Leaf, I love your story. I saw a documentary (True Life, I think - "I'm Gay and I'm Getting Married") on MTV that had a lot of footage of that night in Cambridge.
Melissa (aka Triscuit/Corky) and I had been together 17 years in September 11th, 2001, but the only piece of paper we had was the ancient mutual power of attorney. After readiing about all the problems encountered by people who lost partners in the 9/11 attacks, we decided it would be a good idea to establish the relationship legally. Our families have always been supportive, but clearly that wasn't enough.
So on July 29th, 2002 - our 18th anniversary - we were joined in civil union at Hummingbird Haven in Richford, VT. The owners had put us in touch with a justice of the peace to perform the ceremony, took us down to the office where we obtained the license, and generally made the process remarkably simple.
We "honeymooned" at Lambs Mill Inn (Naples, Maine).
At the time, we thought that was the only option. Over the next few months we also (by mail) registered a "reciprocal beneficiary relationship" in Hawaii, a "domestic partnership" in California, and a "life partnership" in Philadelphia, PA.
Then in 2003, same-sex marriages with no residency/citizenship restriction became available in Ontario, Canada. As it happens, we were already registered to attend the WorldCon in Toronto (World Science Fiction Society convention). We contacted the convention organizers asking if there were plans afoot for weddings at the con. They explained that there were, but that the officiant wouldn't be available until Saturday, 8/30.
We really wanted to get married on the 29th (one month after our 19th anniversary, to make it easy to remember the date!), so we made our own arrangements. Then we arrived at the convention hotel to find out that we had just missed a wedding ceremony for several couples! We still needed to get our paperwork, and had to come up with a couple of witnesses. That night we went to the Gaylaxians (LGBTIQ fandom) party, which was being billed as a "wedding reception" for that afternoon's couples, figuring that was our best shot. Sure enough, within minutes we had hooked up with a couple from Chicago who were also geting married on the 29th and also needed witnesses. We quickly struck a deal to be witnesses for each other.
The staff at City Hall were lovely, shepherding us through all the paperwork efficiently and cheerfully. I heard that they had stayed open a whole weekend that summer to process paperwork for couples that had come to Toronto for the Pride celevbrations.
That Friday we met up with our witnesses and grabbed a cab to City Hall, arriving with time to spare. As it happened, the couple ahead of us hadn't shown up, so they took us immediately instead of making us wait until our appointment time. That happy accident meant that just as the ceremony finished, all the church bells began striking noon - it sounded like the end of a royal wedding!
Even knowing that it would have no legal significance back home in New Jersey, I found myself so overcome with emotion that I could barely get through the ceremony - rather to my wife's amusement.
We stopped at Niagara Falls on the way home - after all, it's traditional to go to Niagara Falls on your honeymoon, right?
Before Massachusetts got so snotty about marrying out-of-staters, we considered repeating the process at the 2004 WorldCon, which was in Boston. (We had registered for both the Toronto and Boston Cons before any of those marriage decisions came down, so it was pure coincidence that we had trips to both planned. Or maybe we're lightning rods for same-sex marriage!) However, the consensus of legal opinion was that we should NOT repeat the process, since it could then be argued that we hadn't really believed in the validity of our Canadian marriage.
Instead, we celebrated our 20th anniversary registering our domestic partnership in NJ. We had gotten the paperwork almost as soon as the borough clerk got the forms; in fact, when I went to pick them up, she had been about to mail them to us because she remembered I had been in asking about it. I LOVE MY SMALL TOWN!
On the big day, we took our filled-out forms to borough hall and discovered that of the three notaries, one was on vacation, one was out sick, and the third was the borough clerk, who couldn't notarize her own signature. No problem, we thought - we'll go to the mail place where we got the Hawaii, California, and Philadelphia forms notarized. Except that notary was also out that day. They sent us to the other end of the strip mall - where the notary was having same-day-surgery. They sent us to the Commerce Bank in Moorestown.
The notary pulled out her lilttle book - and asked us for our account number. Which we don't have, since we're not customers. We thought it was just a service you paid for, like a money order. I offered to call my mother, who did have an account with them, but after hearing our sad story, she went ahead and notarized the forms for us anyway.
We made it back to borough hall just in time to finish all the paperwork before the clerk left for lunch. We spent our third honeymoon at the Sofitel in Philadelphia, and went to see the early Cirque du Soleil show. Afterward, we went to dinner at the Ethiopian restaurant (Dahlak) in West Philadelphia that we've been going to since we moved in around the corner from them our first year together, and then wandered through some of the places in Center City that had been special when we first met.
And now we have to see what the New Jersey legislature does to comply with the marriage decision. We'll probably do something to renew our vows, although presumably we don't have to go back through the license procedures again. Since none of our family were able to attend the other ceremonies, it will probably be more along the lines of a family party, and not too elaborate or expensive. Maybe we'll do it for our 25th anniversary in 2009, if I can wait that long. In lieu of wedding gifts, we'll probably encourage contributions to Lambda Legal, which won the marriage case for us.
I do know what kinds of rings I want. We have rings from our first year together, made by a silversmith at the Sisterspace Lesbian Feminist Weekend (we first met through the Sisterspace softball team, and worked together to help plan the Weekend). For Vermont, we did simple necklaces with two heart shapes, one inside the other, from Lane Bryant.
For Toronto, we moved the original ring to the right hand and did plain silver bands on the left, purchased from a kiosk at the Moorestown Mall.
But ever since I saw them, I've loved mokume-gane rings, which blend two metals together while keeping their individual identities - a lovely symbol for a marriage, I think, which does the same with two people.
I'm sure we'll share the good news with the Kittens when we have more concrete plans!
I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin! - Willow in "Superstar"
by Leaf » Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:08 pm 
Thank you for telling us about your weddings.
