Okay, I'm an idiot. Just thought I'd get that out there. I'm having posting problems.
In any case, I know I'm really behind on my replies. I promise I'll get to them ASAP. I really do love reading your replies and responding to them. Gives me warm fuzzies.
-BB
Title: Into the Woods - Part 7 (aka Things That Go Bump In The Night)
Author: blameburner
Feedback: Sure… Always a plus
Summary: While the men are away, the ladies will play. Anya, Buffy, Willow and Tara head into the woods for a little female bonding. Hijinks and wackiness are sure to follow.
Spoiler Warning: None - it's AU, I guess. It's sent in the present - but no big bads, no S6 nastiness. Anya and Xander are together, Giles never left, Buffy never died, Dawn still exists, Spike helps out the Scoobies cuz he gets paid, and Willow and Tara never broke up since Willow was never addicted to magic. Pretty much think "Everyone's happy, together, and their usual amusing selves."
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but oh how I wish they were! Joss, blah blah, ME, blah blah.
Rating: R for now. I know, I know... we'll see.
Pairings: W/T… duh. Also B and A. But not B/A cuz, well, Buffy and Anya? That would just be scary - they'd kill each other!
Angst: Huh? What angst?
Part 7
Tara was nestled comfortably into her sleeping bag. Well, she was as comfortable as she could be without Willow snuggled next to her. That, of course, was why she was still awake, even though she knew it had to be well past 2 a.m.
I wonder if Willow is awake, too, Tara wondered. Then she smiled.
No, she's probably having one of her crazy dreams, with dancing carrots climbing waterfalls in paper canoes.Tara sighed. She loved Willow's dreams. They were quirky and magical and funny, just like Willow.
And beautiful. Can't forget beautiful, she thought.
Yes, Tara definitely loved Willow's dreams. Especially the naughty ones. Well, those weren't really dreams at all. Those were lusty fantasies that Tara delighted in hearing about and then making come true. She sighed again.
"Will you knock that off?" came a grumpy and slightly muffled voice from underneath two inches of down and flannel, taking Tara by surprise and making her bolt upright.
"Geez Anya, you scared me!" Tara said. "I thought you were asleep?"
Anya sat up and glared at the blonde witch.
"How can I sleep with you constantly making that noise?" Anya asked.
Tara was puzzled. "What noise?"
Anya tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow. Then she cleared her throat.
"Oh, Willow," Anya practically moaned, in the most sickeningly sweet voice she could muster. "Oh I love you, Willow!"
Tara crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. "I said no such thing."
Anya laughed. "You didn't have to. All that sighing. I know what that means. Those are your 'Willow, I love you, won't you come have sex with me?' sighs."
"Anya!" Tara shouted, blushing.
Tara's arms were still crossed across her chest, so Anya crossed hers, too.
"Oh, please! I know horny-Tara voice when I hear it."
"Argh!" Tara groaned, flopping back down on her back in frustration. Frustration, because she knew the shopkeeper was right and was slightly embarrassed at her own hormones.
Anya watched Tara for a moment, and then laughed. Tara looked at Anya out of the corner of her eye, her lips pursing.
"What are you laughing at?"
"You! You get so embarrassed, but I don't understand why. It's not as if you have anything to be embarrassed about. You love your girlfriend," Anya said, shrugging her shoulders. "So what's wrong with sho-"
A loud screech cut Anya off mid-sentence. Anya freaked out.
"Ahhh! What was that?!?" she yelled, swinging her head from one side to the other as if she expected something to come tearing into the tent at any moment and eat them.
Tara sat back up. "I'm sure it was nothing," Tara said, trying to sound reassuring, although she wasn't entirely convinced herself. "Probably just a bird."
Anya glared at her. "A bird? A bird! Are you nuts?!?"
Tara started to shrug, and then the noise came again.
"AHHHHHH!" Anya screamed, pulling her sleeping bag up over her head.
*************************
Willow lay with her hands underneath her had, staring up at the roof of the tent. She couldn't sleep. Not without Tara.
"Hmmm," she sighed.
She loved sleeping next to her lover. She always felt safe there, in Tara's arms. Or with Tara in her arms. Either way, it didn't matter. No matter what happened during the day, no matter how crazy things would get in Sunnydale or inside her own head, as soon as she felt Tara's body curl up next to hers...
"Heaven," Willow whispered. Just the feel of Tara next to her, the blonde's warm skin touching hers, Tara's fingers tracing loving patterns on her stomach, her arms around the blonde - it made everything go quiet and still. It made everything just stop, at least for a little while. It brought Willow peace.
Willow sighed again.
"Would you knock it off," Buffy groaned. "You've been doing that for a half-an-hour already."
"Doing what?" Willow asked innocently.
"I'm so gonna hurt you," Buffy growled.
Willow giggled. "Sorry. I can't help it. I miss her."
Buffy groaned again, propping herself up on her elbows and seeking out her best friend's face in the dark.
"Willow, she's like ten feet away-"
"Fourteen feet, three inches," Willow corrected.
"You measured?" Buffy asked incredulously.
Willow shrugged.
Buffy shook her head. "Fine, fourteen feet whatever. Point is she's not that far away, and you're sighing like she's in Iceland! And it's keeping me awake! And this Slayer has to get her beauty sleep!!"
Willow quirked an eyebrow. "What, do you have a hot date tomorrow that I don't know about?"
"Yep, that's right. Me and the fishes. I have a hot date with a Carp," Buffy said sarcastically.
Willow laughed. "Oooo, you could take him to an amusement park! You could have some cotton candy, ride the merry-go-round, go in the Carpal Tunnel of Love!"
Buffy groaned loudly and rolled her eyes. "Okay,
that was really bad, even fo-"
A loud screech stopped Buffy cold.
"What was that?" Buffy asked, her Slayer sense kicking into high gear.
Willow looked around, not sure what she expected to see.
"Dunno. Maybe the local wildlife didn't like my joke either?" Willow asked hopefully.
"Yeah, everyone's a critic these days," Buffy said, her senses not picking up anything unusual. "Huh. Must have been a bird. Maybe I should go check."
"A bird? A bird! Are you nuts?" Willow asked. "Okay, let's suspend disbelief here and say for a moment that was a bird. Do you
really wanna meet the so-called bird that made that noise? It's probably ten feet tall with razor-sharp teeth and scales and... and... tentacles!"
"Willow, birds do not hav-"
Another screech sent a shiver down Buffy's spine.
"Okay, good point. I don't want to meet the giant tentacled bird," Buffy said, shrinking down into her sleeping bag.
"Uh, Buffy? Maybe... uh... should we... you know..." Willow trailed off, not wanting to suggest what she felt it was her duty to suggest. Buffy looked at her quizzically. Willow rolled her eyes and then made her hand into a light fist, raising it up and down in several smooth but hard thrusts.
"You want us to go flog the bishop?" Buffy asked, amused at Willow's hand motions.
"Huh?" Willow responded, confused.
Buffy imitated Willow's hand motions and said, "You know, flog the bishop. Spank the monkey. Wax the-"
"Buffy!" Willow shouted, blushing profusely. Buffy smiled smugly. "Okay first let me just say, ewwww. Second, how do you know so-"
"What was that?" Buffy whispered tensely, all amusement having fled from her body.
Willow sat perfectly still, trying to hear whatever it was that had turned on Buffy's Slayer sense. After a few moments, when Willow still hadn't heard anything she started to speak.
"Maybe it was just-"
Suddenly there was a frantic rustling at the door to their tent, followed by the zipper being yanked down in one vicious stroke.
It all happened so fast. The rustling, the zipper, and then a dark form lunging into the tent.
"Aaahhh!" Willow screamed, flailing her legs as her attacker fell on top of her.
"AAAAHHHH!!!"
Another body fell into the tent and into the pile on top of Willow's sleeping bag, bouncing off Willow's attacker and rolling onto Buffy, who screamed.
"Ahhh!"
"Aaahhhhh!" the second attacker screamed back.
Willow was still struggling against her attacker, wrestling with all her strength, but unable to break lose from underneath her attacker's weight. Her face was covered by her sleeping bag, so she couldn't see what nasty oozing demon was attacking her, though she figured it probably had big teeth and scales.
Buffy, however, was faring better, and now had the second attacker pinned beneath her.
"I've got you, you woodland hell spawn! Now let my friend go!"
"Buffy?"
"Tara?"
Willow stopped fighting her attacker. "Tara?" Willow's muffled voice called out in the dark.
"Willow?"
Willow's attacker sat up. "Oh. Willow."
Willow peeked her head over the top of the sleeping bag. "Anya?"
Buffy reached over and flipped on the electric lantern, trying to figure out what was going on. She looked around the tent, and then burst out laughing.
Willow was peeking up at Anya, her hair a big ball of static from getting her head smushed against the nylon sleeping bag, and was now standing straight up. Anya was sitting on top of the frizzy redhead with a rather bored expression.
Tara's hair had fallen forward, making the her look like a blonde Cousin It. She was still on the ground, looking back and forth from behind her curtain of hair to Willow, then to Anya, and finally to Buffy. Tara blew the hair out of her eyes with an exasperated sigh.
"Anya! Get off of me!" Willow complained.
"Oh, right," the shopkeeper said, sliding off.
Willow sat up. "Will somebody please tell me what that was all about?"
"We were coming to make sure you were all right," Tara said sheepishly.
"By bursting through into the tent and attacking us?" Buffy asked, still quite amused.
"We didn't attack you! You attacked us!" Anya shouted.
"Um, hello? You're in our tent. In the middle of the night. And you had me pinned!" Willow shouted back.
"Okay, fine, you didn't attack us. Sure," Anya said, sarcasm dripping from her every word.
"Argh!" Willow screamed into her sleeping bag, which she had once again pulled over her head.
"Tara," Buffy giggled, "why don't you tell us what really happened. Before Willow gets cranky."
"Before she gets cranky?" Tara asked. Willow shoved the sleeping back off her head and glared at her girlfriend. Tara cringed. "Okee-dokee then, moving right along," she said hurriedly. "We heard some... well, strange noises and... we kinda... we got scared."
"Tara! Ix-nay on the ared-scay, okay?" Anya said under her breath.
Buffy laughed again.
Tara jutted out her lip in a half-pout. "I know, we're pussies."
Buffy laughed harder at Tara's worn choice. Tara blushed.
Willow decided to take pity on her girlfriend. "It's okay, baby. We were scared too," she admitted as she crawled over to her lover and cuddled up behind her.
"Were not," Buffy retorted.
"Were so," Willow answered, giving Buffy a stern look.
"Fine," the Slayer said quietly. "The big bad Slayer was scared of the fuzzy woodland creatures. I was probably freaking out over Bambi. Or Thumper."
"Evil bunnies! That's what was making that terrible noise!" Anya yelled, her fear renewed.
"Anya, it was not evil bunnies," Willow groaned. "Your bunny fear is highly irrational."
"Ahem," Buffy cleared her throat and started ticking off Willow-fear on her fingers. "Frog fear, fish fear, bear fear-"
"Hey! Bears are big and scary and... well... big!"
"It's okay, sweetie," Tara reassuringly patted Willow's hand where it rested across her stomach.
"Okay, so now what?" Buffy asked.
"I am not going back out there," Anya said, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly.
"Anya, there's nothing out there bu-"
Another screech sent Anya diving into Willow's sleeping bag. Willow and Tara clutched each other where they sat. Buffy turned off the lantern and scrambled to the center of the tent, away from the walls where the big screeching tentacled bird might get her.
"Okay, so we're all sleeping in this tent then, right?" Buffy asked, her eyes wide.
"Oh yes." "Absolutely." "Uh-huh," came the chorus of voices, complete with enthusiastic head-bobbing.
Buffy was relieved. Sort of.
"One question. Who's sleeping where?"
************
TBC with Part 8 (Things That Are Still Going Bump In The Night)
"And remember... if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer's nobody's friend. Have fun!"
Edited by: blameburner at: 7/9/02 8:35:32 pm
by SlayerTazz » Mon Jul 08, 2002 3:29 pm 
Hee.... very cute!
Thank you!