Advice, please...

[Tooru]

Hey... I have to make this quick because I've been banned off the internet but I'm having a really big problem that I hope that someone can help me with.

Well, I'm gay and my parents recently found out so now they're threatening to not pay my college tuition, which means that all my dreams of leaving my house are now down the drain.

If I stay in my house any longer, I think I may commit mass murder or something... well, maybe not that drastic but hey, you never know.

On top of that, my parents have forbidden to see my girlfriend because she's a "bad influence" and blah blah blah.

I also haven't told my girlfriend any of this because she has to deal with her own problems and I don't want to burden her with mine.

I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused.

Help, please!

[potential_angel]

I can't really say much on the matter seeing as I myself havent come out to my mum but I'll probably be in the same boat as you cause my mum is so homophobic. I plan to tell my mum when i leave for uni.

The only thing i can say is what i'll probably do, I'd tell her then let her calm down, then I'd probably talk to her about it. But I think you should tell your girlfriend cause at times like these you really need support and if you tell her she's more likely to take it better than if she's suddenly got your parents not liking her.

Doesnt really help but I dont wanna give the wrong advice. Can I just ask you one thing though? how did your parents find out? By accident or did you tell them?

Now all i can do is send you hugs and wish you luck whatever you decide to do. *hugs*

Mel

[hahler]

There are support groups out there that can help. im not sure where to look or where your at but if anyone knows with a phone number lets leave it here.
i agree tell your girlfrind maybe she can look up the groups for you and help you through this problem. some day your parents will come around.
mine did faster than i thought it is the shock of "what did i do wrong as a parent" that is the standard and first thought that they go through. when they realize that it is just who you are it will go back to the way it was.

good luck

hahler

[FineyMcFine]

Tooru, I can't imagine what you're going through. Coming out is hard, but should be met with happiness by others for realizing something about yourself that is important, so it must be all the more devastating when you didn't intend to come out. And for your parents to threaten not to pay your college tuition must make it that much harder.

This won't be the solution to all your problems, but it's one resource that's out there: a GLBT scholarships database that you can search by state. Whether your parents follow through on their threat or not, you can at least know that some measure of resources are available.

I hope that things don't escalate. Hang in there. Be well.

[Melee]

That's harsh. :(

I'm lucky enough to have supportive parents, so I never had to go through that, but I have friends who definitely did.

I'm not sure what to tell you, but I can give you a hug *hugs*

[Patches]

Hey Tooru,

That's a harsh situation to be in. My own mess entailed being unemployed, basically broke and told not to come home. Thank goodness for friends and an incredibly caring gf (who is now my wife).

First off, Tooru, don't give up on your dreams. If your parents choose to make life difficult, then search out another path. Perhaps you will be fortunate and they will quickly come to understand that who you love is not linked to their wallet, and does not change because they don't like it/approve. Should they persist, you do have options. It may take a little longer, and be a tougher road, but the future is yours; never let that thought out of your mind. Respect your parents, 'my house, my rules,' as long as you're living there, but make preparations to get out on your own as soon as you're able. As others have said, it might just take some time for them to adjust. I hope they do.

Check for a LGBT support groups/organisations in your area, there's a good chance someone there can help -- if you don't know how to get in touch with them, try calling the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre or local AIDS network; these organisations often have resources and referrals they can provide to help you through this difficult time. If you can't use the web, try the phone book to get the numbers. I think most libraries have web-capable public access computers -- get a public library card if you don't have one, and use that resource if your home access is banned. But don't forget to sign out and actually read the books. LOL

Telling your gf what's going on might not be as bad an idea as you think. As you said, she has stuff to deal with, but the possibilities of wondering why her gf isn't/won't/can't see her might make things worse. However, it's your relationship and you know how best to handle it.

I hope things smooth over for you. Hang in there, and know a lot of us have been through this. The shock of parental 'unconditional' love now having certain 'conditions' slapped on it is hard to swallow. If things continue or get worse, seek out a counsellor to help you keep it all together (any chance you might find a sympathetic ear in the guidance department of your current school -- assuming you're still in school?) Good luck Hon, and keep us posted as you can.

Patches.