Semiramis, Disgruntled, not so much...Im more frustrated, tired, realistic and cynical...My state of mind is based on yrs of searching internet ads, personal ads in gay media, even worked at a store in the Castro for 3 years, not to mention transferring to a store in the Hillcrest area of SD so that i would be closer to the community..There was also doing the bar thing for years, even after i became sober and was comfortable being in them for any length of time..Although that is not the best way to meet someone..
Ive dated older women who thought i was to "wild" for them, younger women have been among the most ive dated, but pretty soon someone younger would come along and they would be off...Ive dated tall women who thought i was to short, short women who wanted someone taller, women my size (which is somewhat on the small side) who wanted someone taller than they were, heavier women who said i was to small and made them look "bigger" whatever that means...
Ive dated androgynous, femme, all over the map type women just so i didnt rule anyone out based on "type"...Tried to be inclusive...Ironically ive been ruled out many times based on my height, weight, age, to butch, not butch enough on and on...They all say "you are very sweet, funny, sensitive, romantic and youre cute, but im looking for this or that"..So as you can see its not for lack of putting myself out there..
Of the three women i have loved in my life, my first love was a rebound, she loved me but wasnt in love with me, eventually went back to her ex..My second love was my soulmate, ill forever know that in my heart, but i decided to change my life and get sober, she couldnt give up drugs ..The third one i had no intention of falling for, we were friends first, she was curious and it just happened...She couldnt accept who she was and ended it, didnt even want to be friends after it was over and i miss that the most..
These past events havent taken place over a couple of years, this has been an ongoing thing for 10 yrs...Anyway I havent give up hope, there is a small bit left, but with every day that passes the reality is that the chances of finding someone to share my "twilight years" with are slim...Oddly ive been single for so long, ive become quite content and comfortable with where im at...Doesnt make me happy, but i get by, albeit a little more cynical with the passing of time...
From Everythings Relative, .."the personal is political "