I need some advice,pleasee

[willowheart]

Hi! Well,I'm an 18 year old girl feeling a little confused, coz I've always been attracted to boys, but sometimes I get shy taklkin to a girl alone (But I think that's just because I'm kinda shy.. ),or that kind of things,but it never crossed my mind that I could actually be acttracted to girls. When I became confused was when I started to watch Buffy some time ago and I became a W/T fan for life (They are so sweet, who wouldn't? ) And I really like them and reading fan fiction, and that's what confuses me,Could that be normal for a straight person?Does that mean that I'm bi?Or could I be gay and just not met the right girl?In fact, I've never had a long-term relationship with a boy, so I've never been truly in love. It may sound silly, but since I noticed everyone(or nearly everyone?) in this forum is gay,I just started wondering If it means I am too,and now I'm really confused.Could someone help me there?

[kivrin]

hi!
I'm 17 so not the best one giving advice but we all have felt more or les that confusion anytime thoug it could not be about our sexuality.
look W/T and fanfictions in general are adictive but don't worry if you can't stop thinking about it.
about your questions...(I hope it doesn't confuse you even more) yes. you could be bi (I think I am) and...you could be gay as much as you could be straight.
are you worried about that ones? first of all you have to figure out if it would be a problem to you. and then let time tell you
It doesn't have to be true that you're atracted to girls because you like to see them involved or you fantasize about them...I guess we all get confused and make mistakes and this is a dangerous area lots of people call "experimentation". your doubts can lead you to try but I really think you're right about that thing of finding the right girl.

ok, let's take it easy. what I really mean is that I think you have to focus on finding the right guy or the right girl. as simple as it sounds.
just look for the right person without caring about anything. if you decide it's a girl ...congatulations you could be bi...or lesbian. if you decide it's a guy...ok then you're straight....what's the difference? you've jjust found a nice person, enjoy her/him.

don't know If it helped. I guess you should better listen to another kitten

[willowheart]

Hi kivrin! Thanks for your advice, although I'm still as confused as before just kidding you did help me, I'm now less confused than before, so that's a start I think you're right, I'll know what I am when I meet the right person, isn't it? In fact, I've been hanging out with a boy since nearly two months, and I really like him and care for him, but I don't think I'm in love, I don't think it's because I'm gay, but the fact that I like willow and Tara just confuses me,though I might just be thinking too much, It's not healty

[Thianne]

i'd like to offer my 2 cents.....first of all, not everyone on this board is gay or bisexual. a lot of us are straight. so, if you like willow and tara, that doesn't necessarily mean you're gay, or bi.

second point: do you feel the need for a label? don't get me wrong, i'm not judging. but, if don't really feel the need for a word that defines just a part of what you are (not all of you....just a part of you), you may just want to take it easy. if you like a girl, go for it. if you like a boy, go for it all the same. and if you get confused cause you like both boys and girls.....you don't need to. it's normal.

i just don't think you should stress yourself with labels....language is a tricky thing anyway. words are just that....words. if you think about it, words change from country to country, too. they're relative.

focus on being you....and focus on what you feel....not what you think.

this is my advice. i know i probably didn't help you, and i apologize if i confused you even more.

Hugs

[JustSkipIt]

Hi Willowheart,
Well, I'm pretty much going to reiterate what Vale said very well. First, not everyone on the board is gay. We have straight men and women, gay men and women and everyone in between. This is a board of people who love W/T and have found community here. We discuss gay topics but lots of other topics too.

I don't think that the fact that you like W/T or that you like fanfic means anything about you for sure. I read W/T fan fic but I also read Buffy/Angel or Xander/Anya and that doesn't make me straight. And occasionally I read M/M fanfic and it doesn't make me a gay man. I just like reading fic in this universe, especially when it's well-written and loving.

I think that your confusion will be lighter if you don't worry about a label. If you feel like you might be open to a relationship with a woman or a man, then your options are open. You can like who you like and go from there. And that's my advice: like who you like and go from there. And don't make any sudden decisions. Just be who you are.

I hope that helped and you're welcome to PM me. Good luck and thanks for trusting us with your question.

Debra

[willowheart]

Thanks Thianne and JustSkipit for your advice, I think you're right, I don't need to label myself, I'll focus on being me and time will tell me who I want to be with Thans a lot for your help
Hugs

[Alicepire]

I'm kinda in the same boat as you Willowheart.. only different.. I'm 18 and I've been doing an odd dance with trying to guess my sexuality since I was 6ish I thought I was straight. Then at 7 when I kept on wanting to kiss all my friends I decided I was gay. Then when I told someone and spent the next 2 weeks having the crap beaten out of me, I thought better of it and decided I was straight.. Then I thought I was gay. Then I got a bit freaked out at the idea of being gay, so I decided I was bi. Then straight. then bi. Now I'm leaning towards gay again. (it would be so much easier if I could finally find someone (other than a gay boy or straight girl) I like and convince them to date me and finally have my first kiss... stupid small inbred towns...) I get how the idea of having a label of 'this is what I am, so this is what's expected of me' is useful at the whole 'being a teenager' time. Means you kinda know where you fit in at school.
But, yesterday (ha, see, recent confusion, much identification) I remembered a story one of my aunts friends told me. When she was a teenager she dated this guy who she was totally in love with in south africa, then when she moved back to australia she realised she was gay and then spent the next 30 years living as a hilariously stereotypical dyke and was completely in love with her partner. Then her partner left and she married the guy who loved when she was a teenager and is now straight. So my theory is that not everyone is anything forever and that it's ok to be whoever you feel like at the time and if it changes, it changes, if it doesn't, it doesn't. But like who you like and love who you love and eventually you'll work stuff out. Or you'll end up old, bitter, twisted and confused. I'm still waiting to see how it all works out too. Either way, it should be interesting to watch.
Ahhh growing up... stupid hormones..

[Thianne]

Happy to have helped. If you ever need, you can PM me too.....i understand the pain of being a teenager *exasperated sigh*

Hugs

[willowheart]

I'm kinda in the same boat as you Willowheart.. only different.. I'm 18 and I've been doing an odd dance with trying to guess my sexuality since I was 6ish I thought I was straight. Then at 7 when I kept on wanting to kiss all my friends I decided I was gay. Then when I told someone and spent the next 2 weeks having the crap beaten out of me, I thought better of it and decided I was straight.. Then I thought I was gay. Then I got a bit freaked out at the idea of being gay, so I decided I was bi. Then straight. then bi. Now I'm leaning towards gay again. (it would be so much easier if I could finally find someone (other than a gay boy or straight girl) I like and convince them to date me and finally have my first kiss... stupid small inbred towns...) I get how the idea of having a label of 'this is what I am, so this is what's expected of me' is useful at the whole 'being a teenager' time. Means you kinda know where you fit in at school.
But, yesterday (ha, see, recent confusion, much identification) I remembered a story one of my aunts friends told me. When she was a teenager she dated this guy who she was totally in love with in south africa, then when she moved back to australia she realised she was gay and then spent the next 30 years living as a hilariously stereotypical dyke and was completely in love with her partner. Then her partner left and she married the guy who loved when she was a teenager and is now straight. So my theory is that not everyone is anything forever and that it's ok to be whoever you feel like at the time and if it changes, it changes, if it doesn't, it doesn't. But like who you like and love who you love and eventually you'll work stuff out. Or you'll end up old, bitter, twisted and confused. I'm still waiting to see how it all works out too. Either way, it should be interesting to watch.
Ahhh growing up... stupid hormones..

Yeah, I totally understand what you mean, I've always been convinced I was straight, but now I sometimes find myself cheking out girls , and it freaks me out a little, because, how can I be becoming gay all of a sudden?It's nonsense,Sometimes I think what's happening to me it's just some kind of curiosity,I have no idea. Maybe I'm just reading too much fanfic Ya know, your're right, damn those stupid hormones We'll both have to wait and see where they lead us to..

[badkitty]

Willowheart:

Here's my two cents, for whatever it's worth. I thought I was straight until I went to college and fell in love with my straight roomate.( Btw, as an aside, I don't ever recommend falling for a straight girl. I'm just sayin.) So, then I identified as bisexual for the longest time, and by my mid twenties I experimented *a lot* with that. I've been in love a few times, once with a man (though we never had a physical relationship), and several times with women. Now that I'm with a woman (and have been with my lovely wife for 8+ years) I just say I'm a lesbian, because it's easier, honestly. In truth, I really do see sexuality as a continuum, and you move on it throughout your life. I think, at age 38, I'm somewhere around "mostly gay." Also, I think your eyes will be opened after you've kissed a few people. I remember I kissed a few boys in high school and college, and I was completely underwhelmed by it. And when I kissed my first girl, it was like this big light went on. Like, I finally understood *why* people kissed each other in the first place.

The bottom line is, I guess I'll just echo what others have said, which is don't bother with the labels. They're not important. I wasted a lot of energy labeling myself, and then trying to fit into whatever label I'd chosen on any given day. I wish someone would have told me when I was younger that it just doesn't matter what you call yourself. Just find someone you like, who you're attracted to, and hopefully they'll feel the same way about you. The rest of it is all just noise.

-bk

[willowheart]

Thanks for your advice, I think you're right I only wish I found the right person for once, I'm tired of spending my time with boys who aren't worth it Hopefully I'll find the right man soon, or the right girl, I just don't care