Sexuality and Identity Thread

[laurenkite]

My first post! I've been reading for several months now and this issue pulled me out of lurk mode...
I've been out for nearly five years, but I remember the feelings of coming out and questioning so well. It's such a scary time. I think you feel more alive when you're going through it, like everything is more intense or something. I remember making promises to myself that I had to try and date men before I could really give them up and be with women. HA!
For those worried about being sure before acting or telling anyone, the time will come when you know it's right to explore that part of yourself.
As for the earlier butch/femme question, I'm a femme who likes the femmes too. All a matter of what you're looking for. There are so many people out there and you are bound to find someone that fits.

[Cleis666]

Hi all!

Uhm, I just wanted to share my experience on this subject. I have been out since September but everybody knew it way longer. It's just, I wasn't sure so I didn't say yes or no if they asked me if it was true. Now, I can admit it that I'm dating a girl, which I couldn't a year ago. So, it's not the fact of dating a girl that makes you sure or willing to admit it, you really need to be ready for it to come out. If you are not, it could even be harder for you. Well, that's what I think. I don't say you have to lie about it, just be honest about it and say that you are not sure, except if you really have a hard time with that.. Well, that has been my experience.. I couldn't deal when everyone found out because I couldn't handle it myself. I didn't get any negative responses so that wasn't what made me feel unhappy.. The only thing that made me unhappy was me.. But I came trough.. I hope that the people that are here and having problems with it, getting the support they need and I hope that they will see the bright side of life like I did a few months ago..

Nathalie

[Hush]

I've been questioning myself for a lot of time and I think I am a lesbian, I am not 100% sure or maybe I don't want to be. I am very scare, I'm thinking about telling a friend about it 'cause I need to speak with someone about all I am feeling but I can't say "I am gay" out loud, does it means I am not ready yet? I don't know what to do.

[Xanadu]

Hi Hush,
I just wanted to say that I've been there. It's really hard and really confusing to be questionging your sexuality. The kitty is a really great place to find people to talk to about this subject...people here we're really helpful for me when I posted a similar post awhile back. If you aren't ready to tell your friend, there's nothing wrong with that. If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me Ames24601@aol.com, or AIM me Ames24601. Hang in there

Amy

[neta]

I asked my best friend today what she would think if I dating a woman. I wanted to know if she would freak cause my friends and family don't know that I am attracted to women. I have been hinting at it for several months now trying to see what their responses would be if they knew. I wanted to see if she would be Ok with it and if she thought the other friends that we have and hang out with would have a problem with it. If I do get a gf I would want to be able to bring her around my friends and have every one be comfortable with it. I would want to be affectionate towards her like the other couples are towards each other when we are all hanging out. She didn't freak. She wants me to be happy and doesn't see anything wrong with it if that is what I want. She does think that there is going to be some of my friends who will be upset with it but she said that if they have a problem with it their not really my friends to begin with. She does think that the core group that I hang out with will be fine with it. So I was very relieved about that.

I also think that my most of my co-workers will be ok with it if they ever found out. The two co-workers that I get along with real well were upset over some guy's letter to the editor about Rosie coming out. He talked about how being gay was wrong, immoral, etc. His take on it was that gays shouldn't be parents, that they wouldn't make good parents, because of the "immorality". He believes that the proper parents should be made up of male and female and that is it. No exceptions. He kept equating gays with people who were involved with criminal activities. My co- workers wrote a reply to his letter to the editor, basically saying he was ignorant about what gay people were and were not, that there was plenty of families that were not made up of a man and a woman as the parents and the children turned out fine. They also mentioned that just because there is a mom and a dad that that didn't guarantee that everything was going to be fine within the family. We work with victims of domestic abuse/sexual assault so we know about family issues. It was a very well written reply and I was pleased to see them take a stand on it. So I don't think I would get any grief from them if I was out to them...hopefully.

[This message has been edited by neta (edited March 27, 2002).]

[willow's girl]

Can I just say that another thing that sucks about gay marriage not being legally recognized is the issue of citizenship. If your honey is not a US citizen then getting married won't get them their citizenship. I hate unfair treatment under the law! Thanks for letting me vent.
Back to the prior discussion

[shellybean]

I'm very happy for you Neta. It makes coming out SO much easier when you know that the people around you will be cool about it. I have one friend who was one of the first people that I told who absolutely loves the fact that I'm bisexual. She told me that she wishes she was because it would be so cool or something like that. She's a nut.

------------------
"But with Tara, I just know she likes Willow, and she already has one of those" – "Family"

"Honey, in case you didn’t hear me the first six-thousand times, no more teleportation spells." – "Crush"

Willow: "I figured, life goes by so fast, if you don’t write stuff down it just gets…lost."
Tara: "Down to every last bagel"
Willow: "Down to every last everything I do with you" – "Forever"

[Cleis666]

I get that too. A lot of my friends think it is cool to be bisexual. They don't think about the doubts that you have or the loneliness that you feel. They just think that you can have a lot of fun and don't have to worry about a thing. Oh well, maybe I should be glad that they all think it's cool instead of thinking it's bad or something. I am glad about that but I do want them to realise that it can be hard sometimes. They do know now 'cos we talked about it a lot which helped me out in dealing with it myself.

Nath.