"Mission Statement" (Post-Season 6)

[Thanatopsis]

So does this mean not quite right Willow is going to become "normal", but broken Willow? Cause that can't be good. Though it would make sense that the spell did something. Except why would Tara want to reconnect Willow, I would think it would cause her to have a problem with Tara the vampire, besides all the guilt over what she did.

--------------------
Too many of us live desert lives. ~Charles de Lint

[Bagheera]

Thanatopsis - You are looking at the core of the dilemma, aren't you? But surely, Tara, even vampTara, would want to have the whole, complete Willow back, wouldn't she? Even if it involved dealing with the guilt of what Willow had done. As for restored Willow having a problem with vampTara...(hmmm, rubbing chin)...that's some way down the track, isn't it.



See what I meant about earlier comments about a parallel journey for Willow and Tara?



I've probably given too much away here, but what the hell, we're almost a third of the way through this, so the picture should be starting to become clear.

Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately.

"Entropy"

[Thanatopsis]

Bagheera, I agree complete Willow is so much better than not quite right Willow, but part of me agrees with what she told Dawn, that after everything she can't be THAT Willow ever again. The way I see it is that even if she's reconnected, she's not the Willow pre SR and never can be, which is fine, since it certainly makes the situation with Tara being a vampire something that will be dealt with from a different angle than before.



And yes, I'm starting to see the parallel journey.



Actually, thinking it over, the bigger problem I fore see is everyone else, not just Tara the vampire, but trying to deal with the restored Willow. I'm not sure the gang is up for such an ordeal.

--------------------
Too many of us live desert lives. ~Charles de Lint

[LeatherQueen]

Wow... really interesting turn this has taken. I can see the 'parallel journey', though. However, neither one, I don't believe, will come out at the end of this journey un-changed. They can't, not after all they've been through and all they're about to go through.



But, anyway, really nice update.

--------------------------------


"But when they're playing your song on the jukebox in Hell, you might as well dance." - K. Simpson


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[Bagheera]

Thantopsis - "trying to deal with the restored Willow" mmm, yes, after "Villains" TTG and "Grave" have screened in my country over the past couple of nights, I think I can see what you're getting at. But the Scoobies all behaved like utter f***wits throughout didn't they? Especially Buffy, I have to say. Maybe vampTara can talk some sense into them.



LeatherQueen - "neither one, I don't believe, will come out at the end of this journey un-changed" They'll be wiser from the experience at any rate.



Oh, I'm feeling absolutely wretched at the moment. Flu, Season 6 finale broadcasts, you name it. I've started drafting Episode 1.6, but it's entirely possible that I'll have to discard it and start again if it's bad enough. Anyway, in the meantime, the updates will be flowing fairly regularly.

Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately.

"Entropy"

[snuggle79]

Nice update! I'm curious about what's going to happen with Willow, if Tara will do the restore thing.

Oh baby, want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I ... stop explaining things.

Hi, um Tara..how are you? well...I was wondering maybe you want to go out some time...for coffee? food? Kisses and gay love?

[Thanatopsis]

f***wits. LOL, that is excellent. Even better than my current favorite, jerkweasel.



I totally agree that the Scoobies reacted badly to Willow at the season's end, but in truth, that's how they always do. They just never seem to quite understand Willow and respond incorrectly. I figure that VampTara will scare some sense into them.



Sorry to hear you have the flu. Combine that with the evil 3 episodes, you've got a not good feeling, I'm sure. Hope you feel better soon.

--------------------
Too many of us live desert lives. ~Charles de Lint

[Jennpurr]

I agree with you guys. I'm worried about Willow, and what will happen after, as well. I'm also still worried about Vamp Tara and how the gang will react to her. She's obviously not an ordinary vampire, so that should help, right??



So many questions, but they would be jumping the gun, really jumping it, if I asked them now. I'll just wait patiently and anxiously. Well, I am going to ask one. You don't have to answer it, if you don't want to. The way Vamp Tara is, did she keep her soul or is it gone??



Thank you for the update,

Jen

------------------------

"Camille, I'd love to see you in the moonlight, with your head thrown back and your body on fire."

[xita]

Oh, so what they did to willow was just shoot her up with magical pain killers and it is doing damage to her. She needs to deal with what she did. And I can't believe they are going with the bot story.. hee

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson

[Bagheera]

Snuggle79 - Hello, thanks! Tara fully intends to commence aural therapy (I wonder if that involves gently inserting her tongue in Willow's ear until she feels something...um, sorry) and this will begin to appear in Episode 4. But it is not something that can succeed overnight. Tara's smart and a powerful witch, but she's up against the work of an entire coven.



Thanatopsis - Thanks for your kind thoughts, I'm marginally improved this morning. The shortness of breath is the most annoying part.



Jen - Being a witch, Tara is not your ordinary vampire to begin with. Ditto her being in love with mortal Willow. As for soul - she sort of didn't answer when Willow put the question (about part of real Tara still being there) to her directly, didn't she?



Xita - In "Grave" - having seen it now , Giles does say the coven will remove the magics from Willow "without killing her" but that "she may not be what she was..." This is a very chilling statement, and I've used that as my basis for creating disconnected, intellectually intact but functioning Willow.

Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately.

"Entropy"

[Jennpurr]

You're right, about her not being an ordinary vampire. I agree with that. OH.. and I'll have to go back and read that part about Willow asking her about her soul, again. I think I may have missed her reaction.



Thanks, B.



Jen

Edited by: Jennpurr  at: 7/25/02 1:31:46 am

[Bagheera]

Jen,



The bit you're looking for is in 1.2.4, and it's on page 6 of the thread. Willow didn't specifically ask Tara about a soul, however; it was a more general question of whether the things vampTara was doing and saying were the demon's doing or if some part of Tara was still there.



Edited to remove errant fever-induced word.

Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately.

"Entropy"

Edited by: Bagheera at: 7/24/02 1:50:53 am

[Bagheera]

Rating G



The next afternoon, Dawn came straight home after school. Most days, she would hang with her friends Carlos and Kit, or if there was a lot of homework, she would go to the Magic Box and study there for a couple of hours, until Buffy caught up with her and they walked home together, along with Willow more often than not. It was a rare thing for the teenager to be alone in the house.



She let herself in with her key and dropped the mail by the telephone. There had been a single red rose in the letter box too, tied with a simple ribbon around the stem, the only clue to the addressee a small white card with “B” scrawled on it, beside a drawing of a heart. Dawn shrugged; these had been showing up in the mail for a few days now and the teenager had already pumped Buffy for clues to the identity of the Slayer’s shy secret admirer. There were none. Dawn dropped the flower next to the letters. “Hello? Tara?” she called. There was no answer. She fixed herself a glass of water in the kitchen, put the glass down and slowly climbed the stairs. The house was eerily silent. The bedroom doors were all closed. “Tara? Tara – bot?”



Gingerly, Dawn tapped on Willow’s bedroom door and opened it. Tara was lying in the middle of the bed, her eyes almost closed. She did not move or respond in any way as the teenager tiptoed across the carpet, set a chair next to the bed and sat down. Tara’s chest did not move; she did not blink. Hesitantly, Dawn took Tara’s cold hand and held it in hers.



“I’ve missed you so much,” Dawn began quietly. There was no reaction. “I knew you’d keep your promise; what you said to me. That you’d always be here for me. When you – died I thought it was up to me. I sat with you and I looked at you and looked at you. I wasn’t expecting you to move or wake up or anything, but I was trying to remember you. I thought that it was going to be up to me, that I would have to keep that piece of you in my heart, so you’d always be here. Just like with - mom.”



Through half-closed lids the supine vampire stole surreptitious glances at the brown-haired teenager as she sat beside her. Dawn was so close to her, Tara could feel the gentle warm breeze of the student’s breath against her own cool skin. The vampire knew how impossibly sweet the young girl’s blood would taste; she could already smell it; it perfused all her senses. But then the vampire remembered; Willow. The redhead had called around at lunch time with a beaker of blood for her to drink. It was cold and tasteless, but it was sustenance enough. If I hurt this girl, if I gave in to selfish pleasure, it would cause Willow so much pain. I must keep my promise. Willow was right anyway, I do love this mortal girl. To hurt Dawn would be to destroy what I love. Why would I do that; it would be stupid. Sweet little Dawnie. She would be a horrible, nasty little vampire; I wouldn’t want that.



“I miss mom so much,” Dawn continued. “I miss you. You were my mom for a while; it wasn’t nearly long enough. I love you so much, Tara. I’m trying to do what’s right. It’s hard sometimes. When I’m alone it’s the worst. Buffy’s been great, but I know she’s got so much other stuff to do. Work, the house, the slaying. It’s been breaking my heart to see Willow. She hasn’t been the same since she came back from England. She didn’t have to tell me, it’s obvious. I hope you can help her. She hardly talks to anybody these days. She’s just so sad and empty all the time. I don’t care if you’re sleeping with her; I hope you are, because anything’s better than being alone. Willow needs someone to comfort her. When I was sad and alone after mum was gone and after Buffy died, I’d sometimes lie in bed with the Buffybot. Just to hold her, for comfort. Anything you can do to make Willow happy, to make her better, is fine by me.”



“I know you’re a bot. You’re probably turned off now and you can’t hear me. It doesn’t matter. I’m glad you kept your promise. I hope you’re going to be here for a long time.”



“I kept my promise, too. I haven’t told anyone about what we did. I won’t, not even now that you’re here. It’s our secret. I’m glad we’ve got something that’s ours, just the two of us. Thank you, Tara – mom.” Dawn leaned down and kissed Tara gently on the forehead. She straightened and sat for a moment, looking at Tara in silence.



Tara’s hand squeezed the teenager’s gently in response. Startled, Dawn’s eyes widened but she did not pull away. The vampire’s eyelids fluttered open, and those soft blue eyes swivelled to meet those of the Slayer’s sister.



“Dawn?” the vampire said quietly, smiling gently. “Thank you.”



(End of Episode 1.3)

Stay tuned for Episode 1.4 "The New Slayer"

Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately.

"Entropy"

[LeatherQueen]

Dawn kept her promise? Hmm... interesting.



Great update. Very intriguing.

--------------------------------


"But when they're playing your song on the jukebox in Hell, you might as well dance." - K. Simpson


"Futile... like a FOX, baby!" - Tara in The Late Shift by wiccachica

[eccentrictulip]

i'm a little behind in my feedback, but better late than never and whatnot.....fantastic updates bagheera!! you've woven tara's human traits into the vamp character so well.....she's definitely not ordinary.....and dawn kept her promise.....very curious.....very well done, as always--thank you!!!! *waits patiently by the monitor for more....*

*please use both hands....*

[Jennpurr]

I went back and read that update, you were talking about. I think I just didn't read that part right, the first time I read it. I kinda understand now. Hopefully I understand more and more, with each new update.



Awww... this update was sweet. Poor Dawnie. So sad. I'm a little confused. We aren't supposed to know what the promise is, that Dawn and Tara made yet, are we?? If we are, I think I missed that.



I'm glad Tara didn't follow through on her thoughts about Dawn and her blood. That wouldn't be pretty.



Can't wait for the next episode. I'm guessing the new slayer is Faith, right??



Jen

Edited by: Jennpurr  at: 7/25/02 1:32:17 am

[Thanatopsis]

Tara's definitely a different sort of vampire. And even more curious, Dawn's promise, hmmmm.

--------------------
Too many of us live desert lives. ~Charles de Lint

[Bagheera]

LeatherQueen - Thanks, yes, a bit naughty to end an update on such a mysterious note.



eccentrictulip - cheers. Glad to hear that you can see the personality behind vampTara. She's a sweetie.



Jen - Yes, this update includes a bit more of the full picture, and brings us to speed with how Dawn is. Still struggling with feeling abandoned. An afternoon shopping with Buffy not really enough. VampDawn - ewwww, no. Tara feels the temptation from time to time, but her love is holding her in check. New Slayer? - it's a sort of mixed meaning. Wait and see.



thanatopsis - hmmmmm, I can hear the gears churning in your planet-sized brain from here. Cheers.

Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately.

"Entropy"

[Jennpurr]

Yeah, I can see that. Poor Dawnie. I wonder if she will be freaked when she learns Tara really isn't a bot, that she's something more?? Hmmm...



Oh... I can understand Tara feeling the temptation. After all, she is a vampire, but I'm glad that whatever is making her not full demon, is there. I know you'll probably get into that more later, but I'm enjoying the suspense, even though it's killing me at the same time.



I have some ideas about the mixed meaning, but I'll wait and see what happens. Will we see Dawn's reaction from realizing that Tara WAS listening to her? I know... I'm impatient. It's a bad habit. Sorry... I'll leave now and just wait for more.



Thanks,

Jen

------------------------"Give me them lips, honey." - Lisa Vidal to Laura Innes

[xita]

ooh man that's harsh, the contrast of the vampire thinking of Dawn as a tasty meal and Dawn thinking of the "bot" as an acceptable replacement to Tara. But Tara in the end figuring out what a great gift it is to have Dawn's love and admiration.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson

[Bagheera]

Jen - Dawn was startled "but she did not pull away". She's okay with Tarabot eavesdropping.



Xita - Dawn as meal - remember, Dawn is made of the same stuff as Buffy, and "Slayer's blood - woah, like Thai stick!" ('The Freshman') And bot as "acceptable" - well, better than nothing, but Dawn has major issues with feeling abandoned, poor thing, so she would be more likely to feel thus than the others.

Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately.

"Entropy"

[funkyasian]

hmmm...*steph raises hand like she was taught in grade school when she had a question* - promise? what promise? did i miss a chapter or is this your way of luring us back for more?



so sad to see dawn like this...sad. we all knew she thought tara to be a second mom, but to really hear it voiced. so sad.



can't wait for more though...steph

[ZipityDoDa]

Good update. Dawn's little speech there was really sweet, but I wanna know what they did together....Hmm.

=Jessica=

[sparrow]

Someone has a secret. Wonder what it is.

And, yet, I just can't seem to care


I'm not coming back

[Jennpurr]

Quote:

---

Jen - Dawn was startled "but she did not pull away". She's okay with Tarabot eavesdropping.

---

Oh, thank you. I was just curious if there would be more to that scene, but I guess not. Can't wait for more.



Jen

------------------------"Give me them lips, honey." - Lisa Vidal to Laura Innes

[DarkWiccan]

Hmmm.



*rubs chin thoughtfully*



Methinks... no... methinks not. Though... perhaps... why do the words "loop" and "hole" keep playing through my mind?



Cheers

DW

[Bagheera]

Steph - You haven't missed anything. This is the first mention of Dawn knowing...something.



Jessica - Thanks. Dawn's little secret will come out, but not yet.



sparrow - Hi! Keep your eye on the shiny haired one.



Jen - Thank you



DarkWiccan - You can think of any word with "hole" in it, unless it's combined with "plot"

Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately.

"Entropy"

[Jennpurr]

You're very welcome, B.



Jen

------------------------"Give me them lips, honey." - Lisa Vidal to Laura Innes

[Thanatopsis]

Quote:

---

hmmmmm, I can hear the gears churning in your planet-sized brain from here.

---

Huh, gotta say that's the first time my brain's been called that. Though did you have any particular planet in mind? I suppose it doesn't matter. Even Pluto (Pluto's the smalles one, right?) would be plenty big. Except it be like the rear view mirros on the sides of cars. "Object in mirror is almost as insightful as it appears to be."



But on other notes, gotta say thanks for such a twisty, turny plot to keep the gears churning.

--------------------
Too many of us live desert lives. ~Charles de Lint

[Bagheera]

Jen & Thanatopsis - Thanks. "More insightful than they appear - LOL. Okay, let's keep going, holidays have been a productive time for this tale.



Mission Statement 1.4 “The New Slayer”



Disclaimer: Not for profit. JW & ME own the personnel, I’m borrowing them.

Reproduction: Not without author’s permission.

Rating: M15 adult themes, sexual references, violence, Kitten angst.



Update: Tara, returned as a vampire but seemingly unable or unwilling to harm Willow or anyone else, is hiding at Buffy’s house, pretending to be a bot. It’s a week or two after Episode 1.3.



It was just past noon. As happened every now and again in Sunnydale, the autumn weather had brought a swirl of mist and a blanket of leaden cloud in from the Pacific. The air was cool and damp and there was a whispered promise of rain later. Tara had taken advantage of the overcast sky and was sitting in the back garden of Buffy’s house. She was wearing a heavy hooded overcoat, jeans and boots, her only exposed skin her slender hands and the tip of her straight elegant nose. Nevertheless the vampire kept a weather eye out for any sudden breaks in the cloud and she was ready at an instant’s notice to dash for the safety of the open back door.



She sat on an old scuffed wooden bench, her legs comfortably stretched out, enjoying the sights and sounds of a mundane suburban afternoon. Tara had missed this. With Willow away at work for long hours during the daytime, there was little enough for the blonde to occupy her time other than by sleeping, reading, doing housework or succumbing to the poisonous siren call of the television. Tara wondered half-seriously if boredom was a factor in making vampires so savage and violent. At least she had the joy of looking forward to Willow coming home from work for lunch as well as in the evening. No, she decided eventually, it was definitely the blood lust. Speaking of which…



The sound of the front door opening reached the vampire’s keen ears, and a moment later she caught Willow’s scent. “I’m in the garden!” she called. A minute or two later, the redhead appeared in the back doorway. She smiled and walked across the lawn to join her lover. They kissed, Willow sat, reached into her backpack and pulled out a brown paper bag for Tara, followed by a sandwich for herself. Tara opened the bag and extracted a plastic beaker of blood. She rolled it in her hands in an utterly futile attempt to warm it slightly.



“My methadone,” Tara murmured, looking at it.



Willow paused in the act of chewing her mouthful of sandwich. She looked at Tara sympathetically. With her free hand she squeezed her lover’s arm. “Tara, honey, it’s your food. You – have a – a condition and you need a special diet. Defibrinated pig’s blood, grain fed, omega-3 modified. Besides, you look a bit like an invalid sitting out here all wrapped up like that.” The redhead smiled gently to show that she was teasing.



“I suppose I do,” Tara agreed, popping the top of the beaker and taking a cautious sip. “Severe allergy to sunlight. I think I preferred being allergic to shrimp. At least shrimp don’t pour down onto the earth’s surface for twelve hours every day. You don’t have to watch me drink this stuff if it upsets you,” she added.



“No it’s okay honey, I need to get used to it. Anyway, it’s nice to sit outside to eat for a change.”



“That’s true,” the vampire acquiesced. “I was going stir crazy in that house.” Willow nodded, and Tara noticed that she shuddered slightly. “Will, darling, are you still a little shaky from last night?” Willow nodded again and lowered her eyes, and Tara could see how forced the redhead’s apparent good humour was.



“Even Anya noticed it,” Willow said. “I’m just so tired today. I know it’s important to do, but can we – can I have a break tonight? I’ll just go to bed and sleep, okay? I’m sorry.”



“It’s fine Willow, really. You have to take your own time with this.”



“I’d better get back; I’ll be late,” Willow said in a small sad voice. They kissed and the redhead went back inside the house. Soon after, Tara heard the front door open and close. Tara finished her drink, got up, stretched, and went inside. For a few minutes she slowly wandered around the living areas, moving a picture here, an ornament there, though her mind was fixed on the events of the previous night.



On retiring to their bedroom, Tara had gently positioned Willow on a pile of pillows on the carpet and cast the spell to see the supine redhead’s aura in greater detail. What she had seen had confirmed her worst fears. The flow was uneven and there were significant disruptions. Worst of all, ringed by discontinuities, there was a shell of absolute blackness which no normal aura should ever possess. Gingerly, Tara had reached out with her mind and probed some of the damaged points, skirting around the forbidding dark area. Once or twice, Willow, although deeply relaxed and meditating, had moaned in pain, and Tara had ended the spell a little sooner than she had initially planned. When Willow had lifted herself out of her own trance, she had opened eyes filled with grief and hurt and reached out for the blonde. They had clung together for a long time, saying nothing, giving one another comfort and contact.



“This is so strange.” After a while Willow had begun to speak, haltingly, her voice coming as if from far away. “I knew all of those things that I did, what I said. I remember it all, but it’s as if it never really registered. It’s as if I just - read about it in a book. It was all about some other person. Nothing – resonated – until now.”



“I know,” Tara soothed. “Your flow, your spirit has been – disconnected in so many ways.”



“Why did they do this to me?” Willow wailed.



“Shh, shh,” Tara stroked her beloved, gently. “They were scared and they were in a hurry. I think they were trying to stop you from dying.”



“Dying?”



“The pain. It was more than a mortal body could stand. The only reason you survived it in the first place was because you had so much magic in your system. They had to isolate you from the pain.”



“But it’s still there, right? Inside me?” Tara nodded. “How will I ever be free of it?” Willow wondered.



“Time, darling. Time.”



“Tara? Hold me?”



Tara returned her mind to the present, finding herself in the front hall. She looked down and saw a couple of opened letters on the hall table. One was Willow’s bank statement; the other was a letter from an investment company.



The blonde witch read: “Dear Ms. Rosenberg,

Re: College Fund of Summers, Dawn Alice

In these uncertain economic times, it is more important than ever to save regularly. Accordingly, in order to keep your investment on track to reach the realistic goal that you have set, it is requested that you send…”



The letter was creased near the bottom, as if Willow had grasped it and partly crushed it while she had read it. Tara looked closer and saw a discoloured spot on the paper. She sniffed – the unmistakable salty tang of one of Willow’s tears. Tara glanced at the bank statement, looked at the empty beaker of blood still in her hand and bit her lip. Willow is struggling with life, Tara thought, she’s trying to do what’s right, and I come back and I’m just another mouth to feed and I’m bringing her pain. It’s so wrong. Not for the first time she questioned whether she was doing the best thing. But I can’t deny my love for her. That is my only constant in this insane situation.



Tara sat in the living room in silence for a long time, thinking, drumming her fingertips on the empty beaker, humming from time to time. At last she stopped, stood and walked to the phone.



“Willow? Hi, it’s Tara. No, nothing’s wrong. I was just wondering; the guys from ‘Dingoes Ate My Baby’? Yeah Devon, I remember that name – are any of them still in town? Okay, listen…”



(To be continued)