Coming Out Stories

[amberisadamngoddess]

Thanks everyone for your advice.



I've thought about it and you guys are right - these people arent my friends. No one who really was would ever give me an ultimatum like that. I would stop hanging out with them in a second but there is another factor here:



If my girlfriend finds out about this ultimatum (she's in Cyprus at the mo) then i know she'll end it with me. Its not that she dosent wanna be with me its just that he is SO fragile - like really, really fraglie - and cant cope with people not liking her because these are her only friends. She's not like me who talks to other people on the phone and stuff and she wont be able to cope with them not being her friend.



What im saying is if i chose her over them (which i want to) she will end it with me soon after, and then i wont have a girlfriend or anyone to hang out with.



Plus she's having a hard time because everyone at her church is saying her being with me is against God, so i think she'll end it with me sometime anyway.



If they could just point out to me the exact quote in the bible (new testament - because they say all of the things like slavery and that is in the old testament) then i'd be all "ok then", but they dont.



This is driving me nuts.

[Mrs Vertigo]

Hon, maybe you should sit down and talk to your girl. Coz right now... sounds to me like you are awfully accepting of the fact that you have been and are about to be really, really fucked. Maybe there's still a chance, eh?



And y'know, it is ok for different people to have different views. Especially about the bible. So no, even if they could point at just that quote in the bible... it still doesn't necessarily mean that you or me or any other lesbian on this planet is a sinner.

---
Joss: “And what if I kill you?”
Tara: “Trust me; won’t help.”

[amberisadamngoddess]

I dont care about being a sinner tho - but my gf does. And i cant talk to her coz she's in Cyprus.



Oh my god i think im cracking up.



And yes i am accepting the fact that i am going to be completely fucked, coz there is no way to rectify the situation.



If only my girlfriend didnt care about God and other people's views - like me - then it'd all be fine.



She's too damn nice!

[roamin]

Wow. Both you and your girlfriend are in a very tough spot.

You need to trust yourself and your choices.



I don't know where you live, or what options are available, but if possible you and your girlfriend should try looking outside your school and church for friends.



Have you investigated whether or not there are any gay/lesbian groups in the area that you could join,Or a gay friendly church you might attend together? Or any other youth groups in your community or school that might be more accepting than your current group of friends.



Going it alone is tough and no fun, but having friends who question your worth and want to change you is bad for your self esteem. You and your girlfriend need to always remember that you are good people, and believe in yourselves.

[Mrs Vertigo]

Actually I don’t have much of a problem with sinning either. Religion is all kinds of ridicules to me. But I still think that even if a person’s a believer it doesn’t mean s/he can’t be a pluralist as well. Hence the ‘sinner’ reference, y’know - if any of us are God’s children then we all are.



Take it easy on yourself. She might come back from Cyprus all freshened up from vacation, burden-free and recharged, and not on the verge of dumping you. Ya never know.

---
Joss: “And what if I kill you?”
Tara: “Trust me; won’t help.”

Edited by: Mrs Vertigo at: 10/14/02 11:16:53 am

[kyraroc]

Incidentally, if it really matters, there is exactly one possible, rather vague reference to lesbianism in the entire Bible. (Jesus, by the way, is not reported as saying one word about homosexuality, either among men or women.) It is in the New Testament. In Romans 1:26, Paul talks about "women [who] exchanged natural relations for unnatural". Now, admittedly, since this is close by a much clearer reference to men having sex with men, it's probably not an unreasonable leap to assume he could very well have been talking about lesbians.



But, while Paul definitely has a negative point of view of the people he's talking about - a paragraph or so later, in Romans 1:32, he talks about "God's decree those who do such things deserve to die" - lumping all this together to create an implication that he was saying that god decreed lesbians should die blithely ignores the entire context and order of the chapter. Throughout, he is clearly referring generally to those who "exchanged the glory of the immortal god for images resembling mortal man or birds or animals or reptiles" (Romans 1:23) - in other words, idol worshippers. Internal references clearly lump the "women [who] exchanged natural relations for unnatural" in this group, making many modern commentators believe he was actually referring to temple prostitutes. And the "decree those who do such things deserve to die" follows a long condemnation of idol worshippers who are "full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malignity, . . . gossips, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless" (Romans 1:29-31), and seems to have little to do with the earlier (possible) references to homosexual behavior, which he earlier dismisses with the much milder statement the they already "[receive] in their own persons the due penalty for their error" (Romans 1:27) - which, as far as I can tell, could mean practically anything. Heck, maybe he meant that when television is invented, the lesbian characters will always die or turn evil.



So, this short, vague, unclear, probably poorly translated reference, which definitely only refers to idol worshippers, says they've already been punished, and may very well not even have been referring to lesbians among the idol worshippers but rather to temple prostitutes, is the sole basis for the Church's condemnation of lesbians.



Quite honestly, though, I don't see why anyone should care if he was shouting "lesbians must die!" from the rooftops - why anyone would listen to the words of a repressed bigoted zealot like Paul is utterly beyond me. Even what he actually said pisses me off - quite honestly, I don't have a problem with idol-worshippers, myself, and am perplexed as to why anyone would.



By the way, the most often-referenced Old Testament statement against male homosexuality - i.e., "thou shalt not lie with a man as with a women; it is an abomination" is apparently much more accurately translated as "thou shalt not have sex with a man in a woman's bed; it is ritually unclean." Kind of puts a whole different spin on it, doesn't it? Amazing how people will interpret religious texts to suit the tastes of their times while laying claim to ancient tradition . . . as when the Bible's condemnation of poisoners suddenly became "witches" in translation. Feh.



--- KR

Lost in Ecstacy

[LiangFeng]

Adding to say that the Bible really isn't THE Bible. It's just a load of crap that has been rewritten by the Church over hundreds of years so that it'll fit their teachings. I'm willing to bet that at least 90% of the original Bible has been "edited". Because once you think about it, the Bible really has a lot of passages that do not make sense. And no diss to the Christians, 'cause I'm a Christian too, ya know?

Unfortunately, all my Barbies are out working. --"Kiss of the Dragon"

[slayer747]

I am not really that wigged about the concept of sin in relation to the Catholic religion. For simple reasons, the Bible don't really have any direct passages against homosexuality (esp. lesbianism) and even the Catholic church's marriage vows ("till death do us part...") was extracted from the conversation of Ruth and Naomi in the Book of Ruth Chapter 1, verses 16-17. Okay, granted that what I am doing is a sin, at least I could say that it is a pure sin, not one out of ignorance like those that we unconsciously commit when we are too preoccupied. Also, I hope you guys have read the Gospel of Thomas, the one that was discussed in the film "Stigmata"... it has this last passage:



114. Simon Peter said to them, "Make Mary leave us, for females don't deserve life."



Jesus said, "Look, I will guide her to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven."



Now, after reading that, there's just one more thing for me to say, "WOO HOO!"



-Tiffany

------------
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[Mrs Vertigo]

Quote:

---

"For every female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven."

---

Yeah, ok, what? That’s a completely senseless doctrine for a rigid, patriarchal, woman-oppressing society with the strictest definitions of sexual identity and roles. Is it too much to ask that they at least be consistent?



And by the way "thou shalt not lie with a man as with a women; it is an abomination” - This statement appears in the same bible as one of the most revered, loved and cherished homosexual characters of all times – David, the King of Israel. David was always known to be a righteous man and one of God’s biggest favorites. Although he had later also been with a woman (Bat She’va), his beloved partner of many years was King Saul’s son, Jonathan. It’s the most obvious subtext in the whole world. Even religious interpreters agree that the love Jonathan and David shared was intense and ‘unique’. When Jonathan died it was David that mourned him in that famous poem, ‘David’s Lament’ I think it’s called. This poem is considered to be a beautiful piece of work and they teach it in Israeli grade schools.



When David did mess up his relationship it was with actually with a woman. He fell in love with a married gal and, being the king and all, shipped her husband to die in a war so he could have her. Though, I don’t remember if he was ever condemned or punished for that.



So, there y’go. The bible might forbid men from being on the receiving end of a vaginal penetration, but it doesn’t mind singing the much-detailed praise of two men in love. As for lesbians, it’s a well known fact that women have no sexuality and therefore there’s no real danger they’ll stray into each other’s fields. *sigh*



Edited to add: Hey, just noticed something! When a lesbian dies her partner erupts in a destructive madness fit that ruins the rest of her and the surroundings' lives. When a gay man dies, beautiful poetry ensues.

---
On Buffy, Season 7: “Bored now…”

Edited by: Mrs Vertigo at: 10/15/02 4:26:44 am

[27Shadow]

Shadow enters the room. She wanders over to the bar and orders a drink .. cranberry juice, with 2 limes and a dash of lemonade ...

This post seems a little late now for Puff, but I thought I'd share neverthless ...



I was raised in a good Irish, Catholic family ... needless to say discovering my alternative approach to life was something of a shock, not too mention the fact that it was something I was determined to hide. So much so I escaped overseas for many years. It was during the time I lived in Canada that I finally admitted to some close friends that I was gay. The hilarious, but also sad factor, was that I had finally met a guy whom I really liked .. you know, everything but that penis. If only he had been a girl ... sorry I regress a little. Well the standard response from all those that I had told was that they already knew. The biggest shock came from my pseudo-girlfriend. Regardless of our 18 month on/off relationship, she was quite shocked to learn about my gayness.



When I finally returned home I got down to the sticky business of telling close high school friends ... once again the standard response was that they already knew. The only other response was to confirm I was not pulling their leg. Picture me blabbering loudly and incoherently ... "No, I really am gay!!!!" This was in a resturant with several close friends .. needless to say that after this statement you could have heard a pin drop!!!



After sometime I got up the nerve to tell one of my sister's. This was so hard considering my religious upbringing. My sister's response .... "Oh I suspected from when you were 15, but I knew when you were 18!!" All those years of worry ... for nothing!! Everyone else was pretty much the same. My parent's were funny .. my dad's response (whom I told first as I was under the impression he knew) was that he didn't understand it, but he didn't really have too. He then gave me a big hug and told me he loved me! My mum was all about hell and sinning .. please don't ask me to quote her .. well except for this one ... she stated that I was sinning against God .. to which I replied that my God wasn't her's ... there was a noticeable silence to this one! After which she grilled me about previous relationships, safe sex and all those things you pray you NEVER have to speak to your mother about. I really did prefer her earlier sex conversation .. "If it's not on, it NOT ON!!!" LOL



A couple of weeks later my mum admitted that she had suspected for a while, but that she was in denial .. she also stated that she loved me and supported me ... then she told me that she'd told my favourite aunt and my grandmother .. oh how motified I was to know that!! LOL



Thanks for letting me share ...

Shadow finishes her drink and wanders off again ....

[slayer747]

Quote:

---

Yeah, ok, what? That’s a completely senseless doctrine for a rigid, patriarchal, woman-oppressing society with the strictest definitions of sexual identity and roles. Is it too much to ask that they at least be consistent?

---

that is why that passage cannot be found in the printed version of the Bible (esp. the King James version). That passage was included in the Gospel of Thomas and discussed in the movie, Stigmata. The copy of the whole text (the Gospel) can be easily found in the internet.

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[mscheckmate]

amberisadamngoddess, there's a book by Episcopal bishop John Shelby Spong called, "Living in Sin? A Bishop Rethinks Human Sexuality."



It's a healing, compassionate book that is completely supportive of gay and lesbian sexuality. It includes the following quote:



"If the Bible has nothing more than the letter of literalism to offer to our understanding of human sexuality today, then I must say that I stand ready to reject the Bible in favor of something that is more human, more humane, more life giving, and dare I say, more godlike. I do believe, however, that there is a spirit beneath the letter that brings the Bible forward in time with integrity. Without it the Bible will not be a source of life or a guide in the area of sexual ethics."



Spong also wrote "Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism," which I highly recommend. Anyway, I tend to be a liberal type of Christian who does not generally take the Bible literally. How can you, after centuries of mistranslations and the clear cultural biases of some of its writers and translators?



But I believe that, more important than the written word, there is a God, or Supreme Being, that is there to guide and comfort you and your gf as you deal with this situation.



One of the things that I came to feel after earlier struggles with reconciling my religion with my sexual orientation is that being gay is a gift from God. I can't really explain why I feel that way, but take it for what it's worth.



And please let us know how you're doing. Even though we're all spread out in cyberspace, we are kind of a family here, and always available to listen and be supportive.

Xander: "Tara, nice axing." Tara: "My first."

Edited by: mscheckmate at: 10/16/02 1:27:44 am

[fredric modlic]

hmmm where to start

oh yes first i would like to thank everybody who has put their story up here. As a person who has not come out yet, i just wanted to say how much reading other peoples experiences has meant, it is extremely inspiring to say the very least. you are all incredribly strong. my heart goes out to you all, those with good experiences & those with bad. i am in awe of all you

so yeh, thankyou all so much.



yeh.....hmm well i guess the reason i haven't come out is fear really(what else would it be?). i mean my family is religious but not fanatical, so they 'know' it's wrong & all, according to the bible. i always remember being the way i am, i've never really had a crush on a single guy in my entire life & i remember little bits & pieces of my childhood very poignant to my sexuallity. i never really fitted in, anywhere, ever. my mum was (& still is my best friend) but i remember her saying some derogatory stuff on occassion. like i was like 10 or something & the gay & lesbian mardi gras was on (we live in aus) & i remember her telling me about the morality of it. that it just wasn't right in God's eyes, & that aids was kind of like a punishment for them (not the best thing to hear at age 10) so yeh, my dad well he doesn't say much to me at the best of times, it's not like we have a bad relationship or anything but like he's the silent type (kind of like me) he doesn't talk about much (let alone emotional stuff). anyway i'm religious myself, & sometimes i feel very alienated from everything even God, when i feel 'wrong', ya know? & i know that's very stupid, because i am who i am & i can't change that. but sometimes i feel hopeless, when i say i've never really fitted, i mean i've never really fitted. my friends, yeh they're my friends, but not the kind of people i'd tell coz i dun know, maybe i just don't let them in enuff. so yeh my best friend i ever has moved away & that inevitable thing happened where you drift apart & as much as i still love her (like my mate, in the aussie sense of the word) i feel like i don't know her as well as i used to & i can't tell her anymore. & had she stayed here, she'd know by now. i know that, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.



anyway, me i'm very tomboyish & as a result people must be onto me (hehe, sounds like i'm a crim on the run, how sad). i know mum's asked me a couple of times if i was gay & i've flat out denied it & i don't really know why. just the other day she said & i quote "as long as you don't become a lesbo". well yeh, she's my best friend, but lately i find myself pulling away from her because i feel i'm letting her down (i'm an only child, i feel obligated to certain stuff, coz i'm their only chance) & i don't want to hurt her that much. actually i'm sorta also put off the idea of coming out by her friends as well, one in particular who goes out of his way to make nasty comments about my style of clothing & just in general make me want to kick him (but i never would). but really what kind of neanderthal cannot get over a girl who does not like to wear incredibly feminine clothes ( i thought feminism happened & everybody got over it)

so yeh, what do you guys think? i mean i know how my parents feel (particularly after mum saw a couple of girls kiss on TV & in that very instant she kinda hissed, "ahh yuk", & dad well he's made some not so nice comments in the past that, but none that i can remeber off hand) but i sometimes feel i'm doing them some kind of unjustness (is that a word?) i feel like i'm supposed to grow up & be 'right' coz they've never really done anything to me, i've always felt loved (aside from the whole 'hiding the real me from them' thing) & if i told them i get the feeling they'd say something like, "but we never did anything wrong", & the truth is they haven't. & in some weird wacky way i feel like i'm obligated to give them a grandchild (which is something i'm very against doing, coz i won't unless i'm in a secure position with a partner & hey lets face it the chances of them being a male is slim to none)

so do you guys think i put too little faith in others, i think maybe they would get it better i am willing to admit, maybe they'd be understanding. i love my parents, they are the people that meant the most to me in my life at the moment (not the typical teenager i know), but i feel sometimes i don't even belong here soooooo... i don't know.

well thanks for taking the time to read this, tis prolly long, but i really needed to get that out & off my chest. ( this is really my first semi-official coming out, yay for me- it's a step, i am only still in high-school) but cheers to you all



& once again thank you all for being brave enuff to be yourselves, i hope to get there one day myself. you all inspire me beyond belief, i feel stronger just by reading everybody's story. cheers

I said to myself, "Self..."

[friskylez]

Amberisadamngoddess, ive learned in my 48 yrs of existence that no matter what we do, we cant live our lives for other people..No one is going to please all the people all the time..



We cant make people be who we want them to be nor can we change people if they dont want to change..All you can do is tell em ya love em, be who you are and hope for the best..



AA has a saying and if i remember correctly it goes like this, "God grant me the serentity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference"...



Its all about the wisdom..Live, love and learn..Thats my two cents worth..

"Live everday as if it were your last cause one of these days, it will be"

[Cipher]

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Mrs Vertigo

When David did mess up his relationship it was with actually with a woman. He fell in love with a married gal and, being the king and all, shipped her husband to die in a war so he could have her. Though, I don’t remember if he was ever condemned or punished for that.

---

Didn't he lose his first-born son because of this, or was that something else? It's been a loooong time since I last thought about that story, so I could be confused.

[slayer747]

hey guys, i just want you to have an update.



some of you already know the fact that my life kind of sucks. but last Monday, after 19 months, i went to my Dad. and for the first time, i got his side of the story. for years my Mom and my relatives have been telling stories about how bad my father is and all along my father kept his silence. when i talked to him he told me that he waited until i was 18 before he tell me his side. and for two hours, he has given me something that i have never gotten from my family. he looked at me like i was perfect and he is so supportive. he trusts my judgment and told me that it is not everyday that a he talks to an 18 year old and make sense. for the first time in my life, i felt like i found a piece of me that i was looking for for a very very long time. and that goes without saying that we patched things up and i cannot wait until sunday until we meet again.



now here's the issue, my dad is sort of a minister. he goes around the country to give talks. he is very active in the catholic community here in the philippines and i know his views about homosexuality. well, he assured me that my life is mine to lead, and he could only give me advice. and whatever decision i make he will not interfere, but he'll always be there to support me. no one in my life, as in no one has ever told me that. he also said that he will not impose his beliefs on me, which is good. the problem is i don't want to disappoint him. but i know that i won't be swayed as well. it's going to be either he accepts me or he loses me again. and i don't want to lose him myself. i don't want to let go of him anymore. we have been lost to each other for 18 years and now that we have rekindled our relationship i cannot stop thinking about him and i am so thankful to God that He gave us another chance. but i know that if he finds out that i am gay he will be hurt.



i don't really know what my intentions are upon posting this, only that i guess i am scared and i need to tell someone. my Dad is great. and and i know that as a person, my completeness has been found when i accepted my homosexuality and now, he compliments my completeness. and i am so happy. i have never been happier all my life. and i am afraid of what my lesbianism could do to our relationship. i don't ever want to lose him, not again...

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[kukalaka]

Hey there,



I'm glad you got to talk to your Dad and that you get along so well.



Somehow, he really doesn't sound like the kind of person that would let come something like that between you. Especially after he waited so long to tell you everything. He must be really relieved to have you in his life now and I don't think he'd risk that.



You know, the old saying "You don't really know how much someone or something means to you until you don't have them/it anymore" (or something like that). Well, he does know what it's like without you, and probably wouldn't want to experience it again.



I'd probably tell him when there's someone for him to meet. I don't think he could see you happy and feel bad about that.



But then, I don't know him, I really can't tell you what to do. So don't sue me



And I know I wanted to do the same thing with my mom and couldn't stand to wait that long.



Anyway, he'd be crazy to risk losing that great daughter he has.



Lots of hugs,

Angie

---

Wenn Du denkst, Du denkst, dann denkst Du nur, Du denkst, denn beim Denken der Gedanken kommst Du nur auf den Gedanken, daß das Denken der Gedanken ein gedankenloses Denken ist.

[Crfth]

I'm really glad I found this topic and spent the last two hours sifting through it. Right now I feel that I need to talk to a bunch of people who understand these things. It might be kinda long, but it would be refreshing for me to unload.



It's been kind of difficult coming to terms with my feelings for girls, especially here, in this country, where homophobia is rampant on a national level and the Prime Minister said "to promote homosexuality would be to promote abnormality". My mother and family have had conversations over the dinner table about some children of their friends who are gay and they shake their heads and say the parents were "right to disown them" and luckily they have such a "normal family". In fact, once I suggested jokingly to my mother a hypothetical situation in which I was gay to gauge her reaction and she told me in no uncertain terms that "she would die if I ever became one of THOSE people".



So I lived in utter terror of my feelings for about two years, before I finally told a few of my closest friends about it. It was and still is pretty much a non-issue with all of them, although all of them insist that it is impossible to lose your virginity or even have sex "properly" if you're a lesbian because girls don't have penises! despite all my efforts to convince them otherwise.



Recently, I was tricked through a stupid e-mail by a friend into revealing my crush's name. No details on the stupid e-mail cause it makes me feel extremely dumb. No one else fell for it. She came up to me and said I hadn't grown up enough to tell the difference between admiration for a girl's physical attractiveness and a real crush. Also, I was informed that I don't hang out enough with guys, that's why I think I'm a lesbian. I was also warned not to tell the girl I liked about how I felt because she would "never, ever speak to you again". This turned out to be the general opinion of all my friends who knew. Whatever.



I really, really liked that girl, and it grew worse over time. A certain tension developed between us, although I don't think she knew about me. Maybe she felt it? In the end, we ended up communicating through brief brushes with each other, looks and strange subtexty sentences. Later, she told me that "I'm over you" and migrated to Australia. I still am in shock, asking myself "When was she under me?" I could smack myself for being so dense.



I can't even imagine what it will be like if I ever out myself to my family. I made the utter mistake of breaking down in school and confiding in a teacher, who still gives me a look of disgust everytime we pass each other in the corridoor. I couldn't handle it if my mother looked at me that way. I've even considered just marrying and living the rest of eternity as a miserable closeted person than be ostracized like that but then I feel like throwing up and I push that idea out of my head. I've been at this board for months, and it's helped. Willow and Tara have helped tremendously too, but after S4, the network that airs Buffy here caught on to the whole subtext thing, and censored every single scene that suggests intimacy between W/T.



I hate that I'm so darn scared of the future I sometimes don't even want to have one. But I guess typing about this at such length has made me feel a little better. I suppose this has been super long...sorry, this rant has been lying on my chest for a while.

[chutney]

i'm 20 and i came out to all my mates when i was 16. They all just sorta looked at me and said "yeah and" so that was easy.

Im still not out to my parents yet, altho my sister knows. I asked her to scope it out for me.

Reaction, "dykes, queers and all other sexual deviants arent worth my time", so ive left it at that and had girlfriends on the sly.

Its not much of a story but it mine anyhoo

good luck with the speech

[tommo]

Quote:

---

I made the utter mistake of breaking down in school and confiding in a teacher, who still gives me a look of disgust everytime we pass each other in the corridoor.

---

This is the kind of statement that fills me with shame on behalf of my profession. As a teacher, I always wished that I had enough of a sense of self and a presence in and out of the classroom for a pupil, any pupil, to come and talk to me about sensitive issues.



I'm so sorry that your teacher wasn't understanding and sympathetic. I'm so sorry that he/she didn't at least try to be the kind of person you clearly thought that they were when you wanted to confide in them. What a horrid experience; I'm utterly appalled at this person.



I do hope that things get better for you; I can almost certainly assure you that they will.



If you feel the need to email me, then please, feel free to do so.

You exquisite little tart!" ~ Diana Letharby

[Wednesday]

My angsty coming-out tale

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm new but had to post re: coming out issues, because of something that happened at work. Actually, it wasn't a huge coming-out moment per se, because some people already knew about me altho' some didn't.



Anyway, for a long time I had a major crush on a coworker--we'll call her Jezebel, the Embodiment of Pure Evil . I secretly ached to strike up a friendship with her, maybe more. Well, to make a long story short(er), someone told her about my feelings and she was openly, publicly grossed out and disgusted. I wanted to shrivel up and die. It's so hard to find someone who actually likes you back that way.

[amberisadamngoddess]

The story of how telling my girlfriend what our "friends" said:



Before i got a chance to tell her she told me that her mother new about us. I wont go in to how she found out coz its a long and complicated story but to point out the main parts her mum doesnt hate me or anything like that, but she does want us to break up. So she broke up with me, than i told her what our friends said and she said "that's not a Christian attitude... in telling Anita" (Anita is their youth group leader person at church).



So there you go, i still have my "friends", and my girlfriend broke up with me (on the day of our 6 month anniversary might i add) because her mother told her to.



God does my life suck or what?

[zillee]

amberisadamgoddess,

Wow I feel really bad for you, I can understand where your girlfriend is coming from tho, I had so much pressure from the Church to split up from my girlfriend, I eventually did and broke her heart. I then had to go for ministry to get rid of my 'gay' demons during this time I wasn't allowed to work on the kids club because I could influence them and stuff. I couldn't keep up with my going straight programme however and I soon started sleeping with my girlfriend again and splitting up with her afterwards saying it doesn't mean anything (Yeah I know a really low thing to do!) but my heart wanted to be with her so we got back together and I left the church feeling betrayed and spiritually violated. My girlfriend would probably say to you to persevere, if shes just split with you because of pressure (from her mum or the church) it doesn't mean she don't love you or care about you. if you really love her stand by her explain your feelings. if you're girl really loves you then she owes you an answer about splitting up with you, be patient don't give up sometimes it takes a while to see through all the crap fed to you about being a sinner.



I won't add anything about the bible because the other kittens have already said the good stuff but I have posted in this thread earlier on and Jimmi Magus replied to me and it might be useful for you to check out what he said.

I hope you sort things out with your friends too, my mates did a similar thing to me when I was at school, I was dating a boy at the time but I really loved him and they told me that if I didn't spend three of my lunch breaks with them a week then they would stop being my friends. They succeeded in splitting us up by pressuring me and him. School is a hard time and friends like that make things worse. I know what its like to be alone at school I gave up with that group and started hanging with a girl from my english group and she became my bestmate, but for a while I was out on my ear and that was hard, fortunately we had a great school councellor and she helped me deal with my issues while at school.



I hope things work out for you hang in there!

*BIG HUGS*

Zillee

Try it you might like it but you might smudge your lipstick - Jarvis Cocker - your sisters clothes

[slayer747]

i really want to give some advice to everyone, but i'm a little short of time, so i just wanna say thanks to kukalaka for her reply.



anyway, hang in there, guys. everything will work out fine.

Edited by: BytrSuite at: 11/4/02 10:38:25 pm

[jaycatt23]

so, I'm feeling the need to talk, and here seems a good a place as any.



I worked out I had feelings towards women when I was about 13, but looking back, I'm pretty sure I had various crushes on various girls before then - girls from my Brownie troop, from school, and to my undying amusement, the Blue Peter (British kids tv show) presenter Yvette Fielding. I remember writing in my diary when I was 13, 'I admire such-and-such-a-woman, but I don't fancy her, cos that would be weird.' Then, a couple of months later, I was watching Emmerdale on telly (terrible british soap) and there was a lesbian kiss between Zoe Tate and her girlfriend Emma. And I was like 'oh, I didn't know that could happen.' It gave me a funny, excited feeling in my tummy. And from then on, I was like, maybe I'm gay. That was at the age of 13, and throughout school, I had various intense crushes on other girls. At the same time I was seriously obsessed with the gay characters on Emmerdale.



And so my problem was, and still is, whether I am gay, or whether I am unduly influenced by television.



Anyway, the story goes on. From the age of 15 to 18 I was madly in love with (perhaps it is better to say obsessed with, even if that makes me sound a psychopath) two women at school - one was a stunning young teacher, and the other a fellow pupil. But I did nothing. Although I was very 'feminist' in cussing all the boys I knew, and claiming it was possible to live without them. I went out with one boy, for a few weeks during this time. It was a very comic relationship - he was using me because he actually wanted to go out with my best friend, and I was using him, because I wanted to stop being in love with this girl. Didn't work, because I still have happy dreams over her legs. Indeed, I'm not sure how 'obvious' I was in my lust. I'm pretty sure people could tell. Part of my fear of coming out to my school friends is them saying 'We knew! You were so obvious in your attempts to flirt with her.'



On my 18th birthday, I was going to come out to my parents. Well, to tell the truth, if they asked the question 'are you gay?' I was going to answer yes. But they didn't ask, so I didn't come out.



And then I went to university. Where I was going to come out. And where I fell in total lust with several girls. But again failed to act on my feelings. But then I met this nice boy. And he was really, really nice. And he chased me for 3 months, and then he asked me out. And so we started seeing each other, and though we didn't have a huge deal in common, it was nice having someone around who cared for me and who I could have fun with. And so we were together for a year and a half. Occassionally things didn't go to well, but mainly, I honestly say, although I was not fully contented, I didn't want anyone else while I was with him. And he was really really good looking, but, that was mostly wasted on me, I think. But I know I stayed in the relationship because it was comfortable. rather than because it was what I wanted.



Then he went away. And we grew apart, and we split up, and I cried a lot, because my comfortable relationship had been taken away. But at the same time, I had been having more and moe vivid dreams about sleeping with women. And when I woke up next to my boyfriend, after one of these dreams, I thought 'uh-oh, something has to be done.' But I did nothing.



So, then I went six months or so without a relationship. Then, when I was on holiday, I came out to one of my friends. I had seen no point in doing so, and could see no difference it would make to me, but it was empowering. It really made a difference. And so, from there, I should have come out to my other friends. But I didn't. And the friend I told, I'm not sure whether he has kept it a secret or not, and I don't care if he has or not. Because it seems easier, for me, if he tells my friends, and so I don't have to do it.



Which brings me to now. I finished uni, and then moved to another country to start a job. And in my head, this was going to be my new start. But it hasn't been. Again, here I was going to come out, and again, here, I have not done it. I don't think the people I know will reject me - work colleagues, friends and flatmates - the problem is me being sure in myself. Indeed, I'm pretty sure they'll be fine with it. I'm just not sure if I am. And you'd think I would be, having lived like this for 8 or so years. But still.



Anyway, that's my long and not very interesting story.



But it's kind of good to get it written.



Jenny.

[KJchicago]

Jenny - hey, it's okay not to label yourself. You'll figure everything out in time. Of course, that does nothing to help you get started on a new relationship. Your story is similar to my partner's. And, you know sexuality covers a broad spectrum. The whole Kinsey 1-6 scale (which I am a 10 on BTW). No one has to fit into just one category; no black and white.



Hang in there! When you make your list of what you desire in a perfect mate; you'll attract the right person.

[Nix42]

So I met my New Years resolution a little earlier than I anticipated. I had decided that 2003 would be my year for coming out. But today I was talking to a close friend, and the subject of resolutions came up, and I don't know why but I went for it.



I told her that I knew what mine would be, and that I was working up the courage to tell people something. Being the inquisitive bunny that she is, (after a bit of questioning on her part), she asked if it was personal, and then if I meant in a kd Lang sort of way. So she worked it out for herself anyway (so much for what I thought was succesful misdirection all this time).



She was completely supportive, and pretty non plussed by the whole thing, which is great. But its weird, I'd always assumed it would be a bigger deal.



A -Cheers mate

You stole the sun from my heart

Edited by: Nix42 at: 12/20/02 4:21:50 pm

[madtazzy]

Wow, i suddenly feel like hugging you all, you dont mind do ya?!

Neways, i thinking, actually kinda hoping you could help me out and tel me if you think im still gay or not. Your probably all gonna say that thats for you to decide, but just hear me out.

A year and a half ago, 2 friends came out that they were g/f's, and they lost sum m8's coz of it, so i became beta friends with them both, and ended up the middle man. i heard the problems from both sides, and gave them advice, but soon enough i found myself liking one of them. They split up a few months l8r, and i kept the fact i fancied her a secret.

Strangly enough thou, my m8's worked it out, and they were really cool about it, but i dont think they ever believed it, coz i personally didnt.



So, gradually, it came to one of my m8's birthday party, i got my sister to buy £50 worth of alcohol 4me, and come the end of the party, i was quite drunk. But not b4 i got with a girl infront of every1 in the middle of the room, and then as the night wore on, various other girls in a game of spin the bottle.

I shocked most of my m8's, not coz i was gay, but coz they didnt think i would ever have the guts to do that stuff.



Anyway. getting to the point, ever since then, i've pretty much accepted it, and been open about it. Ive had alot of rumours about me and various girls go around skool, which i find quite funny. I've even had a youth worker speak to me!!!

But a few months ago, i suddenly got this huge crush on a boy, of all things! We started going out, and none of my friends could believe it, insisting i was gay. He dumped me for my best m8, but i still had feelings for him. This messed me up, coz i didnt know it that meant being likeing girls was just a phase, liking this boy was just a phase, of i just infact liked both. Anyway, a bouple of weeks ago, me and this otha boy got involved, we're not actually 2gether coz of various reasons, but i know i really like him, so now i have 2wonder, who am i?

Hints, Comment, Suggestions?!



And, i wanna say congrates to every1 who came out, your all cool and goodluck with it all. And to those who havent, give it time, it'll happen when its right.



madtazzy

xxxxx

[Shinnen]

Crfth,



if you need someone to talk to... you can email or im me. I probably understand a little about what's going on with you. I may not be the absolute best person to talk to in your opinion. But I'm willing to lend an ear.



btw, where are you from?

CheerZ

Shinnen





Who cares how tall your lover is ... height doesn't matter in bed...



For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.

[Ginner WTluv]

Where to start.... well, i guess i've always known that i liked girls, even when i was young. I'd watch Beetlejucie repeatedly because i, at that point, had fallen completely in love with Winona Ryder. I pretty much kept quite about it though.... i mean, i didn't know if it was "normal" to have 'more then friends' feelings for other girls, mainly because i didn't know anyone who had the same feelings as i did.

The first person i came out to was my best friend. Of course, that was a HUGE mistake. At the time, i was away from school with severe depression and, if i'm honest, i just didn't want to live any more because i couldn't see the point. All these emotions and feelings were building up inside of me and i didn't think i had anyone to talk to. So, eventually, i told her. When i was a few months away from going back to school, a close friend of mine called and told me that there were rumours going around my school that i was gay. Of course, this spread like wildfire and soon enough everyone knew. When i did go back, people kind of kept their distance and were hateful towards me (which didn't do wonders for my depression). So that was a disaster. And even though she did that too me.... we're still friends today. No where near as close as we were though.

Anyway, despite that i came out to another one of my friends. It was kind of funny really because she kept sending me txt messages, asking me if i was dating anyone. (She'd been bugging me about it for a while) So, after at least half an hour of her bugging me, i told her i was dating someone and when she asked who, i hesitated but sent her a reply. Only one word; Leah. (My gf who i met over the internet and have been completely in love with since i first talked to her and have been dating for a year and a half). She didn't freak, didn't go around telling anyone, which shocked me because the other friend that i told (the one that made my school life hell for me) is her sister and i thought she might react the same way, but i just had to tell someone.

Then, one night when i was talking to my older sister, i asked her why she and her (now ex) boyfriend broke up. They'd been dating for 3 years and she just broke it off one morning. She sighed and told me it just wasn't working anymore and when i asked why she said; "Because i don't have those feelings for him anymore." Then there was a slight pause, before she finished, saying "Or any of the male population" I was shocked at first, but then just started giggling. We then talked some more and i came out to her and she was all "Uh, yeah, i know." She told me that it was pretty obvious because of my "sudden obsession with Willow and Tara" and the way my eyes "became glued to the tv screen whenever Eliza Dushku would come on".

I didn't so much as "tell" my mum, than make her guess. I told her that there was something i wanted to tell her, but then lost my nerve and wouldn't tell her what. So, she guess. Got it the third time around.

After that, word kind of spread and before long everyone (that lives in my house anyway, including my bro who i dreaded telling because we're so close and i didn't want him to freak) knew. Surprisingly, everyone was okay with it. Me, my mum and sister joke around with the fact that "my mum will never get to meet her son-in-law" or any time soon anyway, because i have a little sister who is the only one in our house (apart from my mum) that's interesting in guys. And when i told her, she just said "Huh. So you're like Willow in more than one way...." At the time i had my hair cut like her.



Okay, that went on a little longer than i planned it to... sorry Heh.



Much love,

~ Jen

I'd like to take a moment to talk about something that's happened lately. I'm also in love. It's a very special thing and I'm really rather proud of it. Yes, I'm in love with my own breasts. I feel no personal shame about this; in fact, I think this is the one. It's going to last. ~ Ruth

Edited by: Ginner WTluv at: 12/22/02 7:39:18 pm