Aftermath

[EndoraVolk]

Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 1: Nirvana.



The sides of her head were pulsing rhythmically, sending tingly waves of pain towards her brain. She pictured it; the web-like nerves touching the delicate flesh of her brain with electric shocks, short but consistent pangs. That was all, the bulging and de-bulging of her head, the rest of her didn’t even exist; not even her heartbeat. No one could imagine how much it hurt. How could anyone use a headache as an excuse? She had suffered all kinds of headaches, specially lately, and had swallowed an array of painkillers that would scare the most experienced drug-addict. Not that any pill had been too effective… And her nose bled more frequently now… each day.



        Everyone had told her: “if you play with fire you’ll get burnt”. <>, she wondered, realizing that the pain was beginning to fade. Yes, now she was able to think and open her eyes, even if her lids seemed to weigh ten times more, her lashes sticky with dry tears. Rolling her eyeballs (for she was scared of moving a muscle) she glanced at the alarm clock at her left. The digits “4:30” stared back, red, rigid and sure of themselves, confirming that the paralyzing headache attack had been four hours long. Four hours? At least an hour and a half longer than usual! She frowned, feeling the last pangs like sixteen needles puncturing her brain, reminding her that there would be more pain waiting for her the next night.



        The aftermath of magic was the unbearable pain, but she always considered that the worst part of the night was the aftermath of the pain. She could move now, shift her position on the bed, lie sideways, looking at… nothing. The bed was as empty as her insides. Every night, after her headache, she turned to her right and moved her hand along the bed, searching for another body, for the other body. Alone… another night. That was when she felt really terrified; the word “alone” sunk inside her skin, freezing her from head to toe.



        She kicked away the sheets and sat up. No pain. <>, she told herself. Feeling braver, she left the bed and opened the closet, pulling out a thick but soft blanket. She knew she was being too optimistic; it was her soul who was cold, not the temperature. But she placed the blanket on the bed anyway, tucking it carefully. Then, when she went to shut the closet doors, she spotted the cardboard boxes… containing some things that She had forgotten. She… <>



“Tara…”



        Her hand dipped inside one of the boxes, digging out two pieces of clothing, a shirt and pants: one of Tara’s pajamas. She crushed them into a wrinkled ball between her anxious hands, lifted them and buried her face in them. Then, she breathed in. she seemed to disappear again, just like when she was in pain. The scent of those clothes was like a thunder of familiarity bolting inside her, splitting her in half, surrounding her like a cloud. Detaching her face from the pajamas, she noticed the tears when they were already sliding off her jawbone. <>. This was the real pain: going back to bed clutching those pajamas, feeling one of the plastic buttons stabbing her, as if she and Tara were breast against breast again. But no, those clothes were empty. She thought about filling them in with a spell, to have the illusion of Her body beside her, like she had already done, but she didn’t have the guts to do it after the headache session. What if the pangs of pain returned and took her away again? No, no magic until tomorrow. Tomorrow would be a brand new day to use.



        Still cold despite the blanket, she closed her eyes and hugged those pajamas as if she held a real lover, letting the scent penetrate her like a balm. Nothing could ever equal this or get close to it; she knew that. Erasing everything from her mind except the “hereness” and “nowness” of Tara’s scent was like achieving peace and enlightment. Like Nirvana.

Edited by: EndoraVolk at: 8/20/04 11:28 am

[Mikaelah Braenna]

This is a very good start. I love the details you have used to describe the situation. It paints a vivid picture of what Willow is experiencing. Please continue.



~Mikaelah

That'll teach me to challenge her. ~Tara ... ~Something New by Ophelia11

[EndoraVolk]

Hey, Mikaelah, thanx for your imput





Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 2: Determination

        Day. With daylight included, of course, seeping in through the curtains. Her eyes flickered a couple of times and then opened, revealing a panoramic view of the bedroom. As always, she felt several seconds of confusion before remembering. Yes, this was her room, this was her room now. Most of her stuff was still unpacked, lying around in boxes, all the walls were bare, and the shelves were empty. She somehow felt better like that, it gave her the impression that she would be moving out any second. That she was prepared to move out, that it was only a matter of time. She had known it the moment she hung her coat in the closet: she wouldn’t be able to install herself here. Ever. Her home was elsewhere. It was a lesson she had learned. Home isn’t a place, it’s a person.



        Right, now that she had said to herself the “home-person thing”, there was no chance of catching sleep again. She got up and took of her nightgown. Only wearing her underwear, she sat before one of her cardboard boxes and emptied it on the floor. She chose a long and fleecy skirt and a purple shirt, put them on, and knelt back on the floor, searching for a determined gray sweater. There it was. The girl grabbed the sleeve, which was sticking out, and pulled, revealing… not her gray sweater, but rather… a bluish jumper-jacket.



        W-w-willow’s jumper-jacket.



She stood up, holding the jacket way away from her, not repulsed, but scared. She was afraid, not of the actual jacket, of course, but she didn’t want to touch it. If she did, it would bring thousands of memory fragments that she would be unable to fight or dodge. Those memory fragments would attack her mercilessly, making her cry. Her eyes circled the room and found a plastic bag. One of her hands opened the bag, and the other stuffed the jacket inside. Done. She ventured to look at the bag and was relieved; it blocked away the memories.



        Taking the jacket in the hurry of her departure had been a mistake. Forgetting some of her stuff in… Buffy’s house was also terrible. Now… now she would have to go there. For the first time in her life she found herself hoping that there was anyone in the house except Willow. She would rather face Dawn, Buffy, Xander, Anya and even Spike separately or all together than opening the door and seeing Willow.



        Not very sure of herself but determined to do it, she put on her boots, swung her handbag over her shoulder, grabbed the plastic bag and left.

[The Rose24]

I love the way you are switching POV's. This way we are getting both perspectives. Keep up the good work!

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[wimpy0729]

Incredible job! Their emotions are so raw and palpable, it's like I'm feeling everything they are.



Please continue!



wimpy

"There was plenty of magic." ~ Tara

[EndoraVolk]

I'm so happy that you like it. This is my first Willow/Tara fanfic, so I actually am a little nervous about it, wanting to get things right. The different points of view thing... it seemed to be a good idea after all



Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 3: Demons or dinner

        <> The doorbell, she concluded, but she had already forgotten how it sounded. Everyone just came in and cried “hello”, and she liked that. She liked it when they were all sitting in the living room with stuff to comment, whether it was about demons or dinner.

       

        So, who could it be? She got up from bed, acknowledged that Buffy wasn’t home, heard Willow in the shower, and went downstairs to open the door. Oh, God, it was… As soon as she opened the door, she hugged the visitor.



“I missed you!” she squealed.



        Even if only two or three days had passed since they last saw each other, she missed having Tara living there, talking to her whenever she wanted, not having to phone her and ask for a date first like a frustrated boyfriend or something.



“I missed you too” Tara said “How are you?”



        Fine, she was fine. But why was Tara speaking so low, acting all shyly back again? It wasn’t just the low voice, but she kept fidgeting with some yellow plastic bag and diverting her eyes in all directions. Oh, of course. She had to be jumpy because of Willow, wondering if she was in the house or not.



“Willow’s here”, she told Tara “She’s taking a shower, but she won’t be lo…”



        Unexpectedly, Tara didn’t let her finish speaking. That had never happened. She went straight upstairs, pausing only half a second before entering the bedroom that now belonged just to Willow. She just stood in the doorway, watching Tara dropping the bag she had brought and stacking the two cardboard boxes that had to contain clothes and stuff she forgot to take away the day she left. In the middle of the night, not wanting to listen to anyone, with Willow sitting on the bathroom floor crying her eyes out… There had been so much guilt in Willow’s tears…



“Tara, don’t you wanna wait? …You could chat a little with her, I think it would do her good…”



“Dawn, I-I can’t. I… gotta leave.” Tara spotted one of her pajamas sprawled on the bed and stuffed them in a box.



        Dawn frowned and half-ran to her room. She couldn’t take it; she had tried to smile and accept it, she had told herself that she should be happy, at least she could see both Willow and Tara and talk to them. But she couldn’t erase the feeling she had when her parents divorced. It felt just the same, or maybe worse, because it was the second time she had experienced it. Or because she thought that they would be together forever. Now Buffy was never home, doing whatever she did, and Willow… well, it was as if Willow had a brick wall surrounding her, and no one could penetrate it. She was sure that Tara could, but she didn’t want to do it. Tara didn’t want to speak one word to Willow, or see her one second.



“Shit, I shouldn’t have opened the door. She’s taken her stuff, now there’s no excuse…”

[wimpy0729]

Aww, poor Dawnie. This has really affected her too.



Now Tara's taken her stuff, even Willow's security pajamas. That's rough. I just wish they were ready to talk, but I don't think either of them are ready. Stupid pride! They need to get over it and just talk, but I can't wait to see how you're going to handle it.



More soon please!



Wimpy

"There was plenty of magic." ~ Tara

[EndoraVolk]

Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 4: Blast

        She felt better this morning. Incredibly, she had slept and had good dreams. This could be a good day, one of those weird good days she rarely had. A concentrated rain of water was falling around her and splashing over her, with a cleansing and calming effect. Optimistic, that was it. She felt optimistic about the most important thing in her life; well, not the most important thing – the most important person. Yes: Tara. Maybe it had been the sweet scent of her pajamas; she had missed that scent so much! Maybe if she gained control over herself and denied herself the use of magic during… a week, like Tara had told her… Not a month, just one little week. Seven days starting today. Dead easy. She hadn’t made it before because she hadn’t done it seriously. Now she was going to put all her senses to it. Now that she had lost… now that she knew what it was to be so alone…



        Climbing out of the bathtub, she enveloped herself in a fluffy towel and looked at herself in the mirror. No magic. She would dry herself the hard way (well, not too hard) and pick her clothes and put them on. Great, very humanly. Her reflection smiled back at her. <> Still grinning, she stepped out of the bathroom and entered the bedroom; she was sure it wasn’t going to be just her room much longer. She was going to win Tara back, she even felt it happening…



        Wait. Something was going on. Almost dropping the towel, she glanced around. There was an empty space under the window. The boxes. Someone had stolen the boxes! What the…? She felt an alarm setting off inside her, in the shape of her thumping heart. The bed… Tara’s pajamas had disappeared too! Please, no. The floor met her knees, and she had to hold on to the bed to keep from falling.



“Daw…” she croaked, before finding her voice, which came out with a roar “Dawn!”



        The fifteen-year old rushed inside the room and worriedly asked what was going on. She probably thought she was dizzy or something, which she wasn’t, but her throat felt tight, as if she was going to be sick. No time for being sick all over the carpet; she had to know. Where was Her stuff? Two boxes full of clothes, some necklaces, earrings and other stuff. And Her pajamas. Who had taken them away? She needed that stuff!



“Listen, Willow… sit down, okay?”



        Dawn was being extra-nice, helping her up and sitting her on the bed. Extra-nice… she was feeling sorry for her. Why? Why wasn’t Tara’s stuff here? What had that kid done with the boxes and the sweet-smelling pajamas?



“Willow, I… Okay, I could tell you her stuff is in the washing machine but you wouldn’t believe me. She’s been here.”



        Confirming her worst thoughts didn’t make her feel the least better. Alright, She had been here but when? There was no physical time… she had been in the shower, what? fifteen minutes? During that time She had come in and retrieved her cardboard boxes without a word. Like a thief. Well, not like a thief, She had apparently spoken to Dawn, but She hadn’t the guts to stay for breakfast or say “hello”. How nice of Her, taking everything away, taking the pajamas that she needed and leaving… a yellow plastic bag?



        Weird… Forgetting that Dawn was still in the room blabbering excuses (“maybe Tara had urgent stuff to do”), she reached out for the bag, noticing the peculiar scent that drove her crazy. Suddenly, she was like a hound dog. Tara’s smell on this bag. What could it be? A present? Some note? Feeling the urgency take over her hands, she opened the bag, grabbed whatever it was, and pulled it out.



        Paralyzed. Like the worst headache, what she saw coming out of that bag pinned her to the bed. Her jacket; one she hadn’t seen or noticed since a long time ago. Maybe that was the reason why She had taken it by mistake. An inconspicuous jacket: Tara’s ideal jacket. But it was hers, even if Tara had worn it nearly more than her. The gesture of giving it back and taking the boxes meant: what’s yours is yours, what’s mine is mine. <>, she sighed.



“Willow…”



“Dawnie, please.”



“Sure, I’ll be at the kitchen. Do you want me to make some breakfast?”



“Yeah, breakfast for you. I’ll be… here.”



        The rigidity of her body ceased when she heard the fifteen-year old leave the room and softly close the door. Then, she allowed herself to go numb and drop on the bed because suddenly, she wasn’t her body. She was just a cold and scared little core closed inside an assigned body she hadn’t asked for. A million swords were stabbing that body; she hadn’t asked for that. What was wrong with everything? Why did everything have a sour taste lately? Everything she did ended up in complete or mild disaster. Complete disaster, like a spell going uncontrolled and affecting all her friends and tearing Tara from her side (or from under her). Mild disaster, like daring to lift her spirits up for a moment only to have them squashed against the floor again.



        Tara wouldn’t have forgotten about this jacket, would she? No, she was sure that Tara wouldn’t forget the importance of it. She dragged herself over the bed until both her legs were resting on it. <>. But that’s what minds usually do, and her mind took Willow back –against her will-, to a time that seemed ages ago. How they had grown since… This jacket Tara was giving back… Willow dared to clutch it against her and breathe in its scent. Yes, she was sure she could track this scent down anywhere in the world and still find Tara. She was thinking about “scent”, but it was really Her essence. Oz had immediately detected her scent in this jacket, her scent all over Tara. Now it had no trace of herself; it was only Tara’s; Tara all over it. Tara had given back something so important… Tara wanted to have nothing to do with her.



        Okay then… Her face crumpled in anger and deception. She dropped the towel and stood up, naked. <>. Instantly, she was all dressed up and ready: red top and brown pants, combed hair, makeup and black boots. <> She opened her hand and the phone came floating rapidly towards her. <> The keys were pressed by invisible fingers at once. She heard it ring twice; then, someone answered.



“Hello?”



“Tara, it’s me, I wanted to tal…”



“I’m s-s-sorry...”



        As expected, Tara hung up on her. Like always. Phoning her had only been a little confirmation, just in case. Now she was sure; She didn’t want to see her, or talk to her. What was the use of giving up magic then? It had cost her so much to achieve strength and perfection, she wasn’t going to throw it away for no reason. No Tara, no magic… What did everyone expect her to do? To give up everything? She wasn’t that stupid!



<> Grinning differently than when she had come out of the shower, she grabbed the jacket and closed her fist around it as tightly as she could, as if she was trying to break it. But it didn’t break. A blast of red rage assaulted her, and the jacket began to melt, as if it was a liquid. It melted until it disappeared under her scalding touch. <> She gazed around the room, wondering what to do with herself.

[Willster]

I just started reading this fic and I am really impressed.



It's really well written and we can totally feel the character's pain and misery.



Can't wait to see what's coming up next, i fear it's not gonna be so pleasant but still really good!

[EndoraVolk]

First thing's first. Willster, I'm so happy you like it and you can more or less identify with their feelings. That's the reason why I write at all. So... a big hug for that!!



Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 5: The Night Light

        At least the library was open… She scurried along one of the many paths that linked the student dorms with the rest of the campus. Even if everything was bathed in light, she still felt a little nervous when she walked those paths alone. Clutching her books against her breast, she tried to think about anything to distract her mind. But it seemed that her mind didn’t want to be distracted, all it wanted was to focus on one thing and stay there. Evading the tons of students that preferred to use their bikes instead of walking, she was able to picture the image-dashes her mind was playfully sending her. Red hair. Red hair moving this way and that all over her mind, a flash of green eyes: a pang of pleasure-like pain.



        If the short visit to Buffy’s house hadn’t stirred her enough, there was the phone call. Willow had phoned her, surely to smear all over her face the fact that she had sneaked into the house and left without saying a word. She had babbled a stupid-sounding “I’m sorry” and hung up on her, which was what she was supposed to do. This wasn’t just “giving some time” to each other, this wasn’t “taking a break” from their relationship. Willow had been given the opportunity of making a choice and… she had chosen; and… she hadn’t chosen her. She was worthless without Willow, and felt useless because she had ran away. Maybe she was supposed to help her with her magic problem. But would Willow want to be helped? No, she couldn’t picture the problem, she thought there was no problem! So much power… and she was unable to help herself.



        She entered the library and slumped on the first free chair she found. Hopefully, her mind would give her a break and let her study for a couple of hours. Right, what’s first? Her delicate hands opened the first book at random and took out a pen from her pencil case. Lets see…The picture struck her like a punch in the face. George de la Tour’s paintings ‘Mary Magdalene of the Night Light’ and ‘The Penitent Mary Magdalene’. They were just paintings of a woman with reddish hair, holding a skull and staring at a candle; where was all the hassle? Why did everything have to remind her of Willow? That was the question. She couldn’t even open an Art book in peace.



        That wasn’t all, she noted. Every single song she heard, cool or cheesy, seemed to have a hidden meaning that somehow related to them, to Willow and her. That was why she had stopped listening to the radio or playing her CDs. The same thing happened with movies; she couldn’t bare the most stupid of romantic comedies: she cried anyway. Alright, she had always been an extremely sensible girl, but this was ridiculous. It was as if her pain needed to be released constantly.



        A red-haired entered the library. <> No. Wait. This wasn’t just another redhead. Willow? She couldn’t believe her eyes. Willow? How… why? As carefully as she could, she lifted her Art book upwards, partly to cover her face, partly to peek over it and spy Willow. A million questions crossed her mind; maybe she was searching for her, maybe she wanted to have an argument. Who knew… Whatever it was, she wasn’t ready to face it. One word from Willow and she would crumble. One look and she would melt.



        Willow leant on a bookshelf and seemed to study the people there. She wasn’t looking for her! It was clear, and it became clearer when she saw Willow twirling her fingers. at once, ten students fell to the floor with a bang, chairs and all. Still hiding behind her book, she bowed her head to have a look at the chairs. <> Willow had turned the iron legs of the chairs into a jelly-like material, making it impossible for them to sustain the students’ weight.



        Then, a girl shrieked. There was an enormous spider crawling on her notebook! After that, a boy yelled and ran away. His skin had turned violet! Countless little things happened, and she wasn’t going to wait and let Willow discover her or send her an army of giant ants or something. So she quietly slipped away, ducking and taking all her stuff with her.

[tarawhipped]

This is off to such an impressive start, I can't wait to see where you take it. It makes sense that Willow's resolve would crumble if she thinks Tara's never going to come back, but it's still hard to see her using magic in such a thoughtless, vicious way. Oh, when will she learn! Seriously, when will she? Chapter 7...18...42, hint hint. And poor Tara, having doubts about whether or not she should have helped. Now she's got even more reason to stay away...or perhaps stage an intervention? So many possibilities, all filled with angst...good thing I love the angst!



Thanks for the frequent postings, I hope it continues!

-Cameron

---

What should I be but just what I am? - Edna St.Vincent Millay

[wimpy0729]

Oh boy, so many updates, so little time.



Okay, still doing such an amazing job! Still feeling every emotion, all the pain.



Now Willow's losing it, and Tara's there to see it. How painful for her. So now I can't wait to see what's next!



More soon please!



Wimpy

"There was plenty of magic." ~ Tara

[The Rose24]

First of all, I want to talk about Dawn. She has always been very much in favor of the W/T relationship. This is one of the many reasons I hate season seven so much. Dawn does not even flinch when Willow starts dating that girl. Dawn is more upset than anyone except, of course, Willow. It is out of character for Dawn to not say anything.



Second, W/T have a long way to go before they can start mending things it seems.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[EndoraVolk]

Yay! Just as you tell me to keep on with my writing, I urge you to keep on with your constructive and oh so helpful responses. Thank you thank you thank you. Oh, and I'm extremely happy that you agree with my story, in general and specifically (for example with Dawn).



Okay, here goes...





Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 6: Blood-coated

        She couldn’t get there fast enough, although God knew that she was running at her fastest speed. It seemed that the only thing that she had inside was guilt; no other emotion. Excuses like “no one could see it coming” were daft and she knew it. Xander had warned her not too long ago, and she had merely brushed his worries away. For God’s sake, she had been too concerned about herself to see what was in front of her! Tara had left, wasn’t that a big enough clue? She should have known at once that Tara wouldn’t have left just because a little girlfriend fight.



        Seven meters… six meters… five… four… three… two… She practically broke into the ‘Magic Box’, making the bell that hovered over the door tangle and tingle like crazy. Great, no customers; who would come to buy magic stuff on a Saturday morning? The only ones there were her friends; well, Xander and Anya (she still wasn’t used to Giles’ absence and sometimes found herself searching for him). They turned around abruptly, alarmed by her dramatic entrance. She didn’t give them time to recover; at once, she strode towards Xander and asked:



“Where is she?”



        Xander let go of Anya’s hand so that he could gesticulate more easily.



“She’s… She ran inside half and hour ago, swaying like… like…”



“Like a skittle about to knock down.” Anya peeped in, as proud of her own vocabulary as always.



“Uh… yeah” Xander went on, gesticulating more widely “She only told us to leave her alone, and she went inside the room in the back. We didn’t… we didn’t dare…”



“Okay, Xander, okay. You two stay here.”



        As carefully as she could, she opened the door of the room where Giles used to train her. There were numerous weapons hanging on the walls, a dummy she used to practice with, and other combat stuff. All of it already under a layer of dust. There was scarce natural light coming into the room, and so it had a dim and spooky appearance, but she didn’t turn on the lights because of Willow. The red-haired witch was sitting in the furthest corner, her limbs jumbled up, her body forming a little ball. She approached her and knelt before her, alleviated because Willow hadn’t told her to go or to leave her alone.



“Will…”



        The witch lifted her scarlet head very slowly. Her eyes seemed very dark and scared, and there was a red smear under her nose. Was it… blood? Her first thought was that she had been attacked by someone, but that was just her instinct taking the lead from more elaborate thoughts. This… this had to do with magic. With using magic. Willow nodded, and wiped her upper lip with one of her sleeves, which was quite blood-coated already. The redhead’s green eyes told her that she was quite terrified.



“This… this has never happened before. Never so early.”



“What do you mean?” she asked the witch.



“Buffy, what I mean is that, when I use magic during the day, usually my head hurts during the night, and sometimes my nose bleeds too. It’s like paying the daily price for doing spells. What’s knew is… that it had never happened just after using magic.”



“You’ve been doing too much. We think that maybe you’ve been… abusing a little...” she tried to be as tactful as possible.



“There’s no such thing as ‘abusing a little’…” Willow’s voice rose a tone “What, have you been talking behind my back? No, don’t answer. I know. You’ve been very worried lately… I’m very powerful now, Buffy, and I just don’t understand why no one is happy for me, why everyone complains…”



“Will, you said it yourself. You get daily headaches, I’ve seen you swallow painkillers like a vacuum cleaner. Your nose is bleeding.”



“And? You get scars and wounds from your fights. But fighting is what you do, you aren’t gonna stop doing it. This is what I do. This is me. Who was I before? And if you don’t like it, and if Xander doesn’t like it, and if… Tara doesn’t like it…”



“Don’t you see a pattern someplace?” despite everything, she allowed herself to grin a little “We can help you. What happened, what made you bleed?”



“Just… some spells I did. Not too many, really. Not too many…”



        She didn’t need to be a psychiatrist to know that Willow was lying. No degree could give you that; only the experience of knowing the little redhead for so long. Now Willow was lying, what would be next? She had to help her, but how? Where to start?

[wimpy0729]

Oh man! Another amazing chapter!



Willow's in bad shape, but I have faith that you're going to let Buffy help her, right?



Oh, I can't wait to see what's next!



Wimpy

"There was plenty of magic." ~ Tara

[The Rose24]

Tara has to get through to Willow. She is probably the only one who can.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[EndoraVolk]

Let's see how you like this chapter.



Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 7: Disrupting

In her dream, she was back to being nine years old. Her hair was long and reddish-brown, her frame skinny and fragile-looking. She was wearing a green dress, combined with dark-green shoes and white socks that reached up to her knee. Despite being in the middle of a forest, she wasn’t scared. Maybe this was Sunnydale, maybe it wasn’t, but the sun was out and it illuminated everything. All the leaves, the grass on the floor… everything had a greenish glow, as if she was looking through an emerald.



        Very abruptly, the dense vegetation opened up, revealing an enormous clearing, covered with moist grass, like a football field. <>, she wondered, because she couldn’t understand the natural purpose of it. Anyway, walking along, she spotted a small figure squatting in the middle of the clearing. It was a tiny girl, just like her (but maybe skinnier), with long yellow hair. The girl wore a green t-shirt, some worn-out denim slacks and no shoes; her pink toes were bathed in light as if the light loved them. Then, the girl sat up and turned to her, revealing two enormous blue eyes and a sidled smile; both the eyes and the smile looked too big for her tiny face, proving that she had a lot of growing to do.



“Hi” she said to the blonde, not very sure of what she should say.



“Hi” the other replied, quite amiably.



“What are you doing?” she asked, glancing at the things that the girl had in front of her.



“I’m doing a spell. You know, a magic spell. This morning I saw a wounded baby-deer and I’m going to make him come to me, so that I can cure him.”



“Wow, that’s nice of you.”



        The little girl just nodded, turning back to the spell. There was a blanket spread out before her, and some crystals of different colors set up in a specific way. Not wanting to disturb her, she kept her mouth shut, although she had many questions. Magic spells? She thought that magic was making rabbits appear inside a hat and taking coins out of your ears. But this girl was mumbling something with her eyes closed, as if she was in prayer.



        Suddenly, a brown head appeared from the vegetation before them. The baby-deer! It had worked! The skinny animal limped towards them without fear, just very slowly because of the wound in his leg. The blonde girl took something (probably food) from her pocket and gave it to the deer, caressing his neck and whispering “it’s okay, friend, it’s okay”.



“What’s your name?” the blonde asked, taking out a bottle of ethylic alcohol and a white handkerchief, and beginning to cure the animal.



“It’s… Willow.”



“I like your name. It’s a tree. I like willow-trees. Sometimes I sit under them and it’s so peaceful… My name is Tara. My mother told me that it’s Gaelic, that it means ‘elevated place’, like a hill or a mountain.”



        But she wasn’t listening to the girl with all her attention. Her eyes were concentrating on the crystals. They looked like transparent stones, but were they powerful or what? With those things she could surely fight the kids that picked on her in school for being so bookish and nerdy. While this girl -Tara- kept on curing the deer, she crouched and grabbed two of the three crystals.



“Hey, don’t do that!”



        Too late. The deer squirmed out of Tara’s embrace and ran away, his wounded leg twisting painfully. She saw that Tara was digging her eyes into her, too angry to say a word. She didn’t care; she just stuffed the crystals in her pocket and began to leave.



“You can’t do that!”. She could tell by the girl’s voice that she was hurt and about to cry.



        <>



        Then, she woke up, and didn’t know where she was. She blinked a couple of times and made out the silhouettes of the furniture in the room. Buffy had brought her home and put her to sleep. The dream was still inside her, echoing Tara’s words: “You can’t do that!”. Tara was right; the fable-like structure of the dream couldn’t make it clearer. Her magic was disrupting something, disrupting nature. She had to make up her mind.

[EndoraVolk]

Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 8: Sad smile

        She didn’t want to be angry; she hated feeling that way inside, as if she was going against herself. But worse than being “just angry” was being angry with Willow. There was no way she could face her, knowing what she had done to those kids in the library, and God knew what else she had done.



        Ignoring the book before her, all she could do was helplessly think about Willow. She felt guilty for abandoning her, but Willow’s company would only increase her anger, and she didn’t want that. Her food was also untouched; why had she paid for all that stuff she knew she wouldn’t eat? Standing up to clear her tray, she spotted the door of the cafeteria just as Buffy was entering. What was she doing here? The reason could only be related to… Willow. She swallowed hard and went up to her, worry consuming her from head to toe.



“Buffy?”



“Tara, hey! I was searching for you! I’m sure you guessed it, why else would I come here for since I don’t study…”



“Unless W-w-willow sent you to gather all the notes she’s missing.”



        Buffy managed a giggle. “Yeah, that would be Willow so much. But she’s not quite herself lately…”



“I know” she stated, matter-of-factly. If anyone knew, it was her.



“That’s why you left, huh? And there I was, assuming you had broken up for… let’s say, more normal reasons. I’m sorry I didn’t notice it before, it’s all I can say. Can we go someplace else? I need to talk to ya.”



        They left the cafeteria and walked slowly outside the building, finally settling down on one of the many benches. She could sense Buffy’s worry, but it was obvious that she didn’t know where to start. She knew that Buffy’s body was trained for action, not to wait patiently or slowly work out solutions. Was she the only one that understood the reason why Mr. Giles had left? It was like taking off the security wheels from a little kid’s bicycle. They all needed to deal with things on their own.



“What… what happened?” she muttered.



“Apparently, Willow’s used too much magic this morning, so she came in the ‘Magic Box’ like a zombie, with a headache and a bleeding nose.”



“Oh, God, so early?”



“Hey, that’s exactly what she said. I’ve figured it’s time to say good-bye to the abusive use of magic. But the thing is… I’m lost. Give me a monster and I’ll kill it, but this is some kind of addiction, isn’t it? So… I need help. You’re the only one that I can count on for this. Tara, you know magic. The only other people that have some notions are Anya and… Spike. But Anya tells me that I should tie Willow to the bed and let her go mad like the girl in ‘The Exorcist’ until she’s cured. And I don’t think Spike can help either.”



        Buffy’s speech left her dizzy. There were like twenty different emotions trying to win her over. Sorrow for Willow; eagerness to help; confusion because she didn’t know how; more confusion because she didn’t know even if she should… As cruel as it sounded, Anya’s suggestion would be the only really effective thing to do. How could they cure Willow with more magic? Specially because the redhead’s slight body had become a sponge for magic. Besides, Buffy and everyone else seemed eager to cure her, but had she agreed? Did she want to be cured? How could Buffy be sure that the witch wasn’t doing a spell in this same moment?



“I… don’t know” Buffy mumbled, a shadow of doubt covering her eyes “But we can’t tie her to a bed. She’s my best friend, we don’t have the right…”



“That’s the only way I know. It would cure her against her will. But we don’t want to do that, don’t we?” She smiled sadly.



“The only way out I know is you, Tara. Couldn’t you… try to talk to her?”



        No. she saw that Buffy wanted to take her to the house, to the room, that very moment. <> She remembered every little detail inside the bedroom, and could very well imagine the way Willow’s body would look covered by the sheets; her shapes, her sad face. There wasn’t enough strength in her body to see Willow, but she told Buffy that she would think about it.



“Great, I really hope you come. Willow needs us to be together. For her.”



        <> She watched Buffy’s back as she left, until she disappeared round a corner. Anger, desire, love, pity, all mixing up inside her. Her body couldn’t bear more feelings, it was about to explode. <> No, she couldn’t just sit there and ask people “how’s Willow?”. She, who knew Willow better than anyone, who could melt with one look of those shiny green eyes… It was clear she would have to see for herself and try not to die out of love and angst.

[wimpy0729]

Awesome job as usual.



I'm curious to see how Tara handles this. Such an emotional overload for them all!



Soon please!

Wimpy

"There was plenty of magic." ~ Tara

[EndoraVolk]

Angst & emotional overload for everyone!!







Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 9: The devil’s errand

        Dawn was sitting at the foot of the bed with a glass of water between her hands. The fifteen-year old had come up to the bedroom to check out if she was awake –which she was-, and then brought that big glass. “You need to drink lots of water or your body will dehydrate!”, she had cried. Great, who had named her nurse? Surely Buffy. Surely, Buffy was talking about her with Xander and Anya and even Tara, and had appointed Dawn with the mission of babysitting.



        The gentle smile that the teenager was displaying didn’t make her want the glass of water. She wanted, she wanted… Really, she needed to do a spell, her body was asking for it, like a force that pushed from inside, wanting to be released. Why make the effort of containing it?



“Dawnie, I’m not thirsty”, she said, with clenched teeth.



“Right, but it’s good for you. Don’t you want to get better?”



“I’m not sick!”



        She could see that Dawn didn’t contradict her because she didn’t dare. That made her feel good and bad at the same time. Very slowly, the girl left the glass on the bedside table and left. <> Her fingers twitched with anticipation. There was sweat appearing on her forehead; her body as pleading now, tightening her insides, unable to contain her force. It was a very uneasy sensation that began to make her tremble. One spell. One tiny spell and the uneasiness would go away. Her eyebrows frowned, and the invisible strands of magic came out like an enormous sigh, surrounding her, lifting her out of bed and rearranging her clothes.



Now she felt strong, she felt great! She felt she could control herself, that whatever happened after visiting the library wasn’t going to happen again. No more bleeding noses and headaches! As carefully as she could, she opened the bedroom door and sneaked out, trying not to make the stairs creak. With a proud grin for having evaded Dawn, she opened the front door, only to bump against…



        …Tara. Tara herself, with a hand about to ring the doorbell. She was wearing her hair freely, hanging on her shoulders and tucked behind her ears, and a tight dark-blue shirt that made her worth-dying-for. Her skirt was loose and long, touching her ankles, which were covered by some dangerous-looking brown boots. The sight of her was enough to paralyze her, to tense all her muscles and drop her mouth open. Meanwhile, those blue eyes were studying her, quivering, as if they were trying to figure out something.



        Someone had to speak the first word, and she saw that Tara wasn’t exactly willing.



“Ta-tara! W-what are you d…? I mean… hi! Do-d’you wanna come in?” Praying that she did want to go in, she moved away to let her pass.



“Yeah, thank you.”



        Totally bewildered, she watched Tara enter the living room and look around, as if she expected some changes in the house since her departure. <> Instead of dying, she sat down on the couch and told Tara to sit down too, if she wished, wishing that she sat down beside her. But she didn’t; she sat in front of her and crossed her legs.



“I don’t mean to be all-pretentious all of a sudden but… you’ve come to see me?” she felt as nervous and hoping as a six-year old.



“Yeah. Were you… going someplace?” Tara gestured towards the door.



“Oh! No, no I wasn’t. All I wanted was to sit on the doorstep and breathe some fresh air. Mmm… oxygen. Good. ‘Cause I’ve been in here the whole day, you know.”



“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, sounding very concerned.



“Yeah, of course. I… I’ve been behaving myself lately, being a really good girl.”



“You have?” Tara stood up “Then I must be mistaken, because I believe I-I saw you this morning in the library, running an errand for the devil, enveloping the place in complete chaos. Was it your clone or your lost twin sister?”



        Oh. How could she know that? She had seen her? How? It wasn’t possible that she had been there. She had been there, studying? Oh God. Tara watched her closely, with her eyes turned into blocks of ice. Again she had angered her and deceived her. Again she had lied. And again, Tara seemed to be hanging on to something to keep her from crying hurt tears. This wasn’t right. This was supposed to be a friendly conversation that would make Tara remember why she loved her. This was meant to be an “I forgive you” scene! No forgiveness, none of it; Tara looked ready to leave.



“Tara, please, don’t go. I’m sorry! You don’t…”



“I don’t understand? I understand that you’re sorry… again.”



        No, don’t go. Don’t turn around. Don’t you dare give another step away from me. No, don’t touch the door. I said…



“Don’t leave!”



        The walls shook and the door locked itself shut. She didn’t want to do it, but there was no other option. Tara just stood there, like refusing to be scared. A very nervous Dawn leaped down the stairs, yelling “earthquake, earthquake!” and placing herself under the first doorway she saw. Then, seeing Tara and the look in her face, she relaxed and asked if the Apocalypse was coming again.



“No, Dawn, don’t worry.” Tara said, stroking her arm “Go back to your room, okay?”



        When the girl had disappeared from sight, Tara looked at her with complete disbelief and shook her head.



“I don’t get it, Willow. What are you trying to do? What are you trying to do with violence? If you don’t want me to go, don’t lie to me. Make me stay with words. You can still do it, you’ll always be able to bind me with words. Locking the door, shaking the house, scaring Dawn… I don’t see the real you in these things.”



        Still surprised with her actions, she watched Tara walking towards her. A warm feeling surrounded her, as if her body had detected a friendly object. She wanted to reach out and touch her, but she was scared she wouldn’t be allowed. Instead, she tried to concentrate on Tara’s words and nodded. Talking was good, yes. Meanwhile, her mind could only scream: <>



“I’m sorry. This time I’m really sorry. I wasn’t going to hurt anyone…”



“How can you be sure of that? Do you still manage to control magic, or is it already beginning to control you?”



“I-I…”



“Willow, unlock the door.”



        At once, she did what she was told. Lifting a lazy hand, the lock switched open. See? She was being a good girl… There was a red drop on her hand. Blood? But where…? No, not again. Her nose was dripping fresh and abundant blood again. Maybe more than ever. How was it possible? She hadn’t done more than a few little spells, tiny ones… Why was her nose already bleeding.



        Her terrified eyes turned to Tara, who was already placing a bundle of tissue paper under her nose.



“Sit down” the blonde commanded “Put your head up.”



        She did what she was told, but she could only think about how close they were sitting now, almost hip against hip. Tara’s warmth beside her, how had she missed it. Rolling her eyes, she looked at Tara’s face, serious and determined, deliciously biting her lower lip. The headache, the bleeding nose, nothing mattered; this close-up of Tara’s face could easily halt the beating of her heart.



“I think it stopped.” Tara said, breaking the silence.



“What? My heart?” she nearly jumped out of the couch.



“Your heart?” Tara twitched her nose “Maybe you’ve lost too much blood…”



“Oh… Oh… It stopped bleeding?”



“Yeah.”

       

        Yeah… So, what now? Was Tara leaving? She was sure the blonde could sense her nervousness, her uneasiness, her need of her.



“Are you hungry? Sleepy?” Tara asked.



        Hungry and tired, it was the truth. So Tara sent her upstairs, and some minutes later she came up with some sandwiches. She was in heaven, experiencing bliss for the first time in quite a while. Tara, here, talking to her, eating with her, sitting in the bedroom they shared… Tara beside her, both of them concentrating in stupid small talk to keep them from getting drunk with one another’s sight. She ended up curling up on the bed, and Tara sitting more or less beside her. The last thing she could remember was Tara’s hand, stroking her hair and forehead.

[The Rose24]

*Sigh* Willow.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

Edited by: The Rose24  at: 8/23/04 9:25 pm

[tarawhipped]

Okay, I know Tara's always been a little codependant, but this is ridiculous! Now Willow's never gonna learn her lesson! (Feel free to contradict that last remark ANY time now). The frequent postings are the only thing keeping me from jumping into your fic and kicking some redhead's cute little butt til she comes to her senses. And I'm REALLY not good with the *dog paddling motion* violence. Be a dear and do it for me, okay?



-Cameron

---

What should I be but just what I am? - Edna St.Vincent Millay

[EndoraVolk]

Hey, I'm back. So, yeah, maybe Tara's sung victory too soon. LOL, no need to jump in my fic and dog-paddle on Willow's face (or butt). Everything will lead on to a good or decent conclusion.

So, if any of you readers remember this fic, let's go on.









Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 10: Stinging like swords

        She was woken up by a wave of pain assaulting the back of her neck. Her eyes opened to realize that she was sitting down on a bed, her back on the wall and her head dropped to one side. Now she remembered. Groaning beyond her will and rubbing her neck and shoulders, she looked down at Willow, cuddling beside her and breathing heavily and slowly in her sleep. The sight of Willow’s peaceful beauty trapped her heart and made it skip a beat. This was the real Willow, the one that had chatted with her and then fallen asleep with trust, as if there was nothing wrong with the world. She just couldn’t stop looking at her, wanting to stroke her hair again, but not daring, in case she woke up.



        <> She glanced at the alarm clock and was surprised. Almost 11 pm. The red digits couldn’t lie. How could it be so late? And no one had come home to check on Willow and Dawn? As carefully as she could, she got up and covered Willow’s body with a blanket. No one in Dawn’s or Buffy’s room, so she went downstairs. Instantly, she smelled food and was afraid that Dawn ha tried one of her made-up recipes, but there were different voices speaking. She stepped into the living room and everyone fell silent; five heads turned around to look at her. They were eating pizza.



        Xander rubbed his hands together and grinned. “The babies have woken up.”



        “Are you feeling okay?” Buffy asked, with a friendly smile.



        “Uh… yeah” she answered, confused and still sleepy “My neck hurts, but it’s alright.”



        “We saw you sleeping” Anya said, her mouth full of pizza “Well, first I listened with my ear on the door, we didn’t want to go in and see you…”



        “Talking” Dawn added, interrupting Anya.



        The only one that hadn’t said a word was Spike, but that was normal, expected. At least he was here, although she never could tell why; Buffy kept giving him strange looks. They rearranged themselves and made a seat for her on the couch, between Buffy and Anya. She felt nervous and observed, and she knew they would interrogate her.



        “How is she?” Buffy began.



        “W-w-well, I think she’s better now. When I came I caught her trying to leave the house, and then she lied to me… she said she hadn’t been using magic. And when I told her that I knew she had… she s-s-shook the house and locked the door.”



        “It was Willow who did the house thing?” Dawn cried.



        “So how does shaking the house and lying make her better?” Xander asked.



        “We talked afterwards. I-I’m trying to make her understand that it’s bad for her.”



        “Oh, so you talked for a few hours and now she’s miraculously cured.” Surprisingly, it was Spike who spoke up, making her shrink to the size of a coin.



        “I think” Buffy looked first at Spike defiantly and then at her defensively “that if someone can bring Willow back to normality that’s…”



        “Tara?” a voice muttered.



        She looked around, searching for the origin of the voice. Not Xander, not Anya, not Buffy, not Dawn and, thankfully, not Spike. Then, she sensed that something was moving at her right, and saw Willow, who had just come down the stairs. The redhead had a mask of confusion on her face, obviously not understanding why they were all there.



        “Hey, Will” Buffy called “C’mere, have something to eat.”



        Willow approached the group, but she didn’t sit, she just stared at everyone, and everyone stared back. She knew that there was something going on inside Willow’s head, something that the rest of them mistook for sleepiness. But she could almost see the redhead’s thoughts churning inside her head.



        “Will” Buffy repeated “Tara was telling us how she talked to you and made you feel better…”



        “Here you are, all of you” Willow’s voice sounded bitter “talking about me again. That’s all you do. As soon as I’m asleep or absent, you get together and talk about me. Even you, Tara. You couldn’t wait to tell the others what we talked about, huh?”



        Xander shot up to a standing position and tried to calm Willow, telling her something close to “we’re not spying on you, we’re just trying to help you”. But she wasn’t listening, she was too shocked by Willow’s words, stinging like swords inside her. This was not Willow; those weren’t her emotions. The real Willow was under the stored magic spells in her head, weak and possessed by magic.



[I'll post the rest of the chapter later]

[EndoraVolk]

[Here goes the rest of the chapter]



Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



“That’s it, I’m fed up. I’m tired of you guys, treating me like a five-year old. Talking behind my back… ‘oh, let’s not worry the poor Willow, she’s little and dumb…’”



        “Willow, that’s not…”



        “Save it, Buffy, okay? Everyone, save it. You may keep on gossiping, but I’m not gonna stay locked inside my room.”



        Everyone blinked and, suddenly, Willow wasn’t there. There was only an open door. She stood up before anyone else, unconsciously trampled over Anya’s and Xander’s feet, and ran to the front door. Nothing, the street was empty. They had to find her, God knew… Buffy appeared at her side, babbling the same thing, that they had to find her. Everyone poured out on the street. Buffy seemed to be telling Spike to stay with Dawn… She just stood there, trying hard to sense Willow’s presence, but the redhead could very well be too far away or hiding herself.



        “Tara” Buffy touched her arm “Do you know where she is?”



        Suddenly, she felt so angry that it surprised her. It was the anger that came through frustration. Real Willow would have listened, she would’ve talked to her before confronting everyone. Before running away with her magic. But the real anger came from knowing that they were partly guilty; all of them. She had left; the rest hadn’t seen the magnitude of Willow’s “personality change” (God, Willow wasn’t a teenager anymore!). And what had made her suppose that a few words could cure her? Yes, maybe she was the only one that could draw out part of the “old” Willow, but that wasn’t enough. As long as that body of hers contained magic, that wouldn’t be enough. <>, she thought, sadly.



        No, she didn’t know where she was. But Buffy was already giving instructions to the Scoobies. Xander to the ‘Bronze’, Anya to the magic shop, Tara to the… Wait.



        “Where are you sending me?” she asked.



        “Uh… well, I was going to ask you to check out your dorm and all the campus, but…”



        “No. We’re going to the forest. I think she can hide better there. She-she wants to hide, I’m sure. I think she’s hiding but she wants us to find her. You understand?”

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

(Friedrich Nietzsche)

[EndoraVolk]

Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 11: Capricious hand

        Suddenly paired with Tara, she wondered how this would end. <> She glanced at Tara, but she still hadn’t sensed a thing. For the first time she had seen a commanding Tara, telling her “no” and giving something mirror-identical to an order. Xander had actually gaped, but Tara had just marched towards the forest, with an unknown bravery. It had to be because of Willow. She remembered that the only thing they used to know about Tara was that she liked Willow and magic, specially Willow. Now she knew that “liking” wasn’t enough, that “needing” was closer. Desperate, desperate need was what she saw now. If Willow ever got over magic it would be for and because of Tara.



        Following Tara, who seemed to know her way perfectly well, she felt her heart twinge with something like envy. She needed a reason to be here, apart from the duty of taking care of her sister. Taking care of the world’s safety wasn’t enough either. Something like love. Not family love, not friendlily love. Love like Willow’s, like Tara’s. Tara tearing through the forest, searching for Willow, having her more as a bodyguard than anything else. She wanted to do that, to navigate like crazy inside the deepest and most dangerous forest and fight for something like love. She wasn’t asking for a victory, she was just asking for a battle, for the possibility of fighting for love. That would satisfy her. Spike would die for her without a second thought, but she wouldn’t die for him. Sinking into a dangerous forest for Spike… no, that wouldn’t happen.



        “Are we getting there?” she asked, brushing tentacle-like plants off her arms.



        “I don’t know. I believe she’s here somewhere. But here could be there.”



        Then, without warning, they stepped into an enormous clearing in the forest. It was a perfect circle, as if the trees had been brushed off by a capricious hand. No, this wasn’t just an impression. By the look on Tara’s face, she knew that someone actually had made this clearing. They walked in, alert, squinting their eyes in case there was someone. Her sight was better than Tara’s, so she saw the bump in the middle of the clearing first.



        “I know you want to find Willow and talk to her, and clear things up and all that” she whispered “But let me go first now, this may be…”



        “This is Willow”, said Willow’s voice.



        The bump on the floor moved and faced them. There was Willow, slumped like a broken doll and teary-voiced. Instantly, Tara knelt before her and placed her hands on both of Willow’s cheeks. <>, an alarm inside her was blaring. But she made herself watch it, telling herself that it was just in case Willow tried something “magicky”. But it was more a matter of curiosity and the stingy envy she had felt before. She wanted this, but Tara wasn’t kissing Willow, she was just asking if she was alright. And… telling her that she was sorry? How could she say “I’m sorry” so easily?



        “… I’m sorry. We weren’t spying on you. Listen, we want you to be alright. To be the Willow we all love, back again.”



        “This clearing, I made it.” Willow babbled “I wanted to find you here and fix… what I did.”



        What the hell were they talking about? Willow made this clearing… Yes, there were burnt stubs of trees all over the floor. She felt more uncomfortable now. At home she felt she could control things. Here, in the forest, with Willow out in the open, with Tara so vulnerably giving away all her feelings, she felt this was dangerous.



        “Okay, we’re leaving, we’re going back to the house.”



        “Will?” Tara asked.



        “I’m sorry I did this… poor trees. I’m sorry… I wanted to be with you in the clearing again and fix everything.”



        First, she just stared while Tara lifted Willow off the ground. They seemed to be hugging, but Tara was trying to carry her. Impossible. She helped her, holding some of the witch’s weight, which had more or less fainted. Even if she was sure that Willow couldn’t really hear her, Tara kept whispering sweet little reassuring things on the redhead’s ear.

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

(Friedrich Nietzsche)

[tarawhipped]

Wow, lots of stuff going on. Willow's reaction is about what I'd expect from an addict waking up to an intervention (whether it was intended to be one or not). I like that Spike is still the one who understands it's not that easy to talk someone down (a la Willow's going to open a big can o' whoopass on Glory after the brainsuck incident).



Take charge Tara is always cool, and I like the image of Buffy tagging along after her for a switch. Has Willow hit bottom yet? Deforestation by mind power is always a sign you've got a problem, and she seems to be losing what little control she had.



Very compelling, can't wait for more!

-Cameron

---

What should I be but just what I am? - Edna St.Vincent Millay

[EndoraVolk]

Title - Aftermath



Author name - EndoraVolk



Email Address - mirror_strangers@hotmail.com



Rating - NC-17 just in case things get rough



Disclaimer - I don’t own the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' characters, they belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.



Feedback- of course, I'd like some feedback. read some of it at least, please



Summary- well, it's about Willow & Tara's relationship after their breakup, due to Willow's addiction to magic. Seen from different points of view.



Notes- I'd like to thank my various muses for the inspiration



---------------------------



Chapter 12: Dialectic

        “So in the dream, we were little girls. Nine or ten years old. But we didn’t know each other. So you told me what your name meant, and that you liked mine. That you… that you sat under willow-trees and found peace there. But then I took your crystals and you couldn’t cure the baby-deer.”



        “Oh.”



        “This headache is killing me. Tara… could you soak up this little towel of yours again?”



        “I just did. It’s wet. Just talk to me. What happened to the deer?”



        “He ran away… I spoiled everything… Why am I always spoiling everything?”



        “Will, tell me the rule again.”



        “Alright, no auto-compassion in this room. In the dream, I wanted to be powerful, so I took the magic crystals, hurting you, hurting nature… I was so greedy… I am so greedy. This is not compassion, it’s… um, realization. I didn’t want to hurt you.”



        “I know. It isn’t you, it’s the magic. You’ll hurt the ones you love, eventually. Don’t you see why you have to give it up?”



        “I… I see it. I see it crystal-clear. Sorry about the analogy…”



        “It’s okay, Will, you didn’t steal my crystals in real life. I think it was a good dream.”



        “It’s haunting. Like this headache. I’m scared I won’t be able to move…”



        “Don’t give in. Just talk. Look at me.”



        “I… I don’t see you, Tara. It’s dark, it’s dark in here. And… hot. I’m sweating like…”



        “Want some water? It’s not that dark, Will. Candles have always helped us, haven’t they? I brought them to help you. In this atmosphere it’s just you and me. There’s nothing else.”



        “I don’t want water. I still can’t see you. I-I want to feel you, Tara.”



        “You want me to lie on that bed?”



        “Yeah, I… I’m harmless now, Tara. Please. Don’t be scared of me. Don’t be.”



        “I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of me if I lay there.”



        “No, just… do like me, relax. It’s easy, put a wet towel on your forehead.”



        “Alright, but I’ll skip the towel.”



        “Mmmh… feels good. Sorry, I’ll shut up. But sensing your weight on this bed makes me feel good.”



        “It does feels good, I know what you mean. That’s what magic does to you, Will. Makes you sleep alone. At least, without me.”



        “Without you means alone.”



        “Ooh…”



        “I’m not… I’m not… I’m just being sincere.”



        “Yeah, yeah, you flirt.”



        “Let me-let me explain. Do you know what a vicious circle is?”



        “You’re not going to fix it with dirty proposals…”



        “Tara, come on. Listen. I know you know what a vicious circle is. First I couldn’t stop using magic, then I lost you. And when I lost you I felt so alone that I needed magic even more. To cover the hole. I’d really like to be coherent, but this damn head…”



        “Are you hearing voices?”



        “No, just you voice, Tara.”



        “So, concentrate on it. That head of yours has to win.”



        “If I win…”



        “Will, no dirty proposals…”



        “Come on, let me be serious, okay? If I win… I’m winning it for you, you know that, huh?”



        “Then you better win, Willow, you better win.”



        “If I ask you to touch my hair… is that allowed?”



        “I don’t feel like checking out the rule book. I guess I could. But no more, you flirt. Don’t get distracted, concentrate on speaking to me.”



        “Yeah, yeah… Win the headache, win the headache… Your hand’s soft. Okay, okay. Win the headache, win the headache…”

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

(Friedrich Nietzsche)

Edited by: EndoraVolk  at: 8/28/04 11:54 pm

[willowhanded]

AWWWW..





' ' you better win, willow, you better win ' '





i love it!

i love ya!

<333333