Gay Stereotypes

[Eu Tus Ojos]

What do you think of the stereotypes of gay persons? Are they true, or just something perpetuated by the media and society in general? Would you say you're a stereotypical gay/bi person?

Me: I think a lot of stereotypes aren't helped much by the media and some TV shows (Will & Grace comes to mind) seem to perpetuate them. I think a lot of 'gay shows' on TV are just stupid, pointless, and almost hurtful. People watch these shows, and if the people on those shows are the only gay people they tend to see, it's not hard for someone to feel all gays are like that. And the Gay Pride parades, I'm sorry but from what I know of them, most do seem to perpetuate stereotypes themselves. I guess I'm just not a very vocal lesbian, I'm not even 'out' yet, since I don't know if I'm entirely sure of being gay, but that's a different subject. If I am lesbian, I am not exactly a stereotype, I wouldn't see much of a point in going to a pride parade, I am fairly feminine (I wear make up, have longish hair, shave, etc. ). I honestly don't want to be particularly vocal about sexuality, or for now, at all. I just don't see much of a point unless the issue comes up.

[Willowlover]

I dont know if this will mean anything but every type of person can be subjected to stereotype. I myself am a walking contradiction to about...id say 7-15 stereotypes. No one has to act or dress, or etc. like society thinks they should because of something about them. Being gay is just being gay. Thats the only thing thats true about every gay person. same goes for everything else. Stereotypes are encouraged by alot of people but its not a requirment for being who you are. So id have to say that stereotypes of gay people, and everything else, is false.

[Eu Tus Ojos]

I'd have to agree - while I may be girly, I'm not the ditzy 'dumb blonde' type, well, I'm not even blonde. While some people may slightly fit into a certain stereotype, they're not likely to fit into everything associated with it.

[umgaynow]

I think stereotypes are like all generalizations...doomed to be inaccurate...you can't just make blanket statements about a whole group of people...statistical probability alone dooms you to being wrong...and I must say that recently I have noticed entirely too many gay stereotypes being used for "comic relief" on television and in movies...thank you George Bush for making us the only minority it is politically OK to be prejudiced against...I find this quite offensive and even more so when my parents laugh at it

As for me...I have a teeny bit of stereotype here and there but more about other parts of my life than being queer...yes I am most often found in Levi's and a t-shirt...usually a tie-dyed t-shirt in fact which doesn't fit the stereotype of a lesbian hippie chick, because that usually runs more toward the femme side of things...long flowing skirts and such...as a self-proclaimed hippie and a proud Deadhead, I can also say that I detest the smell of patchouli and can't do shit with a hackeysack or a frisbee, don't smoke weed either...I do know how to make those funky hemp bracelets and things though...I identify as butch, soft-butch really...but very definitely not soft in the bedroom and yet only straight people think I'm butch...then again I am surprised to find that many straight people are shocked that I am gay when I always thought it was fairly obvious...I have never driven a truck in my life or owned a Subaru...I don't camp or own a cat although I do play acoustic guitar and my dog is my second best friend...I do like angry-girl-songwriters-with guitars music, but all in all I'd rather listen to Bob Dylan or Billie Holiday...I have long hair, I am a gourmet cook, but don't ask me to wash the dishes...like most stereotypical artists I am a bit of a slob, but not when it comes to my painting or cooking or writing, then I am obsessively perfectionist to the point where I often can't bring myself to let go of a project and say it is done...I shave my legs and armpits and pluck my eyebrows and when it comes to cars I can't even change a tire let alone my own oil...to make a long story short...too late! Stereotypes are like trying to get the toothpaste back into the tube...you can make it fit, but you usually have to do more work getting to that point than just accepting it as it is...

Wow...I seem to be getting epigrammatic in my old age

Sandi

[billy]

What do you think of the stereotypes of gay persons? Are they true, or just something perpetuated by the media and society in general? Would you say you're a stereotypical gay/bi person?

Friends tell me I'm a gay stereotype although I'm bi not gay. Hate sport, love musicals, have a few Cher, Barbra Streisand and Abba CDs, not camp but not exactly the butchest guy in the world either and the only gay stereotype with absolutely no fashion sense dammit! Unfortunately or fortunately, I'm not sure which, there's no bisexual stereotype. So unfair.

I don't think anyone really fits the stereotypes, not completely at least. One of my best friends is a straight woman who looks more like a butch lesbian than my lesbian friends, made even more confusing because she's married to a woman.

And the Gay Pride parades, I'm sorry but from what I know of them, most do seem to perpetuate stereotypes themselves.

I've never been on a Gay Pride parade either and I used to feel the same way but now I don't care all that much. Some people are going to hate or laugh at us whatever we look like or however we behave and I'd rather be damned for who I really am, whether or not it's a stereotype, rather than pretending to be as 'normal' as a straight person, whatever normal actually means. I should admit here that I'm not out to my parents or at work so I'm probably being a little hypocritical.

[umgaynow]

On the point of Pride parades perpetuating stereotypes...sure there are some people in the parades who conform to so called gay stereotypes...but they are just being who they are...becasue Pride is all about being in the majority for once and having that feeling of community and feeling safe enough to actually be who you are...so no, I don't think Pride perpetuates stereotypes...there will always be some people who do in fact seem to fit stereotypes...because after all they had to come from somewhere and it's usually from those characters who stick out the most from straight society's concept of normal...whatever that means

[Boschi]

I'm a bit cynical about everyone, gay or straight, so I'll 'fess up to being a bit of a homophobic little lesbian. Not so much homophobic as homoannoyed I guess, and stereotypes play in to that big time.

I've met gay men and women who fit stereotypes remarkably well, and I've liked them because their actions felt so completely natural to them. They were sincere in their identity. I've a friend who has been a flaming little queer since he was knee high to a grasshopper - just the way he is and happily so - I love him for it. Knowing him has made me more receptive to flamboyant gay men, who I've viewed as affected in the past.

I'm still very wary of any social group however - I think you give people a group identity and they immediately "pack up", becoming exclusive and protective more of the group itself than of group ideals. Nature of the human beast I think. We seek security in groups, for better or worse.

I find gay-centric identities and socializing particularly problematic because I feel that it in some way represents part of me to the world, and I resent that. This is however, pretty much just a symptom of my own insecurity. I work at it, which I think is all any of us can do.

The thing is straight perceptions of gay stereotypes are often based (in a schewed way) on gay social behaviors. No, all lesbians do not own cats and drive Subarus - but not only do a large percentage of them do that (no harm there), but I've found that they really like to bond over joking about this fact themselves. Knowing these jokes, and laughing heartily, is often a litmus test. In fact, I think gay folk in general spend an awful amount of f-ing time bonding over just being gay. This annoys me.

Don't get me wrong. There is something wonderfully comforting and affirming in finding a gay friendly or predominantly gay community to exist in, but I think that a large part of that is that we do not feel comfortable being gay in predominantly straight communities, and I think that is something we should continually challenge - not only in the world at large, but in our own behaviors and habits.

I love counter-culture - I think it must exist, that it will inevitably exist, that it should be constantly buzzing under the status quo, threatening, prodding, questioning. But for ideas and identities that spend their infancy there to become too engrossed in it is disrespectful to themselves and to the notion of counter-culture. Viable things grow up.

Stereotypes, whether straight-perpetuated or gay "in jokes", serve to keep gays and gay lifestyles in the catagory of counter culture. Being gay and being "edgy" often go hand in hand. Being gay and being mundane has to exist too. I am very much an integrationist when it comes to this. You may call me the gay Poindexter if ya like.

I love the kitten board, and I think being able to come here and have conversations that have gay-identity in their subtext (or supertext!) is incredibly useful and healthy. I don't have these discussions many other places, and there is a sensation of acceptance and support here that is wonderful.

Homosexual love is not yet embraced or accepted by the public. I know this. I think that notions of Gay Pride, gay activism and gay community serve a vital purpose right now, no matter the baggage that comes with that.

I am still wary of their contribution to gay stereotypes however. It is a thin line between gay identity and gay limitation.

Hmm.... drat. I am rambling. By all means, someone cough up more ideas, disagree with me, or tell me I'm just a long winded source of old and obvious thoughts....

[Candleshoe]

Can I be a Devils Advocate? Please? Go on, let me...

I think I must be one of the very, very few people who actually like my Lesbian label. I like the fact that although I don't conform to some of the stereotypical social behavious (not a cat person, sorry) I have finally found out who I am.

I spent years having emotions and feelings for which I had no name. I was gravitationally pulled towards people when I knew that was not what my parents, friends and church told me was normal. So if it wasn't "normal" what on earth was it? Abnormal? Perverted? Wrong?

And then I discovered the word Lesbian, and it all made sense. And then gradually I discovered a way to be, a set of behaviours that I felt comfortable with - a set of ideals and hopes for the world that I could embrace. And, dare I say it, a way of outing myself that didn't involve telling people...

For an awful lot of the people in my life; at home, at church, at work, I am the only gay person they know. I don't shout about my sexuality, but I am very aware that I carry a burden of responsibility to be acceptable, to be loving and caring and non-judgmental, to do as I would be done by. Because then, when people are faced with abstract concepts, like gay marriage and equal rights, they won't think about how it would affect them, they might just pause and think about how it would affect me, the gay person they know. I truly believe that thinking in a small scale leads to huge change. Thinking in terms of huge changes simply frightens people. Including me...

So now I have short hair, I wear trousers, I hotly debate with idiots who don't think before speaking, I aspire to owning a Subaru rather than the rust-bucket I currently drive. Are these adoptions of stereotypical behaviour? Probably. Were these behaviours lying dormant in my personality, just waiting for permission to come alive? I have no idea. Am I willing to break away from those occasionally if they aren't quite 'me'? Definitely.

Have I just rambled on for quite a while? Oh yes...

[amber 4 prez]

there's always stereotypes for everybody. I think that many people are atleast some part of the stereotypes are based on a majority of that type of person.

For example, Irish people drink alot...

well, depends on what you consider alot, but I'm Irish most of my family has been in rehab.

I think that the gay stereotype of being witty is partially true because its our defense system. Sometimes I think its easier to just fall into the gay stereotypes because it makes it easier to identify eachother. Make the invisable visable.

[bookworm_willow1]

Hmm... how to answer this question?! I think a lot of people are extrememly undereducated when it comes to gays/lesbians/bisexuals. The reason: They fear what they cannot understand.

The media portrays homosexuals, as a general rule, as either A. an extremely feminine male, or B. a Harley-riding masculine female. When the media mixes in a cup of mainstream society, society can't handle it because these people aren't conformists. Society, as a whole, deems it necessary to label everything, and with that label comes a stereotype.

Personally I've always thought of myself as straight and while I have never really questioned my sexuality, until recently, I try very hard not to judge people until I get to know them. People often judge me because I'm a non-conformist. I refuse to accept society's standards as perfect. I wear ties to work, not because of what could be my sexuality, but because I like them and my late Grandpa always said "dress for success," and I remember those words each time I wear a tie. And can I just point out- when you work in a deli, a dress and heals isn't really the way to go?!

I've found that my gay, lesbian, and bisexual friends are less inhibited and more open minded and accepting than my straight friends.

Now, if mainstream society could test out that theory instead of stereotyping and labeling people... I think the world would be a much better place.

Bottom line: why conform to society's standards when you set your own?

[kivrin]

a lesbian stereotype that I don't really understand is the "which one of you is supposed to be the man" hello? lesbian kind of couple here...why should anyone play the male role when they are two girls interested in each other? I don't know if any lesbian or bi here has played anytime this rol or if it's normal to do so, because I havent got homosexual friends and I personally don't think it's logical.
anyone for it? does it make any sense?

[Lucifer]

I'm a bit cynical about everyone, gay or straight, so I'll 'fess up to being a bit of a homophobic little lesbian. Not so much homophobic as homoannoyed I guess, and stereotypes play in to that big time.

yeah im a homoannoyed person...i get annoyed when some lesbians in my school try so hard to be known as "the lesbian"
so as far as pride goes...its great the security...ive been in one at new york...but sometimes people overdo it so much...but also....its impossible to have everyone show off pride in te perfect amounts so as not to annoy everyone...so eh...what do ya do?

a lesbian stereotype that I don't really understand is the "which one of you is supposed to be the man"

yeah i dont get the whole streriotype either....someone asks and generally me and katy look blankly at them...

just becasue im punk doesnt mean im gay...i am a cat lover though...i do know a lot about cars, but because mine breaks down so much i need to know about it in order to not be ripped off

okay...so that was rambly and has almost no punctuation...probably some spelling errors...my work is done.....