Sex? Yes, Please! (Or not?) The sexual ethics thread

[mscheckmate]

Don't worry, GG, the answer is "none of the above." I was referring to my own often deceptively conservative appearance, which doesn't tend to reflect my inner swinger. I thought twice about using the word "manning," but thought that I could get away with it. (It was late, and I didn't want to try to come up with a more androgynous alternative.)



Right there with you on Dobson.

It'll be the train, Walter, just the way you want it. Straight down the line.

[sprhrgrl]

Thanks again, Gatito Grande and mscheckmate. . . I think that the sexual exploring thing is what's still getting me - I'm not a girl who's all about the patience.



Unfortunately, after a lot of reading, I do have preconcieved notions. And that makes things hard. Er. The 'baby stepping' thing, GG, is hard because she'll think she's okay with something but then it will be bad for her. And the errors, we've found, are generally cause for heartache.



So yeah, mscheckmate, again with the patience. Also, I think a problem is that we've gotten used to communicating over the phone, when we *have* to, so when it gets physical we kind of stop doing that. . .



mscheckmate's "whether or not the earth moves at first, making love will be a playful, intimate bonding time." amused me, because the response to my first orgasm was literally "oh, that's it?"

sprhrgrl.com

she's my everything

racism=sexism=homophobia

The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

[Mrs Vertigo]

Quote:

---

do you think the two of you might be feeling the effects of "Live for today, tomorrow we might get blowed up?"

---

Ah, GG, more like the effects of "hey, look at me, I'm drunk unto shitlessness! Yay!". There wasn't really a lot of thinking about tomorrow going around. As for the constant stain… not so much either. You get used to it. Seriously, it might sound completely inhuman, but you do. I don't "live in fear" or go all Carpe Diem about everything, and nobody I know really does. *shrugs* it's that banality of the horror. You come to expect news about a neighbor's son that got shot in the army, or someone you used to go to kindergarten with who got blown up in a terrorist attack. You don't feel it anymore. If you would, you'd lose your mind, simple as that.



And there was no coercing involved whatsoever. *shudders* if I ever do that, I'd shoot myself. What was is a ton of alcohol-induced stupidity. Ugh, I haven't seen her yet, probably will tomorrow. But I don't think anything along the lines of a card, because that would look like coming on to her again. I think I'm going to find out as gently as I can if she's freaked about it, and if she is, apologize and get the hell away from her.



Thank you GG, wa star…



*broods away mumbling: When I get drunk, stupidity ensues*

My 2 cents: keep a dream-diary. Your brain is best uncensored.

[Gatito Grande]

Seriously folks, as you know, I'm about the standard lesbian "long walks on the beach and quiet cuddling"-type stuff in a relationship. Stranger things have happened, however . . . I hope!



Anyway, I've just finished my assignment to go through the Kittens Singles Posting Thread from front to back (and vice-versa), and did you know I managed to come up w/ 48 names for the "Not Utterly and Completely Impossible" List???



Woo, and might I add, Hoo!



Your Super-Shy thread host is suddenly feeling the faintest twinge of hope (w/ accompanying Spring Fever).



Wouldn't it be great if I had an *actual* sex ethics question---from an *actual relationship* for a potential sex ethics question---to put before the collective wisdom here? (From my POV, the answer is a Big Yes!)



GG Now, whether I've got the 'nads to actually *contact* any of these Single Kittens is an entirely different question. Stay tuned . . . Out



***Needless to say, if you're single and haven't checked out the Singles Posting Thread, Please Do: you just might find your someone (someones, for you "poly" types) special.



Just click here:

pub106.ezboard.com/ftheki...=800.topic

[wa star]

Something big happened yesterday in my bible thumping clan--- my niece V. got kicked out of school for kissing..... another girl! Holy crap! I can't tell you how up in arms this has everybody. I've gotten a dozen telephone calls and even more e-mails about this.... Next to Jesus coming back, I can't think of a bigger bomb.





I talked to V. on the phone and she's doing O.K, really. She hated Christian school, so getting the boot is no skin of her butt. She claims she isn't going back to school, will not say that the kiss was a mistake, has even told Dad (my brother) she's the *L* word and says Treva (the cutie she was smooching) is her girl.





I've had a good idea that something like this would happen for a couple of years now-- All Valley ever talked about is how she didn't like boys and how wonderful the school libarian was (she's educated, smart, kind, and quite the dish-- Valley does have great taste)



So our 2 smoochie JDs worked in Libary after school for the last year, and they both have perfect grades, belong to lots of school clubs, and are finishing up their Sophmore year when this the crap hit the fan.



So now on to what to do about this.....



Kids in my family aren't suppost to date or have girl friends/boy friends until age 16 --- Valley is still 3 months away from the magic age, so she broke a family rule.



Another rule she broke was hiding a relationship from the family -- mom and dad always meet anyone you date-- first!



Now understand that I'm really not a big fan of all these family rules-- but my brother is and he raises his kids that way. And I try never to oppose him on this. But I can't tell you joy I feel about having a a baby lesbian niece. Out of 30 second cousins and 12 nieces and nephews-- one of them had to be queer!



So now come the hard part... the ethics question. Should Valley be punished for what she has done?



I'm asking my brother to accept Valley's sexual preferances without question-- let her be gay if she wants--- BUT, Valley is still in trouble for breaking family dating rules and gets punished like everybody else. That means she is grounded for 3 months and host of other punishments...



But she does get her big family sweet 16 B-day party and Treva gets to be her date (Treva's family is cool with this) And as long as the two little lovebirds fallow the rules, they get to be girlfriends!



Some members of the family want Valley shipped off to Christian millitary school for *re-programming*. *Sigh* That didn't work with me.



Valley thinks she shouldn't be punished at all and she should just come live with me and screw the rest of the family and their damn rules. But I'm not going to let her do that....yet. I'm fearful of crossing my brother and I'd like to find some middle ground were Valley gets to date girls without totally nuking her ties to the rest of the family.



But if things get bad-- I'm going to drive all night to rescue her and let her live here. That's just not the first option.



So kittens-- what kind of dating rules should a 15 yr old baby lesbian have? I'm going to draw up a contract between Valley and the rest of the family...

[urnofosiris]

I must day I would have liked to have a close family member who isn't straight, but there you go, I am just going to have to accept their heterosexual phase.

You say your niece will get her sweet 16 and her girlfriend can be her date? So your brother is ok with it so to speak? That would be great and getting grounded for 3 months seems far less hurtful than being condemned by a parent for being gay. As for whether or not she should be punished, well, I don't think anyone can answer that, she is your brother's daughter. As long as he treats her like he would have treated her if she had been caught kissing a boy it seems fair. I don't think it is -eh- appropriate to tell someone else how to raise their child, unless they are clearly neglecting or abusing a child, or if they disown them for being lgbt, then I'd stick my nose in. According to what you just said, if your brother would listen to some advice he might get, she'd be on her way to get 'cured' of her homosexuality. Fortunately she has at least one supportive uncle, support will be important, especially if there are people, family, friends, who will judge her and condemn her.

-------------------------


Coffee, Food, Kisses and Gay Love........Get it while you are hot

[daiailun]

GG,



Hey thanks for this thread! Like you, I’m an introvert (I *so* resonated with your description of finding it draining to be around people) but get me in the bedroom and I am totally uninhibited. I never really could figure out why I shed my shyness once unclothed, because I don’t innately feel sexy or particularly love my body (working on that one for years!) But I love—even thrive on—the emotional intimacy that sex/making love brings. I love losing control to feelings, both physical and emotional. Sex almost always has been when I’ve been in some kind of ‘committed’ relationship where some type of an emotional bond was already present. My only one-night stand was, ironically, the only time I ever had sex with a man. He was a kind soul, and probably a good lover. I say probably because all the while we were in bed, my mind was screaming: I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be doing this. I just couldn’t enjoy the experience because I was unable to connect with him and the experience left me empty. There just was no peg on which I could hang my emotional coat. Was this because I had no attachment to him or because he was a man? Or because I kept thinking about what I was doing as ethically not right: that is taking natural affections (lesbian for me) and turning them into something unnatural (heterosexual). You no doubt recognise this Roman’s passage.



Theologian John McNeil said one’s partner should be loved as a unique individual, ‘an irreplaceable thou’. I realise that in the past, when I really cared about the uniqueness of my sexual partners, the physical and spiritual intimacy I got from those ‘irreplaceable thous’ resulted in communication, communion, and some very wonderful and playful sex. Does recognizing someone as a unique individual come only after time? I first slept with my T six days after meeting her. We’re together still, 15 years later. I felt very profoundly that God was in the room that first night and that our love making was a gift from God, blessed.



Like many couples we’ve had ups and downs. Still, we talk, we negotiate, and we plan (currently it’s Saturday afternoons, followed by crumpets in bed at teatime. Really.) And what about the idea of soulmates as being the partnership ultimate? I asked my T. the other week if she felt we were soulmates and we both agreed we weren’t. But we love each other deeply and dearly and fiercely and with passion and trust.



Still, the fantasy of casual hot, wet and messy sex, for sex sake almost makes my knees go weak. But it won’t happen, the casual part. Like my time with that guy back in the 1980s, for me the thought is a hell of a lot more hot than reality.



Thanks for starting this thread. It seems cathartic for other Kittens (well, me!); I just hope it’s what you hoped it would be.

Edited by: daiailun at: 12/2/03 12:41 pm

[Gatito Grande]

Welcome to the Sex Ethics thread, daiailun!



I'll have more to say to ya later, but for now:

Quote:

---

My only one-night stand was, ironically, the only time I ever had sex with a man . . . There just was no peg on which I could hang my emotional coat.

---

As it were!!!



GG Oooh, do you have to refer to your partner as "T"? If you read any of my rantings above (or elsewhere on the Kitten), you know that there is a strong negative association there! Out



ETA: Howdy, DrG. Great to have someone else here who knows that xx (chromosomes) and "woman" are separate deals.

Edited by: Gatito Grande at: 5/23/03 2:37:46 pm

[urnofosiris]

Thanks Gatito, though that is another topic altogether. We do have a thread for it btw, it's been lying dormant for a while now. It's linked in our pretty thread list in the question thread.

-------------------------


Coffee, Food, Kisses and Gay Love........Get it while you are hot

[themagicpixie]

I'm 23 and have only ever slept with one person - my current girlfriend. Fortunately for me, she found it both cute & sexy that I had never slept with anyone else before meeting her!



I didn't bother sleeping with anyone before her because I genuinely didn't meet anyone I wanted to sleep with. There were a couple of minor boyfriends, but to be honest, I didn't really want to have sex with them, so I didn't. I thought I was pretty much gay, but I was beginning to wonder if I was overestimating the emotion and sentiments required in order to sleep with someone. It wasn't that I wanted to be desperately in love, as such, I just thought: I will know when I meet the person, it will feel different. But then I was beginning to think that was a bit naive and childish, to not even expect love, but simply sparks or excitement etc.



Well, then I met my gf! HURRAH! And I think I knew pretty much straight away that I would go to bed with her before long...



Sometimes I think: oh God, I should have slept with the entire world before meeting her, that would make me so much more "cool"! But that wasn't the kind of person I was and just wasn't the way I thought or behaved. Sometimes I worry I should sleep with a man (my gf has, and it seems to have been important to her) but I am too much in love now to do anything like that for the moment...



So perhaps it was that I needed to be in love to have sex, at least for the first time, though that wasn't the way I saw it before...

[Gatito Grande]

Howdy, tmp, and welcome to the Sex Ethics Thread!



You're 23 and have only slept w/ one person? If you've read my story here, you know I have that same distinction at 41! (at least you're *with* that one person ) Quality, not quantity, eh? (In your case anyway!)



About sleeping w/ a man---- Y'know, I had that same consideration before I got married, only the other way around: "Shouldn't I sleep w/ a woman first?" Ultimately, I decided that it didn't matter if I was writing off the female half of the planet---as I was writing off all but one of the male half too! However, as 1) I actively identified as bi, and 2) the marriage ultimately didn't work, it's pretty difficult to compare our circumstances.



Unless you're polyamorous though, the former analogy still holds: it's not about choosing one gender over the other, it's about choosing *one person out of both of 'em.* If you feel comfortable choosing your gf out of all women, then there's no reason to think that you're missing something "extra" (a few organic inches? Puh-leez!) by choosing her, apart from the male half as well. (YMMV, of course).



GG Love *and* Sex: can anyone really doubt that that is the *best* (if not the only) way to go? Out

[3peanuts]

I felt I needed to add my experience, so here it is:



I grow up in this small-small town. Nobody was apparently lesbian out there around me. I was three when I first noticed I felt something strange and *warm* inside my stomach whenever I saw a woman I liked.



*confusion*



I grew up falling in love with women...and still no lesbians around me.



I changed city (to Rome!) for University: and *ohmigod* there were plenty of lesbians out there

but beeing so damn used to the fact I was the only one on earth liking women, apart from guys of course, I fell in love with a girl attending same classes.



I was so in love with her, and she was sooo screwed up about her sexuality: obviously we finished in my bed (thanks roomates weren't there). And she made me heart a mess. Then left, taking it with her, still pounding...



She hadn't finish her work about my virginity: I solved the problem during a home-made, self-conjured wicca ritual.

It felt good, I felt free and joined Mother Earth's power: yes powerful, that's the word I would use.



Then I fell in love again and again, and I felt something like:

with L. ; with C. ; with M.



So I realized I did not like sex without love: it's just me, it takes too much emotional stuff to feel at ease with sex to be *unleashed*



The I met her (thanks internet). We had this huge over-emotional relationship, without even seeing each other. And desire grew up strong.

We met one day: we kissed, and we knew we were in love (well we knew that from a long time, but *realizing* it is explosive), we literally jumped one over each other. And interrupted our lovemaking four days later, dehydrated but happy



I still love her, and we have this great chemistry. I wouldn't change it for sex without love. I don't want to say it is *better* to do sex between to people in love, it is *different*, and I still really like it more than any other affair I've had. No moral issue, it's all about the gift you want to give: and it feels strong and sweet and tender and, yeah why not?, so damn hot, to give all of you, withou reservations.



As Billie Holiday used to sing: "You took the best, so why not take the rest? Baby: take all of me!"



What I feel.



Hugs, and a kiss to Gatito (I owe you a signature!)

Edited by: 3peanuts at: 6/3/03 12:22 pm

[themagicpixie]

Thanks for the welcome to the thread GG! You'e right about this:

Quote:

---

it's not about choosing one gender over the other, it's about choosing *one person out of both of 'em.*

---

That's true. That's basically what I did!

[JJtheCool]

GG, I don't know why I'm writing this other than a need to get my verbal ya-ya's out. I'm not sure if I should be giving an older person advice, either. AAR, here's my story.



Like you I had my first time w/ my first and only love at 29 (eventually we got married). Except that I'm a guy, my love was a gal, and neither of us entered the seminary. Like you, my love left me recently, but while we had sex issues, it wasn't the reason for the split (more like we had little in common).



There were often times I never really felt that spark with my wife, the kind couples on the movie screen (or Willow and Tara) had for each other. I'd like to think there's some woman somewhere for me who can give me that spark and that it's only a matter of time before I'll find her. I think holding out for that woman ultimately would be best for me in the long run, even though I think about sex literally every day, because, again, I'm a guy, and I never entered the seminary.



So, that's all I have to say.

JJtheCool

---

*Sigh*

[Gatito Grande]

Howdy, 3peanuts and JJtheCool!! Lemme fix you a nice stiff (or not, whatever) something, and welcome to the Swingin' Sex Ethics Thread!



Oh, to be young, in love and in freakin' Rome, 3p! I'm sure I'm not the only Kitten jealous of your not only getting l'amore, but in such a Rome-antic place---Arrivederci, Baby! Regale all us Kittens in the middle o' nowhere w/ tales of loaves of bread, jugs of wine (among other things? ) and your fabulous Thou!



Back atcha, JJ! But lemme "straighten" you out about something, though, when you said

Quote:

---

even though I think about sex literally every day, because, again, I'm a guy, and I never entered the seminary

---

Um, despite (?) my Double X chromosomes, I think about sex *many times a day*. And if the walls in the Union Seminary dorms could talk . . . at one point, just between two floors of dorms, I counted *7* couples sneaking up and down the stairs (well, not really "sneaking" but it sounds sexier that way ). M/m, f/f, and m/f: we had 'em all!



In other words: neither gender nor education have prevented GG Your Host from being One Royal PERV! (Quite the contrary )



GG A War Story: during Gulf War One, Union sent a busload of protesters (including myself) to a big March on Washington DC, where we marched w/ a contingent of other seminary/divinity students. A group from Yale had a sign that said "Make agape not war." To our little group of horn-dogs from Union, dedicated to all things eros, we found that sign to be pathetically funny! Out

[3peanuts]

Yeah...rain, monuments, and this huge rainbow umbrella of hers (to kiss under)...how romantic...

"Cunning linguist" GG

Keynes was right

[Sneaky Kitty]

I thought as a younger member I'd throw in my little experience story:



I'm 19 years old, and have only slept with one person, my current girlfriend. And in my mind shes the only one I ever want to be with. That may sound all 'dreaming' for a 19 year old but i know in my heart thats what I want.



I grew up in a small town, pretty much a goody two shoes who never ever got in trouble or did anything wrong. That is my downfall, my parents' need for me to be 'perfect' like that caused them to go hard on me on everything, including my mom shunning me and bitching me out when I came out this past year. But Honestly, my morals and ethics came from my self and my experiences, I was intelligent enough even when young to know right from wrong, and what i want, without my parents having to tell me, hence why I never got into trouble.



I decided I wouldn't have sex until I truely felt in love and was in a strong monogomous relationship. I felt like the only virgin alive when I was in hs and entered college. My girlfriend is older than me, shes almsot 22 and has had sex since she was 14. This intimidated me a little thinking I wouldn't be 'good enough' because I was a virgin and all that jazz. But luckily for me she moved at what we called' nikki speed' so I didn't get 'scared off' or whatever. But in reality so that we could really feel eachother without having sex define our relationship.



The cool thing about her being older is that she already experienced the 'dating scene' and wants to get out of it, be with just one girl forever, and thats how i feel because im not one fr the 'dating scene' and never have been. I'm happy that I waited enough to loose my virginity to her because truely being in love made it magical. And its funny I think about the future and i think about how many people can honestly say theyve only had sex with one person. I want to be able to say that.



-nik

When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness - and call it love - true love

--Robert Fulghum

[Imperfectly Me]

Well, I read all of y'alls expierences and figured why not toss mine out there also. I'm a 21 year old lesbian. I've been with 12 people in 10 years if you count the asshole that raped me, 11 in 8 if you don't. From ages 13 to 18 it was me having sex because I could control what I did with my body. (An after effect of being raped when I was 11.) Five guys, a girl and a threesome, I felt like I had to make my way around the block to take back what was mine. Then at 18 I met my ex girlfriend, whom I fell completely head over heels with and vice versa. She was 20 at the time and the night she gave me her virginity I figured out what making love was. We had a relationship that was pretty close to Willow and Tara's, as cheesy as it is to compare. Hehe, simultanious orgasms and all

Then she left me..and since then It turned into a slowed down version of before. Except this time its been me making my way through five girls trying to find the fufillment I felt when with J. I guess what I'm trying to say with my long drawn out overshare is that in my humble opinion, sex without love just leaves you more empty than you were before and in my case, with a lot of regrets. And I really don't even remember what my point was to begin with. Heh..well. That's my story anyhow.



Aimee

Who were you then? And who are you now? That you think you can figure it all out, the mathematics of regret. It takes two beers to remember now, and five more to forget. That I love you so..what. Yeah I love you so..what.

Edited by: Imperfectly Me at: 6/8/03 4:15 pm

[Gatito Grande]

Greetings, Sneaky Kitty and Imperfectly Me! Let me welcome you as thread host to our lil' Sex Ethics Shindig (or is that a hootenanny?).



SK, I think it's great that your found your grrl, whatever your age. Whether she turns out to be your One and Only or not, just enjoy everyday in love that you can---that's what it's all about!



IM, I can't imagine the difficulties you have endured. It's great that you seem to have come through in such good shape. Your honesty in relating your past will serve you well in your future relationship(s), I'm sure of it. FWIW, I don't think that the crime that was done to you is part of your sexual history, but the healthy way you seem to be dealing w/ it, w/ your past gf, and in the future, can only make you a better person and more sensitive lover. Go you!



GG "June is bustin' out all over . . . all the [ewe] sheep and the ewe sheep are determined to [get it on] . . . and the ewe sheep aren't even keepin' score: just because it's June!" Out

[Sneaky Kitty]

hi...thanks for the welcome. I'm having extreme issues at the moment because I am so used to getting to talk to my girl ever night (we've actually talked in some way every day atleast once since we met!) and I can't talk to her tonight and its sad. Shes up at teh buffy convention with her mom (her moms a huge fan) and they switched hotels tonight so i cant get a hold of tehm because my cell phone lost its reception when i was on the phone with them last night ugh. Plus she goes back to camp tomorrow, where we 'arent dating' (im working there this summer too, i have to be there on saturday and since shes my boss this summer we arent allowed to be dating or have anyone know that we are or whatever so i cant be around her that much which saddens me) anyways im venting sorry, cant help it..I get spastic when i go through lena-withdrawl....



-nik

When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness - and call it love - true love

--Robert Fulghum

[3peanuts]

And 3p jumps outta her very personal closet and says: I've been raped (or "just" tortured?, can't remember) when I was three/four, then again when I was about five. Then had a number of various types of annoyances.



I grew up confused, zero confident, wild and shy and I still stutter and babble a little when I'm under pressure.

I still ask myself whether or not this influenced my sexual life. And thinking about this makes me all upset: when I feel fragile I ask myself if my lesbianism was caused by my...er...relationship with men.

I wondered, I studied phychology.

I've reached a conclusion: I don't give a damn.

I'm happy with my girlie, this is the only thing that matters: all the rest is just crap, something you have to deal with, you have to haul for the rest of your life, but crap.



Plus: I think in a couple of years I will be able to understand why they did that to me, their social problems, their unhappy life then, the shitty feelings they feel now if they still got a conscience.

At the moment? I feel like, uhm, Willow in "Villains". Sometimes I wonder if I'd feel better if I chopped them with my naked hands... not wise, but that's me.

"Cunning linguist" GG

Keynes was right

[Gatito Grande]

Stepping in, not to moderate so much as steer . . .



The violence (sexual or otherwise) that some of us have suffered from is *vitally* important issue (getting help, prosecuting the assholes, etc.), but not directly the subject of this thread. However, the after effects of traumatic incidences in our lives can directly impact our relationships, inc. "in the bedroom." How do we deal w/ that? How do we sort out our feelings of love (and/or lust) for our partner(s), w/ these deep-seated feelings?



For example, though I may occasionally joke about "spanking" cuz it's kind of trendy, In Real Life, GG wants no part of it (suffered quite enough in my childhood, thank you ). To this point, w/ my extensive sexual history of *1* partner , the issue has'nt come up. But if the practice was requested by Someone New---whom I was Hot for! ---how would I feel about it? How would I negotiate it? And when? ("Hey Baby---my parents spanked me and a I cried like a, um, baby": might not be the greatest pick-up line ).



It doesn't have to be a childhood thing: maybe something . . . unsettling happened in a previous relationship. How do you keep those ghosts from imposing themselves in a new relationship? (Heh: the memory of Buffy and Angel is coming to mind!)



OK, "Sexethicists," have at it: the Unpleasant Past and Our Current/Future relationships---how to deal?



GG Dedicated to the memory of a certain Kitten's kitten : I'm w/ you in spirit, chica. Out

[asianspice1]

hey GG,



this sex thread is fascinating! thanks for starting it... my lil story kinda fits i guess. i've been in a loving and supportive relationship for over two years now and for the first year and a half i had the most mind blowing sex of my life with my gf...orgasms galore - woohoo!



but...and there's always a but...we went travelling, for 9 months, around the world and the sex just ran out. maybe it's because we were together 24-7 and something had to give or maybe it is something more deep seated (no pun intended!)...any kittens had similar experiences? i love my gal with all my heart but what's this all about?



sorry if this doesn't help GG, but i thought it was an interesting perspective on the whole love+sex thing...



kisses,

pari

[3peanuts]

How to deal with past ghosts? It's the very thing I'm trying to figure out in my relationship at the moment. It all begun after we had a series of "strange" fights: I was deeply furious against her about nothing I could define. Now I know the reason. We begun working on "strange" fights and all past ghosts came in light.



I must admit they influence my sex life more than I can figure out, less than I fear. They don't stop me from being a sex-bomb , but they act on my self-esteem: I always feel I'm not perfect enough, I'm not good enough. It takes a lot of patience and I still feel kind of inhibited.



How do other kittens handle this? I'd really appreciate any advice.

"Cunning linguist" GG

Keynes was right

[sprhrgrl]

So if you'll recall, I posted stuff here before about wanting more or something I don't really remember and I'm too tired to go back and read that stuff. So we'll go up to date, instead.



Basically, my girl and I have come to a temporary resolution in our relationship. The backstory is here, the second entry on that page. . . It talks about how I'm a needy girl, how I need touch to survive. This is tricky when I'm a country or so away from my girl. . . When I was in Seattle, I had my various gay boys to cling to. Last year I was involved in a curious and generally bad news relationship with a girl called Tucker. I was the only one who liked her. . . But that's another tale.



So through this whole thing, the Tucker bit and whatnot, I was hurting my girl. She feels, quite understandably, that I'm using her if I'm gaining my mental/emotional support from her and the physical elsewhere. I can understand her point, but. . . She's in Cincinnati and I'm in San Diego.



We're working. She tried to get me to "take a break" for a month, which made me flip out. Instead we're exploring an open relationship, and going to evaluate how that works out. . .



The only thing now is that I need to meet girls. It's especially tricky because all of the dykes I know have met my Courtney and know how much I adore her, so yeah. . . It's just tricky, especially considering that I have but a month to do it.



Questions? Comments? Suggestions? All much appreciated. Thanks all for letting me write out my rant. (smile)

sprhrgrl.com

she's my everything

Sweetie, I'm a fag. I been there. - Tara

The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

[xita]

Quote:

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The only thing now is that I need to meet girls. It's especially tricky because all of the dykes I know have met my Courtney and know how much I adore her, so yeah. . . It's just tricky, especially considering that I have but a month to do it.

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I am a bit puzzled by this , could be I haven't read enough of your backstory, but why do you need to meet girls? And why do you only have a month to do it? If you only have a month somewhere my suggestion would be, take a month away from girls. I am all about being sex possitive but if you need to do something, then I think it has changed into something else entirely (addiction).



Also, I think you made the best choice. You are too young to be tied down to something long distance. If it is meant to be it will happen later, but I made that mistake and I wish I hadn't done that for many reasons.



And on to the sex topic, you know i mean to answer this earlier. I am not the type to have problems with physical intimacy with well virtual strangers. However, my problem is sort of the other way. I can't just let sort of indiscriminate activity just kind of go (and I mean making out, third base , or the whole enchilada). By that I mean that I feel close to that person and want more than just that casual encounter and of course sometimes that is all it ends up being. Anyway, the point is after having been close to someone, it is hard to just go and pretend they are nothing to you. I am sure people don't have to pretend but I find it hard myself.

- - - - - - - - - - -
"The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last."

-Willie Wonka

[sprhrgrl]

(smile) I need to meet girls because this is the "exploring an open relationship" month and without meeting girls this month becomes a same-as-it-was-before month. And chances are I wouldn't be sleeping with the girls. . . Just heavy petting, in the archaic sense.



The thing is, Courtney and I haven't broken up. That's the whole point of it all. . .



I'm. . . I kiss lots of people. That's where Tucker came in - she was my kissing buddy last year (heh, kissing buffy). The reason I still want in particular her as an outlet for that is that I have no romantic feelings for her, as we explored last year. I just like to kiss her.



I don't know, it still doesn't make much sense, does it?

sprhrgrl.com

she's my everything

Sweetie, I'm a fag. I been there. - Tara

The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

[xita]

Ok, that makes more sense. I still say, explore keep it quite open, especially because it is long distance, if she can't understand that then maybe it's not meant to happen. It's my advice because say you do end up with her long term, if you don't do this now, it will haunt you and become an issue later. That's my advice.

- - - - - - - - - - -
"The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last."

-Willie Wonka

[SquishyTrishy]

Let is be..i am sorry...

And no..I dont wanna play!

Edited by: SquishyTrishy at: 7/14/03 8:52 pm

[wa star]

Trishy



Relax-- I'm sure you'll feel like getting close to somebody again. It's healthy and normal to need a little space after a break-up. Be thankful you're not the kind of girl who gets over the break-up blues by having quickie love flings with people the're not really attacted to.



And about that song-- ouch! Your ex is a total bitch about that. Becuase of all the *no touchie crap*-- I'm betting the new couple isn't all that stable. Beware getting sucked into some horrid *dyke drama*



Good luck on your visit. I'm betting it isn't fun or even easy to get through. Please keep us informed about what happens.