When did you know

[Naeryn]

*huggles her evil biker dyke* Yay!

...yeah, that was it.

[Gatito Grande]

Another trans person on the K: Yay!

GG Welcome, Evil Biker Dyke! Good luck your transition! Out

[aceivan]

I heard sexpert Dan Savage say "None of my long-time gay male friends are anything other than gay now. Whereas lots of my long-time 'lesbian' friends/acquaintances are just about EVERYTHING now: some are still lesbian, but many more are bi or straight, or they're (trans)male, gay or straight."

I've never heard of the guy and it sounds like its no great loss. The lesbian friends I've had for over 17 years are all still lesbian and two of them celebrate their 15th anniversary next month.

The 'going with the flow' attitude is very interesting. I used to feel that way when I was much younger (a very long time ago sadly), not really sure if I was straight or bi, but knowing that I liked guys as well as girls since I was about 15. Unfortunately it was purely academic as I didn't meet anyone who was gay or bi until I was in my mid twenties when I moved away from home. These days I'm very happy to call myself bisexual.

If I resist some homophobe (or just clueless straight person) saying "Gay men are all promiscuous" or "all gays were molested as children; it's just a reaction" or "lesbians really aren't into sex, hence they stop having it (LBD)", et cetera, et cetera . . . then I'm going raise questions whenever I hear such generalizations.

I've never really understood gay and lesbian stereotypes. I don't know a single promiscuous guy and don't have any lesbian friends that fit the butch or femme stereotype. Actually one of my best friends looks like the butch lesbian stereotype but is completely straight, although she says she'd give up men for Angelina Jolie. What is it with straight women and Angelina?

Its very difficult to generalise because everyone is different, but at least it makes life interesting.

[Kaie the Bard]

Yay! I'm loved~
*nuzzles Naeryn and offers GG some pocky and Micheal Jackson*

As an interesting turn of events, however, I get to come out of the closet again this week because I am moving into my grandparents house for a month, and they are completely unaware of my transgendered lesbianism. ><;;;

[Morganlafay]

I wanted to thank the Prey and Singgirl for their compliments. I feel so special!

Yeah, the Prey, I did totally 'eww' my boyfriend. He's such a sweet guy, but I really don't have a desire to make out with him. Twas nice having a prom date, though! lol Yeah, I'm not really sure what to do with him. I don't want to hurt his feelings, you know? And my mom has gotten vibes that I don't want him, which is kinda funny. My first bf and my mom wants to get rid of him.
The Prey, I totally sympathise with how you feel. I started out thinking that it was just celebrity crushes, too. My room is lined with pictures of Amber, Jessica Alba, Laura Prepon, and Jennifer Garner. I used to convince myself that they were just 'cool' people and role models. That might be true, but that can't be all of it, can it? I'm right there with you, girl, on the emotional rollercoaster. Being 16 sucks, doesn't it? I guess we'll just have to ride it out, huh?
I guess it is good to just go with the flow. This shouldn't cause so much stress, should it? oh well.
pax,
Morgan

[the Prey]

I wanted to thank the Prey and Singgirl for their compliments. I feel so special!

Oh but you are. All of you are. Okay, I know this is so out of topic, but I feel the need to quote Amber:

"Love yourself for who you are, not what others THINK you should look like. It's DEFINITELY more important in this life to love each other despite our imperfections."

"I think you have to keep an open mind. When someone loves somebody, regardless of gender or race or religion, you should respect them. Love is love. We're all just jealous of Tara and Willow."

[idontlikejam]

hmm, feel like im resurrecting an old post a bit here but hell im bored

umm up till i was 16 i never fancied anyone and thought i was pretty weird cus everyone else seemed to but kinda thought about hetero sex and occaisionally other girls. then when i was 16 i got obesessed with this boy in my college for about 3 years so i never really questioned my sexuality though i was never one for strong sexual feelings.

then when i was 18/19 i started to fancy my friend Claire but that quickly changed when i went to uni and fell for my best girl friend here and still like her to this day (ok im 21 now so its not been that long). anyway shes never going to go out with me but i guess it makes me bisexual if not gay, i never fantasise about men and really have no desire to sleep with a guy (yes im also a virgin). unfortunately i get myself in 'situations' with men cus they think im flirting with them when im just being friendly and i have no gay network or anything so ive never kissed a girl.

i havent told anyone except my gay housemate and my cousin, i think i would wait to tell people when i had a girlfriend cus its not really important to me that i define myself as gay or straight. occaisionally i think people probably wonder cus im a total tomboy and never fancy men.

wow that was loooooong

[FineyMcFine]

I love this question. And it's a simple question: when did you know. But there are so many answers.

Early clues are that I loved Wonder Woman and cut out pictures of Lynda Carter in Maybelline ads from my mom's Redbook (a magazine) to put on my wall when I was a kid. I also declared that I was never going to get married. This was all before I was 10 years old. It's not even so much clues, since I think a lot of young girls do things like that, but more like appreciating the irony.

When I was 11 and in 7th grade, I got the biggest, most massive crush on a female friend of mine. I mean, it was almost painful. I wanted, needed to be around her at all times. I would have endless fantasies - not at all about sex or anything physical, just fantasies that I was really cool and rich and smart and funny and that she wanted to be my friend above all else. That crush lasted for the better part of two years. I don't think I thought "I'm gay" at that point, but I might have had an inkling.

High school was the same story - I developed another intense crush on a female friend during my sophomore year. This must have been around age 14. It also was painful, heartbreaking, and last for about two years. I started dating her brother in an effort to spend even more time with her. I got insanely jealous of all her other friends. I changed the person I was to be more like her. She was a very sort of innocent-type, so I didn't do anything harmful (I was in the best shape of my life because we played tennis all the time), but still.

My senior year I started dating a boy who I fell in love with. If I were straight, or bisexual, we might be married right now. He was a very good match for me, and I him. However, something was always missing or not quite right in our physical relationship. I wished at the time that it didn't matter so much, but it did and it does.

By the end of high school I think I knew on one level that I was attracted to girls, and that it wasn't a phase and not going away, but the boyfriend thing threw me for a bit of a loop, so I thought well maybe... And I don't know if others have had this particular experience as well, but I was in deep denial and terrified about actually being a lesbian. So much so that I believe I was engaging in doublethink (you know, George Orwell's novel 1984). I could believe sort of simultaneously that deep dwon I wanted to be with girls, but also believe on a conscious level that of course I was straight.

Well, I went to college with my boyfriend, but on the second day I met this girl. Instant crush, instant obsession, and pretty soon after my boyfriend and I broke up. She and I ended up becoming intimate during our spring break of freshman year and sort of confessing that we loved each other. The next day she told me she didn't like it as much as she thought she was going to, and that she knew she liked men so she was going to stick with that. I was heartbroken, crushed, devastated. Went pretty deeply into the closet and tried not to think about much of anything from that point on.

By junior year, around age 19, the pressure was too much. I remember thinking that summer, between sophomore and junior year, that I pretty much knew I was gay and maybe it was time to start exploring it. I figured I would have to do this in secret because I was to live in an apartment with four other girls - friends of mine, and pretty straight. I thought they would be shocked if I just up and came out to them.

Things didn't go as planned and I never really met any girls to date before having this secret got to me, and I started crying to one of my roommates one day and told her I thought I was gay and I was so scared that she was going to react badly. I learned then that if you just give people a chance to be supportive, lots of times they will. She and my other roommates were nothing but supportive and we're close to this day.

So that's a very long-winded way of saying: I think I sort of knew when I was 11, I knew a little bit more when I was 16, and finally knew it on all conscious levels at age 19. And now I'm 31 and happily married to the woman of my dreams. This post is so long; it's extremely embarrassing. Thanks to anyone who read this far.

[Drut]

Hmmm....ok, when I was about 7/8 I knew something wierd was going on when I fancied one of the Spice Girls LOL! I've never liked liked a lad, only lasses, but I only put it together that I was gay when I was in year 7. There's this lass in my year at school and I really really like her and have done since year 8 (I'm just going into yr 11). So yeah I've known for a while, but not really 'known' (!) I've only been out for a year, I came out to my close mates the day after one of my best friends did. I probably wouldn't have done it if he hadn't.

Drut xXx

[fun in dysfuntion]

I have always been interested with this topic. It's one I consider a lot in my research oddly enough.

SallyMcFine wrote:

it's a simple question: when did you know. But there are so many answers.

I've never read a more true statement relevant to my own coming out process. My earliest thoughts of women tended to revolve around how beautiful I thought Linda Carter was in "Wonder Woman" or Darryl Hannah in Splash. The thoughts weren't sexual as they were just fascinated. I just enjoyed looking at their faces and often kept old copies of tv guides around that had their pictures.

In terms of attraction, the first girl I had a crush on was my older sister's best friend; I was 8. I had no idea what it meant. I just knew I had these extreme urges to be around this girl, and my sister thought I was just being a typical bratty youngster who wanted to do everything she did. By the time I was 12, I started having crushes on my summer school teachers who were freashmen in college or seniors in high school. Again, I had no clue as to why I wanted to be around these young women, but I nevertheless found absurd reasons to be in their presence.

By high school, the worse happened. In my freshman year, I fell in love with my best friend who was straight. Rather than admit I had feelings for her, I ended our friendship. One of the greatest ways I found to hide was to bury myself in schoolwork and in music. It never dawned on my family because I always studied, fulfilling their idea of a perfect daughter. My friends never questioned me because we were more interested in finding a way to get to the next concert or to figure out the chords to the latest Smiths song.

By sophomore year, I was working in the nearby shopping mall and my manager had "warned me" about this woman. Apparently, he didn't approve of her open comments about her bisexuality. This woman happened to be in a relationship with another woman and made a benign comment that alluded to her relationship. Something just clicked in my head, and all my previous attractions to women and my pathetic failed attempts at trying to be attracted to males suddenly made sense. And, I freaked. I hid that bit of self knowledge for 4 years and didn't start telling my close friends from high school (who were all straight--the sheer odds of this still baffle me given that I grew up in San Francisco) until I was 20. I went from completely closeted to completely open in a year. My family still is a little shell-shocked after 10 years.

I'm a bit odd because I came out before I started dating. I knew the attractions were more than mere attractions when I kissed a girl for the first time. It just felt right. We only went out a couple of times before she decided I was merely rebound material. Three years later, I found myself in an eerily similar situation that brought back angst high school memories. I fell for a girl who I became really close friends with at a summer internship. With my record of complete cowardice, I waited until the very last day of the program when we were both scheduled to fly back to our homes. And, in a startling moment of boldness, I told her that I would miss her and then kissed her. It was an absolute revelation when she kissed me back. That was 7 years ago. I still tell her that I’m going to miss her when she leaves for work in the mornings.

[Insanity]

With my record of complete cowardice, I waited until the very last day of the program when we where both scheduled to fly back to our homes. And, in a startling moment of boldness, I told her that I would miss her and then kissed her. It was an absolute revelation when she kissed me back. That was 7 years ago. I still tell her that I’m going to miss her when she leaves for work in the mornings.

Oh my god!!! This is sooo cute. That's the stuff fanfictions are made of!! I can't believe such things really happen. *sigh*

Insanity

[FineyMcFine]

fun in dysfunction wrote:

My earliest thoughts of women tended to revolve around how beautiful I thought Linda Carter was in "Wonder Woman" or Darryl Hannah in Splash.

Another Wonder Woman fan who knows the appeal of Lynda Carter! What on earth is it about that women that she appealed to so many 7-year old nascent lesbians? ('so many' being '2' at least so far)

I echo what Insanity said - awwwwwwwwwwwww, and the stuff that fanfics are made of. Something similar happened with me and my partner - she was doing an internship and didn't fess up about how she loved me till 5 days before she was supposed to leave and go back to living 700 miles away. Now we've been together for over 3 years and she just left for work - and I miss her already.

[fun in dysfuntion]

Insanity wrote:

I can't believe such things really happen. *sigh*

Yeah, it was pretty depressing when the first girl I kissed dumped me because I was too school-focused only to find someone who is more academically inclined than I am.

SallyMcfine wrote:

What on earth is it about that women that she appealed to so many 7-year old nascent lesbians? ('so many' being '2' at least so far)

Well, personally, the whole idea of an island filled with strong women was the clincher for me to watch the show. Add one plain woman by day, bikini & red boots clad super hero by night with gorgeous eyes, and the normally short attention spans of nascent lesbians are suddenly captured. Plus, she could find her invisible jet wherever she parked it. Half the time I've got to set the car alarm off to find where I parked.

The looming of imminent departure has probably been the impetus for many declarations. Because our schools kept us apart for a couple of years (she studied abroad in two different countries), milestones in our relationship have happened prior to heading out to airports. It’s almost John Cusack comedic if it weren’t so sad. I’m happy to hear that yet another last minute declaration worked out well.

cheers,
teddy

[your copilot]

i can remember my tendencies going back as far as the first grade, but of course i didnt understand them at the time. i just looked at girls and felt excited. i looked at boys the same way. it really occured to me in the sixth grade with my crush on my best friend at the time; i came out in the seventh. i am still bisexual, i love guys, but ive yet to have a guy sweep me off my feet. it's usually more of a latent attraction. oh well, i guess i have the rest of my life to figure it out.

[dorksrcool]

I was a tomboy throughout my childhood. Whenever my girlfriends and I played "house" I was the dad. I liked playing with toy guns and GI Joe guys. I would walk around with elaborate fantasies in my head about how I was a detective or a soldier in the Civil War. At this point in my life I didn't really have a "sexuality." I wasn't attracted to anyone because I was a little kid.

When I was in the 7th grade (10-11 yrs. old) I had a best friend who I spent a lot of time with. We would stay the night at each other's houses and spend every waking moment together in the summer when school was out. One day we were playing Super Nintendo at her house and she kicked my ass at Mario Kart so we started like sort of wrestling with each other. At one point I ended up on top of her, holding her hands down. We were laughing and breathing really heavily and then we got really quiet. I can remember thinking at that moment that I loved this girl. I remember thinking this is what flirting feels like. I had heard so much about flirting but had never experienced it with boys. I was so hot for her right then and there. If she had been a boy I would have kissed her because that would have been "appropriate." I knew then that I was attracted to her, and I thought maybe I was gay but I pushed that thought away because it was too scary. She used to go to Alaska every summer for six weeks and when she left that year I cried for a whole day. Looking back on it now I know I loved her.

I overcompensated a lot over the next couple of years. I had many boyfriends and would make out with them a lot and stuff. But I loved hanging out with my girlfriends. They would tease me about how I wasn't physically affectionate with them (I wouldn't hug them) and would kiss me on the cheek and hold my hand. I was so uncomfortable (because I didn't want them to know about me) but I secretly enjoyed all of it.

I had a steady boyfriend my sophomore year in high school (who I have since found out is gay) but we didn't engage in much physical affection. I started "coming out" to my friends that year when I would get really drunk. Then, I would take it back. I was attracted to many female celebrities (Sarah McLachlan, Fiona Apple, Gillian Anderson) and was becoming more and more conscious of the sexual nature of these feelings.

I went to prom my junior year, more for my mom then myself. I went with a childhood friend. There was not a sexual dynamic between us. When he was driving me home at the end of the night I looked over at him in the moonlight and thought, "Damn, I wish he was girl!" That's when I finally accepted that I was gay. I felt so lonely that night. It was one of the worst nights of my life.

Well, I've rambled on and on, but I thought this thread was interesting. I really do have an exact point I can think back to that I first started having sexual feelings for girls....it was age 11.

[Foomatic]

Wow, this is such a great thread, and it's wonderful reading everyone's stories!

I guess mine's not too different. It wasn't something I was conscious of as a child, like a lot of people. I was a tomboy growing up, naturally, spurning all things girly. I remember my mom accusing me of wanting to watch 'Fried Green Tomatoes' because the main character dressed as a boy!

I never dated much in high school. There were guys that I thought were cute, but I can distinctly remember a few girls that I just absolutely wanted to be friends with. I would daydream about how awesome a friend I'd be, how we'd be so great together. It even went to point where I thought, "Damn, if I were a guy, I'd be her perfect boyfriend." So duh, obviously I had mad crushes on these girls, but even with the 'boyfriend' thoughts, it still didn't occur to me that, hey, I might be gay. Furthest thing from my mind.

Finally, during the last couple of months of senior year, I got myself a boyfriend. We were in a play together (Macbeth, he was some old guy and I was a messenger or something) and had barely spoken two words to each other, so imagine my surprise when he kissed me at the cast party. My first kiss, which was unromantic, uncomfortable, and very awkward, all the things a first kiss shouldn't be (he shoved his tongue down my throat, something I can appreciate now, but thought was pretty gross back then). Anyway, I digress. Looking back, I went out with him cause he was there and available, not because he made my heart do backflips or anything. It was nice to have someone like me. It lasted through the summer, and we broke up shortly after I started college.

I remember thinking to myself why it was that I never the same deep relationships with men that I had with women. That was when I had my first inkling that I might be gay. It was during the whole 'lesbian chic' thing, and I passed it off as me wanting to be different and cool, or whatever.

Then one night, in a drunken stupor, I confessed to my friends that I had dreams where I had sex with headless women. That pretty much sealed the deal for them, but I still wasn't convinced; everyone has weird dreams, right?

By then I had developed a strong relationship with one of my friends. We were pretty inseparable, day in and day out. The one thing that was different with her than with my other best friends was the fact that we were never affectionate with each other. I'm the touchy feely type, hugs all around, but with her . . . it was strange.

Then one day, she decided to play a little trick on me. She had told me that she had slept with one of our mutual guy friends. I was furious, and I didn't even know why. What do I care who she sleeps with? For the life of me I couldn't understand why I was so bothered by it. During the same time, there was a gay and lesbian panel in one of my classes, where some of the students talked about their experiences. My light bulb finally stopped flickering, and I knew. I'm gay, and I'm in love with my best friend. I wasn't scared or upset, just kind of relieved that I finally figured it all out. Next, of course, came my campaign to never ever let her know how I felt, which was difficult, given the fact that she was 1) a psychology major, and 2) highly, highly perceptive. Now whenever we hung out, I could feel the tension between us, and when she'd ask what was wrong, I'd shrug it off and make some lame excuse about how I had to leave. At one point she said she knew my secret, and I was like, "Great, now I don't have to tell you and we don't have to talk about this ever again!" She threatened to say it out loud, and I pretty much clamped my hands over her mouth, and left shortly after that. I had no doubt that she knew, and I was okay with that, but when she wanted to say it out loud . . . saying the words was giving it power and I wasn't prepared for how it would change our relationship.

Finally, after about a week or two of abrupt depatures, she had the nerve to handcuff our wrists together (she was a police explorer, thus having access to such things) and refused to unlock them until I told her everything. And I spilled it. We were lying side by side on her bed, and somehow ended up holding hands as the conversation continued. The handcuffs came off, and the holding hands turned into light cuddling as we talked about our feelings and what was going to happen after that night. Truly a difficult yet exciting conversation. I asked her if I could kiss her. I don't remember if she said yes or no, but I remember when our lips connected it was amazing, bolts of electricity from the top of my head down to my toes, fireworks, explosions, confetti . . . a gazillion times better than the kiss with the ex-boyfriend. And that was what sealed the deal for me. Five years later, with a mortgage and two pets, we're planning our commitment ceremony in October. And that, my friends, is how I met your mother. Haha, okay, lame joke, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Thanks for making it to the end of this embarassingly long post.

[FineyMcFine]

Awww, Foo, that's sweet! Haha about how I met your mother. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand...handcuffs!

[Candleshoe]

Foomatic made me cry, in a good way.

My story is quite dull in comparison. I figured out that I was looking at girls in a different way when I was about 12. It scared me, but the more I researched (ie read psych textbooks, and lusted after Rebecca Gibney in Flying Doctors! Why can't I remember any role-models? That's it - there weren't any) the more I understood that there was a word for this, and that I wasn't the only one. I know that I am in the minority, but for me, a label actually helped. I knew what I was, and knew that the way I felt was because of that, not because I was some kind of special sort of deviant.

I was at an all-girls school, and so the ogling possibilities were endless, and the gym teacher was sooo hot! Unfortunately, in such a hot-house environment it was impossible to actually come out, because, well, girls can be mean, can't they?

So I never did much about it till I went to University at 18. Then I went a little mad - joined every society in the place, slept with any girl that moved. Got my heart broken a lot. Drank rather a lot too, which probably explained the first two and I thought it helped with the last! I was wrong, but that's another story.

It was an odd little double-life I lived: very, very, out during termtime and completely closeted at home in the holidays. I gradually started telling friends at home, but not family.

Left Uni, got a job, went back to Uni, got another job. Always completely out at work and with friends, but my parents still don't know. They must be blind, but they don't know!

The twist in all this is that I am a practicing, born-again, happy-clappy christian. For a while there in my younger days I tried living life without my faith, and then later without the gayness, and then without the faith again. Finally I got a clue and realised that I shouldn't have to choose between the two: I don't believe God makes me choose, so why should the Church? There are so many things I think are wrong with the Church of England that I will quickly drift off-topic here if I'm not careful, but I believe that there are some things right with it too, and that I want to be a part of the drive to change things from within. I believe God likes me, and that's all I need to know for sure...

So that's me: single, nearly 30 and slightly bitter. Oh, and I have been convinced from the age of 15 that I could be Jodie Foster's soulmate, if we ever met....and I didn't turn into a dribbling idiot.

Just realised that I may have just destroyed any hope of anyone from this board ever speaking to me again. In my defence I am very, very liberal, and not "Christian" in the way some people mean it! "Family" can be anyone we damn well want!

[FineyMcFine]

Aw, Candleshoe, that is a great story too. And you certainly haven't blown any chance of anyone speaking to you on the board again. Who you blow is your business. Ha ha.

In all seriousness, while I never had much of a religious upbringing as such, my wife did and still does and is very involved in her church, and the more people I meet the more I realize that there are lots of GLBT religious people. It makes me mad because for some reason when I was younger I had the impression that being gay and religious were mutually exclusive, and I just accepted that as the truth, but it's not true but I think a lot of people have that impression and it ain't right.

PS - all girls school, yee-haw! Do you write fan fiction? What about a WT at an all girls boarding school fic set in England, eh?

[Candleshoe]

It is funny, isn't it. Some church folk would clearly rather we did think that we shouldn't darken their doorstep. Perhaps they worry that if we show up and act normal, they wouldn't be able to demonise us quite so much. It is one of the big issues across the world at the moment, and at some point, someone is going to have to stop doing the "They are OK, as long as They are over there" thing and actually face the fact that some of us have been over their doorstep for a while.

And gay folk assume I'm fibbing just to convert them. Which is daft, 'cos I'd usually much rather date them!

Interestingly, I get a much worse reaction among friends and colleagues when I 'come out' as a church-goer than when I come out as gay. What does that say about society in Britain, huh?

And no, I can't write fanfic, but I read a lot - although I've never come across a fic set in England even, never mind one in a girls boarding school. You can take that as a challenge if you like...

[Girls_Rule]

I fell totally head over heels in love with the most amazing woman. (Who is reading over my shoulder right now and objecting, but she really is). So, yeah, who would want a guy anyway when I've got her?!? -Kat

This is soooooo cute!!!!!! xxx

[Girls_Rule]

Hey,

I'd really like to talk to someone about my sexuality, cos i know I'm bi (i think) its just really complicated and I'd really like help. If you can help even by talking can you Private message me please!

-LL xxx

[Girls_Rule]

hiya all,

*HUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUG*

[Aiwe]

I knew (or concluded) I was a lesbian when I was thirteen. I was a huge fan of the TV show Chamed and I just loved Alyssa Milano.

Now I'm 16 and I'm still a lesbian. People always say it's too early to know for sure, but I know I've never looked at any boy like I do at girls.

[writerfreak]

man okay this is going back into the brain a bit. to me id say always, since id been able to develop those interests i knew. i guess the first manifestation of my interest was with my best friend in the world at that time lynnsey. we were on the playground and i kissed her. of course we werent really friends after that and i was "in the closet" for another 5 years but thats kind of when it sunk in. i didnt admit it until i was 14. so ive been out and proud for almost 7 years now. does that make me more like tara?

writerfreak

[willow/tara kiss]

I knew (or concluded) I was a lesbian when I was thirteen. I was a huge fan of the TV show Chamed and I just loved Alyssa Milano.

I love Charmed too! All though I prefer Rose McGowan.

Anyway, I know this is going to sound strange, but I think I first subconciously realized I was was bi when I watched Aladdin in the movie theater when I was 7 years old. I remember I could stop staring at Jasmine's breasts! I conciuosly realized I was bi around age 14. There were a few boys I liked, but I couldn't stop checking out my friends. I still can't! I clearly rembember wanting to kiss one of my friends at 16th birthday party! I tried to ignore it and told myself my attraction to girls would just go away. Guess what? It didn't. Finally, after much denial I came out to my parents in December. It was the most difficult thing I'd ever done. I was actually surprised at how cool they were with it. When I was little we lived next door to a lesbian couple. They baby-sat me alot. Of, course being friends with lesbians I knew my parents were okay with having friends who were lesbians, but it's quite different when your daughter tell you that she bi. I'm just glad things went so well. I now know my parents will love and support me no matter what.

[Sandman78]

California. 1980. Growing up I too was fascinated by Wonder Woman (who wouldn't be in that outfit!) and I had a huge crush on Marie Osmond. But I never accociated it with being gay, or being different at the time. I can't ever recall having any interest in boys as a kid , except to just hang out and play fort and use their Hot Wheels. But this one time, with a friend of mine, we decided to get naked, hop into bed and love on each other. I was 10. I actually had my first sexual experience with her, yep, the full naked kind. We really didn't know what sex was, but it sure felt nice laying on top of her, skin on skin. *sigh*
That was the only time that happened and soon after that we moved... to Texas. Didn't think much of what happened, put it to the back of my mind.
Teenage years are a blur...(troubled teen, my poor parents) and next thing you know I'm 21 and drinking and one night stands ( men are a**holes) and then at 25 I fell for one..he broke my heart, and thank god he did or I never would have found and fallen for Maddie. She is my salvation, my soulmate. It was a journey, to come to the realization that it doesn't matter what gender you're attracted to, it's the being that loves you back that matters most. She finally had the courage to come onto me and I'm glad she did...it awoke that part of me that crushed on Marie Osmond and oogled over Wonder Woman and still remembers Corys' soft skin. I found myself in love with another woman and it felt right. And to this day, 10 years later, it still feels right. Oh, and to answer your question...I knew the moment she kissed me. Gay now.
I love you Madeline!!!!

[cantbefredless]

lets see when i was little i never were a dress and i always had short hair and played with the guy barbies and make him make out with barbie.. when ever me and my friend were play house or something i would always be the guy i hated being the girl.. i was always called lesbian but never got.. also i never knew what a lesbian was intill 8th grade pracitcally cause noone told me... cause i was alway wondering why i would only watch tv or movies with an actress in it i alway had a crush on the girl instead of the guy so i just came out..and now im only 1 out of 5 lesbians in a town that has over 10,000 people and im the only one under age too.. so yeah i knew when i understood what lesbian ment but i always was one and heres my dance ~>

[Imagine]

I guess I know when I was about twelve, that's almost 4 years ago. Before that I think I was in denial, it was like I was thinking in my head 'I'm a lesbian' and then right after I though ' No, don't think that, I'm not gay'. It was quite hard, I didn't even want to think it in my head. But then I thought, well, it doesn't hurt thinking it in my head, nobody will know anyway. I wasn't against gay people or anything, and my parents has always said ' we'll love you whatever you are', but i didn't want to be it myself. I had some really hard time there, I was thinking of killing myself a lot of times. I don't know if it was only because of me being a lesbian, but I felt really bad then. My mum asked me why I felt bad, but I couldn't say, well mum i'm gay so I just said I don't know.

I haven't told anyone yet, and it's quite hard keeping it to myself. My mum always said: 'I'm sure your gonna meet a nice boy soon sara, I can see your wedding. And she always asked me, isn't he sweet or are you inlove with anybody? Now she don't ask those things very often, I don't know if she's suspect i'm lesbian, but I guess they should because I haven't had a boyfriend or showed any interest in a boy. So if I were them I would wonder. The thing is, I'm not a tomboy at all. I wore dresses when i was little and I played with barbie till I was about 10. But I guess there are lots of lesbians that aren't tomboys?

I just don't think I'm ready to tell them yet, I have always thought that I tell them when I meet somebody, so I'm really sure and have someone to turn to if they get angry or something. The thing is, it's quite hard meeting someone when you don't dare to tell anyone. Anyway, it was nice writing allt this down, I haven't talked about this with anyone before.

[Candleshoe]

Welcome, Imagine!

Thank you for posting your story, I'm really glad it helped to write it. A lot of us have felt like the odd one out at some point (I know I have), and I hope that you hang around the Board long enough to feel less alone. I have met some wonderful people, some of whom aren't "tomboys" either!

Have a surf around, join in the chat and games, and I hope we carry on giving you the confidence to be yourself!