story as good as this one I can be patient



This was such a great chapter. The way you wrote everyone's emotions at seeing Willow fallen on the ground was really touching.



I'm anxiously waiting for the next update

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[Grimlock72]

Err... when is the FUN part of Willow's life starting ?? As she is right now she comes dangerously to an overworked businessperson. Just swap 'dark magic' with 'cocaine' and there you go... heart attack included .



Oh yeah, in my previous reply (how Willow at that time look bad due to lack of sleep) I probably worded it wrong. What I meant was that the scoobs were very quick to point to 'dark magic' for anything that goes wrong with Willow, while most of them (all except Tara and possibly Anya) don't have a clue what 'dark magic' is. Ah well, hopefully they'll stop use that easy es-cape-goat (heh) now.



I found Anya's thoughts interesting by the way, for starters she *cared* about Willow ? Please do call on d'Hoffryn for a little 'justice' *cough* towards Jonathan, feel free : --> . Buffy actually feeling something is good thing too, even if it took some rather not-so-good events to happen.



On we go to the CPR... the non-responsiveness of Willow didn't worry me much. Thats pretty much the point of CPR anyway, to compress the heart for the victim 'cos it won't do it by itself . Hardly EVER will a heart start beating again during normal CPR, my instructor specificly told us not to expect that and I always remembered it. (thank God for never having need that particulair training). As for breathing-response, look at the chest (mind out of gutter please :-).



It was nice to see Willow cling on to thinking about Tara and not use the magic poured into her. Although I have to wonder if letting the drugs/magic out wouldn't have been much healthier. Torch a random tree or something, if you CAN get rid of an overdose like that please do. It was so sad when Willow wisphered to Xander to tell Tara she loved her... .



That ambulance got their nicely fast. It made me wonder exactly WHO called that ambulance and WHEN. Spike already heard the ambulance when he hit Jonathan with the shovel... so who called it that fast ? Good thing is that ambulance personel shouldn't have too much trouble treating Willow.



Now lets hope there's not too much long-term damage from that arrest. A brain like Willow's probably needs a lot of oxygen after all...



One final thing I'm pondering; was Willow's physical reaction caused by her own withdrawal from 'dark magics' (awfull term btw.) or would Jonathan's blast have had the same effect on Tara ?? (or worse, since she's not used to such stuff)



Other good thing to come from this is that Willow won't go patrolling anytime soon.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[Aine]

uuuhhhhhhh



(yep that about sums it up)



keep writing,

Aine

[FunGirl]

Wow Washi!

Wow

Wow again!

That was so intense! I think I stopped breathing reading it!

Really well done. I like the way we saw the scene from each characters view.

Wow, what are you going to hit us with next?

[Taras Shadow]

Washi!



Hey baby, first of all, welcome back to the board! I've missed this fic! But I was able to catch up earlier! Kay, so I know what's going on, but still... you really know how to pull at my heart strings! I love!



Love the angst, the sadness, the Anya-ness, I love it all. I hope to be back to catch up on some more soon! I miss you!



~Holly~

"I've got this ache, and I thought it was for sex, but it's to tear everything to fucking pieces." Ginger - Ginger Snaps

"I am a tongue whore...you gave me tongue, what am I supposed to do...sit back and keep my mouth shut?" -Me-

"I know who you really are...you're the one who cries when you're alone." - Where Will You Go? - Evanescence

[AmbeRocks]

hey Washi

do you have like a fan club or something?? i mean, your fics are always so impressing, i just can't get enough!!

There is such a variety of well-invented things that the earth is like the breasts of a woman: useful as well as pleasing - Nietzsche

[Washi]

Hey all!



Update's coming up in a couple of days. Thanks to all who have read and replied, and to those who have read only.



LostWithoutTara: Hey! Thanks for r&r. I loved the "painful, yet delicious angst" comment. I know I was evil to leave it there, but it was fun, on my side anyway.

Yeah, Buffy finally feeling something is a good thing for her, but the thing is that now, she'll just feel the pain of what's happening to Willow more.



Spot: Hey! Thanks for r&r and for the compliments. I'm glad the "flashback" worked for you. It was pretty difficult to write, and I must've rewritten it a ton of times. I hope you'll keep enjoying this.



BFR from Paris: Hey you! Thanks for stopping by. at the Doc Carter comment.



snuggle79: Hey! Thanks for r&r. I'm glad you liked the flashback. Hope you'll enjoy the rest.



Kerrison20: Hey! And hey, do you happen to be the same Kerrison who wrote the Shadowy Bridge? Cause I love it!

Thanks for the r&r. And yes, I am known for being evil. And I like it.



YMKA: Hey you! Thanks for the feedback and for the general advice. I'm glad you liked the part.



undertheirspell: Hey! Thanks for r&r. I'm glad you liked it, and no p for the fic.



TemperedCynic: Hey you! I agree on most of what you said, and I can't commen on the one thing that got me disagreeing, or else I'll spoil.

Thanks for the compliments, they mean a lot.



willowfan13: Hey! Thanks muchly for the feedback and the compliments. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Hope I won't dissapoint.



intricate mirage: Hey! You know, when I read your feedback, I got all giddy.

Saying you cried shows that the update and the emotion in it worked. And that's a big compliment. Thanks a lot.



russ: Hey! Ok, let's get started on your feedback (which also made me giddy).

Quote:

---

It seems that it was actually the act of resisting the siren call that stressed Willow to the point of convulsions, then heart attack.

---

Bull's Eye! Um, I mean no comment.

All you've said is totally right on! There's always a glimmer of hope, no matter how small it seems. Thanks a lot for the feedback, the compliments, and I'm glad you like the fic. Hopefully, I won't disappoint.



thebardgirl: Hey you! No, not the ferrets! Please!

I'm glad you liked the update, and thanks, for the reply and for making me laugh.



SJ: Hey you! Thanks muchly for reading and replying. Glad you liked it, and glad the cliffhanger works.



willowsgirl: Hey! I'm glad you liked the update! Thanks a lot for replying, and hope you'll like the rest.



the vamp nurd: Hey you! Nails, huh? Well, update soon, maybe tomorrow evening, if I'm nice. Thanks for the r&r.



bla bla bla: Hey! THE RULE is pretty simple, heh? But, hey, I never did follow the rules.

Glad you liked it, and thanks for the feedback.



sabina: Hey! I'm glad you thought it was evil.

I'm glad you liked the update, and I won't leave ya'll waiting for a long time. Thanks.



Grimlock72: Hey you! Thanks for all the comments. I got the wording thing, don't worry about it.

The ambulance and the police was called by Buffy right after she knocked out Warren.

Quote:

---

One final thing I'm pondering; was Willow's physical reaction caused by her own withdrawal from 'dark magics' (awfull term btw.) or would Jonathan's blast have had the same effect on Tara ?? (or worse, since she's not used to such stuff)

---

No comment.



Thanks for the reply, and I hope you'll enjoy the next part.



Aine: Thanks for the reply! Glad you liked it, and hope you'll enjoy the next one.



FunGirl: Hey! Ok, four Wows, that's gotta be good, right? I'm glad you like it and you'll see what happens soon. Thanks.



Taras Shadow: Hey baby! I'm glad you like it. Thanks, and I miss ya too.



AmbeRocks: Hey! Thanks! And, no, don't have an actual fanclub, but hey, you can always leave me a note on my fic site's guestbook. The link is in my sig.

Thanks for the compliments!



Well, that's it for now. Update soon, I promise, either tomorrow or the day after.

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :..:My blog:..:Blood and Ink:.

[AntigoneUnbound]

OK--this must be my punishment for being so tardy: I just wrote four whopping paragraphs, only to have them "blip" away by an errant swipe of a key. Sigh...



So let me try this again...First, I want to say what an excellent premise this is, Washi--I've not seen it before, and I like it immensely. I also loved the exchange b/w Willow and Dawn in the first chapter, because it illuminates what I found so irksome in that wretched thing we used to call the show: the hypocrisy of the gang (excepting Tara, of course) when Willow hit her addiction struggle. Everyone had been more than willing for her to delve into ever-riskier, ever-more demanding realms of magic on order to aid the cause. After Buffy died, she was clearly the leader of this group that was still committed to fighting evil, but now had to do so w/o their greatest weapon: the Slayer. She was trying so desperately to keep everything together, and when the magic became an addiction, everyone went uber-preachy and judgemental on her. (Especially Xander. Don't get me started on Xander.) Tara, of course, was the one person saying that Willow didn't have to do it alone; that she could be scared and uncertain and she was still the woman Tara loved.



You write emotion really well, too. One of the most important dictates of creative writing is to show, not tell; and you show us the gamut of Willow's inner world...her pain; her regret; the agony of her withdrawal; and her enduring and ultimately hopeful love of Tara.



Of course, it helps that you have a solid grasp of the fundamentals of writing, too; things like grammar and syntax. You also write dialogue well, which is harder to do than many people realize. And mega-props, too, for using the word "maelstrom," which is, as you clearly realize, such a wonderful word!



So though I'm late to the game, Washi, please let me join in and take this wonderful voyage with you. I can't wait for more, but I'll do so b/c really, what choice do I have?



Great work~~

Mary

Edited by: AntigoneUnbound at: 11/5/03 7:45 pm

[Kerrison20]

Hi again,



Well, I would love to take credit for "Shadowy Bridge" cuz it's an awesome fic, but alas, I cannot. I'm lucky that I can string enough words together to come up with a coherent reply.



Lisa

[bluewillowwitch]

Washi ,

I love the update! Oh no! Is going to be okay? She has to be okay! is freaking out, she can't even hear the paramedics. Buffy and the Scoobies are all in shock. Oh man what did kinda dark magic could cause a heart attack? Can't wait to more. Update soon, please?





Grace

------------------------------------------

"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos

[littlecrazy80]

Washi that was really mean. I need to know if Willow will be alright. So please update!!!



*lil´c*

Let´s get happy and let´s be gay. germany´s grand prix song



Check this out

[Washi]

Hey Kittens! Once more, thank you for all your feedback. Makes me all giddy.



AntigoneUnbound: Hey Mary! At first, I saw your name on the thread, and I came running to see what you left me. I was puzzled when I found one simple word: "me".

And yes, late is better than never, especially when you're the one leaving me feedback.

First of all, I wanna say thanks.

Quote:

---

I also loved the exchange b/w Willow and Dawn in the first chapter, because it illuminates what I found so irksome in that wretched thing we used to call the show: the hypocrisy of the gang (excepting Tara, of course) when Willow hit her addiction struggle.

---

That pissed me off too (sorry to be so crude ). When they needed Willow, they never thought twice about asking her to do a spell, no matter what the consequences for her were. She used that power, she delved in the "dark magic" to protect them, to save their sorry asses (again with the crude), and when she gets in trouble, no one help her and get, as you said, "uber-preachy and judgemental on her". She did everything because no one wanted to shoulder that much responsibility. Indeed, only Tara was there for her, but Willow, in my opinion, hates feeling weak, vulnerable. Okay, I'm gonna stop the Willow characterization before I start babbling too.



Like I said from the begining of the fic, I've been really nervous about the emotion. I wanted people to feel what Willow was feeling, and not to just read it. So, I'm glad that worked. Thanks.



Thanks for the compliments, I'm very flattered.



I'm very glad you're joining this voyage. Again, thanks for all your compliments and taking time to reply, not once but twice. You rock!



Kerrison20: It's all good.



bluewillowwitch : Thanks for replying. You'll see everything, or well, some stuff in this update.



littlecrazy80: Hey you! It was mean? Cool! Update is coming up! Thanks.





TITLE: Dark Core 6/?

AUTHOR: Washi (ZWS)

EMAIL: washi@dark-bliss.net

RATING: R, to be safe.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this?

So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...

The lyrics in this piece are owned by their respective owners.

SPOILERS: Season 6, Older and Far Away. It veers off cannon afterwards.

FEEDBACK: I love it, I live for it, either here or by email, although here is better.

ARCHIVE: It's on Blood and Ink. Ask and ye shall receive.

ANGST: Be carefull kittens, the ride is gonna be really angsty, and I'm not kidding here. Cliffhanger warning!

Thanks: Many thank yous to YMKA and Taras Shadow for their help, and also to bzengo and FIRESIGN.

NOTES: I don't have a beta in the real sense, but YMKA and Holly helped me along. Thanks again girls. All mistakes are mine.



Thoughts are in < > as always. Flashbacks, song lyrics and such are in italics.



Cliffhanger warning! Kinda, Sorta...



Please check out the note at the end of the part. Thanks.



Many thank-yous to FIRESIGN.



*****





The Sunnydale Memorial Hospital was always busy after nightfall. People came in through the doors, crying over family members who suffered from ‘neck wounds’ or ‘neck trauma’ and some victims died after those injuries of ‘acute pernicious anemia’ or plain ‘blood loss’. No one spoke of the cause of those events, and no one asked.

The main Hospital doors swung open with brutal force and four people rushed in, all wearing expressions of either horror or grief. They didn’t stop in the normal waiting room, but they kept moving, until they arrived at a small waiting room in the back. The Scooby lounge as they called it. They found Tara’s slumped form on one of the small couches there. Her sobs gave a new meaning to heart-wrenching. When she heard them come in, she turned to face them, her eyes blood-shot and puffy from the tears she’d shed. Her whole face was twisted in a Greek mask of terror. Buffy looked at her and she felt a maelstrom of pain and anxiety. Images swirled in her mind, images of her crying in Tara’s lap, repeating over and over:



‘Don’t forgive me, please, don’t forgive me…’



while Tara had just let her cry, stroking her hair slowly in soothing motions. She rushed to Tara’s side and wrapped her arms around her, gently rocking her while Tara shed tears of fear and pain.



“Shh, it’s gonna be okay Tara, Willow’s gonna be fine. She’s a fighter, she’s gonna be fine….”



She kept repeating that mantra over and over, as if saying it would help Willow and her grieving ex-lover. Suddenly, Buffy felt the grief hit her in the guts and she started weeping too, quietly at the realization that Willow might not be fine after all. She looked at the other through tear-filled eyes and she saw Xander teetering on the edge of despair. He walked slowly until he reached them, then fell on his knees and wrapped his arms around both crying women before the dam broke and he started sobbing. Anya wobbled slowly to Tara’s side and sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her and trying to soothe her own mind by the contact. None of them noticed Spike sitting down on another couch before putting his hands over his face, trying to hide, as if ashamed of his own silent tears. The only sounds in the room were those of weeping and of Buffy’s heart-broken voice, murmuring over and over her mantra.



“It’s gonna be okay, Willow’s going to be fine. She’s a fighter, she’s gotta be fine…”



*****



Half an hour later, Buffy slowly disengaged herself from her friends’ grip and got up slowly. All heads turned to her.



“I need to call… Dawn and Giles and Willow’s parents.” she said, her eyes haggard, as if she was in a nightmare, which in a way, she was. She motioned to Spike to follow her, and he did, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Xander sat down next to Tara and enfolded her in a warm embrace, the weeping girl’s tears soaking his shirt.



Buffy and Spike called Dawn first. It was about midnight and she explained the situation to Janice’s mother, telling her to wake up Dawn. While she fetched her, she told Spike to go get Dawn.



“Are you sure you’re gonna be alright Buffy?” he asked before walking away.



“Just get her Spike, please.”



He nodded and left, running towards his beaten-up car, in which they rode from the cemetery.



“Buffy? What’s going on?” Dawn’s voice said, her fear evident.



“Dawnie, I’m at the hospital. Spike’s coming over to get you. Just get yourself ready and wait for him. I’ll explain later.”



“Buffy, who’s hurt? Oh my god, who’s hurt?”



“Later Dawn.”



“Tell me Buffy!” Dawn practically shrieked. “Please, tell me!” she added quietly.



“It’s Willow. I gotta call Giles. Wait for Spike.” she said before hanging up.



*****



Dawn ran to the waiting room, Spike right behind her. She had cried throughout the whole ride as he told her what had happened. She was washed in guilt.



she chanted in her head to the frantic rhythm of the tears running down her face.



She reached the Scooby lounge and was rewarded to see that no one was crying anymore. But their expression of grief and pain were more heart-breaking.



“How is she?” she demanded.



“We don’t know.” Buffy said.



“What happened?” Dawn asked as she sat down.



“Her heart stopped beating.”



“How? Willow’s twenty. She’s only twenty!” she shouted, getting back on her feet.



Buffy sighed.



“We don’t know. All we know is that Jonathan sent her a power ball of dark magic and she collapsed.” Buffy said.



“Not really Buffy. She didn’t collapse right away. I was with her, I saw her. She fought the magic, she did and then, her whole body cramped up, and her back arched, and her body was like a tight arch. She was actually standing on her heels and on her shoulders, with her legs stiff and… oh god!” Xander choked out, images of Willow’s twisted body haunting his pupils. “She couldn’t open her mouth to yell or scream or anything. Her eyes, oh god! They held so much pain, she was in so much pain! I could see her crying, but she couldn’t do anything else. Then, her body relaxed a bit and she locked eyes on me and told me that her heart was cramping up and to tell you all that she loves us.” He faced Tara, seeking her blue eyes. “She told me to tell you that she’s sorry and she loves you.” He looked at them through his tear-filled eyes. “That’s what she said before her heart stopped beating. Oh my god, Willow.” he sobbed, putting his hands over his face.



Dawn put a hand over her heart and covered her mouth with the other as she wept. She swayed lightly and Spike moved to her to steady her. She shook him away and she shook her head, her eyes open wide in shock.



she thought as tears of guilt streamed down her cheeks.



“No! No! No!” she repeated, her voice raising in a near-shriek.



As she backed up, she collided with a doctor that was just coming in. His kind green eyes looked at them and finally rested on Tara’s weeping form.



“Miss Maclay.” he called her quietly.



Tara looked up and her eyes locked on his and for an instant, she looked like she didn’t recognize him. Suddenly, realization dawned on her and she sprang to her feet, holding the doctor tightly by the arms.



“Tell me she’s okay, please, tell me she’s okay.” she pleaded, her voice cracking as tears threatened to fall again.



“Miss Maclay, Tara, is it okay for me to talk in front of them?” he asked quietly.



“Yes.”



“Okay, Miss Rosenberg, Willow has some minor ST changes on her EKG, and her cardiac enzymes are positive. This means she had a heart attack. She’s stabilized now.”



Every one in the room sighed.



“Her potassium level is very low, which is most likely the cause of the heart attack. Has she been complaining of cramps, or stomach problems, difficulty breathing or irregular heartbeat? Or has she lost a lot of fluids lately?”



“She did say once that she had stomach aches.” Buffy said.



“Okay, anything else? Cramps?”



“You mean like leg cramps?” Dawn asked, her face ashen. The doctor nodded.



“Just last night, she had cramps in her calves, I helped her get rid of them. But… she said she was used to them.” Dawn continued, her voice trembling.



“That's probably it then. Well, she's started breathing on her own, so we've taken her off the ventilator, and removed the tube from her lungs. She's still very groggy. We're giving her medicine to thin her blood, so it doesn't clot and cause another heart attack. And we're giving her IV potassium to fix that. She'll be in the Cardiac ICU for the next three days at least, and then we'll see about moving her to a monitored care bed for a few more days. If all goes well, she could be out of here in a week. But she's going to need to change her diet, and figure out how to make sure she doesn't ever get such a low potassium level again, because it can and usually is fatal."



“Can I see her, I mean, can we see her?” Tara asked, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears of relief.



He looked at the group and asked: “Are you family? I mean relatives.” he detailed.



“We’re family, but not relatives.” Buffy replied.



“I’m really sorry, but if you’re not relatives, you can’t see her yet. You’ll be able to tomorrow, but please, not more than two people at the same time and please tell a nurse before. Sorry.” he said gently, seeing their crestfallen expressions.



“Thanks anyway Doctor…” Buffy trailed off, remembering that they didn’t let him even say his name.



“Oh, right, I’m doctor Williams. Eric Williams.” he replied, smiling.



He looked at Tara who was still clutching at his arms, and he slowly untangled himself. She looked embarrassed for a moment. He reached into his pocket and gave her a card.



“Here, if you need anything call me. Goodnight and I’ll see you tomorrow. Try to rest all of you.” he said squeezing her arm before he started to walk away.



“Wait!” Tara called him back.



“Yes.”



“I just remembered, Willow and I, we have Power of Attorney. It’s in our files. Can I please see her?” she told him, her eyes beseeching.



“Oh, of course then. Follow me.” he told her.



“Thank you. I’ll let you know guys.” Tara said as she followed the doctor.



“Don’t worry, we’re not going anywhere.” The Slayer replied, as a hint of a smile crossed her lips.



Buffy looked back at her friends before getting up. “I’m gonna try to get in touch with Willow’s parents again.” She stalked out.



The rest of the gang settled down for the night in the lounge.





*****



Eric Williams ushered Tara to room 502. Slowly, he opened the door and paused before letting her in.



“This is a private room. You won’t be disturbed. Do you want the nurse to set up another bed for you?” he asked her, his kind green eyes showing a great deal of compassion.



“No, n-no thank you. I’m just gonna use a chair.” she replied, her eyes troubled, showing amounts of pain the doctor had almost never seen before.



“I’m assuming you’re going to stay the night.” he more stated than asked. Tara nodded.



“The hospital chairs are uncomfortable. I’ll get you an armchair. Wait for me here.” he said before going to the doctor’s lounge, a few rooms away.



The urge to rush into Willow’s room, to stay at her side was incredible, but Tara complied with the doctor’s wishes, wringing her fingers in anticipation. She shivered, uncomfortable to be in the Hospital that held so many dreadful memories. The treatments she received when she ‘fell down the stairs’ when she was younger, her own mother’s long hospital stay before she died, Joyce’s operation and her death, her own night in the psych ward that she didn’t quite remember, but that she felt, Giles being treated after Buffy’s death, as well as Anya, and her own recurrent checkups. A door closing brought her back from the past visits to the now, to Willow. She looked up and saw the doctor coming back carrying a plush-looking armchair. He smiled at her as he got closer, a smile of reassurance.



“Can I ask you something?” she asked as he stood in front of her.



“Sure.”



“Not that I don’t appreciate it, but, why are you being so nice? Doctors usually aren’t this nice to us here.”



“Oh, well, my sister’s gay, and her girlfriend had an accident. The doctor that was treating her didn’t let my sister see her girlfriend, and it almost broke her heart. I saw how she was treated, and I didn’t like it. So, I do what I can to make people never have to go through her pain.”



“I see what you mean. Thanks a lot.” Tara replied as he motioned to her to stand there for him to set the chair and check on Willow’s stats. Once again, she complied. She couldn’t understand why she listened to this man, besides the fact that he was Willow’s doctor. There was something in his eyes, a rare kindness, and also a hint of pain. She knew on instinct that she could trust him. He came out a minute or so later, and he waved her in, saying one last goodbye as he made his way to check on his other patients.



Tara took one shuddering breath and walked into the room. The smell of antiseptic hit her first, as well as the regular beeping sounds the machines hooked to Willow made. The sight of her injured ex-lover, lying on the bed on her back, her face pale and drawn, seemingly having aged five years in the hours she hadn’t seen her. She moved slowly into the room and sank down in her chair, her legs numb. She reached over and took her ex-lover’s hand in hers, careful to not disturb the IV that was taped to her hand, giving her the potassium and the other drugs she needed from what the doctor told her.

She gently traced unknown patterns on the back of her hand before lifting her gaze up Willow’s body to her face. The pale green hospital gown did nothing to improve her appearance, for it made her face seem even more washed off. The shock of deep red hair only accentuated the effect. For a second, Tara panicked at the whiteness of Willow’s face, and she looked at her chest for signs of breathing. Willow’s chest rose and fell with a clock’s rhythm’s. Tara allowed herself to breathe again.



“Oh Willow.” she said quietly as the tears she was suppressing sprung back to her eyes, tightening her throat instantly.



she thought as she tried to send all her love through the simple touch of her hand, tears streaming down her face.



Tara let her thoughts drift as she settled down more comfortably in her comfortable chair. She knew that she had forgiven Willow for her actions, but also that she hadn’t been ready to get back to her. Her mind had been shrouded in doubt, doubt that she could trust Willow entirely, that she could face her life if the redhead did anything that could hurt her, even if unintentionally. Yet, tonight made everything clear. The doubt faded when she saw Willow so bravely fight the magic. It would have been so easy to give in to the pain, to cast a spell to relieve it, but yet, Willow hadn’t faltered. Tara knew she could trust the redhead with the magic, and by seeing her almost die, she understood that life was too short on the Hellmouth to take time rebuilding something she longed for, time to rebuild their relationship. She truly understood the irony of her situation. She wanted to get back together with Willow, but her doubts made her wait, and by waiting, she had almost lost what meant more to her than anything. She had lost Willow once to the darkness, but she wasn’t going to lose her again, this time permanently. That wasn’t even an option.



When she saw Willow fall back after the blast, all she could think of was to melt Jonathan alive. She almost did, but she chose in extremis to make him simply immobile for a while. Sure, she had used white magic, but she had thought about killing him, about making him feel torture. She truly understood the wrath Willow had felt when Glory sucked her brain. She understood the want for revenge, as cruel as it may be, when Willow fought the Hell-God with dark magic. She understood that to make Willow safe, she would do anything, face anything. And she couldn’t expect Willow to do less. It was that instinct of protection that drove Willow into dark magicks, too deep into them. She got lost, and Tara swore to herself then that she’d find her, like Willow had found her almost a year ago.



“I’ll find you Willow, I swear I will.” she told the sleeping redhead. The only reply was the sound of Willow’s breathing and the beeping of the machines in the small dark hospital room.



*****



TBC...



NOTE: Technically, Willow had a heart arrest, not an actual heart attack. In the words of FIRESIGN:



"The use of the term "Heart Attack" usually refers to someone who has suffered a myocardial infarct which causes a part of the heart to actually die off."



I just used the term "heart attack" because most people wouldn't see the difference. This is to make it clearer.

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :..:My blog:..:Blood and Ink:.

[WintersDreamer]

Wow !



Truly a very enjoyable,descriptive and emotionally intense story.



Thank you for mentioning the fact that couples should have Power of Attorney for each partner. It is to often forgotten.



Please update soon.

[shuyaku]

Very emotional!! So was Willow's heart arrest from the magic or low potassium?



Great update! I can't wait for Willow to wake up

-shuyaku

------------------------------------

"Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)

[bluewillowwitch]

Washi ,

I love this fic! Ok, is going to be okay for the most part. I'm glad. was ready to kill Jonathan. i would have if I were in her shoes. All the scoobies would have fallen a part if she had died. Dawn felt to bad. Can't wait to more. Update soon, please?





Grace

-----------------------------------------

"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos

[intricate mirage]

Washi



I made you all giddy with my feedback? Lol well don't get too giddy now, we need to have you healthy and very much alive to keep on posting this wonderful fic



Heart-wrenching update here though. I feel bad for Dawn, she blaming herself like that. Poor girl, it isn't her fault that things turned out this way. Xander recapping the whole incident of what he saw when Willow was hit by that blast of dark magicks makes clear only one point - how strong Willow was about it - and that makes me burst with pride. I like Dr Eric Williams. He's nice Hmm I'm glad that was the touching on of Tara's behaviour earlier in the night. To have experienced what it felt like to be in Willow's shoes. This greater form of understanding is going to help both W/T in the healing process of the relationship.

Quote:

---

“I’ll find you Willow, I swear I will.”

---

Brings back all the memories from 'The Gift'. Gets me all the time.



Hoping for a slightly happier update next time But if it's all angsty again, fine, go ahead and be mean Hehe, kidding, I'll enjoy the update either way Once again, great update!

Cassie





Ask me if I loved you yesterday. I'll say 'Yes'

Ask me if I love you today. I'll say 'Yes'

Ask me if I'll love you tomorrow. I'll say 'Always'

[Kerrison20]

Washi,



Wonderful update. I am absolutely loving this fic. This was very hard to read. My screen kept getting blurry. (I guess that could be cause I cried through the entire thing. Not sure )



I guess that just proves how awesome your writing is. And again I to the almighty Washi.



Lisa

~~~~~~~~~

Tara beamed up at her lover. Willow Rosenberg, shy, unassuming computer geek was about to fuck her girlfriends brains out. Oh God yes baby, bring it on. -Three Months By WillowPowered

Edited by: Kerrison20 at: 11/7/03 12:36 am

[SJ]

Intense and emotional update

[the vamp nurd]

Scary, even tho' it was a heart arest....



Washi you are the mistress and I don't mean

~Rachael~



Sorry I missed church, I was busy becoming a lesbian and worshiping Satan





Bardlet no #27

[sabina]

Hi Washi



Great update



It was angsty all right, but I loved it



More soon?

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[Washi]

Hey kittens!



I made a banner for this fic too, since I had some free time to mess around with some pics. Here it is:







So, you like?



Anyway, lI'm gonna reply to the lovely replies you all left. And update in a couple of days and I don't mean two days by that. The next update is pretty long (about double the size of these last ones), so, I'm taking my time.



WintersDreamer: Hey! I'm glad you like it! Thanks for r&r. When I wrote the fic, I thought about what doctors call 'family' and I was like 'oh hey! they gotta have Power of attorney! Or the Doc won't let Tara get in.' Thanks for the compliments, and I hope you'll enjoy the rest.



shuyaku: Hey you! Thanks for the reply.

Quote:

---

So was Willow's heart arrest from the magic or low potassium?

---

No Comment, you'll see further in the story.



Thanks.



bluewillowwitch: Hey!

Thanks for your feedback.

I'm glad you're liking this, and hopefully, you'll like the rest of the story.



intricate mirage: Hey Cassie!

Yep, feedback-y goodness makes me giddy.

I say YES to everything you said! Tara finding herself in Willow's shoes, made her see what feeling revenge feels like, what anger and rage can do. She needed to experience it to understand it. She's not a worse person by experiencing anger, rage, or vengeance. She's human.



Yep, I was making a 'The Gift' reference.

Quote:

---

Hoping for a slightly happier update next time

---

No Comment



Thanks.



SJ: Hey you! Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you liked the update.



Kerrison20: Hey! I'm happy you like the fic. And happy I made you cry. Not in a sadistic way, but because my writing touched you. And that's what I'm trying to do.

I'm not Almighty. But thanks for saying so. It warms my stone heart.

Thanks.



the vamp nurd: Hey you! It was indeed scary, and serious.

Oh, I'm not the Mistress... I'm the Kitten.

I'm glad you like Rach, thanks.



sabina: Hey! Thanks for r&r! I'm glad you liked the update, even though it was indeed angsty. Update coming soon!



That's it for now kittens!

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :..:My blog:..:Blood and Ink:.

[sabina]

Hi Washi



I just wanted to say that I really like your banner



Oh and I'll use this opportunity to ask once again for an update soon

I have to study like a mad woman for the next couple of weeks (grrr... stupid biochemistry exam coming up ) and I could really use a large fix of Dark core

---

"I know I was born and I know that I'll die.

The in between is mine.

I am mine!" - Pearl Jam

[Grimlock72]

So far all Willow's troubles could have been caused by exhaustion alone. Lord knows she HAS worked way to hard to keep everyone save (though it's her own fault she didn't get people to help her more). I guess she needs to work on that personality-flaw a bit, it's harming her. Willow is an interesting personage, could write books about her



Xander's description DID make it clear Willow fought the magic, she wasn't in any condition to cast anyway. Still, I was cringing when he described Willow's ordeal in so much detail... those are NOT details people want to hear in such circumstances... how Willow suffered and such... it's not very helpfull (or uplifting for that matter). Speaking of Xander, he has always be very judgemental (not tonight though) and I'm not entirely sure why that is. Maybe to mask that he's not a cool powerfull monsterfighter ??



It's interesting to see Tara realize she would have responded almost like Willow did when she was hurt by Glory. I never doubted that much, just that Tara might respond a little less fiery and hasty. Tara is not much for violence except to protect others. Naturally both women are protective of the other. Nothing wrong with that :-) Though protection is preferable above revenge, which is by definition too late.



I do feel sorry for Tara, hopefully she won't blame herself too much .



Oh all people Dawn has the least reason to feel guilty. At least she talked with Willow when she needed someone. It's not like the other scoobies were walking down Willow's door now were they ?? ... I'll stop cursing the other scoobs now



I'm not much of a believer in the 'dark magic(Willow) bad, white magic(Tara) good' theory, so I disagree with much of Tara's thoughts about that. Just drop the 'dark' and see that Willow would use ANY magic or whatever she could to protect people. If she hadn't been a witch she would have used computers or chemistry and probably have been killed early in season6 fighting vampires without magic. Magic is just a means to an end (protecting people), without it Willow would have used something else... she feels she has to protect people. The means may change, the end doesn't. (ending it overworked, sick or dead Willow eventually )



She got indeed lost in that she didn't know when to stop protecting everybody, since thats just not something ANYBODY can keep up. Something Willow has noticed the very hard way by now, she's just overworked.



As we saw in season 5 difficult spells are not very healthy to do, bleeding nose and all. Willow deemed it nessecary to use even more difficult spells after Buffy died, just to keep them all safe. Viewed from that angle it was a smart move to use at least some of that heavy magic to resurrect Buffy.. that should ease the workload for Willow. I would have much preferred the season 5 approach on heavy magics, without the stupid (and easy-way-out) coloring of season 6.



Heh, I doubt Willow only needs potassium... it's not like she has eaten anything normal or good lately. Nice thing about hospitals; they can feed you via IV. Willow needs lots of vitamins and proper feeding and something against those cramps and stomach troubles would be helpfull too. Surely the nice doctor will fix that. he was very kind to Tara. I gather such normal/nice behaviour is not the norm over in the US for same-sex couples??



Good thing is that this will kinda force Willow to rest, relaxing would be nice too but you can't force that. Tara should have accepted to doc's offer to get her a bed, it's pointless to sleep in a chair if you can get bed just as close to Willow. Tara needs her rest too, someone has to help (and motivate) Willow recover later on after all.



I *do* hope no permanent damage was done to Willow's muscles by that potassium shortage, I'm hazy on the medical details and too lazy to look it up at the moment :-). It sure hasn't made those muscles stronger, whats the term for that.. 'wasted muscles' ?? Anyway, I expect Willow to be busy recovering back to normal for a while. Good to read she's breathing on her own and of the tube already, thats fast.



P.S. Anybody surprised that Willow's parent are hard to reach ??



P.P.S. Thanks for that final note, at least we know Willow's heart is (physically) alright.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 11/8/03 10:44 am

[Karmah]

Washi



I can't express to you enough my love of this update as you already know I was all giddy happy while reading it (yes I know I should have been all OMG with the torrent of emotions but the medical part was written so well and well me being me that made my whole day) BTW I am still ohhh wow over the potassium enzymes brilliant, that was brilliant. And the amount of research you put forth into that part is amazing, ok enough prattling on about that.

The emotion Tara conveys is so true to human nature and just captivating. Poor Dawn my heart broke for her she truly felt it was her fault and that she could have prevented Willow's heart condition was heart wrenching to read so Kudos's there. Hun your doing a great job and I so can't wait to read more



Love Ya and I want More

Arron

Edited by: Warduke at: 11/8/03 9:25 am

[LostWithoutTara]

What an intense update! I love all of the emotion here, and it's always nice to see Dawn actually acting like a human being instead of the whiny klepto she was in canon. The feelings of all the characters all feel spot on; like you would expect for a group who have been together for the best part of six years. I'm really looking forward to more and Willow's recovery (um, she is going to recover, right...? ). Anyway, excellent update.

Every time you walk away, I pretend that I'm okay

[FIRESIGN]

Hey Washi -



You're doing a great job with this fic - I've loved reading it prior to posting - as well as after. I'm so glad that you're paying particularly close attention to details - as many writers don't do that. Great Job!!!! I'll be waiting for more!



On the cardiac arrest issue due to potassium depletion:



Potassium depletion may result in fatigue, weakness, nausea, drowsiness, loss of appetite, edema, oliguria, and chronic ileus with distention. Potassium deficiency may be manifested by shallow breathing, lowered blood pressure, disturbances of cardiac rhythm (primarily ectopic beats), prominent U-waves in the electrocardiogram, or other ECG changes, such as lengthened Q-T interval, depressed S-T segment, and depressed or inverted T wave and possible cardiac arrest.



Would Willow have sufferred permanent damage to the cardiac muscle due to this arrest? Most likely, no. Cardiac arrest or traumatic cardiac arrest does not mean that the cardiac muscle itself has been damaged. This is unlike a myocardial infarct (heart attack) - in which a portion of the muscle has become ischemic and has died off as a result.



Washi - GREAT JOB!!!! Keep the updates rolling!



-Cin aka FIRESIGN