My Angel

[amberholic]

Fic: My Angel
Author: Amberholic
Feedback: pretty, pretty please.
Distribution: ask, I'll probably say yes
Rating: Part 1 PG -13 ... Overall R
Disclaimers: Willow/Tara are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox. I don't own these characters. I gain no profit over this piece of fan fiction so I don't own the lawsuit.
Paring: Willow/Tara
Summary: Willow is sick and Tara is always here to take care of her but she doesn't know that her redhead is about to die...
Notes: Hi everyone! I just wanted to say that this is my second Willow and Tara fanfic. I hope you enjoy it and leave lots of feedback...coz I am really an addict.
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My Angel

" It is said there are angels in heaven above and they glow with the light of an inner passion and devotion; I had not a single clue that these things could really exist but that was before i found you...For you in my angel I've found a love that is so right and that brightens my days and my nights " Tara looked at her lover who was laying on the bed. Her cheeks were so red due to the high fever caused by the flu that the redhead caught one night walking back to their home in the rain.

" Your angel? " Willow questioned her wife with a weak smile " I am your angel? "
" Yes, my heart " replied the blonde caressing the hacker's burning cheeks " You are "
Smiling at her wife, the blonde took her hands and kissed every knuckle softly as she continued " See my sweet love, you are my precious little angel...the first time we met I could see that you and me were meant to be together and for forever, everytime you looked at me with these dazzling eyes my heart would do this little dance and my stomach get all fluttery, like you are doing now to me. Baby If time could stand still I'd froze it when you touch me so I can feel it burning my skin...I'd freeze it when your soft voice whispers in my ear so it serenades every moment of my life and it calms all my fears...I'd freeze it when your arms hold me so strongly yet so gently as the strength of the angel wings so they support and protect me...My angel wherever you go and whatever you do all I see is you; that's why I knew that angels exists above in heaven and they exists on earth too because god sent me you."

" Tara..." the hacker looked at her blonde tears welling up her ever emerald eyes " I...you're everything to me...Baby..."
The blonde wiped the tears from her wife's red cheeks " Shhh...Baby...don't talk..." gently grazing her lips with her own " honey be quiet...I love you so much. So much that it hurts... I so love you "
" Tara sweetie..." the redhead tried again but her wife's lips cut her off. After a while she pulled away at her lover stroking her silky red hair " Will there is no need to say anything... I know honey...I just know..."
" No my heart you have to listen " Willow looked into her lover's eyes who just intertwined her fingers with her lover as a symbol of their unity and the strength of their love " Honey; you calling me your angel is the most endearing word i have ever heard from anyone...tracing with her fingertips the lips of Tara she continued smiling " you know my heart I love the way you look at me, your eyes so bright and blue. I love the way you kiss me, your lips so soft and smooth. I love the way you make me so happy and the way you show that you care. I love the way you say ' I Love You ' and the way you're always here. I love the way you touch me always sending chills down my spine. I love that you are with me and glad that you are mine; a gentle word like a spark of light, your name illuminates my soul and as each minute it goes by I know it's you that makes mw whole...."

Taking a deep breath she looked at her wife's beautiful face thanking silently the goddess for making Tara hers. She pulled her head up grazing her lips with the blonde then she continued whispering against them " There is no corner, no dark place your love can not fill... you always speak to me, in sweet honesty and truth. Your caring heart keeps out the rain, your love the ultimate shield...Thank you for being there, for supporting me. My life I'll do the same for you... You know that don't you my beautiful darling wife? "
Tara smiled against willow's lips knowing that her only answer to that question would be by kissing her lover so deeply and sensually.
Pulling away she looked at the redhead whispering, " I love you my angel "
" Snuggle with me? " The hacker looked at her wife with pleading eyes " Please baby I need to feel your arms around me...I need to feel your skin touching mine...I want to feel you heartbeat against to mine..."
Without a single word Tara just snuggled next to her wife holding her arms out for her who was so quick to dive into them " Sleep my love...I am here ... I am watching over you my angel "
" Tara? " The hacker looked at the blonde smiling.
" Hmmm? " Tara smiled with complete adoration at her lover.
" I love you my angel " she said she kissed Tara's heart and closed her eyes.
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Any comment would be appreciated

[Willowtree252]

This was so sweet please more

[amberholic]

Part 2

My Angel

In the middle of the night Willow woke up. Thick curtains were covering the window. It was pitch dark inside the room, and the redhead couldn't see anything. Bit by bit and as her eyes became used to the darkness she could make out the face of her wife who was snuggling next to her. She looked like a child all wrapped up around her lover, her face so angelic and her silky blonde hair hiding a part of her face shadowing it.
She smiled when she saw her wife's chest falling up and down. It was by far the most beautiful view the redhead could think of to watch for hours and hours. So many time she would rouse from her sleep at some dark hour just to contemplate the beauty of her favourite blonde. It was like worshiping Tara with her eyes, adoring her wife with all she can and will be.

When the redahead looked at Tara, her face came over with an expression of tender devotion and caring " You're amazaing, " she whispered giving the sleeping goddess an affectionnate soft squeeze " No wonder I fell head over heels in love with you the first time my eyes meet yours "
Willow closed her eyes trying to find the sleep again but all her efforts had been to no avail. She felt herself sitting on a sad shore between reality and nightmare. She needed something to occupy her mind with. Something alive to avoid all the labyrinthes and mazes her thoughts kept getting her into but the tiredness made her passive and she was drifting towards their happy memories, their moments of happiness and contentment where they were fine, where everything seemed to work their way but that was in the past. Not now. Not anymore. Not for the couple but at least for the redhead.

Sometimes she was able to live their memories again and again till at some pint and within the split of a second she confused them with the harsh reality that consumed her day after day. Never disarmed from her conscience, her mind seemed to slip into memories and events she lived with her lover, Tara, who was now burying her face in Willow's neck.
Feeling the pain and the fear of the unknown ripping through her body, the redhead opened abruptly her eyes. She wanted badly her life to be normal again; she was struggling so hard to get on with her life and never to stop. She dreamed of their future and what it held to them she seemed all her to be walking until she reached this dead end or what it seemed for her as an end of her so short life.
Yes, her life till now was so short knowing that she and her partner are equally twenty-five years old but in the other hand it was full of true love and passion. Stroking gently her wife's silky hair Willow sounded to gain some tranquility to her agitated mind and soul. Such a simple act, just the plain touch, could make the hacker gain the sensation of protection and support from her sleeping beauty. It was marvelous how she was attracted to the beauty and the simplicity of Tara's soul. Everything about her wife amazed her.

Slowly she shifted in the bed to look at her goddess, smiling she remembered her first impressions about the love of her life. ' She was twenty years old and she looked absolutely stunning the day Willow laid her eyes on her. She always wore clean, attractive, well-fitting blouses and well-made skirts. Everything about her was so well ordered, betraying a fine and clever spirit. Her eyes blue as the deepest sea, clear, proud as they gave to anyone the sense of a fine-mettled and scrupulous groomed person. Her voice was just as ringing and clear, and with unwavering finely touched modulation. When their eyes meet for the first time, a strange awareness sprang up between them, then the unspoken intimacy that sometimes connects two people who may never even make each other's acquaintance. When they were in the same classroom, they were aware of each other, almost to the exclusion of everything else'

She closed her emerald eyes remembering all these feelings who were and still sets up in her heart this intoxicating heat of the rays of some enriching sun, poured straight into her veins.
Ever so slowly she kissed delicately her wife's head pulling her closer into her arms remembering their first kiss.

***Flashback***

They were sitting by the fire talking and all their friends went to sleep that night so early because of the tiredness they felt after the many numerous games and activities they participated in that day.
' I think I will go to swim ' said Willow out of the blue.
' At night? ' Tara arched an eyebrow at the hacker.
' It is best at night. Will you come? ' Asked a very nervous redhead.
' I would like to 'answered the blonde after several agonizing moments for the hacker.
' It is quite safe. we had better undress in the tent for fear of the rain, then run down' explained a very enthusiastic redhead.
Shyly, stiffly, Tara went into the tent, and began to remove her clothes. The lamp was turned low, she stood in the shadow. By another chair Willow was undressing too. Soon the naked, shadowy figure of the redhead came to the blonde.

' Are you ready? ' She asked.
' One moment ' came the faint reply. Tara could hardly speak. The other naked girl stood by, stood near, silent.
They ventured out into the darkness, feeling the soft air of the night upon their skins.
' I can't see the path ' said the blonde.
' It is here, ' said the voice, and the wavering figure of the hacker was beside her. Her hand grasped the blonde's arm. Willow held Tara close against her, close, as they went down, and by the side of the water, she held her hand intertwining their fingers together as she continued softly ' Here is it ' .
After a while the rain came down on their flushed and hot limbs. A sudden, ice-cold shower burst in a great weight upon them. They stood up to it with pleasure. Tara received the stream of it upon her breasts and her limbs. She felt cold but not from the weather but from the look in her lover's eyes who was at the other side of the lake that was lightened by the moon. Willow swan with easy strokes till she reached Tara who could see the head of the hacker put back, the water flickering upon her white shoulders, and her strong legs kicking in the shadow. She swan blinded with passion and desire.

' Ah, the beauty of the firm, white, cool flesh!! Ah, the wonderful firm limbs!!' Tara thought to herself ' If i can but just hold them, hug them, press them between my own breasts '
As soon as she finished this thought Willow's hands were around her waist and held her against herself. Tara was lying still in her lover's arms, her forehead against the beloved, maddening breast as she twined her body about her lover. There was a moment of suspense. Tara's heart was beating so fast. She could not move. Her dilated, warm, unfolded, glowing face looked at her lover, as if to her she was the sun.
' I...' she was interrupted by Willow's lips on her. And who was she to say no or refuse the redhead's kissed. She wanted badly to be kissed by the hacker and her she was making her dream a pure reality. After several seconds she began moving her lips against Willow's surrendering between the arms of the love of her life

***End of Flashback***.

Willow opened her teary eyes. She was crying silently. She was devastated when she heard her doctor breaking the bad news " Willow...I am sorry but you only have four months to live..."
' Oh my god! Only four months..' the redhead thought crying more and more ' I won't see Tara anymore...I won't get to hold her or even kiss her...God why me??? Why me??? Did you pick me because my life sound perfect having the ultimate perfect love...can't you see two persons together perfectly happy...Who is going to take care of my angel...Who is going to love her like I do... Oh my god I have to find her someone soon...If you want me dead you can get me...but you are not going to ruin Tara's life... I will work on that... I will find her someone to love her better than me... '
She looked at her wife shedding silently tears of desperation ' I love you baby...God I am going to miss you...miss you so much...'
Shocked by the tears, she wept silently and two words kept resonating in her mind so loudly
' Four months...four months...four months...'
" No, it can't be me...no....NOOOOOOOOOO " the redhead was practically yelling now and crying.
Tara jumped out of her skin when she heard her wife's voice breaking the silence of the night. Directly she hugged her assuming that it was a nightmare and she began rocking them back and forth as trying to comfort her distressed lover. " Baby...it is okay I am here honey...I am here..."

She kissed the top of Willow's head whispering against it " What's wrong my angel? "
" It was a nightmare " Willow lied but she had to in order to protect her wife.
" Do you want to talk about it? " Offered Tara gently.
" No...Baby thanks...I am fine " the redhead looked at Tara who smiled at her adoringly and wiped the tears streaming down her face. " Tara...baby...please hold me? ..."
" You don't have to ask my heart " The blonde replied grazing her lips softly with her wife's as she opened her arms to hold her redhead.
After several minutes, willow spoke again " Tara? "
" Yes my love? " replied the blonde stroking her baby's hair.
" I love you, " answered the hacker with teary eyes.
" I love you too my world " she leaned and kissed her wife, then held her tightly, humming to her until she found the untroubled sleep.

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Would Like To see your feedback...should i carry on or stop ?
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She's my angel love

[Willowtree252]

I get the imprssion that Tara dosen't know about the illness Willow must tell her it is only right . I am going to hang in there and see where you go with this cause I love the way you are writing Willow and Tara it is very tender and sweet

[amberholic]

Previously

" You don't have to ask my heart " The blonde replied grazing her lips softly with her wife's as she opened her arms to hold her redhead.
After several minutes, willow spoke again " Tara? "
" Yes my love? " replied the blonde stroking her baby's hair.
" I love you, " answered the hacker with teary eyes.
" I love you too my world " she leaned and kissed her wife, then held her tightly, humming to her until she found the untroubled sleep.
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My Angel
Part 3

It was warm in the room when she was awake. The redhead smiled affectionately at her sleeping blonde on her chest who momentarily stirred and murmured something inaudible, then went back again to sleep. She kissed the top of Tara's head, stroking her silky blonde hair.
' Another day...' the hacker numbled to herself silently; her remaining days were counted and every day passing pay was for the hacker like adding another line to the last chapter of her life. She was still living and breathing for her wife and trying to show her how her love changed her life forever...living each day to its extent, like it is her last. She looked at Tara, and squeezed gently her wife whose face was burried in her neck. She wanted desperately to see her angelic blue eyes and reassuring smile.

" Look at me " she whispered to her " You at least, you'll have memories, but me, nothing... Everything is going to vanish even my awareness of memories themselves...nothingness... I'll return to Nothingness " the tears were streaming down her face as she kissed her wife's temple whispering against it " Look at me...want to see your enchanting blue eyes, want to memorize their sparkle, Laugh...Cry...Scream...I want to relive again and again all your emotions...I want to be intoxicated by your intense gaze, and drowned by your love. "
She wiped her tears but they kept coming heavily " Baby, I will smile at you, just to see the smiles blossoming on your lips...I will kiss your hand to watch you kissing mine...I won't forget all this, i want every touch of your hands to burn my skin so my body won't forget your sweet heavenly strokes...Oh my angel...I love you...I love you..."

After several minutes of silent tears she regained control of herself when she thought about her wife's reaction if she ever saw her like this.
" I love you my heart " came the muffled voice of the blonde against Willow's neck who was grinning like a crazy upon hearing the sweet melody of her baby's voice " mmm mmm...Baby... you smell so good " numbled Tara as she leaved a trail of wet kisses on her redhead's neck...
" mmm honey...the things you do to me " she continued kissing Willow's jaw. When she reached her wife's luscious lips she grazed them with hers whispering softly " how are you feeling today my Willow?"

The redhead's mind went blank for several minutes... nothing was crossing her head that instant only but how sexy her wife was and how she could turn her on with simple butterfly kissed on her face.
" I'll show you how I feel, " She answered as she captured Tara's lips in hers slowly nibbling at them. Tangling her hand in Tara's hair she drew her wife's face closer as they began moving their lips against each other eliciting moans of pleasure filling the room.
so many minutes later...no one is counting Tara pulled back smiling at her wife, stroking her hair " definitely better " she gave Willow a quick peck " Yes much better...you took my breath away "
" I always do that!" chuckled a very happy redhead clearly proud of herself.
" Someone is really awfully pleased about herself, " answered Tara arching an eyebrow at her love who was looking at her with an amused grin plastered all over face.

Laughing the redhead hugged closer her wife and whispered against her lips " you know I have my reasons"
Grazing her lips with her wife's, the blonde goddess put her hand on Willow's heart smiling " Tell me..."
" Well, baby " the hacker replied stroking her wife's hair looking deep into her deep blue babies " All my life I was waiting for this weird mysterious force called love to live in my heart... I did not know when or how it was coming but i was sure that sooner or later I would fall in love... Even I had no idea that this powerful yet so gentle power was going to settle in my heart the first time my eyes saw that beautiful blonde angel..."
" A blonde angel??? " A very smiling Tara questioned her wife.
" Yes a blonde angel..."replied the redhead " she has the most attractive, deep blue eyes ever... now baby don't tell me you're jealous from her?!"

" Me!!! " Tara pretended to be shocked as she looked at the hacker trying so hard not to stifle a giggle " Never jealous!!"
" Hmmmm ..." smiled willow " Let's see, close your eyes for me " when the redhead complied she kissed delicately the eyelids of Tara murmuring " I love the look in her eyes... their spark... everything about that deep blue sea that I am drowning in it day after day...I so adore her eyes that I dreamt of them each night of my existence..."
" You did? " the blonde opened her dreamy eyes looking at Willow adoringly.
" Every day of my life with her is a dream coming true..." came the reply from the teary redhead ' each one of my last few days..' thought the sad redhead to herself.
" Oh my baby!!!" Tara kissed her love passionately yet so tenderly " Why the tears my angel?"
" Because I love you " cried the hacker harder.
" Honey ...please " Tara hugged her wife fiercely " Stop crying...stop crying my heart..." she pulled back looking at her wife with a wave of concern washing allover her face " Baby ... I am going to make you happy...have something to tell you about "

" What honey? " Willow looked at her wife few tears in her eyes.
" Willow...I am pregnant " the blonde smiled heavenly at her wife.
" What!!!!!!" the hacker shot up straight in the bed moving away from Tara who has been crying silently when she witnessed her love's reaction to what it was to be supposed the most wonderful news ever for both of them.
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[Willowtree252]

You are holding my heart in your hands my friend please don,t break it this is so .......well there are just no words to tell you how it makes me feel but now Tara is going to have her child I love that. I want to turn my eyes away but I can,t so I will follow you and trust you AH

[Numen]

*Watches huge kleenex pile next to her* Oh crap. I mean, not your story, definetly it's non-crap. I mean all those kleenexes, meaning me crying. It's good, your writing being all touchy.

" Look at me " she whispered to her " You at least, you'll have memories, but me, nothing... Everything is going to vanish even my awareness of memories themselves...nothingness... I'll return to Nothingness " the tears were streaming down her face as she kissed her wife's temple whispering against it " Look at me...want to see your enchanting blue eyes, want to memorize their sparkle, Laugh...Cry...Scream...I want to relive again and again all your emotions...I want to be intoxicated by your intense gaze, and drowned by your love. "
She wiped her tears but they kept coming heavily " Baby, I will smile at you, just to see the smiles blossoming on your lips...I will kiss your hand to watch you kissing mine...I won't forget all this, i want every touch of your hands to burn my skin so my body won't forget your sweet heavenly strokes...Oh my angel...I love you...I love you..."

That part especially got water pipes behind my eyes to flood.

Whata?! Tara's pregnant? How?! I mean...Yeah, How? Double-crap, bad timing, really bad timing. This is why you should tell to love of your life, if you know you're going to die. "Hey hun, don't be mad at me. You know, I'm gonna die something like in four months, and I haven't told you, even I knew it earlier. Still love me ?" (Well, of course she would love her, but still).

[writerfreak]

The pain......it seems like it speaks to me right now. I remember..............I remember what its like to have someone that close die................what it felt like to lose that kind of love..........you capture it well.

writerfreak

[Sapphire eyes]

Oh My...I am speechless, the first part was so beautiful and captured their love so well and then the other parts...very sad I was almost moved to tears! You seem to have a big heart, it shows in your writing. Keep it up! I am glad I read this! x x x

[racch234]

wow is my 1st reaction to this story im actually posting this 12hrs after i 1st read this story and am still thinking about it now. how can say this... you write in a way where you can almost imagine the feelings as if they were your own even if you havent had 1st hand experience of this situation. i really liked this and totally got into willows character and sure i could feel her pain. once again wow

[amberholic]

hey there Rach hon...i am glad you joined in...so welcome on board...I know u have been a fan of this site...but hey ur a member now and posting comments way to go Rach...

Thanks hon for your comments I really appreciate...The storyline here is kinda related to my life...I have been in this situation and dealt with it and sometimes it really gets back to me...so I thought to get it out of me and write about my feelings...It is taking time and so much effort...but I hope one day ill be able to finish it....

Anyway hon, welcome here on board...
Enjoy!!!!