New Fic Broken

[Ree33]

Title: Broken

Author: Ree

Rating: PG for now, will change by chapter

Disclaimer: Set 10 years after Tabula Rasa

Feedback: Please, would love to know your thoughts

Summary: After the amnesia spell Willow left everything and everyone she ever loved behind. No contact with the scoobies, no contact with Tara. 10 years later, hoping for forgiveness and a second she returns. Angst and Adult situations later down the road.

Notes: First fanfic for Willow and Tara but I’m hoping I can write it well. Any advice or suggestions are always welcome.

Chapter 1 Ten Years

10 years. Time moves differently for people. For some, 10 years isn’t that long. A 10 year old child isn’t old, they’re just starting out. Some married couples will tell you that 10 years flys by, but only if they’re married to the right person. For others though, others like Willow Rosenburg, 10 years is a lifetime. For her, it’s 10 years’ worth of tears, sleepless nights, battles and more than anything else, loneliness. 10 years ago she walked away from everything. She walked away from her home, her friends, her family and her Tara.

There wasn’t any other choice really. The dark magics ran too deep, puncturing her soul. That night 10 years ago, after she had broken the only promise Tara had ever asked her make, she left. No note. No goodbye. Nothing. It didn’t take long to pack, she only took the few things she would actually need and within a few moments she was gone.

Reaching over the small redhead clicked on the clock radio, sitting up and letting the music run through her. This had become normal for her, though tonight was different. She was only a half hour drive from the only home she had ever known. In just a few hours, when the sun came up and gave way to a new day, she would face everything and everyone she had left behind. She knew they all still lived at Buffy’s. Her hacker skills had paid off and helped her to keep track of her family.

Dawn was grown now, a student as UC Sunnydale. Xander and Anya were married and the proud parents of 5 year old boy. Buffy had a long string of jobs which told the hacker that her once best friend must still be the slayer. And then there was Tara. She had moved in with Buffy not long after the red head had left. From what Willow had found Tara seemed to be working as a teacher and was adored by the high school.

They had looked for her for a while. Filing a missing person’s report of which Willow had seen online. It was funny sometimes to read about the various people who had supposedly seen her. Funny and sad. She hated to know that she had hurt them. In all honesty though, it was the only way.

Reaching up she let her fingers trace the thin pale scar that ran from her just above her eyebrow, through her eyelid and just a hair under her eye. Would Tara think it was hideous? Could she still look at Willow and think of her as beautiful again? This scar was one of many that now marred her porcelain skin though it was the only one that could be seen without the removal of her clothes. She wasn’t ashamed of the scar, though she did use her long bangs to hide it now. She was most proud of this one. She had saved a teenage girl from her abusive father, one of the few battles she had fought in the past that wasn’t demon related. That girl had reminded her so much of Tara. In a way the scar was a constant reminder to her, of the love she had lost and left behind.

She knew there would be a lot of explaining in a few short hours, the scar would probably be among the first things she had to explain but by far it wouldn’t be the hardest. The hardest would be telling them why she hadn’t been back before now. Why she hadn’t written. Why she hadn’t called. Why she left them. Those were the questions that scared her but this was something she had to do. She needed her family back. She needed a chance to make things right. Most of all, she needed forgiveness.

She wasn’t foolish enough to believe that Tara would still love her. She hoped for, no more like she needed, a chance to be a part of the beautiful blonde’s life even if it was only as a friend. She could deal with that. Letting out a sigh she rested her back against the headboard trying to quiet her ever busy mind. Letting the music was over her she closed her eyes.

The broken clock is a comfort,
it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
from stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting
though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best,
like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin on
I’m holdin on
I’m barely holding on to you

In Sunnydale

Watching the stars use to calm her, not anymore though. She was never at ease anymore, not since her life had disappeared along with a laptop, a framed picture, and her heart. This was another night for Tara like so many before, another night where she watched the stars wondering if somewhere Willow was watching them too. A faint smile graced her lips as her thoughts drifted to the big pineapple and the pile o’ crackers.

Willow still had her heart. She always would. Tara had never let anyone in as far as she had let Willow. The red head hadn’t just touched her heart, she had pure touched her soul. What she wouldn’t give to see those beautiful green eyes again.

“Where are you Willow?” Her voice was a whisper; she had barely heard it herself. She didn’t need to hear it though; she had the same questions every night. Is she happy? Is she healthy? Is she safe? Does she think about me? Does she miss me? Questions she prayed she’d find an answer too.
She lifted the hand she had rested on her heart to wipe away one of the many tears that had fallen for the same redhead over the past 10 years. Never in her life had she known that missing someone could hurt this much.

It hadn’t taken much convincing for her to move back here when Willow left. This was her home, her family. She needed the scoobies just as much as they needed her. It had been awful in the beginning. How could she have left so easily? To them, she had vanished. They had looked everywhere in Sunnydale. Even Angel had joined in the search having his agency search everywhere in L.A. for the missing witch. Nothing ever turned up. There were reports of people having seen her but they were always wrong. Willow was gone and knowing the resolve she had they all knew Willow wouldn’t be found unless she wanted it.

Tara hadn’t lost hope though. She still believed that one day, somehow, they would find Willow. They would find her and bring her home where she belonged. 10 years later and she still held onto that hope. She had too. It was the only way to keep her sane, the only way to make living bearable for her.

The sound of the front door closing shook her from her thoughts. Buffy was home from patrol. As quietly as she could she tiptoed to the bed, reaching over and easing the volume up on her radio. This was a trick she had learned long ago. The music helped to hide the sound of her breathing. Buffy could always tell when she was awake or asleep by how her breathing sounded. Nothing against Buffy, but tonight was just one of the nights she didn’t want to talk. She wanted to be left with her misery without the company.

Just like every other night she heard the creak of the door as Buffy opened it, looking in on her. After a few seconds the door closed and Buffy’s footsteps padded down the hall to her own room. Tara let herself fall into the music. She didn’t wipe the tears this time, instead choosing to let them fall.

The broken locks were a warning
you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded,
I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection
inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose,
they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
Is there pain is there healing?
In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on
I’m still holdin
I'm holdin' on,
I’m still holdin
I'm holdin' on
I’m still holdin
I'm barely holdin' on to you

Unknowingly, just as her two friends were doing at that moment, Buffy sat and listened to the words that came from the radio down the hall. It wasn’t hard with the slayer hearing. Tara needed Willow. That’s all there was too it, and if Buffy knew anything, she knew Willow needed Tara just as much. What more could she do though? She had looked everywhere, used every resource she had. Willow was gone. She had to be alive somewhere. If she weren’t Buffy knew Tara would be the first to know it. They were soul mates. Tara would have felt it if something bad had happened.

Looking over and out the window the slayer made a silent plea. Come home Willow, please come home.

I’m still holdin
I'm barely holdin' on to you

That’s the first of what I hope will be many. The song is Broken by Lifehouse. It's not really a songfic, but I've always thought that song fit them perfectly. Thanks for taking the time to read.
Ree

[RainbowNerdette]

Dibs!

Love it

Nicely paragraphed too, easier to read for my wandering mind, especially with the added kittenvision I always get LoL

[sarahncrys1017]

I absolutely love it already!

Definitely cannot wait for more... update! Update!

Please?

[Bellalocke]

Very nice! I can't wait to see what Willow's homecoming will be like. This is a very promising fic!

[vampyregurl73]

I always like to see new and fresh takes on canon, and the "what if" scenarios it breeds. Nice start, it has promise. Hope you complete the story.

[DaddyCatALSO]

This is sort of a nitpick, but still, it doesn't "feel like" ten years. Partly that's just an impression, but -10 years after seems a bit long for Dawn to still be at uni, unless she's going for an MD. Thenagain, I've heard most people these days don't finish their bachelors degree in a standard 4 years anymore, and if Dawn is going for an MBA or soemthing maybe not.

[fhiwda]

This is very intriquing! I'm soooo looking forward to the next update!

[Ree33]

Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad there's an intrest in the story. A lot will be explained in the the next couple of chapters and I promise it will be a lot more understandable. Especially with Dawn still being in college. I should have a chapter posted tonight or tomorrow. Thanks again.

Ree

[Ree33]

Title: Broken

Author: Ree

Rating: PG 13ish

Disclaimer: Set 10 years after Tabula Rasa

Feedback: Please, would love to know your thoughts

Summary: After the amnesia spell Willow left everything and everyone she ever loved behind. No contact with the scoobies, no contact with Tara. 10 years later, hoping for forgiveness and a second she returns. Angst and Adult situations later down the road.

Notes: First fanfic for Willow and Tara but I’m hoping I can write it well. Any advice or suggestions are always welcome.


Chapter 2 Just Run on Auto Pilot

Auto pilot, that’s how the red head had made her way to what once had been her home. Nothing had changed. Nothing. It’s like the town had been part of some freaky freeze that kept everything the same. Standing outside the Summers’ home she couldn’t help but get that feeling of deja' vu. The house was just as she’d remembered it. The pep talk she had given herself at the hotel this morning was quickly wearing off as she now stood a few steps from the door holding on to the newspaper she had just picked up. Reaching up she brushed her bangs down trying to make sure her scar was concealed for the time being.

It was 9 on a Saturday morning. Her logical thinking had told her this would be the best day to come. Saturday meant that no one was working and there was a good chance someone would be home, a certain someone actually, since there wasn’t school on Saturday.

Several times she had reached her hand out to ring the bell only to pull it back again. Slowly but surely she was losing her resolve. All it would take is just a little pressure on the little button and all the anxiety would be gone. The hardest part would be that much closer to over. So why was it so hard? Sighing she started to turn, ready to give in to the pull of giving up.

Breathing in she stopped dead in her tracks. That smell. He mouth began to water. It had been way to long since she smelled the scent of pancakes. Not just any pancakes, Tara’s pancakes. Unconsciously she licked her lips. That smell was Heaven, just like the woman responsible for it. Thinking back she couldn’t even remember the last time she had had pancakes made by an angel. Those thoughts drifted though, from pancakes to long blonde hair, to an adorable stutter that had faded over time, to beautiful blue eyes that seemed to pierce her heart. Before her thoughts could drift any farther the sound of a door opening and a voice trailing off brought her back to reality.

“No, you keep cooking, I’ll get the……” Another blonde that had haunted so many of her dreams was now looking her in the eye. The time to run had passed. “paper. Willow?”

“I uh, I picked it up when I got here.” Reaching out a shaking hand she held the paper in front of Buffy.

“It’s really you?” The slayers eyes showed tears that hadn’t or wouldn’t fall, it wasn’t clear which one.

Taking a close look Willow couldn’t help but let a small smile grace her lips. Buffy was different, but in a way, still the same. Her hair was shorter and a little darker but her eyes were still the same. “Yea, it’s um, it’s really me. You still want this paper?”

The bone crushing hug that followed made her release her hold on the paper and wrap her arms around the girls who had once been her best friend. “I’ve missed you so much.” The words left her mouth just as quickly as the tears that fell.

“Everything ok Buf….”

Willow felt her entire body tense. That voice, the only voice that had ever quieted her mind so easily. Looking past the slayer who held her in a death grip her eyes locked with those beautiful blue ones that she had dreamed about for the past 10 years. Her hair was longer, so much longer than Willow remembered and it looked like the sun had kissed it in long golden streaks. “Tare?”

Releasing her hold, Buffy stepped slightly out of the way giving the two witches a better view of each other. Not once though could she pull her gaze from Willow. Deep down she was praying to any deity that could hear her for this to NOT be a dream.

“I um.” Words wouldn’t form. Blinking once to calm herself she looked at her former lover. The sun seemed to dance across her long red locks which seemed to hide one side of her face, leaving only one of the emerald green eyes visible. Beautiful, just like Tara remembered. She had to do something, say anything. “Pancakes are done.” Turning from the door Tara made her way back to the kitchen, internally kicking herself. She needed a minute though, if nothing else she had to get the jack hammering of her heart to quiet down.

Stunned Willow looked from the doorway, to Buffy, back to the doorway again. Had that really just happened?“ I think she’s in shock Will. Hell, who am I kiddin? I’m in shock here.” Buffy reached out placing a hand on the hacker’s elbow almost as if to check and see that she was really still there. “You um, you wanna come in?”

Letting the hurt pass, Willow nodded. Honestly, she had expected worse. Yelling, crying and once she even imagined a few well-placed kicks. Tara was in shock, why wouldn’t she be? Slowly she followed the slayer inside closing the door gently behind her.

“Breakfast? I’m mean, do you want breakfast?” Buffy motioned toward the kitchen.

Again Willow silently followed. The smell seemed intoxicating and Willow realized then just how hungry she was. Entering the kitchen her eyes once again found Tara. The blonde was leaned back on the counter with her arms folded protectively across her chest. She couldn’t read the expression on her face but if she had to guess it was confusion and fear. Fear? Was she afraid of her? Of course she was. You wiped her memory stupid, she probably thinks you’re here to do it again, or worse. Throughout her internal babble she hadn’t notice that the blonde was now watching her, a half smile on her face.

“I’m not afraid of you Will?”

Quickly her head shot up. Had Tara read her thoughts.

“I’m gonna take some of these to Dawn.” Buffy had started to pile a few pancakes onto the two plates she held in her hand. “Give you two a few minutes. Dawn’s gonna be so excited.” The petite blonde was gone before Willow could utter a sound.

“Did you read my thoughts?” Slowly Willow sat down at the bar leaving it as a barrier between her and Tara.

“S sssorta.” She shook her head, cursing her stutter. “I’m usually good about blocking others thoughts, but right now yours are kinda screaming.” Letting her arms fall she took a seat on the other side of the bar.

“Sorry.” She gave a weak smile to the girl.

“It’s ok, kinda makes me believe you’re really here.” Placing her hands on the wooden surface she started to fidget.

“I am, really here that is.” Willow watched intently at the girls hands. Those hands that had kept her awake so many nights doing so many wonderful things to her body, the nights that turned into mornings without either of them noticing it, the way Tara use to…She looked up to see the blonde smiling though blushing deep. She had heard her. Oh boy. “Sorry.” She looked down at her own hands. She couldn’t help but smile though, Tara was smiling. That had to mean she wasn’t disgusted by her.

“Never Will, I could never be disgusted by you.”

Looking up Willow noticed the blush was fading and the look she was getting held only concern. “You gotta stop doing that.” She smiled as she watched the blonde give her an agreeing nod.

“I usually have it under control.” Looking down she whispered. “It seems harder with you.”

“I’m sorry Tare. I guess I didn’t really think this through. I should have called or something, ya know, gave you guy’s time to adjust. I should go.” Standing she started to turn only to feel a tight grip on her wrist. Looking up she was met with that soul piercing stare only Tara could give.

“You can’t go. You just got here. Please?” Tears had started to form and Tara made no attempt to hide them. She had gone too long without seeing her Willow, she wasn’t ready to give her up yet.

“Please don’t cry.” Reaching over the bar she let her thumb wipe away a tear. She smiled as she watched Tara melt into the touch.

“Then please don’t go, not yet at least.”

Willow nodded, relieved when the blonde seemed to visibly relax.

“You’re really here?”

Turning to the new voice Willow had a hard time hiding her surprise. There in the doorway, supported by a cane stood Dawn. Tentively the young girl took a few steps in her direction leaning heavily on the cane. This was news to Willow. Trying to recover she gave her a warm smile. “Hi Dawnie.”

Reaching out she fell into the embrace of the woman who use to be the teenager she knew. This was home. This was where she was supposed to be and no matter what it took she knew she would fix the mess she had made.

“Hope you won’t mind but I called Xander. I mean, you didn’t say to call him or not to call him and I know he would really want to know you’re here. They on their way now.” Smiling sheepishly Buffy watched Willow’s expression.

“Guess you took my place with the babbling.” She smiled softly. “It’s fine Buff.”

“Great, then a Scooby meeting it is.” She tried to smile though she was terrified. She was relieved Willow was home, but was she staying? She had to stay. Glancing at Tara she knew she wasn’t the only one scared. Sharing a knowing look the two followed Willow and Dawn to the living room. Each preparing for the long overdue reunion of their family in their own ways.

[fhiwda]

Wonderful update. I'm eager to see how dawn ended up with her injury and how willow will fit into everyone's lives.

[RainbowNerdette]

<3

[sarahncrys1017]

Yay!

Awesome update!

Can't wait to see where this is headed and what kind of questions and answers are gonna come about.

Update soon.

Sarah

[Rebecca Ashling]

I like this story. At the moment, it's all fatted calves for the Prodigal Willow. But eventually the initial joy at Willow's return will fade and anger set in as all the Scoobies, especially Tara, ask what the hell she's been doing for the last ten years. That is a *long* time to be out of contact. Not a letter, a phone call, email, telegram or postcard. Nothing.

[BeMyDeputy]

Ree,
You've got a couple of elements here that I don't think I've seen in a "they stay broken up after Tabula Rasa" story. I'm curious to see how they go.

Notes: First fanfic for Willow and Tara but I’m hoping I can write it well. Any advice or suggestions are always welcome.

Just to check, do you really mean "any"? As in, really, [i]really[/] mean it?

See, I've got some thoughts for you but I can be . . . um. I believe I best put it as "fucking scary." I don't want you to feel like you've been publicly bitch-slapped by an English teacher. So let me know what you're up for.

(Oh, and I'm on vacation, so there's a decent chance that even if you say "yes, I really mean it, bring it on," I won't get you any substantial response soon.)

[Ree33]

Deputy,

Depends on how brutal you're gonna be, lol. If I've screwed it up that bad send it to me in a messgae that way the "bitch-slap" won't sting as bad

Ree

[Red Ink]

Really well-written ! I'm hooked.
I think you have really nailed their reactions, and the way you make them describe each other is very lovely... And Tara can read thoughts ? That somehow have prevented them from misunderstanding, which I'm quite ok with
Dawn with a cane ?... Why ?
I'm definitly going to look for your updates ! Thanks for your work

[Grimm]

I'm really enjoying the story. I love Tara's mind reading/thouhgt hearing ability.

Dawn's always such a whinny little thing. But, I hope her injury is not permanent.

Update soon!

[Ree33]

Angst and Adult situations later down the road.
Notes: First fanfic for Willow and Tara but I’m hoping I can write it well. Any advice or suggestions are always Title: Broken
Author: Ree
Rating: PG for now, will change by chapter
Disclaimer: Set 10 years after Tabula Rasa
Feedback: Please, would love to know your thoughts
Summary: After the amnesia spell Willow left everything and everyone she ever loved behind. No contact with the scoobies, no contact with Tara. 10 years later, hoping for forgiveness and a second she returns. welcome.

Chapter 3 Long Day (part 1)

The scene in the Summer’s living room wasn’t exactly a happy reunion, though in all honesty no one really expected it to be. They had taken their seats and were now waiting on Xander and Anya. Willow had chosen to sit in the only chair that seated one. She wasn’t ready for the pain that would come if Tara had chosen not to sit next to her had she picked a different spot.

Dawn was closest to her on the couch, next to Tara in the middle and Buffy on the farthest end. A love seat to the right of her was unoccupied, Willow assumed Xander and Anya would take that spot.

The room was silent to everyone. Well, almost everyone. Tara sat with her hands in her lap staring intently at the hem of her skirt. She had learned over the years to control her powers. It had taken time but eventually the noisy chatter of her family had started to fade and was only audible when she focused on hearing them. Tonight was different though. Tonight everyone’s thoughts were in overdrive and screaming at defining levels. It had gotten to the point that she was having a hard time just trying to hear her own thoughts. Taking a relaxing breath she tried to steady her mind. She took a quick peak at Willow before looking back down. The redhead had thrown her for a loop by showing up. It was a much needed answered prayer, but there were still so many questions.

She hadn’t been able to make out much of Willow’s thoughts earlier. It wasn’t surprising though. When Willow babbled out loud it was hard to follow, now that Tara was able to hear the inner Willow-babble it was no surprise she felt a little lost. Willow’s thoughts seemed to project in surround sound but they were jumbled, random bits popping out here and there. It was like trying to put a puzzle together, but with having all the pieces thrown at you at once. Reaching up she tried to rub away the migraine she knew was coming.

“You ok?” Buffy watched her with a knowing look. She had seen the toll this new power had taken on the witch. Often in the beginning, the once quiet blonde would have to stop scooby meetings to try and get her power under control. Slowly Tara had learned how to block them out, though many embarrassing thoughts were revealed in the process. (Mostly from Xander.) Now Tara was a pro with her power.

Buffy hadn’t seen her looked this stressed in a while.

“I’m good. Just a lot going on at once.” She pointed a finger to her temple.

The knock at the door prevented her from having to explain any further. She watched as Buffy went to answer, returning quickly with a nervous looking Anya and an unreadable Xander.

“Where’s Levi?” Dawn twisted her neck trying to see around the couple.

“Left him with a sitter.” Xander’s voice was even and controlled. His eyes had landed on Willow as soon as he had stepped into the room but his face was expressionless. He didn’t attempt to hug her as the rest had nor had he walked any closer. Anya stayed at his side, a hand placed gently on his elbow.

“Well, I guess we can get on with the reason for the scooby meeting.” Buffy followed Xander’s gaze to Willow.

Willow’s face slightly blushed as she felt everyone’s eyes on her. Clearing her throat she looked up, letting her eyes wander over every member of her family finally coming to a rest on Xander. She didn’t like the look he had and never could she remember seeing it before. “I um, I guess owe you guys an apology.”

“You guess?” The tone of Xander’s voice made them all jump. “You guess? That’s how you start this?” Pulling from Anya he started to pace. “You left us Will. You gave up and you left. Now what? You think you can walk in here, say you’re sorry and all’s forgiven?”

“I never asked for forgiveness.” Looking up at him she kept her voice calm. This was more the reaction she had expected and had prepared herself for.

“It’s a good thing, cause I know abandoning me, abandoning us, is sure as hell not something I can forgive.” He folded his arms across his chest a hard resolve masking his features.

“I came back to try and make things right. I know it won’t be easy. All I ‘m asking for is a chance.”

“A chance to what? A chance for us let you back in, for us to be a family again? Then what? When things get hard, when we’re used to having you back is that when you leave again?”

“Xander!” Buffy stood, trying to place herself between him and the red head.

Looking over at Buffy his gaze never softened. “No Buffy.” He held his hand up taking a step back from her. “She doesn’t get nice. She doesn’t get calm. Not from me.” He looked past Buffy to Willow. “I trusted you. I’ve known you longer than anyone else in this room and you just left. You never said goodbye, you never even called to let us know you were still alive. We looked for you. Now what? Ten years later you’re lonely and want a family again. Did you even think about us Will? Did you ever once stop and think about what you were doing to us?”

He watched as her lips moved but he heard nothing. “What’s that? You have something to say now that you couldn’t have told us in the last ten years?”

“Every day.” She walked closer to him side-stepping Buffy and putting herself within arm’s reach. “I thought about all of you every day. I couldn’t stay here. I wasn’t safe. I had to find a way to fight the magic that was tearing me a part. It wasn’t the best choice, but you know what Xander, I never said I was perfect.” Taking in a breath to calm herself she turned and walked back over to the chair taking a step behind it. She let her hands rest on the back. Looking up she spoke to all of them. “I couldn’t control the power and I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting any of you.”

“That’s bullshit Will and you know it! You could have stayed, you could have asked for help. You didn’t though, did you? You ran. You ran away from all of us, what did you think that would do? You didn’t want to hurt us, well guess what genius, you did!”

“I know that Xan, and I’m sorry. But I had to what I thought was best.” Tears sparkled as they fell down her pale face. The room had fallen deathly silent upon the carpenter’s first outburst and all eyes in the room ping-ponged between the two of them.

“They can baby you if they want.” His voice cracked and his eyes watered as he nodded toward the others in the room. “Not from me though Will. You should have trusted us to help you. You should’ve trusted me.” Without another word he turned and walked away, the slamming of the door making them all jump.

They all watched as Anya made her way awkwardly to Willow, reaching out slowly at first then pulling her into a tight hug. She whispered in her ear before pulling back. “Give him time.” She studied her husband’s former friend before patting her a few times on the head, this time speaking loud enough for the room to hear. “I’m glad you’re not dead.” She followed in her husband’s footsteps though closing the door more gently this time.

She reached up and wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. She deserved this. In all honesty she deserved worse. Turning she faced her family that still remained in the room, the resolve she held earlier starting to resurface. She wasn't going to run anymore. No matter how bad it hurt, she would make this right. This is going to be a long day.

[sarahncrys1017]

Dibs!

Woohoo... update!

Never thought I'd see Xander so angry, but he has his reasons. So glad Willow is resolved to fix the mess she's caused.

I was really surprised when Anya hugged her but her true character still came out. LOL.

Hope to see another update soon!

Sarah

[Ree33]

Angst and Adult situations later down the road.
Notes: First fanfic for Willow and Tara but I’m hoping I can write it well. Any advice or suggestions are always Title: Broken
Author: Ree
Rating: PG for now, will change by chapter
Disclaimer: Set 10 years after Tabula Rasa
Feedback: Please, would love to know your thoughts
Summary: After the amnesia spell Willow left everything and everyone she ever loved behind. No contact with the scoobies, no contact with Tara. 10 years later, hoping for forgiveness and a second she returns.

Side note: I hope this helps to explain some of the background. I did re-read this and really wanna apologize for some of the errors. I'm new at posting here and my OCD really does not like the mistakes I made. I don't have a beta so when I re-read what I have down I don't always catch everything. Sorry in advance for any future boo-boos.

Chapter 4 Long Day (Part 2)

“You really think you deserved that?” As quickly as it left her lips she regretted it. Everyone else was use to her ability to hear their thoughts, Willow was the exception and she could tell by the blush the redhead now wore that she had forgotten for a moment about that special talent.

Taking a breath to quiet her mind she turned to Tara. “You gotta get outta my head. No offense, but even I get confused in there and hearing someone tell me what I think before I’ve had the chance to think about what I thought is really confusing. I mean, its like, “hey, I’m in here with you, let me tell you what just went through her mind.””

That same half smile spread across Tara’s face for the second time that morning. Noticing this Willow turned away from her, that smile could always turn her legs to Jell-O and before she could string a thought together that would now involve Tara and Jell-O she noticed the same smirk on Buffy’s and Dawn’s face. “What?” Throwing her hands up she looked defeated as she took her seat back in the empty chair.

“It’s um; it’s just been a while since we heard ‘Willow babble.’ We missed it.” Dawn smiled and Willow took the time actually study her face now. She wasn’t a teenager any more. She was still beautiful but different. Her features were older now, that wasn’t a surprise. It took a second before it dawned on Willow what stood out. Dawn looked tired, but not in the ‘not getting enough sleep’ kind of way. To Willow, it looked like life might have been just a little hard on the girl she once looked at as a little sister.

Tara watched and couldn’t help but listen as Willow tried to piece together the differences. She had really been trying to block the thoughts at first, but now, just the sound of Willow’s voice in her head was comforting. She couldn’t let go of it. It was an invasion of the other girls’ privacy and she knew it, still though, she wanted to hold onto whatever she could get of Willow for as long as she could.

Pulling away from the thoughts Willow shook her head. There would be time to ask them questions later, right now, she needed to answer theirs. “I really wanted to talk to all of you together, but I guess everyone needs to deal with me being here in their own way. If you guys want, we can talk, maybe? I mean, I know you have questions. I can probably answer most of them, but I don’t wanna make any promises I can’t keep.”

The three women nodded in understanding. Willow didn’t have to wait long before Buffy’s voice hit her with the question Willow knew was coming.

“Where’ve you been Will?” Her voice cracked a little but the slayer didn’t care. She had wanted and needed to know the answer to this question for way too long.

Willow smiled a little nervously and sat back in the chair. “Not being smart when I say this, but kind of everywhere. I’ve been from here to New York and back and a lot of places in between. I knew I had to get myself under control so I didn’t really stay anywhere too long. There was never any place that felt like home enough to stay.” Her smile faded as she realized just how much those words were true. This would always be home for her.

“And you didn’t call because...??” Buffy raised an eyebrow. Her voice was calm though her heart hadn’t once slowed its pace. She had learned a lot being a slayer, the main thing being to keep a calm head about her. It wouldn’t do any good to yell at her friend. Xander had done enough of that already.

“Because I was a coward.” Willow seemed to now find her shoes more interesting. “I just…., in the beginning I knew I wasn’t ready. I knew I had to get myself under control. I mean, I was dangerous to myself, let alone all of you.” For the first time since sitting down she looked directly at Tara. “Especially you. I’m not here to ask you or anyone else to forgive me. What I did….there’s no excuse for it. I am sorry that I hurt you and I regret tampering with your memories. I won’t ask you to forgive me, I don’t have that right.” She watched as another tear fell from those blue eyes but this time she fought the urge to reach out. She had a lot of explaining to do and breaking down right now wouldn’t help anyone.

She turned back to Buffy and Dawn. “The magic was so much more powerful than I was. It was addicting and consuming. It took a while, but I got back to the point where I was in control of it again. To me though, that still wasn’t enough. I had to prove to myself that I was better. I kept charts and graphs of my progress and I started looking for anything online that looked suspicious. I’d go to whatever place looked like it needed help and I’d fight. There were times in the beginning that…..it was hard. I could feel the pull of dark magic even though I was casting from the light.” She took a quick glance around to see if they understood, feeling that they did she continued. “Proving to myself that I was the one in control kinda sparked a reputation for me. Normally when I was done fighting people would tell me of other places I might need to go. It kinda grew until people started calling me asking for help.”

“How’d they call you?” Dawn watched her with a curious expression. “I mean, we looked everywhere. No one knew you, not even the demons Buffy tried to strangle information out of.”

Swallowing hard Willow nodded. “You didn’t find me because you were looking for Willow and in all honestly Willow hasn’t existed for a while. I went by a different name, sometimes even dying my hair because the red stood out too much.”

“Was there one name or a series of names?” Buffy watched and couldn’t help but notice at how the red bangs were a constant curtain over one side of Willow’s face. She made a mental note to ask about the new hair style later.

“There was only one name.” Avoiding Tara’s gaze she looked down at her fingers. “I went by Mac.”

“Kinda like McClay?” Dawn smirked as she watched Willow fidget and Tara blush.

“Yea, something like that.” Shaking her head Willow smiled a little as she heard Buffy snicker. “Hey, the name Buffy was already taken.” She snickered a little as Buffy shot her a mock hurt look. “Well it was.”

The snickering died down and for the first time the next question came from Tara. She wouldn’t deny that part of her was terrified at hearing that Willow had been off on her own fighting or that her heart melted a little at hearing that Willow had been using part of her name, but one question wouldn’t leave her mind. “Why did it take so long?” She watched as Willow once again avoided eye contact.

“I was scared.” Again, like earlier, her voice was almost a whisper. Clearing her throat she spoke a little louder. “It took two years to gain back control and get to where I didn’t have any slip ups. I had to make sure and the next thing I knew two years turned to five. Then, I was just too scared. Too much time had gone by and I didn’t know if I had a home here anymore, I wouldn’t have blamed any of you for not wanting me around. At one point I had convinced myself not to come back at all.” She heard a sniffle come from Tara’s direction but again she chose not to reach out.” But, Xander was right. I missed my family. Being away, not seeing any of you, it hurt. I know it’s my fault, but I couldn’t make myself believe for a long time that I had a right to come home. It got to the point to where it physically hurt to breathe. I needed you guys. I know that I should have come home sooner, but I can’t change that now.” Not thinking she reached up and ran a hand through her hair. Only after she heard a gasp from Tara and noticed Buffy staring did she pull her bangs back down.

“Who did that to you?” Anger flared in Buffy’s eyes as she watched Willow smooth her hair back down.

“It um, it doesn’t matter now. What matters is if you guys are willing to give me a second chance?” She looked around, really not wanting to go into detail about the scar. She waited patiently as everyone around her seemed to collect their thoughts.

“Always Will.” Buffy walked over and took the empty spot on the love seat, reaching her hand out and placing it on top of Willows. “We could scream all we want, but it wouldn’t change the past. You’ve always been a part of this family. I know I’m willing to meet you half way here.”

“That goes for me too.” Dawned smiled as she watched Willow reach up and wipe a tear.

Before an answer could come from Tara the sounding of an alarm broke the silence. “Shit.” Dawn reached down pulling a cell phone from her pocket. “It’s time for physical therapy.” Looking from Buffy to Willow she quickly shook her head. “I can always skip it today.”

“No.” Willow held her hand up. “If it’s something you need to do….”

“Actually, it is.” Buffy stood and handed Dawn her cane. “Every Saturday Dawn has pool therapy for her leg. She has regular physical therapy on Tuesday and Thursday.” Stopping she shook her head. “I guess we need to explain that.”

“It’s ok. Really, I don’t want you to be late and we have plenty of time to talk.” She watched as Buffy helped Dawn to stand and she couldn’t help but smile as watched the more gentle side of the slayer.

Dawn opened her mouth to speak but closed it quickly. Letting out a breath she looked almost as if she wanted to cry. “Will you be here when we get back?”

Willow felt her heart break at the uncertainty of Dawn’s voice. “If you want me here, then this is where I’ll be.” Standing she made her way to the younger girl and pulled her into a tight one armed hug. “I promise, I’m not running anymore.”

She watched as Buffy gave her a genuine smile, one she hadn’t realized how much she missed until now. “See you guys when you get back.” She watched as the sisters made their way to the door. Only when it closed did she realize that now she would be alone with just Tara. Slowly she turned, trying to prepare herself and quiet any thoughts in her mind.

[sarahncrys1017]

Woohoo! Updatey goodness!

Xander sure knows how to make a girl feel like crap, huh? Anyway, I'm glad Willow resolved herself into not running. I'm also interested in finding out why Dawn is using a cane and going to physical therapy.

I'm sitting on the edge of my seat to hear what conversation is going to happen between Willow and Tara now that they're alone.

Hope for an update soon!

[Ree33]

I need to delete this story but I'm not sure how. If someone could PM me or delete it for me that would be great. Thanks.

[taysla]

why do you want to delete this story? I am so interesting where you will take this story.

:s

[Rebecca Ashling]

This is a great story! Why do you want to get rid of it?

[fhiwda]

That is just not ok... You can't just pull us in like that then delete it! My poor heart can take this...

I would hate to see this story go, but you gotta do what ya gotta do. Thank you for letting us see into this much of it.

[DaddyCatALSO]

Seriously, if it's too painful, or if you want to re-write from "Go," or have to stop update sand don't want to leave us hanging, we understand. We don't love it but ...:-).
Beside4s, I have my copy saved in my Hotmail drafts:-).

[Ree33]

Thanks for all the comments. I've had a lot of pm's and I really didn't expect this reaction. I have so many ideas for this story and I don't really want to end it. I lost my dad a few months ago and I thought that writing would help to deal with it (get out of my own head for a little while) It's not helping the way I hoped and I have 3 kids that are falliing apart right now. I won't delete it, and I'll try to keep it updated regularly but I can't make any promises. I have the next couple of chapters done already, I'll try get them up pretty quick.

Thanks,
Ree

[BeMyDeputy]

Ree,
I'm glad to see you're not deleting this. You have a ton of good stuff here, and I want to see what you do with it.

Everyone here understands about real life getting in the way of regular updates. I mean, how often does Neverland update? Yet it's still among the most (if not THE most) beloved stories on the board. Take care of yourself and take care of your kids.

Cheers,
Kate

[Grimm]

I really am enjoying this story. But, real life comes first.

I hope things get better soon. Take care of your family AND yourself.