Long distance relationships

[justkazy]

Hey



I didn't see a thread that talked about this so i decided to start one(mods if i'm wrong i apologize, you can move it or close it if necessary). I know that many of you kittens have g/f's that you've met over the internet and that don't live in your state or country.



I joined this awesome community back in Nov. and shortly after met the woman of my dreams. I think a few of you kittens know her..sam darls. I live in Va and she lives in England..grr! We started e-mailing eachother every day and IMed when ever we both got a chance. We've been dating for about 4 months now and it's been really hard cause of our parents and the time difference. I guess i just wanted to know how some of you other kittens have coped with being in a long distance relationship and what steps you've gone through to keep it going.



Thank you to anyone who can help my baby and i deal with this cause i love her with all my heart and soul, and i want to spend the rest of my life with her!



edited to thank all you kittens that have shared your incourages and your stories..you guys rock!!

'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see you/If i could just hold you tonight-Vanessa Carlton-Mine and my baby's song...I love you!

Edited by: justkazy at: 2/3/04 4:57 am

[Tempest Duer]

Good luck. That's all I can really say, because it's really hard work to make a long-distance relationship successful. But I wish you two the best.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[Imjustme]

I second that good luck. It's hard but not impossible. I have several friends that have met husbands/wives/gf/bf online. Most of them ended up moving to Canada (lots of hotties in Canada it seems) to be with them. I think you get to know a person well online, because you are actually talking and getting to know the real person without some of the pressure. So, my advice, keep doing what you are doing. Email, im, phone if you can, and maybe one day when the time is right you can meet in person.

[willowtarafan18]

Hey all,

I thought I'd reply to this because I met my wife here through the board about 11 months ago. She saw my post in the singles thread and decided to IM me. Anyway, at first she was living in Michigan which was far enough away from me in New York but then she moved down to Florida about a month or so after we'd met. Needless to say her moving even farther away kinda sucked. We dealt as best we could through IMing constantly, emailing and of course using our cell phones taking advantage of the whole free nights after 9 and free weekends air time. It was really hard at times but we stuck with it knowing our love was for certain and true. After she was in Florida for a while she actually paid for me to fly down for just a weekend since I was still in college. That's how badly we wanted to be together. Even though the plane ride for me was rather long and I'd actually never flown on a plane before and I'd be going alone to see her for the very first time might I add I still knew how much I loved her and we spent an amazing weekend together. I flew down on a friday afternoon ariving at night and took a plane back on Sunday afternoon ariving back at night. So basically we had one full Saturday together and parts of Friday and Sunday to be together which wasn't much time but it was something. We tried to keep up the romance best we could sending each other care packages to surprise one another and show that we were thinking of one another. I even saved up all the money I possibly could and flew down to see her again at the end of June for a summer vacation which I will never forget two whole weeks with my girl. Finally in August she decided to move to New York to be with me!! This was of course a big weight off our shoulders. She moved about a half hour from my house which was wonderful. We still have a sort of long distant relationship because I go to college about an hour and a half away from home. It's still difficult for us now being two hours apart but I make frequent trips on the weekend to spend time with her. Six months of our relationship though was truly long distance. My advice is keep the romance alive letting each other know how much you care in little ways like surprise phone calls just to tell one another you love them, who doesn't like mail packages? and of course don't forget some spicy talk once in awhile if not frequently everyone loves to be complimented! Anyway, if you need any other advice I'm always here! Good luck long distance relationships are hard but in the case I've experienced the can be very rewarding!





Michele

Edited by: willowtarafan18 at: 2/5/04 10:00 am

[justkazy]

Hey Michele,



Thank you for sharing your story with me. I'm doing to same thing in 3 weeks, getting on a plane and flying to England for a week to see my baby. It will be the first time going overseas for me, so it's pretty scary, but i can't wait to spend time with the love of my life.



Oh, and i would really like to talk to you about how you and your gf made it through all those months apart, cause now my baby's computer is broken. So it's been twice as hard, so anyway feel free to email me if you want and have time..Thanks again

'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see you/If i could just hold you tonight-Vanessa Carlton-Mine and my baby's song...I love you!

[sam darls]

Baby..I've just read this all..and you are absolutely wonderful you know that?!! you really are so beautiful. And I love you soo much Thank you..xxxxxx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

Edited by: sam darls at: 2/3/04 8:44 am

[WTJunkie]

Best of luck, JK and sam!



Its been a loooong time since I have posted, but you inspired me to de-lurk. I just wanted to give you some encouragement. Long distance sucks. Its very hard. The odds are totally against you. That said, I want you to know that if you are meant to be together, it will work!



Next week my sweetie and I will celebrate eight years together. We met on the internet, and we declared our love and officially became a couple about a month before we were able to meet face to face. We lived a thousand miles apart in different states and I was still in college. It was rough, but we made it work. It took over two years before we could actually live together. If two souls are the right match, you CAN develop an amazing relationship via email, don't let anyone tell you that its not "real."



You have even more challenges since you are two different countries. You might want to go over to the rainbow writers website and read about Beth and Kath - maybe drop them a line. Not only are they great fanfiction authors, but they have been in an overseas long distance relationship for a few years now. (Canada and UK) Maybe they can offer more advice and inspiration.



Best of luck and have a great visit together!



-WTJunkie

[WebWarlock]

Ten years ago I was in a long distance relationship.



I would travel about 350 miles every other weekend to be with this girl.



Yes it was a strain, both emotionally and finacially. But it was worth the work and effort.



Now? Well I am going to be married to that that very same girl nine years this July. ;)



Of course there was a time (1987) that we lived mere yards from each other in the dorms. We had to put an entire state between us to figure out we needed to be togther.



I hope it all works out.



Warlock

-----

Web Warlock

Coming Soon to The Other Side, The Netbook of Shadows: A Book of Spells for d20 Witches

"Does anybody remember laughter?" - Robert Plant, "The Song Remains the Same"

[MaClayMagic]

This year marks my sweetheart and I being together 8 years, 11 years of knowing each other and 7 years of my sweetie being in the UK with me. We met through a strange and old fashioned method: letter writing! A weird and wonderful tale of how we got in touch you just wouldn't believe, but suffice to say, we started writing and three years later met. We checked into my staying in the USA, that was a very bad meeting with a lawyer who said not to even bother. So after my spending 9 months on and off travelling to the USA, we packed up my girlfriend's belongings and came back to England. We met with one's from Stonewall, and at that time, you had to have been living together for 15 years! That, of course, is impossible when both countries won't let the other stay long enough to gather time. In the space of a few months, the law changed (thanks to the Labour party) and brought the time down to 4 years. We still didn't have that amount of time together but knew we had to be together. So we went to a Immigration lawyer in Birmingham and started the prodedure to have my partner stay here with me. We went through 3 lawyers, went to court to ask if the judge could sway the thinking of the governemnt, she said we should be together! The government said otherwise! We were just on the borderline of having my partner deported (and, we find out later, to NEVER be allowed back in the UK because of being classed as a 'overstayer') when the law changed again and was for 2 years. We had 4 years together by that time!! We still had to wait for everything to be accepted, my partner got her passport back many months after we were told she could stay! But, on February 14th we celebrate the fact that on that date 2 years ago, she received a letter that said she had indefinete leave to remain as my partner!! It's a very special date for us. We had had 6 years of dreading the mail coming with more bad news. It was stressful, upsetting because they wouldn't let my partner leave the country even when her grandad died. She was a prisoner here unable to work until this was sorted out. It was hard, heartbreaking, and stress beyond belief. But when you know that you have to be together, then your love will give you the strength to weather it. We believe we were meant to be together here in England, we had 6 years with my dad who we sadly lost within 6 months of my partner being allowed to stay here. The week before he died he got to see her passport with it's special stamp. We believe that destiny sent us back to the UK. And soon, when the local council lets us, we will sign a register to have us married!

If you want to be together, then you will move heaven and earth to be together, and if you are meant to be, heaven and earth will make the path clear for you. You may have to climb over barriers and obsticles, but if your love is true, you can climb them together!

"The world feels so much better when you find you don't fit

There's a ladder in my tights and who gives a **** if woops you ain't shiney and perfect" - Amy Studt

[justkazy]

Hey kittens



You guys have really given me hope that Sam and i will be able to get through this and hopfully be together one day. She is just the most incredible woman that i have ever met and i really can't image my life without her. I love you too baby so very much!



So thank you to all that have shared their stories and your words incouragment..you guys are so awesome!

'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see you/If i could just hold you tonight-Vanessa Carlton-Mine and my baby's song...I love you!

[Dazed and Confused83]

Wow, I decided to check out the Kitten board by chance tonight, and I'm so glad I did. I'm in the beginning stage of what will hopefully turn out to be a wonderful relationship with a woman I met online a little over a month ago... She lives in Louisiana, and I, unfortunately, go to school in Indiana. I feel lucky that we're at least in the same country...but the distance is still hard. I've yet to be able to meet with her in person. She should be able to visit soon...I can't wait. I never knew it was possible to miss someone so badly when you haven't even seen them in person; I think about her all day, and when I haven't heard from her by the late evening, I start getting pretty grumpy.



I really think that I have the chance here for something wonderful, but I'm a little bit reluctant to share the news with my friends. The whole meeting online thing tends to wierd people out, in my experience. Also, our relationship has developed extremely quickly. It's hard to explain how suddenly all these feelings for each other sprung up.



Thanks to everyone for sharing...it gives me hope that the process I've just begun has the definite possiblity to become something amazing.



~Tiffany

[KiwiAlcyone]

heya girls,



I really, really wish you all the best of luck with your relationship.



A few years ago I met a fantastic girl from Canada over the net and we were the best of friends...always e mailing spending many, many hours chatting on MSN and talking on the phone - huge phone bills!



Anyway, last year I flew over to Canada to meet her and it was fantastic, like love at first sight I guess and although it took us a while to actually show our feelings. Anyway, we continued dating after I came back to NZ. The distance sucked but we talked heaps on the phone etc. In the end it wasnt the distance thing that broke us up at all. Distance is nothing if you've got genuine feelings for one another, I wish you all the best!

*Grumbles* stinky parents...



-Alcy

[burtonreid]

My girlfriend and I met online. We talked via e-mail and Yahoo messenger for about a year before we were official, and we've been together for a year and a half this month.



The distance certainly isn't in our favour. She's in Wisconsin while I'm in Canada and we're 857 miles apart. She came to see me last Christmas though and I've been there a few times since then. I'm planning to move there by the end of the summer, and attend college with her the following September. I just have to get through all the administrative bull, and we're good.



Good luck to everyone in a long-distance relationship and may your efforts and determination pay well off.

i envy your ignorance, i hear that it's bliss. ani difranco

[SJ]

I'm in a long distance relationship too.

Met my gf on the singles thread on the Kitten board nearly 11 months ago.

She's in Texas and I'm in England.

Yeah the distances sucks but we talk a lot on the phone and email each other.

Good luck to everyone else who are in a LDR.

[Yelowsub]

awww everyone's stories are making me feel all warm and fuzzy. Much happiness to all of you! I can't stop smiling. :::runs off to write SO for the third time today:::

"Trying to talk about love is like trying to dance about architecture."

[Gimpgirl]

Hey there kittens.



Ok, so after reading this, I found out that I'm not the only one with a long distance relationship going. I met my girl here on the kitten board and we have been official for 9 months on Monday and let me tell you it has been the greatest 9 months of my life. I can't imagine my life without her.

She lives in England and I live in Minnesota. We have visited each other and it's been great. I have no complaints about anything. Long distance relationships do work, you just have to want them to work and put all you have into them. Besides, who knows what may happen and moving is only part of the process.



I love my baby......



Michelle

"just when you think you got me figured out the seasons already changing...."-Meredith Brooks

[BrownBear9153]

I'm generally a commited lurker, but I had to weigh in on this subject. Minnesota seems to be a hotbed of long-distance relationships. My partner and I have been together 11 years last month. All long distance.



We too, met and hooked up pre-internet. We met on the phone 20 years agoe when we held parallel jobs at different branches of our company. (She was in San Francisco, I was here). By the time we became more than friends, I was caring for a dependent parent and she had shared custody of her children, so neither of us could leave or relocate our responsibilities. Both of us had been in prior less than stellar relationships, so we were well attuned to the fact that mere physical presence is not the most important aspect of a relationship. Her elder daughter is graduating from high school this May, and the younger is on the downhill side of her freshman year, so the road ahead of us is now waaaay shorter than the road behind. She'll be relocating to MN when the frosh finishes high school.



It's been a challenge sometimes, but we've managed to cobble up 6-8 weeks a year together. I'll gladly take that over being with anyone else 24/7/365.



Bottom line, if you want it to work, it can.

[FireFlyofDust]

In my life I have been in two long distance reltationships.

First off as all of you know they are extremely emotional to go through, but perhaps I do have some advice for you guys.



1- IF you want it to work both partners have to be agree to share whats going on each others life, one partner cannot decied for the other one about important matters...the person obvously cant read your body languge or hold you at nite, so you have to find alot of ways to express ur needs..and learn (if it isnt natural) to read the other persons needs from there voice, or words ol..

2- In a long distance relationship, as some one said, you get the chance to get to know the person without all the vain crap involved. So you get to have these amazing conversation and as a result 6 months long distance..is almost a year for an in real life couple for the amount you get to know a person. keep that in mind.

3- (read number one) Because of the long distance not being able to read everything thats going on in each other lives, hence you try to tell them stuff. But if you allow the person to take over your life (every second wanting and needing to call them, and feeling bad if you dont..cuz its long distance) isnt healthy. Infact its down right bad, you will lose the person that your partner fell in love with. I am not saying dont call them every second..cuz sometimes you just need to or your heart with just break cuz you cant be with them...but i am saying take some time for your self everyday..make sure there is two people in a relationship..not just one..



These are just a few of the things i figured out..and maybe i am slow learner and you guys all already know..but i thought it could help...



And everyone person you met in these long distance reltationship..they are so incretibly amazing and invaible in the life that you will lead...never forget to thank them for it..the two people i have been with in this way have forever sunk into me and guided me as a person..I will always care for these people in diffrent ways...AND I WOULD ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO SEEK OUT THESE AMAZNIG SPEACIL RELTATIONSHIPS..EVEN THOUGH THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN INVOLVED BECAUSE YOU CANT CUDDLE WITHTHE PERSON IRL..FOR A REALLY LONG TIME...



I hope this helped...

Trishy

Ps..ALL CHEER..I AM SPENDING 2 MONTHS WITH MY GIRLFRIEND THIS SUMMER! (for the first time)

[MaClayMagic]

With so many Kittens finding love across the miles, I have just come across this piece from a site reciting poetry for Valentine's Day which is looming close. I thought it fit us all who fell in love with ones from far away!

Quote:

---

In true love the smallest distance is too great,

and the greatest distance can be bridged.

---

Hans Nouwens

"The world feels so much better when you find you don't fit

There's a ladder in my tights and who gives a **** if woops you ain't shiney and perfect" - Amy Studt

[justkazy]

Hey Kittens



WOW..i never knew there were so many of us in long distance relationships. Everyone i've told thinks that i'm absolutly crazy to be going to meet someone i've met over the internet, but after reading all of your posts, i've realized that i'm not alone and that it's not crazy. Just knowing that makes me feel a lil saner..hehe, for a short time anyway



I guess it's true what they say, "you can't help who you fall in love with" and i plan on loving my baby for a the rest of my life. I love you, Sam



so thank all of you guys again

'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see you/If i could just hold you tonight-Vanessa Carlton-Mine and my baby's song...I love you!

[sam darls]

I love you too baby.. so much. And sweetie..you were never sane..hehe..you know I'm kidding..hehe. And I plan on loving you too..so thank you baby

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[SaraBiga]

Almost three years now. After fours months of e-mails, ICQ and phone calls we finally met and the rest is history...

Unfortunately, she (3peanuts that is, some of you should know her) lives half the country away.

Fortunately, said country being Italy, that means no more than 500 Km.

Unfortunately, being the both of us pretty pennyless we can't afford to trip those 4-5 hours by train as often as we wish (to travel by car is even more expensive than train in Italy, we sure don't have cheap gas as in America... or in other European countries with less taxes on it for that matters!).

I remember calling her on the phone, after a couple of months of e-mails and icqs: I was outdoors with my cell phone in the quiet warm night, with lots of fireflies flying around me, and her beautiful voice with her funny accent (she's from Rome, I'm from the north) soothing me...

... and another couple of months later I was on this train to Rome, completely terrified at the idea of meeting her, lying to my friend about as much I expected from this meeting, because of all the bad things you hear about meeting people from the Internet...

But I trusted my instincts, as I've learnt over the years, and as you say on e-mails you can really have a deeper interaction sometimes, and I felt sure she wasn't lying to me.

We were both terrified (me hiding it a bit better then her), but as soon as we hugged we knew we were... home.

So maybe it's true what they say about having horrible experiences with people met on the net, everybody tells me I was lucky and maybe that's true...

But.

But our courage made the both of us happy. That what I wish for both of you as well.



Now that we're finishing university we'll meet more often, and we're dreaming about living together. And for once it's not a dream that far of reach.

The end.

[3peanuts]

She's right: I was petrified.



And happy as we are, let's admit it, sometimes it really gives you the blues.



I mean: spring decided to show up earlier this year, St. Valentine is next Saturday, and bright full moon nights, when you feel all cuddly and warm...



If I wasn't so much in love, probably I wouldn't be able to face the problem of being miles away from her, when I deeply need her.



So *hugs*, I know how does it feel...



p.s.

"I like Amber Benson 'cause she's a proletarian" Sarabiga

Keynes was right

[justkazy]

Hey kittens,

I just wanted to update you guys. I went to visit my baby a week ago and had the best time of my life. She was everything i dreamed about and more. I love her more then i thought i would. She is planning on visiting me in a few months and hopefully staying for a whole month..yay!!!! ..i can't wait. So, it can happen and does, to everyone out there that is hoping to find love over the internet. Thanks for everyones' words of wisdom and incouragments..you guys rock!



I love you baby...so very much!!!

'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see you/If i could just hold you tonight-Vanessa Carlton-Mine and my baby's song...I love you!

Edited by: justkazy at: 3/5/04 4:18 pm

[SJ]

That's great you two got to meet to up and you had a great time

[sam darls]

I love you more too baby, god, so much . I can't wait to see you..XXxxx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[Shinnen]

i suck at it. i suck at ANY relationship.

CheerZ

Shinnen



She's the most amazing girl in the whole world. She's the only girl who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When I'm not with her, I'm not living. I'm not existing until I can hold her in my arms again.

[Willster]

Shinnen :

Welcome to the club



But of course, good luck to all of those struggling with that stuff, it sure ain't easy but I still think that when you really want something, you can make it work.. I hope!

[Shinnen]

*high 5's Willster*

Thanks. After a few failed ones... I totally give up.



But to the rest who managed to work things out! Definitely need to congratulate you on your hard work and patience and endurance.

CheerZ

Shinnen



She's the most amazing girl in the whole world. She's the only girl who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When I'm not with her, I'm not living. I'm not existing until I can hold her in my arms again.

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

hmmmm...I was readin'...then came the thinkin'....so I guess the next logical step would be the writing....



I met my wife five years ago in a lesbian chat room...(she wasn't "gay") I "Turned her out" If you want to call it that hehehe...anyhoo...she lived in Pennsylvania at the time and I in Oregon....I know this is going to sound corny....but we fell in love the first five minutes of encountering each-other...I still remember her words the evening after we met online...she said "Would it be too soon to call you?" and I said..." Are you kidding me...I thought you'd never ask..." She flew out two weeks later and we've been together ever since...



We spent two and a half years apart, visiting each-other about every six months (that was soo hard. I thought I'd die every-time she got back on that plane....)

then it happened....she packed up and moved to Oregon. two and a half years later...we've bought a house together; two cars, and have talked about having children. We've come through a lot of shit and it's been hard.(not even mentioning the fact that she's a minister)..but I wouldn't change a thing.



Spending all that time on the phone was actually a blessing in disguise because now she has the annoying ability to know exactly what i'm going to do before I even get to do it...I get away with nothing!



anyway...all that rambling had a point....the point being...It's going to be tough...there are going to be times when you want to slam the phone down and there will be times when the thought of another "phone hug" makes you want to cry, but you'll get through it. Just don't give up though... cause it's all so worth it in the end.



much luck to you and Sam.



xoxo

Emms

The people I'm furious with are the womens's liberationists. They keep getting up on soapboxes and proclaiming women are brighter than men. That's true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket.----



Anita Loos