Long distance relationships

[LtSticks]

Excuse me for asking, Lt, but was that because of the long-distancey nature of it? Or would it have happened even if you had lived closer?

uh no, more along the lines of she liked to play the mind-f*** games with her girlfriends it seems, I doubt living closer would have prevented it. I pretty much blamed myself for everything that happened, it took me a while to accept that whilst I wasn't an innocent party, I wasn't responsible for her messing me around and generally being an evil cow It seems I have a tendency to fall for the wrong sort, which is annoying to say the least, lol

[Candleshoe]

Thank you, Lt.

Whilst I would like to be a romantic fool about this sort of thing, I was built to be a realist. Sometimes that means a happy ending, and sometimes it doesn't...

[willow_tara_always]

me and my gf dont live close by, i live in a seaside town called bridlington n she lives 4hrs away by train in birmingham, its hard very hard, bu at the end of the day love will overcome everything xxx

[samslover]

Wow i can't believe that the subject i started soo many years ago is back on the first page..hehe!! I'm under a new name now tho. Sam and i are still trying to work out a way we can be together. Currently we are waiting to see eachother again in Dec. This is the longest time we've had to wait since we've met..grr!(10 mos.!) I hope this subject has helped some of you realize that you're not alone..and there is always hope when you really love that person.

This bill needs help to pass. You can contact your representative and uge them to support this bill if they don't already at
http://www.entry-denied.com/site_file/main.html then go to There is hope
In February 14 2001, US Representative Jerrold Nadler, D-NY, introduced legislation in the Congress. The bill (HR690), called the "Permanent Partner Immigration Act of 2001," would add the term "permanent partner" to sections of immigration law that provide immigration rights to legally married couples. By doing so the bill would allow gay or lesbian citizens to sponsor their partners to become U.S. residents without relying on state or federal recognition of gay marriage.

Image how just with the passing of this bill it would allow 100, 000 gay couples a chance for happiness.

[samslover]

Ok i didn't know where else to put this so if it needs to be moved then by all means. How does one move to another country?! My baby and i can get married in England where she's from. There's a lot of paperwork to send in to get approved for a visa to do so. But my problem is..i own a townhouse, car, and now a dog. I make good money for what i do. How does one deside on what to do with those things?! Any suggestions would help greatly.
We've tried to look into ways she could move here(US) where we both want to live but with no luck. Thanks!!!

[Candleshoe]

OK, Samslover, leaving aside the legalities of the visa applications etc (which I think I've talked about with you before) your best bet for the things you have mentioned might be: to rent out the house - find a decent managing agent who will look after it for you - that way you have a place to go for holidays, and you haven't burnt all your bridges in the very unlikely event that life doesn't end up the way you expect it to.

You can ship the car if you want, but you are better off selling it, to be honest. You can definitely bring your dog over, but it will need to be in quarantine for a while - I think it's six months.

The job is a harder issue. You will need to make sure that you have the right visa's to work here, but, despite what it says in the news, there are jobs! Multinational companies are often looking for people who know how the US systems work, so that may help.

The really tough one is the emotional side of emigrating. You will be without your friends, family and support system. The joy of being together will be worth it, one hopes, but you should make sure that you are being realistic about the difficulties and feelings you are likely to face. I guess the trick is for you to be as honest and understanding as you can with each other.

And you never know, after a few years of life together here, the US system might have changed....it's only a matter of time before equality and fairness wins, surely?

Let me know if you need any more information - I'll try to help if I can!

[oneyedchicklet]

You can definitely bring your dog over, but it will need to be in quarantine for a while - I think it's six months.

Now into my field of expertise. They don't necessarily quarantine the domestic animals as long as you have the proper paperwork. Your local vet can help you with that. The lab I worked for did the Rabies testing for International transportation of domestic animals. If you get that bloodtest and have the other proper vacinations up to date with an international transfer form, your dog will be quarantined for a few days at most. I will warn you, the rabies test is expensive and it takes up to 7 days for the results. If you contact me offline, I can tell you which Veterinary Lab you should request your vet to use. Not all of them do the testing.

HUGS
Barb

[Candleshoe]

Ooh, thanks Barb - every day is a school day for me!

[oneyedchicklet]

Ooh, thanks Barb - every day is a school day for me!

You're the lawyer, I'm the Vet Tech. We work together when needed.

HUGS
Barb

[watty]

My suggestion is don't ship your car. It's left hand drive since you're in the US, and to convert to right hand drive for the UK is going to cost a bomb.

One more thing to watch out for when moving are your electricals. Most US electrical items are 100-120V, but in the UK it's 220-240V. Without a transformer, the device will blow. We generally don't recommend moving white goods (fridge, washing machines etc). TVs, DVDs etc are okay, but make sure your DVD / VCR are multi-region. UK is region 2/PAL while US is region 1/NTSC. I found that plugs and lightbulb fittings are also different from country to country.

Having said that, I moved almost all my stuff across 3 continents over the course of 3 years and despite having been around the world, they're still in pretty good shape.

There are a bunch of people here who can help, or have experience in moving across continents. The emotional side is harder than the actual logistics, but most people tend to focus on the latter. Just shout if you need help.
[br]

[SJ]

I know how tough long distance relationships can be.
I hope you and sam get to be together.

[mudrat]

I too was involved in a long distance relationship, which lasted for 3 years. We met online on a BtVS femslash group on Yahoo, I left quirky feedback for a few of her fics, and she thought I was funny. Then she met Amber Benson at the premiere of 'Chance', and all her friends were sick of hearing about it - so she e-mailed me. Thus started a firm friendship, and hardly a day went by that we didn't e-mail or IM each other.

That was in September '02. By November we were flirting constantly... I think we both realised our feelings had deepened, but we were both too scared to say anything. Then in January '03 - the 18th, to be exact - the city I live in was hit by a once-in-a-century firestorm. Not just a bushfire... this thing was fuelled by raging winds, and burned through a national park for a week before it got near us... then in the space of 2 hours it took out over 400 homes. At various points over the next 4 days my home, my brother's home and my parents' home were all under direct threat (I remember spending the afternoon of Tuesday the 21st sitting in my backyard, stamping out any embers that the wind carried over the fence).

That was obviously the kick up the bum that we both needed to push us into action, cause 3 days later we finally admitted how we felt to each other during a very emotional phone call. Visits were few and far between, as she's in the U.S. and I'm in Australia - we spent three weeks together in May '03 (she flew over here), and then another three weeks over Christmas/New Year (I flew over there)... then last year she got a long-stay holiday visa, and stayed here with me for 6 fabulous months.

Sadly, what became apparent over that 6 months was that my feelings had changed (I worked out that while I love her dearly, I'm not in love with her any more), and we broke up in January this year. We had a lot of ups and downs over those three years, and a lot of emotional baggage to deal with, which (combined with the distance and time difference) made things very difficult at times - but I am happy to say that she is still my best friend, we still have regular contact (though not every day now, as she's driving trucks for a living and often can't access e-mail), and we can still talk to each other for hours on end about anything and everything. And I still have to send her 'care packages' - filled with all the things she got hooked on while she was here that she can't get in the States (she still wants me to work out a viable way to send her meat pies and kebabs!).

Over that 3 years, we did talk a lot about the possibility of one of us relocating to live with the other (most likely she would have moved over here), and the one thing we always agreed was that in the first instance, whoever relocated shouldn't break all their ties with home. The bottom line, as I'm sure you'll agree, is that being with someone in person permanently is very different to being with them for a short visit, and worlds away from speaking with them online or on the phone. We were always careful to prioritise our friendship, and promised each other that if we didn't feel the same way after spending a good amount of time (i.e. 6 months) together in person as we did online, then we wouldn't drag it out... we'd walk away from the relationship, and try to preserve our friendship, which we both treasure - and I'm glad we did, because she's still one of the most important people in my life.

So the only suggestions I would offer (over and above those already made by other kittens): Leave some belongings (furniture, car, etc) in storage or with family/friends rather than selling them all, and definitely rent out your house rather than selling it immediately. Give yourself options: something to go back to, just in case things don't work out the way you planned - or a 'nest egg' of assets that will assist you in making your permanent move, if things do work out. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

I wholeheartedly agree with what nearly everyone has stated here - you can make a long distance relationship work. It's not easy, and can be downright painful and agonising... but it can be so worth it.

[/long-winded, drama-filled ramble]


mudrat

[samslover]

I really appreicate everyones imput. I'm trying to get as much information as possible. I want to make an informed decision and not just let my emotions guide me. I think i would definitely rent the house out, so Sam and i would have a place to come back too. Plus i've worked really hard remodeling it.
oneyedchicklet; I'm so happy to hear that i can bring my dog over and she wouldn't have to be in quarantined for six months..yay!

Thank you all again..everyone has been so sweet with their advise!

[Gatito Grande]

Reviving this thread, because I need a place to vent/think-out-loud:

It's weird: 2 years ago, I was involved in a long-distance, online relationship---w/ someone on this board. <*>
I couldn't really talk about it then, here---well, almost never {cough *referred to upthread* cough}---so I vented about it (mainly, its demise) at my other primary discussion-board.

Flash-forward, to now: I'm considering (i.e., making attempts toward!) another (for the moment) long-distance, online relationship---with someone on that other board . . . so I get to talk about it here!

I know I'm in danger of making the same ol'/same 'ol mistakes, of all my OTHER long-distance, online relationships . . . but Ack! I just can't help myself! I've had this crush on her for years! I actually MET her once, and she's so beautiful! Swoon! (And talented, And kind)


...so now I'm back in the "Anxiously Awaiting Her Next Email" mode.

GG And what wondering What Happens Next---Stay Tuned! Out

<*> Whom is now engaged, and to whom I wish all the best. It was actually news of this Kitten's engagement, which got me off my butt, to contact my "Secret Crush" from that other board...

It goes w/o saying: anyone w/ helpful advice for Yours Truly , please speak out!