by kivrin » Sun Sep 10, 2006 7:37 am
and finally the update.
*************************************************
expresso pump
"If you tell her, you'll feel better" Xander advised the redhead
"but I can't! she doesn't like me anymore"
"but she did, well at least she kissed you that day. didn't she? then she was feeling something for you. if not she wouldn't have been so hurt later." added Buffy joining Xander in his friend obligation to reasure.
"why is she dating Ben then?" asked Anya
Willow killed her with an angry look and Anya put herself behind Xander meaning 'white flag' in their not-so-secret war. actually they cared for the other but it was their way to interact. willow was so easy to upset that she had become Anya's favourite target Willow soon discovered that arguing with her didn't hurt anyone, not even Anya, and relaxed her a lot. she could let all the anger out thanks to her annoying friend.
"so I tell her I like her and that I know I was stupid and totally understand that she goes out with that boy. but if she ever wanted to talk or whatever...I'll be there. and we'll be good friends '."
"that sound so cute will!" buffy gave her a hug and put her arm around willow's shoulders. "you'll be fine, just be honest with her and then you'll feel better. i promise."
"yes, tell her you want to have sex with her! it worked with Xander."
they all rolled their eyes and anya shut up again.
"ok, see you later guys. I'm almost late..." said willow, and left.
"she doesn't seem much sure" Buffy stated a bit worried
hearing it Anya left Xandar an Buffy shocked when she left them there and run after their hopeless friend. they couldn't understand what did she said to Willow but they saw them hug for a moment and willow smile briefly.
in the street
"willow" Anya said from behind the redhead
"what do you want Anya?" willow answered pretending to be anoyed with her as ever.
"you're cool. you were a nerd once, I know 'cause Xander told me. but you're cool now. a nice girl. anyone would like to be just you friend, however...if Tara kissed you and it changed your world then you shouldn't doubt that it meant something to her too.
so...good luck."
"thank Ann, you know I love you. don't you?"
"yeah, but hey...don't get naughty with me 'cause that thing about you being a lesbian...sounds fun and ..."
Willow rolled her eyes and smiled to her friend after a little hug.
"you are unbearable!"
"thank you"
"you're welcome but don't ever tell anyone we are friends! it would be embarassing"
"Anya stuck her tonge out to willow and then went back to the expresso pump.
Willow went to Tara's a bit more relaxed and quite happy to have her friends. they were the best ones, she knew for sure she was a lucky girl.
"hi!"
"hum...hi can I come in?"
"of course, i was waiting for you" Tara smiled unable to hide it. once accepted tey'll never be more than friends she realized she was lucky to have meet tha amazing girl."
willow sat on s the floor next to the bed and Tara colected some herbs and books from the shelves to leave them on the floor too. then she sat in front of Willow.
"what do you want to do first then?"
willow was to focused in Tara's hands to notice her speaking. Tara saw her admiring her digits and blushed. that was not possible.
"may be we should try meditation for a while. so we can relax and focus"
" what?"
"spells, willow. we should focus to get all the power." Tara couldn't guess what as going on with her friend but she wasn't feeling like doing spells at all. "we could watch the movie you talked about if you prefere"
"no, I'm sorry, I just spazed out for a moment."
"ok then. give me your hands"
my hands?! you mean my hands with your hands...ergo...our hands together. breathe, in, out in, out...that's it.
the moment they touched each other with their fingers brought back all those memories they both were trying to avoid constantly and they both gasped and parted their hands.
Willow got more nervous and Tara's sttutter appeared.
"if y-you wa-w-want to watch that movie, it would be o-ok with me."
"no, I mean, if you want. it's your place after all and if you prefere the movie we could watch it. but...er...magic, it's ok. just magic."
if they watched a movie they'd rovably end up cuddled in the bed both asleep and tomorrow morning would be the hell again.
they linked hands again but they didn't close their eyes to start with the meditation, they remained lost in each other eyes. Tara was who broke the connection this time.
"c-candles! we ne-nee-ed candles" she said all nervous.
"yes, candles, of course."
when they joined hands for the third time anyone found a good excuse to let the other go away.
the lights were off and shining candles bathed the room with a weak glow of hope. the hope both women thought was lost.
they closed their eyes. the power started flowing through them. the fire from the candles grew and the room got warmer.
"what spell do you want us to try Tara?" Willow asked without moving a muscle except form her mouth.
"I found something I liked. I don't know if you'll agree. I wanted to bless our friendship."
Willow oppened her eyes to look at the blonde. she wasn't expecting it.
in a moment of boldness and totally uncouncious about the reaction it could cause in willow's hear Tara spoke again
"I don't want to lose you Will"
"you won't"
all the power that filled the room mixed with the glow coming from the candles made them a bit dizzy.
"are you going to cry sweetie?" Willow feared for a moment seeing Tara's eyes get red and shiny."
"I-I g-g-guess" Tara answered shyly.
willow was less than unable to see her girl, that girl who she definitely liked, crying.
"c'mon we can't do any spell with hidden feelings inside. you know it's not good."
"it's nothing"
"what's it. you know I can read you mind"
I bet it's not true , then you'd know that i've fallen in love with you...
"nothing it's Ben, I guess he won't talk to me for a while"
two points to you Willow, he has fucked it up
willow embrassed her friend and suddently the world was brighter, colorful and everything smelled like Tara's hair.
"what happened? it seemed to me that things were going alright between you"
"yes they were, well I think I told you he was acting very different and that we weren't best friends anymore"
"well, that's obvious," when you are someone's girlfriend you're not best friends. but it's something about labels, in fact you still are..
"but today he tried to kiss me"
"what?" willow was confused. her senses were busy with Tara's skin, Tara's scent, Tara's everything that was very close. on the other hand her brain was trying to process the information. he tried to kiss her.
"you didn't want him to kiss you?"
"no"
"oh" Willow nodded as if she had understood it. but that was making no sense.
"so you aren't dating him?"
"of course not!" Tara looked directly at her eyes. "you though I was?" a wave or realization hit her.
"but I thought...well that's not important! then...what happened? let me guess he liked you and got angry because you didn't want him to kiss you."
"yes"
"natural." willow said.
natural was the word which could better descrive their closeness in that moment. they were finally confortable. as confoprtable as always their talking was. because they loved each oher. they didn't know for sure then but it was real, right and natural as any kind of love is.
"what's so natural?"
"it's hard to be in love with someone you know you'll never kiss again."
Tara hesitated for a moment...it sounded like a freudian slip.
stop daydreaming silly
"I thought I may like him, as we've been friends since...ever and he has always been really nice to me. but it would be wrong." Tara looked down, hiding her eyes from willow. I don't love him that way and that kiss would have meant nothing"
Those words hurt willow though she didn't understand why. and where did that rush of anger came from? where was it going rushing through her veins"
"like those you gave me" where did that come from? she didn't mean to say it. it was almost rude.
"no"
as simply as it sounds. it made the world go silent and still for an eternity.
"what?" willow could not think straight. she felt like if during the conversation the flames had been grown until that point when Tara said that dangerous word. the candles let their flame decrease and the room became darker.
the girls were looking at each other without thinking. letting realization, hope and love came slowly and rain over them in a dance of surprised looks.
their minds spoke without words using hearts and finguers as translators. Willow brought her hand to tara's jawline and her thumb rested on her cheek. she admired the fluctuant shadows caused for the candlelight playing in the blonde's eyes.
Tara's chest beated slowly at the touch and her breathing seemed to become a bit more erratic than before.
"you think it could happen again...sometime?"
"I guess. I-I...Willow I..."
"it's Ok, don't worry. I totally understand. I was a stupid."
"No. you weren't. I'd love to."
"to..what?" willow didn't understand
"I'd love to kiss you again. I hope it could happen...sometime. if you ever wanted. but I-I know you have to figure out what your feelings are." Tara was pale. the scared and shy blonde had just said what she needed her friend to know. but never, in hours of practising those words, had imagined wha happened next.
"love"
Tara lift her head, because she was still looking to the floor, and found a new look in Willow's eyes. a tear rolled down, two young hearts healed at once and a long hidden love was born.
Tara felt her hert melt and her chest get flooded with desire. Willow loved her. it was a dream come true, or may be just a dream.
she traced willow's nose with her fingers, then her cheecks and then she touched the red lips briefly. the beautiful blonde shivered when Willow caught her finguer with her theeth, never wanting to hurt her. when Tara offered her finguer again willow stopped the presure and used her tongue to caress the digit lovingly.
Tara couldn't stop the moan before letting it out. that sound, which was new to willow, brought her a feeling of intense arousal.
Willow then moaned too mirroring her lover. even with Oz she had never felt that way. that wasn't desire, that wasn't love, that wasn't need ....it was magic. a mixture of every possible feeling between two people.
Tara got closer slowly until they were just inches a part. her digit still caught inside willow's mouth.
she gave her a kiss on the nose like the first time she kissed her and then another one on the chin.
suddenly the candles extinguished and no sound could be heard except flushed skins caressed by love and two pairs of lips meeting in an old place between heaven and hell.
their second 'first kiss ' was long and sweet. they parted when the lack of air got to their brain.
"I'm sorry it took us so long to know..."
"now we are sure, that's what matters Will"
Tara stood up and took the redhead's hand tu pull her to the bed. they snuggled together and started kissing again.
they couldn't stop, and stop would be useless because no words could explain that moment, their moment.
the kisses became more and more heated, their tongues begged for more skin and soon willow was sliding her hand under Tara's shirt making her shake and press herself against willow.
it was going too fast but the idea of stoping their love hurt both of them.
they ended up wearing just their underwear. legs tangled, hands lost in each other's skin and lips wet and hungry.
Tara was nervous, Willow could see it and decided to slow it.
they calmed, their breath became steady again and their eyes locked again their souls.
"let's take things slow."
"yeah, thanks. I--I was...I am not, you know. ready. it all has taken me by surprise."
"I know. it's too new to me too...but you are" Willow parted herself a bit from her lover to look at her beauty "perfect"
"you better come down to earth will"
"no, really you are. you are even more beautiful that I though. can we sleep like this? " willlow pouted seductively.
"are you asking me to sleep in the same bed than you almost naked and ...aroused ?"
"I guess" willow wasn't sure about what to answer
"I'd love to."
they bothe smiled and kissed again and again.
only when they felt the sun going up they stopped slowly and almost driffting to sleep Tara spoke for the last time that night to a sleepy willow.
"good night baby"
Willow... my willow... my lover. from now on.
*"believe as a child believes and magic will find you"*
kivrin: we'll regret tomorrow, won't we?
brianna: provably
Grrr aagghhh eek nooooo (and various other cranky frustrated noises) 
Tee hee love this guy!
Are you kidding me? NO SERIOUSLY! ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A BRAIN TUMOR OR SOMETHING? sorry about the yelling but ohgod... I know willow and she is going to be so...you know what I mean. And now on their "date" willow is going to keep seeing what she thought she saw when in fact it wasnt that at all but she thinks it is and will be acting on her emotions of the thing she really didnt see at all.
) thank you for your forgiveness and not being angry with me thoug that about me being a fantastic itter was far an exaggeration. thanks anyway, you've been very kind.
so I want you to know that this story is to you. for helping me to lose a bit of shyness. thanks really and don't blame me for your insanity. welcome it as I do, insanity heps us to hide from reality and create a new one to dream of. 
Im all with telling friends who arent buffy fans about this story and their like "Shawnie is this a Buffy thing? Because you know we have no clue as to why your so hooked on that silly show to began with." I dont hold their being naive against them. But yeah I talk Kirvin and they give me 'the look' and I remember hey I just need to hop on to the kitten board and everyone will know what and who and why Im singing your praises. So this is it huh? Hey I really am sorry if I pressured you into continueing this piece. But I am soooo glad you did. It was/is woth all the willow/tara ache it gave me.
why? Here it is one more time until we meet again...my dance of joy. 
