Top ten Bogus Tara Death Spoiler
From the home office in Pine Nut, CA
10. Brazilian Bikini waxing goes horribly awry.
9. Shrunk by evil gnomes and eaten by Miss Kitty Fantastico.
8. Improper insertion of Dolls' Eye Crystal.
7. ACME safe misses the Roadrunner and falls on her.
6. Struck by lightning while playing golf in Palm Springs at the Dinah Shore Women's Weekend.
5. Three Words: tainted Scooby Snack!
4. Saves Willow by pushing Glory (and herself) into a lava pit, but return miraculously with no explanation early in the 6th season.
3. Drowned in Menstrual Life Force at local women's music festival.
2. Stoned to death by villagers.
And the Number One Bogus Tara Death Spoiler of the week:
1. Brains sucked by Glory!
You heard it here first, kitties.*G*
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From the home office in Mulebutt, MN
Top Ten W/T Exclamations During A "Flaming O" Spell:
10. Tara! Tara! Tara!
9. Pants Day!
8. I'm c-c-c-
7. T: Wiiiiiic-*gasp* W: -Ciiiiieeee!
6. Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you!
5. Increase the friction coefficient! Increase the friction coefficient!
4. Ow! No! Bad Kitty!
3. The Nile floods its banks as Isis feasts before the sky filled with stars bursting through the Big Pineapple to spank the wicked pony who...
2. Put it out! Put it out! (Oops! Sorry, that's when Willow tries the Fire From Ice Spell on the bedspread).
And the Number One W/T Exclamation During A "Flaming O" Spell -
1. What's my name? Say my name, witch!
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Heya Kitties. Many of us, myself included, have been traumamtized by recent plot developments. I have used humor to help me through the dark times, and I offer my gift of twisted fun to help those kitties who are suffering through the angst.
Here's a silver lining to the situation, but if you are the type of person who doesn't enjoy my particular brand of twisted and edgy humor, please read no further.
No one, except Joss, loves W/T more than me, and this is how I'm coping. I hope you can laugh with me, but if not; be well, be free, and...Get over it.
Now, without further ado, from the home office in Ambergulch, Alabama -
The Top Ten Advantages to Tara's Condition
10. Willow can now publicly discuss restraining Tara at night.
9. Tara's esoteric comments now %50 MORE esoteric for the same price!
8. Spike has someone to watch "Passions" with him.
7. Enough qualudes for two.
6. NAPS! NAPS! NAPS! (oops, that's Amber's advantage).
5. No more petty arguments.
4. When Tara is cured, incredible hot-monkey-and-tender-Sarah-McLachlan-make-up-sex! Whoo-hoo!
3. New tax deduction for Willow.
2. Juicy endorsements deals from the Special Olympics - Cha ching!
And the Number One Advantage to Tara's Condition:
1. One word - Spongebath!
I swear obeisance to the Goddess and God of the mentally challenged that Tara gets better soon - All hail Tarda and Tim-May!
So mote it be.
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www.altfic.com/subtextfic/buffy/danabarron/buffytopten1.htm#10
13. Searching the Nether Realms
12. Practicing Dianic rituals
11. Not driving stick
10. Working as a "single delicate implement"
9. Dripping wax on the Wymmin Power Shrine
8. Doing the "Wiccan Wiggle"
7. Riding the broomstick
6. Plucking the petals
5. Reaching consensus
4. Worshipping Thespia
3. Baking an empowering bundt cake
2. Eating an empowering bundt cake
1. One word - Spellcasting!